#i want to do something to make it special but. i can't think of anything
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ong yes!! lando gotta loveeeee doggy and taking her against a wall!! But imagine her on top for the first time and not knowing how to ride him and him teaching him and telling her what to do! im asking this to santa !!
kill me now!!
Oh, Christmas treat | LN ⁴
💌 INSPIRED by anon ──── Why ask Santa when I'm literally right here... enjoy 💋
⤿ We're yapping about this ask.
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𐙚 summary ──── It's a quiet winter night, and Lando notices that his girlfriend seems a bit distracted. After some playful coaxing, she admits a secret desire to try something new. With his gentle guidance, they explore new paths together, each step bringing them closer.
𐙚 pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader
𐙚 rating ──── explicit
𐙚 category ──── F/M
𐙚 warnings ──── 18+, mature/sexual content, established relationship, fluff & smut, descriptive language, light teasing, themes of vulnerability, unprotected sex, reader's first time on top, bit of swearing.
𐙚 word count ──── 2.5k
𐙚 date ──── Dec. 24, 2024
𐙚 a/n ──── I know this wasn’t a request per se, but I wanted to share this one-shot with you since it was already mostly ready to go. I’ve been dealing with some health issues recently and couldn't get myself to get anything done, so thank you for your patience. The rest of the requests are still on their (admittedly slow) way, but I promise they’re coming 🤞🏻 Wishing a very Merry Christmas Eve to everyone who celebrates, and who knows, I might have another little treat up my sleeve 👀
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THE DAY HAD been nothing out of the ordinary, but that was exactly what made it special.
Lando had woken up late, groggy but grinning satisfied when he caught her padding around the kitchen in fuzzy socks and an oversized sweater, humming along to Christmas songs. She loves the holiday season, because she likes it when he's home, and Lando doesn't have to be anywhere but their own apartment. That's exactly why she can't get upset when he streams with Max for hours in the night, and ends up sleeping in the next day. The simple fact that he's there is enough.
Maybe she conditioned herself to accept that, but then she sees his sleepy face and thinks she'd accept worse in order to share her mornings with him.
It's Christmas Eve, so they’d decided to bake cookies, mostly because she insisted it was a winter tradition, and Lando, ever the competitive spirit, took it as a challenge to see whose decorations would turn out better. As expected, chaos followed. By the time the cookies were ready, the kitchen looked like it had been through a snowstorm of flour and sugar. Lando had a streak of frosting on his cheek, and she had somehow ended up with sprinkles in her hair. In reality, they spent more time laughing and teasing each other than actually baking, but that was always the way it went with them.
Now, their cookies sit patiently on the counter, forgotten as the two of them relax on the couch in the living room. The Christmas tree lights glow warmly in the corner, and a cheesy holiday movie plays on the TV. They’re snuggled under a thick blanket, her legs curled up and tucked into his side. Lando’s arm drapes around her shoulders, his fingers playing lazily with her hair. It’s peaceful and comforting, but somewhere in the quiet, she feels a sudden pull in her chest.
In all the time they've been together, she never took the lead — not willingly, at least — feeling more than happy to surrender. She's been thinking about it for a long time, but she's never had the courage to do it. She doesn't feel intimidated or inhibited by her boyfriend, but rather by how it could all go wrong for both of them if she, somehow, ends up doing something she’s not supposed to.
Suddenly, her arms tighten around him, her nose nuzzling into his shirt. There’s a weight in her heart, not sadness exactly, but something tender, something raw. It makes her extra clingy, but she doesn’t say anything. She just holds him closer, hoping he won’t notice.
But Lando always notices.
His fingers pause in her hair, and his brows furrow slightly as he glances down at her. “You good, baby?” he asks, his voice soft and curious.
She hums nonchalantly, her face still buried in his chest.
“You sure?” Lando insists, his tone teasing but gentle.
The girl freezes for a moment, debating whether to brush it off, but before she can decide, he tilts her chin up with his fingers, making her look at him.
“Come on, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, hm?” he asks, his eyes scanning hers.
Her cheeks heat under his gaze, and she sighs. “I don’t know. You just… feel extra nice to hold tonight,” she says quietly.
Lando blinks, then his grin widens, teasing again. “Didn’t know I had levels of cuddliness.”
“Oh, shut up,” she mumbles, hiding her face against his chest again.
His smile softens, and he wraps his arms around her fully, pulling her tighter against him. “Hey, you don’t wanna talk to me?”
She shakes her head and, at that, Lando stops pushing, knowing that whatever it is, she’ll come to him. Eventually. When she’s ready.
A few hours later, their movie marathon ends in a comfortable silence, the glow of the TV instantly muted by the credits rolling on the screen. Lando stretches, groaning softly as he shifts from the couch.
She gathers the blanket, folding it neatly before turning to him with a small smile.
“Bedtime?” she asks, her voice soft, almost reluctant to leave the warmth of the evening behind.
“Bedtime,” he agrees, though he watches her carefully as she heads toward the bedroom.
She moves through her usual routine, brushing her teeth and slipping into one of his hoodies, paired with sleep shorts. As she pulls back the covers and sits on the edge of the bed, he hears it again — the same quiet sigh that makes his chest tighten.
Lando leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, frowning in her direction. “Alright, that’s the second time tonight,” he says, his tone light but edged with curiosity. “Should I worry?”
“What?” she replies quickly, too quickly, as she gets ready to tuck herself under the duvet. “No, baby. It’s nothing.”
“Right,” says Lando, stepping closer, his lips curving into a mischievous grin. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll have to get it out of you another way.”
She narrows her eyes at him. “Lando…”
Before she can finish, he lunges, playfully grabbing her waist and threatening to tickle her sides. She squeals, trying to wiggle away, but his grip on her is firm.
“Last chance, I'm serious,” he warns, his laughter bubbling up as she giggles uncontrollably.
“Okay, fine, stop it!” she pleads, breathless, her face flushed.
Lando stops, pulling back just enough to sit on the edge of the bed. Then, with a gentle tug, he pulls her onto his lap. His arms wrap loosely around her waist, and he tilts his head, watching her with a mix of curiosity and concern.
