#I just…am. I wish it made sense but it doesn’t and I guess I gotta live with that lol.

[your-unfriendlyghost]

it feels so…… weird… seeing a cishet dude be so chill with queer themes lmao your soda-in-drag moment, the stevepop of it all, even guys with queers in their friend circles can’t bring themselves to partake sometimes lmao 😭 but it’s cool !! refreshing even sjksksndks this is a /pos statement I promise

Thanks lol! I think it’s cos I’m fairly secure. Sorta. (I’m still prone to compensating for things and being a stupid teen boy, but like, I’m aware of it, at least when I stop to think. Yk I’ll still join in on dick measuring contests, but deep down I’ll know it’s dumb and performative.)

I guess I feel a kinship to queerness. I go to art school where I’m sometimes the only guy in a class of girls, and I’ve been the token straight guy in every friend group I’ve been in since freshman year of high school. Beyond that, growing up I was frequently mistook for a girl- I had long-ish hair (post bowl-cut era 😭) and I’m part Asian, I was pretty androgynous lol. People irl have thought I’m gay, or a trans man on testosterone (I mean fine, I guess I am pretty short and hang with a lot of trans guys.) Hell, I did drag on a dare once, back when I was even more secure. (And I was hot asf in drag lemme tell ya. It felt lousy and it’s definitely not my thing, but man if I had a clone who was a girl-) All this to say, I say I’m straight, but honestly I don’t really know. I like girls a lot, but I have seen a buddy of mine in drag, and lemme tell ya I felt something but I’m not gonna examine that rn lol. Straight just feels comfortable, safe, and it’s good for interacting with folks who ain’t so progressive, so it’s what I’m sticking with…but I’ll admit there’s a gray area.

I relate a lot to the guys in the Outsiders, and irl I like to present myself as a tough, cool, Very Masculine guy. Hell, sometimes I play dumb about stuff because it’s “feminine” and a guy like me shouldn’t know about it. I act a lot like how I write Steve Randle, he’s my guy I like to project on lol. Honestly, I’ve got a fair amount of internalized toxic masculinity. But I think because I know how silly it all is deep down, I can interact with queer themes in art without feeling like I’m not “man enough”. Idk, I suppose it’s an outlet in some ways. Who knows maybe in 2027 I’ll come out as bi or something, but don’t wait up.

idk, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like exploring queer themes, not because they’re queer necessarily, but because they’re human and I relate to them. And that’s hard not to partake in, y’know?

[igotanidea]

The love of rain : Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Request submitted as a part of my 1k celebration: Rain and Nikolai (thank you anon!)

Warning: some spice, but nothing explicit, apart from that just fluff

***

The weather in Ravka was whimsical, to say the least.

One day there was sun and clear sky and the other the habitants had to deal with fog or storm or rain. And most of them did not like when it was wet and dark outside, cause it was clear sign that they would be stuck at the little palace for longer than anyone would wish for. It was particularly painful for squallers and tidemakers, the rest were complaining but found their way to deal with it. Of course, it was possible to just use the Grisha power and dissipate the clouds, but nature was nature and there were still rules to stick by, one of them saying that Etherealki were not supposed to mess with it more than necessary.

However, there is always an exception to the rule, or at least they say so.

“Ugh!” Zoya grunted upon noticing the first drops on the ground ��I can’t believe it! Why can’t we just make those clouds go away? I can do this.”

“Zoya” Nadia put a hand on her shoulder “you know we are not supposed to do that. King’s orders.”

“Well, someone should knock some sense into Nikolai’s head” the brunette scoffed, raising her hands, ready to call upon the wind “I need training. I want to train and I am not going to stop just because….”

“Surely you are not going to disobey, right?” Adrik came out of nowhere and chimed in “you are a soldier, you have to be obedient.” He reminded her and it made her sigh deeply in frustration.

“I hate it.”

“Yes, we heard you loud and clear, now come on, we have to find shelter before we get drenched.”

And just like that, all the Grisha assembled on the palace ground started running from the droplets, which slowly intensified and after a couple of minutes, the drizzle turned into full-on torrent.

“Aren’t you happy we are inside now?”  Nadia smiled at Zoya, but the latter was even more annoyed than before.

“NO!” she said firmly with a pout on her face

“Someone’s in the mood, today” a male’s voice came from the other entrance to the room and everyone turned to face king Nikolai himself.

“My king” Genya was the first one to raise from her seat and approach him

“I still can’t get used to that title” Nik smiled brightly “but you gotta admit it suits me well, doesn’t it?”

“Well…..” Genya started, but Zoya interrupted her

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t get too much to your head, you majesty.” She smirked

“If it ever does, I give you permission to knock some sense into me.” Nikolai chuckled at the girl’s surprised expression “yes, yes, I heard you use that particular expression. Just be sure to avoid the face, will you? Your punches are quite strong and I can’t risk getting injured in the most visible part of me. Now, is everyone back from the field?”

‘Squallers are at full strength” Adrik assured

“How about tidemakers, Annika?”

“As well, moi tsar.” the girl bowed gently and earned a smile from Nikolai.

“And what about Inferni?” he hesitated a bit

“I think we all know the answer to that question. Y/N is missing, obviously.”

“Guess that’s the aftermath of the time she spend on the ship with you in the role of Sturmhond”

“Good thing I know exactly where to look for her.” Nikolai started walking towards the exit ready to go outside straight into the downpour

“My king!” Genya yelled after him “you should not….”

“Oh, dear Genya, after all this time, you should not use the “you should” with me. Don’t you know I’m gonna do what I want either way. I’m the king after all” he winked at the girl without having any care in the world.

*** “You know, for an Inferni, you are strangely fascinated with water.” Y/N, who was sitting under the canopy near the waterfall, listening to the sound of rain turned around at the voice, a bit alarmed, ready to throw a fireball straight into Nikolai’s face. “Hey! Easy with that!” he raised hands in defense.

“Do not sneak on me!” she spat and then started laughing at the man, her eyes glistening with joy “you are drenched, moi tsar.“

“As if you weren’t.”

“I don’t really care. Besides, I got the heat, I can get myself dry, easily, unlike you.” Y/N smiled at him and reached a hand towards him “come on, we can both fit in here. Can’t risk you getting sick.”

“Oh, you are worried about me” he grinned sitting close to her, sneaking an arm around her waist and puling the girl in “That is just so sweet, my love”

“Mhm, sure. I’m worried about all your people and royal advisors coming after me with pitchforks because I gave the king the flu.”

“Pichfork?” he raised an eyebrow, but could not help a little laugh. “Why pitchfork?”

“I don’t know” she leaned into him. It was kinda funny, how she was the Infeni and yet, he was the one who was giving her warmth. The kind that does not come from the fire, but from the inside and from all the feelings she get because of him “isn’t that what used to be use to deal with witches? And I am a witch after all.”

“Sure you are. You definitely bewitched me.” Nikolai kissed her temple and she closed her eyes enjoying this. Maybe too much. “Besides, as the king, I choose to be here.”

“It’s just so quiet and peaceful, you know” she snuggled closer to him “unlike in the palace or in training. There just always so many people, so many noises. And rain, rain just make it all go away.”

“Like I said, you are one strange Inferni.”

“Maybe.” She sighed “you know people hear “’Inferni” and automatically assume those are the one who beams with energy all the time, have power and strength, and are always ready to jump into action. But hey, guess what, we are people too, we are tired and stressed and worried and need a break from time to time.”

“Hard week?” he asked rubbing on her arm lovingly and reassuringly.

“Like usual. It’s not like I can compare with all your duties. You’ve been busy too.”

“Is that why you’ve been hiding here?” he moved away slightly just to search for an answer in her eyes. “Don’t. turn away from me” his hand found a way to her cheek making her face him “Y/n, darling, tell me.”

 “I… that may have been the reason” she muttered “I just knew you would come to find me.” She looked down for a moment but then raised gaze and focused it on his face “Nik, I’m sorry, I just missed you and ….”

She did not get to finish as he leaned forward and planted his lips on hers in the most gentle, slow and emotional kiss that any girl could imagine and wish for. If she wasn’t sitting, her knees would probably gave up on her and she would fall to the ground. Saints, how she missed this. It’s been a week since they had a single silent moment together and it was all reflected in such simple, yet meaningful gesture. His grip on her waist tightened and he pulled her onto his lap, wanting her closer to him, enjoying how she let him hold her, touch her and kiss her. Just being with her was enough.

“I missed you too, my love. And I’m the one who should be sorry for not giving you enough attention.” Nikolai whispered nuzzling her nose with his making her chuckle since she was ticklish.

 “Don’t be silly, Nik. I am no one, just one rowdy Grisha.”

“You.” he pecked her lips again “are everything. My love. My bride. And the queen to be.”

“Ugh….”

“Still don’t like that?”

“I don’t think I’m the queen material.” She squirmed in his lap and it made him a bit too excited “I hate all that panoply and sumptuousness.”

“Do you even know me?” he groaned when she moved more “I’m the least pompous of my family. Do you remember our time on the Volkvolny? Definitely not a prince-like behavior back then.”

“Oh I remember some of that” she smirked locking hands on his neck and whispering in his ear “I also remember bringing the heat without using Inferni skills.”

“Uh… Um… yeah. You see, being a queen comes with one more benefit. “

“And what is that?” she feigned curiosity, even if the evidence was more than palpable

“You get to be the only person the king will kneel for….” He mumbled, kissing her cheek “Love.”

“Really?”

“Sure. I’ll leave with you with that thought.” With one single motion he moved her away and sat back next to him “maybe you won’t be hiding in the middle of the forest in the future.”

“I will. I definitely won’t stop on your account, love.” Y/N rolled her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. There would be time to tease him and get revenge later on. Judging by the circumstances it would be painfully easy to make him fulfill that promise. But not now. “Nik?” she whispered, calming down

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can we just stay here for a while? I need some peace…. And I want you with me. Just like this.”

“If you think you can get rid of me now you’re crazy. I’m not going anywhere far from….”

“From what?”

“From the person I love.” He answered and just to accent and emphasize those words raised her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently.

At this moment she really wished she was a tidemaker or a squaller. She would definitely disobey all the rules of not messing with nature and will make it rain till the end of the world if it meant just being with him away from the world.

[hexi-artchive]

guess who has been listening to vylet pony’ ‘monarch of monsters’ this past week?

MLP FIM X Yohaji crossover ramble below cut

Abe no Seimei [Starbright Spell] ~

his name was the easiest part of doing all of this, I liked how it rolled off my tongue the second I thought of it.

Seimei’s cutie mark is obviously his star aka his powers! What better way to express that ‘this is him’ than this? I would have done some swirls around it but they felt too distracting.

for his deign I obviously (again) had to make it as similar to the other two as I could, which meant I had to match them. I probably would have been more colorful. Originally I was gonna make him a unicorn in his regular clothes but I didn’t really know how to put his clothes on a pony/than Ame would be all alone in the naked department, so only hat…also

1( I couldn’t see Haru as a unicorn

2(I find it a really funny idea that Douman is a unicorn but still looses to an earth pony in magic

Abe Amaaki [Rainright Guard] ~

For the record, all the names are pending ok? They can’t all be winners! Anyway I wanted his name to match with Haru’s (in both have ‘g’ starting second names).

