#and that makes me sad. but knowing someone deleted it and I still have a bootleg copy makes me feel guilty

[demodraws0606]

DRDT CHARACTER THEME PLAYLIST - My Personal Interpretation

Warning : This playlist was deleted by DRDTdev and thus this is mostly meant to be something fun, and also because people have posted a lot of interpretations that I don't agree with (and I've always wanted to make my own).

So a while back DRDTdev made a playlist that they've now deleted, however I've seen a lot of people making their own posts about who fits which song. However since I'm not "like the other girlsTM", i had mixed feelings on how certain songs were assigned.

Some songs will be exactly the same as some other posts, mainly because they make the most sense to me but I do have some interesting shifts here and there that I will try to explain.

However I want to get the obvious ones out of the way first

UNDEAD ENEMY : David Chiem

I think this one is the most obvious song in the playlist. The song talks about a person who has put on a mask and is miserable trying to addear to the expectations of that mask. There is a lot of pent up frustration and anger in those lyrics which also is very fitting for David.

There is also the hints of something more behind those feelings of hatred, despite how much he's learned to hate the world there's still a sliver of him that still wants genuine companionship.

YESMAN : Nico Hakobyan

This song already fits Nico purely from the introvert lines. I'm joking, that's not just why I considering Yesman to be Nico's song. This song fits really well with Nico's frustration with being a pushover (or you could say a Yesman) and just how society has always treated them poorly.

The song itself is about being forced to do something, like a boring job, and despite how much hatred you feel you still keep on trying to keep your head low and do what your told. I think all of that really fits Nico's arc and what we know of them so far. Someone who constantly is pushed down by other and has been taught that they need to accept it.

SHUNRAN : Arei Nageishi

This song could also fit Ace as another aggressive person who just wants companionship but I personally think this song fits Arei way better especially with the beginning line ("I won't pay attention to small fry" has a lot of Arei vibes).

This song fits Arei's desire to want love and the contradiction that comes with her aggressive personality. She feels that it's unfair how life punished her which fits a lot with the line "They say that praying to be loved is a sin" as she was constantly denied that love. The lines as well about your personality slipping and crying reminds me of Arei's breakdown.

Hi-Fi Evolution Theory : Veronika  Grebenshchikova

This song is very vague but despite that it is 100 pourcent a Veronika song.

I don't fully know what the song means in itself but the lyrics really fit Veronika's issues with boredom and her enjoyement of the killing game. There's a lot of lines about laughing and wanting to be entertained which just goes with her really well with her character.

Cartoons : Rose Lacroix

Ok, I think I lied when I said Undead Enemy was the most obvious song, THIS is the most obvious song. I don't think there's much analysis to be done to convince anyone that this is would Rose's theme.

This song reflects well Rose's depression and pain surrounding her talent and just how her life turned out in general. It kinda has that dissociative numbness in the lyrics that just fits her really well.

Sing Along : Teruko Tawaki

This song really fits Teruko extremely well especially her abandonnement issues. The song itself sounds aggressive but it oozes of longing and sadness.

A lot of the lyrics fit her feelings of being betrayed by Xander and Min, people she's gotten close to in a short time but immediatly ended up betraying her. It also fits her feeling towards her brother who ended up leaving her as well.

Now let's take a break and tackle the Instrumental songs !! This is where things start to change from other posts so get ready.

Spitfire (05 Version) : J Rosales

This one just fits J's vibes quite well. It's aggressive but also isn't too serious or intimidating, it just sounds like something J would listen in the car.

It also just has this...manly energy (?) or punk-ish energy that J has, it fits her rejecting the traditional feminity her mom tried to force on her.

Main Theme, Diamond is Unbreakable : Xander Matthews

This song is literally Xander vibes and you can fight me on that, it has a very dramatic and grandiose sound (especially when the piano comes in) that just fits how Xander holds himself (as you can see with that pose).

It's the exact type of theme I would expect from someone being the Ultimate Rebel. There's also more actively aggressive parts that I think also fit Xander, as we see he's got a short tamper when his ideologies are challanged and he also just is surprisingly quick to resort to violence.

desk rotation by RQ laji-2: Charles Cuevas

You can fight me again because you cannot tell this Bill Nye intro ass track doesn't fit Charles. Again it's hard to argue considering assigning instrumental tracks is really just based on vibes however this song really has a huge science show feel to it.

I could imagine hearing it while Charles is doing chemistry stuff or theorizing during the class trial.

Now let's go back to the lyrical songs, and this is where things start to go a bit crazy and I might need to justify myself a bit more.

asymptotic : Min Jeung

I know Charles is considered the resident nerd guy but you cannot NOT give the song about math puns to Min.

I think this song works really well for Min's relationship with Teruko. It especially reminds me of what Teruko says to Min before she gets excecuted that they "should've never gotten attached to one another".

