#i should stop being so mean it's instinctive behaviour

[visionsofmagic]

❝screaming another man’s name while being fucked by him❞

including: zoro, luffy, sanji, shanks [opla versions]

―❛ nsfw, brat!reader, f!reader, possessive behaviour, chocking (kinda), licking, different positions, daddy kink, swearing, pet names, spanking, angry sex, humiliation, begging, fingering, oral > f receiving, marking, claiming, mentions of voyeurism, hair, ‘is all  I suppose. ✸ wc: 2.3k ✸ posted only zoro’s version but didn’t appear on tags, so, I repost that part with others’ parts too. tried to stay in characters. enjoy!

⭑ ZORO

“oohhh - sanji!”

you moaned, not aware of your own moans until he asked, voice deep, sending radiations of danger.

“what did you just say?”

hands on your waist freezing, the pressure still on there yet it doesn’t continue pulling and pushing your body, stopping fucking you - the sudden silence in the room fills up with heavy breathing.

he holds you by the neck, raising your body up, he makes your back touch his bare chest, back arching - his cock twists inside your walls.

“I asked,” he says, warm breaths hitting your ear as his voice reaches every part of your body as if it's a poison - and he is the only cure for it. “what did you fucking say.”

it wasn’t intentional - you didn’t mean to moan another man’s name in the middle of fucking, but, it came as an instinct.

“z-zoro - I - didn’t mean to - aggh -!”

“didn’t mean to what? moaning another man’s name?” he chuckled, far away from entertaining, just pure annoyance. “moaning sanji’s name while my dick inside you, breakin’ you into half, hm?”

you can’t answer, you can’t even comprehend what to do because you don’t understand why you moaned sanji’s name. however, zoro knows you more than you do, and owns every knowledge about the hidden meanings behind your actions, words, and looks - he isn’t dumb, he knows how you close your thigh around sanji whenever he cooks, watching him from the corner of your eyes as you bite your lips without even noticing it.

it is not that zoro doesn’t get jealous, he does and he will prove it right away yet he wants to satisfy you in every way he can - he can see the truth behind the whole thing; you want the full attention that you try to make him angry with all these acts, and you have no idea that you’re doing all that only for him - for zoro so that he can get possessed around you.

he’s a pleaser though, for you, and he will plan your little game, giving what you want.

“maybe I should call him,” he says, and whimpers when your pussy clenches around his length on its own - pure instinct, pure satisfaction. he smirks, pride runs in his veins, he really knows you - each hit point, each desire, everything. he leaves your body, bending it over again, ass getting higher.

he begins to fuck you so slow that you swear you will lose your mind anytime soon as his cock goes out of your horny clit until his tip touches your folds, only to shove it in again with a hard yet effective thrust.

weren’t his hands holding you by the hips, you would hit the wall in front of your face - moaning louder than before, afraid that the crew will hear you as you get fucked by furious zoro.

“ohh, I definitely should call him. wanna make him watch your pretty face as I fuck your hungry pussy for my cock,” he says, thrusting faster each passing time, making your hands grip the sleeves under you. “would you like that?” he asks, balls hitting every right spot of your ass cheeks, thrust begins to mixture of both pain and pleasure.

“ohhh - zoro - zoro -!”

“that’s right baby. roronoa zoro,” he kneels down, abdomen touching your back, dick reaches the end of your pussy, a hand grips your hair, pulling it harshly, “scream my fucking name louder, wanna hear it, wanna everyone hear it as well.”

“‘m sorry, zoro, ‘m so sorry -“

“oh please,” he mocks you, leaving your hair, only to hold you by the neck this time, pushing you onto the mattress lower, cries rush onto your face. soaking, you moan his name over and over again. “you’re not sorry at all. you’re just a slut, aren’t you?” his fingers play with your ass hole, sending a new sense of satisfaction into your body, “a slut only for my cock though,” he whispers into himself, slapping your ass, earning a scream out of your pretty parted lips.

then, he turns you around, and the cock swifts inside you - standing above you, he puts one of his hands beside your head, and the other one grips your neck completely, making you look up to his face - he finds the pace that he knows that will make you see starts.

eyes sparkling with lust as you look at him, half-closed, blurry already, dry tears on the cheeks, chest raising up and down rapidly while his cock fucks your abused clit harder, and deeper. “yes my slut,” he says, possessiveness can be heard through his voice, “look at who’s fucking you right now. not luffy, not that shitty waiter sanji either. just roronoa zoro. who’s fucking you? whose pussy is this? say it.”

“roro - ohhhh, shit - roronoa z-zoro!”

he nods with such pride that he smirks, still furious, but enjoying this so much that he decides to fuck you in every position he can until the whole crew knows you’re getting fucked by him in his damn room, crying only his name. “that’s it my pretty slut, you will never forget it. from now on, I will dig it into your dizzy head so that your legs will open on their own whenever you see me.”

“please, yes, yes, zoro!” going all mindless, you let him do what he wants - after all, this is what you wanted, isn’t it?

“pretty slut. gotta make you know who you belong to.”

⭑ LUFFY

“fuuuck - usopp!” the words - the moan comes out of you without your control, making his head higher up.

“huh? say somethin’ baby?” he asks, not stopping eating you from the back, fingers joined, brows raised, curiously looking at you.

“‘m so sorry, luffy - I - I wasn’t thinking straight- I - ohhh!” you try to say but your words are cut by his fingers scissoring inside you.

“oh,” he says, sounding not surprised but excited, chuckling even as he adds, “I didn’t hear it wrong then. you really moaned his name - while my tongue is deep inside you, fingering this beautiful pussy that I thought clenching because of how good I am fucking you.”

between your loud whimpers mixing with moans, you begin to say how sorry you are. you weren’t aware of it until the moment usopp’s name left your mouth. you knew it was luffy who was making you week on the knees, who’s have your legs wrapped around his bare shoulders, your pussy wide open, hands on his curly hair as you pull them whenever his tongue and fingers reach your g-spot - only he can fuck you like this, you know it! but why you moaned usopp’s name, why you pictured him in your mind beside luffy are the questions you have no answers to.

“I don’t know what happened to me - ohhh - luffy, ‘m so sorry - fuuck!”

both moaning with pleasure and crying with pure guilt, you try to hide your face from luffy, a hand positioned on your half of the face, not looking at him, afraid that you made him upset and disappointed yet luffy is there to prove you wrong when he leaves your pussy, gets up, holding you by the chin as he lowers down, making both of you hit the bed underneath you.

hovering over you, he makes you see his smiling face, lips shining because of your soaking, eyes sparkling.

“oh, pretty baby, look at me,” he says, caressing your chin, “I am not mad. not at all. if you want to bring another man into the bed -“

“no, no - I don’t - I really don’t!” you protest, so shy at the thought. you only want luffy, you know that, and you want to apologize to him for being such a greedy girl, “you’re my one and only luffy. I only want you.”

he chuckles softly, shaking his head, fingers finally finding your aching pussy again, playing with it as he says, “‘s okay. if I am the only one you want, then, let me fuck you that your whole body remember I am the one and only for it.”

he keeps his promises, fucking you until the only thing you have on your mind is him - nothing more, nothing less.

yet he doesn’t leave you without teasing you, giving you wet kisses, markings, and even slaps from here to there - enjoying seeing you all shy yet greedy for him.

⭑ SANJI

“oh yes, yes, yes, right there - so good so good - please more, zoro, please!”

“hm? what?” he asks in a surprised tone, hands stopping playing with your breasts, tongue staying on the hardened nipple without moving, eyes looking up to your confused face from where he stays on - your exposed chest.

he smirks, a bit of jealousy and entertainment at the same time, realizing you have no clue about what you said a second ago, legs push him closer - wanting his cock deep inside your warm walls to start moving again because you can’t understand why he has stopped fucking you.

“oh my beautiful madam,” he teases, “can’t even realize he moaned another man’s name while having my cock warm inside her pussy!”

your eyes widen after you comprehend the words he’s saying.

you swear lowly, hands touch his well-built chest, heat rushing all over your face, and you begin to feel guilt blooming inside your abdomen which has twisted.

“sanji - I am so sorry, I didn’t- I wasn’t -“ he cuts you off, right hand finds your neck as long fingers caress your face.

his face so close to yours as he chuckles, “oh, did my pretty lady remember who’s fucking her? not zoro, eh?”

he can’t decide whether he should feel humiliated or amused. yet he doesn’t go hard on you, moving his hips, he earns low moans from you - hands trembling on his chest, the dilemma rises up inside the mind, thoughts about zoro shuts down by sanji, he shoves his dick into you slowly and in one go as if he’s trying to remind you that you’re under him - not zoro’s or any other man’s.

“please, sanji - faster, please!” your please now is filled with his name comes as prays into his ears, the pride increases, giving sanji a chance to play with your cute little mind.

“that’s right baby, sanji - say that again.” his movements become faster, harder.

“sanji, sanji, sanji - aggh, so good -“ with the help of the last decent you have, you moan his name louder and louder, wanna make him prove that you’re mind full of him, giving him the apology he deserves in a way he would like to get; being so noisy that everyone will acknowledge what you’re doing behind the doors.

“would make a mess out of you. you will leave this room barely walking because of me,” his possession is perceivable, burning you alive with the desire for more. hands grip your inner thighs, opening them wider, a painful breath leaves your lungs as you shut your eyes, giving sanji what he wants; devouring you to tame you.

“pretty lady needs a lesson, and I am here to give it.”

⭑ SHANKS

he doesn’t say much, chuckling or laughing would suit him better but he knows you should have known that no one can fuck you like he does when another’s man comes from you - moaning with it instead of saying shank’s name.

holding you from the waist, he takes control of you, not letting you ride him no more, sweats flow from your body into his.

the moment you hear his voice, memories of the past seconds rush to your mind, and you find yourself putting your hands on his shoulders, afraid that he will push you.

contrary to what you expect, shanks moves your hips slowly, forth, and back - his balls feel heavy under you, hair on his lower abdomen makes the pleasure double.

you hold your tears; blurry vision, soaking clit, reddened face, agape mouth - pathetic yet beautiful, he thinks. “daddy’s cock isn’t enough for you, hm, is this the case why you moan another man’s name like that even when you’re,” he takes your chin, making you look down, seeing the mess you’re creating, “cumming onto my cock?”

“it’s not it, shanks!” earn a spank on your ass.

“then what is it princess?” he asks, brows raised, fingers traveling on your body, “am I not fucking you good that you fantasize about another man while bouncing on my lap?”

he lets you say countless sorry words, cries inside his arms, explaining how you didn’t mean to do that, how he’s the only one for you yet he doesn’t seem satisfied, taking a deep breath, raising your body then lowering it down - cock thrusting deep and hard.

throwing your head, you begin to beg for him to forgive you, to fuck you.

“in that case,” he says, putting himself a glass of wine from the small table beside you while still sitting on his favorite chair that he fucks you onto. leaning back, he moves his hand in the air, “fuck yourself on my cock, show me how much you can beg for my cock, then, I will forgive you and fuck your greedy pussy princess,”

he watches you going blank for a moment before beginning to bounce on him, moaning from the throat, hands traveling around your body to make a show only for his eyes.

he whimpers lowly, a smirk lightening his attractive face, eyes burning in fire, “give daddy a show. and when you’re done, I will call for him and make him watch as I fuck you good.”

❤💙

taglist • tagging: @snowprincesa1 ❦

[pitchsidestories]

fight like a girl II Ona Batlle x Reader

masterlist I moodboard I word count: 2202

pairings: Ona Batlle x Reader (romantic), Barcelona Femení x Reader (platonic)

warnings: disgusting men, mentioning of blood

“Look who has finally arrived.” Jana noticed you first when you stepped into the restaurant where the Barcelona women were having dinner. She was one of the closest friends of your girlfriend Ona in the team and you couldn’t help but to smile at her.

You might be small in height, but you always left quite an impression despite that. Even though your arm muscles were hidden underneath an oversized sweater you have stolen from your lover.  

“Hi everyone, sorry for being so late.”, you apologized, nervously redoing your ponytail.

“No worries, come here.”, Ona padded on the free chair next to her, her jaw looked tense. Something about the atmosphere was off.

You wondered why but the answer to the question in your head came promptly through a man and his male friend, you could hear the alcohol loosened their tongues in a way which made the women around the table deeply uncomfortable.   

“Oh, there’s another one.”, the taller man punched playfully into his mate's side.

“Not bad either if you know what I mean.”, the smaller but bulkier wiggled his eyebrows.

“Sorry, we asked them to leave several times now.”, Alexia sighed, she’s been clearly tired by their behaviour.  

“But they didn’t listen?”, you stood up abruptly from your seat next to her girlfriend.

“Y/n.”, Ona begun concerned, trying to stop you from doing something possible very stupid.  

“Let me deal with them.”, you asked her to, looking into her worried brown doe like eyes.

“Don’t.” she shook her head determined.

“But-.” you started.

“Just ignore them.”, your girlfriend begged gently.

“Come on you just finished training you need to drink and eat something y/n.”, Mapi changed the topic smoothly.

The older defender was right, in the box ring you forgot time and almost everything else. If you were honest with you were quite hungry at this point in the evening. Yet it was so hard to ignore the men close by.

 “Oh, she’s the baby of the group? What’s your name, beautiful?”, he cooed.

“Not your fucking business.”, you shot back grumpily.

“Oh, she’s a feisty one. You know how to make yourself interesting to men, huh?”, the smaller man grinned dirtily.

“Sorry to hurt your little ego guys but I’m not interested in men at all I’m a lesbian.”, you smiled smugly as you thanked the waitress for bringing you all the drinks before taking a big gulp of your beer waiting for their response.

It was like a dance in the boxing ring, attack, waiting for the response, defending and you wanted them to leave so you could have a nice peaceful evening with friends. But the other truth was you simply loved playing a dangerous game. Some might even say you were addicted to it.

“You just haven’t had the right one yet.“, one of the men replied with a laugh.

You almost rolled your eyes. Not even a creative insult. “How many times have I heard that sentence before? But I hate to break it to you, it’s a no.“

Instinctively you reached for Onas hand under the table.

