#i want to do something to make it special but. i can't think of anything

[ikkosu]

Can you please rant about your favorite Prowl imagines?

I have so many. Prowl is a perfect box of delicious imagines. (Mild nsfw)

His personality, for starters, is really interesting if he ever had a person he liked. There's two ways I'd like to think how prowl would react.

Realistically, he'll consider you to be a weakness and does what he always does best when it comes to weaknesses — he avoids it. It's tempting to imagine he'll act cold to you, give you the cold shoulder and douse you with his icy-cold glare. You'll never know why he acts that way and he'll make sure you never find out. (His pride and misery depends on it. )

But, and this sound crazy, can you imagine a prowl not being cold but instead accepting of his feelings? Like, the moment he starts noticing and realizing why he acts the way he does around you (Door wings more expressive, face plate pinched in a way he's more focused, and the biggest giveaway : his sparkrate picks up.)

Obviously, avoiding you is going to distract him. Even worse, meddle with his work. So, his TACNET proposed he might as well get on with it and confess.

He did spare some mind not bring it out too bluntly, guiding you to the garden then holding your hand. The way he said it made it sound like Cybertron will verge on destruction if he didn't confess (if you also didn't accept) and if it were any other person he'd understand if they slapped the engex out of him and walk away. Nothing good comes out a coerced relationship.

Which is why he was genuinely surprised when you accepted. His TACNET temporarily sputtered, crunching on same words over and over again. "Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes—"

He was like that. For the entire day.

With the confession out of the way, I'd like to think, aside from lumbering through base with his 'Work Personality' turned on, he's unusually gentle with you. He's still prowl. Sassy prowl. Grouchy prowl. Straight to the point Prowl. Table flipping prowl. But he's a lot less that when he's with you. (Can you tell I love grouchy characters with soft spots) . You saw all the times he's calm. All the times he's gentle and all the times he's loving.

Like Earthspark prowl, I want him touchy. I want him handsy. Ratchet notices Prowl actually gets off work on time these past few months. Prowl is quick to stride into your little house and pick you up by the arm does, emulating the way you do with your car, and nuzzles you. He loves the soft touch of your palms on his back, especially the sensitive spot between his door wings. Whenever you press down, his wings flutter and flatten, engine revving into a purr.

He likes the touch of anything soft. That includes your body, your bed that smells like you, and pillows. But the thing is, he's too big for your bed so anytime he comes and stays over, you both retreat to the living room where the entire space is a mattress comprised of all the pillows you hogged from every corner of your house. Prowl liked to press his face into your belly and chess and recharge.

He's got an exceptionally brilliant sense of smell. Which is why you never won at bide and seek. In all of the hiding spaces you used, prowl simply snatched you out like a wet rag with a twist to his lips.

Prowl doesn't care if he has to show affection in public. He'll only do it when he wants to and doesn't care of what people think. Of course, there's a time and place too, he's not that indecent freaky.

I can't help but envision him to be perfect husband material XD

He's straightforward. He might hide some things from you, either becuase it's a safety concern or something else entirely. But hey, you have to trust him on this. The only thing you have to know is that there's a special place in his spark that has you in it.

He learnt how to cook human food, and is incredibly precise with it. He thinks too much or too little of the said ingredient might poison you, while simultaneously using a decade old energon mix to whip up his meal. And, possibly, get sick from it. But his favorite past time is scouring through the Earth Internet and trying to bake sweets. He might even try to make you Organic-friendly Cybertronian food with how insistent you are sometimes.

And when you're all but being cute with him, sometimes he have limits and he'll pinch your chin and tip your head up into a kiss.

It's always fun when he's horny. Mostly becuase he's just awkward about. Like he doesn't know what to tell you how to deal with this raging boner he has .... sit on it, please?

Prowl doesn't want to mess up this relationship like he always did with the many ones he could've had something more. He's tired of fighting against himself. For once he realized he could have something different. Maybe, live a normal life. Have actual people who care about him.

At some point he notices the subtle nuances in his behavior ever since he accepted his feelings. He thinks he might relapse and shrink into his shell again. But with your head on his lap, playing your phone as he reads his report — sometimes things aren't meant for change.

[nhlclover]

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MATT REMPE

pairing: fem!reader x matt rempe

summary: matt makes sure to go all out for your birthday, hoping to make it one to remember.

warnings: sweet sweet fluff, reader not liking her birthday, brief crying (but out of happiness!)

wc: 1.4k

notes: fun little birthday celebration with matt :)

The morning light filters softly through the curtains, and before you’re fully awake, you feel the gentle brush of lips against your cheek, the warmth of a breath close to your skin. Blinking your eyes open, you see Matt’s face hovering inches away, his expression tender as he places soft, sleepy kisses along your forehead, down to the tip of your nose. “Happy birthday, beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice low and full of affection.

Still half-asleep, you reach for him, pulling him closer, savoring the warmth of his embrace and the scent of him — a mix of his cologne and vanilla. You’re not entirely sure why he smells like a cupcake, but your sleepy brain doesn’t think about it much. The last thing you want to do is leave this cocoon, this perfect moment wrapped in Matt's arms. A contented sigh escapes your lips as you press your face into his shoulder, barely able to articulate anything beyond a soft, murmured, “Can't we just stay like this all day?”

You’ve never been one to celebrate your birthday with much fanfare. The thought of a day centered entirely around you has always felt a bit uncomfortable, and you’d rather let it quietly slip by with minimal fuss.

Matt chuckles softly, tightening his hold as if he, too, wants to savor every second of this peaceful morning. “That’s exactly why I planned something low-key, just the two of us,” he whispers, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on your back. You can’t help but feel your heart warm at his thoughtfulness. He knows you so well — how the attention of a big celebration has always made you feel slightly on edge, how you’d rather not be the center of it all.

As he pulls you a little closer, he murmurs, “I know you don’t like all the fuss… but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to make today special for you.”

He presses a couple of kisses along your jawline, hands holding your frame tightly to his. Suddenly he pulls back as you let out a disappointed groan. “As much as I’d love to stay here all day… I actually planned something for you.” he says, his voice carrying the faintest trace of excitement, “And I put a lot of effort into it so you’re going to have to get up and at least see it once.”

Reluctantly, you let him pull you out of bed, the world outside seeming less enticing than the warmth you were leaving behind. He wraps an arm around your shoulders as you shuffle down the hallway, staying snug in Matt’s hoodie you slept in last night. When you reach the living room, your breath catches.

The room is transformed. Streamers drape from every corner, a riot of colors filling the space, and a little banner in your favorite colors stretches across one wall, proudly proclaiming, Happy 22nd Birthday! Balloons in every shade are placed around the space, while small decorations and a few scattered confetti glitters on the coffee table. For a moment, you’re speechless, turning slowly to take it all in.

“Did you seriously do all of this?” you manage, looking at Matt, feeling almost shy.

“Of course I did,” he says, looking at you with a mixture of pride and a soft, almost vulnerable joy that takes your breath away. “Oh, you have to come see the best surprise.”

You follow him to the kitchen which is where you see a cake sitting on the counter. It’s a beautiful mess: the frosting uneven but clearly, painstakingly applied, a little lopsided, and decorated with a generous helping of sparkling sprinkles. He must have worked on it for hours, trying his best, determined to make it perfect just for you. The sight of it, so personal, so filled with love, tugs something deep within you.

The gratitude, the overwhelming sweetness of it all, builds so suddenly that you feel your eyes start to prick with tears. You try to blink them away, but it’s too late; Matt notices. His face changes, his brow furrowing as he steps closer, hands finding your shoulders.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I…did I do something wrong?” There’s a thread of worry in his voice as he reaches up to gently cup your face, his thumb brushing away the single tear that’s escaped down your cheek.

You shake your head, a tremulous laugh bubbling up. “No, no… it’s just… no one's ever done anything like this for me before.” You gesture around the room, the carefully decorated chaos, the little details so clearly made with you in mind. “All of this… it just means so much.”

Relief floods his features, and he pulls you into a warm, solid embrace. His hands press firmly into your back as if anchoring you to him. “Well, it's your birthday, and it only comes once a year," he says, his voice soft but steady, almost as if he’s saying it to himself. “So, of course I’m going all out. You deserve every second of it.”

You sink into his embrace, feeling the truth of his words settle around you like a warm blanket. The tears fall a little harder because of that — the sheer simplicity of being seen, of being loved without conditions.

You pull back, a smile breaking through the tears as you look up at him. “Thank you,” you whisper, your voice soft but full of emotion. You lean in, pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek, then another just shy of his lips. It’s a little kiss, but it carries all the gratitude, affection, and quiet awe you feel for him in this moment.

