#seeing a lot of.........Interesting reactions to the charity stream

[trianglesimpfordpines]

the thing is. i'm not really interested in arguing over whether or not "billford is canon," because we know the story of bill & ford and interpreting it as romantic or not romantic doesn't change much at this point. whatever they had, whether or not you personally view it as romantic, was very intense, had a profound effect on both of them, and was horribly abusive on bill's part.

deep friendships can be abusive and cause lifelong trauma, just as much as romantic relationships. so i'm not gonna be out here being like "um, billford is canon, cry about it" because it's not my business how any given individual fan goes about interpreting the semantics of their relationship.

that said, though, it's become very clear that romantic feelings between bill and ford are a valid and canonically plausible interpretation. no, that's not the same as "100% explicitly canon," and no, it doesn't mean you have to ship it. but it does mean that continuing to behave as though people who do interpret it as romantic are doing something morally and/or intellectually wrong by having this interpretaion is unreasonable.

since bill was abusive to ford either way, why is it that interpreting ford's feelings for him pre-betrayal as having been romantic in nature is viewed by some people as being Uniquely Problematic? like being interested in the dynamic of their still extremely toxic friendship is normal, but the second you read anything besides friendship into it suddenly you're crossing some sort of line into Trivializing Abuse?

because...like. romantic relationships get ugly in real life. frequently, in fact. it's a very well-known, extensively-documented phenomenon. and, while "the use of romance-coded language to describe bill and ford's relationship in tbob is just a joke" is also a valid and plausible interpretation, why is that Less Uncomfortable than the idea that ford could have been in love with bill? if the goal is to avoid acknowledging the unfortunate idea that a person can hold positive and affectionate feelings for their abuser, then shouldn't viewing them as ex-close-friends be just as bad as viewing them as ex-lovers? after all, platonic or queerplatonic feelings are not "a step down" from romantic feelings. friendship isn't a "lower" tier of love, just a different type.

and most of all, why is agreeing with the romantic interpretation still treated as if it means you can't possibly be taking the story (or ford's abuse) seriously? because this is a common thread i see in a lot of fandoms, not just gravity falls. the idea that applying a romantic or formerly-romantic lens to the relationship between two characters, especially two male characters, can ONLY be done out of a "zomg hawt yaoi 😍" mentality. again, i am not saying you have to ship them or view this interpretation as "canon," but i kinda wish people would spend a bit of time thinking of why, whenever somebody else does ship it, their immediate conclusion is that that somebody else must be a "brainrotted fujoshi" who can't possibly understand how serious abuse is.

like, why is it that so many people think "shipping" is some kind of uniquely frivolous thing that is fundamentally incompatible with (a) actually understanding the story, (b) engaging with any serious and/or uncomfortable themes in a mature or respectful manner, and (c) knowing when a ship is not realistically healthy?

why is it that saying "ford held very deep feelings of platonic affection and admiration for bill, and viewed him as his closest or only friend" all fine and dandy, even though this interpretation does not change the fact that ford once felt very positively about his abuser, but saying "ford was in love with bill" nosedives straight into Gross Icky Weird Freak behavior?

finally, a lot of billford shippers are people who've had personal experiences with abuse. as are a lot of people who are triggered by billford content and don't want to see it. this isn't because the shippers are problematic abuse-fetishizing fujoshis, nor is it because the non-shippers are coping and seething and refusing to acknowledge canon. it is, in fact, because different people, even different people with similar experiences and similar traumas, are going to have different reactions to seeing things that hit close to home in a fictional story. neither party is necessarily "wrong," nor are they necessarily invalidating the other.

and again. just to be absolutely clear. i view all three interpretations (romantic billford, qpr billford, & platonic billford) as valid. the one i personally go with is that ford was in love with bill romantically, but i do not think this is the One True Canon Interpretation. this post is not arguing about the canonicity of billford as a ship.

[ronqueesha]

My thoughts this morning have been gravitating toward my weirdly detailed Dragon Age modern au, and how Nerio can fit into it.

Just like in Thedas, they were born and raised in a very rural small town, where most of the people work on farms and agriculture. A place rife with deeply religious, conservative and bigoted beliefs.

It was in their later teenage years that Nerio realized they were not the cis hetero son their parents wanted. They tried to keep it a secret, but many of their school peers could already tell. It was only a matter of time before their family found out.

In Thedas, Nerio rejected an arranged marriage. This set off a chain reaction that got them violently kicked out of their home. In the modern au, Nerio was instead caught (having sex) with their first boyfriend. The end result is the same, with them being treated horribly and removed from the home they grew up in.

Fortunately, this au has no Tevinter slavers to prey upon a young person with no home or support system. Instead, Nerio only spent a short time homeless on the street before they were found by Isabela and her wife Merrill while they were driving through the area. The two of them own an antique shop/small bookstore in the city not far from Nerio's town. They were in the area to find some things for the shop, but had also been alerted to Nerio's story.

Isabela and Merrill have connections to several charities, and were more than happy to take Nerio into their home for a short time, so the kid could get on their feet. To Nerio's surprise, they learn that Isabela funds this charity work with money from her old friend Sarah Hawke. The famous surgeon whose real life inspired an extremely popular medical drama tv show. Nerio's family watched every episode.

Nerio spends some time living with Isabela and Merrill, adjusting to life in the city. They get a job as a server at a restaurant, and use the money to get a phone, some new clothes, etc. With Isabela's encouragement, now that they are far from the bigotry and hatred of home, they start to come to terms with their identity and figure out who they really want to be. This is when they first buy makeup and beauty products, and dress in clothes both masculine and feminine. The farmboy slowly disappears as Nerio transforms into the person they want to see in the mirror. Merill is the first one to point out how much happier they look.

Of course, they can't stay with Isabela and Merrill forever. They need a place of their own. Fortunately, Isabela knows of a down-on-her-luck lady in desperate need of a roommate in order to keep the rent paid. Neve Gallus is a private investigator who has had a long streak of bad luck with jobs lately, and is on the verge of being evicted from her small apartment. She wouldn't normally take a roommate, but her situation is bad enough that she recognizes it's the smart thing to do. So Nerio moves in with her.

At first, the two of them stay out of each other's way. Nerio devotes more of their free time online, setting up accounts on tiktok and twitch, where they supplement their restaurant money with creating makeup tutorials/shopping hauls/get ready videos, talking about their life and experiences, and sometimes streaming games. These online ventures slowly earn them enough money to quit the server job and devote all of their time to being an influencer/streamer.

But slowly, Nerio shows interest in Neve's work. They offer to volunteer when they have free time, maybe to drive her around, or just help look over notes and files she might need. Neve reluctantly accepts the help, and the two bond. They spend more and more time together, doing good work, and even boosting Neve's business quite a lot. They start a tradition of celebrating good deeds and successful cases by buying a bottle of wine and sharing it at their apartment. Of course, this connection deepens, and soon, they don't need the wine as an excuse to get closer to one another, and they mutually decide to celebrate their success one evening in bed together.

And... that's as far as I've gotten. I don't know how Lucanis will fit into this, but I really want him to. He's definitely still rich in this au, part of a fabulously wealthy family from Italy. Instead of an assassin, maybe he's former military or special forces. Right now the only way I can see him meeting Nerio and Neve is if he hires them for a job, maybe investigating his cousin?

[theinstagrahame]

Another month and a bit, got some more great games coming through! It's time for the indie/small press RPG mail call round-up!

Die - Bizarre Love Triangles: I generally love Rowan, Rook and Deckard's work, and really enjoyed the roughly half that I read of The Wicked and the Divine by Kieron Gillen. So, the original book was a match made in heaven for me. The promise of a Collectible Card Game adventure for it? Done. Sold. I'm there, and sign me up.

Inevitable: I think a lot of people had similar reactions when they pulled Inevitable out of its box: Whoa, this is big. The last few books have been closer in size to the middle row of books, but there's apparently too much ruined Western Arthuriana for one book to contain. Played this on a stream, it's good.

Yazeba's Bed and Breakfast: I honestly can't wait to dig into Yazeba's, because it seems like the kind of game we need more of. It's that Found Family experience, the whole character-based gameplay that people love, but also designed to really keep things fresh even on repeat playthroughs. I'm really curious to finally dig in.

Wickedness: This was offered as an Add-on to the Yazeba's Backerkit, and I was intrigued by the pitch: You and two other players form a coven, and you do queer witch stuff. It's a beautifully made book, and I've got a lot of friends who I think would dig it.

Songbirds 3e: I picked up an earlier edition of Songbirds in an Itch Charity Bundle, and was really intrigued by the game. Snow does amazing things with layout and vibes, and is a really excellent game designer. I really wanted that edition in hard copy, but never found it, so a third edition was an instant get.

Kids on Bikes 2e: I know KoB mostly through the Brits on Bikes podcast, and I really enjoyed the system. I love systems that make use of all the dice in interesting and fun ways, and I really couldn't wait to see what a new edition would look like.

Apocalypse Keys - Doomsday Delights: I've recently been reading the Hellboy comics, and thoroughly enjoying them. I also already have Apocalypse Keys, which does an incredible job of making the comic even more queer, so completing the set with the fun stretch goal books was kind of an obvious call.

The Wolf King's Son: Vincent and Meguey Baker make amazing games, including the engine that runs so many of the games I like. I've been following their recent series of zines, and this popped up in that feed. I haven't checked out Under Hollow Hills, but even based on what I've seen from this, it's a must-have.

Pitcrawler: Wizards are the 1%, and we Pitcrawlers, disposable adventurers, are here to rob from the rich. It ticks all my boxes, and it looks good doing it. The campaign also hit while I was about halfway through my Magnus Archives listen, so it was an instant back for me.

Outliers: Everything Sam Leigh makes slaps, so yeah. Weird corporate science horror? Solo adventures? Hell, even the Far Horizons Co-op association really got me.

Here we Used to Fly: Picked this up also because of @partyofonepod, who played a really beautiful and bittersweet episode with the creator. I have always been a little too anxious as an adult to consider breaking into an old theme park, but I definitely have my share of fun memories of them as a kid. I'm also starting to envision other games this would pair really well as an epilogue to, should I ever get back into the AP scene.

Another game has arrived in the mail since I started this, but that's gonna be next month's first game, I guess!

[niccerooniererer]

BTD6 HC LIST FOR HEROES

Sadly not all, as sadly I can't spare enough thoughts for everyone sorry

----------------------------------------------------------

Quincy

Disaster bisexual

Has a thing for gnc reckless idiots (he doesn't realize it)

Scared of thunder

Romcom fan

He's easy to scare, horror gets him easily

Stronger than he looks

Only thing he's smart w is his bow

Particularly oblivious, yet easily notices tension between other people

Insecurity. Basically canon

Tends to push himself w training due to that

Becomes even more stupid when nervous, tries to break tension by doing the dumbest thing he can think of

Cuddly. Loves warm cuddles. Affectionate

Used to be real popular at school (yeah I hc he went to public school)

That's where his insecurities started because people always wanted the best of him

Veeeery sincere

Thrown a certain someone on a MOAB before

----------------------------------------------------------

Etienne

Afraid of heights

Shitty eyes, shitty legs

Cane user

Huge interest in flying, reason he made his drones

Used to be good at hacking

Kind of blunt but not in a rude way

Occasional weird word choices which make him sound a bit weird

Tends to swear in french more

Picky eater, fast food is really not his thing

PDA makes his stomach turn. Most he can handle is unobtrusive tail to tail touch

Probably the most closed off about personal life, very professional

Unexpected friendship with Gwen (not good) she gives him ideas on some really funny things to say, as even with all that professionalism he loves jokes

Snorts at puns which he hates, unless the pun was in french

Occasional gamer

Gay and french ??! Pick a struggle dame !! /Silly

Also hc him to be aro-acespec, this guy has a hard time getting romantic feels

Past with Ben, used to date him when they were working in the same place, separated because life pulled them too far away each other

So bitter when they meet again. But it was hard to say no when in private Ben came to him sobbing, apologizing and trying to save what they had. He gives in, love wins <3

Gets cold easily, hero that gets sick the most

Has a strange amount of love for outdated memes

Since he knows Ben is more up to date, just to spite him, he would print out the oldest memes he can find and hand them to Ben randomly

He would also hand these to others as well, just to see their reactions, it's like his unofficial "research"

----------------------------------------------------------

Gwen

That is a whole lesbian right there

Knows Quincy was into her at some point but doesn't really mind it. They're friends

Talking friends, she's big time besties with August (my oc, you'll hear a lot about him if I let it out of me), being awful hazards together n all, almost getting each other banned from the battlefield for getting so careless

Fire related puns and jokes. Canon basically

Has one of those kiss the cook aprons for when she grills

A bit of an anarchist

Gets REALLY excited about all sorts of destruction, not just fire

Girl that loves breaking rules soooooo much

For this reason she has a weird amount of fascination for natural disasters and the like

Has a competitive mutual gay thing going on with Sauda and Brickell. Hard to tell what the relationship there is between the 3 but it's def queer

Mullet Gwen mullet gwen

Kinda queer that would beat up homophobic bullies for you

She tends to pick fights like that a lot

TEMPER BIG HUGE BIG

Tho the good part because of that is she has a lot of passion

----------------------------------------------------------

Benjamin

Literal streamer. In breaks or chatting streams he plays fnf mods

Has bought a maid outfit before because a charity donation goal being reached (he rocked it)

Has a complicated but tragic relationship with crypto and nfts

That's a functional bisexual right there, mostly functional

Bit of a flirt but only to get what he wants

B…. Boob (sorry)

Always plays a support character in multiplayer games, just like how he is

Vocaloid fan

Has done weird things for really big donations before, he regrets

The kinda guy that actively keeps up with trends and tends to have opinions about them

Due to said opinions he had to do apology videos before but he just never learns

From desk job to secret agency worker who was managing huge amounts of data with programs he built himself

Said work really pulled him away from someone he really really loved

Imagine his surprise when he saw him again. Looking hurt

Can't lie with a straight face, tries anyways

Dry ass eyes from staring at his screen too much

Also carpal tunnel moment. Etienne sometimes appears in his streams to yell at him to stretch his hands

Works well under pressure, which is why he got to be the code monkey hero

Used to support "creative" algos (what we usually call AI for some reason but it isn't really AI) until he saw how people use them

Commissions artwork of himself from time to time. His demeanor about being drawn always gets him a discount since he's "such a joy to work with"

Do you guys also remember something about him living in a cave

----------------------------------------------------------

Striker Jones

Kinda dad, literally canon

Keeps bubblewrap in his pockets for when he stresses out too much from battle

Usually laid back about it though

Etienne and him working on jokes together is a worst case scenario/silly

Likes to tell jokes, especially puns to Obyn because it really annoys him

Yeah one of his love languages is making you angry <3

Can sure work the grill

Loves to read non fiction books and long realist novels

Non sensical but due to some mishearing lines, there was an Emo Lady in his life once who he doesn't think fondly of (the way he says MOAB sounds like emo lady)

