#i thought working in the medical field might help with the story idk

[aurorangen]

We were just like any other family

Transcript:

[You may know, I was born with a heart condition, atrial septal defect: to simply put it, I have a hole in my heart. I can get tired often and run out of breath easily. Visits to the hospital were frequent as a kid]

[Because of this, my parents took extra care of my health and we were very close] Payton: Vincent, remember it's your doctor's appointment! Have you got everything ready? Vincent: [nods head] Yup, I'm all prepared Mum! Don't worry [hugs her]

[Both of them had fulfilling jobs. My Mum worked in the OB-GYN department at the hospital. Her shifts were hectic, but she took every chance she could to be with us. When there was no school, my Dad was with me]

[I never really knew what his job was. All I thought back then was that he was an important man. My Mum said he had a research job, I don't think she knew entirely what he did either. But he supported the family well]

Payton: I'll see you later at the hospital sweetie. Dad will take you ok? Love you! Vincent: I love you too! [Even though I didn't spend as much time with her then, my favourite was always my Mum]

[ionfusionpunk]

hello, what’s this about awake craniotomies and clone chip removal? (I don’t follow you, I just saw your note in the reblogs and went “oooo this seems interesting!”)

Heyo! Of all the things I've commented on a post, I think this is exactly the one I expected to hear about the least lolol. I'm warning you, this is... a long post. It got away from me, I'm so sorry T-T (It's heckin long. I'm really sorry. I'll summarize at the top and you can read more beneath the break if you want.)

Long story short, I hyper fixated on this tiny little detail that really doesn't actually affect anything within the SW universe lmao.

TL;DR: The clones should be awake for their chip removal procedures with the exception of extenuating circumstances. Also, disclaimer, I'm not in the medical field, I just love research. If I get anything wrong, anyone is free to correct me :)

If you have any questions, please ask, I'm not very good at explaining things in way others understand at first. So it all makes sense to me, but you might not follow my leaps in logic 😅

Longer story: I was reading a fic this morning, and the clones involved got their chip removed. The text said something about 'waiting for them to wake up from the surgery', and it just kinda... idk, hit me that I have never ever read any fic where the clone doesn't have to wake up from being completely sedated for brain surgery.

Now, look. Write what you wanna write, like I said, it's not a big thing. But one of my neurodivergent quirks is that inaccuracy/misinformation/ignorance (willful or innocent) kinda bugs me? I like knowing that other people know things - know correct things. It brings me satisfaction and helps me sleep at night. So I kinda notice trends in what people seem to not/know.

My first thought when I realized the trend of complete sedation for brain surgery/chip removal led to me to draw two conclusions: a) As happens in fandom, most everyone just writes clones completely sedated for this procedure bc everyone else does. No biggie. It's easier, and again, doesn't really matter. b) Most everyone is working off misinformation pulled from inaccurate medical dramas and the assumptions made by the average fic writer. Again, not an issue. It's fiction. I just like... accuracy. So my brain took this and went ham.

Kay. So, there's this really cool thing about the brain that I'm starting to think isn't common knowledge? I'm kinda a nerd for weird medical things, and it's been a long time since my high school biology class where I first learned about this, so maybe it's just me. The brain doesn't have any pain receptors. None. Like, if you had just a living brain in the palm of your hand and you stabbed it or punched it or whatever, it wouldn't feel pain. Pressure maybe, since it still has touch receptors, but no pain whatsoever. The only pain receptors present around the vicinity of the brain are the ones around the brain.

This little fact led to a really cool and helpful medical advancement several years ago: this thing called awake craniotomies, or brain surgery where the patient is still conscious. The benefit is that it allows the surgical team to engage the patient and actively monitor cognitive function; this is a far step from waiting for the patient to wake up in order to determine if the surgeon done effed up and turned the patient into a vegetable - if they woke up at all, that is.

Originally this was practiced on epileptic patients bc, yanno, epilepsy. It's a really finicky condition, after all. Since then however we've managed to find other treatment options for epilepsy and other related conditions, so awake craniotomies (or conscious craniotomies as I call them, since it alliterates lol), so we've moved away from brain surgery there. Instead, awake craniotomies are now most often performed when removing or recessing a brain tumor. Again, it's a really finicky process, and the surgeon and their team really like being able to check on the patient during the whole process.

Before anyone freaks out about the pain receptors around the brain, there's an answer for that, too. A local anesthetic is used to completely numb the skull and scalp. Think of an epidural; it's the same idea.

Now, you may ask, how this all relates back to SW? Well, that's a great question lmaoooo. Now, in all of canon SW, there are only... seven (maybe eight) instances of a clone getting their chip removed. Tup, Fives, Rex, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Omega (and Crosshair if his chip actually was removed like he said, I haven't watched TBBS2 yet). Actually, did Kix? I don't remember. Anyway.

I'm operating off the assumption that SW medical knowledge/tech is about equal to our own - i.e. that they still use many of the same procedures/practices/techniques for most things bar canonical exceptions. My friend in the server however pointed out that they weren't sure any clone medic could perform a complex brain surgery. Now, that's a fair point. The Kaminoans wouldn't care to teach the medics how to perform those surgeries on each other; they're products, they can be replaced, so what's the point?

But. Here are my counterpoints to that.

First. In the event of an emergency, it would only make sense that a clone medic be prepared to perform any sort of necessary procedure on a natborn officer or even their Jedi general/commander in the event they could not make it to a medical station or a proper surgeon in time. If there were natborn medics trained in complicated procedures and stationed on the ships, then there's always the chance there would be far more clone medics than them, and thus if they die, the clone medics would need to be able to step up in their place. So. Clone medics can probably perform brain surgery.

Second. With Fives, Rex, and CF99 (minus Crosshair), they remove their chips via surgical droid/machine. In fact, both Rex and CF99 do so on a GAR class ship. This shows that not only did the clones have access to the necessary technology, but it could also be easily operated. And not only that, but the only thing they needed was a program to locate and remove the chip. I think the importance of the program is that the machine itself can't perform a Level 5 Atomic Scan, so the program is needed to triangulate the position of the chip for the surgical machine itself.

Now. As to why an awake craniotomy is the way to go. Again, it allows the team to actively monitor cognitive function. Only in extenuating circumstances will the patient be completely sedated. This could be preference on the patient's part or due to certain circumstances.

Look at Tup, for example. His chip was rotting in his skull, and it's treated like a tumor (technically it is). Keeping him awake risked damage to himself and others. In light of this, it was safer for him to remain fully sedated. Additionally, he probably couldn't be revived completely either due to the already existent brain damage. This is an extenuating circumstance. Note however that there was still a qualified individual present for the surgery: the AZI droid maybe Nale Se, maybe Fives, I legit don't remember I'm so sorry). Now, there is another side to Tup's case: the Kaminoans. Nale Se wouldn't have cared for Tup's continued functionality; she only wanted his chip. She would have kept him sedated out of convenience, because the intent was always to have him decommissioned anyway.

Now for Fives. Fives learned about the chips. He had his removed. Who helped him? AZI. However, my theory here is that it isn't actually AZI performing the surgeries. I think he just... holds the programs for various surgeries and programs the surgical machine. We don't see anything of Fives' actual chip removal procedure, only the aftermath. I hypothesize that Fives was awake in the machine however, just properly anesthetized by AZI - who, as a medical assistant droid, would most likely be programmed as an anesthesiologist - and also observed by AZI. What I'm saying is that AZI probably was monitoring Fives' cognitive functions while he underwent an awake craniotomy to remove the chip in his head.

Rex. We know nothing about that procedure, just that it happened (unless we do, idk). Either another clone medic helped him and was there to monitor cognitive function, or Rex involved the help of another droid in order to be properly anesthetized for the process. Given the intense nature of the circumstances, he wouldn't have wanted to be fully sedated for the process in case he had to respond quickly to the chaos - which he did, leading ultimately to him and Ahsoka escaping with their lives. So, he wouldn't have been monitored (except maybe by a droid), but he definitely wouldn't have been fully sedated, either.

Then for CF99. For these procedures, we see Tech program the machine and then stand watch as they go in. They aren't sedated, with the technical exception of Wrecker (iirc, he was stunned unconscious). It's not just caution or paranoia that makes him observe, and not even just his knowledge of what's happening: it's procedure. He's there, as the only one who would know how to check, monitoring the cognitive function of his family.

Now, the conclusion, lol.

I mentioned my two hypotheses earlier about why fandom as a whole writes the clones being completely sedated. After going through all of this, I'm leaning more towards a simple abundance of misinformation. It's technically and tactically safer and more correct for the clones to be awake for their chip removals, and in fact seems to be subtly portrayed in canon (though it's really written in a way that can be interpreted either way).

The moral of this story is that TV medical dramas are shit and should never be taken at face value. Honestly. No one wakes up after CPR. They remain unconscious for a while. Defibrillation doesn't wake a person up, either. If you're hit hard enough to be knocked unconscious, you have a concussion. It takes seven minutes to kill a person by choking them, not seven seconds, but you can make them pass out in seven seconds if you apply pressure to the write spots on their neck in order to cut blood flow to the brain. Stuff like that. Oh, and yeah: awake craniotomies are a thing and are the safe way to remove a clone's chip.

[carpathianspaceprincess]

Wintering (The Irish Poem) - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel reads a favourite poem of yours, and reflects on the subject's similarities to you.

Rating: E. minors dni.

Pairing: Joel Miller x SeasonalDepression!Reader (F)

Tags: Irish coded reader. a little bit of Gaeilge. One Shot. Happy Ending(™). FLUFF. Sickening fluff. Soft!Joel. Established relationship/situationship. No smut in this but could be in the future.(❀❛ ֊ ❛„). Book a dentist appointment my friends, you will probably have cavities after reading this.

CW: brief mention of suicide and overdose attempt, mentions of seasonal depression/mental illness symptoms, mention of SSRIs. 

WC: 2.4k

A/N: Happy late St. Patrick’s Day! This work was inspired by an Irish poem called “Geimhriú” by Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh. The translation came from this post, and I only have a little Irish but it seems right. The Irish language is beautiful and I love it dearly, so I wanted my first posted work to celebrate it (i'm terrified of sharing this btw lol). I wrote this bc culture and language is nearly always left behind and forgotten in survivalist worlds like TLOU, and it’s rarely a theme in fics, but is an essential part of survival, especially for Irish communities. I may potentially expand this work to a series to explore more aspects of Irish culture as part of the story if it's well-received and I feel like it. btw this is not beta-read and idk how to format anything - this is genuinely my first time posting so there are likely mistakes! please comment if you find one, or have constructive criticisms, and of course like/reshare and interact if you had a good time reading this, it would mean the world to this little Irish gal.

(♡ ὅ ◡ ὅ )ʃ♡ enjoy!

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊.

Even at the end of the world, in the fucking apocalypse, in this shitty, godforsaken place, you were still somehow suffering from a seasonal affliction. 

Depression, that is. 

Joel saw it immediately, the way you took a little longer to answer the door when he came for you in the mornings, the bags under your eyes just a little more pronounced as the days in your district grew less colourful and the dry leaves wilted to the sodden earth. He also saw how you tried to hide it and for a while, tried to respect your clear denial of something being very, very wrong. 

To your credit, you did what you could; soldiered on. Ate and slept more than usual, like a bear. Before the outbreak, you’d been on Zoloft, then Wellbutrin, but the chances of any SSRI medication still existing were so slim you knew you didn’t need to bother checking. 

Even so, it frustrated you every morning, the fact that you weren’t like Joel. That you couldn’t just get up and get on with your day, that you needed some stupid chemical to make your brain work just because the weather was cold and the sky was churning furiously, gnashing it's teeth on nothing but grey, day-in and day-out. 

You couldn’t make sense of it. You were living in near constant poverty, under a dystopian military dictatorship and in the middle of a civil war every god-damned fucking day whether the sun was shining or not, so why did the fields being barren and slick with sleet make you viscerally despise life so much more than seeing them full of fresh flowers and humming with bees? You’d still be hungry at the end of the day. Exhausted. What should the seasons matter to you now? There was no difference. No future. Not then.

You had hoped that maybe eventually, living in constant survival mode might, y’know, actually make your brain want to survive. But it didn’t. You hated it. But what you hated about yourself most of all was the fact that you desperately needed help. It was pathetic. Weak. 

Joel didn't see it that way. Well, he didn't now.

At the start he thought it hadn't been too serious. Maybe you were 'just tired'.

But then winter had nearly taken you from him that year. The sudden and shocking bone-chill of Boston post-October had him practically dragging you out of your own bed every morning for the “supply run” he had taken to bringing you along on; silently begging you to get up and keep going for his sake if not your own. Telling you if a man from Texas could survive it, you’d better get your sorry ass up and do the same. 

He’d found you then, in late December, the dead of night, throwing up and barely breathing. You’d collected enough opioids to kill a horse and tried to take your own life. You’d been lucky to see the next sunrise, and that was the last time he’d allowed you to sleep on your own. And the first time he’d heard of “Seasonal Depressive Disorder”, or whatever it was. 

You’d explained that before all this, you’d had medications that would have stopped this issue for you; so Joel, having then appointed your fragile well-being as his responsibility, had looked for some. But of course there was nothing. So much to everyone else's delight, he spent the winter just like you; because like two really fucked-up peas in a pod, if you were in a foul mood, Joel’s was never far behind. With the QZ being overcrowded, freezing, and insistent on working you both to the bone, you were always in a foul mood. 

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

So now he can admit to himself that he likes this; likes seeing the glow of your rosy, apple cheeks in the tangerine afternoon rays of a tired day. The way the sunlight dapples the colour of your hair; the lazy smile that breaks across your gentle mouth as the cool breeze caresses you both. This wheat field is completely abandoned, high bland stalks swaying quietly. The rush of the little river nearby. A perfect place to take you; you who were beaming so joyfully, could’ve replaced the goddamn sun itself as far as it concerned him. 

He feels the embroidered spine of your book in his hand, holding it away from your reach. The one you always had open on the same page, the one he caught you reading when you were supposed to have your hands on your rifle and your sharp eyes looking for guards and raiders.

“Let me read it.” he grins without realizing it, stretching a little further away as your fingers grab for purchase, pointlessly. You're too short to even touch the cover as he leans over you. “No!” You reiterate, and he frowns, a finger coming to his lips to remind you of your surroundings. Still careful. “Why not, huh? Can't be that bad if y'like it so much.” 

A slow blush stains you as you huff, dropping your arms to your sides. Like a petulant child. Admitting defeat.

“Fine, but it’s not even in English.”

