#shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.

[phagodyke]

wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man

[elix8r]

never thought id do this but heres an essay on my thoughts on monkey bars 😭😭🤍🤍🤍

let me preface this by saying you did such an amazing job with this truly, you wrote so so well and i feel like you encapsulated every perfect emotion in the best way possible, and somehow it just gets better and better? i forgot how pt 1 went so i reread it before i read pt 2 and i was blown away again but youve even improved somehow ?!!? youre like the gift that keeps on giving 💋 also, thank you so so much for pushing through and writing this, i know it couldnt have been easy struggling with writers block but i hope u know we all think the world of this fic so please see the worth of your work 💗

ok now MY THOUGHTS!!! oh my lord, where to begin… first of all, same as before: from part one, i was already irked with jake when he pulled the beomgyu shit (albeit i moved on pretty damn fast surprisingly) but the cliffhanger you left us on was a game changer like he crossed the line so bad. i was conviced i would never forgive him. if someone did that to me i would have the exact same reaction as y/n tbh. anger later sad confusion panic first. and seeing the aftermath in part 2??? first of all, so glad she had such a good support system around her and people who actually put their morals first aka 02z bc u already know men irl would defend their “boys” first or whatever 🙄 hearing other girls gossip about her actually broke my heart cos if it was me i wouldve cried n had a panic attack there and then … and knowing my PARENTS know about it 😭😭😭

you wrote so well i was actually about to insert myself in NO JOKE!!!! like ok lets stray for a while but me personally i dont like “dumping” my emotions on anybody bc it makes me feel like im burdening them but when i read the scene when she went back home,, oh lord i wanted to cry in the dads arms there n then, u have a talent with words fr 🫣🫣

SORRY BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED ANNOUNCEMENT, nowhere in this fic was my heart set in stone. ok i lied. for the first 80% i was like FUCK THAT MAN HE DESERVES TO DIE IM NEVER FORGIVING YOU but then i started feeling pity too DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY YOURE AMAZING AT WRITING??? like am i throwing away my morals or am i just understanding that people are multidimensional,, woah lord,, like tbh i wouldnt have forgiven jake bc something of that scale is just not in my books, was way too extreme, but the way you wrote his character, his guilt, the actual situation??? couldnt even blame y/n for feeling sympathetic cos damn me too… i know a lot of people might not agree (especially irl. DEF NOT) but the way you wrote everything… how do you not feel bad for the poor boy 😭 in no way is y/n to blame for ANYTHING but at some point i started to be worried for jake too so i was like u know what. fine. get together with the boy. NO WAIT. idk. dont. IDK?!!!?

i think me personally, i wouldnt have been able to forgive him but i wouldve tried to move past it, despite how hard it would be. whether or not we get together would be a different question because rebuilding trust would take a lot, but,, yeah. overall i am soooo fucking satisfied with this, and the ending was so refreshing tbh!!! at first i was hoping they wouldn’t get together (literally when they kissed again i was like NOOO GIRLLLL WHYYYYY have more self respect!!!!) but after your slayful writing i was like nah u know what give them a happy ending,, n u did not disappoint,,,, i loved how it ended and that fresh start at the end was really like a breath of fresh air i have no idea how to explain it but it just genuinely did feel like a fresh start. i loved it. i will be rereading. thank you

OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE LONGEST MESSAGE I'VE EVER GOTTEN AND IM LITERALLY SCREAMING IN JOY BECAUSE OF IT!!

this was insane praise like omfg thank you so much! i always have such a hard time wondering if what i wrote is good enough to put out for you guys and to hear you say that is so meaningful to me 😭 the writer's block def was a bitch but hearing you say that you could see that I've improved makes everything worth it like i'd go through it again if it'll help me get better at writing im crying literally 🥹

so the whole time i was writing this last part i had a hard time deciding if oc should forgive him or not because personally i would never be able to but i just felt that the only way for this story to wrap up well and in a satisfying way would be if it was a happy? ending so i ended up just going with that and yes one of the main things i wanted to show was that everyone was rooting for y/n so i made sure no one excused jake's behavior

the scene where she went back home was kind of tough to write like i totally get you i get really emotionally invested even when im writing and jfc just imagining how my parents would react literally had me going through it like her dad was devastated and i think it really shows to what extent one person's actions/mistakes can effect cause this shit not only broke her down but also most of those around her so those scenes were def tough to write

but i am so so so glad to hear how much you enjoyed the ending and overall this story! you seriously just relieved me of so many of my worries regarding this story and i always feel like the best compliment is when people tell me they'll reread my stuff so thank you so so much for sending me this ginormous message and hope I'll continue to produce stuff you like! love you loads 🫶 🫶 🫶

[g3nosarchive]

ok i genuinely think a lot of other people have this problem but stop inserting yourself when xyz issue is mentioned. when someone is telling you that a person, a celebrity, some franchise is harming their identity or anyone’s identity as a minority, or part of a certain race or religion or anything shut the fuck up and accept it.

they do not need to know your emotional attachment to said thing, your disbelief, your horror, your personal experience - we didn’t ask for all that. we know just how bad it is, cus yk it harms us maybe? we’ve already gone through the cycle of being angry and indignant and now we’re here trying to get you to understand in the hopes that as a friend you do what you’re meant to do when you became friends with us. we are not your constant ball of anger to use whenever you find something that’s “crazy, unbelievably, shockingly” once again, a hate crime, when you decide you want to feel angry and care about it.

more under the cut bc i talk too much

by doing that, you’re making an issue that you didn’t even know about suddenly yours. ask yourself, what is the purpose for telling anyone all that? to get them to sympathize with you personally so you can get a pass because you didn’t know? of course you don’t know, of course you’re unaware, that’s the whole reason why you’re being told in the first place. do not water down the issue or even try to play the ‘everything has some issue like this so there’s no point in going this far’ card. especially as a white person. the reason why you don’t know primarily is because it doesn’t affect you and it doesn’t cross your mind.

when you watch a show with a black character, you don’t care about how off the character design is or how stereotypical and borderline racist the comedy gag surrounding said character is. when you listen to your favorite white music artists or watch your favorite movie with a majority white cast, white staff, white team, and white theme, you don’t care to analyze just how outdated and stereotypical the way that token asian character is portrayed. some of y’all don’t understand and will never understand the mental struggle and awareness forever plugged into the brain of lgbt and/or poc, especially black people when we consume anything, when we go anywhere, when we meet new people, to constantly catch those micro aggressions and know what to avoid.

so when someone tells you insert classic hot mess is racist and you should stop supporting it, one of the worst things you can do beside outright rejecting it is to defend it and insinuate that we don’t know what we’re talking about, that we need 30 different sources to prove it all, that you don’t think (for example taylor swifts dream colonized africa mv) is bad. you try to say the thing or person that is actively promoting all this homophobia, racism, transmisogyny etc needs to be kindly educated, is trying their best, will learn soon enough, just wasn’t educated, will do better in the future (esp looking at u kpop stans). does their apparent regret but refusal to properly apologize actually matter? the damage has already been done.

that in itself is a privilege i could never have. i don’t even try being a fan of any major white celebrity or any kpop group because i guarantee if i search up their name with ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘homophobic’, ‘transphobic’, ‘cultural appropriation’ behind it something or some image is bound to show up. you will all say “oh they haven’t done anything yet” but when it comes out that they did, they have, and they do not care about who it affects, suddenly it’s a bombshell dropped on you out of nowhere.

it’s not that hard to spot these things actually. if your fav is constantly putting themselves against people of color, saying shady shit about non cishets while being a cishet themself, saying one thing and doing another, or has been silent when their voice was expected to speak up, shouldn’t you notice? y’all will reblog all these posts but in reality only 10% are actually reading and listening and actually digesting this information for future use.

and i think the thing that pisses me off is this is all from personal experience where i’m speaking from. over the past 2 days the amount of times if i’ve heard about the “tea that dropped w meghan markle” is ridiculous and annoying. a girl texted me and i sat there and i realized that she does this on a daily basis to fuel my anger and get me to validate her own useless anger. of course i knew about it and i wasn’t surprised at all - she’s still a black woman.

almost every black blog on here, when they get big enough, deals with some sort of weird shit surrounding their blackness. if you get big on speaking about issues you are now this emotionless token ‘smart black person i can actually trust’ to use as your replacement for google. this is not to say asking questions is bad, but it is so easy to pull up some of the shit you guys ask for. some people get called slurs directly, targeted for being too black or not black enough, attacked for their features and etc and someone mentioned this before but the only people that care in those situations are other black people themselves. white people will have blm in their bio but turn the other way the minute some anon starts acting up in their mutuals’ inbox, calling them a dark1e because they felt confident enough to post some selfies. and then you get sad when we dont go to you for any kind of support? 

i’ve stated sometimes that asking me questions on issues and things is okay, but one of the main reasons i say that is because whether i say it or not, i’ll be asked questions and expected to know everything and i am your personal walking encyclopedia and ofc it’s natural for me to have all this information in my head, as if i didn’t research it myself. but then i think about the numerous amounts of people that specifically say not to ask them this shit because it really does tire you out, that they don’t want to have to deal with this in any space but they still get them. 

and then the ones that don’t even know themself so people will use them as an example and say “well this person didn’t know and they’re ‘marginalized identity’ so it should be fine for me too”. good god just apologize, show that you really care, change your behavior and move on. do you think it was fun being asked the statistics for george floyd’s and other black peoples death in class? that you were being inclusive and giving me a chance to show off my intelligence, to prove to others that i really had something up here and you were my greatest star eyes white friend that gave me that chance? i cant close my posts like this properly but i want you to think about that shit and actually ask yourself if you’d do that. a lot of you will read this and think “i’m not that type of racist” “i don’t have those deep seated prejudices in me” yes you do. you just haven’t been called out on it.

for all the shit ive dealt with above, if i’ve ever talked to you about this before dont come to me to apologize i do not need it and you are not the only person i’ve received this from. i guarantee you that there’s about 20 other people i’ve thought about while writing this post considering i’m a black person in the real world, so keep your guilt to yourself an deal with it

white people don’t add on to this

[sargentr]

my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K 

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint. 

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing. 

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes. 

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war. 

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws. 

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. 

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot. 

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!! 

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated  / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT. 

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

[firebuug]

ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team: 

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi) 

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far) 

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

[whiteanti]

this is honestly such a big issue within our communities, the "reclamation" of slurs. and i hate it so much esp when white passing ppl do it like hello? i dont like it when they call themselves people of color either bc they dont fucking know the struggle of being racialized, they only know how to whine abt not being white enough for the whites n poc for the poc. i wish we had another term to call ourselves bc white passing weirdos and spicy whites took the term poc and fucking ran with it

(1) lmao theres this person whos url is [redacted] whos south n se asian but is like ¼ chinese and and made ch*nk jokes then ppl confronted them on anon n they said its just whites trying to police their “pocness”… and what bugs me about ppl like this is how they dont reclaim slurs they just use them to be edgy online. it doesnt matter how much % dna u have of an ethnicity if ur not racialized as it dont fucking use slurs u know u’ll never be called they have literal worms for brains

ok sorry for reformatting like this I’m just already anxious as hell bc of exams rn so I rlly can’t deal w getting into fights w ppl like that but anyways ik who ur talking abt and its the same person as I was but I don’t have any receipts and I haven’t interacted for the past couple of years so I’m not gonna assume u know. also idk if these r the same anon but these r kinda similar so I’m gonna out them together. my reply got rlly fucking long so its under the cut 😛

anyways I feel like a lot of ppl esp on tumblr ‘reclaim’ slurs for the edginess of it bc they’re teenagers in a white society trying to figure out how to b a poc in a way that isn’t acceptable to white ppl and/or they think its CoolTM bc all their mutuals r doing it. like to a certain extent I get it bc when I was 13/14 I was like that as well. I called myself a chink bitch and all that shit but also I was a fucking dumbass kid who was doing both of the above. but ppl who r 17/18/19/20+ who carry on doing these crazy fucking jokes and tell kids who r impressionable and young that this is a good and healthy way to reclaim their identity? wack. the way ppl treat each other and the way ppl have normalised treating themselves w absolutely no respect in the name of activism or whatever is….. just crazy. calling urself slurs to degrade urself isn’t funny reclaiming shit ur just making urself feel worse. theres literally nothing positive abt it ur making no impact, ur doing positive for ‘the cause’ or urself either. so thats my thoughts on most of the ‘slur reclamation’ that happens on tumblr. 

