#great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say

[mifhortunach]

.

[shutupineedtothink]

More Moiraine & Lan (and the Bond) thoughts, because I really just can’t help myself.

Just thinking about how we know every Aes Sedai and Warder share the Bond, but we don’t see any other AS/Warder teams using it as a form of communication NEARLY as much as Moiraine and Lan do.

Like these mofos are having full conversations with head tilts and tiny eyebrow raises and 3 seconds of eye contact from the jump. Sometimes not even looking at each other. And it’s extra great if you’re a show only like me because you only realize it when you go back later after all the stuff with the Bond is explained in 1x04/1x05. Like I remember thinking when I was first watching the pilot ‘wow, these two are really in sync, clearly they’ve known each other a long time,’ but it’s so much more than that obviously.

Now, one easy explanation for this is that we’re just seeing them the most, they’re main characters, and s1 especially does a lot of work hyping up the Bond and how important it is so that we get the full impact of them being cut off later. Makes sense.

But… idk like even Alanna and Ihvon and Maksim, who are actually in a romantic relationship, don’t seem to prefer the Bond as a way to communicate. We even see them have their little diplomatic discussion before Ihvon goes to follow Tomas. It’s an actual conversation. Maksim even prefers the Bond masked, so I guess in that way they kind of have to talk to each other.

Verin and Tomas are pretty quiet in general, but still it’s not emphasized that they use the Bond to communicate that much. Perhaps this is also highlighted by Tomas’s advice to Lan that the Bond isn’t the only common language they share with their Aes Sedai.

Except for Moiraine and Lan, it’s like AT LEAST 80%. It’s the primary way they communicate. Because 1. they’re both so naturally reserved on the outside (but feel very deeply on the inside), and 2. I imagine it comes in handy to be extra good at it when you’re on the road searching for the Dragon Reborn and you don’t want everyone around you to know what you’re about.

Then there’s Stepin’s comment from s1 to Kerene, “Can you imagine their dinners?” Which is funny but also very telling. To all the other Aes Sedai and Warders, Moiraine and Lan seem pretty cold and distant, to everyone else and each other. But again, that’s by design to protect their mission. They’re just having conversations no one else can see, even other Bonded pairs. It’s like most AS and their Warders use the Bond as insurance, a fail safe even, to understand and communicate with each other, with normal human communication (i.e. TALKING) as the primary method. But for Moiraine and Lan it’s the other way around.

My POINT BEING, that this adds weight to their storyline in S2. Like they are REALLY struggling because on top of everything else, this fundamental piece of their relationship and communication is just gone. And it opens a door for Moiraine to push Lan away, when she NEVER would have been able to before, practically or emotionally. And he reels from her attacks because he’s just not as good at understanding her without the Bond, when he would have seen right through that shit before, just from feeling alone. So Tomas can say to him, you need to really listen, but 20 years of shared emotional mind reading is not that easy to bypass. You don’t learn normal person communication skills overnight. Certainly not when there’s this gaping hole in your head/heart where another person you probably knew better than yourself should be but isn’t.

Anyway, I think it just adds even more credence to why they’re both so lost throughout most of S2, especially Lan. And what makes them so badass with the Bond but so absolutely uncoordinated without it. And why every other Aes Sedai/Warder thinks they’re fuckin weird. And why we love them, because who doesn’t want to be so fundamentally understood like that? Who doesn’t want their own secret language with someone that no one else really gets, but that person gets you on a level so real it can’t be replaced? That’s what we’re all reaching for, and that’s what they have with each other. For better or worse.

[smoshidiot]

vidcon 2024 !

hi guys this is my rambly post abt my experience at vidcon this year if anyone wants to read abt it! overall i wanna say that it was absolutely incredible and i def wanna go back next yearr

DAY 1: check in! literally nothing youtube related happened this day but it was fun as hell to check out the venue and meet up with my friends

DAY 2: smosh meet and greet day. holy shit. in the morning was anthony's ISADW matpat panel and besties when i tell you i was worried he wouldn't be there until I SAW HIM WITH MY TWO EYES. but incredibly he does exist? and he DID show up to vidcon? the panel was such a blast and it was interesting to hear about how the past few months have been for matpat. it was also just cool as hell knowing the rest of smosh was waiting right behind the curtain 🥹 and we could see nicole off to the side enjoying the panel. also shout out to @smoshkidtv who i got to meet before the panel and is legit the greatest i love them sm ok ty

then, almost right after, there's a post on socials that's like "get to the M&G early if you want free essentials merch!" so ofc me and a few friends BOOK it up to the M&G line and are prepared to sit and wait for like 4h lmao. we pass the time by watching smosh the movie and it goes by surprisingly quickly. after being moved into the official queue it's really not that long before smosh shows up and the nerves HIT. luckily we did show up early enough for the merch (smh for 4h we better have lmaoo) and it was so cool to talk to some of the crew (kiana/erica) passing it out. then the whole smosh cast comes out. weirdly the FIRST person i saw was marcus lmao but it was great to see him (and his eyebrows) in person.

i was near the very front of the line so i really didn't even have that much time to prep before i went up with my bestie of all time @smoshmonker! but waaaa ok so we go up and anthony calls out the shirt i'm wearing bc it's a recreation of my fave 2006 catch em all shirt

he asks if i bought it from smosh.com and i go "i made it actually!" and he's like :000 and thinks it's really cool until spencer yells "DUPE" and they all get fake mad at me LMAO. i remember ian going "we're gonna sue your ass" and i'll cherish that forever. anyways then i introduce myself and say that i do art n shit and nearly forget to say my name. but holy shit guys... the second i go "my name is ana", i see ian and anthony LIGHT up 🥺 they immediately recognized me and seemed excited to see me, it was genuinely so surreal. i didn't get to talk to anthony much directly bc he was standing in the back but it looked like he WANTED to say smth to me and even that was wild. and ian was so fuckin sweet and complimentary abt my art. then i ask if we can do a friendship always wins highfive pose. ofc i ask if ian and anthony can reach each other even tho they're not standing right next to each other. bc quite frankly, what's the point of doing this pose if the besties aren't highfiving?

then the second pose was more of a surprise for @yourinterestisnotcringe hehe. we brought out a potato plush for ian to hold and he was too fuckin cute about it. he was absolutely charmed by the idea of the lil potato plush and i love this pose that he went for lmao

then as we're about to leave, ian surprises my by going "thank you for all of the cool art that you make!" and i'm just .. on fucking cloud 9. i go absolutely breathless for a moment when ian hecox, standing right in front of me, thanks me for the stuff that i make. i stutter out smth like "sorry but can i hug you?" and him being the sweetest man ever goes "absolutely!" and goes in for the hug 😭💕 it was the perfect hug and i'll forever have the mental image of his lil gold chain sparkling in the light.

then we go off to the side and @squig-s is there talking to erica and kiana again and ?? they introduce me to alé? who was so freakin cool and lovely and reached out to shake my hand. then to be quite honest we all leave the meet and greet and have a good fuckin cry bc we JUST MET SMOSH

DAY 3: panel day! we get there early as FUCK bc we have a Plan(tm) and need to be in the front row to execute it lmao. like 10 months ago we had the plan for a bunch of us to dress as that damn neighbor at vidcon and damn it, we WENT for it.

also here's ian and anthony (and damien lol) shouting us out at the beginning of the panel

the panel itself was a ton of fun! it was a live reading of reddit stories and one of them was NUTS. it was such a blast to receive a live update tbh. then RIGHT after the reddit panel ended, we had to book it upstairs to get seats for the smosh mouth panel.

I don't remember a ton from this one other than them talking about boobs for most of it. also !! krungle is returning!! i'm so fuckin excited i'd die for krungle i can't wait to have her back. also anthony was sitting on the ground off to the side of the panel and i made awkward eye contact w him a few times lol. i am also honestly bummed that ian wasn't the guest for this one, but spencer and angela were great and they really just goofed off for an hour, it was a fun time.

DAY 4: the last day of vidcon </3 there wasn't a ton on the schedule today regarding smosh, but i DID have a slot for the mari meet and greet so i made sure to go check that out and ?? holy shit ALL of OGSoG was there 🥺 i had actually met them before at a con years ago and it was so wild to see them again, i really didn't think i'd be able to. this meet and greet was SO much more chill than smosh just based on nerves. these 4 were honestly so sweet and the vibes were so fuckin goofy it was lovely ♡ also who's gonna tell joven that this isn't a heart

then we had the mythical kitchen panel! it was a lot of fun even tho i only rly knew trevor and josh oop. trevor was such a sweetheart and stayed after at the end to take some pics and i got one with him on my fuckin 3DS lmao. i love the crunch of this pic, it's one of my faves from the weekend tbh. also i pray to GOD that he wears this hoodie again. he looks so good in pink

but that's pretty much it! idk if anyone is even reading this so hi if u did ♡ it was such a magical week and i'm so so so fuckin grateful for it all

[icebrooding]

A non-comprehensive first word-vomit of my thoughts abt Janthir wilds in non-chronological order:

Poky is my son and if anything happens to him I will commit Crimes of a very bad nature. I also called he and Braham would be great friends even before it got mentioned as a possibility right at the end.

I really like what they've done with the Warclaw; not only is the new skin extremely cute but I've been having so much fun w/ it's skills. Boing boing boing.

This soundtrack fucks REALLY hard??? Like holy shit??

Isgarren soft boy story reveal (but I already knew he was soft from SotO anyway but this is probably the most explicit we've had about just how soft--)

Greer is gonna have a lot of people horny for him, I can just kinda feel it? If people want to fuck the bog queen, I can imagine people also want to fuck the sexy-voiced Titan.

The 'boss segments' sure felt like boss segments, holy shit. I had no real issues on the first Greer and Decima fights but the one at the end actually caused me a lot of issues. Not sure how, but it did.

I really love the first half of the expac being this kind of 'low stakes' feeling adventure (and really FEELING like a good adventure, the way the maps are designed and their scale making exploring them SO good ouegh), and then the latter half is this slowly ramping 'oh fuck, Titans', culminating in 'oh fuck. /another/ titan.'

I somehow REALLY really appreciate the 'we cannot do this we need to retreat' stuff. I really liked the one at the end, the Commander's hesitance before calling off the pursuit. Feels like they've really learned over the years that rushing in isn't in their (or anyone's) best interest.

I genuinely always thought Sorrow was gonna be a polar bear. Did not expect a grizzly, but appreciate the subversion of my expectations. Even after her reveal I'd expected the lowland appearance to be an illusion of some kind, but nah. Girl straight up grizzly. Gotta respect.

On that note, I did have a joke going on for a few months of 'we walk into the lowland kodan lands and just find her sitting amongst them like 'oh shit'' so this was pleasant for me lmao.

Sincerely curious on how things will go between her and Isgarren after that little catfight. I don't wanna see Dagda crushed by losing her again :sadcat: She's like the kid caught between a really bad divorce--

Can Lyhr finally meet Rand again--

Can Stoic Alder be my new dad? And can he please not die I cannot bear (HAH) if anything happens to him either ; _ ;

where is zojja

Mildly upset that we're shown not to really remember Dagonet. I REMEMBER YOU, BIG BRO :crycat:

on that note did his voice get deeper

I feel like the horror of the White Mantle came across really strongly, as someone who (still, damnit) hasn't gone far in GW1, reading the notes around Syntri really painted a really gruesome and horrific image of the sentiments at the time... it was upsetting, to say the least.