He quirks an eyebrow at that, and keeps your gaze as he flips the faded, worn pages open to find the one he’s looking for. “You won’t understand it.” You whisper. But he doesn’t need to understand it, he just wants to see. It makes perfect sense to him that you're bilingual, he doesn't know a lot about you, but he knows you're smart, and sharp as a tack...as long as something interests you.

The paper of this page in particular is dog-eared to the point of severe damage, and marked to all hell, but it isn’t dusty at all. Whatever this is, he sees that it’s well-loved by you. Well-read. His curiosity gets the better of him as you make one last reach for the precious item and he, with ease and very quiet glee, denies you. 

He doesn’t try to read it aloud though, the words roll around on his tongue unfamiliar, tangled up in the calculator of his brain that is so used to the anglo-saxon american structure of speech. But he scans it quietly all the same, to your surprise. 

Ná labhair focal,

ná féach im threo,

tá duifean ar mo chroí

nách n-ardófar. 

Géillim don ngeimhriú

Ní aithneofar mé 

go péacadh na mbachlóg. 

Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh.

He clears his throat, and runs a finger along the last line of text; “This the author?” 

You peer over, nodding. He hums in acknowledgement, filing the information away for later. Then he graciously hands the book back to you, brushing your fingers with his, and you snatch it away; folding it closed against your lap. A low gust of wind makes the hair that frames the sides of your face dance delicately. You lean back on your arms then, to appear relaxed. Trying not to think of the delicious electricity sparkling under your smooth skin at his touch. Failing. You're hot, now. The humidity doing nothing to cool off the desire pooling in your belly as you look up at him through thick lashes. He's chewing a thought in his mouth, you can see it.

“Gaelic?” 

You are actually taken aback, but smile and shake your head good-naturedly at the attempt. “Gaeilge.” 

A look of confusion crosses his brow and a laugh, golden and sugary, pours from your chest. It squeezes him with violent affection for you. “Gaelic is Scottish. This is Irish. Gaeilge.” You repeat, cocking your head. “They’re different.” 

He nods slowly. He wants to ask you how you came to speak it, and is that why you have a lilt in your accent? did you come from there? From Ireland? And how did you manage to keep speaking it after the outbreak?

 But, he thinks those questions can wait til later. You'll tell him your story on your own terms when you're ready, and he respects that. What he does know is that this must be important to you somehow, and he's happy to focus on that for now.

 “You gonna tell me what it’s about?” 

“I could...but those are meant to be read and understood in the spirit of the language they’re in. They’re not meant to be in English.” You season the last word with some disdain, teasing.

He gives you a dry look and you laugh again. Rolling his eyes and pretending to fall over, he pops back up and props his dozy head with his elbow against the coffee-brown and burgundy leaves that have scattered and broken on the ground beneath gale-swept branches. Then he waits. 

You take him in in all his intensity, the way his curls ruffle against his hand. The sleeves of his shirt pushed to his elbows, muscles and tendons flexing and taut, brown in the sun and from working outdoors.

You guess you do owe him one. Reaching your free hand towards him, he turns his face into your gentle touch on his jaw, and you just about explode. How could you deny him anything when he looks like this?

“Alright,” You give in, and it feels like the easiest thing in the world.  

The book opens once more, and his pretty eyes follow your slender finger against the printed words with his gaze; you feel observed; shy. And you begin, your voice unsure of itself. But his hand on your thigh is cosy, encouraging.

“Don’t say a word,

Don’t look in my direction,

There’s something on my heart 

That can’t be lifted. 

I give in to wintering 

You won’t see me

Til the buds begin to blossom”. 

“Til the buds begin to blossom.” He repeats slowly, intentionally. 

“You a man of literature now, Miller?” 

He exhales sharply. “Not at all, ma’am. Just a curious one.”

The corner of your lips tugs upwards at this easier side of him - and you hum as you close the book and set it down with care, next to you. You each settle against the other comfortably then, taking in the sights and scents around you. A tranquility has made home inside your bones, with the feeling of his warm front against your back and you raise your face to the rays of sun; still beaming onto you from the early evening sky. Your whole body rests now, soothed by his presence.

Comfortable silence blankets over you both, for a few minutes. 

“So, d’ya like the view?” He asks all of a sudden, kicking his feet back and stretching against the massive tree he’s got you both behind - completely hidden from the view of the gate patrol. He’s been scoping this place out for weeks, he knows it’s safe. 

You feel his shirt ride up against your back and it ignites something that quickly dwarfs anything mellow or peaceful inside you.

“Do I like it, Joel Miller?” You repeat incredulously, turning around and crawling onto his lap; with only a little grace. His rough, calloused hands instinctively come up to your hips, and the denim of your worn jeans suddenly feels far too tight and restrictive for the kinds of lovely, fuzzy messages your body is giving to you. You straighten up, leaning in to breathe; a faint hint of whiskey, lot of smoke. Lot of man. Yours. Your man. 

Before you can unleash the teasing reply you had tucked away for him, an unwelcome thought sobers you. He notices the shadow cross your pretty face, the terrible memory flickering away in the back of your mind. Calling back to your thoughts before, you realise very abruptly that you do owe him one. In fact, you owe him your life for this very afternoon. The seeping heat on your skin and the pastel wildflowers. The gorgeous vermillion colour of the sky. The rush of contentment in your heart.

“I never would have even seen this sunset if it wasn’t for you.” You murmur, lowly enough that he has to strain to hear it. A grumble rumbles in his chest but he says nothing in reply, so you stay quiet, and take his larger hands into yours. Trying to convey how grateful you are with your touch. Hoping it'll osmosis or something. Knowing you can never repay him for his selflessness, his friendship, his sacrifices. 

He clears his throat then, to get your attention, and you lock eyes with him; searching and deep. Knowing. 

“You know I love it.” you whisper, appreciating the deep brown irises framed by spectacular eyelashes. The eyes you’d know absolutely anywhere. “I love it more than anything.”

You’re not talking about the view anymore. 

 He knows it, too; lines softening at the complete adoration on your face, the vulnerability; the way you’re giving it all to him. And he wants it even though he really shouldn’t. He wants you exactly like this for the rest of your lives. Warm and happy, tucked up next to him in some butt-fuck middle of nowhere place in the sun, tending to your garden and reading your books and your poems, unbothered by the harsh realities of the world revolving around you. Away and safe from the sickness and cruelty of the cities.

 He watches carefully the radiant glow that’s touching your expression, and he can’t help but understand then, why you like that poem. 

It’s you. 

In moments like these, when you’re pressed up against him and smelling so sweet he feels heady and drunk, it’s much harder to shove away those very domesticated thoughts he’s been having; of you and the kind of things he wants to give you. The kind of life he wants you to have, together. Although he couldn’t tell you out loud, not yet anyway. He’s working on it. 

You wonder what he's thinking about, leaning to press a soft kiss to his chin to bring him back to earth- closing your eyes at rough stubble brushing against your cheek. You feel an earth-shattering smile and wish you could see, but it’s gone by the time you raise your head again. 

What you do see is a tanned arm reaching behind you to pluck something from the soft earth.

It’s a sunflower. Bright and plush and golden. 

 Like you, he thinks. 

Firm fingers gently and deftly push your strands aside, carefully slipping the green stalk of it right behind your left ear.

Leaning back to peer at you and admire his handiwork, he tucks his hands behind his head.

 He compares what’s in front of him now to his memories of last month; your face tear-tracked and pale in his bed, telling him you didn’t want to live. Him never knowing how to help you, spending those bleak evenings with fear poisoning his every thought, constantly worrying he would come back home to you cold and still. Wrapping himself tight around you in his bed late at night in the hopes he could somehow just piece it all back together by holding you. The memories the experience brought up for him; the ones fuelling his terror of failing you, like he failed her. 

And now you here, surrounded by spring buds blossoming in the sweet change of the season. Wildflowers, peonies, just like you, so easily pleased by the sun and the green of the forest and the view from the top of your apartment building once the snow had begun to melt. Softened by just a little bit of warmth and a lot of love. A lot of care. He's proud of you and how hard you've worked to drag yourself out of the place you were in.

He’s suddenly finding it difficult to control the way he wants to cry with relief. 

You don’t know any of this, of course. But the way he observes you so deliberately sends little shivers down your spine, despite the humidity and haze. You do feel kind of silly sitting like this though, so you reach up to pull the flower from your hair, but his fingers grip your wrist hard and fast before you can get to it and they tell you otherwise, pressing indents into your skin that you'll remember later tonight.

“Don’t.” He says softly. “I like it.”

You try to stop the grin from breaking out but fail miserably, and he's dazzled by it. One smile, and he’s completely and overwhelmingly filled with love for you.

 Yes, he thinks; even at the end of the world, even in this shitty fucking place, this apocalyptic nightmare, you still somehow manage to blossom in the sun.

[bbmyungho]

Seventeen + an s/o with ADHD

a/n: sorry this isn’t an update on SNCTD; trust me, I’m just as excited as you guys to finish the story, but my mental health hasn’t been all that great lately if i’m being honest, and i’ve missed writing for svt so... two birds with one stone, y’know :) also, quick disclaimer: this specific reaction post will mainly center around my own experience with my ADHD/the symptoms that especially affect me. you may be able to relate to it, you may not, but i hope you enjoy it either way, i tried to include kind of a range of manifestations. if you don’t struggle with ADHD or ADD, i would definitely advise that you look into ways you can better understand people who do and maybe help them out, and if you do struggle with it, remember that you are valid and you matter so much no matter what your brain says or does <3 we all have days where we struggle to understand that, but i swear it’s true and i’m always here if you ever want to talk about it <3

s. coups/seungcheol

always reminding you to take care of yourself and your mental health first

he rubs your head and/or shoulders when you’re having trouble with grounding yourself and staying focused (like he does with jeonghan’s hair i <<<<</////3333)

he’s very good at disguising when he’s gently reminding you about things or encouraging you to get work he knows you have due soon done with jokes or banter (so you don’t feel bad about forgetting or getting distracted)

you bet he’s going to be up in the forums trying to figure out ways other people help out their loved ones and see if there’s anything else he can do to improve how he shows that he’s there for you

jeonghan

very gentle and patient

he hates the sound of his alarm but he keeps one in his phone to remind you to take your medicine (if you take it) because he knows if you’re doing something else when yours goes off you’ll just swipe off and forget about it

every once in a while just out of nowhere he’ll make it a point to remind you how special you are to him and make sure you know that you are so much more than your disability and you’re doing so well with it look at you go

encourages breaks like his life depends on it he really likes to hold you during your breaks pls let him love you

joshua

always brings an extra pair of headphones or an extra mask for you if you tend to misplace or forget things

he keeps reminders and notes about important events or appointments in your schedule in his phone alongside all of his stuff so he can a) know what you’re up to every once in a while and b) make sure you get there on time and prepared with a good luck text from your wonderful boyfriend :)))

he doesn’t mind having to repeat himself if you’re zoned out and he always reminds you you don’t have to apologize when you ask him to; he understands you’re not just uninterested, and he wants to help you get out of the cycle of apologizing for something you can’t control

your hyperfixations become his hyperfixations: he might not be able to really invest in them like you do but he will watch whatever show you want or listen to whatever music

plus whatever he sees when he’s out that relates to it or reminds him of you, he’ll pick it up; v supportive in your hyperfixations!!

jun

jun is a godsend for really bad executive dysfunction days omg

i feel like if you’re ever struggling to get your thoughts in order or think of the right word to say, he knows exactly what you mean and he’ll help you out with it

also i feel like he’s pretty good at keeping up with stuff if you’re super forgetful or tend to misplace things???

like you’ll be looking for your headphone case or something in your bag and he’ll pull it out of his jacket pocket like “oh you asked me to hold them earlier sorry i didn’t give them back” 

probably better at keeping up with your stuff than is he is his own ffs

hoshi/soonyoung

idk if anyone else really does this but i tend to isolate myself especially when i feel like i’m being really overzealous or obnoxious

but soonyoung absolutely hates when you do that

he tries to make it as clear as humanly possible that you could never ever be a burden or an annoyance to him and he likes to sit with you whenever you don’t feel like talking to people

he’s a pretty loud and energetic guy himself so i feel like if you’re having a hard time controlling your hyperactivity he’ll just match your energy

if he catches you picking at your nails or playing with your fingers a lot (just generally fidgeting a lot), he’ll pull you up to dance with him and you’ll let some of that energy out together :)

wonwoo

i feel like wonwoo is super sensitive to your needs and experiences specifically

like he knows exactly how you need him to react when you’re on the verge of tears because you’re so frustrated with yourself for not being able to focus or when you get overstimulated

he’s a pretty chill guy anyways so i feel like overstimulation isn’t a big problem with wonwoo, at least when it’s just you two; when it does happen, he’s content to sit in silence with you as long as you need him to and just hold your hand or stare at your cute face until you feel like you can breathe again

if you’re in��need of stimulation, he’ll read to you aloud or turn the sound of whatever game he’s playing up so you can hear what’s going on, too

woozi/jihoon

100% composes little songs for you to listen to for whatever mood you’re in or whatever amount of stimulation you need

i feel like he’s quite awkward dealing with big shutdowns or panic attacks if you get really frustrated or over/under stimulated but he tries his best to be there for you when you need him

much like soonyoung, if you’ll let him sit with you when you feel like no one wants to see you or you don’t want to bother anyone, he’ll jump at the chance

dk/seokmin

sweet boy is so patient and kind :(((

he doesn’t care how many times you trip over your words or have to restart a sentence, he’ll wait for you to finish and will listen intently

he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky doesn’t matter what kind of dumb shit you’re doing or saying

no matter what your brain comes up with or how out of left field it may seem, he’s always got something to say right back that will match your energy babes 

mingyu

mingyu hums to you to help you fall asleep 100%

he can listen to you talk for forever so if your ADHD manifests itself in talkativeness, he’s just that much happier

he always asks if you’ve eaten and will cook for you if you say you’ve forgotten or just haven’t gotten around to it

he likes it when you play with his hands or when he feels your knee bouncing against his if you’re having trouble sitting still, he thinks it’s kinda cute and just a little reminder that you’re there 

the8/minghao

minghao is a man of many talents and interests so he’s always got you with something to do if you’re feeling burnt out on your other interests or just generally bored

will grab your hand and play with your fingers if he notices you picking at your skin/nails a lot or cracking your knuckles

or like if he’s wearing rings that day he’ll hand you one so you can play with it 

that way you’re still receiving some sort of stimulation but you’re not literally tearing skin off of your hand or about to break your wrists so win-win

seungkwan

he likes to play song association games with you sometimes, whether it be an attempt to help with your dysfunction or just to see how far out of line you guys can get

he always sends you a good morning text with a reminder to take your medicine (again, if you’re medicated) and wishing you a great day

if you get frustrated and sad with yourself then he’ll get sad as well and do everything in his power to cheer you up

he’s always encouraging you and making it a point to remind you that you’re valid and you’re doing your best even if it feels like you aren’t

vernon

mans doesn’t know where or what he is half the time tbh so i don’t think executive dysfunction would be too much of a problem for him

you two communicate without words all the time, you understand each other better than anyone else

he’s pretty go with the flow like he can be just as hyper and loud and energetic as you or he can just lay there with you cuddled up on his chest, it doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to match your energy

he tries to listen to you well and learn as much as he can about ways he can help when you need him to

like joshua, will probably carry around extra headphones or an extra mask or something just incase you misplace or forget yours

dino/chan

he’s a bit clueless, at least at first, but he tries really hard to learn

he probably is the type to carry a fidget spinner or some sort of fidget device for you to play with if those kinds of things help you

he’s also probably very awkward about handing it to you because idk he’s just weird??

