#i think im like 70% done which is

[starry-sophrosyne]

me realizing i havent ever posted my initial designs for tox and leo/ive stopped talked about ttos as a whole:

[habibisagi]

OH MY GOD. ??????

[shithowdy]

took a week off from doing any "owed" art so i could chill after rushing to finish those three animations in like two weeks around work and other holiday stuff but there was a problem. i was. i was not chill.

[volfoss]

Long time no faceup...

Under the cut cause my number 1 hobby with doll faceups is to talk 700 years about the process and well. I was talking a LOT this time around lol

I am so kind of notoriously bad at not finishing a doll. Like ridiculously so. In my defense with this doll- his face sculpt was SO ridiculously out of my comfort zone (I usually have more cartoonish dolls > realistic) and he was massive (and his body had a lot of mods that I in turn wanted to modify) (on top of my pain increasing a lot which caused me to not be able to work on projects often the last year or two). I would have kept his faceup if it wasn't scratched badly in certain places but, here's the before (blank, I am NOT showing how bad my previous faceup attempts are..it's bad) and then I'll get into processes and such!

[ID: A large ball jointed doll sitting up. His face is blank with no eyes or wig and his body has multiple sculpted blue sections on it. A cat is sniffing his shoulder. /End ID]

The mod work was easy (thankfully! Pin that says I ❤️ my dremel) but I am not done with that so I will be focusing on his face! I watched a lot of realistic faceup tutorials and came away with a few takeaways:

1. Watercolors and a skinny nail brush WILL be your best friend. Also water in general to fix the mistakes

2. Take your time <- you'd think this was obvious but I'm soooo bad at rushing a faceup ok. I'm so bad at slowing down

3. Pastel before watercolor makes it go on smoother (the vid recommended using white which worked well bc this boy is very pale lmao)

4. Be brave and get the worst bit done first so if you fuck it up it's no big deal

So, with that knowledge I began sealing the head (was doing him along w 2 other heads Ive been putting off) and that was when the trouble started. I use sponge on sealant (liquitex matte varnish. Works like a dream always and no respiratory gear or weather conditions needed) but it was applying glossy. I assumed it was too cold in my room and after a few layers of hoping that would fix it, it didn't! Thankfully it had happened to me before and I shook it up VERY aggressively (like 1-2 minutes of shaking) and it went on fine minus some exaggerated texture on the resin from the few bad layers. Now this is one of the issues w this method, the other is it can trap dust/hair or whatever in there (you can easily pick it out if you notice it before it dries tho). These are both pros for me, I like when the doll looks more textured skin wise (realistic) and if I'm getting a little too lost on what direction to take the head, the dust or hair can make moles, freckles, or even scars! Prefacing all of that with the sealant was kicking my ASS and I was fighting for my life, which wasn't giving me much hope when this was a faceup style greatly out of my comfort zone and skill set, so it was just really a bad start. Also important to note that I did like absolutely no mockups for this which I usually do. I did a very vague basic realistic faceup and that was it, which was not really setting myself up for success, one may say.

But, somehow, the first layer was ok! I put white pastel down under the eye, around the eyebrow placement and then after some mishaps with the watercolor on the brows, I went to my old tactic. Usually with brows, I lay a layer or two down of pastel (FAR lighter than I want the brows to be) to kind of carve a rough shape out because I'm so atrocious at getting them even (like to a comical level. The amount of times I've had to redo a full brow to match the other makes this be my default method bc I'm SO bad at them).

I did one layer of that, and then decided I would try again with the watercolor. I don't want him to have super obvious eyeliner or anything (statements I've never said before. I have dolls where the liner covers the entire eyelid, I love a big eyeliner) so I just did the top waterline in a dark brown watercolor on a skinny nail art brush. This went... Suspiciously well? To the point where I just decided hey, we're going in and doing the eyelashes on the same layer.

Eyelashes are another point I'm so bad at, to the point where of all of my dolls I've painted, I've done bottom eyelashes 2x like ever. 3 at most. I remembered the tips from the video (not too much water but not too much paint, steady your hand, take it slow, and not doing just straight lines (hard to do that because I default to that often lol)) and just dove in.

The first eye went so well that I just went right into the second one and it was so much less bad than I thought it would be. It's crazy that practice and research helps? After that dried, I mixed pink and peach acrylic paints together to paint the lower waterline, and after THAT dried, I covered the bottom lashes with the same white pastel. It muted it a lot but the main thing I've learned working with this sealant method is that it WILL take stuff off. So in theory, I hoped that it would take the white pastel off and not fade my very painstakingly painted eyelashes.

Somehow it did work (thank you makeup knowledge or something) and the first layer was done. It felt SO wrong to have a first layer with NO blush???? Like absolutely makes no sense to my brain but it was so relieving to be done with the worst parts (minus the brows. I was not looking forward to those).

[ID: A three quarter view of the doll head shown above. Instead of being blank, it has very faint blonde eyebrows and dark brown lower eyelashes. /End ID]

This is the time in which I admit that I was wrong that it was so bad to do a realistic faceup (which could easily change when I do the blushing, you do not want to see the 80s blush situation I had on the first faceup attempt), as having the brow bones so prominent made the painting so much easier. I was very mad about this as this is my first proper* attempt at this sort of faceup and it was going so well (* proper meaning I actually attempted to adapt my style to the sculpt instead of putting my usual methods to use here on a head of a different style). Honestly I just kind of locked into the brows, and since my brush is a nail brush, there's a little ball stylus (I think that's what it's called? Dotting tool may also be what it's called) so when I messed up, I got that wet and very gently cleaned it up, dabbing the excess water/paint with my finger. This was SO much less painful than using acrylic paint on brows (that is MISERABLE to remove if you fuck up with black acrylic. That does not budge ever) or using watercolor pencils (like with doing my own eyeliner, I do much better with a brush than pencil).

Genuinely never will go back to using a different material for doing the brow strokes, this was such a breeze. Even getting it even wasn't too bad, I just cleaned the brows up with that same technique until I got it close enough. While I was waiting for that to dry, I used the same dark brown (I have a very small watercolor palette and no clue how to blend it lol, so I just used the same color this whole faceup so far) and same brush to add some paint to the eye crease to add some more dimension to the face. While that was drying, it started to bother me that all the dust was just not covered up, because my brain is used to when I break the paint out, I'm nearly done with the faceup, so it should be covered and cleaner by now. Which honestly I'm glad I did! It looks a lot better with most of it covered, although I do still.plan on doing a scar from the left eyebrow up to the forehead as well as others on the forehead but those are 3d sculpt projects and not flat paint projects (I use Elmer's glue to build it up and then blush/paint over top) so it is not my problem now lol.

