#but feeling unlovable... what can you do about that it hits hard that hurts so bad

[comfied-chriterature]

ivan alnst if you were my pet my dog I would shower you with affection I would love you so right

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems 

Part 3

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: reader overthinking way too much, trust issues all around, a bunch of angst, interspecies relationship, sexual tension, sexual content, past relationship trauma, commitment issues, reader feeling unlovable, unprotected sex, cowgirl position, exophilia, size kink, creampie, dominant reader, sub neteyam, use of "good boy", slight degradation kink, sex under rain (don't ask lol), territorial and possessive neteyam, neteyam wants to make reader his mate

Hi, my cute readers <3 I haven't posted an actual full smut in a good while lol Took me some time to write this chapter, ngl, but I kinda like the result. I always fantasized about dominating Neteyam so, today I HAD to finally write my fantasies down lol if y'all like the way I write dominant reader x sub neteyam, I can maybe write more smuts like this in the future. Lemme know what you think in the comments. It always makes me happy to read your words of love and encouragement. I love every single one of you. I don't have much to say now because I'm feeling pretty sad and idk... I just wanted to thank y'all for all the support you give me. You guys are truly precious to me. You'll never know how much. Here's a virtual hug to y'all 🥰

Slightly proofread.

Part 2: I know you're dying to meet me

𓇼

I know you wanna slip under my armor

See, everywhere I go I got a million different people trynna hit it

But I'm still alone in my mind

I know you're dying to meet me

But I can just tell you this

Baby, as soon as you meet me

You'll wish that you never did

Alone (Halsey)

𓇼

Your heart was beating dangerously fast and you could not speak. Neteyam had a power over you, whether you liked admitting it or not. He had you weak in the knees for him as he kept you imprisoned between his tall, broad body and the big tree behind you.

How was he making you so vulnerable? You hadn't felt like that when it came to guys in so long. You feared what that feeling could mean.

Neteyam knelt on the ground so you could look at him without hurting your neck.

"Sevin tawtute…" (pretty human) "I want you so bad. All of you, syulang…" (flower) "I know you want me too. You came and you're here with me. There's no need to play hard to get anymore." 

Fighting against the rational part of your brain, you let your desire for him take over and moved your hand until it touched his chest, your fingers tracing his mesmerizing stripes that were a shade of blue darker than the rest of his skin.

"That's right, tawtute" Neteyam cooed, his breath faltering, your delicate touch giving him a rush of adrenaline, making him want you even more than he already did "Surrender to me."

You kept your hand on his warm chest and looked up at his face with eyes that were obviously bewitched by him as your mouth hanged slighty open. You could not hide what you felt anymore. Neteyam could tell how much you wanted that too, how much your body was calling for him as much as his body called for yours.

Neteyam looked deep inside your eyes with his big golden ones and grabbed you roughly by the waist, his huge hands squeezing you tight. His gaze never left yours. Neteyam kept your bodies together by holding you firmly against him. You felt like the air in your lungs was slipping away. You got even more breathless when he rubbed his hard cock against your pussy, making you give out a breathy, low moan.

His cock was still covered by his loincloth but you could feel it really well as he pressed it over your entrance. The thin fabric didn't do much to conceal his need. God, was he big…. Big is not even the word for it. And thick too. Your juices were leaving you all sticky between the legs.

It started raining. You had always loved when it rained while you were at the beach back on Earth and it was not different here on Pandora. You loved to go inside the Metkayina sea and feel water all around you, coming from below and above. 

It was cold now. You wanted Neteyam's warmth but didn't wanna ask for it. You were cold and his huge na'vi body would help you get warm.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if you gave in to him. You were already there, in front of his hammock. You came to meet him, right? So you might as well give him what he wants. Sex. Isn't that what all guys want? The only thing they want? To fuck you and then leave you alone crying, if you're foolish enough to fall for them? At least that's how it had been for you all your life. You weren't even sure if you still believed somebody could ever fall in love with you. Or fall in love and stay. You didn't know. You were shivering with the cool water falling over your skin, giving you goosebumps and it was hard to think straight.

"You're cold, yawntutsyìp." Neteyam looked worried "Come. Let's lay on my hammock together and I'll keep you warm."

You thought twice before accepting it. But you ended up giving in and letting him take you by the hand and lead you to his huge hammock. You looked at it and realized how humongous it was compared to the hammocks that were made for humans. There were some back in the laboratory. 

When the both of you stopped in front of his hammock, you took a good look at Neteyam's body. It was now even sexier with the drops of rain rolling down his toned chest and abdomen. You watched as the droplets fell through his thick thighs too. You had to admit he was fucking hot and you truly understood why he was so popular with girls. But that could also mean he was full of himself. You didn't know him well, you two had seen each other many times before but only from some distance. Neteyam had never talked to you before that night, even though you had noticed him looking at you many times when you had to go do some scientific researches on his tribe and he was around with his siblings. You never paid that much attention to it, though. You were used to guys looking at you. Not to be cocky or anything but you had been called "pretty" all your life and you knew you were attractive to many guys out there. Neteyam was just one of them, even if he stood out among the other na'vi for his uncommon beauty and you did, yes, feel drawn to him.

You watched Neteyam laying down on his hammock, his thick, fleshy thighs spreading over its surface. The stripes all over his thighs caught your attention again. You didn't understand why but you felt extremely attracted to his stripes. They made him exotic, different from what you're used to, unique… Looking at his beautiful dark blue stripes made you wanna bite his thighs.

You looked at him, still nervous but soon enough you gave in and laid next to him, by his side, your body pressing against his. Neteyam rapidly put his arm around your shoulders and, as his arms were huge compared to the ones of a human, his arm covered all of your torso too. You felt a little less cold now.

"You're so tense, tawtute. Relax, hm? Here, lemme make it better." 

Neteyam took your face inside his huge hand, its warmth spreading all over your cheek as he got his mouth close to yours and softly kissed your lips. He took your lips inside his mouth slowly but eagerly and you felt pleasure creeping in all over your pussy. You finally started relaxing and a moan escaped your lips when his tongue touched yours and massaged it softly, over and over. Neteyam took that as a green flag that meant he could be bolder now.

He started to hike up your light violet dress that was soaked by the rain, exposing your thighs to him. Neteyam ran his hand up and down your left thigh "Hmm, tawtute… You're so fucking perfect. Damn, I can't believe you're here in my arms."

"Neteyam?" You said, out of breath

"Yeah?" His eyes were still fixated on your thighs 

"Can I try something?"

"What do you mean?" Neteyam questioned

"I wanna dominate you, Neteyam. I wanna ride your cock." Your eyes were now seductive as you stared at him, your expression serious but alluring

Neteyam was caught by surprise. He did not expect you to say those words. But it did not mean he didn't like hearing them.

"Ah, baby… That's how I wanna see you. I wanna see you showing me your wild side. Wanna see my tawtute let go of her worries and just enjoy this night with me." a smile full of satisfaction adorned his beautiful full lips

You knew that meant he wanted to be dominated by you. 

As you started taking your dress off, Neteyam's eyes were glued on your body. He wanted to feel every inch of you. He was in love with every single part of your body.

Neteyam watched you slid your panties down your legs and sit on top of him. You started rubbing your soaking wet pussy on his hard cock, still covered by his loincloth, and he whimpered at the friction. You didn't care about your worries anymore. All you wanted was to feel that huge, delicious cock inside of you.

"You're gonna have to take this off for me. I have no idea how to take your loincloth off. Seems complicated to put on." Your fingers grabbed the string of his loincloth and you were smiling and looking at him

He smiled widely, a dirty look on his face "That shouldn't be a problem. Give me a second, syulang."

Neteyam took his loincloth off with ease as he was more than used to putting it on and taking it off every single day. You thought the way he did that was so fucking enticing. Damn, every single thing that alien boy did was attractive in your eyes.

Once his cock was out and it moved back, towards his abdomen, you felt something primal coming over you. You wasted no time. In a second you were already on top of him, taking his big blue cock inside your small hand and burying it inside of you. Neteyam groaned when he felt your gummy, wet walls squeezing his girthy cock.

"Hmmghh…" You couldn't help but moan because of his size

"I know, tawtute… You feel so fucking good too…" He mewled

Neteyam's cock was so big it reached the tip of your womb every time you rode him. It hurt you but it felt so insanely good at the same time. You knew your pussy would feel bruised and used the next morning but you wanted that. You wanted to spend the whole day being reminded of how Neteyam's huge cock had been deep inside of you.

You could not stop grinding on him. You loved knowing he was so desired by so many girls but tonight he was only yours. That made you feel hot since you knew you were pretty enough to not only get his attention but to make him spend all that time back in the party trying to get you. And he did. He got you good.

Neteyam cupped both your breasts and squeezed them gently

"So fucking soft, oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "Just like I thought they would be."

You put your hands over his four finger hands and kept them there while you kept moving your hips, riding him like that cock was all you ever needed in your life. Your eyes were closed, as your chin was up and your mouth hanged open, pleasure driving you crazy.

"You don't know how hot you look riding me like this with the rain falling over your skin, your hair all wet… Eywa… I'll make you mine, tawtute. I won't let you be with anyone else ever again."

Neteyam's territorial side was showing itself, he felt possessive over you just like you were his mate already. And that's exactly what he wanted you to be. Neteyam wanted to make you his forever. He wanted to own your body and your soul, to own all of you.