This song is about a romantic relationship that could never happen, which I think represents Min's own feelings towards Teruko. About how they could've been closer but now they'll always be drifting apart.

How Min in a way sacrificed her life for Teruko but again she'll always be "out of reach". A relationship that could never happen under the killing game's circumstances.

RUNAWAY : Levi Fontana

I think this song especially with what Levi revealed to us latest episode REALLY fits him.

A song about a person who is repeteadly failling to try and "become better". The lines about "searching" and "tripping" goes in line with Levi's behavior in chapter 2. He's awkwardly trying to reach an ideal of the person he's supposed to be. He wants to be a "good person" but from the day he was born he was completely denied that ideal (aka "Dreams of who i want to be I'm seeing every empty page")

But there is a silver lining to all of this, the lyrics work with the moral of Levi's character. He doesn't need to run away from who he truly is, that what he considers an obstruction to his goal is simply just a part of himself he should accept. He doesn't need to "run away".

tip toes : Hu Jing

This song already just screams Hu purely from the line "I'm reaching for something more than this feeling of being important". She's a person who wants to protect others, be someone who others can rely on but in part it's very much driven by her own ego.

The lyrics are slightly vague but the parts about her "future" I feel like really gives vibes about how she used to be someone who had givne up on her own life but now is determined to persue it no matter what.

I didn't put this lyric in but "Take this ghost of me with the tide to die" again really feels like it references Hu's past and how she's ashamed of it. The song's lyrics give me a lot of feelings of regret but also determination which I think encapsulate Hu's character well.

Polygonal : Ace Markey

I've never seen people consider this one for Ace which is really surprising but also not because this song is very vague. Despite that, I do think this song 100 pourcent fits Ace purely because of some lines that really fit neatly with Ace's character.

The repeated mentions of how anyone would want to be loved/have someone to laugh with, it reminds me a lot of how Ace reacted to Levi saying he didn't care if he died. Ace desperately someone to give a shit about him, he'd rather take pity than nothing at all but he's also a self sabotager who drives anyone who gets close away from him.

"Your increasing honesty, I hate that about you" Honestly really feels like it's Ace saying that to Levi ? I wouldn't know fully how to explain it but it just really gives that vibe.

The song also seems to go on about a person's suffering about how their life is "full of failures" which again goes unfortunatly with Ace who seems to just have lived a pretty miserable life. Having only one person he could call a friend, being forced into an Ultimate Talent that both ruined his body and mental health .

Drawing Pins : Arturo Giles

Ok this one is probably the most farfetched pick, i'd say ? Considering, however, how little we know about Arturo I feel like this song has a lot of room to fit his characters and certain lines already do in multiple ways.

The parts about not being able to fit in, both makes me think of how he's kind of just, openly mocked within the group. However it also really makes me think about Arturo's family, him wanting to distance himself from them and his apparent disdain from them as well.

"Tell me what you did it for" "Cause I can't figure it out" I honestly think those parts really fit well with Arturo's sister committing suicide. He doesn't know why she did it something like that and he refuses to see it as his fault, it haunts him, he can't figure out why she did it because he can't fathom the idea that in reality it truly was because of him.

The "what do i have to do to be loved by you" parts I think are where things get a bit weird. My thought process would be Arturo's feelings towards "pretty people", him becoming obsessed with J because of her mother really makes me think that he's looking out for some kind of validation in a way.

Good grief : Eden Tobisa

I'm sorry this song is not fucking Whit, it's Eden, y'all can suck it /lh

This song really just fits way to well for me with Eden's feelings about Arei (weither she's the culprit or not even if I don't think she is anymore). The entire of the trial of chapter 2, Eden is struggling with the fact that she lost Arei and what could have been. This song really makes me think about how she tells David that she "knows she's dead and that she's never coming back". The slight upbeat-ness of the song really fits as well with Eden's attempt to try and stay cheerful despite how sad she feels.

I think Arei's death will be a very big sticking point in Eden's character.

Also the time motif with "Every minute and every hour" just fits way too good for it to be ignored.

In terms of other lyrics, I agree some of them fit Whit a bit but there are certain things that click way too well with Eden (and also none of the other songs fit Eden at all). I mean Eden's secret quote literally is "You can't go back no matter how hard you try" so clearly her character is heavily tied with grief as well.

"If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle...." Really feels to me like Eden having to learn to be stronger and stop blaming herself ? It really just sounds like advice that would be given to someone like Eden who wants to be upbeat and confident but just simply is too prone to be insecure.

"Get drunk, call me a fool. Put me in my place" Again those lyrics really just feel like they fit Arei and Eden's relationship. Arei calling Eden a "fool" and "putting her in her place", it just ends up really matching perfectly in my opinion.

Mistaken Belief of Love : Whit Young

AHAH ! You have fallen into my trap of this post actually being secretly propaganda about how "Mistaken Belief of Love" really fits what's hinted about Whit's character so far !!!

