#i want hard copies of everything
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brought home a boxload of old family photos. there’s one of baby quill with a puppy, another proudly holding a tots tv easter egg (very 90s) and another with the worst fringe you’ve ever seen
#brought them home to sort + scan#also gonna surprise my mum by cleaning up her wedding album and making a version with bigger photos#(last year i illustrated a wedding photo and framed it for christmas. i love my mum a lot)#i need need need to make photo albums of me and my bf’s time together#i want hard copies of everything#anyway lots of memories on the brain tonight. feeling pretty raw#quill to paper#personal
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so about there being 4 pinocchiop bug girls
#was thinking before with or without me came out that i wanted to draw them#and realized that im drawing 4 characters i can just draw them in the weezer pose#sorry.#anyways working on this was killing me i got really lazy at the end LOL#i kind of copied the lighting from the reference images i had for some of them which makes it funnier because it looks like they were just#Placed in the Weezer Dimension. which is a lot funnier#its like “oh i like this cause i drew a lot of hard/annoying things for me” and “i hate this i got so lazy working on it”#but whatever because. i like pinocchiop and i like it in the end. everything is ok#my art#vocaloid art#hatsune miku#vocaloid#pinocchiop#with or without me#kodomono shikumi#killer spider#secret himitsu
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every lets player in the world is cookie9
#the stanley parable#cookie9: i wish there was a skip button#every lets player: oh hey ive got an option to skip this guys dialogue. lets not question my desire to do so at the soonest opportunity#despite us scoffing at the suggestion of a skip button with the narrator just a minute prior#we dont actually have an opinion on that we just want to get to the EXCITING CONTENT faster! slam that button baby!#like. do they see what they're doing#are they fucking blind to the themes here#the BEAUTIFUL ''this has obviously been made due to the narrator's insecurity but it won't make anything better and now you are forced to b#complicit in this gradual tearing down of everything that makes him HIM''#i dont think any of these people have used a literary bone in their bodies on this ending#same way they all shy away from ANY serious content in the game#make your jokes! laugh it up! don't look at the REST of the game! the part that wants to talk to you!#the bucket is made for them in the way the skip button was#get past all that nasty hard choice by not engaging and get right to running around vapid copies of things that used to say something
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My research methods discussion group makes me feel like a fucking genius holy fucking shit. I have never met people more dumb and unwilling to do work than this assigned group I got stuck with this semester
#we have to do group assignments and turn in one copy#(we have to switch who turns it in each time)#and we all get the same grade which is why i am so furious#the last 2 assignments we have gotten a 70% and a 60%#FOR THE EASIEST FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS#BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO PUT IN THE TIME AND EFFORT#they act like the prof is strict with grading and gives hard assignments#but they are just fucking horrible students#i wish i could take over everything and do the assignments by myself for my own grade#istg they make me insane#skys post
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"Love" A poem by me :)
I love harder than the sun loves the stars
I love harder than the ocean loves the moon
I love harder than the desert loves monsoons
I love this hard to ensure I fit your expectations right up to par
If you love me like the birds love the sky
And need me like the earthworm needs dirt
If you love me like a sailor loves the sea
And need me like a king needs his queen
Then you'll get all my love and more I promise; that, you will see
Hold me like the universe holds it's galaxies
Hold me like the forests hold their animals
Protect me like a clam protects its pearl
Protect me like a bear would protect her cubs
Do these things and you will have earned all my love
I love harder than the sun loves the stars
Harder than the moon loves the sea
I'll protect and hold you close to me
Like the most important gemstone in my heart
Because when I love
And trust me, I love
That love becomes a form of art.