always happy to try out new things with you when you’re feeling burnt out on your old hobbies or try to teach you a new dance routine or something to keep you occupied

[qwirk]

*vigilantes ch. ~64 and main manga ch. ~255 spoilers*

although idk if these are really spoilers if these chapters came out a couple years ago! anime-only fans beware. anyway here’s my extremely long rant about the obvious, not trying to explain anything- i gotta yell!

so that vigilantes arc destroyed me! i’m not good at immediately putting thoughts about media into coherent points but i’m just so sad :( first of all after catching up with the main manga, shirakumo, despite being technically dead during his introduction, rocketed up to one of my favorite if not my favorite character. aizawa is also up there for me- he was first introduced as this strict teacher who seemed to psychologically torment his students for the fun of it, or at least for some yet unknown ulterior motive. but we now know that, while still kinda harsh, he does this to give his students that lead-dropping-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach rush in order to push them to succeed (or something like that?). he truly cares about his students and their growth which has been demonstrated multiple clear times. but what drives him to be like this??

shirakumo!! his actions today are a clear answer to the pushes shirakumo gave him back when they were students. they’re so obviously influenced by shirakumo that they’re almost literally answers. the main chapters are a little foggy because i speedread them at 3 am, but i just caught up with vigilantes. 

at the start, aizawa sees himself as someone who’s constantly just behind and will stay there as everyone moves on. he trudges into class drenched after leaving the kitten behind and he’s super emo about it. meanwhile, shirakumo literally flies through the window, also drenched, saved not only the kitten but aizawa’s umbrella, and manages to put on this cheery (albeit borderline explicit) show about it. it’s a CLEAR contrast between the two and aizawa goes as far to say that he hasn’t reached his “true self yet” while he looks at shirakumo and then says that he starts to change. 

as if it’s not enough for aizawa to beat himself up mentally, his classmates bring him down for not having a “heroic” enough quirk. shirakumo is constantly stepping in to bring him back up, even during real work study stuff, and goes as far to lend him a pair of his goggles so that his eyes become more useful. this becomes a stronger bonding point between aizawa, shirakumo, and hizaishi for them to start looking to the future together. while wearing those goggles, which are protecting his sight from the strong winds on the roof, he stares into the sky, feeling like he’s getting swept into the future like the clouds in the wind. (also the clouds as a metaphor. damn)

and then we come to the last fight. everyone that aizawa looks up to is crushed in the wake of the villain, and he’s the last one standing. there’s a group of children to protect, and he’s panicking and drowning in his overthinking. the way he’s given a huge panel to himself only to be visually overwhelmed by his thought bubbles stood out to me. and then the thing that snaps him out is shirakumo’s voice cheering him on. it’s a bunch of simple praise, but it means everything in the situation. the friend who’s been pulling him up no matter how hopeless or apathetic aizawa feels is of course the one to spur him into action in a life-or-death situation. aizawa realizes he’s gotta fight immediately, and even reminds himself of exactly what shirakumo told him- that his quirk IS useful and levels the playing field. 

i was already kinda spoiled for this part since i read the main manga first, but hearing shirakumo’s cheering the entire time while aizawa is absolutely toiling to defeat this huge villain would have been touching regardless. and when he lands in triumph, hurting but victorious, he screams for his friend to hear that he did it!! but then you see this joy start to like. rot away as soon as it pans to kayama and hizaishi. it’s raining again (THE CLOUDS AS A METAPHOR! DAMN!). shirakumo’s corpse is lying feet away from him, staining the medics’ sheet with blood. i don’t have much to say about this part, it was just a lot for me to process!! also i’m still not entirely sure about the way his speaker works so i might be wrong here, but did he really spend his dying moments with a traumatic head injury cheering on his friend to not only beat the immediate danger, but to self-realization?? or maybe it was prerecorded? idk but either way, truly a hero. 

aizawa and hizaishi are left standing in the rain because once again, “it fits the mood.” so obviously there’s the callback to when aizawa first said that when he comes to class after leaving the kitten and i have yet to fully comprehend it because i have no braincells for interpreting media. i guess maybe it’s like- aizawa at first felt terrible for not being able to save even a kitten while being enrolled in the most prestigious hero course in the country. getting drenched while settling with (what he considers to be) a cowardly measure is the icing to the cake for his self-hatred. it’s the classic “this might as well happen” scenario to get soaked by random rain or a car splashing you with a puddle on a bad morning. rain is sad. but in comes shirakumo, equally drenched but still the bright light that he is. he’s also done everything aizawa couldn’t but wanted to and more in this situation. he could do it not just because of his storing quirk, but because he held the life of someone who needed saving more important than the school rules. this decorum lets the kitten slide as it makes itself at home in the classroom. the rain stops soon after. but then you have shirakumo’s death. once again, aizawa, and even hizaishi, who’s usually always upbeat (almost every panel of him was just him screaming YEAHHHHH. plz give him more dialogue) both agree that the pouring rain fits the mood. this also brings us back to the present that preceded the flashback- koichi just rescued a cat and a child from a villain with aizawa’s help, and now they’re standing under an awning to escape the rain. this situation is literally almost exactly what happened at the beginning of the flashback which is why i guess it brought it on, but it’s interesting to see what changed- aizawa is the one who’s learned from this situation and teaching the student the meaning of responsibility (using an abandoned cat as an example, no less), and they’re all properly shielded from the elements this time. i guess the conclusion (that could be totally wrong) i’m coming to is that the rain sort of represents the adversaries aizawa faces in life- his self-deprecation, those that don’t believe in him, his personal failures that he has been facing lately. shirakumo has always been there to guide him past it, and once he lifts up aizawa nothing can shake him again. but now that he’s definitively gone, it’s back to haunt him for this one last moment of sheer grief. it’s only this one moment though, as aizawa clearly uses this moment to move on and better himself not just for his sake, but for everyone counting on him. he’s escaped the rain.

it’s so clear how this manifests in the main manga and i’m so happy vigilantes was able to spin out such a good backstory and explanation for his actions!! one of the most immediate ways we see his ideals stand out is his taking in of shinsou as his apprentice from general studies. it’s absolutely because he sees himself in this boy. he has a quirk that’s seemingly useless once you get into combat and everyone thinks he’s a creep for it. more people might even wary around shinsou than aizawa’s case. during the a vs. b practice fights, shinsou explains what he did wrong, clearly upset at himself for not doing enough. aizawa immediately pulls himself up, reminding him that in order to achieve what he just said, he’d have to be a pro, and that what he managed was more than enough. these parallels between aizawa and shinsou are definitely hinted at in the main story, like when midoriya underestimate’s his prowess in combat at usj, but with the vigilantes arc everything is so much clearer. in the main manga, we get a direct reference of aizawa’s expulsion rate in relation to how it helps students grow when they face “’death’” as he’s interrogating kurogiri. though dramatic, i feel like it has to be linked to the dire situation aizawa faced when the pro heros and shirakumo got knocked out during that one fight because of its placement in the chapter. he understands better than most in the story that a lot of times pushes, whether big or small, are needed to grow. he wants to be to his students what shirakumo was to him.

OK EDIT because i didn’t realize there was more to the arc after 64 lol. so obviously after shirakumo dies aizawa’s and hizaishi’s dreams of starting a triple hero agency have been dashed. aizawa seems to distance himself from hizaishi, or at least they’re on uneasy speaking terms. he’s coping by training super hard and is bent on going solo after graduation, the opposite of what they had all planned. but this time, he has conviction on what he’s going to do with himself, and that’s great! he learns that you have to be there for yourself in life. there’s a small montage leading from graduation to where is now in vigilantes and it’s been hard, but he’s been making it. still a lone wolf as ever, aside from the pushes from kayama to become teachers with her and hizaishi at ua. he thinks doing that would be a stupid choice for him, he’s been alone this whole time and doesn’t work well with others (anymore, he thinks). but now that he’s in the cafe with everyone, he changes seeing everyone fawn over the cat but their new dreams of being a popular cat cafe. 

the impact of seeing their newfound hope brings him back to another flashback of the rooftop trio, and THE PARALLELS!!! of them also dreaming to start their hero agency based on their first rescue of sushi the cat. back in the present, aizawa, who’s been spacing off, suddenly realizes the sky and his mind have cleared (THE CLOUDS KEEP COMING BACK AS A METAPHOR!!! if this happens in the main story i’ll cry). i’m still not 100% sure of what exactly makes the dots connect for him, but it’s been hinted through the flashbacks and his reactions to the rescued cat that he’s actually a good teacher himself, though he had been mainly shown to have learned from others around him. he drilled husbandry requirements into shirakumo and interrogated koichi about responsibility as if they were second nature. i think aizawa realized that he’s actually always had a soft spot for watching people grow and do good things and wants to be a part of facilitating that. or at least because he wasn’t able to accomplish doing good with his friends originally, he wants to help other accomplish the goal he couldn’t. also the fact that kayama still sends him updates on sushi isn’t just really nice of her, but it’s also another representation of how aizawa’s convictions he developed as a student still drive him to do what he does today.

MY MAIN POINT IS: aizawa really loves shirakumo. to have so much of his character based in the lessons he purposefully or inadvertently taught him is an amazing testament to that appreciation. aizawa never emotes except for the occasional creepy smile when he psychologically toys with 1a, but the emotion he displayed during the interrogation really caught me by surprise. the apathetic emo character suddenly being truly happy or sad is a cliche but this panel right fucking here was so powerful to me:

yeah his eyes are always bloodshot as a trademark to his quirk, but the emotional EXHAUSTION written on his face is so starkly different than his usual boredom. this feeling that horikoshi illustrates in two small panels is so human that it’s instantly recognizable deep in our hearts. we’ve all been in those heavy and direly serious moments that wrack our mental and emotional fortitudes, where the only response manageable without hideously breaking down is some subtle motion of the hand or crinkle of the face. we all know what this means without understanding the japanese onomatopoeia or needing additional dialogue. before i read vigilantes, i still immediately understood what this man meant to aizawa. and that’s why i love shirakumo so much!! we all know at least a little how aizawa used to feel as a student, and to have someone constantly pushing you and acting as such a light in your moments of darkness is something so incredibly special. i really hope they’re able to get him out of his nomu state so those three can finally become heros together :’)

god!!!!!!!!!!

[dasibom]

haven't read it but heard mostly very positive things about a little life, would be interested in why u think it's bad? (if u want ofc)

ofc i love talking abt how much i hate this book. i answered a similar ask on my old blog so i'm just gonna copy paste (with a little editing):

content and trigger warnings for rape, csa, suicide, self harm and abuse. both for the book and this post.

i have so, so many problems with this book. lets start with... the gay stuff. here’s an bit from a goodreads review (link) by Michael Flick, which says it better than i could. the whole review is worth a read, too.

“Some believe that this is “The Great Gay Novel.” That couldn’t be more wrong. There are only two recognizable gay men in this work, JB and Caleb. A creative queen and a violent, probably psychopathic, sadist. All the other “possibilities” are pedophiles (categorically not gay—that’s a sickness, an evil, that has nothing to do with being gay) or so hopelessly confused (and impotent) that you can’t know what they are (JB and Willem). The take on gay men here is antediluvian—a dangerous and discredited brand of heteronormative delusion in which all gay men, no matter the glittering surface of their lives, are fated only to die a lonely, miserable death. Caleb dies an excruciating death (so we’re told) from pancreatic cancer. JB, the witty, flamboyant, unstable, creative queen is merely a plot point. His happiness, told but not shown, at the bitter end doesn’t mean anything more than that. He’s a device to wring one more regret from you, one more sorrow. You can be assured that he, too, will die an ignoble death just beyond this novel’s last page. And you won’t be troubled or offended or titillated by the gay sex (or really any sex) here because there isn’t any: it’s the sex that dare not speak its name. All this is because the author knows absolutely nothing about gay men other than the most superficial stereotypes and doesn’t have the imagination to venture deeper than that. She can’t even imagine that a man (Willem) doesn’t need a woman to quench his sexual needs—he has a solution readily at hand.

other than this, i remember this book having lesbophopic language but i don’t own a copy and i'm not gonna search the internet for that.

basically the whole book is just pure torture porn. so many bad and traumatising things happen to the main character it feels unrealistic and i think the only reason it happens is because the characters life has to be miserable. that's the whole point of the book to me. there is no reason to so graphically include a ton of this stuff in a book other than shock value. some of this graphic stuff includes very extreme descriptions of self harm (mostly cutting but also other stuff), suicide (including possible methods), physical and sexual abuse (part of it when the main character is a child), violence and medical trauma. i’m afraid that there is a real danger to this book teaching people how to hurt themselves (or even stuff like where to hide the tools they do it with) and i can’t imagine what an actively suicidal person might get out of this book. it really, really concerns me. i’m afraid this book teaches people to not get help, to not go to therapy and get help if they’ve been traumatised and/or are struggling with living. i've been traumatised in childhood and i can imagine what someone younger than i am, someone more impressionable, could get out of this book. like seriously some very fucked up ideas, i felt like the whole thing about being traumatised, and the constant self harming and suicide attempts were presented in almost a romanticised way. obviously my opinion here isn't like objective, or something, cause i'm a person trying to recover and deal w childhood trauma, which still affects me every day, in several ways, and realistically, it will never stop affecting me, but the point is that although it was terrible and it fucking sucks, it doesn't mean i will have a life with no quality and will forever be unhappy and unable to cope. and this book so clearly disagrees with it. the fact that the main character is traumatised and that horrible things happened to him as a child feels like a death sentence when it doesn't have to be.

