#i was expecting trauma but this......this ruined me

[nadvs]

the act of unravelling (part three)

pairing rafe cameron x pogue! female reader

rating mature 18+

summary you never expected you’d get tangled up with a kook, least of all, rafe cameron. one night, you make a life-altering decision to get revenge on someone you both despise. after you vow to keep what happened a secret, your relationship begins to twist into something more.

tags very dark! violence, homicide, drug and alcohol use, parental neglect, mental illness, s/a, trauma. no smut.

< prev

Being in Rafe’s truck again is like being thrown back into a bad dream you can’t wake up from. You remember every detail from that night, the smell of bleach, the ache in your bones.

He parked by the edge of the country club lot, and as he settles in his seat and shuts the door, he wraps both of you in privacy behind his tinted windows.

“What is it?” you ask, your voice cutting through the tension. Rafe rakes his hand through his hair. He seems nervous, a contradiction to the smugness you’ve gotten used to.

“You were right,” he admits. “Cops aren’t even sniffing around yet and people think it was me.”

You meet his eyes, the blue hue bright and striking. The night it happened, you’d only seen him through the dark. Now, in the daylight, he almost looks innocent. But then you remember the loudness of the gun and how angry he looked when he fired it.

“What happened?” you ask.

“Last night,” he begins, “a few of us were hanging out and people were talking about how something might’ve happened to him. This guy had his name in my mouth… said some shit about how they should probably ask me.”

You nod slowly, taking his words in. You expected as much. As someone who openly hated Porter, Rafe’s likely at the top of everyone’s list of suspects.

“What’d you do?” you say.

“I swung at him.”

You exhale defeatedly, looking up at the ceiling of his car. He’s such a loose cannon that for the first time since that night, you worry that he won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.

“Damn it, Rafe,” you complain. “And you were giving me shit for being obvious?”

His temper flares like a match thrown into a pool of gasoline.

“I’m not gonna sit there and let some asshole say that shit about me,” he mutters. “This is why we need to have our story straight, alright? If you even think about ratting me out, you’ll regret it.”

You tense up. So, this is why he so desperately needed to talk to you. You can’t believe you thought you could find any comfort in him.

“You don’t need to threaten me,” you say sharply. Rafe is taken aback by the confusion on your face. You look like you’d never even considered selling him out. But maybe you’re just a great liar.

“We said we’re in this together,” you continue. “Neither of us leaves the other, no matter how messy it gets. That’s the whole point of being each other’s alibis.”

Rafe sucks his teeth. You realize just how on edge he is about this. He was so comfortable the night it happened. Almost careless. Irritated at how anxious you were. Now, it’s like he’s spiraling.

“I won’t let this ruin my life,” Rafe mumbles. He huffs an unamused chuckle, looking out of the driver’s side window. “I’m not going to jail. I’m not…”

He trails into silence. You stare at his profile. The coldness you’ve always seen in him has been shadowed by a deep paranoia.

“I’m freaked out, too,” you admit. He looks at you again. “But this is only going to work if we trust each other. We need to stick to our story so well that even we start to believe it.”

He tilts his head, looking at you with skepticism, a wrinkle between his brows.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about screwing me over, Pogue,” he says. “You could say I did it and scared you into staying quiet.”

“Are you that paranoid?” you ask. “I won’t go behind your back. I promise. Even if it’s just a cover-up, we need to act like we’re friends now.”

Rafe gives you a once-over, the hardness in his face slowly fading.

“And don’t call me that,” you say. “You know my name.”

He breathes a real chuckle this time. Despite your better judgement, your heart flutters that you’ve earned a smile from him.

“You’ll take it to the grave?” he murmurs.

“I will. You, too?”

“Yeah,” he says. He studies you again, realizing that you don’t have a guilty conscience at all. “You really don’t regret it.”

“No,” you state. The agony of reliving what Porter did to you hurts more than any sort of remorse you feel for taking his life.

Rafe is surprised to hear you don’t wish you could take what you did back. You’re as cold-blooded as he is. You might be the only person who comes close to understanding what it’s like being controlled by anger this intense.

“I just hate how I can’t stop thinking about if we left any evidence,” you say.

“Yeah.” He settles back, adjusting in his seat with ease, the tension between you dissipating. “We were rushed.”

You nod as you chew on your lip.

“At least nobody saw us,” you say. “And if the cops check our phones, they won’t find anything.”

“Good thinking to turn them off.”

Your face creases in surprise.

“What?” he says.

“Just throws me off when you’re not an asshole.”

He scoffs, his jaw tensing. But beneath the irritation, he wishes he could undo the way he’d spoken to you when you first got in the car.

