#i wanna hold him myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pain-is-too-tired · 10 days ago

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"What are you doing with my friend?"

Joseph from Void my beloved

I still think about him waiting for a friend who'll never return...

Some delusional part of me says he'll be one of the orphans still around with the Prototype(cause iirc Kevin was likely taken around '93 and I think hour of joy was '95? So there's a chance he was still in the system ifryd)

But he's probably not- just him being so outright named like he was so interesting to me but I'm probably looking too into it.

#mine #poppy playtime #joseph poppy playtime #doey the doughman #my art #poppy playtime character #Poppy Playtime Tape: Void #actually kinda proud of my tiny doey #i wanna hold him myself #au in my head now where the boys in doey survive but are split into smaller regular doeys #kevin only letting Joseph carry him 🥺#im sorry i love thinking about what they were like as friends so much Joseph literally broke curfew to check on what they were doing to him #Kevin had someone who truly saw him as a friend despite being a “problem child” and they took that away #they're both autistic to me btw

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shima-draws · 1 year ago

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Me: BRO. Can you imagine if Luffy activated Gear 5 2 years earlier at Marineford

AO3: Hey boo I gotchu

Me: AY-YO????

#One Piece #SO GLAD I'm not the only one who got this idea holy shit #Apparently Gear 5 Marineford is a Thing that is actually relatively popular #LOVE that for him tbh. And Ace. Bc he saves Ace with it lmao #Extra angst with Luffy actually dying first before his devil fruit slaps him back to life is also quite brilliant #Luffy's devil fruit squeezing his heart like a squeaky toy: NOT TODAY BITCH #His entire crew suddenly gets a sixth sense and they KNOW #They KNOW something is wrong and that Luffy. Something happened to their captain #But before they can mourn for too long they hear it. The DRUMS BABYYYYYYY #Normally they'd all be too far to hear them but they can :) And everyone around them is like. Uhh #The Strawhats: I can hear them. The drums #Everyone else: ??? What are you talking about are you losing it. You're probably losing it #I need to hold myself back from reading all these fics bc I actually. Gotta finish Marineford first LOL #Don't wanna spoil myself TOO much #Shima speaks

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your-unfriendlyghost · 2 months ago

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it feels so…… weird… seeing a cishet dude be so chill with queer themes lmao your soda-in-drag moment, the stevepop of it all, even guys with queers in their friend circles can’t bring themselves to partake sometimes lmao 😭 but it’s cool !! refreshing even sjksksndks this is a /pos statement I promise

Thanks lol! I think it’s cos I’m fairly secure. Sorta. (I’m still prone to compensating for things and being a stupid teen boy, but like, I’m aware of it, at least when I stop to think. Yk I’ll still join in on dick measuring contests, but deep down I’ll know it’s dumb and performative.)

I guess I feel a kinship to queerness. I go to art school where I’m sometimes the only guy in a class of girls, and I’ve been the token straight guy in every friend group I’ve been in since freshman year of high school. Beyond that, growing up I was frequently mistook for a girl- I had long-ish hair (post bowl-cut era 😭) and I’m part Asian, I was pretty androgynous lol. People irl have thought I’m gay, or a trans man on testosterone (I mean fine, I guess I am pretty short and hang with a lot of trans guys.) Hell, I did drag on a dare once, back when I was even more secure. (And I was hot asf in drag lemme tell ya. It felt lousy and it’s definitely not my thing, but man if I had a clone who was a girl-) All this to say, I say I’m straight, but honestly I don’t really know. I like girls a lot, but I have seen a buddy of mine in drag, and lemme tell ya I felt something but I’m not gonna examine that rn lol. Straight just feels comfortable, safe, and it’s good for interacting with folks who ain’t so progressive, so it’s what I’m sticking with…but I’ll admit there’s a gray area.

