#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty
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if you have a good vibe/kind thought to spare and could send it my way. i'd really appreciate it.
#saying goodbye to my friend murphy tomorrow#i'll be okay. it's the right decision and i'll get through.#life is just going to be really hard and sad for a while#i don't want to talk about it in any detail but i feel like i have to say it out loud#and i have this paranoid anxiety thought that's like if I don't tell people he's gone they will ask about him#snd I won't be able to handle that for a little while#I don't need acknowledgment or sympathy. I don't need to talk to anyone. I don't need cheer-up fodder#so no need to send me anything or talk to me about it really i promise#just if you can take a second to love and appreciate the animals in your life. that would be really nice.#you don't have to tell me about it it would just be nice to feel there's love out there#writing this all out is making me feel so stupid. i've deleted and rewritten several times#but i gotta because it would be a lot worse if i was worrying about not talking about it#so yeah. no need for likes or comments or dms or asks or anything. just give someone some love for me ok?#murphy is the senior yellow lab you may have seen me post pics of sometimes. he's my parents' dog but he's my buddy.#and he's gotten me through a lot. like a lot a lot#and i'm going to miss the hell out of him#and i'm so worried about my parents. they're going to have a much worse time than me.#and they don't need anything else on their plates right now#it's just everything you know?#and all at the same time too. 2024 has been just one gut punch after the other#so yeah. if you could give your pet a hug or a treat or a scratch or take them on their favorite walk. that would be awesome#this was good actually typing all this nonsense out helped a little. still don't want to talk about it but at least i have ideas for#the 'leave me the fuck alone' email i'm going to send everyone tomorrow at work
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ok. im going to make this post but i REALLY shouldn’t but i just am so devastated rn and need to not be alone in it and you guys are the only people i can talk to candidly about moving stuff rn for a lot of reasons. the reason im crying rn is because i just found out i made a massive error in my budget and it turns out that my net pay is barely over minimum wage and i cannot afford to live by myself. at all. unless i live off of savings in addition to income but even then that’s only going to help me for a couple months and anyway it’s extremely unwise bc i should save that money for getting a car etc etc. this is not entirely a bad thing because a) at least i can afford to… you know… live. and b) living with roommates will not be bad especially if i live with friends and/or strangers i come to be friends with. it’s just i really… i don’t know i just feel so sick to my stomach. it’s just that recent events have made it so clear to me that i need to teach myself how to live independently before i can live with other people (let alone function in the world, heal from trauma, etc.) healthily. i know it so deeply. and it can’t happen for me. this is confirmation. this is confirmation and there’s nothing that can change it. rent is too high (even for shitty apartments in the area which let’s be real most of them are… it’s too high!) and over half of my income is going to taxes and deductions and bills and student loans. i feel so hopeless
#an di still have homework to do LMAOOOOOOOOOOO as if im not having a crisis over this issue which is more important than any hw assignment#will ever be. fuck my stupid baka life but i mean it so sincerely.#purrs#delete later#again. i know even being able to consider living alone is a MASSIVE privilege and there will be joys in having a roommate especially if it’s#someone i love. but it’s going to create sooooo many more steps in this process for me and i will have to compromise my needs yet again (#even if i genuinely want to!) when what i need right now is to have as little compromise as possible. to FINALLY experience what it’s like#to live without having to share (most) things or silence myself. moving out at all is going to be huge and helpful no matter if im living#with roommates but. god god god. this feels like thinking a door is open but it’s just painted to look that way. im so sad#also btw i found out that i am not actually being overpaid im being UNDERpaid. which is a solvable problem that will be fixed this week but#even when that gets corrected i still am making a little over minimum wage so. 😃🔫
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved
#that's it. that's the post#do I sometimes feel guilty for having a bunch of fic printed out? yeah. idk if it's morally grey or wrong or ok these days#it started out as necessity because I didn't have a computer of my own and reading queer fic wasn't sth you could be too open about#(though I guess using up my dad's scrap paper piles that had math equations on one side may not have been the most inconspicuous)#anyway. sometimes I'll remember a story and I know I will be able to find it because my idiot teen self printed it out and filed it away#and sometimes it turns out you can't find that fic on ao3 because it's ffnet only. and worse sometimes it no longer exists online at all#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty#so I guess I'm just stuck in this dual state#I think it beats the lingering sadness of wanting to reread a very specific story that's ingrained in your very being..#..and finding there is not a trace of it anywhere online#like. I KNOW that I read a Myka/Claudia story that had them holed up in a cabin somewhere hiding from some terrifying dude of sorts#(not that I remember the details) I just remember there being a lake and it being the story that got me into WH13#which.. was a fucking blessing. and I searched all of the place for that story years later#went through most of the Myka/Claudia fic and yet never found it again. and nobody I asked remembered it either#so maybe I dreamed it up? but I kinda doubt it. ANYWAY sometimes a fic filed away in an old folder is what saves your sanity
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Opinions on Dream? :^
SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me
okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')
or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!
LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)
plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.
it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(
always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?
not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')
hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333
#ask#rambling#delete later?#probably xD i just wanna love him SO much but sometimes he's just *sigh*...forgettable#i tried to explain myself but also it's like 4 am and i skimmed through the proofreading so don't take this too seriously HHH#like really even when i do read good fics about him he's not on the forefront of my mind and it's painful to me :'(#i used to see him as my third fav but now? ever since i've read and seen characters who get heavier more in depth plots?#i can't say it with as much confidence :') and dream lovers out there i am not bashing your choice or even your headcanons#to each their own but i really wanna hear someone be passionate about him in my feed or askbox like TELL me about him#i've seen ink rants out there that are FIRE like so true!!! but where's the dream defense team???#maybe it's just me tho :') btw i still like cream but not the same way as before if i'm being real#it feels the same...all of it and it makes me wanna bite something ARGHGG#i know i know i ship some stuff that's basic too hhh but dream and cross are always written the same and dream is too innocent#and nightmare is too weird in some of these fics like if MY brother ever tried to literally attack my hypothetical partner????#i wouldn't give him the :'((( sad face and weakly tell him to 'please stop...you're hurting him'' like NO girl they're TWINS#they're the same age i would tell him to BACK off and not insert himself in my love life after years of ignoring and fighting LIKE#especially since most of the time cross is actually good to dream and all- so he doesn't have a good reason to disrupt his bro's dates#UGH i just have so many opinions but basically i would love him a lot lot more than i do now if they also let him be more flexible#and shake things up like with shattered and stuff! gimme alternate versions of him even if it's too ooc like we do for all the other sanses#jaa i am SO sorry you had to read all that dude thank you so much for passing by :'D
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i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad
#tw s3lf harm#i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual#its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu#tw 3d shit#tw 3d vent#3d ana#not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen#so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years#and to be clear im very pro recovery#which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed#i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me#so for not its a whole lotta#male thinpo#slef harm#right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that#slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else#not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this#but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO#i joke of course#anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery#ana moots#body chex#someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable#at least for now#also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too#also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick#but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro#because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way#and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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that damn web comic is rattling around in my brain ...
#i just felt smacked in the face with a mirror reality something i could see not only myself but so many other people i know/have known in#with a frighteningly sharp precision#some of the people in whn look IDENTICAL to real life friends or exes or people i knew in high school or coworkers#i sent it to my friend and he said 'i feel like this HAPPENED to someone i know'#i keep thinking about that awful feedback loop of mental illness isolation and social media addiction#but its so much more complicated than 'touch grass' like you could shoot all these peoples phones#and theyd just turn to something equally toxic and retraumatizing and self-flagellating#they already show this because they have ed's and self harm and abuse substances and spend money they dont have#the chronic online-ness is a symptom not the disease#the thing that makes me a little sick is how much i relate to milo refusing to delete his tumblr even after everything#i have had instances in my life where posting on tumblr was actively making my life worse or harder or getting in the way of real shit#and i still use it as a crutch in the worst of times#its just funny cuz its this thing that saves you from riskier vices while still obviously perpetuating those things#because its a place that reflects You so heavily#you reblog sad shit cause youre sad and it makes you sadder#you wanna self harm you see people post their cutting pics now you feel like its not so weird or bad#its making me ask questions like 'am i stunted' 'what does it mean to be stunted' and then of course#when is someone 'acting like a victim' and just A Victim and can you do both and what does that mean#man....