Yeah, no, this song really does not make sense with anyone else other than Whit ? Both the lyrics and vibes do not match with anyone. The song's whole thing is about "love" and Whit's a fucking matchmaker, thematically it just fits like a puzzle piece. Not only that but Whit's whole thing (that actually hasn't rlly appeared in the series itself all that often) is that he seems to not be able to find love himself and is doomed to be single. It reinforces this idea that, yeah Whit's song would be about love in some way or another (I talk about love in general, this song is not a love song despite what you'd think)

It also works really well with Whit's secret quote being "We often idolize the dead" meaning Whit probably saw his mother as someone she wasn't. Perhaps she was abusive or neglectful, or she hid something from him that truly shows that she may not have cared about him at all.

There are also lines that just fit Whit really well like the "deception, boasting, saying "I openly laughed at it"", just really gives giant Whit vibes for me ? Same with the mention of "peekaboo" since we know Whit kinda holds on to childish things like that (his socks, the fact he uses fruity shampoo for kids).

Anyways, this was mostly for fun and also because I desperatly to make my own list because I had some Hot Takes Tm.

[pepprs]

ok. im going to make this post but i REALLY shouldn’t but i just am so devastated rn and need to not be alone in it and you guys are the only people i can talk to candidly about moving stuff rn for a lot of reasons. the reason im crying rn is because i just found out i made a massive error in my budget and it turns out that my net pay is barely over minimum wage and i cannot afford to live by myself. at all. unless i live off of savings in addition to income but even then that’s only going to help me for a couple months and anyway it’s extremely unwise bc i should save that money for getting a car etc etc. this is not entirely a bad thing because a) at least i can afford to… you know… live. and b) living with roommates will not be bad especially if i live with friends and/or strangers i come to be friends with. it’s just i really… i don’t know i just feel so sick to my stomach. it’s just that recent events have made it so clear to me that i need to teach myself how to live independently before i can live with other people (let alone function in the world, heal from trauma, etc.) healthily. i know it so deeply. and it can’t happen for me. this is confirmation. this is confirmation and there’s nothing that can change it. rent is too high (even for shitty apartments in the area which let’s be real most of them are… it’s too high!) and over half of my income is going to taxes and deductions and bills and student loans. i feel so hopeless

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[loumauve]

printed-out private fanfic collections my beloved

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Opinions on Dream? :^

SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me

okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')

or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!

LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)

plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.

it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(

always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?

not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')

hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333

[fvckednddistvrbed]

i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad

[thecherrygod]

/

[ghostcrows]

that damn web comic is rattling around in my brain ...

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

[angelformed]

the state of the aot fandom today is soooo sad…. like. i hate to say it but it was better when ereris were running it yea cursed ship but it wasnt misery and discourse everyday and a significant proportion of the fandom wasnt basically anime mgtows ……. sigh….. miss the days of jaeger bombastic….. do u wanna kill some titans…. marco is still alive theories… the bubblepop cmv……

[bifairywife]

me partially ready to make a fanfiction.net account but then encountered some analysis and talks and rumors that it may shut down:

i dipped in reddit to check it out and this one is one of the top posts about the topic (more rants in tags)

[okcoolthanks]

How to stop feeling like an awful person after accidentally crossing someone’s boundary even though you talked to them about it and apologized and know you won’t do it again and they understood it was an accident and it’s fine and you two are still on good terms

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

•

Muting notifs

[thewispsings]

queen shit | max verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x pageant queen! reader

summary: max verstappen mets you, his long term celebrity crush at a charity event.

notes; someone request this but i accidentally posted it before i finished and had to delete it…i hope this finds you anon

liked by rupaulofficial, maxverstappen, mclaren, and 913,047 others!

yoursername: very successful event tonight, many thank you's to all those who attended and donated, much love 💜

view comments below!

user1: by very successful she means that she just raised over 20 million dollars for family's in need. 20 million dollars. TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS.

user2: QUEEN. SHIT.

user3: i love rich people actually putting their money and status to work

user4: my goat 💪💪

user5: there were SO MANY different celebrities there

user6: and she definitely did NOT know all of them!

user7: probably just invited them so more money could be donated 😭

user8: was the most random people too, like kim kardiashian?? mitski??? f1 drivers??? hockey players??

user9: no seriously. because why was i watching the livestream only to see george russell dancing in the background. very horribly may i add

georegrussel|63: thank you for the invite! i had the time of my life!

yoursername: of course george! thank you for the donating :) <3

user10: they’re friends???

user11: some of yall are FAKE FANS. yn and george have been friends for YEARS. he even posted her when she won miss universe and many times after

user12: i wasn't even alive when she won miss universe...

user13: PAUSE.

