#TO forgive which makes it worse
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no way I just saw someone call gale worse than CORIOLANUS SNOW. 19 y/o with a big picture mindset and a limited concept of how his actions affect individuals or 80 y/o dictator serial killer child exploiter = coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb I fear
#like im not even gale’s biggest fan but be so. fucking. for real.#u can hate him all you want but do not compare him to the guy who tried to murder a girl because she was going to break up with him#he is not a bad person He is a kid who cannot fully conceptualize the reach his decisions have#BECAUSE he lived in such a small area for so much of his life#and he’s stuck in the mindset that plutarch also has#which is ‘to make an omelette you have to break some eggs’ unfortunately#Yeah his weapon killed prim. YES katniss is 100% valid in never forgiving him for it#but that does NOT make him WORSE than snow#the hunger games#thg#gale hawthorne#my rants
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Personal headcanon about the "you picked the wrong dellamorte" line, I don't think illario actually likes rook outside the context of them being someone close to lucanis. Like rook on their own isn't much to him, but when they meet it's yet another person talking about his cousin (why isn't he good enough for whatever job they're hiring for?) and on top of that they somehow bring him back from the dead (another whole can of worms for illario). Now he starts turning on the charm, but whether he's actually interested or this is just one more thing his cousin has that he doesn't and it gets under his skin, who knows. Either way, rook ignores illario, the guy who lives off his charm, and is instead interested in the guy who's never even dated before and thinks giving someone a knife is how to flirt. Infuriating
NO THANK YOU !! i am genuinely sorry if i have ever implied illario is into rook like i see some takes about it and unless it like ties into your rook's personal backstory i don't seriously think he's romantically jealous. at all. my enjoyment of that line stems from illario's pathological need to make it about himself and not see his strengths but what lucanis has, and therefore what he doesn't. he's annoyed enough to try and goad you in the middle of a fight about the 'wrong' dellamorte and completely blind to the fact that the venatori are at best, a stupid fucking alliance, and at worst, a cult that will devour the crows from the inside out and illario would have been the one to give them the keys. he sees lucanis make allies, needs his own, and instead of charming the other talons/houses as he should, he (probably spitefully) picks the venatori. or maybe he just thought it would be easier. ugh he makes me want to telekenetically throw him around
#and you raise a very hilarious point too LMFAO#not that he is jealous. just mad as hell its not working <3 I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH AND A NORMAL AMOUNT#to be clear i think his characterisation changed dramatically from wigmaker's job and a lot of his uh#very rash decisions about achieving power feels like they just needed a traitor character for lucanis#to really max out the use of spite. i really wish honestly that there was some canon support for illario#who would probably be a little more liked/popular than lucanis. bc lucanis is respected by the crows#but he's also a very distant 'dellamorte heir' figure. respect is not the same as being liked. so you know#there's the serious assassin with a rep for how good he is at killing#and there's a friendlier assassin with a rep for sweet talking#and neither of those reputations are necessarily true. but i know which one i'd be less afraid of#and i think illario would know that. and be able to use that. BUT WE DONT GET IT. WHATEVER.....#illario dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#answered#also we're introduced to an illario that understands being a crow. and has had all that drilled into him since childhood#why. would he. ally with the venatori.#why would he put himself into a situation that he couldnt control. other than 'the story needs a villain'#what im trying to say. is . there were the makings of a crow civil war here that ends with him tragically dead#if you asked me to expand on this i dont think i could. but like the main issue being the crows not standing together making#the antaam invasion worse (btw regarding this why the fuck were the antaam even invading) so lucanis' quest is#idk. something like uniting the crows together and potentially repairing his relationship w illario#or hardening him and convincing he needs to kill illario#this is me spitballing. dont even mind me#(glances at the 'illario mention' alarm going off in the background)#EDIT: AND ALSO IT JUST CAME TO ME#killing illario as an ending also makes lucanis first talon (oh we're really in the cycles now)#forgiving illario ends with illario becoming 'talon' tho he and lucanis work closely. like a ceo vs cfo#and ends with them repairing their relationship#in the ideal world lucanis would fully leave but im alright with crows making small steps towards becoming a bit healthier
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I've seen a lot of people say that Zutara would just work in the live action if they eliminated Aang's crush on Katara in the first couple seasons and NO. no no no no NO. I want Zutara to happen as much as the next person, but I think Aang's crush should stay intact. If they include the want vs need plot line introduced in "The Guru" in book 2, it could be an easy way to launch some much needed character development for Aang. Having him struggle with letting go of an unreciprocated crush at the beginning of book 3 might actually be a jumping off point for what Bryke tried to do with his arc in the final book, making him seem wiser, more mature, and assertive without coming off as a complete jerk like he did in the animated series.