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#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk#and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time#and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly#but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it#and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf#idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead#and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources#it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do#vi.txt
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the state of the aot fandom today is soooo sad…. like. i hate to say it but it was better when ereris were running it yea cursed ship but it wasnt misery and discourse everyday and a significant proportion of the fandom wasnt basically anime mgtows ……. sigh….. miss the days of jaeger bombastic….. do u wanna kill some titans…. marco is still alive theories… the bubblepop cmv……
#dnt come for me abt the ereri thing ok i liked it when i was 12 n too dmb to know better n am assuming everyone else was the same#so sad the bubblepop cmv was deleted aswell…..#it got deleted twice but someone reuploaded it… now its jsut gone … erased from history#like yall werent there when uprising arc was ongoing n that one freckled dude w the farmers hat was in it for prob like MAX 5 panels n it#spawned several marco is still alive n is a titan shifter theories yall werent there.#yall werent there when we saw frieda for thr first time through erens memories n thought it was him in drag like yall just werent there#and eremika is so boring sorry#like it definitely has its moments it definitely gives but like. ZZZZZZ#uno what it couldve been sm better n more appealing but#like this is jst a fact…. mikasas char sucks for most of the anime bc they took out so much of her dialogue n jst replaced it w her saying#eren. we have the proofs we have the screen recordings the back to backs the proof is in the pudding !!!!#i rlly wish i liked it …. i mean tbh i do actually like it but its fans also make me hate it a bit#and all the eren fans are fake as FUCK. they only started liking him after the timeskip like your fske as fuck we have NOTHING IN COMMON
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I hate feeling so embarrassed I get heated up, the worst. esp after doing some shit mistake.
augh. i hate how bad i am at relationships
#maybe not worse than the person I dated who want to stop dating but asked me what I wanted in the relationship first and#then i said I wanted more in the relationship and they just freaked out at me calling it a relationship when.#when relationship is the word for anything. and also who then was like 'mb I shouldn't have broken it w u because#I got a message from my spirit guardians saying I am making a huge mistake' and like. nah it was not a mistake#maybe just very clumsily done#also they turned out be to kind of a shit friend who said they were ra but then hierachied their abusive partner#over me trying in a last ditch attempt to explain shit to them and save our friendship about that toxic person#who then got mad and said how daaare u talk shit about my partner#and it was like wow this is a comically bad response and group of actions from someone who says they're staunch against this#anyway no i am still pretty bad at relationships#didn't respond to yet another old friend I've been rekindling it w long distance on their msgs for more than a month#just to now actually sit down to do it and they have actually just deleted them#and man it's just embarrassment after embarrassment really. i am not good at this#sure I got like two (2) diff autism diagnoses but comeaan#Surely#...#oh yea i didn't finish my first sentence thought. they broke up W me in that same convo. was afraid to break up cause was#afraid how I was gonna react (which was really sad#) and ofc I reacted very gently and positively. honestly we had a much better relationship (friendship) after ghat#for a while anyway. then it turned to shit anyway like described above. i rly do know how to find them#personal
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How to stop feeling like an awful person after accidentally crossing someone’s boundary even though you talked to them about it and apologized and know you won’t do it again and they understood it was an accident and it’s fine and you two are still on good terms
#god I just#Ughhghhg#I can’t stop THINKING about it it wasn’t even that bad they said i was doing a bit and it was getting annoying#and I said i was sorry like multiple times and I said I won’t do that but again and they were like ‘no you can! it just got a little annoyi#ng it’s fine!’ and I still feel like a terrible person#I think I’m tired that’s gotta be it#or I’m mentally going through what I went through with my old friends and how I got mad at them and lashed out when I shouldn’t have and#refused to apologize and got into a big argument and then had one conversation about it and got mad again and then lashed out AGAIN and then#texted that I didn’t want to be friends any more and then I cried for weeks and every time I’d see one of them I’d want to throw up and I wa#s constantly miserable I didn’t want to go to school and I did everything that I could ok the comic because it was a fun distraction but it#also made me sad because I wanted to finish it and show it to them but they weren’t ever actually interested in it and I never got to show#them and I even made two characters in it based on two of my best friends in that group at the time and now I don’t know if I should delete#them entirely or keep it or change the characters???????? I don’t know#fuck#oh yeah one of those best friends basically took the plot of HBD and changed it a little and is gonna make a fucking short film with it#it’s a stupid fucking plot too it’s one of those like coming of age stories where the main character wears a ghost sheet and it’s actually a#metaphore for being socially anxious because he has a bad home life but then! then he’s walking to class and someone steps on the sheet and#it comes off! and they become best friends and they work through their problems!#Jesus fucking Christ I can’t believe her#I told her it was similar and that she should change it but we were gonna discuss that the week I texted I wasn’t coming back so#If she makes it I’m gonna sue her I don’t fucking care I told her I fucking told her and later that fucking day she ‘came up with it on her#own’ fucking Christ man get a life#I need to stop typing and go to sleep idk why I did that#sorry for the rant!
