#i really wanted to share the full story in one go which is why i've resisted doing this to this point but at this point totally necessary

[drdemonprince]

on the topic of your "bad gender" posts, the one you made mentioning sexual abuse (especially by mothers) is something nobody talks about at all and I'm glad you mentioned it.

My psychiatrist said I have CPTSD after I went through a huge breakdown after putting pieces together that I've been experiencing long-term sexual abuse from my mother (incredibly long story, but you get the idea). I still completely struggle with seeing what she's done and does as abuse, because it is totally buried in my mind that it is not abusive or strange because she is my mother. No matter how many times my friends and partner say it's wrong, or things like "imagine if it was your father", or my DBT therapist is straight up with me and tells me I was groomed by her, I just cannot get the idea that her being my mother specifically makes her behavior acceptable. (especially since I didn't come out as broadly transmasc until I was 18, and was thus seen as a complete extension of her and her body prior to).

I genuinely cannot comprehend where the line is between normal care and abuse because of what I've learned (from her or otherwise) maternal care looks like "compared to" paternal. And I just haven't found anything that's been able to really help me grasp what I've experienced because I just cannot understand why, or what I can do. The only thing I've found with others describing my specific experience is the MDSA subreddit, which is usually just extremely triggering for me to browse (obviously the content, but also the daughter framing and just the everything about it) so I don't go there, but it has shown me that many of us have lived very similar experiences, we just rarely recognized it as abnormal because it was our mother. Perceiving men as the inherently "bad gender" especially in terms of sexual abuse just makes me see red, and is a lot of why this can keep going on unnoticed. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, and I'm sorry to dump this here. It's hard to discuss the nuance of it without being kinda specific. I just saw you mention it and I rarely see the topic brought up, so I guess I just wanted to say thank you for doing so

Thank you so much for sharing this, anon. SO many children endure parentification, spousification, covert incest, and sexual abuse at the hands of their mothers and never get that mistreatment recognized as such because people view women as benevolent, passive caretakers rather than full human beings who are capable of harm. Adults wield immense power over children, particularly parents, and this power structure functions in much the same way men's power over women does -- it makes children into the property of adults, and facilitates abuse.

You are not alone in this experience at all. I'm sure you've heard all about Jeannette McCurdy's Memoir, but if you haven't read it, you might find it affirming. The poet Anne Sexton also sexually abused her daughter, Linda, who wrote a memoir about it called Searching for Mercy Street that is also a powerful read. The host of the podcast The Mental Illness Happy Hour is an adult survivor of covert sexual abuse at the hand of his mother, and he speaks about it quite frequently and thoughtfully on his show, and has interviewed numerous guests who have also survived covert incest. As a male survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of a woman, he's a rare, needed voice, and I've gotten a ton out of listening to it. There's also a self-help book on covert incest that I've read and appreciated called Silently Seduced. You may also find value in Issendai's analysis of estranged parent forums -- lots of documentation of abusive female parents and how they justify themselves to be found there, and the author eviscerates it expertly.

I hope that reading and listening to some of this material will help you to more clearly see the outlines of your own abuse and to recognize it as wrong and distinct from true maternal care. It wasn't my mom who was the chief boundary violator in my household, it was my dad, but a lot of what he did mimicked the traditionally "maternal" abuse profile, and all these resources helped me wrap my head around it a lot better. It's triggering stuff, but I think it is worth plunging these depths when you feel safe to do so, to what ever degree you can comfortably manage. You might want to dig up the Mental Illness Happy Hour episodes specifically about the host's abuse experience first, since that focuses on a man's experience of having been groomed by his mom.

Thanks for writing. My inbox is open if you wanna talk. This stuff was a foundational trauma for me that I have processed heavily and I'm always willing to discuss it more with people who have been there. <3

[hetalian-veteran]

The Draw of the Hetalia Fandom (and Why You Can Never Leave)

From the perspective of a fan of (technically) twelve years or so.

Something occurred to me a while back, and I wanted to share it to get other people's thoughts. I'll try to add funny pictures and gifs to break up the wall of text so it won't be as exhausting to read.