#like I get what they were trying to do#but it was just such bad writing#like it's just unnecessary drama#which they hopefully won't have time for in the live action if they stick to the eight episode per season cap#I love aang I want him to get the arc he deserved#not whatever crap Bryke thought they were acing or whatever#atla#avatar the last airbender#zutara#katara#aang#anti bryke#everything i post is anti bryke#I will never forgive them for making me care about characters and then not giving them satisfying endings#its like divergent but worse
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it ever hit you out of nowhere that castiel is living in a dead guy's body and the show just does not care. it does not care. jimmy novak might as well not exist the moment he or claire is out of sight. cas stole a guy's body and his face and his life, and we can't ever talk about it or discuss it in detail because of how fucking horrifying it is that sam and dean's best friend just walks around in a dead guy suit. there's not even a human soul in there anymore. it's just a corpse. stone-cold body snatcher indeed.
#castiel spn#spn#this is not like a Castiel Crime (tm) to be clear. this is more me being (un)surprised that the show is Like This.#castiel is a horror story he is so much a horror story in the rapture#and then they just uh. never bring up again how horrifying and fucked up this is for another like 7 seasons#and when they do its to briefly go :( claire lost her dad :) but its okay! she forgives cas for it!#which!! NO SHE SHOULD FUCKING NOT!!!#but we can't have that discussion. we can't talk about that. because to acknowledge that it's fucked up would mean making cas kind of. evil#in a way that would vastly improve his later character arcs btw. if we had to reckon with not only this massive transgression#but with the fact that cas himself STILL DOESN'T SEE IT AS ONE.#that on a lot of fundamental levels. he is still functioning as he did in s4. a lot of that base programming is still there.#something something how cas never changes out of his suit under his trenchcoat#but it's like. jimmy said yes. so it's fine. that's what it is to him.#anyway. i wish they hadn't been scared of making all three of the boys more fucked up in later seasons.#thank GOD for dean being interesting in how he becomes Worse <3 because they were not bringing that for castiel.#again. good version of spn where jimmy's bloodline is an off-shoot of the lucifer vessel bloodline. explaining a) how lucifer Got In There#and b) letting lucifer possess claire later so that the two of them can have daddy issues together.#something about cas being the monster-not monster that jimmy let in that destroyed his life.#something about lucifer being the monster-not monster that castiel lets in later. the cycles. they are cycling.
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Star Wars films ranked in order of their technical innovations:
Star Wars (1977): innovations: motion controlled cameras, immersive sound design, high tech puppets, unified aesthetic that was unique from prev. sci fi films, welded fantasy and sci fi together, brought back vista vision/wide screen technology from the scrap heap and updated it, iconic costumes based on actual military equipment and historic royalty rather than imagining a "futuristic fashion," created Industrial Light and Magic effects company which funded R&D to create new cameras and equipment for the film, used percentages of the film's profit to pay actors and others involved in the project.
The Phantom Menace (1999): The first all digital studio film, computer graphics used for backgrounds/sets/whole environments, extended motion control cameras with digital environment, fucking amazing costumes borrowing from period films and classic Hollywood to bring the universe into a more sumptuous plentiful past, motion capture used to create integrated digital puppets.
Empire Strikes Back (1980): stop motion animation updated to include the motion controlled cameras for more realistic/seamless animation (compare to Harryhausen's Clash of the Titans which came out the next year to see what I mean), Lucas used the profits of Star Wars to expand ILM and give it a permanent home where effects artists weren't working in sweatshop conditions anymore, created a licensing company to try to stem the tide of unlicensed Star Wars products, a fire on the set of The Shining at Elstree studios lead to a dedicated Star Wars stage being built there which is still used to this day.
Return of the Jedi (1983): steadicam which was relatively new tech, customized by the inventor for the speeder bike chases, created THX to try to improve sound equipment in theaters because the sound mix for the film was too complex for the old sound systems used during test screenings.
