#i want to love him and i CAN but hes just so........ unloveable...... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

carmenilla · 11 hours ago

Note

Honestly, I like byler, but it's never going to happen in my opinion. Mike is just insecure, he has depression and thinks badly about himself, Finn said it, romance was not on his mind when he met El because he thought he was unloveable, that definetly doesn't mean he didn't love her, instead it means that he considered her unapproachable. That is the reason why he is so teary in the monologue, he is telling her everything with the fear that he might lose her because what if, when everything is said, she still leaves him? The "crush on Mike" Will plot is uncomfortable and honestly I don't know how they are going to solve it, probs giving him a bf/ letting him get over Mike, maybe that's the reason the Duffers said Will grows up and he leaves some things behind. I do think Mike and El have a lot of scenes together, Im not saying a lot but at least some, everytime Mike is spotted somewhere that place is near to El.

Now I do not think they will end up together, but Mike loves her and she loves him, she just needs to go. And that would be a tearful ending for them

thanks for the respectful disagreement, unfortunately it's hard to come by nowadays.

"that definetly doesn't mean he didn't love her, instead it means that he considered her unapproachable." first off, i don't believe in love at first sight. i think it's cheap and uninteresting especially in a love story, that happens between twelve-year-olds. i also don't think you can be in love with someone just by looking at them once. you can be infatuated, sure, but that's not real love. you don't know anything about them. we also know that mike didn't love her at first sight because he tried to get rid of her the next morning so that they could keep looking for will. the only reason why he didn’t give her up is because she insisted and also he found out that she has powers. AND when he finds out that she has powers, he tells dustin and lucas that they should stick with her so that they can use her powers to find will. obviously there is a point where mike cares about el BEYOND just her powers and genuinely cares for her as a person, i’m not denying that. i do think they have a very strong bond. but mike did not love her at first sight. there is nothing that even implies that! mike definitely lied in his love confession in season four, but i digress. if you still don’t believe me here, i guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

“The ‘crush on Mike’ Will plot is uncomfortable and honestly I don't know how they are going to solve it, probs giving him a bf/ letting him get over Mike”. OR, they could make byler canon, and it would actually make sense for will’s plot and not just be really god awful writing. yes, it would be awful writing of will doesn’t end up with will, and would be awful portrayal of a queer character and feel really gross. see my post here about why that would suck: https://www.tumblr.com/carmenilla/769363335461339136/ok-bc-if-byler-isnt-canon-they-really-just?source=share

“that would be a tearful ending for them” in my opinion, it would be a bad ending for them, but i don’t feel like going into that. we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree on that part

i think byler will be canon because i believe it would be the best writing and make the most sense, and i do have faith in the duffers' writing abilities. if you like byler and want more proof, i recommend this video by our good old Byler Lawyer:

youtube

if you don't feel like that though, i guess we'll just have to see what happens in season 5

#byler #byler endgame #byler canon #mike wheeler #will byers #mike wheeler is gay #anti milkvan #byler evidence #byler proof #anti mileven #ask

25 notes · View notes

cxlrose · 2 years ago

Text

eugjghg........

#ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat #i love(?) belial sm #his whole character is so complex and i just!! wow.....#he blurs the lines of love and hate for me so so much #like.. i hate him so much that i kinda love him but at the same time its just not that simple?#hes just so fascinating to me hngjfng #no matter what i try to type out i cant seem to find the words to describe how i feel abt him😭#i want to love him and i CAN but hes just so........ unloveable......#the things id do to make him feel reciprocated love/devotion but at the same time hes just too deep into it that he'd self sabotage #and its not that simple either. there r so so so so many unsaid feelings and emotions when it comes to him #he is the literal emobdmiment of chaos #HE is a MESS #his mind is a mess. the way he thinks is a mess. his whole situation is a mess. quite literally everything about him is chaotic!!#craving chaos so much that chaos itself becomes a part of your very soul....#'Look into the abyss of his heart and what does one find? A feeling of insecure narcissism or is it altruistic benevolence?' THIS11)(!@*#you literally dont know what ur getting into when it comes to him . hes a surprise #hes just so untrustworthy and unpredictable that it messes with my mind #but its ok.... i still love him in a very complicate and complex way #sory i read a bunch of rlly good fics abt him and just wanted to ramble hngnfnjg #its 1am sobs and my mind is filled with him #i want to say SO SO SO SO SOOOO many more things but . but im at a loss for words tbh #i hate and love him so much at the same time

3 notes · View notes

forgetme-eternally-blissfully · 11 days ago

Text

Choi Han, for a test from a god, is sent to an unknown land with "Cale."