D… dad bod. That's all

Has reading glasses

----------------------------------------------------------

Brickell

Augaghaaughah woman

STRONG, can throw you if she so desires, her height doesn't stop her

Had the biggest leather jacket phase before getting really into her navy look

A lot more laid back when off duty

Not too fond of jokes, doesn't really get memes

Big fan of wlw manga and shoujo in general

Knows her history, was one of her favourite classes too

Was a great swimmer from a very young age

Even went to competitions, tho she didn't get too far with that

Very just and fair

Though a great liar, playing poker with her is Hard

She could just stare the truth out of you, like, it's deadly, it's like she sees into your soul

Generally not one to dress down, girl loves her navy ass outfits

----------------------------------------------------------

Churchill

The manga guy, we already know

Engages with all sorts of genres since he's curious about all the culture he can learn, along with morals the stories hold

Commissions artwork of himself a lot, also how he has manga about himself at his house (that lives in my head… why would he do that)

He is short, his battles 2 self does not exist to me

Big fan of cosplaying

Most likely to hop on Ben's streams time to time

Very strong, as he should be

When he feels like it, he arm wrestles with Sauda and Brickell when those 2 aren't too absorbed in each other or Gwen

He is Etienne's 2nd most regular victim of bad memes, since he always looks so devastated

When people don't know about him that he's into manga, he has a harder time easing into talking about it, so he'll always start w the most normal thing, as if he didn't see food porn the anime (I don't actually know the name of it)

Probably the best hero to sit with in silence and do nothing, or read if you get bored

----------------------------------------------------------

Sauda

She is so cocky and oeperfect

God she is so so strong

Can't swim, like at all

She's great and she knows it

Can get annoyed if people can't keep up with her

Due to that, she isn't always the best to work with, as she's not the biggest team player

Often gets approached to help design cards (like an invitation card or what's it called) due to her pretty handwriting

Loves to play fight, her love language is holding you down until you tell her to stop

Loves to tease, especially if she thinks you're weak

Cut her hair on accident once while practicing with her swords

In general she has accidents a lot, it mostly happens when she thinks she's simply Too Amazing to mess up in the moment and then she does

Has been patched up at least once by most heroes

When she gets tired or tipsy, she gets really touch starved and kinda begs to be cuddled. She denies this

She does get tired a lot as she trains a lot

Not really someone who likes silence and peace, but those few occasional times when she feels that way, you really can't bother her

When she gets sick she also gets cuddly and needy (not good)

----------------------------------------------------------

Obyn

That's my dad he's a wolf

Very caring and loves his druids so much

He tends to hold picnics for them, sometimes the heroes as well

Although a dad, jokes have never been his thing

And does Striker Jones take advantage of that, 2 opposing forces, like their own weird kinda foreplay or something

Gives 2nd best hugs from the heroes

He goes awoo, it's a habit he can't shake off, he will awoo at the Moon sometimes when he forgets he shouldn't

Tends to call the druids his pack

They love to be his pack

Probably the hero that has seen most of the world, bit of a traveller

Considering he was raised by wolves, he isn't sure of his origin. Also the reason why he travelled the world

Also I know he's just an oc, but that's when he got his lil guy, my lil big guy CC who is worryingly tall and strong while being 17 (that's what Obyn gets for mingling with someone who isn't a monkey lol)

He loves being a dad to especially orphan druids because at least if he didn't have one, he can be just that to others

The best with children

----------------------------------------------------------

Ezili

Loves the horror, draws the horror

Loves to "jumpscare" people during halloween

Loves to dress up for it as well

Her morning routine involves reading a good horror short story

Has resting bitch face

Has rancid vibes. All cuz of the curses

Big big fan of silence

Loves to see the big bloons fall, that look on her face she gets when they do

It's like she gets pleasure out of murdering them

Insults from her tend to hurt more because she curses her words as well

I know I said this before but she would be a great William Afton, to me

Let her be unhinged is what I'm saying

[irethepotato]

Streamer AU

First meeting

Warnings: SFW, fluff

Characters: Marius Von Hagen, fem/gn!reader

Summary: A dating game had captured many people's attention due to its unique game mechanics and storyline. The game follows the story of an attorney as they unravel mysteries and bring justice to light. Along the way, they meet different characters that help them, including you.

Marius's walkthrough

He does gaming streams specifically competitive and fighting games such as PUBG and Fortnite, he loves the thrill and adrenaline of winning

Though he does a lot of art streams where he just draws, paints, sculpts, etc whatever comes to mind while flirting chatting with his viewers

These streams is where his intensive knowledge on art really shines

He also does a lot of vlogging whenever he goes doing extreme sports like skydiving and bungee jumping

The guy is basically Mr Beast in this AU, he does a lot of charity streams in his channel and he even crash into multiple of small time streamers and leave a load of donations to support them

What can I say, the man's rich

Anyway

Dating games aren't really his interest since, to him, it's just a whole lot of reading HOWEVER he knows that Mihoyo released a dating game that became an instant hit

He's been following them ever since he started playing Genshin Impact on some of his streams a while ago

Because of that, he decides to give their game a chance before deciding whether or not he'll include the game in future streams

A lot of his viewers were pleasantly surprise when he started playing the game

At first, he didn't stream the game all the time, just occasionally

The game isn't bad, the unique mechanics ARE interesting enough and the art is well done, it's just he won't dedicate a lot of his streams to the game compare to others since he wasn't really into any of the love interests

Yet

The only reason he stay for this long was because his chat will not shut up about this character that he'll definitely love

When he finally started episode 2, his viewers were practically vibrating in their sits in anticipation to see his reaction

He knows there were a total of 4 romantic interest and he only officially met 3 of them, so he was curious about the 4th love interest

Even though he thinks the psychiatrist is shady as hell, he is intrigued in the art exhibition that he's going to into the game

As he rambles a bit about the background of the art pieces his character was talking about, he let the story play out by itself when he finally meets, or to be more accurate bump into, a certain someone

"Mister, you supposed to look ahead while walking."

The man immediately stopped his rant when he was startled by a voice he never heard before

Then the screens shows you, hand outreach to him

Without hesitation, he immediately take a screenshot of you while his chat just go wild with the fated meeting

"Hey, if you're good, I'm gonna let go."

"Don't let go, please."

Cough SIMP Cough

"You were the one who ran into me!"

"Haha, and I thought I got away with it," you chuckled, a mischievous grin on your face. "You're pretty sharp."

He absolutely loves the playful banter you have with his character. Not to mention the height difference of his character shorter compare to you.

With your appearance, he almost completely forgot he was supposed to meet up with the other psychiatrist until he continue the story

When a police officer, Darius, showed up to take you for questioning, he would immediately want to defend you

Fortunately, this episode is all about defending you, so he was pleasantly surprise.

Streams about the game become more frequent throughout the whole episode since he wanted to see more of you

On other streams that aren't about gaming, he will make the streams surrounding your character

The art streams are now dominated by making art pieces, like paintings and drawing, about you and whatever he reminded of about you

Whenever there's a cutscene plays that shows a different angle of you or a different pose he will take godly amount of screenshots of it for future art streams before moving on to hear your voice again

He absolutely loves the fact that even though you're loaded and an heir to the richest and most influential line in Stellis, you are very generous with your money as you donate a lot to people who needs it like that officer at the police station where they kept you detained

And despite your mischievous nature, you also take your responsibility as a future CEO very seriously, which he greatly respects

Since he does a lot of art streams, a lot of his viewers are most likely artists, he definitely encourage them to draw you and send him fanart. He will put them all in a wall that can be seen on his background

If you weren't loaded already, he would definitely spoil you with everything you deserve and more

That won't stop him though

"I just wanna spoil them." :(

[actually-impostor]

I am so tired

And exhausted. Disappointed. And worried

Jesus christ I'm worried

Because they are kids. They are childrens.

I'm gonna go on a long rant, everything will be tagged as it should, and this post will be behind a read more. Care for yourself while reading.

Tommyinmit. Tubbo. Ranboo. Hell, even Purpled (tho luckily i havent seen him be fucking attacked and hounded and harassed in this way. Small mercies)

They should NOT have to carry the weight of expectation A Bunch Of Adults Have Put On Their Shoulders

Read that again

YOU AS AN ADULT SHOULD NOT PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THE SHOULDERS OF CHILDREN

Should they try to better themselves every day? Yeah, but that's something every human should do

Should they stop being children just because they have a platform?

FUCK NO

Im sorry the internet and the world and the adults around you failed you to the point where you think having a mental breakdown everyday for all the struggles around the world you Are Forced To Read About is somehow normal.

Because darling, it's not.

Its not normal, or okay, or something to flex about, that your mental health is being put to such a risk just so you can stay "on top of things"

Im going to re-phrase something i said in 2019 about child actors (i know they aren't "actors" in the traditional sense but they are child celebrities, and it fits)

What you guys have to realize is that the difference between them and... idk, kids you see in your school or in your neighborhood, is that They Have An Audience. They had a sudden spike of people who from one day to the other focused their attention on them and decided "mh, I want to give them attention and a platform for a/b/c reason". You gave them your attention, if you disagree with something they said or their attitudes or whatever, you are in complete liberty to take away your view without feeling like you have to put them on blast.

They are young enough where their personalities, reactions, and opinions are still an echo of the adults and friends who surround them. They are starting to form their own opinions, but its still very much filtered by whichever influence got them first (parents, idols, teachers, older siblings, etc)

We are all ignorants when we are kids, even those who had to suffer thru a lack of privilege are ignorants of things up to a certain point. We grow to educate ourselves in whichever way we can, but we are still ignorant to A Lot Of Issues while we are growing and becoming ourselves.

The difference between us nobodies, and child celebrities (or kids with a following. Twitch streamers, tiktokers, youtubers, actors, etc) is that they have a constant spotlight and millions of eyes on them.

Everyone has access to when they fuck up because its never in private, Because They Dont Have That Privilege.

They are not allowed to mess up, because they are expected to be perfect.

Read that again.

They are KIDS who are Not Allowed To Make Mistakes Anymore.

They aren't allowed to make mistakes, a central point of growing up that helps you become a better person. They are not being allowed to grow and become better because they are not being allowed to fuck up, which is human!

And instead of Actually being helpful, the solution you, ADULTS, have come to... is to send them hate?

Your solution is to call them racist, homophobic, horrible humans who wont better themselves.

What have you done?

Answer that to yourselves.

What have you done?

Have you donated to your charity of choice? Have you given the microphone to the ones that struggle? Have you woke up and think "im gonna do a random act of kindness"?

Or are you just going to waste your energy and yourself bashing a teenager on twitter and staring as his mental health fucks off? In front of a live audience that instead of realizing they were taking things TOO FAR decided to try to "hammer the point"

What are you gonna do if they fuck off?

Because what´s happening is not "EDUCATING"

Is bullying a child.

Thats all there is. You have successfully bullied a child, yay. Now he doesn't want to learn better because no matter how much he educates himself yall still decide he is the worst human being on the planet for not being able to express something in a way YOU feel HE should.

Allow people to make mistakes without them being crucified every fucking step of the way.

Another thing is this need to remind them "i have this mental health situation, now say something to make me feel better"

Fantastic that you found someone and something that can help you out of a dark place. Now do the next part of getting Actual Capable And Profesional Help.

They are children, they are streamers. They dont have the necessary knowledge and equipment and training to help you with something serious. It should not be in their shoulder the weight of actively helping people thru a traumatic event or a shitty situation. If their streams comfort you, great. But thats all they can do.

And if they want to be educated on something Dont Immediately Shut Them Down. Let them educate themselves even if it's on something considered problematic, or something you think "is not important enough", just let them explore their interests without feeling like they have to perform everything for their audience.

Be better.

Do better.

And honestly? I didnt wanted to add this, but after all my sister has a point.

Why are you guys putting so much effort and energy into this? They play video games for a living.

Use your energy into bettering yourself and doing your part for the world. Not into bashing a 16-17 years old child.

Go outside, see the sky, change your scenario a bit. Touch some grass.

I think tomorrow i'll go for a walk.

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

[ase-trollplays]

Be the Online Blueblood

(Abridged bio)

Your name is Hyleem Merker, and you live in the city with your great dane lusus. Your lifestyle is pretty cushy since you’re a highblood. Your monthly stipends from the empire are all you really need to keep you afloat, but you like having a good stash of backup money, so you choose to work anyways.

At the ripe young age of fourteen and a half sweeps, you basically have it made doing what you enjoy. You’re a prolific snitch streamer and grubtuber going by the username Jupiter_Incoming. Snitch streaming is where a good chunk of your money comes from. You exclusively stream video games, though it’s a pretty even mix of popular games and indie games.

Your grubtube channel, on the other hand, is more for your own amusement than serious monetization. It’s a grab bag of “Try not to laugh” challenges, reaction videos, vlogs, and VODs of your snitch streams. You also have chitter and instagrub accounts as well as a discord server. It’s not too much of a stretch to say your entire livelihood exists online.

When you first started streaming, you were pretty mellow and shy, but over the sweeps your confidence has transformed your online persona into a loud and high energy version of yourself. There’s a lot of playing up how excited you are, but you’re also pretty excitable in real life when you’re around the right people. You want to become a veteran streamer some night and be a hivehold name and meet actual celebrities.

Outside of your streaming and grubtubing, you have a few interests. Although it seems pretty stereotypical for your caste, you have always enjoyed robotics. You mostly build small remote control cars and drones (both flying drons and models of empire drones). You thought about getting more serious with it and making fighting robots for competitive robot fights, but you would cry if you had to watch something you put a ton of work into get the shit beat out of it.

You’re also a sucker for animal rescue videos and foundations, especially dog rescues. You tried fostering once, but your lusus didn’t appreciate having more than one dog in the hive. Also, it majorly cut into your streaming and editing, and you found yourself lacking the sort of patience necessary to be a good foster custodian. However, you will occasionally host charity streams for rescue organizations and shelters.

One thing that is not an interest of yours is roughing it. You’ve never been much of a great outdoors kinda troll. After all, the woods are filled with dangerous shit, and the best way to survive it is by not being there. The noise and hustle and bustle of the highblood district is your only home. However, your forest-dwelling moirail makes it a point to force you to spend time in the forest with her each perigee to “sharpen your survival skills.” You still scream and leap into her arms when you see a snake or a particularly large bug. 

Speaking of your moirail, she occasionally lives with you, and you teach her how technology works. She’s lived off the grid her whole life and has no idea how anything outside of living off the land works. It’s definitely a process, but you don’t mind since you like her a lot.

For your strife weapon, you chose nunchucks because you were a stupid kid and thought they were cool. Tragically, you suck at using them, and you can’t figure out how to change your strife deck to something else, so you had to get a secondary one: Pistolkind. You hate confrontation, and a bullet to the head or chest is the fastest way to end an altercation.

Your trollian is not your username despite how easy that would be. Instead, you went with the handle blueExcellence, and “0|||0 You r=ally wish your onlin= car==r would tak= off a litt=e fast=r. 0|||0″

Important tags:

Hyleem things

Hyleem answers

Hyleem muses

About Hyleem

[artxyra]

Her Little Robins

Note: So This was supposed to be a longer (damn near 8000 words) one-shot, but after much thought, I decided to break up the mini-stories that I had placed at the end and decided to upload them separately. 