Fuck? Ether towers and Jade Constructs though--

I would have appreciated any warning from my friend abt how going into the water of Syntri was like reliving my least favourite parts of Subnautica all over again.

I'm just gonna pretend we didn't talk to Anise at the end of the story LMFAO. I did not like that, honestly.

I KNOW HE WAS MENTIONED AGES BEFORE BUT ISN'T IT FUNNY HAHA IN SOME WAY THAT MABON, VOICED BY LIAM O'BRIEN, HAS AN ALIAS FUCKIN' NAMED "OBRYN"

spear aesthetic fucks even if i suck at it

Caithe getting to sit on the fireplace is iconic. queen behaviour

look, if we're (MAYBE) going to the domain of anguish (maybe isgarren can scream enough to open a portal again for us) then can we finally just bring legavo there and go ham? i'm sure it'll be fine.

more thoughts at another point when i can formulate sentences

[lucius-morningstar]

Magic Happens?

Charlie goes to tell her dad the good news and learns something that might not be so great. While that happens Lucius decides to share a bit of news with the guys and Cherri. ----- Lucius: Alright drinks are on me, everyone. Drugs are optional but I ain't paying for em. Cherri: Fair enough, what are we celebrating Princey. Lucius: Let's just say this is more of a personal victory for me and I want to celebrate with some fuckers I know won't leave me blitzed out at the bar. Angel: Doesn't it usually take you guys a lot to get drunk. Lucius: My dad yes, mom she can hold her own, Charlie's a light weight and I've got a tolerance but it's hard to stop once I've started. Husk: So you've got a problem. Lucius: Hey Alky, don't judge you're as bad as me. Husk: I'd say worse if you didn't have a little bit of angelic blood to hedge your bets. Lucius: Fair. Angel: So why are you celebrating. Lucius: Been spending some much needed time with Clara and Carmilla didn't actually threaten to maim me this time. Still threatened me with a gun though so small victories. Cherri: That's a victory for you boy that's sad. Lucius: If you knew how often that woman threatened me you'd see it as a victory too. Angel: So Luci boy is settling down finally. Lucius: Do not call me Luci. Anyway, Charlie also suggested that I take you guys out to celebrate not only your hard work and how far you've all come but- Angel: Let me guess for how far her and Vaggie came- Lucius: Gross, don't make those jokes with me. Anyway I figured since we're celebrating, I'd bring you guys a treat. Husk: Oh yea and what's that? Lucius: I stopped by the Gluttony district and got my hands on some of bees good shit. Alcohol not drugs, Charlie told me that I was not to give you guys any drugs but never mentioned I couldn't encourage the alcohol and Bee's stuff hits you hard, it gives most hellborn a buzz so it should hit you sinners like a truck. So we'll do shots. Angel: Ooh nice, kinda got that golden angel blood ichor doesn't it. Lucius: I feel like it's intentional I nicknamed it heavenly honey though. Husky: Oddly accurate, this shit is sweet too. Lucius: She enjoys the sugar honestly, if you all end up wanting to go off and fuck around thats fine just make sure you're back at the hotel by morning or early afternoon. Deal? Husk, Angel & Cherri: Deal! * Lucius: Ugh.. Good fuckin hell.. Clara: Well it was indeed a good fuck in hell. Not that I can remember much. Lucius: Geez fuck- Wh-When did I get here. Clara: You snuck in last night smart one. Just be thankful my mom didn't hear. She would not have been amused by this. Lucius: Right right.. Eh she'll get over it. Did I bring that stuff here too? Clara: Yea and you insisted I'd try it. I'd be mad if it wasn't so good. Lucius: Bee makes good booze. Ugh, what time is it. Clara: A bit later then I'd like. So my mom might know you we're here. She's usually banging on my door if I'm not up past eleven. So it's almost one. Lucius: Shit.. I told Charlie I'd be back at the hotel before lunch. Clara: You mentioned that, then put your phone on do not disturb which shocked the fuck out of me. Lucius: Well I did more then shock the fuck out of you clearly. Clara: *Snorts* Yeah, you better get going though before my mom comes in here with her gun. Lucius: Yep, see you tomorrow though, right? Clara: You will. See ya Lucius. Lucius: Bye Gorgeous. *Quickly portals out of the room.* Clara: Ugh.. Mama is going to kill me, but it was worth it. * Lucius: Hey Charlie, sorry I seen you left me a lot of voice mails, not like yo-.. Woah what's with the face. Charlie: I uh-.. Found out something from dad and well I have to tell everyone together we we're just waiting on you. Lucius: Is it bad? Charlie: Well it's not good. Lucius: The baby okay? Charlie: Yeah but that's not about my baby exactly. Lucius: What do you mean? Charlie: Well...

[havikshoochiemama]

My Star Wars Acolyte rant >:(

This shit is not proofread LMAO it’s 5 am i’m mad leave me alone just me being the hater that i am 🤭

I originally wasn’t gonna talk about the Acolyte because clearly the show was just another emotionally immature shitty Disney cash grab with horribly written characters BUT DUDE i keep seeing ads and stuff on my tumblr NONSTOP and i’m actually sick of it .. most of you guys saw one Tumblr Sexyman and just went ham with that…We as a fandom need to stand up because Disney doesn’t care about star wars imma keep it a buck they just want to make their next mcu and they just greenlighting anything at this point

“oh but i like Andor” yeah that’s like what ever 10 shows they make they make one good one that’s not good 😭… anyways like i was saying they are literally pulling shit out their ass they are getting shit from the star wars legends that’s it’s own universe and putting it in…like excuse me ??? those books don’t follow the events of the movie so why would your show that allegedly takes place before the movies (I said allegedly because writers can’t even get characters ages right ) also i’m talking about that bs w the helmet that stops lightsabers… apparently it’s called cortosis from legends never once mentioned in any of the movies (i’m not watching them live action shows idgaf i like SOME of the animated ones) but they use it as a Mcguffin when they want bc they never built on this they just stole it from legends LMAOAA you just can’t do that  i’m literally about to pop a blood vessel 😭 i’m not watching that show again but let me critique the shit i do remember… also the “Gayest Star Wars we ever made” KEEP MY PEOPLE OUT YOUR SHITTY WORK !!! but after that man who’s to edgy for a name killed all her friends she “loved” she’s sees his face and is like wow 😍 literally thinkin with her pussy very hetro of you 💀 gah this show just pisses me off star war at its heart is a fuckin space opera and i dont think disney understands that. i literally fell in love with star wars back when i played battlefront and watched all the movies read as many comics and books as i could get my hands on and seeing something you love become something you hate is fuckin sick and crazy it’s started with me from the force awakens that movie is horrible you bitches say pretty graphics and said oh good movie 😍 NO NO it literally was just a new Hope setting everything that luke did back making him basically useless LMAO and they butchered the old characters to help the new ones which are really not that great 💀 i’m still mad that them used Finn as a token black person 😐 i could rewrite the force awakens better same characters and all and yk actually do something better (joking i would if Disney paid me to)LMAO also i hate kylo ren don’t get me wrong i love my cry baby tantrum throwing villains but he’s nawt it LMAO i’m sorry this is a rant about the shitty show YALL NOT READY FOR ME TO SPEAK ON THE FORCE AWAKENS 😭

yeah i hate that show i literally don’t wanna talk about it anymore heart emoji 😝 remember when people said the Phantom Menace was bad yeah…  at least it have character development atleast it had good world building atleast the universe was establish and yk i liked it but the prequel’s have always been my favorite clone wars literally came out on my birth year >:3 it was made for me 🤭 but i’m just a whore for world building and lore yeah… umm idk to me start wats ended with the return of the Jedi 🗣️

dont @ me idc this is my opinion and if you want to continue meat riding corporate greed that literally is ruining my fave franchise pop off if you liked the show i don’t care good for you (your def new gen star wars fan)

also Darth Plagueis ?? LMAO WHAT they just doing anything i see and why where all the jedis fuckin morons … okay ? and your main character sucked you don’t get the satisfaction of character arcs like “her joining the dark side” if there was no character building to begin with like ? it not to late Disney just burn it get it over with. Also it’s all so Fuckin boring LMAO also i can talk shit about character development and arcs all i want bc i’m writing my own novel and i’ve did a lot of research even tho this whole rant is a mess it’s 5 in the morning give ur girl a break i just really like my silly space movie okay 🥹 i literally spent a band on the Star Wars encyclopedia leave me alone

Um if you wanna argue my comments are open <3 i love arguing i’m somewhat of a scorpio myself

[turtlemagnum]

ok, gonna try my hand at compiling my thoughts on fist of the north star first. here goes nothing! warning, this post is gonna be Long, open the read more at your own peril.

i think the best way to go about this might be roughly chronologically, so i'll start at the start. i think it's interesting how very early on, the conceit is "there is but one practitioner of hokuto shinken and but one practitioner of nanto seiken, and they are sworn to never fight lest the world fall into Chaos..." and that degrades very quickly past the first arc. i will say that overall, the shin arc is a very fun, enjoyable and relatively quick watch, with mostly interesting fights, decent character designs and a mostly compelling narrative. i think one of the standout parts, to me, was when shin was actually defending yuria from his former goons while they tried to revolt. it definitely added a certain texture to shin's character where he had previously been just 100% straightforwardly the bad guy, instead of being 99% that. also there's the devil rebirth fight and that time ken killed The Entire United States Military in the same episode that he punched a wrecking ball so hard that it shattered like a christmas ornament. now that i think about it, the leader guy of the former US military was actually probably the first time we see nanto seiken used by someone who isn't shin, and i remember it being kind of a big deal that shin had violated their sacred traditions to such an extent, y'know? how quickly that went out the window

something that's been consistently good in the series was the music. the fight music, the ambient stuff, and especially the openings. all 3 of the openings are S tier, but i will say they never quite top ai wo torimodose, it's just that fucking bombastic and fun, y'know? at the same time i wouldn't stab somebody for thinking silent survivor or TOUGH BOY are better, they're all fuckin great even if in different ways at time. honestly i'm mostly surprised that an anime from back then had more than one opening, much less 3. from what i can tell that shit wasn't nearly as common back then as it was today, so i think it speaks to how deeply popular the series was back in its heyday. hell, OG dragon ball got just one and im pretty sure DBZ barely got two. i hope one day i'll be able to make music as stellar as the hnk soundtrack, really.