Choi Han, upon arrival, realizes something is strange about this Cale. He's got a similar appearance to his own Cale but the eyes are sharper, with a witty bite to his tongue and a quick sneer always at the ready.

He's clearly confused and distressed about being in a strange place with a strange person but he does his best to not let it show. His hand reaches for a bottle of alcohol that isn't there.

Choi Han thinks that this Cale isn't like his Cale at all.

Choi Han has a hunch that this Cale is the one from before Kim Rok Soo's possession. It makes sense. So he isn't his Cale.

However, though Choi Han wants to become cold to this stranger version of Cale, when he looks into those red-brown eyes and sees fear, he draws back. It's an instinctual feeling that he gets, right as Cale is spitting more vile words to cover up the trembling in his hands, that he doesn't want to see even a terrible Cale be afraid of him.

This doesn't stop them from arguing. Through towns, forests, deserts, they both learn on an intimate level that they would never, ever get along. Cale is too loud, too threatening, and Choi Han can't resist from debating with this strange Cale about morals, of all things. They argue constantly.

Though they argue, Choi Han can't help himself from sometimes mistaking this Cale for his own. He tells himself it's because they look alike.

They're both in the midst of an argument when a noble-like individual approaches them with cloying words, which seek to lure them inside of the noble's home. Choi Han is suspicious, but before he has the chance to decline, Cale steps in front of Choi Han and demands to speak to the noble who wants to see them.

The noble-like individual turns out to be the servant of a more powerful man, something that Cale saw through immediately.

Choi Han is stunned.

How did this, this trashy Cale with no moral upstanding, clock the intentions of a person so quickly and accurately?

He asks him directly. Cale shrugs. Choi Han believes he's mistaken when Cale's eyes flicker with calculating intent. They don't discuss it further.

Little moments like these keep occurring. Cale does something impressive, Choi Han inquires, and Cale downplays it with a sneer or an insult and refuses to speak about it again. It's weird and strange but it's familiar. Extremely so. Not the insulting, and the sneer is too odd to be his own Cale's face, but it's familiar in the sense that they both underestimate themselves. They both refuse to acknowledge what lies under the surface of their visage.

This Cale is a strange individual. He swears and laughs and grins, he's too calm about their situation, and it's difficult to get through to him when he makes up his mind about something. But the strangest thing is that all of these things remind Choi Han of his Cale.

Finally, it all comes down to a final battle. One more fight and both himself and this Cale can go back to where they belong. Choi Han is ready.

Cale receives a power from a book before the battle and it's unlike anything Choi Han has ever seen. But the coughing up of blood makes him have Cale swear to never use it. Cale swears.

Choi Han makes Cale promise to stay on the sideline and not approach. Cale easily agrees.

They get to the last stage, the last time they'll see each other again, and the villain of this world is too powerful. It's as if he weren't meant for them to fight. It's as if he were made so that they struggle.

Choi Han swings his blade to block a blow that he knows he can't block, knows might end him, and he thinks about how he can't possibly die right now and leave this Cale behind... but he's too weak.

He wonders what his Cale would do in this moment, when everything seems hopeless and nothing is working.

Cale steps in front of him and uses his power to its fullest extent.

White light is shining everywhere, blinding Choi Han who keeps his burning eyes open, desperately keeps his eyes on the Cale that's bleeding from his mouth and his nose and his eyes and his skin is starting to crack, crack like he is about to turn into dust and disappear.

Cale turns to look at Choi Han.