Neteyam's desire for you drove him wild. You could see his animalistic side taking over him. And you loved it. You fucking loved it so much. It made your pussy clench around his cock.

"Yeah? You like how I ride this big cock, Neteyam? Did any na'vi girl ever ride you as well as I do?" You kept moving your hips and rubbing your pussy on him simultaneously. It gave you an enormous amount of pleasure since you were stimulating your clit at the same time you were feeling his cock inside of you.

"No, tawtute. You're better than any na'vi girl." He cried in pleasure "I only want your ‘ekxin little pussy from now on." (tight) "Only want you."

You grinned, devilish, and put your hand on his large neck "Who's my good boy?"

Neteyam's eyes were closed and his lips were parted as he was completely taken over by the way you were dominating him. Nobody had ever done that before, it was a new territory to him. He was used to dominating all the na'vi girls he had ever had sex with.

"I am. I am your good boy, yawne."

Damn, you got Neteyam calling you "yawne".

You chuckled "Yeah, you are, pretty boy. You're so good for me."

Riding his huge, thick cock felt like fucking Paradise. You were overcome with sheer lust. Neteyam wasn't the only one who was feeling animalistic. Humans were animals just like the na'vi and at that moment you were following your deepest instincts. You felt like a bitch in heat, all for him.

"Oh, oeyä tawtute… I'm gonna cum. Wanna cum inside your pretty, ‘ekxin pussy."

"Then cum for me, my needy, cocky boy. You're so fucking cocky but you're nothing when you're vulnerable like this under me." You laughed lowly, feeling proud of yourself for making such a mess out of that pretty alien boy

Neteyam came hard inside your pussy, a big load of his thick, warm seed painting your inner walls. It felt so good. Having his cum inside your pussy, feeling a little bit of it leaking out of your entrance because of how much he came… Fuck... your pussy started clenching around him again.

You watched as Neteyam breathed heavily under you, his chest quickly going up and down.

You didn't notice when it had happened but the rain had stopped falling.

•

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@neteluvr (you still haven't answered my comment asking if you wanted to be tagged but since u seemed to love the first chapter... teehee 💕)

@layla2-49 (you left a comment on the first chapter 💗)

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen (you left lovely comments on the first chapter haha 💖)

@yeosxxx

[lihhelsing]

Hate That I Loved You

Now complete on AO3!

Part 1 ↓ | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

“That’s an awful idea” Gareth states from the other side of the room. 

“It’s not as bad as the one he had for the Leave You music video,” Jeff adds helpfully. 

“It’s one of our biggest hits,” Frank chimes in.

Eddie is just waiting for the band to reach the right conclusion.It’s such a bad idea that it actually makes it a genius one. Eddie knows it and he’s known it ever since he woke up in the middle of the night with it forming in his brain. 

They need another hit. Eddie has just the song for that, called Hate That I Loved You, about all the times he failed at love. Which were… a good amount. 

The song is good. Harsh, loud, heartbreaking. Eddie might’ve cried when he first played it acoustic on his guitar, all alone after getting dumped by his last boyfriend. 

It’s about how he’s never good enough for anyone. It’s raw. 

“Fine, let’s do it,” Gareth finally gives in and Eddie just smiles. His idea is as painful as the song. He’s going to call his exes and ask them to be in the music video. The song is not so much about them, it’s more about Eddie himself, but he likes the dramatic effect of having to face all his mistakes in one day as he sings his heart out.

He knows the tabloids will eat that shit up. He knows it’s the push the band needs to blow up and exactly the edgy, weird shit everyone expects from them He’s willing to take one for the team. He’s doing it

Pre production rolls around quickly, Chrissy is too damn good at her job, and soon it’s time for Eddie to do the hard part. He needs to call the exes and ask them. 

He has six in total, he will be happy if he gets five to participate, but will settle for four. Knows two are harder.

David, Sean and Pedro are in from the start. It’s not surprising, really, they broke up in friendly terms, still talk sometimes, and are happy to indulge Eddie’s crazy ideas. Always had been. 

His first no comes with Josh. He thought it was an easy yes but he was wrong.

Josh is happily married and not looking for any drama in his life and Eddie means drama. He can’t argue. Eddie winces as he remembers serenading Josh while high out of his mind, making noise under his dorm window like an idiot. Josh hangs up before Eddie can beg and that’s it.

That leaves him with 3 yes and 2 that he doesn’t know. Despite still being hurt by the break-up, Eddie calls Lou first. Lou is… Hard. His voice sends chills down Eddie’s spine and he almost chickens out. He’s the one that set Eddie off with this song, to begin with.

He’s the one that makes Eddie feels like he’s far from being enough. He’s the one who told Eddie he was selfish and unlovable and Eddie knows he still feels it as Lou flirts with him through the phone. 

He’d never been good to Eddie but he was what Eddie thought he deserved it.

“Of course I’ll star in your video, babe,” Lou agrees easily and Eddie wishes he’d said no. Eddie thinks there’s still time for him to back down from the idea. Knows the guys would understand. Knows they all remember having to drag Eddie out of bed after a week of wallowing.

He stands his ground. Thinks this might be what he needs to get over Lou. To get him out of his system forever. 

He also stands his ground because he knows the next number by heart. Had known it for the past 7 years and couldn’t really get rid of it.

His brain cling to Steve just like his heart had. 

He feels dizzy as the line rings and feels like he’s going to faint as Steve’s voice comes through the speaker. 

“Hello?”

“Steve, hey. It’s, um, it’s Eddie.”

The silence is so loud Eddie thinks he’s gone deaf.

“Eddie?”

“Munson. You know, from-”

“I know,” Steve’s voice gets so small Eddie wishes he had never called. “What…”

Whatever question he has dies on Steve’s throat and Eddie doesn’t blame him. 

“Sorry to call like that. I, um, I need a favor?”

“…ok?”

Eddie explains it all. He talks about the band, the song, the video idea. He talks for almost ten minutes and he just keeps going because he can hear Steve’s breathing on the line.

“So, that’s it. You can say no, no hard feelings but I… would like if you said yes”

It feels like a low blow, but Steve says yes and Eddie pushes the guilt away from his brain. He’ll get to see Steve soon. Less than a week. He can’t help the butterflies blooming on his stomach. 

He fucking missed Steve. 

•END OF PART 1•

[medievill]

okay. okay. I think I've finally figured out the worst part of the "Ed's going to be an abuser just like his dad" headcanon some of y'all have.

let's go for a ride.

abuse is cyclical, and not just in a micro sense. it's not just "I love you, you're garbage, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm the only one who loves you because you're garbage, I'm sorry, I love you," etc. I mean macro. I mean generationally.

I mean that parents teach their children how to have relationships. we show our kids how adults interact with each other, how adults interact with kids, how kids should interact with kids. we model this behavior constantly. it's one of the most nerve-wracking things about being a parent, actually: you live in a fish bowl now, and the fish bowl is your home, and your children are constantly observing your behavior and interactions, even when you don't want them to, even when you think they're not.

growing up in a home with an abusive parent doesn't just expose you to the abuse—physical, emotional, psychological, religious, whatever it is—it teaches the child that this is how relationships work. and then this kid goes out into the world, interacting with other humans all willy-nilly, and bringing all the knowledge that their parents armed them with to bear. and when the kid (hopefully) realizes that wait, actually, shouting and throwing things and hitting people isn't good, that's not the way you interact, it is solely up to that kid to fix their shit. if they're lucky, they've got someone in their life to help them with that. but even once you've recognized that there's Bad Stuff happening in your interpersonal relationships, you have to retrain your brain. you have to change your go-to reaction. because you can recarve your neural pathways, but it is fucking hard work.

I didn't grow up with a physically abusive parent; I grew up with an emotionally abusive one. every time my partner does something that annoys me, or we disagree on something, and my reaction is "well, I don't really feel like talking"—if you don't think that I don't half- to full-on panic about wait is this the silent treatment, am I doing what my dad did, you are absolutely incorrect. it is a constant fear, that my reactions are inherently abusive. I am constantly gaslighting myself into believing that everything I do in a relationship is bad, hurtful, abusive. I am constantly having to convince myself that it's okay sometimes not to want to talk, and to sometimes be annoyed, and to sometimes disagree, and that none of this is inherently abusive.

now. Ed fucking Teach. do you not think the guy's spent some time introspecting? examining his inner most self? he's smart, and he's depressed, so, yeah. I bet he has. so do you not think, you absolute monsters, that he isn't doing the same fucking thing? Ed Teach, who convinced himself that defending him and his mom against constant violence (a white man, and as if this was a random choice)—ultimately saving their lives (and no, this is not an exaggeration)—made him an unloveable, unlikeable monster. Ed Teach, who is so desperate for love and friendship that his biggest fantasy is owning an inn, where people stay because they want to.

do you really think that one of the thousand internal battles Ed my beloved is fighting isn't don't be your dad don't be your dad don't be your dad? fighting, fucking tooth and nail, to be different. (same as Stede!) this reactionary headcanon literally misses so much of the point of the whole character; it buys into the British Navy's propaganda about him, and worse. it buys into the narrative that a man of color is inherently violent, inherently incapable of change.