[ID: A front facing picture of the head above. The head has dark brown curved eyebrows, moles dotted at random around the face, and the eye crease is filled in with dark brown. /End ID]

As if this project wasn't driving me crazy with stress enough, when I powdered the brows, one of them just didn't get as powdered as the other and so when I applied the sealant, about half the brow came away with it! Absolutely devastating but it is just the nature of water colors and liquid sealant! The next layer now had to include a patch job on the brow, as well as blushing (or if I was a little smarter, one layer for the brow repair, seal again, and a layer for the blushing so I didn't mess it up again!). It was such an incredibly frustrating set back especially with how long it took me to do the brows initially.

At THIS point, I was so relieved I had done a mockup digitally (even if not super accurate to what I ended up going with) because thinking of doing the blushing the next layer did make me want to cry a little bit for a couple reasons (on top of the already immense frustrations that sealing the brows on the start of day 2 brought).

As I said earlier, very different head type than what I usually do (usually can just slap some pink on the cheeks, brown elsewhere etc), but the bigger issue was how pale he is. I find it a billion times easier to paint a yellowed doll or a doll with darker resin (I am SO excited to get to my Dong next (his resin is so pretty (and has been really fun to work on while I was in white boy shading hell)) than a white unyellowed doll. If you know color theory or like any makeup at all, paler skin makes things show up so much brighter, which is a pain in the ass when you're trying to make a doll not look like they have clown makeup on with the blush alone. And with how sculpted his face is, I had to place the blush just right to get it to look ok, as well as somehow get the shading to look clean and decent.

I used a combination of a brush directly against the pastel and shavings and slowly built up some flush to the cheeks and shading around the nose.

[ID: The same doll head as above, but with a more peach color to the lips and cheeks, with slight definition around the sides of the nose bridge. /End ID]

I added the tiniest bit more blushing (my favorite hobby is procrastinating sealing. #1 thing ever) and then felt really unsure if I was somewhat close to being done or not, so decided to try it on his body with random eyes and wig to see what else needed to be there, which confirmed a couple things!

[ID: The same head as before, now shown on a seated large ball jointed doll body. He has a long lilac center part straight wig on and dark eyes. There is a doll to the left and right of him./End ID]

The first thing was somehow ALL of the messy forehead was covered by the wig, which was such a relief in of itself. The second thing was all of the blushing looked really good and natural which was such a big relief honestly.

He really just looked like some guy which was very funny as I really um don't have any dolls in my collection that have a normal faceup (guy addicted to getting too silly with it voice: Well surely getting MORE goofy won't hurt! I think the closest to a normal guy would be Theo? Cordelia perhaps too but she's also so pink lmao) and look like just a guy that you could find at a gas station. This will probably not last as I wanted to turn the forehead marks into silvery scars (I feel we could get a little silly with it and have it be magical or something like that, provides the scars look ok lmao. Future me's problem). I definitely need to add some more shading under his eyes (under eye bags are PERFECT when his eye bags are actually sculpted, I'm not used to that on a sculpt lol), accents to the lips (MAY do lip lines. May just add more color. No one ever knows what my go to is with lips because I hate doing them), add highlights (and maybe use some pearl x powder on the eyelid area... I kind of want him to look MOSTLY natural but I cannot lie, the lure of men with eyeshadow. It's a slippery slope) and mess with his eyes a bit as he looks really good with that purple wig, so I'd like to use colors that coordinate with that if possible (same with the eyes probably?). All in all, this was a lot of work for a low energy day and I feel I'm entering the home stretch a bit!

Day three, and despite how horrendous I was feeling like the entire day, I locked in and got a lot done!

[ID: The same head as above, with silver scarring on the forehead and nose and slightly more pigment on the lips. /end ID]

In pictures the scars look a LOT like leeches to me but it's ok or something. I wanted to do silver as I felt it would be fun to do a more magical twist with the characters and having some funky colored scars would work with that! I started with a layer of light grey paint and Elmer's glue mixed together, then added layers of a silver paint with the glue until it was more pronounced from the resin, how a scar would be, and then shaded with watercolors (before then adding the blushing to make it look like actual scars instead of weird metal globs). Honestly I really liked how the eyebrow and nose ones came out but the forehead ones were more of a cover up job rather than where I wanted to place them, so they may get adjusted later.

Other than that, I started work on his eyes (and most of the day was laying in bed in pain so I didn't get a ton done sadly)! It's not very visible in photos but I also used a glittery powder (pearl ex) on the eyelids to add some sparkle.

All that was left is a bit of scar work, figuring out if I'm going to do lines on the lips (my worst debate always tbh, I feel they rarely look good with my faceup style and are often a pain in my ass), finish the eyes (admittedly this is just because I'm very slow with it as I don't really like working with the resin a ton), and gloss the areas that need it. There is definitely a chance I remove the forehead scarring (the great part about it all being glue is well. It removes easily) and do something different there that's a bit bigger and less small blobs but that is tomorrow's problem. Honestly really excited about the eyes, they look REALLY good from when I've tried them in!

I then proceeded to procrastinate for about a week maybe (time is odd for me rn) because I was so unsure about the forehead scarring but when I picked it back up, I did the finishing touches I planned on here and then wrapped his eyes up and he's done! 2 heads to go (sadly. I'm so scared doing them to be honest cause it's so much work always) but very happy with him!

[ID: The head shown previously, but on his body. His lips and scars are now glossy, he has eyes with a dark blue sclera and bright purple glittery iris in, and is wearing a long straight lavender wig. His body is wearing a teal and purple camo shirt that is tight fitting. The doll is sitting between two other dolls on a shelf. /End ID]

[todayisafridaynight]

there's normal thought exercise questions to be had about fave charas like 'what would your fave do in X situation' or 'does your fave like Y why or why not' but the most important question to me i could ever answer about my faves is 'do they like shadow the hedgehog and is it purely ironic or do they have all 326 route titles memorized'

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

87 PITY

I WON THE 50/50

WHOOOOOO

LETS GOOOOOOOO❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

[themyscirah]

ALYSSA WONG SPIRIT WORLD IS SO GOOD OMG

[honeytonedhottie]

honey's it girl magazine november edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the november catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion.

before we go any further i'd love to thank you all for the wonderful year we've had of it girls magazine, writing every catalog is SUCH a joy and im glad that u guys like it to. i'll continue to work on the magazine and make it more enjoyable for u all. i hope that as the magazine grows and evolves i'll have more lovely girlbloggers featured in my catalogs. this is THEE magazine for it girls ✨ and now please enjoy, the it girl magazine.