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𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
it’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, you’ve got to step into a role you never signed up for. maybe your mom wasn’t the nurturing, protective figure she was supposed to be. maybe your dad let you down in ways that left scars. maybe your friends only stuck around to take, never to give. the truth? you can’t wait for someone to come and save you. you have to become your own mother.
ask yourself:
if your child was in your shoes—stuck in a bad relationship, getting treated like crap— would you tell them, “stay”? or would you say, “you deserve better than this”?
if your child was chasing their dreams but struggling, would you mock them? no. you’d guide them, push them to be their best. you’d discipline them with love and cheer them on with pride. now, apply that same energy to yourself.
be that mom who says: “get your shit together because you deserve the best life possible.”
but also the mom who says: “it’s okay to rest, i’ve got your back, and i’m proud of you.”
start showing up for yourself the way you needed someone to show up for you. and yes, it’s sad. sad that we even have to do this. but it’s also empowering to realize you can.
personally, here’s my story.
my mom never cared to take my pictures as a kid nor cared if a haircut made me happy or not, it was literally everything up to her convenience. it hurts now because i would’ve loved to look back and see those memories. but i don’t have them. i can count the photos of my childhood—20 pictures in 17 years. insane, right? so, i made a promise to myself: from now on, i will document my life. i won’t delete my photos. i’ll make sure there’s a record of who i was, what i felt, what i achieved. and when i have kids? you bet i’ll take pictures of them. i’ll curate their childhood with care because i know what it feels like to not have that.
but being your own mother isn’t just about the pictures or the memories. it’s about analyzing everything you missed out on and providing it for yourself now. it’s about being selfless enough to let go of bad habits that hold you back. it’s about kicking toxic people out of your life the way a mom would protect her child from bad influences. it’s about prioritizing your healing, even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. you have to heal your inner child. that 5-year-old who was bullied, that 13-year-old who was treated like shit in her first relationship, that 7-year-old who dreamed big but was told she couldn’t they’re all still inside you, waiting for someone to nurture them. and unfortunately, no one else is going to do it for you. no one else is going to come and fix the damage.
i made a pact with myself: when i have kids, i will raise them so well that they won’t ever need to “heal their inner child” at 17 or 18. they’ll be whole. they’ll be loved. they’ll know their worth from the start. but for now, i’m doing that for myself. and you need to do it for yourself too. because at the end of the day, the only way to heal is to become the person you needed all along. become your own mother.
what is the inner child?
the “inner child” is the part of you that holds your early experiences, memories, and emotions. it’s the 5-year-old you who loved to laugh but was scolded for being “too much.” it’s the 10-year-old you who dreamed big but felt dismissed. it’s the teen you who felt heartbreak for the first time but didn’t know how to process it. your inner child carries the wounds, fears, and unmet needs from your past, but also your natural creativity, curiosity, and joy. healing your inner child means reconnecting with this version of yourself, giving it the love and understanding it never received, and releasing the pain it has carried for years.
how do you heal your inner child?