something that bugged me about early fist of the north star is how every fucking woman looked like yuria, just sometimes with different hair. this definitely got better as the series went on, and i have no idea if this was a problem in the manga too, but by god is it glaring. thankfully that seems to clear up ironically after mamiya is introduced, who is explicitly portrayed to be the spitting image of yuria. i think the first time i noticed that women finally look like unique people and Not Just Yuria was that one martial artist who fought with roses and shit. side note but i genuinely loved her design, the show got really sexist about her being a Femoid who fights but setting aside that i really loved her. i should learn to draw her. anyways, i like how the series improved over time in that regard, at the very least

one of my biggest problems in the series starts with shin's death. i remember when shin first died and he burst out crying, i had assumed it was just a fucked up manipulation tactic like the yuria doll, but apparently we the audience were expected to take it seriously? and like, this began a longrunning trend of a villain being like, absolutely irredeemably evil, like puppy crusher machine, baby eating, torment nexus evil, and then at the end they're all like "i just wanted 2 play on de play groundt...." and we're expected to take that seriously???? like, i'm all for moral nuance and complexity, and there are times where this whole shtick was done more tolerably than others, but in my opinion they never actually redeem somebody in a way that's satisfying. a redemption arc has to be, y'know, a fucking arc. and even if you're trying to do a redemption = death thing, the thing that makes that trope work is that they die doing something, y'know, actually good???? the reason anakin's redemption worked (aside from actually being foreshadowed pretty blatantly) was because he actually saved lukes life and died in the process. he did a good thing and died because of it. meanwhile shin, he still fought ken right up until the end and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary until he was literally seconds from dying. at least raoh had it built up to a little bit, like jesus fucking christ.

now, i will say that the arc from roughly jagi's introduction to the first fight with raoh is the best fist of the north star gets. if you're thinking about watching the show but don't wanna commit to 150ish episodes, i'd recommend watching from the beginning right up until the end of the first raoh fight. i feel like that's still be a pretty compelling 50 or so episodes, and it has literally all the best bits within it. honestly kinda sad that the show peaks approximately 1/3 of the way through it, but what can you do. anyways, enough backhanded compliments; jagi is probably the best all around villain in this series. he's an absolute bastard, he's one of the first characters in the entire show to just straight up pull a normal gun on people, and he inspires one of the most cathartic moments in the entire show. this is around when we first get into like, the soap opera shit, right? first it's a bit contrived but still cool as hell that rei is a new nanto seiken practitioner, aside from That One Scene he fills the deuteragonist role pretty nicely and is honestly the gold standard by which the rest of the series' guys can be judged off of. he's no ein or juza, but to be fair basically nobody is.

anyways like, that cathartic moment i was talking about. it was just after jagi admitted to ken, taunting him with the fact that he's actually the reason shin kidnapped yuria, and he's the reason yuria died. this, alongside the "actually the main character has 3 secret brothers that we just havent mentioned until now, and theyre ALSO hokuto shinken practitioners" is very like. soap opera/bad fanfic-y, right? but it works because in execution, it's still pulled off well, and we're still nowhere near the bullshit horizon we'd skyrocket past by the end of the series. so, when ken's finally killing jagi, there's a moment where he says something to the effect of "this is for yuria, and...." and you just know what he's about to say next, but he hesitates, and when he finally says it it's so damn satisfying, "and for me!" and the thing is that it's a deeply compelling moment for a variety of reasons.

so, the thing with fist of the north star is that, in a lot of ways, it's very analogous to a superman story where the question is almost never "will the main character lose this fight" because he's so insanely fucking broken, right? the real question is, "will this character protect those he cares about in time", that's where the tension comes from, and it comes from the fact that he is in fact a hero. that's how you write a compelling overpowered protagonist, you give him either people to love or just a love and respect for all life in general and so that always gives you stakes. i get that to a lot of people, the question of "will ken save this nameless chicken farmer?" isn't a very compelling one. but to me, it is, because he cares so deeply about it that i start caring about it. in the words of aphex twin, "i care because you do".

so, the thing is up until now ken is a very selfless character. it's to such an exaggerated degree that it becomes fairly evident that he has very little regard for his own safety or wellbeing. in the first arc, aside from helping whoever he happens across he's motivated exclusively by rescuing yuria. every fight he has up to this point isn't even for himself, really, and there's something almost sad about that. he doesn't allow himself to have needs. so it's actually very satisfying to see this strong, principled man admit that he has in fact been hurt, and that he's not just doing good for those around him but for himself as well. and it's a very natural character progression that you don't even realize is happening but also makes complete sense. there's something deeply compelling to me about a man so devoted to helping others that he has to actively learn how to live for himself, y'know? i feel like that's a relatable struggle to a lot of people, really

i will say i have one gripe about the jagi fight, and it's that it's almost perfect except for the fact that jagi dies laughing. at first it's seeming like he's gonna die in agonizing misery like he deserves, and it's satisfying well up until the point he starts to laugh on the way out. and like, i understand why it was done that way, and i'm pretty sure it was meant to be haunting, but it honestly just felt like it undercut an otherwise great moment, y'know? i want that motherfucker suffering god damnit, its what he deserves.

there's not much to say about the arc up until the first raoh fight, really. toki is really fucking cool, i love me my apocalypse karate jesus boy, and the fight with that uighur guy was really good setting aside the weird racial thing of having a character that's of a certain ethnicity and just naming them that ethnicity. like, imagine if there was just a guy in a show named Jew, and he's canonically supposed to be jewish but it's never really addressed, like that'd be weird right

i will say, the raoh fight was fucking precious, easily the best part of the entire series. it has this amazing and complex rhythm to it, where every character who tries to fight raoh ends up trying their own self sacrificial bullshit move only to be thwarted by the next guy, until there's essentially like 3 or 4 different fights going on at the same time. it's also nice seeing ken get straight up hard countered for once, like straight up he gets just as fucked up as raoh does and it makes raoh that much cooler of a villain. up to this point, ken is like, essentially invincible. he's basically post apocalypse aikido jesus, poking people so hard that their disabilities are cured and punching people so hard that their entire bodies explode like he's got the bloody mess perk. so to see someone even break even with him is a damn impressive thing, it instantly establishes your villain credentials y'know?

the thing about raoh is that i love him, very much, but i very much hate how he was handled near the end. the fights with him after the first one are very eh, the penultimate one is close to satisfying but then there's that whole "and then he randomly got away with yuria and now he's gone!!!" bullshit, and i get what the final one was going for and it's kind of built up to but i still didn't exactly like it, y'know? for what it's worth, raoh's redemption arc was probably the most well set up in the entire series, but it still wasn't actually y'know. good. like, the way we're introduced to him is by him being Ken-Oh, King of Fists, and he's this fucking tyrant who recruits people to be his slaves by giving them the ultimatum of "willingly brand yourself as my property and then be my slave for the rest of your short life or get burnt to death", and we're shown that his goons are inches away from burning lin, a literal baby child, to death. and we're supposed to just buy that he's actually not that bad at the end???

like, something i wish this series would just fucking do would be to have their villains just fucking own their villainy right up till the end. they do it before the end!!! one of the first bits with shin has him literally monologuing about how cool & good it is to be evil before busting out one of the greatest evil laughs i've ever heard from a voice actor in any media ever. the best villains are pretty consistently That kind of evil, like the kind of evil that'd make the average disney executive go "hey maybe we can chill a bit out here real quick", and that'd be wonderful if they were unrepentant about it!! it feels really forced!!! imagine if like, frieza, before the bitter end, went all "hmm, maybe i do regret blowing up planets and spending my days being space hitler...." that wouldn't've fucking worked!!! there is, in fact, such an intense degree of evil in fiction that it just doesn't make sense for them to immediately go "hmm yeah i'm a good guy now. right before i die. how about that :)". it's deeply unsatisfying every fucking time, like my god

there's something to be said about the queer coding in this show. i remember in one of the earlier episodes, there was this bear dressed as a BDSM cop and his two goons were scantily clad twinks, and internally i went "haha that's kinda gay" before he straight up kisses random dudes before he kills them. and it hit me like "oh. he IS gay..." and it's like. i don't think that's even the gayest thing in the series, really. there's that one scene where two fang clan dudes are checking out rei and the one with the binoculars is like "woah, this guy's real pretty!" and the other dude is all "well, not as pretty as me right bro???". and then there's just yuda, in general. relatively uninteresting villain, but him dying in rei's arms admitting that his motivation in trying to kill him was that he was the only other man who he found beautiful, like. i don't think there's a heterosexual way to interpret that, really! and that's even setting aside the hideous makeup he's always in! and that's not even mentioning yuria's brother wanting to "see what she(yuria) saw in him (ken)" and as a consequence, wanting to die by his hands. also ein is a bisexual icon who canonically thinks ken has a pretty face and i love that for him

the next bit after yuda was, i believe, souther and shu. now, i think souther might've been the only villain to outright defeat ken up to this point, and i think there's something that could've been interesting about that if souther just wasn't like, aggressively fucking boring. i think he's also the introduction to ki blasts, so that's cool, but the most interesting bits about the souther arc were the bits with shu. shu was a homie, very speedwagon-esque in terms of vibes if not functionality, i liked watching him at work. i will say that shu was probably the point where nanto seiken was wearing out its welcome, we're at like 4 or 5 guys whose main deal was nanto seiken and their entire fighting style could essentially boil down to "cut em into bits" and the only real variation was the shape of the bits people were cut into. i think this might've been the prevailing attitude at the time too, because they definitely pivot away from nanto seiken after this in favor of other, usually dumber martial arts

i will say that this series is, usually, very good about respecting character deaths. with one piss stained exception, characters pretty much always die and stay dead forever, meanwhile i feel like in series less committed to death mattering would've still had toki or rei around by the end of it. the exception is, of course, yuria. it was to give yuria and ken a happy ending, at least for a little while, and honestly while i kinda hate the concept the execution was still fairly competent so i didn't outright dislike it overall. i think it's stupid and retcon-y and at times feels like yet another excuse to make shin seem like less of a bad guy, but it still felt nice to know that yuria got the spend the last few years of her life with the man she loved

i liked ryuga for what he was, mostly just because he wasn't yet another fucking nanto seiken user. he's probably about on par with the elemental guys that'd go on to die to raoh, juza excluded. which brings me to, the man who is tied for Best Boy, juza of the clouds! i.e., my current profile pic. i like juza. he's probably the best thing to come from the series post the Peak arc of jagi to raoh. one of my first criticisms of the characters in this show was something to the effect of "look, if you're a handsome, muscular guy who's also ungodly fucking powerful in terms of martial arts in a world where martial arts is fucking magic, And you're in a post apocalypse? all i'm saying is that you could have basically any girl you wanted CONSENSUALLY, like seriously shin just ditch yuria and build yourself a harem of all the women that look exactly like her". and juza did exactly that, and i love him for it. i'd like to think i'd be like juza, in his universe, not quite the top of the totem pole in terms of raw power but still well above every normal person, saving women from being abused and letting them join my harem if they want, living in a fucking castle with a pool/bathing house? that's the dream, man. that's the fucking dream.