user14: WHAT ARE YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA? THIS IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU

user15: YOURE SIX?? AND CAN SPELL??

user16: are we all going to pretend like max didn't just meet his celebrity crush?

user17: most people here don't know who he is 😭

user18: "meet" is a STRETCH, he stood behind her all night just staring...

user19: yeah it was actually kinda sad

user20: f1twt is CLOWNING HIM SO HARD RN

user23: 3x world champion and he's too scared to go up to his celebrity crush

user24: OKAY GUYYYSSS BUTTT this is his first time seeing her in person! ofc he was shocked, maybe next time he'll actually go up to her?

landonorris: thanks for the invite!

georgerussell63: you were my plus one?

landonorris: SHHHH

georgerussell63: in fact, everyone on the grid got personally invited, except you?

landonorris: STOP AIRING OUT MY BUSINESS

user27: yn definitely didn't invite him directly just so lando could be embarrassed like this

alex_albon: best thai food ever (other then my moms) thank you for the invite!

user25: yeah we saw they way your scarfed that shit down

user26: acting like it was the last fucking supper

yourusername: thank you for coming alex! (and for taking home the leftovers)

user28: HE TOOK HOME THE LEFT OVERS?

maxverstappen1: hi

georgerussell63: oh no

landonorris: no way he does it

charles_leclerc: i believe in you max

carlossainz55: don't hype him up! max don't do it. don't embarrass yourself like this

oscarpiastri: i say go for it max

yourusername: hi max :)

georgerussell63: omg omg OMG

maxverstappen1: would you like to go on a date with me?

landonorris: oh he did it...

carlossainz55: NOOO

charles_leclerc: yay max!

user29: it's been 10 hours and still no response...

liked by georgerussell63, and 762,091 others!

yourusername: pretty sunset 🌅

view comments below!

user30: is that…a man?

user31: this makes max being rejected so much more humiliating

user32: SHE HAS A WHOLE BOYFRIEND?? 😓

user33: max found sobbing into his pillow

user34: *not clickbait*

georgerussell63: i laughed

user35: GEORGE???

user36: he’s funny for this

user37: max most definitely doesn’t think it’s funny

user38: yns first time soft launching and it’s right after max publicly asks her out…hm!

user39: she was waiting for the funniest moment to do this

user40: QUEEN SHIT

user41: ok but who is this man 🤨

user42: don’t call me delusional…but that hand kinda looks like max

user43: okay granny let’s get you back to the nursing home…

user44: thankful i’m not this delusional

user45: free yn from the max fans…

user46: @/user42 DONT LET THEM SILENCE YOU

landonorris: he cried

yourusername: i cried

landonorris; we crode

user47: okay it’s definitely max

user48: lando knows something

user49: MAX ISNT IN THE LIKES??

user50: it really isn’t him…hes been flirting with her through the likes for years

user51: rip max being the first to like yns post..gone but never forgotten 🕊️

charles_leclerc: hehehe…hehehe…hehe

user52: WHAT DO TOU KNOW CHARLES

user53: don’t fuck with me charles. i am not in the mood.

user54: you can’t convince me that man is not max when all his friends are in the comments section like this

user55: charles istg

alex_albon: i know something 😏

user56: ok. it’s definitely max.

user57: i still don’t think it is…we can’t see his face

user58: but what are the chances she soft launches after max asks her out

user59: she probably did it to be funny?

user60: and it worked! she’s too funny

liked by alex_albon, carlossainz, and 914,058 others!

maxverstappen1: matching sunglasses 🕶️

view comments below!

user61: QUICK, WHOS FEET DO THOSE LOOK LIKE

user62: oh max…

user63: okay so! it’s either max and yn DID go on that date, or yn has a bf and max posted this to save himself

user64: i realllyyy hope max and yn did go on that date because if max posted this just to save himself the embarrassment….

user65: what if this isn’t even a girl, and it’s one of max’s friend pretending to be a girl 😭

user66: i can see charles pretending to be the girl

user67: HE SO WOULD

charles_leclerc: those are NOT my toes 🤕

user68: okay but no one on the grid has skinny little girl hands like this

user68: logan does

logansargent: ?

user68: well this is awkward

georgerussell63: well well well

user69: THIS CAN MEAN MANY THINGS GEORGE!! IS THIS YN OR NOT

user70: i don’t think it’s yn. she’s too pretty for max.

comment liked by georgerussell63

user70: GEORGE LIKED??

user71: so it’s NOT yn?

user72: but he could mean it in a “they are dating but she’s too pretty for him” way

user73: GRRRR

carlossainz55: i can’t believe it

user74: WHAT. WHAT CANT YOU BELIVE CARLOS

user75: you can’t believe that yn and max actually went out?? or you can’t believe max got a another girl after being publicly rejected??

user76: they’re like giving us hints but at the same time they’re not??