1. journaling: dialogue with your inner child
dedicate a journal specifically to your inner child. write letters to them, like:
“dear [your name at 5/7/13], i remember when you felt [insert memory]. i’m sorry you went through that, but i’m here now, and i’ve got you.”
let your inner child respond. write as if you’re that younger version of yourself—pour out your fears, dreams, and questions. this process can uncover emotions and patterns you didn’t realize were affecting you.
2. therapy: safe exploration with a professional
a therapist (especially one trained in inner child work) can help you identify wounds and patterns from childhood. they’ll guide you in understanding how your upbringing shaped your beliefs about yourself and the world. therapy also gives you tools to reframe those beliefs and meet your emotional needs.
watch “dear zindagi” lol
3. look at old photos and memories
revisit old photos, journals, or artwork from your childhood. don’t just look at them—analyze them. (i wish i could d this but im stuck with 20 photos so… 😭) what do you notice in your younger self’s eyes, body language, or expression?
• ask yourself:
• what was i feeling here?
• did i feel safe? loved? excited? scared?
• what did i need in this moment that i didn’t get?
• use this reflection to understand your inner child’s unmet needs.
4. create new positive memories
your inner child is still alive within you, and they crave fun, love, and freedom. do things your younger self would’ve loved but never got to do: buy yourself a toy you always wanted. go to an amusement park or build a pillow fort. dance around your room like no one’s watching. this isn’t childish it’s healing.
5. practice reparenting
treat yourself as if you were your own child. when you feel sad or scared, don’t ignore it.
ask yourself: what do i need right now? and give it to yourself.
be the loving, supportive, and protective parent your inner child deserved.
6. identify triggers and patterns
notice when you’re acting out of a place of childhood wounds.
for example: do you get overly anxious when someone’s mad at you? do you seek validation in toxic relationships? trace these behaviors back to your childhood.
were you taught that love is conditional? did you have to “earn” attention by being perfect? once you identify the root, you can start rewiring your responses.
7. inner child meditations and visualizations
find a quiet space and imagine your inner child sitting across from you. visualize yourself comforting them, hugging them, and telling them they’re safe. remind them: “you don’t have to be scared anymore. i’m here for you.”
8. nurture yourself daily
make self-care non-negotiable. eat foods you love, sleep well, move your body, and spend time doing things that make you happy. when you treat yourself with care, you show your inner child they’re worth it.
9. forgive
healing isn’t about excusing those who hurt you. it’s about releasing the hold they have over you so you can move forward. write a forgiveness letter—not for them, but for yourself. (they don’t deserve the love i’m sorry)
“i release the pain you caused me so it doesn’t control me anymore.”
10. promise to break the cycle
vow to yourself (and your future children if you want them) just cause your grandma bleed on your mom and then your mom passed it to you does not mean you will make your future kids life miserable too. the generational trauma must break with you. your future child does not deserve it and so your inner child protect you inner child and when you have a child of your own be the best mother possible, i personally would love to make my future kids childhood so memorable and happy that they will feel the need to comeback and relive their childhood that’s the kind of childhood i want to give them
“i will not let this pain define me. i will create a life of love, joy, and freedom.”
healing your inner child isn’t easy, but it’s life-changing.when you reconnect with that innocent, wounded part of yourself, you’ll find that the love and peace you’ve been searching for has always been within you.
11. foster your inner child’s dreams
when you were a child, your dreams weren’t influenced by fear, rejection, or societal pressures. you dreamed with your heart wide open, purely and authentically. reconnecting with those dreams can heal the part of you that felt unheard or invalidated back then.
a. reflect on your childhood aspirations
• sit down and ask yourself:
• what did i want to be when i was 5? 10? 13?
• what made me happiest back then?
• what did i lose interest in because someone told me i wasn’t good enough?
• write down every dream, no matter how “unrealistic” it seems.
hint: those childhood dreams often point to your soul’s calling.
b. start chasing those dreams now
• even if your dreams have evolved, find ways to honor the essence of them.
• wanted to be a singer at 13? start singing lessons or recording yourself.
• wanted to help people? explore careers like psychology, teaching, or coaching.