It’s like his mind is speaking a different language to him when he feels any sort of shame. He usually tries to shut it up. When he looks at you again, he decides not to.

“I didn’t mean to… threaten you,” Rafe mumbles.

“Yeah, you did,” you say with a humorless laugh. “But I’m on your side here. Don’t forget that.”

You check your phone. You have plans to hang out with the guys after work and after what you put them through a few nights ago, you’d rather not leave them hanging again.

“I should go,” you say. “My friends are waiting on me.”

“Did you tell them the truth?”

“No,” you say. “This stays between you and me only. Trust me.”

Rafe stares at you, longer than he ever has before. It’s not anger in his face. Not worry, either. It’s something new. Vulnerability.

“I don’t trust anybody,” he says.

Your lips twitch into a frown. Even though this is a man who’s relentlessly teased you for your place in the classist system he seems to worship, your heart twinges in sympathy.

“Nobody?” you ask quietly.

He looks out the window again, tense and distant. He doesn’t say anything else.

“I have your back,” you reiterate to him. “To the grave, right?”

“Yeah,” he offers, not looking at you again. You exit his car, the confusing knot in your chest only tighter now.

·········

The police start knocking on doors a day later. When they come to yours, you do your best impression of a clueless nobody who just wants to help.

The lead on the case introduces himself as Detective Brading, settling in your living room like he’s been here before. He’s so confident that it’s intimidating. You can imagine Porter’s wealthy family are doing everything they can to find out what happened. The man staring at you is likely the best of the best.

You’ve rehearsed your story so many times that it feels natural. The two men nod along as you lie to them about how you’d fallen asleep in the bedroom, how you’d woken up to him and Rafe arguing, how you convinced Rafe to leave with you.

Your parents stand close by, arms crossed. This is the most they’ve heard you speak in a long time. They hardly ever ask you anything about your life, so it feels odd to have their attention.

“We think you two might have been the last people to see him before he went missing,” Brading tells you. “Porter didn’t say anything about going anywhere?”

“No,” you answer. “Rafe and I left pretty quickly.”

The detective looks up at your parents with raised brows, asking them to give you a moment. When they leave, he leans a little closer.

“We know he dealt drugs,” he murmurs. “And we know you bought from him. We’re not interested in getting anyone in trouble for that. We just want to know what happened to Porter. Is there anything you didn’t mention about that night in front of your parents? Be honest.”

“I fell asleep because I smoked too much pot,” you say quietly, looking back through the doorway your parents left through. It’s taking everything in you not to cry as you think about why you really lost consciousness in that room. “But I only ever bought that from him. He offered other things. Like cocaine. It’s why he and Rafe argued.”

It’s what you agreed on saying, but it still feels like you’re selling Rafe out. It’d be suspicious if you didn’t tell them this version of the truth, though.

The detective nods, clearly having been told this already. Your chest twists in unease as you think about Rafe’s name in everyone’s mouth, leading the cops to him. And possibly to you.

“How close are you to Rafe?”

“We've been talking more since I started my job at the country club,” you say. “We started hanging out a little bit ago. We’re friends.”

“Do you think he would’ve done anything to Porter?” Brading asks.

You meet his eyes, swallowing hard.

“No,” you say resolutely. “I don’t.”

·········

A man is missing and possibly, at this point, presumed dead. But that doesn’t stop Kooks from wanting to party.

You’re in the passenger seat as JJ drives to the north side of the island while John B and Pope talk in the back. You’re gazing out the window, watching the landscape go from dilapidated front yards to gated communities.

You’re heading to a party that you heard about from one of Porter’s friends and the way the police questioned you earlier today is spinning in your head.

“You good?” JJ asks.

You look over at your friend, flattening your lips together. You can never tell the whole truth, but you can offer bits and pieces.

“The cops told me they think I’m the last person who saw Porter before he disappeared,” you say. You can’t bring yourself to tell them the version of the story that includes Rafe yet. They’d never believe you. They’d judge you. “It’s kind of scary to think about.”

“My money’s on that he went on a bender,” JJ says. “Sampled his own product. Maybe even too much of it.”

“You think he overdosed?” you ask.

“More like Rafe offed him,” Pope chimes in.

“Is that what people are saying?” you ask, blood cold, turning back to look at him.

“It’s what I’m saying,” he answers. “The guy’s unhinged.”

You want to defend Rafe. To say he wouldn’t go that far. But it’d be suspicious. And a complete lie.

“It’s a small island,” John B says. “It’s only a matter of time before we find out what happened.”