The Force Awakens (2015):pulled back from the maximalist aesthetic of the prequels using more real sets, environments and models thereby creating a cohesive look that fused the two previous trilogies, made the film without having a clear outline about where the trilogy was going, giving freedom to future filmmakers to make changes to the story or to fill in holes, (not necessarily a good thing, but it was the first time it was done for a blockbuster trilogy), recreated most of the story beats of Star Wars (1977) in the updated sequel.
The Last Jedi (2017): Contains the most practical effects of any Star Wars film, with the most sets and creatures ever built for the franchise, literally set canon on fire, leaving writers and directors free to create Star Wars product that doesn't fit with previous canon/continuity.
Clone Wars (2008): First fully animated film in Star Wars universe, was the pilot for the TV show, integrated materials from the star wars Expanded Universe comics and novels.
Rogue One (2018): Used digital technology to allow Peter Cushing and Carrie Fisher, who had died, to appear in the film by digitally combining their faces onto the bodies of other actors, first attempt to create a "gritty" Star Wars that reflected more of the reality of war, final scene with Darth Vader creeated 100% digitally.
Revenge of the Sith (2005): Lucas used a three camera set up and combined all three digitally, which allowed a much faster turn around time for completing shots, held the world record at the time of the most effects shots ever in a film.
Attack of the Clones (2002): continued with the innovations of Phantom Menace, creating the first entirely virtual film studio (for example some of Ewan McGregor's work was filmed on the Moulin Rouge sets with the actor in an entirely different location than the rest of the people in the scene, fewer models and real sets in general.
Solo A Star Wars Story (2018): used effects techniques such as rear projection and stop motion animation from the OT, but cleaned them up in the digital environment. For the first time used an effects company in addition to ILM.
Rise of the Skywalker (2019) Returned effects to the province of ILM, but the film was produced by Bad Robot, JJ Abrahams company (All the other films either produced by Lucasfilm or Disney).
#the most controversial thing on here is placing TFA up so high#and it's because I think they fought back the urge to just make everything busier and returned to an aesthetic closer to the first one#which wasn't an innovation so much as accepting that WETA workshop had cleaned their clocks in the early 2000s by combining#CGI with practical effects in a more seamless way and them saying ok let's do that but with disney money#And I think TLJ took that mandate and ran with it and there are some breathtaking sequences like the battle on the salt planet#and the space rhino romp through the mega casino#that were just next level#the best bits Attack of the Clones are ripped off from Blade Runner and The Fifth Element and it's like yeah they took the ideas#those better films had and expanded them with technology but in a way they made them worse? So that's not an innovation that's vandalism#Rise of the Skywalker and Solo feel very much at the level of Disney plus...really great for the small screen#like if it were a TV show I'd be willing to forgive it more...like a lot of it reminds me of the Mandalorian or the Obi Wan show#Star Wars#this was really inspired by watching the series on ILM that's on Disney Plus#which is fantastic and I've learned so much about the making of star wars that makes me admire it and george lucas even more...
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{ Because of @hakusins, I now feel like properly expanding upon (female)Dickson's DoL variation after talking to her a little. I had the basics of an idea for Dickson, yes... her name is still Dickson because I don't like any female names I come up with for her and she will still go by the nickname Dick to others, but now after listening to a bunch of music and doing icons, I actively have a deeper idea for her. }
Basic Idea (that I came up with talking to @stestylius-arts): Dickson comes from a rich family where it's mainly just her and her grandfather. Said grandfather is a piece of shit though and does shady business in the city of DoL, also expecting her to do the same at some point and take up his company. But she's not really into doing bad shit just because. She'll do it for important things or just because of something she deems important to her. She's somewhat mentally unstable, but taking her medication keeps her from freaking out on others. Somewhat timid and has perfect grades.
Deepened Idea: Dickson comes from a very large rich family, but lives with her grandfather, guardian and half-cousin. Said grandfather is a piece of shit and does shady business in the city of DoL, also expecting her to do the same at some point and take up the company — said shady shit being human trafficking, black market trade, human experimentation, organ hunting, illegal drug production and sales, kidnapping, assassination, prostitution, and more. Instead of Dickson's grandfather or guardian being in charge of the dirty work, Dickson is the one who handles everything. Due to the way she was raised, Dickson has no problem getting her hands dirty whether it's slicing someone open and harvesting their organs or sleeping with rivals for information and killing them afterwards, everything is free gain to her. Additionally, she serves as a scientist within her grandfather's company and a makeshift doctor. She's extremely mentally unstable, but retains a perfectly normal reputation within the city of DoL, leading many to believe she is a compassionate person. She retains perfect grades at school and appears to be extremely friendly, but be warned, making friends with Dickson doesn't always end well for all those involved. Due to never experiencing any type of kindness or compassion in her life, she is prone to falling head over heels for those that try their best to look out for her — resulting in her to develop obsessive and possessive mannerisms towards her target of affection, often following them around without them knowing or bestowing them with constant gifts — but surely she has nothing to do with the sudden disappearances of those who are malicious towards you, right? There's no way Dickson could ever be a serial killer... right?