[daydreamingyuta]

Haechan #1 and #11 pls! Maybe a friends to lovers scenario???

Listen to Me | Haechan

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 925

Prompts: #1 "I couldn't be more in love with you." and #11 "It's two in the morning, why are you here?"

A/N:  Thank you for requesting!! I feel like I haven't wrote a Haechan fic in forever and I've missed it! I hope you like it <3

As you've just finished washing your face, your phone lights up with a call from your bestfriend, Haechan. He knows how long of a day it's been for you and he's calling just so you can rant to him about everything.

"Hey Haechan." you say as you answer the call.

"I wish you would listen to me more y/n." He says. He's told you this a thousand times and every time you wish you had actually followed his advice.

"I know." You say quietly, holding in your tears the best you can.

"I can spot a horrible guy before you can, you know that. Please y/n, next time I tell you not to start seeing someone, please listen to me. I hate seeing you get hurt like this."

Of course you knew this to be true. He had told you about this guy months before you started to go out with him, but still, your heart got the best of you and you didn't listen to your bestfriend once again.

The thing was though, you weren't even serious about this guy. You're not even that hurt about the whole situation. What's really bothering you is that you know Haechan is always right about these kinds of things, and you still never listen. You're so tired to getting yourself into these situations. And for some reason, hearing him say this to you again, was hitting you so hard this time.

You start to vent all of these feelings to him. It's really what you needed at the moment, and he knows that. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you, and Haechan is always there for you.

"I just don't know why I always do this. I wish I didn't feel so unloveable sometimes. And I wish I didn't put myself in these situations time and time again."

Talking to him always makes you feel better, but for some reason tonight was a little different. The whole time you just felt like crying. You never cry in front of him, you never cry in front of anyone really. So when you felt the tears coming, you knew you had to end the phone call.

"Haechan, I think I'm gonna go. But thank you so much for always being here for me." You hang up before he could say his goodbye, the tears already starting to fall.

Haechan could hear it in your voice that you weren't alright. And you hanging up was very odd of you to do.

He went back and forth in his mind about how he could help you. He knew that you were fully capable to taking care of yourself, and sometimes all you need is to be alone, but the fact that you called yourself unloveable wasn't sitting right with him.

If you only knew how he felt about you. If you only knew just how loved you already were. This is what causes him to finally decide to go to your place, and be with you in person.

⸻

You've almost fallen asleep when you hear a knock at your door. You almost don't answer it, but then you get a text from Haechan asking you to let him in.

You open the door, but don't let him in right away. "Haechan, it's two in the morning, why are you here?"

“I just need to make sure that you’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed to vent.”

“You’re not unloveable y/n.”

It takes you a minute to process what he's saying. You don't really know how to respond to that. You nod your head a little, but you're not making eye contact with him and he can tell that you don't believe him.

"I love you y/n. You have to know that by now."

"Yeah, I love you too Haechan, you're my bestfriend."

He makes that face he always makes when he gets a little frustrated as he walks into your apartment. "I just wish you would choose guys that see how amazing you are."

"Me too Haechan, but I swear guys like that don't exist."

“...I do.” Haechan says, closing the gap in between you two.

“Yeah but you could never like me. I don’t even come close to the girls you go out with.” You say, quietly because Haechan's sudden closeness is making you question what you just said.

“no.. y/n. You’re so wrong. I couldn’t be more in love with you. So don’t even think that you’re unloveable because I’ve been crazy about you for so long now.”

You don’t know how to process this new information. Everything he's saying is sudden, but at the same time not sudden at all. You've always secretly longed for Haechan, but you have never allowed it to become more than just a silly little daydream. But now, Haechan's so close to you, looking at you with those eyes, and it's making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He's not going to make a move until you do, the decision is yours. Your heart is racing but your mind couldn't be more clear. Maybe he was expecting you to kiss him, but instead you wrap your arms around him in a hug. You almost think that he’s not going to hug you back, but then he wraps his arms around you and comforts you in the warmest hug.

His hugs have always been special to you. Given at just the right time, when you need comfort the most. Both your minds might be racing from what was just said, but for right now all you two wanted to do was be in each others arms.

[nerdygaymormon]

It's been awhile since I blogged about therapy, but some things were said today which I want to remember. This blog is partially a journal for me.

————————————————————

First we began by talking about the hurricanes and all the stress and anxiety. I told him about stress eating and not doing any exercises and feeling blah because of it, but a hurricane is not an everyday event. He called it an anomaly, which I like that way of phrasing it. The weather and being without power was an anomaly and my behavior reflected that. This week I've gotten back on track.

Next I shared two pages from my book (which I had never brought before to therapy) about new beginnings, and the therapist was surprised that I felt that way. I spoke of how this year I joined a new friend group, I stopped the disordered eating, I became VP of a non-profit, all topics we have talked about in therapy. He didn’t realize those are all new this year, that yes, it could feel like a turning of the page to a new one.

I compared it to coming out. Yes, there’s the first time, there’s the big one where you tell the most important people, but that’s not the end. You come out again and again. It isn’t like those first times, but each time can feel like a bit of new start in that relationship. I feel like this year was a new start in my relationship with me.

My therapist commented that I have a tendency to come in and say something indirectly, and then as he asks questions I will take steps towards a destination and finally will directly say what I had been hinting at. That made me laugh. I didn’t realize I do that. I swear I didn’t come with the intention to share about new beginnings but I think I subconsciously meant to.

The therapist then said, “Okay, you’re here. You’ve had these successes. Now what? What are your plans for the future? What do you want to work towards?”

Talk of the future actually frightens me a bit. For much of my life I had to just focus on surviving the current of my life and the hard space I was mentally in that there wasn’t space to imagine the future. 

Another thing is I've been suicidal at different times of my life. I have had several ages that I didn’t think I would live past, so imagining a future past that didn’t seem reasonable or useful, but then I make it and I feel lost, like “now what?” 

I didn’t tell him this but a few years ago I was convinced I wouldn’t survive my 50’s. I’m 53 now and I am not in that same head space but I haven’t adjusted in my head to think about the future.

I shared some thoughts about an idea I’ve been working on that would feel like wrapping up this phase of my life. To which he asked what comes in the next phase? Idk. I’ve been so fearful of the future I try not to think about it. If I continue on my current trajectory I just imagine a lonelier and lonelier life as my nieces and nephews grow up, as friends inevitably drift apart. 

That led him to bring up romantic relationships. I told him in the book I have written a few questions. Am I unlovable? Did I wait too long? Are there any good men left? 

To pursue a relationship means being open. To date means to make yourself vulnerable in a way that others can hurt you. It means knowing what you bring but also what your flaws are, and how you’ll be perceived by others. Dating can be fun but also it’s not really that fun and can open you up for pain. I did some dating beginning in 2017 and stopped when the pandemic hit. I wasn’t in a good mental place afterwards to pick that back up again, I’ve been needing to work on myself (from being passively suicidal to realizing I have an eating disorder)

He surprised me when he congratulated me on being honest in my assessment of myself and for being willing to share with him 

[starrylevi]

Levi seeks your comfort after his encounter with Kenny

Quick drabble. Just something I wanted to get out for some reason. I hope it makes sense. Didn’t really proof read it. 

*

“Oh my God, Levi, are you okay?” You swing open the door, eyes wide, cupping his face with your hands, looking him over and physically tense at the sight of blood leaking from a wound on his forehead.

Levi looks more angry than hurt, his teeth grinding against each other, and those usual cloudy eyes almost seem black to you.

“I’m fine. It’s just a small cut.” He speaks. Though he looks angry, his tone is low and even as he covers one of your hands with his own. You feel the rough callouses, brought on by years of fighting, brushing against your knuckles. He doesn’t look at you as he brings your hand down with his as he leads you inside.

You follow him in, surprised, as he holds onto you.

“The door, Levi.” You remind him.

“Close it”. It’s not a command. He stands still as you shut it. His hand slips back into yours with ease.

He continues to walk, and you realize he’s leading you into the bathroom. You let him. He twists the knob on the shower head, then holds a couple of fingers under the running water, testing its temperature. Once he deems it acceptable, he strips down. You do the same. Soon all you have to remove is your shirt. Levi stops you before you do. He doesn’t take off your shirt the way he took his clothes off. He takes it off with care, slowly and carefully, making sure the fabric doesn’t drag against your face as he gets your head through the hole.

“In.” He gestures to the running shower. You do as he says and leave space for him to enter. He stands directly under the running water, facing you, letting it flatten his hair. It’s silent between you two, save for the droplets of water hitting the tub. His head is down and you give him a few more seconds before cupping his face like before, bringing his head up so his eyes are meeting yours. You watch as water cascades down his face, his eyes are barely open, but he doesn’t seem to want to close them, his gaze is set on you.

“Come closer.” You say softly and he obliges, moving forward, slowly wrapping his arms around your bare waist. He’s not directly under the water anymore. Your faces are a few inches away from each other and your hands leave his face, and slick back his hair so you can see him clearly, your hands lingering around the base of his neck. You marvel at the sight before you, his pupils have shrunk from its previous large size, giving way to the steel gray color you’re familiar with. Though he has some spots of dirt and grime on him, his porcelain skin remains largely untouched. He’s beautiful, but he’s clearly in pain.