“Now,” he says, happy that he managed to break her wall, “What’s going on?”
She hesitates, her cheeks turning pink as she avoids his gaze. Instead, her fingers find his curls at the back of his head, twisting them gently as she takes a deep breath. “You know, it’s not even a big deal. I’ve been thinking about something, but I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“Mhm,” he nods, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to her lips. It’s deep, slow, almost as if he’s trying to reassure her without words. When he pulls back, their foreheads touch, and he whispers, “You can tell me anything, you know that.”
She knows. Still, that doesn’t make it any easier. The heat rushes in her cheeks as she finally meets his eyes. “Look, I like when you’re on top. I mean, I really like it,” she says, stumbling slightly over her words. “But I was thinking, maybe, I’d like to, you know...”
Her voice trails off, and she looks away again, clearly embarrassed.
Lando blinks, letting her words sink in. His mouth opens slightly, but no sound comes out as a flush creeps up his neck. Then, a grin spreads across his face, equal parts flustered and excited.
“Yeah?” he asks, his voice soft, his hands tightening slightly on her waist. “You want to ride me, baby?”
She nods quickly, still twisting his curls nervously. “But I’ve never done it before, and I’m not sure I’d be good at it. It's just that—”
He exhales a chuckle, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “Slow down,” he murmurs against her skin, his tone so tender that it makes her stomach flip. “You don’t have to worry about being good at it, baby. If you wat to try it, I can guide you, and we’ll see what works for us as we go.”
Her cheeks flush as she processes his reassurance, the tender way he’s looking at her making her feel bold and seen. And listened to.
She smiles, shifting on his lap, searching for some friction, and the slight brush of her core against his growing hardness has her letting out a soft gasp. Lando notices immediately, but he doesn’t say anything yet. Instead, he lets her take the lead at her own pace, on her own terms.
She shifts again, this time deliberately pressing herself against him, and the soft sound she makes has Lando’s self-control slipping. “I suppose we can try now?” he murmurs, his voice thick with heat.
She doesn’t reply — at least not with words. Instead, she grabs his hoodie, pulling it over her head in one swift motion, leaving her in nothing but her shorts. Lando’s breath catches as he takes her in, his hands immediately coming up to palm her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her hardened nipples. He's seen her naked so many times before, but somehow, every time she gets rid of her clothes she uncovers something new.
“So beautiful,” he mutters, leaning in to press open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone. She tilts her head back, giving him more access, and the heat between them builds until she pushes him gently onto the mattress.
Lando goes willingly, a grin tugging at his lips as she leans over him to kiss him again. His hands move to her hips, holding her firmly as she presses herself against him, grinding slowly. He groans into her mouth, his hands sliding lower to grip her ass, then he spreads her slightly, pushing her down against his growing length, making both of them gasp at the feeling.
Her hands trail down his chest, and she tugs at his shirt. “Off,” she breathes, and he obeys, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside. For a moment, she just looks at him, her hands tracing the defined lines of his chest.
The tension between them builds rapidly, their breaths mingling as they press closer. It doesn’t take long before she’s tugging at the waistband of her shorts, her nerves creeping back in as she pushes them down. Lando sits up slightly, watching her with darkened eyes, and when she glances at him nervously, he reaches out to stroke her thigh gently.
“You’re perfect,” he says softly, his voice full of sincerity.
Her nerves ease at his words, and when he pushes his joggers down, freeing himself, her anticipation drowns out her doubts.
He sits up fully, pulling her closer until she’s straddling him again. “Alright, love,” he murmurs, his hands steadying her hips. “Go slow, yeah? Just sit on me first. Take your time.”
She nods, biting her lip as she lines herself up with him. Slowly, she sinks down, feeling the stretch as he fills her inch by sweet inch. Her breath hitches, and Lando groans, his hands gripping her hips tighter.
“Oh, fuck,” he rasps. “You always feel so good.”
She pauses once he’s fully inside, her hands braced on his chest as she adjusts to the feeling of being so full of him. Sensing her nervousness, Lando rubs soothing circles on her hips, letting her take her time.
When she finally starts to move, lifting herself up slightly before sinking back down, a soft, shaky moan escapes her lips. Lando watches her with a mix of awe and hunger, his hands guiding her gently.
“Just like that, baby,” he encourages her, “Easy. You’re doing so well.”
Slowly but surely, she manages to build a rhythm, her movements tentative at first. But as the pleasure starts invading her senses, she becomes bolder. She opens up more, craving all of him at once. Her hands slide back to grip his thighs for support as she leans back slightly, the new angle sending sparks of pleasure through her body.
The taste of power it's rather interesting in this position, and she can’t afford to be shy anymore. Not when his cock feels so good inside her, and not when she decides how to take him.
“Fuck, Lando,” she breathes, her head tilting back.
She begins to move more rapidly on top of him, her hips following a predetermined path that she wasn't even aware of before. Lando watches her in amazement, feeling every pulse of pleasure every time she comes back for more, her walls hugging his cock so tightly that it leaves him breathless.
He groans, his hands sliding up to her waist to steady her. “That’s it, baby. Keep going. God, you’re going to make me cum so fast like this.”
The sight of her riding him, her body moving with such confidence now, nearly breaks him. Somehow, he resists the urge to thrust up into her, letting her stay in control, but his grip tightens as his restraint begins to fray.
He hears a silent cry, getting ready for every scenario in his mind, while his eyes study her frame by frame.
She whimpers, her movements becoming more erratic as the pleasure overwhelms her. “Lan,” she gasps, her voice shaky. “I can’t go—too much.”
He sits up slightly, pulling her towards him and pressing his forehead to hers. “Of course you can, baby,” he says softly, his voice steady despite the fire coursing through him. “I’m here. Just a little more, yeah? You’re doing so good.”
She feels his cock twitching inside her as she shakes her head weakly, “Lando, please…” her hands desperately clutch his shoulders, and that's when he understands what she needs from him.
Lando's hands land on her waist again, gripping at her firmly, and he starts to guide her harder on his cock while thrusting up into her simultaneously, meeting her halfway. The sudden change in rhythm makes her cry out, her nails digging into his skin.