"Ah. I was worried it wouldn't be enough to take out the villain." His eyes stained with blood curl up in a smile. A ball of dread sits in Choi Han's stomach. "I'm glad. I'm really, really..." eyes drifting closed, his body begins to shatter further and further. "Happy for you, Choi Han."

This is why they felt familiar.

It's with a cry of grief and anger, anger at himself, that Choi Han reaches out to hold Cale, hold onto even a piece of him.

Cale's eye, the only one left as he is disintegrating, widens.

Choi Han grasps a fragment that's about to vanish from Cale's chest, somewhere next to his heart, and this piece doesn't break, doesn't disappear from Choi Han's hand. It stays solid and firm and real-

And it's all that Choi Han is left with when the gods test ends.

Choi Han wakes up, surrounded by his family, with a red, glass marble in his hand. He holds it to his chest. It hurts.

It hurts.

#Choi Han #original cale henituse #og cale henituse #tcf #lcf #totcf #lotcf #lout of the counts family #trash of the count’s family spoilers #fanfiction #fic writing #not a reblog #I thought about Choi Han and og!Cale #they would never get along. Cale would be too inviting of the anger and frustration of Choi Han and he'd embrace it with a bruised face just #like he did that day they would've first met #but og!Cale and krs!Cale are actually pretty similar in a lot of ways. and I bet they're similar in this kind of way too #how could Cale the trash live and let Choi Han the good die after all? that's not how the story goes #so he uses the book to defeat the villain and let Choi Han live. but even he knows that he's going to die #he doesn't think that Choi Han cares about him #his vile words and spitting on the face of those who dare to look at him is not something that people can love or accept. its why he does it #because he knew it would help Basen. if he made himself unlikeable. unloveable. he had to be trash to protect him and he has to be trash #to protect that #but Choi Han looks at him. who is disappearing. and he reaches out to save him #and isn't Cale's surprise the most heartbreaking thing? he can't be loved. not by someone he just met. but Choi Han looked at him #and he didn't want to let him disappear. like there was something about him worth keeping #that's why his heart shard remains intact. because that's his heart. which wants to be kept. which doesn't want to disappear.#anyway what's up guys been a while #how's the angst?#have you ever truly thought about og Cale and how he searched for ways to become unloveable and then did his best to become it?#and he believed it was true. did he even love himself? I like to think he learned to.

122 notes · View notes

stiffyck · 10 months ago

Text

Okay what if the winners got to meet previous versions of themselves through the life games.

Like grian meets no one. He didn't have any previous "versions".

Scott meets 3rd life Scott.

Pearl meets 3rd life and last life pearl.

Martyn meets 3rd life, last life and double life Martyn.

Scar meets 3rd life, last life, double life and lim life him-

This whole thing was an idea that I got just because I was thinking about ll and sl scar because they were both so lonely like wtf and I just though about a scene that would be so. Grips chair.

Ll: "We won?"

Sl: "Yeah"

Ll: "Did we have allies? Friends?"

Ll scar probably thinks sl scar won only because he had allies to support him. He knows what its like being lonely and he hopes no one has to go through that loneliness. And he wants to be optimistic for once that sl scar, future him, gets allies, gets friends.

He tries to hope and then he sees the look on sl scars face. Or maybe sl scar tries to lie- maybe he tries to say they had allies.

Ll scar sees right through him. He's him after all. Maybe he's always gonna he lonely anyway

#im being insane give me a momebt #also i forgot pearl wasnt jn 3rd life but its okay. she was in 3rd life to me <3 #ALSO? THE POTENTIAL OF 3RDLIFE SCAR? AND DOUBLE LIKE AND LIM LIFE SCAR?#3rd life scar is optimistic. he thinks its okay! grian is his ally in the fjture too right? he wins with grian?#no other scar wants to look him in the eye becayse they all remember the allyship they had with grian thay crumbled in ll #and that got completely destroyed in double life.#double life scar doesnt want to tell 3rd life scar and tell him grian doesnt care. he cant do that to himself.#tell his younger and more optimistic self that grian doesnt want them as his soulmates... that he would rather sneak off with skmeone else..#and lim life scar. he was excited for the future because he did have friends! he had allies jn lim life- but seeing sl scar?#seeing how they just go back to being alone again?#its soul crushing.#(inserting my aroace angst here: is he really that unlovable? is his lack of romantic love so unappealing?#does no one want him? does no one but himself love him?#does he himself even love him? can he? seeing how miserable they all are it feels hard and lonely #lim life scar probably wants to comfort them all- but isnt it sad that the only person to comfort him would be himself?#) okay im done being insane goodbye-#stiff talk #gtws

