#i wish getting a job and living like other people wasnt so difficult for me. i wouldnt need to worry about wasting peoples money | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tastyykpop · 4 years ago

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𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

•pairings: enemy, barista and student!jaemin x student and barista!reader

♡𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡♡

<next>

•warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming, crying kink, hair pulling, choking, small praising, small size kink, degradation (slut, whore), dumbification (sexual and non sexual use) nanas kinda mean :( but gets a lil nicer :), jaemin refers to himself as nana a lot mostly when they do the dirty, bulging kink, pet names (princess, baby, baby girl, little girl, pretty girl), unprotected sex (please be safe), slight face slapping (he slaps her once), rough sex clearly, some sexual tension, I hope i got everything

You were fuming!

The boy in front of you not even batting an eyelash, just laughing at the mess dripping down your face.

You smelt like an iced americano.

People around you held their hands to their mouths in shock and others tried to hold back their laughter. Some even pointed at you or gave sympathetic looks.

It wasnt like people were surprised anymore. Jaemin always had something up his sleeve for you. But he never went as far as pouring his coffee on you.

"Aw poor baby. Do you need a napkin?" He faked sympathy with a pout and his friends began laughing. You just got up and walk by them, making sure to bump into jaemins shoulder on your way through.

It was almost everyday that Jaemin would do something so uncalled for. It was like he was made to push your buttons. Even as you're walking out of the college building, you can still hear the boy laughing at you. Or maybe it was the other students. Either way, you wanted to kill him.

As you trudged towards your car, a sense of relief washed over you. A great happiness that only comes when you finished your classes and could go home. Only this happiness stayed for a good 2 hours until you have to go to your part time job at the cafe with your favorite person of course. But its not like you can quit. You need the money so you can live and get the education you need, no matter how hard it is being with him.

It was then when you sat in your car and the squishing in the seat made your face curl into a scowl, only made you think of ways to get away with murder. It was gross really. The seats were sticky, plus your hair and clothes were sticking to you like lip gloss. A shower would be perfect right about now.

"Hi y- oh..." Your roommate, jimin, stared at your messy state. Giving you a good up and down before shrugging his shoulders, "jaemin?"

You sighed, walking over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, "Who else? Its always him."

Jimin gave you a small smile and came closer as if ready to hug you but didn't because he didn't want to get sticky. "You know, maybe you should quit that job."

"No."

He groaned and snatched the water that you were about to sip, "Why? You'd only see jaemin in school. And you wouldnt have to stick with his bickering in work." He huffed, shaking his head, "Girls are so difficult sometimes."

You tried leaping up to grab the bottle from jimin, but all he did was hold it above his head. You stomped on his foot in return. Jimin huddled over and you snatched the bottle, smirking with victory as you put it to your lips.

"You fucking snake." Jimin hissed in pain.

A laugh fell from your lips as you walked by him, completely ignoring his words and his pain, "Im gonna take a shower."

Once you got to your room, the first thing you did was grab your work clothes, a towel, and underwear and got ready for the warm shower.

After you switched on the water and let it heat up, you stepped in and immediately felt at peace as the water cascaded over your body, cleaning off the almost dried coffee. Your hair felt lighter, like a feather and your fingers could now slip through the strands easily without an issue. The scent of your body wash overpowered the coffee smell and you felt much better. Water, soap, and coffee were beginning to fill the drain as you finished washing up. You rolled your eyes at the sight of the murky water. What a bastard.

For once you were actually happy to wear your work clothes after what had happened earlier. The clothes actually felt comfortable and jimin was becoming more and more confused as to why you were hugging yourself with a huge smile on the couch.

"No one should be that happy after a shower." He started flipping through channels on the t.v.

"Dont tell me how to feel, I dont smell like jaemins coffee anymore." You gushed overdramtically. Jimin could only role his eyes.

"Please...you act like he's a demon of some sort."

You squinted your eyes at jimin and flared your nostrils, "he is. Hes a nasty, dumb, annoying, self centered-"

"Okay okay I get it! You hate jaemin! The funny thing is you can never get his name out of your mouth." Everything stopped and your head snapped in jimins directions.

"What are you saying?" A frown found itself on your face, jimin leaned closer.

"Im saying that maybe you might like him."

You shrieked in disgust, blocking your ears with your hands. Jimin laughed at your reaction. Almost falling off the couch in the process. "Ew! Gross! Why would you even think that!"

"Like I said, you can never get his name out of your mouth. I think its pretty obvious you like him." He was still giggling at you except your face was anything but happy, more grossed out at how he thought you could like such a person

"I can't stand you. I'm leaving for work." You stood up and jimin did nothing to stop you from going. Even though you still had about 15 minutes until you normally leave. "Ill be back at 9." The door slammed behind you, leaving jimin alone with another laughing fit.

You got in the car and drove off to your work, still trying to come up with a reason as to why jimin is saying all this. Sure maybe you talk about jaemin a little lot but that doesn't mean you like him. Its very much the opposite and jimin should know that. It only frustrates you the more you think about it. Liking someone like jaemin? Please. That would be your nightmare.

As you pulled up to the cafe, there were only a few other cars parked. Few were from other workers but the majority were most like customers or people just trying to get a free parking space. Lucky for you, there were many open spaces, unlike when you come later and they're filled. Maybe leaving earlier wasnt such a bad idea. It saved you the 3 minute walk.

"Y/n! You're just on time!" One of your coworkers, irene, called out as you stepped inside the shop. "We need help back here!" You had no time to even begin to say your shift hasn't started yet when irene took you by the hand and dragged you to where the coffee was being made. "We have a bunch of online orders coming in so can you please help us with the coffee and food?" She tossed you a brown apron for you to put on and you nodded, trying to get your brain to speed up with everything in the world.

It was so quiet when you walked in that you never even realized that the back was busy. Coffee cups were filled and put into trays for orders, food was being heated or baked. It was a chaotic place right now and all you could do was help. So as fast as you could, you began with the first order on the screen. A large mocha with extra extra sugar, whipped cream, and chocolate curls. Easy enough you thought as you reached for a cup but a hand beat you to it.

Your eyes looked up at the person in front of you and just when you thought everything was going fine, it wasn't, "What are you doing here so early?" You asked bitterly.

"I always come in early. What are you doing here so early?" Jaemin asked whilst holding a death grip on the cup.

"Just felt like coming early." You muttered, watching as jaemin turned away with a scoff, quickly cutting the conversation short. "Bastard."

Jaemin was busy making what you were originally going to do, so you looked for another order to get ready. It was just two cake pops and a small strawberry banana smoothie. Something you've been craving recently from the lack of sweetness and fruit in your day to day life.

The cake pops and smoothie were quick to make and were soon sent off to the customer. You happily beamed and wished them good day once they left.

After then there was a familiar face with a friend right next to him, he was quite handsome you must say. He was indeed so handsome that he just looked unreal. "Hey jimin. Whose this?" You nodded towards the bright black haired man.

"This is taemin! He wanted some coffee so I brought him- hey stop staring at him!" Jimin snapped you out of your trance and taemin chuckled.

"Its okay shes cute." He eye smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth. He's definitely not real.

Jimin tsk'd, "Until you get to know her."

"Yeah yeah... whatever." You smiled at him, completely oblivious to what he just said.

They both ordered and took a seat next to the window. You were still staring at taemin with your head in your hand until someone tapped your shoulder, "Who are they?" Jaemins voice rang in your ears, making you stand up straight.

"Thats my roommate, jimin, and his friend taemin." You glanced back at the boys, mainly at taemin and just stared like he was your first crush.

"Quit staring your gonna scare him away." Jaemin said earning himself a chuckle from you.

You stuck your tongue out, "He called me cute."

The boy smirked from ear to ear and leaned in close to your face, "He was lying." You grumbled and pushed him away from you, getting annoyed by his presence very quickly.

"Jaemin and y/n, get back to work we have orders to do!" Irene called out. Both of you quickly returning to your stations and getting things ready.

"Look at him. Hes basically waiting for me to come over to him." Seulgi, another person in this school you dispise, said as she looked at jaemin in the back of the room. She wasn't very quiet either considering you were only a few seats away from him. So it only meant that jaemin could hear her, but chose to ignore it. Typical boy.

"Honestly. He looks so good today too." Sana, her best friend, commented.

"Oh and did you hear what he was planning on doing today to y/n? Apparently he's gonna-"

"Class get back in your seats, we have much to discuss." The professor stood in the front of the class. Everyone shifted and moved to their appropriate places and waited for the teacher to begin. Unlike you, who was wondering what seulgi was going to say next. If its something worse than coffee being poured on your head, you may just have to bury yourself six feet under after this.

As you were taking notes something flung towards your head and hit you on the side, looking over was jaemin with a smirk was he held his fingers in a sling shot shape. A rubber band was laying on your lap. Then another one. One even hit your cheek creating a small smack sound as you winced in pain. Oh you desperately wanted to get out of this seat and punch the boy in the face.

"Excuse me sir!" You called out, raising your head. The whole class looked at you and your cheeks began to heat up. "May i go to the restroom?" The professor nodded and you headed out. Not until you stopped in your tracks from a loud smack to your butt, causing the whole class to turn around again.

Jaemin was enjoying this, the way you stared at him with wide eyes and open mouth, made him just want to do it again. He never thought this reaction from you would be so entertaining and he tried his best not show it, with only a small smirk covering his face.

You rushed out of the room, faster than ever and leaned against the nearest surface you could find. Not only were you questioning reality, but also why jaemin just did that.

"That little bitch." You said to yourself as you paced back and forth in the hallway, staring at the ground.

"Excuse me?" Jaemin voice rang in your ears as you looked up with a angry red face. Steam was even coming out of your ears and nose. "Did you just call nana a bitch?" He put his hands to his chest and pouted, "Little girl you need to learn some manners." Jaemin tilted his head to the side and began walking forward.

"Shut up." You had nothing else to say as you grit your teeth, looking at the ground.

Jaemin didnt like that and grabbed the back of your neck to make you look at him, "What? Did your stupid head stop thinking? Your normally so chatty for nana what happened?"

"Jaemin i-" you cut yourself off as you felt jaemin grip the back of your neck tighter causing you to moan in pain.

"Stupid girl." Jaemin whispered, forcefully pushing you away. It was not strong enough to make you fall but at least stumble.

You glowered, earning yourself a chuckle from him. "What will it take for you to leave me alone!?"

"Bring this to table 15 please! Thanks!" Irene smiled as she handed you a small cup of iced coffee and you took it, taking it to its designated place. What you didn't except was to see taemin again, gleaming up at you.

"Hi y/n." He smiled and you tried to remain calm.

God how is someone so beautiful?

"Hey, I didnt except you to come back." You returned the warm smile and started to play with the apron around your waist.

Taemin giggled, "I actually quite like this place, its cozy." He began to take a sip from the straw, eyes still trained on you. If only you weren't so awkward with him, you wouldve found something to say other than staring at him and indulging in the beauty before you. But lucky for you someone behind the counter called for you, quickly averting your attention back to work.