“Yes,” she moans, her head dropping onto his shoulder as he drives her higher. “It’s so good, fuck. I’m—”
“That’s it,” he growls, his voice tinged with exhaustion. “Let go, baby. I’ve got you.”
So she does, her body trembling as the pleasure crests and crashes over her. He follows seconds later, his movements growing erratic before he stills inside her, holding her tightly against him as they both ride out their highs, breathing each other’s air. They stay tangled together, bodies still pressed close as the intensity of their orgasms fades away.
Lando brushes a strand of her hair away from her damp forehead, his lips curling into a soft smile. “You okay there?” he asks, his voice a gentle rasp.
She nods against him, her body still warm and buzzing. “Mhm, ‘m okay,” she murmurs, tilting her head up to meet his gaze.
He grins, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “You did so well, baby. Made me proud.”
She lets out a breathless laugh, her head dropping back onto his shoulder. “Cheers,” she trails off, playfully groaning. “But that was so much work. My fucking thighs are on fire.”
Lando laughs, the sound deep and rich. “Oh, you poor thing,” he teases, stroking her back soothingly.
She swats at his chest, unable to hold back her grin. “I’m serious! It’s a full-body workout being on top.”
He hums thoughtfully, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on her skin. “So what you’re saying is…” he starts, tilting his head with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I get to be in charge again next time?”
She pulls back to look at him, her cheeks flushing, but there’s a playful sparkle in her eyes. “You won't hear me complaining,” she quips, biting her lip to suppress her laughter.
Thank you for reading!
None of my works are available for reposting on other platforms. Reblogs, likes, and comments are deeply appreciated ♥︎
© trashy track tales, 2024
#lando norris x reader#lando norris fanfic#lando norris smut#lando norris imagine#lando x reader#lando#x reader#lando norris#lando x you#ln4 x reader#ln4 smut#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4#fluff#smut#f1blr#trashy track tales#f1 smut#f1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#fan fiction#f1 one shot#one shot#lando norris one shot#f1 imagine#imagine#fan fic author#f1 fiction
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I have to agree with everything above. I'm not saying the fic that made me want to stop writing was just because only 1.75% of hits got kudos, but I'd be lying if I didn't say how much that hurt, especially for imo one of the best fics I've ever written that I was already barely able to write due to such small kudos to hits ratios lately. I get that it might not have been something everyone was into, but damn. It made me feel like shit. I'm so grateful for everyone who has supported me over the last few years - especially those who have created art for my fics and read and left kudos on everything - but I think the sting of having my writing be unliked by so many people has been really hard to get over. It shot my confidence and I've had trouble writing ever since. And over the years, I have known several writers who have stopped writing altogether because of this, and even left the fandom because of it. I do not plan to do either, but to be honest, it has been a struggle not to be able to do something I really love doing because it just made me feel so bad to do it.
I wish so much that readers didn't use kudos as a measure of how much they like something. I wish so much that it meant, "Hey, it's so cool that you worked so hard on this so I could devour more content about my favorite ship without paying for it," rather than, "This was amazing, one of the most amazing things I've ever read, so I'm going to reward you with the coveted heart of approval I only use to let the most special of writers know they're the best because they deserve it more than everyone else." This can create competition amongst writers when there really shouldn't be. And more than anything, I wish I could just turn kudos off altogether, but I can't because every single kudo I get lifts my spirits just a little, and that's a really hard feeling to walk away from, even though I suspect most of them come from "guest" bots.
It is a dark truth, and writers aren't really allowed to talk about this because we are supposed to be so grateful for every single heart, and talking about this makes us come across as entitled. We provide a free service for our readers, and I consider a kudo to be a way to acknowledge that, and it costs readers absolutely nothing! In the US, we leave money in tip jars for practically everything. Kudos are tips you don't have to pay for. And it's not like anyone's keeping track and judging readers for leaving hearts for fics that might not be the pinnacle of greatness in their opinion. That's what bookmarks are for, and they can be made private. However, people do judge fics for not having that many kudos and some will skip over fics if the kudos-to-hits ratio is too low. So instead of rewarding only the very best fics with kudos, not leaving kudos actually hurts writers. Not to mention the very personal cost of putting ourselves out there and making ourselves completely vulnerable for everyone to judge us against our fellow writers. Many writers write about very personal things, and tbh, not getting kudos can feel like it's not just our writing being rejected, but ourselves.
So if anyone wants to accuse writers of feeling entitled for being upset about not getting enough kudos, please consider how entitled readers who don't leave kudos are for reading our free labor and not clicking a freaking button (that costs them absolutely nothing) in acknowledgment of the service we happily provide, and how ungrateful they are for not appreciating what we do. We don't have to post our writing. We could just "write for ourselves," but we don't; we share what we write with our readers because that give and take relationship should be rewarding for both writers and readers. But not getting kudos does more to discourage writers from writing altogether than to encourage them to provide more content. You wouldn't pay for a fancy coffee or overpriced cocktail drink without leaving a dollar in the tip jar, would you?
So at the very least, I wish people would stop making writers feel guilty for feeling this way, and I wish writers wouldn't buy into this way of thinking rather than valuing all of our hard work and countless hours that go into writing fanfic. Our feelings are valid; we're allowed to feel like shit when our hard work and vulnerability go unacknowledged for the mere reason that it was judged against someone else's work and found wanting. Wouldn't most readers feel that way if it was the other way around?
Is leaving kudos on fanfics not common courtesy anymore?
Something I've noticed on AO3 in the last two years is the lack of kudos and comments left on fanfics.
Fanfics have an increasing number of hits, but their kudos and comments remain minimal.
I understand that leaving comments is daunting, but kudos is the easiest thing you can do to show support and appreciation for an author.
Part of me wants to blame BookTok and the commercialized consumption of books.
Readers are more demanding and impatient for content, but they're quick to move on once a book is published. It's a constant demand for 'More, more, more' without appreciating and/or supporting authors. And these readers are now getting into fanfic.
I don't want to complain because it's not productive. But if you're new and getting into fanfic: Support writers.
