#i think i'll have to reread it again to know that

[brynnmclean]

Some replies out here because I want them visible on my blog, thank you!!!

@satmolls said: i want to squeeze your writing into a bottle and drizzle it over a piece of toast (like its honey) and then EAT It thats how good it is

Ahhhh, I love this compliment so much. Anyone saying they want to eat my words makes me really happy. Thanks very much! Glad you're still enjoying my Rebelcaptain fics through the years!

@zingsthings said: look someday i'm going to do a Close Reread of cast some light and you are NOT prepared for the length of the comments i'll be leaving. bc it is Everything. also GOOD CHOICE GOOD QUOTE i obviously love her manhandling him a bit but i think the thing that Gets me is a tie between how intensely he wants to kiss her neck and the fact that even though he's never heard a real moan from her (yet lmao) he knows the one she gives isn't real. THEM!!

re: comments on cast some light, would love any comments that you or anyone else decides to leave on those fics, regardless of length <3 that series has such a special place in my heart and I do so dearly hope that people are still finding some joy in it <3

Ahahahahaha, I LOVE him immediately clocking "she CANNOT actually sound like that" based on just his intuition... you know, I had been planning a sequel chapter to this at one point with them in the safe house featuring Jyn stitching him up and then probably the two of them making out and Cassian actually hearing her moan for real... I'll have to see if I still have the doc somewhere. I don't think I got too far into it, but I'll add it to the list of fics to tackle when I come back to writing Rebelcaptain fic again...

let's see, a 💬, a ❤️, and a THIS QUOTE THO:

Heart pounding and face flushed with embarrassment, he’d asked her for praise.  He hadn’t prepared himself to get it. It’s agonizing.   You’re good to me.  Those words slide between his ribs like the blade of a knife, burying deep in his heart and twisting against his bones, fracturing him open and flooding him with heat.  He flinches the way he never does when his hand is on a gun, straining again against the ropes around his arms, but Jyn is there, draping her body over his, her hands against his skin.  He wants to tell her, don’t, afraid the jagged edges of his heart will cut her, but she holds him together until the feeling begins to fade and the world reorients itself.

(from alt pov cast some light, which is. So Much.)

First off, omg, THANK YOU so much for calling out that section from the alt ficlet for dying to be taken apart. I'm a bit sad that I never ended up finishing the whole POV chapter, but one day maybe I'll get back to it! I love the idea of Cassian working up the nerve to ask for what he wants when they're negotiating the bondage scene, but then when they're actually in the scene and he gets what he wants, it's SO MUCH for him. But he trusts Jyn. She grounds him. They're good. <3 I'm so happy cast some light is still being read and enjoyed by you. It means a lot to hear nice things about it after all these years.

💬 - I'll do something from the last Rebelcaptain fic I posted on AO3 in 2020, first flush of hope to carry the grey away:

“Come here,” Jyn murmurs, and for a second Cassian isn’t sure if she’s goading the ‘Troopers toward them so she can beat them down.  She moves then and it isn’t how he expects her to—instead of pushing him out of the way so she can fight, she widens her stance and pulls him in closer, straddling his thigh.  The grunt of surprise that tumbles out of his mouth is genuine; the moan she makes is not. In spite of the fact that he’s never—they haven't—his mind skips as her hand slides up to the back of his head, her fingers sliding restlessly through his hair.  Heat alights all through him, but he leans into it and tucks his face down into her neck, murmuring assent against her throat like a kiss.   It’s all right, he can go where she leads him.  He understands this is the cover: lovers making out in an alley.  He wants to actually kiss her neck, but he won’t, not like this.  He allows himself one touch as she presses up against him again, he takes one hand off the wall and splays his palm against her waist.  Steadying her.

I just love the tension of that moment, where Cassian's brain is racing through so many thoughts-- he's injured, they're both displaying An Image of lovers necking in an alley, is Jyn goading Stormtroopers under her breath or asking him to come closer, he wants to kiss her neck so fucking bad, but he Will Not, he is In Control--

I miss my man!!!!!