user77: THEYRE PLAYING WITH US

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 802,520 others!

maxverstappen1: i’m dating a pageant queen and you’re not! 

view comments below!

user78: FINALLY!

user79: could’ve just said this earlier..

user80: could’ve saved us the trouble 😒

carlossainz55: i still can’t believe it

user81: SO HE DID MEAN IT IN A “can’t believe you actually got her” WAY

maxverstappen1: you have no faith in me :(

carlossainz55: correct!

charles_leclerc: i believed in you max!

maxverstappen1: thank you charles 😄

carlossainz55: he’s lying, he bet €50 you wouldn’t get a text back

maxverstappen1: THAT BASTARD

charles_leclerc: IT DIDNT SEEM LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO GET A REPLY! I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO WIN €50 AND I WOULD’VE GIVEN YOU HALF?

user83: i could be dating a pageant queen, you don’t know me

user84: are you?

user83: am i what?

user84: dating a pageant queen?

user83: no

user84: what is wrong with you

user85: i love how nobody was hating, we all just wanted to know if max x yn was happening

user86: max has gotten his dream girl…WE CHEERED

user87: years later and lot of instagram likes, we DID IT 👏

user88: we?

user89: i was there almost 8 years ago when max put his first like on yns post, so yes! WE

user90: thank god for that charity event

liked by maxverstappen1

yourusername: former pageant queen

maxverstappen1: you’ll always be a pageant queen in my eyes 🥰

landonorris; simp

maxverstappen1: mad you don’t have a girlfriend?

user91: WOAH GIRLFRIEND?

user92: girl what did you think was going on here

user91: I DIDDNT KNOW THEY MADE IT OFFICIAL

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, and 715,047 others!

yourusername: i’m dating a 3x wdc and you’re not!

view comments below!

user92: please don’t rub it in

user93: i’m soooo happy for you guys (sarcasm)

user93: yes i’m jealous

danielricciardo: actually i am dating a 3x wdc and his name is max verstappen

yourusername; really? because max verstappen is is laying on me right now

danielricciardo: that’s a clone. the REAL max verstappen is laying to my right.

yourusername: this is what we call schizophrenia 🥰

user94: you guys are so cute! (i’m jealous, i’m so fucking jealous)

user95: max started dating his celebrity crush of 8 years in 8 days! we did it joe! we did it

user96: they won’t last. they’re moving to fast.

user97: they’re both grown adults who know what they want 🤷‍♀️

maxverstappen1: that’s me!

yourusername; that’s you!

georgerussell63: yeah max we have EYES.

maxverstappen1: don’t be pissy because yn likes me more now

georgerussell63: she does NOT

maxverstappen1: you keep thinking that 😇

charles_leclerc: i always knew he could do it!

maxverstappen1: no you didn’t. stop lying to me.

charles_leclerc: IM SORRY. I WAS GOING TO SHARE THE €50 WITH YOUUU.

maxverstappen1: I DONT CARE @/oscarpiastri is the ONLY know who truly believed in me

oscarpiastri: i bet €100 against you

maxverstappen1: I CANT TRUST ANYONE

alex_albon: does this mean we’ll be invited to more charity events?

user98: you’re just thinking of the food 😐

alex_albon: …yeah

maxverstappen1: 😁🥰👊😏🔥💕🤗

user99: bro starts dating his celebrity crush and forgets how to act

user100: me if i was dating oscar

. . .

notes: thank you for the request! (even though i accidentally deleted it)

[peapod20001]

Gbb hhjj

[loaksbitch]

blame tumblr for deleting my draft and make me rework this with rush— now girlies, imagine jealous neteyam pull you to his side, claiming you as his yes? this is the long awaited update (pt 3) of the i trusted you series.

warnings - hard angst, vulgar language, jealous neteyam i repeat, JEALOUSY NETEYAM! ugh, cussing, neteyam is tired of hurting and trying, kiri is best girl for boosting up neteyam to make a step kinda? that’s it for now!

likes and reblogs are appreciated for the final part! i love each and every one of you babies mwah!! — 3.2k wc and poor-ish grammar

“i want to trust you.” — neteyam sully (★,꩜)

here’s part (one) – (two) — (four) of this series

neteyam’s state wasn’t good when he went back home.

you’re leaving the clan because of him, you’re leaving your home, your childhood, your everything because of him.

you’re leaving him because of him.

still not accepting the words you’ve said to him, he hadn’t noticed his younger sister waiting for him right when he got back to the village, hunting long forgotten.

kiri on other hand had enough, she’s tired of seeing her brother suffer for what he was trying to make right, especially after that night. the night she saw her perfect brother kneel in front of a female na’vi begging you not to go.