THE HISTORY OF HELLO KITTY ;

hello kitty was born in the suburbs of london. she lives with her parents and her twin sister mimmy who is her bff. her hobbies include baking cookies and making new friends. as she always says, “you can never have too many friends”. but what else is there to know about this 3 apples tall ray of sunshine? SOOO much actually which is why i decided to write about hello kitty’s history.

hello kitty was created by the japanese company sanrio in 1974. she was initially designed by yuko shimizu. hello kitty quickly became emblematic of the cute culture in japan and a global symbol of nostalgia and girliness. hello kitty’s representation of girliness played such an important role in defining and popularizing kawaii culture in japan. hello kitty became a subtle statement of empowerment in the 1970s and 80’s.

the average apple is 3 inches tall. take your height in inches and divide it by three to find out how many apples tall you are! im 21 apples tall…💬🎀

during the 70's and 80's expectations for women were shifting, and with this context hello kitty emerged not only as an adorable kitty but as an emblem of a new type of femininity—one that embraced softness and strength simultaneously. hello kitty is associated with things like happiness and joy. in the 21st century, hello kitty’s presence in pop culture exploded.

a lot of celebrities are seen with hello kitty items, hello kitty collaborated with high-fashion brands, artists etc. they all appreciated her mix of innocence and global acclaim. and i think that the fact that shes maintained her grip on society even now says so much! hello kitty just RESONATES.

and honestly, hello kitty's longevity is a testament to her universal appeal. over the decades, hello kitty has gone from being just a character to becoming a pop culture icon that resonates with people of all ages and regions of the world. whether it’s a child picking out their first hello kitty backpack or an adult rocking a limited-edition hello kitty x gucci collection, she bridges generations with her timeless charm 💖

the success of hello kitty has a lot to do with her straightforward yet unmistakably unique design. her iconic bow, the lack of a mouth—on purpose, so that she can "speak from the heart"—and her endless versatility only cement hello kitty as an open canvas for self-expression. she’s playful, she’s nostalgic, she’s even edgy, depending on how she’s styled or reimagined.

hello kitty became a symbol of softness and femininity because she showed that being gentle and kind could still be powerful. when she was created in the 70s, women were stepping into new roles, and hello kitty stood for a new kind of strength—which wasn’t about being loud or aggressive but about connection, joy, and kindness.

SELF GRATITUDE. YOU'RE SO AMAZING ;

gratitude is a feeling thats really emphasized during november and i think that we should always be most grateful to ourselves! no one puts as much effort or loves u as much as u do. so lets take some time to appreciate ourselves and everything that we've done for ourselves as 2024 comes to an end.

take a moment to recognize everything that you've achieved this year, challenges that you've overcome and things that you've done for yourself this year to create a better more glamorous life for yourself. dont forget to say thank you and celebrate yourself cuz ur literally so cute and amazing and capable 💕

some ways that u can celebrate yourself and show gratitude towards yourself include…💬🎀

♡ pamper yourself with a spa day ♡ book that appointment you wanted ♡ write a love letter to yourself ♡ buy yourself a bouquet of flowers

PREPPING FOR A SUCCESSFUL YEAR ;

2025 is right around the corner so we should prepare and set ourselves up for success in this new year. so to start off prep for the next year we should make a MANIFESTATION list. title the list "2025" and write down everything that u want to manifest that year in a list fashion.

an important aspect of setting urself up for success in the new year is to reflect on the year we just had. reflect on your year so that u can see what u accomplished this year/what u can do better in the next year…💬🎀

i break up my year into 4 quarters (each lasting 3 months) that way i can see my year broken up and i have a clear plan and i can be organized. quarter one (january - march) quarter two (april - june) so on and so forth. and after every quarter i do a little analysis. and finally wrap up some things projects, assignments and things of that nature so that u can go into the next year on a clean slate.

WHAT THE IT GIRLS ARE LISTENING TO ;

first im gonna start off by talking about txt's new album SANCTUARY cuz if u guys didn't know im a moa 🙈. i LOVED everything about this album, the concept EVERYTHING. my favorite song on the album is 41 winks and over the moon is also incredible, i loved all the songs!! literally u cant name one bad song txts ever released cuz it doesnt fucking exist their discography is perfect. 10/10. i highly recommend giving it a listen if u have not.

tyla also released push to start and the music video is just a work of ART. tyla has been consistently giving us hit after hit, shes so incredibly talented and i LOVE push to start. i love the choreography also, but something that i love the MOST about this music video is the fashion like HELLO?? tyla rocked tiny tops and big boots in this music video and im lowkey living for it. the fringes in her tiny top in the opening scene, her teensy denim shorts that she leaves unbuttoned to show off her blinged out panties like YES.

THE ADVICE COLUMN ;

Hi! Question for the advice column. I'm going on a trip for my birthday to a retreat, with a group of 10 friends in a couple of weeks. It's only 3 days but I am so excited. I am in a part of the world where it's summer right now, so my question is: what are your essentials for a summer trip? Swimming gear, accessories, skincare etc, I'm planning all my outfits in advance, so any advice is appreciated. Thank you! 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

❤︎ SPF (between 30-50)

❤︎ lacy/frilly bikinis and swimsuits. they make u look like an absolute beach doll 🍬✨

❤︎ a yummy body butter + body shimmer (during the summer, we show lots of skin so its important to stay moisturized like a glazed doughnut and also to sparkle like the star u are)

❤︎ as for clothing i typically opt for tube tops, mini skirts, sundresses and things of that nature. i LOVE summer fashion

❤︎ blinged out water tumbler for fashionable hydration 💦 and ofc a portable mini fan

Do you know how to make yourself look more exotic/tropical in appearance? Like I want to look like a tropical mermaid - cotton candy doll

❤︎ use a bit of shimmery bronzer on ur cheekbones and collarbones to achieve that glowy sun kissed look

❤︎ when i think of cotton candy key west kitten doll i think of BEACHY WAVES and bubblegum pink lips so braiding ur hair overnight can help you to achieve beachy waves in the morning, and invest in a bubble gum pink/glossy coral colored lipgloss (i recommend candy baby 🍭 from victorias secret)

❤︎ use fragrances with notes of fruit and coconut

NOVEMBER TRENDS ;

one of my favorite trends this november is the women in male dominated fields trend. its been all over my tiktok and essentially the trend is just women behaving the way many men of today behave towards women and giving them a taste of their own toxic medicine.

this trend reminds me a lot of ciara's song "like a boy". some of my FAVORITE moments from this trend are as follows…💬🎀

♡ when hes pouring his heart out in front of me and i start practicing my jumpshot mid-argument

♡ when hes got tears running down his face explaining to me why my actions hurt him but i just ask him "why are u with me then" and carry on with my day

♡ when he catches me in a lie but i just hit him with the "alright believe what u want"

this trend puts into perspective the toxic and dismissive behaviors that are becoming more and more common and that are normalized in relationships, now that the roles are reversed. it also serves as a reminder of how important mutual respect and empathy are in any relationship.