❤️ - from breathes in deep the air because so much of it lives in my head rent-free (the cunt manifesto, oh my god, the sex scenes are so good and so real) but I think I've got two lines for you here:

Beneath her, Cassia's hums, her groans are louder now. But they're steady. Not building. Not enough. She's arching a bit, and her eyes drift closed, and her free hand falls down to stroke at her breast, and there's something missing, something more— but she's got that look to her, like there's too much of that clever, overactive brain left to ask for what she wants.

and here:

It's too much, she's too here, Cassia's too precious—she needs to drop her gaze, to lose herself, to become only action, only motion.

which are both part of the same scene, Jyn POV in chapter 3, but I just... I think it so clearly and succinctly gets at the way Cassia(n) and Jyn's brains work-- or in Jyn's case, how she prefers to operate. Cassian's brain moves at a mile a minute and yeah, I think overactive is a fantastic word for it. And then Jyn... Jyn who I do think has been honed into someone who is so action-oriented, who is so used to running, that yeah... wanting to become only action, only motion, focusing on someone else rather than being the focus... I mean, you MUST know I'm obsessed with this fic and the way you write these two. I think you NAILED (ha) it. And I love sex scenes as character building experiences. Love love love.

[ask me about fic quotes!]

[vulpinesaint]

kind of unfortunate that so many fantasy epics are also war novels because i will be honest i just do not like war novels that much... the grand clashing of forces is compelling obviously but it requires characters to talk about so much practical battle strategy and while i can get my brain to comprehend all these fantasy maps and kingdoms and borders and battalions and front lines and army movements it takes up. so much space in the book. feels like i'm fighting a war of my own trying to get through it sometimes

[edenfire]

“I know first kisses aren’t always as magical as the movies make them look,” Kyle was saying, “but I don’t want to mess up. I mean, what if—” Then Kenny was standing in front of him, cupping his face in both his hands. He kissed Kyle gently, chastely, right on the mouth. Kyle barely had time to reciprocate, moving totally on instinct, before Kenny pulled back. “There,” he’d said. “Now you’ll always look back and know that you first kiss was, A, with a good kisser…” He waggled his eyebrows at Kyle, who stuttered in response. Kenny’s smile softened. “And, B, with someone who loves you.”

came across my old comic i drew back in 2021 and was feeling nostalgic for my favorite k2 fic, Mysterion Begins by indirectkissesiniceland, and decided to color it <3

this fic is amazing and im always thinking about it years later, so please please read it if you haven't yet <3 <3 <3

[vargaslovinghours]

And never let you go ♥

Bonus without the overspill lighting:

[thatonecrookedsmile]

I decided to re-read the bendy books because it's been a while since I read them.

[battleshipgarcy]

Goran Višnjić as Marco Constante

Crossing Lines 310 Enemy of the People

1080p HD screen caps at GVA 👇

[sysig]

Lost my mind thinking about the Vyer Estate (Patreon)

[loumauve]

printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved

[unproduciblesmackdown]

being alive at the time i gleaned some general elements abt encanto but never actually heard we don't talk about bruno beyond awareness it existed popping off & i think i heard like the title recited off key off rhythm but in a way that indicates speak singing nonetheless lol so upon experiencing it it's like oh but it's the Verses? while the last refrain goes harder but prior to that it's comparatively underwhelming to said verses which feels appropriate like verses / pieces of a larger picture & that a "we don't talk about him" as a disappointing Lid on infinitely richer more characterful & dynamic "but: talking about him" instances. like well personally it'd be like um seven foot frame....anyway besides being able to firsthand go like oh damn Real (the kind of thing you know exists if alive at the time) it's like alright hang on lol. one thing when a core theme is yeah like "is it a refuge if 'especial' vulnerability ultimately gets pushed out rather than made safer" subset like the parties whose even observation of truths (problems) & drawing attention to them is seen as Ruining Things, like if you're painted as Making futures that aren't simply what's desired or reassuring rather than a guidance via just observing & sharing the truth. but then it's like whaddaya mean living in fear of bruno stuttering and stumbling you could always hear him sort of muttering and mumbling lmao like now that's just Association between the Truth Perceiving & Telling behavior & behavior that's just apparently distinctive of the same person. & like Not Accidentally when [what if people were magic] specifics are obviously primarily abt a metaphorical meaning & like, indeed it was made clear like oh this situation isn't Just b/c [boo we hate your prophecies] & that [an Ability that isn't directed towards what anyone Wants / is "weird" even by these magic standards] isn't Coincidentally given to someone who just so happens to already be "weird" in other ways & be set up to have a different perspective & be pushed away due to having the supposed "extra" vulnerability of unmet needs / insufficient support, same as someone who doesn't "correctly" have any kind of magic ability....like yeah banger and also like Oh Yeah Kind Of Devastating re: that metaphorical resonance allowing for like [set the metaphor aside] now hang on with this about this disabled family member lol. misinterpretation to The Ruinerrr / The Problemmm / The Maliciousss etc (i.e. the scapegoatinggg) despite their efforts likely entirely to the contrary. then despite like, efforts aside, Just Existing, always kind of muttering & mumbling like & what of it. & then like oh sorry weird pets. weird [auspicious for adaptable tenacious thriving surviving; either way simply creatures, existing] pets.