onto what ur actually saying sdkjfhs I basically agree 100%. ppl who r white passing shouldn’t b able to reclaim slurs bc they’re never gonna have the slurs used against them if they’re white passing? bc like being able to reclaim a slur basically has 2 parts a) was the slur targeted at u (e.g. a butch lesbian can’t reclaim f*g even if its used against them bc it’s meant for gay men and they’re just being mistaken to b a gay man) and b) are u ever actually gonna get targeted by the slur (e.g. a white passing person is never gonna get called a racial slur in the street bc they look white). if u fit both them congrats u can reclaim the slur! but generally I find it rlly iffy if ppl just start throwing around slurs or calling other ppl that slur esp if its not widely reclaimed in the community (big example: YELLOW) 

but also if ur white passing and u decide that ur gonna reclaim a slur ok thats fine bc technically ur a poc but u literally can’t get angry at poc who freak out when u say it bc??? u look white??? what do u want us to do look up ur fucking family tree before u start throwing slurs around??? like anyways I’ve always had a whole mess of issues w white passing ppl and tbh mixed white poc to a certain extent esp when y'all act like the shit u get from poc is just as bad as racism…. like getting ‘rejected’ by a poc culture aint as bad as literal racism but anyways. white passing poc r like….. what u want me to do……. feel sorry for u?? apologise??

like white passing ppl have a unique place in society to b able to stand up against racism in white spaces bc y'all do know what its like to b a poc to a certain extent and obviously have access to white spaces as well. white ppl trust u as an ‘ambassador’ for poc bc u look white but every time I interact w u guys either irl or online u side w white ppl/racism bc its so nice to benefit from appearing white but not so nice to have to stand up for poc. like this is so many ppl ESPECIALLY white passing e asians u guys r transparent as hell. obviously not every white passing person is like this but from all the white passing ppl I’ve interacted w like shits the same bruh. 

ok like 50th anyways but ANYWAYS like I identify myself a lot as a poc online bc theres a lot more solidarity politics(? idk if thats the right term but lmao) on here than irl. the internet is a good way to connect w different ppl that u wouldn’t otherwise meet irl so thats why. its a hard issue bc a lot of the time ‘poc’ merges ALL of our experiences together whether ur rich, poor, white passing, an immigrant, black, asian, etc, etc, etc and we all obviously have different experiences of racism and how we interact w our race/ethnicity and as I’ve said before whilst ‘poc’ is a kinda useful term sometimes for solidarity and talking abt racism generally but its overused a lot. theres no harm in being specific abt the kind of racism u face if its specific to a certain race or ethnicity or group or whatever. 

also tbh a term for non-white passing poc would b useful that doesn’t surround the idea of white passing ppl being the norm. (something like visible poc? idk) but anyways this has gotten so long I’m just ranting/rambling at this point so I’m sorry for answering ur asks so weirdly?

[yourbleedingh3art]

Ok so basically i was so scared i dropped the ball and all my teachers hated me cuz they thought i was super engaged the first week but instsntly i started showing up to class late/turning assignments in late so i was like fuck theyre gonna think i was just catfishing them like im actually a dedicated student ive just been really struggling w balance and adjustment in the context of mental health struggles in a relatively new environment im still deciding my place in... so i was like fuck theyre gonna be so disappointed in me i already set them up to expect great things from me Im so teachers pet Im trying to be that student u remmeber , that student that literally makes teaching class easier cuz u know u have an engaged mind and a listening ear and a feeling heart dedicated to what ur saying, a student driven by natural curiosity like i want them to know i dont do school for fucking grades i dont even check my grades grades only matter as the teacher's parameter of course success and i care about doing well on a test not for the grade but to show the teacher i CARE about succeeding in your course because i CARE what youre teaching about It brings a tear to my eye you would share your intellectual property with me Because i do so much research in my own time, but with teachers i just get to sit back and learn and its truly a privilege not to teach yourself, it truly is, like when i cook for myself all the time then i get to go to a restuarant and its like. u didnt have to grocery shop u didnt have to mean plan u didnt have to ingredient prep or chop u didnt have to do dishes u didnt have to put away the dishes once theyre dry u didnt have to box up leftovers and u dont have to wash the tupperware the leftovers are in like I Love Saving time i fucking love saving time Im conscious of how i spend my time bc every moment of my day Imtrying to jampack w intention and its such a priority to me to foster my own natural curiosities so i give so many fucks about school i give so many fucks about learning AND I WAS SCARED THEY WERE GONNA THINK I DIDNT! THAT I WAS LAZY AND APATHETIC. REALLY ITS JUST BEEN MENTALLY TUFF BUT NO I HAVE CARED THIS ENTIRE TIME. EVERy time i showed up late to class i was raking myself over the coals i truly was. I already have blisters on my feet from how much i walk but when i am late to class I pound each step into the sidewalk so fast, and i can physically feel the friction worsening my blisters, but its more important to me not to be late Yo i fucking care. I care. And it paid off. Im really about to cry right now and it paid off. I was like caring isnt enough. Yeah i care but i have been so shit. "people who care dont turn in assignments late so " this negative ass inner demon. I CARED IVE JUST BEEN USIN SO MUCH ENERGY FIGHTING U! U NEGATIVITY DEMON! AND I WAS SCARED I WAS SO BUSY FIGHTING THAT SCHOOL WAS JUST GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A BACKSEAT. LIKE. FUCK. My teachers are just gonna get what they get. Im tryin yall. And then . And then and then. I have my head screwed on tighter this week and im all refreshed and ready to learn and i check my grades and its like. YOU HAVE BEEN LEARNING THIS WHOLE TIME. YOU HAVE BEEN LEARNING THIS WHOLE TIME. U HAVE BEEN SO CONCERNED W MENTAL PREOCCUPATIONS BUT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ON AUTOPILOT. YOU ARE CONSCIOUS EVEN WHEN YOURE UNCONSCIOUS OF IT. YOU NOTICE THINGS YOU DID NOT REALIZE YOU NOTICED TILL YOU ARE APPLYING WHAT YOUVE OBSERVED/LEARNED! I THOUGHT the past two weeks that i was on autopilot, that a stand-in dummy was walking around in my body but my mind, the way i want my mind to be, the way my mind is on its best day (bright and fast moving and so curious and so loving and so trusting yet intuitive and creative), i was like That isnt here right now. Bc my emotions were so big they took up all the space. but that was just another illusory emotion! I WAS SUCCEEDING EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAILING. I THOUGHT I DID SO SHITTY THESE LAST TWO WEEKS OF SCHOOL, BUT REALLY, I GOT MY FIRST PERFECT 100 PROJECT GRADE IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE TWO

“I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game.” - dem

HOH: Josh C UPSIDE DOWN: Nick & Joshua NOMINEES: Emma & Nash POV: N/A FINAL NOMINEES: N/A EVICTED: Dem (Expelled)

EMMA

I been struggling in this game which is sad i want to have fun but yesterday made me feel like maybe having a meltdown and leaving 90 percent of servers was a good idea for me i really hope not i just really want to have fun and win for some reasons i always have trouble prejury in games trying to find my footing but at jury and late prejury i always know how to rise ASDFGH the people i really like rn are Jakey loml jev loml aria queen saira queen and also joshua is easy to talk too!!! nathan is also great

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSgjyUhGTng

NASH

i simply think men should stop winning hoh and trying to nom me. its week 2 go target someone else j*sh. jev and i are cool now though <3 love him

DEM

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game. I think I'm not in anyone's bad graces so far, which is good. But I really need to win one of these next HoH's so secure my social relationships. My plan moving forward is to see win HoH's. I want to win the next to HoH's I'm eligible in back to back. I also want to try to secure my relationships with Gina, Jev, and Jake. Those are three people I want to be close with in this game. Also maybe Joshua? He's pretty cool and chill.

SAIRA

I'm still getting a sense of how the game works but I feel pretty good, there are some people that are much easier to talk to than others but everyone is still so nice! i feel good about josh c as hoh! we get along pretty well and I don't THINK im in any danger but you never know! imma be honest, I don't have an actual plan, i'm mostly playing this by ear, just talking to people, bullying beck when the chance arises, and being myself! 

JOSH C

HELLO GIRLIES!

well, we won HOH and that's really EXCITING. i probably didn't need to win this week but i figured that i'd get a win under my belt while nominating people would still be EASY. i can establish trust with some people and get a "i didn't nom you, please don't nom me" situation going on. i also feel like the two people i'm going to nominate would have NOMMED me anyways because we just haven't talked..

who those people are? nash & emma. (vl don't hate me for only nominating women i didn't want it to come to this either)

but i just.. both of them have really only put in any effort to talk to me now that i'm HOH and i don't really LOVE that tbh. i've already told a few people that's who i'm thinking so i kind of accidentally locked myself in on these noms because there isn't any sense in throwing out more names than i have to!!

i have an alliance with kiki, brianna, jacob, jake, and aria. (i think that's the people in it? i wanna say that's right. LKFMSDG love this game for me) and i feel pretty good in that because i like all of them enough and they're people that will watch out for ME and each other. but i know my social connections go beyond that so i'm feeling pretty good with my spot in the game? i have a solid relationship with almost everyone in the game and i think i should be able to play a cute lil utr game for a few weeks. i don't think that i'll get targeted first if my alliance gets outed and if so.. i have ENOUGH faith in my comp strength and relationships to save me against MOST of the cast.

people kind of want me to nominate DEM because apparently he starts drama with people and has been a bit inactive. he's talked with me more than other people so im not super keen on throwing him on the block RIGHT AWAY but i'm thinking he's a good replacement nom because if people think he's MIA then no one other than him will be upset with me. maybe a backdoor? could be spicy..

i don't really know what else to say here so.. i hope this is enough! love u guys <3

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/mJw3qxsZ-Bg

JEV

Okay so I feel like pretty comfortable this week because me and Josh have gotten pretty close and bonded over our mutual love of Lucas HOWEVER he's just let me know he's gonna be nominating Nash and Emma which isn't GREAT since I'm in alliances with both of them and they're the only 2 alliances I have so I really wouldn't want to see either of them go home this week, this SUCKS ASS

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt2xRQqqax8

ARIA

how is it ONLY week 2 i feel so hecking exhausted fhsabfd, but that might also be the fact that is 2 am so,,,oop. Um okay recap time!!!! Recaps are so hard because theres minor details that i still want to note without seeming super annoying so heres a minor list of things im noticing 

-Dem wants to "start playing the game" I told this to Jake (wish i could bold names ugh)

-Gina & dem told me they were gunning hard for hoh- i told nathan/monty/nick/,,,,and someone else this

-emma feels unconnected from cast

-Jake doesnt like Gina

-Josh likes Me Jev Kiki (told joshua)

-emma knows alliances are starting to form

-joey can get pwr hungry and chaotic + good comp ability

-told gnia my thoughts on the sides being "connected v unconnected" and other tidbits of info

-GIna (potentially joshua) doesnt like nash

-Nathan/Nash ARE CLOSE!!!!! WEE FUCKING WOO!!!!

-Told Jake that Jacob has the power (and the bs excuse he told gina pretending he doesnt have it,,,sure jan)

-jake is GREAT at lowering his threat lvl im sick

-Jev-Josh-Nathan-Nash all bonded p well on vc potentially an alliance

-jake tried to get gina nominated

-Emma Nash noms

-Jake doesnt want emma to leave

So,,,thats what you missed on GLEE! Honestly glee sucks but yeah thats all my info i would weave everything together with cute transitions but im TIRED and lots of this information doesnt really connect well so,,,have a bullet list! 

okok nvm heres some general thoughts bc JUST a bullet point list is so boringgg im honestly not too sure what i want to do this week bc i think emma doesnt have a lot of people (although she has jake apparently,,,she might just be putting up a front of being unconnected ffs) so i would rather keep her around based on our relationship alone esp compared to nash whose been busy w/ irl things to reply i think (nash would prob do gr8 in old school bb,,,but new school is a whole other beast) HOWEVER!!! I need to protect gina who isn't the best conversationalist (sorry bb ily but its true <3) and keeping nash around ensures people have another "inact" target besides her but also nash is such a god connection for people like nathan and jacob and i would rather get her out sooner than later before we have another renee on our hands ...