The next order was a shake, so you grabbed the correct ingredients and began using the blendor, when someone came next to you, doing the same thing "You seem like your having fun flirting around." The unwanted conversation with jaemin began, "makes nana kind of jealous."

"Hm funny." You ignored him and continued blending the ice cream.

Jaemin casually rolled his eyes and glanced down at your nonchalant face before returning back to the blender, "you know you really do piss me off."

You sneered and snickered to yourself, "what are you gonna do about it?"

"I was thinking of fucking you dumb or until you know your place but maybe thats a bit too rewarding."

The cup was removed and set aside from the blender with your hands placed on your hips, "Im sorry what?"

"Did I stutter?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow and also put the cup down. You went silent, not knowing whether or not to just laugh it off or quickly run away. "And I'm still waiting on my apology."

"One, I am not going to apologize to your bitchy ass. Two, even if I did let you, you could never 'fuck me dumb', it just wouldn't happen. Now stop trying to get in my pants."

Jaemin opened then closed his mouth about to say something, but didn't and just put on a sweet smile, "Go take these to table 7 for nana." He said like he was testing yoj.

"Why? You made them."

"Nana told you to do something little girl, now do it." Jaemins sweet smile was still plastered on his face yet it intimidated you enough to do as he said.

Taemin was long gone when you walked out and you were kind of sad as you weren't able to say goodbye before he left. You placed the shake down on the table and was ready to walk away when you heard your name being called.

"Y/n? You work here?" Seulgis voice spoke as you turned around. Both her and sana were looking at you with shit eating grins.

"Doesn't jaemin also work here seulgi?" Sana asked the girl in front of her and seulgi looked as if she got the brightest idea.

"Oh yeah! Y/n can you get jaemin over here? Pretty please?" She asked sweetly yet with a hint of sourness and you listened, not feeling like ignoring her at the moment.

You told jaemin that seulgi and sana were out front looking for him and he nonchalantly went out without question. Leaving you to do some of the work alone, which you didn't mind considering its jaemin, the annoying bastard who won't leave you alone, but he does help you whenever you need it. And right now, it was a bit busy, and you needed it.

After doing 4 more online orders and sending them off through the driveway, jaemin finally came back with a scowl on his face looking ready to beat someone up. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" He raised his voice only loud enough for you to hear. But you were quite confused on what was happening.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, tilting your head to the side like a puppy.

Jaemin groaned, "I knew you were fucking dumb but come on y/n! Why is seulgi covered in the shake i gave you?"

You paused for a moment, unable to answer that. Is he assuming you spilt her shake on her? Why would you even do that in the first place. Yeah you don't like her, but you're not going to stoop to her or his level. "I dont know."

He slammed his hand on the wall near your head, startling you a bit, "You dont know huh?" You shook your head slowly. "Seulgi and sana both said you purposefully spilt the shake on seulgi. Now answer me honestly. Is that true?" You shook your head again, feeling really small and helpless under his strong gaze.

"I-i didnt spill t-the skake." You muttered quietly.

He inhaled sharply, "Then who did huh? Or maybe you don't know because you're so dumb."

"S-stop..." you frowned, looking down at floor, but jaemin had other plans and made you look up at him. A single tear slide down your cheek and you swear you saw a small grin appear on his face.

"Tell nana what happened." His voice became softer as he swiped away the stray tear on your face.

You huffed, still afraid that he'd do something to you although you knew he wouldnt purposely cause you pain. "W-well she asked me to go get you, which I did, a-and her shake was perfectly fine when I left."

"Are you saying she purposely spilt the shake on herself to make me angry at you?"

"Y-yes."

"Ill believe my little girl for now, but if I find out you are lying, you will be in big trouble got that?" Jaemin lifted his hand off the wall and proceeded to walk back out of the room. Leaving you shocked at his words and still frightened by an angry jaemin.

You went to the cash register once jaemin left to get ready to count the bills until you heard jaemin and seulgi arguing. Lucky for them, no one but you and him were working right now. Irene went home earlier and the normal crew always leave around 6:30, leaving just you and jaemin.

"It was only a prank nana. No need to get so worked up. And besides you didn't even prank her today, be glad I did for you." Seulgi said smiling at the boy in front of her.

Jaemin physically cringed when he heard his nickname roll off her tongue, "you didn't have to do that."

You stood there watching, astonished how jaemin was standing up for you. Hes supposed to hate you. Jaemin didn't even bother going with the girls when they offered him a ride, instead he stayed with you and even helped close. Something he normally doesn't do because he leaves before you and gives you all the hard things to do.

"Hurry up and finish." Jaemin spoke. A little bit of anger still laced in his voice.

"Whats your rush?"

He sighed, "I wanna go home. Plus I can't stand this place right now. I'm pissed."

You finished wiping down that last table and walked over to him, "Just go home then."

"Not without you."

You gave him a dirty look, "im not going home with you."

Jaemin leaned down, his face only inches from yours and whispered, "Remember what I said earlier hm? I wanna fuck you dumb." He then grabbed your waist bringing you closer to him, if that was possible, "Can I do that pretty girl? Can nana fuck you so hard you won't even remember anything but my cock?" You were so lost in your mind that everything became a blur. Jaemins words sounded so sweet but were so lewd. And you were so close to kissing him until he put his finger on your lips, "But you have to wait." You frowned and were only getting more angry by the second. You went from not wanting anything to do with jaemin to just about ready to beg him to kiss you. Was it that easy for him to get in your head? Or were you so sex deprived that now jaemin seemed somewhat interesting?

You laid on jaemins bed getting bored with the constant teasing. He never did anything but that. Jaemin would get close to your lips and back away as you chased him. Hed chuckle and coo at you for being so desperate. But that wasn't the point of all the teasing. He really just wanted you to beg him to kiss you. No words will come out of his mouth telling you to beg, he just excepted it to happen sooner or later. But youre too stubborn to do so, so you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him, catching him by surprise.

Jaemins hands gripped your wrists and pulled them off his face, pinning them to the bed, "You didnt even ask to kiss me." Jaemin pulled away, raising his eyebrow high, "Dont you think thats a bit mean."

"So was teasing me, but I let you continue." You huffed, trying to free your wrists from his death grip but it was no use.

"You dont have a say on whether i continue or not. I'm in charge here and you take what I give you, understand?" You rolled your eyes. It was your intention to make jaemin angry. You wanted to push his buttons.

What you didnt know was that not answering jaemin correctly would earn you a slap to the face. And jaemin was not even fazed by it.

"Dont roll your eyes and answer nana." Jaemin smiled. "Can you say 'yes nana'?"

"Y-yes nana."

"Good girl." Jaemin muttered and began slowly kissing your jawline down to your neck, sucking here and there creating shades of purple and red marks. Oh how he loved the marks he was leaving.

You so desperately wanted to grip onto jaemins hair and pull it but he never budged his hands, only tightening his grasps. As he continued attacking your neck, you began to lift your hips up to get some sort friction. Jaemin noticed and shifted so that his thigh was in between your legs and rubbing against your clothed core. A spew of quiet moans left your lips but you wanted more. Jaemin was going to soft and slow for your liking.

"I thought you were going to fuck me dumb?" You said and jaemin lifted his head to give you a quick kiss on the lips.

"Patience baby. You aren't ready yet." He let go of your wrists and took your shirt off. The cold air made you shiver and jaemin chuckled. "I wanna make you cum at least 2 times before I fuck you."

"Then stop talking and do it." You replied, pushing your hips up to rub against his thigh, but they were pushed back down on the bed.

"Didnt I say to take what I give you?" Your head slowly moved up and down and jaemin smiled, "so why arent you happy with what nana gives you?"

"I want more..." you sighed as he started to slide your pants and panties off, discarding them somewhere in the room. His mouth slowly started kissing your inner thighs and you could feel your heat dripping with anticipation. You whined for more but only got a slap to the thigh telling you to be quiet. Needless to say you didn't listen and continued to try to get him closer to where you needed him most but pulling his hair.

Jaemin groaned grabbing your wrist again and pushed it away roughly. His patience was wearing out. You were more stubborn than he thought, but that doesn't mean he can't still break you. "Next time you do that, I'll flip you over and beat your ass till its purple." Your breath hitched and as much as you were tempted, you wanted to be able to sit for a few days so you stayed put and kept your hands to yourself.

But the desperation was getting to you and you wanted relief which jaemin wasnt giving you until you felt his two fingers circling around your clit. "P-please jaemin." You moaned as he flicked your clit with his middle finger. Then soon enough he stuck two fingers inside you. Your pussy automatically clenching around his digits as he moved at a steady in and out pace.

It felt so good. His fingers felt so good. They made your body twist in pleasure as more moans left your mouth. Jaemin was watching your face closely as it contorted with pleasure. He loved seeing your eyebrows bunched together, so focused on the way his fingers worked inside you.

"My pretty slut. Taking nanas fingers so well." He gushed, still watching your face. Jaemin could feel himself get even more painfully hard but he didn't want to fuck you just yet. He meant it when he said he wanted you to cum 2 times. So he picked up the speed with his fingers, your hands landing on his forearm that was resting on near your hip. "Are you gonna cum for nana princess?"

You frantically nodded your head as a wave of pleasure washed over you. You could feel your cum leak out of you as jaemin leaned down and began eating away at your cunt.

"J-jaemin! So...go-good!" Your head flew back as his tongue sucked on your clit and a loud moan filled the room.

Jaemin smirked against your heat, "I haven't even fucked you yet and your already sounding like a dumb whore. Its so easy to break you princess."

"N-no its j-ju-...." you whimpered as your brain wasnt even trying to help you function right. His tongue was extraordinary. "Mmmm."

"Aw my dumb little princess is so cute." He muttered diving back into lapping at your soaked cunt. It was almost as if on cue and without warning, you were cumming again. Jaemins hasty tongue took it all. Groaning at the taste of you in his mouth.

He sat up over you, grabbing your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. You tasted yourself on his tongue. Deepening the kiss by grabbing the back of his hair, jaemin couldnt help but moan a bit as his cock brushed against your thigh. He felt big. Bigger than the few guys you've been with and you were ecstatic.

You tugged on jaemins pants and shirt as a way to tell him to take them off and he did after getting off of you and sitting on the edge of the bed. His abs were more defined than you thought and when his cock sprung free, your mouth started watering. Jaemins smirk only grew watching you stare. He was starting to get cocky

"What? You wanna suck my cock?" Jaemin asked sweetly.

"Yes please." You reached over to try and touch him but he didn't allow you. And smacked your hand away. It was a way for him to tease you and you hated it.

"So kind for nana now. Ealier you were so cock hungry that you decided to be a brat. Did nana finally break you?" Jaemin whispered as he moved a piece of hair out of your face, looking at you with fill admiration.

"No you didn't break me. But I wanna suck you off." You whined as jaemin picked you up and sat you just above his cock, the tip teasing at your entrance.