now, that's setting aside juza's whole "wanting to fuck his sister" thing. like, to be fair, yuria's his half sister, but seriously dude what the fuck is it with everyone in this show and yuria. ken and all 3 of his brothers were into her, juza was into her, shin was into her, if there is a man in this show and he knows yuria there's like an 80% chance that he wants her. what's the fucking appeal? like yeah, she's pretty, sure, but so are all the women in this show!!! personally i'd rather date like, a martial artist lady who could actually defend herself, but that could just be me. well, that's like the only thing wrong about juza to me, and honestly while that's a pretty significant flaw you can still say he's literally one thing away from being flawless, so that's pretty cool. god i love him

now's about when we get into hokuto no ken 2, where the main difference is that lin and bat are actually useful now and i'm pretty sure lin wants to fuck kenshiro now, which still weirds me the fuck out. my other favorite character in this show, ein, is the most american fucker on earth. like literally he wears an american flag suit, has blonde hair and blue eyes, is a fucking bounty hunter, and literally rides around on a killdozer driven by what i'm pretty sure is a slave. literally cannot get more american than that, i just hope that the slave guy is like a former bandit or something. little known fact about me, one of my biggest turn ons in a piece of fiction is when a character is a bounty hunter. something about bounty hunters just fuckin gets my brain goin, y'know? i remember when i played the GTA online bounty hunter quests, they were straight up some of the most fun i've had with GTAV and i still think i'd enjoy playing a game where that's the main mechanic. also, at first glance he's a wife guy, but it turns out he's a loving father which makes him even better. it's even acknowledged in universe that he's cool as hell!!! i love him dearly

viceroy jakoh is a decent villain. he's enjoyable to see die, at least. we also meet falco, who's a homie, and honestly i think it's pretty badass that he's a canonically disabled character who's shown to be strong and capable and yet is still clearly held back by his disability. he's a bit like a proto edward elric, in that regard. honestly one of the most sharp inhale inducing scenes of the show was when jakoh swept his prosthetic out from under him and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him, frankly that was an egregious way to make a villain hateable and it was honestly very effective in that regard. gento koken is ok i guess. at least it's not nanto seiken. honestly that whole "celestial emperor" thing felt rather contrived, but eh.

ok so, around this point in the show is when one of its worst aspects really starts to become apparent. so like, it starts out relatively normally when ken is shown to have a few brothers that we didnt know about. it's not that absurd, it makes some amount of sense, the hokuto brothers remain some of the best characters in the entire fucking show. and now all of a sudden, yuria has a brother we didnt know about, and a half brother, and now we meet raoh and ken's biological bigger brothers and after a certain point it just feels like bad self insert fanfic, y'know? and that's what kaioh is to me, it feels like somebody thought raoh was cool and thought "heh, what if i made my own OC that's raoh but even BIGGER and STRONGER and MORE EVIL", like that's what kaioh feels like to me. and then ken's bio brother is just ok, i already forgot his name despite it not being that long since i watched the final arc

but the thing is that kaioh is just like, arguably the most cartoonishly evil villain out of the entire fucking series, seemingly completely unrepentant, literally regularly talks about existing in the "Dark World", straight up kills his own sister just to make ken's brother wanna kill ken, the dude is just bitter and evil the whole way down, so when he pulls that "i just want 2 play on the played ground" bullshit it rings especially hollow even by the standards of the show. god, fuck kaioh, he's just poorly executed overall

the biggest part of hnk2 that i actually liked was shachi. i liked how he was essentially a stupid kid that lucked into being taught unearthly powers basically on par with hokuto shinken, and as such got a big head over it even though at his core he was still a good kid. hokuto ryuken sure felt fuckin contrived, it kinda felt like the writer(s?) noticed how the hokuto brothers were some of the best, most interesting characters in in the original series, and were just like "yeah let's do that but again", and while i guess it doesn't not work it also doesn't work all that well either. hokuto ryuken sounds cool though, even if "north star lapis lazuli fist" doesn't.

another thing i liked about the last parts of the show were that, while definitely not martial art wizards, bat and lin were still deeply competent fighters and put up a consistently good fight against Real Fucking Fighters, which you really wouldn't expect from bat's cowardly ass growing up. i will say that i always thought lin would make a good successor to hokuto shinken, but that might just be wishful thinking. there is a quite prevalent undercurrent of misogyny in this series, and while i understand that it wasn't exactly uncommon in the 80s, i gotta say that i still feel like they could've done better. i dunno

all of this is to say that i liked fist of the north star, very very much. i'm not sure i could recommend it without a laundry list of caveats and disclaimers, but i will say that if my interminable bitching hasn't put you off of it, it's probably for you. it's got a lot of good fights, it scratches that little kid part of your brain that thinks it's so cool to see a guy get kicked in the dick so hard that his entire body explodes, it has great music and mostly competent writing. if you think about it too hard, you will cry, so don't do that, just go along for buronson's wild ride and fuckin enjoy yourself. i probably wouldn't recommend it to someone who's not like, already an anime fan and already likes shonen though. it feels very of its genre, if that makes sense. which i guess it should, given how foundational to shonen in its modern forms as it was

[readingismyhobby24]

HI FAITH HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY??

so at work i had to reorganize a library, which was a lot of just pulling books off shelves and slapping stickers on em, and the sheer amount of romance books in that library was ALARMING. so I was fighting for my life listening to a really fuckin funny podcast while i pulled all these books off the shelves with frankly hilarious tho rather uncomfortable cover art, and then I realized this lady was just standing behind me like: 🧍‍♀️and I almost SCREAMED, she scared me to death

what did she want you may ask? absolutely nothing. she just blinked at me and walked away. i didn’t hear her come up behind me AT ALL

anyways it got me thinking, as most things do, about LU, and I know in my heart Four is the one who just stands there very quietly in an unnerving way, and people don’t hear him comin’ up behind them. Like they turn around and he’s just: 👁️👁️

remember to drink some water and get food if ya need it 🫶

- crazylittlejester

HI JES!! IM DOING GOOD!!! How are you doing?

Oh my goodness, that's so funny. Stuff like that happens to me all the time, and I think I lose a good five years of my life every time. And then I'm also the person that gives people heart attacks on accident. Like, I've accidentally scared people waaayyyy too many times and I feel so bad every time. I've had friends say they are going to buy me some sort of bell just so I could make noise when I walked over 😭😂

I also feel like this would be Four. 1000%. I love Four so much.

Also, I am well hydrated and fed right now, thank you for reminding me. I do actually and genuinely use your reminders. They are very helpful. I hope you remember to take care of yourself as well 🫶

Hope you have a great rest of your day/night my friend!!! hope you are feeling better as well 🩵🩵🩵

@crazylittlejester

[mieczyhale]

fumbled and stumbled my way through watching the third season of heartstopper. i did a lot of pausing and muting (i had captions on, as of halfway through the first episode anyway, so i didn't miss anything conversation-wise, it's just hard sometimes to listen to certain things and reading it can be easier) (note this only applies to short things like voicemails or tv show / movie captions) i don't think i really skipped over any bits, if i did they were so minimal and rare i don't remember lol i wanted to see it all, i just can't handle a lot of the things that i knew were going to be in the season so i had to try and get through it in whatever ways would make it easier

part of me feels like that means i didn't really watch it, or like.. idk.. my brain is just trying to make me feel like i need to rewatch it "properly" but i don't think i can handle it without the pausing and muting and moment or two of skipping. i really don't think that i can. and that should be okay right?? to adapt the way i watch something so i can deal with it??

it was really good, to nobody's surprise, just like the previous two seasons. it was accurate, the acting was phenomenal, the music fit, it was just great all around.

i just.. can't get through it like a normal person. not when so much of it is so personal and so close. even the parts i did listen to were really hard to get through and i cried.

and it's not like using captions and not listening doesn't count as watching. it's okay for people who can't hear so why should it be any different for me to do it?? i say - trying to get my brain to shut the actual fuck up

ugggghghdfskjhlsdeljkhfgs

it's good. great! and i'm glad i watched it. really glad.

but idk how much of it i'm going to be able to watch a second time like.. ever. i'm sure i'll watch some reaction channels, the ones who do like.. the whole reaction but only post some of it y'know?? and then you have to join their patreon to watch the full thing?? those are a bit easier to get through. and i really do wanna see other people's reactions to some of the stuff. gays watching gays reacting to gays is like.. it's always a good time.

watch the new season if you haven't. fuck it - watch the show if you haven't. it's a fuckin masterpiece. but also please read the graphic novels. before or after you watch the show. either way. the show sticks like glue to the source material (part of what made me so anxious to watch this season. knowing what was coming) and the graphic novels are AMAZING. and the art style is cute as fuck.

and then after you do that check out the novellas: this winter and nick & charlie. oh and solitaire-

listen. read the whole universe alice oseman has blessed us with, watch the show, and then come and be emotionally compromised with me about it

it's so worth it

[thetobiroppofan]

one piece rant #1: the gay evil pronoun

im nervous to start this off cause what if some random incel comes in saying "erm snort actually this is wrong" like go kiss my ass basement dweller I am a 15 year old trans boy do not fw me yu dcikhead :(

anyways I wanna talk abt doflamingo today

Doflamingo's honestly a great villain, in my opinion. This is WAYY different than like.. a great person. He serves as a good driving force for the plot and I think he like is honestly kinda well-written. I mean, the guy's morals and stuff are downright despicable as expected of a villain. I don't know how to add gifs I forogt

ok so I figured it out woohoo anyways

Starting off, his backstory is honestly fuckin' sad as hell understandably, I mean obviously he's still a dickhead I mean like one of the first panels of him going down there was "where are the slaves lets buy some"

little ugly fuck........... anyways

Quick explanation for anyone reading who a. doesn't know his backstory or b. just wants to read; Doflamingo's family was originally celestial dragons (a whole society 'above' the rest of civilization, generally they're hated by the public but their word goes above anyone elses, even the Marines at times, so people have to keep their shit together) but his father decided to move down to the real world as regular nobles.

yeah so that was a bad idea.

his family was borderline fuckin JUMPED over their former status as world nobles, and were forced into poverty, his mom died, and yada yada he shot and killed his own dad and joined the pirate life. I'm just rereading one piece again after a 2 month break, on alabasta, so details might be off do NOT take my word for granted chat

but like you get the gist, former noble goes down to civilization, is tortured, gets inducted into the pirate life, etc

the reason he was inducted was through trebol, since he saw young doffy and went "yeah that kids got potential" and not in the drake way

Trebol's the guy on the left, the uglier one

yeah so basically over the course of dressrosa (The arc where doflamingos the main villain), we learn more tidbits about his actions like how he took the head of his father back up to the home of the world nobles and asked to rejoin the celestial dragons (he was obviously rejected) and ykw I forgot to mention: doflamingo has a BROTHER. his name is Rosinante, and he's a great guy but he ends up working for doflamingo (spoiler alert: he's not actually there to be a good brother he is a spy) but over the course of the backstory, Doflamingo's newest member, a young Trafalgar d. water law

yeah he's lowk ugly as a kid but it doesn't change much when he grows up

side note: I love how ugly some op kids are like its just funny anyways this isn't abt law that's a whole other rant

anyways so law joins the donquixote pirates (Doflamingo named it after his last name, donquixote) and I'll talk more abt law's stuff later in another rant along with Rosinante (doflamingos brother) however all you need to know ATM in this rant is 1. Rosinante and Law leave to find a cure for laws disease+rosi discovered law has 'The Will of D.' (I'll need to explain that later wont I) 2. Rosinante already ate a devil fruit and if u weren't aware already u cant eat two dfs or else you DIE

happy father son bonding moment

oh btw

During their time out, Rosinante and Law get a call from doflamingo telling them to come back so Rosinante can eat this devil fruit doffy planned to steal called the ope-ope no mi (remember what I told u sister.) so he can cure law

yeah so

since rosinantes a marine he stops that, and hides law in a chest after forcefeeding him the devil fruit and skipskip andddd oh no

OH FUCK!!!!!!!!! ROSINANTE DIED.

oh btw you see the unshaded bright white chest RIGHT behind him

you'll never guess who's hiding there.

tragedy strikes.

but this ain't abt two tragic found family LOSERS (i don't mean this I love them both guys please I have a law Funko and plush I'm a mother) this is abt evil incarnate right here in a bright pink feathery coat and fuckass glasses

anywyas law goes on the run finds his crew this ain't abt him we're focusing back on doffy

so like skipping allat stuff we are now in the time when doflamingo says "fuck it" and decides oh yeah lets take over

an entire kingdom

thats what normal pirates do anyways.