Also i havent talked to the pasio peeps (omg if we ever make an alliance,,,that should be the name hehe) in a while and idk if theyre distancing themselves or if theyre just busy fndsjafd god im too paranoid for this game its awful. Also i think i mentioned the alliance with josh kiki bri jake jacob last time and it still isnt made and im PRAYINGGG it never gets made bc i have SUCH an awful feeling like SIX FUCKING PEOPLE??? S I X?? THAT IS GOING TO FAIL AND BLOW UP!!!! but i cant say no to an alliance so here i fucking am :/ also im trying to think of my longevity in this game and like,,, idk im nervous. I mean ive mentioned going to the end with multiple people but i have such a bad feeling im gonna go out 9/10 as a big move and i REFUSE to let that shit happen, not on my fucking watch no sir!! Not sure what to do about it yet but i feel like monty in particular doesnt trust me and i need his ass OUT! or maybe not if he comes around but like??? sir pls talk to me- i mean this phase of the game is early im setting up the pawns for later, but before later theres gonna be a couple explosions of my game which i'll have to deal with,,, or maybe not actually i mean in my first org i did a really well mastermind game with it- nvm it did explode on me once FDBSHFDS yeah so theres gonna be an explosion period but i think im getting good at dealing w/ the backlash from it and reintegrating myself..

oh also yeah im safe this week lol

anyway sorry for rambling so much LMAO have a trust ranking!

1.Gina (MY QUEEN!!!!!!!! i LOVE her!)

-BIG BIG FUCKING GAP-

2.Jake (listen,,,my thoughts go back and forth but he did tell me the noms so,,,have some rights)

3.Saira (we never talk game but i dont think she talks with anyone about game beyond maybe nick and also shes nice and im a sucker for nice girls)

4.Emma (if this isnt all just a front shes gonna make a great number for me,, might need to fact check some of her statements tho)

5.Joshua (honestly? i love him hes so funny and i think he has my back although he could be more act)

6.Nathan (literally havent talked in 3 days but also i have a soft spot for him <3)

-GAP-

sorry the Js are just kinda scary lmao JFNSDKF

7.Nick (!! we gotta an actual connection folks!! heck yeah!)

8.Josh c (im safe! but he D E F trusts others more than me such as Joshua and Jacob)

9.Jev (honestly a king but hes a little quiet although his reccs are the BOMB)

10.Jacob (i know youre being sneaky,,,idk what youre being sneaky with but im getting the vibes)

11.Dem (might be weird but i think he trusts me? at least a little bc he ranted about losing to me so O.0)

12.Brianna (youre adorable and deserve the world but everyone likes you,,,is this how people view me omg fhsabfhds)

13.Kiki (youre SO hecking sweet and actually u probs have a connections to nash but we havent talked ANY game yet)

14.Nash (p,,p-please talk to me uwu)

15.Joey (i dont trust you at ALL! Why? good question-)

was that mean? sorry in advance ilyall but also its 3 am brain empty no filter

NASH

i think jev and nathan might end up being good allies of mine (inb4 betrayal)! despite the mistake he made nomming me, talking to jev has been lovely so far he's getting me into loona LMFAO. and i just love nathan's energy & i feel like as the season goes on i can see him winning comps. i'm excited :3 hope josh c does not end my existence this week

JOEY

I feel FANTASTIC about Josh being HoH. I’m making sure that others are coming to me about gameplans, and I’m making sure I don’t come off as too pushy or aggressive in PMs. With most of the players, I’m trying to give them all the same energy and hype. It seems kinda weird to say this, but I’m not concerned about being nominated at this point. What I need to ensure is building my social relationships with people outside the “Crackhouse”, and yes that big ol friend group moved to Discord in 20 minutes like 6 months ago. 

This is the first major game I’ve ever played with Skinny Nick(yes, I’m absolutely confused as to what to call them, I’m so used to calling Nick “Eve” that its going to take time to adjust.) Speaking of Nick, my social relationship with him is actually surprisingly similar. In the past, I felt as though it would be as “on-sight” as Tom & Jerry, and it actually isn’t turning out that way, which is surprisingly refreshing. Every day, I’m making sure I send Nick something different to diversify my social game with them. Yesterday, I asked Nick about his preferred streaming services for music and TV, and I discovered we have the same music service(Apple Music).

I’ve played one game with Monty before, but it was a disaster. We were in pairs, and it felt like we were on different planets. I did tell him to not worry about personal feelings when it comes to this game, because I compared the relationship of BB Netflix and the Crackhouse to the separation of church and state. I made that comparison because the two entities of church and state should never cross, but when they do it becomes disastrous, and I feel as though that same principle applies to this game.

Overall, I feel good, Emma may be going up on the block, but it shouldn’t affect me that much. We’re in the early stage, I want to make sure I’m good with everyone.

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeox7LM1-E

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkZ-BIIjTU

HOUSE MEETING

https://youtu.be/BZMorvWvyKY

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT WEEK 1 & 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc-iMpkfrdw&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=3&t=0s

[donghyxns]

serial killer! au | donghyun

yes..... you have read the title right

serial killer! au lmao what has my writing become

its not really graphic or anything but if your sensitive to this kind of shit then dont read LMAO

donghyun was the serial killer that everybody trusted before they died

his good looks and killer (ha. ha. ha) smile made all of the girls around him swoon

he would take them to his house with a coy smile and a beautiful smile 

the girl's heart would be racing wildly because holy shit

a god is basically inviting them inside and has all of their attention on them

whose heart WOULDNT be racing lol

he would get them all comfortable and shit before leaving for the “bathroom”

lol he was actually going to his TORTURE ROOM

yes he tortured before killing 

what a dick

he would come back into the room with a large smile

but a cloth with chloroform was in his fuCKING POCKET

no chill

he would sit on the couch, throw his arm around the girl and cuddle up close to them

and THEN BOOM

FUCKING RAG TO THE FACE

obvi the girl would struggle and try to pull the fucking rag off of their nose and mouth area

but donghyun would always have a vice grip on the back of their head 

the creepiest thing is when they would look over at his face

the sickeningly sweet smile they fell in love with was still on his face

the girls would usually pass out a couple of moments after bc you know they were struggling

making them take in deep breaths

torturing was different with every girl

sometimes he would tie them up or just run knives and hot wax over their bodies

OH ALSO HE ISNT JUST A SERIAL KILLER TO GIRLS HE HAS KILLED HIS FAIR SHARE ON MEN TOO

he is all for equality

after killing his victims, he would drive far far away from his home

like 6 fucking hours away

he would always tell his parents or friends, “oh i will be studying for a long time please dont contact me”

so nobody ever suspects him??

what a smart d00d

-

now how you met donghyun was kind of weird

you were walking around your town at like 2:00 am 

you were bored,,, okay??

and you hear these low ass grunts

and you're like ????

“hello?” you call out and they iMMEDIATELY STOP

you decide to investigate further bc what the hell is safety???? i dont know her

and you see this really attractive man digging a fUCKING HOLE and a dead person laying beside the hole

the d00d looks shook btw 

“is that a dead body?” you lazily point to the corpse next the the man

he cocks his head to the left, his grip still very hard on the shovel, “no???”

you smile, “idk man i think thats a dead fucking body.... are you the one that has been killing all the girls?”

he mutters under his breath, “and boys...”

“and boys....” you repeat, question still standing

he sighs, shovel clattering to the ground, “yes it is me... go ahead report me to the poli-”

“nah, i dont care enough to do that. peace out, have fun killing people man” you throw up a peace sign and try to walk away

donghyun is like ???? but is intrigued

he walks over to you and is like, “hey, wait.... what’s your name??”

you turn around with a slight smile, “_______.... what’s yours?”

he laughs, shoving his hands in his pocket, “well, i wouldnt be a good serial killer if i gave you my name, right?”

you nods your head, “shit u right u right” you stand there awkwardly for a couple of seconds before exchanging goodbyes and walking away

there was a slight smile lingering on your face and you felt your heart beating like crazy

you suddenly stop in your tracks, realization dawning on you

“did i just fucking flirt with a serial killer??”

[sapphirescales]

LILY!!! do you have skincare tips? i've got oily skin and i'm looking for things i can do when my Depression makes it hard to maintain a routine :(

UMMMM well idk like,,, my skin isnt all that great either esp when The Stress hits but i’ll jot down some stuff tht i can think of, but i’ll preface it w my skin is combination skin -- i’ve got a rly oily t-zone and then the rest of my face (esp my cheeks) are a little dry so i guess my skin tends to be more oily than anything, and my skin is SUPER SENSITIVE, but anyway

for facewashes and face creams: use gel stuff instead of foam or cream stuff! i switched my foam cleanser for a gel cleanser, and my moisturiser cream for a moisturiser gel and it helped so much. gel stuff tends to be a lil bit more expensive but it’s worth it imho. also try and get stuff which are parabens-free, bc stuff w parabens in it usually makes my acne go Mad. some stuff i’ve used/stuff i know about: sugar’s cucumber face wash gel, clinelle’s hydracalm facewash gel & hydracalm moisturiser, st ives’ green tea cleanser, origins’ make a difference plus+ rejuvenating cream (a gel moisturiser & a lil high-end aka super pricet), the face shop’s jeju aloe gel (there’s a huge tub sold here for like rm22 something something and honestly aloe gel is so cooling and soothing). i’ve also heard some really great stuff about origins’ oil cleanser (and oil cleansers in general) but i haven’t used it personally.

get urself a good toner! again, try and stay away from parabens-containing products but investing in a good toner will help your products sink in better and also help with regards to oil control. i’m using origins’ mega-bright skin illuminating treatment lotion, from their dr andrew weil line, and idk of many toners that are parabens free, so if you know any feel free 2 add to the comments i guess

your diet tends to reflect on your face. i dont eat v healthy tbh but i find that if i take a lot of dairy products, my acne tends to get worse. try and see if there are similar food products for you -- i know my cousins have issues with lots of processed food. not to say Cut It Out Entirely but reducing/cutting back can really help. my skin is also v v oily if i don’t drink enough water and get in enough greens, so i try to do that as often as i can. keep some water next to where you’re working or using your laptop, use a cool mason jar or water bottle or sippy cup or WHATEVER tbh as long as it makes you actually drink water and keep yourself hydrated

use a nice scrub or an alternative to a scrub: i use st ives’ green tea scrub (which is also parabens free and v affordable imo) and i also bought a tiny lil silicone sponge from watson’s which is like rm22 or something? and i use that with my gel cleanser. but the goal is to really gently exfoliate your skin without irritating it or drying it out. bc the sponge is made of silicone, it lasts FOREVER as well and you’ll see a difference in the texture of your skin in no time. making sure less dead cells are on your skin also helps w my oil production idk why??? but it Does so sdlfkj

face care with make-up is so, so important. use a primer or a pore filler before you put on make-up -- not only will it help your make-up stay on for longer but it also stops make-up getting INTO your pores and making your skin situation worse. afterwards, i usually wipe off my make-up with a (i know u guys are sick of this by now) parabens-free or a really gentle make-up wipe (like one from simple), and then i go back in with micellar water or baby oil in order to really clear out my pores. i use a quick scrub, tone and moisturise. wearing make-up often makes my skin oilier sometimes bc my make-up (which is mattifying bc oily t-zone) dries my skin out and then makes it overproduce oil again later, so if i don’t gotta use make-up, i try not to / minimise how much make-up i use (e.g. just using it for under-eye concealing or concealing acne scars/major acne)

on that note, if you don’t gotta use a cleanser, don’t? like i know most ppl are gonna scream but honestly if you were just at home all day and didn’t go anywhere or do anything to your skin, just splash on some micellar water to clear off the products off your skin from the day before/last night and you’re going to be fine??? super easy, zero fuss.

also, if youre wearing make-up, and youve got oily skin/oily areas, youre gonna have to be a lil aware sometimes and like. dab at your face w a sponge or a tissue v gently to wipe off the oil. setting your face with a powder really helps, and you don’t ACTUALLY need to put the same amount of make-up and foundation over your whole face. so, for e.g., my nose doesn’t need as much coverage and its Super Oily, so i don’t apply as much product there compared to like my forehead or my cheeks (where my acne scarring is most prominent), which really helps. if you have a good foundation and powder that closely matches your skintone and your undertone, you can probably get away w this a lot easier. 

CHANGE YOUR MAKE-UP BRUSHES AND SPONGES OFTEN! like please. PLEASE. i know we all Love to build up and are Lazy As Hell but then maybe invest in some disposable sponges or something bc for the sake of hygiene. please.