129 notes · View notes

pleasedontcareaboutme · 4 months ago

Text

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

28 notes · View notes

zeb-z · 1 year ago

Text

missa, after his self resentment and lamenting about how he doesn’t feel worthy or like he should be accepted, after telling himself and the capybaras that he doesn’t have a home, not really - after all is said and done, he returns to phil & missa, leaving his mini mi in the house on the wall. as if he’d consider anywhere other than the house he shared with phil safe enough. seeking out safety and home brought him right back where he started.

something about how despite his internal conflicts and issues about what he thinks he deserves, he’ll still come back. and for all he worries that he is not enough to be loved in return, his name is still on the warp stone.

#he’s got issues out the ass of his self worth and it’s like. yeah shit man you haven’t been reliable but you’re not unloveable #he wants to be better and he tries and he cares the issue is he holds the rest of his family on such a pedestal #this shame and guilt bubbles up and is only made worse when he isn’t rejected or hated like he’s expecting. he’s taken back with open arms #so he follows phil for guidance as to what’s acceptable. without phil there how can he know if it’s ok for him to stay in their home?#as if he didn’t also build their home yknow #but even when all is said and done he returns. even if it makes him feel guilty even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it #because as much as he doesn’t want to be a bother he wants to be better most of all. wants to be present #I just don’t think he ever expects to be wanted to keep around. like he wants to prove himself and he’s expecting his loved ones to reject #any sort of redemption. meanwhile they don’t see the need for a redemption in the first place #shaking missa you wet cat of a man you dense self sabatoging silly silly man #stop your hero worship. own up and show up. and let your family love you because my god you are so loved #sorry tags got away from me it’s like 5 am and I’m like ahfhhrhfhshfhhs #mcyt #qsmp #q!missa #missasinfonia #z speaks

105 notes · View notes

theofficialceoofbricole · 3 months ago

Text

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me

3 notes · View notes

comfied-chriterature · 1 month ago

Text

ivan alnst if you were my pet my dog I would shower you with affection I would love you so right

#I JUST WANT HIM TO BE LOVED #I think Ivan WAS loved more than he realizes #but feeling unlovable... what can you do about that it hits hard that hurts so bad #I saw art of the alnst cast as dogs and yeahhhhh #also nowhere has me messed up... this always happens to me :(#“no one cares about someone like him” I WOULD CARE /silly #ivan #alien stage #ivan alnst #alnst ivan #chriterary nonsense

3 notes · View notes

vergilmayhoard · 2 months ago

Text

sometimes i hate everyone and my life and sometimes i think it would be better if i just died at this point

#except for my puppy i love him i always will #i would probably let him gnaw on and mess up my dead body anyway #but either way sometimes i feel like people dont actually care for me and that im just a stupid loser #i could never be like them i could never get as much attention and love and praise as them ever #it hurts because they get it from someone i know too and i just dont know what to do #even if me and them dont talk anymore i know its my fault but i could never talk to them again now #i just dont know whats wrong with me and what im doing wrong and i dont know why im so unlovable #i dont know why im not interesting and i dont know why i dont deserve attention am i really that needy #sorry this is impulsive and im probably going to crash out and go through an episode but i think im sick and its making everything worse #i just want to be known and i want to be somebody or something i could go on and on #im not going to do anything i think but at this point i feel like im so close to doing something for attention #i want people to tell them how much they love me and how much they worry about me i want their praise #i have my puppy for that but hes different because he understands i love him so much you dont understand #im so tired of putting in the effort when nobody has interest in me and wants to know me #im so sick and tired of being needy when i have something perfect already right in front of me i feel so guilty #because he is enough he will always be enough my puppy is always going to be enough he deserves so much better #but then i cant bear the thought of him actually going out to find better i want to spend the rest of my life with him #i want to marry him and i want to work on myself so i can feel the type of love he makes me feel consistently #i want to carve his name into my arm and carve my name into his thigh so we are bonded #i want to be with him forever and even in my death i want him to stay with me and be by me #i want to be buried with him and i would want him to dig up my grave and throw me back when im all rotted #i love him so much you dont understand i know this got off topic but i think somethings wrong with me right now

