#feelings about how he perceives himself vs how he ACTUALLY is and how hard he works to feel worthy of love

[sunfollows]

what makes a sunflower a sunflower? a brief post on symbolism, aesthetics, & harper yi.

sunflowers are, honestly, literally everywhere on my blog, as i'm sure everyone has noticed by now. i have the lyrics to sunflower by allie x all over my carrd and in my tags, but i wanted to do a post explaining why i associate harper with sunflowers, and what this imagery means for him.

young sunflowers are heliotropes, meaning they follow the sun across the sky. mature sunflowers, however, don't. mature sunflowers point in a fixed position (apparently usually east?) because their growth stops, so they don't really need to anymore. there's a whole scientific process behind this, but this is as deep as i'm going to get into the actual science of the circadian rhythm of flowers. this post is about harper! more under the cut because i totally rambled while writing this.

so, why is he a sunflower? they're his favorite flower, for one, and he thinks there's nothing like a sunflower bouquet in the summer to brighten up his apartment. but more than that, there's something kind of poetic about them, isn't there? young sunflowers chasing after the sun, following something they'll never reach? it's in their very nature to follow the sun's warmth, to depend on it, only to let it go and stand on their own once they're old enough.

harper's like that, always chasing the fulfillment others give him and depending on it to get through the day. he builds himself up based on the warmth he receives from his loved ones and uses it to guide himself ... but can he stand on his own? does he want to?

the answer is, ultimately, yes, but ... it's so hard. to be himself. to be alone with himself and stand proudly, and to accept that he's whole and doesn't need the crutch of approval to be who he is. to accept that he's grown up and can thrive in the sun without depending on it and feeling worthwhile is so ... hard. it's about self-love and growth, really, and the idea that he can overcome his hardships and be something worth caring about. worth loving.

there's also the layer that comes from the lyrics i love to use everywhere: i'm a sunflower, a little funny / if i was a rose, maybe you'd want me. roses are beautiful, and everyone loves them. they're the perfect image of romance and they're the right flower for any occasion. he feels like a sunflower in a world of roses. it's not to say that sunflowers aren't beautiful, or that people don't like them, but they're different. not as loved as roses. they're just distinctly different, and, in harper's case, he doesn't see that as a good thing.

he's so deeply tired of being different, of not being enough for everyone. his otherness is what keeps him feeling like he'll never be able to stand alone. he's stuck trying to be something he's not to make other people love him. and what for? why does he want other people to love the image he's created instead of wanting them to love the authentic him? he goes to so much effort to erase his differences and be what he thinks he should be. if you can have a bouquet of the most perfect red roses, why would you want a silly little sunflower that can't do anything outside of the sun?

all of this is to say that harper is, at his core, a character whose arc is about growth. his ultimate goal is to grow into himself and not need the sun to thrive, even if he enjoys the warmth. it's about realizing that he, like a sunflower, is beautiful and loved, even if he's not quite the standard he sees other people meeting.

one day he'll be kinder to himself, but for now he's going to keep following the sun.

[sh0tanzz]

RIIZE ENERGY CHECK ~ based on tarot

reminder this is based off of my interpretations of the energy and cards I receive and is not exact fact unless said so by the members themselves; energy is subject to change or manifest differently so my reading may differ from others

Note: Are they allowing me to do this reading ? (Temperance) that is a confirmed yes. The only member who was more private and didn’t share specific details was Seunghan, which is understandable !

Shotaro: alrrrrr it seems like as of late Shotaro has been putting more effort into taking care of himself and his wellbeing (KoP, QoC, The Empress) he may have recently recognize that he falls into intermediate work cycles that aren’t balanced (The Devil, 2oP Rx) of him working himself thin and pretty hard and then having a rest period but not really fully rejuvenating himself during the resting periods. (8oP, 4oS, QoP Rx, Temperance) also recently social life wise he may have a mature individual that he holds respect for and wants to better solidify their dynamic or add them into his social life (could be an earth sign) (4oW, KnoP, Strength) [channeled song Self Care Mac Miller]

Eunseok: hm so the energy is pretty chill here. Eunseok recently is still more comfortable and optimistic about his future with being in the kpop industry than he was during December. (3oW, 9oC, AoP) but he lowkey feels like other aspects of his life especially his social life is being lowkey hindered by it (3oC Rx, The Hermit.) he also might feel like he’s not pushing himself to his full potential (The Magician Rx) so recently he might be exploring or learning other talents and skills so he can be more satisfied with his abilities (7oC, PoS) the phrase “I’m good but I can always be better” is coming up, the energy doesn’t seem like he’s degrading himself so there’s no need to worry.

Sungchan: SO ! in my last energy check sungchan was excited for an upcoming project or event of sorts that was exciting for the members and briize this was before their recent promotions and after boomboombass promotions so maybe it was referring to their japanese release lucky ? for the recent reading he doesn’t have much to share (energy seems hectic or busy) . I do however think he’s planning or has a specific goal of sorts that he wants to execute after all of their traveling is over (The World Rx, 2oW, 7oP). He also might be feeling nostalgic lately or comparing how different his earlier days within the industry were vs how things are currently; it’s a more positive comparative energy however (6oC, 2oP, The Lovers) he also might be trying to befriend, hang out or collab with his seniors currently (KnoC, The Emperor, 3oP)

Wonbin: This reading’s energy was a bit strange because the energy doesn’t seem super fresh and might be more of an older thought or situation. There was a mental conflict he’s had (AoS Rx, 5oW, 2oS) he has a very particular opinion about how briize views his interactions with them, and he’s for some reason very concerned about whether or not he appears genuine or sincere it seems like he’s worried about being seen as fake or being misjudged (Judgment, 7oS Rx, KnoC Rx) However I do think he’s aware that this is essentially in his head and doesn’t reflect his actual connection with fans (The Moon, 2oC) It’s lowkey ironic that this theme came up around the time they do fancalls and the fancalls being reposted, maybe he’s focusing how he’s perceived .

Seunghan: This reading will be short and sweet because only 4 cards came out (Death, 8oP, 4oC, The High Priestess) hes in a state of contemplation and transition. He’s realizing that he needs to have better discernment and needs to build his prospects from the ground up, the phrase “if you keep carrying the same bricks you’ll build the same house again.” is coming up. With this realization and acceptance he can finally have an easier transition to the next phase he’s trying to reach, he may have a specific plan he’s following. He also could be being lead by a person (or multiple) who has the knowledge and discernment to guide him to a new prospect for his own benefit.