As for his cutie mark, I wanted so show how much he loves Haru. Yes this butt tattoo is for how much of a brocon he is! Since a cutie mark has been shown to not include your job necessarily but instead be more of a ‘this is your personality, likes, & something special/unique to you’ I thought this would make more sense. I probably should have turned his symbol black to show how he doesn’t have powers (as far as we’ve been shown if my memory serves me right) but it ok like this since this is just a silly AU. Concept wise it’s above seimei but design it could have been better I like to think he got his early, like after he vowed to love and protect Haru with all his life, only to be forever tattooed with a reminder of that vow on his flank (which he wears proudly)

honestly though, his character design is my second favorite, but I wish I did more (maybe add his blazer jacket or shades?). If he didn’t have to be an identical twin with Haru, I would probably have given his a different color palette but this still fits him in my opinion.

Abe Haruaki [Sunbright Quill] ~

His name took me so long and I still feel iffy on it, but I think it really works for him. Tho I could have gone for what his name means (clear weather) but that sounded more like a pegasus who works for the sky factory than a teacher, so I made this one.

his cutie mark is for his ‘sunny’ personality with his students while also being mistaken for Seimei’s. I like this one the best, shows his personality but not too overly detailed. Also it could be mistaken for Seimei’s if you forgot or don’t know seimei. If it didn’t have to be similar to seimei’s (gotta keep that reincarnation/look alike thing going in all AUs) it probably would have been more teacher-y, like chalk turning into a star/sun. Though I know for a fact he would be a blank flank until he started teaching at school (probably chapter 3/episode 1). Ame would cover up his mark to make Haru feel better for being wrongfully bullied for his blank status for sure!

this is my favorite design overall, it’s the reason both the others aren’t the best cause they’re based off of this one. I love the colors & his outfit details. I just love this one the best!

[harley-sunday]

Feels Like Home [07]

Summary: When an unexpected three-week break between Monza and Singapore finds Daniel back on his farm in Perth he’s desperate to use this time to clear his mind, figure out his future in Formula One, and find his way back. He didn’t expect a new neighbour, a sassy two-year old, and three alpacas would make him realise that sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in front of you.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 5.2k

AN: The cliffhanger in the last part might have been a bit mean, I agree. BUT. We needed a little drama, babes. It ain’t all fun and games over on the farm. Anyway, hope this makes up for it :) If not, you know where to find me ♥

Masterlist

Granddad knows something is wrong the second you walk back inside and the door slams shut behind you and he points to the couch immediately, "Sit." He waits until you do before he continues, his voice more gentle this time, "Start talking."

There’s no use pretending everything’s fine and so you do as you’re told. You tell him about Blake and the NDA he wants you to sign, but before you get to tell him how upset it's made you, Granddad interrupts you with a chuckle that you feel is terribly out of place and earns him one of your better scowls.

"Sweetheart," he starts, giving the bottom of your foot a soft kick to get you to listen, "we all signed one."

"What?"

"When Danny first moved in he and Blake did a little tour of the neighbourhood and made all of us sign one of those forms. Me, Mrs Mackenzie, Kevin Holmes- Anyone really."

Huh. That's- Something you definitely wished you knew sooner.

"To be honest, I thought you'd already signed one," Granddad says with a kind smile. "You two have been hanging out so much I figured he'd already given you one. That's why I never mentioned it."

Letting your bottom lip roll between your teeth, the anger from before slowly ebbing away, you start to feel as though maybe you overreacted the tiniest bit. You're still mad Blake sprung it on you like this but yeah, ok, it kind of makes sense that he wants you to sign one. Fuck.

It's then you hear a car door slam shut and see Daniel drive off, a trail of dust following his car. All of a sudden it feels as if the air is being sucked from your lungs because he’s leaving tomorrow and what if- You look up at Granddad, "I messed up, didn't I?"

"Nah," Granddad shakes his head. "You got put on the spot and you know as well as I do us Lintons don't like that. He doesn't leave until tomorrow right?" 

You nod.

"See. There you go. Plenty of time to make this right, sweetheart." Granddad leans back in his chair then as if it really is that simple.

Maybe it is.

Ellie walks over to you from where she was playing with her wooden train and holds up her arms to you. When you pull her onto your lap she gently pats your cheek, "Momma sad?"

You shake your head and quickly reassure her, "Momma's ok." You let your chin rest on the top of her head and let out a heavy sigh, "Momma just needs to figure out how to fix things."

"Come with?"

"Yeah." You can't help but laugh. "Yeah bub, I guess you can come with."

***

"I just wish you would have told me." Daniel sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he paces around his living room. "You put me in a right spot, mate."

"I know," Blake agrees quietly. "Do you want me to call her or go over there to see if-"

"Nah, I'll- I'll figure something out," Daniel tells him, waving his hand around. "I just hope she'll understand."

"She will." He can hear Blake take a deep breath, "Just tell her I was being a right cunt and went rogue."

Daniel can't help but chuckle, "Will do." It’s then the intercom rings and he doesn't want to get his hopes up but he can feel his heart skip a beat because who else could it be? "I gotta go, mate. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"I really am sorry, Dan," Blake tells him. "I owe you one."

Daniel laughs, knowing full well it's usually the other way around, "I'll add it to the list, mate."

As soon as he ends the call he pushes the button in his intercom and waits for the camera to come on and confirm who he hopes is his visitor. He feels a wave of relief wash over him when he sees her now familiar face come into view, "Hi." 

“Hi,” she looks into the camera but before she can say anything else he's already opened the gate and he sees her let out a deep breath before she gets back into her car and heads down the driveway.

He waits for her outside, using one of the meditation exercises Michael always makes him do to help calm his nerves as he tries to figure out what to say to her. All too soon and yet not quick enough her car comes into view and he takes a few deep breaths in a futile attempt to prepare himself for whatever comes next. 

When she pulls up he has to stop himself from rushing over and waits until she’s out of the car before he greets her with a quiet, “Hey.”

“Hi,” she replies, a small, hesitant smile tugging on the corner of her lips. Instead of walking towards him she rounds the car and opens the back door and he’s a little confused but then he hears an excited, “Danny!” coming from the other side of the car and sees Ellie beaming at him.

“Hello Miss Ellie.” Daniel starts to hold out his hands to take her but then realises she might not want him to and so he drops them. To say he’s a little surprised when she hands him Ellie anyway would be an understatement, and somewhere deep inside he hopes that this means things are on the mend for them but he doesn’t want to think it out loud. Doesn’t want to jinx it. 

“Danny home,” Ellie says, patting his cheek with her hand.

Daniel can’t help but laugh, “Yeah. Danny home, sweetheart.” He looks at her then and nods to the house, “Why don’t we go inside?” He leads them to the kitchen, where he sits Ellie down on the countertop, one hand keeping her in place while he reaches for two mugs with the other. “Coffee?”

He hears her clear her throat, “I think we should talk first.”

Shit. She sounds serious but of course he agrees, “Yep. Ok.” 

***

“I overreacted,” you blurt out, wanting to make sure he knows you’re not here to blame him for anything. You hesitate but then put your hand on his arm anyway, “I’m sorry.” 

Daniel furrows his brows and doesn’t say anything and-

“Granddad told me you have everyone sign an NDA and, I mean, it makes sense- You wouldn’t want to have to worry about anyone running to the press or your competitors with inside information, right?” You’re rambling, you know you are but now that you’ve started it’s hard to stop because you need him to understand, “It was a little unexpected, that’s all. It felt like we were about two merge to companies instead of us dating and-”

“Are we?”

“Are we what?” You feign innocence because as soon as you mentioned dating you realised you put a label on something that might not even exist yet. You should have kept it casual, should have just said something about you being friends because now there’s this weight behind it that you’re not sure Daniel wants to carry. You’re a single mum with a kid. He’s a Formula One race car driver. There is no way this could be as serious as you’re making it out to be. 

You’re too lost in thoughts to notice he’s taken a step closer and so when he puts his fingers under your chin to make you look up at him you let out a surprised, “Oh.”

There’s a hint of a smile playing on his face when he asks, “Are we dating?” 

You bite your lip and shrug, trying to play it cool, because you might as well go all in now, “You did take me on a date.”

“I did,” Daniel says, his voice low. 

Next to him Ellie coos and it pulls both of you out of whatever moment you were having. You can’t help but laugh when you see your daughter looking from you to Daniel and back and so you pick her up, “Why don’t we put you on the couch with my phone for a couple of minutes, huh?” You look up at Daniel, “I’ll be right back.” 

“Yep.”

Once Ellie’s seated you find an episode of The Koala Brothers online and press play as you put your phone on her lap. To buy you and Daniel even more time you hand her a fruit pouch, “Here you go, bub.” You tilt her chin up and point to the kitchen, “Momma and Danny are right there ok? We can still see you.”

Ellie nods absentmindedly, not wanting to miss another second of the adventures of Frank and Buster.

You make your way back to the kitchen, where Daniel’s exactly where you left him. You take a deep breath, trying to ignore the herd of butterflies that’s stomping around in your stomach, “Where were we?”

Daniel, bless him, plays his part, “I just confirmed I took you on a date.”

“Right,”

“And after that I was going to apologise.”

You look up at him with furrowed brows, “What? Why?”

“Because I should have talked to you about this-” he says as he runs a hand through his hair, letting it rest at the base of his neck then. “I didn’t know Blake would ambush you like this but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have at least warned you it was going to happen at some point.” 

“A little heads up would have been nice,” you agree, “but I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I should have just talked to you about it instead of making rash decisions. I feel like such an idiot-”

“Hey. No,” Daniel shakes his head and reaches out to you. “Don’t say that.”

“I just-” You try to smile, deciding to jump straight to the most important question of all, “Are we good?”

“We’re good,” Daniel replies without hesitation. He holds out both his arms to you then and pulls you in for a hug, “All good.” 

You wrap your arms around him and pull him close, “Good.” 

“There is something else I want to talk to you about,” he says as he lets go of you not much later. Daniel takes a step back and leans against the counter and when he takes a deep breath you’re a little worried he’s going to say something you’re not going to like but once again he surprises you, “I hate that I have to leave tomorrow. These past two weeks- Hanging out with you, and Ellie, and Oscar- It was amazing and I’m going to miss you guys like crazy but-” Another deep breath, “I was hoping we could see each other again? After the season is over?”

“I’d like that,” you reply, ignoring the way your heart seems to skip a few beats.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree with a nod.

Daniel smiles, “Good. Because I like you. A lot.” 

Oh.

“I know it’s not fair to ask you to wait two months but-”

“I’ll wait.” It comes out barely above a whisper and so you try again, a little louder and more confident this time, “I’ll wait.” 

Daniel’s entire face lights up at your promise, “You will?” 

“Yeah, I uh-” You take a deep breath and look up at him, a smile tugging on the corners of your lips, “I really like you too.” 

Daniel pushes himself off the counter and takes a step forward, closing the distance between you. He looks from your eyes to your mouth and back, silently asking for permission that you give him by tilting your head back.

You wrap your arms around his neck and stand up on your toes so you can meet him halfway, his lips ghosting over yours then, making you smile into the kiss when he deepens it. There are no fireworks, no orchestra that plays the right song at the right time, but still it feels as though you’re in a movie and you’re being swept off your feet. 