Support means leaving kudos on AO3, and if you're able, leaving a comment. It's simple courtesy.
#fanfic#future me will probably regret posting this#but it feels good to get it off my chest#feeling shitty#a diatribe from a defeated fanfic writer
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not about the gift.
hwang hyunjin x gn!reader
synopsis: hyunjin’s beautiful yet expensive christmas present causes an unexpected rift between you.
wc: 1282
part 7/8 holiday series. 🎄
It was Christmas morning, and the soothing glow of the tree's sparkling lights warmed the room. The aroma of fresh coffee persisted in the air, while outside, a little sprinkling of snow transformed the area into a winter wonderland. Everything seemed perfect.
You and Hyunjin had been planning this holiday together for weeks, discussing ways to celebrate. As always, you wanted to keep things simple, enjoy each other's company, and concentrate on the tiny, meaningful moments. You had decided on a budget for your gifts since you wanted to keep things fair, especially when your funds didn't exactly match. Hyunjin, with his work and success, made far more than you, and you'd always been clear that you didn't want him to feel obligated to spend excessively on you. "I don't need anything big," you said a few weeks ago, smiling to comfort him. "Let's keep things simple. It's about the thought, not the price."
But now, as you sat on the couch, surrounded by wrapping paper and scattered gifts, you noticed a tightening in your chest. Hyunjin's present to you was a nicely wrapped package filled with expectation. His eyes were bright with enthusiasm as he gave it to you, and his smile was wide, almost as if he couldn't wait for you to open it. "Go ahead," he urged, his voice filled with excitement. "I think you'll really love it." You smiled back, appreciating his excitement, but as you untied the ribbon and peeled back the paper, your heart sank.
Inside the box was a beautiful customized necklace made of gold and diamonds, with your initials inscribed in elegant calligraphy. The price was apparent, much exceeding anything you had expected or desired. It was gorgeous, but it also served as a reminder of everything that had gone unspoken, and everything that had been slowly piling up inside you. Hyunjin's eyes were bright as he waited for your response, but you couldn't force yourself to smile. Instead, your face dropped. You could feel the warmth leaving the room, and an uneasy hush fell between you.
"Hyunjin..." you began, barely above a whisper, but the words remained in your throat. He looked at you, his smile fading as he saw your reaction. "What's wrong?" Don't you like it? I thought you would love it." You opened your mouth to speak but struggled to form the words. Finally, you took a deep breath and forced yourself to be honest, even if the words came out sharper than you planned. "I told you not to get something like this," you murmured, your voice quivering from frustration. "I told you we should stick to the budget we agreed on. I do not... I don't need anything like this."
Hyunjin looked taken aback, evidently upset by your words. His expression changed from confusion to defensiveness, and the room began to get colder for a brief while. "I thought you'd be happy," he replied, his voice softer but with an edge to it. "I wanted to give you something special. "Something you deserved." You drew a breath, but it did not make you feel better. The frustration you had been suppressing for weeks finally erupted, and you couldn't stop it. "You don't get it, do you?" you said. “You always do this. You go out of your way to buy expensive things, that I can't afford to purchase in return. Do you think I don’t feel that?”
Hyunjin's face fell, his eyes widening with a mix of uncertainty and pain. "What do you mean?" "I worked extra hours this month," you explained, your voice trembling with emotion. "I worked my ass off to get you something, even if it wasn't nearly as expensive as this. I wanted to show you how much I care, yet it doesn't feel important. You ignored what I said, and now I feel like I’m not enough.”
The words were out before you could stop them, and when they were, you felt a strong sense of regret. Hyunjin had just tried to do something nice for you, something he felt you would like. But the contrast between his extravagant gift and your small one was too much, and the difference hurt more than you could have imagined.
He opened his lips to say something, but you could feel the hurt in his eyes, as if you were both on different wavelengths at the time. His shoulders fell, and for a little, agonizing moment, you both stared at each other in silence.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel this way,” he finally said, his voice hoarse, like it took all of him to get the words out. “I just wanted to make you feel special. You mean everything to me, and I wanted to show you how much I care, but I see now that I messed up. I’m sorry.”
You sat there, feeling the weight of his apology, but it didn’t make the hurt go away. You had wanted something simple, something you could share and enjoy together, not a reminder of the differences between you. You had wanted to feel like you were on equal footing, but instead, you felt small, like you didn’t measure up.
You glanced at the necklace again, feeling the ache in your chest deepen. “It’s not about the gift,” you said softly, your eyes beginning to water. “It’s about the fact that I don’t feel like you understand. I’ve told you how I feel, but you keep doing this making me feel like I can’t keep up.”
Hyunjin’s face crumpled in regret. He reached out for your hand, his touch gentle, but you pulled it back, unable to meet his gaze.
“I didn’t think about that,” he said, his voice full of shame. “I’m sorry. I wanted to make you happy, but I see now that I made it worse. You’re right, I didn’t listen to what you said.”
You sat in silence for a while, unsure what to say next. The weight of the fight lingered, heavy and unyielding, but you still wanted to make things right. You still loved him and didn't want the day to be ruined, but it felt like the holes in your relationship were expanding, exposing issues neither of you had previously addressed. Finally, you spoke, your voice gentle and laced with regret. "I don't want to fight. I just want us to be on the same page. I want us to be able to talk about things openly without turning into this."
Hyunjin nodded, his eyes filled with emotion. "I promise to do better. I will listen to you. Whatever happens, I'll make sure we're on the same page. I never wanted to make you feel this way. I'm really sorry." You looked at him, saw the sincerity in his eyes, and despite your pain, you felt a glimmer of hope. It would take time to work through this and find a method to balance your different stages of life, but maybe, just maybe, you could do it together.
You reached for his hand, this time letting him take it, the warmth of his touch grounding you.
“I don’t want anything to come between us,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I just want to be with you.”
Hyunjin squeezed your hand gently, his thumb brushing over your skin in reassurance. “I want that too. I want us to be happy, together. Let’s make it right, okay?”
You nodded, and for the first time that morning, you both breathed a little easier. The gift may have caused a rift, but it was only a moment, and you weren’t going to let it define your relationship.
Together, you’d figure it out.
