#i was watching what to expect when you’re expecting for nostalgic reasons

[cruelxfantasies]

imagining photographer!steve as a baby photographer and he just wants a baby so bad and everyone in their circle knows it, they’ve put the word out that they’re looking to adopt but it’s crickets. an adoption agency is too expensive for them to consider. it gets to the point where eddie is about to convince steve to take a break from the business because he watches steve’s heart break just a little more each day as he interacts with the babies and their parents - this couldn’t be healthy for him. money would be tight, eddie could work more to cover the loss they would take.

the day before he plans to broach the subject, eddie’s phone pings with a notification - a message from a family friend, someone wayne knows and eddie had met maybe a handful of times. it isn’t long before he discovers the reason behind her reaching out; she’s pregnant and isn’t planning on keeping the baby.

when eddie tells steve the next day after his last session, the sadness that had found a home in his gaze slowly rescinds itself after the news sinks in. eddie holding him tight on the couch, sobs erupting from steve. eddie knows the cries are relief and joy and doesn’t try to console him.

several months later, it’s eddie positioning their newborn daughter in front of the camera this time while steve looks through the lens.

[moonchild1]

park jimin fic rec list (Ⅲ)

woah it really has been a long time since i posted but i am so glad to be back and to get back into reading i saw so many of my favourite authors have updated and i am beyond excited to start this journey again but in the mean time here's jimin rec list as promised it was so exciting finishing this list cause i got so nostalgic making it and reading all the old fics i had on my reading list ughhh i just loved it so much and it got me back into the swing of things and i cant wait to make more lists, i do have another jjk list ready and i will post it the day after tomorrow so i hope you enjoy this one and don't forget to show all the love and support in the world to these amazing authors they work so hard to create these fics for us and they deserve endless praise and love for the commitment and generosity they have so please do leave them a comment, heart or reblog a small comment can go a long way here and can make someone smile even bigger so dont don't shy away from making someone happy... as usual you guys know this fics i recommend contain smut so minors don't interact you will be blocked... i really do love hearing from you guys so if you do have a little fic you are super into right now and you just want to rant about how amazing it is feel free to send me an ask 😊🖤

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

plot twist by @xpeachesncream f s a

↳ jimin isn’t interested in fake dating, but he’s definitely interested in getting to know someone the right way. after all, he feels like he’s ready to put himself out there and give it all he’s got. so, he takes a risk in trying something completely out of his comfort zone and hops on the new, popular dating app - only to come across and get to know someone he didn’t expect to meet.

a remedy for mondays by @dovechim s

↳ all you wanted was just one day off work. but for that to happen, you need to invent a plausible reason. and then somehow, somewhere along the way, things get out of hand, and now people think you’re having a baby with your co-worker Park Jimin after a one-night stand. confused? join the club.

it’s okay, that’s love by @/dovechim f s a deals with deep subjects

↳ People are constantly making some kind of connection with each other- be it friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications; commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport, letting them get up close and personal with the darkest parts of ourselves. And sure- it’s scary as hell to watch them cross those boundaries you’ve so meticulously drawn, but it’s okay, because that’s love.

so it goes by @/dovechim f s

↳ Park Jimin knows a lot about humans. of course he does, he studies them for a living. he knows that they say hello by holding hands, and when they say goodbye, they put their arms around each other. but this particular human, he notes, is unlike the rest- stuck in a slump, going about your day praying for the Universe to stage an intervention in the form of an alien abduction. when he decides to finally fulfil your wishes, he finds that you have a little something to teach him about what it means to live life on Earth the way you do: ugly crying, underwear and all. in return, he shows you the possibilities that abound if you simply adopted their mantra: everything is beautiful, and nothing hurts.

love again by @taestefully-in-luv f s a

↳ A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?

the other woman: the seduction and the illusion by @namjooningelsewhere f s a

↳ No one told you being the other woman would never be easy, No one told you that his love would be two sides to a same coin. No one told you he came to you because you were his escape to his demons. No one told you he would always call you his, but he would never be yours. And most importantly no one told you, He never loved you because you dont destroy the people you love.

FUTURE HEARTS by @jungblue f s a ft. jjk

↳ It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook. 

after the applause by @foxymoxynoona

↳ Jimin doesn't know how he would have made it this far after the shattering of his world without the support of his thoughtful, generous, helpful neighbor. Hanbyul has lived next to hottie Jimin and his adorable daughter for years now, long enough to remember the wife he was so devoted to and lost far too young. With each safely ensconced on their side of the brick wall of the Parks' grief, it will take an enterprising little scientist to set the stage for a second chance at love.

saved by @to-star-lake s a

rockstar au deep subjects read warnings

midnight memories by @hobipaint f s a

↳ there's drunk habits, and then there's drunk mistakes. What do you call meeting your friend - no, ‘former friend’ - at a bar, getting drunk with him and sleeping- 'accidentally' - with him? especially when everyone already knows that you stay away from him as much as the day does from night?

Easy. You forget about it.

heartbreak chronicles by @sugaxjpg s

↳ Park Jimin had it all — good grades, a place as the soccer team’s captain and, more than that, the broken hearts of at least half the campus’ population. Though, one thing he did not have was someone willing to break his heart and, after you were dragged inside a miraculous plan to play that part, the last thing counted on was the preposterous idea that, perhaps, you could fall for him as well. 

drifting by@hongcherry f a

↳ After being assigned different partners for your midterm routine, your and Jimin’s relationship starts to deteriorate when you both begin spending more time away from each other and with your assigned partners instead.

growing pains by @taleasnewastime f s a

↳ Growing up the daughter of the boss of a gang is never easy, but normally the problems are around being given too many responsibilities, or the risk of being connected to a gang leader, or wanting to escape but not being able to. But you’ve got a different problem, you want more responsibility, want to be like your brother who’s been named heir, want a role in the family gang. Your whole life you’ve been denied what you want, being born a female seemingly your main issue; perceived as weak, naïve, trying to step above your station. But as unsupportive and dismissive as your family is, there is always the bright light that is Jimin; the boy you love but can never have.

tuqburni by @solastia f s a ft.myg

↳ You’ve spent two years building a life with Yoongi who you loved more than anything in the world. Now, his ex-boyfriend Jimin is back in the picture, and Yoongi begs you not to make him choose between the two of you, offering the choice of a polyamorous relationship. Though your heart is shattered, you agree.

stardust by @venusjeon f a

↳ struck by your beauty, Jimin begs to paint you naked behind the world's back so as not to stain your influential family—his patrons—with scandal.

drift by @snackhobi f s

↳ You used to think that there was nothing better than the sensation of coming first place. However, your rival- the talented, gorgeous, dangerous Park Jimin- is more than happy to prove you wrong.

the deli diaries by @jimlingss f

↳ Working at a grocery store deli is absolutely unbearable (and you’re also perfectly aware of how dramatic you are). But it seems like something, or rather, someone might make the job a bit more manageable.

best of me by @xotoosweet f a

↳ when he tells the story of how he met you in a few years, he'll claim that it was meant to be. you'll laugh and call it a coincidence. it was a coincidence that on the first day of summer semester, he decided to go on a run (though he claimed he always ran in the mornings). it was a coincidence that he chose a less traveled path in the university arboretum that morning. and it was definitely a coincidence that you were there, sitting on the rail of the river bridge.

the ten days of ex-mas by @kpopfanfictrash f s a

↳ Three months following the worst break-up of your life, you finally feel ready to start moving on. The world, it seems, has other ideas when you pick up the phone and find your ex-boyfriend calling.

strip by @yoonia f s a

↳ Summary | Everything you have done has always been about surviving life and raising your child on your own. Having someone else caring about you was the last thing you had expected. Especially when that someone is the same man you have watched performing every night on stage and secretly admired. But will he run the moment he finds out about your little secret waiting at home?

falling by @/yoonia s a

↳ For Park Jimin, you are everything he will ever need—his assistant, his housekeeper, his task runner, his fairy godmother. For you, he is more than everything. You have dedicated your life for him and, before you even realised it, your heart belongs to him alone. The only problem is that he is never yours, and you are living in a world that your love for him is nothing more than a fairytale ending. As you are suddenly given a chance to wake up and face the real world, will you be ready to embrace it? Will he be ready to deal with the world without you in it?

wrapped around by @jjkfire ft. kth f s a

↳ Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

baby, baby by @hobiwonder f s a

↳ When you’ve run out of savings to continue on to the last semester of your Bachelors - you take an unorthodox route. Helping a desperate couple have a child and getting paid for it? Heck yeah. But what do you know - it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

love at first touch by bagelswrites (ao3)

↳ The first time you meet your soulmate, it leaves a bruise on both of you at the point of contact. From then on, your body begins rejecting any sustenance other than the touch of your soulmate. The trick is, the bruises take a few hours to appear, so you have to figure out who you've touched and find them before you starve to death. But once you do, all you ever need is them. So what happens if you're an idol and you meet your soulmate at a fan event?

our little family by @nightbts f a

↳ you were living a simple life filled with simple dreams; combining your two most loved things in life, children and teaching, you were starting out your career as a teacher at the local pre-school. but little did you know, how one child and her very special father, would change your simple life into something extraordinary

one-shot 35

brand new eyes by @missgeniality s

↳ Jimin’s eyes had potential to ruin you, and tonight you test the damage.

waves by @shina913 s

↳ It's Valentine's Day and your boyfriend decides to spice things up with a little surprise for you.

failure to communicate by @gukslut s

↳ Enemies to Lovers/ College AU

physical by @ppersonna f s

↳ you cant seem to escape the sexy fitness instructor that seemingly is everywhere you turn. it’s enough to make you irrational.

good for you by @candlewaxandp0lar0ids s

↳ Jimin can’t help the way he drowns himself in you. Why should he anyway?

ho-ho-home by @jjungkookislife s a

↳ Golden neighbor extraordinaire, Park Jimin, is (unintentionally) stealing your spotlight this holiday season. Despite your one sided rivalry with him, all Jimin wants is for you to remember him, to remember your past and hopefully create a future with you.

100km/hour by @chateautae s

↳ what exactly happens when you and your friends have to pile into one car for the ride home after an insane halloween party, and you find yourself sitting in park jimin’s lap? especially when he’s dressed as an angel, and you’re in the sluttiest devil costume ever?

what it's like by @jimilter s

↳ You’ve always heard great tales about how good the infamous fuckboy on campus, Park Jimin, is in bed, and wondered if there could be any truth behind these claims when the guy looks like an angel with his cheruby cheeks and precious smiles. So when a new gossip starts to circulate about how ‘hard he hits’, you have had enough of the suspense and decide to finally sample him yourself.

feel your touch by @/jimilter f s a

↳ You have always known yourself to be a sexual switch in bed, flipping between exercising and submitting control according to different situations and partners. And this camboy you are addicted to, one that seems to kinda reciprocate your interest, submits so beautifully that you just want to command him. But when things progress to levels you never anticipated, you end up discovering pleasant surprises that might just change your life.

the prince’s cinderella syndrome by @/jimilter f s a ft jjk

↳ He shows up at Halloween, every year, dressed the same, and leaves at midnight like some Cinderella. You would think he was a prankster if his eyes didn't look like they contained all the sadness in the world. You don't know him - no one on campus does. You don't know why he appears only once a year. You don't know why he never smiles. But you can't help falling in love with him. Even if he breaks your heart when he abandons you at midnight, again.

scream your panties by @opaljm s a

↳ As your midterms have ended and Halloween has arrived, you are looking forward to a pleasant time relaxing and enjoying the festivities at your sorority and Jimin’s frat houses. Luck is not in your favor, though, because things keep going wrong like a trail of dominoes falling – the only upside to your slowly deteriorating day being that you get to end it with your boyfriend’s delicious self between your legs.

first snow, last kiss by @taeshobipop f s a

↳ He broke your heart four years ago; the old loving memories of your time together now tainted by pure betrayal. Yet in the haze of new snow, after returning home for the first time, the moments you had once convinced yourself were nothing but a lie, reveal themselves to be otherwise.

antifreeze by @winetae s

↳ Jimin participates in the school’s adaption of The Nutcracker for extra credit but doesn’t expect his new dance partner to a) be this bad at dancing and b) be this fucking cute

what she likes by @untaemedqueen f s

idol au husband au marriage au

only you by @personasintro f s a

↳  you’ve been always there for your best friend, even when he became a single dad 

sucker by @/personasintro s a

↳ You wish you'd pay more attention to Jimin. Like, how his eyes kept changing color. How cold his skin was, too unrealistically to be natural. Or one second, he flashed you with his sharp canines and the next one he didn't have any. How much he craved for you, but not the way you thought he was.

please, lie to me by @ressjeon s a

↳ "centuries of loyalty vs. only months of fucking, how could you miscalculate?"

summer synchrony by @seokkgenie f s a

↳ childhood friends to lovers

neon seoul @readyplayerhobi f s a

↳ It the city of New Seoul, another homicide isn’t newsworthy but instead just a statistic. But when the son of the mayor is murdered in an alley in a shady part of the city? Then it’s important. You and your partner, Detective Park Jimin, are given the honour of investigating the crime. Will you find out who killed him? Or will you fail?

serendipity by @btsracket s a ao3

↳ It's serendipitous. Jimin braces for darkness but finds his light instead.

the boyfriend concept by @/kpopfanfictrash s

↳ Win a Date with a Porn Star! You saw the sign when you walked in, of course, but you had no idea your friend dropped your name into the raffle. Fast-forward to later that day, when you actually win. You are horrified, of course, with no intention of accepting and setting yourself up for embarrassment. But then you meet Jimin, and decide this might be worth a shot.

Lovely Demons by @/kpopfanfictrash s a

↳ As penance for a crime committed long, long ago, the Witch Council banished you to the feared Tholoss forest. Your sentence was one hundred thousand days of solitude – or death, whichever came first. Your only hope of salvation comes from the demon names routinely sent your way; creatures who escape the inner circles of Hell and pose a threat to the mortal realms. For each demon you kill, days are removed from your sentence. For years you’ve existed, biding your time, until one morning you receive a name which throws your entire world into chaos: the name of Park Jimin, High Prince of Hell himself.

blue blood by @joonbird s a

↳ “Prince Jimin was born with blue blood. His coronation is rapidly approaching, but there are two requirements he must fulfil before becoming a king. He must have the skills to fight in battle, and he must have a Queen with blood as blue as his. You, a member of the royal guard, are assigned to teach Jimin the ins and outs of combat. You are not scared of death, of blood, or of battle. What you are scared of however, is falling in love with Jimin, the one man your blood decrees you can never have.”

i want to be with you by @oddinary4bts f s a

↳ moving to Seoul has always seemed like a good idea, until the bubble bursts when you realize your new neighbor is Park Jimin, and he's not the sweet angel you've always imagined him to be. Will the reality of Park Jimin forever be a nightmare, or will he turn into a sweet dream?

locked in love by @parkmuse f s a

↳ Getting locked in the mall on Christmas eve isn’t ideal, but getting locked in the mall with your brothers best friend that you haven’t seen in a while? Well, it might have been alright if you didn’t have feelings for him.

peaches and cream by @snackhobi s

↳ you wouldn’t mind your cute neighbour being such a shameless fuckboy if a) the walls weren’t so thin and b) he didn’t seem intent on adding you as another notch in his bedpost. 

reset by @/dovechim s

↳ We are made of the pieces of what we remember, and we hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there are memories to call our own, there can be no true loss. But Park Jimin has no such privilege. 

the dark side of the moon by @/dovechim s

↳ falling in love at first sight is cliche, not until it happens to you on a dark night in a lonely alley. but you’re only human, while Park Jimin is Alpha of his pack; it could never work out. so you resort to pining for him like a wolf howling at the moon, but when Jimin goes feral, that’s when everything changes. 

Unconditionally by @kstopping s a

↳ Jimin constantly torments you. But you love it.