So using his devil fruit the Ito Ito No Mi (which allows him to manipulate strings, allowing him to be like spiderman and also be a puppeteer which btw that reflects his char so much like gyattdamn!) he demands a beri sum of like 10 billion for this king to have his nation left alone before he like takes over him, puppeteering him to slaughter his own people before coming to the rescue yadadyadyaydyaydyaydaydysyay8dy8

so yeah

he takes over dressrosa, actingg as a 'hero' and he and his crew rule over the kingdom now

I don't think I've talked abt sugar yet but she can turn people into toys and form contracts, and that's what she basicallyy did with people who either a. doflamingo didn't like or b. spoke out against the pink feathered fuck

thats part 1 for now mainly just a backstory dump

i am insane

thanks for reading chat this has been a Quinn tm rant

[spoopydooblr]

My King Will Be Kind Chapter 1 / Kendall Roy x OC

an: hiiiiiiiii first time posting here ughhhh anyways enjoy this kendall fic bc i binged succession with my roommate

pairing: Kendall Roy x Original Female Character

tw: mentions of drug use, cursing

Stella fixed her black Valentino dress in the bathroom mirror of the club. She looked okay.  Not bad, not great.  It was hour three at the club, and Stella was really over it.  The bass felt like it was pumping through the walls. She needed a break from the craziness. It was usually like this, work all week and stupid events like this all weekend. And this weekend was her friend's birthday.  

Not that she didn't love her friends—or the free drinks.  And the guys could be fun...sometimes.  Tonight they partied with some semi-professional baseball players who were okay at best.  One even tried to follow her into the bathroom, but she declined.  

Even now, four movies and two shows under her belt, Stella struggled to a guy that actually gave a fuck.  Her most recent role, a side character in HBO's Delirium, was by-far her biggest break.  They had just wrapped season two, so she was taking some time in New York to work on her writing.  By dumb luck a studio was interested in her writing and wanted some pilots.  After spending the last few years in Los Angeles, Stella decided to come back to the east coast for a bit.  

So here she was now, walking back from the bathroom of some club, trying to think of the best excuse to leave the party and get the fuck home.  Stella weaved through the VIP line, arriving at the private section where her friends were.  The baseball guys were still evident, but two other men--in very expensive suits--stood with the group.  She made her way over, grabbing a drink from the waiter.  It was time to find the birthday girl and say goodbye.  Stella spied her friend from across the room, but was interrupted by one of the suit-men.  She immediately recognized him.

"Roman Roy." He stuck out his hand.  

Roman Roy.  Son of media bigwig Logan Roy.  Stella knew exactly who he was.  Not that she was a big fan of business stuff, but she knew all about ATN and their hateful broadcasting.  She knew all about his billionaire family and their insane antics.  

She shook his hand reluctantly.

"So you're a big deal I hear?" He laughed. "Well I've never heard of you."

"I've been in a few movies—" She started, but is again interrupted by him.

"Argh, actress, never mind." Roman scoffed at her and made his way to another one of her friends.

Stella was just drunk enough to feel pretty embarrassed. Normally, she would brush something like this off, but he was an important person in the city.  The Roy's could make or break her career if they really wanted to.  They controlled the media.  Hell, they were the media.  

"Hey. I'm sorry about my brother." A deep voice said from her side. "He's a fuck."

Stella looked at the man who was now in front of her. The first thing she noticed was how tired he looked.  The second was that he was Kendall Roy.  And he was just as hot in person.  

"Oh, um, it's okay."

"I'm Kendall, by the way." He held out his hand. He had a fancy ring on his pinkie finger.

"Stella."

"Matchstick Funeral." He said.

Stella couldn't help but light up. "Yes!"

It was one of her first roles. She played Jude Law's estranged daughter. That was three years ago, now.

"It's my uh, ex-wife's favorite movie."

Stella laughs, accidentally. "Sorry, um, wow, I feel like a lot of people don't remember that film."

"It's so fuckin good."

"God, thank you, wow."

They stood there for a minute.

Stella decided to play dumb. "So what do you do?"

Kendall laughed nervously. "Uh—"

Stella batted her eyelashes, then laughed, "I'm kidding, jeez!"

"Oh," Kendall smiled. "I suppose you're familiar."

"With the sexual abuse on the cruises?" She continues. "Or your rap song?"

Kendall scoffs.

"Before I was, um, like this." Stella gets quieter. "I loved celebrities and all that. I read like, every magazine." It was true, she loved stealing her mother's People Magazine as a kid.  

"Ah, I'm surprised you're even talking to me, then."

"Me too."

"Do you wanna uh, go outside?"

She was still a little unsure about him, but she wasn't really a fan of crowds and honestly really needed to smoke.

"Yeah, sure."

Kendall led her to a private balcony. Stella had never been to this part of the club, even with her own notoriety.

"Do you smoke?" Kendall revealed a pack of American Spirit yellow.

"Well," Stella rummaged through her Prada purse. "Not nicotine." She pulled out a joint.

"Need a light?" Kendall asked, moving towards her. Stella put the joint in her mouth, leaning over to Kendall's lighter. She pulled away quickly after, the scene becoming more and more intimate.

This was the same guy that yelled "Fuck the Patriarchy" to paparazzi last year. And he could be her dad. He probably wasn't that old, but he had to be a good ten years older. At least.  She remembered the tabloid photos of him snorting cocaine off of a strippers boobs.  Didn't he have a couple of kids, too?

Stella took a long drag of her joint.

"Can I get a hit?" Kendall stated, and it's as if they're teenagers hiding weed from their parents.

She nodded, handing him the joint.  He didn't look like he was on anything else, so she obliged.  

He took a long drag and looked her up and down.  She felt objectified, but it kind of turned her on.  Kendall probably knew that.  

"I bought a fucking company today."

"What?"

"Me and my siblings.  We bought Pierce."  She kind of knew what he was talking about, based on the Twitter trending page from that morning.  #Roy was third on the page.  

Stella laughed,  "Congrats, Kendall."  She touched his arm, mentally noting to stop drinking and smoking so much.  It was crazy to her, all this.  He casually dropped billions of dollars and goes to the club.  

"If I called a car right now, would you want to uh, go to my place?"

Stella couldn't believe it. Kendall fucking Roy.

"I don't really do that sort of thing, I'm sorry. It's like an image thing, and I'm so young I can't—"

"Of course." He looked genuinely disappointed.

Stella cursed internally as she whispered, "do you want my number?"

"What?"

Stella rolled her eyes. "You heard me."

"Maybe I just wanted to hear you say it again." He smirked.

[inkedmyths]

S2: E1 "In My Time of Dying"

Brought to you by hi, I'm not dead, just very sleepy a lot because of school. Finally answered all those anons, now an episode. Just for you guys.

This episode featuring: Dean's on strike 2 with the near death nonsense, Sam's psychic-ing needs work, don't fear the reaper, and Certified Dad Moments

Woooo recap

[ Kayla: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOON ]

WHSHSHSH THE RADIO GOING as they're like half dead in the car

Oop there goes the demon

Oh no the poor guy that was posessed

RIP Sam is the only one still conscious

Morning sleeping beauty

Hm. Maybe? Creepy empty hospital? Whats up here

[ Silas: color theory ]

Is Dean having one of them out of body experiences

HE SURE IS I CALLED IT

Cmon Sam aren't you psychic

[ Anniss snickers, having apparently forgotten what this guy gets up too. Yeah Sam's just sort of psychic and it's only relevant like half the time. ]

Dean's standing here like AAA IM RIGHT HERE GODDAMMIT

Sooo true Sam but like yeah it is important

Protection since they might be attacked at any time

Dean (out of body) judging their Dad

OH NO THE CAR

Whshshsgsgsv where's Dean is he going MY CARRR

Ohhh Sam are u projecting onto the car

Ohh Bobby knows someth too... what are they hidiiing

Dean is like I WANT TO BE ACTUALLY AWAKE THIS ISN'T FAIR

Oooough hes yelling at his dad... who can't hear him........

UH OH

Somethin zoomed by

Is Dean gonna have to outrun Death or someth... who dis

Hmmmmm thats not good

UH OHH

Oh they are fighting and now Dean can't intervene

OH Dean can knock stuff around!!

WJSHSH DEAN

Uh oh Dean

OH NO

Bitch slap it bitch slap it

Oh Sam is picking up on somthing now!

Okay so there is something haunting the hospital

Dean is going to literally be fighting for his life

Oh someone else is stuck like this!! Hi Tessa! Out of body funtime party! Trying not to die!

Oh whatcha grabbin Sam?

Whshshs now we are just vibing as out-of-body spirits

Oh the spooky! The evil spooky!

Hmmm

Whatcha got there Sam are u gonna put it on Dean to try and talk to him

WAIT DOES HE HAVE

HAHAHAHAHHAA

OUIJA BOARD THATS SO FUNNY

Dean is so offended and put off

"Hunt"

"Reaper"

Hough

:(

Uh oh John is Gone

Ur a terrible father sir

[ Crepe says this is his highest point in being a father, which is terribly ominous. ]

Just a little light Demon Summoning

U h O h

ohhhhh

John buddy what the hell. Literally! Lol. Since we're summoning shit

Hello Demon(s)

MAKE A DEAL?

I don't like this but I guess we have to start somewheeeere

"You can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that" wjshsj love functional families

"We were just starting to be brothers again" AUGH :((

WHSHSHS SHES JUST GIVING HIM THE STAGES OF GRIEF

Damn this is heavy

A Warrior's Death

Ohh. OH THATS HOW ANGRY SPIRITS ARE BORN..... Wough.........

The Colt for Dean.......

Hm? Sam and the other children? Whats the deallll

[ Crepe and Melon are hyping up the upcoming Father Moment. ]

Oh no! Oh boy! Im a fear!

I kind of like this Reaper tbh she's just. Nice. Talking people through their deaths.

[ Crepe says they all do that. ]

Yeah I guess the last one was leashed and pissed about it

OH NO

what the fuck

The doctor: Hm well thats fucking bizarre

Dean doesn't remember????

"Except this pit in my stomache saying something's wrong..."

Hm

Hmm

John: (apologizes and asks not to fight)

Sam: Are you good?? You okay???

(The answer is no)

GOD. Being about to die is one helluva wakeup call. BASTARD

Dean: ??? Fear?? Worried??? Dad what?????

Oh hes telling him someth

???

Dramatically drops the coffee

Howd u drop it upright

Time of death 10:41 AM

Well damn!

Great start to season 2: Dads fuckin dead!