#☣ [ ' Eʋҽɾყσɳҽ Lσʋҽʂ A Vιʅʅαιɳ. ' ] - ✡ Dιƈƙʂσɳ Gҽɾαʅԃ Rҽɠιɳαʅԃ Sιɱɱσɳʂ ✡#☣ [ ' Hαυɳƚҽԃ Ⴆყ ƚԋҽ ɯσɾԃʂ ყσυ ʅҽϝƚ υɳʂαιԃ. ' ] - ✡ Hҽαԃƈαɳσɳʂ ✡#{ DoL!AU tag pending. }#{ Given that Dickson is canonically a RE OC- I decided that I wanted to add some of his original activities to his DoL version as well! }#{ I also have an obsession with Dickson seeming more like a love interest who also so happens to be a PC. }#{ And while she seems pretty put together in the day during her daily life routines and such; she's a completely different person- }#{ at night. Cause that's when more of her more unstable behavior tends to come out since nobody is really watching her anymore. }#{ I also just have an itch to make Dickson dress more like a hoochie mama at night due to the kind of stuff she does. *wheezes* }#{ Which goes perfect with his hourglass shape so it's much easier for her to lure people in and kill them. <3 }#{ I still don't have an actual title for her yet though like I see most people do for their characters. }#{ Part of me was thinking to use 'Dickson the Serial Killer' or 'Dickson the Stalker' or something. }#{ But I dunno cause I'm not very good at making titles like that. }#{ ALSO- I notice that most people say Kylar is very stalker-like and if that's true; that is basically how Dickson is but one million- }#{ times worse than him since Dickson in DoL is basically a full blown serial killer without anyone being even slightly aware. }#{ Deanie Beanie... I hope me posting this little tidbit is enough to make you forgive me for not telling you sooner that I got into DoL. }#{ I love you~. Mwah! Don't bite me please. }
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wanted to make a post expanding on my sofia the first au: fia the worst, just for fun's sake ^_^ in the au, cedric is intrigued by this copy of sofia and wants to keep her around, so he lies and says she can only be destroyed with a potion. this way, he can escort her back to his tower, where he can propose the idea of the copy helping him take over the kingdom. she accepts without hesitation, thrilled to have a chance to do something so disruptive. cedric then swiftly decides to call her fia, so that things wouldn't be confusing. fia's amulet allows whoever is wearing it the ability to talk to animals, since when sofia duplicated herself, that power was active, so to speak, so it duplicated (listen i'm working with the plot hole as best i can). cedric begins using the copy of the amulet to speak properly with wormwood. the three of them concoct a plan to steal sofia's amulet; fia will pretend to be sofia after sofia herself has already gone to bed. that way, she can get into her room without being questioned. once inside, she would be careful not to wake sofia or her animal friends as she takes the amulet of avalor. after securing it, she would open the window, where wormwood would be waiting. he can then take the amulet back to cedric. fia will then hide somewhere in sofia's room until morning time, wait for her and her animal friends to leave, then sneak back to cedric's tower. fia wants to enact the plan as soon as possible, but cedric is wary. there are many things that could go wrong, and he wants them to wait a little while for the perfect opportunity, whatever that looks like to him. in the weeks following, fia gets bored a lot so cedric takes her into town to entertain her. fia was the one to suggest that he change her hair to look like his, so that she could be mistaken for his niece. the most fun fia can have, though, is messing with cedric. because in the episode where she makes her appearance she figured out so fast that he wanted the amulet, i choose to headcanon that fia is more perceptive of cedric than sofia, either for magical reasons or not. fia quickly catches on to cedric's soft spot for sofia, and abuses the fact that she is a version of sofia constantly. i'm pretty certain that i want to make fia betray cedric somehow after they manage to take over the kingdom, and he'll somewhat redeem himself by helping sofia to defeat her. i hope i actually make more for this au i actually like it a lot.