^ lmao a point i also wanted to bring up in this section is that not all of the shit that happens to the main character needed to happen because it's fiction and it's a made up story, like after some point when i was reading it and seriously messed up shit just kept happening and it kept on going i thought like... why? it servers absolutely no purpose after some point. reading a rape scene after rape scene stopped having an affect on me eventually and... that's not very good, is it? like, i'm trying to say, this is fiction, it doesn't need to go that far? at some point, a very early point at that, it was enough to get the message across that hey, what happens to this character is bad and fucked up, it didn't need to go on.

the whole book is also full of people enabling the main character to hurt himself over and over again and do nothing. every character is there to some way hurt the main character and people praise this book for being such a great tale about friendship. it is so pretentious and again, just pure torture porn. the book so clearly seem to think therapy and reaching out to people for help it bullshit!

i’m not saying you can’t write or discuss the themes that are present in this book but i just don’t think this is the way to do it. probably a therapist specialising in trauma should consult with the writer and someone should make sure the description of self harm and suicide will not harm anyone. i think there are guidelines made for that by people working in the field and i just feel like something like that would be of benefit here. like, i don't know, i don't have a solution, i'm just saying this is not it.

also, here is a link to the author literally saying she does not believe in trigger warnings. and i think those would have been extremely beneficial to have at the start of this book and i certainly would not have read it if it was for them. that would have saved me from so much triggering content that i did not want to read and i wish badly that i did not read. it seems clear to me the author does not have any idea how traumatic things can work, or at least that is what i think based on what she says. here is a link to an interview in which she says she does not believe in talk therapy. there, a point about a persons autonomy to end their own life is brought up which is a topic but if that’s what she wants to talk about then it should be done in clear terms and not with the only message “therapy doesn’t work if you’ve suffered enough trauma.” at least that’s how the whole thing seemed to me. like of course a persons own choice to end their life is a discussion i do think is worth having, but... that did not come across in the book.

lastly, here are some links i have saved about this book which i think point out excellent things if anyone wants to read more:

https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/a0e1yi/convince_me_a_little_life_is_a_good_book_please/

http://post45.org/2016/06/im-so-sorry-a-little-life-and-the-socialism-of-the-rich/

https://cannonballread.com/2016/07/narfna-a-little-life/

& you're welcome to ask me to clarify something or just discuss, this is a little bit of a mess cause i copy pasted that old answer and edited it a bit to hopefully word things better but like. idk if much of it makes sense

[lexosaurus]

Writing Tips From Your Local Mess

Disclaimer, everyone’s body is different. These are just my experiences. I just wanted to give some helpful anecdotes for people researching for writing because I know this shit can be useful.

1. Fainting

Background: In high school I had to go on a very restrictive diet for health reasons and ended up accidentally giving myself electrolyte depletion and started randomly passing out.

According to my doctor, the brain kinda uses fainting as a reset button of sorts. So most of the time, you’re only unconscious for a few seconds, if that.

I could usually feel it come on. But I didn’t wanna be a wuss so I didn’t say anything. Also sometimes I didn’t even faint.

One thing I did do was when I felt them coming on, I had enough time to move so I was standing over carpet or something at least sort of soft so I wouldn’t hit my head on concrete or anything.

Waking up was a trip because in the movies and stuff people usually wake up all disoriented and “where am I?? what happened??” but that wasn’t even close to reality with me. Cuz I knew where I was and I knew what happened. 

I literally acted like I had smoked a ton of weed when waking up. No joke. I was a giggly mess. My doctor said it was because my brain was being flooded with oxygen I think. Like I remember trying to tell my school nurse I was fine and I didn’t need the wheelchair, because I genuinely didn’t, AND I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING. She was like “Rightttt okayyyy yeah you’re sooo fine yeahhh” and I was standing there like “Huehueheu no for real hahaha i’m lolol i’m so fine! trust me hahaha!”

Like I’m not kidding people literally asked me if I was high the next day because they just witnessed me collapse on the ground, wake up uncontrollably giggling, and then be escorted out of whatever room I was in pushing a wheelchair and still giggling.

2. Mild to Moderate Electrical Shock

Background: I was renting an apartment with a garbage disposal that had a loose wire. I was shoving some food down there, my hand went past the rubber stopper, and my hand entered the wet electrical field. The electricity went up my arm.

Your bones get this weird vibrating thing idk how to describe it. It’s genuinely something I can’t compare to any other sensation. Weird vibrating is the best I can do.

It really just burns. Like my arm wasn’t twitching or anything after. I couldn’t see any sparks. My arm felt like it was resting on a hot pan and the pan was vibrating.

I actually stuck my hand in there three times (the third time I got legit shocked which was painful) because the buzzing thing was so odd, I thought I was making it up in my head. So the burning only happened the third time when I just fucking went for it.

I didn’t know what happened for a solid 5-10 minutes after. I was aware something had gone wrong, and my arm was now red, but I didn’t have anything to compare it to so I made myself a sandwich and it was only when I was mid-sandwich consumption that I realized “oh fuck i got electrocuted.”

3. Fractured Ribs

Background: I had a whole ass cocktail of breathing problems and diseases over the course of several months and ended up coughing so much I fractured at least one rib.

If I’m being honest, it’s not that big a deal. Idk. I think my period cramps hurt way worse. And if you take advil and shit it’s not that bad

Your ribs go all the way around your body, so I didn’t realize for a while that there might have been a problem because my rib got fractured on the side of my torso. So. Just FYI it’s not always gonna be on your chest.

Like any broken bone, it hurt to press down on that specific rib in that specific spot of the fracture. I couldn’t sleep on that side of my body for a time, and laughing and coughing was lil painful.

Overall, not the worst thing ever. I still did weight training and stuff with it, I just didn’t do any serious cardio for a lil bit. But that was all.

You don’t wrap your chest or bind it in any way in the event of a fracture. You really can’t. Basically, you just take mild pain relievers and wait it out.

4. Getting Too Drunk

Background: I went to college.

I wasn’t gonna include this one but I just godda say NO ONE hiccups when they’re too drunk. No one. If someone does, it’s cuz idk they just are just like sometimes when you’re sober you hiccup. 

So those “Hey...*hic* how are you *hic* doing?” quotes I see in fanfiction and sometimes in published writing need to go. 

You talk slower and slur a bit and you’re a bit overconfident and bold in your general life decisions but you don’t hiccup oh my god.

5. Being Temporarily Blind

Background: Tried out a new contact brand that happened to have an oopsie in the factory, and so my contacts got doused with some chemical that wasn’t supposed to be in there.

So my specific case, I was “blind” for one week and it was due to my light sensitivity being completely corrupted so I couldn’t even open my eyes in a dark room as it was too “bright” and my eyelid muscles wouldn’t do it. 

Honestly, it was pretty boring. When you lose your vision, you don’t suddenly gain magical abilities from your other senses. I wasn’t able to hear any better or smell any better. Blind people have “better” senses because that’s what they use to navigate, so it takes a while to train those senses to work with you like that. Someone losing their vision for a short period of time isn’t gonna suddenly be an expert sniffer or anything.

Showering and stuff was a bit difficult, because I literally couldn’t open my eyes at all, but I put my conditioner lid face down and my shampoo lid face up, so it wasn’t that bad.

No, I didn’t drop my toothbrush in the sink or in the toilet or anything. I lost my vision, not my coordination.

Yes I did crash into walls. In my own house. But no, I didn’t fall down the stairs at all. Thank god.

I couldn’t use my phone at all (because I don’t know how to use the blind settings) and I was dealing with a lil bit of a pressing issue anyways, so uhhh what happened was I literally just dropped off the face of the earth for a week. All my classmates knew was that one day I was acting kinda weird and complaining about the color spectrum being wonky, and the next day and days following I wasn’t in school or clubs and all contact with me was futile. Rumors about me being in the hospital circulated, probably due to my mom, and that’s all people knew. So you can only imagine the stories I heard afterwards.

That’s all I can think of right now. Uhh yeah as someone who enjoys writing these are some things I thought might be useful. Please feel free to add onto this if you have any experiences you think could be good for people to know. Please remember, this is all anecdotal and shouldn’t be taken as a medical bible for your writing purposes. It’s just a new perspective to think about.

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)

My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down. Tagging: @akaskira​ @ce-la​ @caratheillustrious​ Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain​ who can be an idiot along with me.

For context:  Ate = Sister Kuya = Brother * My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.) * My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23) * My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)

Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.

Me: Dad got some bad oil burns. I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?” Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear They are kinda big He’s upset

Ate: What the why didn't you help him call mom???? did you??? yike oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning and the scars are worse

Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.

Ate: smh

Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.

Ate: LOL

Me: And never heard the freezer open

Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways

Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.

Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves speaking from experience

Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”

Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns

Me: Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis

Ate: fair but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud

Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!” Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.

Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke. When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over. Dad is always yelling He even asked mom how to make the rice And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.

Ate: I mean

Kuya: Tf is this situation How can you ignore someone in need of help Regardless of who it is Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering

Me: I didn’t see anything

Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity Like they killed your mom or something I have to hand something in by 10 But I find this quite upsetting

Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.

Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)

Ate: Same but he's still our dad?

Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.

Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny

Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.

Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.

________________

Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:

Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:

*sees me bump my instrument* Trumpet: Ouch Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales. Doug: What?

*sees me bump my bow* Doug: Ouch Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you Doug: Pat, protect me!

Me: *tells anything about school* Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN (Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)

More of an annoying incident from me: Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend? Sean: Yeah Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?! Sean: (sheepishly) yeah

To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids.  “Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?” Me: ...no?! I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.

But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people. 

He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.

He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:

Stories from the orchestra concert:

I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.

My messages from that night: Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots. It was genuine like she said it was cute. But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore. Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page Then she hit her bow on her bass. I really don’t want to play anymore. (She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)

Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes. I like wearing my orthotics. They make my feet feel not in pain. Ate: tell them that Me: I did They told me to take off my shoes “They can’t even see my feet” I’m all the way in the back behind people “Then take off your shoes” “But then I’ll be in pain” “But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground) “So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you” Ate:  but it's literally a medical thing Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it or that you can't have your service dog with you like????

[dear-wormwoods]

--> Lies, Lies, Lies - A Playlist for Sonia and Eddie <--

I’ve wanted to make this for a long time, and finally had the emotional energy for it today. This is... the most satisfying thing I’ve ever made. The goal was to craft a sort of rock opera about Sonia and Eddie’s relationship, to chronicle his journey from being in her clutches, realizing the reality of his situation, and then finally overcoming her abusive influence.

Keep reading for some embarrassingly thorough track meta:

1. Birds vs. Worms by Modest Mouse

This is the intro song because of the imagery of birds eating worms, with the birds as predators and the worms as helpless victims. After his arm is broken, Eddie specifically calls his mother’s eyes predatory, like the Leper’s, and then thinks “she’s only eating me because she loves me” in his delirious state. 

2. Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire

The lies adults/parents tell their children so they will behave and follow the rules, for their ‘protection’ or to cover up secrets, only end up being damaging and in the long run cause mistrust and defiance. Also the line about closing your eyes, repeated over and over, can symbolize Eddie’s denial at this point in time, as he actually believes what his mother tells him and refuses to see that it’s all lies.

3. No One Will Ever Love You by The Magnetic Fields

This one is more from Sonia’s point of view, commenting on Eddie’s passivity and kindness, and accusing him of not fulfilling the ‘dream’ (having a family, being a mother) that she ‘paid dearly for’ (by losing Frank). And when things go wrong, she ‘sings’ her lies, but Eddie needs to be there to make her false tears and ‘sad songs’ seem sincere, since he believes her every time. Finally, she assures him that no one will ever love him honestly (the way she does).

4. Mother by Pink Floyd

Horribly self-explanatory... ‘Mother’ is Eddie begging for Sonia’s approval, because his fear has been so well conditioned that he asks her opinion and advice and knows her response will keep him safely inside his comfort zone. She will put all her fears into him and keep him under wing - ‘she won’t let you fly, but she might let you sing’ being particularly depressing... Sonia won’t let Eddie run, she will never let him be free, but she will let him talk about his dreams knowing full well she will never let them become reality. She will literally help build a wall around him, too high for him to escape from later.

On top of all of that, this song also brings love into it - Sonia seeing Richie as not good enough, as dangerous, as a bad influence who can’t love Eddie like she does. She ‘won’t let anyone dirty get through’ and will keep him ‘healthy and clean’ by preventing him from living his truth and pursuing what, or who, makes him happy. 

5. Rabbit Will Run by Iron & Wine

Rabbit Will Run is, like Iron & Wine’s songs always are, full of symbolism and lofty imagery. It’s no The Trapeze Swinger (I’ll go off about that one at a later date), but it’s such a good Eddie song anyway... it has mother imagery, her watching over him, ‘protecting him’. It has running imagery coupled with intense instrumentals, and also the vaguely religious symbolism that fits him so well. Guilt follows him throughout the lyrics, and though he has prayers they do not help, though he wants to run it turns out futile, and though his mother seems to offer comfort, she only makes the guilt worse. By the end of the song, he accepts his guilt and ‘badness’ without ever really identifying what it was he was guilty for or running from.

6. The Wanting Comes In Waves / Repaid by The Decemberists

OKAY THIS IS THE TURNING POINT, the greatest Sonia and Eddie song to ever exist (besides Dear Wormwood). This comes from The Decemberists’ rock opera and is a conversation between The Forest Queen and her ‘son’ William, who she rescued from the human world as a child and kept isolated in the forest. He falls in love and wants to leave her, so she accuses him of being ungrateful and that his ‘repayment’ for all she’s done for him is selfish. Sound familiar?

So in this song, Eddie is finally confronting his mother about giving him more freedom to be himself. He acknowledges that she wants to keep him safe from ‘the world of men’ but his desire to explore remains, and he (stupidly) thinks that her love for him will make her take pity on him. But her response is to accuse him of being ungrateful, of hurting her despite all the labor she’s gone through to protect him and keep him healthy and safe. Like, how dare he repay her by wanting more than the love she gives him?? He begs her to give him the freedom to pursue his desires but promises to return to her, because as his mother she owes him the chance to really live. She gives in, but it’s just another manipulation tactic - she will give him freedom tonight, and she’ll take him back in the morning, but then he’s hers forever. 

(Sidenote: this is the friggin theme song for my Little Mermaid AU I swear!!)

7. Hang Me Up To Dry by Cold War Kids

This song starts out with a sort of reminder of Eddie’s time with the Losers, playing carelessly in the summer and getting dirty but not caring about it. But it quickly devolves into Sonia aggressively sanitizing him of those experiences, wringing him out and hanging him to dry until he’s pure again, perfectly white and innocent the way she wants him. 