//
[taglist: @lixies-favorite-cookie..]
#4linos holiday series#stray kids x you#stray kids imagines#skz imagines#skz x y/n#stray kids x reader#stray kids fanfic#stray kids scenarios#stray kids angst#skz angst#hyunjin x gn reader#hwang hyunjin x you#hyunjin x y/n#hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin fanfic#hwang hyunjin fluff#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin imagines#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin angst#kpop angst#kpop x reader#kpop fluff#kpop x y/n#kpop boygroups#skz x you#skz soft hours#skz x reader#skz fanfic
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SSR Trey Clover - Room Relaxation Voice Lines
I don't need anything special just because it's my birthday. I'll be happy just spending it peacefully as ever.
Summon: Living in a dorm is always lively and enjoyable, but that's what makes my alone time even more precious. I wonder what I should do tonight?
Groovification: Today's my birthday... So just let me sleep in a bit more.
Home: Guess I'll head to sleep.
Swap Looks: Can't forget to brush your teeth before sleeping and after waking up.
Home Transition 1: Whew... Oh, oops, I zoned out there for a bit. Time flies when you're not paying attention, huh. Guess I'll brew some coffee.
Home Transition 2: It's always good to have a light top layer handy. It's pretty useful to quickly throw on whenever I need to stay up a little late.
Home Transition 3: Jamil's present was a hot eye mask. I really like how soothing it is. He really gave me something nice.
Home Transition - Login: It might be fun to make my own birthday cake, sure... But there'll be so many sweets at the party that it could be too much to try to eat.
Home Transition - Groovy: I was shocked when Silver gave away that Riddle was planning a surprise for me. The fact that he didn't even seem to have revealed it with ill will is a problem in and of itself...
Home Tap 1: I'm starting to feel a little peckish... No, I shouldn't. I definitely don't want to doze off and wake up without having brushed my teeth, so.
Home Tap 2: I got a notif of a new video. Oh, they're making a boat out of chocolate, huh. This pâtissier sure is something, as always.
Home Tap 3: I received some oil from Ortho, and I'll admit, I did tense up a bit... But when I checked, I was relieved to see it was just olive oil for cooking.
Home Tap 4: I wasn't expecting Sebek to wish me a happy birthday. His tone was arrogant, as always, but maybe he's actually a conscientious guy...?
Home Tap 5: I seem different from usual? I don't think I'm doing anything different... Ah, maybe it's because I'm not wearing my glasses?
Home Tap - Groovy: How do I spend time when I'm in my room? I don't really do anything too special... Although honestly, I'm actually not a morning person, so I just try not to stay up too late.
Duo: [TREY]: Thanks for the earnest well wishes, Silver. [SILVER]: I wish you the very best, Trey-senpai.
Birthday Login Message: You're here for my birthday, huh? And this present... Oh, it's honey! Thanks! It's useful and honestly, easy to comprehend. What I mean is, we had a Science Club meeting today, and... Well, while the club members were wishing me a happy birthday, Rook gave me something. Look at this. According to Rook, it's a "wondrously beautiful clover," but... Is there any difference from a regular clover? I don't really get it... What about you? If you can figure out the difference, let me know on the down low.
Requested by @farfalla49 and @sakurakudo.
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Day 14: Winter Soup
Pairing: Winter Soldier x gn!reader
Fandom: MCU
Tags/Warnings: FLUFF, insinuation of ptsd/past abuse, ya'll are just having some nice soup :), petnames (sweetheart)
Not beta'd. I do not give permission for my work to be translated, copied or reposted or put through an AI machine.
Summary: When a strange man turns up in your home for some unknown reason, you decided to offer him some soup.
Word Count: tba
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Not many people know what to do when there's a strange man in their kitchen. The usual ports of call, according to life and TV, is to:
a. Scream
b. Call the cops
c. Hide
d. All of the above
But somehow you created your own special fifth option (hereby referred to as option e): Give him soup.
He pokes at the soup with his spoon and you watch him over your own bowl. You can't tell if he's about to burst into tears or dart off into the night. There's something about his eyes, something that tells you he's a lost, stray in need of food and probably a hot bath rather than a six foot lug of a man in tac gear.
After a particularly hot slurp of soup, doing the whole hoo-ha-ooh charade, he looks up at you.
"Sorry," You mumble with an apologetic look. "Hot."
He nods but doesn't say anything. So, he clearly understands English. You watch as he stirs his soup again before finally bringing it to his lips. The air is heavy. You don't know why you care about what he thinks of your soup, but you do.
You want to make a joke; asking him not to kill you if it's awful but you think better of it. You still don't know if he would kill you.
His hum catches you off guard and you jump, looking over at him. His eyes flutter, and you think he definitely will cry. He sniffs a few times and raises a shaky hand with a second spoonful again, before he's suddenly gorging the soup.
His spoon clatters against an empty bowl and he looks over at you worriedly and you just smile at him around your own spoon.
"Want seconds, sweetheart?" You ask gently, getting to your feet and angling yourself to the stove. You're face is blasted with the smells of basil, garlic and roasted tomato as you lift the lid from the pot. You hold out a hand for his bowl which he carefully hands to you.
Ladling the soup to the brim (thank God for Bulk Soup Sundays), you reach into the bread bin and butter two slices of bread, placing them next to his soup when you set the bowl down. Retaking your seat, attempting to finish your own bowl, you watch him curiously.
He mumbles a thank you as he tears into the bread with his teeth, and you offer a warm smile.
"No worries. Help yourself to as much as you need."
You had the strangest feeling like your life was going to change, thanks to the stranger before you. Although, you didn't know just how much.
#fluff#fluffcember 2024#fluffcember#gremlin girly writes#gremlin girly#marvel mcu#gn!reader#fluffcember2024#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fanfic#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fluff#winter soldier#the winter soldier#tws#marvel tws#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x y/n#winter soldier x you#james buchanan barnes
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Merry Christmas eve! I bring presents
Grian: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project? Scar: Do it or you're straight. Grian: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!