• don’t hold back.
it’s not about being perfect, it’s about reconnecting with the passion your younger self had.
c. create small wins for your inner child
• maybe 8-year-old you always wanted to paint but never got the supplies. buy yourself a beginner’s set and paint, even if it’s messy.
• maybe 6-year-old you wanted to be a dancer. take a fun dance class and twirl like no one’s watching.
• small wins send the message to your inner child that they are finally being prioritized.
e. validate your inner child’s feelings and failures
• remind yourself:
“it’s okay that 10-year-old me struggled with making friends. i was just a child trying my best.”
• instead of shaming yourself for past actions, honor them.
every mistake was a step toward becoming the incredible person you are now.
f. use your dreams to shape your future
• your childhood passions aren’t just hobbies—they’re roadmaps to your authentic self.
• align your current goals with your inner child’s desires.
• if 7-year-old you dreamed of making people smile, maybe your career or side hustle should reflect that.
• if 12-year-old you loved storytelling, find ways to write, act, or share your voice.
fostering your inner child’s dreams doesn’t just heal the past—it builds a future that feels authentic to you. every time you take a step toward those dreams, you’re telling your inner child: “you were always worthy. your dreams always mattered. and now, i’m making them come true for you.”
#manifesting#manifestation#love#long hair#levelling up#girlblogging#flowers#empowerment#dream life#aesthetic#inner child#inner peace#innerstrength#level up#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#tumblr girls#that girl#girlhood#glow up#grabovoi code#strong mentality#mental health#self love#love yourself#female manipulator#positivity#positive mental attitude#positive thoughts#woman empowerment#empoweryourself
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A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.
(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)
it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it
...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..
Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.
I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.
(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")
“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.
“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”
The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.
I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?
I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.
Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.
Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.
So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.
Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!
Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol
What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.
I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.
Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.
Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.
How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’
i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.
I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.
I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”
���.then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.
No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.
If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.
His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.
We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.
Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.
You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.
The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.
And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.
You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.
Give a heads up.
Something.
But don’t. kill. the media.
The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.
Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.
I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.
It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.
Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.
If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.
And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.
Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.
the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.
The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.
Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.
Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.
If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.
•
Muting notifs
#artists on tumblr#Artistic#digital art#art history#anthropology#humanity#art discussion#art theory#skit yells
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queen shit | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x pageant queen! reader
summary: max verstappen mets you, his long term celebrity crush at a charity event.
notes; someone request this but i accidentally posted it before i finished and had to delete it…i hope this finds you anon
liked by rupaulofficial, maxverstappen, mclaren, and 913,047 others!
yoursername: very successful event tonight, many thank you's to all those who attended and donated, much love 💜
view comments below!
user1: by very successful she means that she just raised over 20 million dollars for family's in need. 20 million dollars. TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS.
user2: QUEEN. SHIT.
user3: i love rich people actually putting their money and status to work
user4: my goat 💪💪
user5: there were SO MANY different celebrities there
user6: and she definitely did NOT know all of them!
user7: probably just invited them so more money could be donated 😭
user8: was the most random people too, like kim kardiashian?? mitski??? f1 drivers??? hockey players??
user9: no seriously. because why was i watching the livestream only to see george russell dancing in the background. very horribly may i add
georegrussel|63: thank you for the invite! i had the time of my life!
yoursername: of course george! thank you for the donating :) <3
user10: they’re friends???
user11: some of yall are FAKE FANS. yn and george have been friends for YEARS. he even posted her when she won miss universe and many times after
user12: i wasn't even alive when she won miss universe...
user13: PAUSE.
user14: WHAT ARE YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA? THIS IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU
user15: YOURE SIX?? AND CAN SPELL??
user16: are we all going to pretend like max didn't just meet his celebrity crush?
user17: most people here don't know who he is 😭
user18: "meet" is a STRETCH, he stood behind her all night just staring...
user19: yeah it was actually kinda sad
user20: f1twt is CLOWNING HIM SO HARD RN
user23: 3x world champion and he's too scared to go up to his celebrity crush
user24: OKAY GUYYYSSS BUTTT this is his first time seeing her in person! ofc he was shocked, maybe next time he'll actually go up to her?
landonorris: thanks for the invite!
georgerussell63: you were my plus one?