I made a post the other day about how the Hetalia fandom always draws you back in. This was, of course, based on the joke about how you can never really leave the Hetalia fandom. A joke you can find virtually everywhere you look in fan spaces online.

But this begs the question. Why? Why can't you ever truly leave the Hetalia fandom? What is it about this fandom that consistently draws you back in?

And note that people don't talk about Hetalia itself, but rather its fandom. You could stop watching the show or reading the comics for years, but the fandom is what won't fully leave you be.

(The Hetalia fandom every time you check to see if it's dead yet).

One answer I've heard has to do with the phenomenon known as Associative Memory, where you can learn and remember the relationship between unrelated items.

For example, you watch Hetalia, a series about the countries of the world personified as anime characters. These characters have their own personalities, traits, quirks, etc. And the more you watch the show and get into the fandom, the more you start to associate these things with one another.

For instance, someone can say the word Italy, and I'll start thinking about Feliciano Vargas. Or someone could say the name Matthew Williams, and I automatically associate that with Canada. Or I could see bushy eyebrows and immediately start thinking of APH England. Heck, someone starts talking about Vikings and my thoughts almost always go to the Viking Trio of Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. I could go on, but you get the idea.

And there's also the fact that we live in a world full of the countries that the show has personified characters of, which would in turn likely remind you of Hetalia.

But there's something more here going on. I've thought about it for a long while, and I think I've realized one of the biggest reasons why you can't fully leave the fandom.

It's because of how versatile the characters of the series can be in fan content. Allow me to explain.

(Me preparing to explain to everyone the epiphany that came to me one dark, stormy night).

Hetalia is a series with literally no plot. Like, zero. Some episodes may impact each other, but the overall series is episodic in nature. The only episodes you'd have to watch in order would be the ones going over the miniature love story between Chibitalia and HRE. And then there's the sequence of episodes going over the Industrial Revolution in season seven, and then the sequence of episodes explaining the relationship between Czechia and Slovakia. But that's it. And the Industrial Revolution and Czechia and Slovakia episodes aired in the latter seasons, long after the fandom was already very big and well established.

The episodes are largely adaptations from the original webcomic and thus are all a bunch of skits haphazardly thrown together. So I'll reiterate what I said earlier; there is no real, canonical plot to Hetalia. There are canon events and facts about canon characters, but seeing as the show is largely skits, they aren't tied down to any real narrative.

(The Hetalia fandom whenever they're given a piece of canon they don't like).

This leaves a lot of room for headcanons. Which leads to fans sharing their headcanons online. And when headcanons get super popular, they become fanon. And when a piece of fanon gets super popular, where it finds itself getting mingled with fanart, fanfiction, and even fan theories, you'll have people who start to confuse it with actual canon. There's really a lot to be said for the wild fanon of Hetalia, but I'll get to that another day. I need to turn the focus back onto the characters themselves.

I'm just gonna put it out there. The Hetalia characters are largely one-note. This isn't to say there isn't some depth to a few of the characters, but these characters are largely the epitome of "what you see is what you get." Especially in the early days of the series. The characters all have a set of straightforward, basic character traits, with their interpersonal relationships often being displayed in a very simplistic manner.

For example, Italy is a pasta-loving coward who's a massive flirt. Germany is strict and authoritative with a no-nonsense attitude. Japan is quiet and soft-spoken, only speaking up when he feels the need. America is a bombastic dork with a hero complex. England is an arrogant stick in the mud. France is a hopeless romantic who flirts with anything that has a pulse.

(Me taking a moment to pause and push away the cringy middle school memories of me shamelessly fangirling in class).

And as I said, their relationships are typically portrayed as simplistic as well. Italy annoys Germany, but Germany doesn't want to get rid of him because he's one of his only friends. England and France hate each other. America is that hyper-extroverted friend trying to get his introverted friend, Japan, out of his shell. Switzerland and Lichtenstein have a sweet sibling dynamic. And Prussia and Austria are portrayed as old friends who like to antagonize one another.

