#i think it's the closest thing to a trauma trigger i have because it was more than 24h ago and it still puts me near angry panic tears

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

[anaalnathrakhs]

yet again, actual trained education professionals are incapable of reconciling in their heads someone having p good vocabulary and also failing their classes. they see me for less than ten minutes, and immediately decide i must be some poor waifish thing with such bad self-esteem that it's making me trip over myself out of self-loathing when i'm put in front of a blank paper to write, and then they suck my dick about it for the rest of the time we talk. they try to stroke my ego, and they don't actually engage with what i say about the struggles i face and what would help me.

and i can't do anything about it! i can't tell them to shut the fuck up, i can't overact arrogance because that'd be extremely rude to my classmates, i can't overact poor self-esteem because that only reinforces that it's an actual problem they gotta dig into, and even my usual tactic of playing grey rock and saying it's up to them what they want to call me only makes them double down on it and say i'm sooooooo smart even more. so i'm just sitting here fucking boiling alive, dreaming of ripping this fucker's eyes out, and i can't do anything about ittttttt

[tigersharkapologist]

Caracalla was, understandably, simply having a mental attack because the people were calling for their heads—but I like the little detail that Caracalla literally cannot think of one bad thing his brother did to him other than “trying to strangle him in the womb” lol. Which implies that Geta was that good of a brother to him.

_______________________________________________

bonus because I think there’s way more to it than just being Ha Ha Funny Gag to Lighten Tension and because I have a hyperanalyzation for hyperfixations problem:

TW: mentions of physical and emotional abuse, child abuse, bullying and murder

That or the darker undertone being that he cannot remember anything bad Geta did because of his memory loss from neurosyphilis (a disease that can cause memory loss). Which also implies that he probably doesn’t remember any of the crude specifics of the abuse they had to undergo in their childhood—only how it made him feel. Which is why, if you look really closely at his facial expressions during his episode, he hesitated only a little at the mention of that, but still didn’t falter entirely.

An even darker undertone being that he was experiencing so much of a specific kind of stress that his brain assumed it was being attacked by the same assailant that he had dealt with as a kid, Septimius Severus. So much so that it went into fight or flight. Caracalla was shouting “you lie!! You always lie!!” at his brother. From what we can tell with the little screentime we got of them, Geta has never shown to have any malicious intentions towards his brother, he had quite the opposite actually. He never lied to him. Like ever. But you know who probably DID lie to them constantly?

Their. Despicable. Sleazebag. Narcissistic. No show. Parents.

What if the neurosyphilis combined with the onslaught of the immense stress he was experiencing (so much so that it threw him into a fight response) made him believe Geta was Septimius? Think about it. Caracalla is under the full influence of an injured brain, and that same brain is being influenced by a hyper aggressive disease; neurosyphilis. What if he was so affected by the lies told to him in his childhood, that the minute he figures out something is a lie, or suspects of lying, it causes him to snap. Look at how he got with Acacius when he found out that his loyalty was basically a lie.

Lies cause him that much stress, they have to be connected with abuse. Look at him!! Lies are definitely his PTSD trigger.

Roping it back to Geta’s death. ,, Caracalla’s amnesia and panic response from his PTSD very well could have made him confuse Geta with their father. Though not all, it is not unheard of that survivors of immense physical abuse (in Caracalla’s case—being constantly punched and beaten up by a grown man when he was like?? 10??) attack someone close who they’ve confused with their abuser when an episode strikes. (keep in mind these are rarer cases but Caracalla is a rare and extreme case himself). It could be a huge possibility that Caracalla mistook Geta as their father and, he (understandably sick of Geta standing in between his father and taking those blows for him) decided to take his father head on and strike back—ultimately killing who his brain confused as Septimius. Another reason I believe this is because he literally reverted back to childlike tendencies and hid under the table when he felt this stress. Trembling, crying, whimpering, a very sore sight. It was as if he was taken back to the time where he felt this kind of fear before-- because that's literally what happened. I genuinely do not think Caracalla would ever kill Geta, his brother, his closest and only real friend. Even if he wasn’t in his right mind. Those two have lived through hell together, those trauma bonds are the strongest bonds Ive ever seen. They could fight, they could get real disgusting towards eachother, but I know nothing could break that sibling trauma bond, and I speak from experience. You could hate that man but he will always be your ride or die. Geta and Caracalla were TIGHT. He had to have confused him with his father during his PTSD episode. I highly doubt thats what the directors were going for but UHH idc lol that's what aus are for.

I want to know more about Septimius Severus. Was it just beating up his kids? I'm not undermining the grotesqueness of those actions, I want to know what else he did. It was clear he was a liar, it was clear he was a physically abusive "father” (he doesn't even deserve that title), but if it was so easy for him to hit his kids, than that opens up a whole new possibility of things he did. Like if it was so easy for him to punch a child, what else was easy for him? Did he refuse to feed them? Did he refuse to give them any gifts or luxuries? Is that why the twins are overindulgent to the point they suffer from it? Did he lock them out of the house to freeze in order to assert dominance? Did he publicly shame them as punishment? Did he shame them for the way they looked? How they were an embarrassment to the family name because of their appearance being too similar to the barbaric northern tribes they were conquering? Were plates thrown at them? Were they bullied by other children in their age group for having unloving parents? Did anyone worry for them? Did any bystander care? Did anyone ever intervene? Did they cower in fear of facing that same wrath that those children were forced to endure? What was the twins reaction to the death of their father? Were they overjoyed? Were they hollow? Were they, in a twist, mournful? Did they ever have real friends? Like friends that they didn't need to change themselves to feel accepted?

_____________________________________________

To pivot off that last sentence (not really related to the main point at all but I NEED to say it),

I don’t think so on that last one. I think they had to change themselves entirely and put on this fake persona in fear of being disliked. They did everything to follow the Patrician crowd, everything that made their lives even worse. And I bet you they thought they were making friends.

Nah. They were making temporary fragile alliances. For every 10 “friends” they’d make, 1000 enemies would be formed. And I bet you further that the Patrician didn’t respect them at all. Those blue bloods know when there’s blood in the water and they know that the two changed and rewired themselves just for acceptance. In their eyes, Caracalla and Geta are weak emperors (unfortunately they are. Conquesting counts do not equal to strength in oneself); easily replaced. And if Macrinus was thinking it, you can count on the rest of them, too. Remember in that deleted scene where Caracalla forgot he killed his brother? EVERYBODY knew about the murder but him and NOBODY batted an eye. Either they were scared of Macrinus (which I doubt they even knew he was apart of said murder) or they DEAD AHH DID NOT CARE ABOUT GETA LIKE AT ALL. THEY DIDNT LOOK EVEN SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE BRO 😭🙏. It was the SENATORS. SENATORS. That looked shocked. They weren’t even going to say “ave Dondas” out of pure shock until Macrinus said it first to pressure them.

Enough of my prattling. In conclusion, Caracalla is so far off the deep end he literally thought his own brother was his father DURING the height of his episode let me be clear (which isnt really the biggest stretch to be dead honest—it’s caracalla bless him my poor baby), is pretty much permanently ruined and scarred because nobody is going to help him—no one cared enough, and he is never EVER going to live a normal happy life. Geta tried so, so very hard to give him that, but in the end, the two were born hated, born broken, and the world reminded them that until both of their untimely ends.

[thinkinthoughtsalot]

I'm so incredibly exhausted with the narrative that if you question Gwyn as a character it's because you have an agenda against her. That if you think she's suspicious it's because she threatens your ship.

Listen. I enjoyed Gwyn and Emerie in Silver Flames. I liked them both as friends for Nesta. Emerie resonated with me a little more than Gwyn, but I still found Gwyn to be an adorable and fun character. Her refusing to leave Nesta in the Blood Rite was one of the most heart wrenching moments of the entire book and had me in tears.

Gwyn is, however, sus af. From her singing triggering Nesta to talk about and have visions of the Dread Trove (she definitely doesn't have singing related powers), to her excelling at training being explained away as pliant bones (because she's never physically trained before, right?), to faintly glowing when she sings (light and singing, nothing odd there), to her bringing up Truth Teller and somehow knowing it was used to kill Hybern (how does she know this? Why do she and Emerie use almost identical wording when mentioning Hybern's death, but only Gwyn mentions the Shadowsinger's knife?), to feeling unworthy of wearing the invoking stone (why? Because she failed to save her sister while outnumbered and brutalized, even though she successfully saved a bunch of children? I don't want to imply that her feelings about her own grief and trauma are wrong in any way, but is it just guilt over her twin or something more?), to her saying that if Nesta and Emerie knew everything they'd think differently of her (what are you hiding Gwyn? What could make your deeply traumatized closest friends think less of you?), to Nesta noting she has a secret beneath her pretty face (what secret? Her nymph heritage? That's not a secret, she's open about it), to the surprising authority in her voice and the way she made Nesta's powers grumble.

And this is all in the main text of ACOSF, completely excluding the Azriel bonus chapter. These are all things that I noted on my first read. There was nothing in the book that made me think "romance" or "mates" or "threat to my ship" in the book, but there was a whole lot of weirdness around Gwyn. In the same book where we're introduced to lightsingers. These are things that all set off alarm bells for me before I even knew GA was a ship.

It's not an agenda against Gwyn or a petty reaction to a crackship. It's all right there in canon, no twisting of the text required. Az's bonus chapter is just confirmation of what we already knew from the book - Az and Elain have feelings for each other that are not platonic, and Gwyn has something going on with her singing and luring.

That's it. No hate, no agenda, no threat to Elriel.

[kimberlygbart]

Role Swap AU Masterpost

If you're old enough in my blog then you remember [this]

Yeah in the end I never even updated that, it's almost a year since the mod was actually released but hey I'm here!

This also might be the last post regarding the AU. It's over fr, I've reached my dream in wanting to release a mod of it and getting fanart sooo yay, the AU is done for, but dw! I've kept Whitmore, turned him into an OC.

If I don't forget to post again lol Y'all will see more of him!

Anyways here is the mod!!!