"Too bad. Now I want you to sit." Jaemin said looking into your eyes. You obeyed with a little hesitation. His cock was surely going to hurt you so you took it slowly and started lowering your hips. "Fuck...thats a good girl." Jaemin praised, watching his cock dissappear between your legs and your tummy get full with his cock. "My baby's so tiny you can see my cock in your belly." He said, pushing down on the area where he was imprinted in you.

Slowly you started moving, lifting your hips up and down. You were wet enough that he could easily slide in and out with no problem.

Jaemins head fell back as he sighed with relief, grunting as you picked up the pace, "So tight for nana." He whispered and you moaned back loudly. His cock stretched every inch of you to the point where it felt like you'd split.

"More more more." You whined against jaemins neck, gripping his shoulders tightly. Carefully jaemin flipped you both over so he was on top and continued pounding into your destroyed cunt. He kept a hand around your neck squeezing it every so often as a choked out moan left your throat.

His cock was so deep and fast that you couldn't think straight. You kept blabbering about his cock. Only thing on your mind was how nice he felt inside you. Jaemin bit his lip as he smirked at you, grabbing your hair and bringing your face close to his, "Now will you admit that I fucked you dumb and say your nanas dumb slut?"

"Y-yes, I'm na-nanas dumb sl-slut." You cried, tears falling down your face from how good he felt inside and if you thought jaemin couldn't go any faster, he did. His thrusts were hard and rough, sure enough to hurt your thighs tomorrow as he pounded relentlessly. "So close." Your voice came out choked as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You held on to jaemins hand that was on your neck as he helped you with your orgasm.

Jaemin wasnt far behind you with his and groaned loudly, "fuck, where do you want it princess?"

"I-inside." You moaned as the feeling of hot cum was shot inside you. Jaemins hips kept moving him through his orgasm until he slowly came to a stop. Both of you panted loudly, there were even a few tears falling down your cheek here and there.

Jaemin slowly pulled out, making sure not to hurt you, and he laid beside you. "You did so well." He kissed your forehead. "Cmon ill carry you to bathroom so we can take a bath." He said picking up your worn out naked figure with so much care. Making you forget he was your enemy.

#nct smut #nct #na jaemin #na jaemin smut #kpop #kpop smut #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct u #jaemin #jaemin nct dream #jaemin nct #nct dream smut #wayv smut #nct 127 smut

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maggotmouth · 3 years ago

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hillo sexthy legends !! i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !! x o x

* CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

— born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

— its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

— margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

— for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

— at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

— she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

— a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.

— she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away. it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

— after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.

— she works at summer camps coaching junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

— enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment.

— she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

— used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

— was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

— nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

— has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

— she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

— calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

— stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

— lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

— constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

— frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you, indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine.

TLDR: angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

#aaaaaaa #we back boys #irvingintro #hmu for plots bayybeyyy

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randomliven · 4 years ago

Text

Im addicted

Episode 5 : rewatch play back

All the spoils

*Opening scene: hello Hillary

Ruby freaks

Throws on williams robe

Issa like a bad dream

Runs into the boy

Cops QUICK

Ruby puts her hands up

* cops auto think the boy has done something

*protects the white woman

Did you molest her

No one even intervenes everybody saw but no one spoke up

*Ruby realizes she HAS A VOICE

*lets get you somewhere safe

Willtina didn't mean for ruby to run off especially knowing the potion would wear off.

How did Ruby end up on the Southside as Hillary and her robe and slippers

Willtina just scoops up hillary

Cutting her out. On tarp because its messy

Metamorphoses is not death

The locust:

Shed their skin. develop their wings. after 7 days they will reach full sexual maturity. Destin to devour everything in their path

*6:13 when William stabs inside Hillarys mouth you see Rubys eye

*tic burst in. Blood on his hands

Leti you naive like that

All those years of getteg his ass whooped& whooping Tic Montrose ate that

*15face punches

*leti got the bat

* a butterfly lives a full life before it dies

A caterpillar emerges from the same cells

I wanted to apply this metamorphosis to the human

But ( my) research is all theoretical ( as in William cuz tina said she perfected it)

I met a disgraced professor. Beyond his reach so he created doorways (truth)

Magic and science

Wonder what spell William is saying..???

William disappointed face

"I kno your awake"

**The spell they says is the Regeneration spell which brings the butterflies to life

( they wanted Ruby to see em)

*The potion you just mimics metamorphosis

*They weren't scared of me (willtinas eyes flashes)

They were scared for me

They all treated me like ..."a human being" willtina

*It wasn't pain it was like being unmade

*there won't be a next time

*am i free to go

* you are free to do whatever you please

Leaves potion and money

*For Colored Girls who committed suicide when the rainbow wasn't enough...

Plays as Ruby struts as Hillary

Unsure at 1st

Get a cone of ice cream in a white establishment

Reads the paper at a park

Confidence girl

*Leti brings the negatives

* I don't think that violence was in me until the war

Please don't be scared of me.

They for real 1st time

Ruby had a Divine day

Willtina watching her

*I don't believe I'm special enough

*why Not You

*SPONGE BATH

* first time I laid eyes on you, was the first time I felt magic when there wasn't any.

( the first time , Willtina went to that bar knowing Ruby would be there(date) which meant they had been there before

*i will need a favor for a woman friend

(Ruby shows jealously, willtina suprised) is that a problem?

Depends?

Do as you please.

go as you please

*In WHATEVER SKIN you like.

( doesn't sound like Christina is encouraging Ruby to be white)(but Ruby chooses to be Hillary for the job she's always wanted

* the only currency I needed was whiteness

* I don't know what's more difficult being colored or being a woman

* the real keeps interrupting

*MONEY Cardi

*RUBY IN RED

* Ruby resume is loaded

The best way to lie is to tell the truth slightly

Having to correct her story

What if she's Qualified and Hardworking I don't see the problem offering her the same opportunities.

(Even as Hillary Ruby would have said the same thing, she believes it)

Ruby needing the potion. Drops it

So she rips out of the skin inside the elevator

*Montrose Needing pity on himself

Taxi Driver be my shrink for an hour plays

No I still can't get over that loogie

* this is literally as raw as raw can get. Sammie taking that shi

Sammie tries for a kiss. Rose instead sucks him off

* Ruby senses the manager's a little touchy

You're not in any trouble

She looks uncomfortable

7th grade education

No accounting courses

Ashy hands

White woman are mean to each other

Get to try on leather stilettos

Paul is attracted to the "blackness inside Hillary"

Tuttie fruity ol rudy

She's ready for the colored version

*well that's help their more qualified

Then she has to swallow her tongue

*It'll be like a safari

* were you scared to be around all those ... (People

* the white American man

*side cheeked

Can't just be showing up

I didn't embarrass you how was your first day of the white woman at your dream job

* better than being someone's charwoman ( maid)

* you don't want me to kiss you as Hillary?

* I want to kiss whatever you want me to kiss

Lol speaking of that favor

Can you be a charwoman

*the way William grabs Hillary

The nose touch

Wish they showed wills expressing

* where the fuck is this bitch?

(This is her introduction to Christina herself)

* Ruby sizes Christina up. Softens her tone

You were supposed to be here an hour ago

* William does like a demanding woman

*the way Christina grabs Ruby

( something familiar, something she dosent snatch away from)

* do you care for him at all beyond the opportunity he provides you (ruby snatches away

(Confidence check)

* William is a rightful heir...

(When really its Christina speaking of herself. She's her father only child)

*shot him in the back

( William has no bullet room in his back because its Christina)

And dumped his body in the river but he was a piece of trash..

(Soooo Emmitt you wanted to connect)

William survived with my help ( through me)(words shaky)

& with your help he will have his revenge

Tic dreams of Hannah in his suite

Initials are engraved in the ring

Decipher for the protection simple how did he not recognize it to be the same one that Christina showed him

Keeping her against her will with no better than Titus

He starts to defend his father

Is not inherently evil is what you do with it

Look at what your fathers did to protect you

All the flowers in the office.

Ruby being nosey as how she got stuck

Wonder what happened to his entire torso that he needed a new one

Dude stole some money so they cut out his tongue

Your best isn't good enough

you have to be better than mediocre

Them white folks are more fucked up than 'we' think they are

got to be exponentially better than them

Everything is fine

Ruby sucks for mentioning the south side

Sammie girl

Yall finally together

Haven't even kissed yet

The locust migration dance

*Ruby & tam both drinking

Regret (gulp)

*Denies the vial. Changes on purpose

This time she is learning how to crawl out of the white skin stronger in the transformation

*Over hears the manger harassing tam

Watches as he composes himself

She knew it

Him. Her. Spirit

Montrose watches Sammie be free

Engages in freedom

Ruby wasnt expecting Christina to walk out of Williams basement.

Looks as if Christina didn't expect Ruby to be sitting there

*Looks like Ruby got interrupted again

* he told you that (feeling dumb)

No reply cuz it was her all along

You cant relate

We want to be you and you want to be us

*Invitation to do whatever the fuck you wanted to do

#lovecraft country #tic x leti #letitia lewis #christina x ruby #ruby x christina

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riskeith · 4 years ago

Note

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

#cluna cries at 2am over s3 kl potential 😔#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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ainchase · 5 years ago

Conversation

very very rough translation of Elesis/LuCiel Epic Quest with Rosso

rosso: everything related to the protection of El is the masters and the priestesses' responsibility. you stay out of it.

ciel:??? dude wtf we

1. restored the el

2. fought against henir zealots

3. saved your fucking ass

rosso: yeah I can see just how ugly everything got if people like you guys were helping out

lu: !@$!@$Y#$%@#$

elesis: okay well w.e we gon go ask denif then

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rosso: I SAID STAY OUT OF IT

lu: in case you forgot we beat your ass in varnimyr

rosso: yeah it was like 13v1

elesis: Alright, let's say that even someone with a demon's blood can be come master. Why did you become one?

ciel: yeah did you become master cuz you had some ulterior motive with the el or something

rosso: are you fucking kidding me right now

elesis: yeah why do you insist on going to the demon realm all by yourself? you know, other masters had to stay behind and let us go to the demon realm cuz they had to protect the el. you dont look like you care about that

rosso: others can protect the el. I can handle the demon realm by myself.

elesis: why do you want to go alone so bad? what's your hidden agenda?

rosso: what about you guys? why do YOU want to go back to the demon realm so bad? You find me suspicious cuz Im half demon and I want to go back to the demon realm?? How's that any different from you guys

rosso: you guys have a half demon AND a full blown demon. You guys are more suspicious than me

lu: what did you say you lil shit

we went through all that shit for a reason

rosso: Im saying that we did the same for Elrios as well. We did a lot of shit to protect this world

rosso: doing shit to save the world aint a competitive sport

elesis: why are you so fucking uptight

lu: what do you mean? this fucker is just crazy

ciel: I see. if he really meant harm, then he wouldnt be this defensive against us from the start. it's better to back stab when he has our guard lowered

elesis: yeah see how hes like threatening us physically but answering every single one of our questions? its like hes doing doing his bare minimum to make us understand

elesis: you just really want to stop us from going to the demon realm, huh

rosso: gdi

rosso: what makes you think you guys have to go to the demon realm?