[shakey-wakey]

My first socks of 2025! AND my first socks knit with handspun yarn!!!

Pattern is the Circle of the Fae Mushroom socks by Sophie Skinner--heavily modded: i worked them bottom up instead of top-down; only looked at the colorwork charts and didnt follow any pattern instructions; and i altered the leg chart to fit 60 stitches instead of the original 70 (thats where those conjoined mushrooms come from, the og chart doesnt have those)

Only the undyed yarn is handspun, all the colors are scrap/stash yarn, and i think theyre all from knitpicks

Rambling about spinning under the cut

I used knitpicks stroll roving and did an opposing 3-ply zzs. I chose an opposing 3-ply bc in the Spinners Book Of Yarn Design, Sarah Anderson has a couple pages about her Great Sock Experiment, focusing on how different ways of spinning yarn affect how socks wear. On the pages about 3-plies, it seems that her opposing ply held up longer than a traditional 3-ply or a chain ply, and its supposed to add elasticity.

I spun up 84 grams of yarn (some used up for test spins to decide what i wanted to do) and ended up with 260 meters total, with the caveat that i ended up spinning skein 2 a bit thinner than skein 1. It worked up like a fingering weight and i had a little extra once the socks were done, about the amount i would expect if i was working with a commercial fingering weight.

I figure that since i was spinning intentionally pretty high-twist, the yarn is just fairly dense, but the socks are comfy anyways. Theyve surivied the wash already and the yarn bloomed a lot which im glad of- you could kind of see a lot of gaps in the stitches but now its a nice full fabric.

Im very excited to spin more sock yarn! And honestly the wierd gauge/yardage issue is reassuring, bc intellectually i know that i need 70-ish grams of yarn for socks and that the yardage isnt super important, but realistically i was playing yarn chicken at the beginning of knitting these and i didnt even need to be.

+bonus photo. This is apparently the ONLY progress picture i took... and yeah, i whittled those two support spindles myself too😎 thats: handknit socks+handspun yarn+handcarved spindles 😎😎😎 im very proud of myself

[fictionfixations]

OH MY GOD GUYS I GOT THE ANAKT GARDEN SET AHHHHHHHHHH

warning for major alnst spoilers ofc

I KEEP TAKING PHOTOS THE WRONG WAY AROUND 😭😭😭😭

okay im gonna summarize information

you get these id cards the main peeps of them their birthday blood type number signature fingerprint who their guardian is (i cant tell the difference between them on the card it looks the same to me but idk maybe its alien language)

and it also says what dorm theyre from

mizi till ivan and sua are in buru flower rooms although different ones

(all in buru flower room. sua is in x, till is in c, mizi is a, ivan is d)

meanwhile luka and hyuna are in different rooms which makes me believe its by like year(s) and based on when they graduate from anakt garden or something like that? i forget

according to an interview (of sua and ivan) they're from the 50th anakt garden class

hyuna is chala flower room a, and shes also the only one without a signature

interestingly enough luka is the only one without a letter after the room which i think is because of how im pretty sure hes like a clone or something? like like made and there were many others of 'him' that were made until they found the perfect him to use? im like 70% sure his guardian has also implied it or something in one of the interviews? i think it mightve been regarding either the top three or before luka vs till

i use a translator app and go through it and then (usually) mainly share ones about ivan (as hes my favorite) and include other interesting stuff that doesnt have to relate to him

also there will be some things i just dont mention

well ive only done it once and for like the art book lmfao but yEAH

i keep forgetting which page i read it from so this time im gonna write this post while looking through it to make it easier for me haha

skimming through it though i do see some stuff i think they've posted on the twitter and patreon before though i DO remember there was this one that was blurry and i think i saw it in full here

be warned translations may not always be 100% accurate cause for some reason i take a CLEAR photo of the text and then i take another but zoomed in to more specific parts of the text and it changes the translation so im just sat here like what why does having more context make it worse sob

(future me here what do you mean i can only translate 50 images a day 😭 maybe its my bad for taking so many pictures of the same part but sometimes it translates differently when i zoom into specific parts that make more sense so on parts im confused on i do that a lot)

also in the previous post i tried rephrasing it a lot but at this point its really not gonna work with this

Mizi (1) Her guardian sent a 'lullaby tape' and 'deep sea mood lamp' to help her sleep. She called it 'Shine' or something? I can't be 100% sure but she whined to a teacher about missing it and thus that was sent over.

Mizi/Sua (2) Sua helps Mizi study, and sometimes reads to her, and everytime she does it, "I feel she creates an unknown world for me."

Sua/Mizi (1) Sua was shy and didn't laugh much when entering Anakt Garden, but after meeting Mizi, she laughed a lot.

Sua (2) Children in the Anakt Garden have become more interested in the opposite sex. There are rumors among the children that there is "a tree that can succeed if you confess". Sua seems to be popular with boys as she often goes under the tree.

Sua & Ivan (3) Sua was chosen as an Outstanding Child alongside Ivan in Anakt Garden, an honorable title given to a child who sets an example for others every year. The two will be interviewed and included in ALIEN STAGE MAGAZINE VOL.2.

Sua (4) Recently, Sua's been practicing hard enough to stop crying(?). When asked why, Sua said, "I have to practice more because it's my dream to be on stage with Mizi."

😭i cant tell if its a mistranslation or if its a 'i know the truth about alnst so i want to practice not crying while on stage with her' or something

Till & Ivan (1) Today, Till fought with a new kid named Ivan. He is an aggressive child, so he needs regular education at home. Fortunately, Ivan has generously forgiven him, but I will do my best to prevent this from happening next time.

Till & Ivan (2) Till's theoretical grades have improved a lot! Practical tests are always perfect, but theories have always been weak. In particular, his grades in Religion and Music, which were his most vulnerable, have risen markedly. Is it because some kid has provoked Till recently? He's very competitive, so when he has an opponent he wants to win, he burns!

It's not stated but y'know I'd think it'd be Ivan 💀.

Ivan (1) Ivan is significantly less talkative than other children. He may have a slower language development than other children because he's adapting to a sudden change in environment.