Grian: Damn, the power went out. Scar: Don’t worry, I got this. Scar: shakes rapidly and starts to light up Grian: What-? Scar: I swallowed a glow stick! Grian, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-
Scar: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Grian: How can you still say that? Scar: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
Grian: When was the last time you cried? Scar: Uh 15 minutes ago, why?? Grian: really? That recent? Scar: Yeah voice crack is that a issue? starts crying again
Grian: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness— Scar: Hi. Grian: melts down in a flustered heap of softness
Grian: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Scar! Scar: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.
Scar: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Grian: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Scar, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
Grian: Is five a lot of followers? Scar: Depends on the context. Scar: On Instagram? No, not a lot of followers. Scar: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers.
Scar, confused and exasperated: Grian, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan? Grian: Politely.
Scar: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet! Grian: No, please don't! I have a family to feed! Scar: Scar: What? Grian: I need to feed my Neopets!
Scar: Do you want to know your gay name? Grian: My… my gay name? Scar: Yeah, it's your first name- Grian: Haha. Very funny Scar- Scar: gets down on one knee And my last name. Grian: Oh- oh my god.
Grian: Hey guys, I’m making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, so wake me up in 5 minutes to flip them over. 5 minutes later Scar: Grian it’s been 5 minutes, time to flip your sticks. Grian: snnnzzzz… Scar: GRIAN YOUR STICKS!
Grian: Look, Scar, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.
Scar, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Grian, standing in front of Scar: bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen Scar, crying: Please…stop…
Grian, at Scar: Of course you have blood all over you, and pronouns.
Scar: A banker? Me? Grian: Yes, Scar. Scar: But I don’t know anything about running a bank! Grian: Good. No preconceived ideas. Scar: I’ve robbed banks! Grian: Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside.
Grian: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! Scar: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. Grian: Stop.
Cop: What are your names? Grian: Don't tell them, Scar. Cop, writing: Scar… Grian: Crap. Scar: Nice going, Grian. Cop: Scar: Uh oh.
Grian: Give me everything you’ve got! Scar: All your friends secretly hate you. Grian: Wait, what? Scar: I’ve got anxiety.
Scar: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Grian.
Scar: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Scar: GRIAN IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Scar: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !
Scar is cleaning the house and they find an empty bottle of orange juice Scar: Clear orange juice? Scar: Oh, it's empty. Grian, who has been watching the entire time: I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot.
Grian: So we're gathered here today for a very special reason and I think you'll all agree with me here. Grian: And if you don't well then fuck you. Grian: I'm looking at you, Scar, you jealous mop.
Scar: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke? Grian: I only like dark humor. Scar, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle? Grian: Scar: An IMPASTA!
Scar: Do you know the best way to respond to disagreement? Grian: With tears? Scar: No. Grian: tears up
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Share our @s so we can be bullied in our inboxes till kingdom come and be ostracized by you lot? No, thank you. I'm a Jikooker too and I've seen it happen to other Jikookers too many times just because their view of Jikook isn't "they are 100% together and practically married and monogamous towards each other for more than 10 years now"
Unfortunately this space has become too cult-like where one just can't have a slightly differing opinion about Jimin and Jungkook's relationship or express how they personally truly observe it without Jikookers losing their minds or accusing them of things, the way you guys are doing right now.
There's literally no difference between this community and the Taekooker community anymore - I've seen that crazy side turn on their own just because they had the audacity to point out the ITS talk made sense to them because for a while prior to that even they felt things weren't the same between Taekook anymore. And now it's Jikookers doing the same to other Jikookers🤦🏻♀
People can believe that Jikook is real while still pointing out the things they feel contradict that belief, or they can believe they were together and no longer are but still think they are special to each other, or they can believe they aren't together in what one would consider the "conventional, traditional" sense.
Taekook can never be real. That is a ship that has no real substance and was literally formed on aesthetics and vibes and had a whole false narrative attached to it that became lore over the years. A lot of people say just Jikook's existence alone cancels out Taekook, but I think even if Jimin and Jung kook didn't have the kind of dynamic they have and/or they didn't exist as a duo, Taekook still wouldn't be real. Please there's fuckall there.
I am someone who believes there's something more than platonic between Jimin and Jungkook and that Jungkook is deeply in love with Jimin, but still I agree with everything the last anon's(s') said. They *are* different from how they were before and the last few years make it hard to believe in the kind of image of them that Jikook shippers have painted for years.
We are Jikookers, we are here, we exist. Accusing us of being Taekookers won't make that shit true. We don't have to be a monolith.
First thing's first - YOU may not be a taekooker in disguise, but the other anon most likely was. And most with dumb takes are as they have a knack of using the SAME rhetoric and examples every single time, not to mention, always managing to slip in Tae somehow. Let's get that out of the way.
Now, here's the thing, anon.
I understand completely, the feelings of confusion and second-guessing whether jikook are really together or not. I have been there before, on multiple occasions. There were things in the past as it happened that made me doubt whether my suspicions about the true nature of their relationship was right. I get it.
So don't go putting words into my mouth and think that you can assume 'what kind of jikooker' I am.
Cause like I've said on multiple occasions now, I did not start out in the ARMY fandom space either as a jikooker or as a shipper. I had no clue what shipping was. And til this day, I remain an ARMY supporting all of our boys as a group before any sort of shipping enters my mind. Whenever I watch BTS content, jikook as a couple is never at the forefront of my mind. I watch them as a part of Bangtan.
There are certain moments that jikookers put on a pedestal as concrete 'proof' of a relationship, that I side-eye and hence, make no post or comment on because it does not make sense.
If tomorrow, Jimin and Jungkook were to announce they were both dating other people, I would still be happy for them because before anything, I want them to be happy. If that's with other people, so be it.
So I know me and how I perceive Jimin and Jungkook's relationship. I trust my objectivity of their relationship over yours, thank you.
Now to what you have accused most in this community of...I have honestly yet to see to the extent that you have indicated. Harassing? Bullying? Cult-like? Well, I've got news for you. You're in the wrong side of town, deary. And people who go looking there, clearly want to find what they're looking for. (toxicity, by the way)
And the way you spoke of taekookers and knowing how they behave and treat each other?...Honey, the 'normal' jikooker would NEVER EVER find themselves anywhere near taekooker spaces willingly. But you have apparently. That says a lot.