Instinct by @evangelene f a

↳ A lost child appears into your life only to bring you closer Jimin–a man that you’d thought you’d hated once upon a time. Now all you want is to be there for the child, and maybe his father–but only if his mother gets the hell out of the way.

eternal sunlight by @kidguk f s a

↳ “college and soulmate au where the first words your soulmate will say to you are tattooed on your wrist. jimin thinks he met his soulmate exactly four months after he met and fell in love with you. you can’t explain your attraction or your feelings toward him, even though technically you’re meant to be with other people. taehyung and jungkook helpfully suggest that the universe might be glitching.”

foul play by @kimvtae f s a

↳ Everyone loves a good rivalry, and the students at your university are no exception. Unluckily for you, the rivalry of the decade is between yourself and a furiously irritating Park Jimin. A top gymnast and a basketball star shouldn’t cross paths, but Jimin makes his way into your heart before you can put a stop to it.

lost and found by @/kimvtae s a

↳ The only thing bigger than Park Jimin’s ass is his ego. After one too many scandals, after one too many mornings stumbling back to the dorms drunk or ruining the reputations of other idols, Jimin is given an ultimatum: complete a rehabilitation program in America or leave Bangtan.

if we were a movie by @/kimvtae f s a

↳ Friends with benefits never worked in the movies, but you and Jimin had been friends for so long, it was bound to work for you. Until, of course, Jimin gets a girlfriend, and you fear you may lose your friendship with him for good.

the pull of the tides by @goldenscript f s

↳ The expanse of the deep blue sea has always drawn you in. Each ebb and flow of the tides never ceasing to take your breath away. And now, a boy with hair as light as the morning sun and a smile just as bright does too. 

hard to say by @floralseokjin f s a

↳you've had feelings for your best friend Jimin for as long as you can remember, but you always thought they were unreciprocated. What if it turned out they weren’t...?

↬looking for pjm library or the other members check out my library

[rini-rushed]

hostility vs. hospitality.

☆ sae x gn! reader sfw

★ i’m so fucking irritated for NO REASON. so im writing this on my phone to cope (that’s why it’s not in my usual format and probably not as well written as my other works)

it’s impossible to not notice your attitude.

sae has been silently observing you for a few hours now, ever since you’ve gotten home from your classes, you’ve been drowning in this gloomy energy.

your eyebrows aren’t furrowed, but they r sure as hell aren’t relaxed, you’re leg bumps around with more ferocity when you sit in a chair, eating your dinner with a sulking expression.

thumping your feet against the floor a bit louder as you traversed throughout the shared space. you held that look in your eyes, your stare that would bulldoze through walls if you wanted to.

you even watched a movie, on a monday night no less, and yet, you were acting so incredibly pissy.

his usual little bubbles of speech would be slapped and snapped back with sarcasm and cynicism.

“fuck off.”

“who cares about that?”

“no one wants to hear about that.”

your negativity was a poison, and you were lathering the sick liquid everywhere with each step and touch you took.

“i’m fucking fine.”

it was at this point 10pm, you were all ready for bed, yet you kept bouncing between rooms, blasting different music on your computer, phone, headphones, earbuds.

pop, rock, classical, nostalgic, trendy, electronic. everything.

thank god your computer is off and charging, sae couldn’t stand more of your musical stupidity.

it was when you’re laying on the couch with this moody expression plastered on your face, that sae finally confronts you with your shitty attitude.

because mind you, you guys lived in the same space, and this fucking attitude of yours started out as annoying to flat out disrespectful.

he took a step near you, seeing your half angry half tired expression, he doesn’t even sigh out loud as he approaches and sits on the couch as well.

“what the fuck is up with you today.”

unlike his passive words before this, in classic itoshi style, sae slams down his metaphorical hand onto the table, now the ball is in your court.

“nothing.”

“do you think i’m some sort of idiot? like you?”

you visibly snapped at that.

“what the fuck is your problem? i’m trying to mind my own fucking business, why don’t you do the same?”

“oh cut that crap out, you’re obviously in a pissy mood, tell me why so you can get the hell over it.” he snaps back, now with the same energy as you.

you let a pause catch your throat, and you look down at the surface of the couch, the soft cushion your body is on top of.

“i don’t know.”

when he doesn’t reply, you half roll your eyes.

“there, happy?” you seethed.

that venom was back, spilling from your breath, and darting to poison the male in front of you.

you don’t bother to look at his face, you will save your dignity thank you very much.

sae this time let’s out an audible sigh and raised his hands, doing something you never expected from a guy like him.

a hand pats itself onto the crown of your head, for a second it doesn’t move, nothing does, the air and atmosphere seemed still, you were too scared(?) to break it.

his hand then circles around your head, softly running his hands through your hair, his slightly cool hands leave a trail of comfort in it’s tracks.

eventually, he pulls you in, the motion left you in a position where he was like.. hugging your head, if that makes sense.

you don’t look up at him, your pride pushing your vision to the corner, but sae wasn’t pushing you to look at him.

with more analysis of your actions and this, it’s obvious that asking you to look at him would be a waste, it would only plunge you into this strange sensation more.

you only closed your eyes and leaned into the feeling, the continuous stroking of your scalp, the soft finger pads ghosting over your hairline from time to time.

the eventual shifting of his legs and your body leaves you in a comforting state, positioning to bring you to a place of solace.

that night you slept particularly well.

i guess.

genuine emotion trash i want to rip off my skin and blast a song but no song sounds right

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

alexa play fighter by jack stauber

[sparethespark]

Can I request that the reader has a snort laugh and the turtles find out by tickling them and the reader gets embarrassed by it and hides there face but they turtles reassure them that it’s cute and tickle them more please and thank you

WAHHH THAT SOUNDS ADORABLE !!! I genuinely loved writing this (as a lee) aaahhehehehe ….. sorry if this didn’t turn out the way you expected cause tbh ….. it didnt turn out the way i expected. But i TRIED. And izTs like 3 am rn.

« Give me that remote ! »

The turtles find out you snort and, oh boy, do they love it.

Includes: Tickling !!

Lee: (gender neutral) Reader ,

Ler’s : Leo , Raph , Donnie & Mikey

Itteration: written as 2003 but it can be imagined as any itteration <3

Words: 1,014

“I’m telling you, the origional star trek series is way better than the next generation !!” Mikey attempted to grab the remote from your hand, yet you managed to lift it just out of place for him to not be able to reach it.

“You’re only saying that because its nostalgic.” You fought back.

Everyone in the lair loved watching movies and old shows. Especialy on saturday when you had no school/work. Its become a tradition where you would buy the best candy in New York City and you and your strange little green friends would choose a show or a movie to watch (and eventually fall asleep to).

You had, for good reason, chosen to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, but the orange masked turtle himself was begging to watch the origional series.

“If we are gonna watch something Star Trek related, we have to watch the origional!” Mikey tried to jump to the controler but you managed to slip past him with the remote.

“Geez, Mikey. Can’t we just watch the origional series next saturday?” Donnie, who was sitting next to both of you and had to deal with most of the pushing and play fighting, spoke up with a sigh.

“Pshh, kids.” Raph, who was next to Donnie again, rolled his eyes.

Leo was standing behind the couch, standing over all of them with a small smile on his face. It was always humerous with you around. “I don’t have a say in this, but the nostalgia of the origional series hits hard.”

“Exactly!” Mikey cheered before looking back at you with a threatening look. “Now, give me that remote…”

You decided to see just how far he would go to get this remote. “You gonna fight me for it?” You said, knowing full well the youngest turtle wouldn’t even think of hurting a hair on your body.

“Oh, you asked for it…” Mikey slowly crawled himself towards you.

There was no way Mikey would actually hit you… right? Over a remote? Over a joke?

Thats when you saw that grin. That cheeky little grin on his face. A grin that basically told itself what would happen.

But before you could react any further, Mikey jumped on top of you, holding your right hand above your head, the hand that held the remote, and sitting on your legs.

Instead of grabbing the remote, which he could’ve easily grabbed by now, he pinched your sides.

No way. No how. You had never told the turtles about your ticklishness before because you were horrified they would discover your snort…

“Nohoho- snort Wahahait!!”

Shit. It had only been a second and you were already snorting.

You felt Mikeys hand thankfully pull away in an instant, but when you opened your eyes, you saw all four of the turtles. Staring at you.

No way this was happening.

Donnie seemed intrigued, you could basically see how much he wanted to smile just by looking into his eyes. Raph had raised an eyebrow whilst grinning at you. He thought it was hilarious how embarrassed you seemed. Leo just stood right over you holding back a chuckle from just how adorable your snort was, whilst Mikey; oh, this guy was glowing.

His smile seemed to grow ten times its size and he had a new glimmer in his eyes.

Your face quickly turned into a crimson red, pretty much resembling Raph’s mask, as you covered your face with your hands. “Oh god…” you muttered.

“Whahat was that?” Mikey held back his excitement whilst asking a question he already knew the answer to.

“If you-” you huffed, not knowing what to say. “That- you- you didn’t hear that. That was… wh- that was your imagination.” You felt your face glowing red. Even though you tried to cover it, it seemed like he redness was glowing through your hands.

“That was ADORABLE !!” Mikey squealed.

Wait… what?

“I didn’t know you were capable of doing that.” Donnie grinned, finding your snorting fascinating (as Spock would say).

“Wh- no its not cute, its embarrassing!” You managed to sit up, still partly covering your face.

Leo placed a hand on your sholder, causing you to flinch a bit. “Embarrassing? You haven’t even heard Raph yet.”

“Hey…” Raph grunted in a low tone.

“Besides, i wanna hear that cute laugh again.” Leo said as he wiggled his fingers across your side.

Did they really find your laughter cute? “Whahat?”

“Yeah, that was adorable!” Donnie added, sitting next to you and smiling.

Mikey nodded excitedly. “Yeah, you shouldnt be embarrassed of your laugh. Especially since its so cute!!”

Raph cracked his knuckles. “Oh, we’re totally doin’ this.” He spoke, still in a low tone, but more teasing this time. “Get ‘em!” Raph shouted as Mikey held your legs to stop you from kicking around whilst repeatedly squeezing your thigh, causing you to scream out laughing and snorting. Raph was sitting on the floor, digging one of his hands into your hips and the other into your stomach.

Donnie and Leo didn’t hold back either. Leo held both your hands above your head with one hand and ised the other one to scribble along your side whilst Donnie attacked your ribs.

“WAHAHA- snort WHAHAIT!! I CAHAHA- snort snort CAHAHANT!!” As much as you wanted to die from the embarrassment, knowing that the turtles found it cute made you less insicure about it and it actually made you feel happy as well. It was a tickle session you actually enjoyed.

“You can’t?” Mikey asked the question that wasn’t a question. “Too bad!”

“Yeah, thats right!” Donnie cheered on, loving the sound of your snorting and laughing. “You’re not going anywhere!”

“This might just be better than binge watching old shows,” Raph said. “We should do this every Saturday instead.”

“NE- snort NEHEHEVER!!”

You knew you couldn’t get out. I mean, they have been training since they were pretty much babies! No way you would ever get out of this.

In your mind you sighed cause you knew you were going to be here for a while.

[starlostseungmin]

thirteen, hjs.

✰ notes: hi i know it’s been a while! i hope you’re still here waiting for me but i get that you’re not since i was long gone and didn’t say anything TT y’all i’m not officially back but here’s a short drabble i made after hearing han’s 13. the man made me bawl my eyes out. don’t forget to reblog, leave tags and comment! — i wrote this drabble a few minutes after i heard the song mehehe

✰ tags: @felixglow , @soonyoungblr , @awkwardnesshabitat , @lix-ables , @skzfelixlove , @zoe8stay , @seungly , @ppiri-bahng , @sleepyleeji , @l3visbby , @ohish , @comet-falls , @mrswolfiechan , @rachabreathing , @iadorethemskz , @minluvly , @dreamingsmile , @flirtyskzbutterfly , @tangylemonade , @gwynsapphire , @annispamz , @surefornext , @seungincore , @skz1-4-3 , @hanjingin , @hyunverse , @hwaberryjuice , @3rachasbby , @reignessance , @alicedawitchbish , @ameliesaysshoo ( refer to my navi to be tagged )

masterlist. song inspo. (paragraphs/sentences with * and italized are han’s memories.)

han sat alone at the back of the bus with his headphones on. the sceneries that passed by made him fall into his thoughts about what happened to the both of you. his elbow rested on the armseat with his lips placed at the back of his palm, eyes filled with sadness and love, but he didn’t have a choice back then. those happiness he felt wasn’t his in the first place. 

* it was the season of spring, the cherry blossom petals danced with the wind and some fell on your hair. you heard han laugh as he brushed them away one by one. 

“it’s cute,” he said and the way you giggled made his heart melt. “finish that up before it melts,” 

“okay,” you answered, linking your other arm with his while eating the chocolate ice cream he bought for you on the other hand. 

* it became a habit of his to annoy you as you study for your finals. the way he makes your long hair as a fake mustache or pokes your cheek out of nowhere borrows an extra pen from your pen case, and writes a funny note on your paper with his quokka doodles and if you choose to stop him, he’d place a kiss on your cheek which would distract you from it. 

“you can’t do that,” you said. 

“why not?” he asked, pouting his lips but then you gave them a peck. 

“because i’m studying, that’s why,” you answered, going back to reading your textbook, leaving him flustered and dumbfounded, making you smirk in secret. 

han arrived at the beach early in the morning. the cold wind brushed his hair as he walked slowly toward the shore, hands in his pockets while feeling the breeze and the gentle waves. he closed his eyes and yet another nostalgic memory flashed in his mind, remembering how his heart would go crazy every time you were with him. 

* in the same season of spring, the night he walked you home as you held each other’s hands, he hated the fact that this would end your moment for the day and had to see you tomorrow again. he would whine about it making you laugh and share a kiss to say good night. 

“i’ll see you in the morning,” he said as you gave him a nod. 

“get home safely,” you answered as he started to take his way, waving at you before turning his back after you entered the dorms. the smile he has on his face will last a while. you made him so happy. 

* there are times that han wouldn’t let you go home when you visit him and you didn’t have a choice but to do a sleepover. it’s either you both sit on the couch while watching your favorite movies and when you fall asleep on his shoulder as he caresses your hair, he plants a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering millions of “i love you”. 

or when you would lay down beside each other on his bed while you’re fast asleep, he’d stare at you with a lovesick smile on his face while caressing your cheek. he’d admire how beautiful you were and thought about how lucky he was to have you in his life. 

but both of you knew that this love wouldn’t last longer than expected. 

* misunderstandings came by, and immature and irrational reasons started to spoil the relationship, saying both of you are too young to commit and understand the deeper meaning of being in love. time is one of the reasons, as well as different tastes and opposite perspectives. fights started to be serious until the breakup happened. 

you two stood face-to-face in front of your doorstep as han tried to fix the broken pieces of the puzzle you were making but you decided not to pursue it. at first, he didn’t want it, but you were consistent to stop and so, he fell into despair. 

han sat down on the sand, remembering how you used to visit this beach during high school and play tag, he would often carry you to the water as you squealed in laughter, arms locked around your waist 一giving you a tight hug. laughs were shared, and the smiles you showed, it was all pure. but the pain you left, he’s the only one who bears it. 

* with those times that you and han played at the arcade, he remembers them all, the plushie he won for you from that damn claw machine cost him a lot, or those shooting games that he lets you win every time and you thought he sucked at it, then those kids getting annoyed about how you take too long playing tetris. 

* “i’m sorry,” you told him. 

there’s nothing to be sorry for, it was all done. 

han broke down in tears with the sun shining bright and the sky was clear, it was a good day to be heartbroken. he couldn’t do anything now, he had to let you go and let the waves wash his pain away even if it was hard to do it. 

and there, he left. 

feedbacks and reblogs are highly appreciated.

©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐4.

[silence-ofthe-llamas]

Hot Spot time! More Mech AU-AU. TexAid with typical TexAid shenanigans.

Sorry it took a bit, I've been in too much pain to do much and work was HELLAAA busy.

The worst thing about the apocalypse wasn’t even the apocalypse, it was the collapse of supply lines. It was the shift of daily life, the sudden halt to expectations.

Even in the early days, when he was still young, he could expect the shop to be reasonably well stocked. He could expect his trains and his buses to have minimal delays. Fresh fruit and vegetables were still something obtainable. While large supply ships and jets were rare and expensive - they were prime targets for any attack and their mechs often couldn’t protect them - they were still connected by trains and underground tunnels. The quintessons couldn’t get there.