“What happened, my love?” You ask in a whisper. He might answer you, he might not. You know it’s hard for him to express his feelings, but he had recently become more comfortable with the idea, once you had told him that it was okay, that he was safe with you.

Levi briefly closes his eyes as a small sigh escapes him. “Kenny.”

Kenny? You know the history between him and Levi. It hasn’t been the best relationship, to say the least. Kenny wasn’t exactly a father figure. Sure, he helped Levi survive but then...then he left. And Levi, still young and impressionable, blamed it on himself. You knew it had only supported his core belief that he wasn’t good enough to have the people he loved stay. For some reason the universe deemed him unlovable and unworthy. It broke your heart when he first told you about this, and it continues to break your heart now. He hasn’t seen Kenny in, what, years? What was he doing here? You don’t let your surprise show, you just nod. “What about Kenny?”

“He, “Levi pauses.

You don’t say anything, you wait patiently for him to finish. He quickly lets out an exasperated sigh. “He’s back and he tried to kill me.” Levi must have felt your whole body tense up because he immediately follows up with ”Oi, I’m fine. He can’t touch me.”

You blink rapidly, taking in the information. “I-I know. I know you can take care of yourself…but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about you.”

Levi’s eyes soften at your statement. He stares at you, seeming as if he’s unsure how to respond to you. His unwavering gaze paired with the silence makes you nervous. “I’m sorry, I- “

“Thank you.” He gets out.

Your response is to pull him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck and his arms around your waist grip you tighter.

“I’ll get him first.” He whispers, his warm breath tickling your ear.

“You will.”

[fatuismooches]

HIII OH MY GOD im sorry for sending another one but i was just in the bathroom cleaning up and an idea fucking struck me. (yeah, bright ideas always hit me while i shower)

im thoroughly convinced that zandik, at some point, genuinely believed that you didn't love him. it was probably a year into your relationship after hitting on him for too long in the akademiya.

then, zandik got his hands on a book about manipulation tactics and shit, and he read a portion about pretending to be nice and loving just to gain something from him.

and hence him kicking you out and screaming profanities at you, saying that you don't truly love him. yeah, i know, brash decision by zandik. his older self truly regrets it and doesn't know what he would do in his life if you weren't persistent enough to keep reaching out to him. but to younger zandik, it just made sense.

how could someone like you could ever love him? he knows that sometimes you think he's going a bit too far with his experiments, you call him crazy (in an adoring way ofc), you sometimes look at him in fear as well. you have to be pretending, it just can't be. he has spent all his life unloved, outcasted, hated and feared- he can't comprehend such a wonderful thing such as love would ever be something he'd truly experience, deserve.

zandik stood his ground with his decision, glaring at the wall as you knock on the door repeatedly, asking what was wrong. then when he hears you curse under your breath, sounding mad, his heart fucking breaks.

and it just sinks in that he did something incredibly stupid and probably hurt your feelings for acting out. he's just so not used to being loved, and even if a year has passed, he still can't wrap his head around it.

really, you only got mad from the other side of the door is because your groupmates saw you and began walking towards you after you escaped to hang out with zandik...

dw you make up eventually if you're determined enough to prove that you genuinely love him!! (i mean cmon, it's not that hard. just point out that you literally cook him, wrestle him from his desk and onto his bed to sleep, go on illegal expeditions with him and all you wanted from him was kisses, hugs and affirmations of his love for you)

IM LITERALLY COMBUSTING FROM THIS BECAUSE IT'S LITERALLY SO TRUE AND I LOVEEE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED IT,, WHY HAVE U DONE THIS TO ME.

I'm thoroughly convinced that as well, and from his perspective it makes sense considering he went his whole life without receiving any kind of genuine love (which he grew not to care about anyway) and any kind of sweet words directed at him would usually have some kind of ulterior motive or to get on his good side... He's a very cynical person and even after a while the whole situation just baffles him. Not to mention sometimes Zandik himself has trouble understanding that he truly loves someone else and that this isn't just one big lie... it's hard for him to process it all.

Ugh you just know he'll be researching relationships and shit just so he can justify thinking this way and then he gets to a portion to be wary of your partner possibly being fake and manipulating you. And then he just goes haywire on you and you're just like "wtf are you even talking about" and Zandik's literally just going off on you without letting you get in a word. (I bet the clones cringe whenever they remember this moment too 💀 just bring up this moment in an argument and dramatically walk away and he'll feel a bit bad which is more than he should be capable of)

Zandik tries his best to ignore your heartbroken and confused expression - surely you must be faking it, he thinks as he slams the door in your face. This just must be one of your games again, and now that you've been called out you don't know what to do, he tries to convince himself. Your frantic knocks were just a scheme to play with whatever heart he had left. Because in no world, no universe, would you ever love someone like him. He knows he shouldn't be considered human anymore, he's a monster, and surely you see that too. The one who had been with him for ages, the closest one to him. Zandik doesn't understand - you have nothing to gain from being with him. It was 99% an act. Yes, 99%, because he was secretly clinging onto the 1% chance it was real.

And the 1% chance beat all odds when he heard how genuinely pissed and upset you were from behind the door, which was both a fortunate and unfortunate thing - the former because he knew you really loved him, the latter because even he realized that he fucked up big time. But Archons Zandik, out of all possible times, you had to do this when it was the time you were trying to avoid your annoying classmates 😔

On a more angsty note, you might start cursing back at him about all the reasons you love him and why you stay with him and just end it with the fact you're going to be staying somewhere else now, and it's up to him if he wants to see you again, because you ain't doing this again without some kind of apology. A few days later you come back with a whole fucking research paper about every little thing you've ever done for him and why you love him with a whole-ass explanation and just chuck it right at him and dip.

Thankfully present-day Dottore doesn't pull these kinds of stunts anymore and is much, much more secure and confident in the relationship (which is good cuz sometimes you wanted to slap him for being an idiot) Both of you are just glad you can look back on it and laugh (mostly you because Dottore hates thinking about the times he acted completely braindead)

[hypmicdaydreams]

hi! could i ask for an angst samatoki x f!reader fic about a f!so who struggles with accepting that other people can love her and samatoki ends up yelling at her because he feels underappreciated…but it gets resolved in the end! 😭😭 thank you~~~ please rest well!

Aw, this one was sad, but I did try to give it a comforting ending! Ik you said fic but I ended up writing long hcs so I hope that’s fine anon TT I think I’ve forgotten how to write fics tbh.. still tryna get into the groove of things. But I hope you enjoy this regardless! Hope I was able to do it justice! Ty for the request 💙 you rest well too~

-pairing: samatoki aohitsugi x f!reader

-genre: hurt/comfort

-headcanons

toki absolutely hates the fact that you think you’re incapable of being loved. it irks him so, really

because well, he loves you, and samatoki most certainly isn’t no one

besides, there wasn’t anything he can think of that would make you unloveable! you were strong, bright, pretty, and well, the list goes on and on. it honestly confuses him a lot why you think so, and it annoys him

i mean, you were the love of his life! samatoki wouldn’t have dated you if he hated you

he can’t entirely stand people who wallow on themselves, to be honest. he doesn’t give pity easily, so admittedly, toki does begin getting ticked when you start voicing such thoughts

because first of all, no. you are very much capable of being loved, and samatoki would probably beat anyone up if they said otherwise. he very much needs everyone to appreciate his girl

and secondly, what about him? he loved you. were you doubting him? because samatoki hates that

did he mean nothing to you? all those times he’s cooked you dinner, muttered ‘i love you’s before bed — did they not hold any meaning to you? well, that fucking hurts him so

he loves you a lot. he really does. but god this was so frustrating. he felt so undervalued and under appreciated, as if you couldn’t see how much your boyfriend loved you, what he’d do for you and only you

and well, samatoki isn’t quite good with communication, so the anger definitely builds and it turns into a confrontation more or less

he doesn’t mean to snap — he can never do so with you — but samatoki is hot-tempered. so it inevitably happens one day after a rough day at work and coming home to you. his patience was already thin, and he’s had it by then

why would you even say that?? you can see the hurt in his eyes, how he wears his heart on his sleeve at this very moment. was he not doing enough for you? he already lost nemu; he didn’t want to lose you too, the other important girl to him

it is eye-opening, as frightening as it also was to have your scary boyfriend snap at you (he was something else when pissed, and he never thought you’d be on his bad side, ever)

he was right — he did do a lot for you. everything samatoki did showed how much he loved you. and it’s not as if you didn’t know that, but simply put, anxiety was a bitch

you thought he deserved better, that he’d realize it all one day and just leave. honestly, it was self-perpetuating at this point and hard to break out of — a habit of sorts

but as samatoki just spills himself, how he feels like you can’t see how much he fucking loves you and what he does for you, it does hit you

and even if it simply worsens your anxiety at the moment (it tells you that that’s the exact reason why you’re so unloveable), it does put things into perspective. i mean, samatoki was still with you after all this, and surely that meant he loved you. he wasn’t a man of pity

you do apologize, perhaps getting overwhelmed yourself and explaining all your anxieties and feelings, but samatoki is quick to shut them all down (perhaps in a bit of an overtly aggressive way) and tell you that none of that is true

he loves you a lot, and that was final

samatoki doesn’t get it, but he tries to, to an extent. he doesn’t get your anxieties, and while he tries to be understanding, there’s definitely a limit. he can only do so much before it becomes, well, much

you do have to promise him that you won’t say such things again, that you do realize how much samatoki loves you and how he tries for you

mutter an “i love you too” back at the end of it all though, and samatoki will be content

he’ll sigh and scold you though for saying such stupid shit, but it’s a bit more of a light hearted tone this time

though self-love definitely is a long journey, toki would be by your side, reminding you time and time again how much he loves you

and even if you didn’t love yourself at the current moment, thinking that you were so unloveable, samatoki certainly did. and that would be enough for now

you were loved

[blitzwhore]

Ask game! :D

What, in general, is your favorite fear response in a character:

Fight (physically or verbally attacking whatever is scaring you, or making yourself look bigger/aggressive to scare it away, examples are Blitz in Full Moon in the ballroom and Loona after seeing the Hellbies shot)

Flight (running away from or otherwise trying to remove yourself from a scary situation, examples are Stolas in Full Moon in the hallway and later when he portals Blitz away, as well as Octavia when she hides in LooLooLand)

Freeze (being unable to move or extreme indecisiveness when scared, an example is Moxxie in episode 1 when he can't shoot the picture)

Fawn (trying to appease whoever is scaring you, common in abuse victims, an example is Stolas' text messages about Ozzie's and in episode 2 when Stella is yelling at him)

Or flop (fainting/playing dead when scared)?