His eyes meet yours, his cheeks tinted a little pink as he grins back, clearly touched. “You’re so worth it,” he says quietly, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze before nodding toward the cake. “Now, let’s eat some of this masterpiece, yeah? And then — you still have to open your present!”

You both settle at the kitchen counter, laughter filling the room as you cut into the cake, teasing Matt about the abundance of sprinkles. You take a bite, tasting the slightly sweet, perfectly imperfect frosting. It’s delicious, mostly because you know he made it himself. “Matt, this is incredible, thank you.”

As you savor another bite of cake, Matt fidgets slightly, his eyes glimmering with eager excitement. He clears his throat, before reaching into his pocket. “Okay,” he says, looking almost bashful, “now for the real present.”

Matt pulls a small, velvet box from his pocket and places it on the counter between you two. Your eyes widen in surprise, and you look at him with a mix of curiosity and excitement. “Matt…” you start, but he cuts you off gently.

“Just open it,” he says, his voice soft.

You pick up the box, feeling a small flutter in your chest as you lift the lid. Inside, nestled in the soft fabric, is a gold charm bracelet with a single small charm dangling from it — a tiny, intricately detailed ice cream cone. You gasp softly, instantly remembering your very first date with Matt when you got ice cream, talking for hours until the diner had to kick you out.

“It reminded me of our first date,” he says, watching your reaction closely, “and every time you look at it, I want you to think about all the other firsts we’re going to have together.” He gives a soft smile. “And, I thought… maybe over time, you could add more charms. Little things that remind you of us — of things we’ve done together, memories we’ve made.”

His words settle over you, filling your heart in a way that’s almost overwhelming. Each little charm to come would be a reminder of this — of him, of this journey you were both on together.

You look up at him, feeling your voice catch slightly. “Matt, this is… it’s perfect. I love it,” you say, reaching for his hand. “Every time I look at this, I’ll think of you. Of us.”

He breathes a sigh of relief, his smile widening as he gently fastens the bracelet around your wrist. “Good,” he says quietly, leaning in to press a tender kiss to your forehead. “That was the idea.”

You lean back, the weight of the bracelet on your wrist a reminder of everything Matt has done to make this day special for you, to help you enjoy your birthday again. As you look up at him, your heart swelling with emotion, you can’t help but smile.

You press another soft kiss to his lips. “I think this might just be my best birthday yet.”

[lemon-berri]

Choso's Love Languages

5 love languages- which one does your sweet boyfriend prefer?

Note: These are ranked. With 5 being his least favourite (although he still loves it) and 1 being his true love language. I hope you enjoy!

5: Acts of Service

Whenever you do something for him, Choso doesn't quite know how to react.

Like when he's out on long, exhausting missions. He comes home to you, his love, and the tantalising scent of something delicious in the oven. A simple thank you doesn't feel like enough. He blushes, frozen for a few moments as he tries to decide how to make it up to you for being so lovely. In the end you have to kiss him to pull him out of his daze.

One time, you drove to a different city to get a special edition DVD set of one of Yuji's favourite movies after hearing Choso mention that he doesn't have the time. Imagine his face- the poor man short circuited. When you managed to pull him out of it he just pulled you into the tightest hug, and wouldn't let you go for several minutes.

4: Gift Giving

He's just so cute, how could you not give him little gifts?

A cupcake from the new bakery that opened downtown. That shirt he's been eyeing up when you go shopping. Or earmuffs for the winter. The surprise in his face is nothing short of endearing. And seeing him use the little gifts you bring him, it melts your heart.

It doesn't have to be anything big, you could get him that brand of crisps he really likes from the store and he'll look at you like you've gifted him a giant diamond. He loves how you remember the little details about him, maybe you even know him better than he knows himself...

3: Physical Touch

Choso adores your touch. He's a clingy boyfriend for sure, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

Whenever you're in his radius, he will have his arm around you. Or both, wrapping around your waist from behind, if hes feeling extra clingy. He holds your hand in public and follows you around like a lost puppy.

When you're at home it's tenfold. Choso is the type to have cuddle sessions with you that last for hours at a time. Whether you're watching a movie, having a nap together, or just talking, his arms have to be around you. He likes it when you're the small spoon, because he loves feeling like he could protect you from all the darkness of the world. His hands find their way under the hemline of your shirt, he just has to feel your skin. And he nuzzles your shoulder so sweetly, you feel his warm breath against your collarbone as he let's out a satisfied sigh. He's a greedy man, who wants all of you, and won't be satisfied with less.

2: Quality Time

Whenever he isn't working, this man is with you.

Even when he wants to see his brother, you're going along with him. The three of you have spent countless nights watching scary movies and eating junk, as long as you're together you can't complain.

Choso isn't the kind to be neglectful of you, no matter how much his family means to him. As soon as you became his girlfriend, he started seeing you as his family... his future wife. So he has to make sure you feel loved and appreciated. You go on plenty of dates. From small, fun ones like going to the arcade. To more elaborate ones that he plans, like a spa weekend at the hot springs.

Choso thinks he could be happy anywhere, as long as you're there with him. You're home, you're his entire world. And no time spent with you could ever be enough.

1: His love language... it's Words of Affirmation.

You figured this out pretty quickly about him.

It's in the way he blushes whenever you praise him. The way he looks away bashfully when you tell him he's the perfect partner, or the way he melts in your arms when you whisper something sweet in his ear.

Choso can get insecure. After all, he's not fully human, not in the way you are. So perfect, your gentle aura and warm smile, the way your eyes light up when you're happy. You're so wholly human, and he finds it heart wrenchingly beautiful. Sometimes he worries you'll leave him someday, find someone more like you.

So he needs lots of reassurance. You tell him every day how well he's doing, how happy he makes you. You never make him feel bad about being a half curse, in fact you rarely mention it. As though it's not something you even take into account. Whenever he doesn't understand something, or is confronted with a new concept he's never seem before, your kind words are there to hell him understand. You're patient, and kind, and he loves you for it. And you always make sure to tell him how much you love him too.

My first Choso post! Although I'm thinking about doing one of these for Gojo too- but shhh.

I hope you enjoyed! As usual this isn't proofread, but if you point out my spelling errors I'll never be heard from again...

Ily guys 💜

Dividers by @bunnysrph

The purple choso panel is edited by yours truly.

[darkbluekies]

2nd year anniversary get to know the author

I have always loved the "chosen one" concept.

ever since I was little, I've written stories where the main character is special. I've always liked it when the character is chased for something only they have/do. Like, they're not just replacable or killable.

Ex. When I was 11, I wrote a story about a pair of twins that have different blood than normal people, which becomes a "super weapon" once their blood touches. By this, the main characters can't be killed, but they're hunted because they're different. Chosen.

Which is probably why I like the yandere style. The main character is chosen and special, something that can't be killed but can be imprisoned.

Some of the best book plots I have ever written are fanfictions I made during my teens

It's insane how well my brain was thinking when making up certain stories. Like me today are still in love with the plots (need reworking though, but the core of the plot is amazing) and I'm jealous of that now.

I painted my room when I was 12 to match the bedroom my character had.

I love(d) that character so much (at the time she was the main of the mains, if you get what I mean) and wanted to be her. She was one of the twins with special blood. There was something about her that just resonated deeply with me.

I feel like I can't write certain things

My notebooks are private, no one is allowed to read in them. Never will. But I have this feeling that either when I have children, they'll read my notebooks because kids are curious, or they'll be published once I'm dead.

I want to explore writing sexual scenes so that they keep up with the rest of the style in a story, if the plot asks for a sexual scene, but I don't feel like I can write them becuase they'll never feel private enough. It feels like someone is always watching whenever I try anything that commes close to sexual scenes. Like I'm doing something bad. Which is stupid, because I'm an adult lol.

I had another oc planned instead of Hedwig

I knew that i wanted one yandere to exist in a school, like the original yandere concept (for me that's yandere simulator) and created a "quiet kid" oc. Funnily enough, i actually found what I had written for him. I thought I had deleted it

But then I decided to make it a girl, because I wanted it to be more similar to the original concept<3 and that's how hedwig came about<3

There was another Edmund

While finding the quiet kid oc, I also found a king yandere oneshot I had written before writing the very first Edmund oneshot in January 2023. This is ALSO four days before writing my first oneshot for this account. This oneshot is older than the entire darkbluekies account. Older than Silas. Older than all of them!!!