Above it's all art I've made for it alongside a GIF :P

And below the cut, you will find more links, such as gameplay and all the music! INCLUDING the full-ass complete lore of the AU!

ya that's right!! Community game played my game ain't that crazy! Okay so here is all you need to know:

This is an AU where Whitty (now who's referred as Whitmore as his last name only) and Updike (Gabriel in this AU, he doesn't know his last name or anything since he was abandoned) switch places. ONLY they do in this AU, all others stay the same. Conrad Whitmore was raised by The Greater Good (similar concept to SCP) after being found in abandoned and crashed down lab as a doomsday experiment. TGG saw him as an useful tool Being fed well and trained since childhood, he's naturally taller and bigger than average Whitty. Also more tired. Just because Conrad had a good childhood doesn't mean he was free of trauma btw ☝ He had many experiments done on him such as vivisectomy, endoscopy and multiple blood tests and even organ removals, however he was often manipulated by TGG into doing this of free will, ever since as a kid.

For those who ask "well what about Carol? Does she still date the Whitty from this universe?" yes she did! Hex and Carol are/were still Conrad's closest people he has had in his life But Carol eventually broke up with Conrad once she learnt the true nature of his job. A big rift developes between them, with her trying to desperately convince him TGG is not the better solution it claims to be, while Conrad defends it with his life for is the only thing he knows. Their fights escalate a lot, until she visits him in his office. Needless to say it didn't go well.

I have an animatic as well! In a resume, their (verbal) fights gets him so agitated, he enters his ballistic stage where he hasn't felt that in years besides while a kid. And during his rage he pulls the trigger while Carol calls him names (monster being one). TGG covers the crime, the lyrics are important btw!

This all happened when Conrad was 21, Carol's death is tragic enough he enter a depressive episode + is taken back to his 'original bunker house' (where he was raised) by TGG for 5 years for reevaluation. Hex is the only one who knows what happened because Conrad told him. That's pretty much the lore? I think? UH anywasy tldr I became so attached to Conrad I've scrapped the 'swap' alternate reality of it and turned him into Whitty's twin brother (and Carol isn't dead there).

Also out of respect for Sock.Clip, Gabriel, or TGG no longer exists, I'm just dumping this here to be registered in my tumblr since it was the only social media I never uploaded the lore of my AU completely. But yes, swap whitty is fully dead, ofc ppl can make art for it duh, I just mean I won't be making content of it ever again, Conrad instead is being brought to the 'original' fnf world, and will be currently Whitty's twin, but his lore or story has been completely rebooted.

Thank you for reading all this damn ur a true homie!!!

[typicalopposite]

Heartache

Chapter Two (Read Chapter One HERE)

Pairing: BuckTommy - JonahTommy(past)

Rated: M

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abusive relationship ; manipulation ; emotional trauma ; dom/sub undertone ; forced heart conditions ; attempted MCD (no actual MCD) ; this one gets very dark

One. 

There is one chair in the room. Everything starts there.

Two.

There are two trash cans. One for trash… one for the bandages, and gloves, and medicine bottles, and syringes.

Three. 

There are three medications placed on the bedside table: Sertraline, for his anxiety, Tylenol for his headache afterwards, and propofol. 

Four. 

There are four people on Tommy's phone to contact if it ever goes wrong… His father, although he likely won’t answer. His Nonna, for a copy of his advanced directive, and life insurance policies. His captain, to tell him the news. Howie, because other than Jonah… he is the closest thing Tommy has to a friend.

Five. 

There are five things Tommy thinks about during their role plays… They keep him tethered to reality as his body literally slips free from it. His mom swinging with him on their porch swing. His last day in the army. His first day back in the air. His neighbors cat that hops balconies and sits with him while he recuperates afterwards. His life before he met Jonah… 

Calm, peaceful… healthy… lonely. Who would have thought someone would miss being lonely. 

Sometimes Jonah makes him feel lonely even when he’s right there with him. Sometimes Jonah gets distant and cruel. Pokes sharp painful fingers into the fragile exterior that is meant to be there for protection, but Tommy’s is weak and flawed and easily penetrable. 

Jonah knows every insecurity, every self doubt, every regret and mistake and failure. He can take Tommy on his best days and play him like a fiddle until he’s reduced to a sniffling squabbling mess and then he draws him in close and kisses away the tears; tells him he cares about him and most importantly he wants him… even though no one else ever will. So Tommy should be thankful. Tommy should be willing to do anything to repay such a selfless act of generosity. 

Absolutely anything.

And so, for two years, Tommy did anything… and everything… Jonah asked of him. He never complained. No matter how scared he felt everytime Jonah came home with that look in his eye… knowing he once again had that scratch that he needed to itch… that need he needed to fill— he needed Tommy to fill. For two years Tommy allowed himself to fill it. To be Jonah’s assistant, of sorts; his plaything, of sorts; his… experiment… of sorts. 

Two years of letting Jonah play God.

Until it all— almost— went wrong. 

“N- No more…” Tommy had said, once his heart stopped pounding like it was about to burst out of his chest. He’d wanted to call an ambulance… or at least go in to get checked out. Jonah convinced him not to. 

“You want to lose your job? A heart attack? At thirty six? They’ll clip your wings so quickly…” Jonah glared at him, like he dared him to try to push back with logic— like the fact it took him shocking Tommy four times to get his heart beating again. Jonah eventually lets out an over dramatic sigh. “I mean if you’re that worried…” he said, putting on a pitiful pout. “If you think I know that little… and didn’t do a good job here… then fine. Here…” Tommy was already prepared to take it all back when his cell phone was slung directly at his face; he had no time to stop it or move before it smacked him right in the mouth  “Call them.”

Tommy lifts a hand to his face, feels the sting of what he knows is a cut on his trembling bottom lip. “I- I won’t call…”

“No. Call them, Tommy. They can take better care of you… right? Right?!” 

“N- No.” 

“But you’re scared?” He crossed the room back to their bed, leaned down so he was right in Tommy’s face; Tommy could see his jaw clench, his nose flare… He is nearly half Tommy’s size. It would be so easy… so easy… to fight him off. Instead Tommy cowers as he shakes his head. “You think I’m not good at my job?” Another shake of his head. “You think I can’t save you?” 

“I know you can…” Tommy cried— it made him sick how he cried… “You are amazing, and s- so skilled… you always take the best care of me… You- You’re my hero, Jonah…” The words— the lies— flow so easily because he’s trying to diffuse Jonah’s anger before it bubbles up too high. “It’s me, baby… I- I’m too weak…” and it’s true wasn’t it… he was so weak. So pathetic. “I just don't think I— m- my heart… can handle it anymore. I’m so sorry…” 

He reached out and blindly grabbed Jonah's hand, keeping their eyes locked together as he brought it to his lips. Jonah moved the hand to his cheek, running his thumb roughly over the cut on Tommy’s lip. “I forgive you…” he said and kissed Tommy. Pushing him back down on the bed and climbing on top of him. Tommy went without a fight. 

A month passed and Tommy waited, anxiously expecting each time he saw Jonah to be faced with that look again… that itch… that need… but it never came. Tommy thought maybe he was really free of their little game. 

Then the dispatch fire happened. 

Tommy sat on their couch and watched the news coverage as the fire raged on, the firefighters on scene working effortlessly to put it out. They announced Captain Bobby Nash was still inside. He mindlessly rubbed a hand over his chest as he stared at the screen and waited for each update. Finally they said Bobby was safe. Tommy sighed in relief. The reporter gave praise to the 118– Tommy couldn’t help the proud smile for his old team as the camera panned over to them standing united as they exited the building— and the 133… 

And Tommy couldn’t help the sinking feeling of knowing Jonah was on such an intense call. 

He spotted him on the TV, standing next to one of the victims, smiling down at her as they talked, and he dreaded the thought of Jonah coming home the next morning to tell him all about it. He turned the TV off, pulled out his phone and texted Howie, asked him to send updates on Bobby, and praised them for their work at the fire. He didn’t call, nor did he text Jonah. He just went to bed. 

The next morning he woke up to a return text from Howie. Bobby was going to be fine, so was his step daughter. Again Tommy sighed in relief. Then he read the rest of the text and his heart began to race: we lost one though. One of the dispatchers went into cardiac arrest on the ambulance ride in. Firefighter Greenway did his best but he couldn’t save her. She was DOA. 

Tommy ignored the other text in his phone from Jonah saying he was almost home. He ignored the key in the lock turning  over… and the door pushing open. He ignored the initial call of his name as Jonah stepped inside. He already knew what was coming next.  

Except it didn’t. 

Jonah was a little stoic as he crossed the apartment to their room, pulling Tommy into his arms and kissing him. He asked if he heard about the fire, and Tommy lied and said he hadn’t. He said he wasn’t feeling too good and went to bed early; slept in late. Jonah actually seemed concerned. He said he would order them some breakfast, and they could just spend the rest of the morning in bed. 

What was Tommy going to do, not take such an extremely rare offer?

He held Jonah after they ate; pulled him up against his chest, let him listen to the beat of his heart like he knew Jonah liked to do, and tried to push asking about the fire to the very last second. But after a few random dramatized sighs from his boyfriend, Tommy finally asked. “Is everything okay?” 

There was a long pause. “I lost her,” Jonah finally said. Tommy felt like he’d been dunked in ice water, he shifted his body so Jonah’s head was no longer on his chest— so he could see him better (so he couldn’t hear his heart pick up speed). 

“O- Oh… b- baby I’m so sorry.” 

Jonah shook his head, brows pulled tightly together. “I just— it doesn’t make sense… I can’t believe I couldn’t save her…” 

“I’m sure you did everything you could,” Tommy said.

Jonah jerked his head side to side. “No. No, I should have saved her. It should have been fine.” He all but leaps out of the bed, storming out of the room. Tommy startled at the slam of their bedroom door. He thought, maybe he should just let him cool off… alone. A glass shattered in the kitchen, and he thought, instead, that maybe he should attempt to calm him down. 

He grabbed the broom and dustpan out of the hall closet first, and went straight to cleaning up the glass as Jonah paced the kitchen. He only just got all the shards up when he heard the contents on the counter table behind him get shoved off. It crashed to the floor, more glass breaking— the glass cake tray his Nonna gave him, with the entirety of a cake he’d bought himself the day before and hadn’t yet tried… he desperately tried to not react to the loss of either— another mess for Tommy to clean up; he went straight to it. 

“I guess I really am just a piss poor paramedic,” Jonah said bitterly, his voice rising from a growl to a scream. “Can’t save anyone. Why am I even doing this fucking job?!” 

Maybe it was because Tommy did want anything else broken… Maybe it was because he didn’t want their neighbors to hear the screaming and call the cops… Maybe it was because he was so conditioned to please… 

He dropped the broom. 