Hi! That's a very interesting question. I really love seeing all the different survival responses explored in media, but if I had to choose a favourite, I'd go with fight. It's the one that hits closest to home and the one that I see well represented the least. And, if I may get a little personal, as someone who's endured abuse, it has been the hardest to come to terms with and forgive myself for.

It can be so hard to accept that your fight response didn't make you as bad as the person/people who hurt you. That having a fight response didn't make you any less terrified, any less cornered, any less traumatised. That you behaved like that not because you're horrible, out of control, beyond help, "just as bad", or unlovable, but because you were scared. You were, or felt, so helpless that your safety and very life felt like they were on the line. And that fucks you up, and makes you act in ways you never thought you could, which you then have to live with for the rest of your life.

And it can be especially hard to forgive yourself for having a fight response against people who weren't your abusers. People who came after, and who tried to love you when you were too in survival mode to trust that love. People who didn't deserve you lashing out at them. People who couldn't have known they were going to trigger you, who couldn't have known that your body only had this one strategy to keep itself from getting hurt again. Even if you apologise, explain, make amends, and are forgiven, your fight response (and what it made you do, or want to do) can make you truly hate yourself. It can make you hate yourself as much as you believe others must hate you, because all you see when you look at yourself is your own abuser, and so how could others see anything different?

So yes, I love, love, love it when media explores a character's fight response in a nuanced way—a way that clearly shows there were care and love put into the character's story.

When it comes to the examples you provided, what I love most about Loona's fight response in Western Energy is how understanding Blitz is of her. At every single point in the episode, he prioritises her needs and well-being, shows her compassion and comfort, communicates her needs to the doctor, and always tries to make sure her fear is taken into account and accommodated. I love that he never makes Loona feel like a burden or a bad person for being afraid, and that he loves her unconditionally and unwaveringly through her entire fight response, even after getting beat up. (I also love how funny the whole scene at the doctor's is 😂).

And, in The Full Moon, I love the way Blitz just suddenly... explodes. I find that, sometimes, trauma can make you want to avoid addressing any problems you might have in your relationships (which Blitz clearly has been doing, per his own words) because it's easier to let them fester than have to face them and put yourself in a vulnerable position. But then, when you are forced to face those things and go into fight response, you suddenly burst, and the next second, all your fear and hurt are spilling out of your mouth, as well as every horrible and destructive thought you've ever had about the other person but never wanted them to know about. Your filter completely gone as your emotions pour out, and out, and out.

I also love how the lighting, the sound effects, and Blitz's body language all work together to accentuate every single word he's saying and how much he's hurting as he speaks. I love how raw and ugly and uncomfortable and real it all feels. He's upset. He's angry. He feels wronged. But above all, he's terrified. And the scene does not shy away from just how unpleasant his fight response is. There's no sugar coating. No immediate comfort afterwards. Just real, raw, painful terror and shame and trauma (on both sides, not just Blitz's). It's perfect.

[vixendestroyz]

NEED ADVICE

didn't cvt last night. a lot happened, I don't really know how to talk about it. I had a post that took me ten minutes to write and my phone deleted it the second I pressed post. essentially, my best friend is upset because he thinks I mouthed the n-word to a song on video while he was in the other room, because when the video was done recording he heard me ask my roomate to not post it. I have the video, I didn't say the n-word, I didn't want my body to be seen because I was in a wet, white, wife-beater that was two sizes too big and I'm a trans man with an £D covered in bright pink sc4rs. so he let me finish his hair without asking to see the video, and then he left. he texted my boyfriend when he got home, and threatened me explicitly in detail, saying that if he ever sees me on the street, it's on sight, that he would fight everyone in my house if they defended me, and that he hopes that I hit a v3in today (trauma anniversary). he said it in more detail, with explicit threats and details as to how he would hurt me, but I think that was why I couldn't post it when I wrote it first. I don't really know what to do. I had my boyfriend send him the video my friend took, where you can clearly see me closing my mouth when the word comes up. if he apologizes, should I accept it? everyone has sworn him off because of how violent his threats were towards me, including my boyfriend who has been his only other friend for 8 years. but he's also a black man with an undiagnosed cluster-b disorder, and I understand why he responded the way he did if he was operating off of the assumption that I had said the n-word. he's talked to me about how scared he feels because the rug could be pulled from under him at any moment like this, and that he always has to be on guard in case something like that does happen. he is feeling hurt, disrespected, unloved, and misunderstood. but I don't even have a way of explaining how that genuinely didn't happen. Am I giving him too much slack? or am I not being empathetic enough? if anyone has any perspective on this, I'd appreciate it, because I don't want to feel unsafe in my home, especially when the reason isn't even cemented in reality. I've thought about saying that maybe we need to distance ourselves a bit and that he should seek therapy to help with his frequent splitting (he splits very often), but I don't know if that is harsh or not empathetic enough. he knows I'm going to be home alone today from 3-10pm, and it's hard to not feel unsafe when I read the threats. but I've split on people before and felt those things and it doesn't normally last very long. any advice, please?

[hay1ock]

Only Friends Episode 7 😮😮😮😮😮

Kicking off the second half of the series with a bang. I loved how things got shaken up. I have no idea where we’re headed.

I’m writing this as if I haven’t seen the preview for Episode 8. So I won’t be judging Ray for something he hasn’t done yet, nor that I have full context for at this point in time. It doesn’t look good, but then other preview scenes in the past haven’t played out how they were presented. So as a heads up, in case this ramble isn’t for you, from an Episode 7 POV I don’t feel Ray’s done anything wrong (re. Sand). In a way Sand was the architect of his own hurt. Plus, not going to lie, seeing all the negative commentary specifically aimed at Ray (regardless of how people feel about the RayMew pairing) and how quickly some wanted to tear him down. It didn’t feel good or deserved.

So, with that said, this episode picked up where we left off with Sand in pursuit of Ray. I was scared that Sand chasing after him would be what would cause Ray (and maybe even Sand) to crash, but as it was he was a little way behind as he pulled up on the scene post-crash. I guess Ray swerved to avoid a vehicle based on the lights in his face that didn’t stop/see the accident happen, leaving Ray in his car after hitting the side of the tunnel? - so he wasn’t wrong, without Sand showing up, who knows how long he might have been there before anyone else passed by. I’m glad no one got seriously hurt (at least for now), be it Ray himself or an innocent bystander. If he hit someone I have no idea how he would handle it, and then of course anybody else who played even a tiny part in what went down that evening. Sadly, it wasn’t enough of a wake up call to see Ray reflect on his behaviour or his problems with alcohol as we see he was already reaching for a drink once back home.

The scene between Ray and Sand in the hospital was sweet, in a gentle scolding kind of way. Sand doesn’t overlook that what Ray did was wrong and dangerous, but I appreciated his firm but calm tone, particularly in light of how Ray’s dad barrelled in soon after.

Why did you do it? - I imagine that would be something hard for Ray to admit. He’d played the bad guy, blown apart all his friendships and when Sand wasn’t able to tell him they were anything but ‘fellow human beings’, I really think he didn’t care what happened to him, maybe even willing to seek out a way to put an end to himself if not for the accident stopping him right then. There are a lot of what-ifs, of conversations that could have changed how the evening played out (Looking at both Mew and Sand here).

Learn to love yourself - it can be hard to do, and even more so if there’s nobody in your life who loves you, to disprove you’re unloveable. I wish Sand could have dared to tell Ray how he feels about him. Would it have stopped him getting in the car? Would it have changed anything later in this episode?

Declaring himself Ray’s emergency staff, though it implies caring, I don’t feel like Ray is capable of making the leap to Sand having genuine feelings for him. After all, Mew was his emergency contract and up to this point had never gone beyond friends no matter what Ray had dared to hope for. Similarly, in the bathroom scene later on, Sand does say he cares about Ray, but continues, adding how his dad does too. If Sand is putting those two things forward as equal, then I can see why Ray, though clearly attracted to Sand, happy to flirt and tease, wouldn’t think there was more to it and Sand’s feelings were still firmly in the lust not love, nothing beyond friends bubble.