landonorris: SHHHH
georgerussell63: in fact, everyone on the grid got personally invited, except you?
landonorris: STOP AIRING OUT MY BUSINESS
user27: yn definitely didn't invite him directly just so lando could be embarrassed like this
alex_albon: best thai food ever (other then my moms) thank you for the invite!
user25: yeah we saw they way your scarfed that shit down
user26: acting like it was the last fucking supper
yourusername: thank you for coming alex! (and for taking home the leftovers)
user28: HE TOOK HOME THE LEFT OVERS?
maxverstappen1: hi
georgerussell63: oh no
landonorris: no way he does it
charles_leclerc: i believe in you max
carlossainz55: don't hype him up! max don't do it. don't embarrass yourself like this
oscarpiastri: i say go for it max
yourusername: hi max :)
georgerussell63: omg omg OMG
maxverstappen1: would you like to go on a date with me?
landonorris: oh he did it...
carlossainz55: NOOO
charles_leclerc: yay max!
user29: it's been 10 hours and still no response...
liked by georgerussell63, and 762,091 others!
yourusername: pretty sunset 🌅
view comments below!
user30: is that…a man?
user31: this makes max being rejected so much more humiliating
user32: SHE HAS A WHOLE BOYFRIEND?? 😓
user33: max found sobbing into his pillow
user34: *not clickbait*
georgerussell63: i laughed
user35: GEORGE???
user36: he’s funny for this
user37: max most definitely doesn’t think it’s funny
user38: yns first time soft launching and it’s right after max publicly asks her out…hm!
user39: she was waiting for the funniest moment to do this
user40: QUEEN SHIT
user41: ok but who is this man 🤨
user42: don’t call me delusional…but that hand kinda looks like max
user43: okay granny let’s get you back to the nursing home…
user44: thankful i’m not this delusional
user45: free yn from the max fans…
user46: @/user42 DONT LET THEM SILENCE YOU
landonorris: he cried
yourusername: i cried
landonorris; we crode
user47: okay it’s definitely max
user48: lando knows something
user49: MAX ISNT IN THE LIKES??
user50: it really isn’t him…hes been flirting with her through the likes for years
user51: rip max being the first to like yns post..gone but never forgotten 🕊️
charles_leclerc: hehehe…hehehe…hehe
user52: WHAT DO TOU KNOW CHARLES
user53: don’t fuck with me charles. i am not in the mood.
user54: you can’t convince me that man is not max when all his friends are in the comments section like this
user55: charles istg
alex_albon: i know something 😏
user56: ok. it’s definitely max.
user57: i still don’t think it is…we can’t see his face
user58: but what are the chances she soft launches after max asks her out
user59: she probably did it to be funny?
user60: and it worked! she’s too funny
liked by alex_albon, carlossainz, and 914,058 others!
maxverstappen1: matching sunglasses 🕶️
view comments below!
user61: QUICK, WHOS FEET DO THOSE LOOK LIKE
user62: oh max…
user63: okay so! it’s either max and yn DID go on that date, or yn has a bf and max posted this to save himself
user64: i realllyyy hope max and yn did go on that date because if max posted this just to save himself the embarrassment….
user65: what if this isn’t even a girl, and it’s one of max’s friend pretending to be a girl 😭
user66: i can see charles pretending to be the girl
user67: HE SO WOULD
charles_leclerc: those are NOT my toes 🤕
user68: okay but no one on the grid has skinny little girl hands like this
user68: logan does
logansargent: ?
user68: well this is awkward
georgerussell63: well well well
user69: THIS CAN MEAN MANY THINGS GEORGE!! IS THIS YN OR NOT
user70: i don’t think it’s yn. she’s too pretty for max.
comment liked by georgerussell63
user70: GEORGE LIKED??
user71: so it’s NOT yn?
user72: but he could mean it in a “they are dating but she’s too pretty for him” way
user73: GRRRR
carlossainz55: i can’t believe it
user74: WHAT. WHAT CANT YOU BELIVE CARLOS
user75: you can’t believe that yn and max actually went out?? or you can’t believe max got a another girl after being publicly rejected??
user76: they’re like giving us hints but at the same time they’re not??