There is one person that Damian would even dare look up to and he hasn’t seen her since before his mother brought him overseas to his father. She was the closest thing he had gotten to a mother figure despite being the opposite. Within the League of Assassins, she was on par with his own mother, but she was just as untouchable. She barely had any free time, between taking on League missions and living her life in the outside world. No one knows how she even became involved with the League but there was one thing he knew for sure. It wasn’t long after his conception.

For the past year, he has been under the care of his father, the very person he doesn’t belong to. Even after a year, his father still doesn’t understand him. He shows his love differently. He doesn’t belong in this broken household. Damian wasn’t sure how he even managed with all the fighting. Though there is one thing he would never admit—is that he cares. Caring was one of many hidden traits he had picked up from her.

His father doesn’t know how to care for him, but at least he tries to. Which is more than he can say about his mother. She never cared, in fact, the only time she cared was placing him into her arms. The fresh smell of apple blossoms always calming him down. That scent was more home than anything he has ever been to.

The last time he saw her—was the first time he had ever cried. Her arms wrapped tightly around him as she tells him her goodbyes. Making promises that he knows would never be kept. She was leaving to save both of them—to save him. Damian could never admit it to himself, but the night she left was the night his grandfather had declared that Damian was of age to determine his loyalty. A trial that would surely end in his or her death.

He hated going to sleep that night. The cold welcoming his return. There was no apple blossom scent laying beside him. No hand caressing his hair as he fell asleep. No French lullaby that was specifically made for him being sung. Just the harsh winds.

“Be brave my petit oiseau. Luck will always guide you in your journey.” She whispers to him every night as he loses consciousness. Those words would forever stick with him. Just like his father’s statement “Justice not vengeance” would. Though he would prefer the one from her over any others.

It’s been three years since then.

Today he wasn’t sure what to do, the anniversary of her disappearance was approaching, and his father’s family still didn’t understand why he is crankier—or what they would say brattier—during this time. He just wants to be alone.

“My, my, petit oiseau, someone sure missed moi.” It was the way she always greeted him when he was little, and they were alone. Damian’s little legs would wrap around her own as she bends down to scoop him into her arms. When he was younger, he felt freer being around her. Her laughter was contagious. She would extend her pointer finger against his nose and giggles before blowing raspberries into his cheek which then caused him to laugh.

Instinctively, Damian curls into himself. He misses those feelings. Feelings that he’ll never get from his family at this rate.

So deep in his memories, Damian doesn’t remember entering the library, picking up a book, and finding comfort in the couch. He looks at the book that was opened in front of him. It was written in French. He has been in this room plenty of times and has skimmed every book at least once, so why does this book seem like a distance memory? The title was so familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

Behind him, he hears a gasp, “Little D, do you have any idea what that is?” Great, it was Grayson, the fourth person he didn’t want to see this evening.

“A book.” The youngest Wayne deadpans placing the book down on the couch and getting up to take his leave.

Before he could walk out of the door, he heard Grayson shout something, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to listen.

As he walks back to his room, that French book stayed on his mind. The cover’s art style was unique, and it reminded him of her. She would draw him small artwork pieces and sometimes let him join her in the process, in fact, he still has the majority of the drawings that she and he made locked in a box underneath his bed. Then there was the book’s dedication page: “À tous mes petits oiseaux qui ont besoin de chance dans leurs moments les plus sombres.” That he could easily translate to: “To all my little birds who need luck in their darkest moments.” He needs to know more. Maybe that book holds the missing piece in finding her? He wants her back in his life, now more than ever.

However, that doesn’t explain how his father owns such a book. Let alone the reaction he had gotten out of Grayson just by holding the book.

~*~

“Hold on, you’re telling me that the demon reincarnated found Pixie’s book?” He heard Todd asks when he was on his way to the library. It was clear that Grayson had grabbed the book once he had left and gathered the rest of his non-blood-related siblings.

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you. When I had entered the room to tell him that we are expecting a guest soon��which I couldn’t—he appeared to be in deep thought staring at the book. Like that isn’t usual at all.” Grayson explains and out of everything his older brother said, the word guest caught his attention. It was rare when his father invited people to the manor that has nothing to do with charity, galas, or potential business agreements. A guest usually signifies a Justice League member or a new sibling (something that he knows doesn’t need to happen).

“Isn’t this usually the time when the demon gets all moody?” When did Drake even pay attention to him? Of course, he is always moody, and he has good reasons for that.

“You actually pay attention to the little shit, Replacement? This is laughable, you’re usually the last one to notice anything.” Todd laughs to which Damian had the itching need to grab his katana and slice Jason in half. Though he had to agree, it was laughable as it was Drake who noticed it despite being in a coffee-induced haze for most of the time.

“Yeah, yeah,” Drake then pauses, probably to take a sip of coffee that will forever be in his hands. “That doesn’t explain how he would find Bean’s book interesting. Only those of us that have met her would find that book interesting as it’s—”

“We know!” Together Grayson and Todd scream.

“Look guys we can either keep hovering over the fact that Damian found her book or let it play out and see where it goes, just like Bruce and Alfred did for us.” Drake sounded tired which wasn’t usual but more tired than normal at this time of day.

“As much as I hate it, I agree with Replacement for this,” Todd responds without a doubt looking at Grayson when he said it.

Damian could hear Grayson sigh of defeat. The room goes silent just enough for Damian to make his presence known.

“What’s so important about the book?” He asks stepping across the threshold and eyeing the book that is in Grayson’s hand.

At once his brothers try to answer but one look at Damian’s face; they knew they could lie themselves out of it.  So, they opted for the oldest to speak.

“Look, Little D, this book means a lot to the family. The fact that you picked up just gave an insight into something we didn’t think you would have.” Grayson starts to which Damian tsks and looks away. He hated having this much attention on him, and the short explanation still didn’t answer his question.

“Then what makes this book so important to the family, that I had no idea of its existence until today?” Damian growls through his teeth. His brothers only look between one another which only made Damian even more agitated. “You know what, never mind.”

“Damian—” Dick is cut off by the door slamming in his face. He could only sigh in defeat as the figure of his younger brother disappears.

“So, what now?” Tim asks before taking another sip of his coffee. It was clear that his older brothers don’t know what to do.

Jason decides that now is the best time to take the book from Dick and throws himself onto the couch. He begins to read the book as if it was his only source of peace.

~*~

For Jason, the book was the only close connection he had to her. She was the mother he always dreamed of, and he hated it when she would leave for long periods of time. He hated not taking her offer to live with her. Months before his death, she had asked him to live with her, be the caretaker of her apartment back in France, but he had declined. Being Robin was all he ever wanted, and she knew that, but he also knows that something spooked her. She never did ask that again after the first time, and it kind of saddens Jason a bit.

The night before his death, she had called him asking for him to stay safe. To not get cocky about anything while being away. Stay in contact with Bruce, in fact, she specifically told him not to leave Bruce’s side. He should have listened to her warnings that night. Just maybe he wouldn’t have died by the hands of the Joker.

When he was revived with the Lazarus Pit, one of the first things he acknowledged was the words “Qu'est-ce qui vous est arrivé mon petit Jaybird?” What happened to him? He didn’t know what was happening. He was feeling so many negative emotions at once that he couldn’t differentiate anything. The last thing he remembered from that encounter was a pair of lips pressing against his forehead. The next thing he knew, he was lost somewhere he didn’t know but he somehow knew he had to find himself.

When he came back to Gotham under the impression that Bruce and everyone around him needed to go, it wasn’t Bruce that stopped him. No, it was her. She appeared between them with tears streaming down from her mask. He couldn’t harm her, not after everything she had done for him. It felt so wrong to have his fingers itching to pull the trigger, but he couldn’t let it go. Bruce needed to pay for giving up on, for replacing him.

They didn’t even exchange words, her tears were enough. She walked over to him, taking the gun away from him and gently placing it on the ground. He felt so alone as she pulled him into her arms whispering the French lullaby, she sang to him when he was down.

Jason doesn’t remember what happened next after that, but what he does know was that he had woken up in the manor and Bruce and sitting in an armchair beside his bed. They didn’t speak to one another—why it was because they didn’t know what to start with. Hellos? No, they already knew each other. I’m sorry? Not even an option, they’re too stubborn to admit anything. It was just a moment of silence. Not for the dead but for all the pain that they were enduring.

As he read the familiar words, Jason wonders how his life would have been having she not been a part of his life. She always knew what to say and when to say it. Never judging them for wanting to be heroes vigilantes. She was the glue that kept this family together aside from Alfred, and they all miss her.

“Hey Jaybird,” Of course it was Dick who had to return and ruin the moment.

“What do you want? Can’t you see that I’m reading?” Jason doesn’t take his eyes away from the book, it’s not like he could have anyway. Her words always had a way of entrapping the reader until the very end.

“Bruce wants everyone in the living room.” Dick answers pointing to the open door that was close just minutes ago. Jason huffs and places the book back on the shelf.

“Alright, let see what B has in store for us.” Jason walks past Dick and into the halls. Dick just stares back at the location Jason had placed the book. He was tempted to go grab it, but he knows, keeping Bruce waiting sounds like a bad idea especially since he asked for the family.

~*~

In the living room, Damian sat moodily in the armchair. Arms folded and all. He would look up to glare at his family members still thinking that they were all beneath him in taking the Wayne name.

“So, tell us, Bruce, what is the real reason you have us all gather here?” Jason observed the way the room was structured. Alfred was standing next to Bruce like usual while everyone else just sits and waits for the other shoe to drop.

“It has come to my attention that Damian found M’s book.” Bruce turns to his youngest, who was clearly lost in thought. Something he never thought would happen to Damian. Then again this isn’t the first time it has happened. “Damian, have you ever meet a person under the name of Marin Etta? Marin? Mari?” With each name, Damian shakes his head.

For Damian, the names were foreign. She was always Tatie to him as she never really spoke of her real name. It was mention once, but it has been so long that he had forgotten. In fact, tatie was the first word she taught him in French before moving onto the basics.

“No father,” Damian denies and leans back into his seat. Bruce sighs.

“Little D, you must have met her.” Dick states pointing fingers.

“Before this becomes a brawl, I would like to announce that she’ll be sending gifts to the manor,” Alfred states causing the boys, aside from Damian, eyes to bug out. Tim had to rub his eyes to make sure that he was awake.

~*~

For Tim, she was more than someone he looks up to. She was a person that he could rely on and rant to. When he first arrived at the manor, yes, he was excited, but at the same time frightened beyond disbelief. She picked up on this and offer to take him to her favorite little coffee shop. To this day, Tim swears she owns the little cozy coffee shop that they always go to when they needed a break. Those visits were always just the two of them and no one else.

Tim remembers when he took up the Robin mantle, she was furious at Bruce and even yelled at him for bringing into the battle when he was just a child. He is sure that when the Joker first captured him it was her that found him and took out the Joker, not Bruce. The only proof that he had from that encounter was Bruce looking like he was chewed out by his mother once he had recovered.

She was more than just a team member—she was family. The person that introduced him to the secret of making the right coffee. Something that everyone around him would look down upon. To Tim, coffee was more than his life source; it was a reminder of everything she ever did for him. It was one of the few connections he had to her and he doesn’t want to lose that.

So just being told that she is sending them gifts was such a surprise. She never just sends random gifts; her gifts were always well thought out. Planned for the person receiving the item. Tim had once received a coffee recipe book, something that he vows never to use unless she is with him. He couldn’t risk is family taking away another source of coffee for him.

Sure, they could go visit her whenever, but she never sticks around in one place. Tim remembers the time he tried to track her down and he came up with dead ends after dead ends. Not even Bruce could find her and he’s the world’s greatest detective.

~*~

“When do they arrive?” Dick had practically shouted earning Tim’s attention, something that is usually locked on coffee and or paperwork.

Alfred raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. Tim knows the family butler already knows the answer. It most likely that the gifts had already arrived, and he just wants to see them suffer over it.

“Master Damian please come with me.” Alfred requested to which everyone eyes the youngest Wayne. Damian was unsure what Pennyworth wanted with him and the fact that it was him and not his father, he was feeling anxious.

“Of course,” Damian answers getting out of his seat.

Dick watches the baby bird walk away from the family. He wasn’t sure what to expect from this encounter. Alfred rarely asks for them individually. Though he was heavily thinking about the presents his big sister figure may have brought him.

“Don’t even think about it, Dick.” Bruce grunts seeing the devious look in his oldest eyes. Dick blanches and turns around; he had some searching hacking to do. Knowing that Alfred would have hidden the items somewhere within the manor, he knew just where to start his journey. Years of being a part of the Wayne household has its perks, especially being trained by her to find all the hidden spots.

She was only a couple of years older than him. It never made sense to call her his aunt when they were so close in age. She was also the first person that Dick confided in after his parents’ deaths. She was with Bruce when he went that show, and she was first to comfort him even before the cops could take his statement. To traumatize by what he just saw, he didn’t comprehend the lullaby she was singing in French to soothe him.

Dick would never forget how she took it a part of herself to make sure that the manor felt like a home. Bruce was gone every night tracking down Zucco. She made sure he didn’t feel alone, uncared for. If it wasn’t for her, Dick doesn’t know what would have happened to him.

“Les étoiles sont brillantes ce soir, Dickie.” The stars are bright tonight, she had once said to him the night he was thinking about running away. He had everything packed and all he needed to do was open that window and jump out. Her voice caught him by surprise, so much that he had almost forgotten what he wanted to do.

In the end, he cried his heart out to her and she let him do it. He doesn’t remember what happened next, but the next day Bruce actually showed up for breakfast and sat down with them. It wasn’t long after that that he would become Robin.

~*~

Damian didn’t know why Alfred was leading him outside the manor. It’s not like he had forgotten to take care of Alfred the cat and Titus. Alfred stops short of the gazebo that is rarely in use unless someone plans on making a romantic dinner date of some kind. Damian was about to ask Alfred why they are here when a familiar feminine voice speaks. This voice was etched into his brain and before he knew it his arms were wrapped around a person’s torso.

“My, my, petit oiseau, someone sure missed moi.” He didn’t want to look up, too afraid for this to be a dream. Damian didn’t care if his cheeks were becoming wet, he just wanted to hold her tight. Never letting go. “Petit oiseau, oh how you have grown.” She speaks again, her hands caressing his hair to which he doesn’t complain.

“Tatie, tu me manques tellement.” Damian cries out hiding his face into her shirt. Moments later, he looks up to be greeted by the bluebell eyes that he loved so much. He never realized how much her eye color reminds him so much of Bruce’s. Though her eye color holds so much love and emotions, more than what he can say for Bruce’s.

“Petit oiseau, I am here now. How are you? Have you been treating your father well? Oh, Dami, I knew I should have taken you with me.” She says as she walks them over to the bench and sits down. She could see that Alfred was standing off to the side smiling at the duo.

Alfred then mouths, “I’ll leave you two be” to her, to which she nods and turns her attention back to Damian.