But that didn’t mean they’d supply everything on these trains, as he’d come to learn.

He’d always thought that being on a mech base would guarantee these things for him, but no. He hadn’t had good fucking custard in years - and not that shit that came from powder, or someone whipping together eggs and milk. He didn’t want that. He wanted the thick, horrendously artificial stuff that came out a carton. He wanted to slurp it from the can. He wanted to go at it with a spoon and raw abandon. What didn’t they get about that? The cravings intensified as the temperature dropped, and it was starting to frost in the mornings.

But when there was only so much space on these trains, when there were only so many of them, shitty pre-made custard wasn’t a priority.

He pouted in Vortex’s cockpit as he absently poked at his sponge cake. He knew how good it was with the vanilla-flavoured stuff, the way it soaked into the cake, the warming sensation of it.

[SOMETHING WRONG?]

“I guess I’m feeling nostalgic.”

His breath fogged around him like dragons breath, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. It was starting to get cold - maybe it would snow soon? He hoped it would. He always liked the snow. His head throbbed underneath his knitted beanie, the injury he’d sustained in the last drop angrily protesting to the sudden drop in temperature as he went outside. A long gash from where he’d whacked his head after Vortex had taken a turn too harshly. He’d been very apologetic, but it was hard to take seriously when he was laughing so hard. So, he was being grumpy with him as he trotted off of base and out of view of the cameras he so loved to watch him on.

The bonus of a head injury meant that he was given four days minimum off of piloting, barring any life-or-death emergencies - it would cause him more harm than any good he’d make by hopping into his mech, and he was going to enjoy his time off thoroughly.

Namely, in seeing some old friends.

“Hey, Aid!” A wide grin and a big wave. Hot Spot stood by his car, looking just like he had the last time he’d seen him.

First Aid wondered if he looked any different.

“Hot Spot!” He ran over to him, jumping up to hug him. The taller man hugged him back, and First Aid melted into it. Hugs from his old team lead always felt like a warm mug of soup and a thick blanket. Perfect for cold days like these.

“Come on, get in, you’re freezing!” He fretted, opening the door and ushering him in. First Aid hopped up into the front seat, melting into the seat warmers. “Let’s go get coffee.”

It had been Blades who had reached out to him first. A comment about how he’d seen him on TV, that he hoped he was doing okay. First Aid had taken one look at the situation he was in and had decided that no. No, he was not okay, actually. He was… he was fine with it. The situation was bearable. Manageable. He’d make it work and he would thrive and come out the other side of it for better or for worse. He didn’t have any doubts about that. But to say he was okay?

No. No, he wasn’t. He’d completely lost control of his situation, it was entirely in the hands of a dead man and of people who didn’t see him past his identification number, and the dead man miraculously had more concern for him than his bosses did. Vortex didn’t even know how to pretend to be guilty. The higher ups always gave him that same apologetic smile and stock answer.

And it was Blades. He’d felt sick. Everything he’d been holding back and repressing came bubbling up and he’d had to quickly shove it back down again before he did something stupid, or cried. So, he’d given him a simple response that left no opening for continuing the conversation, and left it at that. They could return to the bizarre routine of Blades sending him mindless ten second clips that he’d ignore and First Aid accidentally sending him one that he would react to in seconds. He wasn’t ready for it to be anything else.

“How’s your head feeling?” Hot Spot asked as he turned into a drive through. First Aid thought of custard.

“Sore.” He admitted. “I didn’t think my helmet could even do that to me.”

“It seems like a bit of a design flaw.” Hot Spot frowned. “Just from turning too fast?”

“There is a lot of momentum in Vortex, he really goes for it.”

“Vortex?” He tried the name on his tongue. “That’s that really big one, right? Your mech?”

“My mech.”

“You’re going to have to tell me how you came to be a pilot.” He pulled up to the drive through window. “The usual?”

He’d forgotten what the usual was. He’d only been drinking long blacks lately.

“Please.”

It turned out the usual was a cappuccino with cinnamon lightly dusted on top. It tasted familiar and nostalgic and suddenly he was sat back in their dinky little room at the table with mis-matched chairs and the faint smell of burning. The light above them used to hum and flicker, and the radio would often dissolve into static. Now the only flickering lights and static came from Vortex.

“So. You’re a pilot now, huh?”

They were looking out over the harbour, watching the small ships come in. Small fishing vessels, small short-distance cargo ships. The ones that could hug close to the coast, hidden and undetected. Seagulls loudly cried as they circled them, anticipating scraps from their catch.

“Yeah.” He swirled his coffee in his hands to mix in the cinnamon. “I was a medic, I swear. I was assigned to Vortex then, too. Uh. Helping the pilots after drops.” He wouldn’t mention the fact they were often mangled and long dead by the time he got there, Hot Spot was sure to blow a gasket. And he definitely wouldn’t mention that it was a punishment. “His last pilot didn’t survive the drop, and the mech chose me to take their place. So yeah. Pilot.”

“The mech chose you?” He sounded incredulous. “I didn’t think it worked like that.”

“Vortex is a… special case. If he doesn’t like them, he won’t work.” He drummed his fingers on his cup. It had burned in the back of his mind ever since he first connected to Vortex. He knew he was real. That he was actually alive, that he wasn’t just a series of ones and zeros - that he had been a real human being with real experiences and memories. But would anyone else even believe it? Would anyone else see what was right in front of them? “Hey, this is going to sound totally nuts, but hear me out. I want to know if I’m going crazy. You know the mechs all have an AI, right? That acts as our copilot?”

“Yeah - based on human data, right? The best parts of humanity cherry picked.”

“Yeah, right.” First Aid nodded. “Completely artificial. Just based on interviews and footage and friends.” He was tapping his foot, heart thumping in his chest.

“What are you getting at?”

“Vortex isn’t a good person. There’s nothing righteous about him, he’s rude and he’s crass and he’s violent. If he’s supposed to be built from the best parts of humanity, why is he made of the worst? No, I don’t buy it - I don’t think Vortex is an AI. That he’s more human than they let on.”

“Wha- okay. Pause. From the top. Vortex is your mech, and it’s the name of the AI?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re saying that it’s not an AI?”

“I know it sounds crazy-“

“They wouldn’t do that! Imagine if they got caught - the fallout would be unimaginable. No, Aid, I think you’re getting too attached.” The again was silent but rang loud and clear. “You’re anthropomorphising them to justify the way you feel about them.”

He didn’t know what he was thinking. Why would he tell Hot Spot? Had he dragged him into this now? Why did he think Hot Spot would even believe him? Stupid. Stupid stupid - the whole thing was stupid. Fuck. He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, against the tightness and the raising heat of humiliation up the back of his neck.

“You’re right.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I think I’m panicking. I’m in way over my head.” He laughed, but he couldn’t sweeten it. It sounded bitter and dark. “Being connected to another conscience is… a lot. Hey.” He turned to his old team leader. “How are the others? 

Can you tell me about them?” He wanted to hop out of the car and sprint, to get away from the conversation as fast as he could, but he couldn’t, so he had to do the next best thing; swiftly move on.

“You sure you’re okay, Aid?”

“I’m fine, really. I’m just tired. Please?”

Hot Spot seemed uncertain, but slowly replied. “They’re fine. Great, even. It’s not the same without you though.”

“I miss you guys too. How’s Medix getting on? Last I heard they were a bit of a recluse.”

“Still no better, but he has the worst luck, honestly, so I don’t blame him for wanting some quiet. Blades is as rowdy as ever. Oh-!” He slammed his fist into his palm and wiggled his eyebrows at him conspiratorially. “Streetwise finally got himself a girlfriend.”

“Oh?” First Aid immediately perked up, leaning on the centre console. “Do go on.”

They’d gone to pick up dinner before Hot Spot dropped him back at base. What was supposed to be a short coffee had ended up being a whole day affair - Vortex was sure to be beside himself. As it was he already dreaded getting back in the pilots seat - he didn’t know how Vortex would react to him telling Hot Spot.

“Let me know when you’re home.” First Aid unbuckled his seatbelt. “And let me know how much I owe you.”

Hot Spot was looking at him weirdly. It was almost concern.

“Aid… how’d the last pilot die?”

He didn’t need to guess what he was talking about.

“Why? Worried?”

“Extremely. Whenever I see any of the mechs deployed I can’t help but think of you in that cockpit.”

“Vortex ate them.” First Aid replied.

“He ate them?” Hot Spot quietly asked.

“The cockpit is his face - the pilot sits in his mouth. I sit in his mouth. They came out mangled, as if they’d been chewed up.”

“Felix.” Hot Spots hand was warm on his. “If… if you ever need to go, if you ever feel like you aren’t safe, you call me, okay? I’ve got a spare bed. We all miss you a lot - I’m sure there won’t be any objections to you returning to the team, either.”

“Thank you, James.” He gently squeezed it. “I appreciate it. Really.”

He wouldn’t leave Vortex. He couldn’t. But it was comforting to know that he’d have somewhere safe to go to.

----------------------------------------------------------------

He should have been more afraid. They were in the midst of a drop, surrounded by friend and foe alike, when Vortex saw it. If he was more afraid, he’d have tried harder to obscure the memory, to suppress it. Unfortunately it was clear as day.

“I am.” The fingers shoved roughly into his brain and First Aid arched, limbs twitching as his vision went white. A strangled scream escaped him, bright red blood dribbling from his nose. “I exist therefore I am. Got it? Shit. You all disgust me. You think any of these fucks are good enough to make me? That they could have fathomed even a fraction of the pure fucking hatred I harbour for them? Fuck that. I’m an object of my own creation. Do not forget that, darling. I’m just as real as you are.” The fingers were slowly extracted, dragging across neurones and grey matter. “Wipe your nose before you make a mess. You worked so hard to clean me out.”

First Aid shuddered and gasped, neuron’s misfiring in his brain. His body twitched and he choked, shakily reaching up to touch under his nose. His hand came back red.

“Tex, I-“

[WIPE YOUR DAMN NOSE.] flashed insistently on the screen.

Now he wasn’t even speaking to him. Damn it.

He took a handkerchief from his thigh pocket and held it to his nose. He could feel Vortex twirling around as he sliced and diced his away through the field, could vaguely hear the radio chatter of nearby pilots and of Mission Control. Neon blue spurted up onto the visor every so often, thickly coating it.

“I should have asked you first.” His head throbbed and he could feel the strain in his lungs as he tried to breathe. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place.”

[SHUT THE FUCK UP] was punctuated with a sharp flick to his forehead.

First Aid’s jaw snapped shut. He grimaced, shrinking in on himself. The thought of disconnecting to really give him the silence he wanted flittered across his brain, but quickly scratched out - Mission Control would see it instantly. It would just cause them more trouble. So instead. He found a far corner of their shared conscience and curled up.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“You need to secure your mech more firmly.”

“What?”

First Aid had been collared by security on his way down to the training room. His heart was thudding in his chest, initially thinking that they’d caught onto him again, that they knew he held a medical kit in his bag, that he didn’t intend on getting any practice in that day, so their demand caught him off guard.

“It came loose from its dock and almost fell on a group of visitors.” They were scowling at him. “You’re very lucky it didn’t crush them.” They continued talking, mentioning that they weren’t suing, but he wasn’t really listening any more.

Who had Vortex tried to crush? He’d never done it before, he’d never wrenched himself hard enough to break free from the cage that contained him. It was strange, extremely unlike him, and had him on edge - was it a tantrum from what he’d spoken to Hot Spot about, or was he genuinely out for blood? Had he finally snapped?

He didn’t reply, simply turning on his heel and marching off towards Vortex. Who was still mad at him. Who had a high chance of, in the best case, ignoring him, and worst case, entombing him. He swallowed nervously and hoped he was feeling generous today.

On a visual inspection, he could see that the dock was heavily damaged from where Vortex had wrenched himself free. It was still sparking, bright lights showering down on the mechanics trying to fix it. Thick metal sheets hung by wires, and debris littered the floor of the hangar. Part of the walkway had been damaged, clear hand prints on the metal. Part of the walkway had buckled under his fingertips.

Vortex was in the opposite dock, and First Aid could tell he was straining against the additional restraints. The new dock creaked ominously and his visor flashed, hands twitching. His helm was turned slightly - not enough to be obvious, but enough to tell he was glowering at something. First Aid followed his line of sight to the command centre.

Swindle was stood at the glass speaking to someone. The stranger was the most frightening man he had ever seen, and he was staring right at him. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to run away and hide, to get himself somewhere where that man wasn’t.

He heard Vortex’s canopy unlock, the clunk of the deadbolt disengaging loud. He flinched, but didn’t turn to look at him.

He couldn’t look away from that terrifying man.

The sound was louder as Vortex pointedly slammed the lock back and forth, growing impatience evident.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” His voice wavered and he swallowed thickly. “You’ll break that lock, you know.”

The man next to Swindle didn’t look human, and he suddenly felt like he was about to be sick, fear and anxiety swirling in his chest and reaching up to strangle him. He was still looking at him. He hadn’t broken eye contact, even as Swindle was trying to lead him away.

He quickly went to Vortex, previous reservations thrown out the window. Screw it - whatever Vortex did to him was sure to be kinder.

“Can you open up?” He refused to take his eyes off the unsettling man. It felt as if he would suddenly appear behind him if he so much as blinked. “Please?” His voice was tight.

The canopy flung open and a maintenance hand flew out and grabbed him, tugging him in. First Aid yelped in terror, canopy loudly slamming back down and locking in place.

“Vortex- why do you even have that thing!”

[SURE TOOK YOUR FUCKING TIME]

First Aid realised he was shaking, and so was Vortex. A faint memory prodded at the back of his head, teasing him with flashes of sensations and feelings. Pure fear. Absolute hatred. Dirty white lab coats speckled with blood and viscera, and purple nitrile gloves.

“Is that the guy you almost crushed?” All of Vortex’s cameras were still trained onto him – not even the camera in the cockpit was studying First Aid as it usually did. No – it was twisted as far as it could go, focusing directly onto the man in the window. He had a smirk twisting his expression, pleased or delighted or pissed First Aid couldn’t tell, and he was finally letting Swindle pull him away.

[TREPAN]

[I WILL KILL HIM EVEN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO]

“Who is he?” He felt his hands tremble harder, the pure hatred rolling from Vortex’s circuits making him feel weak and dizzy.

[CREATOR]

“He’s the one who put you in a mech?” He weakly asked.

[AND MORE]

“What’s he doing here?!” First Aid hissed. “He’s terrifying!!”

[DO NOT LET HIM NEAR YOU]

[HE’S LOOKING AT YOU LIKE HE USED TO LOOK AT ME]

[YOU ARE MINE AND I WILL NOT LET HIM TAKE YOU]

First Aid gripped tightly onto the pilots chair as if he were trying to hide behind it. The maintenance arm wrapped around him tighter, digging into his skin and leaving behind a mark.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🥧The Love You Spiritually Deserve ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

‘Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?’

‘Well…

We accept the love we think we deserve.’

‘Can we make them know that they deserve more?’

‘We can try.’

– Charlie asking his teacher in The Perks of Being a Wallflower

SONG for all piles: Coming Home by NCT U

MOVIE for all piles: My Week with Marilyn (2011)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

There is a very special behind-the-scene for this PAC on Patreon. If you’re already subscribed, don’t forget to check the full post ^o^v

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – A Love that Helps You Remember How Precious of a Darling You Are

VIBE: Promise by Jimin

to be in Love with the right person – 2 of Wands

The moment your sweet, sweet Heart recognises the person who’s right for you, baby, it’s all calm sunshine in your world🌤This person has a most peculiar ability to bring back nostalgic senses and memories of what you used to enjoy as a child. These are your Heart’s most honest desires that you might’ve suppressed or avoided to some extent, in exchange for being practical. You live in a world that’s given you reasons to abandon your own dreams in order to become practical and a responsible member of society. In many ways, I see you’ve tried to fit in and follow the expectations of a normal society.