elesis: in order to stop the Order and fully restore the El, we need the Dark El.

ciel: You're not entirely wrong. It doesn't necessarily have to be us to find the Dark El.

ciel: but think about it logically. There's no other team that's more suitable for this mission than ESP. Isnt that true?

rosso: I...

elesis: you alone doesnt make a team. You have a ridiculously low success rate if you jump into the battlefield by yourself.

elesis: i mean sometimes you gotta make 5 teams each with 2 people but uhh

rosso: I dont give a shit

elesis: right back at ya, ESP is under the velder kingdom. we dont have to listen to you, a so-called higher up from a kingdom long gone

rosso: that place is an abyss. none of the shit like order and process work there

rosso: wasnt it enough to lose your brother to the el once?

elesis: :tears:

ciel: you talking like we're going to demon realm to die

rosso: look, if everything worked out the way you plan, then the El wouldn't have exploded in the first place

rosso: going to a world where there isnt El or the influence of the Goddess means you have to be prepared for death. You guys have way too many things to lose to do that.

rosso: you have a shit ton of precious things to protect and yet you want to drive yourselves into danger? you've gotta be kidding me

elesis: so what, are you saying youre going to sacrifice yourself in our place cuz you got nothing to lose or something?

rosso: Im just trying to do my damn job, stop making shit up

lu: wait so you been spewing shit to us just so you can--

rosso: --I SAID STOP MAKING SHIT UP

ciel: I mean if youre that worried about us, how about you come with us?

lu: lol if it was something like that, you could've just asked honestly from the beginning. I could've pulled some strings for ya

rosso: I swear Im going to kill you

elesis: well of course I dont want Elsword to involve himself in dangerous things, honestly

rosso: and yet you...

elesis: but this is the path we chose

elesis: a path that I chose

rosso: ...

rosso: I dont give a flying fuck on what path you chose

rosso: if you insist that much on going to the demon realm, then there will come a time when you have to make a decision

rosso: whether you have conviction, act recklessly or not, at the end of the day, if you got something that you have to choose over the other, it'll definitely hold you back

rosso: you didnt want to sacrifice your brother so you dragged him out of the El. Are you trying to die for him?

lu: what

ciel: what are you trying to say

rosso: how much more do I have to explain

ciel: why are you thinking complicated things when they didnt even happen yet

rosso: what

elesis: what

ciel: so youre saying, to go to the demon realm, we have to cut all ties, get rid of all worldly possessions, and jump in there all alone? you can think however you want, but I dont agree with that

ciel: it just looks like youre threatening us, like asking if we're ready to give up our lives for someone else in hopes of stopping us but

ciel: from the moment we decided to get elsword out of el, we already made up our mind

ciel: even if someone's life is on the line like you said, then I'll survive no matter what. Knowing Lu doesn't want me to die, I can't afford to lose my life.

lu: :tears:

rosso: the fk is wrong with you guys

lu: ciel's right

rosso: what

lu: we almost wasted our time worrying about useless shit. You got viscerally upset when I said we have to return to the demon realm to keep a promise

lu: if you think trying to survive is more important than trying to keep a promise, then how come you dont practice what you preach?

lu: dont you also value promises and conviction more?

rosso: Im different. I've been given a power.

elesis: youre so fucking stubborn i cant even

lu: me and ciel are bound by a contract. I might have considered what you said if I wanted to go back to the demon realm just to exact my vengeance.

lu: if something happens to me, I might not be able to save ciel

lu: but I still have to return because someone loyal to me is still there

lu: I mean its kinda meaningless to compare him with ciel, but as long as we've made our promise, winster is my people as well

lu: I forgot, for such a long time, what it's like to lead people, to take care of those who follow you

lu: why do I want to go to the demon realm?

lu: Im returning to reclaim my stolen throne. I will save my people, fulfill their wishes and at times punish them if I must.

lu: who's to stop a lord from returning to her domain to do what is asked of her?

rosso: :glare:

elesis: we already experienced a time when we had to make our choice, like ciel said

elesis: we made up my mind to go through even the most impossible things together

rosso: :rollingeyes: Im an idiot for trying to persuade a group of idiots like you

lu: do you finally feel like explaining things now

rosso: dont get your hopes up. Im only telling you cuz I know you idiots cant use this method

ciel: I think Im slowly getting used to his abrasive tone, after listening to it for so long. Okay, we won't think you've admitted defeat after you were persuaded by us, so just tell us

rosso: listen you little shit

rosso: Alright. Remember when I said I was suppressing the fire el's power with demonic aura?

rosso: the power of fire is much more difficult to control than other elements. there are enough of those who burned to ash because they couldnt withstand its destructive power

rosso: rosso clan was always trying to produce a master of fire, and decided they'll need a new form of power to suppress the power of fire el, for example...

rosso: something completely different from the el's power. Like a demonic energy.

elesis: they did what now

rosso: it's not much of a stretch to say that no one knew anything about demons back then. from their perspective, i was just a kid with a strange power.

rosso: of course I didnt have much as an actual demon, but my intrinsic demonic power was good enough for me to be a subject of their experiments The red eye was transplanted into me, and I was able to control the power of fire.

rosso: ...it wasn't without an accident, but in any case, the power of fire and the demonic aura are constantly at a balance inside of me. When one of them disappears, the other goes rampant

rosso: on the day we all decided to imbue the el shards with our respective element, I was the most problematic one

ciel: I see... from the process of trying to transfer the power of fire into the el shard, the balance between your demonic aura and the power of fire crumbled...

rosso: chaotic continent, missing masters... if they had a rampant half-demon on top of that, Elrios would not look the way it does today

elesis: that's why you went to the demonic realm? so you wouldn't go rampant in elrios???

rosso: /shrug

rosso: as the el exploded, temporal rifts were created all over elrios, sporadically. the phenomena was worse near powerful el shards

rosso: I was able to cross into the demon realm thanks to those rifts. After creating the fire el, I jumped into one of those rifts before I completely lost my sanity

rosso: thats the end of my story. now do you see why I said you cant use this method?

lu: you...

ciel: the priestesses couldnt help you? though theyre not blessed in the combative aspect like masters, I thought theyre the same when it comes to using the power related to the el

rosso: the priestess system was still pretty new at the time. They were busy trying to learn from masters too. Creating the elemental el as inexperienced priestesses is like betting your life on it

elesis: why did you go to that extent? even you couldnt have guaranteed your safety when you jumped into the rift. Are you saying even that was part of your mission?

rosso: hmph, there's no one who can tell me to do that shit

elesis: the tower you were locked away in... didnt have an entrance or an exit, blocked off completely, enough for the power of fire which was trying to return to you could only circle around the tower itself

lu: you locked yourself in so you wouldnt hurt others

rosso: I told you everything you wanted to know, so are you happy now?

elesis: rosso, I really dont want you to go to the demon realm

rosso: are you looking down on me after hearing that sob story?

elesis: no it's not that, I just think I know how much you think its natural for you to sacrifice yourself

elesis: I think I know why Im concerned about you. You are similar to my brother.

elesis: I dont know what happened in the past, but... I think he made that decision because he thought similar things as you once did

elesis: you've sacrificed yourself enough. You banished yourself to protect Elrios. I cant even imagine what it's like to hold out in a prison made to imprison yourself for hundreds of years, but

elesis: elrios stands today thanks to the efforts you guys went through. you can leave it to us now

ciel: we're not as weak as you think we are

lu: I can see why you didnt want to tell us. It wasnt particularly helpful, but thanks anyway

rosso: youre really annoying..

lu: the sentiment is mutual

rosso: now fuck off if you're done talking. I have to do more control training

ciel: youre more diligent than you look

rosso: do you wanna die

lu: it doesnt look like you're completely healed yet

lu: you're having trouble controlling your power without the eye, are you not

elesis: so thats what ventus meant when he said youre training to overcome what you've lost

rosso: that pointy eared fucker

ciel: wait; you were having difficulty controlling? but you fought so well...

rosso: like I said, you guys cant beat me in an even fight

lu: I really hate this guy

#translation #elsword translation #im tired #rosso #master road #you're free to share this but please dont use them to create youtube vids subtitle #2na can do that

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oscar-mildes · 5 years ago

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elvira you know I always see what you're hiding in the tags,, I will always read it if you answer all of them abhsjdbs

nev you asked for this and im going to go thru with it bc im an oversharing idiot like oh you asked me how’s the weather i will tell you about all my trauma instead :D

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? i’m cis yo i’m she/her. i’m biromantic ace. thats the label i would put on it i guess. i really just refer to myself as gay bc i like pretty boys who look like girls and pretty girls and pretty nb and queer people and basically i just like pretty people ajsfbjf

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? theres no story to it. no epiphany or realization. i just always was ok with thinking that girls were pretty and that gay people are cool and it wasnt until recent years that i was like oH SHIT AM I GAY

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? no i guess bc i’m a girl and id as a girl and have a very obvious girl body

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? i guess my best friend. we’re both very ok with gay shit and we just always made comments about pretty girls and now we’re both pretty gay. i like my big tiddie anime girls and she likes her pretty kpop girl bands

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? i’ve only “come out” to some of my friends. i would NEVER in my LIFE even imagine telling my mom i like girls. shes homophobic Like That

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? uhh see above. my mom, stepdad, family members are all homophobic. hispanics in general are Like That rip. i think my dad would be the most ok with it but he lives in mexico and i dont talk to him often anyway. doesnt matter

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? i hate when people ask me about the ace part. like they have a bigger problem about my not wanting to have sex over the liking girls part tbh. sometimes it’s difficult for me to even describe where i am on the ace spectrum. it’s honestly the more difficult part

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. basic nerd. you know those fics like “she dressed in a black t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all star converse” yea that she is me

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ajkfj this is a good question and canon wise i love Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish, Uenoyama and Mafuyu from Given, Nezumi and Shion from No. 6, and Simon and Baz from Carry On. Not canon i love Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, Izuku and Todoroki from My Hero Academia, and Inosuke and Tanjiro from Demon Slayer. Note how most of them are anime i

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont really wear any bc im lazy. if you like it you do you but idrc for it? except for lipstick i LOVE lipstick i have all the colors. i wear it so it distracts people from the rest of my face

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ...no

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? i live in the south so ive heard tons of shit talk about gay people. i dont really have any that stand out. my mom just likes to say that we’re going to hell :D so let’s give em a show ay

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? i guess i like how we find solidarity in each other just bc we’re not straight. most of the lgbt+ folks i know are pretty chill about everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? terfs but they dont count

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? i live in a small town and i could never sneak out of my house for that bc i still live with my mom so no

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? theres so many big celebrities now that id as lgbt+ but im going old school and loving my man, my tumblr url namesake mr Oscar Wilde. my man got put in jail for sodomy

