#i wanted 2 try and use some brushes i dont normally use to get a different texture

[lakeraydia]

i think u should draw a tohri nishikikouji. person or bird idk same tohri. maybe give him a hat

he was so real for literally all of that

[gothic-thoughts]

Slow on the Internet

(idek how i found this pic of him but im SO glad this shit exists😭)

(AGED UP) Yuji Itadori x Black Fem Reader Fluff

Streamer!Yuuji, Shy!Reader, RoommateAU, Friends2Lovers

CW: oblivious Yuuji 😭😭, yuuji talking to his twitch chat, reader speaks some Japanese 🤝🏾 Yuuji speaks some English, not proofread

Word Count: 1701

any Japanese is written in Romaji and confirmed by DeepL

It was 10 pm, Itadori was sitting in his gaming headphones on his stylish armchair, playing a popular game while Spotify was quietly playing a mellow song in the background.

"Guys, the stream's gonna be a little quiet, I don't want to wake my roommate."

Itadori tried not to make too much noise, talking quietly to his audience.

- Which one?

- Is it (Y/n)??

- Megumi or the American girl you brought on a while ago?

- The girl??

 "Yes, I’m talking about (Y/n). Megumi's out for the night. Uh, for those new to stream, a couple streams ago..." Yuuji laughs into his hand, "Like 3 streams ago, I forced my roommate, (Y/n), to make a... commentary vid with me."

- You should force her back fr 👀👀

- Bring her back, yall were cute

- You guys chemistry was adorable, u sure she's just a roomie??👀👀

He laughed at the comments, a little embarrassed at the idea of having chemistry with his roommate, but it was sweet of them to think that. He shook his head and laughed, trying to brush it off as a friendly relationship.

"Shut up, it’s a normal amount of chemistry! I like to think we have a cool dynamic.”

- UR TELLING ME U DON'T LIKE HER??

- denial isn’t healthy, Itadori

- but does she want to STAY ur friend??

It was flattering how invested they were in a relationship between him and (Y/n). He wasn't sure what his chat was implying, surely they were teasing him. There was a little part of him that liked and even agreed with his chat's implications. He was glad they were taking so much interest in his friendship with (Y/n). It was sweet.

"I- what are you guys saying?" He laughed nervously, his cheeks red.

- THAT SHE LIKES U DUH

- U LIKE EACH OTHER??

- ITADORI UR FUMBLING

"You really think my roommate likes me? Really?"

- YES

- The only she could make it more obvious was if she kissed you like r u srs 😭😭

- Does she take or borrow ur stuff a bunch?

"Oh yeah, all the time." He laughed, nodding. "Like she'll use my body soap and won’t give it back unless I ask. Sometimes she'll even just take my clothes and leave them somewhere in her heya (room); sore wa wakaranai (I don't get that)."

- Bro cuz she likes u

- YUUJI WHAT

- She got it bad too. Both of u do

- AND U FRIENDZONED HER??

His heart was beginning to race a little as his chat spoke and said all these things. He laughed nervously, but he didn't deny any of their comments. He wondered if all these things actually were happening because she did have feelings for him.

"No, no I didn't... did I?"

- How do u curve a goddess BY ACCIDENT?

- Rejecting someone by accident is crazy

- She is fine asf lowkey

He shivered a little as his chat continued, making him begin to feel a little bad for keeping his feelings to himself and even stupid when realizing that he wasn’t reading her feelings correctly.

"I don't know, I mean.... it never crossed my mind that she really liked me. Maybe... but she just did small things."

He rubbed the back of his neck, not sure what to say. "I didn’t think she’d like me, I thought she was just doing it cuz she’s still fairly new to Japan. Aside from the fact that she’s out of my league."

- is it because she's older than you?

- I dont even think ur age gap is even that big smh

- how old is she anyway? U look about the same age

- Ik ur 21 but how old is (Y/n)?

"How old? She's 23, but still..."

He rubbed the back of his neck, his face red. He just didn't know what to say so he just laughed nervously. They kept describing her and it made him feel bad, thinking that he had been doing this to her, hopefully she still liked him so he could try again.

- ONLY 2 YEARS AND U STRESSIN BOUT AN AGE GAP???

- If you don't GO CONFESS LIKE AN ADULT😭😭

- Ur both young adults so age is just a number fr

- Yuuji, don't piss me off 🙄😤

Itadori couldn't help but laugh the more he read, unable to deny the comments that his chat was making. It felt like his chat had read his mind.  

"Okay okay, wakattyo (i get it)! She likes me, I might like her, age isn't an issue. What am I supposed to do though?"

- Talk to her wat 😭😭

- UH TALK TO HER??

- Ask her out duh.

He laughed and read the comments. His chat was making it so simple.

"Come on guys, it can't be that simple. I live with her! What if she doesn't feel the same and things end up being awkward?"

Itadori jumps out of his chair, his heart beating out of his chest when he hears the only other person in the house knock on his bedroom door. Shit. Of course. He then realized he had his stream on the whole time so she definitely heard everything. He got up and walked over to his door. He cracked open the door, peeking through with his cheeks still red.

“Hey, Yuu.”

"Hey... did you hear nandemo (anything)?"

"Hear what?" (Y/n) furrowed her eyebrows, "You on the phone?”

He paused and smiled, "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was just making sure I wasn’t being too, um, loud. I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but I woke up wanting something sweet. I'm running to the konbini, nani ka hoshi mono wa?"

“Yeah, sure.” He paused, thinking of something, "Can you get me some ichigo pocky?"

“Honto ni? I was gonna get the same thing.”

He laughed, her answer surprised him. "Really?"

“Yea. Alright, I'll be right back."

He smiles, waiting for her to come back. He had so many thoughts, so much to process about the stuff his chat said and his own feelings for her. He waited for her to come back with the strawberry pocky.

- Well???

- Did she seem to like u??

- What she say?

“There's really no reason for me not to like her, ya know? I'm starting to think I like her back, really like her, she’s so sweet." He rubbed his neck, feeling guilty, "You guys were right, I've been rejecting her by accident. When she gets back, I want to tell her."

- YAAY

- LETSSGOOO

- THATS MY BOY

- GAMER BF + SHY GF FTW

The comments made him smile even brighter. The chat called her his girlfriend, but he didn't want to get too ahead of himself. He could only hope she'd respond positively.