The men remained unimpressed. The taller one flashed you a toothy grin and turned towards Jana: “Fine then. I’ll just take one of your friends.“

You wanted to laugh. None of the girls would even look at a sleazy guy like him. But you knew men like that. If women didn’t want him, he would get more aggressive until he got what he thought was his. You decided to keep your eyes fixed on him.

“No, you won’t.“, you said calmly.

He snorted: “What are you going to do about it?”

That was the moment you could feel your brain go into autopilot. Anger spread through your body like a wildfire, burning hot in your stomach and your chest. Your hands curled into fists, your nails digging into your skin as you slipped from your seat. There was nothing you hated more than being underestimated.

“You should be scared.“, you said plainly.

The tall man burst into laughter: “Of you? You’re tiny!”

His laugh was like gasoline to fire, only feeding your rage.

“And you’re tall with not a lot of brain to match your height apparently!”, you snapped at him.

He considered you for a moment before he ordered: “And you only have a big mouth so sit back down!”

With a frown, you took a step towards him: “I will. If you stop harassing my girlfriend and our friends!”

“Harassing?!”, he echoed and glared at you. “What are you on about? We’re just talking to them!”

“But they’re clearly not interested.“

You got angrier with every word out of his mouth but you also got this perverse sense of pleasure out of arguing with him.

“Amor, your food has arrived.“, Ona interrupted you. Her voice was gentle and cautious.

You waved her off: “I’m not hungry right now.“

“Please.“, she asked but your focus was back on the two men.

“I’m only asking you to leave on more time.“

The first man bent down to you like an adult would do with a young child. “Or what? You’re not scary at all, little one.“, he sneered.

That was all it needed. You swung at him and struck him right in the face. There was the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking and blood dripping on the floor. You heard the gasps from the football players behind you.

“Fuck! You fucking bitch!”, he cursed under his breath. You waited for him to lunge at you but he was too busy trying to stop the bleeding.

“I warned you.“, you said cooly and shot a warning look at his friend, signalling that you were ready to break a second nose that night.

“Time to leave, girls.”, Alexia announced in her captain voice.

“Please.”, Ona muttered.

“No, she’s got to pay for this!”, the man who you didn’t injure demanded hissing.

“What? You want your nose broken too?!”, you replied shaking your head in disbelief. Alarmed your girlfriend called your name but you couldn’t help to add. “That was no coincidence. I know how to do it.”

“Yes, but they aren’t worth it.”, she whispered into your ear.  

“Everyone harassing my friends is worth it.”, you told her fiercely while her teammates and you slowly made your way out.

“These men could’ve hurt you.”, Ona remarked. There was worry swinging through her words.

“No, they couldn’t. I’m a good boxer.”, you disagreed confidently as you wrapped protectively an arm around the brunette’s shoulder.

“I know you’re, what I’m trying to say is that you don’t need to protect us.”, she explained softly.

“He deserved that broken nose though.”, Mapi commented chuckling from behind.

“See?”, you grinned triumphantly at your lover.

“Just great, Maria.”, Ona groaned in frustration.

“Good night, girls.”, the older defender said with an innocent smile on her lips as she went for Ingrids hand to start the walk to their home.

“That’s our cue to leave too. Night.”, Jana declared.

“Goodbye, text me all when your home.”, the captain of the team hugged everyone before going her own way.

“Your captain can be such a mum, Oni.”, you smirked amused. The balmy night air felt nice against your skin, it made what happened in the bar appear like a faint memory.  

It didn’t have the same effect on your girlfriend for her the scene of you hitting that man was still replaying in her mind. Alone the thought of it made her heart sank.

“If she were more of a mum, she would’ve stopped you from doing that.”, Ona objected.

“Not that again.”, you grumbled.

Once you reached the safe walls of your home the adrenaline has worn off and your fingers started to hurt which didn’t get unnoticed by the defender even though you tried your best to hide your pain from her.

“Wait, I’ll get some ice.”, Ona noted.

“I’m fine.”, you assured her quickly. Although your sayings turned out to be useless, she was already up getting something to ease your hurt.

“No, you’re not I can tell that from the look on your face.”, the brunette sounded mad, but despite that there was a tenderness in the way she took care of you despite her furiousness.

“Ona…“, you whispered quietly, in hopes to calm her down but also because you weren’t sure what to say next. Of course, she had seen right to you even when you tried to ignore the throbbing pain in your hand. Your knuckles were still red and swollen.

“Yes?”, Ona asked. Her voice was tense as she took in the damage on your hand and gently applied some ice.

You watched her hold your injured hand in the dim light, her gaze directed downwards.

Only when she looked up with an inquiring expression on her face, you remembered to speak.

“I didn’t mean to… you know? I just never know what to do with my anger.“ You bit your lip. Nothing that came out of your mouth did your feelings justice. Nothing conveyed the message enough that you weren’t malicious, you were just an angry girl. Something that people didn’t want to see for some reason.

Onas eyes softened. She sighed quietly: “I know. And you don’t need to fight all the time. We could have handled that as a group together, not just you alone. Besides I get angry too, but only on the pitch.“

“That’s different.“ You blew out a short, hard breath of frustration. That was not even remotely comparable.

Ona nodded slowly: “Yes, you’re right… still.“

“Yes. Maybe. But I’m tired, Ona. Everyone sees my anger as something bad when it’s not!”

You regretted saying it as soon as Ona looked away again.

“You need to sleep…“, she said softly.

But you both knew it was not that kind of tiredness you were talking about.

You pulled your hand away from her: “No, you don’t get it. It helped me a lot in the past!”

“You never tell me anything about that so how am I supposed to know?”, Ona asked, frowning with her jaw set.

“I was telling you now!“, you retorted, rolling your eyes in annoyance.

Ona remained calm, unfazed by your rage: “Go on.“

To your surprise, her composure seemed to rub off on you.

“Doesn’t matter anymore. All you need to know is that I’m not ashamed of my anger.“

She shook her head determinedly, clearly not ready to let you sweep that topic under the rug: “No. I want to hear everything, the whole story. You don’t have to sugarcoat anything. Plus, I want you to teach me how to box.“

You blinked at her: “Wait. You do?”

“Yes, I do.“, she replied, leaving no room for doubt.

You studied her face. She looked so serious.

You could feel your heart beat faster thinking about Ona in a boxing, just because you loved the sport, just to get to know you better.

“How about I’ll take you boxing tomorrow?”, you suggested.

Ona finally smiled: “Sure.“

“And then we can talk.“

Ona and you went early to the gym the following day, mainly because it meant that you were completely alone. The morning light streamed through the large windows and highlighted the boxing ring which stood in the centre of the room. This was the place you felt most at ease and somewhere your anger wouldn’t be judged.

You recognized how your girlfriend struggled a bit with her boxing gloves, carefully you helped her to put them on.

Curiously she looked up to you. “When did you’ve to learn to fight for yourself?”

“When I was very young. People always made sure I knew that I was very different from them.”, you confessed alone the thought of it made you shudder.

“It must have been very painful for you especially when you were so young.”, Ona replied empathetically, the defender didn’t know she wasn’t standing right.

Gently you moved her into the right stance before continuing your story.

“Yes, and then people were surprised when I got angry for being treated differently.”

A cloud moved in front of the sun and darkened the whole room.

“And the boxing ring was a place to deal with your anger?”, the defender wanted to know genuinely interested.

“Well, when we had to flee from my home country, we were feeling so helpless and I never wanted to feel like this again. That’s a story for another time.”, you explained quickly.

With a cheeky smile on your lips, you advised her. “Hands up we want to protect your pretty face.”

While you showed her the essential boxing moves, Ona stopped your movement for a moment urging you to take her all in. “No, I want the full story.”

“Alright, but it’s going to be a long one.”, you warned the brunette.

You have circled around this topic for so long it was time to face it. And two things you were certain about, one your girlfriend was strong enough to handle what you’d tell her and second you were brave enough to speak about it.

Fight like a girl wasn’t an insult to both of you it was a compliment.

[flcwermimi]

❛ THE ICEBERG EFFECT IN THE VOID STATE ❜

Even after doing right things / following the right method / being persistant towards our desires sometimes we don't get the fruitful outcome and we all have asked ourselves WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

According to the research our conscious mind which is aware of our feelings, thoughts and behaviour is like a tip of an ICEBERG visible above the water & on the other hand majority of the iceberg, representing the unconscious mind, lies hidden beneath the surface.The unconscious mind is thought to contain instincts, repressed memories, and other mental processes that we are not directly aware of, but which still influence our behavior and decision-making.

Hand to Hand same happens on our Void/Manifestation journey. The ICEBERG in the void state are :

— SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS - Not being able to confess what u actually feel & often ignoring the emotions overcome this by doing some action regarding when u actually feel happy or angry CONFESS IT ' I am happy/ angry '

— UNRESOLVED PAST TRAUMA/ ISSUE - Even u feel it doesn't effect at all but it does unconsciously the burden of UNRESOLVED THINGS or UNADRESSES ISSUE can lead to several mental issue and to overcome it once must overlook yourself, apologize if u are wrong,get help, share their feelings with someone

— SCARED OF THEIR DESIRE - Often someone DM 's me saying that they're scared of having their desire which is completely normal and I feel to restrict this feeling from their self once should just appreciate their self , hangout with good energy people and decrease their screen time

— SOMETHING HOLDING BACK : From my recent post I got many DM regarding how they feel what is holding them back and it's important to have knowledge on the rights things misinformation sometimes stick to ourselves very deeply

— SELF DOUBT : Many people doubts them regarding the how powerful they're, they often find validation to have their desire so it's very important to work on self-concepts and stop questioning " is it possible" or " can I have this or that?"

— NOT STICKING TO ONE THING : One individual when they're trying to enter void often keeps changing methods or finding something which can magically help them and it often leads them finding hard to believe in any methods. Even if u fail at one method at 3 - 4 times doesn't mean it's not effective it's all about mindsets u must stick to one thing and stop looking sources like ' enter the void instantly/ do this method to happen in second ' because u are not realising how powerful u are actually u don't need those things everything is on your command

— COMPLICATING THINGS : As I seen so many of people making a bunch of routine it irritates me cause They are listening subliminals also and on the side they are even doing robotic affirmation and also five minutes they are doing PSYCH -K and next they are also doing mediation and on the night they will put long bunch hypnosis and in the same night they are doing WBTB method trust me you don't need so much things u doing these all things result that u are putting the void on the pedestal Just question yourself this all is needed?doing so much u are exhausting yourself physically and mentally

— TIME : For those who really starts to panic when they don't enter void on the specific time it's ok time hasn't been wasted nothing is wrong when u didn't enter the void on your specific time the only thing u will be doing wrong in that time is making diffrent theories, underestimating yourself, finding different methods, saying yourself a failure

So these we're some things I wanted to list from the very starting I hope u all read it all through find what is actually stopping you and there is no guarantee this thing happens to each and everyone I have listed it down by over analysing the success stories, my experience

Further what u can do is listen to self concept subliminals, building confidence, don't overwork on your selves, stop finding validation and logic in everything , surrounding yourself with postive beliefs , patience is virtue so keep persisting , do something new daily as if meditate or write a journal or share your thoughts with others learn new skills

That's it all no iceberg effect is bigger than you so stop doubting yourself you can do this it's all easy peasy 🤍🫶

[llamagoddessofficial]

Hey got more aggre guy questions with you hehehe :D

How would you know if any of them had a crush on you?

Hehe... a classic cute question.

Sans: The absolute most difficult to tell. He just acts like a close pal. Honestly, if you're not Papyrus, it's near impossible to know how Sans is genuinely feeling. This guy is a master at disguise. The signs are ridiculously covert- how many words he uses in his texts, which eye he most frequently winks at you with, the kinds of jokes he uses, which side of you he sits on. He gets slightly jealous of people you like, and expresses that with veeeery subtle coldness toward them. To Papyrus Sans is outrageously flirting, and to you he just said 'heh, i'm gonna steal that joke'.

The most reliable sign that he likes you, is he would rather be with you than without you. He messages you when he's bored, when he's got a day off he asks if you want to come over and hang out together. He's casually affectionate with you; with everyone else he's very physically guarded, not really allowing any prolonged contact, but he'll sit close enough for your knees to touch and lean on your shoulder. When he's sleepy, he'll just put his head in your lap.

If at any point you're actually starting to suspect that Sans has a crush on you (ie you catch him lightly blushing or looking at your hand like he wants to hold it) that means he's already fully in love with you. If it's obvious enough for you to tell, he's planning to spend the rest of his life with you.

Red: Red is also pretty difficult to tell. Not as hard as Sans, though. He's highly flirtatious in general, but even more so with people he's physically interested in. Sometimes, it can be hard to know if he's just a super flirty guy in general, or if he genuinely really likes you.

When he's in love he switches between totally forgetting to flirt (he's thinking about more than just sleeping together) and acting more like himself, then panicking that you won't like his real self and becoming EXTRA flirtatious and swaggery. He instinctively wants you to see the real him, and like him... but he's also terrified of you not liking the real him, so he clams up and tries to play the part of the big sexy badboy that everyone else seems to like so much more. The longer he likes you the more he eases. If at any point you find out he needs glasses, or that he quit smoking out of fear that it'd impact your lungs, that's a sure sign he's fallen for you.

Another reliable tell is jealousy. Red doesn't get jealous a lot, because usually he doesn't really care all that deeply about his flings. If he shows jealousy about who you're with, it's a big flag that his feelings run a lot deeper than he wants to admit.

Skull: Skull isn't difficult at all. It will be loud & clear that he likes you. Nonstop staring, intense blushing at the slightest interaction, he drops/breaks things a lot because he's distracted just looking at you. His brain -> mouth filter vanishes, he'll be completely silent except to blurt out things like "you're so pretty" and "i like your smell". Before he drums up the courage to start talking to you properly he might even come across as a bit creepy and overwhelming, given his size and strength, the intensity of his feelings, and his love language being staring.