Clutched his chest.

And took in a sharp breath. 

“J- Jonah…” Tommy said, looking up at him. “P- Please… Help…” It took less than a second for Jonah to catch on. Then he was kneeling at Tommy’s side, lifting Tommy’s face to look at him. There’s a glint in his eye, a flicker of something dark… and Tommy should be scared but instead he leans into the touch. In that moment Jonah’s full attention, devotion, love even (maybe), was on Tommy; in that moment it was really Tommy helping Jonah… because he just loved him so much— too much. “I need you… I’m scared.” 

Oh, was he scared…

Jonah fed off of it. It was like a switch flipped over and he went full character: assuring Tommy he was in the best hands, helping him to his feet, leading him to their room… Jonah gently pushed him down to sit on the chair. Tommy put himself into autopilot while Jonah got him ready. 

He checked Tommy’s vitals. “BP is good… heart rate is accelerating… you need to relax, Tommy…” 

Tommy slowly nodded. And begins taking deep breaths. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

“There you go… That’s better…” Jonah smiled at him, and leaned down to kiss Tommy’s forehead. It should be comforting; it’s anything but comforting. “Okay go lie down… I’ll get everything set up.”

5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 

Five memories. Four contacts. Three medications. Two trash cans. One chair. 

Jonah pulled on his sterile gloves— Tommy only knew because he had to pop them to his wrist every time… he couldn’t actually watch him because of what he knew came next. Jonah went into his little medical bag and pulled out the Tylenol… and the propofol. He sat them on the table beside where Tommy kept his anxiety medication. Then he grabbed one of the syringes— slowly opening the sealed packaging and Tommy focused on any other sound of the paper peeling apart in the room to try to drown it out— then he drew up the propofol.

He tied the rubber band around Tommy’s bicep, waiting until his veins popped out nicely. “Big pinch,” he said and gripped Tommy’s wrist as he brought the needle to the vein. 

“Wait…” Tommy gasped, trying to calm his breathing— trying to blink back against the rush of tears. “C- Can you hold my hand?” He asked. 

Jonah looked at him and a flash of disappointment crossed his face before he, too, broke character. “Now Tommy… that would be a little too unprofessional. Don’t you think?”

Tommy swallowed around the lump lodged in his throat and nodded. “Y- Yeah. You’re right. S- Sorry…” He looked back to the ceiling fan spinning above him, and refocused on his breathing. The needle pressed into the vein, the medicine burned as it entered his body. 

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Five memories. Four contacts. Three medications. Two trash cans. One chair. 

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Five memories. Four contacts. Three medications. Two trash cans. One chair. 

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Five cc of propofol. Four minutes to take effect. Three seconds to boot up the defibrillator. Two paddles pressed to his chest. One shock.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

He felt it as it happened. It made him feel sick knowing Jonah could see it as it happened, too. Tommy could feel his eyes, wide and maniacal, locked on him as he waited for Tommy’s breathing to slow and eventually stop. Tommy felt himself dying— felt how this was killing him. Not just in the moment— as it literally killed him— but in general. 

He had flown so far from the person he had aspired to become when he finally came out and embraced who he was. This was not where things were supposed to end up. He hated that version of himself almost as much as the old. He wished he’d never met Jonah… never fallen in love with him… never become so dependent on him…

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Five things he always wanted to do: go skydiving, go deep sea fishing, go mountain climbing, go on a cross country road trip, take a walk down the aisle. 

Four places he always wanted to travel: Italy (for Nonna), Paris (for Romance), New York (for Broadway), Alaska (for the Northern Lights), an altar (for love). 

Three words he always wanted to hear: I love you— not just I love what you can do for me. 

Two souls who are meant to be together— but it was never the two together in that room. 

One more time… for Jonah. 

Anything for Jonah. 

His body surged up into an arch from the shock. Tommy collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for air, his heart pounding as it attempted to re-regulate itself. Jonah stared at him with this strange mix of awe and pity. “Shh…” he shushed softly, reaching out to wipe away tears as they fell down Tommy’s cheeks. “You’re okay. It’s okay. I saved you.” Tommy blinked, eyes feeling heavy. He grabbed on to Jonah’s wrist, clinging to it for some sense of comfort. “You did so well. You can rest now.” The hand on his cheek gently swiped over his eyes, closing them. 

When he woke up, Jonah was there, like always. His mood was better, like always. His eyes were soft and inviting. His lips found their way to Tommy’s… kissing him deeply— passionately… hungrily. Tommy laid there and played along knowing this was only another part of the game; thinking, still, if he tried hard enough to believe it… it was almost like they were just making love. 

*

His phone ringing woke him up. 

Recovery this time took longer than his usual couple days… He had to call in sick to work… His captain was annoyed but understanding; Tommy rarely missed work, if he did it was serious. 

The phone continued to ring, causing his headache to only get worse… and he was still an hour away from being able to take more Tylenol. He groaned and rolled over to grab it, bringing it up to his ear. “H’llo?” 

“Hey Tommy…” Daryl, Jonah’s partner at the 133, said way too loudly into his ear; Tommy had to pull the phone away and put it on speaker. “How are you feeling? JG said you were a little under the weather.” 

Tommy scoffed. “Uh, yeah… what- what’s up? Is everything okay?” 

“About that,” Daryl continued, and the strain in his voice had Tommy up and out of the bed, starting a panicked pacing of their room. “Listen I- I overheard Cap talking to Jonah… something about Wilson and Han from the 118 reporting him… o- over that dispatcher's death, I think. It sounded like they dug up some crap from his past… heavy shit. I don’t know— but the conversation got pretty heated; he left very upset. Thought I’d give you a heads up…” 

Daryl was one of the only people who knew about Tommy and Jonah. Jonah didn’t want the type of friends who came over to your house… he had too much to hide at home. Tommy was enough of a loner… so he never had anyone over either. He had Howie, but he knew Howie was a sore spot for Jonah since Hen took a while warming up to Jonah as Howie’s temporary replacement; and then he was moved off the 118 after he came back. Tommy could read a room enough to know he shouldn’t mention either of them. 

Now they are— are what… out to get him? 

He was rushing Daryl off the phone and scrolling through his contacts for Hen’s name before he even really knew what he was going to say. He didn’t even wait for a hello before he was going off. “What the hell are you digging around Jonah’s life for, Hen! What business is it of yours!”

“What the— what business is it of mine?” Hen repeated back to him, scoffed and added, “what business is any of this of yours!?”

“He’s my boyfriend, so you snooping around trying to find something on him to hurt him is my business,” Tommy blurted out. 

Hen was quiet for a long time. “He's your— he’s hurt people, Tommy,” she said, a new— softer— tone to her voice. 

“That’s a lie… he— he would never!” He promised. He said it was only ever Tommy. It was— It was their thing… “J- Jonah is a… g- good man…” 

Another long pause. “You don’t sound too sure about that,” she said. “Listen… if you’re scared— if you feel like you have to—” 

The sound of a key turning in the lock caught Tommy’s attention. “You need to let this go, Hen,” he said and ended the call. 

The front door slammed open, and Jonah stormed in.

He came straight to the bedroom and stood in the doorway, eyes locked on Tommy. His breathing was heavy and slow… shoulders rising with each inhale, and falling on the exhale. “Get my bag,” he said, flat and emotionless. 

Tommy should have fought, right then. He should have refused. He got up and walked to the closet instead, bringing the medical bag out and back over to the bed. He held it on his lap as Jonah crossed the room to him. Jonah didn't pick it up, just opened it where it sat on Tommy’s legs and began taking bottles of propofol out, IV tubing, syringes. 

“You worked with them,” he said after a while. Tommy lifted his eyes slowly up to meet Jonah’s. “With Hen… and Chimney. You still call him Howie right? He’s your friend…” 

Tommy quickly shook his head. “I- I would hardly call us—”

“Do you agree with them, Tommy?” Jonah said, and leaned down close to Tommy’s face. “Do you think I’m a horrible person, too?” 

“No!”

“Do you think I hurt those people?” 

“Of- Of course not…” 

“You know I had it under control.” 

“Ye— wait…” Tommy searched Jonah’s eyes, waiting for some explanation he knew wouldn’t come. Jonah didn’t blink. Hen was right… and maybe— maybe Tommy had thought that all along. But thinking and knowing are so vastly different in moments like these. “Jonah… you— you didn’t…” Jonah’s brow furrowed; Tommy chose his words carefully. “You didn’t m- mean to hurt them, I’m sure…” Jonah doesn’t react… “They— They were just… weak. You did your job… you would have saved them had they been stronger.” 

“Exactly. They were just—”

“M- Mistakes?”

Jonah smiled; something so maniacal and evil shouldn’t have been a comfort… but he seemed to lose some of the tension in his shoulders, so Tommy did as well. “Mistakes… that’s it. They were mistakes.” He began to draw up doses of the propofol. One syringe after another. “Not even my fault, really… just weak people who didn’t want— no didn’t deserve to be saved. Now I’ll just have to show them what I��m capable of… then they will see…”

“Show who?” 

“Hen and Chimney,” Jonah reiterated with a grin. “I’ll show them both just how good I am at what I do.”

“H- How…” the question rolled off his tongue before he could stop it. Jonah didn’t respond, just laid everything back in the back and walked to the closet for the defibrillator. “Jo- Jonah… w- what are you going to do…”

Jonah smiled, reached up and cupped Tommy’s cheek. He leaned in and kissed him. “I’m going to teach them a lesson, baby.” Tommy felt his eyes widen, a choked off sound escaping him as he shook his head. “It’ll be fine. They have to learn.” 

“Jonah… please… don’t,” he begged, would beg on his knees if he had to. He couldn’t let Jonah hurt anyone else. He decided to be brave just a fraction of a second too late and felt a sharp pinch in his neck just as he was about to lunge at him. 

He fell over on the bed, watching Jonah pull out his phone. “Heard you were talking about me,” he said.

Tommy barely heard Hen’s voice respond before he passed out. When he opened his eyes again the room was dark. Part of him thought maybe— just maybe— Jonah was gone. He tried to sit up and felt dizzy… 

“Easy now…” he heard Jonah’s voice cut through the darkness. “You know better than to try to move around so quickly.” 

“Mmhmm…” Tommy hummed. 

He watched the silhouette of Jonah walk around the bed, sit down beside him; he took his hand and held it like one would a stranger. “I really thought you were the one, Tommy…” he said. “I thought you understood me. I thought you cared…” 

“I- I do… care,” Tommy said, sluggishly. 