You're looking for trouble. You're going to find it.
Also...my sympathy for you lessened when you compared jikookers to the cult. Because the last time I checked, jikookers didn't go around literally harassing Tae's and JK's FAMILIES AND FRIENDS in real frigging life. So miss me with that similarity nonsense. Point out all you want about SOME jikookers not being able to handle different takes of others all you want, that's fair. I'm sure there may be the immature ones like that in this community, I'm not denying it. I assure you, they're in the minority. But the minute you go comparing any shipping community's behaviour to THAT CULT...it clearly shows loose objectivity.
So with my sincerest heart, I would advise you to change your space. You're clearly in toxic spaces, jikook and taekook-wise. This is bound to influence how you view not only jikook but more importantly, the jikook community.
There is a reason why I don't answer or comment on toxic asks. It's because it brings negativity to the jikook space. And I don't want that. I have found myself probably treading on that territory these days with this discourse. But I'll work it out to bring back the space to positivity and just focusing on Jimin and Jungkook.
Anyway, the final thing I'm going to bring up is that you all keep speaking about Jungkook and Jimin's relationship changing with no actual evidence. You all simply point out things happening now but fail to actually show a proper comparison to the past to highlight the 'CHANGE'. That's not how that works.
For instance, I can say their relationship changed in that Jungkook became a lot bolder with JImin publicly as opposed to years ago. He actively flirts with Jimin on stage when, for instance, during the Red Bullet Tour (back in 2014-2015), he didn't. Jimin did. See how easy that is? Comparison.
If you have any sound comparisons...with proper context, by all means, share. I'm up to hearing it.
PS. This does not include "they don't see each other as much" because we are not privy to how much they actually saw each other back then nor how much they did in 2022/2023.
Anyway, that's all from me. Peace!
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might've talked about this. on one hand i get that youkai are by definition not human and trying to fit them into human concepts of emotions, relationships, morality etc. kinda undermines that. ok. on the other personally i find leaving it at "they're not human we can't possibly understand them" is incredibly boring, because the only way we have to analyze and put their thoughts and actions in context is through a human lens and without that you're left with nothing. like that works for an eldritch entity or monster that's supposed to be incomprehensible but not a character, specially not the type of character that make up almost the entire body of your work. but that's only part of the point.
in touhou youkai (and gods and such) are by definition not human, however they are born from human concepts, beliefs, fears. they came into being because of humans, we made them, they have a little bit of us in them. youkai are by definition not human not because they don't share anything with us but because they don't quite get there, they are incomplete. you know the homunculi from fma? reminds me of that, born from one quality that humans have but lacking others. you can extend all this to the fact that most youkai with some degree of power choose to present in an human shape, it's hard-coded into them (and you can further extend this to 'they are trying to look like and overcome their creators' if you wanted to). it could also play into the metanarrative because a human made these characters and assigned human qualities to them.
there's probably some caveats to this and things im forgetting but i hope im making sense, point is i don't think you can make an "inhuman human" but you can get close. also there's something to be said about how "inhuman" is often used as a synonym for "morally reprehensible" or "evil" both in writing and interpretation because we couldn't possibly do something of the sort, but touhou does more than that thankfully. there's also something (WOKE!!!!!) to be said about how unlike other works that go into this the default human form seems to be what most would consider feminine. actually that's easily explainable because zun has said that the essence of touhou is beauty, and to him femininity and beauty are closely related, so in a way you can take all this to mean youkai are trying to achieve the most perfect, most beautiful form their minds can conceive. this is because zun likes girls, thanks for comign folks.
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it is my birthday. happy birthday to me i guess
#random thoughts#i want to do something to make it special but. i can't think of anything#i could go to starbucks. however. i will get deadnamed by my wonderful mother#there's that little boba place. i went there last week though. hm#got distracted for a sec. scrolling through a couple of my favorite tags#i am eating the rorschach cards and they taste like cold pasta sauce#<- this is my all time favorite actually. very hyppocratish#because. i'm an outlying hyppocrate. aha#anygays. i'm just a little guy. i'm just a silly little guy and it's my birthday
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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now i respect everyone's opinions and all but 'the ending isn't supposed to be narratively satisfying bc it isn't really the end, this is a commentary on the eternal nature of vampires, etc. etc.'?
well, you see, it is a television show.
#just say you haven't watched cxg#like that was a show that not only contained 'the end of the movie' but ALSO had compelling and complete character arcs#and a plot that was pretty well wrapped up within the constraints of the show#was it perfect?#yes#but THAT'S how you do the 'real life is complicated and has nuance and can't be boiled down to a one-line description' justice#ALSO with all the love in the world 'documentaries don't have/need satisfying narrative conclusions' is.... not a take i agree with#btw im actually mid on the ending itself#i don't dislike it#however i think there were a million interesting threads to pull from s3 on and they kept adding new ones in different shades of beige#i'll watch it again and enjoy it#but there were ways to make the final season something really special that they didn't bother with#wwdits spoilers#< i do not want to be IN that tag but i don't want to accidentally spoil anything for anyone
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#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful#but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything#TO forgive which makes it worse#and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something#but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests#but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious#like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once??#you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part#it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but'#and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her#or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this!#like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off#or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all#which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either#like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away#it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers#this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does#except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so#<333333#persannal
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disordered eating talk in the tags
#disordered eating cw#so like i did a stupid and took my meds this morning without eating breakfast and about mid morning#i had too much water and got super nauseous and had to throw up#and i realized that i still have a weird THING around purging#i don't feel like throwing up is an experience that should engender a sense of comfort in a person but it does in me#like i didn't even have anything in my stomach it's not like i had binged or whatever#but just the purgative act in itself feels GOOD to me#like a relief#kind of brings to mind how in my most stressful/mental breakdown-y times or during panic attacks all that's ever clear in my mind#is a desire to throw up. to just get this horrible feeling i can't process out of me#and i think it kinda speaks to how much food and eating or not eating or *purging* was how i found control and a sense of stability#having ednos is irritating bc it basically means you did a little of everything and none of those individual things ever got really dramatic#so it wasn't exactly noticeable but it all adds up into a pattern of behavior around food that's just deeply dysfunctional#and getting people to take it seriously is really difficult bc so many of those behaviors are normalized#but all those little behaviors were how i took back control. i would spite the people around me who policed my body by binging#i would try to control how i felt about myself (and how other people saw me and treated me) by restricting#and when i felt out of control i would take it back and reground by purging#so even now if im stressed out (which i am lately) it feels comforting and grounding to purge#even if im not doing it on purpose#which is....fucked tbh. i guess on just a primal level it makes some sense bc that's how our bodies protect us from things we've ingested#that could potentially harm us. so of course there's some relief around it. but im not eating anything that will hurt me#it's all just shame and terror and feelings i can't express and wanting them OUT#thankfully it's not something ive ever done chronically bc the stigma against EDs in my house growing up was also high#and if i didn't throw up or totally starve myself it was just dieting right? i would only half starve myself#and i would only throw up here and there. as a treat. once or twice isn't an eting disorder surely?#i just really regret how much ''bad'' food i just ate and i want a do over. it's not disordered if it's just this one time#this is a special circumstance and I'm Different#goddddddddddddddd#what's wild too is i can look back on this stuff now and see it for what it was but to most people none of that behavior#would ping as a Real Disorder
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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I thought I made the right choice. It felt like the right thing to do. I spent WEEKS agonizing over whether or not I wanted to make this choice. I literally tore myself raw over it. And it was the WRONG DECISION!!! BAD CHOICE!!! LIKE ALWAYS!!! EVERYTHING I DO IS ALWAYS WRONG AND BAD WHY WOULD THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT!!!!