Daniel has put his hands on your lower back and runs his tongue in between your lips as he pulls you closer. When you part your mouth his tongue slips inside and then you taste him and God, you never want this to stop. You can feel yourself getting lost in the kiss, liking the way he makes you work for it, always teasing and a push and pull between you that feels so-

“Momma!”

Both you and Daniel pull back at the same time, panting a little, and you’re sure your embarrassed grin matches the one Daniel’s wearing. You clear your throat, keeping your eyes locked on Daniel’s, “Yes, bub?”

“Momma, done,” Ellie says and there’s really no arguing with that, is there?

“I’m not sure if she means the episode or us,” you laugh quietly, raising your eyebrows at Daniel. You watch Ellie as she slides down the couch and wobbles over to the kitchen, scooping her up in your arms when she’s within reach and blowing a raspberry on her cheek, “Hello little monster.”

Ellie giggles and squirms in your arms, “Momma, no.”

“Momma, yes,” Daniel says then, blowing a raspberry on her other cheek. “Gotcha!”

You and Daniel continue your coordinated attack, making Ellie giggle even louder. When after a minute or so you pull back Ellie looks at you with bright eyes, “Momma, stay here?” 

***

They spend the rest of the afternoon in his garden, Ellie running around and chasing birds and butterflies, while she and Daniel watch the little girl from where they’re sitting on the top step on his back porch, enjoying a cup of coffee and some Michael-approved snacks Daniel found in the fridge. He remembers something then and stands up rather abruptly, making her look up at him with furrowed brows, “Shit. Sorry, I just- I forgot I had something for you guys.” He turns around and heads towards the gate that leads to the courtyard, “Wait here, ok?”

He doesn’t wait for a reply but instead makes his way to where he parked his truck and opens the door, grabbing two packages from the passenger’s seat. He wrapped them himself this morning and so what if he used some leftover Christmas paper? It’s the thought that counts, right? Daniel hurries back to the garden and finds them exactly where he left them two minutes ago, except this time Ellie has sat down in the grass, admiring a bumblebee that’s flying around her.

“Ellie?” He motions for the little girl to come over, “I’ve got something for you, kiddo.” 

It takes some time for Ellie to get up and make her way over, Daniel holding out his hand to her when she reaches the stairs, helping her climb up and sit down in between them. 

“I wanted to give you this yesterday but then I forgot and-” He hands Ellie the smaller of the two packages first, “Here you go.”

“Thank,” Ellie says as she tears into the paper, scrunching her nose in delight when she sees what it is.

“That’s a pretty sweater, bub.”

“It’s from the latest merch release,” Daniel explains as he hands her the larger package, “I got one for you too. Maybe-” He clears his throat, feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden. “I figured maybe you could wear it when you watch a race? I know Oscar still wears that Red Bull shirt I gave him years ago but I didn’t really wanted you in McLaren merch so I-”

“Thank you,” she says as she helps Ellie put on her sweater, pointing out the lemons on the front as she tugs the fabric down. She unwraps her own package then, smiling when she holds up her sweater and admires the print, “Did you know I love peaches or was that just a lucky guess?”  

“Lucky guess,” he admits with a grin, a happy feeling spreading inside his chest because of all the lucky guesses he’s made so far, this might be the one he’s most proud of. 

He watches her as she stands up and puts it on before she spreads her arms and spins around, “I love it. Thank you.”

“No worries,” he replies with a shrug even though seeing her wearing his merch makes him feel all sorts of things. “It’s nice knowing you got people back home rooting for you.”

She sits back down, a little closer this time, pulling Ellie into her lap, “I can’t believe you have to leave tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. He nudges her shoulder with his, tries to keep his tone light, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Ellie snuggles into her then and lets out a yawn.

“We should probably head back,” she says but doesn’t move.

“Yeah.” Daniel wishes he could stop time, just stay here, right in this exact moment. He offers the next best thing, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” she says as she looks up at him. “You’ve got an early flight tomorrow.”

He starts to protest, “It’s not that early-”

“Daniel,” she says, her free hand on his knee, “we’re going to have to say goodbye eventually anyway.”

He lets out a heavy sigh, “I know.” 

She gives him a small smile as she strokes Ellie’s hair, “You’re gonna say goodbye to Danny, bub?”

Ellie looks up at Daniel with a sleepy smile but shakes her head. 

“I have to leave tomorrow,” Daniel explains, holding out his hands to the little girl who climbs onto his lap without hesitating and he pushes the fleeting thought that she might not remember him when he comes back all the way to the back of his mind and presses a kiss to the top of her head instead, “I’ll be back soon, ok?”

“Come with?”

Daniel chuckles softly, “Nah, sweetheart. You can’t come with this time.” 

“Danny come home.” It’s not even a question, Ellie looking up at him with a determined look on her face, as if she wants to let him know that if she can’t come with him, he’s going to have to come home with her.

“I will,” Daniel promises, hugging Ellie tight. “Soon.” 

***

You watch as Daniel leans into the car and kisses Ellie’s forehead. When he whispers a quiet, “See you soon, sweetheart,” you feel your throat tightening and you have to bite your lip to keep the tears at bay. 

Daniel steps back and turns to you then, a sad smile playing on his lips. He holds out his arms and pulls you closer when you step into his embrace, “I’m going to miss you, neighbour.”

“Yeah,” you agree quietly. Wrapping your arms around him you try to blink away the tears that have started to form in your eyes but fail miserably. When you pull back you let your hands rest on his chest and look up at him, “Please be safe.”

“Always,” he says. He kisses the top of your head, “Take care of the girls for me? And Oscar. And Ellie?”

She nods, “Always.”

“Take care of yourself too,” Daniel adds, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yep.”

“Good.” He cups your face then, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that’s inching its way down your cheek, “I’ll be back before you know it. And it’s not like I’m disappearing off of the face of the earth, right? We can call and text and-”

You nod, not trusting your voice right now. When he dips his head and captures your mouth in a kiss you close your eyes and try to savour the moment. Sixty three days, you try to tell yourself. 

Sixty three days until he’s home again.

***

For the first time in maybe forever, Daniel doesn’t want to go back to racing, doesn’t to leave Perth, and it’s- It’s a weird feeling, something he doesn’t quite know how to deal with, doesn’t quite know how to put into words and so he’s in a bit of a mood all throughout their travels on Tuesday. By the time they touchdown in Singapore, he’s over it and he doesn’t really say much during their transfer to the hotel, puts his headphones on instead, trying to ignore the looks Michael and Blake throw him. He feigns a headache and opt outs of dinner that evening, allowing himself to wallow in some self pity instead.

There’s a team briefing early Wednesday morning and Daniel tries to pay attention, really he does, but he finds his mind drifting, wondering how she’s doing and if the girl’s are alright and- Lando kicks his feet under the table then and when Daniel looks up he finds the entire room looking at him, no doubt waiting for an answer to a question he hasn’t heard. Lando, bless him, saves the day and pretends the question was directed towards him and answers for the both of them. 

As soon as the briefing ends, Lando catches up with him. “You alright, mate?” 

“Yeah, just a little tired,” Daniel lies.

“You came in from Perth, mate,” Lando counters with a grin, clapping Daniel’s back, “it’s not like you’re jetlagged, right?” 

Daniel shrugs but doesn’t say anything. 

“You’ll be alright,” Lando says, veering off to his side of the garage. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yep,” Daniel gives his teammate a quick wave and heads over to his team. 

The rest of the day drags on, more meetings, more data to look at, more promises by Tom that this time they might even finish inside the points. Blake rescues him somewhere around six, ushering Daniel back to the hotel with relative ease. Their meeting with Christian isn’t until later that night but Daniel still needs to freshen up and he knows Blake wants to go over some final details before they leave.

When Daniel steps out of the shower not much later, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist while he uses another one to dry his hair, and checks his phone he’s surprised to see there’s a message from her. He opens as he walks out of the bathroom and sees it’s a picture of her and Ellie, wearing the sweaters he gave them last Sunday, telling him good luck for tonight. 

“You’re grinning like an absolute idiot, mate,” Blake teases from where he’s sitting on the couch. “You good?”

“Why are you still here?” Daniel counters without looking up from his phone. 

“We have to leave in twenty minutes, mate.” 

“And?”

“And-” Blake grins and shrugs, “-someone has to make sure you actually get ready and not stare at your phone for another half hour, like some goddamn teenager who’s experiencing his first crush.” He stands up and holds out his hand,  “Give me that.”

Daniel lets out a dramatic sigh but then hands over his phone anyway, knowing Blake has a point.

“Thank you,” Blake tells him with a grin as he sits down again. He nods towards the bathroom, “You’ve got eighteen minutes to get ready, mate. Get going.” 

***

“Momma, help,” Ellie says, holding out her now dirty hands. You’re outside in the vegetable garden to plant some lettuce and green beans, or at least, that’s what you’re doing. Ellie apparently decided it would be more fun to try and dig for gold with her bare hands.

“Come here, you monster,” you tell her, making her clap her hands together to get the worst of it off before you wipe them clean on your sweater. “There you go.”

“Thank.” 

Your phone rings then and when you pull it out of your back pocket and see it’s a video call from Daniel, you can’t help but smile and motion for Ellie to come closer, “It’s Danny, bub.” You sit down on the edge of one of the raised planters and take the call just as you pull Ellie onto your lap, “Hey you.”

“Hi,” Daniel beams back. “Hi Miss Ellie.”

“Danny,” Ellie exclaims, smiling widely.

“How are you doing, ladies?” Daniel seems to be in his hotel room and for a moment you wonder why he isn’t at the track but then you remember it’s still only nine-thirty or so.

“We’re good, right bub?” 

Ellie nods enthusiastically, “‘m going potty!”

You can’t help but laugh, even more so when you see Daniel’s confused face, and so you explain, “Yesterday she told me she doesn’t want to wear diapers anymore so we’re trying to be a big girl and go to the toilet, huh bub?” Ellie nods and you throw Daniel a wink, “I think Isabella not wearing one might have heavily influenced her.”

“That’s good though, right?” Daniel looks at Ellie, “You’ve got this, sweetheart.” 

You smile at him, “How are you?”

“Yeah, good.” He sits up a little, “We leave in ten minutes or so, but I figured I could give you a call first.” 

“How was your meeting yesterday?” 

Daniel narrows his eyes at you but there’s still a hint of a smile somewhere, “Did you send that NDA to Blake yet?”

You let out a laugh, “I did.” 

“Good.” His usual grin is back then, “No, yeah, we’re working on it. They’re doing some final tweaks to the contract on their end and uh- Yeah, we should be ready to sign before the end of the season.”

“So you’re going back?”

Daniel nods slowly, his smile growing even wider, “I am.” 

***

He gets his best result of the season in Singapore, a fifth place that no one was expecting, least of all him. 

Some journos say it’s because he’s finally getting used to the car, while other 'experts' think it’s because a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders now that he’s in the final stages of his McLaren contract but none of them are right. It isn’t because of the car or leaving McLaren or- It’s because he finally knows what his future holds.

He’s going home.

***

“Ellie, wake up, bub,” you gently stroke your daughter’s cheek so as not to scare her as she wakes up from her nap. When she opens her eyes you smile at her, “Hi sleepyhead. It’s time to go watch Danny race, remember?” 