Sohee: He’s opened up recently and is giving more of his internal self to others (4oP Rx, 6oP, 8oS Rx, PoW, PoS, PoC) SOO MANY PAGE CARDS 😭. an event possibly around the winter time made him feel a need to wall himself up or to be more careful with how close he gets to people or how much of himself he should share (5oW, 5oP, 9oW) he isn’t secretive in a sneaky sense he just wanted to be more intuitive and selective of who he got close to. He also has a desire to be able to separate and divide between coworkers that he just works with and genuine friends and peers (The Lovers Rx, 7oW, 6oW) he possibly has realized that due to being an idol in itself can be a tumultuous journey he doesn’t have to endure it without support from outside the group (8oC Rx, 2oC)

Anton: He currently feels like he’s getting the full scope of benefits and struggles that comes with being an idol, he’s always essentially knew or had an understanding but now he’s beginning to fully see the dichotomies within the industry (The Sun, The Devil). hes very aware of how he’s being viewed in the media/online, the phrases “if you think I know, I most likely do” and “gotta be in the know to know.” he for sure has a general idea of how he’s perceived (KoS, PoS, 7oP, The Heirophant) However it doesn’t seem to be shaking the confidence he’s recently gained and some of it may even be adding to it (The Emperor, KoW). He might have a personal project or something that he’s working on solo that he may have to show or get reviewed by a higher up or someone with more experience (KnoP, KoP)

[arkhamjack]

CW for gore and suicidal ideation (TriMax Vol. 7) also Spoiler warning!

EDIT: I am a drama queen and just assume a lot of Trimax readers misinterpreted this scene bc I saw like only two people do it but I’m also using this as an excuse to yap about Vash and Knives’ personalities bc it was super interesting in this volume ok byyeee read on:

Is it just me or is the majority of the fandom under the impression that it was Knives who stabbed Rem?? Because it was actually Vash. Which I think says a lot about their actual personalities vs how the fandom perceives them.

Analysis under the cut!

In classic Nightow fashion, it's hard to figure out wtf is going on and you gotta read over it multiple times, but look:

After the discovery of Tesla, Knives faints and is placed in a little incubator thing or whatever and Vash laments the fact he remained awake to mull over the horrors. From this point on, Knives is not in the picture bc he's busy honk mimimi (which is actually something he employs as a coping mechanism throughout the story... his precious beauty sleep...)

Now, Vash is refusing to eat and lashes out at Rem, expressing his disdain for being stuck on a spaceship with all these nasty humans.

Rem once again tries to get Vash to eat, peeling him a fruit.

Vash lunges for the knife and attempts to stab himself, but Rem stops him.

Vash is locked in a reactive state - he's in shock and acting out. This is where I think ppl miss the mark in interpreting the twins and why Vol. 7 is so important.

Vash can actually be nasty as hell. He ain't all that babygirl. His silly goofy facade is a way of integrating himself into the human world sure - but it's also lying to himself. He's impulsive, stubborn, and dare I say arrogant with his Messianic martyr type shit. (EDIT: I’m being a bit harsh here… I mean yeah he’s the only person on Gunsmoke who’s got a chance against Knives but like getting up in townspeople’s business gets really annoying imo like I understand why he does it but man…that’s why we’ve got Wolfwood bc narrative foil and whatever… anyway)

Knives on the other hand, internalises everything. Though he may appear to be the one who lashes out, and yes of course he's also arrogant, but it's mostly projection. He is in a MAD state of denial. For all his talk of being a superior being, that humans are icky and should all perish, yada yada yada, he actually wishes for love and acceptance - he wants to be safe.

Obviously, his head is too far up his ass to admit it, and he's always too busy tweaking about how annoying Vash is and blaming Rem for everything to actually try and sit down and think of better ways to do things but ANYWAY

(You know who else's head is up their ass? Vash. The twins are actually so alike if you really study them!! Anywayyyy)

That was Knives' whole deal from THE VERY BEGINNING. Knives was the one to cry in relief when Conrad and the crew accepted them, not Vash. Vash was more like "ok cool! life might not be so bad! yipee!" and then Knives had to Big Fall about his internalised plantphobia or whatever etc etc.

I AM GETTING SIDETRACKED !! ok so

The stabbing occurs. Again, hard to tell it's actually occurring bc Nightow, but yeah Vash stabbed Rem. Not Knives! Bro has passed out for a couple days now lol.

More evidence it's Vash - Vash was the one to express feeling suicidal. Knives cannot express anything to save his life bc he's the king of internalisation and deflection and projection lmao. Also yeah he's still eeping.

Oh look! He rises! Completely unaware of the drama that has unfolded! Not that he'd care! He's set on a mission to hurl humanity to the dust bowl of Gunsmoke! Little scamp.

Ok take from all that what you will!

Thanks for reading <3

[earlofbats]

Okay so because this post about Harry being a bottom I'm going to give a genuine dissertation on the thematic relevance of sub Harry and maybe a little bit about dom Kim.

First I wanna establish the "Harry is definitely a subby little bottom boy" and is also definitely Bi and probably has some sorta fucking complex about it.

Evidence A. Contact Mike, Guillaume Le Million, Measurehead (when fascist).

Harry tends to idolize and gravitate towards extremely masculine figures.

This is probably due to a reflexive need to feel masculine and have masculine role models in the face of elements of identity that are seen as unmasculine by society and have become exacerbated by the breakup which had to be pretty emasculating for Harry.

Also :

Imma start a Harry's Kink counter here +1 light bondage.

+1 auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Uhm +1 uhh,Spanking? Additional +1 for being what I think is most possibly the horniest thought you have in the game also:

+1 Kim is a Dom.

I think Harry has kept his attraction to men or his desires about men fairly low key for his entire life. The way he conceptualizes Homosexuality in general as an "underground" society filled with whispering rooms and forbidden secrets is likely more of a reflection of how Harry views his own sexuality than how Queer culture is manifest in Revachol. (In reference to the way both Kim and The Smoker kinda laugh Harry about it)

The organizational element of the idea being likely reflective of the way internalization is akin to paranoia.

Harry is also extremely intimacy starved and I think part of that is due to an unmet need for affection and the desire to be taken care of. That masculinity and status as both a survivor and an oppressor was sorta thrust onto Harry, he was born the last year of the war on a hospital floor, given a name associated with war time and survival, grew up probably in a little street urchin gang, got into *Disco* (man I'm sure Harry brushed elbows with the underground then.) Was a gym teacher a good balance between masculinity and caretaker and guardian something that harry clearly excels at and enjoys. Then Dora encouraged him to be a cop for unknown reasons perhaps prestige, money, because Harry has a bleeding heart.