#poems and poetry#writing#love#hard love#intense love#i love her so#shes my everything#my one and only#ive decided to post all my writing shit#have fun with this yall#short poem#poets on tumblr#poetry#poem#original poem#original work#my own words#dont copy#ill find you if you do#ill take your kneecaps.#for real.#writers and poets#sometimes the things i write make me want to rip my hesrt out and straight up eat it#random tag time so i get reach:#autism#(dont worry im autistic)#nurodivergent#books and reading#romantic#last tag lets go boys
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#BACK FROM MONTREAL HIII#workin on that animatic for my brother so i ca get him to watch an ep of monkie kid.. clenches fist...#i wanted to work on frames on the drive there or while at the hotel but the problem is i didnt have time to make the rough copy on paper#before i left.. and i have to test the frames on premiere while working on it which i couldnt do cause i was away from my pc orz#idek if im going to keep this frame i keep wanting to redo it. i want to get it done tomorrow since i have a day off#this was rtunning in the back of my mind the whole trip and it frustrated me to no end.. but i had fun in montreal!!#its hard to find good parking because everythings in french theres no parking lots and where you can and cannot park is extremely vague#but i liked the science center and the biodome.. i kind of prefer the academy of sciences in LA just because there are so many animals#but i like how the biodome was an open enclosure. walking around old montreal was cool too#wip#doodles#lego monkie kid#lmk
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Being on stream for Takoyaku 2-gether! commentary necessitated some sort of pngtuber, and as you can see I went a bit. Um. Overboard with it lol. The Ichihime and Marie Grand Fest cosplays were topical for the tournament theme but the Ceroba one was just a fun thing for finals (also may have been a practice of sorts đź‘€)
#art#digital#me#ichihime#ceroba#marie cuttlefish#mahjong soul#splatoon#undertale yellow#Good to have a pngtuber! I probably can’t stream though cause it turns out my ram is abysmal#Also I’m glad just moving the head and arm and redrawing the face and part of the upper arm actually ended up looking good#cause I didn’t want to have to redraw everything#but this was still QUITE HARD with all the outfits#I even had to use opaque lines for once so the layering wouldn’t look weird#also the ceroba outfit was made after all the others and I didn’t make the originals in a way that it would be easy to add another outfit#so I had to move all the stuff again and line it up with the other talk sprites#and I copy and pasted the face so I wouldn’t have to redraw it lollll
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feeling really mournful over the files i lost when my computer died. all the stuff from the past year-- some of the best and coolest and most important art i've ever made-- is gone. a lot of them are on the internet but it's not the same
#theres a small chance i could save it but i dont really have my hopes up#ive tried everything i personally feel capable of and im at a point where the only way its happening is if i take the hard drive somewhere#but theres clearly something wrong with it#so idk if theyd be able to do anything for me#i keep getting really upset when i want to pull up a file i made just this summer and i fucking cant#i have to pray i can find it on discord or something and im upset about it#both of the big zines i worked on are gone too i dont have ANY of that artwork#the only surviving copy of anything from unicorn dysphoria is a pdf i just so happened to put on google drive#sigh.#woofbarkmeow
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Read the Little Mushroom manhua up till Chapter 21 because of the gorgeous gorgeous absolutely scrumptious art style and nice plot + worldbuilding especially after one of my college courses had me falling down a speculative fiction rabbit hole –> it was not enough i need to devour the novel –> novelupdates has it posted but it ended up not having any actual chapters posted T^T –> maybe one more google search won't hurt –> finds properly translated, complete chapters, in an epub RAHHHHH
#like that's a gold mine#i remember how hard i tried looking for a copy of lovesickness since my friend wants to read junji ito works too and it was like the#internet was scraped clean of it the only ones i was finding were either more popular works#are in spanish#pay per view#or links that lead to viruses đź’€#that's why i thought it'd be hard to find a full epub for little mushroom lol#btw i found the manga on a site i always read manga/manhwas at idk why i didnt go looking for there first that site has#quite literally everything lmao#yeah that experience maxed out my happiness with this one#im ready for tragedy#// maple#manhua#webnovel#cnovel#little mushroom#epub
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Me starting another bg3 run where I will make virtually all the same decisions in mostly the same order as if there isn't different branching paths