“Danny,” Ellie sighs, pushing herself up and holding out her arms so you can pick her up. 

You last spoke to Daniel on the phone on Tuesday, when he called after landing in Suzuka, but you have been texting pretty much every single day and so you know Suzuka holds both some good and bad memories for him. The Japanese Grand Prix is one of the last races you can watch without having to get up in the middle of the night because of the time difference and so you promised him you’d watch the race together with Granddad and Ellie. 

“You want to wear Danny’s sweater?”

Ellie nods, “Danny go car racing.”

“Yep,” you tell her as you help her into the sweater. “Danny’s going to go super fast, bub.”

Granddad’s already got the TV on by the time you make it downstairs and you hand over Ellie to him so you can warm up her bottle and slice an apple for her. You make it back just when the formation lap starts and so you point out Daniel’s car to Ellie, “There’s Danny.” 

“You remember what number Danny has?” Granddad asks your daughter, laughing then when she  proudly holds up five fingers but says, “Three.” 

“That’s right,” Granddad says, kissing the top of her head. “Clever girl.” 

You take a quick selfie of the three of you and send it to Daniel, because even though he won’t see it until after the race you want him to know you were cheering for him. 

***

Somehow they settle into a rhythm quite easily after Suzuka where they text each other daily and Daniel makes sure to video call at least once a week, usually on Tuesdays when, except for workouts with Michael, he doesn’t have much else planned.

After Suzuka he goes on to Austin, where he has a week off and finds himself hanging out with some of his Stateside mates, who somehow all comment on how much more relaxed he seems. He lets them believe it’s because he’s four races away from leaving McLaren but both Blake and Michael give him a look that tells him they know better.

Austin proves to be a disaster and he even finishes one place lower than where he started. There’s a message from her, after the race, telling him they’re still rooting for him, a picture of her and Ellie attached that makes him realise there are more important things in life than winning a race. 

Daniel’s in Mexico City when he gets a message from her early Thursday morning and not at all at a time she should be awake and so for a moment he’s worried something has happened but then he opens the picture and sees two fluffy newborn alpacas huddled close to their mothers and he hits the call button without thinking twice.

She answers on the first ring, “Hey.”

He’s a little taken aback by how exhausted she sounds but he guesses a double alpaca birth does that to a person, “Hey. Congratulations!” He can’t help but tease her, “So, are you a grandmother now or-”

“Daniel Ricciardo,” she bites back but he can hear the smile in her voice, “take that back.”

He laughs, “I kid, I kid. How are the ladies doing?”

“They’re good. Betsy’s a little unsure of what it means to be a mother but I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

He nods even though she can’t see him, “Who else gave birth? Babs?”

“Yep.” He hears her tell one of the girls to move before she comes back to him, “Blanche shouldn’t be too far behind either.”

“And how are you?”

She scoffs, “Tired. It’s been non stop for the past three days but-”

“How’s Oscar doing?”

She must know what he really wants to ask because she tells him, “He’s good. Walking is much easier now but he’s still a bit unsteady on his feet, you know? And he gets tired rather quickly so I’d rather have him watch Ellie than help me deliver some alpacas.”

Daniel hears what she’s saying but still, “Yeah, but-”

“I know, ok? I know, but it is what it is.” She clears her throat, “The laundry can wait another day or two and so what if the windows aren’t clean? Like I said, Blanche shouldn’t be too far behind and they should be fine on their own after a couple of days anyway so-”

“Gotcha,” he says. He can feel she’s getting annoyed and he doesn’t want her to feel like she needs to defend herself and so he quickly adds, “Well, if you need any help coming up with a name for one of them, let me know. I got a few nice ones up my sleeve.”

“Such as?”

“Reginald if it’s a boy,” he deadpans and he relishes in the laugh it draws from her, “and Mildred if it’s a girl.” 

“Right,” she draws out, still laughing. 

“What?” Daniel feigns innocence, “I think they’re great.” He doesn’t, not really, but at least he’s made her laugh and that’s all that matters. “I should probably let you get back to the girls, huh?”

“I was just about to head home actually.”

“Good, go get some sleep.” He lowers his voice then, “I’ll talk to you soon, ok? You got this.” 

She sighs, “Yeah.”

Once the call is disconnected he turns his phone in his hands over and over again, trying to figure out if there’s anything he can do to help her. 

Maybe there is. 

[nohr-and-thirst]

infodump more about welt suffering and welt in general. please?

I've played quite a bit of HI3 and have been playing HSR, which made me finally interested in welt. the gravitas of his eng VA's voice his chef's kiss - I think he's one of the few characters who doesn't sound like "I'm reading this from a paper in a studio" in english - and I dig his design and powers. but what side material do I actually read to get welt lore? there's so much manga and I've only seen screenshots

ASK ABOUT WELT AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

Quick side topic about his English VA. I love how it fits Welt so well, in my opinion. I play Impact 3rd with CN dub, but for Star Rail he doesn’t have the same CN voice actor so it threw me off at first, but I gotten use to it after I tried to stop associating with another Impact 3rd VA.

I am putting this here already, this is gonna be very short explanation. Is this post short? No absolutely not, but I’m trying to cut details to try and make it short as I can and have it make sense.

Let us start off with some basic information about Welt Yang and now he inherited the name plus the Herrscher of Reason core.

Before there was Welt Yang, there was Welt Joyce, the first Herrscher of Reason. Sadly Impact 3rd does not explore much of Joyce, and most of the information on him, Otto, Anti-Entropy, and even about Tesla and Einstein is all a Visual Novel that never got a true English translation. However, it did get fan translations and oh goodness it’s a lot there. We will speak only of the information we got about Welt Yang from this Visual Novel.

Around the time this VN takes place Welt Yang is 8 years old since it’s 1955. He is the kiddo in the middle, and man oh man he went through a lot!!!

Welt’s dad, Elias Nokianvirtanen, really did care for Welt. He would often travel with his dad who was working for Schicksal.

There is important information to note, and if I don’t explain it I feel like so much will be lost and the reason all of this is important. There are two major groups at the time (1955). Schicksal and Anti-Entropy (AE). At first AE was just the Northern American branch, and there was a lot of tension between the two. After a bit of… fighting, they did manage to make Anti-Entropy.

The reason they were with the AE, was because Elias was forced to sabotage AE because Otto was threatening Welt’s life.

Than there is Welt Joyce. Welt Joyce is one of my personal favorite underrated characters, and the way Joyce really wanted to protect humanity tells you everything.

Now what does these gentlemen have in common-? Their deaths are connected to Otto. Otto killed Elias due to the reason he was there slipped, and Joyce risked his life to protect New York from being nuked by Otto.

At this time as Welt was trying to help Joyce, Joyce asked him what he thought of the name Welt. Welt mentions he likes it, and Joyce not only passed on the name Welt, but also the Herrchser core.

If you are curious, and wish to read the VN here is the link! https://zklm.github.io/honkai-vn-antientropy/ as a reminder, this is a fan translation, since we never got an official English translation!

Now, here is where we get to the fun bits. Fun fact: in the manga Second Eruption, Otto was legit like flabbergasted. Cause you know, THE FACT HE KILLED IS SUPPOSEDLY ALIVE. Only than to see it wasn’t Welt Joyce, but someone else and this manga just really shows you how strong Welt can be.

Now in Second Eruption, their goal at the start was just “hey we need to find this new herrchser.” So guess what? They gotta work together a bit. There was a small comment that I feel gets over looked and that is, Otto never really taught Siegfried or Theresa how to use their divine keys, and Welt made a small jab at this. I don’t hear people really mention this, and I don’t know why it is such a small fact I love to bring up.

There is a really important fight scene that happens among these pages/chapters between Welt and Sirin. Here we get to see more of what Welt can do as the HOR, which is once he learns the structure of a human creation, he can make a cope with honkai energy. Now I don’t wanna go to much detail into this fight cause how I’m typing won’t do it justice, but we get a tiny new conflict pop up! What is this conflict? A clown, more specifically, Otto. That’s Otto Apocalypse himself.

When I saw Otto has basically made it his personal goal to take down Welt, it being Joyce or Yang, to take down AE, and just do his plans, I mean it. This man goes so far, and I can do a whole essay about Otto, because he is an extremely well written antagonist. However, that will be for later in case anyone wants that just tell me. But Otto could have done more to Welt here, however Siegfried was there! Since Siegfried is key to Otto’s plan he just leaves and they both luckily make it back to safety with VERY bad injuries.

I do not want to go into all the details in the manga, as this manga is my favorite and everyday I hope that HoYoverse will animate it, so https://manga.honkaiimpact3.com/book/1005 here is the link! PLEASE IF YOU CAN READ IT! It’s 65 chapters long, it’s amazing, well written and oh my goodness I could do a whole video essay on it.

Now I am gonna throw some fun facts because this post is getting long and I’ll share some links too!

So here is a great video from HoYoverse about Joyce, Welt Yang, and Bronya and the legacy of the Herrchser of Reason! https://youtu.be/eSOYUfnUGZk

Now here I’m gonna send two playlist of A Post Honkai Odyssey. Why? Because Welt is in it, and also one of my all time favorite character is in it too, Void Archives. (This is me hinting that I wanna info dump about him too.)

Here is a playlist of gameplay of APHO on YT: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLt0MO_4lG2SEyuMmOywSW02-soMN0PA45

Here is a playlist for APHO 2: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIL1w10vWxxolgZxP1Q7KlTPyq2B8JCt3

Also APHO has a certain scene that could be similar to some Star Rail players 👀

Here some random fun facts about Welt Yang that I recall on top of my head cause he gives the brain serotonin!

Welt Yang for the first bit having the core couldn’t sleep tho to the fact that the core houses over 300k people, and he never really complained of any struggles it gave to him, but we learn during the HoD arc when he speaks with Bronya he is concerned about her and ask her all the things she is experiencing.

It’s mention in Second Eruption that Welt would try and ask Einstein to play the piano, also he mentions around that same chapter I believe that if he didn’t inherit the HoR core he thinks/wonders if he would have become a teacher or linguistic like his father.

Facts relating to Arahato is that one his company had a whole copyright issue with Otto’s game company, the Arahato is heavily based of Joyce, and the line “Witness the stars shatter before you!” Comes from Joyce, but Herrchser of Truth Bronya (HI3RD) and Welt (HSR) say this line! Also around the Thus Spoke Apocalypse arc, it is mentioned by Einstein that one morning Welt made breakfast for the crew but it wasn’t much since he made it but implies he knows how to cook!

This is more from Star Rail, but is Serval is in your express she actual mentions Welt cause he asked some questions, but here is the tumblr link for that!

I don’t want to make a too long post that no one possible reads, BUT PLEASE ASK ME ANYTHING! IT CAN BE SILLY OR SERIOUS ABOUT WELT OR ANY OF THE HONKAI IMPACT 3RD GROUP OR STAR RAIL GROUP AS WELL!!! I read the manga’s and I have read the VN and I have spent hours rereading and replaying and explaining to people that ask and I love to do so QVQ

[sapphire-weapon]

Things I didn’t notice until my 10th playthrough of the game:

Leon: You know, after the incident, the world changed. You try to save one person, a hundred others die. I guess I changed, too.

*Some hours later*...