USE SUNSCREEN. idc if youre lightskinned or darkskinned, USE SUNSCREEN. even if youre medium-dark skinned, youre not gonna be immune to skin cancer. harsh sunlight also makes your skintone uneven and usually makes my skin overproduce oil. i really like biore’s sunscream stuff bc it’s very light, there’s a non-scented option and it also doubles as a make-up base (they have a few so you gotta have a look through). 

FACE MASKS! i also struggle w The Depression and its really tough for me to maintain an immaculate skincare routine, so rather than investing in like 16 tubs of facemasks i have 1 tube of clay mask (mine is from origins bc i bought this a Long While Ago while i still had money, but any clay mask is good!) and then i bought a WHOLE BUNCH of sheet face masks from the face shop because ... you guessed it ... they’re parabens free! and super cheap! using a hot compress before the mask helps bc your pores open up! i usually make myself a nice mug of tea and switch my a/c on and then slap that facemask on and do some replies. but try and do a facemask at least once every two weeks. i use mine once a week to once every two weeks, depending on how bad my depression is. target the facemask you choose to the particular problems your skin has; mine are usually hydrating facemasks (bc hydration!!! and really hydrating your skin goes a LONG WAY wrt to oil control) but i also have a few firming and brightening ones bc my skin can feel a little dull sometimes. ALSO, clay masks get a Lot Of Shit so i’m gonna just tell you quickly -- YES, they do make your skin break out the first few times you use it, but over time, it will REALLY HELP trust me! your pores? minimised. your skin? clear and glowing. your oil? controlled. if your skin is super sensitive and does not react well to store-bought masks, feel free to make some of your own natural ones! i really love making a maduka honey mask -- if you add sugar to it, it becomes a mask that also doubles as a scrub. a natural yoghurt mask is also a BLESSING and adding some oats to it also makes it double as a scrub. you could use natural aloe or use tomatoes and throw some sugar in them. PLEASE DON’T USE COCONUT OIL AS A MASK IT WILL CLOG YOUR PORES!!! don’t use masks that hurt bc you peel them etc because i always find tht it makes my skin immediately produce way more oil than it needs to compensate or smth lmao so NO to charcoal masks and stuff like that.

try and use something different for day and night. super tough esp if youre (like me) super lazy to do shit but during the day, i usually use an aloe vera gel moisturiser and, at night, i use bio oil to hydrate, minimise pores and also help with acne scarring, and tea tree oil gel to target acne-prone areas on my face and help combat acne before it starts up. find something that works for you!!!

a lot of skincare is trial and error, trying to find what works for YOU personally might not be something that works for others; i rarely get cystic acne, for example, so my skincare routine doesn’t really target that and so some parts might not work as well for people who do have cystic acne (esp since i often hear that clay masks really fuck up ppl who have cystic acne which makes sense bc in the beginning clay masks make acne worse before it gets better). try some stuff out and see what works for you after a month or so of a trial period.

skincare takes time! i don’t mean in the obvious way like you need to take time out of your day to do stuff, but i mean, it takes TIME for the results to show. you’ll have to do stuff now bc it’ll pay off later. it’ll be rough when you’re trying new stuff in the beginning but it might work out for you over a longer period of time. don’t switch products and stuff TOO OFTEN bc it’ll screw up your skin more.

it’s okay if you miss things or don’t do your routine every single day or just Can’t. it’s okay. it’s just skin care, and skipping a day or two won’t really make A Huge Difference. you can continue tomorrow. 

i hope some of this helps? idk this is just what’s worked for me over the years but yeah. feel free 2 add comments as necessary. :*

[leaughrilke]

what was pregnancy/childbirth/going home for the first time like with finn vs. maia? how about what it was like to take stella home for the first time? how did each kid adjust to their new sibling(s) when maia/stella came home? i'm such a sucker for Brand New Baby headcancons lol

me, rubbing my hands together evilly bc my friend u dont understand, i have been waiting for a sucker just like u bc I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR BRAND NEW BABY HCS AS WELL, HERE ARE MINE FOR THE SUPERBABIES

so like the pregnancies were highly planned, no surprises or anything and results were waited on with equal excitement bc like????  holy shit theyre doing this????  and HOLY SHIT IT WORKED?????  

but like……once the initial excitement died down a little, lena starts to worry a lot??  and i mean this is particular to finn, bc like with maia it was more??  ok i kind of know what im doing, but with finn she had no experience, nothing to go off of.  like she can hardly remember her birth mother and lillian was terrible so like….its not as if she has any model for how to be a mother and she’s not sure she’s really thought this through.  like she likes kids well enough??  thinks theyre cute and isnt uncomfortable around them, actually is quite good with them and babies love her almost as much as they love kara, but this will be different, this isnt just holding jess’s niece when they’re at the company picnic, this will be a baby that comes home with them, this will be their baby, their kid to screw up and that’s terrifying???  holy shit

meanwhile kara is like??  so excited oh my god.  she’s so pumped and so loving and she feels like she’s overwhelmed in the best way, where her heart feels really full and she knows that when the baby gets here it’ll just spill over in the best way and she cant wait for it.  and she fusses over lena, moves her schedule around specifically to allow her to drop by l-corp a couple times a day to bring lena lunch or a snack, and she’s like the ultimate partner u know like she keeps the fridge stocked with whatever lena’s craving, always goes to every doctor appointment and childbirth classes, never grumbles when lena wakes her up bc her back is aching or she’s starving all of a sudden or she can’t sleep and the baby is in a weird position.  she puts together all the furniture for the nursery, is That expectant parent that spends a lot of time in the baby section of target, brings home probably more clothes than a single baby can wear.  she’s so excited???  like……how to explain this hmmm… ��okay so we know how much kara loves her family, right??  bc she loves them a lot, she rlly does and its not at all that she wishes for biological family or something but theres like a certain…..pull??  i guess??  like this baby is equal parts her and lena, and she has this image in her head, like what if their baby looks like her or more like lena, what if their kid has her mother’s eyes or her father’s strong chin.  like?  she gets to see krypton live on, is what it boils down to.  she gets to see her family and her community and her planet alive and well in the little heartbeat they hear, in the grainy image on the screen at the ultrasound

the pregnancy itself is actually rlly smooth??  and like, when lena’s not terrified, she rlly enjoys it and like knows how lucky she is, like her morning sickness is p tame and only lasts the first couple months.  and like??  its not that she dislikes being pregnant or doesnt want the baby, she very much does, she already loves this little thing growing inside her so so much, just on the basis of it being a piece of kara, she’s just worried she’s not good enough, that she wont ever be able to be good enough to be this child’s mother.  but she just tries not to think about whats going to happen at the end of this, focuses on the way her heart skips when she feels those first flutters of movement or the way the tension slips out of kara’s shoulders the moment she gets home, the moment she can hear their child’s heartbeat.  they were never rlly an out on the town sort of couple, spent most nights tucked up at home, but now even more so bc lena gets tired at like eight at night, so most nights they’re on the couch or lying in bed, kara resting her head on lena’s lil bump, talking to the baby in her mother tongue, telling them all about this great world they’re going to get to see.  when lena’s lil bump turns into a big bump, then its usually them cuddled up on the couch with lena leaning back against kara’s chest, head on her shoulder as she dozes and kara’s tracing out the kryptonian alphabet on lena’s belly and its warm and the cats are snoozing nearby and there’s a stack of baby clothes in the laundry basket on the floor and a half assembled rocking chair in the nursery and its just??  good????

overall its rlly good like there’s some bad moments, some breakdowns along the way.  like it kind of scares lena a little how much she loves this little thing that??  doesnt??  even???  exist yet????  like she cant hold them, cant see them, but god, she already knows she’d do anything for them.  and kara has a few moments where she breaks down as well, where she cant remember a kryptonian word or the details of something she thought she remembered are a little fuzzy and god, what if she cant??  what if she isnt able to pass along her history, her culture?  what if she has this opportunity and she fails, again?

and they’re both so soft with each other, kara picks up on lena’s worry and lena picks up on kara’s and they try their best for each other, they do their best to help even when they’re struggling with their own things and lena tries to learn kryptonian and like….listen, she’s not great at it at first (particularly with pregnancy brain making everything a little fuzzy), but her accent isn’t terrible and she learns the basic vocabulary, enough so that she can confidently say she’ll be of some use in teaching their child to speak the language along with english.  kara buys all the parenting books lena glances at, sits up at night with her to read them, finds a mothers day card even though it fucking january and tucks it into lena’s bag for her to find and tear up over, talks about how lucky their kiddo is that they’ll have lena as a mom as if its the most natural thing to say

towards the later part of lena’s pregnancy, when they’re getting closer to the due date and lena’s getting uncomfortably pregnant and nothing’s fitting very well, not even the maternity dresses that kara finally convinced her to buy around month seven, kara kind of becomes a worrywart.  like she’s been v protective of lena the entire time but now??  anytime lena shifts or sighs or rubs her back, kara’s like WHAT IS IT, IS IT TIME, DO WE NEED TO GO and has like most of their stuff loaded up into the car, ready to go before lena’s has a chance to be like ……kara im ridiculously pregnant, im just uncomfortable, love its fine i promise

that said,, then she’s overdue and even more uncomfortable but the fear has set back in??  and she goes into labor p early in the morning, doesnt say anything abt it bc she doesnt want it to happen, not now, but kara seems to sense it, sticks a lot closer to lena than normal, even for overprotective post-due date.  and then lena’s water breaks???  and she’s crying????  and kara’s like holy shit okay but they dont have time to rlly do anything to talk through it, barely have time to get to the hospital before lenas like……in Active Labor, like ready to push active labor and there’s no time to get an epidural, but luckily she doesnt rlly need one??  she’s in pain, but its not as bad as some things she’s endured, but she’s still crying, begging for this baby to stay put, dont move, i’m not ready and kara’s crying bc she’s split between being heartbroken for her wife and being so so excited to her their child

and then finn’s there, crying loud enough to be heard over lena’s sobbing, kara’s assurances and kara looks at him and is so in love???  she’s so in love, he’s so beautiful, she tells lena as much as she gets to cut the cord and some little part of her knits back together when she helps lay finn on lena’s chest, watches as lena’s eyes clear, brows relax, watches as that same love kara feels dawns in lena’s eyes and its so much???  its too much, but its so good????

and everything is still so good for a while!!!!!  like the few days in the hospital, they’re just kind of in a blissed out stage where nothing is fazing them like......family comes to visit, theres four emails from snapper sitting in kara’s inbox, clark comes by and is visibly uncomfortable but they literally dont give two shits like look at this thing we made!!!!!!!  look at him, he’s beautiful and he’s got all ten fingers and all ten toes and look, he looks bald but he’s just rlly blond!!!!!!!  like.........they are just so in love???  

but then they go home and its different bc there isnt anyone to help them and for kara its like....idk its sort of like she’s super duper aware of her powers when she’s out in the world, like hyperaware and vigilant, but she’s used to being able to relax a little at home??  and now there’s this tiny fragile nonpowered as far as they know baby that is depending solely on her and lena for everything and suddenly she’s like shit i’m going to hurt him oh my god i Did Not think this through and then she like refuses to hold finn except under very specific conditions like sitting down, pillow in her lap to support him from below and lena’s a bit too wrapped up in finn to rlly like register this fact, a little too tired and sore and in love to do much more than notice her wife’s hesitance 

and its not as if kara’s like......//avoiding anything to do with finn.  like she’s still v much in love and wants to be around him, she just doesnt trust herself??  so she’ll still get up when finn’s crying at night, sits up with lena when she nurses him, gets lena whatever she needs during the day and overall does her absolute best 

lena brings it up to alex finally, one night when she and maggie come over to coo over finn and kara’s run out to pick up dinner.  lena and alex have grown a lot closer since lena started hanging out with the superfriends, alex sort of spotting that quiet sadness within a few minutes of having an actual conversation with lena and subconsciously sorting her into the same category of annoying psuedo-sibling that she had winn.  and by this point??  alex is basically as much a big sister to lena as she is to kara, defends her as vehemently as she does kara.  so lena goes to her with this, asks if kara’s said anything about not feeling comfortable or being afraid and alex is like ??  no, whats going on and then lena tells her everything she’s noticed, tells her the guilt she feels for not knowing how to help but she’s exhausted, like that new parent bone deep exhausted 

so alex corners kara just a little, calls her down to the deo for a fake emergency and then locks them into one of the training rooms bc she knows kara, knows she wont admit to anything when lena’s around, knows that she’ll keep trying to uphold this facade that she’s doing okay bc she doesnt want to stress her wife out.  and karas been sitting with this feeling for nearly two weeks??  basically since they went home, so there’s not much prodding alex has to do to get it out of her bc she’s exhausted too, is crying within a few minutes of talking tbh