The silhouette shook his head. “No… no you don’t. I’m really sorry, baby… but I have to get going. Things to do; old friends to visit.”

“J’nah… p- please…” Tommy tried once more. He felt the familiar sting of medicine entering in his vein, only then registering the needle that had been in it. He felt Jonah’s lips press to his in a chaste, emotionless, kiss. He felt the rise of the mattress as Jonah got up and walked out. 

Four minutes. 

Jonah said it took four minutes before the flatline. He waited until he heard the front door click shut and he rolled off the bed, falling heavily to the floor. His adrenaline spiked… that was a good thing… it would keep him alert longer. He rolled over towards the bed, sticking his arm under it and feeling around until his fingers brushed over the box. A panic induced purchase really… he’s glad he made it now— he’s knows Jonah took his with him. 

Three minutes. 

He hadn’t even opened it yet. Why hadn’t he ever opened it?! His fingers trembled clumsily as he tore the box apart and freed the equipment inside— a shiny, brand new, defibrillator. It felt like some kind of sick Christmas present… He struggled against his fading consciousness to get it set up… nearly busted his head as he toppled over to plug it in… he pulled himself back up with the bedside table and that’s when he saw his phone was still there where he left it after the call to Hen. 

Two minutes.

He managed to do it in tandem; turn on the machine with one hand, call 9-1-1 with the other. “9-1-1 what’s the address of your location?” The dispatcher asked the question, then waited for Tommy’s response. Tommy peeled the first pad off, and carefully slid it under his shirt, sticking it to his left side. “Hello? 9-1-1… what is the address of your location?” 

One minute.

1318 Brannon St Apartment G… 1318 Brannon St Apartment G… 1318 Brannon Street Apartment G!

“I- I’m actually not sure where he’s going,” Tommy said as he put the second pad on the right side of his chest. He turned the defibrillator on, holding the phone close to his mouth; his finger lingered over the button… he didn’t have much time to waste but— “But his name is Jonah… Green- Greenway. He drives a 2021 white Nissan Altima. License plate seven-delta… hotel-li-li-lima… nine… six… sev—” 

He pressed the button and everything went dark. 

“Sir. Sir, do you hear me?” 

He had read… somewhere… that shocking your heart while still conscious felt like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. 

Tommy fluttered his eyes, tried to open them against the blindingly bright light of the— the ambulance. He was in an ambulance. 

“Alright! We got him back!” 

Tommy took a deep breath through the oxygen mask over his face. Then another. Then another. 

“That’s it, sir… in and out. Nice and slow. You’re going to be just fine… you’re safe now.”

Was he though? Was Hen? Was Howie?

He got his answer in the shape of the former— donning a matching hospital gown to his— sneaking in his room many hours later. 

He was still barely conscious… having faded in and out multiple times. The only people to enter his room since his arrival had been doctors or nurses— none paying him much attention as he incoherently asked about Jonah and if he’d been caught— that’s the price you pay being a loner, he supposed. Hen stopped in his doorway, waiting until he opened his eyes and looked at her to enter. 

“Hey…” she said with a smile, soft and friendly— neither things he deserved. “How are you feeling?” 

Tommy waited for the other shoe to drop. For rage or some snarky comment… an I told you so. It didn’t come. “Like I was kicked in the chest by a horse…” he finally replied, letting his head loll towards her. “Are you— you and Howie…” 

“We’re fine.”

“Jonah?” 

“Going to prison… for a very long time.” 

Tommy sighed, and nodded. “Good,” he said. That was good— something good to come from… all this. “How- How did you know I was here?” 

“Karen called the cops when I called to warn her Jonah was up to something…” Hen explained, sitting down on the foot of Tommy’s bed. “They told her somebody had already called in, and there were already units out looking for him. I had Athena look into it. She said the person who called was found unconscious and admitted here… I pieced the rest together and asked the hospital if they had a Thomas Kinard.” 

She reached for Tommy’s hand and he flinched, pulling it away. “I- I’m so- so sorry, Hen… I- I should’ve…”

“Hey, no. Don’t do that. We are all victims here.” She reached for his hand again and took it this time. “Some… a lot longer than others, I’m sure.” 

She gave him a knowing look and he couldn't help but laugh… What else was there to do? “You have no idea…” he said tiredly.

*

Evan is quiet. 

Tommy is… on edge— although he’s doing his best to be patient. He just dumped a lot of trauma, he would not be surprised if Buck turns and runs out the door, never to look back. 

“So you— you told Hen everything?”

“Everything I just told you, yeah…” 

Evan nods. He’s still holding Tommy’s hand… that’s a good sign, Tommy hopes. “And— And Athena? You— you told her, too?”

Tommy shakes his head. “She just asked around about the anonymous caller for Hen. She never knew it was me. I did talk to the cops who found me, though. But…” he sighs… this is the part he regrets the most. “I asked to be left anonymous. I— I didn’t know Jonah was doing this to other people… there was nothing that me testifying would add to the case, unless I wanted to press charges.” He breaks away from Evan’s eyes. “And I— I didn’t…” 

“Tommy,” Evan gasps in disbelief. Here it comes, Tommy thinks. “Why- Why wouldn’t you… after— after everything he did to—” 

“I know…” Tommy interjects, hanging his head. “He hurt Howie and Hen… and so— so many other people…”

“And you!” Evan all but shouts. “Tommy he— he hurt you too… so many times… and he— he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that.” 

That… was not what Tommy expected Evan to be upset about. He isn’t exactly sure how to respond to it. “He’s going to prison for life, Evan…” he says, as a start. “He didn’t get away.”

“That’s— that’s not good enough.” Evan shakes his head using his hold on Tommy’s hand to pull him into his arms. 

Tommy is held tight to Evan’s chest and he feels— he feels many things, actually. Mostly he feels safe. Which is something he’s never really felt in a relationship. Safe to be himself. Safe to be vulnerable. “I’m sorry…” he says, trying to blink back tears. He thinks he’s cried enough in just this one day for his entire lifetime, and the next. “Jonah… he— he was all I had… I just— I- I couldn’t…and I know I should have but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry…”  

“H- Hey…” Evan gently pushes him back, then gently cups his face. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. He is the one who should be sorry… I don’t blame you for wanting to bury those memories. I’ll— I’ll talk to Athena; maybe we can fight this summons.” 

If only it could be that easy…

Even after Tommy re-explains his reasoning for not wanting to get on the stand in front of Jonah… the judge still decides she’ll allow it. “I’m so sorry,” Athena says somberly, and Evan’s hold around Tommy’s waist tightens. He presses a kiss to Tommy’s cheek. 

They meet with the DA, discuss what he should expect, and Tommy schedules a session with Frank— recurring sessions, actually. 

He knew this would come back into the light one day. He should have been prepared. He’d gotten too cozy with his life, that was his first mistake…

“Tommy there’s a call for you in Cap's office,” Lucy says, jogging up to where Tommy is under the hood of one of Harbor’s engines. 

“For me?” Tommy grabs a rag and wipes the grease off his hands, so he can run his fingers through the loose curls falling down onto his forehead. “Who is it?” 

Lucy shrugs. “He didn’t say.”

There is a sinking sense of dread Tommy can’t shake as he approaches the office, takes the phone, and puts it to his ear. “Hello?” 

“Five… Four… Three… Two… One…” Tommy hates how he can hear the sinister grin in Jonah’s voice. He hates that he’s hearing Jonah’s voice at all. “You were always counting down. Sometimes you even did it out loud, did you know that?”

“How— How did you—” 

“Do you know what day the trial starts?” Jonah continues, brushing over Tommy’s question… of course. Tommy doesn’t respond; Jonah chuckles. “Save the date, baby… it’s a good one. I can’t wait to see you.” Then the line cuts off. 

“Who was that?” Lucy asks, but Tommy is too busy trying to get his phone’s calendar opened. “Tommy…” she says— repeats, maybe… She touches his arm. “You’re shaking… Are you okay?” 

He is not.

Five years ago Tommy talked himself into meeting someone he matched with on some dating app Howie teasingly suggested he try. 

Four days until he has to come face to face with that same person on the anniversary of that first date. 

Three life sentences is what Jonah is looking at if found guilty… He will be found guilty. He has to be found guilty.

Two hours before Tommy is off shift… and Jonah probably knew that. 