Wesker: All you need to know is a new dawn is breaking. A hundred will give their lives so that just one may live. I am expediting that change.

I don’t know how I overlooked this for so fucking long, but now that I’ve noticed it -- holy shit does it seem very deliberate. Like, in the “this is setting up for something” kind of way.

Wesker is basically saying that he intends to bring the whole world into the reality that Leon’s already been living. And Leon’s saying that he’s changed and grown enough to be able to rise to the occasion.

And I really wish I had something more meta to say about it, but I don’t because Leon and Wesker never interact in canon. And in Remake, it seems like Leon has been kept almost completely in the dark about Wesker’s continued bullshit in the bioterrorism world all together. 

You know, I always thought it was weird how, in OG, Leon straight-up calls Ada out for working with Wesker, but then... nothing comes of it. Ever. Chris just goes and blows up Wesker with a rocket launcher in the middle of a volcano, Leon gets trapped in Groundhog Day and develops a drinking problem, and that’s that. So it made sense to me that Remake changed it so that Leon has no idea who Ada’s working with this time around. The W-word is never said.

But then I look at this very obvious, very deliberate-seeming parallel, and it makes me tilt my head to the side and go “huh.”

And then I think about how Ada’s character motivation has changed between OG and RE4make and how she doesn’t go into Remake already planning on double-crossing Wesker -- but rather that it’s a shocking (even to herself) decision she makes at the very last second, so we actually have no idea what she’s going to do with the Amber this time around -- and I tilt my head to the opposite side and go “huh” even louder.

And then I think about how the top leaker in the RE world who leaked RE4make in the first place says that no, actually, a RE5make or CV Remake haven’t been greenlit, that’s not a thing (yet), we’ll see other RE titles long before we hear anything about another remake, and I start to feel like I’m going absolutely insane so I reach up to try to pull my tinfoil hat off and I can’t tell if I keep missing or if there’s actually not one on my head at all.

And I gotta wonder.

Is Capcom going to build off of the remake series? Is it secretly a reboot series? And will we finally get a game involving Leon and Wesker that takes place at some point between RE4 and RE5?

Or

Is Capcom just going to straight-up change what RE5 actually was because they can’t salvage the horrible, horrible racism present in that game?

As someone who’s been analyzing game stories and literature for over 20 years, I just can’t look at that dialogue parallel and say that that’s not foreshadowing -- that it’s there for fun and no other reason.

It’s just

Huh.

[docholligay]

House in Fata Morgana: The First Door--1603

I have never reviewed a visual novel before, but @iscahwynn made me a very generous offer and a long line of patience, knowing that we are trying something very new. To that end: Please don’t spoil me for the game at all! If you are reading this, I have only gotten through the part written above, and I don’t want to be corrected, even if I’m wrong, even if I’ve missed something, i don’t want to have anything confirmed or denied, and I don’t need any trigger warnings or extraneous explanation. Iscah would like my pure, naive experience of the game. Thank you!

Non-Spoilery: Holy shit, I don’t think I have consumed a visual novel with this kind of fervor. In fact, the only other visual novel I think of where I was like, ‘I have to keep reading what happens” was We Know the Devil, and while I would say that game whups on this one prose-wise (I can’t relate to a lot of what people love about WNTD, but holy shit was the prose some of the most beautiful game stuff I have ever read. I wished the whole time it was a short story or novella instead. Still do!) this one has a lot of plot driving through it and the writing is also very strong--I am used to a certain amount of ‘anime gotta anime’ writing styles, and there is none of that here. 

Spoilers below

I love a story that rewards patience. I could see some people saying that this moves too slowly, but I like to read a Meaty Tome, and so it doesn’t bother me to have to deal with a certain amount of setup, especially because I know this is a collection of short stories, sure, but it’s a collection of short stories taht are all driving at an ending. It might not even be fair to call them short stories so much as…episodes, maybe? I don’t know, they are connected but years apart. I guess i’m actually spitballing too much for having actually not played beyond chapter one. 

So i am 98.6% sure we are in England (please don’t tell me!) Given the references to the Thirty Years’ War, the Golden Age, and winter being a rainy season, all packed into one. Also Rhodes is a British name. I might be wrong but I would be surprised if I were. 

How do I organize this “progress reviewlet” or whatever I want to call it? Let’s just go with the flow.

Again, I love that this is unvoiced. It makes the game read so much more like a book to me, which makes me consume it voraciously, and also doesn’t take me out of the moment. Intensely aware that I am in the minority here, but when I’m reading something that I think probably takes place in late Elizabethan England, and I’m hearing Japanese, it takes me out of the immersion and it’s more like watching an anime, which is fine but doesn’t light up the same center of my brain, generally. Actually, the same would be true if it were English. I can’t mainline the story and let it play out in my mind the way it does when I read it. I read this like I do a visual novel, I barely pay attention to the art except in the “where is everyone standing” way, and that’s not even very helpful for this. So in reading it like a book, I feel like I saw Mell slap Nellie, I feel like I saw the light cross the White Haired Girl’s face as she failed to strangle Mell. It just makes the whole thing more immersive for me. 

Speaking of Nellie, what a wild ride that was. I mean, we knew something was going to be up with Nellie’s level of spoiled when we heard that they removed the thorns from the roses in the garden so she would never be pricked. In that moment, we learn something about the fact that Nellie doesn’t understand what consequences are, she never learns that the things we may want can hurt us. And so she keeps going for the exact things she wants, and she has no sense of danger or of the need for pragmatism, or anything beyond the desires and whims of a spoiled child. 

It truly says something about the quality of the writing that pretty much my most hated squick came up and all I could do was go, ‘Oh girl what happens next” and just kept clicking. I mean, the game very much tips its hand to it, it is not trying to shock you because that’s not the sort of game it is. It wants you to understand that this is who Nellie is and of course this is how she’s going to act. 

But for as monstrous as she is, you feel for her, or I do, when she says, not wrongly, that she was only ever, a “a doll for the family to play with” 

The idea of paintings being alive, of being changed as they are painted, that really stuck with me, and I know the painting was the small mystery within the bigger ones contained within the game, I can’t quite get anywhere with it, but I do agree that paintings have a quality of life to them. This is why it could be some future girl, it could be Nellie, it could be another person in another time. 

So witches. Let’s talk about this. I know that we have a lot of cross talk about the white haired girl, and if the white haired girl is the witch she takes herself to be or if she’s a hidden princess. And then we have the maid. These two are the unnamed characters within the story thus far, and I know they must be unnamed for a reason, but I didn’t really take the witch thing on its face until the rose turned in her hand. 

Oh, Doc, so you think there’s a real witch, and you think it’s the white haired girl? One, yes, I suppose I do and two, no, i suppose I don’t. Remember, the Maid is with her, and I’m also remembering the that the title of this game is The House at Fata Morgana, and I also know, being the one thing I know from the start being about fatas morgana, that they supposedly come from Morgan Le Fay, A WITCH. 

So, I’m wondering if the maid isn’t the witch, and if she isn’t creating all of this as an illusion, and IF she is creating all of this as an illusion, how much of it is the facts of that matter? Or the truth? Those are different things, but related. Is it all created of whole cloth? 

I mean, i feel like the game of the story has to clearly be about the White Haired girl and the Maid, I can look at a title card--OH SHIT AM I THE WHITE HAIRED GIRL?? (Please don’t tell me but do put a pin in it) that would make sense, we’re both the two unnamed characters, we’re on the title card. Hm. 

Is it better to know something, or to be happy? I mean, this is basically the core question and thesis of this segment, and it seems to lean heavily toward no. Everyone was happier not knowing, except, i do want to point out, Nellie. I’m not arguing she’d be happy knowing, she’s not, but I do want to say she would be UNHAPPY in either circumstance. 

I don’t agree with the maid that his error was his kindness. His kindness was not his fuckup. It was his desire, and his drive, that came outside of any thought of the family (especially rich considering how he lectures Nellie) to HAVE this girl who captured him in her own flame. She didn’t even mean to, like the candle means no harm to the moth. But kindness, no, kindness was not the issue. 

But I do love when she says that we have to follow the paths we’ve begun to trod down. He can’t change any of it, and so he has to go forward. 

In all, I liked this section, I have no idea how it will stack up against the others but I can see it laying building blocks for the future of the story. 

While being cautious of spoilers, please, if you have any questions, i’ll try to answer!

[quietwingsinthesky]

yknow thats completely fair!!! it definitely had it’s moments where i was like “dear god let it all end” or moments where i was like “😬 mm i dont like this”.

i unfortunately was not familiar with the ACTUAL “fall of the house of usher” poe story until *after* i had watched the show; my bf and his family were? but i was mostly going in blind, and hooked on the mystery.

i definitely can understand your points though! i hope you end up enjoying it at a certain point, i wish there were less jumpscares and more plain suspenseful moments- and i will agree, i think the moments between august and roderick are probably the weakest parts, just for breaking the everbuilding tension.

all in all, just cus i enjoyed it and am excited to see more people’s opinions doesn’t mean u gotta :] i hope my message doesnt make u feel pressured into having certain feelings towards the show ^^ and while yes i would Like you to like it too,, ya dont gotta :]

<3 i mean, i hope i enjoy it by the end! i never go into a show wanting it to be bad.

i’m finding it interesting now that the fact that i am such a fan of Poe’s original work is negatively impacting my experience of the show! and that my opinion on hill house (again, still mostly positive but maybe not as glowing as before) waned after reading the book and revisiting the old black-and-white movie version my grandma kept. and obviously, bly manor being my favorite of the three, and i have never read turn of the screw.

what it’s telling me is that these shows aren’t really adaptations? or perhaps, shouldn’t be viewed as such, despite the references and the borrowed names, because they just don’t work as adaptations. too much changes, until the story we get on screen is not at all related to the one on the page. which then leads me to wonder why they are adaptations at all and not wholly original work, and i guess i’m just assuming it’s the same trouble everyone in the industry is having: no one wants to fund original work. so, slap a familiar name on there and you get your project through easier, and if it ends up not resembling the source material much at all, that’s fine, because it wasn’t meant to.

does that make sense? i just bring it up because you mention also not having read poe’s fall of the house of usher and enjoying the show, and it made me think about that.

anyway, enough rambling. i do want this to get better.

[oceansprompts]

marvel's midnight suns | misc quotes 2

You may have noticed that I mess around a lot…

What would you do in my position then, huh?

Since that’s ruined, I guess we can cut straight to the chase…

I’ve been retconned before, let’s do it again!

At least buy me dinner before you peg me like that…

It’s the best way to trick other people into thinking you have your crap together…

Says the poster child of heroism…

Hey, answer this for me. What does commitment mean to you…

But-and it’s a but-it’s scawy…

Sssh, it’s question time. Would you ever cut ties with me?

Your awakening ritual was admittedly… Simply put, how do you feel?

Will all my resources, all my gifts, I should’ve seen this outcome spelled out… but I… miscalculated.

Plus, it’s very comfortable. Assuming you choose a good fabric, of course.

Any side effects I should know about?

We can’t in good conscience send you back into battle…

You’re too kind. Besides, I think our mutual friend has done quite well in guiding you so far.

Shh. Just stand here with me a moment. I want to see if you can sense what I’m sensing.