I have mixed feelings about Ray’s dad. I’d like to think he cares but sucks at showing it. Yes, Ray needs to be called out for his actions and drink driving, but the fact he didn’t once ask if he was okay, or something along the lines of yep, you screwed up but thank god you’re okay, was disappointing but expected considering the only involvement he seems to have in his son’s life involves his wallet. I do wonder what he has asked Sand to do. Was it something as simple and along the lines of keep an eye on Ray and something that encouraged Sand to go round with his juice and detox plan? Or is it something more serious and that will be seen as a betrayal once Ray finds out?

The scene between them at Ray’s home in the living room was cute. I do like that Ray gives in to Sand (as we saw in Episode 5 and here saying he’d drink the juice) just as much as he uses his ‘na’ to get his way with Sand. Sand is capable of putting his foot down if he didn’t want to help Ray, it just seems like he doesn’t want to quite so much these days, blurring even more his already blurry boundaries and feelings. The way he carefully undressed Ray, seeing the seatbelt mark of what Ray had ended up doing to himself, and the part he had played in the events of that night. I’m glad he apologised and would have liked to have seen on screen whether Ray apologised in return along with thanking him for saving him yet again (if only Ray’s dad hadn’t shown up while they were talking). I will say the shaving scene tickled me. I tried to focus on what they were saying and the moment rather than Sand moving shaving cream about. Also, sitting in the bath THEN running the water? Brrrr cold booty.

I liked the little talk about Sand’s situation regarding his father. I can’t decide if we’ll see him, and though it might be fun to have him related to someone (Boston’s dad inferred he too was a bit of a player) I think that would be one twist and connection too many among this group. So if he does show up I hope it’s someone very much away from the group, but also, I wouldn’t mind if nothing came of it. It might just be a narrative about how family can be anything - Mew with his two mums, Sand with his single parent family, Ray as good as choosing his family in Mew and friends.

Also from their conversation, I would probably consider Ray an alcoholic. We’ve seen him drinking in the day - at Yo’s, the flask he was carrying (again), even when Sand arrived this episode - it’s probably at a degree he can still function, then drinking in excess when out or under extra stress. I would agree he is in a way addicted to Sand - as a distraction, for comfort and support, in a way his own little safe space even more so than Mew who is very blunt, almost accusatory, assuming the worst - even this episode, even though he knew Ray went off in a state at the party and none of his calls were being picked up, he just figured he was drunk and asleep. I know shit went down but still… maybe check in on him?

I’m scared but excited to see where Ray and Sand go from here considering how the episode ends. And yes, I have a heart and it broke for Sand. I just can’t make Ray out to be the bad guy in this situation - that boy deserves a bit of happiness even though I know it will be fleeting. Sand likes Ray. He just has his own baggage that won’t allow him to put it out there in the world. Better to keep it to himself. The run in with Boston had already set them back a number of steps and I’ve mentioned how in the other episodes Sand continually draws the line between them, they’re friends, it’s lustful behaviour/moments between them not love. If he had confessed to Ray… I wonder how things would have gone regarding Mew? Would the conversation between Ray and Mew have steered in a slightly different direction?

And so Ray and Mew. I’m actually fascinated to see where these two go. I’m pretty sure it will be short-lived. Ray has put Mew on this pedestal, adores him. We know how much Mew means to him. I believe Ray loves him, but whether that is the same as being in love with him, there is only really one way to find out. So I support Ray and Mew testing the limits of what their relationship is or could be. Though gotta say, when Mew kind of led the conversation in that direction, I was surprised. I had felt Ray had kind of taken a couple of steps in making peace with his love of Mew. Granted his feelings can’t just be switched off but I had hoped maybe something more could evolve between him and Sand. But this moment with Mew brought those feelings straight back to the surface.

Now, before the series started, I had considered whether Mew would be the kind of person to use Ray in some sort of way against Top, and end up breaking his heart and discard him. Once I watched the first 2 episode, I kind of withdrew that thought. Mew genuinely seemed to love Ray as a friend and so I didn’t think he would hurt him in that way. I still don’t. Instead, he is using him to escape his pain, not for revenge. As he said, Ray is always there for him, has never hurt him. Sometimes, relationships don’t start out with fireworks and heart flutters. Friendship can also be a good basis. I just feel, the Mew that has suggested he could try to love Ray is not the same Mew who Ray fell in love with. For Ray, Mew was someone who could lift him up, saved him when he was at his lowest point. The Mew of now, won’t be lifting Ray up, he’s sinking down into Ray’s world. They’ll be a bad influence on each other.

I have to say, seeing them dancing together at the end of the episode, I fully support them trying. I can’t quite decide if it’s just drunk friends grinding up against each other and testing the waters or if they did decide to properly give it a try just yet. Obviously, before Mew had his lists and took time to get to know Top. He already knows Ray, and waiting didn’t lead to anything good in the end last time so maybe he’s all in already. I guess we’ll see next episode where they’re at. I guess one other possibility is them pretending and playing games with Top, but Ray was being very open and genuine so I hope that won’t be the case, especially as we know there is someone out there who is able to love him back. *Bangs Ray’s and Sand’s heads together* Stop being so stubborn and have a proper chat and maybe a kiss lol.

Mew and Top. Wow.

I do feel some sympathy for Top. He’s never going to be my favourite character, in fact, I don’t know if he’ll ever leave the bottom spot among the 6 main boys, but I did feel bad for him this episode - apart from his stupid remark about not caring if Mew and Ray had slept together or not 🤦‍♀️. You nearly had me Top lol. I don’t know what would have happened if he’d confessed sooner. He had genuinely caught feelings for Mew and was trying to change himself for the better (though I still think he was trying to also change Mew and being somewhat possessive). We see him in isolation, frustrated and upset. When Mew burned that page in front of him you could feel how much that hurt. The scribbling in the book. I wonder who he was considering calling. Maybe Mew but also maybe someone like Beam. I don’t think his guilt and being dumped will have helped his insomnia any.

I feel like he should give Mew some space, putting himself in Mew’s orbit while the wound is very much fresh is only going to make Mew defensive and angrier. The scene where the friends group had decided to put their personal issues aside for the sake of the hostel project and then in walks Top, the biggest personal issue of them all. My face was very much like Cheum’s 🙄.

How on Earth he’ll win Mew back round based on Mew’s shift in character, I have no idea. Will they get back together before the end of the series? BL couple logic would suggest yes, but I have no idea how many flaming hoops he’d need to jump through to convince Mew to give him a second chance. I’ve never been cheated on (at least not that I’m aware of lol) so I’m not really sure what I’d do in Mew’s position, what it would take for me to forgive a partner. The trust would be hard to get back. And if Boston still gravitates around them… hmmm. Again, I guess we’ll see if there is a way back for them.

Really enjoyed Mew this episode. Was nice to see things switched up, his manipulation of Nick and Gap to get the recording of Boston. The way he was sat there just casually chatting to Boston’s dad about Boston’s short film. I am glad he didn’t drag Boston’s dad into things and release the video (though I’m guessing it’s still on his phone and looked like he only copied the file from Gap’s computer). It will be interesting to see where his character goes next. I feel he’s spiralling and I’m kind of scared who he’s going to drag down with him in the end.

Boston is a piece of work. I enjoy watching him give zero fucks about what he’s done. The scene by the pool, even then he’s still poking at Ray about Mew, showed no remorse for his actions and actually came off as an even bigger asshole. It was great to see him get kicked into the pool and Mew jump in after him. Legit felt as if Mew would have held him under given a chance. Obviously, wishing death on Boston isn’t exactly okay, but I can understand the sentiment in the heat of the moment. I don’t know if Boston has an apologetic bone in his body. Even when Mew came to his house with Gap’s recording, he begged but I still didn’t hear anything close to a sorry. I couldn’t decide if he was saying that his dad didn’t know he was sleeping around or sleeping with men. I mean his dad was definitely supporting his player ways when Nick was round there so…

Speaking of Nick. As soon as Top mentioned the recording in the car and Boston’s little cogs started whirring it was clear Nick wasn’t going to have a great day. He shouldn’t have bugged the car in the first place, and well, he was right, Boston shouldn’t have fucked his friend’s boyfriend either lol. Despite his declaration of him being as nasty as Boston, I’m still waiting to see that. They’d fallen into this strange holding pattern where Nick was getting the attention he desired, but as far as we know Boston was never looking to take it anywhere properly. He’d been scared into monogamy by Gap and was fond of Nick, but whether he was anywhere close to developing feelings… So yeah, Nick didn’t need to be nasty up to this point so maybe we’ll see him play dirty to get back with rather than at Boston. He told Mew about Gap, but I feel that he was a sad little puppy who was easily talked into it. Honestly, I feel bad for him. Nick knows what Boston is like but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and damn that boy is stupidly in love. My heart broke as Boston laid into him and told him he never loved him.

I like that he didn’t throw Sand under the bus concerning the recording and how Ray had gotten hold of it. Though if Boston thinks really hard about it, I’m sure he can make a logical guess. The scene between Nick and Sand back at the apartment was both heartbreaking and heartwarming as Sand hugged him, apologised for abusing his trust. His need for revenge on Top blinded him to everything else, including the fallout for others and himself.

