00sheven

[00sheven]

[00sheven]

Here I am

Due to depresssion I haven’t been keeping up with this. Being bipolar can be a real bitch. Even though I’m on meds it doesn’t take it away. Not much has changed since I’ve arrived in Kansas. I have my insurance gig to fall back on. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to pick up where I left off. Child services figured out that I don’t have the goose. So that can potentially be something bad. There are a lot of unknowns in my life at the moment. So I guess there hasn’t been much of a change since this Odyssey began. I’ve gone from one place to another, but I don’t belong anywhere. Mentally, I’m my own worst enemy.

02112021

[00sheven]

01302021

[00sheven]

3 weeks

I’m 3 weeks in, my be been turned down for two jobs. My mental state hasn’t been great either. I can’t sit still, I can’t concentrate, and I’m experienceing crushing depression despite being on medication. It took everything I had just to write this.

01302021

[00sheven]

Kansas

I have to move to Kansas, I’m not happy about it. I’m going to miss my son. Sometime things have to break all the way before things get better.

12312020

[00sheven]

Well shit.

I got put on notice that I have 10 days to vacate. It is unclear as far as what is going to happen to the goose.

122920

[00sheven]

The best goes on.

Dealing with bipolar depression is a real bitch. What do you do when you lose interest in everything. Life becomes bland. I feel anxious and claustrophobic except I’m usually in big rooms or outside. I feel as if I exist, that’s it. 

112920

[00sheven]

Eh

Not much going on today, I was supposed to try and get back on my diet but failed miserably. I had a s’more and gram cracker and a chocolate bar. Oh, and a big glass of milk. I managed to get most of my stuff done except showering and taking my walk . I was also supposed to work on my in home presentation for my business but I didn’t get to that either. Tomorrow is another day.

110820

[00sheven]

Be near me now,

My tormenter, my love, be near me—

At this hour when night comes down,

When, having drunk from the gash of sunset, darkness comes

With the balm of musk in its hands, its diamond lancets,

When it comes with cries of lamentation,

with laughter with songs;

Its blue-gray anklets of pain clinking with every step.

At this hour when hearts, deep in their hiding places,

Have begun to hope once more, when they start their vigil

For hands still enfolded in sleeves;

When wine being poured makes the sound

of inconsolable children

who, though you try with all your heart,

cannot be soothed.

When whatever you want to do cannot be done,

When nothing is of any use;

—At this hour when night comes down,

When night comes, dragging its long face,

dressed in mourning,

Be with me,

My tormenter, my love, be near me.

“Be near me now”

Faiz Ahmed faiz

110720

[00sheven]

Today

Joe Biden was elected president of the United States.

11072020

[00sheven]

Hello, Hello.

Well shit, where to start. The goose and I are still at the outpost. I started working in insurance but I had to take a step back because I was burning up leads doing badly at my in home presentation. So I’m slowly trying to get some structure going. I’m back on psyche meds. I’m back in thearpy. I’m trying to do what I got to do but I feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I can barley stomach lacing up my shoes. There has been quite a bit of progress. I’ve also started trying to get out in the dating world but it’s been pretty much girls looking for sugar daddy’s or women in China, the difference in language and culture has proven to be formidable. I am speaking to one woman that doesn’t live far away. But all she wants to do is tell me how her ex screwed here and her kid over. Man, it’s fucking hard out here. I also got turned down for an apartment today. I’ll get back with some more detail soon.

11062020

[00sheven]

08272020

sam the sham and the Pharoahs I dont have no one.

[00sheven]

I feel like yelling at someone, and I don't know why.

08252020

[00sheven]

in a turn of events I was approved for my licence a few days ago. i also have a court date for child support. so I went from having half a plate of serious shit to having two lol. I am grateful for the opportunities I have. I am way out of my comfort zone, but how can on one make any progress in life if one stays in thier comfort zone? I've bet a lot on this and have invested as well. only time will tell. I'll write as things come up.

08152020

[00sheven]

I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return.

frida kahlo

yo también mi amiga

08122020

blondie ave maria

[00sheven]

You shining in the sky

Faster than the naked eye

I'm calling calling calling on you

Things here got outta hand

Take me back to the promised land

I'm calling calling calling on you.

Tonight is Friday night

I'm hanging around dying to leave

I'm calling calling calling on you

Star shining in the sky

Faster than the naked eye

I'm calling calling calling calling on you

Tonight is Friday night

I'm hanging around dying to leave

I'm calling calling calling calling on you

08102020

the dead boys calling on you.

[00sheven]

up all night ( again)

my condition can be a real hoot sometimes. I fall asleep and wake up at like 3am and can't ho back to sleep. Mania is a real bitch. have you ever had to deal with racing thoughts. it's like thinking about everything under the sun in about 5 minutes. but it does not stop at 5 minutes. it's like the fucking energizer bunny.

08072020