Papyrus usually comes very in handy. He makes Skull seem less intimidating by providing the cute real reasons for Skull's bizarre behaviour around you. He can be a great translation service for his brother- when Skull mumbles something totally unintelligible to you because you make his brain stop working, Papyrus can step in. He's also great at getting that perfect balance between encouraging his brother, and stopping him from crossing any lines; he'll help Skull approach you at a house party without teleporting somewhere completely random out of nervousness, but he'll also dispense helpful advice such as "PERHAPS YOU SHOULD INTRODUCE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU TELL HER YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS WITH HER."

[vampyrixdarling]

Hi I have a request! (I know it’s not the season but-I wanted to know) do you do Yandere Werehog Sonic? Of a reader who actually love’s werewolves?(if not that’s okay?)

— 「𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬」

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ MASTERLIST

╰┈➤ [yandere] Sonic the Werehog x reader

: ̗̀➛ synopsis; How would yandere Sonic act to you in his werehog form?

: ̗̀➛ Type; Platonic/Romantic Headcanons

: ̗̀➛ warning(s); yandere behaviour, obsession, brief mentions of kidnapping, brief mentions of murder.

Likes/Reblogs are always appreciated!! <3

☆ Sonic in his Werehog form isn’t that different from his usual form. Other than the obvious changes in appearance, he’s still the same funny guy. Just.. a bit more huge and fluffier. Truth be told, he didn’t even know you liked werewolves.

☆ He found it weird— yet oddly comforting—that you didn’t really mind his new form. He loved how you didn’t mind his razor sharp teeth, or the unsettling growl tinting his voice every time he spoke. You loved to feel his fur, and occasionally poke at his fangs to see just how sharp they really are.

☆ Sonic as a yandere would be Clingy, obsessive, possessive & paranoid. This only gets worse when he’s a werehog, as these traits amplify significantly.

☆ Speaking of, I think his clingy and obsessive behaviour would become stronger during this. He already hates being away from you normally, but it just gets worse when he’s a werehog. His jealousy would also skyrocket. He’d also be way more protective of you.

☆ On the topic of jealousy, I don’t think he minds getting his hands dirty. If he feels he needs to, for any reason, he’ll do it under the guise that he’s protecting you. If it’s someone he doesn’t like, he’ll convince himself they’re bad news and need to be taken care of. He’s very protective of you, and he won’t let anything horrible happen to you, so why should he just stand by and let some guy who’s obviously making you uncomfortable talk to you? He’s a friend? Sure he is. You’re just blinded, surely. That’s the only explanation the werehog can come up with after all.

☆ I also think he’d inherit at least some animalistic traits and instincts. I think his sense of smell would be heightened, and so would his needs to protect you. He’d also be a lot faster and stronger than he was before. He’d become familiar with your scent rather quickly, and it’s like a drug to him. He craves you, to hold you close and claim you as his, but he knows better than to kidnap you. Not immediately, at least. Besides, he knows you can never outrun him even if you tried your hardest, much less be able to struggle against him. Sure you can try, but he’s not letting you go that easily.

☆ Taken over by his animal instincts, he can’t help but give you gifts of his own. It’ll start small, with little dead animals such as mice or even flickies. But then it’ll grow bigger, with every kill Sonic commits in your honor being delivered straight to your house. Whether you choose to accept his gifts or run away is completely up to you. But that doesn’t mean they’ll stop, nor will Sonic. He loves the chase, after all. Plus, he’d act like a wounded puppy if you found out it was him and expressed your distaste.

☆ I think he’d find it adorable how tiny you are compared to him. He loves to pick you up and spin you around. There’s just something about you being smaller that just drives him crazy. (No, not like that.) This would be followed by him squishing you in a hug, allowing you to be basically wrapped around his warm fur as he smiled, his sharp teeth allowing themselves to be seen. That’s one of his favourite things do to with you— to hug and cuddle you. It makes him think he’s protecting you, and allows him to be closer to you, both physically and emotionally.

[elasticitymudflap]

hey I know the whole 'I did not care for winter king' thing pretty much summed it up but i'd LOVE to hear what you thought of that whole fucking episode.

IT IS SO FASCINATING TO MEEEEEEE, i mean obviously a 'role swap' universe would be regardless, but beyond the surface lies a lot of hints towards reasons why this world was so different and fucked up fundamentally!! again, my big theory is that no matter what happens our simon is not going to be able to access the crown again in any universe they visit as an extension of betty's wish, so yeah winter king's ass was probably doomed the second they set their sights on duplicating the crown but also, good , because fuck that guy

one thing that stands out to me is how our simon's morals are very different and a lot stronger than wk's, especially how he very clearly doesn't wish the madness of the crown on anyone but himself, but he can empathize with other victims of the crown. throughout the entire episode he's desperately trying to get the others to empathize with candy queen's situation as someone who knows what the madness of the crown feels like and how it warps you. but also, his approach to her is so...

like he actually vibes along to her song, compliments her "metaphor", and above all BEGS fionna and wk to see her as a person who deserves compassion, patience, and understanding... something he seemingly doesn't seem to extend to himself as ice king.

but even her madness seems somewhat suspect to him - just before her musical number he seems mystified as to why the crown's madness would make pb obsessed with him, when he knows from his reality that it's marceline that she's in love with. i'd actually argue that there is a hint of distrust towards winter king that he can't quite put into words at first, but simon's self-loathing at how "functional" his counterpart is seems to counteract his instinct and so he never pries too deeply into it.

there's this interesting reaction to pre-winter king ice king that stands out to me, almost like he's confused and doesn't recognize this specific anger and wrath to be a part of his own ice king experience. our ice king seemed to be much more of a depressed and ultimately harmless nuisance than the threatening figure he appears to be in that sequence. in fact, despite the madness, our ice king is actually quite consistent in there being a line not to cross with violence: he saves finn and jake from the hitman he accidentally hired, he refuses to kill marceline and finn when the empress commands him, he's even horrified at himself in 'I Remember You' when he pushes marceline. our ice king cares infinitely more about having friends and for people to love him and understand him than he is to actively "fix" or change himself, and in the short-circuit that is his mind he always seems to find a way to redirect his 'bad feelings' into doing something fun or impulsive than to stew in anger.

and simon isn't exactly taken in by the splendor of winter king's whole thing the way everyone else is, he doesn't stop questioning how he did it. how did he supposedly "conquer" the crown through "sheer force of will", how did he manage to get the 'best of both worlds'?

except we know it's not. and the mask-slip starts pretty ominously with his insistence that candy queen's kingdom is "forbidden". he slips up just for a moment and then returns to his whimsical wizard of oz-ass persona, and he looks almost guilty for letting on that there's something wrong here that should be avoided

which is something else i'm very fascinated by: winter king's obvious hypocrisy and the awareness of his unethical behaviour. he's quite callous in performatively pretending not to remember who betty is, and then only referring to her as "the dead one". he also seems confused by simon's heartbroken reaction to this callousness, but even more so to his characterization of her as "the great love of (his) life". he obviously has some of our simon's attachments to the past and memories of people he loved, he definitely knows and loved marceline, so why is she the only person he cares about enough to make an "ice person" of? he doesn't recall betty as someone he had a great love with - though he obviously knew who she was, so does that mean he still had some kind of relationship with her?

remember, the mere notion of finding betty so he could apologize to her literally meant so much to our simon that he was able to hide his surviving research on time portals from himself inside the ice castle, long after she would have died naturally had she even survived the mushroom war. and during the bellanoche fiasco he literally staved off death from losing his magic through sheer force of will; the intense motivation to see her kept him going in a decaying 1000 year old human body long enough for him to jump right back into his research and create a time portal to her to say goodbye. that's how much she means to him.

winter king doesn't know that betty is technically still alive, or how our simon was freed from the crown's curse. he simply offers simon a solution to reuniting with someone who he loved who is dead, without knowing how very different our betty's situation is. and that solution is to make an ice-person of that person from the time you loved them, even though you know it's "unethical".

... but betty being "dead" was always the case to our simon, he knew that she was dead because of course she was, it was hundreds of years in the future! but there was always a way back to her, and it was because of his relationship with one miss betty "ancient magic was my major" grof that he had this plan ready at his fingertips

so i think maybe either this world's simon didn't have a very strong relationship with betty, or he did but he had some reason to write her off as 'dead forever' and throw away the prospect of ever seeing her again. it's interesting that despite writing betty off, ice king's obsession with bubblegum persisted as a point of his madness and transferred to her, when even our ice king still cared a lot about "weird lady", though he didn't know who betty was.

in any case, he dismisses the subject very quickly with "jokes" that creating an ice person of someone you cared about, who died, would be unethical. and yet...

this, too, is very interesting to me. little ice marcy has marceline's actual axe bass, the axe which hunson brought with him to ooo after simon summoned him to take care of marceline when he had to leave her - marcy converted it into a bass herself of course. and the two definitely met and stayed alive together when marcy was a child

i've seen people theorize that marcy died in this memory here, but considering the presence of the axe i'm honestly not so sure. i mean, she grew up enough to gain and convert the axe to a bass, maybe she died of old age as a half-demon and never turned into a vampire? except that non-vamp marceline from farmworld seemed to still be kicking, what would an extra 12 years be to someone like her?

despite simon's pleas for fionna not to hurt candy queen and for them to help her, winter king INSISTS that she can't be helped, and that the only solution is for fionna to "knock her out", not kill her, because he would lose his conduit for the crown's madness and so this cycle will continue forever. winter king seemed committed to keeping the secret of how he "conquered" the crown, and who he hurt to manifest this reality of his, only to reveal it supposedly when simon was infected with the crown's madness again.

so why did no one stop winter king for 100 years? finn wouldn't have been born yet, but surely marceline, if she were vamped up and aware of what winter king had done, would try to stop him? but there's no sign of her in this world... save for her one possession we know she had later in her life, in the hands of an ice clone of her, frozen at a time in her life when she still loved simon unconditionally.

... i'll leave you with one VERY interesting production note steve wolfhard posted today about the blade he gave fionna, because it implies that even beyond this simon lacking some integral part of what makes him himself, the madness of the crown wasn't completely absent the way he'd thought it had been, so even in the end it wasn't a "perfect" solution to the madness.

[f10werfae]

Daddy Duties

pairing: Fiance!Chris Evans x Pregnant!Reader

summary: Y/n can’t sleep, and Chris has the most plausible solution. Some playtime comes with Daddy Duties, Chris’ duties

Disclaimer: This story is fiction and should not be taken literally, the behaviour is simply imaginative and the content may be inappropriate

requests are open/like, comments and reblogs are appreciated♥️

Chris masterlist, Full Masterlist, Taglist Form

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Huffing out to herself Y/n stared blankly up at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than sleep to take over. Raking a hand over her exposed 6 month bump, she felt her little one kick her ribs making her wince. Only for her hand to be covered by a larger warmer one, Chris' “You alright sweetness?” He whispered out, his eyes still closed but his lips already puckered out waiting for a kiss from his woman.

“I can’t sleep” She whispered back, turning to face him, cupping his face and placing a soft kiss on his waiting lips. His hands kneading her waist as he used his tongue to deepen their kiss, the sounds of their lip smacking filling the room. His lips slowly moving to place kisses on the corner of her mouth, then to her jaw and neck

“Let me take care of you baby yeah? Daddy’s here now” He whispered kissing the shell of her ear, his hands creeping down and pushing her panties to the side, running his fingers down her wet slit

“O-okay, but not too hard Chrissy, m' still sensitive from earlier” Y/n whimpered latching her arms around her lover’s neck, hiding her reddened face in his warm cozy neck. His fingers slowly rubbed her poor needly little button, her hips instinctively jerking up into his hands making him smirk proudly.

This was his woman, and his only. His future wife and mother of his baby, always like putty in his hands, wanting to please him. I mean who could blame her, she were young and innocent, and well he was older and more experienced. The perfect match in her eyes. He treated her with love and care, going from being a friend she met at a club, to a fuck buddy until he claimed her pretty pussy as his only; consequently knocking her up in the process.

“You hear that honey, that’s your perfect pussy taking daddy’s fingers” He whispered directly into her ear, along with the sounds coming out of her wet pussy as he slowly massaged her wet hole. A blushing mess she was, erratically placing sloppy kisses all over his neck to prevent herself from spilling moans to the neighbours. Her pregnancy had not only tripled her sex drive, but also her sensitivity.

“S-stop it, you’re so mean” She whimpered, feeling relieved from the tingling feeling she felt down below, his fingers keeping their promise and taking their time with her. His love for her being shown through his passion and need to make her feel good, and God was he making her feel amazing.

“,you know you jus drive me crazy. C’mon baby let me see those pretty tits of yours”

“N-not pretty, nowhere’s pretty right now” She whispered, those feelings of insecurity returning, the changes pregnancy had done to her body not welcomed by her.

“Ya kiddin me right? You’re caring for OUR baby in your body, nourishing them n' makin sure they’re safe and sound. Hell if that’s not beauty baby, then i’m not sure we’re on the same page” He said now leaning back to stare deep into her eyes, her face going back into his neck to hide her deepening blush. Her hands pulling up her oversized sleep shirt to just above her chest, Chris' smile didn’t falter once at the slight confidence she showed.

His mouth latching on almost immediately to one of her hardened buds, his tongue toying with it almost as if he was trying to drink from her then and there. His fingers slowly going further in her cunt, squeaks of pleasure leaving her as she just pushed his face further into her chest.

“Gonna be my best girl aren’t you mama? C'mere baby and let go for me, I got you, daddy’s got you” He groaned feeling her velvety walls clench around his finger before he felt her release a long held breath, along with her body erotically rocking against his hips.

“Ya feeling sleepy now?” He laughed quietly pulling out his fingers and massaging her pussy to help with the sensitiveness, her face nodding as she pulled away from his neck to give him a small tongue filled kiss as her way of thanking him, until she felt a certain bump growing underneath.

Chris immediately read her mind, pulling her hands back up, “s'okay baby, jus go to sleep, we can play more when we wake up yeah?”