4 notes · View notes

theheadlessgroom · 5 months ago

Text

@beatingheart-bride

"Oh, Philippe, you didn't have to do that!" Susannah smiled shyly, pale cheeks flushing an equally-pale pink as she took the plate from him, opting to carry it home herself. Flustered though she was that he went to such efforts for her, she was also incredibly grateful for it, and it took all of her willpower not to just dig in right then and there, instead bringing it home to enjoy.

In fact, the plate (which seemed filled to a brim when she uncovered it, a veritable feast still plenty warm from the oven) he'd given her seemed a bit paltry compared to what she'd made for him that morning, having gotten up early to make them specially for him.

"I...I made you blueberry muffins!" she proclaimed shyly as she presented the small plate of them to him with a little smile, grateful that he'd also have something to eat while she ravenously dug into the beautiful, bountiful meal he had provided her with (at any rate, it would make her feel a little less awkward, anyhow).

And dig in she did; almost as soon as she sat down, she had a fork and knife in hand and was trying her hardest not to look or sound like a hungry animal as she began to devour the flavorful chicken, potatoes, veggies, and roll (her compliments to the de Clair family chef!). She gave a hum of approval at the taste, and as she did, she hoped Philippe would enjoy the muffins too-it was a recipe her mother and father collaborated on before she was born, one she hadn't made in a long time, but was happy to bring out for him.

#((it's a very worthy gamble to take; if it means getting to be with the man she loves!))#((i defidently think that knowing philippe reciprocates will be a huge help in giving her that confidence boost))#((because it's true; by then she'll know in her heart that he feels just the same and that she won't be rejected!))#((and for someone who has felt the sting of rejection for so much of her life; who has felt unwanted and unloved))#((*knowing* that the man she's smitten with feels the same; that he wants her; that he loves her))#((that's going to be nothing short of monumental to her! she'll never know the pain of rejection again if philippe can help it!))#((again; it might be frightening to take that plunge at all; but knowing how he feels will be a big emotional cushion))#((for her to land on when it all comes out-and as we said; her just kissing him might be the way she goes about it!))#outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Genderbent

5 notes · View notes

candyriku · 9 months ago

Text

finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)

#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive #for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood #i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically #and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol #ANYWAYS #typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in #but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one #like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him #which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know #that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all #also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her #so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me #cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship #so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say #So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic #updates

2 notes · View notes

bookshelfdreams · 1 year ago

Text

friendly reminder that

"I love everything about you."

#GOD #this obliterated me. hit me like a distracted driver in a semitrailer hits the end of a traffic jam #its perfect <3 #as beautiful as a well-executed 'i love you' can be it's also a bit generic #can be said to anyone; you can love people for any reason and without really knowing them #(in fact not really knowing them can b prerequisite to the sentiment lol)#you can love the idea or the concept of someone #& i'm not saying it's always or even usually like that; just pointing out that someone who is used to putting on a performance for others #wouldn't be likely to interpret it as anything than a general statement of affection that comes with some conditions. would he.#& anyway ed seems to have a casual relationship w the word love. 'i love you' doesn't have to b a big deal #this though. this is 'i KNOW you. your best your worst and everything inbetween #and i love all of it'#which is just so.#okay first of all the perfect way for stede to express that sentiment; of course he would say that #of course he who constantly tries to create for others the sort of environment he never had #constantly tries to supply the things no one ever gave him #(because he never wants anyone to feel like he did; lonely misunderstood unloved)#of course he would fucking say that #but also just. hhhhrrrrrrrrrgghgggggghhhhhhhhh. you know.#our flag means death #ofmd trailer

11 notes · View notes

infernal-dominion · 2 years ago

Text

((I love writing Lucifer as a loving father who cares about Charlie and loves her with all his heart. It warms my heart so much.))