My mind races with nervous excitement at the thought of stepping back into the great cosmic library…

Demons are, by definition, evil…

I wish I could have joined you at the lab…

But that’s a worry for another day…

If you think this source has got salon-sculpted facial hair and an ego the size of Montana, then you’re correct.

I fear he may be plotting against us as we speak…

I really need to double check my findings. There are a few more scrolls I should consult…

Part of me feels we should throw it into the Forge right now and wash our hands of it completely.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the direction my life will take if we survive your mother’s apocalypse…

Your continued confidence and honesty with me have rekindled…

Go on. To what genre am I most partial?

But I cannot shake the sense that life as I know it has changed for the worse.

Since the beginning of this crisis, my predictions have all been skewed…

“I’m wingin’ it. ”

Everyone’s on edge about it and that puts me on edge, ya know?

But I bet no one would notice if I like took off and joined Hydra or just, I dunno, disappeared.

How the hell am I supposed to live up to that?

I mean, look at you. You’re not intimidated by anyone…

That was an act of mad genius.

It’s gotta be done…

But it also really sucks.

All I can say is what I saw last night made me worry about you.

How do I honor him and still be truthful? It’s too many hands.

You think I need something a little more foolproof?

What does that mean? Some women are what?…

It’s gonna go like this: save the world, go home, give [someone] a big hug, throw a barbecue for the neighborhood.

I don’t know, you think, maybe he’d be able to do me a favor, after we save the world, I mean?

I see your “why” and raise you a “why not?”

Gorgeous, right? Even without the extra hell sauce, she’s a beast.

He, well, both of us just wanted to say thanks. Nice to feel useful, know what I mean?

I don’t know. I don’t want to mess up and disappoint anyone or worse, get someone hurt. I made that mistake once before and I have absolutely zero desire to do it again.

Will you be my Player 2?

What did I do to deserve all your confidence in me?

Don’t get me wrong. We’re a solid duo…

Like a car chase, but with horses. Did you ever drift a horse? maybe on a frozen lake or something?

I was going to say “a roller-blading mariachi band” but I don’t think mine compares.

No, in a car. You race through empty streets, pushing your ride as hard as it can take it…

We could start a weekly tradition. I make a mean carne asada.

With my parents gone, I had to grow up fast…

I know I can’t go home until this is over, but knowing doesn’t make it easier.

Well, does it even matter? I made a choice and the world paid for it…

Haven’t you figured it out? She doesn’t want to “win”.

It’s good. It’s really good, actually. If I can keep myself busy enough, I think I can keep the darkness at bay.

[blupengu]

Oh… my god… I’ve been emotionally devastated by Le Salut 😂

Rambling and spoilers under the cut as usual! Still haven’t done any of the salvation ends though so no worries about those, not sure if I’ll make one post for all of them or reblog my individual posts from each route lmao

Wow this route was CHONKY Jesus! I guess my biggest initial thoughts after playing are:

1) I am boo boo the fool… cannot believe we were betrayed by Dahut like that… the signs were there but I dismissed because he was best (adult) boy and I loved him… to quote my other post: “Any time Dahut shows up now I’m like OH THANK GOD someone who doesn’t need therapy” 🤡 never before have I been so utterly devastated by a character’s betrayal 💀

And 2) Ankou being Adolphe punched me in the gut, stole my purse, and kicked my dog, I was thinking there had to be time travel or multiverse shenanigans but not like that… (I love Ankou but tbh Adolphe is just kinda, meh to me? So I’m conflicted…) Though the real kicker was the fact that HE WAS AMERICAN THIS WHOLE TIME HELL, YEAH USA!! USA!! USA!! 🔫 (LOL sorry jkjk… but no really when he pulled out a fucking gun I busted out laughing, bitch why did you not use this earlier 😂)

But anyways, back to the route itself! I very much loved the character interactions we got with Ceres, Adolphe, and Ankou! Very cute, very wholesome, and Ankou in lounge wear…? *chef’s kiss* 👀 Although this is when I noticed that they both had such shiny blue earrings… maybe in my heart I knew all along… I also still love the friendship between Nadia and Dahut… 😔 and Ankou meeting Yves was so sweet!(even though knowing the truth now makes it… oof in hindsight) but good to know we all support Yves being with Ceres 😂

This route kinda turned me off Salome though? Like yandere tendencies aside, in every other route she was just the loving, maybe a bit overprotective milf (yeah I said it fight me) with a complicated and tragic past… but damn really was not a fan of her actually being the queen and Dahut’s mom. Kinda mad she killed him in the end 😬 (also, my god the teenage pregnancies must be wild in this country)

Also I am SO. SICK. OF CAPUCINE!! PLEASE STOP SHOWING UP AND BEING CREEPY TOWARDS NADIA AND A DICK TO LUCAS!! Him, the Royal family, and honestly the vast majority of the people in Arpechele suck major donkey balls oh my god. Y’know what I kinda support Dahut’s plan to just burn the country to the ground, we stan a short king 👑

… is it bad though that Capucine’s kinda grown on me? LOL, like I still hate his guts (thank you Scien our god for blowing him up) but it’s kinda hilarious watching him when things don’t go his way 😂 idk if I find him a kind of well written villain or if I have Stockholm syndrome after we’ve been forced to see him in every route 💀

Jean on the other hand! I am so happy that my evil hot butler turned into a reluctant ally in this route!! The bit where he and Mathis had to help Scien was very super cute, and poor sweet Mathis you are so forgiving, you deserve so much better, I hope Jean treats you nicer 😔 I respect his one-track mind for Rosalie though, man has a mission to get his wife back and by god he’s not gonna let anything stop him lmao 🫡

Gotta say though, I don’t remember exactly what triggered this but I just remember thinking, “oh more science to ignore!” So, yeah it… did not get better lmao. Like, some hand-wavey science is fine for world building and stuff, but when your plot hinges on the science and details, it’s really gotta have a more solid foundation than this. It’s not even nitpicking, it really doesn’t make sense if you think about it for more than one second 😂

Ngl I kinda wish that they had kept the supernatural aspect (not just because I’m not super keen on Ankou being Adolphe…), it would’ve made the nonsensical science easier to digest so they wouldn’t have been forced to explain everything away. Like, if it’s all grounded in reality, answer me this game! How did Ankou regenerate HIS CLOTHES after being just a HEAD IN A JAR??? 💀 the censoring was also kinda weird… like okay sure it’s all scientific but what, “the world” won’t let Ankou talk about specific things Adolphe doesn’t know yet?? Sure……. 😐

Although, no magic does make Ankou’s “vanishing” kinda hilarious since it meant he really did have to just run and hide behind whatever he could find. Like that’s inching towards JJBA part 3 DIO stopping time and carrying polnareff two steps down the staircase just to fuck with him levels of petty and dramatic LOL, but also have you seen how long and flowy this man’s hair and clothes are, Ceres how did you not notice?? Girl is you dumb??? 😂

Also I find adolphe being 25 while Ceres is 18 a little bit sus, and I’m really not a fan of the “big brother” figure becoming a love interest trope (I know they’re not blood related but still 😬). If Ankou had actually been a supernatural entity that was hundreds of years old, I would’ve been totally fine with that lmao, but him being Adolphe?? Mmmmm… mmmm unfortunately that’s a no from me, damn I’m actually kinda disappointed, just gonna make up something in my head and pretend that fact doesn’t exist 😔

I LOVE that all our boys + Jean(LOL) banded together in this route though!! Seeing them all alive made me so relieved oh my god 😭 wish we got a little bit more Lucas (yes I’m biased) but I get it, he’s too OP lmao, they literally had to nerf him with incurable anime disease before the game even started or else he’d be too much of a threat 💀

OH I FORGOT ABOUT HUGO LMAO, thanks for helping too, bud! I’m so glad you realize how Yvesexual you are in this final route!! 😂

Okay. I think that’s all the word vomit I have… tldr; Dahut is a short king, Salome kinda sucks to me, Ankou still >>> Adolphe (sorry Adolphe fans) and I wish there actually was a supernatural aspect, loved the squad of my boys + Jean helping out!

My personal character rankings now are Lucas > Jean(I know he’s not an LI just let me be delusional💀) > Ankou (took a hit being Adolphe but he’s so pretty it makes up for it) > Yves > Scien = Mathis > Adolphe

I’m still emotionally devastated but I’ll probably do the rest of the despair ends today and then all the salvation ends tomorrow/the day after depending on how long they take… I think I’ll just squeeze them all into one ramble lmao

Hoooo boy this was a doozy, still love the game despite my complaints, looking forward to being destroyed again by the salvation ends (I just know Lucas’s is gonna suck) 😂

[kiranerysismyhero]

Why do there have to be girls?

For the @startrekwintergiftexchange

This is for @rrr-nightingale​ from the prompt of Tom Paris/Harry Kim pre-slash. I went with a personal log from Harry's perspective. It's my first time writing for this pairing so I hope you like it!

Personal log, ensign Harry Kim, stardate… I’m not sure, actually. It’s been a couple weeks since we destroyed the Caretaker’s array. I haven’t had a great sense of time since we ended up here. Maybe there’s something the Ocampans dosed me with that’s still working its way out of my system. Maybe it’s just because nothing about any of this has felt real. 

Spending so much time in the holodeck probably doesn’t help with that. I don’t know, I guess it’s just what Tom always seems to want to do. He seems so… glib about everything that’s going on. Already settling in on the ship we’ll be on for the next 40 years, drafting his own holoprograms and making himself at home. I get the sense he doesn’t have so much to want to get back home to. Real home I mean, the Alpha Quadrant. Earth. Tom is no worse off out here than he was back in Federation prison I suppose. 

I guess that’s why I hang around him. When I’m alone, all I can think about is how vastly far we are from… from everything. From Federation space, from my parents and… but Tom’s right here. He stays in the here and now, even when we’re technically in a historical program. Ha. He’s in the moment, I mean. Focused on what’s going to bring him a little fun in the near future. He brings me into it, drags me out of my own head. Keeps telling me that worrying about the distance isn’t going to get us back any faster, that there’s no use in being miserable in the meantime. I do appreciate that. 

I wish… I question his methods sometimes, though. I mean, I have a girlfriend back home! I’m not going to start dating one of the Delaney sisters for him just because they’re a “package deal.” Ugh. I don’t care for the way Tom talks about women sometimes. It’s like he’s trying too hard, covering for something, just… too much. Why do we have to bother with all the pretense of setting up a whole romantic charade with a couple of women that even Tom would admit he knows little about? 

I gotta say, I much prefer when we’re just… together. Like, like when he roped me in to “tuning up” one of the shuttlecraft without authorization. It was exciting, that feeling of not wanting to be caught before we could prove that the new manifolds were an improvement. I wasn’t thinking about the journey ahead of us. Just focused on the task, on the moment. Keeping an eye on the door, watching him work, passing him a different tool every once in a while. He kept talking through what he was doing, all that bravado and pride in his work. It rubs off on you a little bit, that confidence. Er, no, I can be confident! I don’t need help being confident. Tom’s got a, uh… an assuredness. I mean he was laying on his back and he still had this sense of standing tall. It’s not always there, looking at Tom, but it is when he’s in pilot mode. I was kind of studying him I guess, the way he held himself as he shifted position beneath the engine, the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed harder with exertion, the way his sweat made his undershirt cling a little… 

He did catch me staring, heh. He had something clever to say about it, but I can’t remember what it was. Too flustered to listen, I guess. Heh. Hrrm. Anyway. I didn’t have to come up with a retort or anything because B’Elanna walked in on us messing with the shuttlecraft. I guess I hadn’t been paying attention to the corridor while I was… distracted. 