Because of the way the characters and their interpersonal relationships are written, this also lends them open to a lot of headcanons and eventual fanon. Not to mention that most of the characters have canon, human names. So if you want to use these characters in a fanfiction, particularly one where you don't want to depict them as countries (which is most fanfics), you have names at the ready that you can use.

And because of the simple way the characters are written, you can potentially write or portray these characters however you want in fanwork without too many people complaining that someone "isn't in character." There is so much room for your own interpretations of the characters. As long as you keep some of their basic personality traits from the series intact, you can portray the characters however you want. Especially because there's no real canonical storyline to drag them down. Because of the lack of canon storyline, you don't have to worry about fanworks being canon-compliant, canon-divergent, or canon-adjacent.

(Fanfic writers when they realize canon cannot stop them from creating whatever they want).

Do you want to portray Romano as the notorious mafia boss, Lovino Vargas, in the 1930s? Go ahead. As long as you can keep some of his cowardly and stubborn nature intact, you can do what you want with little trouble.

Do you want to portray England as the infamous pirate, Arthur Kirkland, in the 17th century? As long as you maintain his disdain for France, have at it!

Do you want to write a college AU with all of the characters present? As long as you keep in mind their personalities and have a basic understanding of their interpersonal relationships, have fun!

Now you're probably sitting there thinking, "Big deal, people can create all kinds of fanwork, regardless of what its content is, or what property it's for. What makes the Hetalia fandom so special?"

It's special because, since Hetalia is a series with almost zero canonical storylines, and the characters are portrayed in such a simplistic way, both of which lend their way to boatloads of headcanons and fanon, as well as small scraps of canon information that we can choose to either ignore or elaborate like crazy on...

Hetalia is a freaking goldmine for creating all kinds of fan content.

(Hetalians when creating the 2p! variations of the characters, probably).

So much fan content is out there. From creepypastas, to Hetaoni, Dreamtalia, the 2p! characters, historically accurate AU's, school AU's, and so, so much more. All because the canon is just loose enough to allow all kinds of fan content to be created and not seem too far off from the series or characters.

And that fan content ends up being way, way more fun than the actual series itself! Don't get me wrong, I still love the show, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't (or currently don't) have a freaking blast every time I engage with fan content. The creativity is insane, and the fanon is even more fun and entertaining.

The reason you cannot fully leave the Hetalia fandom isn't just because of Associative Memory, but because of the immense amount of fan content and fanon where, because of the nature of the series, you can do, write, draw, and create whatever you want. You can project onto these characters and their stories and interpret them to your own personal tastes. And you know what? That's a heck of a lot of fun.

And there you go, that's my two cents.

[nyaskitten]

EDIT: THIS POST IS INACCURATE !!!

I made the assumption Olive was editing the wiki articles, and while that's a very logical conclusion to reach, it was actually someone who shares the same viewpoints as them!!! Anything including the wiki articles and Olive's involvement is wrong and that's my bad!!!

Alright fellas, I guess we did it. We have reached the tipping point. I'm going to dedicate this post to calling out one specific person, @olivescales3, and their very toxic behavior. This post will be a bit messy, and I do apologize in advance, I'm writing this from the perspective of a Ninjago fan who also thinks beyond just the petty fandom stuff, what they're doing is just not cool.

I will clarify, I do not make this post for petty fandom drama, I make this to better spread awareness on some of the bullshit they're doing, so you can look out for and understand that they're bullshitting. Without further ado, I think we should just get into it.

So, what have they done?

Now, I should say while there is no 100000% concrete link between hyenabro and olivescales, I think based on their talking points (as well and the information I've recieved from friends in the Chima fandom, who have a bunch of prior experience with them,) it's safe to make this assumption!

So, what has olivescales DONE in this case? Simple, they've vandalized the Chima wiki on NUMEROUS occasions, even after several different people have revised their revisions, so as to discredit any conenctions between Dragons Rising and Chima.

(Green is their edits, red is the ones prior to theirs, I found this while going through their contributions section on their Fandom account, HyenaBro119)

As seen here, they have (under the username HyenaBro119) edited the pages for Chima AND the Forever Rock (I have two similar screenshots of essentially the same thing, one was from the Forever Rock article, the other was from Chima) and claimed Ninjago's lore to be some alternate universe. To further validate it, they write "Ras' visit to," but Ras NEVER claimed to have VISITED these locations, just that he knows them. They also claim the Forever Rock was destroyed, a blatant lie. Only a small section of rock on the Forever Rock was actually destroyed, not the whole thing.