But when you come in touch with the essence of this person who’s just right for you, everything changes. Suddenly, the scales blinding your eyes fall off and now you see the real colours of the world—your world. Literally this person brought your world back from the dead. Something about them rejuvenates your faith in the world you’re innately able to create for yourself. And just like that, you gradually move towards changing small aspects of your everyday Life to manifest a world of your dreams~🌷

You may return to old hobbies—perhaps resume your old piano lessons; you open up your dusty rice cooker recipe books (LOL) and start cooking again; you start singing again or you may finally join that ballet class you’ve always wanted to do when you were a child, irrespective of your age now. This person who’s just the right person for you is truly an angelic Human whose essence brings back peace of mind, Love (first and foremost for yourself), serenity, clarity, and most importantly, a hunger for Life and its endless possibilities🎋

the spiritual Home in your heart – 4 of Cups

I sense that your Soul is incredibly sensitive. You’ve probably come from other realms where the inhabitants are peaceful, and I feel strongly that you’ve often been gardeners and carers of animals in those other lives heheh You’re so spiritually in tune with the moods and sorrows of not only the people around you but also the world in general. You’re the type of person who sees a world that needs healing. You see a world needing more kindness, alas, your Kindness was taken advantage of and spat on. Then you decided to hide away and avoid people as much as possible.

Do you feel like you enjoy the company of animals, plants, and rocks more than Humans? Yeah, you can sense the spirit of non-Human creatures and you find non-Humans to be the gentlest, most understanding creatures. I think you should like to watch Studio Ghibli’s My Neighbour Totoro🐼I personally think you’re the type that would find comfort in a lot of Miyazaki Hayao’s movies because they depict the innocence of children and how they see the world with an eye for adventure. As flawed as they can be, characters in Miyazaki’s movies are understandably human and you desperately want to believe in a world that’s more forgiving like that.

Due to the nature of your emotions, you’ve often had these ebbs and flows of faith in your ability to manifest a world of kindness and gentleness that you’ve always envisioned for yourself. It’s like a painful tug o’ war between your faith in yourself and the world’s pressure for you to conform. But trust me, anybody who makes you question your values, dreams, visions, missions, and goals, are not your people. The right person(s) for you is someone whose heart is so kind and wide that in their embrace you are reminded of everything good that you deserve to see manifest in your own Universe.

up your Self-Love game! – 9 of Pentacles Rx

Ooh, I know you can’t stop admiring this person’s remarkably gorgeous smile~ But do you have any semblance of an idea why your Soul finds them so irresistibly attractive? Your person who lights up your dark horizon is a freaking multitalented King or Queen whose thirst for Life inspires a hidden courage buried deep within your psyche. When you look at them or hear their stories, you can’t help but notice that this is also a flawed human who’s beautifully aware of their own failings and shortcomings, but they work really hard at becoming a nobler version of themselves. A more astonishing expression of what’s truly good about them as a human being, in spite of everything.

Whereas you’ve tried to build an independent Life away from most Humans, this person helps you see that there is still good in trying to believe in Humanity. That there is still hope because after all the world is so big and there are many people in it. I have a feeling your person is able to hold such a positive outlook because they’ve been blessed enough with good company, maybe good family, too. So they naturally have this ability to balance the way they perceive bad people in the world.

I think their people are going to be your people as well. Their friends and family are going to admire you so much and be grateful that you’ve appeared in the Life of your person and even theirs. They are glad you’ve found each other, like they really think you’re good for each other as you’re able to hold Light for each other. You literally heal each other. Your person’s people, too, are going to see you for all the good that you are. A union with this person and their friends and family is going to remind you what a precious and talented darling you really are🧸

COMING HOME TO YOURSELF🔻🧡

remembering your innate goodness – Red Magus (Edward Kelly)

loving yourself as an act of rebellion – Priestess of Prosperity

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Pile 2 – A Love that Honours Your Innocent Rose-Tinted Glasses

VIBE: OMG by NewJeans

to be in Love with the right person – Knight of Cups

When your gentle Heart rests in the embrace of the person who’s right for you, you will know, this is a Soulmate. There’s no other explanation. You feel a strong sense of nostalgia, as if having known this person in another dimension. And when you recognise each other, it feels like, ‘Oh hey! I know you! Hmm…’ and your conversation flows so naturally as if catching up with an old, old soul friend~

Being with this person, you want to cuddle all the time. But not the oddly lustful or desperately clingy type. No, no, baby, this is pure, innocent, childlike Love. When your heart is attracted to the person whose Soul resembles your own, it’s pure bliss, comfort, safety. I think you’ll want to have a home with this person. You’ll want to build a home with them that reminds you both of the Home World your Souls came from. It’ll be a lot of fun! Because the person who’s just right for you also has the same fairy-like mind, sense and perception as you.

And holy cow you know what that means—this is someone who’s just as sensitive and considerate as you. They will really honour your rose-tinted glasses and not make you feel infantilised for the innocence you’ve worked hard to maintain. This is someone sweet, gentle, soft-spoken, incredibly polite accompanied by an out-of-place sense of humour, and a little awkward from time to time… depending on situation, I guess🦄

To be in love with the right person… you finally feel truly, genuinely seen for the first time. It feels cosy to not have to explain yourself exhaustively with words that often fail your true meaning🦦

the spiritual Home in your heart – Page of Wands Rx

Unlike most people, you’re not super ambitious or even industrious about most things. Others may perceive you as ‘lazy’ but the truth is you’re an Old Soul that remembers a time when human beings were able to live at a more comfortable pace. You can’t really bring yourself to fit in this new pace—the modern pace—because you think it’s silly that people rush to their graveyards without even stopping to smell the roses. And you want to smell those roses, all the time, you want to always be aware of all the roses and jasmines and lilies.

You can’t think of another way of living your Life. You’re quite stubborn about it because you believe in your own mindset. You’re actually a lot stronger than you may think. If there’s one thing you’re ambitious about, it is to maintain a world of your own aesthetic. I think you’re someone who’s deep down super aware of your birth right to live in a world of beauty. Sometimes you get confused about this whole endeavour because you feel like an alien in this strange world. But one way or another, you hold on to your own values and I think that’s super admirable.

Some of you who are younger may struggle a little bit with boundaries because you’re too kind. You’re really soft, gentle, compassionate and have an ability to welcome anybody who’s tired and weary. But often, people who are hurting and confused about their own place in the world could turn super spiteful towards those who are working on their own dream lives that do not agree with the convention. You really need to be careful with those whose envy has the potential to seep into your morphogenetic field and ruin your manifestations!

You can be super kind and still say no to those whose presence could jeopardise your peace of mind, OK? Also, I think you’ll really find respite in this beautiful playlist on YT, ‘Nakamura Yuriko Songs I Love’, when you feel a bit weary of people~

up your Self-Love game! – 6 of Cups Rx

So first of all, your generosity has a tendency of making you reminisce about the past. You sometimes miss the people who used to be there for you. This could be friends or family members. For some of you, this could even be a past significant other. You have a habit of romanticising pleasant memories you had with people whom you used to care about. This could lead you to a dangerous path of self-sabotage. You may want to sometimes text or call people who genuinely aren’t even deserving of your kindness, gentleness, or care.

To protect yourself, have the courage to completely and utterly burn the bridges to those you know are only acting as parasites in your Life. The way I see it, there really aren’t that many people who can fully understand and accept you the way your Soul Family does. So wait for them and make space for only them. And so, to make space for them, you need to vacant those who don’t belong! Blood is thicker than water? Bullshit. Soul is stronger than blood!

My advice to you is to get a pet instead so you have a company upon whom you can pour your nurture. I know you are somebody who likes to nurture and care for another being. So, this is the best course of action if you haven’t met anybody from your Soul Group🥰If not a pet, a plant works, too. Depends on what you like, really. All in all, know that you are deserving of good company that truly honours your kindness and wouldn’t take advantage of that softness.

COMING HOME TO YOURSELF🔻💗

remembering your innate goodness – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

loving yourself as an act of rebellion – Priestess of Innocence

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Pile 3 – A Love that’s Grateful for the Fact You Were Born At All

VIBE: Kazamidori (Weather Vane) by Sakamoto Maaya

to be in Love with the right person – XI Justice Rx

Okay, you’re totally an Old Soul with an important mission, babe. I’m pretty sure you already know this. If you aren’t that aware of it yet, I’m still sure you’ve always had this feeling like you were born for a greater purpose. Like, no matter what, you just know somebody sent you here to do something amazing… but what exactly? Dunno. You’re just haunted by this feeling of having your time on Earth… timed. ‘I’ve got to hurry!’ So you scurry.

I think you’ve felt incredibly lonely for the most part of your Life on Earth. You’re an alien—actually, you’re an astronaut. Deep inside your psyche, you’ve always had this debilitating realisation of having been torn apart from your real Family. You know that your family on Earth is not your real Family. You don’t even look like them, you feel. All your wants and even value system as a person, not a single thing matches theirs. You’ve always dreamt of travelling the world over to search for your people. Doesn’t matter where; they must be somewhere. Just not anywhere near here.

Of all the piles, yours talks the most about having gone through a massive spiritual purging. At some point in Life you have or will experience this. Like a phoenix dying to itself and be reborn out of its own ashes transforming into something greater than all it’s ever been in the past. When you finally accept your magic—that you’re magic—you realise that you’ve always needed to be your own first love. The day you have/had this epiphany and come to love yourself absolutely fully is/was the day you realise that everything in the world will always be alright so long as you believe in yourself🐾

the spiritual Home in your heart – King of Cups Rx

I think you’re someone who easily falls in love with attractive people, passionate people, kindhearted people, dazzling people, generous people, talented people, and all that stuff. But… that’s all really child’s play. Puppy love, if you wanna be cute. Summer crushes, if you’re casual as fuck. But the truth is, deep, deep, deep, fucking deep somewhere in the most secret corner of your Heart, there is an essence of someone whom you’re meant to reunite with in this incarnation. Damn, you made a promise, OK? That you wouldn’t ever be, EVER, serious with anybody who’s not this person💍

Dang, the day you were born into this world, you were already married🤪You had been proposed to in the spirit realm🎎It simply wouldn’t work if it’s not your person😗And for that, I hope you honour this Love that you’re carrying in your Heart and work on your spiritual development or something, until Destiny (that tricky bitch) unites you both in the physical realm. Babe! It’s worth the wait! This is the ONLY Human on Earth who knows how to embrace all of you with all of the Love you’re so spiritually deserving🥺

A small percentage of you choosing this pile, I feel quite strongly, could decide to become a monk, nun, or any other type of a celibate person who has no business being in a romantic relationship or a sexual union with another living being. This deep Love that you carry around in your Heart is all that fuels you until the day you depart from this world. You’re deeply aware of how short a Human’s existence is and you’re looking forward ever so to the day you breathe your last breath and return to your One & Only who’s always been watching over you from the Higher Realms🎐

up your Self-Love game! – 7 of Wands Rx

With all of the above said, whichever group you resonate with, all of you choosing this pile are, again, haunted by the same feeling of needing to save the world. In a manner of speaking, because you’re an astronaut, it’s true you came here for an important Soul Mission, and for that you could ruminate too much about ways you can develop yourself to ready yourself for the world stage when the time is right. But that’s actually counterintuitive and could make your whole Earth experience miserable.

I know you find it immensely difficult to be Human… even just operating with a Human flesh bag is painful enough. Some of you may even have a chronic illness that’s constantly giving you bodily aches or that you find controlling your movements quite challenging. Perhaps issues with developmental disabilities, reduced/low dexterity, immune system diseases, dyslexia, ADHD, autism (varying spectrum), gender dysphoria, and all sorts of compatibility issues that could make Life on Earth quite unbearable to some.

Compatibility issues here means that your Soul can’t quite adapt to your Earthly body because you’re too advanced or that your Soul originates from a much purer state of being that the tragic density of this dirty Human World causes immense pressure on your whole mental and physical being. And for that, you could struggle a lot with constantly wanting to leave soon. As a way to numb yourself, you could fall into a tendency of wanting to always, constantly, tirelessly, unceasingly working on something, on yourself, as if scurrying for ways to die sooner.

But… babe… you have a place in this world. Slow down a little, allow yourself to breathe, and let the Spirit of the Planet speak its thanks and admiration for all you’ve done for Her.

COMING HOME TO YOURSELF🔻💚

remembering your innate goodness – Gold Physician (Hippocrates)

loving yourself as an act of rebellion – Priestess of Clarity

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[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

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[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

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[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 22 thoughts

season finale time!!! 

i haven’t watched an episode in a week to avoid having to finish the season, but i have started working on my favorite moments list so i would be better prepared. and here we are!

mulder thinks that life began somewhere that isn’t earth… because of some metallic stuff… well. let’s investigate!

i hope we get some answers on his crankiness. but i’m expecting a ton of plot and little character development in this and the next one. but i can hope to be proved wrong! even if i don’t think we’ll ever beat the s2 finale. sighs… how good we had it.

(post-episode thoughts: i need answers. i need krycek's head mounted on the wall the way people display their ten point bucks. i need justice for skinner and to place both of the agents in a big cozy bed where they can have a sleepover.

this episode was actually pretty good! i'm a bit cynical when it comes to mytharc stuff because it is usually just TOO MUCH going on at once, but this one gave me lots to ponder. i love mulder whump and angry protective scully, so!! i was pleased. but also mad af at Certain Characters. i almost went right ahead and watched the next episode despite my system of rules, but it is a THREE-PARTER, and that is going to take me at least a week to get through ON TOP of still having to post my s6 favorite moments😭so i will just be stuck Suffering over here in cliffhanger land for the foreseeable future!)

anyway. back to the beginning!

ah. we open on the earth. i expect a monologue. oh! it’s scully this time!! i’m so used to mulder monologues on the nature of reality, this took me by surprise

scully is gonna tell us about single-celled life. from the sea. maybe that’s why she feels a kinship with the ocean. and then multicellular life comes next.

for a split second there, i felt like i was watching a nature documentary narrated in scully’s soothing voice. to be honest, i didn’t hate the experience. 

440 million years ago… mass extinction. no oceans. then plants. then bugs. WHAT? ANOTHER mass extinction after that? come on!! it was just getting good!

AND IT KEPT HAPPENING?? can you tell i’m not a science girly?reptiles showed up and then got killed off AGAIN? then birds and dinosaurs. and again. mass extinction.

okay, well i knew about the dinosaur one. give me some credit.

humans emerged 100,000 years ago. and this is the stuff i know. 

look at all of these very 90’s visuals. i feel like i’m in a bill nye episode.

“rising to a world population of over five billion people” well! it is still above five billion people. just… a lot more than that these days. 

ahh... i can just hear it. “you’re my one in eight billion, scully” (accompanied by a light forehead kiss)

she says we are all related to that one singular cell. which i don’t want to think about. but no one knows where that first cell came from. 

“is there a plan, a purpose, or a reason to our existence?” girl, you’re catholic! but i suppose even catholics who have a party line with all the answers to those big questions still muse on the nature of reality. especially if they are scientists and also named scully.

i don’t want to think about a 6th extinction… not of humans or all the birdies… and jaguars… no. we shall simply have to not die.

ah. now we have transitioned into the plot rather than musings on the meaning of life. men are shouting in swahili as something washes ashore. it is… a rock looking thingy.

intro time!!!!!! you can’t help but dance to such a spooky tune!! i still get nostalgic for watching season 1 last may sometimes! 

no special words on the intro this time… hmm! i thought we were due for some.

on the ivory coast, we see that krycek will be in this episode thanks to the opening credits. but other stuff is happening, too. the metal thing is here!!

it is taken to a university for studying. where a man (later revealed to be named dr. merkmallen) carefully unwraps another one!!! the two pieces look like they’ll fit together, but when he holds them next to each other, they merge into one and shoot across the room!

this guy’s office looks so cool. OH DAMN! the metal piece cut into his bible!!! a revelation indeed. and now it’s spinning???? and getting faster!!! he wraps it back up. 

ohhh, it cut into genesis as this fellow calls for an international operator… how… prophetic. 

three days later, the gentleman arrives at the american university in washington, which sounds like a fake name for a school, but it is a real place. he is looking for professor sandoz from the bio department. 

no! this other dude has monkeys!!! what is he doing with them??

sandoz is the monkey guy. and this other fellow is dr. merkmallen. sandoz welcomes him in and asks to see this mysterious object. merkmallen was almost detained for having it

ohhh, the monkeys do NOT like this mystery object. they are screaming terribly. i really do not like monkeys, bro. the pieces have merged together. 

oh shoot! when he asks merkmallen if he’s had any luck reading it, he realizes that is not dr. sandoz!! nooooo!!! leave him alone!!!!!!!

someone else hears the angry monkeys, and enters the room to find the metal piece missing. WHERE DID YOU TAKE MERKMALLEN? NOOOO!! he is dead on the floor!!!!!!!!!! come on, we just met the guy and you take him from us already?!

bow tie dude who found them dead seems freaked tf out

(we later learn that bow tie dude is the REAL dr. sandoz, and the other guy who dr. merkmallen was speaking to was named dr. barnes. i have to insert this note here because it makes sense when you're watching the show visually and can see the different characters, but typing this up can lead to some confusion. so. bow tie guy = sandoz. monkey guy = barnes. got it? okay)

hey! it’s skinner! polishing his glasses. saying he thought of someone, given the nature of merkmallen’s views. “i believe agent mulder is familiar with his work”

mulder is pondering. he looks good today. he usually does, but just thought i’d voice all the thoughts running through my head. scully reads his file- his body is missing. 

mulder says the word “panspermia”, which he says is a fringe theory.