~*~

Returning the manor, Alfred was greeted by an excited Dick and Jason. He knew what they wanted; they wanted the gifts, but the gift is currently outside hugging her surrogate son.

“Master Richard and Master Jason, is there something you need?” He asks with an eyebrow raised. Alfred was known for a lot of things—he is required too in order to keep the manor afloat.

“Hey, Alfred, where is Little D, and how soon we will be receiving those gifts?” Dick asks as he and Jason share a forced smile. Alfred wasn’t buying it.

“Moments after the young master is done receiving his own.” With that, Alfred walks off with a smirk plastered on his lips.

All the Wayne men in the room look at one another.

“Hold on, did he just say that the Demon Spawn, is receiving his gift right now…what the flying fuck did he get?” Jason screams out and he would have stalk after Alfred if it wasn’t for Bruce’s glare practically telling his son not to do it, so instead, Jason huffs.

“It can’t be anything good if it’s for the demon,” Tim states finally coming alive from his coffee-induce haze. The teen was unsure of what was happening, but he knows it was a tense situation.

“We’ll wait for Damian to come to us.” Bruce says, “If the gift is dangerous, we’ll take matters into our own hands.” That was enough to prevent his sons from going after their younger brother.

~*~

Damian was having the time of his life being close to his tatie. He spoke to her with so much enthusiasm about his pets, mentioning his dreams in opening up an animal shelter, all the pranks he did on his brothers. Damian even showed her pictures of Titus and Alfred the cat was which is something he rarely does; heck, he doesn’t really show pictures of his animals to Jon, his best friend.

“That is wonderful, Damian.” She spoke with such a light laugh.

“Hold on, Tatie, how did you know that I was here?” Realization finally settles as Damian wraps his head around the fact that she knew where he was. They haven’t seen each other in three years and surely, she didn’t find his mother and demanded answers.

She sighs and allows Damian to sit up from his resting position. “Damian, I knew you were Bruce’s child since before you were born. There is a reason why I love that you call me Tatie because I am your aunt. Bruce is my older brother. My real name is Marin Etta Wayne, but most people call me Marinette.” She explains staring into his forest green eyes. Tears swell in her eyes almost like she was afraid to tell him everything.

Damian didn’t know how to react. Happy? Furious? Confused? He was so conflicted that he was rendered speechless. This person has been in his life since birth, has done more for him than his own parents, was actually his biological aunt.

Instead of reacting out of anger, he wraps his arms around her and mumbles a series of thank you in various languages. Her explanation solidifies the fact that she’ll never leave him.

“Je t'aime, mon petit oiseau.” She whispers to him.

They stay in silence until Alfred makes himself known with a loud cough. Damian had fallen asleep in her arms to which she was happily content with holding him. She looks up and gestures for Alfred to come closer.

“It seems that the young master enjoyed his gift,” Alfred states looking at the sleeping eleven-year-old. Marinette moves to scoop Damian into her arms. He was a lot heavier than when he was six. After getting into a comfortable position, she turns to Alfred.

“Has Brucie done this for him, before?” She asks as they begin to walk back to the manor.

“On occasion, usually when he is late coming in as Robin. Though it is nice to have you around again, Marin Etta, your presence always begin joy to the family.” Alfred answers, “Are you staying for the night?”

“Not tonight, Alfie. I’m sure the boys will go crazy over Damian’s gift until they see what it actually is. I’ll give them a shock tomorrow and stay for the rest of the week. Vic is helping Helena with some things, so I got time to spare for once.” She replies explaining her reasoning.

Alfred simply raises an eyebrow, he knows she’s withholding information from him, but he also knows that she will do anything to keep her problems under wraps. That’s the reason why she never told Bruce she was Ladybug until after the defeat of Hawkmoth and the creation of her vigilante persona, Kismet.

“In that case, I’ll take the young master and put him to bed. I will see you in the morning.” Marinette hands him Damian who didn’t want to leave her. He managed to tighten his grip around her despite never once waking up. Only after did she whisper promises of seeing him the next day did he release his hold on her and latch onto Alfred.

When Alfred walked inside with the sleeping Damian, he was bombarded by those he considers grandchildren. Jason was beyond in disbelief to see a koala version of the demon that usually glares at them. Tim thought he was hallucinating to the point where he pours the remains of his coffee out the window and walked away sluggishly. Dick was cooing and taking pictures, more than likely saving them for blackmail material. Bruce was wondering what put his youngest to sleep before even going on patrol. He knows that Alfred knows but getting information out of the butler is an impossible task.

“I guess Robin will not be joining us tonight?”

“That is correct, sir. The young master had tired himself out with his gift today. Shall I put him to bed or would like to do that honor?” Alfred answers readjusting the pre-teen in his arms. Bruce nods and takes Damian away from Alfred. It was moments like these that he misses. When his sister was younger, he would hold her and just holding her made him feel complete. Holding Damian was similar in feeling considering his height and weight.

~*~

Dick, Jason, and Tim were jealous of Damian. He had received his gift the day before and here they were sitting at the dining room table waiting for Alfred to show up. Damian had this smug look on his face the second his brothers bombarded him with questions regarding his present. He doesn’t give any indication that it was a person but an animal. That got his brothers to leave him alone for a moment.

Bruce had been the last person to enter the room. He was working on Wayne Enterprise paperwork that should have been completed earlier but wasn’t. Alfred walks in with a tray of food. As he set the plates down, they immediately took notice of an extra plate. Before either of them could question the butler, they heard someone say, “Bonjour mes amours!”

Before anyone could react, Damian runs out of his chair and into her arms. He wraps his arms around her and glares at his family members, daring them to come at her.

“My, my, petit oiseau, someone sure missed moi.” She chuckles returning the hug to the younger male. Damian doesn’t say anything, he just stays in her arms.

While the family stares in shock of seeing Damian showing emotions, it was also the shock at the arrival of the one person that hoped to show up soon.

“Mari!” A series of excited shouts echo through the room. Jason was the next person out of his seat and trying to push Damian away for space. Damian fought back, nearly biting Jason’s hand just so he could stay in his tatie’s arms. Jason glares his younger brother.

“Oh c’mon, there’s enough of me to go around.” She chuckles sending Jason a sheepish smile, “Dami, can you let go so that I could hug Jay-Jay and the others?” She looks down at the young boy, only to feel that his grip had tightened around her. She knows that he would not let go. “Dami, I promise to make you some of my infamous shortbread cookies.” At that request, Damian reluctantly lessens his grip.

“You imbeciles only have one minute with her,” Damian growls turning to his family acknowledging the fact that they also know his tatie. “59, 58, 57…” He starts to count down.

The older Wayne children knew he was serious, and they immediately jump to hug Marinette. Dick was smothering her having taken onto wrapping himself around her torso. She manages to stay afloat by resting Jason and Tim who were side hugging her. It surprised her that it wasn’t Jason who had the running start but wasn’t shock that it was Dick instead.

“10, 9, 8…” They all heard Damian continue. The moment the young Wayne managed to get to zero, he let out a battle cry and begins pushing his brothers out of his way. Damian latches himself onto her and glares at anyone that came within a certain radius of her.

“How the hell does the demon know Pixie, when he literally had no clue who she was yesterday,” Jason shouts as the excitement of seeing Marinette dies down among everyone.

Marinette chuckles and scoops Damian into her arms. If it was anyone else, Damian would have squirmed, complained, and demanded to be let down, but this is his tatie and he has little care for what his brothers think of him right at this moment.

“That’s because all Dami has ever known me to be was Tatie.” She explains as Damian grumbles into her neck.

“Wha!” The boys yell stimulatingly to which Marinette looks everywhere but at her nephews.

“How about this, let's finish eating the wonderful breakfast Alfred made first, then I will explain it all afterward.” She suggests walking over to the table as everyone behind her follows. They know to not disagree with her. She has just as much power as Alfred and could most likely get away with murder.

While they ate breakfast, there was growing tension. Everyone, aside from Alfred, Marinette, and Damian, wanted answers. Bruce watches his sister eat her portion of breakfast; he knows something was going on. Then he saw how quickly his youngest reacted to her like there was some form of bond that they share that he didn’t with his own son. Bruce isn’t that dense; he knows that without her his life would be filled with so much darkness and pain. She made everything tolerable, kept the family together even in their darkest of days.

When breakfast ended, they all gather in the living room. Titus trotted over to his owner and lay beside him.

“So, who’s first?” She asks as she pets Titus’s head as he was close to her and he let her.

“Back to my question before, how the hell do you know the demon?” Jason practically shouts pulling his ear.

“I’ve practically known about since his birth. Actually… even before he was even born. I knew Talia was up to something when she was constantly trying to get into Bruce’s good graces. As we all know, my ability to sense something is wrong is almost never incorrect. So, I followed her to the League of Assassin under a new identity. I was about to leave, but then she announces that she was carrying the league’s heir. I knew the child was going to Bruce’s.” She turns to Damian with a sad smile on her face. To this day, she hated the way Damian came into this world, but she would never give him up for anything.

“You side missions?” Bruce wonders aloud.

“Yes, when I wasn’t with the miraculous court or with the JL, I was with Damian watching after him. I became his caretaker when Talia took it upon herself to be his mentor rather than a mother. Did you know I was the first person to hold him? He had such a small tuft of hair.” Damian blanches when she started to gush about his childhood. He likes to keep that under wraps, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Are you back for real…now?” It was Tim that has asked that.

“Oh, my petit oiseau de café, I’m here to stay. I can’t have you running Gotham without me.” Marinette answers with a wink, but she can tell by the looks of deadpan facials from the males she knew that they didn’t buy it. “I’m staying until the court needs me. That and I’m sure Kismet can bring a little luck to this city of darkness.”

“With that answer…welcome home, Sunshine!” Dick screams with excitement before flinging himself to his sister figure. Marinette catches the taller bird and laughs. However, the embrace didn’t last long as Damian pushes Dick off of her and takes over the filled space.

“Oi, she’s mine, you dolts, get your own.” Damian hiss at his brother who looked beyond offensive.

“Oh, hold on!” They all shouted, “We knew her first, you little demon.” This quickly became a tug-of-war for Marinette, who looks sheepishly between the boys, but she couldn’t help but laugh.

The second, Marinette was able to slip away from his nephews, she made her way over to Bruce. They didn’t say anything, though Bruce did hold his arms out waiting that that hug that they always do. Their embrace was not a short one.

“I miss you, Bruce.” She mumbles into his shirt.

“I miss you too, M.” Bruce pauses placing a kiss onto her forehead. “So, tell me about what happened in Brazil?” Marinette’s eyes widen at that request. She knew she had to come up with something fast, but she also knows that her big brother wouldn’t let that go. Brazil was an authorized JL mission that she joined Question and Huntress on, that didn’t end well per se.

“Oh, look the boys are about to break something.” She squeals turning their attention to the four brothers still wrestling on the floor. Sure enough, a loud crash is heard.

Bruce groans and wanted to yell at his sons for being too rough, but this was a typical morning. The boys would rough house at least three times a day before they all separated. Then again, it really depends on whether Jason and Dick decide to stay at the manor for long periods of time.

“Boys!” Marinette shrieks getting their attention to which they had the audacity to pretend that nothing had happened. They don’t want to play that game with her. There is a reason why she rules the manors better than Bruce.

“Yes, Tatie,” Damian speaks up first resisting the urge to run over to her and hug her in an attempt to make his brothers jealous. Who was he kidding, he would totally do that anyway just for the hell of it.  

His brothers glance at him; however, it was clear that Jason was glaring more so than anything.

“What?” Damian shrugs, “She clearly wanted our attention, isn’t that right, tatie?”

Marinette sends Damian a smile that the family knows all too well, that smile was not her usual friendly ones, it was sinister. “Oh, petit oiseau, you have no idea. Now, it still early in the morning, and I don’t want to spend my first day with the family babysitting you four, or do I need to call the girls have girls’ day with them instead?”

The looming threat of having the girls spend time with Marinette instead of them was enough for everyone to nod in agreeance.

“Now who wants to be the first to read my newest family book?” Bruce silently raises his hand which she sees out of the corner of her eye. Digging into her purse she pulls out a new book with an enchanting cover with the title written in French. She then hands it to Bruce despite the cries of protest from her nephews.

“I saw his hand first, actually I saw Alfred’s first, but he already read it. Didn’t you, Alfie?”

“Of course, I did, Miss Marin Etta, it was another novel that will go into the family history.” He smiles at her, to which Marinette sends him a blushful smile.

“Thank you, Alfie. Now, who’s up for a family drawing session?” This time the boys gather around her. Damian hisses at his brothers daring them to come any closer as practical koala himself into Marinette’s arms. Jason stares at the little traitor, planning his downfall.

“I should have introduced Damian to her when he first arrived. That would have saved us so many headaches.” Bruce groans happily acknowledging the sudden change in his youngest at the sight of his sister.

“That would correct, sir. Shall I prepare you some tea and scones while you read Marin Etta’s book?”

“Yes, thank you, Alfred.” Bruce pauses for a moment to open the book, he is immediately greeted with the dedication page, a smile appears on his face, “Actually Alfred, how about you go spend time with M and the boys after you’re done.”

“Are you sure, sir?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I know you miss her just as much as the rest of us.”   

Bruce turns his attention back to the dedication pages that read, “Une famille qui se bat ensemble reste ensemble même quand tout semble perdu.” A family that fights together stays together even when everything seems lost.

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[writersrealmbts]

Christmas: LIVE (for charity)

Description: You’re a middle-of-the-road youtuber, not super famous, but not unfamous. Golden Closet and V are much more famous, and they’ve agreed to meet up and do a charity live-stream with you! 

“For the Christmas requests would you be able to do a Youtuber au? Where like Tae or Kookie do a charity stream with Y/n? Sorry it came so late it 😭😭”

Warnings: Fluff and stuff

Posted: 12/22/2020

Tags: taekook x reader

2,159 words

A/N: For anonny, here’s your request! Hope you like it! and it didn’t come late!

You kept working on your streaming setup, preparing for your guests for the charity stream. You figured more people were coming for them than you, since you weren’t as big as them on YouTube.

First was V, from Tiger Vante: real name of Kim Taehyung. He did gaming streams with your other guest, and published music now and then that he had quite the following for. Thoughtful videos and compilations of photos, and videos of projects he worked on. He even had a fashion line and made videos about other fashion things, like his fashion through the week. Other fashions, reviewing music and such, as well as doing projects using antique equipment. He was doing a photo study with different old cameras as he was able to, and he posted a lot of inspirational videos.

Your second guest was Jungkook from Golden Closet productions. He did a lot of gaming, was technically a professional gamer, and he also did music and video production. He did everything: art, singing, dancing, gaming, photography, video production--and he was constantly experimenting with new things. But his gaming was the big ticket.

You were a smaller YouTube channel. You had a few covers, and you did a parody song a year or so ago that garnered some attention. You did reactions, and you did some gaming streams, though not as many as your guests. You did a lot of chill games, with other games interspersed. You also did some makeup stuff, mostly stage makeup stuff that you carried over from college. Cooking. You did cooking streams, and sometimes you failed, other times you were successful. But cooking streams were some of your favorites.