Now, you're gonna ask "but Raine, how can you 100000% say it's them?" and I will cite common sense. While I cannot directly tie Olive to hyena, I CAN say their wording is SO very similar.

Both Hyena and Olive call DR "a parallel/alternate universe," and again, claim Forever Rock was destroyed, WHICH IS A FULL ON LIE. They're so adamant to protect "the sanctity of Chima's pre-established, set-in-stone lore" that they can't stop to think maybe, JUST MAYBE, sometimes a story can get new lore which can ALSO be canon!

I'd also love to share this HILARIOUS screenshot of one of their many posts, which not only backs up what I'm saying, but it's like damn they really set themself up huh!

Gee I wonder why you feel alone! Maybe it's because you are! Maybe it's because you're lying and making shit up to prove yourself right! No one is as big of a hater as you!

The also LOVE saying Ninjago cannot do anything with Chima unless they get express permission from the creator of Chima, some guy named John Derevlany, but oh man what's this I see before me?

CO-CREATOR? Oh but Olive, I thought he was the CREATOR of Chima, not CO-creator... ALSO Lego owns the rights to Chima, and Ninjago, and every other theme, as said by Doc himself! If anything he wasn't really dodging the question, just giving a vague answer, because he doesn't know much about the old contracts!

From what he said, it's clear that if they wanted to use anything from the other themes, they'd have to consult folks over at LEGO, not John Derevlany or Tommy A.!

Now here's the THING, I GET where they're coming from, it CAN be annoying to have people only care about a thing you like in relation to something else, but when you're going out of your way to argue that none of it can be canon and it's all an alternate universe it's like... god it's so sad and pathetic really.

Their lies and BS don't even end there with the wiki shit, because I have THIS glorious gem.

A) They bring up that the Ninjago folk do not know who the Phoenixes are which is like, okay??? Why the fuck are they gonna know about how another universe was created??? That's like if someone told me I don't exist in the same universe as my glasses because I have no clue who made them, that is to say, that's stupid as FUCK to say!

B) OH they say something REAAALLL funny ohohohho I am actually dying. Olive says the Phoenix icon "appeared in a Ninjago episode" and "Ninjago tends to reuse assets." Yep, NINJAGO is the one who reused the phoenix symbol, mhm. The symbol that was made in 2011 for NINJAGO, which cameoed in CHIMA in 2014, was actually just an asset reuse by Ninjago. I feel like this actually goes to show how desparate they are to feel right and validated, because this? This a lie! Ninjago made the symbol, and because Tommy A. is co-creator to both, he wanted to slip in a neat Ninjago reference, so he slipped in the Phoenix symbol Nya uses for the Phoenix tribe, not the other way around!

Another REALLY funny thing they did, aside from the wiki and Phoenix symbol shit, was this hilarious attempt at being right!

Yes, the compared the WOLF Masks to BATman's cowl, and did a horribly rough comparison illustration that very much does not make sense. If you actually compared them side by side, the only similarities would be they're both angry animal themed mask with pointy ears, which does NOT go very far in the long run. The foreheads they drew aren't even the same fucking shape lol.

OH ANS WE CANNOT FORGET THIS ONE! Their using a post about the Palestinian genocide and boycotting Lego in order to complain about Ninjago.

They claim Ninjago is produced by Lego, unlike other Lego shows, which is an EXTREMELY bullshit fucking claim. Just like Chima and Nexo Knights, Ninjago is produced by Lego, it's not JUST Ninjago produced by Lego, they are all Canadian-Danish CGI action shows, and they're all known to have Tommy Andreasen involved in the creation of them.

They're using a post about boycotting for the sake of innocent people DYING to complain about a lego ninja show for... killing evil people? It doesn't glorify war, the worst it does in regards to war is like not address how fucked up it can be in regards to the Serpentine War, but that's like it. I think it's so funny they want to single out Ninjago as if it's the only TV series where villains die for trying to conquer/destroy the world.