Doesn't really feel like Edmund though, does it? Too nice

[rizsu]

ꪆ୧ ── WISH UNATTAINABLE ┊ A MERE DREAM ﹑ HSR ⤿ starring: boothill ◟ sunday ◟ dr. ratio.

꒰ a player's mission ﹢ ding! quest(s) unlocked. to obtain a reward of 100 stellar jades, knock yourself out with missions involving your favourite! don't get caught up in the dream though.

𖧷 · love, ‘su: i clearly had an idea & needed to jot it down before i forgot about it (old draft i wrote when i js was fresh into hsr bear w me 😢)

COSMIC SPLENDOR AND MERITED PRAISES ⟡ siobhan’s revealed that someone's here for you, insisting for you to not be a killjoy and come meet him.

“drink's on me sweetheart, knock ya'self out,” boothill slides the cocktail at you, giving his signature smirk as its free side dish.

you're not quite sure what you expected, but boothill being a bartender wasn't one of them. actually — it's believable when you think about it.

when siobhan sent you those messages, your mind went to either gallagher or aventurine. (un)fortunately, your guess was wrong. you are now a taste-tester and subjected to subtle flirting? a win is a win.

boothill puts a hand on his hip. he mixed the drink gracefully with siobhan's aid, it's bound to be perfect — hopefully.

“what's it called?” you asked, turning the glass around to appreciate the red and orange ombre. it reminds you of someone, but you can't put a finger on it.

“didn't think that far into it.” he shrugs. “you can name it, sweetheart.”

“i can name it sweetheart?”

“no, i meant... well, why the fuck not.”

you're sure you heard a disappointed sigh from him. maybe it's the alcohol? whatever, it tastes good. the drink's sweet, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste — if that makes sense. it's so sweet that you keep sipping, yet it's so bitter that you're reminded it's alcohol and not juice. a perfect balance.

gently placing the glass down, you slid it towards boothill, “another glass please, gentleman.”

“right away, darlin’,” he accepts your request, refilling your glass with the sweetheart special. this time, he adds a little edible glitter in the mix to spice up the aesthetic.

the glass is once again slid back to you. the only difference is a shine to the liquid. the new beauty to it can make even argenti fall to his knees to worship it (he worships anything beautiful).

“it's so good i can kiss you for it,” you mindlessly reply, licking your lips from the excess liquid.

goodness, do you want him to overheat? is the way to defeat a galaxy ranger a compliment without thought put into it?!

“pfft— uh— well—” he sputters, unable to form a proper sentence yet.

a few coughs later, he regains his ability to speak, “it's just that good ain't it, darlin’?”

“you're the best and i need you in the express to make fifteen of these,” with desperation in your voice, you lean over to hold his hand. it's cold, but not cold enough to make you back away.

“i'll be right with ya!”

THE INTERPRETATION OF DREAMS ⟡ you received an anonymous message urging you to come to penacony. it felt like a scam, but the messages were too prim and proper to be one.

hmm, something isn't right. you can feel it in your bones. either you're experiencing side effects of being on cleaning duty, or you're being hunted down. has your excellence finally exceed you to the point where you've appeared on someone's hitlist? maybe.

staring at the message on your phone, you squint at it before moving your head away. you must be careful or else you'd be affected by its ominous energy.

there's only one logical decision to make: find dan heng and let him decipher a possible hidden code in the messages.

“dan heng, i need you!” you exclaimed, opening his room's door with a force that should only be reserved for battles.

“did you clean your manners out too?” sighing, dan heng closes the book he's reviewing.

“i think i'm being kidnapped,” ignoring his snarky comments, you enter his room, showing him the pile of messages.

> Hello, (y/n). I trust that you've been well during your trips.

> Have you decided on whether you'll return to Penacony? If not, I hope that you come soon.

> There is something I wish to do with you.

> Meet me at The Reverie Hotel 10 system hours from when you reply. I shall accompany you directly instead of a regular staff.

> That is all. I'll keep the conversations for our meeting.

you shake your head, hugging your body in attempts to shield yourself.

“see! there's no way that isn't someone out to get me.”

dan heng falls silent. clearly, this is someone you've met before, but who? they haven't left any name, let alone a profile icon. there's only one way to find out and that's to reply.

“hand me your phone, i'll reply.”

...

have you been deceived? is dan heng in on this too? why would he reply? suspicion dominates over you. you slowly back away from his side.

“damn... they really do say your enemies are close.”

“that's now how it... whatever. just give me the phone so i can ask for their identity.” his tone's laced with disappointment. he's not surprised, but boy was he wrong for thinking you matured.

being left with no other choice, you surrender your phone and safety to him.

< Sorry, who are you?

< I'm sure we've met though.

“they're typing...” he mutters, leaning into your side so you can see the screen too.

> My apologies. I forgot to set my account.

> This is Sunday, head of the Oak Family.

“sunday?!”

“sunday!?”

this time you both were taken by surprise. out of everyone in penacony that would've sent you a text, he was the least expected. dan heng shoots you a pitiful look. he's pretty sure sunday's still on your hitlist.

“i am not going.”

“it's rude to ignore someone's request.”

“dan heng,” you began, folding your arms across your chest, “you can't make me go.”

in response dan heng simply nods. he walks out his room and into the main area. you're not sure what he did, but he came back to you lounging on his bed in five minutes.

you were already comfortable, with one knee up and a foot on the knee. you expected him to come back, but not with a trusted adult.

“are you serious?”

“himeko, (y/n)'s ignoring someone's request to meet.”

one corner of his mouth moves up. he knows he won this battle. snitching is the way to go, always.

and that's how you're now standing besides sunday. all stiff with nervous laughs, praying to whichever aeon that he doesn't use the telepathy punishment thing on you. it's game over and restart if he ever dares to.

sunday's as poise as ever — with a hand behind his back, he observes the view of oti mall below. it's bustling with life; the noise is enough to do all the talking. truly a one-sided comfortable silence.

“so... how's life been, sunday?” you tread carefully with your question and behaviour. you don't even make eye contact.

sunday smiles slightly, “it's been busy as ever. this is probably the only moment of peace in my schedule.”

and it's silent again. how do you continue a conversation with a bigshot? you ran your mouth with the supreme guardian of belobog but god forbid you're with the head of the oak family. scary.

cold sweat drops. you have got to keep the conversation going or you'll lose your mind in seven minutes.

“been getting into gambling with the slot machines lately. what about you?”

perfect. ten out of ten. a penacony-related addiction.

“i see you've picked up that ipc stoneheart's behaviour.”

okay, maybe it wasn't that perfect. and was that disappointment?!

it's silent again. you steal a glance of sunday and it did not help. he has a relaxed expression on his face. his chest rising and falling with every breath. is he truly comfortable with the silence? you're dying here.

a sigh leaves you. why not just speak your mind.

“to be honest, it's a little uncomfortable being so silent. i feel like i'm being watched by that large eye in the mall.”

sunday's head turns, his expression slightly changes.

“apologies, i did not notice. would you like to take a walk together?” he suggests, holding his palm out to you.

you place your hand in his, trying to hide the smile. you're finally going to do something instead of standing like an npc.

“yeah, sure.”

after your approval, you basically re-toured penacony. he even took you to his office. that's not even the biggest part. the huge wow factor here is that you were hand-in-hand with him. yes, hands intertwined with the most handsome man in penacony. someone should be jealous.

although his hand was gloved it still counts. the gloves are thin anyway — it was basically skin contact. had you known beforehand that sunday's hand was this manly you wouldn't have even complained to dan heng.

COSMIC SPLENDOR AND MERITED PRAISES ⟡ herta bothered you to return to her station, insisting that she needs your help. you reluctantly agreed, but didn't expect to meet the doctor you've been hitting on.

> Come. I need to experiment on you.

< Excuse me?!?

> Aeon stuff.

< Which Aeon is it?

< Herta?

< Hellooooo... Anyone there...?

> [Automatic reply] Hi, I'm currently unavailable, and won't be contacting you later.

< You've got to be kidding me.

> [Automatic reply] Hi, I'm currently unavailable, and won't be contacting you later.

a heavy sigh leaves you. new day, same old herta demanding your presence and going off the net. well, it's been a while since you've revisited herta's space station, and it doesn't hurt gaining new knowledge on aeons. hopefully it'd be quick... and that screwllum's there as well. out of the three, screwllum's the sole one that's gentle.

once you stepped foot in her office, you stepped right back out. seeing someone you've been avoiding to reply to their messages certainly isn't a good thing. the chances of the man you were testing your charisma on being with herta is low — incredibly low — but never zero.