user77: THEYRE PLAYING WITH US
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 802,520 others!
maxverstappen1: i’m dating a pageant queen and you’re not! 
view comments below!
user78: FINALLY!
user79: could’ve just said this earlier..
user80: could’ve saved us the trouble 😒
carlossainz55: i still can’t believe it
user81: SO HE DID MEAN IT IN A “can’t believe you actually got her” WAY
maxverstappen1: you have no faith in me :(
carlossainz55: correct!
charles_leclerc: i believed in you max!
maxverstappen1: thank you charles 😄
carlossainz55: he’s lying, he bet €50 you wouldn’t get a text back
maxverstappen1: THAT BASTARD
charles_leclerc: IT DIDNT SEEM LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO GET A REPLY! I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO WIN €50 AND I WOULD’VE GIVEN YOU HALF?
user83: i could be dating a pageant queen, you don’t know me
user84: are you?
user83: am i what?
user84: dating a pageant queen?
user83: no
user84: what is wrong with you
user85: i love how nobody was hating, we all just wanted to know if max x yn was happening
user86: max has gotten his dream girl…WE CHEERED
user87: years later and lot of instagram likes, we DID IT 👏
user88: we?
user89: i was there almost 8 years ago when max put his first like on yns post, so yes! WE
user90: thank god for that charity event
liked by maxverstappen1
yourusername: former pageant queen
maxverstappen1: you’ll always be a pageant queen in my eyes 🥰
landonorris; simp
maxverstappen1: mad you don’t have a girlfriend?
user91: WOAH GIRLFRIEND?
user92: girl what did you think was going on here
user91: I DIDDNT KNOW THEY MADE IT OFFICIAL
liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, and 715,047 others!
yourusername: i’m dating a 3x wdc and you’re not!
view comments below!
user92: please don’t rub it in
user93: i’m soooo happy for you guys (sarcasm)
user93: yes i’m jealous
danielricciardo: actually i am dating a 3x wdc and his name is max verstappen
yourusername; really? because max verstappen is is laying on me right now
danielricciardo: that’s a clone. the REAL max verstappen is laying to my right.
yourusername: this is what we call schizophrenia 🥰
user94: you guys are so cute! (i’m jealous, i’m so fucking jealous)
user95: max started dating his celebrity crush of 8 years in 8 days! we did it joe! we did it
user96: they won’t last. they’re moving to fast.
user97: they’re both grown adults who know what they want 🤷♀️
maxverstappen1: that’s me!
yourusername; that’s you!
georgerussell63: yeah max we have EYES.
maxverstappen1: don’t be pissy because yn likes me more now
georgerussell63: she does NOT
maxverstappen1: you keep thinking that 😇
charles_leclerc: i always knew he could do it!
maxverstappen1: no you didn’t. stop lying to me.
charles_leclerc: IM SORRY. I WAS GOING TO SHARE THE €50 WITH YOUUU.
maxverstappen1: I DONT CARE @/oscarpiastri is the ONLY know who truly believed in me
oscarpiastri: i bet €100 against you
maxverstappen1: I CANT TRUST ANYONE
alex_albon: does this mean we’ll be invited to more charity events?
user98: you’re just thinking of the food 😐
alex_albon: …yeah
maxverstappen1: 😁��👊😏🔥💕🤗
user99: bro starts dating his celebrity crush and forgets how to act
user100: me if i was dating oscar
. . .
notes: thank you for the request! (even though i accidentally deleted it)
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen social media au#max verstappen smau#max verstappen x y/n#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x you#max verstappen fic#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 social media au#f1#f1 fluff#formula one smau#formula one x you#formula one x reader
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tumblr not deleting all the reblogs of a post/addition to a post when it gets deleted by op is a good and bad thing Bc seeing a stupid (but not, like, evil) addition from 2017 on a post and going to their blog and seeing that a) it was deleted b) they're still active and c) the first thing in their bio is always "i know [whatever] was wrong i'm sorry stop sending asks about it" always makes me sad . like come on how do some of y'all have the free time to be sending anon hate over something stupid someone said 7 years ago when they've clearly grown and changed as an individual get a grip
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