So, what do I want the takeaway from this post to be? What do I want you to get from it? I don't really know anymore, I just don't want Olive's horrendously toxic behaviors, and straight up lies to stop. If anything I think it's beautiful that Ninjago is making others interested in revisiting Chima again, stop being such a fucking hater dude. They act like Chima is some holy grail of Lego, the greatest thing since bread, but it, just like Ninjago, Dreamzzz, Hidden Side, and Nexo Knights, have Tommy in creative roles.

To act like Chima is somehow greater than is to place it on an unrealistic pedestal as if it's a godsend, when in reality it was co-created by Tommy Fucking Andreasen.

If you read through all of this, I do THOROUGHLY appreciate it, I didn't mean for this post to descend into an angry ramble but ehhh yk how it is. And Olive, if you see this, please, just stop with the bullshit.

[a-confused-spoon]

Jinx's haircut: how Powder and Ekko's story comes full circle

Hi! So, it appears Jinx will be cutting her hair short in season 2 (which is cool as fuck), and I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion on it, so I wanted to share my two cents 😊

I might refer to Jinx and Powder as if they are different ideantities, but I'm aware that's not how that works; it's just an easier way to express myself. Also english isn't my first language, so apologies for any possible wiritng mistake (this is a bit of a mess 😅)

* deep breath in *

As it has already been pointed out, this choice must have a deeper reason other than esthetic (I've been seeing the phrase "hair holds memories" used a lot), and what's even more interesting is that her new look resembles a lot how she used to look like as a kid; a bit bizarre, given how the entirety of season 1 showed us how Powder and Jinx's coexistence only brings the girl pain. As a matter of fact, the finale makes it clear to us that even she sees these two sides of herself as mutually exclusive.

So why and how exactly would this happen now?

What I keep going back to is the idea that maybe, just maybe, this has to do with her possibly "taking the lead" in Zaun; whether she actively becomes a leader or if she just "leads by example" (therefore passively), it doesn't change the fact that for better or worse she will be depicted as a leading revolutionary figure.

And fair enough: she singlehandedly killed half of the Council, the people who hold decisional power and have contributed to the misery on the other side of the river. After Vender's failed attempt on the bridge and Silco's focus on his own business dealings with Piltover among everything else he did, Jinx's attack on the city - something she does to ultimately solidify her identity as Jinx - opens a door that the Undercity was waiting to be opened for decades.

Here's the thing:

Being Jinx doesn't just mean acting on unbridled rage and being a menace to society; it means being feared by most, if not all, with the only possible exceptions being those who also accepted their inner monster. To put it in Singed's words, "If you take this path, they will despise you".

Being Jinx fundamentally implies loneliness.

Silco was consistently reminding her this: "I am your family; everyone else betrays us" / "Everyone betrays us Jinx! Vander! Her! They will never understand, it's only us".

In the official clip 'Enemy of my enemy' we find out that he only saw her cry twice, the two scenes we also witness as an audience, meaning he didn't see her cry once during the timeskip, and I'm sure it's safe to say that she most definitely did cry a lot given how she goes from episode 3 Powder (scared, couldn't grasp the concept of killing someone, heartbroken by the nickname jinx) to episode 4 Powder (a beast, kills in cold blood, has taken Jinx as her actual name)... it must've been an ugly transition, and it definitely didn't happen overnight; if Silco, who was the closest person she had all that time, didn't see it, then I think it speaks a lot on how alone Jinx really was in her darkest times.

For all the love he had for her, he reinforced this idea of isolation as an unescapable consequence of the right path, and I think this is also reflected in the lair that (supposedly) he found for her, especially when you compare it to the Firelights’ one:

The Firelights (this is important for later) are all about community and sharing joy as well as struggle and pain; they live in a place of healing, filled with life, without a roof so the sunlight can reach them during the day, and at nights living bugs that shine a light of their own fill up the hideout.