OH! scully finishes his sentence. LMAO, yeah. she knows this concept: the idea that life began on another planet. mulder is watching her intently. 

skinner asks if it’s plausible, and she says it’s a theory. lots of scientific theories are plausible.

skinner hands her a rubbing of the mystery artifact that allegedly held the meaning of human existence. and dr. sandoz had made a similar claim in a SCIENCE (pointed mulder tone and look at scully) journal

but they can’t ask dr. sandoz anything… he’s missing!

scully thinks this is a police matter at best, but mulder says oh come on, skinner wants us on it!

this elevator is very crowded. yeah. force them into close proximity. hahaha!

oh… when he opens the paper, he can’t hear anything or anybody. scully thinks he didn’t want to listen to her say that she doesn’t understand his relentless pursuit of the truth, but he clarifies he couldn’t hear it!

OHHHH... scully with her arm up against the elevator….. yeah <3

“look, after all you’ve done, after all you’ve uncovered- a conspiracy of men doing human experiments, men who are all now dead- you exposed their secrets. i mean, you’ve won. what more could you possibly hope to do or to find?” “my sister”

oh, i GASPED! because at the end of the day, that’s really what it’s about. a boy looking for his little sister. sometimes we forget that with all the mothmen and slowburn stuff. but… man. my heart.

they head off to the university. where something is afoot, as shown by the shadow crossing the scene and someone snatching up crime scene evidence.

the police say they have a probable weapon with blood and prints, but no word of dr. sandoz.

dr. barnes, the head of the department, says there is plenty of speculation on what went down. “apart from his laughable ideas, my colleague was capable of almost anything to advance his rather questionable reputation” <- LMAO... so they did not like this guy or talk with him at faculty department meetings. got it.

he was speaking of a mystery artifact- scully shows him the picture and asks if he means this thing. and again, mulder hears a bunch of weird sounds!! scully watches as he leaves. and dr. barnes says that these men who claim life comes from elsewhere are embarrassments.

mulder’s trying to splash his face with water in a sad water fountain. aww. poor guy. scully asks him what it is. OH. she touches his forehead to look for a fever………… oh. see, that’s always gonna get me. he thinks it’s the thing making him feel terrible! 

she opens it and he hears it again. despite it just being a piece of paper.

scully is conducting some sort of meeting. “you’re late!” “i’m sorry, i thought this was my office” <- this is why you are being punished with evil ear noises

she called chuck to get an explanation. “you know me, this is right up my twisted little alley”, he says

chuck seems vaguely familiar to me, but not deeply. i'm sorry 💔 i guess i'm a fake fan

oh! the writing is a fake! it’s phonetic navajo, but it makes no sense in a literal interpretation. is it code?

maybe it’s a magic square? thankfully they explain what that means- it allegedly comes from god and is used for trapping and storing potential power. maybe that is what someone would want mulder to think it is.

change those projector slides. do not let the light hurt your eyes, scully! 

so barnes wrote an article exposing sandoz as a fraud. he made a career exposing science and religious fraud. but that was him at the beginning with the monkeys, right? and sandoz came in later with the bow tie? and then left?

why produce a fraud with navajo writing in africa? again! a great question! but when he puts the picture of the artifact on the projector, poor mulder's head hurts!!! 

OH!! she goes up to him and gently says “hey” and he groans….she leads him outside. so gently. could this pain have to do with what happened to him at the end of s2? where he was brought back from the dead with the navajo healing? and maybe somehow seeing the writing triggers something?

scully says she will schedule him imaging testing immediately- if nothing else, he should be home in bed! but he refuses, saying he knows what is causing this! he thinks barnes killed merkmallen! 

“well, i hope you’re not going to suggest that we arrest him on that rather baseless assumption” <- LMAO, she has time to be a little pain even when he is suffering

“no i’m not. not until after i show you what he did with the body” <-oooo, it’s getting juicy….

they go to visit sandoz’s place, where the landlord does not want to deal with them. DO NOT WAVE YOUR HANDS AT SCULLY, MR. LANDLORD! they’re searching about…. mulder finds some luggage from new mexico. 

OUR FRIEND ALBERT HOSTEEN!! pictured on the wall with sandoz!!! mulder says that maybe sandoz was using him to read the symbols… but scully says “or write them” <- now, albert is a good man!! do not accuse him of being involved in forgery!

i guess he could have asked albert to translate some stuff and then not explain what it was for... so he wouldn't have been in on the knowledge he was being used for forgery... but still. i think he would be deeply insulted at the thought of his culture being used to make forgeries of mysterious artifacts.

EUGH!! scully asks him to make good on his body prediction, and when mulder opens the trash, he does indeed find just this! it’s merkmallen!!! or just his head. NASTY!!!!!

the agents go to skinner, saying they think that sandoz is innocent and framed- just afraid for his life because of what he knows and has.

skinner asks him if it’s this (passes over the rubbing) and mulder is struggling….. “scully could you please tell…. what your medical exam found in the lab report?” he asks with his eyes closed. 

body parts were missing. all of which would show radiation. and they did find some radiation! cosmic galactic radiation! mulder insisted that they test for it!!!

OH SHOOT!!! he is getting worse… and says to skinner that he knows there’s someone else on the case that he’s not telling them about!!! “i hear it… in my head” “mulder, let’s go” 

ohhhh... she says he’s losing it!!! but he claims skinner is spying on them!! i do not think skinner would do this. scully banishes him home, saying she will look for the artifacts. and he doesn’t really put up a fight, which i know means he has something planned…

but shoot!! skinner closes his door…. and there was a camera in his closet!!! he pulls out the tape and hands it to KRYCEK!!!! NOOOO!!! because he has the kill switch!!!!!!! for his weird disease!!! nooo!!!

oh, skinner…. this is so sad. and how did mulder hear in his head that skinner had someone else on the case just from the rubbing of a piece of metal?!

krycek leaves after skinner and him stare at each other for a bit. 

scully heads down to a new mexico hospital, where she finds someone being rushed to another room. is that albert? there’s a translation of the writing on the artifact! IT’S A VERSE FROM GENESIS!! the same one that the artifact ran into at the start of the episode!!!

and it was mr. hosteen being wheeled out!! the nurse says she cannot tell her what is going on, but scully flashes the badge and says she knows him, and she confesses that he has cancer and is dying. :(

mulder is wearing casual clothes- one sleeve rolled to his elbow, one pulled down to his wrist, a bold fashion choice- in the university where barnes teaches. boy is doing some recon, i guess. he sneaks in somewhere he shouldn’t be…..

ah! he’s in his office!!! and barnes comes in…. realizes that his things have been touched…. and rushes back outside…. he goes to find the monkeys. where mulder was hiding!!! 

but mulder hears the stuff again!!!! and he keeps hearing it as he walks down the hall. bro is going to collapse in this hallway full of undergraduates. he tries to go up the stairs. but it isn’t working well. he’s crawling on his hands and knees and he falls!!!!! what is going on!!

meanwhile, scully is waiting for albert, who is rolled back into his room. but someone was watching him!!! and she chases after him!!! was that barnes?? where did he go??? the music is so creepy…..

she finds him!!!! it’s not barnes!!! it’s sandoz!!! she says she needs answers from him!!!

mulder is still on the ground, writhing in pain!! FUCKING KRYCEK FINDS HIM!!!! and just walks away!!!!! WHAT DOES HE KNOW?!?!

where is he going…….. he goes to barnes and says they are destined to be great friends, handing him the tape. why do they know each other....

back in new mexico, sandoz says that albert was the only translator that didn’t dismiss him- he recognized the importance of the artifact. but it was only one fragment. until merkmallen found two more. 

oh! he thinks the bible came from the aliens!! so would that make navajo the original language of the aliens??

scully is very skeptical. the newest section of writing on the artifact seemed to be just random letters, and albert was working on translating it when his health got bad. and it starts spinning in front of them!!!

phone call time. where is mulder??? he says he’s at home, resting. was he with marita? a woman answers...

scully is not pleased with his idea that aliens put us here. WHERE IS HE?? he says it explains everything. “mulder, i will not accept that. it’s just not possible” “well, then you go ahead and prove me wrong, scully” (cranky sick man hangs up)

HE’S WITH DIANA?!?!? I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS!!!! 

okay. so it is his apartment, which now has a bed. a very cozy looking bed, may i add. i'm happy for him in that regard. but in every other way, this situation is deeply unfortunate.

and diana is in his apartment. she’s calling someone, saying mulder is in distress, and she’s not leaving until she finds out. AND SHE TAKES HER SHIRT OFF???

GIRL, HE’S DYING!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

she was talking to CSM?!?

holy hell... is diana going to assault him........? what tf is going on.

scully narrates again… the big bang. an act of violence. who did this?

no! albert is being taken to a funeral pyre!! she looks at the stars above. 

wait! he’s not dead. it’s the healing tent! sandoz asks if she wants to come, but scully doesn’t think it’s right for her to join, as she doesn’t share their faith. this is very respectful of her.

skinner calls!!! mulder is in serious condition!!! she has to get here now!!! but she told skinner that sandoz is in new mexico!!! will skinner have to tell krycek?? how quick can you get to DC from new mexico?!

somehow she gets back, but he's not telling her what is going on. skinner calls her dana and grabs her hand….. (omfg... has he ever called her dana before?!) and he says he doesn't know what is going on, but he knew she would want to be here.

mulder’s walking around in a padded room!!! mumbling!!! screaming!!!! and diana is here, too!! 

he’s too violent for them to run more tests!!! he should be in a coma!! scully says to let her try talking to him!! he wouldn't be a danger to her! OH........ oh.... :( she thinks he wouldn't hurt her.... oh. my heart.

“can we speak in the hall?” “about what?” <- OH! she does NOT have time for diana’s tricks… but skinner says her name… and opens the door. and mulder looks up at the camera watching him. 

OHHH what is going on here…??? skinner says that scully has evidence the case is a fraud, and she turns and says “i never sent you that report” <- OH!!!!!!

diana is asking if she can help him- she asks scully to tell her whatever she knows... she says she found him in the stairwell and he could barely speak.

OH!!!! she tells diana she’s a liar and goes to leave. skinner grabs her wrist and she says “you’re both liars”

OMFGGGGGGGGGG….. treacherous skinner CONFIRMED…. but it isn't his fault!!! she escapes from his grip. and he stares at diana.

back in new mexico, more chanting is taking place around albert. sandoz is there.

scully runs into the office, looking for bugs. and she finds a camera in the smoke alarm!!!! but just as she does so, the phone rings. is she going to answer….?

sandoz calls her from new mexico…. she says it’s not a secure line. why did he call right then?! he says the stuff on the artifact, when translated, reads as coordinates for the human genome!! 

but the horses are stirring out in new mexico by sandoz… and there is a gunshot…. and krycek picks up the phone!!! the rat bastard!!!! so did skinner tell him where sandoz was?? or was krycek listening in on the line?!

36 hours later. back on the ivory coast. scully is here!!! trying to find more pieces of the artifact!!! she is led to one….. and she reached in the sand…… and it’s huge!!!!!

it’s some sort of spaceship?? space cathedral?!? huh???? vaguely churchy music plays as the camera pans out...

to be continued?????

girl…. WHAT is going on!!!

skinner is being manipulated by krycek. sure. that’s fair enough. and diana is using mulder for CSM. but to what end!!! did she drug him?? why did she take off her shirt??? can they cure skinner and get him to stop doing all of this?? how long have they been getting spied on??? did the syndicate get to watch their whole baseball flirting session through that smoke alarm camera? is skinner attempting to plot his own resistance? it seems like he is just going along with the whole thing! and that is deeply unlike him!!

UGH!!! how will mulder get better??? was he okay in the time that scully was away??? she must have felt so horrible flying to another continent while he was so sick...

i might break my own rules and watch the next episode tomorrow, and THEN edit my notes. and i’m usually SO principled. i think i’ve only done it once or twice in the entire time i’ve run this blog. but i NEED to know. because like. this diana issue must resolve itself. and what about albert!!!! and fucking krycek!!!

ahhhh!!!!!

oh, FUCK ME!!! i clicked onto the next episode, and i saw that this is a THREE-PARTER, not a mere two-parter!!! so i basically cannot do this plan of watching them all at once!!! because i would get super backlogged when it comes to editing my notes!!! and i still have to do my favorite moments list from s6!! i simply cannot bite off more than i can chew!!! FUCK!

AHHHHH!!! well. i guess that means i’ll get these notes up tomorrow and then start on the favorite moments list. and not have answers. sadly kicks a rock….

so, i have many questions, and i anticipate that few of them will be answered. why is krycek working with dr. barnes? are they trying to expose the x files as fraud? because that is what dr. barnes does- exposes people for fraud? but then why would dr. barnes kill dr. merkmallen? unless dr. barnes is part of the syndicate... there's a pretty big difference between writing a scathing academic article calling bullshit on your coworker's alien theories and actually committing murder. so he must know of the importance of the artifact but is trying to conceal it... because that is the only explanation as to why he would kill somebody over it. and krycek said they were destined to be great friends... and i can't tell if that implies if they knew each other already...

so clearly dr. barnes is lying, because he knew dr. merkmallen was coming, and he asked if the writing had been translated yet. so he knows that the thing is powerful. okay. it's not super clear how his interests correspond with that of the syndicate, but maybe he's an alien?

so. the artifact. the bible MAYBE comes from space, and the aliens use the navajo language. sure. why not?

if it means we get to see our friend albert again, that makes me happy. but he isn't doing very well. it's almost like the writing on the artifact made him sick... because sandoz said that he fell ill when she started to translate it. maybe whatever is happening to him is also happening to mulder? and mulder is in the early stages of whatever it is? and so if scully can find a cure, maybe she can help them both?

or maybe it's something totally different, because mulder was screaming and having his brain go wild, whereas albert was said to have cancer. maybe one progresses into the other?

i am so troubled by skinner working with diana and krycek and CSM. obviously he doesn't want to be doing this! but is he just going along because he knows if he doesn't, he'll die? but he made that promise on his death bed to do better and help the agents more!! is he somehow sabotaging them? did he call her "dana" to tip her off to the treachery? he knows scully isn't stupid...

and scully knew right away that this wasn't a matter for the FBI, but once again mulder got taken in and fully believed the promises of investigating aliens with no real evidence to support it... only that it was coming from skinner, one of the few people he should be able to trust, and the terrible aching desire to find his sister that keeps him up at night and makes him so easy to manipulate...

fucking diana. i thought she was gone!! i should have known better. what is she doing with him? he goes from hearing things to having crazy brain activity when she conveniently finds him? did he really call her and ask for help? i don't buy the story for a second! and she calls CSM and says she won't leave until she knows what is going on... and then she takes her SHIRT off... is she trying to manipulate him? or did she straight up assault him? he's dying!! he doesn't want to see your boobs!!

scully immediately clocking that diana and skinner were lying to her face... yeah. this is immensely satisfying to me.

well. now i have to edit my other notes before i can watch what happens next. and as i type this up on a sunday, i imagine that it will be tuesday at the earliest before i get to watch part two. and then goodness only knows when i will be able to watch part three! this is deeply unfair! but alas. i stick by my routine.

diana and krycek... you freaks deserve each other... although i still think krycek/spender is far juicier. even if spender might be dead. sorry. i will speak my truth.