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? lmao never bc im mean, ugly, and terrible at talking to people irl. i had a bf in middle school? but bc i was 12 i dont count it

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Carry On and the sequel Wayward Son. (very anxiously waiting for book 3 Anyway the Wind Blows come on Rainbow Rowell)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? for being gay? no. bc im not really out. ive faced discrimination for being a brown woman tho :)))

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? yall i love gay anime: Given, Banana Fish, No. 6, Yuri on Ice yeee. i dont really watch tv with real people but i think that Brooklyn 99 does a very good job with Holt and Rosa yall im love Rosa

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? um idk i love u nev so you count right @why-do-you-pick-flowers

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? for a while everyone was mad as hell about “im gay for ___” and idk im gay for everything so thats a “slur” i use for myself

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? ive never gone omg i’d probably be intimidated as hell like i have a lot of problems just existing so to be existing around very flamboyant and extravagant people like that makes me break into a nervous sweat

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? ive always felt like a girl even tho my mom always said “oh you like boy things??? you should have been born a boy” but like, your likes and dislike dont determine your gender. i like “boy” things and “dress like a boy” but i dont FEEL like a boy. ive never had any desire to become a boy or id as a boy. gender is a social construct fuck society

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? i have a very complicated relationship with children. babies are ugly and toddlers are annoying but i feel like if i had children i would love them obviously because theyre mine. this is gonna be a weird analogy but like i dislike cats. BUT i have cats. and i love the fuck outta them. so i feel like thatd be me with kids. but im ace so like.... who would even have kids with me. i could not. pregnancy seems like a hassle and adoption is... i have thoughts on that but thats for a different post. also i can see myself being married and not having children OR having kids without a spouse. theres just something complicated about having both??? maybe im just fucked in the head idk bro

What identity advice would you give your younger self? you dont hate girls you like them, dumbass

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? fuck gender roles. get pegged, bros. i also have a very specific dynamic if i ever got into a relationship (which you know. wont happen) but like if i dated a guy i feel like i’d be very top. a MAN telling ME what to do??? fuck that. but if i dated a pretty girl??? top me pls

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? i think ive already said too much oh god someone is gonna look at this and be like what the FUCK but like lmao dont be afraid to ask me i apparently have no shame

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it’s scary at first because you think “im not normal” but like pray tell me what is normal. do what makes you happy. fuck society

Why are proud to be lgbt+? i’m comfortable with the people i like. i might not be very confident and i have depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, probs adhd or ocd idfk but at least i know if i see a pretty girl or smth im gonna be like wow that girl is pretty and have no bad thoughts about it. it’s just how it be. after a lot of dissecting my past behavior, ive always been this way. you cant change who you are. just accept it

#asks #nev you asked for this #oversharing??? me??? never #lgbt stuff #im gay yall

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00sheven · 5 years ago

Text

business as usual

(taking a scary and unpredictable time and making it mor scary and unpredictable.)

well shit,

unemployment.

unemployment is insisting on giving me a good spanking.

when I was on it before I was using it as a safety net. a lot of stagehands will file for it to fill in gaps between work ( it is considered being under employed) so at least they receive some income when things get slow. it's not much but at least its something.

in my case I believe if I made over 200 and change I wasnt eligible to receive benifits. (maybe 300 I dont remember, but it wouldnt be much over that) it is impossible to live on but you can pay a bill and buy some groceries.

well silly me forgot to log sick time into one of my certifications.

you practically need a course in simple accounting when being a freelance stage hand when filling out an unemployment certification. (jokes.)

when you know you wont quailifiy you have to do it anyways.

how many hours did you work?

tally tally tally tally tally

who were your employers?

list employers 1 through let's just say 10

A) employer's name and address

how much money did you make?

tally tally tally (didn't get paid yet) guess tally tally guess guess tally tally.

did you look for work?

yes

provide contact information.

who

what

where

when

why.

have you pooped today and if do how many times.

hopefully you are getting the drift.

I was happy to do it, it was helping me out.

anyhow, forgetting to log in sick time.

I forgot to log in sevral hours of sick time and was paid by my employer and unemployment.

honest mistake.

well, I had to pay back the money, fair enough.

then I had to pay penalty money, understandable. they will let me make payments.

we are going to refuse benifits for (I cant remember how long) okay that sucks.

(apparently) you must continue to certify for benifits during this period to be eligible for unemployment benifits. that you are not going to recieve.

what I have not mentioned.

I was going through such a bad depression at that time that I couldn't even put on my shoes. I would sleep for one or two days at a time. I would leave my bed to eat and use the restroom, it was difficult to do simple things like hygiene related tasks. I know it's hard for people to understand. you really cant unless you experience it for yourself, and I wouldnt wish that on anyone.

I worked when work was available, but it was very difficult.

I scraped by and made enough to pay off the debt.

I thought I was done and got off unemployment.

although I needed it I managed to get by without out it. I ended up getting a job with the AV company (the one i was working with full time until all this craziness started happening. see earlier posts) on a freelance basis, and doing music production as a runner. I started making good money and making ends meet. dont get me wrong. I wasn't making enough to get an apartment. but I was making enough money to live a little more comfortably at the hobo compound. ( see hobo compound in previous posts.)

kick in the balls time. (recap)

I have to move from the hobo compound.

(the overlords are remodeling wont be taking tenets anymore) I am homeless, goose moves in at the outpost.

(see money breakdown in earlier post. if you think my bills went down, they didnt.)

covid 19

I work in the entertainment industry. no shows. no work. I get laid off.

(lots of other fucked up shit happens. review the blog if you wish.)

I have to refile for unemployment.

my case gets accepted, no mention of previous problems.

2 maybe 3 weeks later. nothing.

I check my account online last night.

your benifits are denied for this week due to penalty period.

the next week

your benifits are denied for this week due to penalty period.

what the fuck.

I paid the money back.

I paid the penalty money.

I did the pointless certifications.

how much longer is this going to last?

I tried to make a call to talk to them.

they are no longer taking calls.

I go online and through an online maze to find something close to a predetermined question that I can choose from that matches my situation.

it allows me to ask for information.

message sent.

we will get back to you in 5 to 7 business days.

okay I'll wait.

I have an indefinite amount of money to sustain the goose and I while we wait.

it's cool guys.

this commercial break is brought to you by the circle jerks and the endowment for the arts.

youtube

I wake up to a vague text message from the insurance adjuster.

as you can see from my response I required a little more information.

why?

what you dont know.

when dealing with my insurance company

I was kept in the dark

they didnt respond to my calls

I found out they settled my claim when I went to pay my bill

they sent the check to the hobo compound.

the check was issued to the guy I bought the car from.

they didnt notify me of a settlement at all.

they didnt inform me about where I should go to get my car fixed. as far as I know they got a random estimate and then subtracted 500 dollars for my deductible.

the payout to my claim was like 730. somthing dollars.

when I called them to inquire

goes though phone maze.

waits on hold due to covid 19

finally gets through.

it appears we forgot to subtract 20% for some type of fee. you were over paid we are going to stop payment on your check.

we can write you another check minus 20% or you can contact the insurance company the other party yourself to see if you have better luck. we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience.

yeah, fuck you.

so I call the insurance of the other party.

phone maze

on hold, covid 19

we thought this claim was closed

no it is not. I rejected the offer from my company. why would I pay a 500 dollar deductible when I am 100 percent not at fault.

we need to talk to your insurance company call you back.

they call back

we see you want to settle through us we are going to send a guy in a couple of days.

yesterday.

guy shows up hella early in the morning. (yell talks.) is rude. tells me a guy is gonna call me to discuss outcome of my claim. takes pictures. leaves.

today.

hella early receives text message.

try to text number the text originates from.

you can't text that number.

why would I want to speak to someone regarding my claim you ask.

well I'll tell you. it so happens I'm my case that people are dropping the fucking ball mother fuckers and I want to avoid any more possible complications and dragging this situation out any further than it needs to be.

so.

I call insurance co.

goes through phone maze

doesn't have correct option.

chooses incorrect option in an attempt to speak to someone.

gets put on hold due to covid 19

someone answers.

you need to talk to claims. I will try and contact your adjuster. (knows who I am because of phone number.)

your adjuster isn't available. I will put you through to someone who can give you the information you've requested.

gets put on hold.

other person picks up.

I repeat information to new person.

new person has no idea who I am. (has no information tied to my phone number.)

new person asks when the loss occurred.

I dont know that off the top of my head.

new person can't proceed without that info.

I dig the info up.

new person what was the other parties name.

I'm getting really annoyed at this time

digs up other parties name.

new person can you spell other parties name

I spell other parties name.

new person do you have a claim number

how may fucking people with that name on that date have had accidents mother fucker.

gets put on hold.

waiting on hold

new person comes back.

new person. here is the number and extension for you claim adjuster.

hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

puts in extension

phone rings

some weird electronic music comes on.

electronic music plays instead of going to voice mail.

keeps playing

I hang up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze chooses different option

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

chooses different option

gets put on hold due to covid 19

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

puts in extension number again

gets put on hold due to covid 19

adjuster picks up the phone.

the clouds part and Angel's sing

talks to adjuster for 3 minutes confirming information is correct.

hangs up the phone.

next.

3/31/20

red tape circle jerks

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stuclyblrs · 5 years ago

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hi everyone! i spent this past semester (spring ‘19) studying abroad in china so i wanted to make a post about my experiences! i hope this can help you in deciding if you want to study abroad and help you while you’re abroad! **this post is directed at study abroad programs through a university in the us - i have never done other programs so i cannot speak about them**

choosing to study abroad

i do want to start by saying you dont have to study abroad. this is something that is definitely being pushed lately by colleges (at least in the us) and it can feel like that you must study abroad to get the full college experience. however, its not something that’s necessary or right for everyone and you don’t need to feel pressured to do so. for me personally, i knew i wanted to study abroad in china long before i entered college whereas some of my friends weren’t interested until they started college and learned more about my school’s programs and hearing from upperclassmen who already studied abroad. some questions to ask yourself when deciding if you want to study abroad

will this benefit you as a person, whether its academically and/or for personal growth?

will studying abroad mean you have to take out more student loans that you don’t think you can fully handle (more on this later)?

is your only motivation only to have a more relaxed semester at a country where its legal to drink and/or for resume building? well these aren’t bad things necessarily - live your life the way you want to! - you might not have the amazing time that you’re thinking you will if these are your only motivations

are you (or will you) be able to mentally/emotionally handle the extra challenges that come with living and studying in a foreign country?

this is just a small amount to consider when choosing to study abroad, but another important thing is do what feels right! feel a calling to study in a specific country - then consider it! don’t think traveling is for you despite everyone pushing for it? - then don’t worry about it!

when and where to go

things to consider when determining when

how long do you personally believe you can handle? will a shorter summer session be better so you’re not away as long or do you want a full year for a more immersive experience?

which semester/summer fits best in your schedule? do the classes offered during this time keep you on track?