Engage Heterosexual Cop hell for 12 years then an additional 6 single Cop hell years.

And now you're like :

Another element is Harry's tendency to worship and diefy his partners which like man that's gotta be the subbiest fucking thing you can do. I honestly can't articulate all of the reasons why that's just extreme bottom behavior.

Harry is an empathic jelly creature who is forced to handle a job with dead people in it all day and has created this reflexive hyper masculine obsession to compensate for his perceived inadequacy in not living up to the patriarchal capitalist ideal of what's supposed to be his birthright as a well off, able bodied, 'straight', occidental, man.

Except the actual issue is that Harry is mostly perceived or perceiving himself as that, when in reality he's in clear conflict with his actual identity as a Poor, mentally Ill, bisexual, occidental, man.

And it's those last two that end up kind of making this smoke screen to Harrys deficiency in privilege. He can mask or hide behind being an Occidental Man.

Can buddy buddy with patriarchy and take up the idea of a Big Strong Manly Cop.

Something that Kim also seems to be doing by seeking out positions of authority he can compensate for the disrespect he gets as a Poor, blind, gay, seolite, man.

Last of which probably won't get him far because of how "juvenile" his body type is.

Kim can't really coast on patriarchy much the way Harry can. He has to work twice as hard cuz there's not a lot he can hide behind.

Pursuit for control in the face of denial

Vs

Shielding ones self behind control as a means of denial.

Dom/Sub dichotomy.

[ovaryacted]

Okay I’m home and chilled out, so I’m just gonna ramble about my thoughts/analysis that I keep having about perceiving Leon Kennedy as a sexual being. This might be long. I also want to reiterate that my word is not law, and everyone has their own hcs and stuff and that’s okay!

I know hard dom content is very popular across the erotica/smut medium as a whole. Rough sex has always been popular and trust me, I’m a fan too. But if I can be controversial for like two seconds, I don’t see Leon as a hard dom personally. Closest thing would be a rough daddy dom, but to me Leon always gave me someone who caters to their partner. He’s loving and affectionate, a little rugged and awkward sure, but nonetheless he cares and wants to give a good experience.

He studies his partner, learns about what makes them tick, what makes them moan, how their body responds to different stimuli. Leon is a perceptive human being, he observes things before fully handling them so he can take the best approach that gives him the best results. I think he’d approach sex the same way if he’s with someone that he cares for.

In a weird way, I also don’t think Leon is a sex god of sorts. He’d have to find the time and ability to actually experiment with different dynamics and kinks to figure out what he likes too. It’ll all be a learning process for him, but to me Leon is someone that prioritizes his partner’s pleasure above his own because that’s what gets him off. If you feel good, he feels good. He gets off on getting you off type of deal, that’s who he is.

I also think Leon’s sexual dynamics depend on where he is in his life. When he’s younger, he’s naive, grasping on to whatever makes sense so he’d be more inclined to letting someone else lead and show him things he wouldn’t know at first (hence why a lot of ppl write RE2 Leon as a sub). As he gets older, gets more experience here and there, he’d try building more of his own confidence and autonomy and realize he has the ability to take control. Consider RE4/ID/RE6, he’s smarter, more aged, more mature (it’s the trauma), so he’d be more able to take charge like others paint him out to be but I don’t think he’d be inherently “aggressive”, far from it really. He’s serious about communication and being vocal, because he has to hear whether or not he’s doing the right thing or he needs to tweak something for a better experience. He’s not selfish he’s a sweetheart, that I can stand ten toes on.

The period of time in Vendetta to me is where I would see the rough sex come out because he’ll be using it as a means of self harm. He wouldn’t want to hurt another person, but more so he doesn’t care about himself, so his actions will be considered “reckless” and he won’t realize the consequences of what he does until after it happens. He’s suicidal, depressed, an alcoholic, and exhausted with life…so whatever he does in the bedroom would reflect that. Leon would probably want someone to fuck him instead of the other way around, but what he says he wants vs what he really wants deep down would be considered two things. He says he wants the rough stuff and he’s detached when in reality he wants to be comforted and wants someone to treat him like a human being, not something to be discarded. He just wouldn’t vocalize that because he doesn’t think his wants or needs matter. You’d have to read him and dictate for yourself because he’s too ashamed of saying it out loud. (I will say Vendetta Leon is one of my favorite variations of him and he deserves all the love and safety his other versions get! He’s just an angst magnet lmao).

Now in DI and beyond, he has healthier relationship with things, probably more aware of his alcohol consumption and age, and possibly going to therapy. In a way, I think Leon at this age would be far more inclined to revert back to the way he was at 21, little childish, letting someone else lead because he finds safety in that. Many people believe submission assumes someone loses their power entirely, but the way I perceive it, it’s you being able to trust someone else to make decisions for you in your best interest.

So he would be very switchy as he gets he’s older, liking being submissive because that allows him to turn his brain off and let someone else take charge for him. He won’t have to make the choices for once, and either way so long as his partner feels good, he feels good.

As a dynamic character, this is just how I perceive Leon, and to me he’s more of a pleasure dom, and probably likes being dominated but it’ll take him a while to be comfortable in doing that after everything. Hence, why I want to write for sub Leon more, because I think he deserves to just feel safe in giving up control he never really had in his life.

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Can you talk a little more about masculinity and femininity in ocelot? Sounds interesting

Hello Anon!

Sure, I can do that. I guess a good way to explain myself first (and hopefully a little better than I did in the takarazuka ask) would be how I personally perceive masculinity and femininity.

The definitions of the concepts, according to Websters dictionary, are defined as such:

Masculinity: The quality or nature of the male sex. Femininity: The quality or nature of the female sex.

As another quick note, I'll add that this isn't going to delve too hard into whether these qualities are 'good' or 'bad' in regards to Ocelot. Some of them are good qualities, but Ocelot often puts them to use in a sinister fashion, being. Well.

Ocelot. In this case 'masculine' qualities would be, say, 'aggressive, physically strong, abrasive, robust' where as 'feminine' qualities would be, 'soft, nurturing, gentle, reserved'.

Obviously, my immediate issue is that these definitions are rooted in biological sex characteristics, with the stickier territory of sex and gender correlating because biology dictates certain personality traits. I'm not going to over-complicate it by going into a deeper 'nature vs nurture' or sex VS gender argument. And, for the sake of ease I'll start by describing what one might consider how these qualities are implied/shown in Ocelot in particular.