"Shut up guys, I'm not her boyfriend.... well, yet hopefully."

20 minutes later, she walks into his room with snacks and a few drinks in a bag. He didn't expect her to come back so fast but it made him grateful. He was smiling wide as he took off his headphones and paused his game again, realizing how cute she was when she was just being herself. (Y/n) pauses in his doorway with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

“Are--” She lowered her voice, “Are you streaming?”

"Uh, heh yeah. Uh, my chat they made me see something. It has to do with you."

“Oh god...” She chuckles and waves shyly at the camera, walking over, “They don't want me on another stream, do they?”

His chat was blowing up with comments, excited at the appearance of his roommate again. "Shut up guys, I swear. It wasn't planned. Anyway, you don't have to come near the camera.”

“I don’t, good; I was freaking out already.” She laughs.

“Do you mind if I keep streaming while we talk?"

“Uh... sure, why?” She hands him a soda and the boxes of pocky then backs out of the camera, “You making me nervous~”

"Yeah, sorry. They've really grown to like you, so they're excited to see you again."

“I was only in one stream!”

"I know, I know, but they really liked you. So every time you show up again, they get really excited because they love seeing more of you."

“I didn’t know I had fans; is that what you wanted to tell me?”

He sighed, "No, it's not. There's something else."

“Mkay...?”

"Alright.” He takes a deep breath and stands, hoping he doesn’t make a fool of himself, “So chat made me realize that I’m a biggest idiot in the world. I... I like you, (Y/n).”

“You're...” (Y/n) chuckles uncomfortably, “You’re joking? Kore wa jyooku desu ka?”

"No, no. I mean it. They helped me realize that you liked me so I wanted to tell you that.”

“But I thought you didn't like me.”

"Yeah, well, I thought I didn't, I realized it after they pointed out how we treat each other. And they were right.”

“So you were rejecting me... by accident?!”

“I just thought you'd stick around me cuz you’re still a little new to Japan!"

“Yuuji, I've lived here for like 5 months now!”

“Yeah, but I thought, like... I don’t know!”

“God, you be so clueless sometimes.” She sighs deeply, “Since I know now, finish your stream and we can eat the snacks and maybe, uh, eiga o miru?"

Itadori froze. “Movie? You... want to watch a movie with me?"

“Seems like the only thing to do this late at night," She chuckles, "Everything but the convenience store is closed this late."

"Hell yeah, I’d love to!”

(Y/n) laughs, “Mkay, lemme know when you’re done.”

(Y/n) leaves his room with the bag of her sweets and closes the door. Yuuji sits back down in his chair with a wide smile on his face as he starts playing his game again. He was so focused on finishing it for his stream and going to watch the movie that he wasn’t reading the chat’s confused and riled comments. He finally looked over at them and laughed, pausing the game:

- ITADORI IF U DON'T END THE STREAM

- GO BRO

- END STREAM

- STREAM TMR TF

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(a/n): unfortunately not sponsored by strawberry pocky cuz 🤤🤤

[kuradex]

I wanna know about your art style. How you draw like that??

i tried putting down considerations as well as a (very) general step by step of what i do; if there's anything more specific you want me to explain lmk i guess?

first off, general (self imposed) constraints / purpose of project -- this informs what i draw & how i draw it

i.e. "kuradex" is pretty different from my normal art (my 5 latest rough illustrations):

or my monster hunter charms:

or my pokemon tcg contest illustrations that im not allowed to show until june (😉):

although i've said its for merch purposes, ive started drawing these because i wanted to practice conveying "liveliness" and noticing key features / nuances of a given design, but i didn't want to spend a large amount of time on each one.

so what i came up with is

i want to draw things on-model in terms of proportions ( + take note of weight / tapering of shapes / etc )

no backgrounds & minimal "props"

experiment with / practice line/texture/color/flow/rhythm/etc

spend <1 hr on each pokemon on average (this is a bit more difficult for me to track, but for example, the cyndaquil line took me less than 42min to color, combined, and means at some point in time instead of focusing on cleaning up the art as much as i can, i stop after cleaning up most of it)

that said, the pose & the rhythm/flow of lines are key in conveying liveliness, and if i have a concept in mind i usually end up going with it, but i may go thru a few if i dont.

i consider pokemon origin / lore or a key point in its design, and if i'm particularly stuck, i try looking up pokemon card illustrations for inspiration. (i noticed the research i do is essentially a truncated version of how Atsushi Furusawa does research before doing an illustration.

(& even despite all this i do get stuck sometimes and don't exactly understand a pokemon and just opt for "as cute or cool as i can make it i guess?", but i think it's part of the process...?) (theoretically things that are A Shape should be really easy to draw but with what i want to practice in perspective i find them difficult...)

this is from my latest paid req but these are my first sketches of chesnaught -- i was thinking of how one of its inspirations is a warrior / tanker from RPGs, so i drew a pose where it's shielding its face.

i do another pass and take note of details.

in general i draw overlapping shapes and erase (it's a bit visible on one of the spikes)

because i opt for quickness i start coloring at this point -- i just use a colored "color burn" sketch layer for the "lineart" & colorpick official art & lay down messy flats & set the color layer to 60%

60% multiply layer for shadows. i tend to use both hard and soft brushes

for bigger projects i would use 2-3 shadow layers to create more "layered" shadows

here i use overlay layer (60%). this is just throwing colors at it and seeing what works and doesn't work. i personally prefer to throw red under the eye and a yellow or blue near the top of the head. this is mostly done with a soft brush

before this point, everything is under the rough lines, but now i start drawing/painting over it

i just color pick the colors that have been laid down from the previous steps and clean up / render textures (making the green on its arms look fuzzy) / fixing anything that i forgot or looks too off (i.e. the spike on its shoulder and the way the tail curves)

I could potentially keep cleaning this up, but this is where i usually stop 🫡

[matiixoxo]

Hey! I would like it if you could make a rountine for me please. I wake up at 6:30. Leave for university in an hour. Come back at 2:00. And sleep around 12:00. I would like for you to add activities like slot for studies( i normally study for 2 hours), and workout for 1 hour. Rest of the day i am free and of course few hours are dedicated for lunch and dinner etc..