You’d started doing the videos as a sort of...accountability. Your therapist recommended it to help you feel like you were doing more, because despite working eight hour workdays five days a week, you still struggled feeling like you were getting anything done and you sometimes lost track of days. It had helped, you were able to keep better track of things and you’d tried new things because of it. And somehow your fanbase had grown to let you cut your hours at your office job and relax a little more.

But today’s stream was to raise money for kids in the hospital, which was why you had V and Jungkook coming. The three of you would be doing various activities together and doing challenges to raise more money.

You arranged the snacks as well as you could, and then put on your elf hat. You’d already raised two hundred dollars just by wearing an elf costume for the stream.

“Hello?”

You stood up and smiled. “Hello! Nice to meet you, I’m y/n.”

“I’m Taehyung when I’m offscreen, I’d be happy if you called me that. Offscreen anyway. Thanks for inviting me today! Oh, this is Jungkook!” V introduced the other gamer.

Jungkook sort of dipped his head, looking awkward.

You smiled at both of them. “Nice to meet both of you. Thanks for agreeing to do this with me. I know you probably have better things to do.”

“No way, this is for charity!”

“It’s a good cause,” Jungkook added, sort of looking at you strangely.

“Oh, the outfit. Someone donated 200 dollars if I would wear an elf costume for the stream. My choice for the costume, look okay?” You asked, reaching up to adjust the hat.

“It’s super cute,” Taehyung gushed, then looked over at the setup. “Ooh! Nice! That looks great! Can I set up over there?”

“Go ahead, do you need help bringing in equipment?”

Jungkook shook his head. “Our hyungs are here to help us set up and carry things. We’ll be ready to go in no time.”

“Great, I’ll just stand out of the way.” You backed up and they signalled their group to bring in their equipment.

Between the seven boys, all of the equipment was set up in no time and the three of you were settling down for the stream.

They wished you three a good stream and then scattered.

The three of you sat down, syncing and getting your own set ups going.

“So, we’re going to start, give it five minutes, and then we’ll start playing that game you suggested over chat?” You asked, making sure you had that linked and setting things up so that you wouldn’t have to worry about anything once you were actually streaming.

“Yeah, sounds good. That camera is filming all of us, and then we have our individual ones, right?” Jungkook nodded to the carefully mounted and angled camera.

You nodded, handing cords to both of them for the camera connection. “Took me a while to figure this set up out. Here.”

Taehyung eagerly took it and plugged it into his computer and then let you quickly set it up.

Jungkook had it set up before you finished with Tae.

“Alright, it’s almost time. Ready?”

“Yeah, so...who’s starting things?” Taehyung asked, looking at you.

“My idea, so I can open it if you prefer,” You offered, checking how you looked on camera and then sighing. You couldn’t do much about it now.

“Ok, now, do you have any extra fun holiday stuff?” Taehyung asked, flicking the bell on your hat.

“A santa hat and reindeer antlers headband, and various other more girly things for me to alternate with throughout the stream.” You gestured to a bag and got everything ready. “Set the stream to start on the hour?”

Jungkook nodded then grabbed the santa hat. “Solidarity.”

Taehyung happily put on the antlers headband. “So cute! Okay, now it feels even more festive. How long did it take you to make the background?”

“Oh, I spent a couple hours, no biggie. I did something similar last year for my christmas stream. I just spiced it up a bit this year. One minute.”

They pushed their chairs closer to yours, all three streams using the camera that got all three of you.

You watched the timer tick down, hoping that it was successful and that you raised a lot of money for the charity.

The first fifteen minutes were nothing too special, it was interesting playing with other people while they were in the room and Jungkook kept mumbling thanks for donations in between decimating you and Tae, and Taehyung had a constant conversation going--partially with you--while he played.

You gave everyone a brief update since you hadn’t streamed in a couple days and people were asking about your puppy. “He’s fine. He’ll be home soon.”

“What happened to your puppy?” Jungkook asked, not missing a beat and decimating you in the meantime.

“Nothing serious, he got hurt while we were walking in the woods. They removed his dewclaw on the one leg and stitched him up. He’s already almost ready to come home. I’ll have him home for Christmas. Thank you for your donation, bluegrey613!”

Jungkook glanced over. “Hey, we probably have some requests right now. Since you’re dead can you check the chats?”

“Sure. Let’s see...they want V to do aegyo.”

Taehyung quickly did some, just barely escaping death.

“We don’t have mistletoe, sorry, guys,” You told Jungkook’s chat. “Besides, I kind of doubt they’d want to--”

“Who needs mistletoe?” Taehyung asked, pausing the game.

Next thing you knew donation signals were popping up on all three screens as the boys planted kisses on either of your cheeks.

You stared at the screen, blinking rapidly and trying to recover as both of them went back to their game like nothing had happened.

You swallowed hard and tried to focus on the requests that were flying up your screen. “Um...thank you...agustD for donating...after that request. Um...hopeworld requests that we...all do cutesy poses? He’s offering 50.”

“Make it 100 and it’s a deal,” Taehyung responded, finally getting annihilated.

You scanned the comments, waiting for a response from the same and making faces as requested. “Ooh, while we’re waiting they want to know how we met. Tae, you should tell them that saga.”

“If they’re going to make us do something cutesy, then they better be offering more than a hundred,” Jungkook grumbled.

“So...we started talking online, played a couple of games together recently--offstream so that we could discuss the fundraiser, I think we all have some clips from that game that we’re compiling and that will be posted later,” Taehyung started explaining, checking you and Jungkook for affirmation. “Then we actually met in person today! That’s about it! It’s not much of a story, but it’s a good start, don’t you think?”

You exchanged a curious look with Jungkook after witnessing the wink Taehyung threw the camera. “Snack time?”

Jungkook nodded. “Before he calls himself a snack.”

Your nose scrunched up before you could stop it.

Taehyung laughed, booping your nose. “Not me. But she definitely is.”

You shook your head. “No snacks for you.”

“Hey, hopeworld agreed to 100. Pose,” Jungkook intervened as Taehyung started to fake pout.

All three of you managed to do some cutesy pose and hold it for a couple of seconds until the donation alert popped up with many names.

“Ah...okay...that was popular,” Taehyung said, looking a little stunned as more notifications rolled in.

“Blame Jungkook, he avoids it usually so it’s rare,” You informed him, smirked at Jungkook.

He shrugged. “If I didn’t hold back the world would fall to my cuteness.”

You snorted and turned back to the comments. “RM is requesting that you guys...and I lost it. Whoops.”

“Ooh, here’s one from JinJinJara, he wants us to make couple-y poses--like exaggerated couple pictures!” Taehyung chuckled. “Lets do it!”

“I don’t need to relive prom, thanks, I was fine missing it the first time,” you joked.

“It’s for charity,” Taehyung pouted.

You groaned and then complied.

Not that you were complaining internally about two hunky guys taking mock couple-photos. There was something nice about being held by someone stronger.

The rest of the stream passed by pretty quickly, doing requests from the boys channels since only four people were requesting on your stream--the same five. It was hard not to feel like it was out of pity, the longer the stream went the viewer count on yours went down, and went up on theirs. You double checked your stream but it was fine.

But it was for charity. You didn’t mind being less popular as long as you raised enough money to do some good.

“We should do this next year, and more often! Ooh, could we do a New Years stream?” Taehyung enthused toward the end. You guys had reached your goal while playing another game, and were trying to casually close the stream.

“We…can discuss it…later. Anyway, thank you everyone who was watching and who donated. The donation links for all three of our channels will be open until the 26th! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas from Santa’s workshop!” Taehyung added brightly. “Remember to have all grandmas avoid reindeer crossing sites!”

“And be nice to the elves! They’re doing their best,” Jungkook added, cracking a smile as he flicked your hat.

You rolled your eyes and waved to the camera, then all three of you ended your streams.

“Man. That was intense,” Jungkook murmured.

“So, my five requesters, they’re the friends waiting outside, aren’t they?” You guessed, having done the math.

“What? No. Of course not.”

“Why would you think that?” Jungkook asked.

“Because you guys jumped at every request they gave, usually egging them on for more money, but you were more reserved with every other request given to us. That usually indicates a personal relationship.” You leaned back in your chair, taking off the hat and smoothing your hair.

Taehyung shrugged. “They were going to donate anyway. They just wanted to get their money’s worth. They were technically on all of our streams, but you’re better at reading comments and playing the game so requests on your channel got through better.”

You rolled your eyes. “Boys.”

“We did really well,” Jungkook said softly. “We make a good team. We just need to improve your playing on a couple games.”

You smiled. “Maybe. Alright. So, as far as new years goes, I’ve got a few games we can play while being in different places if that would work better. But also do it at a different time than when people would normally be partying because otherwise it would be a bust.”

“Okay!”

“Sounds good. Want to go grab some food with us? My treat?” Jungkook offered, smiling at you.

You pause, but then nod. “Sure. That sounds great. We can come back after to get your stuff if you like.”

“Sounds like a magical plan to me!” Taehyung grinned at you and then kissed your cheek again. “You really should have put some mistletoe in here. That would have made it extra festive. I’ll go tell hyungs the plan.”

You definitely weren’t blushing.

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The Griefcast Record

Keanu got out of the taxi at Whistledown Studios and headed in. Cariad and the recoding team greeted him and they got set up with teas, biscuits and a box of tissues on the table

“God, it’s just like a therapist’s room!” he joked

“Best to be prepared! They might be for me anyhow” she laughed.

Before we start though, can I just spend a moment being a fangirl and just say how amazing it is for me to meet you. There are so many films of yours I love – and my kids adore Duke Caboom!”

“ahh yes, Canada’s Greatest Stuntman” he boomed - “that was a fun role”

“and so perfectly cast right?”

“Yeah yeah I guess. I’m glad they picked me from the roster of Canadians they had lined up!”

“Ok, so thanks for letting me just gush for a moment! Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“First tell me the story of how we managed to get you as a guest.”

“Ok so right, so errm my friend Kerry is the link. I was filming in Cornwall this past year and uh, after we wrapped I was so charmed by the place that I decided to stay and rent a place for a couple of months down there. Kerry was my landlady and one day I came across her walking along the beach, tears streaming down her face and she was listening to your show which she highly recommended to me. I admit it took a bit of persuading to listen, given the crying thing!, but she told me it was more reassuring and uplifting than upsetting. Anyway, so sorry, this is turning into a shaggy dog tale!, so I did give it a go, really loved it

“Oh thank you”

“So then one day we were discussing an episode about baby loss, something we had in common and had talked about before and she said I should do the show. Now THAT took a lot more thought and persuasion, but she said it would do me good and there would be the angle of the man’s perspective and being someone with a public profile going through loss and you know yada, yada yada so here I am, finally!

“That’s amazing and thank you so much to Kerry for listening to the show and for your persuasive talents in getting this lovely man here today. So Keanu, as you know we always start with this question. Who are we remembering today?”

“Today we’re remembering my daughter Ava who was stillborn 23 years ago this year.”

“Ok so would you mind telling me a little bit about what happened.”

“So, ahh, it was in the spring of 1999. The Matrix had just come out and my life was pretty full on. My girlfriend Jennifer became pregnant around that time. It was unplanned and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super happy about it at first, but she wanted to keep the baby and I said I’d support her, you know, and as time went on I was more excited than worried about becoming a dad.”

“And how was the pregnancy? How far along was Jennifer when Ava died?”

“Everything seemed fine, she, Ava was growing and developing normally. Jen was healthy. Then I was away filming, a god awful project as well! And, Um, ahh, give me a minute” Keanu cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

“I swore I wouldn’t do this” he said gesturing at himself tearing up, his voice cracking slightly “but sometimes, the memories can be, uhhh, very powerful, very vivid”

“Yes you can be taken right back like it just happened can’t you, however long ago - you know I’m 20 plus years out now and still very occasionally I can be catapulted back there. So, everything looked good but you were away, filming - and I’m sure it can’t have been an awful film”

Keanu snorted

“I assure you it was!, yes anyway, Jen went for a last check up at a little over 8 months and uh, there was no heartbeat. Ava had died and so I flew home and she had to, you know, give birth in a maternity unit, hearing all the other babies being born - I mean they have to do it there because you still might need, you know, that expertise and they tried to keep us private but those places they get busy and she had to go through all that with those sounds sometimes breaking through”

“Yes I hear that that is a common experience here in the UK too and one that SANDS, the still birth charity is trying to address. It’s interesting your choice of words: “she went through that”, presumably you were there so didn’t you go through it too?”

“Yeah, yeah - I guess, I just meant that it was worse, more traumatic mentally for her and obviously physically too”

“Sure sure, but awful for both of you nonetheless”

“Indeed, it was” Keanu paused a moment as though something important had just occurred to him “and she was beautiful too you know”

“awwwww” Cariad moaned sympathetically

“she was beautiful, perfect and warm, just silent, still”

Keanu looked up at Cariad, his eyes filled with tears once more and they both just sat for a moment, taking in the pain of his loss. Eventually, Cariad started the conversation again.

“And did you both hold her? Did the hospital staff help you, you know, to say goodbye to her?”

Yeah yeah, we did hold her. They left us be for a good amount of time, they took prints of her hands and feet and a photograph. You know they were supportive in that way, especially as we knew already, you know, that she had died, they were prepared. I don’t think we were, I mean I don’t think you can prepare for that, right? Your brain won’t let you, not really.”

“Yeah yeah, we talk about that a lot on the show, there are people who say it’s better when someone dies of an illness so you know it’s coming whereas with a sudden death you suffer more shock but I still think there’s a degree of shock you experience even when you have some warning.

“Yeah yeah and it’s so stupid, we’re all just so dumb because death is coming man, to us all but we just don’t want to think about it!” He chuckled

“So are you someone who thinks about death a lot?”

“Yeah yeah it’s always there in the back of my mind, spurring me on to do things, make that film, write that script, build that bike!”

“And do you think that’s because of losing Ava?”

“I don’t know, no not really, well maybe a little but that’s come more with getting older I think - I didn’t really have that reaction at the time”

“So what was your reaction, how did you grieve for Ava?”

Another chuckle came from Keanu.

“A more appropriate question might be how didn’t I grieve for her, at the time I mean!”

“Oh?”

“Hee hee you’re like a therapist, leaving the gaps for me to fill!”

“Some of my critics say I interrupt too much and start talking about me so…..”

“We’ll that’s not very nice is it? And also not true!”

“Thanks - Comes with the territory I guess, so please, go on, fill the gap”

“What was the question again?”

“It was about how you did or didn’t grieve for Ava after her birth?”

“Mmmm well we buried her, in the new year, she was born on Christmas Eve, which is uhhh, another tricky thing about it”

“Oh that’s awful, death on high days and holidays just adds another layer right?”

“Yeah yeah. They do - so um after that I went to Georgia to shoot a movie!”

“So you threw yourself into work then?”

“Yup, my trusty friend in times of crisis. In fact I did, let me see, 1, 2, 3, yes 3 movies in the next year and then started training for the Matrix 2 and 3 so I guess the answer is I put my feelings in a tightly locked metaphorical box and didn’t open it for quite some time!”