I relate a lot to the guys in the Outsiders, and irl I like to present myself as a tough, cool, Very Masculine guy. Hell, sometimes I play dumb about stuff because it’s “feminine” and a guy like me shouldn’t know about it. I act a lot like how I write Steve Randle, he’s my guy I like to project on lol. Honestly, I’ve got a fair amount of internalized toxic masculinity. But I think because I know how silly it all is deep down, I can interact with queer themes in art without feeling like I’m not “man enough”. Idk, I suppose it’s an outlet in some ways. Who knows maybe in 2027 I’ll come out as bi or something, but don’t wait up.

idk, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like exploring queer themes, not because they’re queer necessarily, but because they’re human and I relate to them. And that’s hard not to partake in, y’know?

#rambling #ask #personal stuff #idk if all that’s like…ok for me to say and all but like…it’s just how I see the world at this point yk?#idk if you’ve seen derry girls but the character james maguire is me fr lol #(well i think I’m tougher than him but yk. he’s a guy who’s only friends are girls/queer people)#I worry sometimes about representing things poorly…#but like ig it’s not about representation to me. It’s not about anything. It’s just…expression i reckon #lord I dunno if I’m explaining this very well #For the record I find it interesting that I’m so chill too. There’s definitely a part of my brain that’s confused about that #like- I can’t wear a pink shirt cos that’s girly but I CAN try on heels because I’m bored???#I won’t pierce my ears even tho I wanna cos that’s “feminine” but I’ll write a 40k word fanfic about stevepop?? where’s the consistency??#I have to be the strongest in the room or I get pissy…but I want a girl to hold me?? that doesn’t make sense!#why am I a walking contradiction??#For all I’ve tried to explain it here at the end of the day idk why I am the way I am #I just…am. I wish it made sense but it doesn’t and I guess I gotta live with that lol.#talking about myself #srry ik this is long #ig it’s something I’ve avoided thinking abt much but now that you bring it up I’m…thinking. A lot.#(that’s a /pos thing I like thinking) (usually)

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footnoteinhistory · 9 months ago

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please please please <3

#for my noots (night court mutuals)#night court #dan fielding #john larroquette #*#video #I’ve been holding off on editing him bc I really wanna finish screencapping all the seasons #before I let myself fall down that rabbit hole #but. this was so fun. once I finish s9 it’s over for y’all 😌

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virmink-united · 2 months ago

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i cannot be normal about amir, he's just like me fr fr

he's just like me!!

#GOOD REP #mine #i wanna hold him and smooch him and tell him hes wonderful #i am unwell #hes literally just like me #i see so much of myself in him #amir beckett

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hplonesomeart · 4 months ago

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Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3

…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol

BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!

I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.

Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)

Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!

I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)

#OKAY SO SO SO actually started doodling this once the video was around 98k this morning #it wasn’t even meant to be art specifically designed to celebrate the milestone at first #I just wanted to draw the funky fella who makes me laugh #but as you can see that changed up fast jksjksp #I was under the impression that my video wouldn’t reach near 100k until December UH?? WHAT HAPPENED MY PREDICTION THWARTED??#seems I’ve severally underestimated how long the traction would continue for geez wow uh #people sure do enjoy comedy gotta love ‘em laughs and giggles #I CAN’T BELIEVE WE REACHED IT THO. THAT’S INSANE TO ME—ALL THE SUPPORT AND COMMENTS AND SUBS #thank you SMG4 fandom I would’ve never fathomed the algorithm to carry it so far like this #you wanna know the real kicker?#things would have gone so differently for the channel if I didn’t wrestle with my anxiety & post there #because there was a point during that day where I fullheartedly figured it would cause me to loose subs #I was kinda terrified ngl #this goes to show that you should never hold yourself back from sharing different aspects of your interests #you don’t need to confine yourself to just one thing #or to strive only to make the most high quality videos ever (I put that pressure on myself a bit too much nowadays)#sometimes it’s the simple ideas that manage to charm people #and those who see the effort will stick around to support you. You just need to trust yourself during the process and take that chance :)#EWWWW MUSHY GUSHY SENTIMENTALITY CLOGGING UP THE ATTENTION HERE #whatever happened to keeping the focus on ✨the star✨ who made it all possible to begin with huuuu??#show a bit more gratitude to the charming TV who boosted the viewership in the first place…don’t be so self absorbed with morals lonesome 😒#what is this some sort of My Little Pony episode oh pleaseeeeee 🙄#<- all of that was a simulation of Puzzles interjecting and nagging a bit lol. I’d imagine he’s tried of my nonstop nonsense #….yea the Puzzle brainrot is reaching maximum severities. So there’s high chance I’ll be animating him more down the line :3 #stick around to find out!!#hplonesome art