#more rambling ahead#of course#it would take a lot for sofia to trust cedric again#since this is so much worse than what he did in day of the sorcerer's#it would take a lot for sofia to trust him again#sofia would have to deal with a lot of confusing and hard feelings about that fact that cedric betrayed her for worse version of herself#i would think that cedric only went through with taking over the kingdom because wormwood and fia *both* were there to encourage him#and mostly because of his unexpected attachment to fia#in a way she fulfills his desire to have sofia by his side as his friend *and* to take over the kingdom#but it's far too good to be true since she betrays him of course#which makes the guilt cedric feels all the worse#he knows he was being selfish#and it backfired on him#and now he's lost everything#at least in day of the sorcerer's sofia hadn't given up on him yet#even after all that#but this....i don't think she would forgive him nearly as easily#not to mention the rest of the royal family#sofia wouldn't want him to be in prison#but she wouldn't be able to defend him this time#cedric himself doesn't even protest since he knows he deserves it#i guess this wouldn't have a happy ending :(#but i do love angst....sorry y'all#sofia the first#sofia the worst#stf#sofia the fandom#c*dfia dni#cedric the sorcerer#cedric the sensational
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it's so cringe to have childhood trauma that makes me uneasy when everyone else is acting normal like oh boo i got yelled at too much when i was little and now i feel scared when people forgive me too quickly wadda hell are you talking about
#forgiveness without lashing out first just makes me insanely paranoid and jumpy that the lashing out will happen later#which is crazy because i can see everyone else acting well and regularly and i feel worse than ever even though i know there's no reason#being a person is such a scam sometimes#i really feel that one post about how it's embarrassing to be like 'oh i act weird because my mom was mean to me'#like yeah so true i'm emotionally over it so why is my nervous system still acting up dbt save me.........#personal nonsense
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Is the world ready for my Sanemi conspiracy theory? Should I include it in Love Me Mercilessly? Is it time for me to speak my truth?
#sanemi also killed their father FUCK WITH ME#1. he could be capable despite the size difference because his father was often impaired (drunk)#2. given the extent of the abuse he had ample cause#3. given their social stature it’s unlikely any police or other authority would help them#and they likely did not have means to travel elsewhere so#he could have felt he had no other choice#4. this makes him having to also kill their mother so much worse#5. this lends credence to the ‘distancing himself from genya because he believes he’s a fucked up evil person’ thing I’m doing#6. makes me sad. hits so sweet and right#7. he deserves patricide. as a treat :3#kny#postcards from stupid town#oh also 8. ‘went and got himself stabbed’ hm. got HIMSELF stabbed???? interesting#9. the discussions of his death in canon thus far have been from Genya’s POV which could simply mean he wasn’t aware#and because I can’t shut the hell up 10. CAN YOU IMAGINE. IF GENYA DIDNT KNOW#HE CALLS HIM A MURDERER ABOUT THEIR MOTHER#AND SANEMI CANT GET OVER IT BC EVEN THOUGH HE HAD NO CHOICE W THEIR MOTHER#AND GENYA FORGIVES HIM FOR THAT#SANEMI KNOWS HES ROTTEN TO THE CORE INSIDE BC HE /IS/ A MURDERER#SANEMI KILLED THEIR FATHER F U C K WITH M E !!!!!
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Character who does major wrongdoing(s) in the story: *does something entirely innocuous*
Half the audience somehow: WOW they were so evil for that! Fuck [character name] I can't believe they did that!