Thank you. :)

Ofc! Here you go:

morning routine:

6:30am: wake up, stretch a bit, drink water. additionally, you can do 10 pushups, or a one minute plank to start the day

6:40am: take a bath, finish with a minute of cold water (it's good for your health, or so I hear!)/if you prefer to take a bath in the evening, use this as extra time for anything you may need

6:50am: get dressed with clothes prepared the night before

6:55am: eat breakfast - take your time, rest a bit, open your phone and check any messages

7:10am: wash your face, do your makeup, brush your teeth

7:25am: make sure you have everything you need, fill a bottle of water (hydration is important!)

7:30am: time to leave! enjoy your day

•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•

afternoon routine

2pm: eat a healthy (or not) lunch. Take your time, you just got home, there's no rush :)

3:10pm: study for around an hour, with breaks when necessary. some examples: a 5min break every 20mins; a 10 minute break every 30mins...

until 5pm: after studying, use the remaining time to read/work on a hobby/anything you want. Try to limit time on your phone - avoid doomscrolling :)

5pm: workout time! grab your stuff and go to the gym - work those muscles, girl 💕

6pm: free time for 20 minutes / if you prefer to take a bath during the afternoon, nows the time! Make sure to have an everything bath once a week, and adjust your schedule to include it ♡

6:20pm: study time! Same thing as before

until 8pm: after studying, use the remaining time to read a book, write in a journal, meditate, anything that might interest you.

8pm: dinner time!

9:10pm: use this time to do anything you urgently need to do for the next day, and prepare your clothes for tommorow.

9:40pm: free time

10:30pm: if you want to, nows the time to turn off your phone. It's not really healthy using it right before bed (I'm a very big hypocrite) but you do you! Use this time to read, think about your day, or anything really - dont forget to do your skincare!

12am: goodnight!!

•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•

send a message if you'd like me to change anything! Ly ♡

[eltanin0]

I just found this blog and I noticed that a lot of your stuff seems, well, oddly 3D. I don't mean like in a bad way but it feels like rendered but untextured 3D models? I kinda want to ask what your art process is (sorry for mini-rant)

thanks for checking out my blog! and no need to apologize for anything.

hmm, my art process. honestly i have no idea what to say, i dont know how people normally answer this question so i cant base it off anything either. i'm still kinda new to this whole art thing but i'll try and answer, super sorry if i get this completely wrong and this was all a waste of time.

i guess i'll just talk about how i draw things step by step? for the high effort pieces at least.

ok, so for starters like step 0. when it's a high effort piece, i can already see the image in my mind. i see the pose, i see the general lighting, the layout of stuff, but it's a bit blurry. if i cant see this mental image, the drawing usually comes out extremely poorly.

this is kind of an example of what i see in my head? this might be all useless info idk, but this is i guess where i start.

well step 1 is just the sketch and line. i start with just sketching the general shapes, then slowly refining it until it fits close enough to the image in my head. then in the line layer i'll fix any mistakes the sketch had and add more details to it. oh and for brush, it's just a round brush, like default. i dont know how much of a difference using a drawing tablet does, but i dont use one so... yeah.

i should've put more effort into the sketch for this drawing, but i did not.

next i do flat colors. pretty simple, i just select the smart select the outside of the line layer, invert the selection and now i can't paint outside the lines. i dont really think about what colors i use, i just use whatever the characters normal colors are.

next i do the shading, but first. i duplicate flat layer and recolor it to like a cream color

like so. for high effort pieces, i was told online to shade in pretty much black and white. now actually onto shading. there's 2 kinda shading i do, 1 from the proper light source, and 1 that's kinda just a shadow because things are close together (like corners and stuff). and i'll shade them on separate layers so i can adjust them individually however i want. oh right, i'll either use a very dark color, pretty much black and the the layer blending mode set to multiply. or i'll use a light kind of gray, tinted slightly yellow or something and set the layer blend mode to difference. then i just use a soft air brush and shade in the ways i described above. shading from regular light source, and the corner stuff thing.

normal lightsource - - - - - corner thing

then toggle both layers on and mess with the opacity of each layer until you get what you want.

then you can toggle the normal flats layer, the one that has color and it should apply the shading decently. you can mess with the opacity again on the shadows.

next i do lighting. i just grab a very light color, usually pretty close to white and set the layer blend mode to overlay. then i use a soft airbrush and "light" it? idk i just do like the opposite of the normal shadows, lighter the closer it is to the light source

mess around with the opacity as usual. then i do pretty much the same thing if there's another light source. in this case there was a blue light kinda coming from underneath, so i did that.

now from here i would go back to the flats layer, make a copy, and mess around with different layer styles and properties and settings. sometimes just messing around is useful. in this case, i felt it was too bright and colorful, so i decreased the brightness and saturation of it.

i think it helped a little bit but who knows.

now i do some kinda highlights and details. i grabbed the colors that were in the background and used those. it was a weird pale blue. i had 2 layers for this, 1 of them was specifically for his antenna things at the top, and one was just for his "skin". anyway, the antenna layer was normal, just kinda gave it an outline with the random reflective circles you see normally in pictures, no thoughts behind them. the skin tho had the layer blend mode set to soft light, i thought it looked best this way. it was just more random things to imply it was slightly reflective.

together the layers looked like this. i think it makes him look glossier which is what i was aiming for.

next, and it pretty much the end for pebbles, i got someone to look at it and let me know if they think anything was missing. they said it looked a little unsaturated. which it does. so i made a new layer, set the blend mode to saturation, grabbed the airbrush and made it pretty inline with the lighting layer.

that's kinda it. the background i didnt really care about, just drew and colored it. blurred it a bunch and added a bunch of shadows. i did add some like, "overshadows" is what i call it, i just draw some big shadows down the screen as the top layer.

but yeah thats literally everything i did to draw this. i would like to apologize if this was not at all what you wanted to know, i'm certain i've screwed this up bigtime. super sorry for wasting your time. if there's anything i can do to help, please ask. i owe you a proper answer to your question, i'm just really dumb. sorry for rambling. sorry. and sorry if the drawing i used for example didnt showcase what you wanted to know.

also, i really like your art! please keep up the great work!