“And was there intrusion from the press , I guess this is pre the days of the internet being so developed and social media but how was that side of it?”

“Yeah there was some, you know photographers with long lenses at the cemetery”

“God! I can’t imagine”

“Yeah pretty low, right but in a way because of the taboo of stillbirth, people, you know interviewers and stuff, didn’t ask me about it. I mean I would sometimes say “no personal questions” but at other times that hasn’t stopped people.”

“Oh like what?”

“I’m thinking of when River, River Phoenix died, even if I said I wouldn’t answer anything personal they would still ask how I felt, did I miss him. I mean, fuck! Oh sorry I can swear right?”

“Swear away, sure, and god, fuck yeah, that deserved it. I mean obviously that’s a bit of a contradiction coming from me given we’re here and I’m making you talk about private things but”

“But I agreed, that’s the deal here, it’s not the deal to segue from “how was it jumping onto a moving bus to “how do you feel about your best friend dying!”

“Absolutely. So you said you dealt with it, but much later? What about Jennifer, how did she cope?”

“Umm, I don’t know - I mean what’s normal in that situation? She cried, she wailed like a wounded animal. Her mum moved in. I was away and not there to support her like I should have been. We weren’t really a couple either by then. We were going to co-parent but not as a romantic couple you know so it was complicated. To be honest I think a little bit of her died right then - and then she died herself the following April so you know, what you see before you is the last man standing of that family unit that might have been.”

“Woo that’s tough. You’ve really been through the mill as it were.”

“Yeah, yeah but you know I AM still standing. I’m lucky.”

“And how did Jennifer die?”

“Car wreck”

“I’m so sorry”

“Thanks, me too”

“So how is that, being the only one left? Some people talk about losing key people as losing their witness.”

“Yes! That’s it, exactly. Now it’s just me here to remember Ava, to remember her coming in and out of this world”

Yeah yeah that’s hard. So you said you dealt with it later? How did that come about?”

“Midlife crisis I guess - when I turned 40, I had a bit of a meltdown, you know, wondering about my goals, what I had or hadn’t achieved. I basically “ran away” alone to Paris on my 40th birthday, to escape any awful surprise party! And you know, I quietly fell apart in a vat of wine! When I went home my friend Janey was just like “Keanu, it’s time, time for therapy!”

“Ahhh it’s great isn’t it, big fans of that on the show!”

“Yeah I guess, I mean, ahhh I wasn’t that comfortable taking the lid off but yeah it did me a favour and helped sort my shit out. And a lot of the guilt and pain of losing Ava was gone through belatedly during that process”

“And why did you feel guilty?”

“Mmmm well I think I started to think I was a curse - my sister had been sick with leukemia, Ava had died, Jen had died, River, others as well and I felt guilty for that stupid film I was working on when it happened! So yeah, there were lots of rocks to lift up, inspect what lay beneath and deal with my emotions.”

“Well you seem like you have your shit sorted now”

“I’m a work in progress!”

“So now you’re, 23 years on, how do you remember Ava and Jen now.”

“Well it’s hard to forget the day for Ava what with it being Christmas Eve. I sometimes visit their graves - after dark if I can to avoid being hounded”

“What has the world come to when a person can’t be left in peace to visit a loved one’s resting place”

“Yeah it’s fucked up right?”

“Precisely.”

“And what else? , well I do have one little thing that my friend Alex who’s an artist, made for me. It was because of something she said she did to remember her lost loved ones. She would get a Christmas ornament that in some way represented the person and hang it on her tree at Christmas. So she made this beautiful little stained glass bird to hang up on my tree or in the house if I don’t have a tree which sometimes happens. So, uh, Ava’s name in Latin would mean bird or bird like so that’s why she did that, yes so I always think of her then and you know I would think about where she would be at a given point like when my friends kids have started school again after summer break I would think “oh Ava would be starting you know kindergarten or elementary school etc.”

“And do your family share in that?”

“Yeah, yeah - especially my mom. She has no grandchildren so yeah she remembers and we’ll have a moment sometimes yeah but it can be lonely, not having the other parent there who shares the same loss.”

“Yes I’m sure it is. Grief can be very lonely sometimes. Well, Keanu I really can’t thank you enough for coming on my little podcast and sharing your experience of baby loss and loss in the public spotlight with us today. Thank you so much for telling us about your beautiful baby girl Ava and her mum Jen.”

“Thanks for having me - I know this might sound weird, but it’s been a pleasure talking with you and remembering them today so, thank you and thanks to Kerry who suggested it. She said it would be good for my soul and she, as always, was right!”

@fortheloveoffanfic @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @paperplanesandwallflowers @patric9

[oswincoleman]

2020 Jenna Coleman’s Year in Review, part 2: Acting

Death Be Not Proud (Inside No. 9 series 5 episode 2)

Jenna Coleman secretly filmed this back in early 2019, before she started rehearsing for her theatre production of All My Sons. It took almost a year after that, for the rest of the episodes of the series to be filmed, and released. This remains the only film or TV role of Jenna that was released this year. And although the initial promotion for it appeared to show Jenna in the leading role in the episode, that turned out to just be a ruse to hide the secret of Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith reprising their roles from Psychoville in Inside No. 9, so her total screentime was only about 10 minutes or so. 

It was an interesting episode, though not quite to my tastes, and Jenna played her role brilliantly as always. With the way it ended, it was like a bit of a teaser of what was to come. 

This was her only appearance in film and television this year. Throughout her acting career since 2005, Jenna has always had substantially more screentime every year, than she did this year. The only exceptions being 2010 and 2011. Of course that is mostly not her fault; The Serpent would have been out much earlier without the pandemic. 

The Serpent

After 4 months of intensive filming for The Serpent in the latter half of 2019, Jenna Coleman felt somewhat burnt out, and went on holiday with her parents to the Maldives in January. She described her experience there in a travel article she published later in the year.

Filming for The Serpent finally resumed in February,after a 2 month break, because Tahar Rahim has been working on a film in the meantime. This long break however proved to be quite problematic, as after only 3 weeks of filming, production had to be halted, due to the spread of COVID-19, with just 5 days of filming left to do.

There had already been plans for events to advertise The Serpent, but these were canceled.

Filming for The Serpent finally resumed in August. But unlike what had been planned, of filming the last few scenes in Bangkok and Budapest, they were shot in a manor in the small English town of Tring. A set had been built up there to resemble an apartment in Bangkok. Everyone whk was working on it at the time respected health guidelines, and so managed to safely complete filming in 2 weeks.

So in total, Jenna only spent 5 weeks filming this year, and she wasn’t even required to film on all of those days.

A Separate Peace

But over the course of the year, with the pandemic making filming difficult to impossible, Jenna instead diverted her attention to acting in other ways.

Most notably amongst those was A Separate Peace by Tom Stoppard; a virtual theatre performed by multiple actors over Zoom. It marked a significant improvement over actors merely reading text out loud, was amazing to watch, and was strongly praised as the best alternative to actual theatre currently available.

Jenna played 22 year old nurse Maggie Coates, who tended to, and befriended a patient, played by David Morrissey, who arrived at the hospital without having any medical issue whatsoever.

It was short and poignant, and it was amazing to see Jenna in this role. But info have some criticism about the producers. With minimal promotion for it, the turnout could have been much better. It was announced to be the first in a series of virtual theatre performances like this, and it seemed as though this was sort of a test run, to see whether this was possible at all, to see whether the media liked it, or not. The reaction to it was overwhelmingly positive, with very great reviews praising it’s ability to at least achieve some semblance of theatre despite all the restrictions preventing live theatre performances. It was even praised as among the best of theatre in 2020 (https://www.broadwayworld.com/westend/article/2020-Year-In-Review-Gary-Naylors-Best-of-Theatre-20201207). 

After seeing those reviews, which were shared much more widely than the initial promotion for it, I saw lots of people who either wanted to watch the production, but couldn’t, as it was only shown once, and was not shared by the producers afterwards, or were interested in watching future installments of such virtual theatre performances. But the producers of this virtual theatre performance did not produce any other ones, despite initially announcing that they would. And even though it was understandable at the time, that they were unwilling to share the recording of the performance, as the money from the tickets did go to charity, and they did not want people to know that they could still watch future similar performances without having to pay anything, as they did not make any other similar production, it is perplexing why they never made the recording of this play available. 

Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition

As the pandemic prevented most types of acting for large parts of the year, Jenna instead turned her attention to several audio performances.

Way back in 2011, Jenna voiced Princess Melia in the English dub of the fantasy role-playing game Xenoblade Chronicles. 10 years after the initial release, Nintendo worked on a new release; Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition, with updated graphics, gameplay, and a whole new extra storyline, that prominently features Melia. It was released on the 29th of May 2020. 

Since Jenna rose to fame after she originally voiced Melia, the Xenoblade Chronicles fandom thought it very unlikely that Jenna would return to voice Melia again in the new release. But against all odds, she did return. It is unclear when she recorded the new lines for Melia, but I think it was probably in January or February this year, and Jenna has still never commented publicly about this role, or her reprisal of it. 

Though I haven’t played the game, you can watch all the cutscenes of the game here: https://youtu.be/Tsgy1h5x8VU and the phrases Melia says througout the gameplay here: https://youtu.be/l7oDcI8HmI4

Pressures, Residential

On July 12th, Esquire UK released a recording of Jenna Coleman reading the short story “Pressures, Residential” by Philip Hensher, in support of Unicef UK, as part of the Esquire Summer Fiction Series. It’s a creepy story told brilliantly by Jenna. It’s always lovely to listen to her incredible voice. You can listen to the story here: https://youtu.be/VSpc4H-z40A

The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies

On the 17th of September, the audiobook collection “Beatrix Potter: The Complete Tales” was released, in which Jenna read the story of “The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies”. 

Charlie Waller Virtual Carol Service

On the 7th of December 2020, the Charlie Waller Trust held a virtual Chirstmas carol service, that had been pre-recorded, and was streamed over youtube for those that bought a ticket earlier. As part of the event, Jenna Coleman read an extract of a Christmas carol poem by George Wither. 

Additional Comments

With a lack of projects this year and the last, and with Victoria series 3 not being recieved that well, Jenna unfortunately didn’t win any awards, and wasn’t even nominated for any awards this year. Even though I think she was nominated and won far too few awards for her recent work, she at least had managed to maintain a success of several award nominations, and at least one win every year since 2016. 

2020 has also been the first year of her acting career, since 2005, in which she didn’t officially get announced to have been cast in a new film or TV role, or had the certainty of continuing to play a role that she had already played, in the next year. 

Even though Jenna Coleman was involved in many different projects this year, overall, she did not have any work to do for the vast majority of this year. With the TV and film industry being shut down or at least massively reduced for large parts of the year, there might not have been that many roles for her to audition for. We know that Jenna went on two holidays, and she had shared a bit of what she got up to during lockdown in this article: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/fashion/fashion-news/g32374333/self-isolate-with-jenna-coleman/ But for the most part, it remains somewhat unclear what she did this year. We know she kept up French lessons for The Serpent, she did some gardening, possibly attended some photography courses, and possibly tried her hand at painting. She revealed all of that in May, and hasn’t talked about what she did with her time since then. 

There is a possibility that she had been working on renovating her new house in the Cotswolds for some time this year. And there is also the possibility of her having already started filming work for her secret new project; after all it remains unclear where she was during her latest Galaxycon Q&A session. 

Overall, this year has not been great for Jenna from an acting perspective. But 2021 will definitely be better! The Serpent airs on January on BBC, and will be released on Netlix sometime later that year. And then there’s also Jenna’s secret new project. Depending on what it is, we might even see that come out towards the end of 2021. 

[noonachronicles]

Monsta X S/O Reaction to Their Kink

Loosely based off of a requested by @nemesyis​ but ended up with me really just doing whatever I felt like. lol 

Warnings - As the theme is kinks, there are themes of smut. Please also note, that I took some liberties on a couple of the kinks and they are a bit on the kink lite side of things. Dacryphilia and graphoerotica are typically much more...intense, and often not as...nice. Basically I’m trying to say please be cautious, do your research, and be safe. 

Authors Note - This ended up being really long. Are reactions supposed to be this long? Did I do it wrong??

Shownu - Garters and Stocking – Many men get turned on seeing a woman in this (now) uncommon underwear.

Hyunwoo had sat down at the table to eat his ‘between lunch and dinner’ meal. Which, as you knew, meant it would be the perfect time to get ready, because nothing distracted that man from his food which meant he wouldn’t be hanging around to distract you.

You were nearly ready, hair done up in victory rolls, eyeliner winged to perfection and lipstick red as a candy apple. You’d just been pulling the stockings up your legs and clipping the garter belt when you noticed you didn’t have the main component of your outfit.

“Crap...” you muttered before walking out to the living room.

You went quickly to the couch were you’d dropped a bunch of shopping bags from your last minute shopping spree that morning. Your mind elsewhere you didn’t even notice Hyunwoo look up from his plate.

It was just a quick glance. He knew it was you when he heard the movement in the adjacent living room but he had to look up, out of habit. When his eyes dropped back down to his plate he gulped. His mouth was watering and he wasn’t sure it was just because of the fried chicken in between his fingers.

“What...what’s that?” He asked from the table.

“What’s what, baby?” You called over your shoulder, still digging in your bags.

“Your outfit.” He said putting down the chicken leg in his hand and sucking on his fingers.

“Oh.” He bit his lip as he watched you bent over the back of the couch. The subtle black seam of the stockings lining the length of your legs. “It’s my outfit for the bachelorette party! It’s swing themed, remember? I told you. I just need...aha! The dress.”

You tugged the dress from the bag and turned around. You jumped back in surprise that Hyunwoo was standing right in front of you. Your forehead creased as he eyed you hungrily, you looked around his broad shoulders to the table where he still had half of his meal waiting.

“What are you doing?” You asked curiously as he lifted his hands to your hips and pulled you closer.

“I’m hungry.” He murmured, his large hands spreading out over your legs and running down the stockings and back up again.

“Well...you didn’t finish your food so...”

“Not hungry for that.” He said simply, leaning in to kiss your neck. “Hungry for you.”

“Oh.” You fisted the dress in your hand as his mouth moved over you. “I can’t, I’ll be late.”

He hummed and kissed the tops of your breasts, his hands moving over the lacy fabric of your bra before dropping back down, “I’ll make it worth it.”

You nodded, “Okay, but... don’t mess up the hair. Promise?”

He’d lifted your leg up against his hip and was running his hand over the stockings, “Only if you promise to wear these more.”

-

Wonho - Dacryphilia - When one is aroused by tears or sobbing.

Hoseok was only half surprised when you burst angrily through his front door. For weeks he’d felt horrible. Something had been eating at him and he wasn’t sure how to explain it to you, so instead of communicating he withdrew.

“Are you breaking up with me!?” You shouted as soon as you saw him. Tears and mascara were already streaking your cheeks.

And his shoulders sank. It was happening again.  