“neteyam,” his name being called, pulls him out from his thoughts and his tired eyes land on his sister who has her arms crossed against her chest. “what part of leave me alone don’t they understand?” neteyam silently says under his breath

“you know i can hear you right?” kiri scoffs

“what part of i want to be alone don’t you all understand?” this time he says it clearly and louder. neteyam doesn’t give her time before walking past her and if only if it wasn't for her next words? he wouldn’t have frozen at his spot.

“if you love her, go for her.”

there she goes again, now he needs to tell her he doesn’t want to hear anything about that future mate of his, that female na’vi he doesn’t even want.

“kiri.” he starts to turn and face her, his amber eyes swollen and puffy it makes her sad. “i’ll say this for the last time, i don’t want anyone to bring äy—“

“i’m not talking about äyea and you know it.”

his heart dropped, amber eyes slightly widening like he was caught. neteyam searches for more explanation from his sister, kiri softly smiles and he definitely knows who she’s talking about

“y/n, neteyam, i’m talking about y/n.” his skin itches at your name being called and he walks fast to his sister before grabbing her by her arms. nobody has to know, not like this and he won't risk to lose you like this

“look, you can’t tell no one, okay?” he’s shaking his sister so hard that her shoulders are hurting. “i can't lose her, if the clan knows they’ll take her away from me.” his body is trembling, neteyam’s mind was too occupied with the worst scenarios that would happen if they find out about you just like this.

kiri closes her eyes and calms herself before trying to do the same for her brother. “nete, calm down” she places her small hands on his cheek. “you’ve to calm down, for her?” she knew you’re his weakness and he would do anything with your name

“i won’t tell anyone.” kiri watches neteyam’s eyes blink, confused and processing her words, “but you must tell them, everyone, tell everyone neteyam.”

he’s slowly sliding his hands down her arms and letting her go, what is she saying?

“i saw everything, the night she knew about it and how you were.” kiri didn’t want to look like she sneaked into someone's business. “i’ve never seen you so weak like this brother, you’re giving up something that makes you happy.”

where is this going? why is she not yelling at him that he failed to be perfect?

“i know you’re soon to be mated but why when you’re not happy? not wanting it, not in love.” neteyam takes every word of hers carefully. “if this is the future you want with her then make a progress.”

“i’m tired of hearing you cry yourself to sleep, starve yourself and worry mom and dad.” he felt like a child. “i’m sorry,” he murmurs and kiri sighs, “you don’t have to apologize for everything.”

neteyam was feeling his heartbeats quickening at his younger sister's words but it’s also painful when he remembers he can’t do that cause you’re gonna be gone, soon… very soon.

“she’s le-leaving,” his words are cut when his voice quivers, kiri gasps at the news. “she said she feels like she doesn’t belong here.” he’s now looking down to avoid kiri’s eyes or he’ll cry

“she’s leaving me, kiri” his sister only pulls him close to hug him and he drops his body on her, head on her shoulder. “i love her and she’s leaving, i’m losing her.” he wants the pain to end, he’s tired of hurting

“oh brother.” kiri pats his head, even though neteyam was the smartest and perfect to hide his emotions, this was too much. he’s literally crumbling down. “it’ll be okay, everything will be okay.”

“it will be okay, everything will be okay.” your mother pats your hair when you lean on her shoulders and cry. all you do is cry, you feel bad.

you’re debating on leaving everything behind and running to your neteyam but then again there’s his future mate being a wall to your love. “it’ll be over soon when we leave.”

if not soulmates why bound to fall in love and hurt?

eywa was not fair, she’s not fair with her doings and you don’t want it. you want him, you want your man, you want neteyam, you miss him so bad.

the ritual is in two days and you’re not ready to watch them or give them your blessing as a part of a clan. once the ceremony is done you know they’ll go home, you don’t even want to think what they’ll do after that.

they’ll have a fruit of love, a baby in the future… what about you? supposed to move on? no, you can’t do that.

“we’ve got to get ready, my sweet child,” your mother says as she eyes the hammock that sheltered you for years. everything is packed, ready and done.

while you’re struggling to make the pain hurt less, neteyam is struggling to make his heart beat less.

it’s now an eclipse and everyone is ready for dinner, “mom! what’s for dinner?” tuk whines when netyiri brings the bowls and trays at the wooden table. “you’ll see baby” she kneels down to finally join her family.

it doesn’t fail to catch her by surprise when her first born is sat across the right side of the table. “neteyam?” her eyes start to whelm when her son smiles at her, oh how she missed having him around the table to eat with them.

“he’s here just like you want him.” jake says and neteyam nods.

neytiri only lets soft laugh out and places a bowl for him. “eat this, it’ll help you get strength for your training.” she motions him to take his food.

kiri silently watches everyone, a smile painting her lips as she sips on her soup.

“tastes good?” neteyam nervously nods, the only thing he’s thinking is a way to bring up his love topic to them. it wasn’t much late before he’s opening his mouth to speak and lo’ak suddenly interrupted

“dad, mom i ne–…”

“tuk stop doing that, you’ll choke.” lo’ak scolds at his sister and neteyam shuts his lips quick. maybe it’s the right thing not to say anything right now.