“come here, (y/n).” a voice filled with authority calls for you who's standing to the side of the door.

you purposefully chose that position; since the doors are automatic, they'd immediately open if you were directly in front of it.

“no, thanks!” you yelled, preferring to stay where its safe from confrontations.

inside the office, herta folds her arms. the clock is ticking, and she doesn't want to lose interest before she can glimpse the secret of at least one aeon.

“just go get her. what're you standing there for?”

with a tone as blunt as that, ratio feels slightly offended, but he can't argue. she's right, he can simply bring you back inside the office.

confidentally walking towards the door, he steps out and immediately turns his head left. it was as he calculated: you were right there leaning against the wall, trying your best to act nonchalant while ignoring his obvious presence.

“don't act childish.” disappointment laces his voice, his folded arms shows it, too.

“whatever do you mean, doctor?” you smiled.

ratio's having none of it. he moves his position to stand in front of you, forcing you to look at him instead.

“your behaviour then and now is childish. get back in the office.”

“cut me some slack! do you think the courage i have over text translates to real life?” your defenses raise, poking his chest to enforce your point. “you're intimidating and handsome, dude. give me a break.”

a silence follows. the kind of silence that indicates you said something you definitely should've kept as a thought. nervously, you move your eyes to look at ratio's. the eye contact doesn't last long — like you said, he's intimidating (and handsome).

“tell me something i don't know.” ratio breaks the silence, grabbing your finger off his chest. “but that's not the point here, is it? we have something to do.”

mood: ruined. it's common knowledge to anyone who's been in a conversation with ratio that he's well aware of his visuals. compliments are nothing new to him — it's a shame he didn't act the way he did in your daydreams.

“gosh, you're so annoying.” a voice of defeat.

grumbling, you straightened your posture, making your way back to herta's office. ratio followed behind, observing the you walked. has someone walking always been attractive, or is it just because it's you? a question that he'll be pondering on until he finds a suitable answer.

“hey. you guys took too long. i don't wanna do it again,” herta complains the second she saw you two walk in.

[anders-holmvik]

ok need to talk about doomed bucktommy from 7x05 to 8x06 now. up top this is NOT a BT positive post and i dont want to hear any arguing rn so just scroll on by #peaceandlove

i said it in this post too but the theme of buck and tommy's relationship is "you don't know me". their relationship began in that episode and that's been the throughline the entire time. i'm gonna try to take the buddie hat off here and just talk about buck but you know its probably gonna creep in anyway

buck is a huge flirt, but he's passive in his romantic pursuits because he has abandonment issues. so he'll flirt until the other person makes a definitive move like asking him out or kissing him. once they do, he clings and overcompensates because he's deeply insecure. they deviated from this pattern with natalia but i consider that to be special circumstances bc logistics behind the scenes got in the way. and buck did break up with taylor but he clinged to her first with asking her to move in after he kissed lucy.

so we have tommy, who is NOT different at all! buck likes tommy because he's cool and confident. buck acts out and is possessive over eddie, who buck also clashed with because he was cool and confident and acted out toward because he was possessive over the 118. buck flirts with him (albeit unconsciously), and tommy kisses him. buck feels chosen, he clings. tommy is interested. tommy abandons buck when he realizes he "doesn't know him" after buck lies to eddie in front of him about their date. (EVEN THOUGH HE JUST TOLD HIM HE'S NEVER BEEN ON A DATE WITH A GUY BEFORE AND ISN'T OUT. OKAY fine) buck can't stop thinking about tommy because, again, he subconsciously thinks that being with him will allow him to absorb his "confidence." when they go for coffee, tommy points out that the two of them don't know anything about each other. they agree to start their relationship and do it "right."

they continue to misunderstand each other through the entirety of their relationship. tommy can't wrap his head around why buck wants him to dress up for the bachelor party. tommy points out buck's father is alive when he opens up about bobby. the two fundamentally dont get each other. but buck doesn't let tommy in either! he lets him call him evan (false intimacy), likely because he's too insecure to stand up for himself. until masks, when buck begins to push back.

buck brings tommy to family events, but he doesn't actually include him. tommy is quite literally not in the group chat. masks was SUCH an interesting episode about their dynamic through the billy boils story and maybe i'll make a post on it sometime but whew...

moving onto confessions...

this part has been pointed out tons but i feel the need to cover the whole ep so right up top in the episode we have buck, known gift giver in all of his relationships (freaked about getting taylor a sweater for xmas in s5, got kameron and connor a onesie for donorbaby, once bought eddie a $500 coffee maker as a "PRANK") does not get tommy a gift for their 6 month even though he's the one who brings up that it is the date. fascinating stuff there. of course then we have a callback to the basketball game when tommy gets him tickets.

like okay sure! maybe tommy just wanted to connect with him over something he's more interested in, it's a weird move to get your partner what is essentially a gift for yourself for your six month but it's not unheard of.

then the woman comes over and asks buck to take the photo, saying they're celebrating a divorce. buck does kinda check the lady out. i've said this before, but buck is usually pretty oblivious to flirting until someone crosses the line of physical contact. it happened with tommy, and it happened with the lady. once he realizes, he just becomes really uncomfortable and awkward. on a personal note i'm kinda mad that they cut tommy checking out hot waiter/making a comment about it but Whatever.

again, you dont know me: being 6 months in without having the exes talk is bonkers. they told us it was excusable on tommy's part bc of the heterosexuality performance of it all (still not a good omen for intimacy in that relationship). but buck??? that was his first real relationship, his "most transformative". it was obviously a fun coincidence that the writers realized they'd set up but if you look in universe it's crazy that they were together that long without buck bringing it up. so in the end their lack of communication is what kills them!

buck is correct about tommy being cruel/dishonest bc it turns out tommy knew for six months that their relationship wouldn't work and stayed anyway. josh misunderstood the convo and made it about performing heterosexuality. Hopefully this was just a segue-way to tip off audience to gay eddie struggle. god knows buck will not remember pre glee post glee but he will remember tommy's "i can't be your last because i'm your first".

so we cemented tommy kinda as buck's male "teacher" relationship. "i'm so comfortable with you because you're comfortable with you" buck thinks his bisexuality is wrapped up in tommy's approval of him. and the crazy thing is tommy is not comfortable with himself. but neither him nor buck ever opened up to each other enough to explore that!

Buck is gonna grieve hard because he's the Clinger but also because being with tommy made him feel confident. but not because tommy uplifted him, because he perceived tommy as confident, and that made buck feel closer to fully realizing and understanding himself. this is why coming back from s7 buck got a full gorgeous girl makeover and was totally on his game in those first few eps despite gerrard-- he felt confident. what buck needs to realize post breakup is that he can be all of that without tommy!!!

putting my buddie hat back on for a second there's a meta here about the parking spot line. it could be callback to basketball game bc after eddie's injury there was discussion of tommy's "i drove eddie and i parked close" versus buck "ill bring my car up to the court". or the parking spot out front is the easy close serendipitous option (as in tommy presenting himself as a surprise relationship for buck by kissing him) but either way tommy was the easy choice. eddie is not. but buck was willing to pull his car up to the court for eddie. buck was willing to be AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN THAT RELATIONSHIP. that's a break from his pattern. crazier too when you think about how buck attached himself to eddie because he seemed cool and confident but committed harder once he actually got to know eddie and his flaws. just sayingggg..

either way i want buck to explore his sexuality by himself for a little bit because i think that's what he needs as a character in order to actually get an understanding of who he is and what he wants. and also selfishly because i want a buck speed dating montage set to girls & boys by blur.