The first time it happened the two of you had been cuddled on the couch after dinner watching Goblin. For you it was the third time through because you couldn’t get enough of it and he was watching because he couldn’t say no to you.

There was a particularly emotional scene playing and he couldn’t bare to watch it, knowing he’d probably cry. Instead he turned his gaze to you. That’s when it happened. You’d already been crying, tears clung to your lashes and streaked your cheeks. He thought you looked beautiful. He was in love with your emotion, your passion. So much that he felt a familiar stirring in his shorts. He instantly felt like a monster! How could he be aroused by your tears? Just the idea of you being upset broke his heart, so he shook it off as residual arousal from earlier and tried to forget it.

The second time had been different.

You’d been laying in your bed together. You were reading a book and he’d been working on music and both of you were taking breaks in between for a little kissing and heavy petting. It was an accident really. He’d been sliding his fingers over your skin when he hit a sensitive spot on your side. When you jolted with a laugh he couldn’t help himself. He had to tickle you more and before either of you knew it, you were crying with laughter. Tears streaming  out of your eyes as you gasped out for air. It happened again, the stirring in his stomach. After that he found it hard to be around you. Just... in case.

“Answer me! Are you breaking up with me?” You asked again.

“I like when you cry!” He confessed.

You stepped back, “What?!”

“I don’t like when you’re sad or upset!” he specified, “Just...when you cry...you’re so beautiful. It’s...sexy.”

“What do you mean it’s sexy?”

“I know it’s weird. It’s why I didn’t tell you. It’s why I’ve been avoiding you.” He looked deflated.

Looking over at him you noticed the bulge in his shorts and raised your eyebrows, “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Yes. I don’t know why it’s happening.”

“You think...you think I look sexy right now?” He nodded and you looked over at the mirror hanging on the wall and quickly turned away in disgust of your hot mess reflection, “Ugh god... seriously? I look like a sad, crazy panda.”

“No!” He stepped in front of you and cupped your cheek. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

“Hoseok. This is so weird.” You muttered skeptically.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“So you’re really not breaking up with me?”

“No! I was worried you were going to break up with me.” He was a little worried you still might. “I love you...”

You sighed, “Okay.”

“Okay?” He asked.

“I love you too and as weird as this is... it could have been something weirder I suppose.” you shrugged.

He leaned in and kissed you hard, his arms wrapped around you, nearly lifting you off the ground. He was so relieved. When you had two feet solidly back on the ground you pulled back and looked at him. He’d really been so worried, in retrospect you found it almost amusing.

“There’s like...twenty more episodes of Goblin.” You whispered against his lips.

“Of course! We can do anything you want, for the rest of our lives, whatever you want. Anything to make up for this.” he said enthusiastically.

“No...I mean,” you ran your fingers up from his chest to his neck, “There’s like twenty more episodes of Goblin and every single one of them makes me cry.”

-

Hyungwon - Graphoerotica - Writing words on someone’s body.

You didn’t get a lot of dates with your boyfriend, as he was a very busy man, so when he asked if you wanted to be his date to a charity event you jumped at the chance. Being around so many celebrities made you just a tad anxious so when you found the clicky pen at the bottom of the swag bag they handed out at the door when you came in you held it like a lifeline in one hand while you held Hyungwon’s hand in the other.

He walked you around the party and introduced you to the people he knew and himself to some people he didn’t know yet. He’d met a producer that was interested in his dj/solo work and needed somewhere to take down his phone number. You’d left your phones at the table so you offered him the pen.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” He asked staring down at the pen.

“Write it on your hand...”

He pouted at you slightly and you stuck your palm out with a roll of your eyes. With a small smile he quickly wrote down the number of the producer. Afterwards he looked down at the ink on your skin and hummed thoughtfully before dropping the pen in your hand and going back to his conversation. Leaving you to think nothing of it.

A couple of days later you’d been laying in bed next to one another. Hyungwon was taking a nap and you’d been doing a crossword puzzle when you’d fallen asleep too. When you woke up Hyungwon was missing, likely in the kitchen getting food. Looking down at your arm you realized there was a mark that you thought had just been from knocking into the pen in your sleep. However upon closer review you realized Hyungwon had written ‘Hi Cutie :)’ on your arm. With a small smirk you let it go.

A week after that he’d invited you to the studio. He’d been there for days and missed you like crazy and you’d been more than willing to visit him. You sat on the couch talking to Jooheon about some of the collaborations he’d done on his latest mixtape while Hyungwon sat on the ground between your legs going over some checklists with Shownu. After awhile you felt the wet tip of the marker Hyungwon had been using press against your bare thigh.

“What are you doing?” You asked looking down at him.

He looked up at you innocently as he could, “nothing.”

“Mmhmm.” You hummed trying to look at what he’d drawn but he had covered it up under his large hands. “What are you drawing?”

He shrugged cutely, “Just a turtle.”

“You’re so weird.” You said ruffling his hair with your hand before going back to your conversation with Jooheon as he continued his drawing.

Maybe ten minutes passed when you felt Hyungwon press a kiss against your thigh before getting up to record his part of the song. You didn’t think about it. You didn’t think about the drawing until Jooheon looked down at your leg and chuckled.

“Point made hyung.” He laughed.

You looked down to see he had drawn a turtle like he said, only inside of the turtle he’d written ‘Property of Chae Hyungwon. Don’t Touch’. Your face reddened in embarrassment and you told Jooheon to tell Hyungwon his property took herself home.

When he arrived home later he slinked into the bedroom like guilty puppy waiting to be reprimanded. He was surprised to find you sitting on the edge of the mattress in his favorite lingerie. He stepped between your knees and looked down to see his art from earlier still on your skin.

“You didn’t wash it off yet?” he noted, dragging his finger over the ink.

You shook your head. “I kind of liked it. I like being yours Hyungwon...maybe just not in front of your friends like that.”

“You do?” he grinned.

Lifting your hand you offered him a more easily washable marker. “Do your worst.”

-

Minhyuk - Body Painting – Painting bodies, treating the skin as a human canvas.

Minhyuk and you had been dating for awhile now. He’d been a very ambitious lover since your very first time together, which you always appreciated from him. Recently, within the last few weeks, you’d just felt so comfortable with him. Really loved, like you could confess anything to him and he wouldn’t run away. So you had been. You told him all the weird little things you were into and he tried every single one of them for you with as much or more enthusiasm as you could have wished for.

One night, laying in bed, you watched him move under the blankets and realized that he’d been so understanding of your kinks and you’d never tried any of his. He’d been leaving little bruises on your hips and stomach with his mouth when you tore the blanket from him. He’d already left little love marks on your thighs and chest.

“Everything okay, Jagi?” He asked wide eyed as his head popped up.

“I just missed you.” You grinned, “Come back.”

With a bright smile he moved back up the bed to give you a proper kiss. After a moment you pulled away and gave him a smile.

“Minnie...” you whispered against his mouth, “what do you like?”

“I like you, Jagi.” He said giving you a quick kiss.

You laughed, “No, baby, I mean...what do you like? We’ve tried all the stuff I like. Isn’t there anything you want to do? Something you’d like us to try?”

He thought about it for a moment, his gaze moving passed you as he cyphered through his thoughts. There was a hint of excitement in his eyes but he quickly let it go before looking down at you and shaking his head.

“No. I like what you like.” he answered.

You frowned. “You don’t trust me? Are you...uncomfortable with me?”

“No!” He said reassuringly. “It’s just not a big deal.”

“Tell me, please?”

He sighed, “I guess...I’ve really only thought about it a couple times but, I’d like to...paint you.”

“Like one of your French girls?” You joked.

With a small smile he shook his head. “Not like that.”

“Well,” you sat up next to him, “tell me what you mean. We can try it.”

“Yeah?” You nodded and he jumped up enthusiastically, “okay!”

He left the room for a moment but was back quickly with an armful of paints and a hand full of brushes. Before long he had you lying on your back while he sat on the tops of your thighs. His tongue was sticking cutely out of the side of his mouth as he ran his brush over your abdomen a few more times perfecting his oceanscape. As he looked down at you his chest puffed with pride.

“See? No big deal.”

But it was a big deal. Between not being able to move beneath him and the gentle, wet strokes of his brushes you were trembling. Goosebumps lined your skin and your nipples had been so sensitive from when he painted them that every pass of cool air over the wet paint felt like the flick of his tongue and it was driving you insane.

“Was it horrible?” He grinned. Trailing his fingertip over the spots on your skin that had already dried. You shook your head silently as his hand reached the moist, heated fabric between your thighs. “Oh? I think you liked it quite a bit actually.”

You gasped as his fingers moved under the fabric of your panties and your back arched off the bed. Quickly his other hand was on your hip pushing you back down against the mattress.

“Don’t move.” He commanded, and your jaw dropped at the way his eyes moved over you, “It’s not dry yet. You don’t want to ruin it.”

-

Kihyun - Intelligence Fetish – Sexual arousal from intellectually stimulating conversation or debates.

Kihyun knew you were smart. It was one of the things that had immediately attracted him to you. Your intellect, your sense of humor, your good heart. He just hadn’t realized at first how much your intelligence attracted him to you, and the specific ways it affected him. He didn’t put much thought into the fact that after every debate over politics, every argument about some new scientific development or even little heated conversations about which group had a better comeback this week, he had to have you.

In fairness, though you were smart, you hadn’t put two and two together either. You always figured it was just adrenaline from another hot debate. The thrill of the argument maybe. That and the fact that Kihyun had, surprising to you when you first got together, a sex drive like a machine.

Realization hit him at a truly inopportune moment. The two of you had been having dinner out at a restaurant with Hyungwon and his most recent partner. The four of you had been in a mild conversation that was quickly turning into a heated, yet friendly, debate between you and Hyungwon. At first Kihyun just sat back, enjoying listening to your passionate opinions, agreeing with most everything you said. He was certain you were going to come out on top. You were so quick witted and clever. Even against a professional sass and back talker like Hyungwon.

As time passed, with every new point you brought up there was a new surge of blood to his dick until he was swollen and uncomfortable in his dress pants. He was a little confused by his arousal as you weren’t even arguing with him. He had no skin in the game. He didn’t really even care about what you guys were talking about if he was being honest. Still, here he was, wanting you. Needing you.

He adjusted himself in his seat and an accidental groan escaped his lips. You looked over at him and sighed.

“We should stop. This must be so boring for these two.” You said referring to your dates.

Hyungwon just shrugged, “Already giving up. I expected more from you, y/n.”

“Keep going.” Kihyun muttered from his seat. “Don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?” Turning back to him you raised an eyebrow, “I feel bad. You haven’t exactly been involved in the debate.”

Reaching down you placed a kind hand on his thigh, this time both eyebrows shot up. He just nodded, “Please...destroy him.”

“Okay.” You said with a blush and turned back to your opponent.

It didn’t take much more time at all, maybe ten more minutes of excruciating fore play, before it was clear the argument was yours. Hyungwon conceded with his pride still intact. And the two of you laughed over the whole thing as Kihyun pulled his wallet from his too-tight pants. He stood up and pulled you to your feet, honestly he just needed to use you as a way to hide his obvious erection.

“I don’t mean to be rude, please don’t take it that way. I had a lovely night,” he said dropping a wad of cash on the table, “If that’s not enough let me know and I’ll get you more later but we need to leave. Now.”

With that he maneuvered you through the restaurant like a bank robber using a teller as a human shield.

You barely heard Hyungwon call out, “Thanks for dinner, Young Flexer!”

Luckily you did hear and you laughed. You laughed again as Kihyun pushed you a little more aggressively and said, “Please, just keep walking I can’t wait any longer.”

-

Jooheon - Wax Play – Play with dripping hot wax on the skin.

The power had been out all day. It felt like you’d been taken back to medieval times once your uncharged phones finally perished. Some of it was nice. Just being with your boyfriend, Jooheon. No interruptions, no social media, no work. It was just the two of you and some much needed alone time together.

He was already pretty turned on. You’d been grinding on his lap for about fifteen minutes worth of make out session by candlelight. He whined when you pulled away, releasing his thick swollen lip with a pop.

“Give me two seconds.” you said, “I really have to pee.”

“Hurry.” He begged.

“I will!” You promised and reached over hurriedly to grab one of the candles next to the couch to take with you to the dark bathroom.

When you turned to get off of him you did so with a little too much enthusiasm and some of the wax from the candle splashed out over the rim and splattered across his chest.

“Oh fuck me!” He cried out.

You stopped everything to tend to him. “I’m sorry, Honey! Oh my god, baby are you okay?”

He watched as you blew on the wax to try and cool it quicker so you could peel it off his skin and as you did he realized that it didn’t exactly feel that bad. It was mostly just shock from the unexpected.

You gently rubbed the pinked skin, and pressed sweet kisses against his chest. “I’m so sorry, Honey. Please forgive me!”

“Babe, it’s fine.” He chuckled lightly, “I’m okay. Just go to the bathroom. I swear I’m not upset, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I’m still so sorry.” You whispered, you were shaking at the sight of how pink his skin still was.

“You’re okay. I’m okay.” He reassured you, “Now go, and hurry back. Just carefully this time.”

You did as he said and disappeared from the room. When you did he gulped and looked over at the other candle burning on the side table before picking it up. He looked back towards the doorway and then quickly dipped his fingertip into the liquid. The sensation sent a pleasurable chill down his spine.

You’d just walked into the door after work a few days later, long after the power had come back on and everything went back to normal. You dropped your keys in the bowl by the door and kicked off your shoes. You were absentmindedly sorting through the mail from the mailbox when you noticed the bag on the counter.

Curious as a cat you peeked into the plastic bag and immediately your brow creased. It was candles. A lot of candles. Picking up the bag and dropping the mail you made your way into the bedroom where Jooheon was sitting up in bed, his laptop sitting on his legs and his glasses falling off his nose.

“Honey...” you said from the doorway.

He looked up and smiled at you. “Jagi.”

You lifted the plastic bag at your side, “Expecting a sudden surge of blackouts?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Did you know you have to use a low temperature burning candle for safe wax play during sex?”

“Excuse me?” you choked out.

“Do you want to try it with me?” He asked enthusiastically, his dimple digging deep into his cheek. How could you say no?

-

Changkyun - Exhibitionism - Becoming aroused by the idea of being seen by others, or by the thrill of being caught.

As long as you had known him and in every aspect of your relationship, Changkyun was a limit pusher. He liked to find your line between acceptance and disapproval and then just inch by inch see how far he could move it until he was really in trouble with you. This meant you were both incredibly comfortable with him at all times and uncomfortable, in general, most times. And the fact that he was a bit of an exhibitionist was not a surprise to you. He’d given you about a hundred  breadcrumbs along the path to what would be his eventual end game. 

When you first got together it was hand holding. Were you okay with light PDA? Then it was kissing. First on the hand or the cheek. Then gentle nuzzles against your neck, his leg over your lap. It was cute, you thought,  like a baby koala. Needy and clingy. You didn’t mind at all and everyone else in his life seemed used to the behaviors too.