You hope that’s not true.

·········

You make it to the house, reminding yourself over and over that you have to live as if you believe your own lie. You want to erase that night from your memory. Erase what Porter did to you.

You chug the first drink you can get your hands on. Your friends rib you for how quickly you down it. You blame it on a rough day at work.

Soon after, you’re at the keg, not even close to buzzed yet, but desperately needing to be. Discussing Porter with the cops today, pretending like he was just a dealer you had a few short conversations with, hearing that his family is concerned for his wellbeing made your pulse spike.

Does his family know what a monster he is?

You have to correct yourself.

Was.

“Slow down,” you hear.

Rafe towers over you, his eyes on your cup.

“What?” you shout over the music and conversations surrounding you.

“You’re on your second drink already.”

You look over your shoulder to make sure your friends don’t see you talking with him.

“I don’t even feel anything,” you reply sharply.

It’s a half-truth. Your sadness and anger are weighing heavy on your soul. That vile man took away your power, but you took it back, so you hate that you’re still so rattled by what he did. You just want peace.

“And why are you keeping tabs on me?” you ask.

Rafe stares at you, his lips just slightly parted. He can lie and say he wants to make sure you’re not setting yourself up to get hammered and potentially admit to someone what you did.

But even he’s not that selfish right now. The truth is he can’t stop thinking about you. And he doesn’t like seeing that look on your face, sad and absentminded.

He knows you hate him. He wishes he could hate you back.

“I need to be sure you’re not a liability,” he lies. “And people think we’re friends now, don’t they?”

You look over your shoulder again, anxious the guys will see you. You need privacy if you’re going to continue this conversation.

“Come on,” you say, dipping your hand in his, dragging him through the crowd. His palm is warm and soft and you don’t know what you were expecting, but the way Rafe feels is the opposite of it.

You open the first door you see, stepping into a narrow closet. You shut the door and switch on a light and suddenly he’s standing right over you, all breadth and intimidation.

Your heart races from the way you’d just touched him, from the way he’s just about pressed up against you right now. Something must be short-circuiting in your brain, because the fear you used to hold for him is entirely gone.

The attraction you’ve always felt is overpowering now. You can’t make sense of your own emotions.

“I haven’t told my friends our story,” you confess.

“What?” Rafe snips, his tone low.

“I can’t handle telling them right now, okay?” you say. You cross your arms. “I just said I was with a guy. Telling them that guy was you is… They’ll be so disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed,” he repeats with a scoff.

“Rafe, think back to every encounter you’ve had with us. All you’ve ever done is insult us. I don’t even want to think about how hurt they’ll be to hear I’m friends with you.”

“Who gives a fuck?” he mutters. “We need to make sure our alibi is solid. If the cops find out your friends don’t know we–”

“I’d tell the truth,” you say. “That I was worried about what they’d think.”

“I can’t believe you.” The thought of you being concerned about someone else’s opinion is ridiculous. “Why do you care so much?”

“They’re the only family I have,” you admit. It comes out before you even realize it. You look down, sighing. “You don’t get it. You’re like… an enemy to us. They know how shitty you treat me when I’m at work. Telling them–“

“How the hell do I treat you shitty?” he interrupts.

“I know that those tips are all a degrading show of how you’re so much richer and better than me,” you say with a roll of your eyes.

“It’s not like that.”

“What’s it like, then? Charity?”

Rafe’s jaw tightens, his nostrils flaring. Charity isn’t the right word. He hides behind a forced ego, but he’s always wanted you. And through excessive tips and constant teasing, at least he can talk to you without risking the chance of you rejecting him.

You have him all wrong. He doesn’t think he’s better than you. He’s afraid you’re better than him.

“I’ll tell my friends, okay?” you say when he doesn’t speak. “But I talked to the cops today and they seemed convinced. We’ll be fine.”

“They talked to me, too. I can tell they think it was me.” There’s an almost imperceptible tremble in Rafe's voice. “Everyone thinks it was me.”

“Even your friends?”

“Yeah,” he says. If he can even call them friends. Hearing you call yours family made his jealousy flare. Envy is all Rafe ever feels. Like he’s missing the one thing that deems everyone else loveable.

But he’s hanging on how you said they’re your only family. He doesn’t have a family, either. Not really. Not one that cares about him. Maybe you understand him more than he thought.

“Well…” You clear your throat. “They can believe what they want. You can trust me that I won’t ever tell anyone what really happened.”

“Why?” he finally asks. “Why not just snitch on me, Pogue?”

“Because that night, I told you to do it and you did. The world is a better place without him in it. You did me a favor.” You uncross your arms. “And I told you to stop calling me that.”