Overall, I loved this episode and the preview has got me desperate to know the context and how we reach some of those situations and the dialogue.

It really has been an incredible show so far.

Previous ramblings.

Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Five | Episode Six

[blakeswritingimagines]

Overhearing You Want To Break Up

Iron man: This unexpected blow causes him to recoil in horror and confusion. He doesn't understand why this is happening, or how he could have missed the signs. He feels lost and overwhelmed, scared and insecure. His first instinct is to deny what he heard, to dismiss it as a misunderstanding or a cruel joke. But the reality sinks in and he’s hit with an overwhelming sense of heartbreak, pain, and grief. He try to keep it together, to be strong, but he’s devastated inside. He’s not sure how he'll ever recover from this

Spider-Man: If he overheard his partner was thinking of breaking up with him, he would feel hurt and heartbroken. He’s pretty sensitive, so he would definitely cry. He would try to talk to you and see if there was anything he could do to work through the problems in your relationship. If you were set on breaking up, he would have to respect your decision and give you the space you need. But it would be hard for him to let go of someone that he had invested so much time and emotion into.

Hulk: He would be heartbroken, of course. He would feel alone, lost, and unloved. Bruce would probably cry a lot and kinda have that slow-motion moment where everything around you is still fast paced, and his heart would feel like it's been torn out of his chest. He would feel like he can't see a future without you, and would desperately want to work things out. It would be a devastating experience, and would take a lot of time to heal from. He would be scared to start over and worry that he would never find someone else who makes him as happy and as loved as you did at least in the beginning.

Captain America: He would be confused and hurt, but ultimately he would want you to follow your heart and be happy. He’s open to discussing your reasons for wanting to end the relationship, but he won't try to persuade you to stay if you've made up your mind. Sometimes people grow apart and it's no one's fault, but it can still be hard to accept. He would express his feelings but try to be understanding and patient, always keeping the door open if you want to talk about it further or reconsider.

Winter Soldier: Bucky's eyes would widen as he would freeze in horror, his pupils shrinking as the realization settles in. He would be overwhelmed by a wave of conflicting emotions- anger, sadness, confusion, denial. This would leave his heart racing and his breathing heavy. He would do it all in his power to prevent the breakup- ask you why you want to break up, propose solutions to the issues, and apologize for anything that he had done wrong. Bucky would also try to understand his partner's feelings and perspective, and would be willing to compromise and work through conflict.

Black Panther: In all honesty, he would be completely devastated and heartbroken. His first reaction would be shock and disbelief, but once he came to his senses he would be devastated at the thought of losing his partner and having to start over. He would feel lost and alone, and he would probably cry, as this would be a huge loss for him. It would take some time to recover and heal, but eventually he would pick up the pieces and find a way to move on. He would always cherish the memories he had shared with his partner, but he would also try to learn from the experience.

Doctor Strange: If he overheard you talking to someone about wanting to break up with him, he would absolutely be devastated. He would feel like his world was crashing down around him. He would want to know why you wanted to break up, and try to work things out, but ultimately, he would respect your decision. He would need time to process and grieve the end of the relationship, but he wouldn't want to drag out the pain and prolong the break up process. It's always best to move on and start healing as soon as possible.

Thor: First, he would be shocked and in disbelief. After all, your relationship was perfect, and there was no sign that anything was wrong, right? He would feel as if everything you built together was suddenly threatened. He would desperately try to figure out what went wrong - what happened? What did he miss? He would feel numb and helpless, as if his life was unraveling before his eyes. He would be furious, sad, scared - so many emotions would be overwhelming him at once. The next steps would depend on the context of the break up. It's never an easy thing to go through, that's for sure.

Ant-Man: He would be shocked and heartbroken, feeling that he had failed to live up to your expectations. He would feel betrayed and angry, and would want to know why you hadn't spoken to him sooner about these issues before deciding to break up. He would ask you to reconsider and offer to work on fixing the problems in the relationship. If you were adamant about ending the relationship, he would accept your decision and leave, but he would be devastated and would need a lot of time and support to get over it.

[bittercandysweetrain]

Tokyo revengers x reader with mental illness Draken {Pt1}

Illness - Bipolar disorder 

(warning mention of suicide, drug use) 

(y/n)'s pov - I am Bipolar I've had it for a long time now. I hate people who romanticize it like it's such a dream to have. They love the intensity of it they love the mania because they love excitement. that's why movies always have those doped up people their life like there is no tomorrow. As if it's something so simple to handle but it’s exhausting. it's tiring to be in your own skin, the best I can describe it is having a high nothing can compare to. you feel Invincible have you ever seen a picture of a club aesthetic a hazy picture or a person dancing and having fun the night will never end. you do things and say things that could be very unintentional your not thinking of the next day you make promises you can’t keep. To do things you regret fucking who you want putting yourself in danger cause it gives you a rise and your at the highest peak of everything you could ever reach. and suddenly you crash hard falling from the heavens you become this person you don't even know. smiling hurts, laughing hurts, being awake hurts. constant thoughts of how worthless I am fill my mind, I am unloved, unwanted, alone, and I deserve to sleep forever or die. seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks turn into one giant mix up that I don't keep track of. Did I sleep for two days? was I awake for four? did I shower? did I eat? am I alive? that's all I feel but amongst all that I wish people would understand It isn't a decision it's not like I wanted this, I can't just make it go away.

Author's pov - (y/n) walked next to Inui dressed nicely it had been the first time in a while that she had been out. suffering from her lows for four months now she finally started to hit her highs. "Where are you taking me Inui?" she asked "I want you to meet someone," he said "eh? why?" she asked "because he is my friend and you owe him an apology," he said. "an apology for what?" she asked clicking her arms with his "for punching him on new years eve." Inui said "New years? I didn't punch anyone the hell are you talking about I was dancing with someone had a few drinks made snow angels snowball fight and Uh?" "let me correct you before the 31st you went on a drinking binge remember you got kicked out of 2 clubs. I told you to meet me on the rooftop for the new years eve party you came high on coke yes you were dancing and it was all fun until you wanted to dance on the edge of the rooftop. Draken pulled you down twice and the second time you were mad and punched him in the face. After you made snow angels in the parking lot. tried trading your panties for mitsuya's bike which you ended up stealing. you didn't get far but yes we had a snowball fight until you threw a shoe at takemichi and bruised his eye." he said "also you got mouthy with Mikey you called him a midget" he said before showing up to the Garage.

Draken opened the door seeing Inui and (y/n) "Hell no" he said trying to close the door "wait she is here to apologize" Inui said. (y/n) crossed her arms "I never said I was" she said "(y/n)" Inui gave her a warning tone (y/n) sighed she loved inui he was her best friend and the only one who stuck around in her moments "Okay, okay." she said Draken let the two in Inui sat down on the couch while (y/n) took a look around at the photos and stuff. Draken walked over with some drinks setting them down on the table "(y/n)" Inui called over he usually acted like a older brother sometimes a father when need be. (y/n) walked over sitting next to him "well Inui tricked me to come here but I will apologize for" she dragged the word on as she looked at Inui trying to remember what she did wrong. "punching him in the face on new years eve." he said, "Punching you in the face on new years eve even though it is your fault" (y/n) said. Draken stared at her blankly. "how was it my fault? I was just trying to keep you from falling over the damn railing" Draken said sternly. "so" (y/n) said "so?" Draken asked "who cares if I would have fallen" she said. "Do you really think no one would care." Inui looked down getting up his hand and bawled into a fist. slamming his hand on the nearby wall "h-how could you say something like that I would fucking care!" he shouted, "if you died I would definitely care your my best friend!" he shouted, "we have so many memorable days spent together!" he shouted before pausing he looked at her empty eyes just she gave him a sweet smile to reassure him "your not in your highs yet are you." he asked (y/n) remained silent as she sipped her hot drink. Draken glanced at Inui he had heard many stories about (y/n) especially when it came to him dealing with her depressive episodes. "I wouldn't want you to die" Draken said as he sipped his own drink "honestly even though you punched me it was nothing really, I've been punched countless times you made that night pretty memorable." he said with a smile "Inui always talks about you and that night wasn't the first time I met you. we actually clubbed together a few times that's why I didn't want you to fall it would be really boring you remind me of someone I use to hang out with all the time. you kind of took his place and it made me really happy." draken said

(y/n)'s pov - Sometimes the haze can make your brain foggy. Like with the time jumbling all together everything around me did as well. I thought I was getting better I was looking forward to those highs. I wanted to die, I really did I was blindly following Inui cause I don't have the strength to make my own decisions. this man who I don't remember who do I feel different I feel content around you Draken who are you?

[low-po1y-princess]

The big as fuck Rick and Lissy post

I'm writing this up bc I've had Rick and Lissy for 6 years, but have remained very secretive about their story

So who's Rick? Rick is a ghost who died in the late 80s in a shipwreck. Even though he had a genuine love for sailing, he mostly joined because he thought that becoming a crew member would allow him to escape his old life. He left behind his homophobic parents, his old hook ups, and most regretfully, his girlfriend. But leaving behind new relationships can't stop the new ones from starting problems.

Rick fell for the captain of the ship, and he fell hard. Despite his infatuation, he never confessed. At least, not before the storm hit. While trying to save the captain, Rick broke his leg. So when the ship capsized, the only thing left to do was drown.