things to consider when determining where

what location has classes that fit your major/academic goals? if you’re ideal location doesn’t offer what you need, are you okay with doing a summer session or graduating a semester late?

where are you interested in traveling? have a language or culture you’re really interested in (this is why i chose china for my location!)? is there a place you don’t think you’ll get a chance to visit otherwise?

what are the costs for each possible location like? don’t forget to consider paying for food, transportation, activities, and other travel

if your school doesn’t offer a program in your target location don’t let that deter you from studying abroad. a lot of times universities allow students from other universities to apply to their study abroad programs. start by talking to your schools study abroad office/program to see if there are universities that your school already works with!

money

as i mentioned in determining if you should study abroad, one thing that should be considered is money. if studying abroad means you have to take out extra loans that you’re not sure if you can handle, then it might not be the best choice at the moment - there will be other opportunities in your life to travel and not studying abroad does not mean your college experience is incomplete. do whatever is best for you.

when it comes to determining the cost of a semester abroad, do your research! contradictory to what i just said, in terms of student loans, it was cheaper for me to study abroad due to housing being cheaper. however, i still had to spend extra money on plane tickets, travel, food, and other experiences, so it’s not just the cost of tuition and housing that needs to be considered when budgeting for study abroad. not everything will be budget breaking though, food was incredibly cheap relative to nyc in china, so that was another aspect where my semester abroad was cheaper than normal. additionally, with doing your research on the costs of studying abroad, don’t forget to research scholarships! i received two extra scholarships from my school that were strictly study abroad related and there are plenty of outside scholarships related to general study abroad, different majors, and certain locations.

some tips on saving money for study abroad

once you’ve decided to study abroad work on saving money - set a specific amount of your paycheck dedicated for time abroad, think about maybe skipping getting takeout and cooking at home to put that money towards abroad, possibly get a second job during the summer/other breaks

determine beforehand where you want to travel within the country/neighboring countries beforehand so you can approximately figure out what you’ll need to spend to achieve these travel goals

make a budget for daily expenses (food, transportation to campus if needed) and keep track of your spending

take advantage of programs hosted for study abroad students. about half of my traveling to other cities was done through the study abroad program, which cost a small fraction of what the cost would’ve been if i did it on my own

be flexible! there is a good chance you will go over your intended budget, but it is okay - money can comeback, time will not

with that being said however don’t overdo it, there’s nothing wrong with going a bit over for some extra experiences, but you don’t want to break the bank

homesickness/loneliness

in terms of being far away from my family, it wasnt that big of a change compared to a regular semester as i don’t see them during the school year. however, i did miss nyc and my friends very much. it was hard to deal with at certain points, especially when i was having a difficult time with school but here’s somethings i did to help:

set up times to video chat with family and friends - and try to make it a regular thing

send your friends dumb things that you’re doing - dying over homework, eating good food, some animal you saw on the street, a meme that reminded you of them, and so on they’ll be missing you too

make new friends! i know thats easier said than done, but other students in the program are in the same situation as you and will be feeling homesick. set up a semi-regular time to hang out (i made friends with my roommate and another girl and we hung out nearly every saturday to play games on the switch)

some easy ways to get to know people at the beginning are have lunch/dinner together, talk to people in your classes (especially in language classes if you’re in a country that doesn’t speak your native language), hang out with your roommates

participate in any opportunities hosted for study abroad students that you can. it’s a great way to meet other students and get involved in the local culture while spending less money

finally, its important to remind yourself that you have this amazing opportunity to study in a foreign city/country/culture. it is very normal/expected to feel homesick, but reminding yourself of this helps to bring yourself back into focus and enjoy your experience

balance between academics and traveling

this is something i did struggle with and i still do wish i had planned my time better so i could’ve done more, but in general its about finding balance similar to how you would during a regular semester with classes, extracurriculars, friends, jobs. since i wasn’t involved in any extracurriculars or didn’t have a job while abroad that freed up a lotttt of time that i don’t typically have to focus on school work during the week and travel on the weekends. when planning to travel outside of your host city, you’ll want to plan ahead as much as you can as those times are the hardest times to keep up (i had one class that was based on three papers... and two of them were due after weekend trips hosted by the study abroad program not fun man!) here’s some advice that i have for this

save ‘big’ trips for time off - i went to beijing over our spring break, which was the best time to go as i didnt have to worry /as much/ about my work and i could spend more time there compared to my other travels

spend time in the country either before or after. other than beijing, my other ‘big trip’ was to chengdu/xian/zhangjiajie where i visited these cities back to back right after my finals were done

use the time on the plane/train/car/whatever to do some work. i know its easy to just fall asleep or be on your phone, but you’ll be glad that you did some work once the next school day comes

talk with your professors! they will understand that you are a study abroad student and have limited time in the country - one of the weekend trips hosted by my school left before my friday class but we had quizzes every friday in that class so i just let my prof know that i had this opportunity coming up and he let me take the quiz the next monday

try to do your work during the week to leave the weekends free. i would suggest to even save traveling around your host city should be left for the weekends, unless there is some special event going on so that way you can maximize study time during the week and have the weekend free for travel time!

use whatever planning system typically works for you (traditional planners, google calendar etc.) and as soon as you know you have assignments/tests/quizzes, put that in your calendar and start working towards them immediately. also schedule in time to study so you can work towards tests/quizzes everyday so you can travel without worry

i felt i did a good job of balancing travel and academics, however i felt i didnt explore shanghai as much i wanted to. if i had planned out my study time better, i could’ve opened up more free time on the weekends to go out in the city.

other advice

if you’re not in college yet, make sure you’re researching schools that you look at their study abroad programs and that they have the location(s) you’re interested in!

let your advisor know that you’re planning on studying abroad as soon as you can (even if you’re just thinking about it and aren’t sure yet) so they can help you stay on track and plan for it

with that last point being said, don’t solely rely on them - do your own research, check which classes are offered, save any emails confirming that classes abroad will count for your classes, keep track of application requirements and deadlines and so on

i hope this post is helpful in your study abroad journey! if you have any further questions please feel free to message me✨

bonus! check out my day in the life in shanghai video :]

#study abroad #studyblr #studying abroad #college #travel #college studyblr #college study abroad #university #university studyblr #mine

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years ago

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I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

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milkie-yoongi · 6 years ago

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SHRBBFBF 19 35 1 28 54 12 16 2 3 5 4 9 10 7 6 22 30 TROLOLOLO

OK THANK YOU MA’AM NOW YOU GET YOUR REWARD WHICH IS MY ANSWERS (thank God theres no number after 26 my wrists are hurting)

19. Has an idol or group said anything that has stuck with you?

OH YES everything yoongi has said sticks with me in some way, but this one is one ill always remember:

“it’s okay if you don’t have a dream, you might not have one. just being happy is fine.”

its so reassuring to hear this because people in our generation have grown up in a culture where having a dream is normal, honorable, and even expected. from the day we’re in kindergarten, grown ups ask us “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and we say far fetched things like pilots, surgeons astronauts, which is great. It’s amazing to see little kids want to become something so honorable. But a lot of times, having a dream comes with making sacrifices, and if you know that you actually desire to go after your dream, those sacrifices may be worth it to you. But society often shuns those who don’t have dreams. They consider these people confused, lazy, abnormal, etc. I think his words spoke to me so deeply because I never had a dream. I have ideas and plans of what I’d like to do, but I don’t want to dream because doing so to me is just chasing a fantasy. I don’t want to chase after something that may keep running away. Something that I may never reach. I don’t like to dream. Am I weird? I thought so in high school, but now I am content. So I just do the best I can with whatever opportunity is in front of me, moment by moment, and await the doors that open from there. It’s worked pretty well so far.

It’s important to enjoy happiness now, to be content wherever you are, whether you have a dream or not, whether you reached that dream or not. It’s okay to feel lost, to feel like you have no direction or no idea of where you want to go in life. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to eventually. Yoongi is saying it’s important to just be happy, because if you’re always focused on the future you will miss out on the good things that are right in front of you in the present. (through this i get to give all of you some reassurance (especially to my younger followers) and a wake up call and i love it) :)

1. What kpop songs make you feel at home?

Ughh tough one but Awake by Seokjin and Forever Rain by Namjoon, and BTS’s Young Forever like wow they just get me every time.

2. What idol(s) do you associate with kindness?

All of BTS really because they are so selfless but the ones that stand out are Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon because they’ve just constantly gone out of their way to serve others whether it be making sacrifices for the younger ones in BTS or giving back to fans/society.

3. Has a kpop song or group helped you through some difficult times? If so, and if you feel comfortable, share how.

First Love…man, this one just spoke to me on so many levels. I made an entire tumblr post honoring that masterpiece last year but I can’t find it so I’ll sum it up as concisely as I can. I was going through a rough time before my first year of undergrad. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but I just got into deeply stanning BTS a few months before graduating HS and I felt like through all their songs, they were speaking to me to do what made me happy and not follow what others said would make me happy. My parents really wanted me to go to a good university because they wanted the best for me, and I was thankful, but I felt out of place there. I hated my major and I wanted to do something else, but didn’t know what because literally nothing interests me enough. Uni had already started though, and while my skill set was good for my major, I was so bored. I was ready to give piano up too and give in to the peer pressure of “just focus on school and forget anything that may distract you from it” (the mindset of the humans around me are so lame seriously i wish I grew up in a different area). So after my last piano lesson in HS, I didn’t touch the instrument much and it didn’t occur to me that if I kept that up, all my years of lessons would go to waste. So in the middle of my first quarter at uni (it was october), I was called to do more collaborative performances. I said yes because Im too nice, but practicing was hard when I had to worry about the demands of school. A few days later, while I was still learning the pieces I was supposed to play, the Wings album dropped. I already stanned Yoongi at that time because he was so relatable to me since the stuff we went through is very similar (through mine being very mild compared to his), but when I heard First Love about how he never wanted let go of what he loved most even when things were tough, I knew that at the time, it was meant to be that I continue piano. I grew to love it so much throughout the next few weeks, not just because of the song lyrics that made it feel like he was speaking to encourage me but because of what piano itself was able to do for me. It saved me from feeling like I was a slave to school, it provided me with something rewarding to look forward to, gave me a great part time job, and gave had a purpose when I never felt as if I had a purpose (skill wise) before. When things got tough and I had no desire to keep practicing, the lyrics of this song made me want to practice, to keep going.

You know what, let me give you a breakdown of why this song SPECIFICALLY spoke to me through the lyrics (yes this is going to be a 1500 word essay because im just so touched by this and have been since 2016 SO READ IT! YOU WON’T REGRET.

I remember back during my elementary school daysWhen my height became taller than yoursI neglected you when I once yearned for you soOn top of the white jade-like keyboardDust is piling onYour image that has been neglectedEven then I didn’t know your significance

^This is exactly how I felt when I first learned to play piano in elementary school. I hated it. I cried whenever I had to practice because all my friends had so much free time and got to run around outside whenever they wanted while I couldn’t. i was jealous of them because they did not have this responsibility. I wanted to quit during the first few years since I was naive though because I did not know how thankful I would one day be for learning this instrument. I didn’t know its significance.