Ocelot's personality (or what he tells people his personality is) has characteristics of the following:

Men are often considered to have more 'instinct rooted' natures. They're more often considered less feeling (something we know is very untrue but they're given less space to discuss their feelings properly). They are described as strong, daring. A lot of characteristics that get defined in the ways to which they are physically robust and skilled.

Or, in ways they can be useful based on those traits.

Women, by contrast, get considered more 'delicate' and nature based. What they can provide and offer people is given a critical eye (such as how many are described as nurturing, devoted) how they can provide, and their mental capabilities. Since the flip of the coin is that they are also considered more emotionally rooted, thus, they're described as 'manipulative and scheming' when written in a negative light.

(Also, a long time back, and never on Tumblr, I had the thought that Kaz's own story is written very 'female coded' to me. Being a scorned, jaded lover more known for his hysterical, temperamental personality and emotion being his driving force, robbed of his agency with torture and the like, and how revenge stories can often be common in female lead roles BUT that is a whole different thing so uh anyway carrying on.)

Ocelot's main, grounding root is that he is 100% endlessly devoted to Big Boss. It does not matter who suffers because of it, it does not matter how many people die, what matters is that the love of Ocelot's life is given his just due. And Ocelot remains by his side (physically and otherwise, even when BB himself is out of the picture) until his own death.

He's flamboyant. Full of a 'quirky' style of dress, makes a statement whenever he walks into a room. Does loud, bold hand gestures. Makes all kinds of crack statements, and generally draws the audiences attention in these ways. While he's more 'subdued' in MGSV, he still dresses a little 'strange' wears spurs around base, and keeps medium-length, free-flowing hair with long eyelashes and a more even-toned, level head.

Ocelot being a mediator is an extremely funny spot for him to be in, but like any of his performances, he nails it. Mum friend Ocelot, (if the mum friend is hypnotized to hell and of course, secretly antagonistic but again, Ocelot).

On the other hand, he's extremely obsessed with the 'ultra masculine' things; like guns, the American West, hand to hand combat (his CQC is some of the best in the series, I've seen it argued), men-or well, one man in particular. In any case, that's actually a different topic in it's own way, and a different essay.

I'd also note, the guns and such aside, he has a lot of his mother's personality traits, (from what we know of her anyway). The Boss was manipulative, cunning. Physically strong, robust. Driven by emotions, but physically domineering in a way that people knew damned well to take seriously.

Who else got Volgin to tuck tail?

Yet-despite this, her story is one of sacrifice. Her having Ocelot in the first place as well quietly key to her character, written on her chest in a deep scar that reminds the audience, this is a woman. Using the conventional aspects society deems relevant to women, and the ones we've all heard before.

Ocelot's story, ends on the note of reminding the world (the players) that he died for a man. That he loved and adored. His story gets slightly elevated from reminding you that 'this is a man' and more into the territory of 'this is a person with a story' which I find interesting, and a bit sad, on the Boss' part. Because while there's a distinctly 'feminine element' to that, he's not given the hammer home of 'this is a man's story!"

Because men get lots of stories. Men get all kinds of stories. That are not completely rooted in their masculinity (or their femininity, for that matter. Unless the story chooses to be about that). And I feel as if I've gone a touch off topic this way, but I know what I'm trying to say.

Ocelot, (and his mother, and so many) MGS characters are a good mix of masculine and feminine. One could make a post like this for all of the characters, but there is something to be said on the 'this is WOMAN' point getting hammered home a bit harder when it is the female characters.

But, that is another thing entirely. Once again. I feel like I'll never 100% stay fully on topic in an ask eh?

As an aside, is meowing masculine or feminine? We shall never know.

[hella1975]

hella if I may ask how do U feel abt the canon touya we were given vs the previous fandom perception of him🎤? apologies if youve alrdy said but I just watched dabis dance n im GNAWING on the bars of my cage over it

hiiiiiiiiii max <333 hmmm im not entirely sure what ur asking bc i am still very new to mha (sat and thought about this for a second, i caught up to mha a year ago. a YEAR. I HAVE BEEN HERE A YEAR ARE YOU KIDDING. LET ME UP) and i was never in the fandom pre-dabidance/touya reveal so i actually dont really know a lot about past fanon perceptions. i will say for current fanon perceptions i actually dont HATE how touya gets perceived. maybe i am just that good at curating my fandom spaces but from what ive seen people generally characterise him pretty well. his fanon perception is very mardy/broody with big spikes of sudden, intense emotion and he's also a massive bitch with a penchant for dramatics, and while those things get twisted sometimes/over-exaggerated they're still all canonical traits. like he has an inherent Just Some Guyness to him.

i think broadly speaking there's a considerable part of the fandom that are so blindly pro-endeavour that they insist on dying on the 'touya was always an insane irrideemable monster and endeavour did nothing wrong!' hill which is. blood boilingly ridiculous so in THAT regard the fanon characterisation of him somehow just being an inherently evil child (two words that cannot exist together) who has gone on to be a mindless, sadistic adult is a perception that GRATESSSS on my nerves. or even if people don't take the evil child route and still insist touya is sadistic/excessively cruel/senselessly violent. that bugs me bc we get no proof of that. in fact dabi as a character is a shockingly blank slate in the grand scheme of things. we get told that he killed a lot of people, burning them alive in cold blood and that they were innocent, but we dont actually know anything about the situation. for all the time he's on screen, he's quick-tempered and unable to walk away from a fight even if it's illogical, but not sadistic unless it specifically comes to his vendetta. unless something sets him off he is very uninterested in anything else (the snatch comment HOURS later always makes me laugh HES SUCH A CUNT).

if ur asking SPECIFICALLY about dabidance and how it was handled (bc it's a very Active scene and that's hard to convey through manga, so people had very different expectations for it from what i've heard) then i LOVED how it was done. in that regard i think there's very much a fanon dabi that is Very Cool And Sexy so people find it hard to reconcile that with the fact that the touya reveal was so borderline silly, because they only ever want him to be suave and attractive. but when facing off against his abuser for the first time in a decade and finally, finally crawling from the shadows after living through hell and LITERALLY stapling himself back together again, touya is manic. i fucking adore that, especially from a character with such a temper bc high-charged scenes like that usually only ever go in two directions: anger or tears. we didn't get that here. yes, he's clearly angry, but it's done in a manic way. it would be so easy with a character like dabi to have him screaming and yelling his head off in a fit of rage, but we get this instead. he's so clearly slipping and it's both uncomfortable and cathartic to watch. he can't even contain it. he DANCES. it's almost laughable but in a seriously disturbing way, and i think anyone who didn't like that about the touya reveal is seriously missing out.