[itsaspectrumcomic]

this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

[dogwaterdish]

dogwater shading tips !!! + drawinfs

Use colored shading! using a color for shading makes a drawing look better usually, since it gives it more life in a sense. if depends on the mood you want for the drawing though, so if you're going for dreary, black shading can be used well

Know where/what your light source is. this is real important because it dictates where the shadows go in the first place! Once you decide where it is, try to imagine seeing your drawing from that angle. anywhere you cant see will be shaded! you can tweak this method as you please, I find it best to use it as a starting point and then do my own thing after that

Intensity of the shadow is directly affected by the intensity of the light! If your light source is a normal lamp or normal sunlight, your shadows wont be as intense, dark, and sharp. they'll be smoother and lighter than the most intense ones. but if your light is something more intense like a flashlight, the shadows will be sharper and darker.

I have a lotta good examples of this in my bakugou drawin I made a bit ago, so here he is:

theres

1. colored shadows -- I used reds and some purples almost for the shadows to add to the mood and all that. I did this by first adding a more detailed shading layer, going in and putting color 'under' the hair and neck, and I'll get to why when I get to #2. I gave this layer the darker color filter on ibis paint x. then, I went in with a larger shading area to add more dramatic affect, by taking the same reddish color and adding it everywhere that wasn't getting the most intense lighting from the explosion.

2. since the explosion was the light source, everything centered around it. The detailed shading went under the hair and neck because those places are almost always dark. Then, I looked to see where was the farthest from the explosion and threw in a bunch of dark colors there as well!

3. Because the light of the explosion was so strong, I made the shadows vibrant dark colors as well! heres some examples of softer shading:

softer shading usually comes up more for me, but my more recent pieces have been very intense lighting.

for soft shading, I pick where the light comes from, and then I add the shadows with a watercolor brush. I usually pick different shadow colors for the different colors for soft shading, but they all have to be the same relative vibrancy for it to make sense mosta the time. I keep stuff thats under other stuff the darkest, like the neck or under sleeves, and blend the color out softly until it just kinda fades. usually you dont need too much shadows for casual lighting.

heres another example of soft shading! ^

@princelyre !! hope this helps

[taqoou]

hi, your art style is so cool!! i love it

as a beginner artist, i was wondering if you had any helpful tips for procreate or anything? the art world is kinda daunting lol😅

thank u so much!! ive been feeling down ab my art so seeing this in my inbox was like a sweet treat LMAOO 🎀

so back to the q…. im afraid i dont have any mind blowing tips. its normal to feel overwhelmed as a beginner, but everyone starts somewhere! i say familiarize urself with basic procreate shortcuts (loads of tutorials online) and always play around with their settings! it should be helpful for the learning process along the way.

for eg ermm i used to abuse the gradient maps settings to pretend i know shit ab colouring 😭💀 i still do tbh, except now i understand how it actually works and i can easily get the colours that i want.

some of the things i learned:

1. cool lineart (i always use this as a part of my render process)

2. art is subjective, pick any that you think suits your preference/is fun to use

for brush, do you prefer it round or textured? lots of pressure sensitivity or none? i like my brushes textured and with a good amount of pressure sensitivity. for blending, do you prefer the transition colour to appear smooth or textured/messy? i sometimes mix between both to give a sense of harmony, but i like it textured more. it all comes down to what feels right to you. pick a few artyles that you like and incorporate it into ur own! pretty basic tip but thats the best way that i know. just pretend ur a mad scientist trying to find cure for like cancer or sumn

3. personal opinion: brush type matters

dont listen when someone says the type of brush u use doesnt matter. yes you can draw with any brush. yes all brushes work the same way 🤯🤯🤯. but theres gotta be that ONE brush that just hits the spot for you, as if its made specially for Your Hands….. unfortunately theres no shortcut to finding Your Brush. it took me 4 years of endless experimenting to find mine.

if ur curious on what brushes i use, i have it listed in my carrd. however i still experiment a lot and dont rly bother to update it, but those should be what i use the most/my top favs !

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

i dont think this covers everything, but this is all i could think of from the top of my head. just lots of trials and errors really, and dont be afraid to make a mess!!! i hope this answers ur question :33 all the best!

[hirik0]

In his shadow part 2

part 1

Young Nik/Price

Nik POV

Nikolai tryed to get the attention of his father for years, he finally stopped with 12. The despreate need to get his father's approval turned into a game of how much he can get away with, when he's apearing on the radar of his father. With 12 his mother died and Nik realised he wasted the littel time he had with his mother, to get the attention of the parent that didn't care about him. So when puberty hit him and he figured out how sex worked and that you can attracted to man and woman? Well he got the attention he so deeply wantes from sex with strangers. Often with much older people that didn't care that he was still a minor, some even payed him, to stay silent or because they saw him as a whore. That's how he got involved with dangerous people, the mob, radical political groups and in the end the leader of the group he wants to join. The older man is charming and attractive and it using Niks very obvious daddy issues for all his advantage.

The job was suposed to be easy. Break in, get the documents or distory them and leave the building. But it looks like he is not the only one interested in the documents so the guards caught him red handed. He runs up a fly of stars, 5 pisst, armed guards are hot on his heals. He takes a left turn and it's to late when he realises he should have turned right. He has to dash down the long hallway his only chance to get away is the, by dumb luck, open window. If he survives this he need to do more cardio and stamina training, quite smoking and drinking and start eating healthy because his lungs are buring and he will have the worst soreness in his legs tomorrow. He dont even looks down from the window, more falls out of it then he jumps, but thank fuck there are some plant to land in. He didn't land on the plants, he realises half way down. "Shit, fuck, god damm it, fucking shit.", he curses before landing on something that at least softer then the floor. He looks down at the man in a camouflage uniform, probaly one of the fuckers why the guards are that alerted. Well atleast they did one good think. "Thanks", Nik says to the man before jumping over the plant running towards the forest, rather planless but well getting away from here is more important then a full plan. He will figure it out.

He dont really pays attetion to where he's running, just away from the house. Stomping on every plant in his way. He knows he didn't to a really good job at hiding where his running, but he honestly don't even know in what direction he's running. He's basically lost at this point. He hears footsteps behind him, fuck, he needs to run faster. He looks over his shoulder and the guy he fall on is getting closer. Fuck the guy runs fast and his nose is still bleeding. He grins at him nearly running in a tree because he is not looking forward. He can hear the other pant already shit, feeling that something is brushing his back, the other man is catching up. He turn right, hears the other slithering over the floor. The short lead he made that way is basically useless.