Smiling up at him, she moved further into his arms that she hadn’t left since the start of their loving session, his hands running up and down her back affectionately with occasional pecks to her forehead until he was sure he had fallen asleep. His dominant hand protectively over her bump, letting himself fall asleep to her quiet snores.

———

Taglist Tags (Form is up there^^): @pandaxnienke @patzammit @seren-a-ity @thereisa8ella @mrspeacem1nusone @evanstanwhore @itsaylayay1213 @kimhtoo17 @chrisevansdaughter @vrittivsanghavi @dumb-fawkin-bitch @tojisbabymomma @bxdbxtxh15 @madebylilly @tinyelfperson @emvebee @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chrisevansangel @royalwriteroftheuniverse @fdl305 @mysticfalls01 @taramaria @mirikusashes @marvelgurl @xoxokiaraaxoxo @caps-shield1918 @uwiuwi @jackslover12 @stormcloudss @adoreyouusugar @imboredat2am @cevansgurl @mansaaay @girl-of-multi-fandoms @meetmeatyourworst @misshale21 @hallecarey1 @nikkitc0703 @mischiefsemimanaged @oliviah-25 @s-void @aerangi @roofwitty779 @alina02 @bookfrog242 @alexxavicry

[sillyromance]

Good day everyone!

I like thinking about protective vore scenarios where both involved are two absolute, unfixable sweethearts who care about the ones around them more than about themselves... But actually, a prey doesn't know that they'll be safe in a pred's stomach. Perhaps, there was not enough time for explanations or the pred didn't have an ability to tell the prey what they were going to do; but anyways, the big guy ends up struggling to swallow their panicking friend who is quite unhappy about the situation. The pred sincerely hopes that it'll be easier for everyone when the prey reaches the destination, but, unluckily, they are wrong; the little one continues wriggling and trashing around, mercilessly squeezing and scratching sensitive stomach, making their protector suffer in pain. The latter is too kind to make any attempts to stop their friend instantly, for example, punching their belly roughly or yelling at their friend; they just hug their sickly growling, aching middle, feeling tears flowing violently from their eyes and say: "Listen... You're safe, pal... Please... Don't. You're hurting m-me..."

The prey entirely ignores the first part of the sentence; however, they stop fighting right away as they hear the last words. Like... No doubt, they want out really bad, but...They didn't mean to harm anyone, their friend in particular! It appears that all this battling was completely instinctive. The prey goes brightly red of shame; they mumble apologies all the time, sobbing because of the thought they could cause irremediable damage and stroking, kneading tender walls they're sinking in, their hands tremor as the tiny remembers how hard they were beating their comrade a minute ago... And outside, the pred, blushing too, just coos at them, reassuring that the prey did nothing wrong and they don't need to reproach themselves for the fear which was nothing else but natural.

***

It can be a completely opposite variant as well; the prey has done something bad - they have committed a prank or made some mess... The pred gets extremely mad for some reason and, in spite of their kind soul, decides to punish the guilty one by trapping the latter away in their stomach. With a heavy heart, they gulp small, trembling body of the prey down. The pred expects threats, screams and furious banging on their insides from the consumed friend, and they emotionally prepare for that. But instead... Their ears catch faint crying. The little one curls up tightly in noisy, wet environment, completely giving up on the all joys of life and a possibility to see daylight again. As far as it's discovered, the pred is hit so hard by this, that they immediately forget their irritation and hide their face in hands, paralysed by shame and horror of what they've done. The giant begs the tiny to forgive them for the giant's dared to scare their precious little friend with such cruelty. Meanwhile, the prey comforts their big friend, rubbing the flesh moving around which gently embraces them - and insisting that they are the only one who should be sorry for showing poor behaviour.

***

These small ideas are connected to Skyfire from G1 (I've finally begun to watch it, this show is literally mind-blowing!) He is one of my favourite characters from this series; and whenever I see him, I can't get a thought out of my head about what a compassionate, and soft, and loving being he is (when it doesn't come to decepticons, of course). In order to that, I think he would fit perfectly for the situations I described.

[hadesoftheladies]

"you are killing a baby"

i am killing a fetus, not an infant. an egg is not a chicken. potential is not actuality.

"you are murdering an innocent."

it doesn't matter who is innocent. a hungry lion may be innocent in wanting to eat me only because it is hungry and may not have the cognitive capacities to exercise something like restraint or conscience. that does not mean i should not defend myself from harm. it is still self-defense. all animals are expected to protect themselves first and foremost. you are just so used to the idea that women (especially mothers) are supposed to sacrifice their lives for their children in order to be good people--like they aren't human beings with self-preservation instincts.

harm equals anything that threatens the life or health of a person and pregnancy does both.

"your body was meant/designed to do this"

miscarriages are as natural as pregnancies. why do you think the placenta exists? pregnancy sickness? the female body can grow a person, yet also has resistance mechanisms for a pregnancy.

also, just because i have genes that make me a good runner doesn't mean i have to become a marathoner. like think for a second.

"what will the father think?"

women don't owe men or society themselves. i know that's very hard for you to grasp but there's no time like the present to start. there is no ethical way to make a woman a commodity or government assigned asset for reproduction or sex.

"the baby is conscious"

so is the lion in the hypothetical. also, that's debatable. also, what are your thoughts on veganism? since you care so much about the suffering of conscious beings (that is beings with selves)

"but animals aren't humans. they don't deserve the same rights as humans because of their lower cognitive capacities"

great. now apply this ethic to babies and mentally disabled people and then try to explain to me why that has to be different without mentioning how you feel or your religion. :)

"a baby has more potential than an animal."

okay, and why does that potential automatically mean better or more valuable? higher cognitive capacities haven't stopped wars and mass murders have they? (and i would argue that bringing a child into a violent world increases their chance of becoming unhealthy or complicit persons, so you can almost know what the character of your child will be like for certain based on where you're raising them).

"a baby has a soul"

there are two kinds of dualisms within christianity: thomistic and cartesian. cartesian dualism has gone out of fashion even amongst christian theologians and philosophers.

Substance dualism, or Cartesian dualism, most famously defended by René Descartes, argues that there are two kinds of foundation: mental and physical. Descartes states that the mental can exist outside of the body, and the body cannot think.

'Thomistic substance dualism' (TSD) centers around two beliefs: 1) the rational soul is an immaterial substance, and 2) this immaterial substance is the human person.

aside from the fact that both of these philosophies are rife with problems, I think thomistic dualism is the stronger of the two. the rational soul is, in a way, a word for the self.

regardless, both of these describe a self as a soul. so i'm just going to define a self.

The psychology of self is the study of either the cognitive and affective representation of one's identity or the subject of experience. The earliest formulation of the self in modern psychology forms the distinction between two elements I and me. The self as I, is the subjective knower. While, the self as Me, is the subject that is known.

a self is a centralized consciousness with their own memories, introspection and reflections. we know through neuroscience, psychology, behavioural science and sociology that a person or self is formed via experiences (where memories and impressions are gathered, how people learn), language and socialization (economy, history, family, culture) and possibly some genetic expressions (although i think this is more about capacity than actualization).

this is why things like dementia or alzheimer's are so scary and difficult. when a person loses memories, they lose aspects of themselves. when a person changes their environment, they also become different people (even while maintaining some similarities with their past selves).

this is mirrored in popular media, characters that lose their memories lose versions of themselves. this is also why, when you look at stories that feature a multiverse, the same character becomes a different person in different lives. in short, you are not born a person. you become one, and although your self remains singular and centralized (even with age), that self still changes. both the self and the people around the self create the self.

this is also why socially isolated individuals devolve and become mindless or sick (and even have reduced lifespan). certain higher human capacities like "conscience" or "empathy" can be socialized out of a human being, as well. i'd even go so far as to say that children begin conceptualizing themselves as individuals only when they begin to sense the presence of other human beings. they cannot conceptualize their own identity without the presence of other people. they probably don't know they are a self until they recognize other people and then realize they themselves are also people, and people are individuals.

legally a person is:

. . . an entity that the law recognises as having its own distinct personality. This usually means one that is able to act in its own right, and capable of possessing legal rights and liabilities, including individuals (or "natural persons") and corporate organisations.

my point is, how can a fetus with virtually no experiences (which born animals have), no language or skill (learned) to introspect or reflect (or abstract), possibly have a self? when they are not exposed to the outside world? certainly they have the capacity to develop a self, but as established earlier on, potential is not actuality. so legally and psychologically, a fetus is very likely not a person.

but we do not need this to be true to justify abortion regardless, because an innocent person is still causing harm, whether directly or indirectly. so the woman/girl has every right to resist.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Daddy!January- Day 2

Brat-Taming with Daddy! Bang Chan

Content Includes: Hard!Dom Bang Chan x sub!fem reader, degradation, ‘use of sl*t and wh*re’, praise, ice-play, jealous Bang Chan, temperature play, nipple place, impact play, smacking with hands, kissing, begging (duh, it’s fucking Bang Chan), shibari! Reader is tied up with a rope, use of female anatomy, oral (f receiving), alcohol play (idk what the proper word for this is),aftercare. 

Word Count: 1,285

‘You’ve been wanting my attention the entire night babygirl, well now you have it’. 

The silky rope entwined around your wrists and ankles had you perfectly spread out for Chan’s liking, the wide-eyed and tense gaze staring back at him added to the tightening of his briefs. 

Pliant and malleable is how he adored you the most. 

And he loved to tame the fucking audacity out of his bratty girl. 

He approached you slowly, his heeled boots clacking on the floor and emphasising his presence as your body instinctively went to cover yourself up, unsuccessfully of course. 

A soft hand was gently placed on the middle of your bare chest, Chan heaving out quite the dramatic sigh as he slowly wandered his hand down your naval. 

And I mean slowly, one finger after another. 

‘I was going to ignore your behaviour at dinner tonight, ignore the ‘fuck me’ eyes and those slutty heels rubbing against me’ His tone was neutral with an edge, like he was holding back. 

His hand bypassed your pubic area and started to slide down your left thigh, smirking slightly as he heard you hum in frustration. 

‘I was going to be so sweet to you tonight as well, make love to you, tell you how much you mean to me.’

His hand stopped at your right thigh, his gaze trailed up to yours, the predatory glance adding to the growing burn in-between your thighs. 

‘Ahh!’ Your body jolted as Chan gripped the flesh of your thigh, not enough to bruise but enough to leave prints. 

‘But then you just had to ruin it didn’t you?’ He mocked you, taking a deep breath and gently massaging the area. 

‘SMACK!’ 

The room filled the air with a harsh sound as he smacked your thigh, feeling the flesh ripple under his hand and your face squirm at the pain. 

‘I come out to find my baby all giggling and flirting with the waiter?’ His voice became more gruff, his shoulders more broad. 

‘SMACK!’ 

‘In front of me, your fucking MAN!’ 

‘SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!’ 

‘I’m sorry! I was just being nice!!’ 

Chan could see the honesty in your eyes but he had already gone this far and he was enjoying himself too much. 

His hand trailed lightly up over your naval, his eyes following the pattern of his fingers and his tone neutral. 

‘Well, I guess if you were being nice, then maybe I should show you how much of a slut Daddy’s girl really is’. 

His hand lightly clasped your left thigh, you choked on your saliva as Chan’s mouth turned upwards into a smirk, his harsh demeanour back in the room. 

‘SMACK!’ 

‘Are you Daddy’s little slut?’ Chan questioned you, his fingers gently probing over the reddening area. 

The smack had surprised you slightly and didn’t hear the question, the sting throbbing throughout your thigh. 

‘What?’ 

‘SMACK!’ 

‘I said!’ 

‘SMACK!’ 

‘Are you Daddy’s little slut!’ His voice was raised, his cheeks flushed red with desire and anger. 

‘Yes, I’m Daddy’s little slut!’ You whined out, your ankles twisting against the rope holding you against the bed. 

‘SMACK! SMACK!’ 

‘Good, guess I need to remind you again’. 

A few soft kisses were praised against your thigh soothingly, the gentle touch caused your skin to prickle and nipples to harden. 

‘I’ll be back, I need a few things for your punishment’. 

The seconds increased the agitation of you plastered to the bed, ropes exposing you and your pride thrown on the fucking floor. 

This felt like a punishment in itself, to have to fucking wait for him. 

You’re sure he was doing it deliberately, teasing the absence while you were squirming and huffing in the empty room. 

A sigh of relief left your mouth as you heard the door open to see Chan come in, bare chested and bare feet, only clothed in his black formal trousers. 

He was holding two small glasses, one filled with a small amount of spirits and the other filled with ice, the sounds of the ice clinking being amplified in the room as he set them down on the bed-side table. 

‘Seeing you talk to that waiter, that hurt me babygirl’ He grabbed an ice-cube from the glass and held it in his fingertips. 

‘Now let’s see how much ice you can handle after that burn’. 

He placed the ice cube directly on your chest, watching the ice bead around your skin. 

‘Now, here are Daddy’s rules’. 

He tilted your chin up with his finger so you were staring at him, his presence calm but his tone hinting for you to heed his words. 

‘You may squirm and moan but no speaking, you haven’t earned the right to speak yet. If you can make it…let’s say two ice cubes? Then Daddy may you let cum. Do you understand?’

The enthusiastic response was not enough for him. 

‘Words, baby’. 

‘Yes, Daddy! I’ll be a good girl, I’ll promise!’ You cried out, a roll of water dripping down the side of your ribs. 

Chan softly smiled at you and the softness of his lips against your forehead sent a warmth through your body. 

‘That’s right, I know you’re Daddy’s good girl’. 

The next 30-40- 60 minutes…who fucking knows? Time was a blur to you as all you could think about was the freezing ice against your burning skin, Chan’s nimble fingers had ran through the ice over your nipples, down your naval and over your reddened thighs, your pants and grunts were resounding through the room as Chan dripped the ice all over your sensitive thighs. 

You’re sure you almost lost it when Chan settled a second melting ice cube on top of your public bone, feeling the cube melt against your mound before the water trickled down across your clit and folds. 

It was enough to burn but enough to quell the pressure. 

And you were close to fucking exploding. 

‘Please!’ You cried out, your brow furrowed in frustration and your wrists started to hurt slightly from the rope. 

‘Please Daddy, just make me cum! I need it, I need you!’ The whine and struggle in your voice and chest was real, your bottom lip all red and pouty from where you had been biting it. 

Chan’s widened eyes and the shaky breath let you know you were about to get what you wanted, his face akin to a hunter having caught his prey. 

‘Aww, Daddy can never tire of hearing his babygirl beg for him’. He leaned down, kissing you slowly but passionately, his lips moulding to yours. 

‘One more thing’ Chan sat near you on the bed, reaching over to grab the glass of whiskey, staring at your gorgeous figure as he sipped on the whiskey lightly. 

‘Open for me’ His fingers gently pried down your chin, his thumb tracing your bottom lip. 

He drank the final sip of whiskey, holding it in his mouth as he leaned over and kissed you, filling your mouth with the spirit to which you drank greedily, sighing as Chan’s fingers wiped your mouth clean with his thumb. 

‘You did good baby, so beautiful for Daddy’. He reassured, moving down to gently undo the rope on your ankles, giving them a soft massage before undoing your wrists. 

‘Let me clean you baby, make you all nice and warm’. 

Your mind slipped into a soft haze as you felt Chan wipe the excess water away and dry you with a towel, you thought he was going to help you into the shower until you felt Chan’s lips press against your thighs, hands slightly nudging them open and his breath hot against your aching clit. 

‘Relax for me baby and let Daddy eat’.

Everyone knows that degradation is not something I tend to write about because it’s not something I enjoy personally but the person who requested this loves the kink and so because she’s a beautiful moot of mine, I wrote it in for her. 

I don’t know if it was good or fit the context but thank you @mischiefsmind and I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing it. 

Enjoy!

If you would like to be included in the taglist, comment down below. 

Taglist: @destiny-fics @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @scuzmunkie @mrcarrots @reighlee-greaves @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @kodzukein @whatsk-poppinhomies @yeosdarling @hologramhoneymoon @dilucpegg3r @marievllr-abg @craxy-person @itbtoblikethatsometimes @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybackpack @thirstybchanstan @necessiteez

[salllzy]

Sal's ramblings #10

Here is another combination one, hopefully, people will enjoy it as much as I had fun writing it. ------------ Lilith took Charlie and left, Lucifer knew that Lilith was aware what she was doing would be considered taboo amongst the angels, but as Lilith liked to point out time and time again, they didn't live among the angels anymore and therefore he needed to stop acting like one. But the problem was that even though he didn't live in Heaven and the angels that resided there, he was still an angel. Fallen. But still an angel. Which meant that he had all the behaviours and instincts that an angel had. Bonds and the urge to create a flock included. As much as Lilith wanted him to erase such things he couldn't, they were wired into him. It would be the same as asking her to remove all of her senses and then live her life like that. It was beyond cruel and he had never thought that Lilith was capable of such things, but somewhere along the lines things had begun to change and he wasn't good enough any more. Lucifer wondered if he had ever been good enough. The only consolation in the whole thing was that Lilith would have to bring Charlie back when she got older, Lilith wouldn't be able to teach her how to control her angelic side. It was the only reason that he didn't fall into insanity. But as the days and weeks passed he felt himself start to splinter and crack, Lucifer knows that he cannot continue on the way that he has been. should his mind completely crack he will take all of Hell out in his desperation and rage. Rage for what Lilith has done and desperation to see his daughter. His little light. So he needs to do something, he has to patch the cracks in his mind. So he searched Hell, he knew that somewhere in the desolate wasteland there had to be something, even if it was a smaller flicker of light. He refused to go back to Lilith, that would mean that she had won and Lilith would milk it for everything that it was worth. She would have him do things that he didn't want to do, all the while she would claim that it was for his own good. It never was. So he searched under every rock that he could find. He slowly began to lose hope. Then one day he came across something, something strange. A sinner demon with two demonesses, to Lucifer it was strange. Most sinner demons didn't live long enough to reach that stage in their demonic life, yet here was a sinner demon with two fully grown daughters. Lucifer knew they were related, the bond that was between the three of them told him as much.

Lucifer watched how they interacted with each other and he wanted. He wasn't sure if it was his instincts telling him that they would be a perfect family for him, they were strong and he wouldn't need to worry about them defending themselves. They clearly had a good relationship with each other which meant that there wouldn't be as much fighting in the flock. The red deer demon kept his attention on those around him, all the while making sure that his daughters still knew that he was listening to them. Attentive. Lucifer watched as the red-clad deer demon kept his daughters close as they wandered down the street, despite being fully grown demonesses. Caring. The more Lucifer watched the more he craved, the more he wanted. He wanted to insert himself into their lives and wrap them all so tightly in his chains and colours that they would never think of betraying him. But perhaps there was another way for him to do it. Of course, there were some tiny issues that he would need to take care of first. For starters he would need to tweak them slightly, it wouldn't do for his new family to try and leave him. It wouldn't be a terribly big change, just a small one. He would turn them part angel, so they would create bonds with him and the thought of leaving him would never cross their minds. It would be a long process and one that would need to be carefully monitored, but if he did it slowly enough they wouldn't even notice the changes. And if they did? Well, it would be far too late to do anything. They would be his. His wife, his daughters. All his.

[thecatundertheladder]

You know what? Fuck it. Morro is alive in my fsm lives au.

He got all the way into Fsm's tomb (which is actually just an over-the-top storage facility) before Fsm caught him.

When Morro was first taken in by Wu he was in awe. I mean it's not every day you're offered a place to stay by the son of God. But he doesn't know much about Wu or his family, nor does Wu think to tell him.

Over time, Morro works out that Wu isn't human. It's the little things at first that make him unsure of his dad's sensei's heritage. A low, draconic hiss there, a quick, barely noticeable shapeshifting mishap there. But Morro is still insecure about his place in the monastery, so he doesn't mention it. However, the truth of Wu's dragoni status comes to light when Wu serves himself a slab of raw meat for dinner, still dripping with blood. Naturally morro, who got served dumplings, freaks out.

Morro: Why are you eating that?!

Wu, confused as to why he's getting asked this: Because I'm technically a carnivore?

Morro: What!?

Wu: You know, because I'm half dragon and half oni.

Morro: No?!

So Morro finds out one "secret" about Wu and his family. And Wu even starts using his true form every now and then. Unfortunately this incident doesn't make Wu stop to think that if Morro doesn't know that Wu isn't human, then he probably doesn't know a lot of other things, such as the Very Important Fact of the First Spinjitzu Master being alive. For Morro, the Fsm's "death" is only confirmed when Wu offhandedly comments that he might of realised that Morro didn't know he wasn't human sooner, if his father wasn't almost certainly in the Departed Realm. (Wu's reasoning behind this was that Fsm tends to be in their true form more often than Wu)

When Morro runs away to prove that he's worthy of being the green ninja, he doesn't actually set out with any particular goal in mind. Rather, the idea of finding the Fsm's tomb comes about after hearing rumours about it in a few of the villages he passed through. In one of them, he even overhears two men talking about how allegedly "not even the First Spinjitzu Master's son's know where the tomb is" (Garmadon and Wu actually don't know where the storage facility is located, as the only time they've ever been there the Fsm teleported them straight into it and straight back out again). It's this comment that gives Morro the idea: if he can find the tomb, something that Wu himself has failed to do, Wu will have to make him the green ninja! And so Morro sets out to find The Tomb of The First Spinjitzu Master.

Meanwhile Wu is having a crisis trying to remember if running away for months at a time was normal human behaviour. Because his draconic instincts are seeing this as normal (I hc dragons to have very large territories that they let their hatchlings run amok in) but his oni instincts are screaming at him to find his pup student. And of course Morro is human, so he's not sure what he should be doing. In the end, however, Wu will always be more dragon than oni, so his draconic instincts win out and he settles down to wait for the return of his hatchling student (though if he needs an few calming teas a day and stops nearly all communication with the outside world that's nobody else's business).

Morro actually does achieve what so few have before, and finds the tomb after months of searching. He then proceeds to one up everyone else and get inside, even without the clues, doing this by using his power over the wind and knowledge of spinjitzu. Morro then decides to do what any teenager in the tomb of God would, and starts to explore. But the cave system that it's in is complex and dangerous for mortals, so Morro quickly gets lost.

Fsm, meanwhile, had come to their storage facility to do some much needed organisation (listen, there is thousands of years worth of stuff in there. Fsm is half dragon and has the hoarding skills to prove it). While they're moving through the caves sorting random items they hear a disturbance a few tunnels over (dragoni hearing for the win!) and go to investigate. It's there that he finds Morro on the verge of a breakdown.

Morro, who was not expecting anyone else to be in the tomb nearly has a heart attack, because there is a massive being with wings and sharp horns and talons staring down at him. He panics and gets ready to fight. But the more he observes the being in the cave with him, the more familiar it seems. After a few seconds, it clicks, the being looks like Wu. And if the being looks like Wu, and it's not Garmadon, then there's really only one person it could be. But that's impossible, isn't it? But all the same, Morro relaxes a bit.

Morro: You're the First Spinjitzu Master

Fsm, wondering why there is a small child in his storage facility: I am, yes.

Morro: But you're dead! We're in your tomb!?

Fsm, now wondering why this small child has traces of their son's scent on him: This is a storage facility. And I'm not dead, who told you that?

Morro: Well - I mean - Wu said you were most likely in the Departed Realm!

Fsm: And I was, but I can leave it at any time. I'm a god afterall. Anyway, how do you know my son?

Morro: Wu took me in and trained me, and he lied to me and told me I was destined to become the green ninja. But I've found your tomb, surely that makes me worthy. You can make me the green ninja!

Fsm: Of course you are not the green ninja. It's not about how worthy one is. It's the fact that you are mortal, you simply wouldn't survive carrying the power of the green ninja. Besides, if it makes you feel better, you can already do something I cannot. You can control wind, something that no one since Wojira herself has been able to do. I assume that's why Wu thought you might the green ninja. I do apologise, it's my fault he's not the best at communication.

Fsm: You should return to the monastery. Wu is worried. He sees you as his son, you know, he will be happy that you are safe.

Morro: How can you know that when you didn't even know who I was.

Fsm: Omniscience is something I can chose whether to use or not. Now, I believe it is time for you to leave. Come, I will lead out of the caves.

So Morro and the First Spinjitzu Master leave the cave system. Morro has had his ego boosted since he can do something the First Spinjitzu Master can't, and is less angry about being not the green ninja. He's still angry at Wu, of course, but he misses him all the same. Besides, this way he can yell at Wu in person again.

Morro doesn't go back immediately though, instead he takes a few months to gather his thoughts. As he travels through the villages and cities of Ninjago he occasionally helps people out, and starts to get a sense of what being a ninja is all about. So by the time he actually reaches the monastery he's mostly cooled off, as well as lost some of his arrogance. However, he does still have a speech to give Wu that involves several apologies about how he acted, along with an section that explains the pressure that Morro felt Wu put him under.

He doesn't get a chance to actually say the speech until a few days after he returns home though, as the moment Morro steps through the gates he is greeted by his touch starved dragoni sensei parent, who immediately whisks him away for cuddles. And Morro, equally touched starved, simply can't bring himself to stop it.

Fsm, on the other hand, is absolutely thrilled that they now have a grandson to dote on.

(Thanks to @coolprofessorbagelwinner for the little tidbit at the end)

[skayafair]

Part 41

I finally got to listen to it!

Arthur has a lot of spite left in him sounding so pissed off screaming out Kayne's name, huh

And yet, knowing how he's not shy of swearing, all he can call John is a helpless "villain". Aw.

Oh, YOU GO JOHN! I support all your rights but more importantly your wrongs. I have no idea why John acting on his worst gives me such a kick every time but I properly enjoy and wholeheartedly support it ^_^

Also I liked the echo on "I'm trapped!". Reminded me of previous intances of him eldritching out. Morrrre~

Oh, I like the turn it's taking. John's lack of freedom, of agency is getting broadened in its scale, John doesn't compare it to a human's (who he wanted to be) one - but to a god's (who he was). Seems like the DW rattled quite a few memories and John had to stop running away from his past (I mean considering the supposed atrocities he had to commit there he was basically forced into his old self so it was kind of inevitable). Who you were isn't who you are and doesn't have to be your future self either but it's still in there, it still matters and has its fair share of influence. He had to face this and I'm glad that he seemed to do it.

I don't want to imagine what it should feel like to be in John's metaphorical shoes though. He used to be a god - and then lost all the agency completely and kept failing to regain it, time after time. First he ended up in the DW despite his intentions with no chance to escape on his own accord, then was yeeted into Arthur and failed to take all control, then he had a chance during the ritual but that chance flew out the window, too. In the end of that path he had to lose even the little amount of freedom he had, giving himself back to the King. Frankly I think returning to the King could actually be a chance to take over - John managed to rival him in his will, after all, so who knows - maybe he could win, too. However, Kayne yanked him out and back into the DW, making him basically a slave yet again. Returning to Arthur should have felt heaveny at the very beginning, there even were moments of his own actions and achievements, like with cutting the tendrils. And yet this is still far from being free, being his own, even with the deal out of the picture. It should feel like a torture to have a living, independent mind and be unable to act on its will. No wonder he's a bit drunk on the opportunity to finally have some range of options.

Also now his attempt to kill Oscar that seemed very contradicting to his latter values and behaviour looks actually natural. Just out of the DW, with a reviewed perspective and confused about in what direction to head next, old instincts refreshed and most likely habitual again (if it was even possible - I mean what form did he have in the DW to even be able to do anything?) - no wonder in the moment of intense emotional turmoil he fell back to those old ways without much thinking. Still very bad but at least explainable now. Also it looks like John isn't sure he wants to be human now. Hmmm, I like this direction, too. The experience will stay anyway, he'll have the understanding, and that's important.

"I don’t know. But stop turning that frustration towards me." Wow, Arthur, A+ for the ability to articulate what exactly you want and are discontent with! Communication, yaaay!

I like how they arrived from defensive opposing positions to shedding the defences off and coming to an understanding, still managing to vent the emotions off in the process. Hey I want this level of the skill!

"Why wait? - Nothing. I thought I… it’s nothing. - You’re sure? - Yes." Uuuuugrh. High time to learn that's a bad way of addressing the suspicions, boys *sigh* 

"How did it… feel? - It felt… powerful. - Hm." This whole conversaton of theirs, especially coupled with the overall situation, really reminds me of the very beginning of season two. Fresh of the portal in an unknown surroundings, under the rain, talking about John's bad choices and things Arthur postpones to talk about ("The deal with Kayne… - In a moment."), only the last time John didn't let him. I guess now he feels too rattled himself.

The owl. Ow. I'll get to my eldritch owls AU, I promise! (Also, Alexander?! In what way is it comfortable?.. It means "the defender", so well maybe, but still - ehhh?..)

"This world could be very different than what we expect." - ooohhh, will they meet dragons?! *__* Hardy, I know, but the possibility is still thrilling.

*John describes the surroundings* I've been to just one DnD session but the shift in the perspective cannot be undone. Is that how you guys have been seeing the whole setting all along???

"Look, we can’t afford to be at odds here, John. Not anymore." Oh. I like the place they are at dynamic-wise. By now they've long established they want to be friends - trying to be as best as they can. No one has an upper hand, unlike in previous seasons. Season 1 os obvious, season 2 - John still knew more about the world they found themselves in than Arthur and hid some things, the relationship was still very rocky. In s3 Arthur had an upper hand at the very least emotionally-wise. Season 4 - John's turn again. Now thought they've come to some pretty good communication and know each other well enough, there's trust (despite everyting), and both are about equally in the dark. There's the "John's crimes in the DW" bit still looming over them but both are aware of it, which helps to some degree.

Meaning - more or less (John still has little agency, although it's a bit better now) equal partnership. YAY. I'm excited.

"It is time to grow up, in every sense of the word." Ahhh. There it is. I have to say it's been bugging me the whole time but I couldn't enunciate what exactly and with what grounds. The thing is, I distaste the way a person lacking in one field is being constantly compared to a child overall. This infantilization happens not only in Malevolent. It's often brought into other stories - the most recent one I came across was Resident Alien TV series. Often enough the said field is the emotional and the social one. You know who else is often infantillized the same way with similar issues? Neurodivergent people - I think autistic ones more frequently but I didn't look into the statistics (if they exist), that's just what I've heard of the most. I know I've been referred to in a patronizing way both by some friends and relatives just because I don't get things obvious to them but unseen to me (and half of those things makes no fucking sense even when you learn about them). John is far from being a child, his lack of knowledge and understanding, of experience lays in very concrete fields.

So the constant comparison to a "parent-child" dynamic is irritating to me when it's simply a "more experienced in one or two ways person & a less experienced in said ways person". Yes those fields are very important. Still, there are things John knows of and Arthur doesn't, but I don't recall anyone comparing our dear detective to a child back in Dreamlands, for instance. John knew how dangerous it was out there and was more coutious, had some memories and knowledge about some things existing there and got frustrated with Arthur's attempts to befriend everything around more than once. From this point of view, Arthur behaved "childishly" and lacked crucial experience John sort of had (even though it was mostly forgotten), while social skills and emotional intelligence meant next to nothing (save for once instance).

So can we please cut this tendency of sustainably comparing adults to children because they aren't as well-versed in one or two fields as others.

"There was so much I couldn’t explain, because you weren’t able to know where I had come from. But now… with you knowing, perhaps…" Oh shit THEY CAN FINALLY TALK EVERYTHING OUT clearly yaaaaay! I forgot! Looking forward to this.

Also John's very quiet for the most of the episode, as if he's afraid to say another word, like moving across a mine field. Very uncertain in any way, like he doesn't trust himself.

Aaaaand Arthur confirms his title of a disney princess trying to befriend every creature he meets once again! Thanks for addressing this in canon! =D

I like how the podcast is consistent with the fact that John has sense of smell but it's not as developed as Arthur's.

Damn it's so wierd to hear John at loss of words, and so often, too.

"You really started to master your investigative ways, you know?" I like how John sounds so lost for the majotiry of the episode, but once there's an opportunity to fall into a familiar process of the investigation, his tone immediately changes to a lighter, more confident one. There's comfort in it. And Arthur noticed this and paused to give a friendly praise. It's important after all the forgetfulness in New York, and judging by John's reaction he appreciated this, too. It's something to hold on to, like "I still have it, we've got this, it can still be okay".

Wow Arthur's filling the bingo card starting right from the very 1st episode! Falling yet another ladder are we :D Now there's rather a bad injury, too, and they didn't even meet any monsters yet :DDD Arhtur has certainly stepped up his game!

"No… no, nothing. - Is it the wall?" Arthur is really acing the whole friendship thing the whole episode. He took notice of how unsure John is of everything now and made this extra effort to help, to support.

Yay the glass is back in the game! I llike that they decided to revise the bag contents.

"Kayne’s dagger. - Frustratingly useful." Yay the humor this apisode is certainly humoring! =D

Three black candles, in the 13th century, right. That screams "ritual", guuuuys where is your cautiousness!

I like how this episode took its time and didn't skip over some "mechanics" like the podcast usually does. There are more directions from John (THANKS), more pondering over what to do and which way (the torch, the dagger and tracing the way along the wall), the sense of smell, the way the cloak kept the water from soaking through - these little details are what does the trick to me. What gives more quality to the story and the way it's told.

The membrain, ew. Arthur's been holding exceprionally well, honeslty.

Ah, I finally found the word to how John sounds for the most of the episode. Defeated, even in situations when he would have had other emotions before. "The Undefeated" title considered, this is extra sad.

A recurring thing of the episode is that they find themselves in the darkness and John can't see. I think it adds considerably to his feeling of being powerless. It often sounds like he's giving up.

"No. But we’re close to the surface!" And someone said he's going to be properly done with all the pits like two seasons ago :< (I don't really remember when it was exactly so maybe less but the notion still stands.)

So. The hole in the wall was a mouth with teeth, wasn't it?

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 9 - Amoeba

WARNING: This chapter goes into topics such as disordered eating, feel free to skip out if you won’t be comfortable reading about such topics.

prev - chapter 1

Doctor White was someone Hosah had become well acquainted with since his move from nowhere's-ville Colorado to the Big Apple.

His whole adolescence was spent floating around hospitals and offices just like this one, the examination table had become a welcoming sight to the shifter. Most people he knew had irrational fears of doctors, putting off their check-ups for as long as they possibly could, only visiting when they felt there were no other routes to take, but Hosah didn't mind all that much. Besides, being poked and prodded at by some scholar guy was the least he had to be worrying about.

Sitting in the waiting room, slouched so far down he was practically laying in the seat, Hosah distracted himself with his thoughts. Despite how much he wanted to be- in a regrettable way which he felt guilty about- a paranoid wreck about the whole 'being a stalking victim' thing, the shifter actually couldn't get his mind off of his newfound roommate.

His hands. God, his hands. The reception was dead silent, aside from the occasional turn of the page from the gentleman a few seats down from him and the repetitive ticking of the clock, but if he had noise to conceal it, Hosah would've groaned out- in both agony, and in that overwhelming rush of excitement similar to that of which a teenage girl would get after her crush smiled at her in the hallways.

Mentally, Hosah was slapping himself in the face, telling his feelings to 'Stop that, behave', and although he really desperately wanted to get himself under control, the memory of sitting in those warm, steady hands crowded his mind, even when trying to distract himself with something, literally anything else.

Teddy just kept bouncing right back into his thoughts, how he leaned against the surfaces the shifter sat on, the only thing in Hosah's line of sight being his chest, his rolled up sleeves showing his muscular forearms, even when he instinctively grabbed Hosah's wrist the day prior, his hand wrapping all the way around his thin frame with even some to spare...

No, not now, he thought, trying to hide his now blushing face by pretending there was something in his eye. Hosah tried to justify it all in his head, I mean, the guy is drop-dead, Hollywood level gorgeous, even the straightest of men would probably find themselves getting a little flustered if Teddy tried all the stuff he'd been putting the shifter through. His unintentional flirty behaviours drove Hosah insane, despite feeling bad for teasing him just a little the day prior about his sudden urge to grab, it only felt fair to give him the slightest bit of payback.

"Mr Levi?" the familiar voice interrupted his daydream. Doctor White had his head poked around the corner of the reception, giving his patient a warm smile as he looked up.

Getting up out of his seat, the shifter gladly followed the voice that beckoned him, passing about a dozen identical doors that lined the off-white hallway, the overhead light buzzing as loud as ever. There was something oddly comforting about the liminal space to Hosah, his eyes relaxing to the harsh yellow colour that beamed from the bulbs above.

Taking a harsh turn to the right, the two stopped at the first door along the corner. It looked the same as all the others they'd just passed, a muted teal-adjacent tone with the little wired window and all, except this specific door had the doctor's name engraved in a metallic plate. The shifter could probably do this journey with his eyes closed, with the amount of times he'd done it previously.

"So," The doctor began, letting Hosah pass through the door he held open first, gently closing it shut behind him, "Any concerns I should know about?"

Hosah debated telling him about the fact he'd been forgetting to take his medication more and more lately, but ultimately decided that wasn't a big enough deal to warrant a comment about.

"Same old," The shifter shrugged, taking a seat in the corner of the office.

Despite having seeing Doctor White once every two weeks- at the least- for the past five years, he still wasn't on that sort of basis with him where he felt he could air out all of his bodily grievances.

When Hosah looked back up from the off-white tiles beneath him, he was met with a slight raised eyebrow, making him wonder if his little white lie could be seen right through.

"Right," the man in white said in a sigh, "If you could take your coat and shoes off for me and stand on the scale."

Euuuuughhhh. This was the shifters least part of the checkups, always had something to say about his rapidly declining weight. Hosah thought back to his last visit, the words 'It's almost like you don't want to get to a healthy weight' having stuck with him.

He did as he was told, nontheless. The numbers that appeared almost had him bracing for impact, as he could already guess what was going to be said next.

The doctor's lips pursed, brows now furrowed, "That's another four pounds. You do understand that's how much I asked you try gain for next time, don't you?" he sounded annoyed, no, he sounded disappointed, which was actually far worse.

"I know, it just falls off of me no matter what I do," Hosah felt bad for lying so blatantly, but he wasn't really in the mood to be lectured on the topic when he had such bigger things to be worrying about.

"I understand when you shift and get stuck, you consume barely any of the required calories you need, but this is going too far." Doctor White was now looking into his patients eyes, causing a slight sense of unease and intense embarrassment over the whole situation. "I know I'm not supposed to, but I worry a lot about my patients in my off time, and I don't know for how much longer I can justify your state."

Hosah just hung his head down, unsure if he could mention anything to make things somewhat better.

The shifter's attention was caught as his doctor reached for a notebook, pulling out a page and writing what looked to be a phone number.

"You call this number when you get home, and ask to speak with Doctor Aronov, I'm gonna call when you go and arrange for you to speak with him, you'll just need to pick a time that suits you." He urged Hosah to take the paper, "He's a uh.. specialist in this area. I'm not all too well versed on the, well, mental health side of these situations."

"..Huh?" The shifter could hardly believe what he was hearing, never mind what the words were insinuating.

"I can't think of any other approaches we can take to fix this. I'm not trying to throw any diagnoses at you, but it won't hurt to at least check."

"I'm not starving myself, I've been getting stuck more often, that's it, I don't.." That might've been a lie too.

The doctor gave him the same kind of pitying look that drove the shifter up the walls. "I'm not saying I think you are, I just think the reason could be more subconscious than you're aware of,"

This was just ridiculous now. There was no one who knew his own brain better than Hosah. He had no words, instead just scoffing at the entire suggestions. It would've been funny if it wasn't so offensive.

Deciding the conversation was going nowhere, Doctor White shifted the focus onto something else, "So you've been shifting and getting stuck more often, yes?"

"Mm, yeah, I only was just able to change back yesterday, and it had almost been a week by then."

"Huh. Well, that's not exactly out of the ordinary for you. What was the longest you mentioned being stuck again?"

Oh, that dreadful time. Hosah almost didn't even want to think back to remember it at all. "Three months."

It certainly was the worst three months of his life. The shifter was only fifteen, although the time spent stuck bled out all the way until his sixteenth birthday had passed. During the period, he was living at what he described to Teddy to be 'boarding school'. If anything, it was more like being inpatient in a psych ward. Hosah had been sent there to get an education outside of the regular schooling system, where he could get the proper attention he needed without having to take extensive periods of time off due to his shifting.

This era of his life was probably why he found the doctor's office so comforting. His entire high-school career was basically spent around doctors, being taught his math and his english by someone he could tell just really wanted to study him instead. Honestly, the shifter didn't really mind it. The attention was actually quite pleasant, being mindlessly fidgeted with in a single, giant hand was unexpectedly enjoyable.

Being touched had always been Hosah's favourite part of being tiny. Although he'd never admit it out loud or even to himself in his mind, it was unarguably one of the best things man could experience. Sitting in a hand, having your entire face brushed by a single fingertip, being held against someone's chest, right above their heart beat, feeling the thumping coarse all through out your body. Okay, maybe he hadn't experienced the latter per se, but the thought was nice either way.

The doctor whistled, snapping the shifter back into reality, "Three months." he repeated. "Most I can do is up your somatotropin dosage, but you're already taking a risky amount. I just don't get it. Usually there's a straightforward cause to irregular, uncontrollable shifting, like stress or diet or environment, but it seems you're just like that by default."

Yeah, that was pretty much right on the nose. Hosah just nodded, not feeling as if there was anything else that needed to be added to the statement.

"Well, anyway," the older of the two sighed, "Call that number. I'll do the rest. You don't have to worry about paying or anything, you have insurance covering all things healthcare."

That was one plus about being a shifter, dozens of organisations looking to cover your medical expenses, hell, one even covered for Hosah to go to his local community college, although he decided to just work about a year in anyway.

"Yeah, I will, thank you." The shifter stood back from his chair, grabbing his coat and exiting the building as fast as his legs could take him.

Pshh, yeah, like hell he will.

Everything in Hosah's life at the moment seemed to be working against him. First it was the voyeuristic killer turned depraved stalker, now it's his doctor desperately trying to make a big deal out of nothing, shoving more labels onto the man than he could even remember himself. He'd gathered a lot of those over the years, actually. Size shifter, generalised anxiety with depressive tendencies, addictive personality, and probably a couple more he was forgetting. They meant nothing to him, of course. He is what he is, and nobody needs to know any of what's going on in his brain except for himself, and Hosah didn't really care to know the rhymes and reasons for the activity that happens inside of it.

Waiting outside with the taxi was Teddy. Beautiful, kind, gentle, patient Teddy. How the tables had turned, it felt like just a second ago the shifter was praying to never have to look at his face ever again, but now, he found himself longing for just a peek of it. He'd gotten through enough of his 'big list of things to do' to purposefully shrink for a little while, receiving the giant's attention was like a reward.

His assistant was stood outside the passenger side door, waving as if Hosah was a few thousand feet away and not a thirty second walking distance from the obnoxiously yellow vehicle. The shifter, although not wanting to be happy in this moment, couldn't help but laugh.

"How'd it go? Did he say anything?" Teddy asked, getting into the car alongside the shifter.

Now came another decision, to tell or not to tell.

".. It's kinda funny actually, you'll laugh." Plugging his seatbelt in, he took a moment to consider whether he thought Teddy would see the humour in it.

As the man next to him stared expectingly, Hosah continued, "Uh. He thinks I have a.. a fucking. He thinks I have an eating disorder."

Silence. Yeah, this is actually what he expected. Filling the awkward air, the shifter spluttered in a fake laugh, "I mean, come on. I'm- I'm a grown man!"

Hosah's hopes of agreement were crushed by the assistants response, "Welllll-"

"Well?"

"You do kind of..." Teddy thought of a nice way to put this, "...Not eat at all. I cook for you and you just kind of move it around the plate and chat the whole time."

"Oh my god." the shifter grabbed for his hair in frustration. Teddy was telling the truth, completely, he just didn't expect him to have taken any notice.

"I mean, he can't just diagnose you, he needs other expert opinion, right?"

"That's what he did, said he's gonna set up an appointment with some specialist guy. I think he's a therapist or something, Doctor.. Something Slavic sounding. It's on here." Hosah practically threw the note at the man.

Teddy barely even glanced at the paper before thinking up some logical, smart-sounding thing to say that would make the shifter feel irrational and unreasonable, "I think you should just go to the sessions, get that specialist to assess you, and when he says there's nothing wrong, you can rub it in that doctors face."

The idea of getting I-told-you-so rights did sound extremely appealing. Teddy was always right about these things, he and Jeanne had that in common.

It was weird how they weren't already good friends, actually, when the detective really thought about it, he'd barely seen them interact at all. Jeanne put in good words about the assistant, but it seemed ever since the body discovery- or, bodies, Jeanne was avoiding the two. Surely it was nothing the shifter had done, since the last time they spoke one-to-one was an apology from Jeanne, right?

The thought of changing the subject was also really nice. "You know, I haven't spoken to Jeanne in days. Usually he'll find me and chat, but he's just been walking straight past me lately." Hosah's face shifted to look out the window, not wanting to really face the person next to him after realising he was painfully aware of his bad habits.

"He's probably just stressed out. We do a shit ton of work and we're not even the leads on the case, that's a lot on his plate." The assistant reached out a hand and patted Hosah's knee reassuringly. Ugh. Physical contact, his biggest weakness.

Refusing to look back towards him due to his now blushing face, the shifter sighed, "Yeah. Probably.. So!" Hosah tried his best to conjure up the most carefree and convincing expression he could, "What's on Felix's agenda for today?"

The rest of the ride home was more awkward if anything. Despite numerous attempts to keep up with conversation, Hosah ended up fading back into his own head, lost in thought as his eyes lingered out the window. The doctor's office was quite out of the city centre, meaning they got to drive through some less urban parts of town on the way there and back. It about as nice as old abandoned stores and dead yellow grass could get. Teddy's apartment wasn't actually all that far from the shifter's own, and passing by the general area put a foul taste in his mouth.

He wondered if the person who'd sent the parcel had dropped by again. Ugh. The heavy feeling of dread landed straight onto the shifter's back and shoulders, the tension of his own mind causing them to stiffen and rise.

Oh well. If they had, Hosah wasn't there to deal with it. It seemed as of late, the world just wanted to push every problem it could think of onto his back, causing him to bend and break just slightly more with each passing day, adding new unforeseen boulders onto the forever growing pile of hard rock that sit atop of him.

As the pair entered the cluttered apartment, Hosah realised just how truly exhausted he was. Physically sure, but especially mentally.

The shifter collapsed head first into the couch, groaning loudly as his face smushed against one of the decorative throw pillows.

"Shit day, huh?" Teddy brushed a hand over the back of the faux-blonde hair, laughing all the while.

Although Hosah desperately wanted to protest the viewpoint of this all being a funny joke, he really didn't have the energy. Instead, he raised his head slightly, leaning into the brief touch.

"I wanna curl up and die."

He didn't budge as his legs were lifted, Teddy now sitting beside him, the calves on his lap.

"You can do the former, just not the latter."

Perfect. With his assistant's permission, the shifter morphed down into his smallest form. By now, he accepted that this was probably his default, his normal, how he was supposed to be. Although being five seven was his socially acceptable height, it definitely felt unnatural for the shifter to be such a size.

The much, much taller man besides him inched closer, getting a better view of Hosah's newfound smallness.

"I didn't know you could... You know, shift by choice." He whispered, careful to not be too loud or harsh against the tiny, fragile ears.

Hosah turned onto his back, wistfully staring up at the giant before him. "Yeah, sometimes. It's risky, end up getting stuck a lot, but it's better this way."

"Really?"

"Mmm. Being regular sized is exhausting. This nice, feels like I can breathe properly now."

Teddy just laughed, his face almost uncomfortably close now, so close that his breath brushed against the shrunken figure's skin like the gentle, late summer breeze outside.

It wasn’t fair. How the giant could be so infuriatingly perfect, his smile barely fading despite the pressure of their current situation. I mean, he willingly invited a current victim of stalking to live with him, putting himself in direct line of danger, without even thinking twice.

If Hosah was a few years younger and didn’t know any better, this would’ve made him hate his assistant. Now, understanding it isn’t fair to judge someone based off of his own insecurities, he could only watch in silent admiration. Jealousy was probably the more accurate word to describe it, but the more positive term sounded a lot better.

“It’s weird.. No- no you, you’re not weird, I,” The seemingly flawless man’s poor word choices and messy execution actually helped Hosah feel a little better about his envy, “I’m.. What I’m trying to say, aha, I’ve never been this.. up close and personal, with a shifter before, really. It’s really-“

“Weird, right?” The shifter cut him off to tease a little, after all, it wasn’t often he got to be the bigger person, especially when he was a fraction of the other’s height.

“No, more like, surreal. Ethereal, maybe,” The warmth radiating from the giant’s skin enclosed in on him as the hand that once held the tiny individual edged closer and closer, enclosing the shifter in his place on the pillow.

Looking at Teddy like this was probably more ethereal than whatever point of view he had of the shrunken man beneath him. From this angle, Hosah could almost count every single one of his beauty marks and freckles. Joining up all of the little dots on his left side, he made the constellation Libra, which seemed so stupidly perfect given the alignment with his zodiac. The shifter didn’t believe the stars and the moon or whatever the zodiac sign even correlated to could determine how one turned out as a person, but he liked to hear Teddy talk about it anyway.

“You have Libra on your cheek.” Hosah reached up, his fingers just barely able to graze where he meant.

“Sorry?”

“The constellation.” He now sat up, entire hand pressed against the soft skin. Feeling it heat up beneath the palm was very satisfying, as Teddy’s face flushed a red similar to that of his hair colour.

The giant’s face scrunched up as he smiled, “That’s very.. I don’t know, serendipitous, for lack of a better word,”

It was better to pretend to know what these things meant, rather than making himself look stupid.

“Did you bring the records I asked you to get?” It had been a while since Hosah had gotten to sit and listen to music, he came to miss the scratching and crackling of the poor quality vinyls he’d accumulated over the years.

Instead of responding, Teddy got up and decided to put one on, as the shifter was intending to ask of him anyway. It was good luck that the giant even had his own record player, given the only escalating popularity of the modern MP3 player. Sometimes Hosah felt like he was the last person on earth who used a walkman and cassettes rather than an ipod, but it was something he wore proudly, made him feel all unique and mysterious and such.

The soft, rhythmically intricate, distorted sounds from the player were ones Hosah could only describe as nostalgic, or maybe blissful. Chet Baker, I Fall In Love Too Easily. It was a track the shifter himself found himself relating to deeply, especially in situations like this.

There was something so special and beautiful about jazz, the instrumentals all coming together so perfectly, not a single person out of tune or off beat, it made Hosah feel as if his soul was ascending out of his body whenever he listened.

“Since it’s Saturday tomorrow and stuff, I was thinking, we should go out to a restaurant or somethi-“

“Shhh, this is the best part,” Not wanting to hear whatever the giant had to say, the shifter lay, hand raised to silence the man much, much larger than himself. He needed silence to take in the soft trumpet solo for all it was worth, and it was definitely the pause in conversation, even though he’d heard it a million times before.

Teddy obeyed, standing over the couch, deciding to focus on the tiny person that lay so casually on his pillow beneath him, with his eyes shut and an involuntary smile spread across his impossibly small face.

As the sound faded out and the next track began to play, Hosah was ready to chat again, “…You were saying?”

Just for a moment, his assistant paused to reassess what he was going to repeat, “We should eat out tomorrow. You know, start to get a start on..” The word he wanted to use was ‘recovery’ , but he worried that would be to accusatory of the shifter having any kind of disorder at all, “.. Proving your doctor wrong. Sound good?”

Eugh. Restaurants were something Hosah had a large distaste for, although admitting that to himself caused a slight reconsideration in his certainty of not having anything wrong with his relationship with food.

“Yeah, sounds great. I love restaurants.” Maybe a little too on the nose, the shifter thought, as he noticed his tone came off much more sarcastic than he’d implied it to, his smile turning into more of a grimace if anything.

Taking a seat beside the pillow Hosah lay on, his assistant clarified, “We don’t have to do anything you’re gonna be uncomfortable with. Just tell me if you’re second guessing, we can start off with smaller steps…” the giant paused, remembering something, “..On that note, I’ll make us dinner tonight. I’d ask you if there’s anything in particular you’d want but, I get you don’t really, like food.”

Oh, yeah, Hosah said that, didn’t he? Suddenly shifter regretted his choice of words, with the realisation he was not as slick as he thought he was about his whole fear of food thing. No, he wasn’t scared of food, just of how he was perceived whilst eating it. That’s all, not the actual thing itself, it’s just an anxiety thing. He took a mental note of that explanation for his upcoming appointment with Doctor Aronov.

-~-

As Hosah faced his nonexistent, totally far fetched fear of food, he realised maybe Mr White was more correct with his theory than he was initially thought to be.

It wasn’t anything totally unfamiliar or weird, a plate of spaghetti and a little slice of garlic bread. Actually, it both looked and smelt pretty good, but there was something totally unnerving about the way Teddy expectantly looked over at him, now back to his ‘regular’ size, waiting for his critic to give it a taste.

The fact his assistant caught on to his way of getting out of eating in front of others was deeply embarrassing, so there was no way Hosah could play the good old ‘move food around the plate whilst talking lots to avoid actually really eating anything’ trick. Hm.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I will be deeply offended,” Teddy commented, clearly trying to make his roommate feel better, but it had the opposite effect.

“That makes everything so much worse,” Although the shifter was laughing, there was a level of pain in his voice, one that made it so his assistant was able to tell he didn’t find the situation funny in the slightest.

Thinking back to his time in college and what he got his psychology degree for, Teddy took a moment to consider his next words, trying to string them in a way that would both come off as gentle and supportive without being condescending or offensive,

“Do you know what it is specifically you don’t like about.. Uh,” Hm, how to put it, “These types of.. situations?”

“I don’t-“ Hosah’s positioning shifted, no longer twirling the long strings of pasta around his fork, head in his hands, “I don’t fucking know, man. I- I hadn’t even thought twice about something being wrong with me even when it comes down to fucking… Eating til today.” Honestly, it was a miracle the shifter hadn’t burst out into tears at this point, partially from the pressure of being asked to eat whilst being monitored, and also partly due to just everything in his life at the moment.

Before letting Teddy go on another smart and helpful spiel of what he should be doing and how he should be looking at the whole ordeal, the shifter rushed off away from the dining table, out onto the little balcony overlooking the general area.

The view wasn’t anything particularly nice, but the breeze certainly was, and Hosah hadn’t had the chance to light up a cigarette in days. Still clutching his hair in one hand, he shuffled around his pockets for the little branded box and his lighter.

“You know,” Teddy closed the glass door behind him, having followed his roommate outside, “Cigarettes are appetite suppressants. Maybe that’s just it,” A blatant lie in the latter half of the statement, but at least the good intention to put Hosah’s mind at ease was there.

It took a second for the smaller of the pair to exhale before responding, “Let me have this one thing, please. It’s all I have left.” Despite smiling like it was a joke, it was very much true.

If Hosah couldn’t have the satisfaction of going to bed with an empty stomach, then at least he could have his nicotine addiction.

“It’s okay. It’ll work out in the end. You’ll see that specialist, you’ll get better, and we can have spaghetti together another time.” A hand larger than his own cupped Hosah’s shoulder, the thumb adding pressure to all of the areas of tension. He hadn’t realised it up until this point, but the shifter had been straining his upper body the entire day. Despite emotionally being in the trenches, this one little thing felt quite nice.

“I can’t catch a fucking break. I’m sorry, Teddy.” He wasn’t quite sure what he was apologising for, but the urge to say something along those lines was too strong to bare. “I feel like I’m dragging you down this… I don’t know. I don’t want to be a burden on you, I- we haven’t really been associated for long, and I feel like I’ve already brought all of my problems onto your table,”

At this point, Hosah was just rambling, these were the kinds of statements that were to be kept in his head, but they just kept pouring out of his mouth like a broken tap.

Teddy scoffed in disbelief, and despite wanting to take offence, the shifter understood the reaction. “Don’t apologise to me. Seriously, if I didn’t want to help you, I could’ve just said ‘Damn, that sucks’ , and left the topic alone completely. It’s been like, two weeks, so what, I like you, you’re my friend, I’m gonna be there for you.. whether you like it or not.”

Right, friend. Because friends tell eachother when their freckles join up to make star constellations, and friends get all flustered when the other one does something even slightly physically intimate with them.

“.. Thanks. I don’t know how to repay you. This is a very take-take relationship.”

That same mischievous smile spread across Teddy’s face upon hearing the sentence, “You can paint something for me.”

Oh, what had Hosah gotten himself into now.

[happyk44]

Maybe I'll give Annabeth NPD anyway. I mean there's ranges in experiences of anything and also I can't stop thinking about it lol (her fatal flaw, guys!! It fits so well, she wants to design the whole world and doesn't see that as a bad thing!!). So yeah, I'm gonna say she has it, but lemme break it down anyway.

DSM-5 criteria:

Patients must have a persistent pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy

Right away, grandiosity and need for admiration fit, but lack of empathy not so much. HOWEVER, while I do think Annabeth is a fairly empathic person, I can see her being more cognitively empathetic versus affective/emotionally empathetic. Her ability to be affectively and compassionately empathetic is more so based on the situation itself. So, say, someone gets something she wanted, while cognitively she'll understand their excitement, she won't feel it or want to celebrate with them because, well, she wanted that thing, so fuck them, why are they getting so excited about it? Similarly, if she does something that affects another person negatively, she'll understand how her actions upset that person, but she can't intrinsically find it in herself to care or do anything about.

I think she'd be good at masking this part of herself, not as manipulation or anything, but just out of instinctive mimicry of other people's behaviour. Other people feel bad when they hurt someone by accident, so she should feel bad too, and so on. What this causes, though, is a lack of understanding that she is not as emotionally empathetic as she thinks she is.

She's also a problem solver!! So when someone has a problem, she will fix it, she will come up with solutions, and she attributes this to "caring" when it's not always.

The presence of five or more of the following:

Exaggerated/unfounded sense of their own importance and talents (aka grandiosity)

It's literally her fatal flaw. Hybris - exaggerated pride or self-confidence in one's abilities. She thinks she can redesign the whole world to be perfect, guys.

Preoccupation of fantasies of unlimited achievements, influence, power, intelligence, beauty, or perfect love

Once again folds back into her fatal flaw. Not to mention we know that she'd been thinking about the prophecy coming to fruition for a long time and how she would help Percy (although, could've been any child of the big three that showed up) win the battle

Belief that they are special and unique and should associate only with people of the highest caliber

See, I don't know about this one because I think Annabeth is pretty inclusive of most people. But I do think that she believes she's special, or has more importance to the world than other people. Part of me has always thought that she thinks she's better than her siblings, especially considering how she's treated by her mother (gifted the invisibility cap, when we don't know or head about her siblings receiving similar gifts, being given the title of architect of Olympus, other stuff I'm blanking on probably). So 50/50?

Need to be unconditionally admired

Hubris again lol. Not, but in all seriousness I'm like 50/50 on this one. I don't really feel that she has that sense in canon? But I feel that she could have it very easily - if that makes sense.

Sense of entitlement

Idk tbh. I'm not sure she ever displays a sense of entitlement. Maybe when she joined Percy's team because if I remember correctly in the books, she was just "I'm coming with you". I think part of the problem when it comes to assessing based on diagnostic criteria is that sometimes I read it too specifically to the wording rather than what the criteria could encompass lol

Exploitation of others to achieve their own goals

You could look at her in TLT in this way - joining Percy's team not so much because she wants to help Percy but because she wants to go on a quest and leave camp. Also her positioning Percy at the river as bait without telling him so their team could win. It's a thin margin, yeah, but look I'm desperate and I really really like this headcanon 😅

Lack of empathy

See my above comments on lack of empathy

Envy of others and a belief that others envy them

I can see her being envious of others, especially when it comes to familial relationships since hers was never the best, or when it comes to success in areas that she does not do best at. One of my HCs is that she and Leo start a business - Leo does a lot of the physical creation, they both handle designing and planning, and she deals with the people side of things. Leo being a child of Hephaestus is better at making things, and Leo being Leo is more mathematically inclined than she is, and I can see that as a sticking point in the early stages of their business.

She likes aesthetic, he prefers functionality, and she'll get extremely annoyed whenever he catches a flaw in her ideas, angry that she didn't spot it, envying his level of intelligence and doing/saying things to knock him down a peg because she's upset (and then his inferiority complex kicks in and they fight and break up the business before coming back together after a few days because they know they need each other for this but, ugh, frustration. Eventually they figure out how to work with each other without getting prissy, but it takes its time)

I'm not so sure about the belief that others envy her, but, maybe, a need for others to envy her. She doesn't think people do, but she hopes they do. She hopes that people believe she is amazing and talented and that they envy the hell out of her abilities and wish they were her.

Arrogance and haughtiness

There are times where she can be arrogant. She's very self-righteous and convinced she knows better than other people, that she's smarter than everyone else, too stubborn to accept other people's point of views, see when she and Percy would argue about Luke - her inability to recognize that Luke was a danger to everyone now, her insistent belief he could still be saved. Also when she argued with the Sphinx because she was angry she didn't get a good enough riddle.

So five (and a half) points! Yay 🙌🙌 I did it! I have now fulfilled the cluster B portion (Percy - BPD, Piper - HPD, Clarisse - ASPD, and now Annabeth - NPD) so whoop. Good for me 👍

And as always if you have NPD and/or have ideas about the ways it presents in Annabeth (or any other character), or have thoughts on other disorders and the characters you feel fit them, feel free to drop into my inbox 😂

[helicarrier]

If someone asks me about my issues with DNIs, I think I’ll just refer them to this post from now on.

Tumblr, as a website, is designed for quick, casual content sharing. You can follow blogs, then immediately like and reblog posts from them. New posts are even recommended to you directly on your dash, so you don’t even need to look at their originating blogs to interact with them. DNIs put a wrench in this intuitive manner of using tumblr. They force someone to stop and detour and read a page before they touch any posts from a blog they don't know, and that contradicts how tumblr is intuitively meant to be used. If you see a post and you like it, and if there’s an icon right underneath it, your first reaction is to click the icon. I’m sure most of us have instinctively clicked “like” (or “reblog”) on a post we found interesting.

DNIs prevent this kind of “casual” interaction. Their existence means you have to stop yourself before you interact (in any way) with a cool post, find the DNI page of the person who reblogged the post and, if applicable, find the DNI of the person who made the original post as well (because they’ll also receive the notification, unless they deleted the post on their blog), read it, then return to the post. Nothing about DNIs are baked into the functionality of tumblr in an intuitive way; if anything, the only real “do not interact with me” function you will find here in tumblr’s infrastructure is the block function.

Because DNIs are so antithetical to how tumblr functions, they're an inherently futile way of preventing interaction with certain groups of people, too. Most people aren't going to read my rules or my pinned post before they interact with my content. I would not expect them to, because it doesn't occur to many people, and it's a lot of wasted time. Even people with certain kinds of users in their DNIs routinely interact with posts made by those very people, proving this point. It is so inconvenient and absurd to read a page every time someone so much as likes a post by a random blog. Those people you don't want interacting with you? They're probably reading your blog; liking your posts even if they don't expressly say they're x group from your DNI. They're doing the same to my posts, too. That's just the price we pay for being in a public space focused on content sharing. And I accept this. Other peoples' behaviour is completely out of my control. I just block people when needed, because it is my responsibility to curate my space.

And that is the crux of the matter: I refuse to pass the responsibility of curating my space onto strangers. I refuse to make it someone else's problem when they are using tumblr in the way it was meant to be used. Ideologically and functionally, it does not make sense to me.

Just think about it: tumblr is a public website. Unless your blog is password-protected, people can find it anytime, and if they really want to interact, they'll interact regardless of your DNI. It’s not like most people will say, "oh, drat, I'm a racist, I should leave!". Maybe they’ll just interact because the labels you dislike are not visible on their blog, so they'll fly under your radar. And at times where peoples' labels or behaviour are visible, the good ol' block button is the golden standard. It always has been.

If I become mutuals with someone, sure, we'll agree to scratch each others' backs, and tag whatever the other person needs tagged. But that's different from expecting every stranger who comes across my content, wherever it shows up, to follow demands that are all the way over here, on this blog. If someone reblogs one of my photosets way over in the Stranger Things fandom, and people see the reblogged post, they shouldn't need to come to my Marvel/Random Shit™ blog and read my pages before clicking the stupid little heart button. But imagine needing to do this with every single person, every single post of theirs. Sure, maybe you’re familiar with the DNIs of the people you follow. But what about all the posts they’ve reblogged? Those posts have OPs. Do the OPs of those posts have a DNI that’s favourable to you, too?

DNIs aren't even optional reads now, and everyone suffers because of that. The proliferation of DNIs has made a culture where if someone accidentally forgets to read a DNI, doesn't know that DNIs exist, or misinterprets the contents of a DNI, it’s considered acceptable to harass them for it. It's anxiety-inducing.

“...Shit, I forgot to like their DNI.”

It doesn't help that I never know what "basic DNI criteria" means, or what the "etcetera" means either, because it changes from person to person. Folks, I’ve seen homophobes with “basic DNI criteria” in their pages. That aside, you can say "bigots DNI", but a lot of transphobes don't believe they're bigots, so you could still get radfems liking your posts. You could say "bullies DNI", but many fanpols don't consider themselves bullies, because they believe if someone writes fanfiction from the perspective of Hannibal Lecter, of course their reaction to it isn’t “bullying”, it's just justified shaming!

Everyone is the hero of their own story, and everyone thinks they're the exception. They will be the exception to your DNI, too. Again, this all goes back to the "you can't control who interacts with your content" thing. It's maddening to try and think of all the angles, all the ways to "catch" people, all the ways to plug up all the holes. You may not want to hear it, but you never will. You can get the broad strokes, but you’ll never get everyone, you won’t even get close. Even if you do somehow manage to fit all the exact terms into your DNI, and you end up with a DNI longer than a CVS receipt, you’re still going to run into all the people who... Simply don’t read it. Meanwhile, you look a little too preoccupied with who’s looking at your blog on a public website, and even if a well-intended person comes across your blog, they may just check out because they’re uncomfortable with the micromanaging.

...If they can read the DNI. Look, I’m all for creative formatting, but I see so many DNIs (and carrds in general) that have hot pink writing on a red background, or baby pink on baby blue, or yellow on lime green, and I can’t read any of it, not to mention it’s a migraine risk among other things. I’m not reading dozens of these pages every other day.

It doesn't help that many DNIs are rude, angry, hostile pages that tell people to kill themselves. That's not right. When someone volunteers to read an information page, they are doing that person a courtesy. It is shameful people need to read things like "kill yourself", "swallow a knife", and other verbal sewage. It doesn't matter if it's directed to them or not. Simply looking for people to follow and interact with, simply liking a post, should not be an exercise in mental fortitude. Needing to read awful threats over and over again should not be a requirement for engaging on this site. Imagine having depression, intrusive thoughts, and so on, where this stuff could land twice as hard. It's gotten to the point where my eyes immediately gloss over when I open a DNI, because my mind simply doesn't want to see any more shit and is trying to protect me. I'm at the point where I don't want to open DNIs at all.

But as you guessed, there's a problem with that. Because DNIs are almost compulsory on tumblr now, ignoring them has two possible outcomes: one, you annoy a ton of people, because maybe their DNIs say they don't want you around, but you're interacting with their stuff anyways. Maybe you get labelled as the person who ignores DNIs. Two, you stop your browsing in part, or as a whole, meaning almost nobody gets likes or reblogs from you anymore, because you’re trying to not waste your time, you’re trying to preserve your sanity, etc. And this hamstrings content creators.

One of the biggest flaws in DNIs is that nobody is obligated to reveal information on themselves. Minors can easily hide their age. Bigots can hide their bigotry. People can remove info from their description until they're clear of someone's initial "new follower vibe check", then put it back. Nobody knows you're a dog on the internet. It's naive to assume people will be honest about themselves, and adhere to a DNI.

DNIs are often so incredibly vague and their attitude so charged that people can't even ask for clarification, because the writer of the DNI could be radicalized and have very unhealthy views, and absolutely attack someone for reaching out. A DNI might say, "don't interact if you support incest", but it never clarifies in real life, or fiction. There has been an enormous uptick in moral panic over fiction lately, so lots of people might ask for clarification, but if they do, the person could say "in real life and fiction, duh!", flame them because they "didn't know something so obvious, it must mean they're sus!", then flame them again because they viewed the poor person's blog and saw lots of mature content they think people shouldn't write. It's absurd, but unfortunately, that kind of panic has spread. Many people use DNIs as extensions of their unhealthy interaction, media consumption, and browsing habits.

So I usually avoid DNIs.

All in all, I don't mind if someone politely asks other people to not interact, or if they say they block for certain stuff, if there’s a clear awareness that it's not a be-all, end-all solution, and that people will still interact. As long as they put the onus on themselves, rather than other people, to curate their space, it’s cool. For example, if someone is an 18+ blog, and they ask minors not to interact? Cool, if they don’t “punish” or otherwise attack minors who find posts of theirs on other blogs, and “like” them from there without going all the way over to the OG blog to see if they’re allowed to do like it. Because again, that’s a bit of an unfair requirement to impose on people. And whatever.

Because people shouldn’t feel like they’re playing minesweeper when they want to click a heart. Between the terfs, racists, and all the other issues, we have enough on our hands already.