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celestialecho · 7 months ago

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On homesickness, to a home that never was.

via ryebreadgf // the smiths, back to the old house // via wikipedia // adrianne lenker, half return // via edwardsaidpdf // sophie may, somewhere far // radiohead, (nice dream)

#nova noise #web weaving #do people make webweavings for ocs. thats what this is but im trying to keep it general #oc tag #mikan javier #sure ill actually tag him. heart i love you boy. sorry about all that #id in alt #was it necessary to link each of the songs. no. but i thought it looked funny without it. sawry #on homesickness #on childhood trauma #<- I GUESS. KIND OF. to me it is #my wws #i wanna make more :-) specifically a duo one for momo and mikan! been meaning to for aaages #I AM AWARE ITS INSANE TO PUT RADIOHEAD ON HERE. HOLD MY HAND WHILE I EXPLAIN HOW IT RELATES. IMO #the fake nostalgia of your family treating you as they should. giving you the things you need to be happy (love and protection)#it wasnt real. but its a nice dream to have #okay thank you ^_^ i like to ramble and over explain myself constantly

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stormbreaker-290 · 4 months ago

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In other news:

#/vpos #ouhhhHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGGGGHHHFHGHDHDJHDJFBFBXHDBDHSGCHDBGDDHHDHDXJSNXHDNHDHSGJFNFNEHSBHRGXJBFSGXBFJDDG #im just #sitting doing nothing driving myself INSANE abt my . husbannbsds......#im supposed to rping rn dammit-#i just need to go bonkers for a moment #hhhGSJSGSKFHENYXHEKDNSMYEUEGEBSKSBKDHWNRHRBCUSBXKSHJEYWJNWNSHDKDBXHSHDUGESHGEUWSNXBXVXJDEBSJSYHWEBDCNHCBCKBDJENSKXSYEJWJWHIESHHFNKWYSOEHEBDU #BSHAJEHEKEEUDYEIBEDKBXKCBDUWHDKEJWKDHRJHSNCDJEIFBSHDNEKDBNEEDSDJHENDBKDCTHEMJSHDJHENDKSHSHCRKNETOSNDHDKDNDFUCKHSHDKSBDSHGDKSMEKDHDKSHSTUPIDJ #UAHAGAGSHSGDJSHJDJDKDJDKFDKDCKDH #IM #S O FUKFINFF UNWEELLLLLLL #IM . BLOWING UP AUAHAHAGHGSJH #I LOVE TH EY #HHHHHHHH #i wanna sit on Sols lap and hug him and lay on him and listen to his inner workings whirr #AND a lso kiss the life outta him and!! kiss down his arms and the palms of all his hands and #ohh i havent even tried kissing his sun pad yet i gotta do that-#hhhhhhhghfh and fuckinbbc. N0vas sona.... mmngngjhnh m o f f #i know we're like the same height but .. smol...... hold and hug #i need to cuddle the creature so bad on GOD theyd be a better cuddle buddy than my dinky little pillows AUHG #hhgshg stuff my face in his flufffffffffhhgghgghhhhggggggggggggg #hhhsgah and you KNOW mal is still bouncing around in my head like a dvd player screen saver OUGH #i have a great need to sit in bed with him laying back and resting on me while i hold him and gently mess with his rays HEL P ME #i need to wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed only cuz hes holding on to me and keeping me there for cuddles #i need to sit on my kitchen counter with him in front of me so i can hold his p retty face and pepper him with sleepy morning kisses #o h myg od im so normal about them can you tell #malware my beloved #N0va my beloved #Solaris my beloved #storm loses it

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akechis-special-case · 2 months ago

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Tip - Find a big plush and imagine that it is your F/O whenever you cuddle it. Nuzzling against it, falling asleep while it is in your grasp... Holding it as tightly as you would your F/O.