#the horrifying idea of things going differently if i choose something different#my ass sitting here wanting other content for it as if i'm not actively refusing to make the choices to get other content#i've still only romanced astarion bro#i had my og. the EXACT copy of my og but durge this time.#began a karlach run to romance wyll and am still in early act 1 so nothing will happen for a long ass time#and i left that because i missed my paladin. the party feels incomplete without them bro#started a rogue/fighter run of one of my ocs retrofitted into the game.#but also am incapable of staying true to the character cause i'll miss stuff if i do and i need to do EVERYTHING explore EVERYWHERE#nearly couldn't get over the hurdle of having no strength and no speak with animals (so karlach and wyll gotta speak to critters)#then just started a sorcerer to try to really push myself to branch out. but all it did was reaffirm that being a spell caster sucks#no jump cause no strength no health no armour no decent melee. like motherfucker pick a struggle#luckily that oc is into music so sorcerer-bard here we come#but every single one of these bitches is good aligned#(and anything i SHOULD do different i don't cause there's still different varoeties of good but alas)#still haven't romanced another party member (but that's not ENTIRELY my fault!!!!)#my og/og durge was the same person i couldn't just romance someone else. they got with astarion i don't make the rules#karlach WILL romance wyll if i ever get farther in#my rogue/fighter oc is heading the baldur's gate for his boyfriend and they have an open relationship so he COULD fuck other people#alas he would never due to his own issues#BUT THIS WILL CHANGE#my sorcerer/bard (who is the boyfriend of the rogue. just imagining the plot as if he was on the adventure or rogue was in baldur's gate)#and he WOULD fuck other people no strings attached#so my goal is to fuck all potentially non-monogamous party members#so lae'zel shadowheart astarion#wyll is a slow burn so that's emotional depth we wouldn't put in#gale is king or monogamy (plus him and this character together would make the rogur pass the fuck out)#karlach is complicated because of the no touch thing? hard to say how much emotional depth ends up required there#meanwhile shadowheart has mentioned she does no strings attached hook-ups#lae'zel propositions you ten seconds in for a good tumble#and from romancing astarion i know fucking the first time seems like it'll just be casual hook up time and i needn't go further
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Me and my bf's con haul, as well as a few prints!
#I'm really excited about the smash 64 it was only $20 cad!!#the vendor had a bunch of rare games but they were all a bit overpriced#like $60 for the crustiest copy of Luigi's mansion with no manual#BUT all the japanese games were like $20 each so i got this!! really excited since we need 64 setups for tournament#also it's HARD being a Kingdom hearts fan in 2024 what you see here is almost all the KH merch in the entire con#no prints or anything. but the stuff i did get is absolutely beautiful#also sooo happy jelly ultra had a table there i wanted to get one of everything from them. tons of paper mario stuff#also i got lots of stickers this year i love the nanalan ones and the smash gay sticker#also my bf won that ttyd cube in a draw!!!#OH and in that cloth bag is a 'silent princess' candle based on botw and it smells like fruit loops!!!?? exactly like them???
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Putting my two cents in that Veilguard is a good game... just not a good Dragon Age game. I used to beg on hand and knee for a remake of origins and 2, but now I think they should maybe just leave them alone...
#dragon age the veilguard#ive been stewing in the veilguard tags for ages#i like the game but i also hate it for not being what fans wanted it to be#instead they marketed it towards new players and kinda gave us nothing#(yaaas queen give us nothing)#everything feels too clean and not enough nuance#ive been dreading feeling like this ever since the news about the 3 choice worldstate#it would not have been hard to make a game where our choices mattered#but i think making their specific vision for the game mattered more than the players#it feels like fanfiction. genuinely think they copied some of the plot reveals from a popular solavellan one#a love letter with no understanding for why other people love the games
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i will always advocate for skipping classes btw. to all the high schoolers following me: don't sweat having a perfect attendance record it quite literally does not matter. if anyone tells you good attendance is important for being considered for scholarships they're lying to you. my attendance was fucking abysmal and i was offered several full-ride scholarships because my grades were still solid and that's all 90% of colleges care about.
