#just. ugh. reciprocating stuff without directly repeating it back is impossible and idk how/why ppl expect me to be able to do it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr posted its first advertisements in May 2012 and subsequently earned $13M in revenue.
Text
oh wow i am fucking terrible at pretending to be a person
#my autistic ass going to a meeting to discuss my accommodations with the professors#and just staring at them like a deer in headlights like 0.0#and just listening to them saying what their plan is and saying 'that sounds good thank you' like five times#and like. i meant it every single time. but the lack of variety makes it sound like im repeating off a script#i shudder to imagine the impression ppl probably have of me#this is why i hate being in public ur always being Perceived by people and they will gossip with each other about it#like i am respecting your privacy and trying to improve your comfort by ignoring your presence and forgetting any specific details about you#and here you are refusing my goodwill and challenging me by Perceiving me and forcing me to be aware of that fact#you do realize that your actions are a declaration of war right#and that i am exercising a tremendous amount of restraint by not deleting your existence where you stand#sigh. i could use an eternal break from people. just. the shop is closed and only my friends get to interact with me#ppl always say 'noo you can't only interact with ppl you like' but guess what that's what I've been doing so far and it felt great#hell one of my friends was telling me the other day that his dad only has one friend. that being his wife.#and he doesn't rlly talk to anyone outside of that bc he doesn't want to nor feel the need to do so#and he's happy with it#and i heard that and was like 'your dad is literally living the life like i fucking wish that were me'#sigh. anyway the meeting ended very awkwardly bc i never know how to do greetings especially when ending things#and they kept throwing curveballs at me like 'stay warm during the weekend' which is a very nice sentiment and i tried to talk along with it#but also it threw me completely off guard and i forgot i probably should've told them to stay warm/healthy as well#just. ugh. reciprocating stuff without directly repeating it back is impossible and idk how/why ppl expect me to be able to do it#hell i get surprised whenever i say 'have a good day' or something and someone replies in kind#like theoretically i know that these are greetings ppl say almost as a habit. but it is absolutely not a habit to me#and when i say these generic greetings it's always bc i actually thought it organically and sincerely meant it#i just do not understand how or why ppl greet others all the time and ask these small talk questions that make you balance on a tightrope#maybe i need to move to a city-er city like new york or philly or something#I've heard ppl day chicago is like philly but nicer. well i could stand to get rid of some 'niceness'#and that's where the wonder years are from too so that's another bonus#i just wanna ignore and be ignored by strangers and have conversations that are direct and to the point is that too much to ask#mine#vent
0 notes