Ivan (2) For an art class on the theme of "The Most Memorable Moment of Life", Ivan painted a sky full of shooting stars on the paper. Each star was drawn carefully, and his concentration was so focused it was like he was being sucked into the paper.

For that I'll refer to the scene back in Round 3 and my post on the artbook where it explained more on Ivan's thoughts and how the shooting stars meant to him it was

(10) in the slums, when being held over like the edge due to the anger of a dealer, he faced the fear of death at such a young age that it stuck with him, that death was always near him. the shooting stars that then appeared stayed with him unconsciously (the translation it gives me is “the ecstasy faced with death took place intensely in Ivan’s deep unconsciousness.”)

Ivan (3) He often observes his facial expressions in the pond before going to school in the morning. I feel the one translated on the patreon (free) has better translations but it only shows a few not all and I remember reading this one as one of the ones included.

Ivan (4) Although Ivan is mature for his age, he is the most childlike when he is with Till. (they fight a lot)

Hyuna (1) Hyuna is a child with gentle charisma. She has a high sense of responsibility, so she takes the lead as class president and takes the initiative in all activities. She does not hesitate to do good deeds, such as actively approaching children who do not fit in well with the Anakt Garden activities, and she is a role model for all children.

Hyuna (2) Hyuna, who loves singing, always sings in front of the children during compulsory playtime. Yesterday, she stood at the base of a tree and sang "Anakt's Lullaby" in an impromptu arrangement, and Hyuna's changed lullaby was popular at "Anakt Garden" for a while.

I've heard people theorize that Wiege is that lullaby.

Hyuna & Luka (3) Luka was hiding in a tree and looking at Hyuna, as if he wanted to play hide and seek with her. Hyuna saw Luka and invited him to play with her.

I usually format it based on whose referred to first but I actually cut off a part of it and its about how Hyuna is popular and then it mentions Luka and then I have no idea what's being said I'm using two different translator apps and they both don't make sense. Perhaps the idea is something like, 'the lonely child Luka, who also excels at Anakt Garden, even memorized her name.'

The translations it gives me call him an only kid, the best in Anakt Garden, and then continues with ", Is Hyuna" or "memorized her name" so above is my best guess tbh 😭 Reasoning? Since idk what they meant by only kid, since it mentioned in the beginning how Hyuna was popular, then if I compare then he was probably lonely (there is also art of him by a tree alone staring at Hyuna who is surrounded by many others), he was also good at his studies and so was Hyuna, and I added even to emphasize that ah Luka didn't really interact with people but Hyuna ended up catching his attention (thus he was staring at her).

Luka (1) Luka always practices until late at night. If there's even a singular thing he can't solve he immediately asks the teacher a question.

Luka (2) Luka won first place in the Anakt Garden singing contest! The children were moved to tears when they heard Luka's crying. The crying sound is clear and sweet, and moves the hearts of those who listen to it. There is a jinx that if you win first place in the Anakt Garden singing contest, you will win Alien Stage, and our teachers are expecting that Luka will win Alien Stage. It is so exciting to imagine Luka growing up day by day.

if I recall Hyuna was second

ooh thats scary the art. dude i didnt even realize there was someone behind him.. its luka whose holding up like a paper and theres two large hands on his shoulders and theres a person in black behind him but theyre so big you cant even see them just their arms and torso wtf 😭

Luka (3)

Luka complained of persistent headaches and hyperventilation during the night.

Physical examination results show abnormal blood flow and lack of oxygen in the body. There is a high possibility of congenital heart disease.

Luka's voice change begins. Intensive care is required to prevent damage to his crying(?) voice. Tea and nutritional supplements that are good for voice will be included in his diet.

one translation is 'crying voice' and the other just translates voice as crying

😭😭😭😭😭

also i cant be 100% sure the translation is right calling it congenital heart disease idk korean and the apps can be inaccurate so take it with a grain of salt

Luka (4) The end-of-month evaluation grades have dropped by 10 points compared to the previous month. Although it is a small drop, in order to prevent this, we plan to select excellent teachers from the Anakt Garden and provide intensive management. We also request periodic discipline at home to prevent Luka from being distracted.

i kind of hate luka but dude this is really making me feel bad for him holy shit 😭 wtf

now its i think graduating from anakt garden and writing messages to people um its a lot of text so idk how im gonna tackle this

MIZI

(two attempts at writing 'Mizi' are crossed out) Hello Mizi, (crossed out) Hello Mizi! You sing really well! If there is an angel, wouldn't it be right here? (crossed out)

I prepared a song for you (crossed out)

Thank you for giving me a recorder when I was little.

It's my only treasure (crossed out)

It's really sad that you're already graduating from Anakt Garden.

Actually, we could have become friends at any time, but I just didn't have time. (crossed out)

How are you. Hi. -Till- ---

What kind of place is the ocean?! I want to go play later too~~! ー????? IDK WHO THIS IS google registers it as jp characters and i think thats wrong so..ー

---

My dream, to Mizi Mizi the jellyfish girl (??) The day we were lying in the Anakt Garden meadow and looking at the stars together You became my dream. Is that why? The time I spent with you felt so precious to me. I have a lot of things I want to say. I feel complicated. (crossed out) I don't know what kind of world will unfold if I leave Anakt Garden, but I hope you will always live as green and free as the sea of summer. I believe this is Sua as there's a part mentioned earlier where Sua and Mizi liked watching the stars together and would sometimes fall asleep there instead of going back to their dorms (i did not mention this earlier thats my bad)

---

Mizi! It seems like you are a child who really loves singing. I am glad I was able to enter Anakt Garden with you and listen to your songs! I hope you will be successful after you graduate! -????-

the characters of the name are not even registered google keeps thinking its the letter m

---

You're so cute because you're quirky and lively! -?????-

---

Thank you for always greeting me brightly every morning. Thanks to your bright energy, Anakt Garden life (?) I think it was fun. Good luck for the preliminary round, and see you on stage. -Ivan-

(at good luck he said 'cheer up' or '힘내' which has like a lot of meaning to it and can be like 'hang in there' and is something Till taught him to do and I think he also said it to Till in an interview I think before their round happened, i just used good luck cause its easier to understand and cheer up in english doesnt have as much impact without that context)

yeah here and there was also the comic by what i meant him like learning it from till

---

.....i have to do this three more times........... hahahahaha hang in there me ....today i learned if you hold the button that takes a picture it will suddenly take multiple pictures of the exact same thing. 💀

---

♥️ SUA ♥️ MIZI (there are multiple hearts drawn over the page and MIZI is written next to SUA with a heart)

(mizi says a lot and as its handwriting its hard for the translation apps to decipher it from the image so bare with me for any errors)

Hello Sua! How are you? Did you know I would say that?? I can't believe you're already graduating, from Anakt Garden. Now that I'm asked to write something like this, I don't know what to write… If I had known this would happen, I would have taken the writing class harder! Then I could tell you everything I wanted to say!! Craft (this is scribbled out) Well I'll put all my memories in this letter ♥️ A moment I was thankful for Sua ♥️

Thank you for secretly eating cherry tomatoes for me when I was a kid and hated vegetables. Thanks for taking my prank well!