Following their conversation in the previous track, Eddie’s not having this shit anymore... he knows exactly what she’s doing, and this song is his challenge to her - telling her that he knows her whole deal and he’s tired of it. At this point in the story, her voice disappears and all that is left is for Eddie to come to terms with this new understanding of their relationship.

8. Wake Up by Arcade Fire

At this point, Eddie is just dealing with the knowledge that his relationship with his mother has been built on lies and manipulation. He feels empty and lost, but in spite of his newfound understanding, he still feels guilty for the way things went down instead of blaming her. But although he’s feeling shitty about it, he’s still coming through the other side stronger, deciding on his own terms to be adaptable and take control of his own life. So this anthem starts out kind of sad, but it builds into a more uplifting tune - Eddie is awake now (throwback to him symbolically keeping his eyes closed in ‘Rebellion’), he sees where he’s going for the first time because no one else is there to decide his path for him, and he’s ready to fuck shit up. 

9. Synthetica by Metric

At this point in the story, Eddie is taking control of his life, and feeling happy with it and stronger than he ever has. He’s throwing out the fabricated, wind-up doll persona that Sonia created for him, and finally finding himself. He realizes that he has an inner strength that no pills or medication could ever silence, because he’s not sick, and he’s stronger than any drug Sonia might push on him. Most importantly, he’s decisively thinking for himself now, and not allowing any more manipulation from her or anyone else. 

10. Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos

The grand finale, THE Sonia and Eddie song, which I have listened to five thousand times and have cried about... way too often. I see this song as Eddie’s good-bye letter to his mother. It’s sad, and bittersweet, because he does love her, and he pities her, but he knows he’s better off without her in his life. Mostly, he wants her to know that he sees her for what she is now, and doesn’t forgive her, as much as he might understand her.

In the first verse, he tells her that he knows his fears were created by her, and that she taught him to view his dreams and beliefs as silly and pointless, only because she wanted him to hide away with her. Then, in the second verse, he tells her that he knows she was always there, waiting for him to display any sort of weakness or faulty courage, just so she could say ‘I told you so’ and come to his rescue. He knows now that it was all manipulation, that she taught him passivity not as means of protection, but because she was selfish and self-serving. He sat and dreamed but couldn’t act on his dreams out of fear, which is exactly the kind of person he was never really meant to be.

Finally, he tells her that she’s always in his mind, poisoning his thoughts, but that he understands her. This verse is especially sad, because you can hear the pity in the lyrics - he sees her as sad and pathetic, and is point blank refusing to be a part of her delusions anymore. And here is where the chorus of ‘I know who you are now’ changes to ‘I know who I am now’, because Eddie needs her to know that he has found himself, and that his confidence won’t be shaken by her anymore. He’s aware of all the damage she’s done, and he’s working on overcoming it and becoming the person he wants to be - but in order to do that, he needs to cut her out of his life. 

The closing line, ‘I want to be more than this devil inside of me’, is symbolic of two key features in Eddie’s growth arc. The devil could be Sonia, and the line could be about overcoming her influence alone, and moving beyond her ‘plan’ for him. But this line could also be referring to the consistent theme in the novel of Eddie feeling wrong, or bad, that he’s bound for Hell - and he’s deciding here to let those feelings go. He’s silencing his mother’s voice AND ALSO purging himself of those dirty and wrong feelings, just as he did when he died in Richie’s arms. Though in this story, he doesn’t need to die to realize he’s strong and good on his own, he heals EARLY with both arms intact. 

SOOO yeah THE END.

I sort of want to write a fic to go with this, but the emotional labor that would involve... idk, maybe someday. 

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #20

Sometimes it blows my mind how many questions and comments you all have and want to share. This makes 400 we’ve got to in this format. Once again I’ve tried to tag people, but if you sent a question on Anon you’ll have to look yourself to see if you were answered.

@crazy-aquarium-lady said: Do you have any experience with farm or large animals in general? Goats for instance?

I spent the first few years of my veterinary career working in mixed practice, which included large animals and goats. I really did enjoy goats, though they often weren't kept as seriously as other livestock, but I'd have to admit I'm somewhat out of practice with large animals.

Anonymous said: omg all of your animal names are incredible. i once met two cocker spaniels called Beans and Trousers and that was pretty amazing

Bean and Trousers are great names too

@sketchingblanks said: Hi there Dr. Fox! Thank you for your wonderful blog and all that you do. My dwarf hamster recently passed away at the age of 3 and I'm a wildlife rehabilitator who has dealt with animal death many times before, but it's never quite the same when it's one of your own. However it did make me wonder what is the smallest animal you have ever worked with? Was it more fun or challenging? Question tax: How do you take your tea? I usually have something herbal (like peppermint/spearmint) with honey.

The smallest patient I've personally dealt with was a mouse. But the finch with the broken leg was pretty close. Believe it or not I don’t actually drink tea.

Anonymous said: Question: have you ever treated an arthropod (specifically tarantulas, because they can rupture their abdomen pretty easily) or know someone who specializes in that? Because I'm quite interested in knowing if vets provide care to arthropods, or if its better for the owner to perform medical care to their tarantula at home (ICU's, helping a bad molt, treating hemolymph leaks, etc).

I haven't personally treated an arthropod, though I learned a bit about them during work experience at the Melbourne Aquarium, most of their medicine seemed to be 'just don't make them sick'. There are vets that will treat them though, the Bird & Exotic Animal Clinic is my go-to for exotics (you should check out their facebook page).

Anonymous said: You dont have to reply to this if you dont want to, i just wanted to say i have rats and i love them so much and i will do anything they need at the vets. Because idk i thought maybe you might need encouragement that there are people who prioritize exotic animals health. I hear a lot of stories of people that wont get vet care for their rats but not a lot about people who do. Thought it might give you a little bright light amongst all the dark. Have a great day youre amazing.

People like you are definitely out there. Thank you for your comment.

Anonymous said: just needed to blow off a bit of steam because this still annoys me, but my father told me that taking a hamster to the vet to make sure she's healthy before taking her to college with me as a support pet was "a waste of money." granted, he hasn't taken the family cat to the vet in about seven years, so he generally seems to think that veterinary care is a waste of money. i love my hammy and i just want to make sure she's healthy, but since she isn't a cat or dog, she's "not worth it"

Anon, sounds like your father would think any dollar spent at a vet clinic is a waste of money, regardless of what sort of animal it was. There's not much you can do to change people's minds about this, so just do what you need to do.

Anonymous said: It's amazing how many people don't understand how economics works. They seem to expect vets to do everything for free or for cheap, but if they did that, how could they afford to eat? And besides that, you guys DESERVE to be paid for your time and effort. I wish more people thought about it like that instead of just looking at their bill and thinking that their pet's life isn't worth that much. Thank you for everything you do.

Veterinary medicine is one of the fields where people seem to think it's criminal for a practice to make a profit. Most other professions are not vilified for making a wage, but we're expected to like our jobs enough to work for free. Partly this is our own fault because we start to believe it after a while but we do frequently undercharge, do desexing surgery at cost, and treat strays and wildlife for free. The difficulty is most of this charity is invisible

Anonymous said: I want to say thank you as well because I thought I wanted to become a vet for the longest time, but reading this blog among others has actually taught me that it probably wouldn't be right for me. Now I'm more interested in something like a research professor. The amount of respect I have for you is boundless. I love seeing your work and following you and I think it's a good thing that I stumbled across this blog. This way I won't be stuck in a career that I wouldn't like.

Being stuck doing something you don't really like isn't a fun place to be. I'm glad you've found some more options and hope everything works out great for you.

Anonymous said: My favourite part of your blog has always been your vet stories, so I've been curious -- What kind of case/problem gives you the most satisfaction to solve?

Anything where I actually find a treatable diagnosis. Animals that get better 'mysteriously' are great and all, but I want to know why. And getting the answer is only bitter sweet if the answer is catastrophic or terminal. EPI, Addison’s and reconstructive cases are my favourite, because you can do so much good for them.

@daedricprincessxoxo said: Cute story for happiness: So a nurse-for-people brought in her dog for a sick visit. Unlike most human med people I've met, she was so respectful of those of us in veterinary medicine, and absolutely fascinated by how similar it all was to human medicine. Not only was she a dream client, her dog had freckles on its nose, which the vet adored too. What was funny is when she referred to the dog's spay as a hysterectomy instead.

It's great when you get a good one instead of a know-it-all. Technically a dog spay is an ovariohysterectomy though, we take those pesky ovaries out too.

Anonymous said: Im a vet assistant at a local shelter, and while helping a family look at dogs they remarked to me, "yeah our daughter is allergic to dog FUR but not dog HAIR. Do you know which dogs have just hair?" Needless to say, i was a little speechless and just recommended a poodle. Theres no real difference....right?

It's only semantics but some people like to use it to feel special. Hair and fur are chemically the same, if you're really allergic to one you're allergic to both, but hair is finer and typically longer so either doesn't shed or sheds much more rarely. It's weirdly common for poodle owner to be proud that their dogs have hair instead of fur. As long as they end up loving the dog, it doesn't really matter.

Anonymous said: Here's one: I work at a pet store. A man came in asking for a remote electric shock collar for a 3 lb Yorkie. Told him we carried nothing small enough to be safe. He told me it wasn't for barking - he and his wife had cattle, and when they went to visit the herd the dog would go pelting towards the cows. He said, "I just need something to drop er so she don't get stomped." I suggested a leash. He replied, "Nah, she don't like leashes."

Nothing the general public does or says surprises me anymore.

Anonymous said: I have a natural English Cocker. Her tail is heavy, constantly wagging, and a hazard to any legs in the vicinity :) Where I am there's a lot of working cockers, and hunters will swear up and down that docking is necessary because they'll ruin their tails in the brambles, etc. I'm not convinced - my (pet) dog loves diving into thick cover and this has never been an issue. Their ears are surely more of a risk, I'd think, but no-one's trying to crop those. Is there any real merit to docking?

No, there is no real merit to docking healthy tails and you're correct in assuming the ears of cocker spaniels are far more problematic for these dogs. Cocker Spaniels are the most notorious breed for difficult, drug resistant ear infections, with quite a few of them requiring lateral or total ear canal ablation surgery, but nobody would even think about docking Cocker Spaniel ears. This is because docking and cropping are done for aesthetics, not function.

@cakeandpi said: A long time ago, I took my cat in to the vet because he was limping badly and did not want to be handled. Turns out, rather than breaking his leg or anything like that, his hip joint had essentially eroded away and - to quote - “looked like swiss cheese”. His leg was amputated and it healed nicely, though he never let anyone close to that part of his body again. He had a long, easy, and mobile life, until he was roughly 18 years old (he was a shelter rescue) when his kidneys finally gave out on him for good. Whatever happened to his hip bone, it was unusual enough that the vet sent a sample to a vet research clinic. It’s been a few years since my cat passed, and even more since his amputation, but it helps a little to think that that sample might one day help, I don’t know, with orthopedic research or something of the sort. Maybe. Question tax: I really like your fantasy-animal science posts!

I of course have no way of knowing where the hip bone went, but I'm sure somebody, somewhere will make use of it. Veterinary Medicine is advancing all the time, which is the best thing about science, and accumulating raw materials and data is critical for us to be able to do so.

Anonymous said: hi dr ferox! i love your blog! earlier today my sister cut our cat's claws with human nail trimmers. i know you're not supposed to do that, but i don't know why. i looked at his claws after she told me she did it and they don't look hurt. should i be worried? thank you so much!

I use human nail trimmers on my cats' nails all the time. It's fine if your technique is good, though they're not the easiest device to use for that purpose.

@gemma-handyman said: Dear Dr Ferox, I've tried to find the answer via google but have come up short. Do you know why some cats have such an affinity for loaves of bread? For instance, my grandmother's cat, Cece, would drag loaves beneath my grandmother's bed and fiercely protect the pilfered loaf. She's not the only cat I've heard of with a strange penchant for gluten and carbohydrates. Do you know why some cats love loaves of bread? Question tax: came for the mythical breed breakdowns- stayed for the irl info

Cats can digest carbohydrates, and from a metabolic point of view they're likely treating it as glycogen in terms of dehydration. Some cats like novel chewing textures, celery leaves is another common thing for cats to like, so may be just chewing it for fun.

Anonymous said: I want to be a vet tech but everyone always says I'm selling myself short... vet techs are just as useful right?

Of course they are. Have you ever seen a human hospital function without nurses?

Anonymous said: So our clinic has a batch of neonate puppies. 10 of them. I'm clearly not going to be able to sleep for the foreseeable future, as I'm on puppy duty. At least they're cute.

Good luck bottle feeding the little squeakers. They'll turn into waddling balls of chaos soon enough.

@fndm-trsh-sht said: my cat is a lil shit- but a cute lil shit- t h a t i s a l l- *slinks awaayyy*

Most cats are buddy, but we love them anyway.

Anonymous said: Something about the angle of trashbags ears reminds me of a goblin. Hes wonderful

He is a bit of a gremlin, he's starting to grow into his ears though.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey steph. So I'm in nursing school right now and I have incredible anxiety, which I'm on medicine for. Today we were being tested on assessing a "patient" (it was just another student), and the instructor observing me got really rude and made me feel awful. I already struggle in social situations, so having several people watch me made me feel terrified as it was. She critiqued everything I did. I got so upset I went to the bathroom and cried afterward. Idk things are just rough right now..

Hey Nonny *hugs* 

Ughhhh I am so sorry you are struggling having a rough go… I can’t tell you how many times I went and cried in the bathroom when I was in college. 

I’m going to share a story, and I hope it helps you, because when I look back upon it, I always remember it as a turning point in the quality of the work I did for class.

Note that I ALSO AM NOT GOOD AT ALL in social situations, and I am easily swayed by emotions.

So, year one of Graphic design was HARD. I’m talking weeding out the weak / survival of the sleep-deprived hard. This was BEFORE the entire program went digital. I’m talking up ‘til 4am cutting out rubylith and finding the proper Pantone codes and mounting on expensive presentation boards. In graphic design, critiquing is a BIG part of our learning process, because it helps prepare us for the real world and real clients in real life. One of my favourite classes in first year was Layout class, mainly because it was one of the classes I did well in in my first year, and the teacher was fantastic and always talked us through everything, and the projects were fun. I will never forget one of the assignments, we had to do a group “progress critique circle” with a quarter of the class and the instructor. Up until this point, I was cocky and admittedly lazy with the assignments. So imagine my humiliation when I put my progress up on the board and it got EVISCERATED. After the group thing, I excused myself to the bathroom and cried a bit. A day later, I looked at that project, and recalled everything Andrew said to me about what I needed to fix, and rather than be defiant, I decided to scrap the whole project, and start from scratch, AGAIN. I was determined, because I knew I could do SO much better, and the more  I worked on my new direction, the more I looked back at that initial project, shook my head at myself and grew more determined.