and besides. taking care of yourself - whether you need a mental health break or you're tired or you just frankly don't want to go to that fucking class - should always take priority! now don't take a page from my book and skip a month and a half's worth of pe classes because you ditched One Time because the coach said he was going to make everyone run a mile that day and then he kept trying to get you to "make up" the mile that you missed so you kinda just stopped showing up until he gave up on you forever like please know that you should go to class regularly BUT.
i think taking time off and leaving early and such needs to be normalized. for school and work. i don't think it's fair to punish people for needing breaks. the human brain is literally not made to sit in the same stifling environments for 8 hours almost every day and just focus on "working" or "studying" and "learning." it's very cruel to deprive young, still developing minds especially of proper breaks and time to Play (not that it's not cruel to do the same to adults)
if the system won't give them to you freely though... well. break the rules a little. you know your limits better than anyone. don't try to work to an impossible standard. rest when you need to!! it's very, very easy to burn yourself out, but it's very, very, very, very difficult to recover from it
#i believe all teachers should have flexible due dates on their assignments and should accept late work without penalty#like. i can't fathom the purpose of strict due dates and no late work policies. the only Real deadline is when grades have to be submitted#maybe a week or a week and a half before that hard deadline can be the last call for turning in missing work#because obviously if 15 students turn in All of their missing assignments the day before their teacher has to finalize grades like#that's not going to end well for anybody. but outside of That#there's no fucking point in no late work policies. some hs teachers are idiots man like your kids have 6-8 other classes yknow.#and a life outside of school. jobs. sports. clubs. friends. time for themselves so they can unwind and recharge#do you want them to rush through your assignments and get everything wrong? or copy all the answers off of google?#or do you want them to learn what you're teaching them? if you want your kids to learn you have to be flexible and open#i believe there should always be an alternative to taking tests. they work for some students but not everybody#if you cater to only one style of learning and only 1/8th of your class learns and retains the material like.#that's not the kids' fault. it's not their failure. it's Your failure for not being an actual fucking teacher#ugh. can you tell i'm extremely passionate about this Lol#sometimes when i tell people i want to be a teacher they're like are you sure...?#and then at some point we might have a conversation about the education system and i'll go on a tirade and they're like i understand now.#starts punching walls and stuff
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what makes a sunflower a sunflower? a brief post on symbolism, aesthetics, & harper yi.
sunflowers are, honestly, literally everywhere on my blog, as i'm sure everyone has noticed by now. i have the lyrics to sunflower by allie x all over my carrd and in my tags, but i wanted to do a post explaining why i associate harper with sunflowers, and what this imagery means for him.
young sunflowers are heliotropes, meaning they follow the sun across the sky. mature sunflowers, however, don't. mature sunflowers point in a fixed position (apparently usually east?) because their growth stops, so they don't really need to anymore. there's a whole scientific process behind this, but this is as deep as i'm going to get into the actual science of the circadian rhythm of flowers. this post is about harper! more under the cut because i totally rambled while writing this.
so, why is he a sunflower? they're his favorite flower, for one, and he thinks there's nothing like a sunflower bouquet in the summer to brighten up his apartment. but more than that, there's something kind of poetic about them, isn't there? young sunflowers chasing after the sun, following something they'll never reach? it's in their very nature to follow the sun's warmth, to depend on it, only to let it go and stand on their own once they're old enough.
harper's like that, always chasing the fulfillment others give him and depending on it to get through the day. he builds himself up based on the warmth he receives from his loved ones and uses it to guide himself ... but can he stand on his own? does he want to?
the answer is, ultimately, yes, but ... it's so hard. to be himself. to be alone with himself and stand proudly, and to accept that he's whole and doesn't need the crutch of approval to be who he is. to accept that he's grown up and can thrive in the sun without depending on it and feeling worthwhile is so ... hard. it's about self-love and growth, really, and the idea that he can overcome his hardships and be something worth caring about. worth loving.