Now that I think about it, I think I played a lot. Thank you for helping me with my homework every day. Thank you for always listening to my worries Thank you for handing me a handkerchief when I was crying Thank you for silently comforting me when I failed my test

Thank you for always singing with me Thank you for appearing in my life I'll stop talking here, because we're always together! My dream. Sua, I love you!! -Mizi who loves you so so much-

GUYS IM GONNA CRY

---

I actually still like you. Even though you rejected me, can you think about it one more time? -???? no idea who this is-

dude can you read the room her girlfriend literally took over more than half the page 😭😭😭😭

---

I don't usually say this, but your voice is nice. I hope you do well in Alien Stage. -Till-

---

As an Oustanding Child, alongside you, I'm glad I was able to put my name on the list. I'm sorry we didn't talk much. You've always been an excellent kid, even (maybe 'when you're at') at Alien Stage(?? I can't tell) You'll get a good result. -Ivan-

---

IVAN

Hi! Ivan! I'm Mizi! You're handsome like a prince, you sing well, you study well… Why are you so perfect?! And Sua too… Are there only perfect kids around me!? By the way, I saw your stage costumes were all black a while ago, but I think you look better in white than black! How about wearing white on stage? I'm looking forward to a great performance! -Mizi-

NOT HIM DYING IN WHITE THOUGH. you know what. i bet. i bet he thought huh maybe till will think i look good in white. and then he wore white. AND THEN HE DIED

---

I don't know what to write because I don't remember talking. Take care. Bye. -Sua-

DAMN. girl you know on his stats in the art book he sees you as like a sister right 😭😭 (who am i kidding ive seen your stats too)

---

By the way, when is your birthday? I've never seen you have a birthday party. -just expect me not to include names of anyone not from main cast because I won't be able to tell if it's a mistranslation-

I just envied you so much. That's why I wanted to get close to you. -???-

Actually, I liked you, but we never talked to each other. Take care, goodbye -???-

---

Were you the one who stole the pencil back then? -Till-

😭😭😭 i think theres a note somewhere i dont think i read it in this one but in a previous alnst post about ivan stealing tills things and then returning them because he wanted praise or something

i cant recall if the pencil thing is related to him or if it mightve been related to mizi since sometimes the translation app gets pronouns wrong but i think there was a mention of a stolen pencil and it being returned to someone in here i just dont remember what page. dammit.

---

You are so perfect that it's hard to approach you.

-???-

---

TILL

Hi! Till! You're so good at singing and composing The lyrics and composition are so (she crossed out a word that looks similar to something she then says but I can't tell what it is) I'm so, so jealous of you for doing so well!! I often think of the song you sang at the Anakt Garden Song Contest Come to think of it, you got your ears pierced not too long ago, it looks really good on you! The guitar looked unique on the stage Are you taking it with you? For this performance I'm really looking forward to seeing your performance~!! Way to go! -Mizi-

---

When we were young, we fought a lot without thinking, but now that I'm older, I think I can be a better friend than you think. It seems like separation comes too quickly. I knew it wasn't useful, but I felt a little more intense with you. (crossed out) I hope you remember me. -Ivan-

---

I still remember you getting dizzy and falling over while headbanging at the Anakt Garden singing contest. It was really funny… -???-

---

I'm sure you're talented

-Acorn-

WAIT ACORN??

wait you can see part of the graduation messages on the patreon OH YEAH that was where i read the part of sua's and there was just this whole part blurred out (mizi to sua)

you know what im gonna ignore messages from anyone not of the main cast at this point idk why i did it for so long 😭

wait shit i forgot what i havent translated now 😭

---

Take care. See you on stage. -Sua-

---

IM DONE

OKAY

NO MORE

😭

[forsoobado137]

this might be a sensitive topic so...you dont have to answer if you dont want to!!

im just sat here at 3am thinking about nations in the 70s...then it turned into which nation would do drugs and which nation would get caught by the media doing drugs..i needddddd answers (and a place to yap)

dont ask but my first thought was arthur kirkland. idk, that prude so called "gentleman" must have been a little too wild in the 70s (if you get the lyric reference i jus made ily mwah mwah)

and i think we can all agree that matthew smokes weed

I think almost every nation has done drugs lol. Even before the seventies, nations probably did all kinds of substances. CW for substance use.

I headcanon that Alfred was doing a little bit of drugs through the late 70s and more in the early 80s. There was a crack epidemic in the USA throughout the 80s, so I think that made things worse. He was definitely caught during a few public appearances while high. With the whole "war on drugs" going on, the public freaked out, and it was a big scandal.

Matthew is definitely known to smoke weed, but I think he would rarely be high during official events. If he is, then that is not a good sign for his stress levels. I think the only drug scandal he would get into is either smoking with his brother during the 90s or getting high while performing a public service.

I see Arthur as more of a drinker than someone who would do drugs. I think he did some cocaine and opium in the Victorian era, but he might have been doing ecstasy at clubs in the 70s. I think he was good at keeping his partying separate from his official duties. I think more conservative folks were mortified but others were probably like "Damn I didn't know he was about that life..."

[zeravmeta]

incoming Gamer Opinion TM screaming at clouds to rain on your parade moment but something that's always pissed me off about Nintendo is how they get to repackage the same game 4 times over and people will still buy it. I think the chief example is with Pokemon and how they essentially double their sales by releasing the same game twice with only minor cosmetic differences but seeing all the switch 2 titles and especially the "enhancement pack" purchases if you're getting switch versions to then get switch 2 really rubs me the wrong way for the same reason, especially with how one of the big selling points here was the new availability of gamecube games which will be handled pretty much as poorly as how the virtual console games system were done on og switch. the switch 2 reveal reads as a fucking apology for how underpowered the switch was as a console six years too late but you still gotta pay 300 smackeroos (assuming it doesnt jump in price to like $400) plus the average $60 price tag per game (assuming $70 isnt the new norm) AND its not even true backwards compatible, only certain switch games can be played on switch 2. nintendo switch online is still a dogshit feature through and through and i dont imagine its going to be improved in any way so it just makes the whole reveal feel sour to me, hey you have voice chat now! good luck using it though when even the background mario game we had playing for the first minutes of the reveal were fucking lagging lmfao. i understand wanting to have a strong launch library so a lot of these choices make sense from a business standpoint but multi billion dollar corporation nintendo will still poorly optimize at the end of the day so im fully expecting switch 2 to have a bunch of first day issues on these 3rd/4th time rereleased games. nintendo ds already had download play and a voice chat app in 2005 why are you selling this as a new unique never before seen feature

[burb-ie]

Okay so - the origin of the Autobots and Decepticons. I’ll admit I’m mostly pulling from the wiki, since the Allspark Almanac is very long and there’s a lot of lore thats scattered around a lot of different places. So this is what is commonly understood.