One almost— but not quite— forgotten nightmare Tommy has been thrown head first back into. 

~~~~~~~~~

Tagging people who seemed interested (let me know if you want to be added for the last chapter or removed 🫶) : @sunnywithachanceofbi @weewookinard @xtarmanderx @racerchix21 @sad-girl-hours23 @laundryandtaxesworld @swagmaster9k @iphyslitterator @adian-ua 🫶🫶

[trianglesimpfordpines]

the thing is. i'm not really interested in arguing over whether or not "billford is canon," because we know the story of bill & ford and interpreting it as romantic or not romantic doesn't change much at this point. whatever they had, whether or not you personally view it as romantic, was very intense, had a profound effect on both of them, and was horribly abusive on bill's part.

deep friendships can be abusive and cause lifelong trauma, just as much as romantic relationships. so i'm not gonna be out here being like "um, billford is canon, cry about it" because it's not my business how any given individual fan goes about interpreting the semantics of their relationship.

that said, though, it's become very clear that romantic feelings between bill and ford are a valid and canonically plausible interpretation. no, that's not the same as "100% explicitly canon," and no, it doesn't mean you have to ship it. but it does mean that continuing to behave as though people who do interpret it as romantic are doing something morally and/or intellectually wrong by having this interpretaion is unreasonable.

since bill was abusive to ford either way, why is it that interpreting ford's feelings for him pre-betrayal as having been romantic in nature is viewed by some people as being Uniquely Problematic? like being interested in the dynamic of their still extremely toxic friendship is normal, but the second you read anything besides friendship into it suddenly you're crossing some sort of line into Trivializing Abuse?

because...like. romantic relationships get ugly in real life. frequently, in fact. it's a very well-known, extensively-documented phenomenon. and, while "the use of romance-coded language to describe bill and ford's relationship in tbob is just a joke" is also a valid and plausible interpretation, why is that Less Uncomfortable than the idea that ford could have been in love with bill? if the goal is to avoid acknowledging the unfortunate idea that a person can hold positive and affectionate feelings for their abuser, then shouldn't viewing them as ex-close-friends be just as bad as viewing them as ex-lovers? after all, platonic or queerplatonic feelings are not "a step down" from romantic feelings. friendship isn't a "lower" tier of love, just a different type.

and most of all, why is agreeing with the romantic interpretation still treated as if it means you can't possibly be taking the story (or ford's abuse) seriously? because this is a common thread i see in a lot of fandoms, not just gravity falls. the idea that applying a romantic or formerly-romantic lens to the relationship between two characters, especially two male characters, can ONLY be done out of a "zomg hawt yaoi 😍" mentality. again, i am not saying you have to ship them or view this interpretation as "canon," but i kinda wish people would spend a bit of time thinking of why, whenever somebody else does ship it, their immediate conclusion is that that somebody else must be a "brainrotted fujoshi" who can't possibly understand how serious abuse is.

like, why is it that so many people think "shipping" is some kind of uniquely frivolous thing that is fundamentally incompatible with (a) actually understanding the story, (b) engaging with any serious and/or uncomfortable themes in a mature or respectful manner, and (c) knowing when a ship is not realistically healthy?

why is it that saying "ford held very deep feelings of platonic affection and admiration for bill, and viewed him as his closest or only friend" all fine and dandy, even though this interpretation does not change the fact that ford once felt very positively about his abuser, but saying "ford was in love with bill" nosedives straight into Gross Icky Weird Freak behavior?

finally, a lot of billford shippers are people who've had personal experiences with abuse. as are a lot of people who are triggered by billford content and don't want to see it. this isn't because the shippers are problematic abuse-fetishizing fujoshis, nor is it because the non-shippers are coping and seething and refusing to acknowledge canon. it is, in fact, because different people, even different people with similar experiences and similar traumas, are going to have different reactions to seeing things that hit close to home in a fictional story. neither party is necessarily "wrong," nor are they necessarily invalidating the other.

and again. just to be absolutely clear. i view all three interpretations (romantic billford, qpr billford, & platonic billford) as valid. the one i personally go with is that ford was in love with bill romantically, but i do not think this is the One True Canon Interpretation. this post is not arguing about the canonicity of billford as a ship.

[seeker-of-stories19]

Jaime & Khaji Da Headcannons

- Khaji makes a habit of naturally and even subconsciously adjusting Jaime’s body to make it more adaptive, it takes a lot of arguments and reminders for Khaji to stop giving him extra limbs and eventually they compromise on night vision and sometimes fangs/claws

- Khaji still secretly does it at night to pull Jamie’s blankets back up when he insists on sleeping in bed because he will kick them off if he gets hot

- Jaime only wears his Gotham law hoodie at home because he’s worried Khaji will destroy it and it’s his biggest comfort item

- There’s definitely an element of horror in having his body invaded in such a traumatic way, but oftentimes the thing that freaks Jaime out more is that it feels so right. He can’t remember and doesn’t want to imagine what his life would be like without Khaji Da

- Jaime routinely spaces out while talking to Khaji and literally won’t respond to his family. It freaks Bianca out a bit but Milagro and Rudy love messing with Jaime and totally take advantage of it to scare him

- Although one time Rudy jumps on him from behind and scares him so bad he gets electrocuted again, even though Khaji knows he’s not a threat they think Rudy deserves it for making Jaime scared

- After that they stick to hiding his stuff when he’s spaced out communicating with Khaji

- Jaime goes to ridiculously extreme lengths to hide the extent of his trauma because he’s terrified of having to explain what Victoria and Carapax did to him

- Eventually his family starts picking up on it and accommodating him without him asking about it, not coming up behind him, letting sit closest to the exits, not making him wear ties or anything tight around his neck

- It gets to the point where Jaime slowly starts venturing out of his room after panic attacks and nightmares, so he isn’t alone and his family learns that the best way to support him is just looking out for him and not asking about it

- Although there are definitely moments when weird things trigger Jaime and it makes them wonder why having stuff touch his neck causes him to lock himself in his room for hours or blast off to sit on top of a building somewhere

- Khaji is the only one who knows what really happened to Jaime on the island and they’re very protective as a result

- Jaime will absolutely have a breakdown if Khaji takes more than two seconds to answer him because he’s terrified of losing that connection again

- The longer they’re bonded the more Khaji learns about human emotions and experiences, eventually they’re able to contextualize the horror Jaime feels over their bonding and feel guilt for causing him pain. They still don’t understand it in truly human way but they know they hurt him a lot physically and mentally which goes against their purpose

- Jaime spends so much time and energy looking for clothes that won’t show off the bumps along his spine, definitely has to wear stiffer fabric than he likes so it lays somewhat normally

- There’s definitely a period where he tries sticking kinesiology tape over Khaji to try and make the shape less obvious because it’s too hot to wear long sleeves and they burn it off immediately

- Finally after months Milagro points out that if people ask he can just tell them it’s a back brace or some type of medical equipment which makes him feel very stupid for not thinking of it sooner

- He has a lot of scar tissue around where Khaji latched onto his spine even with the advanced healing because of the trauma it put on his body. He also has jagged scars all over his back and shoulders with some stretching down his arms and legs from the electricity since Khaji didn’t have enough resources at the time to heal him fully

- Definitely at least one occurrence where he scares a stranger half to death walking to his car at night because his eyes are glowing yellow

- Jaime saying we instead of I when talking about things, “We’re so tired” and “Gracias we appreciate it”

- Khaji is incredibly attached to Jaime as well, having bonded more intensely to him than any previous host and like Jaime they’re also terrified of being separated, although they know it is an inevitable part of their reality

- Jaime’s family being so confused by what a symbiotic relationship is and definitely asking some invasive questions on accident

- Jaime is sort of permanently torn between horror and affection toward Khaji, a constant tug of war between the violation of being forced to share his body and not truly have control over his body and choices and the fact that their connection feels undeniably right, the understanding on a level he doubts any other human being can comprehend experiencing

- But even on the bad days he doesn’t blame Khaji, they were simply doing what they were programmed to without any understanding of the pain or trauma it would cause

- And he knows they understand it better now and regret ever causing Jaime damage

- Clothes never stop being a problem, he ends up putting all the basics in an Amazon list and reordering a cheap wardrobe every couple months

- On nights he goes to events with Jenny or other nicer things he just prays he won’t transform and accidentally destroy his one suit

- Even though he can never convince Khaji to stop burning his clothes they always protect the necklace he wears of his fathers

- No matter how long they’re bonded Jaime still answers Khaji out loud sometimes, when he’s at home it just leads to some confusion and teasing but he gets some nasty looks in public for mumbling nonsense to himself or talking over people in conversations

- Clicking/chirping sounds when he’s happy

A/N I totally didn’t expect to get this many likes so thank you, maybe I need to do headcannons more often! Anyways please feel free to add to these in reblogs if you have any more ideas and use any of these that inspire you in your own stories! But if you do tag me or send me AO3 links so I can see!!!!!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

howl, i wanna ask your opinion on a particular aspect of killer that i'm not sure about: is stage 1 capable of doing violence or heinous acts all by himself? like, i know it's the stage closest to sans, the most vulnerable, most trustworthy, and most affected by emotions, but can he be dangerous in any way? since i want to have a situation where killer is strongly affected by emotions and commit some questionable acts. but idk if that would be stage 1 or stage 2 going to stage 3...

thank you in advance :]

I think every Stage probably has capacity for violence, it’s just that their motivations behind it is different—-and in Stage 1, much more likely to be triggered into higher Stages, as when he’s like that: Killer tends to avoid and hide from violence and conflict, often making himself small.

He’d probably try to resist going into higher Stages, but the act of doing so would cause significantly more internal conflict and distress, which would lead him into dissociating.

For Stage 1, i highly doubt he’d take any action to protect himself—and given how he gave no external reaction to how Nightmare harmed his cat right in front of him, it seems as if he’s prone to learned helplessness if he’s learned that fighting back against this specific person or situation is something he can’t win. In which he’d probably just be triggered into Stage 2 to be able to handle it.

In the Swap vs Killer comic, we don’t see how it ended, but Killer was switching into Stage 1 by the end—driven by the sight of seeing Papyrus and Chara in the same place right after being reminded of the Resets I’d presume—seems he’s the type to cry during violence.

In the Stage 4 comic, even when Killer was triggered into Stage 1 thanks to a flashback, he kept insisting he doesn’t want to hurt the other Papyrus. I’m not sure if he was seeing his Papyrus, due to the flashback, or if he was aware that this Papyrus was a different one. Probably wouldn’t have mattered—as it triggered him into Stage 4 and he killed him anyway.