truly like As Is The Idea I'm Sure quickly becomes like hands behind back standing at the window Uh Oh Sisters musing on all the [disabled person] metaphorical & already literal elements there. blair witching it in contemplation like We've All Been There whether being so resented for the mere disruption of "existing in a group as the 'abnormal' odd one out" or like people talking shit abt anything associated w/you as soon as you've left the room, which is also made relevant like, this wasn't Only directed at this person when seemingly permanently gone, nor were they unaware / unaffected prior....pacing in the Musing parlor like things don't Have to be compared to billions but i only ever even see so many things & it's like billions sure is like "get scapegoated rword" & then said scapegoating is presented as only beneficial & we hate autists & even beyond that it's like, grabbing billions, Imagine If Things Meant To Be About Something Were About Something. quite a contrast when they are & furthermore like, deliberate thought & Care for [who gets scapegoated & why] & the truth of like, people getting pushed aside & out who have a key perspective & are primed / liable to come through for others similarly vulnerable & the supposedly Ruinous, Problems Generating disruptiveness is actually the strongest effort to make essential changes to a group. & come through with like, it'd be undermining thee point if it was "reassuring" us like oh haha people will be supportive b/c bruno will be more normal, so great that it Didn't like no, no Normality Reassurance(tm), presence of abnormalities(tm), Good, & everyone Can Deal b/c if you don't then it's pushing this person away, is exactly what happens, including even if they're still Around but are being mistreated b/c that is entirely part of that pushing away like anyone's victim blaming is ready to pounce at any time but if someone can't stand to stay / leaves b/c they can't see another option like that's not out of nowhere nor Regardless of what full support & flexibility they were getting lol. these Active Measures everyone loves so much, which are everywhere always & would include Staying & Trying To Make It Work & those efforts would be "disruptive" & resented & Bringing It On Oneself & etccc smh

that is to all say like. Woww when clearly basically the core thread was these beats of like, the crucial site of [thee scapegoated], & why that comes down on someone & how that plays out. endless ideas about how someone weird(tm) & disabled (&/or queer. but there's no Or here lol. & again like it's a Context like, to even be the one person without kids? likely not living up to "full" correct sexuality in that way alone; any oppression's logics of "inferiority" being logics of ableism, ready examples being that "inferior" race, gender, sexuality (& their experiences as people classed as inferior) all being pathologized as disordered) are seen & treated as someone Ruining Things & who cannot belong like whew. bracing. winding. which, i also recall like i was watching with headphones & during this one dialogue pause i was like "?? what's this Extra Sound i heard there" & had to go over it like twice before being hit upside the head like well it Was still the dialogue pause but it was also bruno Stuttering in a very quiet whisper for the duration of that pause before continuing like iiiiiiii x_x

[isekyaaa]

I'm not the well versed with irl romance, but in so many romance manga/manhwa, there's a focus on a male lead that is extremely protective, vengeful for the mc, possessive, etc. He'll fight battles for her, support her, torture people that hurt her, etc. While I do not mind reading such male leads, I can't help but wonder if that's what those authors and fans want in someone. Someone that'll protect, support, and save them. You can also see it in the fics people write on this website. Like is that what romance is supposed to be?