Then he went a step further. Kissing in front of the others. Not cute, sweet kisses like before. Real kisses. Tongue between your teeth, irrepressible moaning, gentle groping. Kisses that left you flushed and frantically needing him alone afterwards. While he sat smugly beside you. Visibly unbothered by the heat bubbling between you and unconcerned about the disapproving eyes of his hyungs.

Next was a big leap. Miles outside of your comfort zone. Though, somehow, Changkyun had a charisma that made the discomfort more thrilling than anything else so you went with it. 

It was movie night  at the dorms and you’d been snuggled up together in the couch like usual. Changkyun had been whiny and needy all evening begging for you to feed him snacks while held onto you like a sloth on a tree branch. Sometimes it was sweet, when he held you. Warm and cozy. Somewhere about mid movie you could physically feel a shift in him. When you looked over to his face you saw the deviant look in his eye and the evil grin that crossed his lips.

You cleared your throat as he leaned in and kissed your clavicle. You’d been so distracted you didn’t even feel his hand snake between your bodies until it was much too late. You gasped loudly at a scene that absolutely didn’t call for it and several of the others turned to look at you in surprise. Changkyun gave his best sweet boy smile, and everyone went back to the movie.

“Don’t.” You murmured as his fingers teased your panty line.  

“Please.” he begged.

You let out a slow breath and nodded. With your permission he slipped his fingers between your slick lips. He dragged his wet fingers back up and rubbed them slowly against your hardened rosebud.

“Kyun...” you whispered, panicked, “they’re gonna know.”

“They don’t know shit.” He whispered back before leaving a loud smooch against your cheek and turning back to the movie.

You bit your lip hard as he pumped his fingers into you, the heel of his palm, pressing heavy against your clit. After a few minutes all it really took was looking over at the dark look in his eyes and you were putty.

Wide eyed you mouthed, “I’m gonna cum.”

With a broad, amused smile he mouthed back, “I know!”

He was laughing as your head rolled back, and your toes curled beneath the blanket you’d been sharing. At least for him the laughter went appropriately with the film. Once you’d ridden your orgasm out on his fingers he pulled his hand from between your legs and grinned mischievously.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“I want some popcorn...” he laughed reaching into the bowl.

“Oh my god.” You groaned, mortified, as he came back to snuggle against you.

“I love you.” He grinned.

“You’re evil.” you sighed in defeat before getting up to replace the popcorn.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

[bluemoonpunch]

How do Jennie (Blackpink) and Kai (EXO) connect? [anonymous @ bluemoonpunch(.)com]

This is a really interesting connection because it’s like… severely imbalanced but there is a very clear recognition of this imbalance. The energy that Jennie projects towards Kai is The Emperor and the energy that Kai projects in return is the 5 of Cups. This to me seemed like a very dominant person sort of just being there while a more submissive person willfully bows their head to them without really being asked to. 

The 5 of Cups is typically about sadness and mourning, but here I was fully focused on the fact that the person in the image has their head bowed while facing The Emperor. I mean, there definitely still is this heavy feeling to it, but it doesn’t feel like it’s just grief or sadness, there’s more to it. In that sense, there’s this empty feeling coming from it, as if the aspect of loss or mourning has become just this kind of… limp energy? Probably not the best way to put it, but it’s like the energy is there, but it’s being pushed down or flattened to where it doesn’t feel severe, but it looks severe - I have no idea how exactly to explain that in terms of how I’m seeing it visually. It’s like things are being masked for me, but between the 5 of Cups and The Emperor, they know what’s going on there.

The way that they see each other reflects exactly what they are both projecting towards the other. As Jennie projects the energy of The Emperor, this very independent and authoritative energy, Kai sees her as The Star. It may not be this dramatic, but it’s almost as if while Kai is the person in the 5 of Cups, he’s expecting Jennie, as the authority, as The Emperor and the woman featured in The Star, to fill the cups that are left spilled on the ground, to fill in the empty space. Again, not the best way to put it, but like… he expects her to stiffen up the limp energy… I guess.

Then in return, as Kai projects this empty/limp/submissive energy of the 5 of Cups, Jennie is seeing him as the 8 of Cups. The 8 of Cups is about a journey, a point of transition and release, which here I was really seeing as Jennie thinking Kai needs to grow up because it’s like she’s watching him walk away from his own mess. Like the man in the 8 of Cups is the same man in the 5 of Cups, excepts he’s walking away from the spilled cups rather than the whole lot of upright cups. He’s giving up on something or just kind of abandoning a very emotional situation that he doesn’t know how to handle, and with that, Jennie sees him as being immature or weak. From her perspective, Kai needs to fill his own cups, clean up his mess, fill his own energy, meet her as an equal. 

Again, The Emperor energy is just kind of there, she’s not actually trying to be in charge or rule over him, yet he bows to her and is expecting her to lead when she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to pick up his mess, or their mess if it’s something between the two of them. 

With this, I keep seeing it as this being put on a big decision, like he wants her to make a big choice for both of them. The Star is an aspect of fate or high influences causing change as symbolized by the woman pouring water into the small pond and causing ripples, and pouring water on to the ground producing small streams or pathways. Here, Kai is seeing her as a person of authority as well as a supreme ruler over his fate or the fate of both of them. It does have a lot to do with emotions with all of that Water energy with the Cups and The Star. 

BUT THEN, their energy mixes down in the 6 of Pentacles which makes it seem like the options were already weighed and a decision has already been made about this and everything with The Emperor and the 5 of Cups is just like this lingering state between them. So, in spite of her not wanting to be, Jennie did act in authority here. The 6 of Pentacles is about charity and “equal cuts” of something, but here I was fully focused on the rich man giving the poor man money. It’s not equal, one is in authority over the other, but the one in authority is begrudgingly giving something to the submissive one, which here would be that decision. 

It’s kind of hard to really put it into words, but the fact that there was all of this Water energy, all of this emotion, and then all of the sudden it shifts into Earth energy, very grounded and stable, almost detached, with the 6 of Pentacles and Jennie seemed to have changed her position or her view of their connection at that moment makes it seem very superficial, very prideful or ego-centric, and done through anger or frustration, like it was an overwhelming situation and then she just sort of threw her hands up and laid things out. 

Lol, wait, breakdown, this makes sense now. 

I just looked up their ages to see if she is older than him as that can attribute to the authority thing, but she’s not, and while looking into that I did see that they were reported dating and then broke up recently after. I do remember that happening but since I don’t follow either of them closely I didn’t know all the details of it or really pay that much attention, but that kind of situation really plays into what I was seeing between them. 

If I were to kind of just low-key shove this narrative onto that situation, then it’s like they were dating, it became known in a very like… not planned/planted way, as in it wasn’t staged so it caught everyone off guard with how it came out to the public to be confirmed, and they were given ultimatums by their companies, and rather than fighting or trying to figure out something together, Kai was like, “it’s up to you.” As in, it was up to her to decide if they would stay together or break up and that really upset her, so she completely removed the emotional Water energy and just “threw him a bone” and made that decision because there was that awareness that if he was just giving it up to her, he didn’t actually care that much, or at least that’s how she interpreted it at the moment. Again, the decision and that shift in energy seemed to be made very quickly, very charged up by emotion. He wanted to prioritize the business aspect (Pentacles = Money = Career), put his career first, but didn’t want to actually say that, so he was just putting it on her.

Also, they’re both Capricorns born two years and two days apart, so… you know… doing away with nonsense in a very direct and sometimes even emotionless way can be a snap reaction in times of pressure or turmoil. However, there was emotion there. Jennie’s reaction towards shifting from Water energy to Earth energy (from Moon to Sun maybe) was out of anger and frustration. It was very quick, it doesn’t seem like there was too much thought put into it, it was more like, “this is the problem, this is the solution, done.”

So, yeah, they definitely feel disconnected in that regard but there’s still that vibe of things being unresolved or at least there being some tension there that is being pushed down, the Water energy, a lot of emotions, being kept underneath the Earth energy for the sake of maintaining stability.

More Mini-Readings | Celebrity/Idol Readings 

[arabellaflynn]

Text of a test monologue. Would you like to see me deliver this on camera, with no makeup, no lighting equipment, and using Notepad as a TelePrompTer? Head on over to my https://www.patreon.com/ArabellaFlynnPatreon, and for a dollar a month you too can see me waffle on in real time.

Hi, all. You may notice that I am on video now. I was going to shoot a couple of tests and apologize for the poor quality of the footage, and explain that I want to start vlogging and streaming in addition to writing, but I need some equipment to do it properly and for that I need to raise some funds... But fuck it. This is going out first instead.

As I record this, it is the fourth of July. You can probably hear the fireworks outside my window. I know I can. There are a lot of those, because we've all been inside and bored for the past four months. 

I know a lot of people who have opted not to observe the holiday this year. The 4th of July is often viewed as a celebration of the American institution, which is a little bit on fire right now, with a few people determined to squirt lighter fluid all over the flames like a bored suburban dad at a barbecue. On the other hand, it's also Independence Day, and marks the end of the long, painful process by which a population broke free of distant, uncaring overlords who cared mainly about the financial dividends of their colonies, and ignored the grievances of the people until they started breaking shit. So YMMV.

I would comment on some of the details, but I don't know them. The Late Show is on hiatus, and John Oliver doesn't air until tomorrow. I, like a lot of my demographic, get most of my current events from comedians. There's a reason for that.

I actually watched a lot of news as a teenager.

Well, "watched" might be too strong a word. It's easier for me to fall asleep if there's some sort of droning noise in the background. When I was about fifteen, I discovered that, unlike the main CNN channel, which has actual shows and documentaries, CNN Headline News just runs the day's top stories over and over again in an unending 30 minute loop. Interesting enough to keep me from falling into a train of thought that will prevent me from sleeping, boring enough that I don't want to stay up and listen.

I have no memory of the desk anchors. I'm sure they were consummate professionals, but they also had no distinguishing human characteristics whatsoever. I know they were updating the loop live, because occasionally a story would be added to the list and another one would drop off the back, and occasionally one would flub the text on their prompter, but other than that there was no hint that the face at the desk was attached to a living, breathing person.

I do remember a couple of the correspondents. One was Christiane Amanpour. Her voice stood out; CNN is an American news station that was originally restricted to American cable networks, and the vast majority of the staff is from the US. Amanpour is British-Iranian, having split her childhood between Tehran, before the revolution, and London, after. They liked to send her to the bowels of Eastern Europe to report from the war-torn streets of Citygrad in Countrystan. She had already caught some criticism on her reporting of the Bosnian War, for advancing the apparently controversial opinion that genocide was bad. I didn't know that at the time; I just thought she sounded more like she told real stories than read off lists of facts.

Another was Anderson Cooper, who was not nearly such a big deal then as he is now. Cooper, a self-described adrenaline junkie, was a war correspondent at the time, with a habit of ducking only briefly for explosions before standing back up to continue his piece to camera. He wouldn't be infamous until his coverage of Hurricane Katrina years later, both for the overall stellar job he did, and also for that one time he got tired of getting non-answers from some government toad in a live interview and very professionally flipped his shit at the lady, asking if she realized how tone deaf it was to sit there thanking other politicians for doing essentially nothing while there were still bodies in the street.

I quit watching the news when I moved away to college. It wasn't necessarily that knowing was worse than not knowing, but I felt a lot of pressure to be "adult" about it at that point, and watching proper news shows made me anxious to the point where I wouldn't sleep. I outright avoided it to the point where I made it to a canceled class at 4 pm, Mountain Standard Time, on September 11, 2001, before anyone told me what was going on.

I wasn't able to put my finger on why I found the news so horrible until many years later. I can't remember what rabbit hole I'd fallen down, but I ended up sitting on YouTube watching segments of the live news coverage of the 1981 assassination attempt on President Reagan. Reagan was shot in the side and later recovered without complications, but his Press Secretary, James Brady, was struck in the head and sustained considerable neurological damage. Brady, together with his wife Sarah, later went on to be a noted advocate for gun control, but at the time was reported to have died on the scene. 

I wound up watching a lot of one of the news desks -- ABC, I think. It started out like all the others, until the anchor tripped up a couple of times and referred to Press Secretary Brady as "Jim", and I realized: He knows these people. Personally. He's a member of the White House Press Corps, or a friend of the Bradys, or both. I'm watching a journalist reporting on a moment of historical significance to the American people, and a human being who has to tell the entire nation about someone's personal tragedy. His investment did not make him any less professional or informative than any of the others, but it did make his coverage feel very grounded in reality in a way that most news, then and now, does not.

The older I get, the more disquieting I find it to have a talking head behind a shiny desk read me a list of horrible things that have happened today without any apparent reaction. It makes it seem like these things are a randomized representative sample of the cruelty of the universe, rather than what they are, which is a list of things so unusually terrible they made the news. I realize that this is part of an effort to remain impartial so that the viewer can decide how they feel about events, but it's also disturbingly normative. Yes, everything is on fire, everything is always on fire, this is nothing new. 

I can't say I'm any more enamored of the opposite, either, the more recent style where the news anchor's entire job is to tell you that entirety of human existence is awful and here's what you should prioritize being afraid of this week. Everything around you is on fire, the fire is racing right at you, and here's whose fault the fire is.

A lot of Americans, especially younger ones, have taken to getting their news mostly from political satire because-- well, one, because for about the past twenty years, our comedians have been better at fact-checking than our actual newsrooms. You can thank Jon Stewart for getting a bee in his bonnet over that. But also because their coverage of major issues takes neither of those paths. The Daily Show alumni write up stories like they actually live on the planet they're reporting from. You're on fire? They're on fire too! Holy shit, let's all find some water! 

The conceit behind the comedy of The Daily Show and the Colbert Report and Full Frontal and Last Week Tonight and now the monologues on The Late Show is not that this is a normal amount of fire for everything to be on so it's fine, nor establishing that someone has set you on fire on purpose and here's who should be punished for it. It's bewilderment and frustration at the way we somehow keep catching on fire over and over again. Yeah, they crack jokes, because it's their job, but all the jokes are predicated on the idea that this is, above all, just very, very, inexplicably stupid. We can, and we should, be better than this. And the hosts stubbornly refuse to just give up and internalize as immutable all the reasons why we aren't.

You wouldn't know it to look at him, but Jon Stewart has accumulated "fuck you" money from his time on The Daily Show, among other things. I really hope the rest of them are doing the same. Because we need some figureheads who are able to say "fuck you" to a lot of authority figures right now without having to worry about how their family is going to survive the next month. John Oliver has HBO backing and I'm pretty sure Last Week Tonight has roughly equal budgets set aside for handling lawsuits and shoveling money at charity. Stephen Colbert has been insulting Donald Trump as hard as he possibly can since day one, and he just re-upped until 2023. Samantha Bee has her husband holding the camera to shoot her monologues out in the woods. 

They've all figured out how to produce their show over the internet, so at least we have something to watch in the After Times.

I really hope the neighbors run out of fireworks soon. Aside from not wanting the neighborhood to be literally on fire at any point, one of my housemates has a dog, and the dog has epilepsy, so this has been an interesting evening. Sorry about the fireworks, sorry about the camera, sorry about the country, sorry about the state of the world. Imma go find my Xanax. G'night.

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