I’d say it’d take a lot for Killer to be provoked into physical violence into Stage 1 and is likely a very last resort—as he’s more prone to running and hiding (from Papyri at least) or switching into other Stages to endure it (Stage 2) or fight back (higher stages) when violence is directed at him, likely to believe he deserves it anyway. Dissociating and shutdowns.

Any violence Killer does in Stage 1 is highly unlikely to be done with malice or intention or deliberate. If anything I’d say he avoids situations that could trigger him into higher Stages (especially Stages 3 and 4) because he fears hurting and killing more people—which he also views as inevitable. He values others safety a lot more than his own—even if he fears and avoids anyone who has hurt him in higher Stages as well.

There may even be a situation where, if running and hiding isn’t an option and he feels cornered, he lashes out first in an attempt to prevent being triggered into Stage 4–because he knows that then the other person isn’t going to survive, Stage 4 will kill them.

He may think something like “if I hurt them or scare them away, I can escape and they’ll survive. No added numbers to my count.” A deeply conflicted act.

If these people intend to kill him, he won’t allow them to do that—not because he doesn’t think he deserves it or because he doesn’t want to die, but because he doesn’t want them to die. With every moment that escape isn’t possible, the chance of triggering higher Stages rises.

Another way may be flashbacks—renacting a memory—or even hallucinations, Chara’s voice and visage threatening him with another Reset or Bad Ending or Consequence if he doesn’t do it. So things like emotional breakdowns, trauma flashbacks, panic, a sense of unable to differentiate past vs present and reality vs unreality, a guilt ridden attempt to protect someone.

His violence is likely to be sloppy, confused, frantic, deeply regretful —as opposed to the calculation and deliberation of Stage 2 or the instinctive, survival, self protective, fear and paranoid driven rage of Stage 3. If his SOUL can’t seem to decide if it needs to be in Stage 1 or Stage 2, it might just hurdle him right into Stage 3– who will attack everyone, even the ones he may have been wanting to protect or allies.

The aftermath is likely to be not good for Killer. As in yet another spiraling breakdown where he tries to punish or kill himself, emotionally shuts down and dissociates completely, or is triggered into Stage 2 to numb out the guilt and emotions and dissociate himself from it all.

At its worse, he may even completely forget what he did in Stage 1 or feel it wasn’t real—“that me could never do that. Too weak.” (Not supposed to do that.)

If that’s the case, probably best not to tell him about it or ask him about it if he doesn’t seem to be able to handle it. Might just provoke Stage 2 into violence to avoid confronting things. Especially if he thinks someone knows things about him that he himself doesn’t know—and may use that against him.

[orangedodge]

I like what Eve Ewing and Gail Simone have going on between their books. Having the two more earnest, more extroverted, friends try to fix things for their more transactional, introverted, friend, and accidentally blow up her entire life along the way, makes for a much more interesting, more authentic, inter-cast conflict than just having yet another misunderstanding superhero fight. It works because it's completely understandable and within Rogue's existing character that she would take this approach, that it would not occur to her that sending Bobby to Chicago would read, to Kate, as an invasive attack against her privacy and peace of mind.

When Rogue was in a similar place, years ago, having Ororo and Bishop just crash back into her life, bulldoze over all of her half-hearted protests, and drag her back onto the team anyway, was actually exactly what she wanted, but was unable to admit. The heavy handed approach worked for her. It's working for her again right now as well--dragged back into the X-Men by Scott, and bringing Kurt, Remy, Logan, and Jubilee along for the ride, and everyone already feels much better than they did before. It makes sense that in her mind, what helped her, and helped her other friends, will help yet again, and that Kate will feel better once she lets them in.

Rogue's really just being a good friend, in the best way she can. Her only error is in not realizing that not everyone processes grief in the exact same way that she does, or in ways she finds personally palatable (which is a lapse you don't see from an Ororo Munroe or a Dani Moonstar, who have more experience with personalities that really do want to be alone to sort their own misery).

You have to feel for Bobby, who plainly thought he was appearing in a completely different story than where he actually was. From his perspective, he's just returned from the dead amidst a harrowing time for mutants, discovered their home destroyed, and most of their people exiled, and that one of his closest friends has abruptly abandoned him, cut off all contact with everyone, and is being distant and abrasive when he only tries to make sure she's okay.

(It goes unsaid that Bobby has stood a suicide watch for her in the past, but that's a history I'm sure Ewing is familiar with. I don't think his sense of urgency and worry should be read as anything but honest).

Judging by how his reactions are drawn, in both the dinner scene and the closing pages, I don't think Bobby had any idea what the actual underlying issue was. I expect he thought he would just show up, shame Kitty a bit over her lack of friendliness, share some embaressing stories with her girlfriend, and they'd both laugh it off and bond over their shared trauma. He doesn't realize yet that the source of her grief is completely at odds with his own, or with Rogue's. Bobby is mourning the loss of home, and of safety, while Kate's grief is the fear that all of her most toxic beliefs about herself were right.

I don't think anyone has told him, for example, that Synch and Talon had her off murdering people in the hundreds, while Rogue's team was doing the resistance stuff. I don't think he has any way to put it all together until the end, when he realizes he's triggered a flashback.

Issue #4 would read very differently from Bobby's perspective, framed as being duplicitous and manipulative while he is, in actuality, doing nothing wrong. He's arguably being a little too pushy, but Kate hadn't actually articulated a sense of boundaries to him until days after his arrival, and he does seem to dial it back and give her space once that happens

The real issue is that Kitty doesn't believe that anyone would ever visit her out of a place of genuine care, without wanting something from her in return. It's why she's more tolerant of Emma's intrusion, despite the tension between them. That relationship is one founded on mutual use with clearly defined terms and no possibility for surprise or disappointment. Bobby is a friend that she fears being disappointed by. And so she assumes nefarious intent when he isn't overtly after anything: either that Bobby is trying to acquire her for some undetermined x-plot, or that he's actually a dangerous villain in disguise and a threat to the kids.

I think it works overall, successfully misleading the reader into thinking there really is something going on, while not having Bobby do anything to actually earn the distrust he's being shown. It's natural that Trista would pick up on Kitty's hostility and not know any better, and that Emma--who has the same people issues as Kitty--would echo the paranoia.

[chizups]

Am new to your tumblr (got drawn here by your pretty ocs (✿◡‿◡)) and I hope that has not been asked before but: What are your opinions on each individual Seed? And what do your OCs think about them? I always think it is interesting to see where opinions are the same or differ (●'◡'●)

Welcome! Feel yourself at home 😊

Oh, boi, do I keep my unhinged to myself when answering that? I guess we'll see. When I just got through my first FC5 run, I didn't find John to be that interesting (I didn't understand at the time really), Jacob was absolutely terrifying in a best way possible for a character to be, and Joseph became most intriguing to me, which is the case still: I am enamored with his whole character, but the more I get to know about him, the less I understand WHY, because he is infuriating, but he also keeps my underwear wet, and it's harder to say WHY by the minute 😂😅

Now that I spent some time looking into these characters, I see them a bit differently and I love them even more. Jacob was somehow the easiest for me to comprehend. I really like him as a character, and his villain image was shining even brighter when I played New Dawn: there, looking at twins, I realized for myself how intimidating Jacob actually was. I really like him as a brother/father figure, as a protector and I sorry about his fate. Can't say I would have anything to tell him, no words can fix a man like that I feel. At least none of mine. The only support I could've give is maybe hold his hand. He was a fighter and deserved better from the very start.

John opened to me with time, or rather was opened to me by people who know their shit about psychology😆 I thought he just have brain damage or something, but what escaped me at the start is his complicated set of traumas. But I know now... Again, I am very sorry about his fate, I pity him as a child, he did not deserve what he got. But John is an adult, and he is a lot. Here's my level of unhinged starts growing, because as much as I love John, I want to slap him, or stab him, or dismember him and eat his parts, while keeping him alive, I... Y'know? Normal stuff. I also have a set of my own psy problems that makes me feel a certain way about men like John: John Duncan (as well as Seed I guess at least at the start of the project) for the eyes of unknowing person would be too good to be true and therefore unworthy of trust, that means any other handsome, educated and charismatic man is untrustworthy. John Seed fucking triggers me, I feel unwanted every time I look at him, but I like him as a character nonetheless. Fuck this brat💖

Faith has impressed me by the control she has over The Bliss, it's fascinating. But she doesn't stick to my mind like brothers do, I kind of sorry about it. She is clearly a puppet, and though I pity her, and I think she is the one that was actually the closest to possible saving, I do not care that much. I'd say I wish to protect her from Joseph's influence, but it seems I got into this trap myself.

Fucking Joseph... Love. I love this man. I do this basically all the time👇

He intrigued me from the first sight, and I even envy him in some sense. But I see him more clearly now. Started after FC6 Collapse DLC, where my desire to throw this man off a cliff grew with every phrase spoken in the game. This manic asshole... The infuriating thing is, I am an aggressive scaredy cat who IRL does not trust people or religious nature easily in general, but I FUCKING KNOW Joseph would wrap me around his finger, and I hate it. And I still enamored with him.

Imagining him being chained in my basement or thrown off a cliff is an erotic fantasy by now. I am so normal about him, you can't imagine...

***

My OCs think... a lot. There's a few Alternative Universes that vary their opinions a bit because of dynamics changing and switching, but overall it stays the same.

It really all started with Dina, I played ND and needed an avatar to express my opinions, though she quickly evolved into her own character. Dina Sommer is very loyal to Jacob in every story, she won't sleep herself to guard his peace, she won't eat if he has no food in his plate. In her eyes he is the best human being, she relies on him and is devoted to keep him safe. Dina respects Joseph. To a degree. He is not higher in her hierarchy than Jacob by any means and even more than that, with time Dina starts seeing Joseph as a threat to her commander's wellbeing therefore she doesn't like him in the slightest, though she won't talk about for obvious reasons. John and Dina barely meet and talk, and it was decided that they won't know what to do in each other's presence, because they both are fucking children. Let's say whatever opinion of John Jacob is translating to Dina, it is the exact one Dina has. Dina and Faith do not really know each other.

Salome Ann Clock is a caring soul, so no matter if my story of the day is angst or fluff, she tries to look for common ground and be a peace maker, to bring comfort to others, even when she is herself broken. She is able to find some pity in herself for Faith, respect for Jacob, forgiveness and compassion for John, but she is terrified of Joseph. Even in Twisted Untitled where she is married to him, Salome sees him as an idol first and foremost and is afraid of what he does to people and her, physically or mentally. Her basic was that she did not plan on killing so many people and Seeds too. Salome wanted to arrest them. To bring justice by the law, yes, but also because she wanted to do the right thing and save them. To realize she all this time was kept alive by Joseph's word alone was crushing to her.