For me, the thought of anyone being protective over me to the point of fighting my battles, standing up to people that hurt me, etc is disgusting. Like applying such a man to real life would disgust me so much. I was always taught to solve problems on my own. It's both my responsibility and my right. I do not want nor need people's protection. I do not want nor need people making my life easier for me. I appreciate support, but any more than that and I'd get so offended if anyone treated me in that way. It'd be the equivalent of saying that I am not adequate nor equipped enough to handle my problems. It's insulting.

But is that the kind of partner the people that write and read these stories want? Are they just reading it for fun and I do or do they deep down desire to be treated like this?

[orcelito]

i miss akechi goro so much. maybe even enough to finally finish that ladue chapter 3

[bejeweledmp3]

tell me why i'm considering opening the doc and writing fanfiction during my lunch break. ON MY PHONE

[kuiinncedes]

:p

[frnknfrts]

my old fixations riding my ass atm.

[amphiptere]

While I agree there’s a tragic amount of YA that’s just awful, the same goes for any age range of books, and a lot of what people broadly criticize YA for is for being tropey or centering hormonal protagonists who are kind of annoying. Which like ....the latter is just what teenagers are like sometimes. Teenage protagonists and tropey literature just isn’t going to be for everyone and that’s OK! But it can be a lot of fun for some people, even when not written very well, and can be done really well a lot of the time too. Something doesn’t need to be high art or a future classic to justify its existence. Sometimes it’s OK to just be another dystopian novel about a girl failing to chose between two hot boys, or whatever, and you don’t have to enjoy that, but it’s OK if other people do.

"YA books are brain rotting at any age" okay I know booktok is annoying but please get offline

[malusokay]

Little things that improved my life 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Accepting my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl; I focus at night, I'm calm at night, I'm motivated at night. For a long time, I tried to fight this since everyone always preaches getting up early, but since I started accepting my natural sleep schedule, I've been feeling a lot better and have become way more productive.

"drink more water". TEA. Tea is the secret here. I will be honest, I hate drinking water; it doesn't matter if I have a cute water bottle or a cute glass, I still hate it. TEA.

Replying quickly. I used to be one of those people who get a text message and think, "Oh, I'll reply to that later", and then just forget about it entirely. Now, I text back as soon as I see the message. This has not only improved my texting anxiety (which I cause on my own by now replying and then feeling bad) but also deepened my connection to my friends. <3

Keeping my circle small and being okay with that. Over the past months, I've had this sudden urge to expand my social circle and get to know more and more people, especially after I moved in August. However, this quickly ended in what I like to call my "social burnout". I was tired, annoyed, and overwhelmed. It took a few weeks for it to settle, but I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather have a smaller circle of people who I trust and love deeply than a huge group of friends, and that's totally okay.

Wearing what I like. Even though I live in a big city, I'd still say that my style can sometimes be a bit more extravagant than what most people wear, another point is that I'm very uncomfortable with pants so I only wear skirts, which is also considered a bit odd where I live. But over the past years, I've come to accept that and have become so sure of myself and found such comfort in my style that I now just wear whatever I like, and it makes every day a little bit nicer.

Reading and writing for pleasure. Reading books outside of my studies and spending time researching topics that simply interest me is such a great way to calm your mind. Same for writing, I always like to say that to write is to think; putting your thoughts on paper in cohesive and well-crafted sentences that you can then reread and think over again is such a liberating thing to do.

Reaching out more. fuck the whole "double texting" and "no contact" thing. If you want to speak to someone because they mean something to you, then just do it. Unless they specifically asked for space, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be in touch with them. Many even really appreciate it when you show that you truly care. Let's stop the nonchalant act, and instead, let's face deep emotions and true vulnerability. <3

As always, please feel free to share your own little insights and things that helped you improve comments! <3

my insta: @ malusokay

love ya ･:*₊‧✩