He trys the same trick again, but a left turn this time. The other crashes in to him, the fall to the ground, rolling all over the floor. He finally is able to crush his elbow in the guys face, only hoping to hit the injured nose. It's a dirty move, but he has places to be, when he figures out in which direction places is. He is abel to get on one feet again about to lift the other up, when he's pulled back. Fuck. They wrestel on the forest floor some more before he's pinned down. The man with light brown hair, is rather attractive, what dont help him at all. Blood is running down the others face, from his likely broken nose in their tossel he also got a bleeding eye brow. With every breath blood from is bleeding lip is running in his mouth, his right eye pulsed, will likely swell up soon. The position they are in is very sexy in a other scenario. "You know normally get dinner first, before I let people do this with me", Nik says, winking with his uninjured eye, his brain to mouth filter non existing. "Usually I do the pinning down it's a intressting change." The other man looks at hum uterly shocked, his mouth dropped open, maybe it's his imagination but he has the feeling the cheek of the other turn a littel bit reder. That's his chance he head buts aiming for the nose, but the other dont let him go. "Motherfucker", the othe curses in English. "Who do you work for?", Nik asks. "Who do you work for?", the other man asks back with the worst accent he heard. "British huh?", Nik asks before they continue to stare at each other in silence. Fuck, the assumed brit is low-key attractive.

Someone is aproaching them. The man that is aproaching them has a union jack on his jacked. Conformation for his theory, but what do they want with the files hidden in his jacket. "Bravo-3 reached Junior and..." Junior, that's what you call a child right? Oh fuck did he got caught by someone barely over 18, he looks at the older man again not paying attention to the rest what 'union jack' is saying. The man still pinning him down looks displeased by being called Junior, that maybe can become important later. A few minutes a third man is approaching them, patching them both up, Nik so he can claim he fought against them trys to bits the medic? in his finger. They sit there for a while the brits all very professionally looking if anyone else is on their tracks, staying silent. Nik nearly gets a heart attack when 'union jack' is talking in his radio. "Understood Bravo-0 see you there."

Oh god, when are they finally there? They walk for forever already and do they have to walk this fast? His legs are already sore. It's clear that, they need to hurry up more, because gets picked up and thrown over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Fuck you! I can walk perfectly fine, you fucking tea drinking asshole. Let me down, where are we even going? Is this even legal?", Nik curses only getting a laught out of union jack. "I like that one Price, good catch." Oh Juniors name or real callsign is Price, he deserves his bloody nose ruined his easy job. "Thanks Sir." When they reach their goal he's thrown on the floor of a helicopter, is eyed by 4 more britisch soilders. "So that's our thief?" One asks. "Gave Price a good fight", 'medic' sniggers. Oh Junior is not liking this, Nik can't help but smirk at this.

[cicadangel]

erm.! diary 12/4

hi i havent been online in a bit or written any diary entries recently bc well i was really depressed and then i just like forgot or whatever. but uhmmm life updates sorta/just how im doing right now.

i will start with the good news :-) i am not depressed! ive been feeling good pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks i think? ive been happy enough to be able to function normally and do all the stuff i need to do. also school swim started so i got to see my crush (the one i talked abt a bunch last year) and i actually need him so bad he's so fine i need him. not much has happened w him (in terms of moments or whatever) but it will soon trust!!!!!! also ive been feeling a bit more confident lately in terms of how i think guys percieve me so i hope maybe that will inspire me to make a move but probably not. oh well.

as for everything else. well. i have been having issues with that one bitch "friend" ofc hoping to hit her with a car sometime soon. but thats not rly new ig. i am kind of having issues too tho with one of my other friends bc he's being weird and annoying. recently hes been extremely sensitive abt just everything which is whatever except he won't tell me, he'll just get upset and try to get me to ask him if he's upset except i won't play that game ugghhhhh if u have a problem with me tell me bc i wont understand otherwise!!! i cannot possibly fathom what he's got wrong with him about me so im not even gonna try. if he wants to fix it he can use his words otherwise no bueno it is not happening!!!!

he's also been like. weird to me recently. we're in psychology class together and we're gonna be at the "abnormal behavior" unit soon (which is mental illnesses) and he keeps saying ohhhh we're almost at your unit we're almost there when it's like stop thats actually so annoying. i am abnormal and crazy but that's not ur place to say? i dont talk to my friends abt my mental illness struggles but i guess it is obvious there's smth wrong with me or whatever but it's just annoying. i will talk abt how im against involuntary commitment to psych wards and how sooooo many therapists only end up doing more harm than good and my problems with the whole mental health industry and the modern understanding of it bc it's smth im rly passionate abt, but he just brushes me off as if i dont have first hand experience with all of the terrible ways psychiatry and the mental health industry can fuck people up???? i also feel weird talking to him in general sometimes bc i know he'll bring me up to his therapist (because he constantly mentions it) and i feel like i cant talk to him bc he's gonna tell her and that just puts a weird strain on the relationship. like his therapist knows me, but just from his pov and that kinda weirds me out im ngl.

oh i also got in a fight w my mom today. actually we're still fighting. it was over something soooo insignificant but i got so overly angry like i always do and now im going to make it ruin the rest of my day because i am insufferable. she's just been really angering me lately also ive been feeling destructive which is complicated. i dont rly like the term "splitting" but it's def what ive been doing a lot lately. ugh. also i like dont know what to do with my bpd "diagnosis" it makes me angry and like i just have so many problems with it in so many ways REGARDLESS if i actually have it or whatever which i could talk abt for hours. in some ways it's nice to have a label for what ive been going through my whole life but in most ways i am like not too happy with the fact that ive been handed a disqualification from ever being upset again. if i am, it'll just be because im a crazy borderline! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. more on that whole mess later sorry

[mosephf]

I want to say a word or two on executive dysfunction, accepting yourself, and finding what works even if it feels weird. See below.

I am a graduate student, and I also have ADHD. I'm very high functioning (though I know that's an outdated term) and I'm best in a classroom environment, which is the only reason I made it as far as I have with schooling according to the woman who diagnosed me. Basically, my baseline intelligence and mental acuity are high enough that high school and university were possible for me despite the huge gap between those and my actual processing speed. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Starting grad school was my first real experience with executive dysfunction to the point of it being debilitating. I had experienced it before, but brute force was always enough to get me through, and the burnout would always come after a deadline. Having to focus and be engaged and forward thinking everyday, doing work that requires much more planning and engagement, and commuting for 3 hours a day started to physically exhaust me, as it does with every grad student. Other stressers like the starvation wage that grad students are paid (and then we're told it's generous and you can find other work), COVID-19, family drama, all came together to produce a perfect storm of executive dysfunction.