Don’t worry even if I leaveYou’ll do well on your ownI remember when I first met youBefore I knew it you grew upThough we are putting an end to our relationship

^My parents still pushed for lessons and wouldn’t let me quit. I still despised going to lessons and practicing, and did the bare minimum to pass the music exams, which allowed me to focus more on my friends and schoolwork. I didn’t feel sorry that I took no joy in it, it just felt like a routine chore I had to get through each year, like school. In my mind, I put an end to that relationship.

Don’t ever feel sorry to meI will get to meet you againNo matter what formGreet me happily then

^Now that I look back, I could see that if my piano could talk, as stupid as that sounds, it would say this to me, telling me that I would greet it happily again one day because I would be so thankful for the role it would play in my life.

I remember back then when I met you thatI had completely forgotten, when I was around 14The awkwardness was only for a moment, I touched you againEven though I was gone for a long timeWithout repulsionYou accepted me

^I was 14 when I met a classmate who revitalized my interest in playing piano after my 6 years of hating it. We became great friends because of piano. He did the same program as me where we had to pass yearly exams, so we went through the struggle together for most of high school. His love for playing inspired me, and for the first time, I genuinely began to enjoy it.

Don’t let go of my hand forever, I won’t let go of you again either

^Again, if pianos could talk, this is what it would say to me the moment I performed my first duet with a good friend of mine. I enjoyed it so much that it gave me chills each time we rehearsed the piece together, feeding off each other’s energy. I never felt this kind of energy when I performed as a soloist, only fear and dread. This is when I knew that if this type of playing (collaborative) it could make me feel this way all the time, I would vow to never stop playing. So I decided to never let go again.

I remember back thenWe burned up the last of my teen’sYes the days when we couldn’t see an inch in front of usWe laughed, we criedThose days with you,Those moments are now in memories

^The 18th, 19th, and 20th years of my life. Those years went by fast and most of my joy during those years came from practicing for duet and chamber music performances. There was so much emotion, and so much thankfulness that overcame me each time I touched the keys. I lived for it. It helped me get through the times I was most discouraged and really was the thing that motivated me to do well in school and other things because to practice as much as I wanted I had to first finish everything else that could get in my way. Those moments have now become the best memories of my life, because it was the first time I loved something so much.

Every time I wanted to give upBy my side you said …you can really do it

^I constantly doubted my abilities. I don’t have pure talent, I get nervous easily, and I need to put hours and hours of practice in compared to others. Thousands of people are more qualified than me to be in this position, to be serving this purpose. So many times I’ve thought, is this really worth it? Am I the right person to do this? Why did I have to practice late into the night, sacrifice some aspects of my social life and going out, and feeling guilty anytime I’m wasnt practicing, just to learn a musical piece? It wasn’t easy at all. Yet, the chills I get from every practice and every performance along with every smile I’ve received from those I perform with has been a confirmation that no matter how hard it gets, I shouldn’t stop, because the joy at the end is worth so much more than the pain of the process. And I learned that if you love something so much, then you really can do it and you won’t let anything stop you.

The corner of my memoryA brown piano settled on one sideIn the corner of my childhood houseA brown piano settled on one side

^As time goes on and seasons change, life may take me to a place where I’ll never be able to experience this type of joy from a piano again, or it may take me to a place where I can be surrounded by this joy everyday. Who knows, life is strange and unpredictable. But one thing is for sure. I’ll never forget the significance of this instrument. It’s such a simple thing. An inanimate object with eighty eight black and white keys, maybe a piece of furniture to some people. But to me, it will always remain as special memory that saved me from feeling even more lost and let me meet and help so many great people.

Thank you Yoongi, for writing this song and releasing it EXACTLY when I needed it.

(I should actually be practicing right now I devoted my time to this because it means so much to me)

~~If you happened to read this whole thing let me know what you think I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS! also, you a real one ;)

5. What’s your favorite ballad?

HMMM THIS IS A MEAN QUESTION BECAUSE I LIVE FOR BALLADS. “Autumn Outside the Post Office” is a good one

4. What idol would you star gaze with? Why?

Yoongi since he will be a sleepy bb and that’ll give me the chance to cuddle him with as many blankets as he wants.

7. Would you rather give or receive a gift from your bias?

Give a gift first because its better to GIVE than RECEIVE MHMM but also because Yoongi just does so much for everyone and works so hard so I want to give him a gift with a letter in it expressing my thankfulness for his existence. He better read it.

6. What was your first kpop group that you stanned? Why did you stan?

B.A.P !! These six bois were the hIGHLIGHT of my life back then. Honestly I got through high school happily because of them! They were just so down to earth and hilarious, and I admired that they wrote most of their songs and wrote lyrics about actual issues in the world instead of just cheesy love. They switched up their musical style a lot and weren’t afraid to experiment with new sounds and were able to go from hard hitting tracks to ballads that could make tears travel down your face instantly. Also Daehyun’s voice…nobody can beat that I think he ate an angel or something oooOooOoo. And Zelo’s love for cherry tomatoes, Yongguk getting uncooked ramen out of the mailbox in a park, and Jongup eating mcdonald’s on that one show…ok that’s enough, let me go cry now bc of this nostalgia.

22. Would you rather go to Disneyland or Everland with your bias? What would you do there?

Everland because I’ve been to Disneyland wayyyyy too much and I’m tired of the humongous crowd. But Yoongi is probably not the type to get all excited over amusement parks and I’m cool w that so we’d most likely just walk around and eat churros every hour if Everland even has those.

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doctormage · 6 years ago

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hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

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arthurflecksgirl · 5 years ago

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Joker saving a girl from bad guys

This one was requested by hausofbaloons on twitter. I hope you will like it :)

Warnings: Violence and sexual harassement (not graphic but still)

I couldnt sleep. This town wouldnt let me close my eyes.

The sound of the traffic, the traffic lights before my windows. It was all too much. Gotham was so noisy yet so dead when you took a closer look to it.

I didnt even knew what got me here. All I knew was that I couldn`t afford my old apartment in my hometown anymore, so I moved in this very bad neighborhood close to Anderson Ave.

Finding a new job here was difficult,too. I was lucky enough to find one that at least would make enough money to pay the rent. The place was called HAHas. They rent party clowns. I didnt even knew anything about clownery, how they called it. I lied when I told Mr Hoyt that I have experience and hoped he wouldn`t notice. Not until I found a "real" job. I really didn`t wanted to end up as a clown.

They said it would take them a few days to get some clown clothes that would fit a girl. Which made me nervous. It seemed like I would be the only girl working there. But for the moment I just had to eccept this situation. Some day I would hopefully get back on my feet.

Watching out the window made me feel disconnected to the world. Its funny how a new place can change your point of view about so many things. Some places consume you in such an short amount of time. That`s how I felt about this town since the day I unpacked my things and slept in my new bedroom for the first time. Everything felt...wrong. It felt wrong being here, sleeping here, existing in general felt like a chore. Amd looking at these people out on the streets, they must feel the same. My eyes were focused on a little girl with her mother. How aweful it must be to raise your kid here. To grow up here. I just wanted to leave already.

I drank the last sip of my tea and got dressed. Deep down I knew it wasnt a good idea to go out at 10 pm in the evening. At least not here in Gotham, I´ve heard that some alleys are really dangerous to walk through. But I didnt knew which ones, so I tried to avoid all of them. Which wasnt possible all of the time. I left the house, freezing a bit. It was colder outside than I thought. At least the radiator was working. All these streets looked the same. I didnt even knew where to go, just wanted some fresh air, get this tiredness out of my bones.

I wish I had something to be passionate about again. Passion was something I seemed to have lost somewhere along the way. Some days I felt like a robot, only functioning for others. I did things but I havent FELT them for years. It makes a huge difference if you just keep on doing things or if you really feel them. I wasnt sure what made me stop feeling myself anymore. It just happened. Failed relationships, friends you lose along the way, working,... all these kinda things that consume you, leaving nothing left but the shell of you. I guess this town would`t help.

Walking this neighborhood felt lonely, even while being surrownded by people. But at the same time there was proof that I wasnt the only lifeless zombie in this universe. There were other robots, just like me. The walking dead. Shouldn`t this make it hurt less? Shouldn`t this be comforting?

I was so lost in my thoughts I didnt even payed attention to where I was heading to. Most streets still remained unfamiliar to me. I hestitated when I realized that I didn`t knew where I was anymore. All this garbage, the bad smell. I felt something on my foot and screamed. A rat. The biggest rat I have ever seen in my life. This place was aweful. I really had to go and find some place nicer a few blocks away from here. The sun went down hours ago, everything started to look the same. I felt tired. Insomnia really had me in its arms.

Whispers. In the corners of the streets. On the sidewalks. I wanst sure if my mind was only playing tricks with me. Being alone in a city like this, at 9 pm in the afternoon could do that to you. I should have stayed home in my bed. The bed that didnt felt like mine anymore.

The whispers got louder and I was convinced that it wasnt my mind playing around as I satrted to hear steps behind me "Hey doll ! Where are you heading?"

The voice of a young man and another one laughing right behind me. I felt fear crawling up my insides. I didnt even had any with me to defense myself. I grabbed my keys, so I could scratch them with it if they would attack me. My hand was shaking while I reached down in my pockets.

"Hey, baby. Stop. We are talking to you!"

I didnt knew what to do. Should I run? Should I stop, trying to calm them down by acting friendly? My hand so close around my keys I hurt myself. It was already too late to run away, one of them grabbed me by the arm. So firm I couldnt move it to use the keys anymore. That was it. Only some weeks in Gotham city and I was already dead. I should have known better.

"Take her stuff!" the other one yelled. He sounded obvously drunk. "I will" he hurt my arm again "But... I think there is even more we could do besides taking her stuff..." he grabbed my bag, hew it to the other guy and pushed me against the wall, violently. With his alcoholic breath. I felt my eyes watering. "Don`t cry baby doll. i`m sure you`re gonna like it". The other one was laughing, while he took my money and cards. "Oh, you can have her. I already made out with the other girl an hour before" more laughter. "Good" he yelled into my face "More left for me". Hands on my chest. Hands everywhere as he started to pull up my shirt. A whimper. it was mine. I started crying. "Stop crying you stupid bitch!" I tried to stop but i couldnt.

And suddenly a shot fell. And another one.

I still felt his firm hands around my arm as he hesitated to take a look around. thats when I saw the other guy lying face down on the ground. Blood tripping from his body. He wasnt moving anymore. "What the fuck?" he let go of me, running to his buddy.

Thats when I looked the other way.

There was someone standing inthe alley with us. It was dark but I still could make out the color of his suit. It was red. And he was holding a gun in his left hand. He came closer as the guy who wanted to rape me was yelling at the dead body on the ground.