A few weeks later, we had a “pre-final” group critique session, where we showed our progress again to Andrew and our group. You know what happened, Lovely? I was commended and praised for my revamp and redesign, and it spawned into a talk about the importance of knowing when you need to scrap a design, let go, and start again, to not always stick to one thing.

So what does this have to do with my point? What I’m trying to say, is that, critiquing HURTS LIKE FUCK, especially when you haven’t built up the immunity to it. But your professor knows you can do better; it’s not personal Lovely, I’m certain of it, especially if it’s just a one time thing. Your professors want you to be the best you can be, and they want you to be able to handle much worse that the real world will be throwing at you. Especially in the medical field, Lovely, your professors want to know that you CAN DO IT before sending you out to the wild, to protect YOU and your patients.

After the critique session, I went and talked to my instructor, and told him how upset I initially was when he critiqued me hard, and he told me that he did it because he knew I had the skill to do better and the real world is worse, and you have to have a thick skin when you’re an artist. Same goes for a medical professional, I think Lovely. You need to be able to build up ways to combat harsh criticisms you will receive once you’re out in the field. I don’t think she meant any ill-will towards you. Sit on the thought for a few days, Lovely, and review in your head the critiques she offered you – you might have a lightbulb moment and will realize that maybe she was on to something. If it bothers you a lot, Lovely, I suggest talking in private with your instructor, perhaps let her know that you were bothered by the critiques and would like to know ways you can cope with it better. Remember, your instructor was once in your shoes – she may be able to help you out, and help you with coping methods.

That all said, Lovely, there is NOTHING wrong with you having a breakdown after a high-stress session. School is overwhelming at the best of times. Take a few hours out each night for yourself to just relax and not think about school. At the end of you, you will look back on everything as a life lesson in disguise, and perhaps maybe even grateful for what your instructor did. 

If you’re not comfortable talking to the instructor, talk to other people in your class, or an on-site counsellor (most colleges and uni’s have counsellors) to help you get through your rough patch – talking to people, letting it all out, works wonders. Don’t hold it all in.

Big hugs to you Nonny, and I hope you have a better day today

[marie-bluem]

Hi, it’s been a while since posted, rebbloged, and wrote an entry on my blog. I don’t know if any of you will read this as it has been a while since I posted anything (it’s also okay if you don’t like or reblog this post to let me know that you have read it! I know most of you have liked to remain anon (hope one day I could know who most of you anon are though ^^) but anyway, thank you to all of you anons and mutuals who still follow my blog and have sent me soft, kind anon asks  (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )  I really appreciate it. I actually thought most of you would have unfollowed me after being on a hiatus for a while since last November, but you didn’t and have continued to stay with me through my tumblr blog journey which in some sense had become an important and precious part of my own journey haha. Anyways, thank you for silently supporting me, respecting my personal entries by not reblogging them and asking me about it first if it was okay to do so 💖. Thank you for respecting the type of content I have reblogged and posted on my blog despite not maybe being the exact same content you might originally followed me for (as it is after all my own personal blog and space) and respecting each other’s preferences and themes 💖.Also thank you again for all your fun, positive and soft anon asks. I’m sorry if I haven’t gotten the chance to answer some of yours (I will try my best to do that soon!) or always seem to respond to them a bit too late but I want you to know that I really have appreciated them all and that they have all brightened my days thank you ✨🌸💌. I hope that all of you and your family have been able to stay safe, happy, and healthy during this dark situation. I pray everyday for this situation to end soon. I didn’t know how 2020 was going to be like after what happened towards the end of 2019, but I was hoping for 2020 to be brighter and full of nicer surprises and chances as it was going to be my last year (senior year) at my university but I guess that’s the thing about life- it’s unexpected and anything can happen from one moment to the next. To be honest I wasn’t actually sure, since last Nomvember, If I was going to come back onto tumblr and continue posting or reblogging or not. A lot of things happened towards the end of last year and some things at the beginning of this year that led me to have less free time and be less active on social media. One of the main reasons why I stopped being less active is because my school work and schedule slowly started to become a bit more overwhelming again and I was starting to become a bit worried that I might start feeling bad like I did during the winter semester of 2017-2018. At the beginning of this year I began my final year at my university so because I have already completed all of my general courses and core requirements to graduate, all of the classes that I have left to take are strictly ones required for my major. So, because I’m a biology major most of the classes and labs I have left and started to take at the beginning of this year are all either biology based, chemistry based and just one physics based and all of them are worth between 3-4 credits so the grades that I get in those classes are heavily weighted and can either greatly benefit my gpa or lower it by a lot which I can’t really afford to happen because sadly almost all of PA programs are very petty and often highly prejudice when it comes to applicant’s gpa, grades (particularly grades on the science courses they require an applicant to have taken in order to apply for the program), as well as the amount and quality of patient contact hours an applicant has because after all sadly medicine and healthcare field is a very competitive field so yeah me and my friends like my close friend Erika can’t afford to get C’s as our final grade or do bad on those classes required for our major and PA programs. Anyways, because of that at the beginning of this semester the classes that I needed to take and started to take are Organic Chem 2 + its lab component, Molecular biology + its recitation component, Physics II + its lab component, clinical medical terminology and its immunology component and because of that it was hard for me to organize a schedule that would be okay with me since I would have to commute to university. Because my organic chem lab was long as well as my physics lab I couldn’t fit more than 2 classes on some days so my schedule ended up being one where I was commuting to school 4/5 days of the week and on 3/4 days I was waking up at 4:50 am and leaving my house at 5:30 am to try to get on time to my morning lectures on those days and was getting home at around 9:00 pm on some days because of my chemistry labs and lecture. So because of that I was having to stay up very late on weekends and on some weekdays working on a lot of pre and pos-labs and lab reports as well as trying to find time to catch up on revising material for some of my other classes in order to be prepared for exams and quizzes. So yeah, because of that I was slowly starting to feel overwhelmed, tired and bit anxious once again because I wasn’t sleeping well so because of that I decided to take break from all social media and stopped being active on my blog to give myself a break from technology and take care of myself more and give myself more time to rest.Thankfully though I now knew what to do to start feeling better whenever school starts to feel a bit overwhelming so I didn’t feel nor have felt as bad as I did in the past like in 2017. Also even though the classes did feel very overwhelming at the beginning of this semester, I was able to find ways to feel better, destress and handle those classes and soon enough I started to get the  hang for the pace of all those classes specially now since all of my classes got moved online. Also, this semester I also had two of my close friends who were taking most of those classes with me and so I was actually really happy this semester that I had some close company whom I can rant along with during exam times lol  so I’m really thankful for that <3. I’m also really thankful to them and my friends for listening to me rant about my days lol, ranting along with me about shows and dramas were watching, celebrities and artists we like lol and just cheering up me through these past semesters and taking me to try new things and activities like  roller skating even though most of us couldn’t skate ;-; lol but it’s okay I’ve had a lot of fun and reminded me of when my elementary school would rent roller skates and had roller skating parties in the gym after school omg. Anyways, yeah because of that I went on a hiatus on all my social media because rather than distracting me it was just making me feel more sad and I don’t know I just had no motivation to post anything or even write because I was just really sleepy and tired. For that same reason and other ones, logging onto my tumblr blog started to feel more like a routine and started making me feel sad so I slowly started to drift away from it. Actually because of that I’m trying to be a bit active on my blog again to see how it makes me feel during this time of social distancing. Depending on that, I don’t know if I’ll start being very active on here again or slowly start being less active again or decide to take big break from tumblr again. If I ever do decide that I will not continue blogging on here in the future, I don’t plan on deleting my blog because this tumblr blog has in a sense become like a very personal and precious archive of entries of different points in my life. This blog has in a sense served as an archive for the various emotions/ moods and thoughts my teenage and young adult self has felt and thought as well as an archive for all the various things I have loved, liked, become inspired by and fangirl over lol so yeah I don’t think I could ever bring myself to completely delete this blog. Also I’d like to think that hopefully some years from now into the future when I’m older it will feel nice and nostalgic to have this blog to look back on some of these things archived in this blog and would make great stories to talk about with my friends who also had their own tumblr blogs or my boyfriend, husband or kids idk lol and just smile and laugh about the things that my younger self used to feel moody about, loved and continue to love and or fangirled and probably continue to fangirl about lol and share with them all the cool music my present self  used to enjoy and enjoys listening to lol  and yeah. I think that is why I really love keeping journals, diaries and making music playlists -because they can help capture something intangible like feelings or memories one might have during a certain moment of time or one might feel or have about a certain group of people or person like friends and that one can then look back on, read or listen to whenever one might be in the mood to reminiscent those precious memories and feelings (also I’m just very weak and soft when it comes stationary, journals and journal designs and playlists ^^ I just think it’s nice and that journal entries, letters, and playlists are their own love language 💖 ＾▽ ^ ) Anyways, I’m really thankful  to all of you who still continue to visit my blog and hope that all of you are safe and healthy and continue to be safe and healthy. Also if by any chance any of you have all of your grandparents and parents close to you continue to be nice to them, maybe try to use this time to spend more time with them  if you can , even if you aren’t at home but are close with your parents and family, remind them of how much you love them or simply ask them about their day because this life can be unpredictable and anything can happen from one second to the other. Also because I now will have a bit more free time I’m going to try to start reblogging some things on here again apart from getting back into some of my old hobbies like drawing and painting which I’m excited to do but also kind of a bit scared because I haven’t done it in a while, answer more anons and maybe even make a post with links to some of the playlists I have created/ song recommendations since some of you anons have continued to ask for some of my music playlists/ song recommendations 🤗 (be warned though, my music taste is kind of interesting/ all over the place?? lol i just enjoy listening to a variety of songs of different genres, language etc but yea hopefully you’ll like some of them like some other anons have and maybe recommend some songs to me too 🤗. Anyways this kind of ended up being way longer than I thought wow but yeah oh also if by any chance any of you still have some cherry blossoms still in bloom close to your houses  look at your windows and look at them whenever you feel down or need a change of scenery they are very pretty- the sight of them and of flowers have helped me feel better during this social distancing ✨🌸 Okay I’ll stop now ;-;

[cloppyreads]

Plans for the future (Ramble)

Right, so, two posts relating to Pride, one of them composed, the other one me being a total unfiltered butthole. I was going to touch upon this in the former post, but then considered that I wanted to have more room to talk about it in its own post instead. I got one more thing to say kinda/sorta related to Pride, but after that I’m moving onto new things. Let’s talk future fanfics!

Kind of like how I made an Explicit spin-off taking place during chapter 3 showing Nick and Judy having sex the night before she proposed to him, I want to do another spin-off showing them consummating their marriage after the end of the final chapter. I don’t get the chance to do this often, but I do like the idea of making a lengthy SFW story, but then making side-stories taking place within the same plot which is basically showing what I can’t show in the SFW story itself. It’s not gonna be that long, just some good old fashioned marital sex between newlyweds, but hopefully it’ll be a nice read if you’re like me and never get tired of mushy romantic wildehopps sex. I’ve already started working on the first draft, and knowing my rate of working and getting it proofread and revised to the final version, I’ll probably have it published... I dunno, the 25th, maybe? School starts on the 28th for me, so I’m making it my goal to have that published before school carries out its plan to stop me from having as much fun as possible.

After that, I’m more than ready to start work on the winner of the strawpoll I posted months ago, the winner of that being... wait, hold on, what? 

Last time I checked, the threesome with Nick, Judy and Mrs. Wilde was in the lead. Now it’s Nick, Judy and their son James, the hybrid OC child of theirs. Did not expect that one. o.o Being truthful guys, I don’t think now’s a good time for me to make that story. I’ve only featured James in two stories, and I don’t want to sound like I’m berating myself, but I feel like he doesn’t have much personality past “he’s their child, that’s his character”. I want to make at least ONE story where he’s the main character, so I can have a chance to give him more of a personality, show his strengths and weaknesses, how he interacts with the rest of the world aside from his parents, make him feel like he has some depth and range. After I develop him a little more, then I’ll come back to the idea of him having a delicious incestuous romp with his parents, but for now, I’m gonna have to prolong that. Sorry guys; I really should have thought of that beforehand and not even made it a poll choice. You can crucify me for that if you want. >.> That aside, I think I’ll go ahead and proceed with the runner-up, the threesome with Mrs. Wilde. A number of people have been asking for a sequel to Just Like Your Father, and I think it’s way overdue. Unfortunately by the time I get to work on that, school will have started, so it’ll take me even longer to complete it and get it published. I want to say that if I get it started the first weekend of school starting, then maybe I’ll be able to get it finished around... October? Either the middle or the end of that month, IDK. But yeah, I will definitely try my hardest to make that a thing. 

Aside from that story, I’ve got more outlines in my gdocs list than is probably healthy (you’ve seen me reblog the post about how authors like to come up with ideas more than actually working on them and publishing them; I wouldn’t say I like it better but it certainly seems to work out that way regardless). Let’s just check and see how many stories I have in my queue... wow, a whopping 29 outlines for fanfic ideas, and now all of them are Zootopia related (I’ll get to that later). I may have a problem on my hands. .__. It pretty much goes without saying that it’s very very VERY unlikely that I’ll ever get to finishing all 29 stories even though I’ve got them all planned out and ready to begin construction whenever I want to do so. With my rate of completion being one month at the shortest and four months (or never) at the longest, then that’s looking like... 2 1/2 years to 9 years writing out all those stories, and the idea of me writing fanfics for another decade while trying to push for a career to support myself and pay back my student loans is just unrealistic. However, I do want to see how many of these I can bring to the public in the next year or two, so whatever, we’ll just have to see what happens. 

On the subject of my gargantuan story queue, I’ve played around with the idea of doing a Christmas themed story for Zootopia. Thing is, if I were to do it, I’d have to start work on it like, before the end of October. I’ve learned through experience that posting stories near holidays tends to have the reception be dead on arrival, so it would have to hit the front page of AO3 and ff.net probably within the first or second week of December for anyone to find time to read it at all. 