alex hugs her for a long time, until she stops crying eventually and is like??  i dont have easy answers for you and i wish i did, but kara, you’re not going to hurt him and she keeps repeating it, keeps telling kara that she knows her probably better than anyone and she knows that she’s never going to do anything to hurt the people she cares about and kara’s thinking about red k and alex knows it so she just tightens her hold on kara’s shoulders and leans down a little to catch her eye and she’s like kara, this is your son and its like oh.  my son.  i have a son.  and suddenly kara’s crying again but more from good emotion??  like i have a child and i haven’t been holding him 24/7????  I GOTTA GO ALEX

so kara goes home and lena’s just getting up to get finn bc he’s starting to fuss a little and kara just gently pushes her back into bed and goes to get finn, picks him up and feels something settle when he quiets, looks up at her with big blue eyes that aren’t her color, not exactly, is something closer to her mother’s.  finn settles against her, one of his little hands sort of grasping at the fabric of her shirt, holding on and kara’s so???  overwhelmed???  and she promises him that she’ll be the best she can be for him, promises that she’ll never let harm come to him, that she’s going to keep him so safe and at some point she switches from english to kryptonian (kryptonese??), starts promising all sorts of things, starts promising that he’ll never be alone, that he’ll never be scared and lost and left on his own in a strange place, that she’ll never send him away, not without lena, not without her

lena hears it over the baby monitor but doesnt say anything when kara comes back into the room, having lulled finn back to sleep with a lullaby her mother used to sing to her.  she just pulls kara closer and they doze like that for a while and everything feels calm, settled for once

and then !!!!!  they’re just deliriously happy like finn is a rlly easy baby, doesnt fuss a lot, basically sleeps through the night from the beginning and is essentially the Perfect Newborn.  like they’re just??  so? ??  happy ?????  like lena has what is essentially unlimited maternity leave considering she can conduct a fair amount of work from home and catco gives rlly generous leave for all new parents so kara’s able to stay home for a long time, so they get to just sort of live in this wonderful little bubble for basically the first 4-5 months of his life and even after they sort of start transitioning back to work, its still rlly great??

like they do the mommy and me yoga and switch off weekends, kara takes him to swim lessons, they do walks in the park when it starts getting warmer out and like.......love showing finn off.  like he’s adorable and chubby and is rlly calm and smiley and like??  they’re so proud of him, they love him so much oh my god

UNDER THE CUT bc i always keep crying, im such a sucker for new babies

everything is a little harder with maia??  like it takes a little longer for it to work and when it does its immediately a completely different experience.  later on theyll think its probably bc maia manifests her powers a lot earlier, so maybe that’s what it was??  like she’s drawing more nutrients and stuff so that’s why lena’s so exhausted through the pregnancy but basically lena’s essentially bedridden for the first four and a half months with maia, either napping or feeling too nauseous to do anything.  once she hits five months, things get a little easier??  she’s still v tired a lot, but they think that that might just be bc they’ve got more to juggle, like she’s keeping up with a toddler and l-corp is acquiring a new subsidiary halfway across the world that she’s having to oversee from national city

kara worries abt her a lot in a different way from how she worried during finn’s pregnancy??  like this pregnancy takes a bit more of a physical toll and there’s a few complications, like lena develops gestational hypertension (her blood pressure, while achingly normal usually, stays high from the beginning) and her ankles just fuckn disappear and she just feels Bad through most of the pregnancy even though there isnt that emotional angst like there was with finn.  so bc of that, kara sticks p close through the whole pregnancy, is a lot less willing to take assignments that keep her away from home v long, gets v efficient when it comes to supergirl duties

but like??  stress aside, its a rlly cool experience for them bc finn’s around two and understands enough that he points to lena’s belly and says baby, likes to hug and kiss her tummy and its the Cutest thing in the world, like they have so many pics of finn being so sweet and like reading one of his picture books to lena’s belly.  and like??  lena gets to enjoys the pregnancy more bc she’s not as scared, not as petrified that she’s going to fuck up somehow, now that she kind of knows what she’s doing, now that she has a shining, grinning little boy that is like proof that she’s sort of good at this motherhood thing

so u know how lena’s blood pressure is high through the whole pregnancy??  well.  that’s not a throwaway fact pals.  she develops preeclampsia and gets induced nearly three weeks before her due date and like in the lead up to that, it’s rlly chaotic and scary like lena gets a migraine (and she usually gets those??  like that’s not uncommon but she didnt have any during her pregnancy with finn and she hasnt had any leading up to this one with maia) and goes to sleep it off and wakes up short of breath and like??  it just feels wrong, something feels off and calls kara at work and is like something’s not right and kara just flat out panics, drops all her shit and races home and lena’s kind of out of it and its terrifying??  its fucking terrifying and kara’s like fuck this, flies finn to the nearest superfriend for babysitting (it happens to be winn, who startles out of dozing at his computer screen to see little finn danvers grinning from the chair next to him, with a fully packed bag and a note pinned to it telling winn that kara will call soon) and she flies lena to the hospital, giving zero actual fucks about anything other than whether lena and the baby are okay

and it gets kind of crazy after that???  like kara barely has time to call the rest of their family and friends before things are like Moving and, again, there’s not enough time for an epidural but this time lena’s in a lot more pain, like this birth is awful, it rlly is, like lena’s out of it and in way more pain than she was with finn and kara’s scared shitless and their baby comes out quiet??  like no crying, no screaming, just utter silence and lena sort of collapses back on the bed and starts crying and kara’s not even able to get a good look at their kiddo with all the nurses working over em

and then the baby’s like screeching and one of the nurses hands her to kara with a smile and says here’s your little girl, mama and kara’s just like.......entranced and this little baby is so much like finn but so different already and she looks over at lena and beams and lena relaxes immediately, lets out this deep breath and kara’s like we have a daughter, lena and lena sort of sighs happily well let me see her and kara puts maia on lena’s chest, helps lena unbutton the top of her gown and unswaddle maia so she can rest against lena’s skin, feel her heartbeat and they’re so immediately happy???  like all the scary stuff, all the pain is immediately written over with this feeling, with maia’s little hand pressing right over lena’s heart and her eyes locked on kara

and then when things calm down and they’ve had a little time to collect themselves, for lena to get cleaned up a little, finn comes in and is so immediately taken with his little sister, like his eyes get wide and he’s got this small little smile and he’s so gentle without being told, sort of reverently reaches out to hold maia’s tiny little hand in his own and he goes my baby in this soft little voice and he crawls up in kara’s lap and asks if he can hold his baby and kara helps him and lena asks a nurse to grab her phone bc like.......why not get this moment on film.  why not capture her family all tucked into one chair like the most adorable nesting dolls

it’s maybe her lock screen for like six months

when they go home, it’s a little bit of an adjustment period??  not in the same way as it was with finn but in that now they’ve got two little kids with wildly different needs, like finn sleeps through the night mostly but has nightmares that he’ll need to be comforted from and maia wakes up a lot but more just??  wants to be near her moms???  like she doesnt cry so much as just stay awake until one of them check her and pull the bassinet closer to their bed

and for lena there’s a bit of worry over having a daughter??  bc its not that its all that much different than having a son rlly, she knows that and she’s the first to advocate raising children the same, but as a daughter of lillian luthor, as a daughter who lost her birth mother when she was young, but not young enough to completely forget her, as a daughter that has never had a solid maternal figure that supported her in her life, lena’s a little terrified of having a daughter??  worried that somehow, someway, she’ll ruin her

but it fades quickly??  like she and kara have always been v attuned to one another but since having finn, it’s just deepened??  so kara catches on quickly, talks to her about it one night when the kiddos are asleep and reminds lena that she’s a good mom, that finn adores her and so does maia already, its obvious 

mostly the adjustment is about just juggling the two kiddos, making sure finn doesnt feel left out and they work out a p good system, make sure to include him in basically everything

and finn!!!!  loves his baby sister so so much oh my god, he likes to drag his coloring pack into maia’s room when she’s napping.  like his moms will go looking for him and he’ll just be curled up in the comfy rocker in maia’s room, quietly coloring and he’ll shush them if he thinks they’re making too much noise and its the cutest thing ever, like he doesnt have the words for it but he just loves maia so much, wants to protect her and make sure she’s happy all the time

so its kind of wildly different with stella, bc like???  they thought they were done having kids??  mostly bc the experience with maia’s birth was so terrifying, like when they finally had a minute to process what all had happened it was like.......shit, lena could have died, maia could have died and it made them p hesitant to try for another kid, like??  they’re happy with two!!  and if they decide they want to expand their family, they’re v strongly pro-adoption so that’s probably the route they’ll go and that’s all nice and settled but then, well

kara gets a supergirl call at like six in the morning and she rolls out of bed, handles the issue and is on her way home when she glances down and sees something a lil shady down on the pier.  it’s probably eight or nine by now??  the sun’s up, but its winter so its still gray in the city, still feels pre-dawn and kara flies a little closer, sees a man on a pier and hears two heartbeats, his and one that’s weaker, faster, quieter, so she alerts alex and touches down and the man seems almost relieved to see her even as he moves closer to the edge and she tells him to stay, for his baby--because it has to be a baby, kara’s gotten too good at recognizing little heartbeats for it not to be, but the man just smiles sadly, says she’s not like me, i can’t love her right and just as the deo pulls up, the man jumps off into the bay and kara flies after him but he’s just......gone??  just gone.  nowhere to be found.  his heartbeat is indistinguishable from the roar of the ocean, kara can’t see him anywhere but kara can still hear that smaller one, and she hesitates for a moment before flying back up, touching down by the car and opening the door before the agent nearest her can tell her not to.  and theres???  this tiny little baby????  like barely strapped into the carseat, in just a diaper and kara’s like?????  immediately protective.  like the diaper’s obviously been put on by someone that’s never changed a baby before and she fixes that first, unclips her cape to wrap the baby up second, holds the baby close and turns around with this wide eyed look at alex third and alex’s like......well this is happening huh

and she’s?????  so small????  god she’s so small and kara’s heart twists and twists and alex calls out an address to her and it’s not far from the port and kara’s flies low, flies fast but she doesnt even get to the little apartment before she can tell, before she can hear the utter lack of life.  she lands just outside, looks up, looks through, sees the body in the bed, not moving not breathing and she looks down at this little baby in her arms, still sleeping and she just??  has a minor blackout tbh (metaphorically ofc) like she’s not sure what her exact thought process was but suddenly she’s at l-corp and the baby is still sleeping and she touches down, opens the balcony door gently and steps in and lena’s looking up, eyebrows raised until she notices the bundle in kara’s arms and like???  she doesnt Know, but she knows whats happening, knows its big and important and so she drops the papers she was working on, pads over and looks up at kara for a breath, then down at the baby and its like oh.  shit.  this is our baby now, isnt it

and kara starts explaining, starts speaking, rambling, falling over her words bc the gravity of what’s happened has just sort of landed??  it’s taken a beat but god she just watched a man kill himself, just watched this child be orphaned and its like??  she needs lena to understand.  she needs her to know why this is so important, but like??  lena’s already there, same page.  she’s looking at this little tiny child and deciding that she’ll probably be able to actually get some use out of maia’s newborn stuff, considering maia outgrew the clothes within a month.  like???  she looks nothing like finn or maia did as babies, is so much smaller and has this head full of dark hair, these dark eyes when she blinks them open to look up at lena, at kara, but she fits, you know??  its like kara and lena look at her and just like.....recognize her.  like she’s always been meant for them

and then kara’s just.......out of things to say, like she’s said everything she can and she’s just sort of looking down at the baby and so is lena and then lena’s asking can i hold ....her? and kara’s nodding, her, she confirms, letting lena slip the baby out of her arms and she’s just like lena, she’s and breaks off, throat closing and lena’s just nodding, smiling down at the baby and smoothing down the little cowlick in her hair.  i think maia’s old bassinet is still in the basement, she says and that’s that

the kids dont even question it??  like finn was young enough when maia was born that he doesnt even remember her coming home, she’s just sort of always been around as far as he remembers and maia doesnt have any sort of context for it, and rlly it doesnt matter??  like they crowd around lena when kara calls them over and finn promises then and there he’s going to be the best big brother and maia’s just staring all wide eyed at this little baby, decided that she’s going to keep her so safe bc she’s her little sister and the only other big sister she knows very well is aunt alex and aunt alex helps keep mama safe every day so.  logic, ya know