My favorite warframe-witch-fairy-feetless-mystical-woman Wisp is enamored with Joseph, trusted most of the things he said for a very long time, they are very close friends. She is sorry for all his losses, loves him dearly despite understanding that he is sometimes goes too far. She is also the only character that can actually push that fucker around without consequences, and I love it for her. Because sometimes she actually does. She tries to protect his image in some sense, like a sober wife talks about her drunk husband, that she loves very much, but still embarrassed by him: he is not that bad, she swears, she'll grab him by the neck later if it makes you feel any better about the situation. Wisp respects Jacob very much since he is a soldier, hence a weapon, like she is, but because he is absolutely closed to her mental reach, they barely interact, which saddens her, but she accepts it as it is. Faith is Wisp's favorite girl, she is impressed by the Bliss control just like I am. They are definitely girlfriends on easy mode, but Joseph doesn't need to know it, hehe. If situation occurs, where Joseph and Faith will be in danger at the same time, there is a high possibility that Wisp will try to protect Faith first instead of running to Joseph. Wisp's relationship with John has two options: in any other story he is just a member of the family Wisp protects, because it is Joseph's family, but they are not even friends, bc John doesn't trust her; in Seeds & Witches however Wisp is John's long time friend, a nanny you could say, he trusts her 120%, and she cares for him like she never carried for Joseph even in any other story, John is her little mew mew baby princess boi💝

Recent addition to my group of cunts is Restless Mina. Originally started in Seeds & Witches, she is mostly indifferent in relation to all Seeds there, but Twisted Untitled helped me develop her, and it happens so she is in many ways a mirror image of John, so they are not very friendly to each other, but their hostility has more of a rival aspect than if they were actual enemies. Mina likes him, but hates to admit it, she teases and taunts him often just to make him mad. It is mutual. However this is a way for them to support each other, since they are not the same just as is, but in Joseph's eye as well, receiving the same treatment from him. Joseph wakes many complicated feelings in Mina, she is afraid of him, but sees no other light on her dark path, so runs to him when in need of a good word of wisdom. Which is often. She is also intrigued by Jacob and respects him highly, though is not very sure herself why that is. She is however tied to John (he introduces her to religion) and almost prohibited from visiting the mountains. So there's not much she can express about the older brother. Mina doesn't understand Faith, her field of work and influence is very confusing to the point of being scary to Mina, therefore she does not hold very high opinion about the sister.

I think that is all❣️

[allwormdiet]

Thinking about Worm (Arcs 1 to 7)

I was thinking about making a post where I stop reading for just a second and think aloud about what's happened so far. I was told, while navigating around spoilers, that Arc 7 was the right place to cut it off, and looking at the cliffhanger in 7.12 and Interlude 7 I can guess why. This is the last thing we're going to have something resembling the status quo or a minute. So, let's talk.

The thing that I knew about Worm in an academic sense was that it's in a near-constant process of escalation as the story goes on, starting with one big dragon guy and upping the scale and severity of the threat from there. What I didn't realize was how this would feel during the reading; I keep begging for Taylor and everyone else to just have an arc, half an arc, where they don't have any looming threat over their heads or simmering anxiety beneath the surface, but fuck me I guess because the spaces to breathe keep feeling less and less like they're enough to cool down from the last threat. How much fluffy slice-of-life fic is there in this fandom, and how much of it is from the dire need to see these kids get a fucking break? Every time I go read something sappy or play mindless games (reinstalled 2048 on my phone, still fun), it feels like I'm coming up for air.

And Taylor... I don't think she realizes how much that story about her mom and the balding guy has already become applicable. The only person she has that could even theoretically act as an anchor for her is her dad, and the moment he put any effort into making her fess up to anything she basically ran away from home. Everyone else in her life are her literal partners in crime; they're not going to check her on her bullshit unless it is some extreme bullshit, and even then it's not guaranteed. The fact that she's horrified and outraged by Dinah's situation is evidence enough that she hasn't fully lost her grip, but "being upset by a guy who kidnapped a twelve-year-old and keeps her drugged up in his bunker" is kind of a low bar? It's taken her very little time to plunge into the villain life, to such a degree that she has nowhere else to go when she's faced with the possibility that she can't stay with it.

Now that I've read that back over, I wonder. Is it something about parahumans that pushes them to separate from their normal lives? Everything we've seen about Protectorate heroes suggests that they're basically unmoored from everything except each other and the PRT, the Wards have some semblance of a life outside their status as heroes but that's probably because it's harder to explain them dropping out of school than it is to just maintain the charade. Taylor was, briefly, the only Undersider to commit to a regular school life, and Brian is only pretending to have a normal job outside the team in order to improve his chances of becoming Aisha's guardian. The ABB capes were all full-time members with no pretense of a separate life, the closest thing we've seen to a maintained connection is Purity's apparent job as an interior decorator (I wonder how many of her former clients would get their houses redone if there wasn't about to be a fucking kaiju attack); even Kaiser, as the CEO of a pharmaceutical corporation, is using his fucking Nazi street gang to enhance his power and wealth as an extension of the company (although that's still fucking stupid for reasons I muttered about during Arc 7). Even New Wave, for all that they pride themselves on operating openly and transparently, seems to be kind of insulated, and I have to imagine that an all-parahuman family is a fucking nightmare of overlapping and incompatible traumas. Five bucks says one of the kids explicitly triggered because of their parents, honestly. If we take seriously the idea that this is a cosmic horror story that's mimicking a superhero story (which I'm pretty sure it is), it would suggest... hmm. Maybe whatever Crystal Superpower Cthulhu wants out of parahumans (if it wants anything) works more efficiently if they're unmoored from human society, or maybe there's something about suddenly being some indeterminate percent crystal alien that makes parahumans feel less connected to the rest of the species. I could be getting really far ahead of myself with this, but I'm not going to let the Crystal Superpower Cthulhu fucking slip out of my mind any time soon. That's a final boss-ass entity if I've ever seen one.

It might have been harder for Taylor to detach entirely from civilian life if there was much of a life there. Winslow High School utterly failed her at every turn, her first, oldest, only friend turned into a vicious sadist over the course of, what, a week? Less than a month? There's nothing but Danny to keep her moored to that side of her life, and the first reason he gives her to feel like he's betraying her, she lets go of that bond and leaves.

Looking at the shape of the arcs, the impression I get is that this rundown through the major gangs of Brockton Bay is going to be kind of the last time we sweat about gangs in general for a while. ABB gone, Empire in disarray, Coil acting as a boss for both the Undersiders and Travelers, and that leaves, what, the Merchants? The gang nobody likes or respects? They'll probably end up being a speed bump compared to the fact that we're about to be dealing with a fucking Endbringer (Leviathan, iirc). The Undersiders have already tangled with the most dangerous gang in the city, and although it wasn't an ironclad win or loss, things are about to get a lot more serious. All I can do is hope that the Endbringer fucking obliterates them and I never have to sweat their ongoing existence ever again.

Then that would just leave Coil, of course. Fucking Coil. Oh how I hate this man. If/when I get around to writing fanfic he's going to be taken out every single time, him and the Empire both. Utterly wretched to deal with, smarmy and grandiose but no substance, using people's dependencies to keep them under his thumb, shortsighted and cruel and letting both of those things foul up his pointless little schemes. I hope he dies screaming.

Anyway, that's the broad strokes stuff. I'm gonna make a post after this where I talk about each specific character that's given me anything to think about, so stay tuned for that.

[p0ls4r]

Help i fear i have accidentally started a new series Sadie/Arthur my beloveds

Their so Murder Besties, Shared Trauma, Hell's Reckoning and I love them. I've been so enthralled by Sadie and Arthur and absolutely hated they way they first met [Micah can eat a bullet for all I care], so as I was starting up a fix-it for RDR2's story, I re-wrote how they met.

Three days stuck in a barn 'cause of a snowstorm will do wonders.

A rustle. A bullet being loaded. A sniffle. He kicked open the door, round exploding from the gun, a noise that echoed from across the tiny shack. A gunpowder haze stunk up the space, and Arthur felt his blood freeze at the sight of the Woman huddled between a dresser and open door, gun in hand, pointed at him. He’d shot her – She sobbed, steam pouring from the barrel in her hands – He’d shot at her. A splintered hole inches from her head, still fracturing as she shook, all wide eyes and shifty.  It took the Mare snorting to remind him of his manners, and he slowly lowered the rifle, stooping to drop it to the floor with a hand raised. “Easy now, Ma’am”, she jumped when it clattered to the ground, gun aimed at his head, “I ‘ain't gonna hurt ya’”. She was a defiant thing, finger on the trigger as he shuffled forward. “What's yer’ name?”

Because I love Symbolism: SADIE I went with Lavender and Roses purely because of the direction I wanted to take her character, and the ending of this little series LAVENDER: Symbolising Peace, Serenity, Healing. It's technically a spoiler for where the Gang end up at the end of this, but i wanted to tie Sadie and Arthur together with it. They have both lived through hardships, both done and experienced loss and pain, and after everything, i want them to get some closure, some Peace. They find Healing in each other, they both lost partners, both felt that pain, and i think, even without the lens of a romantic relationship, they'd both help each other with that. ROSES: I dont like pinning down a specific relationship, especially with this fic, but while i will be writing them with hints of attraction, it can easily be seen as flirty friends. After the loss of Jake, Sadie is heartbroken, she's lost the love of her life, she's alone and surrounded by strangers, and for the context of this fic, I feel like she'd turn to the one person she knows better, Arthur. So yes, while they wont explicitly get together, she does seek solace in him. Roses also signify Passion, Secrecy Deep Bonds, and especially in the context of this, the VDL's bonds will deepen, trust will be broken, secrets and lies, and Passion, not necessarily in the form of romance, but Passion to save those closest, Passion for what you do, and how you do it.

ARTHUR Once again, Lavender, but this time paired with wildflowers. LAVENDER: Same as above, they've both experienced pain and suffering, and now their starting their journey to find Peace WILDFLOWERS: Arthur's a wild man, he's lived a life on the run, he lives off the land, what nature gives and takes. But no matter what, he's always there, he's resilient.

And because I write to specific songs, this is the one for this little ficlet

[space-station-nursery]

🛰️⸝⸝Welcome to the Space Station Nursery 🪐

☆ ・Personal info ! ˖ ˒

🦊Little Dipper︰Hi! im Finn, also Finnegan, finny fox, fishy finn, and more to my closest friends and moots! Im 21 and my pronouns are They/Them! My timezone is CST. I like Bubby, jay, baking and cooking, playing games, reading (by myself and with bubby) making decor stuff and making custom things! Blues clues !!! if you see a blues clues ask from an anon, its probably me.

Dislikes︰I HATE Bugs, bugsbugsbugs. Being confronted(confrontation), purposely being misgendered, having my boundaries disrespected, bubby or jay being purposely misgendered, bugs and uh-…. i think thats it lol

🦌 Big Dipper︰Hi im FD, im 21 (22 in august) and my pronouns are He/Him. My timezone is MST. I LOVE BABI BEAR, our friends, gaming, cars, anything that has moving parts, reading and watching crime stuff, watching movies and playing games with babi and our friends, and really love the flash as well!