One major symptom for me is showering. I shower maybe... once a week? That wouldn't be an issue for some people, but the key is that I always shower a good two days after I probably should. At least. It has a major effect on my life. My fiance is sensitive and finds me being stinky not the most enjoyable (fair), I don't like feeling like I smell at work, and my skin and hair have been suffering. Yet I can't shower more often. I tried to make it work, doing small rinses at night or getting up earlier, but these fixes never really worked.

I was forcing myself to conform to "normal" showering habits: morning or night showerer. What I had forgotten was the time when I was most consistent showering was when I snuck it in between other tasks. During my prior life as a nanny, I would do a quick work out and then quickly shower while the baby was napping (kid would sleep for at least 2 hours, what a God-send). So... maybe midday showering, despite it being less common, could be the solution?

Last night I felt gross, but as usual came home, cooked dinner and ate. Then when my fiance got up to do the dishes and clean the kitchen as he always does, I got up and showered. It felt AMAZING. I was washing off the day. I wasn't going to go to sleep with soaked hair. I woke up the next morning with my alarm and got to spend some time drinking coffee and resting instead of laying in bed until the last possible second because I know I have to shower but I can't and if I'm late, then I dont have to. And suddenly it clicked.

When you are struggling to build habits with ADHD or battling with executive dysfunction from any number of neurodivergencies, find what works for you, not what works for most. Trying to conform to what others do will not help. Keep trying new things, and eventually you'll find a solution for you. Showering in the middle of the day is pretty mild. But other methods of selfcare like "I can only feed myself if I pretend to feed this plushy" or "I can't brush my teeth with mint toothpaste because it's a sensory nightmare, I just use water because something is better than nothing" or "I have to work on my dissertation at 2 in the morning because that's when my brain works, so I build the rest of my schedule around that" that might seem more "unusual" (and these are still mild) should also be acceptable. If it works, DO IT.

There's my rant. Find your midday showers. Have a good day, everybody!

[garlique]

so here is my dilemma today sjdjdjs . day 2 in the field of a new job and yesterday i fucking HATED it and HATED the commute to the point where i cried the whole way home and then ALSO cried for like an hour afterward w my partner about how much i hated it and how miserable i was !! im putting it below a cut bc it'll probly get long but if anyone does read it all tell me if i should quit or try to keep going through it

okay so basically the job is charitable fundraising, face to face on the street canvassing. i dont wanna go into too much detail abt the company structure but the company that hired me is contracted by the IRC to do all their face to face fundraising. so yesterday they did some like intros and some basic dos and donts and then paired us up w someone and said "okay go!!"

here are my issues with it that are just about the job structure and not my own issues: theres no centralization at all and every day i would be going to a different spot. now this would be fine if it was based in tacoma, where i know my way around, and also dont have to ride for an hour on multiple forms of transit to get TO the city. the job is in seattle but i live in tacoma and anyone who sees this who does this commute will understand lol. they'll tell us where we're mesnt to be the next day 'by 8pm the night before' and having to scramble every single night to work out a complicated and frankly expensive commute to a brand new place makes me wanna kill myself sjzjzjzjz

minor issue but we have to use our personal phones and let them location track us for time clock purposes and i truly am not comfortable with that, and it saps my phone battery horribly which is a major source of anxiety for me

also in all their promo materials people had tables they were Sitting behind and for us, it is literally standing still in one spot for 6 fuckin hours a day which like i get it but if i can't walk around or sit i cant do it!!

last major issue is in fact the job itself. and i will admit this is my fuckin fault but i dont even rmr when i applied for this position and i have just been desperately applying for whatever i think i could get. but goddamn i am so tired of jobs where the people i interact with as a RULE treat interactinf with me like a horrible fucking chore or something else awful they have to get through like i can just FEEL the disgust radiating off them and that is so goddamn exhausting to me

now here is where we get into why u Shouldn't quit. the number one answer is that i am less than 2 weeks into quitting nicotine and in like another 2 weeks i SHOULD be a lot more normal. i say should because unfortunately nicotine is a surprisingly effective med for a lot of the mental issues i deal with and i honestly DONT know if i will get back to feeling normal within the month timeframe most people do !! and thats also assuming i dont fuckin relapse at all in that timeframe and am Able to stay off it, which if i stay at this job will probably be very impossible. but i truly just DONT have the necessary emotional regulation skills to deal with what i need to at this job! i dont have the emotional regulatory skills to deal with the constand rejection and brushing off, i just dont have the ability to not take it personally right now. and honestly given everything i dealt with at cascade and how much that affected me i dont know if i Will have those regulatory skills once im thru quitting!!

i dont know. like i want a job where i know im putting Good back into the world but i also dont want tiny fucking returns and rejection and unhappiness, and besides this would be an expensive fuckin job w the commute n the food n everything. i just dont wanna fuckin do it and i feel like with how fast paced everything is in this industry i should probably just fuckin quit now .lmao

i just dont know what to do and we're so brain foggy that we cant even make a fucking decision and im so tired and i dont wanna do it lmao . so someone tell me if i should quit or not !!

[keefwho]

September 28 - 2023 Thursday

10:40pm

I didn't journal last night because I was up late chatting with Daisy.

This morning I had a hard time decided breakfast but I picked my last sausage pattie in a hamburger bun with a side of rice. My diet has been pretty non-varied lately so I'm trying to remember to eat something as different as possible every meal aside from my usual chicken dinner but even that might get changed up.

Stream didn't go so well. I just couldn't figure out what to work on. I'm sort of idea burnt out right now. In the past I would have been tired of the process but I feel like I can draw forever. Its just coming up with interesting ideas I actually want to do and not just the same poses and scenarios over and over. I ended stream very early, only about 30 minutes in. I also had to use the bathroom pretty bad. I felt bad about ending but also I knew that I honestly needed a break. I still do I think. I've been so focused on creating ideas that I haven't been taking in any information. I'm reverbing in my own brain. I need some fresh content to go off of.

After stream I honestly can't remember what I did. I somehow managed to kill a couple hours by doing actually nothing. Maybe watching a Twitch stream, maybe working a little bit on my room scan, and trying to find something to clean. Eventually I decided to fellate myself but I probably shouldn't have, I ended up not being very into it and because of that it took about 40 minutes.