(Also this is over the course of millions of years. Transformers long ass timescale basically)

The Autobots and Decepticons are the modern factions, but in Cybertron’s past they’ve had several wars. There is some lore on how this came to be, but the important stuff if that a group called the Protectobots eventually came to power through a coup d’état.

Eventually Nova Magnus came to power, and started what was known as “the great purge” in order to eliminate all “undesirables” including knowledge of their past. They were stopped by another faction known as the Destrons led by Devros, who won the war and came to power around 1 billion years ago.

The Autobots emerged as a sub-faction of the Protectobots, encouraging them to expand into other planets and eventually other systems around 700 million years ago, founding the Autobot commonwealth. However, Destrons started to feel like they were doing all the work defending the commonwealth and not seeing the benefits. This ended eventually, likely from these tensions.

As tensions grew, a subfaction of Destrons, the Decepticons, rose to prominence around 70 million years ago and were led by Megazarak. By that time, the age of expansion was over and the Decepticons wanted to return to it - advocating to bring Cybertron itself to life to become a juggernaut of conquest. They’re vaguely implied to be very imperialistic while Autobots focused more on art and science.

When Megatron ousted Megazarak as leader, tensions reached a boiling point and the Great War began. We don’t know how long it exactly was, only that it lasted for millions of years and by the time animated started it’s been at least one or two million years. Long enough for there to be a new generation thats never seen war, at least on the Autobot’s side.

Jump forward a lot, a new combiner group were named Protectobots and it’s noted this name has negative connotations in modern times, which also tells us a lot about what we should think of them.

So basically both factions were originally political groups on Cybertron, but there’s always been something of a divide between the civilians and war frames that got more pronounced over time - which matches the g1 clips we see in the first episode, since the g1 backstory for the war was that the Autobots and Decepticons have always been fighting for control over Cybertron.

However, this divide became MONUMENTAL after the Great War, which was the largest of the Cybertronian wars, and now they’re basically completely different societies and co-existence is inconceivable to both groups from what we see.

I find this interesting compared to TFP, where Optimus Prime wants there to be peace super badly and the divide between them is a much more recent thing (relatively speaking).

Anyways - thanks for giving me space to infodump :) and I’m not any authority lol, especially since so much lore is scattered and almost none of it is in the show. Honestly, I think most Animated fic writers pick and choose what to use because of just how unexplained it is lol.

I’m loving the TFP x TFA stuff you’ve already done, it’s a lot of fun to contrast such different stories against eachother!

omg thank you for explaining this to me!

and im glad you enjoy my crossover au, ill use all the info you dumped on me to better flesh out this au, thank you!

[freakroth]

i saw your post saying that people who ship incest and headcanon dazai as liking that stuff are obviously going to be harrassed. I don't headcanon dazai as liking daddy kiddy stuff, but i want to ask how you think writing about that makes a person bad. because dazai has literally committed AT LEAST child abuse(akutagawa), 136 murders, 312 extortion cases, 625 cases of fraud and more. but if you think authors deserve to get harrassed for writing about sick crimes like incest because they support or like such things, then why aren't you harrassing asagiri for writing about all those things? and I've seen alot of people that act like sex crimes are somehow different from torture and murder. so I'd like to ask this. do you approve of cheating irl because you act like people who write about sexual related immorality are condoning it and then you say that you might write about cheating in your fic request rules. Also, If you're deep in the bsd community then you may have read no longer human, in which it is heavily heavily implied(to the point that there's literally no other explanation for what happened to her exept rape) that yozo's wife,yoshiko, was raped. do you believe that the irl dazai approved of rape?

I don't mean to come off as rude or argumentative, so sorry if i do, im genuinely curious.

I'm sorry but, are you stupid? you're asking why someone is a bad person for writing incest, pedophilia and rape content. OFC SOMEONE IS A BAD PERSON FOR WRITING THAT KIND OF STUFF. If someone writes it they normalize it, and normalzing disgusting shit like that is VERY harmful.

Its kinda dumb that you are compering Dazai, a fictional character to real people, Dazai is not a real person, so his actions don't effect real people, but people who make incest do effect real people. As someone who is a victim of sa, its very triggering to see incest, pedophilia, rape ect content being made of my favorite character. Making that type of content is normalizing it, and if we normalize kids being raped by someone they're close to, then its gonna end up making younger kids think that its okay if that happens to them.

"but if you think authors deserve to get harrassed for writing about sick crimes like incest because they support or like such things" i never said to harass the writers, i said that if they are gonna write that shit they need to be able to handle the hate, and yes they deserve hate for making it, and saying its for coping isn't a valid excuse, because they are hurting other victims at the same time.

"I've seen alot of people that act like sex crimes are somehow different from torture and murder" They are different, rape is done by the attacker so that they can feel sexual pleasure. And sadly in some cases, like junko furuta, people get raped, tortured and murdered for no reason. But still torture and rape are still different, and i don't know why you're bringing up torture and murder when this is about incest content.

"do you approve of cheating irl because you act like people who write about sexual related immorality are condoning it and then you say that you might write about cheating in your fic request rules." The answer is no, just because i said i MIGHT write for it doesn't mean i will, its meant as "in some cases i might write it" and even if you don't condone incest, rape and pedophilia irl, its stil very much wrong and disgusting and people who write it should really feel guilty about it, if you have thoughts about that stuff you need to seek help, not normalize and spread it around the interent. Also cheating and incest/rape content aren't comperable btw, one is a crime and the other one is breaking someones trust.

Now the book part, i have the book but i haven't read it, and bringing the real life dazai, into this is stupid, he lived over 70 years ago, people thought differently about rape back then so its hard to know. also the book is a fucking autobiography so ofc its gonna talk about stuff that happened in his life

Anyways please tell me if anything in here is wrong or if you wanna add anything to this

Btw saying "sorry if i come of as rude" after compering me to weirdos is something! 🥰

[dumbf1nded]

OC Revamp: Cupie + Lore Drop

Cupie is an angelet, a creature that was created for the sole purpose of being used to correct the impurities of the universe. How? Cupie was given an ability to expel a potent cloud of gas of which caused any organism that inhaled it to immediately become docile and/or friendly, regardless of current level of aggression. It's very effective, maybe even overpowered, but luckily, Cupie doesn't know how to trigger his ability on command. It only ever goes off when he's scared.