---

I guess that's one hell of a way to kick things off for the season, but damn. Like, after all that work they put into trying to find their dad, then trying to help him, save him... and he dies anyways. So Dean can live.

Crepe and Melon spent several more messages just roasting the hell out of John Winchester, which, while it's probably fair, rather took away from the emotion of the scene LMAO

So uh. Gonna be interesting to see how they go forward from here and what their goal will be.

So. Dad Winchester is dead, the Colt has been taken by That Specific Demon alongside its last bullet, and Dean and Sam are here and traumatized. Interesting.

[pesterloglog]

Davepetasprite^2, Jade Harley

Act 6, page 8003-8007

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JADE!!!!!

JADE: d-

JADE: davesprite???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B33

JADE: youre alive!

JADE: and... very different :o

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its davepeta actually

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and yeah i am different!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < got this whole other person mixed up in me

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < her name was nepeta

JADE: ohh...

JADE: wow!!!

JADE: im so happy to see you, even if you have gone through some uh... pretty big changes!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!

JADE: so what are you doing here?

JADE: are you asleep too?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah im awake

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and like "actually here" and stuff

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i just decided to fly away up to the sun like a fucking piece of garbage after all

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like i always said i would

JADE: haha

JADE: you did?

JADE: i dont remember that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah i said stuff like that sometimes

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jade i used to be fairly depressed

JADE: yeah...

JADE: well i DO remember that

JADE: you seem to be in pretty high spirits now though :)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes im doing fucking phenomeownal

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but fur real im not actually here to visit this sun

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i flew here as a point of reference to get my bearings

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im actually on my way to go fight lord english

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < have you s33n him

JADE: no

JADE: ive spent the last... however long, hiding from him actually

JADE: with calliope

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < who

JADE: shes my new friend!

JADE: well, i guess one of two new friends by that name, technically

JADE: one of them is presumably back with our friends now

JADE: the other just... quite literally flew away up to the sun

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like a fucking piece of garbage???

JADE: NO :P

JADE: she is quite dignified and aloof as a matter of fact

JADE: i sincerely doubt she has ever done ANYTHING like a piece of garbage

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok heheheh

JADE: anyway if you want to find him

JADE: i would guess all you have to do is follow his trail of destruction

JADE: see the cracks?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < good point

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i could sniff him out

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < except i dont know what he smells like

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i guess i do know what some people who will be NEAR him smell like

JADE: like who?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < vwiskers, for one!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < also supposedly a staggering dick ton of ghosts

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ill just smell around for where the ghosts are all at

JADE: sounds like a good plan!

JADE: jeez dave i...

JADE: or davepeta rather

JADE: i missed you so much :(

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < awwww

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sorry harley

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < id say i missed you too but it was barely a day ago i last saw you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this version of me i mean

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i made it all the way through the thr33 year voyage with you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess the one who made the trip with you wasnt so lucky huh

JADE: no

JADE: he and john died not long after we departed

JADE: i was so lonely

JADE: but i dont feel too bad now that i know it all worked out, and their deaths were just part of something bigger going on

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < right johns absurd time hoppy mission

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so fuckin glad some non dave dude could finally grab the reins on the time travel bs

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i guess im purrsonally so grateful to him because without his succession of handwavey dorkstunts i wouldnt have become davepeta which is literally the best thing either of us has ever b33n!

JADE: thats great!

JADE: its so nice to see youre happy now

JADE: even if technically i never got to be a part of that journey for you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you did

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ive got a lot of different dave memories in me and theyre all part of who i am now

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < including the memories you contributed to

JADE: oh...

JADE: cool!

JADE: so what were things like in the timeline youre from?

JADE: how was our trip together?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was good mostly

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < kinda turbulent i guess

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but that was mostly on account of me being a miserable bird douche

JADE: haha

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh also we dated for a while

JADE: WHAT? :O

JADE: omg

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was nice for a while but then i put a stop to that

JADE: why?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 again: bird douche

JADE: wow

JADE: i cant believe i missed this :(

JADE: even if it didnt go that well

JADE: its still something i would have gladly taken over the loneliness of that trip

JADE: i cant even say how much i thought about you both

JADE: and to hear that you and i actually...

JADE: *sniff*

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B??

JADE: im sorry dave...

JADE: davepeta...

JADE: i guess calliope is right, this must be part of my path

JADE: as a space player... someone who "falls back" as she said

JADE: maybe being pushed aside by fate, and like

JADE: being deprived of important people and experiences

JADE: no matter how painful it is, or how much you feel like you need them

JADE: i guess thats just how it goes for us

JADE: i think i never appreciated how much of a burden your aspect was to you

JADE: but i think im starting to get it now

JADE: it just took a long time to figure out what mine really meant

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so THATS what space means?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < bein lonely??

JADE: thats a bit of an oversimplification!

JADE: but i think that can be one of the results of gaining a deeper understanding of it

JADE: or becoming connected to it more...

JADE: i dunno, this stuff is all pretty mysterious :p

JADE: i dont have it all figured out yet obviously

JADE: i just feel pretty sad that as i get closer to understanding my abilities and true nature

JADE: it apparently means being deprived of some important experiences

JADE: like i get closer to my aspect, but further away from everyone i love, and further from...

JADE: feeling like a person?

JADE: its just a really empty feeling after a while

JADE: empty like...

JADE: space i guess

JADE: heh

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you werent actually deprived of important experiences

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < stuff like us dating and johns stupid birthday parties and playing shitty ghostbuster mmos

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that stuff all happened to you, its just you dont have access to the memories

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < they didnt happen to shape this particular version of yourself

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but they all played a role in helping like "greater jade" grow if that makes sense

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in an advanced sprite form like mine tho its fine

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess the same spritey magic that makes it possible to suddenly understand so much is also what makes it possible to make it bearable all at once

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not even just bearable actually sorta liberating and cool

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so maybe thats starting to happen for you too

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the space aspect sounds like a hard and lonely road to travel... i think they probably all are

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but youre gettin there jade

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you are doing great and im so proud of you!

JADE: :')

JADE: thanks davepeta

JADE: i really cant believe it

JADE: you sound so different... but youre still dave in a way

JADE: its hard to say how happy it makes me to see you doing well

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah likewise!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean assuming you are doing well

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ARE you???

JADE: i... think so

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hey what are you doing out here anyway

JADE: im asleep

JADE: i want to go join our friends and help out

JADE: but im not supposed to wake up :\

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why not

JADE: i dunno

JADE: im just not!

JADE: calliope said i was too strong or something

JADE: but she also said i should have "fun" so

JADE: i dunno

JADE: i guess im just waiting around for the right moment

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah thats dumb

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you should be able to do whatever you want

JADE: really?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well at least she was right about the having fun part

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe thats what she meant??

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe she was leaving it up to you in a mysterious way

JADE: leaving what up to me?

JADE: the decision to wake up?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sure why not

JADE: but i dont know how!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i do

JADE: .....

[valla-chan]

copying this from my own tags cause actually i want to talk about this on the post after all.

Warning: Long text! feel free to skip!

I feel like having one parent of one kind and one of the other made me this fucking mess that i am now, in a way. It was never explicit or outright but it Never Needed To Be.

I would get harassed for my nails and hair and mannerisms and be made the butt of jokes that i didnt understand by one parent, and then the other would tell me im great the way i am. i guess also there was some kind of ongoing speculation between them as to what my sexuality was?? i do remember that.

It really created this strong, unrelenting feeling that i have a very narrow path to tread before people begin speculating on the different ways that i'm actually somehow fucked up or weird in an unlovable way, but as long as i tread lightly then i can toe the line.

of course, my life has improved since then because they split when i was a preteen (#aayyyy) but it did last long enough to do damage...

(otherwise how else do you explain trying to always "lose people's trail on you", when you feel like theyre onto stuff going on in your head? Trying to maintain the image people have of you, so they dont fall apart at how disgusting you actually are, or instead start drawing uncomfortable connections that will lead to them to that realization anyway? “Finding out”? Finding out what? Who the fuck knows by now! but theyre gonna find me out! and then theyre gonna hate me!)

Results?

For at least a decade and a half everyone has been “Going to Find It Out” about me and i have no fucking clue what that means anymore. because ive already come out and transitioned n shit, and ive been fine for it. that was like my biggest secret for a while. But that feeling of people i care about "finding out" is real enough to keep me from doing anything! (other than hrt cause i woulda literally have offed myself if i had to live even 5 more years as a guy... so thank fuck for the support yknow lol cause otherwise i would have figured out some DIY shit under the table by then. but other, more surface level pursuits still feel off the table, because they are not motivated by literal death if i dont do them in time.)

But its like... the damage is already done.

ive got a supportive family. even the worst of most of them have come around.

But those mental patterns are Mine now. Those thoughts are not theirs to take back anymore.

I have internalized those years of uncomfortable treatment into my own mind and how i work. thats on me now, and im trying to explore and help myself now and its hard.

So make sure to constantly tell your kids that you would love them even if they turned into a fuckin slug. And more importantly, that you accept them and promote them for everything they want to stand for even if you dont agree. Cause MAN, even for maybe not intending to do anything wrong、that shit influenced and ruined every interaction and decision in my life since! Theres no taking that back, even if done on accident through just being a goober parent influenced by current social norms! So imagine doing that level of harm on purpose!

You will create a kid that doesnt have to wonder on the extent of the bounds of how much they will be loved, they will KNOW those bounds. They will feel those bounds in every decision they make and every choice they consider. They will know FOR SURE that they will not be loved for themselves、and that will be on YOU.

and a word of advice, love their potential too... love their choices and their visions and the people they look up to. Cause people change. They are designed to.

you cant just love someone for who they are now and not those other things、or they will be stuck in trying to be that person for life.

And to anyone who reads this who knows me, hi! If this says anything about me as a person, then good! It should!

I think that my mid 20s are going to be some of the most intense self reflection ive had yet, and hopefully that actually goes somewhere unlike how it never does. so forgive, me voices and memories, for becoming someone who i like and who the people i hate don't.

[detectiveapparatiagreen]

Chapter 1: The Hesperides

My best friend (@ozarkgobbler) is editing this and she caught a lot of really stupid mistakes, so thank you for not letting make an idiot of myself on the internet!!! Anyway, this is the next chapter of my thingy. I'd love to hear what you want/don't want to happen, or if you think the main character is annoying or not. Thanks for reading!

Note: I did some editing, so now instead of being a dodgy place, the Hesperides is more swanky and uptight. I think it fits better, so just know I changed it from the original.

..............................................................................................................................

I remember watching Sweeny Todd once and thinking to myself: if this isn't peak Tim Burton. Black and white and goth all over. But, standing at the entrance to the park, I see he's not too far off about London. It's pretty bleak. The cobblestone streets are caked with filth, and mice are rampant. Now, would I say it's a hole in the world like a great black pit? I mean, that's pretty harsh.

What's weirding me out is the clothes, more than anything. Those who are out and about this early are dressed to the nines, it seems, with stiff collars and petticoats and bonnets. No skinny jeans or sweatpants? Not even that one white guy wearing jorts no matter the weather? Suspicious. Street lamps line the sidewalk, with actual candles inside of them (although they must have been put out by now, since none are burning). A horse-drawn carriage comes across into view, trotting down the street. Weird, is it like a tourist-y taxi service? There's a boy, probably early teens, standing on the corner with a jacket reading a newspaper and smoking from a pipe. I approach him casually.