Rafe clears his throat, giving in, remembering how you’d saved his life and offering a quiet sorry before he says your name.

It’s the gentlest you’ve ever seen him. It’s a shock to your system. You search his blue eyes in the dim of the closet as if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to make a snide joke.

But he doesn’t. He just stares at you, his breaths shallow, and you rethink everything you thought you knew about him.

He’s violent and aggressive and condescending. But you don’t see that right now. You see a man who doesn’t seem to be able to believe that someone would want to protect him. Is that who he is behind all the bravado?

The world continues to turn on the other side of the door, music blasting, bass rattling, but time has stopped between you. He’s looking at you through low lids. Like he wants you.

You shouldn’t. Shit is already complicated enough. But what’s one more tangle in the string tying you together?

Your fingers are at the collar of his button-up, pulling him towards you, lips meeting with abandon.

Rafe kisses you back immediately, hungrily leaning into you, cupping your face. His heart is racing. He doesn’t know how or why this is happening, but he wants it so bad that it hurts.

Your mouths part and finally, you taste him against your tongue. It feels so right, like you were always meant to do this and were both too stubborn to.

His hands press tighter against your jaw. Fear floods you. You’re back in that bedroom. You pull back.

“Not so hard,” you say.

“Okay,” he whispers, his grip loosening. He stays hovering over you, nose nudging yours. “Just… please…”

You nod, tilting your head to kiss him again, his hunger for you palpable. You’re with Rafe again, not in that bedroom, but here with a man you want who listens to your wishes.

Your head is swimming with bliss as he kisses you, smelling like cologne and desire, every piece of you wanting him. Then, his hands drift down over the curves of your hips, pulling you flush against him.

And it’s too much. You’re back there again. Begging for it to stop.

“No,” you snap, both hands roughly pushing his chest.

Rafe hits the shelves behind him, his head radiating in pain from how hard he smacked against the wood.

“What the fuck?” he mutters. He was just living in a dream. Why the hell are you pulling him out of it?

“No,” you repeat breathlessly. “You can’t touch me like that.”

“Okay,” he groans. “I won’t. Jesus.”

He clutches the back of his head, wincing.

“I’m sorry,” you say, your throat raw. “I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”

“Why’d you even kiss me?” he says. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” you repeat. You step towards him, trying to meet his eyes. “You can’t… I need you to ask before you touch me like that.”

His lips are glossy from the kiss, his face pinched in pain. You take a risk, gently placing your hands on his cheeks.

Rafe should be angry at you. But goddamn it, your touch feels so good that he melts. His gaze is heavy on yours, both of you breathing deeply, coming down from the sudden outburst.

“I didn’t mean to,” you repeat softly. “Just don’t take me by surprise. I can’t handle it.”

Rafe searches your face, silently asking for an explanation.

You shake your head, not having it in you to answer right now. Your goal tonight was to forget. Not relive. You pull him closer, and thankfully, he lets you.

Your lips are tender after you part, having lost count of how long you’ve been kissing.

Things just got so much more complicated. But you wouldn’t take it back. Not for a second. Nothing else makes sense right now, but having Rafe the way you always secretly wanted him is the one thing that does.

“Don’t fuck me over,” he says, a note of cynicism in his tone as his forehead brushes against yours. “No matter what happens, don’t fuck me over.”

“I won’t,” you promise.

·········

The next morning, you’re walking through the club hall towards the golf course to start your shift. You still can’t get the way Rafe’s mouth felt against yours out of your mind.

He kissed you like he’s been waiting to kiss you for ages. Like he felt lucky that he got to.

You’re about to step through the glass doors leading outside, but the sound of your name makes ice go through your veins. You know that gravelly voice.

You turn to see Detective Brading, his stare intimidating.

“You have a minute to talk?” he says.

You can tell by his tone that it isn’t a question.

to be continued

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[shooooooo-oooooooooooo]

I'm gonna make this as simple as possible

I don't expect you to know everything

You were hurt and groomed by a person, start blaming them for that! The media they convinced you to like has nothing to do with the fact that a person hurt you, and they should be held responsible

It's okay to make internet friends but don't expect them or strangers to take care of your mental health. No one but a licensed therapist should be your therapist

Grooming is when a person builds a relationship with a child, young person or an adult who's at risk so they can abuse them and manipulate them into doing things, non sexual examples include forcing you to go out and interact with adult content. You are way too young to be doing that, it ruins YOUR mental health!