#mun post #ooc post #((lowkey terrified that they’ll just make him an abusive unloving father in the show though))#((I really really really really really hope not))#((I desperately want him to love his daughter with every fiber of his being))#((he doesn’t have to be a good dad he can be a terrible parent but please for the love of god let him love his daughter))#((it’s so much better if he fucks up all the time as a parent because he doesn’t know what being a child is like))#((and yet keeps on trying to be good to her and be the father that he never could have))#((instead of just another ‘blah blah he’s the devil so he has to be abusive blah blah’))

3 notes · View notes

gentlemanpiraate · 3 months ago

Text

.

#i wrote him this letter right #it’s like five pages #just outlining everything i’ve learned #but in all honesty i don’t know if he cares #it’s really hard because i can’t just ask #i can’t text him because he wouldn’t want that #and it wouldn’t be productive #and i just feel like now knowing everything i know like dude we just didn’t KNOW what to work on #but he doesn’t want that #and now i just have to sit here in all my knowledge and sadness and try to not think about him #but it’s all i can think about #i am so deeply miserable #this is a misery i haven’t felt before #i feel so fucking alone #i was already so deeply depressed before this and now it just feels like there’s no point #i am unlovable #i am not worth it #i am exhausting #i am so fucking ugly man he wouldn’t even touch me #i am disgusting #and unworthy of love #and i am trying real hard to just keep my head above water and not k word myself #but it’s not even just about a man it’s about me as a person man i feel like the worst person alive #i am just a shell of a person #i’ve been thinking abt going to the hospital again but my family is gonna think it’s just bc of a man #like no i’ve thought abt this for months but now it’s like. idk i feel like i need to.#i feel like i’m just like on my last leg and i keep getting kicked #i don’t even care about my life man #i cared about him and i care about my friends and my dog but like im not even capable of caring for those things now #i’m just empty

0 notes

holyshit · 4 months ago

Text

.

#a few of my anons:#balcony anon #i'm sorry i don't want to post anything that has speculation about how it happened #but if that is true- oof :(#'accusing him' anon #i don't want to post anything that could imply the accusations led to his death #you can read something similar i answered yesterday here:#https://holyshit.tumblr.com/post/764824135132217344/my-biggest-fear-and-worry-is-that-liam-is-gone #i'm not sure if that was your intention #but i just want to always emphasize the importance that victims should be able to come forward at anytime #so i don't want to play into any ideas that could get people angry at maya since it's not her fault at all #but ultimately it's still extremely sad that his death occurred at a time that must have felt very bleak and where he possibly felt unloved #it's really hard to think about #and i wish he got more time to see all the love that does exist for him #asks #anonymous

0 notes

jackalhadrurusluvr · 5 months ago

Text

everytime i have a intense hyperfix i go “oh man. but if this gets in the way of my oc spinterest it’s joever. i can’t let them take that away from me” and then i realize im tweeting about how i want jackal to consume every bit of me so he knows how much i love him

#jackal hadrurus i would do anything for you literally anything #i love you so much #i want you to tear me apart and peer inside my mortal body and know it’s all dedicated to you #jackal i love you i love you i love you #as you can see. i’m normal about it. i’m normal about it all #i want jackal to tear into me like a scavenging vulture and pick me apart #i want him to take my bones and turn me into something pretty #i want him to mummify me if he wants #i want him to suck everything out of my body and leave it a hollow corpse #i want him to lay me down and let the bugs eat me #i want to be fertilizer for his plants #i’m so normal about him guys like wow can u believe i’m so normal about him #i need him so bad #jackal hadrurus you think you are unloveable and i just can’t have that #peel my heart apart and look in there dawg it all belongs to you babygirl

0 notes