there is a bit more jealousy tho??  more from maia than from finn, bc she goes from being the baby to the middle child and like kara and lena are rlly good abt splitting their time equally, but there’s like??  more to do with stella, like they dont know anything rlly abt her background and they dont know why she’s not putting on weight and they dont know whether she’s just colicky or if there’s something they need to be worried about??  and its scarier too bc its all so normal ???  like they did all the tests for finn and maia, knew they had kara’s immune system, knew they didnt have to worry abt shit like whooping cough but like they do have to worry abt that with stella, its sort of like having a first baby all over again??  like there’s a lot of new experiences they’ve never had to think about before so there’s a little bit of jealousy from maia, but literally just a little, just like a couple temper tantrums bc kara says they cant play uno unless maia uses her inside voice, or bc lena can’t come see the picture she drew right that second bc she’s trying to get stella down for a nap

but they handle it rlly well??  like they each take a day with maia and finn, separately so they dont feel like they’re just getting lumped together, go and do whatever they feel like doing and do that ridiculously Good Mom thing where they each explain that, yeah, they’re having to spend a little more time with the new baby but they love them all the same, all equally and that they can pick something to do with their moms each month

that tradition actually sticks around!  like each kiddo picks a Thing to do with their moms, like finn favors the aquarium and maia likes to go to movies and stella usually just asks to go out to breakfast at noonans tbh (listen she is.........so much like kara sometimes)

so while finn and maia adjust p well, its not all smooth sailing.  like??  finn and maia were such easy babies!!  like SUCH easy babies, they rlly lucked the fuck out with them but stella???  oh god stella is such a difficult baby.  not like??  not like super-difficult??  but she cries a lot and the only time she rlly calms down is when kara or lena holds her and sometimes it not even full screaming crying, just quiet little whimpering that just like........breaks her moms’ hearts.  she also gets sick a lot??  lots of colds and stomach bugs and she doesnt put on a lot of weight for the first several months, like consistently on the low end of healthy.  like??  its all new territory for them, bc they never??  rlly??  worried abt finn and maia like this??  they never rlly had to

listen they heave a collective sigh of relief when their doctor tells them that she’s moved into the fortieth percentile for her age range like what????  she’s doing okay???????

anyway.  i’m crying

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

[noahhernandez]

I’m OLD and bored 8/7/2020

1.Is there a boy/girl in your life? No!  2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? If it is Pajak then no i do not <3  3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” A cat, and oddly enough Cardi B 4:What’s something you really want right now? A stable job that I like :)  5:Are you afraid of falling in love? No, but I don’t want to. Relationships are soul sucking and not in the fun way. 6:Do you like the beach? No i do not like the beach one bit. Well, I like being in a beach house but I don’t like getting in the water. 7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes I have  8:What’s the background on your cell? It is the scene in Hereditary where he husband is on fire 9:Name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine, Emily’s, Bri’s, lol I don’t really know um  ? Probably like my aunts when I lived with her 10:Do you like your phone? Yes it work 11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned? NO! I wanted to have a fun summer and look for another job and think about studying for Grad School and etc etc but I was JOBLESS for FOUR months and bc of COVID we cant do a DAMn thing 12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? I have absolutely no idea probably like.. ? I don’t know lol 13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Rottweiler 14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional pain, lol it’s funny bc my last answer said physical I have grown up so much  15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Art Museum 16:Are you tired? Physically yes lol 17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact? For 16 years because it’s my little sister 18:Are they a relative? omg yes 19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? NO ! well maybe 1.  20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I have no idea bitch !  21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? no 22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no  23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? 3 24:Is there a certain quote you live by? no!  25:What’s on your mind? literally nothing its kind of nice like not thinking 26:Do you have any tattoos? Yes, I have a sleeve so a total of like 9 tattoos i think idk 27:What is your favorite color? black 28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Hell if I know 29:Who are you texting? Nobody bc Emily and Janett are at work and Bri (F.) is simply not texting me 30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? yes 31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yeah of course its called  i know things bitch 32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Ya of course i can tell michelle faith bri emily and janett everything  33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you? u know probably not 34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? my eyes are dark brown lol so no 35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? i dont care 36:Were you single on Valentines Day? yes !  37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed? I honestly dont know the last person I kissed like i dont know if it was michelle or not lmao 38:What do your friends call you? Noah 39:Has anyone upset you in the last week? No  ! 40:Have you ever cried over a text? Probably ! Yes when I was told “sorry noah i cheated on you last night” like who TEXTS that LMFAO anyways I cried 41:Where’s your last bruise located? hand from work 42:What is it from? oh from work 43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Bitch i want to die 44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with? leann  45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? my dr. martens theyre like 2 inch platforms lmao 46:Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? No lol 47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style? no omg 48:Do you make supper for your family? ew hell no i live ALONE 49:Does your bedroom have a door? omg yes  50:Top 3 web-pages? Facebook, Twitter, Youtube 51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Um, no all my friends shop about an average amount 52:Does anything on your body hurt? My back and my feet!!  53:Are goodbyes hard for you? They were sometimes. Sometimes it do be sucking when u say goodbye but didnt know it was the last :( 54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? I had the sudden memory of last summer when I fell down the stairs at work and spilled coffee all over myself and had to change 55:How is your hair? Short and not combed at the slightest 56:What do you usually do first in the morning? Pee! !!  57:Do you think two people can last forever? nope!  58:Think back to January 2007, were you single? I was 10 59:Green or purple grapes? Green 60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? um honestly i have no idea lmao we arent allowed to hug each other in these tough times!  61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? no !  62:When will be the next time you text someone? I am texting Angel rn actually 63:Where will you be 5 hours from now? Asleep 64:What were you doing at 8 this morning. dead ass asleep 65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Nope !  66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? this is gay yes all my friends but only because they are funny not because I enjoy seeing them 67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today? I did not hug anyone or kiss anyone today!! ! 68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? i literally was struggling so hard to go to sleep last night so I was probably really frustrated 69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? yes on taking exams normally except my last like ... 2 years of college were phenomenal   70:How many windows are open on your computer? 4- amazon, youtube, CBS and this 71:How many fingers do you have? 10 72:What is your ringtone? like the original one 73:How old will you be in 5 months? 24 LOL  74:Where is your Mum right now? Honestly I have no fucking idea lmao 75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?  because they cheated on me, they were very toxic and manipulative and uncaring and i dealt with it for a long ass time and it literally going to kill me if I kept it up. Dealt with bad anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, I wasn’t eating, and I had to start taking medication and see therapy because of it literally it was the worst shit ever  76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No 77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Let me think of some- yes. Faith, Peter, Michelle, Bri, Emily, Janett, Angel, Anissa, I’ll still consider Keyla my friend too hehe .  78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? some guy named Chris 79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? No 80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? yes and I hated it

81:How many people have you liked in the past three months? 0 82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? no lol 83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight? no!  84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Definitely MICHELLE and PETER. I would ask Bri and Emily to please not let me get that drunk 85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? yes 86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I literally work at a movie theater an nothing cool happens like the last almost 6 years of working there have been boring 87:Who was your last received call from? Leann asking me where my nametag was at in my car 88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? um yes 89:What is something you wish you had more of? money !! $$$ 90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?  ya it was some dumb ass shit !  91:Do you sleep with your window open? hell no i live in southeast houston is too fucking humid and hot for that shit i will get mold 92:Do you get along with girls? yeah lmao 93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? i dont even know i dont think so 94:Does sex mean love? hell no!  95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? nope!   96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? ew no those are trashy 97:Did you sleep alone this week? yes lol :( 98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? my friends what kind of dumb ass question is this  99:Do you believe in love at first sight?  no !  100:Who was the last person that you pinky promise?  nobody ! if anything I smokey sweared with Michelle like 23 years ago

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 6 "If Britney Spears Can Get Through 2007 The Villains Can Get Through Tribal Again" -Brian

Hey Alex.... Sad thing is was that I was fighting for you probably the hardest for the longest (hence the Raven crying pic), but then not only does your pal Richie decide to be a lunatic at tribal, but you also were making it quite hard.... I defended you to multiple people, but I can't do anything substantial if A) I don't hear from Linus myself about his potential swing vote and B) You tried to make a deal with Kage to force rocks and not tell me I liked you more than most of these people, but I can't work with someone who makes an alliance and then tries to force it in danger by accepting a selfish proposal to try and save only yourself and not your allies. I think it was just the way the cookie crumbled that it ended up this way....:L gl on the outside, I might be joining u soon.

Where is Nic asking for confessionals when we need him? :P I'm really sad that Alex is gone, I wanted to work closely with he and Richie, so it sucks that he's not around but I'm hoping that Richie and I can work together before too long. Right now I just want to make jury and once I accomplish that I'll feel better! 

What happens when you bring together the 13 most messy, paranoid, villains? Kyoaku? Kyaoku? Kayoaku? Koyaku? I have no clue how to spell out name. But anyway, you get us Also, one more thing FUCK RICHIE FUCK LINUS FUCK JONATHAN

We win again... woohoo. Not anything different, but the more important part of this round is that I couldn't figure out how finding the idol went, since I'm pretty inexperienced, and honestly would've never figured that out, so I asked Steffen for help, and he goes ahead and just punches in a magic word into a url, and he found the idol and is now choosing to not give it to me, after it being all me who found it for us. I am clearly trusting Steffen for now, but I know he is a VERY smart player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he fucked me over at the end of the day, but I get a strong feeling that he won't do it to me. I just don't think he would, and if he did, it'd probably be one of the shadiest moves that could be pulled, but I'm also not trying to use this thing y'know. It'd be killer if I found it, figured everything out, and Steffen just punched in the URL, and he needed it to save himself and I didn't need it at all. My only concern is if one of us is holding onto it, and then the other needs it played on them, then that's going to leave the person playing the idol VERY vulnerable, but that's something we're just going to have to roll with, and going back to my previous point, if we even need to use this thing, it's a sign of weakness, but also a great tool for us to have in our back pockets. 

People are constantly criticizing my game but messy or not, when it comes down to it, my social game has saved me 3 times in a row now

crow and sarah can eat the entirety of my ass tbh GOD i hate being on a tribe with these people.... after the mess that was the rocks scenario crow came to me and was like "have you talked to alex he has a plan for an alliance" and i went to alex and said ".....crow and sarah didnt they just vote you out?" and he was like "they came to me my dude" so whatever i never trusted them because sarah was sketchy about the hinky vote against me at the rocks tribal... BUT i thought okay theres no reason for them to go thru all this trouble if they were just going to vote out me or alex like we're at the bottom no reason to string us along i guess we could come together vote out kage this one round and from there maybe a unified tribe would allow for more moves for me in the upcoming rounds.... but shortly before tribal brian comes to me and is like im voting out alex i dont want there to be a tie bc crow and sarah are voting alex so im like okay theyre votes are already in for alex and you cant change votes this wont cause IMMEDIATE consequences and im going to need alex still here to back me up for this so 15 minutes before tribal i start WW3 asdfjhasfk i call out sarah and crow for the alliance and for sarah blaming junior for the hinky vote against me blah blah more goes down i say more things alex says things they say things everythings a mess and im just trying to paint the image that those 2 are liars and expose them just in the off chance that someone believes me and has an ounce of doubt against them bc with alex leaving and those 2 lying about it i was alone on this tribe anyway with no real social connections so id be gone next tribal.....but of course we lost the duel immediately after alex was voted out and i went crazy so i dont really have the time to do damage control at this point now its just campaigning which is going to be.................difficult i already went to junior kage and tommy with some campaigning last night but idk im going to need a miracle or someone to realize that i'm an asset that can be used like anyone who saves me right now gains an ally that has no other connections besides them so im prime numbers material in arabia i played such an under the radar social game where even when i backstabbed people and voted everyone out (except ting ting RIP) and i still got them to vote for me in the end bc i formed relationships and remained a likable positive quiet game player.... in this game.... BITCH i'm JT the winner that should have just played once because they just blow up their game from being extra in the next go around 

okay remember the last time i wrote a confessional i was in the mindset of i know i'm going down but i'm going to do everything in my power to stay? well fuck that i swear to god i'd rather be voted out than ever have to have another conversation with tommy again i have never met anyone who is more infuriating to speak to and i CANT DO IT I"D RATHER BE VOTED OUT ITS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!    