[paprikashpannash]

Jason Grace Fluff Alphabet Part 2

L - Love language -Words of affirmation and act of service -He sometimes doesn't have too much time for you but he would do and say anything you need

M - Marriage (Do they want to marry you?) -As I said before, YES HE WANTS TO -Being a demigod also means to enjoy every second of your life because you can die at any moment -So if you're together for years now and everything's still alright, he definitely would propose you when you both become adults N - Nicknames -He calls you by your first name or a nickname of that -Sometimes he uses sweetheart or my love O - Organized (Are they messy? Is their room clean or not?) -He's mostly a clean person and tries to keep it this way while being around you -He wants to kind of impress you with how organized the stuffs are in his room -But tends to get kinda messy P - PDA -He's kinda shy about this, but would defintiely hold your hand or put an arm around you -In private he's more affectionate -Would def tease you a little and give you more kisses in private than in public Q - Quirk (Any special thing in your relationship?) -He's a whole ass latin dictionary -He also can help you training and become a better fighter or strategist -AND HIS FLYING ABILITY -He is really superman R - Romantic (How romantic are they?) -HE IS ROMANTIC -He doesn't have any experience but he tires -He's a real romantic gentleman tho <3 -He thinks he's bad at this but he's actually super good S - Support (How much they support you?) -HE SUPPORTS YOU IN EVERYTHING -Until if it's dangerous -Then it's a big no -But overall, he's pretty supportive and supports your dreams, goals and just overall in everything that's not risky T - T-shirt (Are they let you borrow his clothes?) -Definitely -He ADORES when you wear his clothes -Sometimes he just ""accidently"" leave his shirt or hoodie in your room -Would become cuddly if you wear his clothes U - yoU (How much you mean to them?) -THE WHOLE WORLD -He never understood before why does the couples become so cheesy -Now he gets it -You just make him feel so warm and fuzzy -He would do anything for you V - Value (What they value in a relationship?) -Honesty -He doesn't like when the people are fake -Honesty is a big thing for him because he notices easily if someone is lying -He would feel hurt if his s/o would lie to him without any good reason W- Wild card (Random headcanon) -He has this habit of wrapping his arms around your waist from behind -He just likes to hold you while talking or watching what are you doing -Sometimes just press a small kiss here and there on your neck, shoulder or cheek X - eX (Do they have any exes? Are they experienced?) -No -Maybe he remembers something from that small "thing" he had with Reyna (if it even meant anything) -But he doesn't remember that he experienced that with Reyna -Overall, he doesn't have any relationship experience but he's still doing perfect Y - Yearing (If their s/o is away, what is he doing?) -He probably trains or work -So he can get his mind off you -But he can't hehe -So when you come back, he's gonna be all over you and follow you around like a cute puppy Z - Zzz (Does he or you fall asleep during the day?) -You're tired? Feel free to sleep on his shoulder -He's tired? He lays his head into your lap to sleep -Or you both just start cuddling and fall asleep

[famoussharkhairdoknight]

Unspoken Feelings~Pope Heyward

The day at Outer Banks was hot, and the sun was slowly sliding toward the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. You and JJ were on the porch of the house, laughing at something one of the boys had just said. But, as your laughter blended with the breeze, you felt something strange. There was a sensation you couldn't quite identify, something in the air, and when you turned your gaze, you locked eyes with Pope Heyward.

He was only a few steps away from you, wearing an embarrassed expression that he tried to hide, but one you knew well. Despite his attempt to keep his composure, you could see his subtle uncertainty. Pope had always been calm, but recently, he seemed to act differently when he was around you. Sometimes, his eyes followed you discreetly, as if he was trying to grasp a moment he wanted more than anything else.

"Do you want to take a walk on the beach, Y/N?" Pope asked with a shy smile, gesturing towards the exit. "It's nice out tonight."

His smile made you smile too, and you felt a strange sense of curiosity wash over you. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, or maybe it was the fact that, despite everything, Pope had never really taken the risk of telling you how much he liked you. You knew his feelings were a well-kept secret, but you had never dared to confront him about it.

"Sure," you replied, standing up and reaching for his hand. "I won't make you run too much, though. I don't want you to think I'm testing you, like JJ does."

Pope chuckled as he took your hand. "I don't care if you test me. With you, it's always a pleasure."

You walked side by side along the sand, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore and the cool sea breeze caressing your skin. Pope didn't seem to know what to say, but every now and then, he'd give you a glance, as if he was looking for the right moment to say something more. His silence was almost palpable, but you were sure he was searching for the right words.

"I mean it," Pope said finally, stopping and looking you in the eyes. "There’s never been a moment when I haven't thought about you, Y/N. You're... different. In a good way. And I... I look at you and I can't help but feel like there could be something between us."

Your heart skipped a beat for a moment. His words hit you like a bolt from the blue, but there was something special about his sincerity. You had never thought Pope could be so open with his feelings. Yet, in that moment, you felt like things between you had taken a different turn.

"I didn’t know that... that you felt this way about me," you replied, surprised, but with a smile that betrayed your emotions.

Pope leaned in, his gaze fixed on your eyes, his hands slightly trembling. "I know, it's strange. But I can't hide it anymore."

Your hand gently moved toward his, finding his with a naturalness that surprised you. "Pope... I look at you too, and sometimes it feels like there’s something more."

His smile widened, and for a moment, it seemed like the rest of the world disappeared. Just you and Pope. At that exact moment, the tension between you both melted away, as if a veil had been lifted. The night was falling around you, but it felt like your connection was just beginning to grow.

"I want to see where this takes us, Y/N," Pope said, his voice deeper but still sweet. "I want to figure out what we are, what we can become."

And you smiled, knowing that things were about to change. "Me too, Pope."

And so, under the sky that was growing darker, you walked together toward the future.

[sweetdreamspootypie]

hey, saw your tags on my iStop notice and had to say something. if you're a nurse you really gotta take the can't leave port accessed thing super seriously. I think it may apply to all IVs but I have a port so that's what I know.

I don't think I was explicit about it: the reason it is so highly illegal has nothing to do with infection. it is specifically to prevent people from having IV access for illegal drug use.

so imagine how I feel about the port being left in now that I know what they think I wanted from the hospital.

@kelpforestdwellers

(idk how tumblr does notifications for asks so figured I'd tag you)

Yeah that makes sense as the reasoning

But still

Plenty of people have central lines out in the community - people on chemo, long term antibiotics, dyalisis, gastroparesis patients who are TPN / IV hydration / IV antiemetic dependant. And those are just the ones I have met going through y particular ward which is general medical, not specialized.

I know you have been / are going through a very long and frustrating process around getting it added to your official care plan and being properly facilitated to access your port at home.

But I have assumed that's just bureaucratic paperwork nonsense about like. Which doctor wants to put their signature to it that they've done due diligence about risk management with you. And stuff about who's job it was to organise it for you.

As opposed to being issues with just having an accessed port at home itself.

It is obviously a huge fuckup to have an /accidentally/ accessed port - but that's still to my mind mostly about infection control.

If they did actually think you were at risk of unsafe IV drug use then yes that is also a major beach of duty of care.

I just had a quick scroll through your blog and you haven't said anything about the process of discharge besides the fact that there was back and forth about when it would be. So tbh I'm confused how you also didn't know it was still accessed, as it's a whole process to de-access it unless you were expecting procedures to be done while you are unconscious. But there was so much other things you were chasing for a safe discharge that I guess it just got forgotten for you.

It sounds like that ward were not confident with the port - you mentioned them getting snotty about doing a blood draw - which is wild to me, because central lines are amazing for that. It's so easy to do a blood draw, we love it. Especially ports! Way easier than PICCs. The only issue is that a phlebotomist will not do patients with central lines, so the nurse has to do it. So it's not a 'patient refused' it's a 'not done on pleb round - awaiting nurse to do it's

So the fact that that happened implies a high percentage of nurses there aren't familiar with central lines, which almost certainly contributed to it not being on their mental checklist for when you left.

Which is a silly situation but also kinda familiar. One of our gastroparesis patients has a standing plan that if she ever needs to go to hospital, she will access her port herself and draw her own blood samples at home before she goes, because it's not worth dealing with ER staff where nobody is confident to initially access a port.

Anyway yeah

I can see the reasoning about it being bad to have an unplanned IV access for drug abuse concerns

But I still would absolutely not blink an eye about a patient coming in from home or going home with central line access. But it should be part of a clearly documented plan for discharge.

I'm in aotearoa though, so different laws obviously. If there is something similar here, I wonder if it's one of those things where they tell you as part of putting the port in in the first place, but. For anyone else it's not relevent.

I hope things start moving for you for being able to access it safely at home.

[sparklingcurepeace]

First and foremost I want to start off by saying that I had planned to respond to this all on the day your reply was sent to me. My thoughts were already spiraling with what to say, both out of eagerness and fear, because I didn't expect you to ask me a question directly—So I hope I can clear up a little bit as to why I think anime appeals to such a broad audience, including myself.

Whether or not it will make sense to you or be satisfactory, I can not guarantee.

Hopefully this doesn't become crazy long or sound like a ramble, but I can't guarantee that either. 😅

I am by no means an expert on Japanese culture. Heck, I am no expert on western culture and I live in America. So when you say anime isn't really your thing, mainly because you don't understand the culture of it, I think that's actually pretty valid. Maybe to others who have read or will read this post, your words came off strong, but at least you were honest. Much of what you said, believe it or not, is something I think plenty of people can agree with to some extent; whether you're an anime fan or not.