[unvolver]

Paul as an object of John's desire is an interesting thing, I'm glad you see that too. IMO Paul was a safe place for John to want in a similar way to Bridgette (and Elvis.) John may have seen Paul as a safe sexual relationship bc there were no consequences to having sex with Paul. Pregnancy was the foremost danger in the 1960s since HIV&AIDS and antibiotic resistant STIs were unknown. Paul can't get pregnant so John could have some consequence free sex. There was also little danger of Paul actually committing to him so John could project whatever he wanted onto Paul without issue.

It's interesting in the context of your sketches because of the stifled longing on John's part vs Paul's more utilitarian approach to a physical encounter. Or maybe Paul just isn't letting himself tap into it because of his baggage? Time and new sketches will tell. Paul contains multitudes, even he doesn't seem to know how he feels or why.

Re: feminine Paul it's interesting how people perceive this vs how Paul perceives it. It seems like Paul himself actually is pretty ok with & at times even embracing his femininity. He doesn't try very hard to be butch and he shaved the beard when he started climbing out of his depression. It's interesting to me bc Paul's femininity seems to have developed besides John's butch qualities. They were still very young when they got in front of the entire world so they were still developing personalities & sense of self while also being famous. That naturally shaped their interiors. John eventually tried to rebel against it but couldn't let go of his butchness (the drunken fistfights he got up to during The Long Weekend) whereas Paul actually seemed to embrace it more as he stayed married to Linda longer. With Linda as his publicly married wife (whom he loved deeply, to be sure) Paul could embrace it more & more especially in Linda's photos.

Interesting in the context of the sketches bc John did seem to feminize Paul a bit by making Paul a passive object of desire (The Cigarette Sketch) but Paul reengages with John as an active feminine (The Cheek Kiss) where he happily leans into the kiss. Then Paul receives inspiration (The Cosmic Inspiration Sketch) by being in John's lap...while either touching or sitting on John's cigarette. And the outcome of this is the songs we know and love; hence John's comment referring to their music as "the children." The Cosmic Inspiration is us seeing the division of cells taking place inside Paul as we view the sketch and then they are eventually born into the Lennon-McCartney catalog before wandering out into the world. It's interesting that John&Paul themselves seemed to act out the yin/yang male/feminine thing naturally w/o any direction or image management via Brian. I suppose that makes him the responsible guardian who was brave enough to let them do their thing.

That got a little weird close to the end, I'm sorry if that was too over the line. I really like your sketches and what you tap into, your energy is great. Even small things indicate a lot. Looking forward to more sketches from you.

don’t apologize i feel like i’m a cat getting spoiled with pets and treats. i love when people engage with art like this. i’m really into your almost jungian interpretation of lenmac here, anima and animus, the collective unconscious. very good. also the analysis of their gender expression!! especially within their dynamic!!

also, thank you again for the compliments… i have a few more sketches that can give you more fodder here, there, and everywhere. reblogs are off because i get shy and i want to avoid people getting angry lmao, i’m a bit freakish about where my art is being seen and posted so i want that level of control.

[9800sblog]

hybe tarot reading

public perception vs people involved

public's perception

3 of pentacles reversed, 8 of pentacles reversed, ace of pentacles reversed, the hanged man reversed, 7 of cups reversed

talk about tainted perception, all cards reversed screams volumes about how ignorant and illiterate most people are about their rights. the public has all the information, they know everything that is happening but keep not wanting to connect one thing with the other, they're just trying to feel important and like they matter in a grand scheme. they see the world as a bunch of isolated things and people, with no connection, the justice system doesn't work, nobody is really doing their jobs and no industry, organization or system really works. trying to push a classic tale of "rich vs poor", instead of "people vs life", they see hybe as old money and creating narratives to control people. they think most people, all artists and others involved are simply dumb, and can't see they're being controlled. just flip the script, like the hanged man reversed looks kinda dumb reversed in this spread, flip it to it's right position and "damn how does he balance himself like that? is he playing with the punishment he received? how is none of his clothes falling off? that rewuires a lot of physical strength, knowledge of anatomy, physics, astronomy, wow this is an impressive ugly man" etc.

perception of people involved

the world reversed, 7 of pentacles reversed, ace of cups reversed, 9 of pentacles, the fool

literally screaming to the public "shut the fuck up!!!!!" they see how the perception is all damaged, and people are trying to use the perceived bad situation to prey on them, which is ironic since their poor vision is what lacks them see how protected these people, systems and organizations actually are. like law works 😐. nothing new under the sun, but they're definitely taking advantage of this situation to fix things that are actually broken, literally universally involved, like this spread literally screams climate change. public is really trying to not connect one thing with the other, not use logic and pretend they're the village in "it takes a village to raise a child". people are literally ignoring the fact that you need to pass the police system to be hired, get a contract, this whole thing is not about min heejin, did yall forget kpop is a public part of korean government? [politicians: "this is how we want the world to see our country", kpop industry: "yes, sir! 🫡"] did yall forget kpop is literally anti censorship and control? did yall forget how much horror, science, ancient cultures, spirituality/religion/witchcraft references they make on a DAILY? something I often say fits perfectly with this spread, "it's better to ask offensive questions than stay ignorant". public is playing detective while actual detectives are at work, chill.

what it's actually like

3 of swords, king of swords, judgement, 9 of cups, 2 of cups

this needs no explanation, it's literally what I just said. if this was a matter of pedophilia against people that are seen universally, it would have been fixed already, it's not hard to put someone in jail. all cards are connected, and yall pretend to know nothing about daily life. like when I say universally, I mean, songs play on your phone and you post things on social media through satellites, like stop playing dumb, this isn't an isolated situation, if you feel unsafe in front of this "feud", you're already screwed, fear is almost useless towards human evolution, what could actually kill us these days? this does involve science, politics, astronomy, everything kpop talks about. again, stop acting dumb. yall think aespa songs sound grainy why? they're breaking sound barriers like these people are smart as fuck

[girlwithwolftatoo]

How do you think the boys would help a reader with night terrors? I get done really fuvking bad ones from ✨trauma☀️

Everytime I get a depression crisis, these sort of things tend to happen often. I understand your struggling <3 keep strong.

Marc Spector:

*Can a traumatized person help another traumatized one? Some people may say no, but sometimes everything someone needs is some kindness and feel loved and cared.

*Since night terrors present in different forms, Marc gets to know your particular ones very quick, though the amount of nights you actually sleep together are less than Steven's. So he quickly throws his arms around you and calls your name in his most calmed voice until you're full awake.