…ugh. Great personal log, Harry. Fine example of a Starfleet officer, Harry. 

I’ll record a better one later. Tom’s shift at the helm only barely overlaps with my time on the bridge today, so I want to get there early. I mean, punctuality reflects well on… *sigh* Who am I kidding? Computer, end personal log.



[semifinel]

January - 2023

Games

High on life- not funny, not novel, pretty boring, enjoyable enough to finish once you get around the end but was about so close to dropping it a few hours in.

I don’t know if it makes sense but instead of being subversive it’s superficially subversive. It’s like “look at us we’re doing stuff differently” (this might be a direct quote) for all of like 2 seconds before going back to being the blandest shit I ever played. The 2 seconds aren’t even cool.

Tunic- deserves a game award, made me pull out sticky notes to decipher secrets. But it’s a wonderful game even if you don’t engage with the secrets (but they are amazing and you should). Talked several peoples ear off about it and will maybe do it again. I don’t know if I can add any praise that hasn’t been said before me. This game rocks.

Road 96- I saw a review calling it “it’s as if a taletell game didn’t want to waste your time” and honestly (as a taletell games fan) I see what they mean.

It’s fun, it’s intriguing, having to find a new way to escape each chapter, interacting with the characters and discovering the story that is happening around you- all were interesting.

I liked how locations felt very open sometimes. Some scenes are basically cutscenes where you have very little choice. While other are more open location where you can explore backrooms and get rewarded with resources for your journey.

As a game who prides itself on being on being procedurally generated you’d think it would lend itself for replayability but second time around I was bored going through mostly same scenes as my first playthough. Even with the selecting different options they would mostly got he same way, made me wish there was more option I could do sometimes but it’s a game and can’t let me do everything ever so I don’t blame them for that.

If found- a queer story wonderfully told with an interesting mechanic, beautiful art style and music. I am the target audience for this and I enjoyed it lots.

Story hit me hard, the eraser mechanic surprisingly kept me focused while being just like wonderful way to keep the story moving, especially with how it was used to transition certain scenes.

The credits song slaps hard.

And the Ireland trivia is very cool actually.

Hi Fi rush- for the lack of a better term, it’s so fucking cringe. The most uninspired story and cast, every cliche and trope ever rolled around into one painful story. They try to use like jokes that make no sense and then they are like “isn’t it funny that it doesn’t make sense” - no it’s not

It’s as if they wanted to recreate the feel of Deadpool 2013 game only the main character is the most main insufferable anime boy character also the year is 2023 and nobody told the writers.

They had one good joke and it’s in the trailer and it’s about the writers of the game and not a ingame thing. The trailer starts with *freezeframe* “you gotta be wondering how I got myself here” and it kept going about the same level of humor.

Game mechanics wise it’s actually interesting and even fun! Chaining combos to the rhythm of a beat is actually cool (even if I kinda suck at it). I wish it was in a different game tho. Why can I guess every characters whole deal without hearing them. Why is there a character who’s just a jojo reference and the reference is look he does poses and got Japanese letter floating around? Why is the only time that I felt joy about the story in game is when the main character got hit so he shut the fuck up. At least the naming conventions of chracters is fun. If I could play this game on mute just so I didn’t need to hear the story I would but it’s a rhythm game so :/

Movies

Puss in boots- slaps, watch it

Glass onion- slaps, watch it

Predestination- it was a rewatch and honestly it’s not only fun cause you can see all the hints and joke they drop early before you know the twist that would go over your head. But it’s also fun since I watched it with a bunch of people who never watched it before and seeing them trying to guess what’s going on and then figure it out in real time was a blast. Span off my favorite in joke of the day with that group.

Akira- I can see why it’s a certified classic. I don’t know why there is a man having a asthma attack as a leitmotif in the soundtrack but it slaps.

Disclosure- been told by my friend I should watch it, I watched it, I would have watched it earlier, you should watch it.

Shows

Mob psycho s1- I’m rewatching it (watched season 1 and 2 and want to remember all before I go into season 3) as a watch party with friends and I’m having a blast. Missed my boy my son.

The last of us- so far- I could talk how it reignited my love for it, and how I forgot how cool is the specific way they made zombies, and how much I missed all the creature design. But episode 3 just came out and I’m weak. Good adaptation I was skeptical before it came out (I mean a video game adaptation,, you know how it usually goes down) and also didn’t get why does it need to exist. However good show so far love it love it love it.

[dollsdiscord]

JOSHUA BASSETT ASK MEME

CRISIS

“i don’t know if i can”

“i still wanna run”

“if you get to tell your truth, then so do i”

“it’s cool if you still want me to play the bad guy”

“don’t you dare act like i didn’t love you”

“don’t go thinking that i didn’t hurt too”

“don’t you ever wonder if i’m okay after all you put me through”

“half the shit you’re saying’s only half true”

“i can’t help but wonder, why won’t you make it end?”

“you would never dare to waste a crisis”

“what the hell am i supposed to do with that?”

“i wish that i could open my eyes and the nightmare’d be over”

“you’re messing with my life as a career move”

“weren’t you the one who left in the first place?”

“weren’t you the one who called things off?”

“was it an act to love me or to hate me?”

SECRET

“we kissed, but it felt different”

“i should’ve seen it coming then”

“you swore you only had a crush”

“you told me that you would cut him off”

“my friends all warned me i should run for the hills”

“i defended you”

“your secret’s safe with me”

“i’m keeping my mouth closed”

“you don’t even know i know”

“darlin’, how could you be so cold?”

“how could you be so cold?”

“i really hope you had your fun”

“good for you, fooling everyone”

“your smoke and mirrors had me hypnotized”

“i heard the truth last night”

“the truth you can’t deny changed everything”

“you can’t hide behind what’s clear as day”

“i’m keeping my mouth closed”

SET ME FREE

“i don’t know what i did to deserve all of this”

“i’ve been going through it too”

“i know you feel used, i know you’ve been hurt”

“i’d take it all back if i could”

“why must i hurt for you to feel okay?”

“you don’t get to take all of me”

“i don’t recognize you, not anymore”

“you’re not the love that i fell for”

“i’ve been running away”

“it’s been a fucking year”

“i’ve been facing my fears”

“i’ve gotta lock the door and throw away the key”

“i hope you know i still care about you”

“i won’t ever let you hurt me how you hurt me again”

“set me free”

USED TO IT

“i’m not surprised you didn’t call”

“when i almost died, you didn’t care at all”

“i guess i got used to it”

“you’re covering up all your sins”

“I blame it on us being kids”

“you had me convinced its my mind thats playing tricks”

“you stabbed me in the back and i’m the one that’s saying sorry again”

“you told our friends you’re glad it hurts”

“you’re the only love i’ve had”

“i won’t say what i can’t take back”

“you did things i can’t forgive but mercy doesn’t always make sense”

“i’m the one who let you in again”

“i can’t be mad, i let you treat me like that”

“after all that you did, i won’t admit it’s you i miss”

SMOKE SLOW

“is it naive to thing we could work?”

“the second it’s out, i lose her”

“we’re already here so one more won’t hurt”

“all that we are is all that we’ll ever be”

“there’s only so far we can go”

“take your time while you’re mine”

“i’m telling you things i’ve never said”

“hope i don’t regret this”

“it’s one little spark that we won’t put out”

“isn’t it fun just for now?”

“he’s the one waiting at home”

“i’m addicted to illusions of a love that never was and never will be”

“nicotine don’t taste the same if i’m not with you savoring every breath we take”

“take me higher”

“take your time while you’re mine and smoke slow”

ALL IN DUE TIME

“i know i’ll find my way out”

“just cause it gets better doesn’t mean it’s better right now”

“are all of my tears gonna turn into something?”

“is all of this pain just for nothing?”

“maybe someday it’ll all fade away”

“maybe someday it’ll all fade away and the weight of the world won’t be mine”

“maybe i’ll see at the end of the day who i am made it all worth the while”

“these scars will be stories i tell”

“these scars will be stories i tell, all in due time”

“i’m still cleaning up all the mess i made”

“just cause it’s over doesn’t mean i’m over it now”

“it hurts while it’s healing”

“i’m just trying to get back the feeling”

LIFELINE

“i called you without a second thought”

“she pictures a life without her son”

“i’m just glad you made it into town”

“save me”

“save me now, i’m facing all the fears of the unknown”

“i’ve been shaking in my bones”

“lately i’ve been praying”

“i can’t do this on my own”

“try not to cry”

“i won’t say goodbye just yet”

“hold onto my hand”

“i’ll be fine for tonight”

“i’ll be fine for tonight with you by my side”

“don’t you know, you’re my lifeline?”

“i’m not good at calling”

“dad said i’ve fallen off the grid”

“we hardly say i love you”

“let go cause i won’t waste another minute”

“we’re drifting from difference of opinion”

“i can’t be mad i’m not what you prayed for”

LA

“i’ve been thinking of running away”

“i’ve just gotta get out of this town”

“lately everyone’s bringing me down”

“i’ve been making a run for my life”

“i’m not sure if i’ll make it tonight”

“i guess i’ve run out of things i can say”

“it’s time to grow up”

“my father told me not to cry in front of my mom”

“now that i’m older i couldn’t tell you the last time i cried”

“i put on a show, slap on a smile”

“everyone comes here but nobody leaves”

“we’re all only actors, no one’s actually happy”

“no one’s actually happy”

“where are you going?”

“how can you help me to get where i need”

“when everything is going right, they’re on you’re side”

“just as your luck runs out, they’re harder to find”

SAD SONGS IN A HOTEL ROOM

“how the hell did we end up where we did?”

“don’t you think it’s messed up”

“it all went to shit”

“it’s kinda depressing being here alone”

“in one year it all went to shit”

“we checked in together and i never checked out”

[bluecardigan-13]

There is no benchmark anywhere in life that says you have to have this or this figured out. Life is hard, being an adult is hard. I’m 45 and I have a panic attack standing in line at the grocery store when I have to pay for my groceries! I freak out when I’m like yes I’m hurrying to put my check card away back off! LOL my oldest son is 20 and he says he feels bad that he doesn’t have his drivers license by now. I said who said you gotta have anything by now? Live your life, be you, love yourself and don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. It will work itself out. At least it did for me. Life is too short to make yourself into something that makes you unhappy!

Yes I have actual #panic attacks when I am even in self check out at the store. Irrational as it may seem. I hyperventilate while I take my wallet out of my purse to pay for my groceries, and then when I put it back sweat trickles down my back while I am feeling stared at by probably no one! It’s ludicrous and silly!

Did you know that I have 2 #cats (Ash and Yoda) as my #emotional support animals? They each have their designated roles for me and help me cope. Ash who is grey and white, and meows like (not to be mean) but she meows like a crying baby - she helps keeps my brain in check. Like #grounded if that makes sense.