there's also the layer that comes from the lyrics i love to use everywhere: i'm a sunflower, a little funny / if i was a rose, maybe you'd want me. roses are beautiful, and everyone loves them. they're the perfect image of romance and they're the right flower for any occasion. he feels like a sunflower in a world of roses. it's not to say that sunflowers aren't beautiful, or that people don't like them, but they're different. not as loved as roses. they're just distinctly different, and, in harper's case, he doesn't see that as a good thing.
he's so deeply tired of being different, of not being enough for everyone. his otherness is what keeps him feeling like he'll never be able to stand alone. he's stuck trying to be something he's not to make other people love him. and what for? why does he want other people to love the image he's created instead of wanting them to love the authentic him? he goes to so much effort to erase his differences and be what he thinks he should be. if you can have a bouquet of the most perfect red roses, why would you want a silly little sunflower that can't do anything outside of the sun?
all of this is to say that harper is, at his core, a character whose arc is about growth. his ultimate goal is to grow into himself and not need the sun to thrive, even if he enjoys the warmth. it's about realizing that he, like a sunflower, is beautiful and loved, even if he's not quite the standard he sees other people meeting.
one day he'll be kinder to himself, but for now he's going to keep following the sun.
#« if i could i'd change overnight & turn in to something you like. » about.#long post /#this is a huge ramble on my end because i !! love harper so dearly and i put so much love and work into him and i try to be thoughtful#about everything really? and especially in the face of people trying to essentially copy him this is like.#an exercise in reminding himself why i love him and the care i've put into his development and symbolism#idk i just !!! love harper yi !!! more than anything !!!! i have so many feelings about my sunflower boy#and there's probably so much here i didn't get to saying because i didn't want to write a whole essay but. god. i have feelings#feelings about how he perceives himself vs how he ACTUALLY is and how hard he works to feel worthy of love#anyway i'll shut up i'm just emo
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You ever think about Shaun and Danse interacting and cry a lil bit
#theodoor (renamed synth shaun) struggles w/ being a copy of a contentious evil man#and being used as bait#and being taken in by that mans father as a pity child. not what was wanted but there anyway#and feels urges to act a certain way even after gus gets his ideal programming outta there#and resents basically everything and everyone involved in his existence#because he isnt just a lure. hes a doll. hes a toy made by a cruel and heartless man. made to be exactly like him#and every time he feels any negative emotion he feels like Shaun won and got his clone#every time he feels positive emotion he feels like a puppet carrying out Shauns wishes to be the ideal child#and DANSE eventually comes to terms with his nature/himself in general and gets better. and as he slowly starts entering a relationship#with gus he starts noticing /hey this kid is going through something similar/#/i suffered this but at least i was free to do as i wanted. teddy is a child & hes meant to be a specific child that he cannot possibly be/#and danse notices that teddy is squeamish around science because he wants to distance himself from shaun#so he takes him under his wing. /you wanna see how a laser works?/ and gets him to see that science is not a force of evil#but a tool to be used. Shaun used it for his ego but Danse uses it to protect the others. Isa uses it to heal the wasteland.#Curie uses science to save people and heal their pain. he shows him /you know better. so you wont become him. you literally couldn’t./#like. teddy has a lot of issues being put on the spot to be the missing boy come home. but not being that boy#and danse gets it. he had issues after building his existence on being a paladin and model soldier only to be the Enemy#he gets trying so hard and wanting so bad to be one thing or fully the other. not be in that awful middle ground where its all confusing#and danse figures out over time that the Institute made m797 but he - his choices and his experience - made Danse#and its the same for teddy. and the kid gets along better having someone who can closest understand what he feels#ss; alter#bc teddy is gus' kid so he goes in the tag
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maybe i will try to stream everything. might like record and post vods here too? but i had originally planned to read all of the books and comics in addition to playing the games on stream so i could do some of that
#not sure how the reading would go. i would want smth visually people could follow along with#bc i have hard copies of everything p much#might start digging for pdfs i could just have up on screen#who knows. i dont wanna heavily advertise this and then get overwhelmed and not do it
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