[steventhusiast]

steve’s in the middle of trying to organise a pile of returned tapes by genre when he hears the bell on the door ring. his eyes flicker up to family video’s door, and he intends to only check the customer doesn’t look suspicious, but when he sees who’s entered the store he can’t help the smile that creeps onto his face.

“eds!” he greets his boyfriend, happily abandoning his task to lean onto the counter and watch eddie walk up to him.

“your highness.” eddie greets dramatically, and steve watches as he does a quick scope of the store as he reaches the counter. it’s empty, so of course eddie hops up and over the obstacle to stand next to steve.

“what the hell, eddie!” robin complains as eddie knocks into her half-organised tape pile on his way over, sending a couple tapes onto the ground.

eddie looks at her with a wide-eyed ‘oops’ expression, and then picks up the tapes, attempting to put them back in their place.

“sorry, buck.”

“yeah, yeah.” she huffs, but she’s smiling a little so steve knows she’s not actually mad. she holds up a copy of back to the future, and raises an eyebrow, “you put this in the romance pile.”

“stevie says marty tries to bang his mom in that, so am i really wrong?”

robin blinks at him a couple times, and then shakes her head and resumes her pile-sorting, seemingly done with them for now.

eddie finally smiles at steve from where he is next to him, and gently takes his hand and squeezes it under the counter.

“missed you last night.” he says. steve shuffles his feet a little in response, and squeezes his hand back.

“missed you too. you know how my parents are when they’re in town.”

“yeah, i know.” eddie’s soft smile switches to something more playful as he pauses, “too bad though, had biiig plans for us involving.. one of our most recent purchases in indy.”

robin makes a gagging sound from where she’s stood, and as steve blushes and opens his mouth to say something in reply she reaches over to push at his shoulder and then starts talking before he gets the chance to.

“i say this with love because you are my favourite dingus and dongus, if you make me stand here and listen to you make vague sexual references while i get paid minimum wage to organise these stupid tapes, i might do something drastic.”

eddie snorts at her words.

“you have such a way with words, robs.”

for some reason she looks offended at that, and steve chuckles to himself as he waits for the verbal tennis match to start between them.

they’re interrupted by the bell at the door telling them another customer has walked in, so steve glances over again and-

oh. it’s tommy’s mom.

somehow, for some reason, tommy never told his parents that they’re not on speaking terms anymore. steve had been absolutely dumbfounded the first time mrs hagan came over to say hello after their fight. he’d been expecting her to start chewing him out for upsetting her baby, but instead she’d asked how his mother was doing and had given him a motherly hug like always.

so, he steels himself for an interaction that will later make him feel a strange mix of nostalgic, sad and angry.

“steve! i forgot you work here.” mrs hagan grins at him as she walks over, a copy of pretty in pink in her hand.

“hi mrs hagan.” he offers her a half-hearted smile, and she puts the tape on the counter.

“just came to return this. such a lovely surprise to see you, though. it’s been too long honey! i’m sure tommy misses having you around, i know i do.” she says, and steve winces slightly as he feels robin’s eyes on him.

“oh, yeah. it’s, it’s real nice to see you too mrs h.” there’s an awkward pause where mrs hagan frowns a little at his lack of response to her tommy-related words, so he continues, “time really does fly when you’re not at high school anymore. barely have time to see any of my friends, really.”

he pointedly doesn’t look over to where eddie is now helping robin through the pile of tapes. mrs hagan nods uncertainly, and after steve’s finished with her return and a couple seconds of awkward silence have passed, she nods to herself.

“right, well.. i’ll be off then. we’re actually having a small gathering this weekend, honey. i bet tommy would love to see you there!” she tries at a smile again, but steve can’t really hide the panic in his eyes at the offer.

“oh! i’d- i’d love to mrs h, but i am just-“ he makes a vague gesture with his hands, “so swamped. really busy weekend.”

mrs hagan looks sad at his words, but nods again slowly.

“another time then.”

“sure.” steve lies, and watches as she leaves.

once she’s gone, he thinks about what the party would be like if he does go. he won’t, obviously, but.. what if?

realistically, he knows tommy would be the same jerk he’d been when they last talked a few years ago. but the more childish part of him that remembers his friendship with tommy through rose-coloured glasses wants to believe it could be fun.

maybe it’d be like old times, and he and tommy would take turns pushing each other into the pool. then they’d get each other a plate of food, purposely putting something they know the other doesn’t like on it because they think it’s funny. and finally, after a few hours they’d sneak off to tommy’s room and hang out, talking about anything and everything that comes to mind.

a big part of steve knows tommy was a toxic friend, that they weren’t good for each other and their relationship was strained and unhealthy. but a small part of him misses him more deeply than he wants to admit.

sometimes, when robin asks him a question about his childhood and he realises she hasn’t been his friend since birth, he thinks about how tommy would know that because he’d been there since the start. or she’ll falter when looking for a plate and steve knows tommy could navigate his kitchen with his eyes closed.

but in the same vain, robin will know that he’s got a migraine coming just from the smallest of winces, and steve thinks about how tommy doesn’t even know he gets migraines now. and she knows which floorboard in his room covers a pile of polaroids of him and eddie, and he thinks about how tommy wouldn’t even be safe enough to tell about their relationship.

“you in there, stevie?” eddie says from beside him, jokingly knocking on the top of his head.

steve smiles at him, and bumps him with his shoulder affectionately.

“yeah, just thinking.” he says, and looks at the glass door again. mrs hagan’s car is pulling out of the lot now.

“careful, that sounds dangerous.” robin jokes, and then makes trumpet noises with her mouth as she sorts the final tape into the correct pile.

eddie joins in with her dramatics, going as far as to mime playing his trumpet. robin critiques the way he’s miming holding one, and eddie scoffs at her and tells her to mime playing guitar so he can make fun of her back.

steve smiles to himself, and looks away from the car as it drives away.

he may miss his friendship with tommy sometimes, but this? he wouldn’t trade this for the world.

-

idk what this is but i hope u enjoyed it

inspired by one of my old best friends’ parents who used to come into the store i worked at and say hi to me because they didn’t know our friendship group had a MASSIVE falling out. i miss that friendship a lot sometimes even though it was toxic, and those thoughts inspired this because every thought i have can be projected onto steve if i try hard enough

[rkfollower]

Scotch

It had been over a year since the chaos of Nyxly’s reign, and much had changed. Alex and Kelly were happily married, adopted sweet little Esme, and building a life together in between battles. Brainy and Nia had gotten engaged, and in a twist of fate that still made Lena’s heart race, she and Kara had finally taken the leap into romance. It was a calm night at the Tower, where the self-proclaimed Tech support group of the Superfriends were gathered to celebrate a breakthrough.

Lena poured three glasses of scotch, the golden liquid catching the light in a way that made her feel almost nostalgic. She handed one glass to Alex, who grinned and raised it with a familiar warmth. The drink brought Lena back to a pivotal moment from another time—a time when Kara was trapped in the Phantom Zone, and Lena’s sense of belonging among the heroes had felt fragile, almost forced.

Lena remembered the argument she’d had with Alex, the tension palpable as they debated using the Phantom Zone projector to locate Kara versus using it to fight off phantoms. They clashed hard, with Lena fighting for Kara’s safety above all else, while Alex had been the bigger person and chose to save the majority, trusting that it was what Kara would want and they would find another way to save her sister. After that, Lena had no doubt in her mind that there was a reason the Superfriends isolated her from the team for so long. She was no hero and did not belong in their ranks. 

“You belong here, Lena,” Alex had told her in a voice quiet but resolute, as she handed Lena a glass of scotch. “We need you. She needs you.”

That memory lingered as Lena raised her glass tonight, and Alex gave her a knowing look. Somehow, that moment had cemented their friendship, grounding Lena in a way she hadn’t known she needed. Alex had, over time, become something of a sister herself—protective, honest, and occasionally infuriating, but always there.

As they toasted, Brainy watched curiously, holding his own glass with an expression of deep concentration. He tilted it, watching the light play through the liquid.

"So," he said, glancing between them, "am I to expect any particular…side effects from this drink?"

Alex snorted, nudging Brainy. “Nothing that’ll affect your combat skills, Brainy. Besides, it’s not about the effects—it’s about the taste, the experience. Right, Lena?”

Lena smiled. “Exactly. Scotch is meant to be savored.” She looked at Brainy’s intense focus and added, “Though I suspect you’re already dissecting every note.”

Brainy raised his glass, taking a delicate sip, and frowned thoughtfully. “Vanilla, honey…a hint of smoke and…is that, perhaps, charred oak?” he asked, turning to Lena with fascination.

She laughed, nodding. “Good eye, Brainy.”

They clinked their glasses, a quiet sense of belonging settling among them. Lena glanced at Alex, the unspoken bond between them stronger than ever. It didn’t matter how difficult things had been before; what mattered was that they were all here now. They’d made it through, stronger and closer, their family expanding in ways they’d never imagined.

“To breakthroughs,” Alex toasted, her voice warm.

Lena held Alex’ gaze for a moment, her heart swelling as she repeated softly, “To finding our way home.”

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Rachel Daly x Reader

Part One: Dashed Hopes

AN: Inspired by the song “Becky’s so Hot” but when I asked for who to base it on got this from anon and decided to go in a different direction than planned

Prompt: I’m imagining this with Rachel and her leaving the Dash and transferring to Villa

AN: let’s ignore the real life timings for this one.

As you stared down at your phone ringing you debated whether to answer it or not. It was your best friend, Libby, you loved her but she always had some sort of drama going on and you weren’t sure if you wanted to deal with it today. You’d arrived home from America last week and was reacquainting with your old town. Watching as the name disappeared from the screen you were able to breathe again but the relief didn’t last long when it lit up once more two seconds later. You knew she wouldn’t stop ringing until you answered so reluctantly succumbed to the drama.

“You’ll never believe who I just saw!” she screamed down the phone. This could range from a school friend you hadn’t seen in 20 years or Beyoncé. No ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’, just straight into the gossip as usual. “Becky!” she shrieked making you move your phone away from your delicate ears. Becky used to be a friend of yours until she stole Libby’s boyfriend 5 years ago. You always liked the girl but you can’t carry on being friends with someone your bestie hates. It’s girl code. “How was she-“ you started to ask but got cut off. “No! The news isn’t that I saw Becky” this made you frustrated, just get to the point woman! “But you just said guess who I see, Becky” the overly sarcastic tone rolling off your tongue with ease. “No, (y/n) shut up and let me finish the story!” Rolling your eyes, you knew she had drama and should have stuck to your guns with not answering the phone, you just wanted a peaceful afternoon to enjoy the nostalgic atmosphere of your home town. But no. In comes Hurricane Olivia. “Stay where you are I’ll come meet you” she said hurriedly before hanging up abruptly leaving you no time to object.

The coffee shop bell dinged as the tornado of a woman found you in the corner. Asking how she knew where you were she explained she’d put your phone on her find me app ages ago. You were shocked but certainly not surprised - ever since you lost each other at a party last year she’d been highly protective of you. The woman couldn’t fight her way out of a paper bag but she means well.

“So! I saw Becky!” stumbling into the chair opposite you and dumping her bag on the table making it rock. “Yeah you’ve already told me this, why’d you have to come over here-“ you were unable to finish your sentence as she cut you off. “No! I saw Becky..” she paused for dramatic effect “with Rachel!” your eyebrows raised in a fashion that showed you were not amused with her mediocre statement. “Well that’s not news, they’re on the same team” you tried to reason with her but once again you were interrupted. “No listen to me, they were holding hands!”

“(Y/n)!” Fingers snapping in your face broke you out of the wide eyed trance staring into your coffee cup. What the fuck. Becky and Rachel? Nooo. This can’t be happening. You asked her if she was sure that’s what she witnessed but Libby was adamant that it was true - they looked incredibly coupley. God, that girl really knows how to move in on other people’s partners! Granted, you and Rachel have been over for a little while now but you didn’t expect this. You’re still not over her and she’s out there with a whole new girlfriend! It’s not even been a month! Should have known really, she always moved quickly - historically falling in and out of love fast but you just didn’t realise you were that easy to get over. You thought Rachel was the love of your life and now someone you used to call friend has swooped in on her when your side of the bed was barely cold. You tried hard to not let it get to you but your face said everything - you were hurt, sad and in need of a tub of ice cream. The fact she’s moved on so quickly made you feel like it was the day of the breakup all over again.

It was unexpected and just like any other day, you’d gone to sleep fiancées and woke up to a letter and her ring on the bedside table. Wardrobes and drawers empty. No pitter patters of Lexi’s paws on the kitchen floor. Half finished TV series that you watched together left on Netflix. She’d left your home, she’d left the team and she’d left the country overnight. This showed you her leaving was planned - she had gone to bed with you for weeks knowing she was eventually going to leave as soon as the transfer went through.

Sitting quietly in the corner of the coffee shop tears started to well in your eyes, you’d worked hard to get over her and you thought you had but all the emotions had come flooding back. Scrolling through all the unanswered messages and the photos of her on your phone your heart was breaking all over again. What’s worse is you’d just been called up for the World Cup that morning and would have to face Rachel at camp. For months. This couldn’t be worse timing. When you got the call up you were excited and felt empowered like you’d be able to be amicable colleagues for a while but all hopes of that had been dashed.

Part Two

[erogenousmind]

House Guest

The doorbell played a little jingle as Ren pressed it which startled her out of her soporific state. Her rideshare had driven off out of sight, leaving her alone on the doorstep, one hand on the small suitcase trailing behind her and the other hovering, index finger extended, by the button next to the front door of the impressive suburban home she found herself in front of. What on earth was she doing here?

Ren was about to start walking back toward the driveway. But to what exactly? Where could she go from here? She might check the address again, make sure she was at the right house. And then what? Fortunately, the door opened just as she began to turn around. Between the step up into the entry way, the modest heels she wore, and her own impressive height, the women who greeted her stood a full foot above Ren. The word “Stepford” flashed into Ren’s mind before the woman had a chance to speak. Her makeup was perfect, her skirt attractive but modest, and she wore an apron that showed just enough spots of flour and stain to prove its usefulness but still gave her the look of the most perfect housewife.

“Yes? Can I help you?” The woman’s voice was cheery and warm, but almost unnaturally so. She wore a perfect smile showing off her perfect features.

“Um...” Ren began, unsure exactly what to say. “I think I might be at the wrong place. I was looking for my...that is to say, uh...is...” Ren wracked her brain to remember the name attached to the one she had come here for. “Does Joshua live here? Or is he in?” There was a note a desperation in her voice.

“I’m sorry, he’s away right now. Can I take a message, or is there anything I might help you with...” The beautiful woman (even as Ren was overwhelmed trying to come to grips with her situation, she couldn’t help but notice that she was beautiful) seemed as perplexed by Ren’s presence as Ren herself, though her winning smile remained, her eyes bright. She looked like she sincerely wanted to be helpful.

“D-Do you know when he might be...or...maybe I can come back later. I was supposed to...supposed to meet him? We had spoken about uh...well.” The only thing harder for Ren than organizing her jumble of thoughts and memories about what exactly she was doing here was trying to explain it to a stranger.

Fortunately at that moment, the woman’s eyes opened wide with a look of simultaneous surprise and a eureka of understanding. “Oh my god! You’re Ren! I’m so- I wasn’t expecting you yet! Come in, come in! Let me get your suitcase!” And just like that Ren was being ushered inside, her mysterious hostess taking her luggage from her.

“I’m sorry about the state of things. For some reason I thought you wouldn’t be here until this evening at the earliest. And I had wanted to have everything just so for you. Oh well. I need to get something out of the oven, but then I’m happy to show you around. Have a seat!”