His face was painted like a clown. A red nose, a big smile and blue around his eyes. His hair was slick back, slightly curly and green, almost reaching down his shoulders. He looked intimitating. But for some reason I wasn`t afraid of him.

"Are you okay?" the clown came up to me,touching my shoulder very carefully."Yeah...I guess I am".

I was still in shock. I just witnessed murder. This guy just shot someone in front of my eyes. He walked up slowly to the other guy.

"You shot my best friend!" the guy yelled.

"Get up!" the clown said

The guy was getting up. It felt like watching a slow motion scene.

"He didnt deserved to live. He was about to watch you raping her."

"So what? Maybe I can`t have her today. But there is always a tomorrow."

The man in the red suit took a step towards him

"You think so, huh?"

"Of course" the drunk guy said, looking at me with his hungry eyes "I would make her scream and..."

Another shot.

And after that. Nothing but silence and his gentle hand upon my shoulder again "They can`t hurt you anymore". He lit himself a cigarette, sucking the smoke in like nothing just happened. The two dead bodies lying in front of us.

"Thank you for saving me from these guys...but....you just SHOT them !" my voice cracked.

He blew the smoke out "I know. They would have found another victim. These kinda guys never stop." He pulled my shirt down. It was still up from all the grabbing. "I just hope you`re okay. You`re shaking." There was somthing so comforting in his voice. I felt so torn between being shocked and being reliefed that someone saved me from what was about to happen.

"I`m still... in shock I guess. He tried to..."

"I know. Thats why I took care of it. People can be aweful. Especially here in Gotham city. You should even be out here on the streets alone".

His eyes pierced me. It was hard to not be attracted to him. Maybe it was the shock. I flt like a compleate freak, feeling save talking to someone who just shot two guys in an dark alley while waring clown make up. He obviously wasnt a cop or something. He must have been some kind of criminal himself. I shouldn`t even keep talking to him. "Do you live far from here?" he grabbed my stuff that was still lying on the ground, made sure to collect it all together and handed it to me "Sorry for the blood on it." There was something so careless about him, after mudering two men. And yet he seemed to care so much about if i`m okay. I wondered if it was the first time that he killed someone.

I took my purse and the rest of my things "Um....no not that far. Maybe a 30 minutes walk. But I just moved here and lost track of the streets. It was so dark and I`m not sure how to find back home anymore."

He threw the last bit of his cig aon the ground "I could walk you home if you want. Which street is it?"

I didnt wanted to tell him my exact adress "Near Anderson ave".

"You`re kidding, right? I lived in Anderson ave all my life. I mean...I still do actually". He put the gun back in his pocket.

"Oh so you know the way back?"

"Sure"

I thought about this for a minute. Wasn`t this insane?

"Look, you don`t have to. I can go now" he said "I just wanna let you know that I wouldnt ever hurt you. i just killed those guys because they wanted to do bad things to you and they also said they would do it again. Its okay if you don`t trust me. Just let me know if I should walk you home. I dont mind eighter way."

His voice was so soft. I couldnt stop staring at the way he was using his hands while talking . They seemed to floath through the air. The way he moved was graceful. His slender body in the red suit makde me feel something. I was just very drawn to this stranger.And even though he did something bad. He only did it to save me. I decited to let him walk me home.

"No. I belive you. You can walk me home"

"Great" it almost looked like he was dancing as he turned around, smirking.

I was walking right next to him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Why are you wearing clown make up?" i pointed at his face.

"I used to work as a party clown"

"Really?"

"yeah"

"Thats funny. I just got a new job here at Haha`s. "

His face immediately darkened. Did I said something wrong.

"At Haha`s, huh?"

I didnt dared to say answer. His face expression changed in between seconds.

"I know that place."

"Do you.... work there too?

"Not anymore"

I nooded. this subject didnt seemed to be a good choice for conversation. So I remained silent. He didnt said anything anymore eighter. Everything about this felt weird but being around him was indeed very exciting.

"So this alley leads to Anderson ave" as we arrived at my block.

"Oh, I know the way from here. I don`t know how to thank you..."

He smiled. It was more of a smirk really. Behind all the make up. I was wondering how he would look like without the face paint. His facial expression was so interesting. Still intense behind all of this clown make up.

"No need to thank me" he said while his eyes kept piercing me. I wasnt sure how I should say goodbye to the one that just saved me. Maybe my life even. So I just offered him a hug. he leaned towards me and let me hug him. His hands oddly lying on my back, barely touching me. He seemed kinda shy, which was very surprising. For a brief moment I felt his cheek on mine. I even felt the softness of the white face paint upon my skin. Shivers running down my spine. I coulnt help it. Feeling him letting go of our hug almost hurted me. What was happening?

"So, since you dont live far from here, maybe I´ll see you around?"

He reached down his pocket, pulled out a pen,a piece of paper and started writing "Here is my number. I mean, just in case someone is bothering you again. Or following you. Just call me when something feels wrong."

A card is falling out of his pocket. He pickes it up, looking at it for a little bit too long. I couldnt tell what it said but it must have been something important to him. He seemed nervous as he put it back "Not this one." he mumbled.

I once again told him how thankful I was before we said our goodbyes.

Heading back ome after all of this felt surreal. Did that really happen? I turned around and he was still standing there, lightening another cig.

I looked at the piece of paper he gave to me.

Arthur.

That was his name.

A beautiful name.

Just as beautiful as he was.

As soon as I got home, I hoped into bed. Once again I wasnt tired. How could I`ve been tired after this? I was more awake than ever. That face. I put his number on my bedside table, lying on my back. i just coulnt stop thinking about how his bare face might have looked like. Would I even be able to notice him on the streets without his costume and make up? His green eyes and the smirk haunted me all night long. Arthur. He forgot to put his last name on it. Or was that onpurpose. Eighter way I had his number.

And then out of the sudden I realized that I haven`t thought about the fact that he might get caught and locked up for killing two strangers on the sidewalk. Panic was spreading inside of me like a tumor. If he would get caught it would be my fault. He killed them to save my life. I could have never forgiven myself that.

My heart told me I should get up, grab the phone and call him. Asking him how he would try to not being caught. If there was any plan or... This was ridicilous. What could I possibly say to him? I guess he was aware of what he just did. I started sweating and opened my window. More noises of people yelling at each other. What an aweful city. He seemed like the only nice person I have met since I moved here. With his face and voice in my mind, I was finally able to FEEl something again. The sensation of having strong emotions was something I thought I lost. And all of the sudden I imagined this stranger in my mind. Someone I knew nothing about. But he made me feel something. It was like awakening from a long, dark sleep. Maybe my heart wasn´t dead yet. Maybe there was a spark left inside of me. And he lit it. Not only because he saved me. It was his presence. The way he looked right though me. His cheek against mine. Those hands. Images of fresh memories started to floath my mind and I enjoyed it. I finally enjoyed something again. It was like I felt my own heart beating in my chest. I havent felt that for years. Sometimes I didnt even knew if it was still beating anymore. And now it was so loud. A competition to the traffic outside.

And after hours of thinking about him I finally fell asleep to the sound of the traffic.

Red painted lips.

A fake smile covering a real smile.

I put one figer on his upper lip. I can feel a scar.

Pressing it softly, before his face comes closer.

He leans in before I feel the softest kiss upon my lips.

I woke up, rubbing my eyes, realizing that I just dreamed about kissing this total stranger. He really managed to get into my mind. I still felt his lips on mine. I thought about his hands. I took a close look to them when he was holding the gun. They looked so gentle. I caught myself thinking about how it would feel to be touched by those hands. To hold them.

I got up, made a coffe and got dressed. I had to go to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. I just couldnt do this anymore. Lying awake all night drained the life out of me.

Gotham looked the same way at daylight as it looked at night. Just as dark and depressing. Hopefully the sleeping pills would help me find some rest again.

After I arrived the pharmacist asked me if I had experience with sleeping pills and told me about all the side effects. i just wanted to get out of ther for gods sake. Two minutes laer she was still taking to me, not even realizing I wansnt listening anymore, someone else entered the room. I was glad because she was alone there and had to serve the other costumer now. But she still kept talking.

Suddenly a voice from behind interrupted her "No, the other ones are actually better. And you can get them without a recipe,too."

"Excurse me?" the lady said "The ones on the left" a tiney looking man with brown curls was coming up to us. He pointed at the meds, looking at me "Belive me. You want those. Not the ones on the right. They will give you bad nightmares."

"Oh. Okay thank you, Mr." I looked at the pharmacist "So, I want those, please" she gave me a look and told me how much they were. I payed, taking another look to the man beside me, as he put different receipes on the counter.

There was something about his facial features. His eyes. Those piercing eyes.

The lady gave him an annoyed look "As usual, Mr. Fleck?"

"Yeah"

"Alright. Give me a minute to get them"

He nodded.

His hands.

"Arthur?" I wasnt sure if I was out of my mind but he reminded me of the clown who saved me last night.

He immediately faced me when I said his name. IT WAS HIM.

"Yes?"

"Its you right? You were the..... " I whispered "The clown that saved me last night"

He smiled in a very shy way, he lowered his voice "I was".

That feeling. There is was again. I didnt knew what was happening to me. I just fell for this man. His bare face even more beautiful than I imagined.

The sales woman came back, handing him out three bottles of meds. He hesitated to put them into his pocket, like he was afraid I might get a closer look to it. I finally took my sleeping pills,too. Still staring at him.

"I thought about you last night" saying the words out loud I just realized how it sounded like "I mean...not like that. Oh my god this is embarrassing. I`m sorry."

You don`t have to be embarrassed.. what was your name again?"

"I`m Y/N"

"Hi Y/N!" he offered me his hand. HIS HAND! The one I dreamed about last nicht. Fantasized about being touched by it. His skin was even softer in reality. We got out of the pharmacy together, standing in the middle of the crowded streets.

"Arthur, I have to thank you once again and I was woried about you. Umm..You can imagin why. "

His arms hung down on him in a weird way. A body languare so differently from last night. So shy, intimidated even. By what? By me?

"Don`t worry about me Y/N. I always get back on my feet."

"Yeah well " my heart was racing in my chest while looking at him "You were the only one here that was ever nice and taking notice since I moved here. I`m always alone since I`m a citizen of Gotham city"

He lit a cig "I can imagin. I`m alone since the day I was born"

Why would he say that?I noticed how sad his eyes were, behind his stare, behind the piercing look of his green eyes, there was so much sadness. I had a better look into them now in the daylight. His beautiful face looked kinda tired. Tired of life.

I knew that feeling. I wanted it to fade from his face. I wanted his eyes to light up. And I wanted to be the reason for that.

"Arthur, do you want to go out with me? Like... for a coffee?"

His hand started to shake a little "You mean like a date?"

"Um..." I felt myself blushing "I dont know....if you want it to be one."

He smiled "If YOU want it to be one."

We headed to the next coffee shop, not saying a word as our hands touched slightly ,but our smiles said it all.

Maybe we both were alone.

But now it was time to be alone together.

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