And Yoda she is my #alpha cat. When I buy them new toys or beds which tends to be more frequent than I’d like to admit will claim everything including the box it came in. But she knows when I am having a #panic attack. She lets her presence know by meowing before doing anything. Be it jumping on the couch, trying to help me balance my check book by ripping the receipts up - even tho I tell her not to. She lets out a short #meow. As to say I’m here pay attention human I am here to take care of you because I know you need me. Which 9 times out of 10 I do. I wish I could bring both of them with me when I go out but that’s frowned upon here. Plus they don’t like the kennels I’ve bought them, and I’m 1 person. I can’t carry both of them.

Yoda will climb on the couch or into bed with me and sit ON me until my #panic attacks pass. I’m not sure how she knows she just does.

I also have #cptsd. This is due to prolonged exposure emotional and mental abuse as a child. And even as an adult. I know no one is perfect. But I grew up in a traditional samurai Japanese household. What my parents said went. No questions asked. The word #NO was not apart of the English language or part of any conversation I had with them. I wasn’t a troubled child but was seen as one. My score in my family compared to my younger sister was a big fat goose egg.

She was the #golden child. I was not. Why you may ask? She did what she was told. She as I’ve heard #taylor swift say, she was the girl that smiled and waved. Did as she was told, never making waves. I #made waves. Not big ones. But like my sister was in AP everything, not me. I was a failure. She got straight A’s, I got A’s and B’s and gasp the occasional C. I remember once I got a D. I was tormented for it for months.

Did I not know that these grades (at the age of 7) would follow me for the rest of my life? #and that I bring shame to my family for such humiliation?! I never felt that this was my sister’s fault. This was just my parents. So my sister and I were still close. We’re 3 yrs apart.

As we got older, I remember her telling me that she had developed depression and anxiety too. But dealt with it by sticking her head in the sand because she saw what I went through with my parents. (My therapist wanted them to come to my sessions - my dad said no. That it was my problem that I needed to fix on my own. Why did he need to be there?) so she pretended like it was all fine. When it wasn’t. I told her she could talk to me if she wanted to. She never did. I’m guessing it’s just easier to pretend #everything is ok. Even when I’ve told her #it’s ok not to be ok.

If any of you need someone to talk to, please respond to this message I am more than happy to listen. Not necessarily give advice. Cause I’m not a dr. But I can be your friend if you want. Even if it’s once, or a million. This is a #judgment free zone. I also have a YouTube channel that’s the same way. #love is love.

I know what it feels like to be alone. And #it’s no fun. Wanna looks me up on YouTube? That’s me! I am a nobody. A small insignificant channel. I barely have 1,100 subs. I’m striving for it though. I really want to hit 2,000. I doubt I’ll get there. (Not enough people care about our my message!)

We talk about #art therapy, #yarn, #epoxy resin (I just moved from HI to OK but I do used to do live resin pours. I’m trying to get my craft area in order so I can start again), we also talk about #chronic illnesses - I have several and it sucks. We talk about #chronic pain which I also have, which also sucks.

We talk about having #fibromyalgia yes it’s a thing, despite what some drs say. We discuss #mental illnesses, which I also have and how hard it is to manage. We talk about how #art therapy helps manage these things and how nice it is sometimes to see on YouTube or wherever that there are other people like us out there. Cause it’s lonely sometimes thinking you might be the only one who has, #fibromyalgia, #chronic pain. These subjects are all hard things to talk about. I know. But I want to talk about them. People find me boring or annoying, or I bring them down. Maybe that’s why my channel isn’t growing?

Sometimes I lay in bed at night asking myself what’s wrong with me other than the obvious incurable diseases I have. I’m on so many medications, and I still have medical problems they can’t figure out. It’s a joke.

IDK maybe that’s why I’m here on Tumblr. LOL even though I still don’t know how this works 3 yrs later. Hahahaha!! I’m such a #boomer even tho I’m a millennial. Right? I’m 45. Go figure.

A mom, with 2 sons and a wonderful husband who takes care of me when I have a flare from my #fibro. Cause when you have a flare - it hurts so much even your #teeth, #hair and #skin hurt. Heck it hurts to #laugh!

Did you know that I haven’t been on a REAL vacation in over a decade? It’s sad. I would give my last #breath to my husband, or children before I ever would take a #vacation!

In all seriousness if you are in need to chat with someone cause you feel stuck? Or deal with the same or similar things that I do, please comment! Or head over to my youtube channel and comment. I do my best to comment to my members. (Oh and I don’t call them my subscribers. Yall are #ohana members. Cause you’re family. I find subscribers impersonal. I like having you as apart of my family.) I was born and raised in HI. And ohana is important in HI. I miss mine even if it’s contentious. They’re still my family.

And since my last post I lost my dad. He died during Covid. It’s weird cause it’s like time was before #Covid and after #Covid. Right? He died on 4/21/21 of a sudden cardiac arrest. My mom had just retired 4 months prior. They were planning on taking my oldest son to #Japan for his high school #graduation gift together. As the oldest I had to plan the funeral which was hard because of #covid. My husband was a big upset with this cause right before my dad passed away, my dad told me that he didn’t believe a single word I was saying about my illnesses. That I was just attention seeking. Cause I really love taking ll my meds and being poked and jabbed all the time for fun. But, his mom (my grandma) died in December of 2021. I was super close with her. I just want a break from life.

Anyway no said life was #easy or #happy right? Come join my #ohana where no one gets left behind. See what #silliness or #not so silliness we get up to. #Chat if you want. Or don’t. It’s a #no judgment zone, and #no one says you have to be somewhere or do some benchmark just cause you’re x yrs old.

More to come.

[ducktracy]

Idk how influential you are on the LT fandom on a Whole but you definitely inspired me to check out the originals, and especially appreciate Porky/Daffies more. It helps that my favorite short for years was Yankee Doodle Daffy!

AWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET THAT IS 100% MY GOAL THANK YOU!! you don’t know HOW much this means to me!

i tend to stay away from fandom spaces/don’t consider myself a part of the fandom, so quite honestly your guess is as good as mine—i HOPE people think of me or associate me with these cartoons HAHAHAHA but 100%, my goal is to spread the joy of the originals and shed a light onto the people who made them and how their experiences and input inform the cartoons as a whole, and maybe how our perceptions of these shorts and characters have changed as time has gone on…

there’s no right or wrong way to enjoy the franchise, but i really do think it is a more fulfilling experience to Experience The Originals for yourself. i really enjoy talking about cartoons that are given less love from a mainstream angle and that 100% includes the Porkies and Daffies (and is also why i’m so adamant about spreading The Porky Gospel; he gets such a bad rap and is so underappreciated and every person i’ve spread my gospel about him to seems to really like or appreciate himself after HAHAHA. Daffy will always be my #1 favorite but he doesn’t really suffer from this, though i absolutely think his ‘40s persona gets a lot of misunderstanding as well)

THIS REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME GENUINELY. making the plunge and checking out the cartoons is the best decision i’ve ever made. there’s a lot of rightful hesitancy to be had since there are SO many cartoons and it’s hard to find a starting point (and not to mention the many, many, many, many aspects that have aged poorly and/or were poor to begin with), but i can’t begin to tell you how fulfilling this experience has been.

so, if anyone who’s following me is cautious about making the plunge, i encourage you to give the originals a chance, ESPECIALLY if you’re into more modern LT media to familiarize yourself with the source material. you absolutely do not have to be a nut like me and watch every single in chronological order, but these cartoons are so ingrained and formative in the animation landscape today that i think anyone with an interest in animation should definitely give them a chance. and, if you’re a bit of a history nut like me, it’s very fun to see the evolution of culture as a whole as the years go on… radios evolve into TVs, the rambunctious attitudes of the shorts during the war years take a more domestic turn after the war, celebrity references depend on the decade, even the stylings of music, and of course the art styles of the shorts themselves… it’s so fascinating from a multitude of reasons. i really can’t tell you how happy i am to hear this (and Yankee Doodle Daffy is a GREAT favorite to have!)

[rpclefairy]

𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

❛ i'm not yours to keep. ❜ ❛ what's the point in saying you love me like a friend? ❜ ❛ you're never gonna love me, so what's the use? ❜ ❛ i've lived a lot of different lives. ❜ ❛ adolescence didn't make sense. ❜ ❛ baby you don't have to live your life in fear. ❜ ❛ i want the world to go away. ❜ ❛ now i’m ready for the last hoorah. ❜ ❛ not everyone is out to screw you over. ❜ ❛ why don't we just pretend? ❜ ❛ you're a coward 'til the end. ❜ ❛ yeah, you may be good looking but you're not a piece of art. ❜ ❛ i’m sick and tired of all your preaching. ❜ ❛ just maybe they just wanna get to know you. ❜ ❛ in the night your heart is full and by the morning empty. ❜ ❛ people in this town — they can be so cruel. ❜ ❛ life gave me some lemons so i made some lemonade. ❜ ❛ all i ever wanted was the world. ❜ ❛ i can feel it coming to the end. ❜ ❛ i'll chew you up and i'll spit you out. ❜ ❛ i'm gonna pop your bubblegum heart. ❜ ❛ i don't know why but i feel conned. ❜ ❛ what's the point in saying it's never gonna end? ❜ ❛ rule number one is that you gotta have fun. ❜ ❛ i send my best regards from hell. ❜ ❛ you're too proud to say that you've made a mistake. ❜ ❛ all i really want is to be wonderful. ❜ ❛ if you don't know that by now then you don't know me that well. ❜ ❛ i live my life in bitterness. ❜ ❛ so pull me closer and kiss me hard. ❜ ❛ you can count on me to misbehave. ❜ ❛ the light inside you died. ❜ ❛ i wish i wasn't such a narcissist ❛ i'll never tell you how i feel. ❜ ❛ every day is a chore. ❜ ❛ there is no crime in being kind. ❜ ❛ i know you only want to own me. ❜ ❛ i don't care at all. ❜ ❛ you're still living life in the dark. ❜ ❛ you and i will never last. ❜ ❛ i wanna stay inside all day. ❜ ❛ a human vulnerability doesn't mean that i am weak. ❜ ❛ but baby i'm the one who left you, you're not the one who left me. ❜ ❛ i can't help that i need it all. ❜ ❛ your life is dark and it needs some light. ❜ ❛ i know i've got a big ego. ❜ ❛ i just want it to be perfect. ❜ ❛ you say that love is not that easy. ❜ ❛ you say that i'm kinda difficult. ❜ ❛ you don't love me, big fucking deal. ❜ ❛ we cannot escape the past. ❜ ❛ i don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit. ❜ ❛ don't care if you think i'm dumb. ❜ ❛ all this time was fighting for what i believe. ❜ ❛ feelings are just like the weather. ❜ ❛ i really don't know why it's such a big deal, though. ❜ ❛ did i really deserve it? ❜ ❛ i can't let you go. ❜ ❛ deep down all you want is love. ❜ ❛ you played the martyr for so long. ❜ ❛ everyday i feel the same. ❜ ❛ would you get down on your knees for me? ❜ ❛ ain't youth meant to be beautiful? ❜ ❛ what's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose? ❜ ❛ i guess you could say that my life's a mess. ❜ ❛ i wanna be a bottle blonde. ❜ ❛ i never fall asleep when you're in my bed. ❜ ❛ we don't own our heavens, we only own our hell. ❜ ❛ all my life i've been so lonely. ❜