"Heya, what'cha doing?" I try to keep my language calm. I don't want to freak the kid out, being a stranger approaching him, but he is actually smoking. Are his parents around here somewhere? He looks up and sets the paper down, taking the pipe from his mouth.

"A paper's two pence," he remarks enthusiastically, holding out his hand. Oh buddy, when was the last time you washed your hands? Dirt is caked under his fingernails and in the lines of his hands. It takes a second for my mind to get over the hygiene and I shake my head in disbelief.

"Did you say two pence?" I think that's like… two pennies or something, in UK currency. There's no way a newspaper costs so little.

"Yes ma'am. Bes' paper in London," he asserts like it was a line he's said many times before.

"Cool. Do your parent's know you're smoking? That stuff's bad for you," I mention, trying to put on my adult voice and get back to the matter at hand. I don't think it works, as the kid scrunches up his nose like I said something stupid.

"Wha'cha mean? You batty or somethin' lady? Get lost or buy a paper!" he exclaims, putting the pipe back in his mouth and crossing his arms as he sits on the stack of papers, eyeing me with an annoyed glare.

"Look, I don't want to get you in trouble, but smoking is very dangerous," I attempt again, and the kid shakes his head in disbelief.

"You my mum or somethin'?"

I am not getting chewed out by a pre-teen right now. "Look bub, all I'm saying is that when you're thirty five and have the fuckin' black lung and ten different types of cancer, don't go crying and wishing someone would've told you that smoking is bad for your health."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, and I sigh in reply. Where do kids get the audacity to talk to grown-ups with all the sass? I would've never done this as a child. "Anyway, can you tell me where I am?"

"Mayfair, are you daft?" He asks like it's obvious.

"No, I'm just lost," I explain.

"Two pence for directions."

"I don't have British money."

At this he looks at first with mild disgust, then an odd curiosity. "American money, then?"

"Yeah."

"Lemme see."

"Hell no," I reply, holding my purse away from him. "I don't trust gremlins that smoke."

He stands up and tries to reach for my purse. I reach around him and grab a paper while he jumps, pulling my satchel behind my back so he can't reach it. "Hey, me paper!"

"I'll give it back, this is important," I correct, raising my eyebrows to say, 'Bet you wish I was nicer again, huh? Nah, that ship sailed. I look at the date: April 24th, 1884. Bullshit. "Hey, what's up with this?"

"Wot do ya mean?" He snatches the paper away from me.

"I mean why does the year say 1884? Is it a weird typo or something?"

"Lady, you are batty, It is 1884!" he states like it's obvious, and I mean…

Okay, so, the cobblestone streets, the paper being suspiciously cheap, the fancy dress clothes, the carriage. It makes sense that it would be 1884. However, logically, there's no fucking way. I mean, I'm still a little fuzzy on… pretty much everything, but that has to be at least a century before I was even born. There's no way this is like a holiday or something where the entirety of the capital of England pretends they're back in the 1800's, so…

Yeah, I got nothing. I pretty much just have to play along until I figure out what the hell is going on. I need to blend in until I find Doctor-Fucking Who or Marty McFly. Stop with the pop culture references, you're annoying me. Okay, humor is my coping mechanism, firstly, and secondly, you are my inner monologue, so we're the same person. Yeah, but now you sound crazy.

I shake my head to get rid of the intrusive thoughts and look around. Smog above the rooftops that blend into the cumulonimbus clouds, the smell of stale pee wafting around but getting stronger when facing towards the houses, and then in the street there's a pile of horse dung just sitting there that I didn't notice before. Rubbing my eyes to give my brain a moment to process it, I turn back to the newspaper boy. If I give him one of my pennies, will that fuck up the timeline? What choice do I have? I mean, I could not buy a paper, but I need to know what the H is going on.

"Can I borrow that for a minute if I let you see an American penny?"

"The paper?" The boy clarifies, and I nod. The wheels in his head turn as he mulls over my proposition. "Fine."

Snapping open my coin purse, I dig around for a penny, and hand it to him. He ogles it and I pick up the newspaper. The headlines are mostly political (but not comprehensible from an outsider's view— what is a Tori?) and some information about horse races. I flip the page and blink at what I read:

Wanted: Assistant Detective

Pay: £ 5 per case basis

Qualifications: Good planner, quick study, hearty conversationalist, dry humor.

If Interested: Seek Madea Thorne at The Hesperides

"What's the Hespierides?" I ask, sounding out the word.

"A pub near here," the boy explains. There's a special place in hell for whoever decided to name a bar something that hard to say. Imagine saying it drunk. It sounds kind of promising though. I look back to the newsie, who's stares at the penny then looks to me with a disenchanted face. "'S just a coin, innit?"

"Yeah, pretty much," I agree, and hold my hand back for it. He returns it and grabs the paper, tucking it under his arm. "Do you know where the Hesperides is?"

"It's that way—" he turns and points down the street, then cocks his head to the side. "Then you go thattaway—"

"Can you take me there?"

"You daft?" He turns back to me. "I can't leave the papers!"

"No need to be rude, young man," I scold, and he scrunches up his mouth. "What street do I turn on?"

"Regent street. You be careful, miss."

"Why's that?"

"The Hesperides is a swanky place, it is. I wouldn't be surprised if you got thrown out, if you take my meaning."

"Oh, great," I sigh. I mean, there's not much else I can do at this point, right? Maybe I look bad, but if I'm meeting someone there for a job then we could at least go somewhere else. Being with a detective, maybe they've seen something strange or have a theory as to what's going on. As far as my options go:

Get a job as a detective's assistant, which seems pretty cool. See if I can glean anything weird around London in terms of time-travelers.

See a doctor and talk about how I think I'm from the future, get sent to an insane asylum, and get lobotomized.

Go to the police and talk about how I think I'm from the future, get sent to an insane asylum, and get lobotomized.

…?

Go to Iceland and become a goat? There it is again, using humor as a coping mechanism.  Shut up

Seems pretty straight-forward. I hold out my hand to the kid for a fist bump and he seems confused. I clench my other hand and show him what to do. "It's an American thing, like this."

He punches the air in front of him with excitement, and I properly fist bump him. "There you go, attaboy."

He smiles, then looks down at the pipe he was smoking.

"You seem like a bright kid, I think it would be a shame if you got hurt later on in life because you made poor decisions now. You should stop smoking," I encourage, readjusting my satchel. He shrugs.

"Nah, what do you know anyway?" He argues. Does this kid like me or not? Like, we shared a fist bump, dude.

"Alright, little man, but I warned you." I say ominously, widening my eyes dramatically for effect. He rolls his eyes and I smile a little bit. Although he's a pesky squirt, he gives off pretty good little brother vibes. "What street am I turning on again?"

"Regent!" He replies, then scrunches up his nose. "You know, you never paid for the directions."

"Next time I see you I'll let you hold a quarter," I promise, winking slyly as I carry on. The boy looks unimpressed.

"You's a batty lady and a cheapskate!" He calls after me.

"Watch your mouth before I call your mother," I threaten, which presumably does the trick as he doesn't say anything back. I head down the street and listen as a clock chimes somewhere in the distance, yet resonates with all the matter around me. Dong! One, I count, trying to find the sign for 'Regent Street', but not seeing one yet. Dong! Two, I just need to walk a little while longer. My feet ache from my trek in the forest. I'm beginning to notice bug bites on my arms and the backs of my shins. Dong! Three. The guy at the park said it was five thirty earlier, so it's probably around six, right? Dong! Four. A black bird caws and flies down from one of the rooftops, landing down on the sidewalk and hopping over to one of the buildings. Dong! Five. It pecks at a couple blades of grass in between the stones of the road. Upon finding nothing, it begins to take flight again. Dong! That's six.

The sign for Regent Street is a simple pole on the side of the road with a wooden slate on it in the shape of an arrow pointing left and right. Another horse-and-buggy comes into view and I wave to the driver, unsure which way to turn.

"Care for a ride, miss? Just a quid if it's not too far," he explains, slowing the horse down. My feet are killing me, but I still have no usable money.

"No, thank you. Can you tell me which way the…" Fuck, I forgot the name of the place. "It sounds kinda Greek, starts with an H. Hesperides?"

"Aye, ma'am. The Hesperides is just down thattaway—" he points to my left, "Though, looking the way you do, I doubt you would have much business there."

"I'm just meeting someone!," I explain. Geez, this must be a pretty high-end place. I doubt a bar is going to be open so soon, I think as I reach the adjacent sidewalk, but continue along anyway. I could just wait outside. Does the UK have laws against loitering? A couple people exit through the buildings lining the road, two women and a man all from different doors, but only a couple moments apart from each other. One of the women in a gray dress shakes out an umbrella and then uses it as a cane to help her get down the steps as well as grabbing the bannister and creeping down slowly. The man holds the door open impatiently, then a little scottish terrier trots out happily. I can't help but smile at how cute the little guy is, hopping down the steps of his house and then waiting for his owner to lock the door behind him. It seems like the houses and the stores are mixed in together, with little apartments smushed between store signs for hats or deli meats.

The Hesperides, on the other hand, is a stand alone building with a wide window at the front, showing a wide array of tables and booths, and a liquor bar on the right hand side. Oddly enough, there's patrons inside, I count four of them. Two men at the counter, talking to the waiter about something, and then a couple sitting in a booth. Either they serve breakfast here, or they're alcoholics. I enter cautiously and the bartender nods in a greeting. I force a smile, though I'm sure it comes off as timid, and head over to the counter.

"What can I get you?" He asks when he walks to meet me. His accent is different from the man at the park; more posh.

"I'm actually looking for someone. Madea Thorne? She posted a wanted ad in the paper."

"Ah, looking for a little bit of adventure?" He winked, then leaned away from the counter. "She's a regular here. I'll give her a call and tell you're waiting."

"Thank you," I express, and he nods and walks over to the wall where an old timey telephone is attached. He picks up the receiver and I can't help but smile at the memory of home phones attached to the wall back in my time. Oh no, I'm going to be one of those old people that goes 'Back in my day…' aren't I? I try to act normal, but I doubt I can. My clothes are covered in grime, I have no usable money, I have no idea how I got to the country, let alone this time period. But, getting a job seems like a stable start. I'll have time to freak out and scream into a pillow when I have a roof over my head.

When the bartender comes back he pours a drink and sets it on the counter in front of me. "I don't have any money, I'm sorry," I explain.

"You look like you need it," he replies, and nods to the glass. I take it and smell, my face contorting wildly at the sharp odor of ethanol. "Not a big drinker?"

"Not at six o'clock in the morning," I defend, but down the drink anyway. It tastes awful, honestly, like drinking nail polish remover. Still, I'm not in a position to turn away hospitality.

"That's a girl!" He encourages when I set the glass down wincing. "There's a bathroom in the back, you can clean yourself up."

He walks away then with one of the bottles and heads over to another customer, refilling their glass and chatting lightly. I get up and head over to "the back", I guess, and find a swanky hallway with an organized stockroom and a clean bathroom. Dang, even the toilets look nice. Color me impressed I close the door and turn to the mirror.