“tuk, listen to your brother honey” jake says and turns to neteyam, “what were you saying son?”

neteyam shakes his head, “never mind i’ll talk to you guys later.” he doesn’t ignore how kiri lightly groans when he backs out. “i’ll head inside now.” he rubs his sweaty hands on his thighs and gets back to his feet

“you didn’t even touch your food.” now that’s a lie, he actually scooped two times and ate.

“i ate mom, it’s delicious t-thanks.” he hates when the last word breaks. on eywa he’s so nervous.

kiri was quick to follow his steps when he left and luckily her parents didn't question. she was fast to catch up with her brother and yanks his arms to make him face her, “what was that?” she raises her eyebrows

“what was what?”

“don’t play dumb with me right now.” kiri warns and neteyam clears his throat

“i’m scared okay!” he hissed, “i’m so fucking nervous my skin is crawling to leave my bones.” his sister only rolls her eye, “seriously— we’ve talked about this! not being a little scared ass to be telling them.”

“what happened to that?” she crosses her arms.

“kiri,” he sighs and drops his head down, shoulders easing. “you don’t understand how dangerous this is, what if–“

“what if they hurt her?”

neteyam was awfully silent and that answers her question. “you know mom and dad, they don’t do anything about what you care and love…” kiri slowly stops when neteyam shakes his head

“not them,” it’s not them he’s scared of, it’s äyea’s parents he’s scared of, he knows they would do anything to make their little perfect daughter that matches with him, or whatever they say.

kiri presses her lips to a straight line before clicking her tongue.

this is gonna be a bad idea or the best idea she has ever made and decided to tell him aways. neteyam’s eyes widen when his sister pulls him away from their family, what she’s gonna tell him is the only chance to get you back and win your trust and she’s sure neteyam will do it,

do anything for you.

೫ time skip — mating ritual ceremony

your new outfit makes your curves more defined, way more defined than your usual loin clothes that you wear.

your skin shining smoothly, the leaves barely covering your breast, you looked ethereal with your hair not braided and freely displayed all over your shoulders

“honey, are you ready?”

your mother’s words make you gulp and suck a deep breath. “we must be there early to leave early!” she tells while being in the other room.

you finally check yourself and talk back, “yeah, i’m ready.” you whisper morley to yourself? swallowing the lump on your throat.

“yeah, i’m ready.” neteyam closes his eyes and breaths trying to focus on not messing up everything, he’s not even sure if you’ll show up and some part of him wishes you do show up

extra loincloths and decorations on his body makes him uncomfortable with its weight crushing him down.

netyiri proudly looks at her son’s figure while the kids are outside, “mother.” the sudden call of her name, netyiri answers quickly. “what is it? nervous?”

neteyam gulps down his fear and walks to her, “i love you” netyiri feels her eyes tear up and smile at him, “your mom loves you too, baby.” neteyam envelopes her with a hug and netyiri cries to his shoulder telling him how he’s grown up

“now don’t mess my face up with tears! let’s get you ready there.” it’s time to face reality and wait for his soon to be mate come

when he’s out of his hammock, he’s greeted with his family smiling at him and jake’s proud smile. even half of the clan was standing at his hammock.

“neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan” everyone chants and neteyam feels his inside clench in discomfort. he doesn’t want this if it’s not with you, everything makes him sick. “c’mon son, let’s get you to the trees of voice, your mate is waiting.”

what the fuck, that was what neteyam said inside his head. what does his father mean when he’s gonna meet his mate under the trees of voice? it was all about you and him, neteyam would never mate with some random girl he is set up with in a place with memories filled with yours

neteyam turns to his sister and kiri has the same expression because what is this bullshit?

“nete’ she’s waiting for you.” his mother placed her hand on his back. no, no, no— his own feet are betraying him when he realize he’s walking and the clan opens way for him straight long line created till where he’s supposed to see äyea

you on other hand stand in line with the people and pray under your breath for eywa to give you a strength not to cry or make a scene, especially when they will be bound where you thought you and neteyam would have been

it doesn’t take long when starts to cheer as the future Olo'eyktan starts to get closer and closer.

lo’ak was the first one you saw from the sully families while he’s holding tuk close to him so she won’t get lost in the crowed. “Aeyaeyaeyaeyaye!” the clan yells

neteyam’s eyes keep searching for specific someone which is you, eyes desperately looking for you and feeling more scared and anxious when he can’t figure out your face from the crowd he takes a deep breath

you finally take his figure to your sight and god he was so beautiful.

your breath hitches at his appearance, the dangling material on his forehead making him look more attractive than he already is, you realize it’s so hard to let go of him.

you suck a deep breath when his eyes lands at yours and neteyam halts his pace, confusing everyone for a second. your tears are fast to blur your vision and you blink before looking away from him

his heart cracks when you do look away, you don’t want to see him and he understands

once neteyam passed you, the crowd surrounds him and cheers when he stepped close to where äyea is found.

you hate how your mother looks at you sympathetically while her hands grip yours tighter, “it’ll be over soon” she whispers to you but you shrug her off, only watching things unfold in front of you as your heart breaks

“it will be over soon.” neteyam says to himself

it’s sickening how everyone can’t notice this is not supposedly to happen, kiri’s plan better work or he’ll seriously fuck this ritual up and run away with you.