I do think it's possible that we as people have the capability to understand or learn to understand things that aren't necessarily from our culture. After all the world is so vast and there is beauty in our differences, and we our often encouraged to embrace what sets us apart. Of course we, at our core, are made of the same stuff, so certain ideals, values and messages might shine through no matter where they come from. I think anime can address grander themes like love, death, faith, ect. and even point to truth, but it might either be one facet of the story or you have to dig a little deeper to find it. I've seen people attempt this, so i think it's possible. It just requires some work. At least that's how I see it.

Anime is a unique medium to navigate because it 100% is coming from a country that is different from my own in many ways, but I mean this more so in the small intricacies. Again, I am no expert, so what I say might be a bit inaccurate or plain wrong, but from what I've come know, anime is used as a means to counter things in Japanese society. An example of what I mean would be how many of the characters in anime, especially school students, have hair and eye colors that aren't natural. The designs in general can be pretty out there, sometimes looking wacky or just over the top, it could never be replicated in real life unless it's cosplay (probably). You're might be wondering why I mentioned that, since anything animated could do this as well, and you are right. It's not inherently special.

With anime though, I think it has more to do with the fact that in Japan, there is a tendency to keep things uniform. To keep things orderly, rather than drawing attention to yourself, dressing or acting in ways that are deemed inappropriate or out of the norm. Anime is not a replica of the day to day Japanese society, unless a particular show is crafted that way, so even some of the things going on in a story could even be seen as odd or uncommon or dare I assume, scandalous. Anime can be criticized by the very people responsible for it, so even when they KNOW the culture, they as the audience can react to it in many ways. I am sure someone else could explain this much better, perhaps understand it much better, because I typed all this and I am beginning to wonder if I lost you and I haven't even addressed some of your comments directly. I apologize.

All of that above is basically to say, YES, the culture is tricky and unless you're willing to try and see why things are the way they are when consuming something as popular as anime, I don't think you'll have the best experience. In my case, I will admit, I had a somewhat complicated relationship with anime. I still do but not for the same reasons as back then, when I was still a child and witnessing all this for the first time. I was familiar with shows such as Pokémon and (English) Yu-gi-oh! which are rather tame in comparison to...so many other anime out there. But I wasn't a fan, yet. I hadn't really dove into the anime pool, much less felt like exploring it, due to my upbringing and general reluctance to watch anything because the way anime looked was so different than what I was used to.

Until one day, finally, an uncle got me to watch a show that is generally geared towards children. I liked it, I liked the story and while the art wasn't as weird as it could have been, it took some getting used to Then he thought I could handle one that was for an older audience but not terribly grotesque or sexual or dark. It did have violence, although I think it was mostly justified given the subject matter. Shameless advertising, I think you might want to give this one a try, it's called Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. I think there's plenty of lessons to pull from it, it isn't purely made to entertain just because.

I'm getting off track, so let's try to get back to your grievances.

So, I don't understand it very well. I don't understand why everyone's screaming. I absolutely don't understand the character designs. I don't understand the use of blushing. I don't understand the humor or the drama. I don't understand why one interaction can take several "episodes," and the dialogue is unrealistic the entire time. People don't talk like that. And it would be one thing if people talked in an unrelatable cadence once, as part of the "style" of a film or show, but it's across the board for every anime I've seen.

I think I and many other self proclaimed anime fans, got into it on the basis of the art style drawing us in. Yeah it was weird and new but it could also be fun and incredibly pretty. Also, there's real dedication and skill put into many anime I've seen, at least when you're looking at the scenery, food, and non-human related imagery. So if you're an art person or just like looking at things that are well made, that could certainly explain part of the reason why people watch anime, whether or not the designs make sense. I suppose that is also aesthetic choice as well.

So you could say, before we (The fans) understood anything about the culture, or why things were being done in the story, we just accepted it as different and went along with whatever was going on, for, entertainment and fascination. That includes things like the screaming, the humor, and even those strange speech patterns.

It definitely catches people by surprise. Even to this very day, while I am aware of these different things, I can still get annoyed or stunned by some of the anime antics. I think all the screaming has to do in part with anime being understood as a medium where you are expected to exaggerate and use excessive emotion to sell whatever you're going for. It doesn't have to be anything related to love, a battle or something super sad—That's just the acting. In comedies they can really go over the top, and that can be done as a way to sort of poke fun at anime as a whole. Then of course, if I went deeper, I might find that this ties back to ancient forms of storyteling and playacting. I can't say for certain if screaming was ALWAYS apart of how Japanese performed, however, I wouldn't be shocked by it. Same can be said about drama. Every culture has their own form of drama, each distinct in how they demonstrate it, and Japan is the same way. Their show of humor is probably a mix of doing things because its fiction , "anything goes in fiction" + certain tropes being tied once more to what they've gotten from their storytelling tradtions. Or maybe the tropes aren't even that old, they were just created first in japan and have been utilized since. Like when characters fall on their face and their legs stick up when somebody says something stupid.

As for dialogue, I can't quite figure it out myself. I assume the japanese speak more formally than your average person ? Although there is no way of actually knowing that. In anime especially, I notice they can speak in a way that just feels...weirdly poetic. Then you also have those weird breaks or pauses in sentences. Which does work if the situation calls for it, I think, but even I find myself saying something like "please just talk normal, you're doing too much 😭," every now and then. Also let me tell you, I think everyone at some point has COMPLAINED about anime taking multiple episodes to resolve an issue or reach a much needed discussion, especially when discussing romance anime. I've chopped it up to being for these reasons:

It heightens the drama and makes the audience anxious to see what happens. It's trapping you to stay for the rest of the show.

It's part of the plot, somehow. This scene can't happen until something else happens and that can drag, whether intentional or not.

I suppose you could say that there are situations in real life that would play out like this. A person who is shy or hates confrontation just keeps things to themselves, just doesn't bother to address the issue at hand and the more they leave it alone, the worse it becomes. Anime just makes a bigger hassel.

Are these all possible reasons? I doubt it. Still, I think they apply the most.

Now I'm going to merge what you said at the beginning and what you said near the middle.

Otherwise, why is there so much gratuitous cleavage? Whats with the emphasis on violence violence violence? Plus cursing? Why are all of the "attractive" characters a little-girl stereotype or a sexy femme fatale stereotype? And what's with the feminine looking dude characters? Why does one fight take six episodes? Why does one "romance" last an entire show but consist of nothing except gasps and blushes?

You sure picked some hot button topics to ask about if I can dare say so. I call them hot button topics because whether you're a long time anime fan or short time fan or just not a fan at all, many of these things have been discussed before...usually in great detail lol. Especially the part about women, there's quite a few video essays and conversations surrounding these seemingly common yet unnecessary things. There's all the feminism and patriachy stuff and I am not dismissing it or saying it isn't important to consider, but some of that I just...don't think matters to some degree. If I were honest, a lof of those big cleavages and sexy stereotypes exist because the audience (mainly men) want it and like it, and it pertains to a fantasy. Same with the little girl looking characters that can be super old. I AM NOT SAYING IT'S A GOOD FANTASY. But it exists. Additonally, however, it comes down to art style and aesthetic. Anime can do whatever it wants, thus you can design the characters however, based on what's popular, based on what you (the creator) wants and likes. Or they are filling some sort of quota, you gotta have the comedic relief character, the moody character, the pretty girl, whatever. The feminine looking dude thing is its own archetype and has its own history, one I couldn't really explain because I am not well versed. But that too, is catering to someone out there.

In regards to how blushing is used...my dear, I think that is, once more, an art choice. Many people know anime by its cutesy big eyed designs. Usually, you'll find a character blushing too. Typically it is used to show embarassment, shame or excitment. It probably adds to that cutesy factor, as well as exaggerating that emotion being expressed. Then there are moments of crying, or just other occasions when blushes are used, and I gather that is done because in real life, people can get super worked up. They can get all hot and red in the face or they get so flustered their cheeks show it. Still, this is not wholly accurate and thus, it's just artistic choice to add blush for a specfic moment or just cause. The gasping...yeah I don't quite like that either. Or excessive violence or cursing.

Depending on WHAT the story is, I'd argue you might need that violence. Could be about war, could be about surviving from a great evil, essentially anything that involves fighting. But even I have to admit, it can go...overboard. Or feel like whoever was making that fight scene was having a little too much fun yk? If you have certain kinds of characters who are just rough and angry or have gone through something traumatic, this may result in a potty mouth. On average I am surrounded by adults and teens who just make a habit of swearing, or its just part of the vocabulary. Anime is no different it seems.