Dislikes︰I dont like icky people coming to talk to babi and i (i dont really like talking to people in general), People misgendering babi or my friends or being rude towards them, and i dont like when people disrespect my boundaries I also dont like the idea of sitters because so many people in the community that we have encountered have bad intentions, but there's nothing else i can think of rn

☆ ・Space station boundaries ! ˖ ˒

Combined︰We are engaged and not seeking romantic or platonic littles/cgs! Dms open for anyone +16 or -26. If interested, interact with our posts, as random messages can be uncomfortable. If you would like to be moots/friends, please at least interact with our posts first

🦊Little Dipper︰Please use tonetags when directing asks towards me. Please Ask before DM-ing me on my personal blog @babis-little-corner and i will let you know! If you notice I interact with something not SFW, please let me know! Do not use any nicknames in asks/dms unless we are close/moots. My CG doesn't appreciate people we are not close with trying to call me things like "little one" "cutie" etc, and quite Franky neither do I...

🦌 Big Dipper︰Please Do not ask me to be your cg, I’m Happily caring for Finn and only Finn, I don’t have all that many boundaries just don’t do anything that’s gonna upset Finn and you’re alright with me!

☆ ・Dark Matter DNI ! ˖ ˒

Whats a DNI? These are "Do not interact" boundaries, this means that if your blog meets any of these criteria you may be blocked\banned\removed from a persons socials. Below are my DNI's so make sure to read them!

・Are anti-agere/agedre(or petre/petdre), an NSFW blog/"SFW" kink blogs like Dd!g/abd!/md!b and other variants. Are an 18+ only blog, Terf, etc. Anything that you would not show a child does not belong here ・Bigoted individuals or peoples that believe in Anti-LGBTQIA+, Pro-ana, Pro-SH, Anti-recovery, MIKs or MAPs, Extreme left/right views, Pro-life, Pro-war, transmed, Pro-mia, Anti-Neos/Xenos. ・Over the age of 27. While you could be a regression blog, and completely SFW, individuals over the age of 27 can become a trigger due to my PTSD. Minors are always welcome, although we will most likely not follow back ・Are a blank blog. This means no banner, profile pictures, posts or names. Blogs like those tend to become a problem and we don't wish to deal with it.

We will block liberally

☆ ・Rover Regression info ! ˖ ˒

🦊 Little Dipper︰I am a flip-leaning regressor, regressing from 0-4. I am a sleepy but bubbly regressor, mostly using items like pacifiers. Despite my trauma, I can regress for small periods of time while assisted, but its a great start and hopefully when FD and I live together it'll boost my regression more!

🦌 Big Dipper︰I am Finns CG, and I love my babi bear! I do everything I can to make sure they feel safe and comfy here when regressing, as well as when they aren't

Sitter views︰We do not see sitters as something either of us would want to be apart of unless it was us sitting for/being sat by someone we know very well. My current sitter is @sleeplessjunkie Who generally just regresses with me when bubby is gone while we play games !!!! We will either talk a lot or not at all, and thats ok bc talk is hard! (we're both autistic)

☆ ・Solar System Sillies ! ˖ ˒

Posting schedule ish︰(Finn has a problem with keeping ideas up, so im going to try and reduce the amount of things being posted by me!)

✩⸜⸜ Affirmation Monday ✩⸜⸜ Text post Tuesday ✩⸜⸜ Worksheet Wednesday ✩⸜⸜ Reblog Thursday ✩⸜⸜ Funday Friday ✩⸜⸜ Refresh Saturday ✩⸜⸜ Shoutout Sunday

Our anon list!︰✨, (☀🐝), 🩷, 🍥, 🦭, 🦝

Send us an ask to claim an emoji and show up here! <3

Linkies!︰

Pronouns Page ⸜⸜ Finns pronouns Instagram ⸜⸜ Alphabet Paci's Shop Agere twitch ⸜⸜ Alphabet Soup The Hundred Acre Woods (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/hundredacrewoods Littlewavez (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/Littlewavez

🛰️ ⸜ ⸜ Thank you for reading! - The space station team ! (tags below)

[lover-of-mine]

After the promo feeling a very "Eddie trapped under the fridge in the van" tonight... Ana what would happen if it's trapped Eddie again, Anna?? No, but srsly what do you think? Any spec...👀

Okay, hi, this is gonna get long, I'm sorry in advance, but hey, you asked oaksoaksoaksoaksa

No, but seriously, I'm gonna go back to what the goal of my drown Buck 2024 spec was to explain my thought process right now.

I said that initial spec came from the voices in my head, but I did have a somewhat logical thought process. Here's the thing, buddie needs to talk about almost dying, and (shameless self-promo incoming) while writing the trauma fic, I was trying to find what could be a canon trigger because I wanted to get as close to canon with that conversation as possible, so much so I didn't even plan on that ending up getting together fic, it just happened (and given the reaction I got to the fic, I think I did stay close to canon), and I realized the only way to get them talking about dying is to almost kill them again. And while in that trying to stay in canon mindset while looking at traumatic events, I caught on to some patterns on the way they handle and frame the ndes as triggers that were never pulled to their full extent. Considering the similarities between the well and the lightning (set on that here for better visualization) I was convinced we needed to give Buck a shooting moment. Mostly because buddie are connected through death. The big changes in their relationship are triggered by ndes. The truck, the tsunami, the well, the shooting, the lightning.

And well, the shooting is as intense as it is because of a few factors: it happens by chance, the thing they were supposed to be doing was already done but they weren't supposed to be there to begin with, it brings up a previous trauma for both Buck and Eddie, Buck is forced to do the saving alone. It's why the second collapse on the bridge made so much sense for so many of us. Because the show could draw us into a false sense of security and pull the rug the same way the shooting comes out of nowhere. They were at a bridge so adding water elements would be easy, and that's real for both of them since tsunami/well, betting trapped in/under a vehicle, doing the saving alone because everyone else is out of commission somehow. I also added the idea of equipment malfunctioning, because I kept going back to that (I don't fully know why I'm so hung up on that, it just makes sense in my head), and you could have all that happening at the bridge while Buck tried to get Eddie out.

But transferring all this to what we know about the 808 call. The cool thing about Buck and Eddie is that they are really mirrored and most triggers for one of them would work for both. Obviously, since I was literally mirroring the shooting, I latched onto the idea of Buck doing the dying and Eddie doing the saving (also because I know Ryan would EAT a desperate cpr scene), but it works either way. So let's assume Eddie is the one in danger here just because I think Eddie nde can have more consequences (you can trigger Eddie, Buck, Eddie and Chris, and buddie all for the price of dropping Eddie off a cliff or trapping him in a flooding car lol) and he's been relatively safe for a while since the bridge was a collective accident and Buck got him out with no effort. Oliver mentioned rock climbing and Tim said something about one character hanging off a cliff and I'm thinking maybe this is literal. So something collapses. We have very obvious water elements with the hydrants and the amount of cars makes the trapped under/in a vehicle easy too, something going to hell by chance, the street collapsing or the equipment failing and trapping Eddie inside the car we saw him in could do that, and since we have Buck and Eddie paired, Buck being the closest makes it so that he would have to do the saving. But the thing is, 809 is already done. So legit, if this is happening, this is where the episode ends and we get our first real cliffhanger.

I sorta want Buck to be the one who ends up trapped in the flooding car because I want the bragging rights, but I think rn, Eddie would have more consequences, but if we are talking pattern Buck is the one who usually dies with an audience, so I'm seriously going back and forth, it's all gonna depend on what they want to trigger here. Because the ndes are the beginning of the change, leading to some big consequences later on, and since Chris is not back yet, I can see them forcing a possible parallel oh moment in the way the shooting is supposed to be and then Eddie going to get Chris because Buck needs to get to a point where he's ready for Eddie and Eddie is never gonna truly find joy without Chris and then something on 8b triggers the getting together. Shit can go to hell for either or both of them. The thing that scares me is the way that 809 is already done, so they needed them still in the state they are now, so there will be little to no initial jump on 8b so I keep thinking cliffhanger.

But I'm also trapped into the idea of Eddie saying he's going to go get Chris, the call happening with no real issue and something happening to Eddie as he drives to the airport and the "Nobody’s hanging off a cliff at the end of the episode except for possibly one character." is actually Eddie while the rest of the team is unaware. (Or maybe buddie gets into a car crash while going together and then yall can call me Cassandra)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for reporting my coworker friend to hr for harassing our other coworker friend?

(🥩🦎 to find later)

I (23nb) work at a food service place and always close with the same two people one day of the week, we'll call these people N (20m) and Red (19nb). We all met at work and being closest in age with each other compared to most of the other people there plus having similar-ish interests, we started hanging out with each other outside of work

Red is the kind of person who overshares with people right after meeting them, and N is the kind of person who rarely takes anything seriously and thinks its funny to pretend to be a jerk and bigot (hes the only cis white neurotypical guy at work while red and i are both trans and autistic and I'm black), so Red has shared a lot of their trauma and past with the both of us and N typically uses it to jokingly bully them

Now most of the time Red and I are okay with N's jokes, and we make it clear where our boundaries are and N usually respects this with the exception of a few times we've had to make it very clear where our boundaries are after he's crossed them. But lately N keeps poking at one particular thing of Red's that is especially triggering for them, and this has happened two weeks in a row now. I don't know what this thing is specifically because both times I've been just out of earshot when the topic has been brought up, Ive just been told by Red that it has to do with the worst thing that's ever happened to them.

Both times this has happened Red has, understandably, gotten really upset and angry at N, and N only apologized for it the first time it happened. This week when it happened apparently he only started to make a joke about it but then stopped before he finished it because he thought better of it, but it was still enough for Red to figure out what N was gonna say and be upset about it.

I've tried to explain to N why even if he didn't completely say the joke he was going to make it still hurt Red, but he just sort of threw a tantrum about not understanding why he was getting in trouble for something he didn't say and concluded that it would be better to say it outright if he's going to get in trouble just for thinking it anyways.

I've also tried to convince Red to either just stop joking around with N while at work or report him to our manager or hr themself, but they're standing firm on that it shouldn't even be an issue to begin with and that it wouldn't be if N could learn to think before he speaks.

I'm also convinced that Red would feel bad if they reported N because he's been reported by other coworkers in the past year and everyone we work with including our manager often pokes fun at him to varying degrees of intensity and they might feel bad if he lost his job because they reported him. (Red has a second job somewhere else while this is N's full time job)

My concern is that N is actively making Red feel unsafe and uncomfortable, and I also feel uncomfortable both in knowing that N would carelessly cross our boundaries for the bit and also because of the tense and awkward atmosphere in the workplace that has followed immediately after both times he's done it. I don't want to have to deal with that and I'm pretty sure Red doesn't want to either.

I told N right when I learned that he'd joked about Red's trauma again that he was on strike 2, and i plan on telling N and Red both that i plan to take action if it happens next time i work with both of them.

WIBTA for following through and reporting N? Am I overstepping into a situation I'm barely involved in?

What are these acronyms?