Unrelated to Zootopia, some of you might have noticed that I posted an MLP clopfic about a month ago. Yeah. Daybreaker episode really hit the right buttons for me, couldn’t fight the urge to write something related to it. I’m still not fully back on the MLP viewing train, but a few episode premises have tempted me to watch them, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see the quality lived up to the hype. I do have a number of MLP outlines that I made a while ago and have been gathering dust for the past two years, but depending on my mood and if people want them badly enough, I might be tempted to dig a few of them up and give another look at them. Other than that outlines I’ve abandoned from long ago, I went ahead and wrote up one for a sequel to Burning Desire just because I was bored, so if people want to read more Evil Celestia bondage, I could probably do that. Might make another strawpoll for MLP stories specifically, IDK, we’ll see. 

Other than Zootopia and MLP, I’m curious: are people interested in me writing stories for other series? I’ve got a few outlines that I wrote up for Undertale back when they hype was in full swing (before Zootopia took over my life) and while I’m not as crazy about it as I used to be, I’m still somewhat interested in bringing them to public light. Aside from that, I’ve got a Gravity Falls outline that takes place years after the ending of the series (which I might hold onto, just in the event that there’s some big event that concerns the series taking place in the future and it revives the fandom). Plus, while I’m not super into Pokemon, I’ve been curious about doing some male/male Mewtwo/Lucario erotica, which would require me to watch both movies and read up on the lore of the characters so I don’t end up writing a story without knowing what I’m talking about.  Oh and weird one that occurred to me about a week ago: would anyone be interested in a Leggy Lamb story? I know that’s kind of out of left field, and pretty late to the game since she gained meme status a few years ago, but I haven’t seen anyone else do it before, so IDK. Would anyone give a crap if I wrote something focusing on her?  Aside from stories based on copyrighted properties owned by mega corporations, I’ve also considered writing stories about OC’s of furry artists that I’m a fan of. Not sure if anyone who follows me is aware of @atrolux‘s OC characters Kyra and Amon, but I’ve been kicking around the idea of writing a story about how they first met (the artist himself is busy drawing up a comic about their first time having sex, but I was planning on writing about the few days before that, during the time that they’re still getting to know each other before things get lewd between them). If I was going to do it, I’d most likely wait until he’s finished with the comic and published the entire thing, but I’m just putting that out there to see if anyone following me is interested in such a thing.  I’ve also thought of doing a story about a certain brother and sister belonging to a very talented and very well known artist in the furry community, but I ain’t saying no names because I haven’t talked to him at all, so I don’t want to open my big mouth without getting his thoughts on it first (if he even acknowledges my request at all when I send it). 

Also, I don’t want to make it a big deal, because my life isn’t in danger or anything, but I have since the beginning of the year found out that I’ve got some repressed anxiety making things a little difficult for me, like messing with my sleeping habits and making it hard for me to keep food down. I don’t know if it’s school, loans, the state of the country, me constantly pushing myself to keep up a consistent writing pattern or all of it (probably all of it), but yeah, it’s having some very undesirable effects on me. I’m taking medication for it and exercising more which helps out a bit, but just be aware that I am having to pace myself so that I don’t overwork myself into a panic attack. I do enjoy writing and getting a response from people, but it is pretty exhausting to keep this up.  And while I’m on the subject: I know that a lot of followers like to do the whole “holy crap, you’re alive!?” thing after an author has been inactive for a while, and they don’t mean anything malicious by it, but... ugh.  Look, there’s two types of fanfic writers. The first is those who fart out stories in a few days, don’t read them once or even have someone else read them, and post them on a weekly basis just so their name keeps popping up on the front page of whatever site they’re posting on. The second type are those who actually give a damn about their stories, spend as much time as they need to tell it right, then spend even more time rereading it, fixing errors, having someone else read it, fixing the errors THEY point out, and then posting it once its been made as good as humanly possible. That is a LONG PROCESS. I care about my stories, I want them to be as good as I can make them, because I don’t want them to fall into the stereotype of “typical badly written fanfic”. There’s already too much of that, and neither I nor you deserve to be given more of that trash. So I know that some of you are joking when you say things like “holy crap, I thought you were dead”, but it’s really annoying. Give me some time to actually make my work quality, will ya? 

so there you have it, that’s what’s sitting on my plate for the next little while: A buttload of stories, agonizing school and loans, and anxiety problems. FUN!  Once I’ve had some time to finish this wedding consummation story and officially break ground on Mrs. Wilde’s sequel, I’ll think about putting some strawpolls up to see what other stories people want to see from me. Thanks for being patient with me y’all. 

[kffandom]

I think it's hard for me to get into mercymaker as a ship because 1) it's hard to gauge widowmaker's canon level of free will when she's been canonically brainwashed and 2) if there was going to be a doctor/patient relationship in overwatch that would make me cringe, it would be if mercy was treating widowmaker 

 Because like. Widowmaker was brainwashed and stuff by talon, and that’s probs a lot of Bad Doctors and Scientists--which, most of the time, mercy kinda is 

( “i save lives,” mercy argues when it’s brought up. “i push the boundaries to help people, to save them, to make them better--what is wrong with that, exactly?” but she doesn’t answer the original question, doesn’t say what she actually /did/ in the field that day) 

but anyway she’s probably semi-conditioned to listen to people like those who brainwashed her so. idk it just gives me weird feelings 

so for me to feel Okay about this ship, there needs to be at least one of the following takes: 

1) mercy isn’t an experimenter/researcher--she’s primarily a medic

2) widowmaker has more autonomy than not--she’s been brainwashed, yeah, but more in the way of skewing her ethics and altering her memories moreso than making her a winter-soldier-esque tool 

3) mercy is evil and awful and widowmaker has little free will and the whole point of the situation is that it’s gross and bad and is not meant to be a love story 

ya feel me? 

 but god wouldn’t they be so salty together--like let’s go with option 2, where widowmaker finds out her memories aren’t accurate and she hasn’t always been this way and she’s highkey pissed, and great, NOW they’re teaming up with the goody-two shoes and there’s that annoying Sonic the Hedgehog BRAT who keeps popping up EVERYWHERE 

and she ends up hiding out in the infirmary, because there’s only one place where stubborn, annoying, military shits won’t go 

mercy, meanwhile, is in there, acting out, “ 2 Hours of Sleep Since Last Saturday, the Show” and trying not to murder Winston as she cleans out the cut on his hand 

”You need to be more careful,” she chides him halfheartedly. It’s not really his fault that all of his equipment is self-made, since his hands are much too large for normal lab equipment, but he could be more cautious in making his own. then maybe he wouldn’t be in here, with glass shards scattered across his skin, making her squint with her reading glasses and praying she’s actually seeing three shards and she’s not about to pass out into his lap 

from behind her, a blue hand reaches out and plucks a bit out that mercy had been struggling to grasp with tweezers. it’s really, really hard not to jump and shriek, but mercy manages, somehow 

“you would think your eyes were closed, ange.” widowmaker says lowly. 

“it’s hardly my fault you have 20/10 vision,” she retorts. “not all of us have been enhanced as you have been.” 

“most of your team has been enhanced in one way or another. it should be a day’s work for you to improve all of their eyesight.” 

mercy grumbles under her breath but puts her tweezers down and pulls her gloves off. “If you’re going to hide in here from your girlfriend, you’ll keep busy. wash up and put some gloves on, then tweeze all of the glass out of winston’s hand.” 

“angela, i’m sure i can get it myself--” winston says quickly. “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience amelie.” 

“No no, sit, ape-man,” widowmaker rolls gloves on easily and grabs his hand, jerking it into her lap. “it shall only be a moment. i’ve always wanted to play nurse,” she purrs. 

winston gulps and mercy rolls her eyes. 

it happens more than a few times--widowmaker sneaks in and is dragged over to help mercy with random tasks. easy ones, but ones that would bore mercy to tears. or ones where widowmaker’s eyesight would help 

“read that passage to me,” she shoves a book into widowmaker’s hands as she pulls up different documents on her tablet. 

“can you see what that says?” she asks, squinting at the picture that has been sent over to her. “and would you say her leg is more green than blue?” 

“grab the book that says neurons--i think it’s blue, it’s higher up and i can’t see the spines” 

widowmaker bitches and complains when she thinks it’s something stupid, but most of the time she does it with a small tease, a short barb-- 

“your eyesight is going, old lady. haven’t you thought about getting glasses? maybe fewer people would mistake you for a teenager if you tried the ‘distinguished’ look.” 

mercy flushes red and widowmaker is startled into a laugh. “are you really that vain?” 

“Shut up. i don’t need glasses.” 

“you are,” she breathes in delight. “i knew you were a conceited bitch, but this? pride will be your downfall, ange.” 

“shut. up.” 

“oh, but you’d look so delectable in glasses. with that stick up your derrière, you could have the librarian pornstar look. sombra assures me that is ‘in’ now--” 

mercy sets off the security system and widowmaker’s booted out of the infirmary, wheezing and laughing. 

at least until tracer pops in, stands over her, and says, “you look WAY more human when you laugh, mate. angela’s been good for you.” 

widowmaker hisses, “you’re an irritant that i have no time for and your accusations are ridiculous.” 

lena laughs and laughs and widowmaker tries to kill her for the fiftieth time. 

when widowmaker goes back to the infirmary, days later, mercy has a pair of thick-rimmed glasses on, that have slid down to the bottom of her nose. when she pokes her head up and out of a stack of textbooks to look at widowmaker, she pushes them up the bridge of her nose absently 

“oh,” she scowls. “it’s you. get over here, i need your opinion on if this is fuschia or magenta.” 

“Your fashion sense must hideous if you need my help with that,” widowmaker says. 

but she walks over anyway. there’s something flattering (a little high-inducing, almost like a power-trip) knowing that an arrogant child like mercy would take her advice. and the glasses look good on her

it’s easy to lean in close while she peers at the photos and listen, feel, ever so carefully. there’s a hitch in her breath, and she shifts in her seat, and if widowmaker isn’t mistaken, there’s a small, tiny flush right across the apples of her cheeks 

(she might have to kill tracer for bringing this possibility to her attention. if anyone asks, widowmaker was planning this from the beginning.) 

[jaymonae]

the hamilton sense8 au no one asked for

each character has a very specific oneshot in my mind because sense8, duh but ....i’m also... not a writer??   (so this is quite the struggle)

...anyway. 

afrolatino nonbinary closeted bisexual burr is lito: a good ass lawyer. his parents still died, he still went to school and climbed the ranks, he’s still passed up for the top position for not being able to pick a side (he meets alex at the coffeeshop {of course} bellamy works at) and is presented with the choice to face his fears head on

cis, very Latino, very gay alex is hernando: he’s a politician and openly bisexual. (they can’t be public yet and alex is understanding but burr knows it’s not fair) he’s still an immigrant from the Caribbean who climbed the ranks. he gets a lot of interest and hate for his “social justice warrior” policies (he’s gotta protect his home and his love, y’all) and his angry twitter rants against resident republican @ tom  “rich asshole” jeffery have a strong activist following

cis, latina and chinese {?? crap sorry i can’t remember exactly but based off @fanciful-follies’s} bellamy is dani:  I’m giving her mcnugget fic backstory but replace nuggets with coffee and switch the roles. Burr calls Alex immediately after and tells him the whole thing. Bellamy’s (call me bella) dating history and family life are Not Good. [i dont want to erase that it takes place in mexico but also alex’s story is americanized. i know very little about how he and the ot3 be received in mexico] (aka the ot3 parallel (theoburramy) that got me thinking about this whole thing, but hamburramy fit better for everyone else, whoops)

marquis de lafayette (stage name) (deadname: gilbert) (chosen names: marie and yves, look at what color hair tie they’re wearing today for pronouns) is wolfgang: French underground performer (her thing is to Laugh...cuz laf? she’s not necessarily an activist but by being who he is she makes at the statement and so why not work it? His music brings a smile to your face) might sounds crusty tbh? i’ll work on it) is very much biracial, pansexual and genderfluid. family was encouraging and accepting but the world is cruel. he fought hard to be who she is and is so glad he found someone who loves and accepts her in herc  muslim, indian/black, trans woman (based on @stonerjohnlaurens’s lesbian lams au) herc is kala: her parents were not accepting and completely cut contact, (we didn’t raise you this way, don’t come back unless you will stop this nonsense) when she came out in college. it was a little before she was to study abroad and so she just...stayed in europe? she wasn’t in a position to fly back after what happened, i mean, she had no home to go back to. The whole ordeal made her question a lot, including her faith. but over time her siblings contacted her with very fierce support and updates on family life. She’s been able to heal, to build a life here, to find love and a home (with marie, today) and to find herself too. She mourns the loss of what she could’ve had with her parents but she’s found support in her faith, in laf, and her siblings and friends.  Herc and Marie are happy together and love each other and that’s all that matters {we needed more mullete fluff everyone}  [they’re in france]

maria is riley cis biracial (black and white) cis, lesbian: Voice of an angel, ear to match, she’s a musican and also plays piano. She’s been through a lot of trauma in her life (domestic violence, lost a child, car accident)  she’s left james reynolds and is...rebuilding. angelica (african american black, cis, lesbian) is will (but only with the backstory of being a cop, [john church is her partner] since i *really* do not like will as a character. They go on dates and take it slow eventually connecting to each other’s trauma (angelica’s father was a cop and abusive to her mother, her mother took her and left, she was raised by her mother and the extended family: auntie margarita) it’s slowburn otp and it takes a lot of trust to get to that point but they are together now and taking it a day at a time

[they’re in the american south]

laurens is sun latina korean cis lady laurens, she fell for a girl at a tournament and her rich family found out and immediately disowned her. she fled the area with what she little she still had and lives/scrapes by all by herself (with her pet turtle). she does a lot of meditation to keep her anger down but never stopped doing martial arts. she’s an unsung champion...she doesn’t talk about her family at all in interviews but if you catch her at the right moment alone she might mention it’s nice to be away from everything. she quietly donates winnings to helping homeless lgbt youth. ...she’s pretty much a lesbian icon with a small but loving tumblr, korean, latina, gay, maritial arts following (she really should be more popular but #racism #sexism #homophobia etc) [based almost exactly on sun’s backstory so probably still americanized, more research needed, but she’s in south korea] theodosia (black, cis, lesbian) is neets (facecast is nicolette), (trans girl, biracial chinese, white) eliza is nomi and they’re so happy y’all!!!! they met at a pride speed dating event and hit it off right away. eliza is in the medical field (midwifery?? pediatrics?? nursing?? idk but she’s always loved children). and theo had a very busy work life but dating was not really working out for her, hence the event. they’ve been together for a while. there’s been lots of close calls with shitty transphobic, lesphobic assholes but they got through it and their love is stronger then ever. little cis girl theo (teddy) is loved by her moms and (latino trans boy) phillip is in the process of being adopted 