If Ren had been dazed standing before the house, she was shell-shocked now. She had been sat down in a cozy breakfast nook in an expansive kitchen, watching the woman work. After a moment, the space was filled with the scent of fresh bread which was turned out onto a little wire rack. The smell made Ren nostalgic for something she wasn’t quite sure she had ever had. “That looks amazing,” was all she could offer.

“Oh, thank you. That is so sweet of you to say. Anyway, with that done, I’m happy to give you the tour.” The woman removed her apron revealing a low cut top. “Or maybe you’d like to sit for a moment?” She frowned, a look of concern on her face. “You must have been traveling all day. Can I get you a drink? A glass of water maybe? I guess this must be a bit much for you. I should probably just give you a second. I’m just so excited to finally meet you in person is all. And here I am not giving you a moment to get a word in edgewise.”

“I uh...” Ren tried to collect her thoughts. “I didn’t know you’d be here...? That is...I don’t think I remember Joshua mentioning. I’m not sure I remember us talking.” She resisted the urge to blurt out “Who are you?!”

The woman froze for a moment before her lips rounded into a coy smile. “Well, I guess I have you at a disadvantage then. I feel like I know so much about you already, I forget that we aren’t the best of friends yet. I’m Anne. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ren.”

“N-nice to meet you.” Ren mumbled. Another pause. “You...you know what I’m doing here? You know why...Joshua...you’re okay with me being here?”

Anne responded with a loud “Ha!” and an even bigger grin. She walked over to the nook. “Let me ask you this, Ren. Imagine that you were talking to...Joshua. Imagine he’s speaking to you right now. Think about how that makes you feel. Think about the frame of mind that puts you in.” She sat down across from the smaller woman, her eyes focused on her target making Ren feel somehow like prey.

“And Joshua tells you about something he would like. You have been chatting for a while and you know how good you feel when he speaks to you. When you can really focus on his words. And there is something that would make him very happy. And you know how much you love when he is happy. You know what his happiness means to you...”

“Yes...” Ren barely whispered. Her eyes were locked on Anne’s now, but they felt heavy. She really could imagine herself in the situation Anne described. His voice. His words. The way it all made her feel. The way it slowed her thoughts...Nothing felt better than his happiness...

“And then imagine there was something you could do to make him happy. Something you could do to please him. Something that your master desired. And all you had to do was obey. All you had to do was as he commanded you to do. And you know it would make him so happy. And you love making him happy.

“Love...” Ren moaned.

Anne’s gaze softened. She sat up straight, stretching a little before she stood again. “I am thrilled to have you here, Ren. What makes him happy makes me happy. Let me take your suitcase to the guest room. You can keep everything in there, and it has it’s own bathroom. I suspect Master will want you to share his bed for at least a few nights to start though. Let me show you the master bedroom.”

“But where will you...?” Ren began. Her thoughts had slowed to a near stop as she listened to the beautiful woman’s captivating narration, and as her thoughts began to turn again, she felt a stream of questions bubbling through her mind.

“We have a king size, my dear.” Anne had that devious smile on her face again. “There is plenty of room for the three of us. Unless you’d prefer to sleep at the foot of the bed. Like our pet. I seem to recall hearing you confess that might be a fantasy you would enjoy enacting. But then again, Joshua - it’s still so funny hearing that name coming from your mouth. It sounds as unfamiliar on your lips as it feels on mine. He had you so worked up at the time, your thoughts draining out between you legs and your words barely coherent between moans that I suspect you would have eagerly indulged any fantasy you were told to.” Anne winked coyly.

“You know about...I mean you heard...you’ve heard what we talk about?”

“My dear Ren, I’ve joined you on most of your calls. Most of the time I’m more lost in Master’s words than you are. But then again, I usually have his hands...or at least some part of him on me. But as I said, I have you at a disadvantage. I know so much about you after all. But Master will want you ready for this evening. You will need to know how to share his bed. And you have an eager teacher ready to instruct you in all the finer points.”

Anne had led Ren to the double doors of a large bedroom. She squared herself to face her and Ren mirrored the movement. Anne raised her arms and placed one hand firmly on each of Ren’s shoulders. “So you can look me right in the eye. Remember the power that eyes have. Remember how open you can feel when someone stares deep into you. Remember how completely you can surrender. And remember that it is time for you to obey.

Ren shuddered with pleasure as the trigger struck her. Once again her thoughts disappeared beneath the surface of her mind. All her focus was on Anne. All she needed to do was listen. All she needed to do was obey. She spoke slowly, almost robotically: “I...must...obey...my mistress.”

“That’s a good girl.” Anne brought a finger under Ren’s chin and gently pulled her toward the bed. “And after we have finished your lesson, I suspect we’ll still have time for a little extra training. We will both be too focused elsewhere tonight and I want to make sure you know how to share a bed with me as well.”

Ren’s conscious mind didn’t really register any of this. All she knew was that she would obey. “Yes Mistress,” she answered.

Anne pushed the enthralled girl gently onto the bed. “I’m so glad you are here, my dear. We are going to have such a wonderful time together.”

[martian-hermit]

After not only binging the show, but also watching a dozen video essays about it, The Bear’s only become a show that I absolutely love more than anything else I’ve ever watched.

From the insanely beautiful use of color and lighting to describe settings and atmosphere to the 17 MINUTE LONG ONE-TAKE EPISODE, it’s perfect. I absolutely adore the story, the characters, the relationships between them, the character development, and the fact that every ounce of stress that exists in the show can be felt by the viewer as if they were in this world. And as someone who has personal experience in restaurants and kitchens, there’s a lot of nostalgia in feeling the pressure and stress of existing in those environments. But among my favorite examples of the genius and creativity of this show involve S1E7 “Review”, S2E4 “Honeydew”, S2E7 “Forks”, and S2E10 “The Bear”

S1E7 “Review” is the aforementioned 17 minute one-take episode. And when I say one-take I genuinely mean no hidden cuts, no tricks, a genuine single take throughout the entire episode. Now, the biggest reason I love this relatively short episode of the show is more about the way it feels to me personally because of the single take rather than the fact that it just is a one-take. The feeling of absolute chaos in the kitchen, people quitting on the spot, stress, high expectations, and stakes just feel not only terrifying, but also exhilarating. As I mentioned before, I’ve worked in foodservice for years, and thus all of those feelings are extremely nostalgic to me. But, hearing that other people who have no experience in a kitchen still feel that same pressure really goes to show how effectively the show conveyed how that work environment is. Part of the reason it’s so effective is the fact that there are no cuts to give the viewer any relief, you’re stuck in the moment for the entire episode. You have nowhere to be except in the moment with everyone else struggling to keep their composure, and it’s fantastic. The accuracy of the setting paired with the ability to drag the viewer into that uncomfortable spot whether they want to be there or not is so well done that it feels like you’re either working in a kitchen for the first time, or you’re doing it again.

S2E4 “Honeydew” was, at least I think, completely under appreciated. Seeing Marcus’s character development throughout, especially as he gets mentored by Luca is not only a nice break from the complete chaos of The Bear back in Chicago, but also important to watch to really understand Marcus as a person. In his apprenticeship under Luca, he asks questions, expands upon his knowledge, and becomes more confident as he learns. But Luca also adds so much to this episode by simply not being a stereotypical “I’m the pro and I resent you for not being as good as me” type of chef. When Marcus asks a question, he answers. When Marcus wants him to expand, he does. It’s a wonderful representation of two people with a somewhat informal mentor-student relationship interact in a way that doesn’t establish a dynamic of greater and lesser, but just two chefs that seek to improve. Nothing more.

S2E7 “Forks”. Oh my dear god, this episode. Arguably, it’s the best one out of both seasons of the show. But this doesn’t follow our main protagonist Carmy, but rather Richie, who was thought to be the antagonist thus far. Richie gets sent off to what is said to be the greatest restaurant in the world to stage. He begins the episode waking up in his bed, reluctantly bringing himself to get ready to begin his temporary job away from The Bear as per Carmy’s demand. When Richie walks into the place, it almost feels like a horror movie. The lighting is dim and unwelcoming, Richie is completely resenting being there, and he is unfortunate to be in the typical position of having to shine forks. It’s normal for a stage to start this way, but when Richie is half-assing the job entirely, the person overseeing him brings him outside to talk. Richie, expecting to get chewed out or let go, instead learns about the passion of the people working here regarding their jobs. And that’s the turning point. Richie goes from an antagonistic asshole who couldn’t care less about what’s going wrong to a guy who actually applies himself. He’s enthusiastic. It’s most notable when he runs to grab a deep dish pizza for a family visiting Chicago, and once the chef snobifies the dish, Richie of all people volunteers to give it to them. It’s when he’s at their table, giving them the food and talking to them that we really see that new side of him for the first time shining through. The immense change of his character from the beginning of season 1 to more than halfway through season 2 is immensely satisfying, but also extremely effective in presenting us with a character arc that makes you tear up. The only thing that makes it a million times better than it already is, is the fact that the lighting throughout the episode gets brighter as Richie grows. It’s a beautiful visual representation that gives a subtle visual representation of him becoming a “brighter” person.

Finally, S2E10 “The Bear”. The last episode of season 2 aptly named after the show itself is the Family and Friends night of the renovated and reinvented restaurant. This “dress rehearsal” seems like it’ll go perfectly smooth, everyone has high hopes, and after Carmy and Sydney have a heart-to-heart while fixing up a table before the real busy work begins, we feel this sense that nothing could go wrong. And, to be honest, for a while it actually plays out that way. But the issues start (just like the story Uncle Jimmy told Carmy before they started) when Carmy fucks up the first thing that night, which is when Sydney says she’s overwhelmed and would like Carmy to take over Expo, but Carmy just says she’s fine. It’s at this point that a toilet is down, tables are all behind, one of the chefs ditched to do drugs, the tension and stress multiply by several orders of magnitude, and finally, Carmy locks himself in the walk-in. But Carmy being stuck in a situation where he can’t be involved in the kitchen is when things look up. Richie takes over Expo, Sydney can cook, they start catching up, and they manage to fix up their string of fuck-ups in just four minutes. It’s perfect that it worked out BECAUSE Carmy got cut out because he had neglected to contact the fridge guy to fix the walk-in. He put himself there. That’s all his fault. But this happening instead of him suddenly overcoming his overwhelming hostility and aggressiveness as well as the neglect of the walk-in getting fixed made that first night of service perfect for the show. It’s not a flawless performance. There’s still a lot fucked up. Carmy has a lot of baggage and issues he hasn’t resolved that almost costed them that entire night. That’s why it’s perfect. He’s been deeply flawed the entire series, and having all of that resolved by the end makes a no sense. And we really feel the weight of this when Carmy ruins his relationship with his girlfriend, berates Richie, and vents to Tina about how he’s a “psycho”. We learn so much, and get the feeling that Carmy wants to be better, but still has this fear that good things will happen to him that break him out of this pure logic routine of things he’s turned his life into. It’s nowhere near resolved. Sure, the restaurant’s first night was successful, people loved it. But, Carmy’s still so, so far from having completed a character arc like so many others have.

I rarely ever watch shows more than once, but this might be the only show I’ve ever watched that I could watch over and over again without getting sick of it. I only appreciate every detail more, and it’s honestly slightly obsessive of me to love this show this much. But the way it feels like I’m back in a kitchen, stressed out of my fucking mind trying to work and keep up with everything while people are screaming at me to get things done, it’s nostalgic and addictive. I’ve never once described a show as perfect before, but I would describe The Bear as the greatest and most perfect show I’ve ever watched. The only drawback is that there’s only 18 episodes total, and I find myself wanting more, which is a rare feeling for me to hold for shows. But the real weight you feel from it, and the fact that you feel like you know the characters personally, it’s indescribable in terms of how impressively effective the show makes you sympathize with everyone and grounds you in their world. So despite the immense amount of stress and frustration you feel watching it, it’s still such a beautiful show to experience when you can connect so deeply with so many different parts of every character and feel the reality of the situations you see. And just because I can’t say it enough, I have to end this post by saying once again that The Bear is absolutely fucking perfect. Hands down, no question.

[selunesdreams]

Chapter 48: It All Fell Down

Chapter from ongoing fic Forms of Imprisonment. Full story on AO3

Pairing: Spawn Astarion (post-tadpole) x OFC

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: 18+, mdni. Fluff, decapitation, blood, violence. See AO3 for other chapter-specific warnings. ———————————————————————

“Come back to bed.”

Celeste’s naked form presses against his back as Astarion stares at the sliver of moon hanging in the early morning sky. The wind brushes against his skin through his makeshift window, and he glides his hand along the frame.

“I was just thinking about tomorrow. How our little adventure will be over once Keresta is finally dead.” 

Celeste’s lips graze the side of his neck, lingering just above the scar where Cazador sired him. A soft chuckle escapes her.

“Are you getting nostalgic on me?”

“Cautiously optimistic, more like it.” He turns around, pulling her against him, his hand finding its place at the nape of her neck as he bends to kiss her. “What will I do with you when you’re no longer in a constant state of peril?” He asks against her parted mouth. 

“Adore me. Cherish me. Take me to the Gem District of Athkatla and shower me in riches, buy me a summer home in Neverwinter…” Her tongue teases his bottom lip. “Flaunt me before the noblemen of your Festhalls you like to people watch at so much…”

“Anything for you, my sweet.” He replies, returning the favor, before claiming the rest of her mouth in a proper kiss. He emits a low hum of pleasure as his hand slides down her back, over the notches of her spine. Out of the corner of his eye he catches movement outside below in the treeline. Dark shadows weave through the woods, and breaks the kiss, squinting to get a better look. 

“What?” Celeste’s hands fall to her sides as she peers over the splintered edge of the window. 

“I believe those are our Sharran friends. Seems they caught wind of our arrival back home.” He stares down at the figures as he answers her. “They’re just outside the wards too…”

Celeste’s lip curls. “I refuse to let Keresta get comfortable stalking us like this.” She snatches her trousers from the floor and shimmies into them. 

“Tell me you’re not going down there.” Astarion’s disbelief only grows as she tugs a sleeveless top over her head. 

“Keresta and I need to have a little chat. Girl to girl. Nothing but Gale’s wards between us.”

Astarion seizes her by the wrist.

“Absolutely not.” He growls, “Aylin and Isobel will be here tomorrow to go into the Undermountain with us. I can’t believe I’m the voice of reason here, but you have to wait, Celeste.”

“Gale’s magic is impenetrable.” She removes his hand and drapes a light cloak over her shoulders. “After all the torment that woman has put me through, I’d like an uninterrupted word.”

As she opens the bedroom door and slips out, Astarion curses under his breath, quickly dressing and rushing after her.

“Celeste don’t you dare-” His feet thunder down the stairs as he pursues her. When he passes Wyll’s door, it cracks open.

“Everything alright?” He asks wearily, his demon eye glowing in the dark.

“Our little Moonborn is becoming a tad over confident.” Astarion says, “Get the others. I have a feeling this won’t end peacefully.”

He rushes outside as she approaches the boundary of the lawn. Just over the faint glow of the magical barrier, Keresta beams, her eyes gleaming with an expectant delight. Nightfall stands silently beside her, scanning their surroundings, assessing. Behind them, Portia’s panicked gaze meets Astarion��s, a silent warning passing between the two.

“Keresta, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Celeste pulls her sword from the weapon rack, letting the moonlight reflect off the blade as she waves it casually in the air. Behind her, their companions filter through the front door, and Keresta’s smirk falters for a mere half-second.

“Ah, so it’s a party…” Keresta matches the sweetness of her voice to Celeste’s tone, her words dripping with a saccharine charm. “A little birdy said you were lurking around in the Undermountain. I’d like to know why you were paying the Mad Mage a visit.”

“Halaster told you?” Gale asks with surprise.

“Seems the archmage is more loose-lipped than you believed him to be,” Wyll mumbles, flanking Astarion with Nocturne by his side. 

“The archmage is quite verbose, but no, he and I aren’t on gossiping terms.” Keresta waves her hand to summon an acolyte from the treeline, and several approach in response, one handing her a small sack.