Just cutting in to say that, whoever recommended you watch Demon Slayer and Naruto or whatever else- they showed you the "mainstream" shows. Nothing inherently wrong with that but anime is filled with all sorts of shows and some can go outside the norm of what is popular. Maybe you were shown the wrong stuff or it wouldn't have mattered either way because it wouldn't have what you're seeking. Unfortunately.

You aren't wrong in saying some values that are perceivable in the animes you've seen might be ones that the West is adopting and trying to instill in us. I wish you had been a little more specific in what values you mean so I could have a better handling on whether I agree with you fully or not. Even so, I think I have an idea of what you're saying. Not everything I see in anime I agree with or think matters or should be something to encourage, and that isn't me trying to be disrespectful to the culture but it's true.

I also find it odd that so many young Western men are drawn to anime. I don't think it's an awesome thing. All the anime I've ever seen: Demonslayer, Naruto, etc. doesn't have anything particularly good for them in it. There's a ton of violence, of egos getting slung around, yelling, and terribly long gratuitous brain-numbing pacing, along with sensual gasping and drama-for-drama's sake. And I know my young male friends are no more Japanese or understanding of Japanese culture than I am. So what are they getting out of it? They can't ever tell me.

This is perhaps the hardest part of the replies because I know what I think and have come to know about this appeal young men have for anime and it isn't all...good. Neverthless I will try to be fair to them. In the first place, I think men have a tendancy to like most things with battles and cool powers and just general rough housing. So if anime has that, plus a story compelling enough to draw them in, understanding the culture doesn't matter so much as does watching the characters kick some butt on screen. That just sounds like watching something for entertainment, it just gets a rise out of you and I think that's what it usually is. I think the closet equavilant that comes to mind is superhero and action films. Is the average guy watching for a message or because it's exciting and bloody and there's a ton of bodies running around?

another thing...people like to see themselves in the characters. This happens me sometimes as well. Maybe whoever is on screen right then and there, is seen as relatable to the young man watching and he starts to imagine himself like the character or indentify with certain traits, certain situations. I am not saying that this is always good or even healthy, mind you, but it happens. And I think whoever is making the anime(s) is aware of that. This can be said for girls too but that is a different discussion.

Many men are watching anime for the eye candy too, that being, the female characters. I don't think I need to explain to you what can be done and thought about when characters are made to invoke sexual desires. It can be explicit or implicit but it's still there and that comes with its own issues. I'm not trying to sound like some kind of prude or judge, I've dealt with my fair share of strong feelings with characters, but I wouldn't call it a good thing. Much of what was said in this response to my ask, I've been convicted about because I know that deep down, not all of it is really doing anything for the audience, we're just here to have a good time with whatever is on screen. It can feel very shallow.

I could probably say more but i think this is enough. I hope this makes sense, I jumped around a lot, not sure if I answered every question the best I could. I wanted to try and provide context. This conversation hits home in some ways so that is also why this reply is long. My brain is fried though and this took forever to type, but just know, if you don't think you could ever like anime, that's fine. It an acquired taste. You might be better off away from it.

Hi, not to sound like a creep but I was trying to find this one reply to ask about the Chosen series because I remembered something and I wanted to see if you're the one who said it. But then I couldn't find it. Stumbled into this one post where you said your least favorite medium is anime and I'm quite curious about that now. I don't generally have an issue when people say they don't like anime, as a whole, but I try to understand why. Of course even if you just said "I just don't like it" then I could respect that too, since I can not push it.

I think it's like a language I don't speak. Even the English-dubbed versions. In anime, it's not made by people in my culture, for my culture. So, I don't understand it very well. I don't understand why everyone's screaming. I absolutely don't understand the character designs. I don't understand the use of blushing. I don't understand the humor or the drama. I don't understand why one interaction can take several "episodes," and the dialogue is unrealistic the entire time. People don't talk like that. And it would be one thing if people talked in an unrelatable cadence once, as part of the "style" of a film or show, but it's across the board for every anime I've seen.

There's nothing wrong with that, per se. Like I said, it's just made for a different culture, one I'm not in. And that's fine. Could I learn it? Could I engross myself in it until I feel what the media is trying to make me feel and get what they're trying to say?

Yeah. I could.

But most often, it doesn't feel worth it. It doesn't feel like the anime I've seen is really trying to point to a significant truth or remind people of goodness and beauty, so much as it is pointless entertainment.

Otherwise, why is there so much gratuitous cleavage? Whats with the emphasis on violence violence violence? Plus cursing? Why are all of the "attractive" characters a little-girl stereotype or a sexy femme fatale stereotype? And what's with the feminine looking dude characters? Why does one fight take six episodes? Why does one "romance" last an entire show but consist of nothing except gasps and blushes?

Not a fan.

I have seen one or two anime that clearly have a point. They're Studio Ghibli, though.

And again, I'm not saying anime's have no point in general. I'm saying I'd have to understand the culture to get the point, but the culture itself seems to be based around values that I don't find valuable. And a lot of those "values" if I'm reading them right are the ones our Western culture is starting to push down throats more and more, and I don't like those, either, so there you go.

I also find it odd that so many young Western men are drawn to anime. I don't think it's an awesome thing. All the anime I've ever seen: Demonslayer, Naruto, etc. doesn't have anything particularly good for them in it. There's a ton of violence, of egos getting slung around, yelling, and terribly long gratuitous brain-numbing pacing, along with sensual gasping and drama-for-drama's sake. And I know my young male friends are no more Japanese or understanding of Japanese culture than I am. So what are they getting out of it? They can't ever tell me.

Maybe you can?

[outlying-hyppocrate]

it is my birthday. happy birthday to me i guess

[silusvesuius]

g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen

[manchasama]

I don't like getting up as a rule, but I no longer can have those nice lazy morning lie-ins (chronic pain alas). Doesn't stop me from dragging my feet in terms of getting up if i don't have anything scheduled of course. So getting up before 9 or 10 on a Saturday is not my favorite activity.

But once I'm up, I always lament not getting up earlier. Lying in bed reading or scrolling tumblr is fine and all, but right now the days are really nice, and you could have done something, right? Idk, it's partially I know every moment doesn't have to be meaningful, but I keep feeling like it's probably depression rather than relaxation, and maybe if I'd gotten up it would have been a better day.

Anywho, I got up early for a saturday (about when i normally do weekdays) to go grocery shopping, bc I haven't been since, oh, February. It's amazing how far you can stretch things lol. Mostly just ran out of anything but a few frozen veggies and my go-to easy meals were un-makeable at this point. I'm still proud of myself for going ofc, but im still slebby. Should go garden maybe. Take a nap, idk lol. Just trying to have a good day.

[tempestmothstorm]

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

Yeah this is just straight up canon. But i have more thoughts though. So.

Like if you look into her dialogue is like abundantly clear that she’s just suicidal. It’s different from someone like Sayori who’s actively suicidal because she feels she is worse than everyone else, or Yuri who I don’t know is suicidal but has self harming tendencies she takes too far in act 2, or Natsuki who isn’t at all and is like “wtf are you guys ok”. The answer is no btw.

Monika’s whole outlook on it is that she has a lot of passive suicidal ideation that she pushes aside because she has to be the best. Her issue isn’t centered around her specifically being bad but instead a feeling of pointlessness with existing and the fact that the act existing itself puts burden on the world.

She’s also the type to make jokes about it, which I think is telling about her attitude about death, especially when compared to the others where the idea of dying is still terrifying and scary and something to hide. Meanwhile Monika acts casually as if people’s lives actually don’t matter. We all know her “left her hanging joke” and her general nonchalance with the other girls’ deaths, but the secret poem “A Joke” is probably written by Monika too, and the punchline is another reference to sayori’s death. The special poem about cutting is also by Monika, which shows that she would self harm if it weren’t for her needing to be the ‘responsible one’, and that she’d only do it again if she killed herself. She writes it as if it was a quirky relatable diary entry and not something deeply concerning, which in of itself is also deeply concerning.

There’s also the iiiiiiiiiiii.txt file that has her say that it would be “really easy to kill (herself) right now”. Reasonably the easiest way to do it would be to delete herself. While her constantly reminding the player how easy it would be to delete her is supposed to be a hint on what to do next, it does say something about her when she constantly fixates on it, almost as if she’d thought about it. Like a lot. She thinks about suicide and mental illness just as much too. Also a lot. And existential philosophy a lot. And death too. Again. A lot.

Her friends aside, she clearly just thinks about these things on her own, which implies some real bad things about her mental health considering literally everything else we know about her. Like it’s pretty obvious she’s not ok base game. And yet she doesn’t go through, in fact actively avoiding getting deleted because she still wants to see you. Because you are her only hope.