Lunch was a few chicken fries, fish stick, and a macaroni cup. I had been looking forward to working on something while watching a stream on the side. Instead I had joined Eggs server and she showed up along with a couple of her friends. It was a nice call for the most part. Some of it was her friends nonstop narrating their OSU gameplay which rotted my brain but that stopped. For a bit it was just me and her and we share mutual feelings about being glad we bumped into each other for similar reasons. She was sort of isolating after a friend group break up and I also have very few social connections. I had been working on a halloween pic of Adora for Daisy in this call. Egg and her friend were watching and complimented me a lot which was nice, they really like my coloring brush. When I was done with the pic I left.

I felt terrible for Daisy today because of her finding out her insurance doesn't cover mental visits and also she had a bad day at work. Thats part of the reason I did the halloween pic. I didn't mean to get the whole thing done today but I thought it would make her feel at least a little better. I don't think I play myself up enough because that pic only took 2 hours. I think a lot of artist wish they could draw something so complete in that time. At this point its normal for me so it doesn't feel like anything special but I should take pride in being able to crank something out like this when it's needed.

After a little stream watching Daisy and I played Zelda together for just a little bit before her mom got home. When she hopped off my friend Will messaged and reminded me that we had planned to hang out in VRchat tonight so we did that for a bit. It was cool catching up with him even though I forgot about the plans and didn't quite feel up to socializing with someone I hadn't talked to in a decade. It was worth it though. We got him an avatar and showed him my cabin before getting crashed at a Black Cat.

Daisy and I chatted before bed as usual while I'm been Twitch gambling. I'm running another room scan alignment tonight and hoping it goes better with new settings. I dont want to settle for a lame result.

Its nearly time I try to figure out a new plan to self therapy. I've just stopped for a bit to regroup because everything kinda stopped working. I got too focused on certain things and at the same time not focused enough on others. I wasn't very coordinated in general, so much so I can't even describe exactly what the problem was. Just that I was so scattered. Whatever I try next will be more structured and focused.

I've naturally been better about feeling secure in my relationships. It might only be temporary but I've been aware of how miserable and harmful it is to not trust in my close bonds. Especially when I'm given so much reassurance. Sure I have legitimate reasons I end up feeling like this but it's still so goofy. Sometimes I just say fuck past experiences and so called trauma. I want to be happy and at least sometimes I can be.

[plantley]

ive had a bit of crush on my guy friend for a few months but ive been basically ignoring it and brushing it off as the wires are crossed and i dont actually like him, its only that he's one of my only guy friends and that i trust him so much, not a crush. and i cant have a crush on him because i dont date friends as a rule because it ruins the friendship and friend group. and theres no way he liked me too.

we had a fourth of july party, and especially towards the end of the night i thought there might be a little something. my legs were on him like kinda in his lap bc the couch was crowded. we were talking a lot, and at one point he went to grab my sunglasses from hanging on my tank top and like basically right between my boobs so like kinda intimate. but also literally all of our friend group is quite touchy and affectionate we everybody and we were drunk, so like none of that really was for sure that he liked me, but it felt different.

but the next week at trivia, he talked about dating apps or a girl he was talking to, so i took that as he obviously didn't like me and it was nothing because he was interested in other girls not me. so like id literally encourage him to get like the waitress' number and gave tips on talking to girls. like a month ago, my car broke and one week my friend allison gave me a ride and the 2 weeks after that max did, and its out of the way for both but i was like wow i have such good friends.

this saturday was allison's birthday party, and max said he was going to drive the 45 to pick me up and then 45 back to his and allisons place. and again thought, wow i have good friends and allison would have been sad if i couldnt be at her party. we all played beer pong, drinking games, just all hanging out and having a good time with everyone. i was crushing on max and was basically trying to see if itd be like last party and maybe there was something. i sat by him in our circle intentionally and kinda being more touchy than normal. but nothing either of us were doing were like obviously out of character and like clearly flirting.

part way thought the night, like 11 or 12, allison pulled me into her room and said "omg i just had an REVELATION! you and max need to hookup, tonight. yall have cute chemistry and now hookup and make it happen" and i was flabbergasted! like she knows my hard stance on "its a bad idea to date friends" so i tried arguing and like just making shocked stuttering noises, and before i could protest so much she grabbed me and pulled me back out to the party right by max, and she was smug like just do it.

but that had me thinking maybe its all in my head and like there is something there and maybe max likes me too. like if allison sees enough that she'd say that, its gotta be something. i kept acting the same way i was all night and now was just overthinking him even more.

towards the end of the night, like 2 or 3, some people went home, some were getting ready for bed, or just in smaller groups to talk in and it was just me and max talking. i was planning on just crash on the couch with julia, like normal, but by this point it definitely felt like there was something and he wanted to tell me but he couldnt. after a bit, he nervously asked if i wanted to be like cuddle buddies for the night and i said sure. we put on buffy the vampire slayer and cuddled for a bit but pretty quickly facing each other and having a real talk.

some of the details are a blur, but he was saying how he didnt want to pressure anthing or ruin our friendship, etc etc and hes fine with whatever i want and hes just so happy to be holding me and has wanted this for so long. i was like absolutely shocked still because i couldnt believe he liked me too and had for a while. he was so absolutely so sweet, but was so scared that its going to ruin things and i completely loose him as a friend but i was 100% comfortable and even leaned in to kiss him first and it was off from there. after kissing me, he said “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that”. we kissed and cuddled the whole night and he was so fucking hot. he straight up tossed me to the other side of the bed. omg.

it was so sweet. the next morning we still were able to banter and tease each other. we did have to walk out the room and talk to all of our friends just knowing we got together and were dying for info, but i still didnt know what i entirely thought and didnt want to kiss and tell. i walked out to the patio with all the girls and they excitedly asked "omg what happened, SPILL" and i said "nothing happened, okay not nothing happened, something happened, just not everything", but i did tell them it was just like a sweet and wholesome night. like he seems to like me so much and has been just waiting to let me know and he said something like "you had to have felt something at the 4th of july party too" so it wasnt just in my head and he felt that too, and i would love to date him like proper bf/gf but i am so scared ill lose him and ruin the friend group and everything is going to go wrong.