On 9/6/17, at 6:28 PM, cat (japan host) wrote: > okay FIRST it all started when i woke up and had to live another day Honestly I'm Cat

Hey I haven't been here in a while because we literally haven't lost since Mist. Not that there haven't been any developments, because their have been! It's just that the villains suck booty. And they're losing their 5th person in a row tonight. I wasn't really pressed about any of the eliminations other then Jaiden. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to work with him, but I was able to get quite a bit of info out of him. And now my outlet for villain tea is kinda gone. And the fact that I was in Canada all last weekend didn't help me in finding a villain tea substitute. BUT with all of them dropping like flies, it's hard to tell who would be a good candidate :') Other than Jaiden, we saw Ashley go which is fine because she's from India and I want them dead. Alex S went too so that's a thing. I feel like I need to really start messaging some of these villains to gain a connection - whether we swap any time soon or not there's an inevitable merge that there's a chance I could be at. The problem is though, I don't wanna really talk to any of them asdfghjk. Tommy and Sarah sketch me out, Brian and I are not on good terms, and while Linus and Kage could be chaotic and spill shit, I don't wanna get caught up in their messes. That leaves Richie, Junior, and Jonathan. Which obviously one of these 8 is going tonight, so I won't start messaging until after the tribal. I'm still skeptical of a swap and I'm hoping one doesn't happen so I can utilize getting close to the villains that I want to before we ACTUALLY meet up with them. But as for tea on the hero side, there's an obvious conflict on who we would hypothetically take out if we go to tribal. With 12 of us, we need 7 so someone isn't Jaiden'd. The main argument is whether to go for a Malaysian or to just take out Steffen. The thing is, I've been getting really close to Johnny and I think he trusts me. And he wants to bring in Steffen for a strong Solomon 5. Now, I don't want that to last forever seeing as I want Steffen gone soon anyway. But I think we need him for one round. Because the Malaysia/India hybrid duo of Kendall and Alex is a major problem. And Drew is someone who is just a massive threat to begin with. But Isaac still just wants Steffen gone. And he doesn't think that we could take out someone like Kendall or effectively take out Alex with Pippa being close to him. HERE'S THE GAG THOUGH! I talked to Pippa for a little bit one on one today, and she is totally down with taking out Kendall or Alex. The thing is, they both seem a little bit checked out. Kendall has 2 strikes, and Alex has kinda died out since his audition. Which... I absolutely feel for them if they're dealing with real life struggle. But at the same time if they're not gonna be super invested and if one of them already has 2 strikes then I won't question voting them out. So if Isaac knows Pippa is down to come for one of them, then we have the Solomon 5 already. Then it comes down to the outliers of Dom, Trace, Ruthie, and Ashton. I know Pippa and Johnny both really like Dom separately. Isaac likes Trace. I personally like Ashton but dunno how long we could trust him because he seems like he could have a chaotic side to him. And then there's Ruthie who I just would prefer not to really work with long term because she's such a social threat, and if we swap or get to merge way down the line or whatever and Ruthie is there, I feel like she's someone villains would definitely flock to for a potential number because she's so social and kind. And I know girl can be a flipper. So this just comes down to who do we wanna take out, and getting enough people on the same page for my own agenda. Because at the end of the day this is to benefit MY agenda the most. Isaac wants out Steffen still, and I was already able to talk Pippa out of going for Drew first. If we could get a Malaysia/India person out, then Drew, then Steffen, that would be the most optimal. Will it happen? Probably not just because that's so specific. However, it is still at least an outline that I would like to ATTEMPT trying to follow.

[snoobydoo]

1-150

who the fuCK (thank u tho

1. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HELD HANDS WITH? - my little sister!2. ARE YOU OUTGOING OR SHY? - id be pretty outgoing if i didnt have social anxiety but yeah,, im shy af3. WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING? - AAA DREN IS COMING OUT IN THE SUMMER!! Allynah will also be hanging out with us for a bit while theyre here, too!! im so excited to hang out with both of them oml4. ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH? - id hope so ? idk tho5. IF YOU WERE DRUNK WOULD THE PERSON YOU LIKE TAKE CARE OF YOU? - theyd probably be drunk too but yeah i think so? id probably take care of them more fhgdhf6. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO? - man,, fuck if i know,,, everyone, really?

7. DO YOU THINK YOU’LL BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TWO MONTHS FROM NOW? - fuCK NO lmao,, id love to be but its unrealistic8. WHO FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER IS ON YOUR MIND? - opposite gender dbdsfdhgdsf9. DOES TALKING ABOUT SEX MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE? - it depends, really?? on like who im talking to and how in depth it is? casual mentions of it are chill with me but if its very specific like,, things they like and/or have done before im,, im good dude10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH? - fuck idk11. WHAT DOES THE MOST RECENT TEXT THAT YOU SENT SAY? - ‘HELLO ILY’12. WHAT ARE YOUR 5 FAVORITE SONGS RIGHT NOW? - oh shit uhh probably?? Someone in the Crowd from La La Land, Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost, I Know by Tom Odell (even tho it makes me Sad? ????), LGBT by Cupcakke, and We’ll Meet Again by Vera Lynn13. DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR? - YES but i always feel super self conscious about it too oh boy14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LUCK AND MIRACLES? - nah15. WHAT GOOD THING HAPPENED THIS SUMMER? - uhh i cant remember last summer very well rip but this upcoming summer Dren is coming out here for two weeks!!! and thats a v good thing B)16. WOULD YOU KISS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED AGAIN? - lmao N/A17. DO YOU THINK THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS? - hell yeh but its not as advanced as we are/hope18. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR FIRST CRUSH? - lmfao no i lost contact in like 3rd grade rip19. DO YOU LIKE BUBBLE BATHS? - i havent had one in years so im not sure?20. DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEIGHBORS? - yeah they all seem really nice but ive never met any of them21. WHAT ARE YOUR BAD HABITS? - Everything I Do22. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL? - ooh anywhere, really?? travelling seems so heckin cool. id love to go to Canada and Amsterdam and Italy n stuff,, just anywhere23. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES? - l m a o24. FAVORITE PART OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE? - going to sleep25. WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY ARE YOU MOST UNCOMFORTABLE WITH? - everything26. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP? - dissociate and/or go back to sleep27. DO YOU WISH YOUR SKIN WAS LIGHTER OR DARKER? - eeh my skin is hella pale so if it was just a little bit darker thatd be chill B)28. WHO ARE YOU MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND? - uhh fuck idk probably Dren and Allynah?29. HAVE ANY OF YOUR EX’S TOLD YOU THEY REGRET BREAKING UP? - N/A lmao30. DO YOU EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED? - maybe?? im not sure31. IF YOUR HAIR LONG ENOUGH FOR A PONY TAIL? - yeah but some pieces dont fit in it32. WHICH CELEBRITIES WOULD YOU HAVE A THREESOME WITH? - no thanks my dude33. SPELL YOUR NAME WITH YOUR CHIN. - ksatre

34. DO YOU PLAY SPORTS? WHAT SPORTS? - im Super unathletic,, id like to play a sport but i dont. im struggling in p.e. lmao35. WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE WITHOUT TV OR MUSIC? - tv36. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE AND NEVER TOLD THEM? - haha yeah every damn time37. WHAT DO YOU SAY DURING AWKWARD SILENCES? - i just laugh or stay silent38. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM GIRL/GUY? - okay this is gonna sound crazy but.. th- they Like Me Back,, i know, Whoa..39. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE STORES TO SHOP IN? - Target ?? it just feels really familiar for some reason,, prob bc i used to go there a lot as a child40. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO AFTER HIGH SCHOOL? - die41. DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE? - no42. IF YOUR BEING EXTREMELY QUIET WHAT DOES IT MEAN? - i dont have anything to say, im having a panic attack, or im holding in whatever i want to say43. DO YOU SMILE AT STRANGERS? - yeah!44. TRIP TO OUTER SPACE OR BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN? - SPACE45. WHAT MAKES YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING? - i dont lol46. WHAT ARE YOU PARANOID ABOUT? - everything, my dude,, everything47. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIGH? - no48. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK? - yes49. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING RECENTLY THAT YOU HOPE NOBODY FINDS OUT ABOUT? - no? i dont think so?50. WHAT WAS THE COLOUR OF THE LAST HOODIE YOU WORE? - black51. EVER WISHED YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE? - constantly52. ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF? - Everything?53. FAVOURITE MAKEUP BRAND? - lol fuck if i know54. FAVOURITE STORE? - already answered above ?55. FAVOURITE BLOG? - i like that one blog that posts unflattering pictures of cats (im not gonna tag them tho rgdgfsdf)56. FAVOURITE COLOUR? - yellow57. FAVOURITE FOOD? - peaches or coffee tbh58. LAST THING YOU ATE? - cereal59. FIRST THING YOU ATE THIS MORNING? - cereal60. EVER WON A COMPETITION? FOR WHAT? - no i dont think so61. BEEN SUSPENDED/EXPELLED? FOR WHAT? - nope62. BEEN ARRESTED? FOR WHAT? - nope63. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? - fuq that, idk64. TELL US THE STORY OF YOUR FIRST KISS? - n/a

65. ARE YOU HUNGRY RIGHT NOW? - no66. DO YOU LIKE YOUR TUMBLR FRIENDS MORE THAN YOUR REAL FRIENDS? - what is the difference tho,, if we mean online vs offline then yes my online friends are better but theyre still my Real Friends ya feel67. FACEBOOK OR TWITTER? - twitter68. TWITTER OR TUMBLR? - tumblr69. ARE YOU WATCHING TV RIGHT NOW? - no70. NAMES OF YOUR BESTFRIENDS? - Dren, Allynah, Grace, Eli, Allison71. CRAVING SOMETHING? WHAT? - nope72. WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR TOWELS? - we have a lot of different colors72. HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH? - two73. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? - no74. HOW MANY STUFFED ANIMALS DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE? - none75. FAVOURITE ANIMAL? - cats76. WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR UNDERWEAR? - im too lazy to check77. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? - vanilla78. FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? - mint chocolate chip for sure79. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? - black80. WHAT COLOUR PANTS? - red81. FAVOURITE TV SHOW? - the walking dead probably82. FAVOURITE MOVIE? - CAPTAIN AMERICA: TFA83. MEAN GIRLS OR MEAN GIRLS 2? - theres a second one?84. MEAN GIRLS OR 21 JUMP STREET? - ive never seen 21 jump street,, so mean girls85. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM MEAN GIRLS? - DAMIAN86. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM FINDING NEMO? - Squirt87. FIRST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY? - n/a88. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY? - n/a89. NAME A PERSON YOU HATE? - m e90. NAME A PERSON YOU LOVE? - see #7091. IS THERE ANYONE YOU WANT TO PUNCH IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW? - ME92. IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE? - no93. HOW MANY SWEATPANTS DO YOU HAVE? - one pair i think?94. HOW MANY SWEATERS/HOODIES DO YOU HAVE? - two95. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? - if a musical counts, then Heathers. if not then i think how to train your dragon 2?96. FAVOURITE ACTRESS? - Lauren Cohan probably? idk97. FAVOURITE ACTOR? - andrew lincoln or chris evans98. DO YOU TAN A LOT? - nope99. HAVE ANY PETS? - YES i have four. three cats and one dog100. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? - sleepy101. DO YOU TYPE FAST? - yes102. DO YOU REGRET ANYTHING FROM YOUR PAST? - everything ??103. CAN YOU SPELL WELL? - fairly104. DO YOU MISS ANYONE FROM YOUR PAST? - yea105. EVER BEEN TO A BONFIRE PARTY? - we’ve had small parties with a little bonfire but ive never been to a BONFIRE PARTY,, i wish106. EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? -probably not107. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A HORSE? - uhhh i dont remember?? maybe?108. WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING? - i actually have no obligations right now,, thank god109. IS SOMETHING IRRITATING YOU RIGHT NOW? - me110. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH IT HURT? - yeah i have bpd111. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES? - this was already asked112. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF? - my brother i think113. WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD NICKNAME? - just? Kate? or i think Petuna was one too114. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN OUT OF YOUR PROVINCE/STATE? - yeah115. DO YOU PLAY THE WII? - we had a wii one time but i only used it like twice116. ARE YOU LISTENING TO MUSIC RIGHT NOW? - i was but then it ended and now its just silent and i didnt even notice.. im gonna change the song117. DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP? - yes118. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? - yes119. FAVOURITE BOOK? - perks of being a wallflower120. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? - i get paranoid yeh121. ARE YOU MEAN? - yeah122. IS CHEATING EVER OKAY? - no u piece of shit123. CAN YOU KEEP WHITE SHOES CLEAN? - no dgfsfs124. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? - infatuation, maybe, but not love125. DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE? - no126. ARE YOU CURRENTLY BORED? - nah this is keeping me busy127. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? - being included128. WOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME? - im not sure? probably not129. WHAT YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? - sagittarius130. DO YOU LIKE SUBWAY? - sure131. YOUR BESTFRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX LIKES YOU, WHAT DO YOU DO? - opposite sex,, and heck, if anyone liked me id doubt it and/or panic132. WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH? - idk but this was also already asked133. FAVOURITE LYRICS RIGHT NOW? - I wanna take you somewhere so you know I careBut it’s so cold and I don’t know whereI brought you daffodils in a pretty stringBut they won’t flower like they did last spring134. CAN YOU COUNT TO ONE MILLION? - i could but i dont want to135. DUMBEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD? - i dont remember136. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? - closed137. HOW TALL ARE YOU? - 5′6138. CURLY OR STRAIGHT HAIR? - i have curly hair139. BRUNETTE OR BLONDE? - im a brunette140. SUMMER OR WINTER? - summer141. NIGHT OR DAY? - day142. FAVOURITE MONTH? - october probably?143. ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN? - no but id like to try it some time144. DARK, MILK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? - milk chocolate145. TEA OR COFFEE? - coffee but both are good146. WAS TODAY A GOOD DAY? - idk i just woke up147. MARS OR SNICKERS? - ive never had a mars bar so snickers?148. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE? - “you’re not a sad story. you are alive.”149. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? - idk150. GET THE CLOSEST BOOK NEXT TO YOU, OPEN IT TO PAGE 42, WHAT’S THE FIRST LINE ON THAT PAGE?  - How can you use a topographic map to interpret information about an area?