#I just... I just wanted to do something that I knew would make her happy... I thought.... I thought it would be special...#I'm wondering if maybe I should. Just... Stop thinking for myself... If I should just... Not make my. Own decisions... Since...#They're always wrong... I'm always doing something wrong... I keep making mistakes I keep doing bad things I KEEP FUCKING EVERYTHING UP#WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT WHY AM I BROKEN AND SHITTY AND WORTHLESS#I do something nice for someone I care about and I fucking get in trouble for it!!! Like ha ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCKING HAHAHAHA#SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ALWAYS BE GIVEN SHIT FOR MAKING SHIT CHOICES BECAUSE IM A SHIT PERSON HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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I can't stop thinking about Ghost being a better boyfriend than your ex, even without establishing that title....
This is a continuation of part one.
warning: mention domestic abuse
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Simon was there every night you worked. You never gave him your schedule, but he'd show up and settle onto one of the stools like clockwork. Soap often joined him, and while they carried on like always, you knew Simon's gaze lingered on your body. You could practically feel the weight as you took drink orders and pulled pints. It wasn't unwelcome. In fact, it made everything easier knowing you weren't alone if your ex dared show his face.
When your shifts ended, Simon would walk you back to your new place. The one time you insisted he didn't need to do that, he grunted and said, "What if I want to?"
You didn't mention it again. Instead you got into a routine of giving him a fifteen minute warning when your shift was going to end, and you'd head out into the cold night with him at your side. He was mostly quiet while you chatted about whatever was on your mind. When you'd ask him about himself, he'd reroute the conversation back to you. Then he would wait while you unlocked your door and stepped inside.
You always had the urge to invite him in, but you were taking up so much of his time already. And what would you do with him anyway? This hulking military man with kind eyes?
You thanked him and gave him a little wave before ducking inside, and you knew he always waited until he heard the sound of your door locking before he left.
"Y' alright, love?" he asked one night when you were starting to feel particularly good about yourself again. Your split lip had healed which required less makeup. You felt stronger for having left your ex in the dust. You were wearing a new top that made you feel sexy.
"Yeah. I'm alright, Simon. I feel really good, actually."
You served him a drink and refused to let him pay. You really ought to make him stop tipping you at this rate. He was doing so much for you and getting nothing in return. He was doing all of the boyfriend duties just as he had promised, but he never so much as touched you other than the occasional hand hold.
What if you wanted more?
He broke into your thoughts as he said, "I can tell. Ya' been smiling more. Almost ready to go?"
Tonight you felt like you were floating along the dirty sidewalk with your hand tucked in Simon's massive paw. He was keeping you warm without doing anything, and he listened to your nervous rambling as you tried your best to work up your courage. But the two of you reached your front door all too quickly.
"Get inside," he said, voice deep and tender in spite of the command. "An' lock up."
When he started to pull his hand away, you didn't let him. And you didn't budge when one of his eyebrows inched higher. "Not quite yet," you whispered, toe tapping the cement step you were standing on which put you slightly closer to him in height. "I have to tell you something."
Simon's lips pressed together in a tight line, and his chin dipped in a slight nod. "I need to tell ya' something, too. Just don't want to."
"What?" you asked immediately, the lightness you'd been feeling instantly replaced with a lead brick inside you.
"I'm leaving. Late tomorrow night. Not until after I make sure ya' get home from the pub."
"Leaving?" you whispered, heart pounding faster. He was in the military. Some sort of special mission involvement. You knew that much. And you could read between the lines to know that someone who looked and behaved like he did was probably about to risk his life, not for the first time. "Simon, where are you going?" you asked with tears in your eyes even though you figured he wouldn't be able to tell you.
Simon shook his head, his lips curling into a soft smile. It was a rare sight, and it made you dizzy. "Pretty little thing like you shouldn't be worried 'bout me." You wanted to tell him you would be. You'd worry nonstop until you saw him again. You'd come to rely on him, but mostly you liked how you felt when he was around. "There'll be someone to walk ya' home from work every night. I can promise that."
You wanted to lean in and kiss him, but instead you threw your arms around his neck. He was so solid and warm, and the scrape of his facial hair on your cheek was somehow comforting. "But I'll see you tomorrow, right?" you asked, voice breaking on a sob.
"I'll see ya' tomorrow, love."
He didn't move an inch as you extracted yourself, and the sound of his receding footsteps could only be heard once you'd locked yourself inside.
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Part three
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