While her attachment to the player has like a dozen factors influencing it, I think a lot of it is also connected to her more suicidal ideas. She does emphasize that you “saved her” a lot in act 3 and while it mean saving her from her reality, knowing some of the other talks, it also could have saved her from giving up entirely.

Not to get too repetitive about how her life sucks, but like she really has no reason to exist in her eyes post epiphany. Nothing outside the literature club exists, there’s no past or future, everything is fake and has no consequence on the real world, and worst of all she’s completely alone with whatever connections she could have being fake. I think this one quote from her “introverts” talk basically sums up her situation:

"You know, I really do think you literally saved my life by being here with me, [player]."

"I can't imagine having been able to keep myself mentally stable, knowing that nothing here is real."

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

"Sorry, i don't mean to sound dramatic or anything."

"Ahaha!"

"But I'm sure you understand yourself after spending so much time in the club."

"I mean, if you were forced to abandon everything in your life and spend your eternity with a few game characters..."

"...You'd probably find some way of killing yourself, wouldn't you?"

But yeah something something the connections you have with others gives life meaning and when the relationships she did have turned out to be false, she reached out to you, whose love could be real and whose existence as a real person is the only thing that could give her life meaning.

Another Monika talk that’s relevant would be the “No reason to be alive” talk. I’m not posting the entire thing here because it’s too long but the entire thing is pretty relevant. In it she talks about how living is pointless because you probably aren’t special and your existence alone takes up dozens of resources that isn’t worth wasting.

This highlights two factors that I think influence her thought process. One is that she feels like existence is worthless and likely won’t affect society at large, and with the whole being a video game thing the connection is obvious. The other is that she worries about how much of a burden she is on society. She wants to earn her right to exist in this world. When her reality doesn’t exist, this specific framework doesn’t seem that relevant, but when it comes to being a burden to others this ends up becoming a lot more alarming (and also creates another Sayori parallel yayyyyyyy)

Notably she mentions the key to happiness is to live selfishly and just look out for yourself and your friends. This can’t really apply in her own reality when she can’t see her friends as sentient, but when it comes to you, she can deliver just fine. She says she want to “live (her) life desperately striving to pay back (her) lifetime's worth of consumption” and with her own reality being pointless, paying back the people around her (you) is the next best thing.

But what if she failed to

"Of course, even if I fail to do that..."

"I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."

"So much for being a good person, right?"

Sure thing buddy.

Another thing i want to mention is that it’s implied that these thoughts aren’t new. Like with some of these talks it’s ambiguous whether these ideas came pre or post epiphany. With her whole nihilistic thinking in base game contrasting side stories, it wouldn’t be that surprising if her thoughts got a whole lot more cynical over time. But she does seem to talk as if she’s thought about them for a while, while the epiphany was apparently recent in her memory.

For example in the “Dying” talk:

“It's something I used to think about pretty often..."

And in the “No reason to be alive” talk

"But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking."

Uh yeah these ideas aren’t new.

Of course it was probably taken to an extreme post epiphany and thinking about existential topics is normal. By itself it’s probably not some secret sign of mental illness, or at least not anything severe. (Sure she talks about a lot of stuff like mental health issues but it doesn’t really reflect on her, it just shows she can understand others perspective. Like she can talk about the introvert experience without being an introvert. Idk she’s just very empathetic and reflects a lot on the world. Makes her epiphany a lot more ironic though. So.)

But her post epiphany persona was very much built on preexisting ideas she had before that. It might not be that serious, but the fact that it’s there at all is concerning knowing what we do. The implications that come if this is all true is facilitating tbh and it honestly makes the side stories more interesting too. Like her whole “i have to be the best” attitude is probably connected to all her worries about being a burden or worthless.

And her whole thing in trust becomes a lot more layered too. The standard she holds for herself are not carried over to Sayori, who she sees as deserving of life just by being herself. She doesn’t want to be a burden or distract from Sayori’s problems, because her own true self isn’t good enough. Sayori is reassured that her existence is valuable and that she isn’t being a burden, something that goes against Monika’s entire act 3 talk yet is some she believes wholeheartedly.

This is also contrasted by base game where she straight up jokes about her death because death barely matters to her either. In base game, Sayori doesn’t matter, she isn’t special or even sentient, just a pile of code that gets in the way of Monika’s plans to reach the player. In base game Sayori is worthless and a burden, where Monika’s worldview has extended to everyone else. Yet in side stories she doesn’t think that, her standards only applies to herself because she loves her friends, they are what give her life meaning. Of course they deserve to live. They don’t need to prove their worth.

She’s a hypocrite because she values her friends more than anything. Again, the Sayori parallels are obvious from this angle, she has these exact same thoughts, with the only difference being that base game Monika projects her fears of worthlessness onto everything else while sides stories has her a lot more similar to Sayori.

Now the difference between side stories Monika and base game is really just how far their ideals reach, because normally Monika is like ok mentally , while in base game she’s suicidal along with everything else. Forget her saying she’s too selfish to do it cause it’s heavily implied she does do it in other universes.

Speaking of which I never hear people mention the MES emails in this cause a singular line puts into perspective how influential the player’s presence is on Monika and just how bad her mental health is. She is the MES’ guinea pig that everyone wants to see suffer (actually I don’t know how common knowledge this is I just got here and mostly stick to tumblr so idk)

So with the Side Stories MES email i think with all the lore drops we sorta forgot some of the more self explanatory info, including the fact that they have multiple VMs of ddlc and that there were “3 or 4 of them created and then destroyed by Monika”

While most people conclude this is just a reference to base game i think a lot of people dismiss that fact that these aren’t the game VMs, these VMs have no access to a player. Yknow. The player she relies on that supposedly saved her life.

Yeah i think she just deletes everything including her in apparently 4 separate universes. She kills her self in 4 universes.

She deletes everything in act 3 too but specifically because they get in her way between you, and the only reason she doesn’t delete herself there is that she still wants to see you. When the idea of reaching you is crushed, she gives in. By act 4 she ends up like all the other VMs, deleting everything knowing she can’t have you, can’t have reality. I mean the only thing keeping her going is the dream of reaching reality and finding real connections to people, and the idea that her existence will forever be meaningless probably pushed her to the extreme.

The player is the only real person who can give her life meaning and value, and in a world where the rest are seemingly fake, you’re also the only human connection she has. Again, the things that keep her going is her life being valuable in some way and the people around her. Post epiphany she only has you to care for with everyone else being thrown to the wayside without consideration of their own wellbeing.

So of course in act 4, where her connect to you is severed and she is suddenly aware of the harm she’s caused, she’s the lowest she’s ever been. Her reason for living is to be there for her friends and somehow pay back reality for how much she’s taken. And yet she let her friends die and let herself use them for her own selfish gain. She failed them, and has therefore become someone she see as not deserving of life. And with her last hope of the player rejecting her reach, she has no reason to keep going. So in the Easter egg where the player tries to bring her file back after deletion, she refuses to follow. She doesn’t deserve to intrude on their happy ending. She doesn’t deserve to come back.

And she doesn’t.

In future games she’ll probably return though, and with all the secret files and her motivations in the normal ending, I feel like it’s going to be for redemption by finally being there for her club.

She sticks around because no matter how much guilt she feels about just existing, she still wants to be there for her friends. Because while a lot of the act 3 dialogue was not meant to be something people agree with, there was one thing that I feel like is good if you look at it in the right way. Maybe people can’t pay back for the lifetime of consumption they’ve done just by living, but people can pay back and be worth existing just by looking out for their friends and those closest to them. Even if there can be doubts about life and existence as a whole, it doesn’t matter in the end when there’s joy to be found in the people you care about. Even if you make mistakes or hurt them, you can still find a way to make it up to them, to still deserve happiness in the end. The one thing that makes life worth it is the bonds you form with others. Because the people around you are what give life meaning.

She can’t let go and she can’t give up because she still has people she loves and wants to protect. So she’ll keep living for the people she loves. That’s all she needs to do in this world to make it worth living.

I hope she succeeds.

(Side note i took a lot of the Monika talk examples from this post. I did have my own ideas even before i read the doc and I already knew about this stuff anyways i just don’t wanna scroll through the entire wiki again to see all the Monika talks and this is pretty comprehensive. The extra imput is also useful so yeah)(anyways thanks for reading this really long tumblr essay. Good job and drink water ;D)

i would like to bring up that monika has probably considered deleting herself before

like staring at a high cliffside and getting the urge to jump

[beachboysnatural]

.

[transmasc-tabris]

More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)