(his biological parents being {of course} non au betsy(eliza) and alexander (hamilton), of course, where they fell in love way to hard and fast, and betsy wanted kids (their marriage was doomed from the start, he cared too much about his work,) alexander is a terrible father (absent and cheating). betsy would’ve taken phillip but just the thought of being a single mother was overwhelming  (god, she's too young for this, she should’ve listened to her sister, his wings can only go so high before they burned)...but regardless, she *wasn’t* ready. thus phillip got taken in (by the state????). [i have no idea how the actual process works and so this is just a general idea] 

[the theoliza clan are not american, but they met the hamburramy ot3 at some point and keep in contact via internet magic?] biracial (black and white), cis, asexual, polyamorous, african peggy is capheus (everyone forgets her but that’s okay because she loves herself, her identities and her life and that’s all that matters also she can totally fuck you up (both in a fight and her looks) and she loves her momma and takes care of her but at the same time she’s going to go out into the world (looking for some minds at work) with her best friend james madison (who happens to be very gay, and also hiv+) at her side (jeffmads is endgame here) peggy eventutally ends up with [facecast are the ensemble members for martha and dolly in blow us all away reprise] dolly (poly, currently with a very loving boyfriend, their love is 3 people strong now) and then eventually martha. (aka the ot4 of your dreams)  both relationships have combined into a great big cuddle puddle tbh. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

if you were around for the pre-end-of-mh days you might remember times i like to talk to myself extensively, pointlessly, and dumbassedly about my own thoughts, which go nowhere and solve nothing. literally ignore me, talking about bring me the spider cup, i wanna prank crimmins natcho. my proclivity towards trying to figure out mysteries is matched only by my total inability to do so.

firstly i was like ok, this doesn’t necessarily mean eno knows who this guy is, which i think is true but unlikely. he’s probably met him before and while i think it would be funny if this is all some roundabout unnecessary revenge scheme by someone who considers eno his rival, i’d think it was more likely eno was kind of in a position like wallace where maybe they just worked in the same place. (sidenote: he is so clearly evil how do people share an office with him. please fix this mess jerry)

becoz the thing is it was a bit strange eno said he couldnt take a client via a social workers request with the reasoning that he’d left that life behind him? because he is a therapist now after all. but it would make more sense if he used to maybe be associated with / work for a company like that. i dont even know anything about privatised versions of social work but maybe it could work like that. and maybe he worked with crimcrom because sure, maybe crimmins just murdered his way into head of a company or other unsavory methods, and/or maybe also he has actual experience in the field. because maybe he was working at the same place as eno?

because honestly if i was going to take a very vague guess of where the social work is involved here, its that if youre going to do terrible dangerous medical experiments on people, you take people who have connections without the wealth/time/stability to investigate or else just people who wont be missed at all. people whose debilitating struggles and unstable situations you actually have documentation of. and it does seem like everyone with someone missing was relying on kent and co. to find them, because they couldnt themselves, because their sibling/whomever had been targeted for that exact reason, that their family/friends wouldnt have the means to find them. probably this has been going on for a while and most people are just killed and those who arent are kinda just chucked out somewhere to be found by whoever

anyways, the thing with eno, the idea he was working with/for a company earlier is a bit confusing too because its confusing that kent and yumi were killed but eno wasnt? theres the chance that the attempt simply failed, but i had thought that maybe because eno wasnt the semi-public face of the effort like kent was or an official worker like yumi, maybe nobody who put the hit out knew he was even involved. but since im guessing we’re guessing crimmins was directly/indirectly involved in the Day Of Murder and he knows about eno, thats not true……but then its a bit fuzzier why eno wasnt killed if he wasnt just helping out as a friend but sort of associated with his work, like yumi was. maybe it was part of a longer con, like as might be made clearer soonish. because unfortunately i really doubt crim would show his hand like this if he wasnt secure in everything favoring his schemes currently

it also makes sense that eno had been in a position like yumi’s because im also assuming eno thinks its his own files that someone had got hold of. cuz if yumi and kent had the same papers, surely eno did too. and if he was just keeping them to himself it would be one thing but if he was using them with his work like yumi was, then maybe it happened like he said it did only with his file/company in place of yumi’s. which makes sense coz of why he is so uncomfortable and why he was so surprised about it. probably he didnt suppose it had happened until kip said it did, and he suspects it was on his end that it happened but doesnt want to say it because its unpleasant and because he doesnt want to say it to kip.

i was hoping that gayness would be the wrench in the gears aka kip wasnt supposed to learn of the link between kents files and wallaces, but maybe he actually absolutely was? it would make sense why crimmins was so keen to make sure wallace got kip to work with him. because unless it is remarkably nuanced i doubt part of his plan involves trying to get wallace to directly harm anyone, cuz obvs he wouldnt, he is just motivated to not get fired and hopefully do good work. but it seems like a safe guess that kip would see wallaces papers even though kip really should be getting paid for this, and maybe crimmins was assuming that kip had already seen kents file? because if he had worked with eno and gotten his files, he would basically know what must be in kents files. and it apparently wasnt a secret that the files had made it out of the fire with kip

but its a hell of a con because its like, it seemed like a bonus that kip realized the coincidence, because why would crimmins want kip to suspect that wallace is somehow connected with the scheme that kent was investigating / his family and yumi were killed for? but apparently he could guess that kip would meet with eno about it, because i guess he’s tracking one or both of them. speaking of, im hoping that kip hasnt just gotten jumped. im sure its a concern on the best of days that eno told him to be safe, but it seems ominous

just like it seemed ominous when kip told wallace he trusts eno more than anyone. wallace sure learned a lot in those couple of days, namely: he already knows where kip lives exactly and who with and that they are good friends (not sure how coincidental it is that they live in the exact same building, maybe its just convenient), who kip’s ex-boyfriend is and where he works and who he works with and that he and kip have Strong Feelings for each other, who kip’s therapist is and that he sees him once a week and is a old and close friend whom kip trusts above all others, and i’m sure wallace has been able to pick up that kip has a dead brother and theres a story behind it and its a touchy subject. i mean, that’s mostly completely irrelevant info to put into a report, but maybe not if it was relevant to mention that he was working with kip since after all his boss had told him to. but probably crimmins was guessing that if wallace was making headway at all, he had got hold of kip. and since apparently he has eyes on people, that helps too. fix it jerry

im not thinking that its ominous that kip trusts eno so much because he shouldnt or because eno has been lying all along or something—like, if eno suspects himself for being involved in something now, im supposing he hadnt thought so before or hadnt considered it mattered because everything about how everything happened was moot because nobody was going to be continuing the matter and everyone was leading totally different lives. and as for currently, its not like i think eno is like, having the past catch up with him aka he’s betrayed kip or anyones trust before. i mean maybe eno has some totally unrelated dark secret that can be held over him, but even then i doubt that it would be anything where he would be forced to do something to endanger kip to protect himself. rather, i’d guess he might be given more of a non-choice in which he has to do something that will endanger kip because the threat is of causing kip immediate harm. what seems worst is that crimmins is really showing his hand early here maybe, or anyways, he thinks that theres no possible way for eno to prevent whatever crim wants to have happen. which is like, bad

and if he knows how much kip trusts eno, which he probably does, thats bad too…

if wallaces only purpose though was to show kip the files he had, that also has to mean rousing kip’s suspicion…..also, if kip had known about kents files before he’d seen wallace’s, wouldnt he potentially be immediately suspicious enough of wallace to cut off ties with him? maybe that doesn’t matter idk. b/c tbh it seems like theres only so much you can do w/ wallace while preserving his “unwitting involvement in an evil scheme” status, you cant ask him to do anything non-job related. unless his reports are doubling as surveillance or something. but he wouldnt do anything he thought was harmful or over his bounds. even asking him to get kip involved was weird, but at least crim seemed to accurately count on wallace caring too much abt his job to object with stuff rather than simply doing what he had to to keep it

like, clearly something about kip is important to crim’s schemes but how could i guess what. because im guessing we dont have enough information yet, but even if you gave me the info we have now and told me to fill in the blanks however i wanted, i couldnt come up with anything. im really really dumb as hell and not creative enough to take the ventures required to come up with accurate theories. but ok, medical experiments, it could just be anti-monster, but it could also be pro-human which happens to be anti-monster aka more exploitative. cuz it doesnt seem like theyre “Kill All Monsters” as much as “its fine if monsters die but if theyre alive we’ll just dump them somewhere because we just literally assign them no value unless somehow they’re useful towards whatever’s going on here.”

coz kip has two powers: 1) he’s a beloved semipublic figure, and 2) ice and he’s cold

and he has one majorly exploitable weakness in that he’s very afraid for his surrogate family, generally more scared than the average person of being murdered horribly, and knows he has good reasons for that and also trauma

but it seems like if crim wanted to get hold of kip by threatening his loved ones, he could do that at any time? why would wallace need to be involved at all; he wouldnt. why does he need to tip kip off about his own schemes. why did he need to wait five years? why has there been this five year gap? simply development of the mystery scheme? or is it because kip has moved back to c and/or because kip is a semi-public figure again

coz reading between the lines but im supposing that kip had earnestly and strongly intended to follow in kent’s footsteps but was presumably discouraged from this when his family was murdered. but even tho he only told wallace about moving back to c because roy and molly missed it, in the intervention that gets sprung on him and other hints, it sounds like kip still considers himself dedicated to helping people like kent did, which is what his sjw blog is, but he’s majorly aware of the danger of that and unwilling to get anyone killed this time, which is a major limitation, seeing as that happened to him before and everyone is disappeared all the time w/o repercussion. except the repercussion of one tiny group of people who look into it and get murdered, except for eno

but also kip must not have been doing any Helping The Public stuff before he moved to C, because when he says he has to help wallace to justify having thrown so much away, and considering how he’d lost so much in the fire, presumably what he’s thrown away is his life with pascal. im guessing he couldnt have made roy and molly split from him even if he tried, but pascal apparently could be parted from. for like a week, but whatever. he’d been dating pascal before the fire, but if he hadnt been involved in any position of openly helping monsters before the fire and hadnt before moving back to C, that explains why he tried to convince pascal not to go with them.

anyways, uh, see ive lost track of what i was saying. that, while kip is so afraid for the safety of those too close to him, he can also be pressured into a riskier position. but thats by his friends and himself. but maybe if he’s going to be given false information he thinks is from eno, he could do other risky things too. cuz i doubt theres any real protection, as if kent and yumi and eno werent trying to be safe. im guessing kip’s just trying to keep his head down and his cards close to his chest. its frustrating because technically he was right to be immediately suspicious of wallace to the point of associating him with the death of his family and being afraid of helping wallace, but not because wallace’s personal intentions arent good. but still its going to be really awkward if kip gets an idea of what wallace is associated with. cuz its an extremely delicate process that would allow wallace to figure out what was going on and break the news to kip and have kip trust him, so delicate that i doubt it exists and anyways the odds are not in its favor. but its frustrating because i want people to not be friends and not feel betrayed by their bosses and each other and even better, to be friends working together to resolve murders and an evil scheme

anyways. what does crim need from kip. stuff he knows? i doubt he’s trying to corrupt kip’s blog, or otherwise exploit the fact that kip’s probably a trusted community figure. for starters, crim’s already been getting away completely with abduction, murder, arson, etc, for years. unless theres some new Phase of the plan that requires something new. but again, it seems like a big ol coincidence that kip and co moved to C five months before wallace was moved into their exact building with the goal of getting involved with kip, tho wallace obviously doesnt know about all that stuff yet. why does it matter that kips in C. did crim not know where he was prior? did he need kip to be involved in the public sphere so that he could catch hold of him by sending out a social worker too naive and earnest to focus on the suspicious evilness of his new boss? did he just not need kip yet???

it seems strange to consider that crim could like, blackmail or threaten either kip or eno longterm. like, is he about to make a move here. because yeah they both have reasons to be extremely protective of people, which can be leveraged. but like wallace, i dunno how far they could be pushed with doing anything obviously harmful, or doing anything for anyone so obviously evilly motivated. or how long such a chokehold could be maintained. eno being threatened with kip’s wellbeing and being pressured into manipulating kip in one way or another is one thing, and even then how could he be threatened more than once. how could he be expected not to do something to warn someone if the pressing is let up for even a moment? is the point to abduct eno maybe and make kip feel even more afraid, because that would probably admittedly be super effective, but i imagine kip would just withdraw completely from things like being involved with wallace, blogging, etc. but to try to coerce kip into doing something by threatening multiple people is trickier, and what could kip do?

the thing is that i could see kip as being targeted for the ice thing, because thats another coincidence, that he has a really strong ability that seems pretty unusual even for monsters. like, freezing freshly brewed hot tea in a few seconds is really something. and i’m supposing he survived the fire by freezing himself / ice protection, which is really really something. and maybe the fact that he’s also an sjw who’s always scared that someones going to get hurt or killed is just a way to get to him. coz maybe, even probably, kip wasnt supposed to survive the fire, but just be another casualty because crim and co do not give a shit about bothering to spare any monsters life. but the fact that he did, using ice, and that he had his brothers files, all probably wasnt a secret. i mean, the surviving and the files part definitely wasnt, but just knowing the place was on fire and he survived ok probs implies that he had the ability to protect himself somehow, and thats a really impressive ability

so like maybe whatever traits theyre looking for makes kip the ideal target. maybe for once they felt like they couldnt just steal him away normally, but idk why they wouldnt. for example if crim just wanted to kidnap kip, maybe he just has. but that seems like wallace wouldnt need to be involved and eno wouldnt need to be involved and why wait til he’s in C? he doesnt need flushing out to be stolen off the street; he travels to B at least once a week on a schedule and he walks to work.

again, probably theres necessary info we dont even have that will fill in a missing piece here, but even now im too stupid to expand on the stuff we know to imagine up something that would fill in that blank. im too horrible at reading/understanding peoples motivations to even fully Get basic interactions sometimes, and im too uncreative to even come up with stuff like say, guess what crim’s trying to develop over there. maybe theres something about moving from development to initiation that needs kip’s particular involvement (??how??). but why has there been five years of them having been left alone in D, maybe, although how do we even know that

idk all i know is im stupid and i dont like that everyone is going to be even more miserable and endangered and mysteries are a trial for me because i want to die and dont want to have to deal with dying on a cliffhanger, i’ll be an angry ghost. ive probably forgotten a tangent or two i wanted to touch on and that makes me an angry pre-ghost. w/e