*"Hey, it's okay..." he whispers while caressing your head "I'm here, you're okay, you're safe"

*In case you need to, he'll stay awake with you until you feel calmed enough to sleep again. We know Marc struggles with communicating, but tries his best, asking you what was "that" this time (he means the dreams or sensations you had), listening with a lot of respect and some inner worry what you need to vent...

*And all of this while he keeps you against his chest if you're fine with that, showing you his support through being close and ready to help.

Jake Lockley:

*The first time he freaks out but tries to not show. "Hey, bonita! Are you okay? ¿Qué pasó, qué tienes?"

*Kisses your forehead as soon as you tell him what's wrong. He has not idea what else can do, so simply keeps reminding you these are just bad dreams, that nothing's real and that he's there to protect you.

*Suffers in silence for having to see you like that. You're what he perceives as his only source of goodness, and the fact he cannot help you besides calming you down burns him deep inside.

*His first thought is giving you some night pills, but discharges it quick for he doesn't want to force sleep into you. Then he searches for alternative options (natural meds, some therapy) and then one day he takes you to a yoga class he already paid to see if it helps you. Also buys more tea.

*Doesn't leave the place until he's sure you're sleeping well, and always encourages you to make him a call if you're not feeling good. He'll pick the phone even if he's in the middle of a 5 vs 1 fight.

Steven Grant: *Thanks to you, the long nights had become one of the best moments of the day. When you cuddle together to keep the cold away, both reading your respective books and sharing thoughts about them before sleep (or, why not, sexy time) is a dream come true... until you begin to moan and cry, your body trying to wake you up, unsuccessful.

*He doesn't need to ask, he recognizes the symptoms. He's a living enciclopedy for sleeping disorders and it's well prepared to fight them... not on himself, of course (our boi needs some self-care but will be hard to convince him).

*Herbal tea for a better night time, buying a weighted plushie or blanket so you can feel embraced the whole time, and of course, letting you talk about it, is part of his emergency kit to help you.

*If these night terrors are so intense you cannot sleep at all, he searches for therapy and takes you there. He's always happy and kind when he picks you from the consultory, a healthy snack for you in hand, and ready to listen to everything you want to share.

[charles-simmons]

My "small" essays on why Sootcest has actual interesting ships, except I'm only writing this to piss off a friend who hates selfcest. I'll send it to her later

Episode 1: Ghostbur x Revivebur

This is probably the most famous Sootcest ship, which makes sense. They have almost opposite personalities and even opposite colors schemes (blue vs red). These are common characteristics in ships, because people love seeing character that could never get along together being together.

But besides from that, what makes the ship specially interesting is the fact they're technically the same person. Now, some people might disagree with that. They have different memories, opinions, and act differently from each other. There are multiple theories on why the ghosts don't act like their alive version, which is something I can talk about on a different analysis. The point is, they're kind of the same person, but not quite the same person.

There's one thing that needs to be clear for this analysis and that is: Wilbur wasn't murdered, his death was assisted suicide. He begged for his father to kill him and it was his decision to die.

With that in mind, it's hard to believe someone who wanted his own life to end would fall in love with himself, or, in this case, a version of himself.

Ghostbur is a version of Wilbur who (supposedly) has no bad memories. Our experiences and everything we went through is what shapes who we are. Since Ghostbur doesn't have many of Wilbur's bad memories, It's like he didn't even live these things, therefore, didn't became the person Wilbur did. So, to a level, Ghostbur is the person Wilbur could've been if it wasn't for all the trauma he went through - trauma that led to him losing his mind.

Let's talk about Revivebur specifically now, the man who wanted to end his existence, but had to endure 13 years in limbo. Canonically, for him to be revived, Dream had to kill Ghostbur. In the few moments where Ghostbur was mentioned to him, he expressed dislike towards him or avoided the subject, which is understandable. For some it must feel violating to have someone who looks like you walking around and interacting with the people you knew. Someone as proud as Wilbur would probably hate the idea of being impersonated (not that that was what Ghostbur did, but it seemed to have felt like it). There's also the fact that people seemed to like Ghostbur better than him.

With all of that I think I can say that neither of them seem to have a positive opinion about each other. Revivebur has shown discomfort when it comes to Ghostbur, and Ghostbur is simply too different from Wilbur to even aprove or understand some of his actions.

Even if it was possible for them to coexist and for Wilbur to be revived without Ghostbur dying, there's a high chance they would simply avoid each other and actually live their lifes as different people. The idea of them actually actually falling in love is unlikely, which is what makes it interesting. They would have to face a lot of discomfort to even be around each other, let alone start liking each other. There's too much guilt and self hatred coming from both of them, which makes me wonder how toxic a relationship like that would be. Ghostbur would probably have a "I can fix him" mindset, while Wilbur would probably be dry and cold most of times, then "compensate" by giving him attention every now and then. Maybe with time they would actually do some good to each other, or maybe not and it would end up being a bad thing.

Regardless of all of this, Ghostbur and Revivebur are both very complex characters, so we don't know for sure what or how it would happen. The fact this ship is even a thing is funny, but it does have potential to be an actual chance to understand more about these two characters and how they perceive themselves and their own worth, which is why I genuinely think this ship is interesting. And with that, I conclude this essay.

Thank you if you read all of this by the way. My next one will probably be about Argbur and Incelbur. This is way too fun to write, so even if no one reads it I'll probably write it anyway.

[eridanidreams]

The oc relationship ask game!

75, 85, 95!

Also Cait and Sam!!

75. Which - if any - other famous ship's vibes do they emulate?

There's a few I can think of!

In third place would be Wash and Zoë: the trope of the playful guy with steel beneath the smile vs. the cooler, more distant but devoted wife. And seriously, get a load of that cuddle energy right there!

In a very strong second place are Gomez and Morticia Addams. Sam will bend over backwards to be goofily romantic to his more reserved love, and most important, he doesn't care how much of a monster she perceives herself to be. He loves her, unconditionally, as she is.

But finally, my favorite, and the pair I'm most consciously riffing on: John Sheridan and Delenn from Babylon 5. I've never made a secret that this is my #1 sci-fi romantic storyline ever, and if you look hard, there's some easter eggs in stars referencing that particular romance.

85. Their S/O is tipsy. How do they handle it?

Oh, this is a great question! I was originally going to say, "Cait doesn't get drunk from alcohol, she goes from 0 to vomit-guts-out after about three bottles of beer, and she's very careful about her intake." But then I thought… there is something that makes her the equivalent of tipsy, and it's emotional overload. And at the current point in stars, ironically, she's finding it all too easy to get "drunk" on the love they share.