Holy shit I look awful. There's scratches and dried mud on my face, my white blouse is soggy and stained, and my skirt is nearly ripped to shreds at the bottom. My hair has three or four twigs and leaves tangled in, and is frayed out. If I had spent a whole night headbanging to Aerosmith I wouldn't have this much frizz and chaos.

I approach the sink and begin to wash my face. All the grime sticks to my face at first, but with resilience and determination I manage to get my face looking semi-normal again. The clothes are a lost cause, but there's no help for that now. I wash my arms in case I scraped against any poison ivy or something dangerous, and sigh. Still look like shit. Thanks, you too. Same person, dumbass.

I finally am able to dry myself off with the raggedy towels in the bathroom, and stare at myself in the mirror. I've seen my face many times before, every day, but today something feels different. Not look different, I still have all the same physical attributes, but it feels like a different person is living underneath my skin. And that's called body dysmorphia. I literally traveled back in time over a hundred years. I think that might be it. Maybe a little body dysmorphia. Ugh, fine… maybe a little.

Exiting the bathroom I head back to the front of the bar, and the bartender makes eye contact and points to one of the booths. I see the back of a woman with short hair in the booth, facing away from me.

There's Madea. Time to not fuck this up.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #148

Have you ever seen an alligator? Yes, both in the zoo and wild.

When you first wake up do you check your cellular device? Yes, because I'll wanna know what time it is.

How well do you think you’d... work out, in a Christian school? Well this depends; my last college was actually a Christian college, but they didn't push any sort of doctrine onto students; I loved the school, even, they were great people. HOWEVER, if I was pressured into a religion by a school (isn't that illegal, anyway?), I'd get kicked out real fuckin fast.

Do you like Kanye West? Nope, not as a musician and DEFINITELY not as a person.

Do you have any lockets? No, I've always kinda wanted one though, haha.

Do you make kissy faces in pictures? ugh no I'd rather you just shoot me

Do you know your social security number (or equivalent) off by heart? At this moment, I do, but I very often forget the first three numbers.

Do you know a Stephen? I don't.

Green or purple? Purple.

Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No, I wish!!!

Has religion ever come between you and somebody? Yes. It's especially the reason I'm not friends with Mini anymore, because due to her faith, she was trans/homophobic and also extremely pro-life. Her selling pro-life stickers and stuff following the overturning of Roe v. Wade was the final fucking straw, like congrats for benefiting from women having their fucking lives ruined.

Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, something about my liver as a teenager, I don't remember the details. Everything was fine.

How long has your favorite animal been your favorite animal? Since 2005 when Meerkat Manor came out; I was nine.

When was the last time you spoke to your mom? Lil while ago in the kitchen.

Do you have an Instagram? I have three, one being a personal one and the other two for different types of photography.

If so how many posts do you have? None have a whole lot, but I don't care at all to count.

Can you juggle? Absolutely not, never been able to.

What’s your favorite color combination? Probably black and gold.

Have you ever seen your favorite animal in real life? Only once at the zoo in 5th grade. :( They moved them somewhere else afterwards.

Does your cat purr really loud? (if you have a cat) Haha yes, Girt refers to his louder purring as "lawnmowering" and it's so accurate.

What’s your mom’s name? Donna.

Do you have multiple friends with the same name? Not really "multiple," no. The only case where name confusion happens sometimes is when me or mom and Girt's family say "Ashley," because both myself and Girt have an older sister named Ashley. We kinda just have to use context clues to know which one, but even then there have been instances of not realizing the other Ashley was the subject.

Have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night just to talk to someone? No, but someone has done this for me, and I'm going to be pained for my entire life that I never got to hug and thank her.

Do you watch The Simpsons or any other cartoons? No.

What's your favorite kind of jam/jelly? Grape.

What have you last been diagnosed with? Hypothyroidism, officially, following some blood tests after being taken off my old thyroid med to get a baseline; it's apparently majorly severe, which explains a WHOLE fuckin lot. I'm on a different (and supposedly more effective) med now and will get more tests later to hopefully see it stabilize.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? Red Robin, for Mother's Day.

Do you believe in psychic ability? Absolutely not and it's infuriating that people are willing to scam generally vulnerable people like that. So-called "mediums" are even worse.

When did you last have pizza delivered? It's been a good while. I've been craving pizza actually, but I'm avoiding even suggesting it as best I can, especially after meeting my nutritionist and having fresh motivation to eat better.

What's your favorite decoration in your place of residence? I'm not sure, we have quite a lot of stuff up, especially in the living room.

Have you ever held a chicken? I know I've held a chick, but never an adult.

Are you hard to please? No.

What’s your least favorite genre of TV show? I hate those shows like Maury or Jerry Springer shit, stuff that puts people's private lives on display for ridicule and likewise purposes.

What’s your least favorite genre of music? Probably country. I'm not into rap either, but at least sometimes the non-vocals are fun or interesting.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father? Idk, nothing that is extremely obvious, at least to me. I'm pretty sure Dad was born dirty blonde though, and I was too, but his hair turned black and mine brown.

How about your mother? Height and general weight, but she's still smaller than me, especially post-chemo. Our skin is also similar, both in paleness and also freckling, at least on my arms. She has it more widespread and obvious than I do.

Which friend of yours has the prettiest, most unique name? I have always thought Alon was a beautiful name. I've never met or known another person with it.

When it comes to nose piercings, do you prefer a ring or stud? Studs.

Does your job have any restrictions on piercings and tattoos? What are they? I'm unemployed, and while I know there's plenty of people who would call it petty, I wouldn't take a job that perpetuated the "tattoos and piercings are unprofessional" shit.

Do you want or have your belly button pierced? It's not and never has been; if I had a certain kind of body, I'd absolutely get it done, but for some reason I'm really weird about me personally getting one at my size, despite the fact I'd cheer seeing another woman my size getting it done. I'm just very uncomfortable drawing attention to my abdomen.

Ever been in a physical fight? How did it go? Nope.

Do you like swimming? Do you have a pool? I like swimming a lot actually, I love being in water and even more I love the sound of it, I like watching light on it... but I don't swim a lot, partially because I hate getting changed out of wet bathing suits (and I actually wear swimming pants too because I don't want to show my legs, and THEY'RE the worst getting off), but also we don't have a pool. Growing up we did, but at this house and the last one, we didn't.

Is anyone you know racist or sexist? How do you feel about it? Oh certainly, especially here in the south; you see racism more, but both are fucking awful and I openly think you're fucking garbage if you hold prejudices like these.

Do you like mint-flavored gum? Yep.

If you house with your parents, do you pay rent to live at home? Why or why not? Do you know if your parents will ever make you pay rent? If so, when? I'm unemployed, so no. Even whenever I do get a job, I'm doubtful Mom would ask me to, but I'm immediately contributing whether she likes it or not.

Ever have sex outside of a relationship? No, that's not for me.

If a taken person pursued you and you were interested, would you do anything with them? No, I'm not going to be someone's second choice.

If you had a hot cousin, would you have sexual relations with them? Jesus Christ, no. Incest is majorly fucking gross to me.

Have your exes gotten better looking since you dated them? I don't know; I haven't seen most since we dated. I've seen a single picture of Jason in more recent times, in which he had full facial hair, but it was a candid photo at an angle so I couldn't really digest how different he really looked.

How often do you expect your SO to talk to you (either through texting, phone calls, etc)? I would be concerned if he didn't message me for an entire day, because we generally talk quite a bit throughout every day. I'd worry something was wrong.

How tall do you stand? Haha I found out the other day at the doctor I'm exactly 5'4.6'', so that's why I hear 5'4'' from some people and 5'5'' from others.

How many people are in your family? I consider my immediate/most base "family" to be my parents, two full-blooded sisters (I just don't see/interact with the halves enough... though I wish I did), my older sister's three children, and Girt, his sister, her son, and Girt's mom. Oh, and I guess Kim too, Dad's wife, but she will NEVER be what my biological mom is to me; I don't even call her "Mom" or anything of the sort, she's just Kim. AND THE PETS!!! Roman, Venus, and Cookie are all absolutely family in my eyes, and even Girt's dog Charlie that I haven't seen THAT many times is family to me.

What color is your keyboard? Black, but the keys light up red.

Do you have a laptop or a desktop? Laptop, it's a lot more convenient imo.

What were you doing at midnight last night? I'm pretty sure Girt left right around that time, but I was nearly asleep so am not totally sure.

What woke you up this morning? At some point my body did naturally, and I just barely dragged myself out of bed to go take my thyroid med (I have to take it at least 30 minutes before eating and my other meds), and then I didn't wake back up until Mom got me up for my psychiatry appointment.

Are you picky about who you give your number to? Oh for sure, I barely have any contacts in my phone.

Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes, very.

Do you know anyone who suffers from depression? Yes, myself among MANY other people.

[TW: DRUG USE] Have you ever injected a drug? No, not into that whatsoever.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Definitely as a kid, as well as on Jason and Girt.

Of all your exes, which one is your least favorite? Sara.

Do you prefer to be cuddled or kissed? Depends on the mood; I'd always be up for cuddling Girt though, while I don't always want to kiss, but on the other hand there are cases where I don't just want to cuddle, either.

Your most recent ex says they still love you. You say… lol no she doesn't, this isn't a situation I can even picture.

Who was your first boy/girlfriend? Aaron was the first guy with the title, but Jason was definitely my first real significant other.

How did your first kiss happen? We were playfighting on his bed, he pinned me, so I kissed him.

Where did you meet the last person you were in a car with? She gave birth to me.

When was the last time you had a box of chocolates? What kind were they? Valentine's Day, from Girt. They were different flavors and fillings.

Of all your relatives & close friends, whose birthday is closest to yours? My youngest niece's, I think.

Did you have a cake on your last birthday? What kind? No actually, I wanted donuts instead.

Where do you think your best friend(s) is right now? He should be at home, unless he had to go out for something today.

What is your central philosophy in life? To act with love and that love is something worth fighting for, and that is in all forms, not just romantic.

What moral code do you follow and why? Treat others how I'd want them to treat me, and to never, ever hurt/kill someone unless in very literal self-defense.

What is the person you are most dependent on (your dad, the welfare office, your personal maid, your seeing-eye-dog, your mailman)? My mom. I feel like her kid that never truly grew up, and I mean that negatively. She never asked for a child that would always be a parasite on her.

What expletives do you use in surprise or irritation (swears, gasps, yowza, etc)? "Jesus Christ" and "fuck" happen the most I think, but sometimes "shit" or "god(fucking)damn" happen.

What are the five worst things possible to happen to you? Depression and mental illness as a whole + the suicidal ideation that comes with it, a traumatic breakup, way too many hospitalizations that didn't benefit me, my parents' divorce (in terms of how I handled it, it NEEEEEEEDED to happen), and honestly I think the muscle atrophy in my legs.

What is the worst you’ve ever been injured or sick (broken arm, cancer, hang nail)? A wicked stomach virus that had me puking relentlessly, I'm talkin' to where you're barely getting bile out and your abs are in agony.

What object(s) do you like to keep near you? My phone, more than anything else. I tend to like to have a drink of some sort too, I drink (not alcohol, just in general) A LOT.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad.