#i think i need an adhd diagnosis
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always wishing i got more asks until i realize i have over 50 unanswered asks in my inbox. oops
#i PROMISE i read and appreciate all of them#i just overestimate how much time i put into a simple ask and then i lose motivation and forget forever#i think i need an adhd diagnosis#just a theory#sleeptalking 💤
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im —probably— autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#—if i did have it— i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasper’s posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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Ok for some reason my brain is hyper focusing on Johnlock again like I won't regret it 2-3 business days from now when I come out of it with 5 new open AO3 tabs (out of my already 156 open AO3 tabs not counting other unfinished/unread fic/fic I've not caught up on, full disclosure) for fic that I probably won't finish reading and/or while being unable to find the. Very Specific. fic I want to read and just having like an open half-filtered tab... But Anyway.
Here's a Very Rare Johnlock Post from me lol
Imagine after all the seasons are over and Johnlock are old and have finally talked about their feelings and properly, actually, gotten officially together
(and subsequently gotten married in like 2 months cause Sherlock filled out the paperwork while John was not actually at home and then actually having a discussion about it when John finds out it happened cause Sherlock casually mentions it and actually agrees after Sherlock mentions (read: steamrolls over him, anxiously) them practically already being married by common law and just officialising it for the tax benefits... they only have a proper wedding, maybe on their/an anniversary when Mrs Hudson finds out probably 6 months later or sth and complains,, but I've gone on a tangent again)
Anyway Rosie is a teenager, with after-school activities and a phone.
I'm just imagining Sherlock dragging John out on a murder case (read: date) and deciding to feed him midway through (like always, tbh,, sth sth that post about feeding the depressed man that tends to forget to eat but I digress)
So Rosie gets a text and a voicemail from the two of them (cause Sherlock prefers to text and tell me John is not the sort to leave voicemails, like he would have put it on the voicemail machine if they had one he's so old man sometimes)
And it goes something like:
[Text from Papa]
Ragù Bolognese, Angelo's, 7pm. Hugs. -SH
[Voicemail from Dad]
"Hi honey, it's Dad.
Sorry we won't be able to make it to dinner with you, your father's got a case and you know how he gets...
Anyway, Mrs Hudson is going out tonight remember, so your Papa is booking the usual table at Angelo's for you... You still like the Spaghetti Bolognese right?
Don't worry about us, we'll eat before we get home. And the reservation is at 7, so don't be late. This will probably take a while so don't wait up either and go straight to bed young lady, you hear me?
Anyway I've got to go, loveyoubye."
Anyway I think it would be very cute, like they love and care about her, even if they're old men who laugh at crime scenes and whose ideal date is trying to catch a murderer together, and they show it by taking a moment to make sure she's fed with her favorite food even when they're busy solving crime, so yeah.
#i know sherlock is not the type to message “hugs” and stuff that often but i feel like he would do it for Rosie#cause he's enamored like look at the way he looked at hee in the show#that's his baby#and john somehow manages to be the worried mother and the stern father in one conversation#he has a lot of practice tbf#i think i used anyway too much sorry#i also kept going on tangents i might need an adhd diagnosis my brain is so scattered sometimes but i think it's also hereditary#ANYWAY I'M OVER SHARING#shut up wonder omg they don't need to know everything lol#anyway (sorry so many anyways) i hope you liked this. it will probably never happen again#I'll stop writing random tags now#johnlock#sherlock holmes#bbc sherlock#john watson#bbc john watson#bbc johnlock#rosie watson#post season 3#teenage rosie watson#Angelo's mentioned#texts#voicemail#gave up on formatting btw
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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My psychiatrist, within half an hour of meeting me for the first time ever, "Have you ever considered that maybe you could possibly have autism...?" 😅
#autism#it's a spectrum#actually neurodivergent#actually autistic#high functioning autism#WITHIN HALF AN HOUR#adult autism#late diagnosis#i think i was 30#we're not going the formal diagnosis route#because we decided i don't need accommodations at work or school#(and to avoid discrimination)#we work on healthy stims#and managing my associated depression and anxiety#now we're looking into formal testing for adhd#adhd#female adhd#adult adhd
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me (diagnosed with ADHD): *talks about little funny/annoying things my brain does (because of the ADHD)* my mom (not diagnosed with anything): wow that's so funny, the exact same thing happens to me too! i've never heard anyone else describe that. so random that you get that too. genetics, huh? :))
#sure mom. funny. funny coincidence.#this happens every time i see her#it happened like 6 times today alone#meanwhile my dad and my sister are staring at us like 'your brains do WHAT now???'#she doesn't really know much about adhd#i only got diagnosed a few years ago and she wasn't part of that process at all because she was living in another country back then#and like. i've gently mentioned to her before that genetics seem to play a big role in adhd too#and that actually many people get a late diagnosis when their child gets diagnosed#and it's fine. i won't pressure her to look into it more because she's doing well!#i don't think she needs meds or therapy or whatever at this point#but i just feel like it might help with how she sees herself? because it's so deeply engrained into her that she is Not Smart???#because she flunked out of school as a teenager???#due to bad grades#and like. oh i wish i could talk to that girl#things turned out well for her and she's generally a happy person#but still. i know part of her think she's stupid. and i fucking hate that#anyway i mainly just think this is really funny when it happens#adhd#nd
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Getting ready for my psych appointment like “I will get a good grade in adhd, autism, and bpd. This is something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve”
#I mean ik that’s the real reason I’m so nervous. that this person is gonna be like wellllllll I don’t think you actually have these things#(unlikely considering my… everything and also that my therapist and psychiatrist have both told her ‘yeah they have these things’#but it’s just. ugh.#like I understand WHY they want to redo my adhd and autism diagnosis#it makes sense and I’m not like. upset about it and I know it’s not cuz they don’t think I have it#it just does make me a bit anxious though cuz like yeah it IS a possibility this person could decide I don’t have them….#which would then fuck up the whole reason I’m doing all this in the first place#(redoing the diagnoses because the psych who diagnosed me years ago rushed everything through#because she was convinced I had them wanted to treat me and had treated members of my family who also had them#so y know the genetic component was a strong factor in it#but because they were rushed through I didn’t go through most of the testing#so now they want me to do that so the testing is officially on my medical record#which again I understand and that makes sense. just. also nervewracking you know)#but anyways trying not to be nervous I know it’ll be fine just. probably very long and tedious#but it is what it is#complete refusal to make eye contact with anyone don’t fail me now !!!!!!!#I JUST WANT TREATMENT I FEEL LIKE I CANT FUNCTION AND I KNOW THIS IS THE NEXT STEP I HAVE TO TAKE#SO I JUST WANT IT TO GO SMOOTHLY 😭😭😭😭#(also have very very tentatively have started squinting at going back to school#and I know if I do I will NEED accommodations or I will quite literally never make it#that was the reason I originally got diagnosed years ago after all)#kaz rambles
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my friend asked to see my old ace attorney art from middle school and its like. yeah man guess my favourite character (very hard)
#actually i think i started liking kay more around 2020 but ema still has a special place in my heart#top right one is morr highschoolish#also these arent that bad compared to the thousands of cringe i found in my folders good god#also lookimg through old notes is like. wow this bitch really needed an adhd diagnosis what the fuck#also also i never drew men back then especially non bishounen types bc i didnt know how but now that i can draw twinks im gonna fucking#draw so much yaoi
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it was a relief to figure out i had autism and wasn't just built wrong. needless to say i've been living the life since i got to college and my friends diagnosed me with thirty other things too
#they're right though#those things they said make a ton of sense#i don't think i need an actual diagnosis for most of them if i just understand that i function that way#the only one is like maybe i want adhd meds if i think they'll work#neurodivergence#neurodivergent
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Talking about the hating techonology thing, im really mad about how we dont have physical documents in brazil anymore, everything is in our cellphones and theres just like one thing that we actually can have physically, my physical voter registration card is a fucking sheet of paper, my parents had a real voter registration, plasticized and stuff. I'm also pissed off about the work card, which used to be physical and have a cool design, now its only virtual, that is insane, bring back the real documents, what if i dont have a cellphone
My friends said they dont have the physical version of this important document???? Because its number is in another document so it wouldnt matter, THIS DROVE ME INSANE, EHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS DIDNT MATTER???
I really hate how everything is made in our cellphones now i think this is stupid it should be like the second option not the only. I hate qr codes, i hate digital documents, i hate digital shit I'm definitely a luddite, break the machines man, they are evil
#is that why i want more adhd diagnosis? no idea#i love physical things i really do#this is a big thing for me i really hate this current situation#besides i lost my college card and now i only have the digital version. they dont want to do me another version#can you hear my pain? THIS SHOULD BE A CRIME DUDE#things. need. to. be. physical.#if they arent. they simply arent real#my friend said i should live in the woods but thats literally what i wanna do im just kinda scared of doing that#i have virtual friends so being able to talk is important. but otherwise??? i dont care about this. i lived without a cellphone for so long#yes im still addicted but its a problem if i have a cellphone. when i dont i cant really do anything about it#but i like computers... love you alan turing. i dont think i would like being without a computer all the time#yes. using it just a little it would be okay but nothing? thats scary
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LIKE something I think is all of the Askr family are like mirrors. Alfonse is a reflection of how much he loves Sharena and the summoner. Sharena is a reflection of how much she loves Alfonse and how, I think in the autistic sense, I think she mirrors A LOT. Henriette is a reflection of how much she loves Gustav (and seemingly, so severely that that love struggles to reach everyone else). Gustav was likely a reflection of how much he loved Henriette and his father. All of them are performing, adhering to SOMETHING. Their roles, and what seems to be The Correct Course of Action.