How does Sam handle it? They're still working that out, but Sam does his best to manage his own feelings around her. Which is pretty good, actually! He's had therapy, both right when he joined the Rangers and again of his own accord when Cora was born, so he's got a fair number of tools to manage himself. By and large, he lets Cait decide how she wants to handle herself until she can't make that decision anymore, and then he tries to moderate himself until she's back in control.

Given his background, Sam cuts himself off at two beers/one harder drink, period, no exceptions. He swore to himself he was never going to let himself get fucked up while Cora was on his watch, and a Coe keeps his promises. So if he ended up tipsy for some reason, Cait would be on full alert, looking for whatever hinkiness might be afoot. And whoever was responsible would get themselves fucked up—and not in the fun way.

95. Who gives flowers to their S/O? What sort of flowers do they like?

Sam. Sam is bound and determined to spoil Cait silly. Cait's favorite flower is a creeping black flower from Eridani that the locals called Blackrose; once Sam finds that out, he makes efforts to get those in particular. But when he can't, he prefers to get her wildflowers. No scentless hothouse bouquets for his love, just wild, scrappy, alien blooms with thorns and a sweet smell.

Just like her.

[peppertaemint]

I've always felt that the jikookers vs. taemin feud kinda mirrored the taekookers vs. jimin situation, but at a much smaller scale, of course. I agree with you that they feel threatened by taemin's indisputable stature as an artist, as it disrupts the narrative that bts is always the first and always the best at everything, and also because jimin looks up to him and is influenced by him (as if it wasn't obvious enough before, now we got the confirmation from the man himself, thank you very much). This reminds me of taekookers getting mad at jimin for standing out so much as a performer. I mean, he obviously does, that's why they're always all up in his business instead of focusing on their favs' "records". Also, they hate the fact that they're close because they read taemin as queer, which makes them think that they actually might have kissed, once, at a party (just once). Kookie's friends look straight enough to them, so they can stay. A bit homophobic if you ask me. I'm sure that if we saw taemin around jimin publicly more often, he would've been already promoted to the same The Other Woman™ role jimin occupies for tkks. And besides all that, I could write an essay on why jimin's friendships have always been under scrutiny because many people can't take the fact that he has more going on in his life besides being the members' cheerleader and jungkook's devoted wife, but that's a different topic.

Thank you for this Ask, Anon. You raised a lot of salient points here. The one I'm gonna pick up on is Taemin's perceived queerness, with emphasis on perceived.

There is an odd thing that happens with non-fans. They mostly think he's gay, that it's obvious, and they don't really like their favourite having a connection to him. While, within the fandom community, shawols cannot decide if they think he's gay. If you were to ask around, you'd get quite a few different opinions.

I find it interesting because the "outside" community has very specific and strong opinions of him. I connected with a Korean-American lady in her 50s a while ago and talked about all things Kpop. She wasn't a shawol. One of the first things she said, unprompted, was, oh Taemin, he's gay but can never come out, what a shame/challenge for him (I was chatting from a 2Min account, just for context). I was a little floored at how readily she shared this fully-formed opinion.

It seems the world outside shawols have already made up their minds about him, in one way or another. I think about when he was young and had that beautiful long hair, but his frame was still so slight that the gender confusion for an onlooker was understandable. It must have been hard to have the world decide that you were sitting somewhere on the trans spectrum. And to know everyone thinks they know you're gay.

There is a zero percent chance of him not feeling these things, and he's certainly done both reactionary hetero-leaning performances and queer performances. Pretty Boy is and Internet War are the first that come to mind. And it's worth remembering that sometime in the early 2010s, there was a Korean news report about homosexuality in kpop idols, and he and Jonghyun were named in it (as a couple, I think 💀).

I don't love the song Pretty Boy, but the choreography with its military steps and these lyrics have a lot to say.

Hey you, tough guy / Relax your hardened shoulders / Hey feel the way I move

I’m like a speeding train / You’ll be surprised / Look at that poor girl, I hope you notice / She says “you’re a guy so…” like a habit / Why is being sensitive and prepared the opposite of being a man?

Cause I do it I do it for you / I won’t pretend to be innocent like a puppet / Everyone talks so easily

I may always seem pretty, I may always seem good / I may seem nice, I may seem soft / But that’s all a part of your imagination that’s over my head / (Pretty Boy)

[sotogalmo]

2 — 3:09 am

Ah.

Oh dear...

Sebastian would be hiding behind places that he was small enough for. Before ranting and moving in that small space

"the fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter what we perceive them to be!-" Sebastian would pace around as he shook, voice being low but loud enough for Eddy to hear him, being to young and already seeing what happened after Vermillion vs Aurien.

"The reports say hundreds of guards saw them! And those who were there say they saw them fighting other aliens! Covered in Aurien's blood!" He had a hard time saying her name, but that didn't really matter as he would keep on talking-

"And that means they saw that weird creature get swarmed by the guards as well!" Guards watching other guards getting into trouble isn't anything new for Sebastian to see. But he most definitely should start getting quiet.

He's getting too loud, shuddering a bit too much that the bells on his hat (that mimic rabbit ears, moreso lop rabbit ears) start to make some noise continuously.

".... I .. I don't know why they are after both of them! I- to put it plainly, I thought they would've seen that bird the same as them and only go after the girl! But no!" Sebastian tried to calm down as he went around and around again and again. "The guards saw them the same way they saw the other human beings! As their prey! Their competition, their pet!" He cooled down for a moment, before the anger came back; "and it doesn't matter how else you may look at it! That is an irrefutable fact!" He seems to be talking to himself now. Yelling to himself about this whole turn of events.

....

Sebastian doesn't really know that much, actually. He just wanted to join Eddy in their time here.

But this seems too rough, to nerve wrecking! How does it even do it? (Sebastian wants to be like that some day)... Sebastian then became more guilty.

He couldn't stand the fact that he just screamed right now. They are supposed to be hiding! He should be quiet. And the fact that his outfit also makes noise with the bells that are attached to the ears (why did 'Pere Noel' give him these types of clothes? It feels like they know something... A clown and pierr-rot mix.... like some weird play on words or so, having one of his hands scratch at the curly strawberry blond hair that is visible thru the hat and hood given to him....)

...he hopes he doesn't get found. Taken or anything-! (That would be humiliating..)

That would be the worst thing ever.

...

..

.

Maybe when they go back to AREPH, he can have a little break and have fun with the friends he made there-! Instead of just- being here... (Even if he did wanted to be here before. The curiosity did certainly kill him, and how he's meek then ever... A little mouse caught in a hole- a rat; a pest.)