It's completely okay to be wary

ok

I don't want to hurt you

Your current circle of friends make very clear that their support for you is conditional. You aren't always going to meet their expectations, true friends don't do that, true friends fwill support you because they care about you unconditionally

Proshippers don't normalize anything. these things are still illegal and wrong irl (if they weren't that would be normalization), you and they and me know that. Stop desentizizing and harming yourself, please

I don't want you to get locked up, but you need to understand that you're not doing yourself a favor. You need help

Please focus on your friends then, focus on school and getting along with them. these are people in your life who will be there for you, unlike people online who you think are your friends

Any good therapist will say that fiction is a powerful and recommended tool to explore anything that is illegal or impossible irl. Of course therapists will ONLY recommend it if it is beneficial for the person who copes with it. You also ned to understand that therapists also deal with actual pedophiles, so they need to have an open mind about people's fantasies, their kinks, fantasies and stuff. A good therapist will never judge you/people for your/their thoughts and feelings

People who post about their trauma online do so because they want support. They're not asking you to draw their trauma, they want to bond with others over shared experiences. Humans are social creatures after all. And just as I said before, you are allowed to feel uncomfortable. Abuse is an extremely triggering topic you don't have to be comfortable with. But your uncomfortableness should never be used to tell people how they should act around you. If you are triggered, it is your job to block them

People are able to consume anything wihout turning into school shooters, it's called morality. People who commit crimes are judged and arrested for their actions and behavior, not for their thoughts because thoughts and fantasies aren't a reflection of a person's morality

I hate when proshippers say "Oh you're censoring us! 😡" when I express how uncomfortable I am when people fetishize rape, pedophilia, and incest.

1.) That's not called cEnSOrSHip, that's full on illegal material that you're somehow sexually aroused by. And besides, only government organizations like the FBI can actually censor things. Opinions cannot censor jack shit.

2.) Writing taboo topics isn't bad by itself, but you proshippers need to understand the difference between using it as a coping mechanism and using it as a "cutesy" kink. (Believe it or not, there's a difference between knowing and understanding something.)

3.) If they're gonna get offended when I call them potential pedophiles when they fap to fictional children, maybe they need to reconsider why they're attracted to characters that are supposed to represent MINORS in the first place!

4.) Being anti pro-contact doesn't stop them from being disgustingly weird.

5.) They promote the fact that they're "anti-harassment", but the second some random online stranger expresses how much they don't like proshipping while staying in their OWN lane, they go "SHARPEN YOUR PITCHFORKS AND LIGHT YOUR TORCHES!! THEY'RE HARASSING US EVEN THOUGH WE WILLINGLY STEP FOOT INTO THE ANTI PROSHIP TAG!!!" Like, y'all can't just filter out the anti tag and block any anti you see without interacting?

That answer is simple. They can't. They're too busy sitting on their high horse to stay out of the anti proship tag whilst calling antis hypocritical narcissists for disliking them.

Now I'm not saying every anti is innocent, but you gotta believe that most antis don't actually go out of their way to explore the proship tag to express how much they dislike them.

Sorry for the random ass rant. Had to get that off my chest.

.

[jewishregulus]

How do you headcanon regulus personality to be like? Do you feel as though James and regulus complement each other in some ways?

why yes of course! i fundamentally disagree w outwardly mean and evil regulus bc it makes no sense canonically. perhaps in an au where he separates himself from his parents and gets to be happy but regulus cares too much to be outwardly rude to people . it would impact his reputation and his families reputation like he isn’t hexing people in the hallways . he’s a professional faker (shit talks behind people’s back most definitely) and feels guilty and horrible everytime he’s plagued with an evil thought . i know many people view him as a selfish character but i think he’s fundamentally not . he puts everyone else’s wishes for him above his own . he doesn’t really exist as a person outside of his family . i do think , outside of this control, he would be sarcastic and have very dry humor , would love to read and would be very introverted but long for connection and friendship. a loner not by choice, he enjoys company but has no idea how to reach for it. i think he loves magic and magical creatures and genuinely holds a lot of love in his heart that his family disapproves of !! regulus soft black !!! not to say i think regulus doesn’t have an attitude and an edge …. i just think he has fundamentally good morals sorry! i’m a good person regulus black enjoyer i can’t help it …. of course he’s morally gray but most of the decisions he makes r caused by the life long abuse and trauma he is subject to . regulus black was suicidal as hell in those deatheater meetings the moment he turned 18 he killed himself LMFAO . i just know he was the most uncomfortable person in there at any given moment . i think vaguely threatening posh regulus is true but it is his exterior and the assumptions ppl make … and then they get to know him and realize he’s got like a little kid version of himself who holds the world with so much fascination . and it makes you sad when you realize he thinks it’s a flaw and wants to stomp it out