Jinx's place is diametrically opposed to this: it’s dark and looks cold, it's completely made of metal, the roof’s blocking any natural light and it hangs above an abyss with no bottom to be seen; the only company she consistently has are the puppets of her dead brothers and the only living thing that knows his way in is the only one that can understand, the only one she can rely on - aka Silco himself.

However, as Jinx herself knows, this may have worked for him, but it wasn't working for her for the longest time: she never stopped yearning for affection, love, friendship- that part of her never really went away; it was only being suppressed, suffocated, maybe unintentionally, and I strongly believe that it only worsen her trauma, and it's one of the things that made her spiral so bad into her depression, to the point of hallucinating.

I think that Silco's line in the baptism scene is particularly relevant here: "You need to let Powder die, so the fear of pain will no longer control you", where the fear of pain would refer to the fear of being on her own, of always failing and disappointing others, of being weak and never satisfying the desires, expectations, hopes that Powder carried within her to be “a valuable member of the team”.

If she lets Powder die (which again, she does in the final episode of season 1), this is no longer a problem: if she doesn't do teams, because teams don't want a jinx to begin with, that fear can't get to her; if she's a solo player, a self-sufficient loose cannon, she won't need to rely on anyone but herself because she's strong on her own and does not need the support of others.

If her power lays in the monster she is, the one everyone condemns her for being, then that childhood wish of hers just isn't a realistic option.

...but then this happens.

We know from the teaser trailer that in the operation Caitlyn's leading, 'finding Jinx' and 'neutralize any agent still loyal to Silco' are separate objectives. Which makes sense, since as far as they know Silco was the leader of a group of people, and now that he's gone Jinx is an individual under her own agency and her own agency alone. If initially she fights by herself, for herself because she can and fuck Piltover, then it all falls in line with what I stated so far.

But then we hear Sevika, who has hated Jinx's guts and who Jinx has hated back since day one, telling her to get the people together, to unite the Undercity as one because she can do that. Mind you, the girl has lived in Zaun all her life, she knows damn well that the end of Piltover is something the entire Undercity has been waiting for (“Imagine what the whole of the Lances could do!” from episode 2); yet despite this she needs to be openly told what is going on, that she’s not sizing the opportunity she’s created. She isn't, cause... her? Leading? A group of people? No. Not after the last time she tried to help, and most importantly, not after everything she learned under Silco.

Jinx can't fathom the idea of herself as a part of a part of a team. How can she? She literally just came to terms with isolation as ever present- and now, for some reason, the people of the city, who always either ran away from her or wanted her gone, are dying their hair blue in her image, trusting her, following her, painting murals of her as the bringer of revolution.

She isn't taking power forcibly like Silco did; she's just doing her thing, her Jinx thing, and Zaun, on its own, is choosing her as the leading figure.

Imagine how frustrating it must be for Jinx to look back and realize that Silco, her father- who has loved her, forgiven her, raised her, called her perfect, defended her, was there for her, saved her, guided her- was wrong, and put her in a condition of never ending existential pain when she could’ve had it differently the entire time; imagine how confusing it must be for her to look back and realize that it never mattered whether or not others understood her, 'cause she wasn't as unlovable or unforgivable as she thought herself to be in the first place, that Silco and Vi were never her only options.

Imagine how painful it must be for her to look back and realize that for all this time she could’ve had friends and be accepted and be trusted and rely on others because she never HAD to be alone.

...keeping this in mind, let's talk about Ekko and the missing flashback from episode 7 for a moment.

Admittedly we don’t have a lot of information, other than it took place not too long after the events of episode 3 (then again, to be fair, we don’t know a lot about their relationship as enemies as well: it’s all between the lines; I surely have my own opinions of how they feel about each other being on the enemy side, but I don’t believe it’s super relevant here). What’s for sure about this flashback is that it was a defining moment in both Ekko and Powder’s journey, especially for the latter. Someone surely died, and it 100% was Powder’s fault. It could be both the result of her very first crisis or her first intentional murder; in both cases it results in her deciding for herself to align with Silco as opposed to her best friend.