____

Taken from Armin Arlert -Attack On Titan (before season 3). I think his voice is fitting for a younger Sebastian

Eddy; @bluemoonscape / Solei: @solei-eclipse / Aurien: @apriciticreveries

Timeline; it's a "what if Sebastian never got kidnapped and then adopted" type of thought but I guess also mixed with 'before he gets kidnapped' type of thing.

[youcouldstartacult]

Not the same person but I'd love to hear your thoughts about the songs touching on how he was doing before A and the contrast with after etc

i just think you can tell a clear difference in how he perceives giving love and being loved on the show versus flicker & hbw and never grow up is a great example!

he said it himself when you see love and marriage crumble around you so many times, it warps your perception of what a relationship is supposed to be and makes you scared. like look at cross your mind, (a bop!) he’s desperate for them to love him back, he would do anything “i’ll love you, or die trying” and the show is the realization that he doesn’t have to die trying to love his partner, it’s as easy as breathing, which is why he would “join a cult” for them.

there’s this direct parallel between cross your mind and save my life “i’ll love you or die trying” vs “i’ve been dying for you darling” everything niall has done has all been leading up to her.

also again, obviously with new angel and the i need(ed) saving themes. he literally paints her as an angel “like I'm floatin' seven feet above the ground, as you float up to me” and in new angel the subject “'til you walked in like a vision, you give me something out of reach” is out of reach, whereas in save my life he’s “seein' a new light” obviously rid of whatever he was depending on before… which if you know you know 😭

this is why i’m 100% with niall when he says this is his most mature album, even in it’s wildness “if you leave me, i hope you know you’re sentencing me to a life on my knees”, “baby, you could start a cult, you see they will say that we're crazy”, and so on, the relationship in question is still so. secure. even in the song literally titled “if you leave me” he’s not actually questioning if she would, take the bridge for example “wakin' up with you gone in the mornin'/ goin' to sleep with you not here at night /oh, these feelings, they would just be so foreign /can’t you stay for the rest of my life?” at least to me, it’s hypothetical. they would be foreign feelings bc she hasn’t left.

the lyrics on the show are already insanely impressive but from a die hard stan perspective it’s a whole new level lol especially when you compare to hbw (both good!!! just they cover themes so differently)

[welcome-to-oslov]

Ranking drivers & secretaries/middlemen in terms of goodness/awfulness: Krisha, Vlastor, Bosh, Artur, Tollsha, and now wildcard Jorning has joined the party.

Obviously Artur wins the spot for best. He genuinely tried to comfort and support Tilrey, though he did also fulfill his role of managing him. In the end he even supposedly took action to save Tilrey from Malsha - with horrible & extremely damaging results; Tilrey was still hanging onto himself at the end of his time with Malsha but had lost himself by the time he met Gersha. Later, when they finally meet again, he tries to stand up for Tilrey with Gersha, though I'm torn on how much was driven by care/concern for Tilrey (esp the young one he remembered), how much by his hatred for Gersha/the system he reps, and how much by wanting to assuage his own guilt.

Bosh unfairly wins spot #2 by default, because obviously Gersha wouldn't want Bosh treating Tilrey badly. And Bror mentioned once that Bosh seemed protective of Tilrey? Who knows.

I'm actually gonna put Vlastor in spot #3? I know at spring fling he definitely didn't want to do what he did, he couldn't even get hard or cum. He never seemed to do anything egregiously rude or mean to Tilrey, not even in retaliation for the times Tilrey used him as his verbal punching bag (well, there was that one slap). He just kinda officiously carried out his duties, being a tiny bit thoughtful once or twice (whispering to him his night would end then at spring fling, letting him sometimes go alone with Bror) and never purposefully mean (ah how standards are low for spot #2!). I don't remember where he shows up in a later story, need to gather that evidence haha.

Krisha & Tollsha: not sure who should get spot 4 or 5. Tollsha obviously is not a secretary, but as nephew (grandson?) to the magistrate, he kinda played a tiny bit of the middleman role sometimes that Artur had. In his favor, Tollsha seemed uncomfortable with what everyone did to Tilrey; but, might just be because he wasn't attracted to that whole thing. Apparently he didn't do all that much to Tilrey when they were thrown together, but again, just not to his tastes & who's to say oral you don't want is less bad than anal you don't want anyway. Later he purposefully tried to hurt Tileey with his words when he caught him with Vera - throwing rape in his face to hurt & humiliate him like he never did the times they were actually together - but does he get a pass for jealously, hmm. Tilrey perceived him as initially trying to obliquely warn him about the magistrate, but does he even barely get credit for that, hmm. He's finally out of the way after the whole pregnancy debacle, and I haven't read far enough to know what he may do in the future.

Krisha: I know this says 5, but still mulling over his spot in 4 vs 5. He's a tough one: we saw his thoughts of recognizing Tilrey's torture and victimhood and helplessness, mingled with his own trauma. He intimately witnessed Tilrey's most desperate moments: the car sunset excursion, escaping, romance with Vera, etc. Unlike Jorning, he clearly didn't enjoy or want to execute the magistrate's orders, but unlike Vlastor he certainly went ahead and did them without much holding back. He dropped Tilrey off at the brothel. He injected him with vexonil. He wrestled him back from his escapes. He reported his romance with Vera. He didn't want to rape him, but he did indeed make it reasonably rape-like, painful and overwhelmingly forced, once he was ordered to. I guess I want to absolve him for his actions since I know his thoughts, but idk.

Curious to get to know Jorning over time and rank him in my mind too

Oh, I like this idea! You've correctly identified one of my favorite character types. :)

I have a soft spot for Krisha, even though I know what he did was objectively worse than anything Vlastor did, because Krisha is so terrified and traumatized himself. Of course, that doesn't excuse him. But because he's an Outer, he feels like his whole existence in Redda depends on Malsha, who could easily get his citizenship revoked. Vlastor is in a much safer and more comfortable position; he could leave his job with Verán and be fine. Vlastor just finds Tilrey annoying, while Krisha has all kinds of weird aggressive and competitive feelings about him. There's a moment when Tilrey makes fun of his accent, which Krisha is insecure about because he worries it could mark him as an Outer. It's insignificant for Tilrey, but it triggers Krisha's fears.

Vlastor does help out Tilrey in that later story, by connecting him with his son who is a fighter pilot with secret rebel sympathies. But Vlastor himself is still annoyingly smug and condescending and doesn't see himself as having done anything wrong.