thank u for these questions im sorry this post is so long dgdfgsffdquestions

[leaughrilke]

Outside of their family, how are the kids doing socially? Do they make friends, trust people easily? Do they have a hard time keeping their powers a secret? Does one of their moms being a Luthor affect the way people act around them? How do they deal with their moms kinda being in the public eye?

oof well this started fluffy and got angsty and then got cute again so do with that what u will

so for the most part?  the kiddos do alright!!!  they rlly do, like they’re all enough like kara that ofc they attracts ppl like moths to flame

finn’s like easily one of the most popular kids in school, starting from elementary school and like he’s not one of the traditionally popular boys??  like he’s not a jock and he’s not one of those uber macho dudes but he cares so deeply and fully and like all the girls love him to death and all the uber macho dudes for the most part love him to death as well 

like he’s rlly soft and kind and remembers ppls birthdays and who has a nut allergy so he always makes sure to make a separate safe batch of baked goods for bake sales.  he’s that kid that’s got tabs on everyone and knows who is having a bad week and who might need someone to eat with at lunch and he makes it look so fun to be nice??  that he just manages to lead by example and national city prep academy is a nicer place for him being in it

maia’s that ride or die friend like she’s super intense and kind of scary tbh but god when she picks you, she Picks you and she’ll keep picking you, keep standing up for you, keep vehemently defending u until her dying day tbh like she loves so much like kara, once she sees the good in you, once she’s decided ur one of her ppl, she’ll fight everyone in her sight for u and that is so wildly appreciated, like she has all the girls at school wanting to have her on their side, in their corner and the best thing is that she is, she will be, no questions asked

like??  she’s not half as soft as finn but she’s just as caring, just as loving and she like??  doesnt have a cult following, but she definitely is that hot ass senior that has all the underclassmen stumbling over themselves bc she nodded at one of them in the hall during passing period and stella dies a little inside bc all her friends are in love with maia to some degree

stella is the one that struggles the most socially??  bc everyone loves finn and maia doesnt give a shit if some ppl dont like her, barely notices it, but stella is a little quieter and a little bit different and she kind of weirds ppl out bc she’s just as intense as maia but she doesnt have the cool factor, she stumbles over her feet and stammers and gets easily overwhelmed and most ppl get a little weirded out by how stella always seems to know how they’re feeling??  can sort of predict whats coming in a conversation???

but god when she makes friends, they are so so protective of her.  like??  stella is disliked by a lot of ppl, is a pretty easy target but her friends love her so so deeply bc she knows how to help them best, is v careful with their feelings in a way that not a lot of kids think to be u know??  she’s not the most popular, but she’s p well insulated by the time she hits high school, has a rlly solid group of friends that stick close to her

this kind of goes hand in hand with the first part but here’s some other anecdotes lmao

finn makes friends so so easily like that boy walks into a room and within the first ten minutes he’s already got five new friends like??  he’s probably one of those student ambassadors, shows all the new kids around the campus tbh and like for sure has brownies or something to give them

like???  he’s for sure voted mr congeniality.  For Sure.  he collects friends and favors so easily and so quickly and he loves them all so much, you would think that maybe some friendships arent as deep as others and that’s true, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love those friends just as much, wouldnt drop what he’s doing to go pick them up bc their car died on the highway

that said, he doesnt trust super easily??  like he’s p wary in general, a little more suspicious of ppl than he ever lets on.  like it takes him a Long time to rlly ever tell his rlly close friends any big details abt himself.  it takes him even longer to ever invite ppl over to the house, even tho his moms are like you can??  pls do??  have a childhood kiddo

maia takes a little longer to make friends i think??  but that’s more a matter of her not noticing someone is trying to be friends with her, like she’s sort of above it all a lot of the times, often wrapped up in her own head.  but like i said, she’s p intense so once she’s noticed, she’ll dive in head first like all in, ride or die

and its so funny bc she is so so like non-plussed by things like what movie to see or stuff like that, she’s kind of a rlly great friend without meaning to??  like oh, yall were planning to do a mall night but ur period started and u dont have the energy and now u just want to lie around and eat ice cream??  she’ll pick up ur fave flavors and probably a couple redbox rentals and is down for a movie night, maybe becomes ur favorite person in that exact moment

she actually trusts ppl more easily than finn, if only bc generally the ppl that are more insistent abt actually getting to know her, not just that scary person she puts forward are usually ppl that genuinely care abt her and want the best for her??  that said, she gets in with a bad crowd and dates this super fucking awful abusive asshole that sort of destroys that innate trust for a while.  she gets it back eventually, thanks to those friends she had before the entire experience, who stood by her even when she tried to push them away

stella takes the longest to make friends??  she’s like that shy kid in the corner that wont make eye contact but when she does u feel like she’s probably seen ur soul and knows all ur secrets (which....techincally she doesnt see souls and only knows maybe four or five of ur secrets) but she’s rlly sweet and v earnest and ppl sort of find her endearing after a while

like??  she finally finds her ppl when she joins the drama department and switches soccer teams and gets into debate and starts a chess club, like??  when she starts actually embracing who she is and not trying to model herself after maia or finn or kara or lena, when she sort of loses herself in doing things that are actually interesting to her and not just what gets her the least negative responses from other ppl, she makes so many friends !!!  like girl just has to get out of her own head sometimes

of the three kiddos, she definitely trusts the easiest, just bc like??  she knows what ppls intentions are, knows when someone’s hiding something from her or has ulterior motives for trying to befriend her.  like most of the work is done for her just at first meeting like she rlly doesnt have to worry too much abt trusting ppl

they all sort of struggle with hiding their powers??  some more than others for sure

like finn probably struggles more than maia??  bc maia keeps taking that power-suppressant all through school, but finn wants to learn to control himself, wants to not be as dependent on something else to make him more human, safer for others to be around.  so he wears the glasses and softens his touch and makes sure he never moves too quickly, gives up on sports and works hard to never get angry, never let the hum of his heat vision get too distracting 

its rlly hard when he’s around his friends, harder when he starts dating, bc other ppl dont have to worry abt the stuff he has to worry abt??  like he has to have like a lot of talks with kara abt it bc he gets overwhelmed a lot, worries a lot abt accidentally hurting someone he loves

maia on the other hand struggles more with the lying??  like she has this ride or die mentality and it fucks her up that she cant tell the ppl she trusts this giant secret abt her, this thing that defines her existence??  Fucks Her Up tbh like.....she’s like a vault, her friends confess all their shit to her and she hates that she cant do the same??  cant do that without endangering her brother and sister and moms and, rlly, her entire family and she’s not going to do that, wont ever do that

so like she struggles with that, but the actual powers part of it isnt as big of a thing for her bc she keeps taking the suppressant bc she just??  doesnt trust herself not to.  doesnt trust the power in her hands, like she wont take it on the weekends bc thats when kara trains her and finn, takes them to the deo to spar but during the week, when she doesnt have kara’s steady presence to ground her, finn’s quiet hand at her shoulder to stop her when she’s about to go too far

stella struggles with it but its different??  like she’s not hiding superhuman strength or the ability to fly or anything so conspicuous, but she has to like.....constantly monitor what she says and how she acts towards ppl that dont know like??  ppl get kind of weirded out when she knows stuff abt them or like....knows their heart or some shit when they’ve only rlly known each other for a few months

that said, she also gets away with a whole lot by just saying she’s rlly empathetic with this weird little smirk that her friends think is just her poking fun at the fact that she can be kind of spacey and not super aware abt other stuff all the time but lol little do they know

i mean??  at school??  most ppl dont know like she’s mrs danvers or (insert kiddos name)’s mom and like especially in elementary school, she’s not the one at pta meetings bc she knows what will happen if other parents see her and make the connection??  so its usually kara and she usually flies under the radar, like ppl kind of know that she’s the kara danvers from page six, wife of lena luthor and doing the gala circuit when needed, but no one ever like rlly registers it ya know??

likes the kiddos friends kind of put it together but she’s still just mrs danvers to them, their friends rlly cool mom that helps them do these rlly awesome science experiments when they come over and are bored.  a couple ppls parents find out and refuse to let their kids go over anymore and the kids dont understand why and lena like.....lost tbh.  like how does she explain that??  how does she let them know its her fault, that she did this to them by association and for that she is truly sorry

but like the kiddos rlly just let it roll of their backs like it only happens maybe a handful of times and their friends are still their friends at school

but like??  when they get older, they get more vocal, like??  they’re proud of their mother and theyre so fucking sick of hearing the weird, awful comments ppl make about luthors whenever lex winds up in the news again and maia reaches a point of just FUCK OFF levels of anger, starts screaming IM A LUTHOR TOO, MOTHERFUCKER when she tackles someone in the hallway after hearing superman should do the world a favor and just get rid of that entire rats nest during passing period and that’s sort of what outs them all

things change a little after that??  like most of their friends stick around, but there is definitely a wariness towards the danvers kiddos after that, but they bear it with pride, like finn and stella arent upset in the slightest.  like??  so they lost a couple friends; good, better leave now bc they love their mom a whole hell of a lot more than those ppl and that’s never going to change

like??  they rlly arent that aware of the weird spotlight they live in for a while when they’re small, particularly maia and finn like......kara and lena kept their relationship rlly rlly quiet for a long time.  like??  no one knew they were an item until they rlly needed to come out and say it, and then they got engaged and married rlly quietly, just family and lena kept her name professionally so no one rlly knew.  and they kept her pregnancy under wraps, not necessarily hiding??  but just not announcing it either and quite honestly the press doesnt know abt finn until some opportunistic pap gets a shot of kara and lena with little roly poly finn at the park, looking every bit the deliriously happy family they are.  its much the same for maia, with no one outside of their little circle of friends and family knowing abt her until someone catches a picture of them with two little ones, not one.  and like stella??  hell, stella doesnt rlly get a debut until she’s nearly four tbh and its bc she v seriously asks to be lena’s date to her gala and like how was lena going to say no to that request

that said, when they get older, they’re kind of prime targets for some asshole opportunistic paps to swarm and try and get quotes from, try and smear the luthor name some more.  lena issues a no nonsense statement that she’s fair game, but her children are off limits.  catco worldwide issues a similar statement, that the family lives of their reporters are not open for discussion and that such targeting of children is a reprehensible act that has no place in journalism

that helps, that and the ruthless way their family encircles them, fights the press and tabloids and fights to give the kiddos as normal of a life as possible.  and like???  they rlly do.  there’s a couple incidents where the heightened scrutiny was noticeable, but mostly??  the kiddos rlly dont notice, just flip the newspaper over when its lex on the front page or switch whatever gossip show off when the topic comes round to lena, little things like that that help them live as normally as they can