“son.” äyea’s father greets him and neteyam, bringing his hand to his forehead. “ty’mar, i see you.” he then turns to his soon to be mate’s mother and repeat his actions.

the way äyea was smiling makes your throat hurt from desperately wanting to cry.

‘no, don’t tell her you see her neteyam. please. please.’

äyea softly giggles when neteyam stands in front of her and blush, “neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan” the way she tries to voice out his name makes neteyam feel sick.

“i see you.” she says but neteyam doesn’t bother to say it back making her smile slightly fall.

netyiri also notices how neteyam is acting, what would possibly be bothering him? definitely not everything.

after everyone was introduced to each other, the ceremony began. drinks were served, everyone clapping and dancing to the songs the na’vi’s are singing.

you’re a little far away from the crowd to breath clear air and dry your tears that constantly burn your eyes. your eyes are on neteyam who isn’t enjoy one bit of the ceremony while his soon to be mate squirms and waves her hands up

both of them are sitting on a throne-like wooden chair, both of their parents beside them just say like them.

this is so depressing how awkward and uncomfortable it looks and actually is. you think, brining the drink to your mouth

you didn’t notice the na’vi male sneaking behind you that actually has been staring at you since you joined the crowd in line. “enjoying the party from far doesn’t seem too boring after all.”

you’re now jumping in fear when a breath hits the back of your ear.

“mother eyaw! who the fu–” you scream and stumble in panic, but before you’re falling you feel strong arms hold you on your ground. “shit, I should've announced i came, i’m sorry.”

you’re about to tell him it’s okay and leave when he’s offering his hand for a shake.

“i’m no’xus, by the way.” great, now you’re stuck talking with someone.

“y/n.” you say and turn over to place your drink on the talk flat table looking object, it’s obvious you’re ignoring him and uninterested but he keeps talking

“why’re you not dancing?” the tall na’vi asks and you face him before speaking, “because i don’t want to?” you just want this over and privacy, how hard can it get to understand!?

“mhm,” the male hums, “wanna dance with me?” at his offer, you scoff mentally and realize you’re not getting him away from you soon– before you reject him, a strong glare radiating from far makes your body tingle

it was neteyam, sending glares to the male who was next to you while sitting far away.

you didn’t bother it at first but the way neteyam’s face twists makes your brow raise. why is he bothered? jealous? if no’xus had not cleared his throat, you would’ve forgotten about what he just said.

“look notoxo, i really don’t feel like…” you watch him awkwardly chuckle and correct you.

“it’s no’xus not notoxo.”

“you know what? fuck it, let’s dance.” you’re pulling him to the crowd, maybe it’s the drink or maybe it’s him, it’s neteyam making you do this.

your mother was long gone to where you don’t know, no’xus was just a bonus to get your frustration out and you’re now dancing with him. too occupied to bother, you haven’t noticed how neteyam’s nose are flaring in anger

neteyam watches how you’re dancing and it’s very obvious it’s targeted to get him out of his mind

he is not even listening to äeya and brought himself up from his throne-like seat. rage and anger is in him, this needs to fucking stop or he’ll rip the male’s hand that’s holding you by your waist and moving you sides to side

all of his fear gone when the na’vi’s eyes are on him when he’s stepping down from his seat and walking straight to you

neteyam ignores his father’s call, sight on you and you only. you didn’t notice how he’s dangerously close until no’xus stopped his moving. “what is it?” you’re annoyed when your distracted self is brought back to reality

“put your hands off of her.” it was an order and no’xus looked at him manically. “i’m not fucking repeating myself.” all the na’vi’s are confused, even his parents and äeya’s family.

your body is jerked away from the stranger you just met and you hiss when neteyam tugs you close to him. what is he thinking? in front of everyone? his last words makes the whole omatikaya village gasp and whisper.

“fucking let go of what’s mine and find your own mate.” neteyam scowl’s dangerously.

how’re we feeling, sweets? are we feeling anxious? excited? invested? spill in the comments cause i love reading your thoughts sjsjsj

also do you guys want a toe curling smut at the end or no? since neteyam is aged up!20 years old in this series, lmk in the comments if you want smut — tag list in the comments &lt;3