“But his pets are known to wander now and then…”

As she shakes the contents of the bag on the ground, Shadowheart stifles a gasp, covering her mouth, as Shovel’s decapitated head rolls towards the ward line, staining the grass with blood and viscera. The creature’s face is frozen in shock, the hinge of its jaw wide open, as it gazes emptily ahead.

“You’re sick.” Wyll says and grimaces. 

“What in the Hells…” Karlach breathes next to him. Minthara lingers behind her, hands on their weapons in anticipation. 

“How predictable for a devil to have empathy for a quasit.” Keresta jeers before turning her attention to Astarion. “How’s mortality treating you, Spawn? Do you mind if I keep calling you Spawn? You still reek of subservience.” 

“Watch your tongue.” Celeste snarls.

“She’s trying to provoke you.” Astarion seethes. 

His lover ignores him, stepping closer.

“I can’t help but feel as if you lot are planning an attack on Vanrakdoom, and I have to say...” Several more of Keresta’s allies join her from the shadows as she speaks. “It just doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Celeste, get inside.” Gale’s voice commands, a rare show of assertion from the wizard. “I can’t guarantee your safety beyond the wards.”

“No. I’ve had enough of this,” Celeste says, and steps over the line. It flares, as if questioning her decision, and Astarion jumps after her, gripping his daggers. Twin radiant flames begin to dance and crackle in Celeste’s palms, their warmth palpable, and she holds them at her sides.

“You’ve gotten away with too much.”

Keresta claps sarcastically. “Oh! Brave. The Moonborn has finally come into her power. I was hoping you’d go running to your grandmother after I stabbed you.”

The fire in Celeste’s palms flickers, responding to her wavering confidence. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Why seek a magical object of unpredictable power when you can have it as an easily malleable Demi-mortal?” Keresta asks. “If I wanted you dead, sweet Selunite, you’d be dead.” She steps forward. “Don’t you wonder why I’ve spared you time and time again? You are far, far more useful to Lady Shar like this.”

“I don’t belong to you,” Celeste snaps. “I don’t belong to anyone.” 

“Of course you don’t, dear.” Keresta says with mock reassurance. “I’d never seek to strip you of your free will. Just to help you see more clearly.” 

As Nightfall edges closer, Astarion exchanges a panicked glance with Portia.  

“Not the time to be a hero, C!” Karlach calls out. “Think this through, soldier!” 

“I have to agree with Karlach!” Shadowheart yells.

“Celeste, listen to them. Come back with me.” Astarion holds out his hand, eyes flickering briefly towards Nightfall.

“Show me what you’re capable of, Moonborn. I’d love to have a peek.” Keresta purrs.

“Shall I practice on you?” Celeste offers with a smile, as if unable to hear her companions.

With a flick of her wrists, she unleashes moonlit flames in the vampire’s direction, the radiant beams slicing through the night with a mesmerizing brilliance, just barely missing Keresta’s head. The vampiress turns and watches the magic pass her, raising her eyebrows.

“Needs work, but quite the display.”

Celeste scowls, drawing her sword, but before she can react, one of the Sharran acolytes casts a spell, not directed at her, but Astarion.

He hits the ground face first, his palms instinctively bracing against the earth. Agonizing pain deafens him, rendering him unable to speak or move. He grunts, squeezing his eyelids shut to numb the pain.

Celeste reaches out, but a pulse of thunder throws her backwards, the force jolting through her body. Arms grip her tightly, forcing her to her knees, and Nightfall silences her magic with a wave of her hand and puts her fingers on either side of Celeste’s temples.

“We’re just going to stand here? Is that the plan?” Karlach shouts, looking between their companions desperately.

“Stay back or you’ll have several more heads joining the demon pest’s.” Keresta warns, striding past Astarion to squat in front of Celeste, an insidious grin meeting her contemptuous glare. 

“You’re powerful, more than you know.” She says, running her sharp, black nails across the Moonborn’s cheek, “But you’re emotional, and your attachments make you weak .”

As the vampire lordess rises to her feet, her black cloak billows around her.

“I don’t need to kill your companions, and I don’t need to take you with me… tonight . You’ll turn on them and come searching for Shar’s forgiveness all on your own.”  

Astarion fights to lift his head, his eyes meeting Celeste’s as Nightfall’s touch bathes her in violet light. She screams in agony as the sorceress sifts through her mind, probing for something.

“The Lady of Loss is willing to forgive her lost sheep.” Keresta says over the sound of Celeste’s cries, “She will cleanse you of Selûne’s corruption once you see your true path.”

Nightfall releases Celeste and stands, letting her fall to the ground with a soft thud as she hits the dirt. Astarion struggles against the invisible force, pressing him downwards, fighting its crushing weight.

“What have you done to her?” Shadowheart demands, stepping closer before Gale drags her back. 

“Just a little…reeducation. Nothing the two of you are unfamiliar with.” Keresta’s disdainful expression focuses briefly on Shadowheart and Nocturne. “I’ll even return her to you, a gesture of good faith.”

The vampiress wedges her foot under Celeste’s unconscious body and rolls her back over the wards. At the snap of her fingers, the acolyte holding Astarion in place nods, releasing him from his detainment. He clamors over the barrier, rushing to Celeste’s side and pulling her into his arms. Sound asleep, her chest rises and falls steadily as her head lolls. 

“Keep her.” Keresta says as she turns to leave. “She’ll be the death of all of you, and when she returns to Vanrakdoom, Shar will accept her petition for forgiveness when she rejects the moonmaiden for good. As her father should have years ago.”

Astarion knows he should go back, pursue the vampire, and shove a stake through her heart, but at this moment, he can only hold Celeste helplessly. He looks up at the two former Sharran behind him, the moonlight catching the glint of tears in Shadowheart’s eyes.

“What did they do?” He asks through clenched teeth.

“What they did to me,” Shadowheart rasps, her voice filled with horror as Gale pulls her against his chest, stroking the back of her hair as he stares at Celeste in horror .

Astarion looks to Nocturne, his eyes pleading for answers.

“They’ve taken her memories.” She clarifies, laying a hand on Astarion’s shoulder. 

———————————————————————

“Just let me talk to her.” 

“She doesn’t remember you.” 

Astarion waits outside their bedroom door, caught in a heated exchange with Shadowheart. After Karlach brought Florence inside, they followed Gale’s advice and secured Celeste to a chair in the room until she regained consciousness, unsure of how she’d react to her amnesia. Her magic was too powerful for them to risk the incineration of the entire household.

“So what? She’s just gone?” Astarion asks.

“Her memories aren’t gone forever. It took several times for Shar to erase mine, and even then, my true nature prevailed. Keresta is undoubtedly hoping Celeste will dispatch us and make it back in time to bring her in front of a Mirror of Loss so they can obliterate everything. Shape her to their will.” Shadowheart extends her hand towards Astarion in a comforting gesture, but he quickly recoils, retreating a step. At his rejection, she softens her tone. “We won’t let that happen. We have Noblestalk and time. Perhaps Selûne can do something. It’s not over, Astarion.” 

“What’s she like?” He croaks. 

Shadowheart hesitates. “Angry? Cruel? Unrecognizable. She called me several unsavory things…” The cleric takes a slow breath. “Gale is the only person she remembers. She seems to trust him, given their history, which I think is the only reason she’s been semi-compliant. It seems they took everything from the last few months, and altered anything to do with Selûne…”

“Of course she remembers Gale.” Astarion mutters and pushes past the cleric. He throws the door wide, slamming it behind him as he enters, and Celeste looks up, her emotions unreadable. 

“So this is it? Just as I finally get everything I’ve ever wanted, it’s taken from me?” He asks bitterly, pacing the floor. 

She doesn’t respond.

With determined steps, Astarion crosses the room and takes hold of her chin, lifting her head to meet his gaze. Despite his efforts, her neutral expression betrays nothing, and he despises the way it leaves him in the dark. 

“Do you really not remember me?”

She averts her eyes.

“Everything is encapsulated in shadow. But you...” Her brow furrows. “There is something. You’re.. we’re the same, somehow, aren’t we?”

“Thank the gods.” He releases his hold on her and runs a hand through his hair, letting out a long exhale. “The bond. You feel it, yes?”

“Bond?” she echoes. 

He sinks to his knees in front of her. “We’re connected, you and I, bloodbound to one another. My life and your life.”  

“And we’re…friends?”

“Far more than friends. Think, darling.” With a smirk, he gestures down at himself. “Lover, former vampire, saved your life countless times, became mortal for you, exceptional in bed…”

She blinks. “I don’t understand.” 

“Of course you don’t. They took your damned memories.” He sighs. “They’ve taken so much from you, Celeste.”

“Who?”

“Shar. Keresta. Nightfall. I’m sure you have no trouble remembering them. Though likely with far more reverence than they deserve.”

He reaches out, tenderly balancing her face between his palms. 

“I know you don’t remember me, but please, I need you to trust me.”

She studies his features, as if working something out in her mind.

“Astarion?” she whispers.

He smiles.

“That’s my girl. Reach deeper. I know I’m in there, somewhere.”

Her forehead wrinkles, and she closes her eyes. When she opens them again, her face goes slack.

“Where am I?” She scans the room. “What happened?”

“You’re home-well, Gale’s home. Keresta tried to have your memories erased, but…I don’t think the spell took completely. Do you remember me?” 

She scoffs. “Of course I remember you.” She tugs at the bindings holding her to the chair. “Now get me out of this.” She adds irritably.

“Apologies. A precaution, Gale and Shadowheart’s choice, by the way, not mine. Now deemed unnecessary.” He reaches around her and begins fumbling with the knots. 

“Gods,” As he unties her wrists, he pauses, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb as he searches her face. “You had me worried for a moment there.” He murmurs, before kissing her through his smile of relief. His mouth moves against hers hungrily, seeking comfort, familiarity…

But the returning kiss is cold. Unfeeling. 

Wrong. 

He freezes, and, leaving the ropes around her wrists, propels himself backwards and onto his feet, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

“Astarion! What-"

“I wrote the book on faking intimacy, darling,” he says, voice devoid of emotion as a shadow engulfs his face. “You don’t remember a thing, do you?”

Celeste’s feigned confusion turns to thinly veiled apathy.

“It was worth a try. I overheard you talking outside the door, thought maybe I could convince you.”

Astarion’s heart sinks, and he takes a step back, desperately searching for any sign of hope, some remnant of the person he loves.

“Get out. You���re of no use to me,” she sneers, the words cutting through him like a knife. Those words must have been said to him a thousand times in his life. But for her to say them, the woman who had healed so many of his intimacy wounds, shown him he was more than his body, who he trusted…

In a moment of despair, he wrenches the door open.

“As you wish.”

“Wait-" Celeste protests, and he hesitates, glancing over his shoulder. As their eyes lock, Astarion struggles to recognize the woman before him as the same person he once loved.

Loves.

The silence stretches on, and he breaks it first. 

“Yes?” His voice is flat, unfeeling.

“When you said our lives are bound…will I die if you die?” 

He purses his lips, anticipating where this is going.

“Yes.”

“So I suppose,” she begins, almost seeming to relish in his pain, “I have an interest in keeping you alive.”

Her grin holds a malicious edge as she adds, “In a self-preservation sort of way.”

Astarion’s jaw flexes, and he looks at the floor.

“I suppose you do.” He says coldly and shuts the door with such force that it rattles in its frame. 

He stalks down the vacant hallway until her words can’t reach him anymore. Undoubtedly demanding her release, mocking him, tormenting him with cruelty from a mouth that had, just hours earlier, uttered sweet nothings about their future and kissed him in such a way that he could feel her devotion.

Light from the den spills upon the top stair as he rounds the corner, bracing himself against the wall. His pulse races as the voices of his companions downstairs reach his ears, debating how to fix her, how to get her back. Shoulders slumping in defeat, Astarion bites down on his forearm, body shaking as he weeps silently with realization. 

The woman in that chair is a stranger.

———————————————————————

a/n: I'M SORRY SHOVEL.

Thanks for all your reblogs/comments/likes/kudos and subs and bookmarks on AO3! I appreciate it so much. Connect with me here anytime, or read my other Gale fic here if you want!

[banshee1013]

Suptober / Flufftober Day 3 - Song of the Heart

Doing this thing AND this thing and it's time for Day 3!

Prompts: Suptober: Inspired Flufftober: "Wait, you love me?" "I always have."

Entry below and on AO3, and check out the series for past days: October Days (and Nights).

Title: Song of the Heart Rating: Teen Warnings: No Warnings Apply  Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Dean Uses Actual Words (sorta) Summary: Sam picks a musical for the Bunker Movie Night and now Dean has an earworm that won't let him sleep. An earworm he feels in his heart but has never been good at saying.

Maybe he could sing them, instead. Words: 731 AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50792872

=================================

It’s dark in their room as they lie there in bed, but there’s just enough light coming under the door for Dean to tell that, even though his eyes are closed, Cas is wide awake.

He does that, for Dean’s sake — pretends to sleep while watching over him, to keep the weird itch Dean gets when attention is paid to him at bay.

But this time, Dean is awake, too. He can’t sleep because of the song running through his head.

It had been movie night in the Bunker and Sam’s turn to pick the movie. For some unhinged reason, he decided on a musical: Fiddler On The Roof. 

Dean had been baffled at the choice. Oklahoma he could have understood since Sam had been in a school production of it and he’s nostalgic like that — but at his obvious puzzlement, he explains in a quiet, hesitant voice that his and Jess’ first date had been a Stanford production of Fiddler and yeah, nostalgia. Throughout the movie, Eileen held him close and Sam even sang along to some of it, wiping away the occasional leakage from his eyes that Dean refrained from teasing him for.

But now the joke’s on Dean as a particular earworm runs through his brain, over and over on repeat, as he looks at Cas' pretend-sleeping form.

Do you love me…

Dean is not good at words, not ones that open him to any kind of vulnerability. Even after all this time, even though Cas has said it to him a number of times (the thought that, all but that last, desperate time, had been quickly followed by “I love you all” was done because Cas was certain Dean could not possibly love him back, is like a knife to his heart even now), Dean has never really been able to say it back. 

Do you love me…

The words echo in his head and seem to bounce off the still walls of the dark bedroom. 

Here in the dark, maybe he can get them out.

“Do you love me…” Dean sings softly, tentatively into the stillness of the room, his voice barely a whisper.

The blue eyes crack open. “Did you say something, Dean?” 

Dean’s stomach flip-flops. Nope, didn’t say nothin’ dances on the tip of his tongue and almost spills out, but a surprising surge of anger at himself stops it. No. I’m gonna do it. Cas deserves to hear it.

Instead, he deploys his favorite weapon — humor.

“Cas, that’s not the line. You’re supposed to say, ‘do I what’.”

Cas’ squint is palpable even in the dark. “Alright. ‘Do I what?’”

Dean swallows in a dry throat but manages to sing the line again. “Do you love me?”

A light bulb appears to go off behind the blue eyes, and Cas smiles. His expression turns contemplative, chin cradled between his thumb and forefinger. “Hmmm. Do I love him…” 

Cas rolls over to face him and Dean is suddenly engulfed, drowning in the soft, warm blue of his gaze.

“Fifteen years I’ve watched over him, protected him, fought by him.” He reaches to brush Dean’s hair back from his face, longer than he’s worn it before because Cas asked him not to cut it. “Fifteen years I’ve stood by him.” Cas moves closer, their lips a breath apart.

“If that’s not love,” he sings, soft and low, “what is?”

Dean’s heart is in his throat but once again, humor to his rescue. “Wait… you love me?” he says, eyes wide and his hand pressing to his heart.

He expects an epic eyeroll from his dramatics, but what he gets instead takes his breath away. 

Cas’ hand presses against Dean’s own still covering his heart. “I always have,” he says, heartfelt sincerity in every word.

That’s not the line, the snarky asshole in Dean’s brain almost makes him say, but once again he slaps it down.

He’s going to say it, needs to say it. For Cas.

Past his heart still lodged in his throat, he whispers, “And I have always loved you, too.” 

Cas’ eyes fly open wide, and Dean feels him give a small shuddering breath as he pulls Dean to him.

Dean buries his face in Cas’ chest and repeats, “I have always loved you too.”

It’s easier to say, now. Maybe tomorrow, he’ll be able to say it in the light, too.