in this way i think he compliments james very well!! both people who really do value others and life but behave in very odd judgmental ways (regulus being a fake recluse who can’t function as a person w control over his life and opinions who is fake as hell and sarcastic whilst also having no understanding of social situations and desperate to be liked by people around him. number one peer pressure victim. 15,000 mental illnesses and a penchant for self harming behavior.) (james potter who is unfortunately consistently acting like a frat bro at any given moment : assumes everyone naturally loves him and is mostly right which does evil things for him as a person . would die for his friends but is also insufferable to be around (affectionate) . harshly judgmental to anyone who doesn’t fit into his box of what counts as a good person (which by the way regulus challenges in a way i think helps james as a character!) . looping back to the frat bro thing i think james is the type of person to throw a crazy party and convince everybody to drink and do unsafe things for the fun and when u realize u don’t have a ride home and can’t walk u are so fucking SCARED to ask to stay the night bc of his general vibes but then he ends up taking care of you and getting u pain killers and making like an awesome breakfast for the whole crew? should be the worst person you know but just beneath the surface is so much good it’s impossible to hate him.) you would never think these people would get along but then they both love quidditch and train for it like it’s their life and they are both academics with serious opinions on art and literature they would both die for even though they are often opposing . they are the first people they can have a conversation with and truly match eachothers freak on any given topic. the fundamentals of both of their characters is how much they care about life and the things inside of it . it manifests in different ways but i truly think the thesis of jegulus is that they are so much more similar than one might think outwardly , and it creates a soft intimacy between them . and also just james introducing the concept of silliness fun and happiness into regulus’ life lol!!

[moongothic]

We all know how a lot of Luffy's opponents have been in some ways premonitions of the type of person Luffy could end up as if something went wrong in his life. For example Moria is what Luffy could've become had he truly lost his entire crew at Sabaody if Kuma had not saved them

And we know Crocodile is what Luffy maybe could've become had Luffy given up on his dreams and become jaded after losing to him. But like, when you think about it, that's not the only dark reflection of Luffy in Crocodile, is it

'Cause Crocodile, despite employing people for Baroque Works, did not trust anyone around him and did not considder anyone to be anything else but an employee to him. And we know he had been planning on taking over Alabasta for like 14 years (at the very least), BW being a thing for only the past four (pre-timeskip)

So like. Did Crocodile spend the last 14 years alone

Like yes he had his workers at the Casino and Robin etc, so he was like, around people, he wasn't like Brook who was in Total Isolation. But on an emotional level, has he not spent the last 14 years all by himself, completely detached from anyone, unable to trust or rely on anyone else?

That is sad as fucking shit, holy hell

'Cause then you compare him to like Luffy and like

Our sweet baby boy was so afraid of being alone that Luffy literally went through hell just to gain Ace's approval despite Ace trying to signal to him he wasn't interested befriending him

And through out the whole series Luffy reiterates time and time again how he needs and wants his friends around because he literally can't live without them, both on a literal "he can't cook or navigate or have fun by himself" level but also on that emotional level

And Crocodile just. Spent 14 years of his life, if not longer, alone.

Sweet jesus what happened to this man

And that just makes me further wonder, what the absolute fuck were Crocodile's Rookie Pirate days like?? Like did he have a crew or was he just yolo'ing it by himself???

Like. Mihawk's never been on a crew as far as we know. Kuma was a Revolutionary, not a pirate, but he wasn't like alone still. Doflaming, Hancock, Jinbei and Moria however have/had crews of their own. So what was Crocodile's deal? Did he have a crew before? Was he a captain or was he on someone else's ship? (Although surely the Government wouldn't offer the position of a Shichibukai to a cabin boy or the first mate, right)

And if he did have a crew, the hell happened to them??

Like we know Crocodile got his ass kicked by Whitebeard, I just find it unlikely Whitebeard would've pulled a Kaidou on Crocodile's crew and slaughtered them, that's not a very Whitebeard-y thing do, right?? ...Unless Whitebeard was just different 20+ years ago and was willing to annihilate entire crews. We don't know. Or maybe Crocodile and his entire crew were like Turbo Rotten from the beginning and Whitebeard figured they deserved to get wiped out, much like how we saw Shanks wipe out Kid's crew at Elbaf. Or maybe Whitebeard saw no reason to have mercy on someone affiliated with the World Government.