The way I like to see it is that, since the trauma was still very fresh, she might have been too scared of the idea of fighting alongside others after what happened last time, and she pushed herself to kill someone on purpose just to push Ekko away and prove a point (Silco’s point). I love the idea of the tragic irony of Ekko being the one person Powder managed to really save, and Powder being the one person Ekko couldn’t.

Personal headcanons aside though, the last part is the most important one here: Ekko couldn’t save Powder from Silco, and by extension everything he represents.

I’d like to point out that one of the most tragic aspects of the two becoming enemies (to me) is that, throughout those years, they reciprocally were the only living person the other shared a past with (well, Vi too, but she was in prison the entire time).

Silco not only takes over by force, he also marks as his all the places of said past: the Last Drop, Vi and Powder’s house… one line that always stuck with me from episode 7 is when Ekko tells Vi “All that’s left is Jinx, and she belongs to Silco”.

Not with Silco; to Silco. As if she too a piece of the past he turned into his property.

It’s like he understands that while yes, Powder made the decision by herself, that she wants to stay with Silco, he also knows that the man is the one to blame for... well, all of it; the kid was there when Silco showed up unprovoked at Benzo’s place, he knows things went downhill from there.

Ekko knows that he is the bigger problem and the bigger enemy. Even Vi, without knowing a thing about the past few years, can tell Silco put some shit into her sister’s head; Ekko can probably guess the same, difference being that Ekko has the responsibility of keeping other people safe, and he can’t risk it all for someone that, while possibly manipulated, ultimately isn’t collaborative. Ekko can’t jeopardize all he’s built and done for his former best friend, no matter how much it hurts him to be her enemy.

Back to season 2.

Like the entire fandom has already pointed out, there’s a 99.9% chance there will be an alliance between them and Jinx, especially when looking at Ekko’s new outfit.

Of course, this will not be immediate: my guess is that while Jinx works alone at the very start Ekko will be with Heimerdinger and following the arrest of the Firelights we see in the trailer maybe there’s a split. And even after Jinx takes charge so to speak, and possibly frees them, among others, from Stillwater, it’s possible there will be (and there should be) stages in the alliance: initial distrust, potential fight within the community- like yeah, let’s not forget what Jinx did to these people.

Even if they do go ahead with it, it is probably out of necessity more than anything else, with not one but two military forces against the whole of the Underground. It’s not like they’d be the most ecstatic faction about it, and the same goes for Ekko, which is why the new look will probably come in later.

But exactly like he could see Powder for a brief second on the bridge clearly enough for him to stop himself from beating her, he will, most definitely, see her again through Jinx's inner turmoil... that, and she also can’t keep her shit together when it comes to what she's feeling, the girl really is an open book.

And yeah, the situation would be pretty emotionally disorienting: she's being as Jinx as ever, but people like her now, which is something she used to want as Powder, who is supposed to be dead, and they're willingly following her like they willingly followed Vander and there's murals of her with him, though she's pursuing what aligns more with Silco's dream, but also turns out Silco was wrong about Powder, who might still be alive deep down- the whole thing is a big big mess.

Despite everything that I said about him, it’s not like Jinx would start to resent Silco. She could never, not after his last words to her. They mean the world to her, he means too much to her, and let’s not forget she probably hear his voice now too, along Mylo’s and Claggor’s; it might even be a calming voice to her, one she’s happy to hear even if she knows he’s not real… which makes it all worse and more painful to deal with.

In this scene from the trailer, it seems like Ekko’s talking to her (some have pointed out the blue hair out of focus). Since this is still the look in season, at this point in time Ekko (and the rest of the Firelights) are not truly committed to this alliance with Jinx, and vice versa, Jinx is still figuring out how to deal with all this unexpected appreciation.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about Jinx’s way of dealing with inner conflicts, especially ones that deal with the memories of the past, is that it often leads to disaster. This is a bit of a long shot, but what if the reason Ekko’s so beat up Is because she unintentionally sabotaged one of their own attacks on Piltover? Or perhaps they were caught up in a tough situation because of something she did or didn’t do? My point is that if he really is talking with her while in this condition, she probably is in a similar one.

Regardless, they are on the same side, and they are having a conversation. This is very likely the first time they reach out for each other since the day she chose to not go with him.