And who's Lissy? Lissy's a mermaid (pinoy angelfish, to be specific) who only wants other people to be happy. "It makes me happy! So it's like a feedback loop of happiness." She's done this all her life, essentially. Done everything she can to make sure those she loves are loved and taken care of. If you do enough for them, they'll do the same to you, right? They can't see her sad, though. "That would upset them, if they saw me like that."

Unfortunately, that allows some awful people to worm their way into your life. People who only want validation with no plans to give any back. Years ago, there was another mermaid who Lissy truly trusted, someone she would willing spend forever with. This merm didn't feel the same unfortunately. And when Lissy couldn't offer them as much due to the mental exhaustion of constantly trying to please them, they cast her aside, touting her as a bad friend.

What's their story? So it's 2017. Lissy's exploring the very edge of mermaid civilization. When she spots this huge shipwreck! Relatively fresh, too, from what she can tell. So she snoops around, looking for little trinkets. And who should she find but Rick, who's spirit has been resting for years, unable to pass on. Rick's not thrilled about being dead, but Lissy's excited to show him what her life has to offer :)

And it goes pretty well! Rick spends all his time with Lissy, adjusting to living underwater, 21st century life, and being a ghost all at once. Lissy's sure to show him all mermaid society has to offer, sticking close by his side. And Rick's grateful for her, extremely grateful! But his past experiences keep tainting his new ones. Anytime he tries to sleep, all he can dream of is the day he died. All he can think of is how he left his girlfriend all alone, how she's probably in shambles because he never came back. And if he did, would she recognize him? Would she hate him?

So Rick tries to keep his distance. If you don't grow attached to anyone, then no one gets hurt, right? He stays with Lissy, but he's not talking to the people she introduces him to that much. When Lissy asks him about his life pre-mortem, he answers vaguely. And Lissy's fine with that, she doesn't want to prod. But she can't shake the feeling that he's holding onto something that's a little too heavy on his conscious.

And one night, Rick let's it all slip. How he wanted to leave everything behind. How he died for a man who didn't know he loved him. How he left a woman he admired and respected to wonder what happened to him. How if he had just stayed put, he wouldn't be bothering Lissy. He feels awful. Irresponsible. Unlovable. But Lissy assures him that she's loved every day she's spent with him, and that she wants to work this out together.

And Rick feels like something awful in his chest is starting to lighten.

Now, Lissy isn't without her mental hook-ups. Since that awful friend break up, Lissy's fallen back on old habits. She doesn't want to lose Rick, too, after all they've been through together. Of course, she doesn't take Rick as that kind of person, but that anxiety is too strong to ignore. She's determined to help him because she loves him, of course, but she's always afraid that it'll take one bad day for him to cast her aside.

Rick can't help but notice that Lissy's had some really weird days in a row. She's been her usually cheery self, but some days she's less coherent. Still willing to do anything and talk about anything weighing Rick down, but her eyes are tired, she's slouching when she's never slouched before. Rick offers that she takes a break. But she refuses. "You've stayed with me this long... I owe you this, right?" And it comes together for Rick.

So he assures her. Rick can think of no better person to spend an afterlife with. He's grateful for all that she's done and always will be. But even if Lissy couldn't give 100%, Rick would still spend an eternity with her.

Lissy's taken care of people for so long. Now it's time for her to allow herself to be taken care of.

[extasiswings]

I’m making myself crazy, but Apollo’s dodgeball got me down bad so, passages I wrote nine months ago that are making me want to scream after seeing how 6B is playing out...

Stuck on Fast Forward (Throw Away the Blueprint) Chapter 7:

“Why did you think that your panic attacks were about your relationship?”

“They happened when people mistook her for Christopher’s mother and my wife, it wasn’t exactly difficult to realize they were related,” Eddie shoots back.

“Were those the only times? Before this one?”

Yes is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but before he can say it, he’s hit with a memory—an air control tower, and a man in white shirt having a heart attack—the way he had frozen and felt compelled to touch Buck’s shoulder to steady himself when he got up.

“No,” he sighs.

Frank hums and writes something down. “The other times—the triggers—were they related to your relationship?”

“No.”

“Were they related to Buck?”

A man who looked similar to Buck, looked the way Buck had the day of the shooting…

Eddie swallows hard. “Yes.”

“The idea of losing him?”

Eddie doesn’t need to answer. His jaw tics as he looks away and Frank just nods.

“So, if you’re in love with Buck, and today isn’t the first time you’ve had a panic attack triggered by the idea of losing him, do you think it’s possible that the panic attacks you had about your girlfriend weren’t about her, but what getting serious with her would mean for your relationship with Buck?”

“He’s my best friend,” Eddie argues. “He was always going to be my best friend, whether I was with Ana or not.”

“But you’re in love with him,” Frank replies. “From what I’ve seen, the way you’ve talked about him since we’ve started working together, you’ve been in love with him for a long time. And if you were with someone else, if you were serious with someone else, that would have prevented you from acting on your feelings for him—right?”

Make sure you’re following your heart, not Christopher’s.

Fuck.

“Right,” Eddie admits.

“So in that case, your relationship didn’t fail because you weren’t trying to make it work, it didn’t fail because you did something wrong or because you’re bad at relationships—it failed because you were in love with someone else, whether you consciously knew that or not—did you?” Frank asks.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, I—I think maybe I realized it on some level when I was shot, but…”

“You didn’t remember,” Frank fills in gently, and Eddie nods once. “That’s understandable. You went through a major trauma—it makes sense that your mind tried to protect itself by blocking out anything that might have made your life more complicated at the time. But all that means that she could have been the most perfect person in the world and your relationship wouldn’t have worked under those circumstances.”

*** *** ***

“So, should we talk about your wife?”

“There’s not much to talk about. By the end, she didn’t want to be my wife anymore.”

It hurts more than he expects to say it. Like an old broken bone that aches when it rains, or a healing wound that still stings when pressed.

“We’ve talked about her before. About your relationship,” Frank acknowledges. “You’ve admitted that you both made mistakes. But you haven’t talked about that—about her asking for a divorce.”

I forgave her for everything and it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

The ghost of old anger, shame, grief, rises in Eddie’s throat, stings his eyes. The self-loathing, the guilt, the feeling of failure. Of being…unloved. Unwanted.

“She didn’t want me, Frank,” Eddie says, cutting through old scar tissue and letting the wound bleed afresh. “What else is there to say?”

“What did she say?” Frank asks. “When she said she wanted to end your marriage. What did she say?”

That throws Eddie for a loop. And when he tries to think about the specifics—

At the time, he thought he would always remember. That it would burn itself into his memory as one of the worst nights of his life. And yet, when he tries to recall the specifics now, it’s surprisingly difficult.

“She—she said—” He rubs at his forehead and thinks. “—she said something about how she was trying to figure out how to be someone’s mother again, and in order to do that she couldn’t also be trying to be someone’s wife.”

Frank writes for a moment. Lets the silence stretch. When he finally drops the bomb, Eddie still isn’t ready for it.

“Is there anything in that explanation that was about you?”

“I—what?”

Frank levels him with a steady look. “Is there anything in that explanation that was about you? Because what you just said sounds like it was about her. Space that she needed, time that she needed. For reasons that were entirely her own. Reasons, in other words, that weren’t about you. Reasons that had nothing to do with whether you were or could be a good husband or romantic partner.”

“But I wasn’t,” Eddie argues. “I left first. I wasn’t there when she needed me. I didn’t communicate. I drove her away—”

“But she didn’t ask for a divorce at any of those times, did she?”

Eddie swallows again, hard. He looks down at his hands.

“No,” he admits. “No, she didn’t.”

“And when she did ask, she didn’t say it was because of those things…it was because of her. Her personal reasons.”

I wasn’t enough.

A flicker of doubt.

I’m not enough.

“What are you saying?” He asks.

“Eddie,” Frank sighs. “I’m saying that there were two people in your marriage. Two people who loved each other. Two people who made mistakes. Two people who each had reasons for making decisions, whether those decisions were good or bad or entirely neutral. I’m saying that marriages end and people get divorced and that doesn’t make them unworthy of love or incapable of finding happiness with someone else in the future. I’m saying…not everything is about you.”

Silence. Eddie feels almost dizzy, the world shifting under his feet. And he resents it a little, because he’s held onto certain things for so long, things that felt like inalienable truths. Only, maybe they aren’t. And he doesn’t know what the world looks like without them.

Frank sits back in his chair and moves on. “You’re in love with Buck. From everything I’ve gathered, it sounds like you’ve built a life with him. A partnership. So…what is it you’re afraid of?”

That may be the easiest question Eddie’s been asked all day.

“That I’ll fuck it up,” he says. “That I won’t be enough. That I’ll drive him off and lose him forever.”

“You might,” Frank admits. “That’s a risk with any relationship. There’s always risk when you put yourself out there. But let me ask this—Buck has been by your side for years, and you’ve been by his. He’s helped raise your son. He’s seen you at rock bottom and didn’t run the other direction, but stuck by you instead. And you’ve had similar experiences with him. He knows you. All of you. And you know him. And the two of you love each other. Whatever you’ve called it, the two of you have been in a relationship. So my question is…realistically, rationally, what else do you think you could do or show to drive him off that he hasn’t already seen over the last five years?”