#fire emblem#feh#not a full thought but like. it's there#i see autism hcs for alfonse sometimes and regardless how i feel personally on that (as an autistic guy myself)#i think sharena is SO OVERLOOKED. for autism hcs. or at least the fuckinh tendencies.#i've seen adhd hcs for her too though and maybe that makes more sense (i have less info on that)#like it's speculated i might have adhd too but i was never diagnosed (only got the autism diagnosis)#which like obvs they aren't EXCLUSIVE like often times they're co-occurring. which i think is another hc route#you COULD take w sharena actually.#as for alfonse i do wanna say i completely get it and see why people do hc him autistic#he DOES have. tendencies LMFAO#but for me. alfonse is just as much a study in cis masculinity as he is a study in being able-bodied#there are a lot of things i need to reconcile with. often. and i need that tool to navigate my feelings#so like. i absolutely don't wanna invalidate anyone's takes on him and i know JUST as deeply how personal#and important hcs can be.#to me alfonse just. has Tendencies. that attract autistic people to him like moths to a flame.#regardless of if he is or isn't himself.#and he has so many problems. but i don't think he has The Horrors you know.#MEANWHILE i think takumi is so autistic he has ALL OF IT. ALL OF THE TENDENCIES. ALL OF THE HORRORS#that's how i feel anyway!#fe alfonse#sharena#fe henriette#fe gustav
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coming to terms with the fact that things are hard and i won’t be good at all of them is so fucking frustrating but essential to growth i suppose
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the titration providers love sending me huge blocks of text right when I'm at my least capable of processing the written word
#yeurgh..#it doesnt seem like ill even need an appointment with them(?) looks like they do all communication via email + virtual forms#which would be fine but they word things so confusingly + with such bad grammar and keep sending me the wrong forms#the delivery stuff is such a hassle too. if i get meds delivered directly to my address then its covered entirely by them but-#i dont think i can do that bc someone has to be in to collect it and me + my flatmate both work 9-5 weekdays#i CAN just get the prescription slip delivered but a) I have to pay for meds out of pocket and i dunno if rtc actually counts as nhs#so itll probably cost MORE than the nhs standard prescription charge and b) i have to request + receive the slip then#take it to a pharmacy on a saturday + if they cant fulfill it on the day then wait a week before i can return to pick it up and-#they only prescribe for a month ahead at a time which would be fine if it was a fixed repeat prescription but while theyre working-#me thru it i have to update them weekly + frequently alter it + if i miss 3 weekly updates they automatically discharge me. lmao#the other option is getting it delivered to work but i dont think i can do that either and even if i could im not sure id want to bc id-#have to disclose to them that its a medication i need them to take in and i dont want my work getting fucking nosy abt my health or-#knowing i have adhd. so here we fucking are#ugh. why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. they rly designed the entire adhd diagnosis + titration system to be as-#counter-intuitive and difficult for a person with adhd to work with as they possibly fucking could#i kind of wish i could talk to them in person bc this would be so much easier to work out that way. man#whatever i have a splitting fucking headache and im gonna start crying if i have to think about anything. nvm too late!!!!!#ill sort it tomorrow its just one day whatever i give up. runs headfirst into a brick wall and crumples looney tunes style#.diaries#.vent
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ik it's been said but being medicated is just such a wild feeling. like i have adhd and just got recently put on adderall and being able to sense the difference of my thoughts is such a weird feeling. like ik when it hits and i can tell when it's wearing off. but also it just really reminds me of the fact i do have a mental disorder that actually affects me and isn't just "laziness and forgetfulness"
#like i can even feel it in my physical sense of self#like i don't feel paralyzed if that makes sense?#i feel like i finally have full autonomy over my body#and i'm the driver-- not my adhd riddled brain#but like i said it kicks me in the shin and reminds me that i do have a neurodivergent disability that quite literally#makes my brain form differently and affects the neurotransmitters too#and the fact it's chronic is really Really the cherry on top :)#anyways remember when tiktok was making everyone think they had adhd#all bc of the fact they couldn't do shit and 'time blindness'#but the actual test is literally about concentration and memory#like mmmmmmmmmmmmmm im not against self diagnosis but you have got to stop saying you x disorder when you didn't even look at dsm 5 criteri#and then when they associated having adhd with being a burnt out gifted kid#like no you weren't a gifted kid. you weren't in the program. you were able to succeed bc your needs were (presumably) met.#and now ur a hormonal teenager experiencing the woes of puberty along with a crippling phone addiction that decreased your attention span#.....get it together#adhd ramblings#ashla.txt
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trying to recall reading treasure island at school when i was 10 to mentally compare the book to the muppets movie
#ameera speaks#can i be real. when i try to remember reading treasure island i remember my teacher reading it aloud to us and thinking this book is boring#😭😭😭 brother i needed that adhd diagnosis age 7 what do you meaaannnn i remember reading treasure island only bc of how boring i found it
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