chizups

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After feeling just fine and even somewhat happy yesterday, I sit now with a slight feeling of something being very wrong, looking around in an attempt to find wtf just triggered this anxiety within me.

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+ succ au

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I wanted to make a joke about Joseph Seed being kept in my basement, but decided to stay a semi-normal person in your eyes.

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Sketched some hot stuff with Seeds. How do I show it? I don't, I don't... too hot. Too sexy. Sorry ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(;￣▽￣)┘

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More fans will bet on him for sure!

Joseph! Joseph! Joseph! |ʘ‿ʘ)╯

At this point it's just the more outfits for Joseph the merrier!

@general-kalani enjoy, thanks for inspiration ∑d(°∀°d)

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One of his greatest regrets

Jacob tilted his head up as soon as he heard tiny and fast steps coming his way. His little brother jolted into the room, clearly distressed. Tears shining in his big blue eyes, lips trembling and pouting. A big red mark on his cheek. As soon as he saw Jacob, he let out a loud, chocked whimper and ran towards him.

"Jakey!" He hugged him, a small body barely half as Jacob's pressing against his legs and stomach.

"Hey… hey, I gotcha," Jacob immediately scraped him into his arms, cuddling him closer to his chest. "Shh… keep it down, alright?" He tried to calm John down, holding his crying and shaking body against his chest. He couldn't show his anger, not now. No matter how angry he was. No matter how hard he wanted to kill the bastard that claimed to be their father. Right now, he had to be here for John. He had to calm down his little brother.

* * *

He's changed. Drastically. The beard, the wrinkles, the tired expression. And yet the same big blue eyes.

Jacob had no idea how to act. Last time he saw Johnny, his little brother, he wasn't even 4 feet tall. And now? He's a grown ass man, dammit. And Jacob missed all of it. What he likes now? What's his life story? Who taught him how to drive? Who taught him how to fight?

Who has been there for John? Who helped him, when Jacob had failed him in all ways possible? Jacob blamed himself so much it was hard to breathe. He had to be there. He had to be his anchor. He had to…

And yet, he wasn't. His anger led him down a different path. Separated them. And here he is, his little Johnny, once a crying and trembling boy seeking for his protection, now a man. A stranger, in fact.

And Jacob has no fucking idea how to fix it.

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to Joseph...

Use me, Father

When I look at you, I can't help but see that boy you once were. So gentle and kind, so caring and loving...

What have you become, Joe?

I know. You had your reasons. This world has never been a good place, not for us. Not for you, me, or John.

I respect you. Really, I do. Once a boy, now you have the power of a leader. Now, you can use all of your kindness and love to save them all. Even if it hurts. Even if you have to be hard on them. We both understand it now, don't we? Sometimes, love is hard. Sometimes, care is painful.

Use me, Father. For I am your weapon. I will be your hands. I will be the pain and hardness you inflict upon the blind ones. So you can keep your own hands clean. You can keep being that loving embrace for anyone who needs it.

— Jacob

Abuse me, Father

I always felt much smaller than you are. I stare at you with awe and fear, waiting for the words to come up from the depth of your soul. Commanding, urging. And yet, being so gentle and calm.

I hate disappointing you. I hate how bad I feel when you come closer. When you whisper those things that I deserve to happen to me. The guilt chokes me. I don't want you to say it.

I don't want to be a sinner.

I want to atone. I want to be the one who follows you to the gates of Eden. Please, give me this chance.

Abuse me, Father. Make me do anything you want me to do. Force me to be your pawn, to be your face outside the church. I will do it. I will spend myself oh so thoughtfully to achieve your goals. Just... let me stay by you.

— John

Break me, Father

I came to you a little girl. Hurt and dull and crying. When I saw you, I saw... my salvation. That's what you said. Salvation.

You said I can get cleaned. You said I can be loved. You said I can be me.

But then you've rebuilt me. And I watched, still the same helpless little girl, as you tore me apart to create someone better.

You never needed me. You needed a canvas to create someone else. And once you were done, this someone, this girl, became your angel. Became yet another one to be discarded once she's useless.

Break me, Father. Make me someone else again. And then again. I will keep pretending to be blissfully unaware of your actions. I will keep calling it love. It is the closest thing to love I ever felt, anyway.

— Faith

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At this point it's just the more outfits for Joseph the merrier!

@general-kalani enjoy, thanks for inspiration ∑d(°∀°d)

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"Hey. I know, right? It still haunts you, even these days.

But you try to be strong. You have to be strong. For them. If it would be just you, only you... it would be easier. You would be able to give up.

But you can't. Not when you carry the whole damn world on your shoulders. Not when you have a purpose to live for, a job to be done.

So you brush it away. All of the nightmares, all of the visions from your horrifying past. To keep being a fighter that you were born to be. A restless protector since your very childhood. Had to grow up early to be their shield.

You know how painful life can be. You don't want them to feel this pain. You know that the pain, the suffering is a forge making people stronger. You know that only strong ones survive. But you also know...

You can be the strong one. For them. Let them be weak. Let them be themselves. They don't need to break. They don't need to suffer as much as you did. You will be their protector, their warrior, their shield.

You couldn't save yourself, but you will take as many lives as possible, including your own, to save the others. For it is your purpose now. Your goal and your punishment for failing yourself.

You will not fail them. Even if it costs you a life."

— Letter to Jacob

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It’s a trap! ©

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Mood takes sharp turn to uncharted lands of petshop!AU or something (=^‥^=)

I'm not planning on working on it, just felt like drawing this, but if you have ideas on the topic, please share :D

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Ew. I'll give him all the care and love, but he needs to bleed first.

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Woke up basically planning out, what FC5 art I want to draw today: a little bit of injuries for John, some humor with Joseph, UT if lucky. And while getting ready for drawing caught myself thinking: I wish I was that determined to draw commissions xD Or rather "if only I was doing money by just drawing all this FC5 fanart, since I just can't stop".

Well, the night is young, time to do some drawing.

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Also this sketch i started weeks ago of my boy in a sort of faun deer thing because why not

Actually it was the perfect moment of me seeing a faun statue on pinterest and the amazing @chizups adding Eric to her amazing universe so after screaming of joy i jumped to fuse both

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there is progressively more noise on today's sketches of mine x) Sorry

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Bad mood.

Going through life, I somehow missed a moment when I switched from "I think shibari is kinda hot" to "ropes are not enough, I need to brake his hands". It's all in theory of course... I am very normal ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