#Nimue's Rambles #Eepy... May continue doing that myself a bit and imagine to hold onto my bf tightly as well.#Dragging him with me (after he got stuff done) because I just wanna cuddle him so badly. But what else is new?#f/o community #fictional other community #selfship community #self ship community #selfshipping community #safeship #safeshipping #safe ship #safe shipping #proship dni #dni proship #comship dni #dni comship

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seventh-district · 3 months ago

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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

#normal Saturday morning behavior #redacted spoilers #redacted audio #redacted sam #Seven.txt #rp audio stuff #well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold #and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet #eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info #bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts #which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn #like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared #anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort #and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way #but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time #when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm #i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me #then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad #but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d #hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share #but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope #which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually #anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time #Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something #*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow

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capricioussun · 4 months ago

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Decided to sketch some of those YCH ideas for warm up but they kept getting smaller as I went

Finished the papyri and then went “ok, time to do some sanses!” and stared blankly at the canvas for like six minutes

#I wanna emphasize that these can be either platonic or romantic but even STILL I hc sanses in general as just not being fans of physical #affection that much which makes character interaction things like this. difficult #maybe sledding with blue…but then I’d have to do full body…ough #ooh. sans putting the snowman’s carrot through his nasal cavity and the insert laugh while holding a snowball to imply making a snow #snow man I hate typing on the ipad dying ten thousand deaths. anyway #hmmmm #HMMM…#OH maybe I could add Pup and insert character getting tangled in Christmas tree lights that’d be cute right??#not a sans lol OUGH red is so Not a touchy guy who doesn’t participate in things it’s hard to imagine him in most seasonal situations #maybe just smth simple like insert putting a knit cap on his head to keep him warm..? ough #wanna self indulgently add void but Who would want that and What would be even be doing. wait no cute imagery of him knitting and insert #holding the yarn for him watching curiously OUGH…what a grandma #maybe I could just draw that as him and the Chara who lives w/ him for a bit as a Christmas doodle like the one w/ abstract #I’m just talking to myself at this point ok sorry bye #sunny with clouds #wips in the sun

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reggiestein · 2 years ago

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ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh dies. dies. dies. dies. kisses him on the mouth. dies.

#im so madly in love with him im insane. the way i want him is unreal like actually. i want to hold this long cute freak in my arms #so sorry i haent been posting its mostly been oc x canon or. another type of art idk if yall would wanna see so i just dont post it😁#im 18 btw i can make stuff like that and post it💪💪💯💯💯 im so awesome. but uh also its 90% oc x canon sorry💪#i draw him both the same and in so many different ways. god i want him so bad its INSANE IM CRAZY #but idk sorry for not posting more🤕😝 i wanna post more angel food cake #i have so much more lore for her that i just have not posted. like at all. please future me make a character sheet PLEASE.🧍‍♂️#ok normal tags #licorice cookie #cookie run #my art #lico tag #crk #if we dont get more content of him soon im killing myself #please i have like 2 TIKTOKS AND THATS IT PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN LOOK AT A LINE OF DIALOGUE PLEASEEEEEEEE🙏🙏🙏🙏🧍‍♂️

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wolvertooth · 4 months ago

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im just lookin thru my archive rn cuz ive been posting fairly actively since like. july. debating if i need to do another #mentalhealthbreak or nah….

its not that ive run outta post ideas or anything(cuz my brain never shuts tf up), its just been kinda hard lately to keep up with the community aspect i think. i dunno. maybe im getting a bit burnt out again too

this is kinda the longest ive ever held a fixation consistantly, but the fear of slipping back into the Nothing Era where i got nothing to keep my brain occupied has me hanging on ig. i feel like im not done yet either like waiiiitttttt ive still got piles of wipssssssss i gotta make gay people realllllllll sigh

im only human im a messed up human blablah it makes good practice for adderall at least(not that its really been working) i just dont wanna be in a state where it feels like a chore yknow? like im not an influencer im a gay lil tumblr.com blog ffs

another dramatic emotion filled sigh………im gonna be staying out in the middle of the canadian sticks(farmland n woods n a couple beaches nearby) this winter for awhile, so maybe i’ll be able to figure out how to get some good chill time. or go more insane. (likely get more insane)