That all said, if we wanted to assume Crocodile had somekind of trauma that lead to him viewing people not only as disposable but also untrustworthy, then maybe losing people dear to him like that wouldn't lead to that mindset. Like Moria witnessed his beloved crew die and that caused him to want to create a crew he couldn't die, so he wouldn't go through that emotional trauma again.

Which leaves me to wonder. If something caused him to lose his ability to (emotionally) trust people, and if Whitebeard broke his dreams... Maybe Crocodile had a crew. And maybe they abandoned him when he lost to Whitebeard. Figuring they didn't need a weak captain who was probably going to bleed to death anyways. Or maybe the crew tried to take his head (after Whitebeard kicked his ass), after all, he was already a Shichibukai, anybody who took Crocodile's head could maybe attempt to take that title for themselves if the Government allowed it, and if not, at least gain more fame for themselves.

Either of these scenarios would certainly result in you losing your ability to rely on others. And leave you willing to spend the rest of your life alone. Who would have in them to go through that again.

Or maybe he came out of the womb unable to trust people and he was just yolo'ing it by himself like Mihawk right from the begining, who knows

Regardless I'm just

[longagoitwastuesday]

I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn

[noxiousgrace]

YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT

You have no idea how many times I've imagined krs to that song 😭

I THINK IT'S FAIR TO ALSO SHARE HOW I CONNECT KRS TO THIS SONG HEHEHEHE(I'm sobbing on the inside)

SPOILERS AHEAD

---

"Watch that old fire as it flickers and dies,

That once blessed the household and lit up our lives.

It shone for the friends and the clinking of glasses.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

This verse reminds me of the cataclysm in Korea and the 20 year old war in krs' and og!cales world respectively. (We still don't have a name for that planet 😭 it's literally nameless 1)

But it can also be correlated to kim rok soos curse, any warmth in his life has been put out by tragedy after tragedy.

Og!cale was also unfortunate enough to be the last one standing. The survivors guilt with these two goes absolutely insane 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

----

"Capture the wild things and bring them in line

And own what was never your right to confine.

The lives and the loves and the songs are what matters.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I feel like the first 2 lines here could be words meant for the white star, and his holy fucking crusade into ruining the entire world .

And the 3rd line is krs AND cale stating their beliefs. Krs always insists on the fact that staying alive is best and og!cale values the love he has for his family, both of them would do anything for life and love respectively. (Honestly krs would go far for love too, but he hasn't been able to hold onto it long enough, to be confident that he could put everything on the line for it. Until he transmigrated of course, now he has hope that he can hang onto it so it's more on the forefront)

----

"Do you feel heavy? Your eyes drop with grief.

Your spirit is wild and your suffering is brief.

So never you buckle and bend to the masses.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

To be honest, I've always connected this verse to raon. Especially how KRS perceives him, going back to the time he first saved raon: The dragon had been tortured for 4 years, and ready to kill himself in order to escape just a few days after krs saved him. contrary to how he (krs) gave up when he was being abused, the little dragon still had fire in his eyes, which was a relief to krs. (Sobbing, every time we get snippets of his previous life i die inside, i love this poor bastard so much)

The third line could corrolate to krs!cale nurturing every child that he adopts. He taught raon to be a DRAGON, he helped lock become the WOLF KING, etc. etc.

And the last line is his continued self sacrifice (when you said it fits that this line is after every verse, YOU WERE SO FUCKING RIGHT 😭)

---

"Get round the fire with a glass of strong ale

And tell us a story from beyond the pale.

Bury some seeds and expect some strong branches.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

Okay so i had to look up what beyond the pale means, and it basically means something unacceptable.

The first two could be cale and krs bottling up their trauma. Krs didn't open up until he met lsh and cjs,(i think? Because choi jung soo knew that krs lost everything when his memories were being transferred to choi han) and they probably had to literally sit around a fire since korea was pretty much flattened to the ground, except for a few safe zones,after the cataclysm

As for og!cale, he could've sat with the rest of the soldiers before the battle. He opened up to krs as well which i thought was nice (even if it was partially out of necessity)

The third line is cale picking up munchkins on the way to his slacker life LMAO he's gonna have an empire before he gets to rest istg 😭

-----

"Now show me a man that can meet all his needs,

For what we need most now is unity's seed:

A common old song for all creeds and all classes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I feel like this verse fits a lot more if you look at it in a different light, i interpret the first line as a rhetorical question, "show me a man that can meet all his needs, go on, you can't" because nobody can fully sustain themselves without the other

And this makes the line apply to everyone in tcf that much more, nobody we've seen so far has been able to survive and accomplish things all on their own. Even in a collapsed society, which krs had to live in for 16 years, everyone was still grasping at the people around them to ensure their survival. While krs is independent, he would've truly burned himself to ashes if he didn't have anybody who even slightly cared about him along the way. His emotional independence is such a facade, he's so weak to affection it hurts me 😭😭😭 he's been deprived of so much, i wanna cry

The second and third line also corrolate to the collapsing worlds krs and og!cale had to live in. Unity was desperately needed against the monsters in korea, and the white star.