but he drove me back home and we got dunkin on our way, and said he was going to take me to work too but i was like no way itll take me like 20 min to get ready, ill just get an uber. and he was like, nope i have nothing else to do, ill wait and im dropping you off. so i showered and got ready. i had to cover a hickey, and it was my first one bc i always say dont give me a hickey but he gave me a little one anyway. when i came back out to the car i gave him a hard time that he's not allowed to give me hickies bc im simply not good enough at makeup to cover them up, and he joked that its not worst than my birthmark on the other side of my neck.

he dropped me off right in front of my work and i gave him a kiss goodbye and he said something and i said "youre too sweet". i was reeling my entire shift trying to pros/cons whether its a good idea to pursue this. on my pros/cons list, at first all i wrote under both columns "its max". i see my therapist on wednesday and hopefully she can help me sort through this. i finished the pros/cons and both sides are pretty full. i think next time we see each other, well have a real talk about this and i think i want to like a trial period and like try going on a proper date and couple-ly things and if that goes well then actually date officially. i want to take the romantic mushy things slow so we have time to navigate. and have an easy out/get out of jail free card at any point so we dont feel stuck and call it off if things feel weird or mess with the friend group or arent compatible, etc.

honestly in hindsight, some things kinda add up that it was probably him liking me not just normal friends. also im pretty sure he'd totally told allison he like me and theyre in cahoots. i want this so bad, but im so scared to lose him. ugh i am loosing my mind over this, and being away from him and having to think if this is going to ruin everything is putting my stomach in loop. it feels so natural with him. this feels so cliche and sweet that its like something out of a sitcom.

like thinking about it, we make a lot of sense together. both have been through fucked up shit and can relate and joke about it with each other. were outdoorsy and talk about moving out into the middle of the woods. we are extraverted but if we run out of social battery were totally done. hes talked so sweetly about wanting a wife and doing everything he can to love and protect her and make her happy, its so precious. hes truly such a sweetheart. this is gonna kill me

[industry--related--learning]

Week three of placement

Lay out of the day

Time: 9am-4pm

Morning: Helping students with table top

printing

Coating screens/blasting others

Afternoon: More table top printing

Relief image printing

In the morning a student came in with a large roll of canvas that they wanted to print onto, they only wanted the print on certain parts so laura sugested screen printing table top style. This is where you expose the image on to your screen like how you would normally, instead of using a bed you just position the screen on the desired part of the material atop a table of flat surface.

It usually takes 2 as you need someone to hold the screen flat as you pull it. This was a fast way to get multiple prints done without having to wait for the fabric to dry between pulls. It allowed for minimal smudging as the fabric didnt have to be moved.

I also blasted screens from the night class as the session was over. This meant that there was alot to get through and taught me the planning involved in the job as you have to schedule these things in order to make sure therw is enough materials to go around.

In the afternoon i experimented some more with folded forms and printing. Inking them up and pressing them, using the large rolling bed for bigger scale prints and using my left over ink to create relief print.

Laura said that clean up is where she finds most of her marks for her own prints, i liked that the after thought of a process, such as clean up, could also be used as a valuable time to create new ideas for prints.

It tought me that part of being a print maker is always seeing ways of printing in another thing other than just others existing prints. It made me think outside of the box and experimenting tought me the things that do work and the things that dont.

Such as when using the roller press that the thinner the paper object the more likely it is to stick to the paper you are trying to print on, it leaves more room for smudging as you have to peel it off (hands are often dirty) and can leave finger prints.

The process of printing on the table top taught me that there are ways of printing with minimal space and equiptment that can still produce a high quality print.

Using the spay and brush to loosen the emulsion before blasting

Blasting

[flintstill]

Welp, it happened again.

I ended up texting him last night at 5am (I got home at 3am and Whatsapp said he was still awake at 4:57) “hey don’t beet yourself up okay?” Then this AM he texts back (after a deleted message) “Ok ok. Thanks. It was fun last night.” which I can’t really read tbh. He said he was going to watch the World Cup Final at one of your coresidents places and invited me last night and I debated going when his text woke me up but it was too early after the night so I went back to bed. I woke up at 2 and after they won I texted him “Agentinaa!” and asked him what he deleted, and then said “Last night was fun. I’m sorry if I disappointed you” to which he said “Come on. You will never disappoint me” which ... then he asked how I was feeling and invited me to get beers with the group later if I wanted to come. I wanted to see the other graduates and be more social so. I’m glad I went tho, and he didn’t show up for another 30-45 minutes later which ?? I drove myself, but when we left he (who was taking another coresident R home) asked if I wanted him to follow me, and I was like “bro I live 2 blocks away...” Then when I parked my car he had rolled the window down and asked if I wanted to join 2 of the others that were with us at drinks at some other bar, and I was like “I’ll go if R goes” So we went, and it was fun. then when we left R got a ride with the others since one of them lived in the same place, so I was alone riding with the guy, and I was like “oh no”

So he pulls into my driveway and goes “hey I’m sorry for last night” and I go “nothing to be sorry for” and my STUPID ASS then goes “why, are you gonna try something again tonight?” and he was like “what?” and I said “nothing” “are you okay?” “yeah. are we okay?” And we had a normal hug goodbye but then he pulls me toward him and is like “come here” but I kind of just hide in his neck and he’s like “you don’t want it?” and I go “I don’t know what I want” “then why did you say ‘are you going to try something tonight?’?” “I don’t know. I’m a weirdo remember?” He asked if I wanted to come home with him and I said “No. I don’t move like that” then somewhere before or after that we kissed, and then I pulled away and put my scarf around my face and was hiding and he was like “are you being shy?” and I was just like “no. I dont know, i don’t know”then he started talking about making me dinner the day I leave, or the day before, but I said I wouldn’t have time. He was trying to figure out when but I was brushing him off and said “We’ll go out sometime and talk” ie public and ie probably the “i don’t know what I want, I’m not emotionally available, I dont do causal physical stuff, and I dont want to be in your debt and I dont want you to resent me when I can’t give you what you want so please stop giving me favors special treatment” talk. And then he started talking about goint to the movie theater to see Avatar and I’m like “idk dude... youre gonna actually watch the movie??”

and like, I LIKE flirting with him and I’m not opposed to kissing him but I don’t want it to go further and I don’t want to lead him on and GOD I shouldn’t have let him kiss me tonight. I’m an idiot for that. Idk what to do right now

Welp, my (graduating) coresident kissed me.

I was kind of expecting it, but not really expecting it tonight... oy idk