The opposite of an angelet is something called an erronite. An erronite is created by the great mistake himself, Erroneous. Erroneous wants to spread his impurities across the universe, and the erronites were created to help with that, albeit at a smaller scale. Loomer, Cupie's current day boyfriend, is an erronite.

How did Cupie meet Loomer? Well, uhm. through cringe. More details under the line, but warning, its mostly fluff and corny boys love

Cupie met his boyfriend in a very peculiar way. When Almus, Cupie's owner, was looking for an impurity to capture, Almus spotted Loomer stalking people from a distance. So, without thinking, Almus jumped into action, and decided to test out Cupie's ability by trying to toss him like a grenade. Almus scooped Cupie into his arms, curled him up like a roly poly, and tossed him in Loomer's direction like a football. Cupie's ability went off in the air, much to Almus' frustration, and Cupie continued his flight towards Loomer with zero chance of his ability going off again in time. Loomer turned around, only to see a tiny angelet hurtling towards him at 70 miles per hour, and with no time to react, Loomer reached his hands out and caught Cupie before he collided with the ground. Everything in the world stopped for a moment to process what happened, and things quickly grew awkward when neither Cupie or Loomer moved to break the silence. They just stood there in silence, Loomer unsure whether to let Cupie go, and Cupie hardly resisting Loomer's grasp.

After a about a minute, Cupie started to realize how fluffy this Erronites chest was. He floofed it a couple times, to test the waters, before he straight up began to

Loomer found himself dumbfounded, but strangely finding a sense of comfort from Cupie's paws in his fur at this awkward moment. Suddenly, Loomer didn't want to hurt this angelet, nor did he want to make himself look bad from of them. When Almus came over to retrieve Cupie from the erronite, he was concerned at how neither of them looked at each other as enemies, but as friends. Almus decided that since Cupie still couldn't use his ability yet, they would just wait and see if Loomer would try to do anything bad. If Loomer did something bad, Almus would have Cupie purify his darkness forcefully. If not, Loomer would become a better person on his own terms. Comment the word cringe if you read this thoroughly.

When Loomer behaved himself, Almus allowed Cupie to be **FRIENDS** with him, and as a result, Cupie and Loomer's relationship grew stronger over time until they were changing their personalities to appease each other. These personality changes were actually reflected in their appearance as well.

Loomer was becoming more thoughtful and generous as a result of his introduction to Cupie. As a side effect of his transformation, Loomer's chest fur began to develop a bright yellow tint. On the other end, Cupie was being mischievous to keep Loomer from getting bored. Cupie began to develop dark fur spots on his arms and legs, reflecting his slow transition to the dark side, and maybe making him look like a cheetah, i guess.

Anyways- I think im done. Im probably done. Theres more but i dont want this to be too long. Erroneous does more stuff to annoy Almus, but maybe ill talk about it later. Bye now!!! Thanks for reading, if you did!!

[cranberrymoons]

WAIT can you drop some wisdom on changing your life at 32 im 33 and i know SOMETHING needs to happen but i feel so trapped in my life TT TT (also oblogatory i think that buck calls eddie papi as a joke one time but it blows eddies mind and cue buck bouncing & squealing on it etc etc)

hi yes of course! I will acknowledge the privileged position I was in to have the freedom to do this (no spouse, no kids, mediumish financial stability) but to be really honest it was not easy and has not been a straight linear path. it was way more mental work than anything else, and I think the key to success at least for me really has been like a compilation of random things picked up from miscellaneous internet users "don't let yourself give up on yourself" "the time will pass anyway" "your fear of looking stupid is holding you back" "who cares what other people think about what you do with YOUR life" "the things you do during the day is how you are currently spending your life" "do it scared" like these are all random throwaway comments but I have actually repeated them to myself so so so many times. and said them in the mirror. and spoken them out loud in my car while I'm on my way to do something that is really really scary for one reason or another. and they have all genuinely helped me.

long rambling story below the cut lol also the papi thing is not my personal journey tbh but yay forever re buck bouncing on it 😌

about 18 months ago I had the Thing happen to me where your job that's been remote since covid suddenly decides they want everyone to be in the office. and so I had to decide if I wanted to move halfway across the country to do that, or if I wanted to lose my job. woohoo. :)

and so I started thinking about it and it kind of made me realize I actually fucking hated that job 😭 I'd been there for OVER FIVE YEARS and there were so many things I did notttt like that I had just kind of gotten used to? but as soon as I decided I didn't want to move for this job, it was like I could not stop noticing the things that had been like. low level annoying me for a really long time.

and so I started looking for a job and looking and looking and realized like. I don't actually want to do these jobs. the idea of taking another job like the one that I had was literally making me feel sick to my stomach (it was a vague email job where I had like a "project manager" type of title but even though I had that job for 5 years I honestly do not really know what I did all day or what my job really was. one of those like extremely fake office jobs that still somehow manages to give you anxiety because everyone else is always talking about how BUSY they are etc)

and anyway long internal personal journey blah blah blah, I started to say to myself like. you are 31-32 YEARS OLD!!!! it is time to finally be an active participant in your own life instead of just doing what everyone else wants you to do. but also like – okay, so you don't want to do this vague officey email job, but you have to do SOMETHING so what do you want to do??

and eventually I noticed this pattern in my life of like, I have always sort of done the thing that's *next to* the thing I actually want to do. if that makes sense? like – I've always done the thing that "makes more sense" for what people expect of me, or the easier option, or the thing that feels safer. idk. so I was like okay – moonshot, you can do whatever you want, life is just an open world video game (again, I am unmarried and don't have kids, so there's no one directly depending on me to take less risks, which makes this a little easier). if you could do anything, what would you want to do.

and so over the past year and a half, I quit my job, took a pay cut to take an easier/chill fun job in the meantime while I went back to school, started to get super in shape for literally the first time in my life lol, became an EMT, and now I'm planning to start with a fire academy at the end of the summer, which is like 70% something I have actually always wanted to do but was embarrassed about for some reason / 30% hyperfixation so strong it became a profession. which – turns out! – is a profession that I am actually super good at and love in a way that I have never loved a job before. like, looking back at my life 2 years ago it is unrecognizable to what I'm doing now. yay.