#I dont even have to tag who this is about lol#worse still is saying they directly did something intentionally which was actually an unintended effect of a thing they did intend#or that all intentions of other people they do said bad actions with they MUST have those same intentions#which they ARE at fault for those effects but can't actually be blamed for them when they couldn't have possible considered those results#or with the other example they could just not be motivated by what makes it so bad#it's not that we have to forgive every 'accident' or normal human failing to 'consider' but it is that we have to recognize they do happen#that most people are driven and motivated by fairly innocent things and yet still get swallowed up in bad shit#*sigh* Some people take a very strange approach to the curtains can't just be blue by giving everything an absolutist intentionality#like maybe the intention isn't to say the innocuous action is 'bad' but supposed to instill suspence or suspicion or throw us off those#make us doubt things and think they are just rather normal and these things seem like they could be innocuous#but for some reason its straight to 'they planned and schemed and are doing it all purposely for their master plan' like what??#I worry too a little how some might navigate relations with real people if they genuinely sort them into black and white categories which#inherently places them as a kind of 'good one' even if they'd be just as capable of doing these kinds of things#like 'oh when I do something I should be given an explanation for it if it was innocuas or accidental but when THEY do it it makes them bad#I will actually beat you over the head with a brick /j
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My entire relationship with rootspring as a character is me only liking him when he was an apprentice. I honestly don't even like bristleroot. But that last scene where rootspring goes looking for anything left of bristlefrost and only finding her dying dreams gets me every single time
#I should clarify her dying dreams are of just a nuclear family but its the emotional impact that gets me#rootspring just turns into another manpain character which we sure don't have enough of. I missed when he was kind of a funny pathetic#apprentice. he is only differentiated bc his gf double died and bc his gf's death actually forced the clans to change#at least they seem to be committing to not him and wrenflight being together. we can save you wrenflight#but also I kinda associate bristlefrost more with ivypool than rootspring. idk I'm connecting those antpelt and bristlefrost parallels and#dovewing parallels like crazy. shadowsight having survivors guilt in regards to his cousin. and then rootspring. I feel like I can forgive#bristlefrost dying like she did bc she's not only dying for manpain. shes dying for fandom's favorite character pain too. which sounds bad#on paper but I need to make ivypool worse okay
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#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but#idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or#what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way#like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck#& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t#*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk#bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc#great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say#which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING#get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one#this is best left to be forgotten#so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!
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Really dark topic, but what do you think would it take for Enji (pre-AM retirement, obviously) to threaten to, or legit kill Rei, mindcontrolling quirks aside?
mind-controlling quirks aside... i don't think he would threaten to kill her. he'd basically never have something to gain from killing her that he couldn't get some other far easier and less risky way. If she was able to prevent him from abusing Shoto, or threatened to take him/all the kids away, Enji could very much threaten divorce, institutionalization, maybe even arrest, but he can stop her from doing that without threatening to kill her.
If Enji were to kill her, which could happen, i don't think it'd be premeditated. But he has hit her before, and Rei isn't exactly going to do great with heat or flame, so if she intervened at the wrong time in the dojo... it's plausible enough i'd accept it as a fic premise.
#thatd have HUGE ramifications tho#not even touching if there's legal reprecussions or not#but Fuyumi? if he *killed* her mother? Shoto? Natsuo? absolutely no forgiveness#and even Enji i think at his worst would be horrified afterwards. even if part of him blames Rei he'd still carry some of it. try to surpas#All Might when he knows he killed his wife? yeah ha no. plus wherever we are with the Touya mess.#(i could even see Touya being like 'hm would i perhaps regain father's favor if i took the blame?' which is another horrible thing#on top of his other kids hating him forever)#like those kids would probably end up with.... the himuras... so thats not great for them either....#anon#pocket talks to people#be a uh /fascinating/ way to try to do a faster 'be a better person arc' tho#good news: you will end up taking accountability for what youve done and internalize how horrible it was to do. ten years earlier!#bad news: only after i make you do something even worse tho and kill your children's mother and your wife
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is it bad that I’m starting to feel like everyone secretly hates me rn
#♡ forgotten bliss (vent)#I’m pretty sure I’m having a mental health crisis rn but who cares I have literally no access to help#and I can’t call a hotline because they’re going to rat me tf out which will just make things worse#cause my mom doesn’t give a shit about my issues! I’ll be damned if she knows I’m busy destroying myself!#and every time I’ve ever got therapy she immediately hated any therapist that tried to actually find out what’s wrong with me#instead of just going “let’s meditate! let’s repeat the same coping mechanism!” every visit#I’ll never forgive her for trying to convince me to despise my last therapist . the one who actually clocked that I was autistic#the one who actually knew me.
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It’s been three months today
#there’s been some progress made I guess?#the first month was extremely rough basically just waking up sobbing every day#and they were avoiding me which made everything feel worse#I felt so bad#it happened the day before Val’s birthday#I started getting really angry around the second month#I visited my parents. Robbie’s birthday happened#we could be around each other a little easier but there was always this bubble of unspoken emotion in my chest#the last month has been a slow dawning that nothing can be the same again#god I miss them so much. I miss them so much#I wish I could make them understand that I wish more than anything#that I could just#not care#the ideal scenario is one where I’m not mad and I understand why they did what they did and we continue being friends#but I can’t. it’s humiliating.#unfortunately I “don’t think I deserved that”#I can’t forgive them. and I can’t lie either. so this was the kindest thing I could do
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