Survival is the common old song the third line is talking about, if TCF is the context we're seeing it in 😭

And again, the last line of the verse, their self sacrifice continues

---

"I'll tend to the flame..."

Krs and cale both maintaining their determination for a better future

-----

"What will we do when the world it is ending,

And time it is halted for friend and for foe?

Try to hold on to the time as it passes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I don't have a very deep analasys for this verse specifically, but both krs and cale have tasted the end of the world. Unlike cale, krs has another chance to save everything from ruin. (But, in all fairness, he never had a chance to save korea.)

Them trying to hold on to the time as it passes can be interpreted as them doing their absolute best to preserve the different parts of their lives that keep them sane 😭

Aaand the self sacrifice continues with the last lines.

----

That was my analasys of the connection between ashes and TCF, thank you for coming 🤝🤍

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - it will come back

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - through me (the flood)

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - nobodys soldier

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - All Things End

Kim rok soo is so The longest Johns - Ashes

Kim rok soo is so Frank sinatra - My way

Kim rok soo is so Ado - readymade (english cover by trickle)

Kim rok soo is so Radiohead - just

Kim rok soo is so Depeche mode - Enjoy the silence

Guys i think about Kim rok soo often

Idk if you can tell

[phagodyke]

wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how many people (mostly "friends") on the internet have blocked me after an argument/disagreement just because I tried to have clear/open communication with them and they refused to. or they "hint" at things and get mad if I ask or bring it up. they act like simply talking is an attack on them and want ignore the problem that clearly wont go away by pushing it under a rug. I can't stand people like this, honestly. they make me so angry and need to stop hurting people and way.

[stargazeraldroth]

How am I supposed to go from being ridiculed and judged for asking for help with my assignments/lessons in primary school to casually asking for help in college?? Am I supposed to act like my teachers and classmates didn’t screw me up in the head or

[weird-unlimited-ramblings]

What I am gonna talk about is why that makes me fine with the way the teens handle their relationships with their parents.

Essentially the general avoidance almost all of them have. Linc basically ignoring his dad the last time they saw each other, Normal in general seems to be so angry at Sparrow (probably Lark to, but again that’s a different post), Scary just straight up denying that Terry is anything to her and siding with Willy, and just the way Taylor interacts with Nick.

It feels like we are getting this twisted version of the perspectives of the kiddads childhoods, Normals rage at Sparrow/Larks rage at Henry, Terrys denial of Ron/Scary’s denial of Terry, Grant blocking off his feeling from darrly/Linc blocking his feelings from grant, Glenn ignoring some obvious pains Nick may have/ Nick ignoring some obvious pains that Taylor may have.

The difference is solely in the motivations behind why each kid acts this way, and in the case of all of them. Their direct attempts to prevent what happened to them happening to their children, failed. I would love to see the kiddads come in and just magically fix their own mindsets and then their children’s issues, but from a place in the narrative I only think Terry and Grant is even slightly capable of doing that. And even then I can make arguments that they very much aren’t. The sad thing about that is that they may never be, especially in the case of both Nick and Lark.

Basically, Right now the teens are able to have much more independence from their parents , unlike the kids in season 1 (who were NPCs). That independence what I think is crucial to working on each of the kids relationship, but can also be the thing that completely breaks it.

[hualianjpeg]

i'm in the middle of watching the mdzs donghua and literally had to stop cause it's making me too depressed and heartbroken...

[mothbug]

you show me a tarot card at this point and i WILL go ‘oh like [revue starlight character]!’ they should never have done this to me

[orcelito]

Staying out of tales of arise Anything bc I think I do want to experience this game organically bc those plot twists hit me like a fucking TRUCK.

I did look up an estimate for how long the game is tho. I'm at like 30 ish hours and if you focus on plot alone it's like some 40 hours. But I have been doing side quests lol so it probably isn't even 10 hours remaining.

A Little scared of how things will be after this point tho. The Vibes will definitely have changed. And oh God I just want to hold Alphen so tightly. He doesn't deserve this.

[rossithepixie]

Wriothesley's "then terrify me." line really got me. like oh oh sir-

He has no right to be so hot when he's angry (actually he does but still)

[magicstormfrostfire]

.