And I think it’s believable that of all the people she now has beside her, she’d talk to Ekko: he has this leader stuff already figured out. He has and still is taking care of people and keeping them safe better than she ever will, and on top of that, he still is the only one in Zaun (again, aside from Vi) who has known her since before she was Jinx, and he spared her on the bridge. He’s the perfect person to open up to.

And, get this, not only Ekko understands the pressure of taking the lead: he knows what it means to look back at someone you were fond of and feeling the pain of being wronged by them. He knows what it’s like to look back at old memories of someone you trusted and wonder if all those moments together really were what you thought they were, he knows what it’s like to wish it could all go back like it was, just so that candid version of them you have in your mind can still be true, present and untainted by the ugliness that now ruins all those precious moments.

He knows, 'cause he went through it with her... and now he can finally reach her.

Ekko may have not been able to save her from Silco then, but he can save her from Silco now.

And since he has built a community that grieved together, went through pain and joy together, he simply does what he’s always done with the Firelights. Sharing.

He tells with her what has worked for him: “Sometimes, taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind”- in the Franch dub he says “leaving a part of oneself behind”- meaning it doesn’t have to be all or nothing: she has the power to choose what to kiss goodbye and what can stay…

…and then she cuts her hair.

I think it’s important to note how these two moments are very similar in setting. I kid you not, the first time I watched the trailer I was convinced this was a scene where Jinx was burning Silco’s body after she killed him- which frankly could still be the case. I’ve also seen discussions being made for the little girl we see in the trailer being burned here, or Sevika, but I don’t think it’s either. Jinx is completely desensitized to death, even when Silco died her makeup isn’t this ruined. My guess is that this is something much deeper:

Jinx never properly grieved the past. Ever. So, maybe, she’s burning the part of herself she’s leaving behind. The hair she cut.

The hair Silco used to braid for her.

These two scenes parallel each other because “nothing ever stays dead”, but Silco must stay dead, for her own sake. For her own happiness: she is leaving him behind for good.

Only after this moment we get the new look for Ekko: he can work with this new Jinx, the one that now knows she can work within a team, even to the point of committing to the outfit (lol).

If in season 1 Jinx accepted her identity as it was defined by Silco, in season 2 she's re-inventing it under her own conditions: she gets to choose what "being Jinx" may or may not include. And it will always include a little bit of Powder.

Thanks for reading! 💚💙

[chongoblog]

My First Pokemon Playthrough

So I've noticed in my time of talking about Pokemon, I've told a lot of various anecdotes that are all a part of my very first time playing Pokemon. I was feeling nostalgic, so I figured I would share what I remember about this playthrough for everyone to enjoy. There may be a tangent or two in there and people who have followed me a while may have heard these before, but hey.

For context, I believe I was about 8 years old at the time, and after collecting some Pokemon cards, watching a kid play Crystal at summer camp, watching some of the anime, and generally being a pretty big fan (I even have Pokemon Yahtzee burned into my memory for some reason...), I finally got myself a Game Boy Advance with Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World, some Frogger game (after looking it up, it was Temple of the Frog), Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and, of course, Pokemon Sapphire.

I remember that my starter was Torchic. I don't remember why I chose that one, although I remember really liking the color red at the time (which I still do), so that was probably why.

I don't remember too much about my team or the general progress I made in most of the game, but I do remember Slateport City. For those who do not recall, in Slateport City in order to advance you need to get into the museum, which is blocked off by Team Aqua Grunts until you talk to someone in the shipyard. There are also Team Aqua grunts blocking the route ahead

Now, my 8 year old brain for some reason concluded that the only way to get past the Team Aqua Grunts was to intimidate them with a high enough level Pokemon or something like that. So one night, while I was supposed to be asleep on a family beach vacation, I beat down more poor level 13 Pokemon than I could count. I learned later what I was actually SUPPOSED to do, which led to me finally fighting the Team Aqua Grunts.....with a level 42 Blaziken.

And since the Name Rater was in Slateport City and my starter had evolved, I figured it was only appropriate to give him the new moniker "MAGMA MAN"

The rest of the playthrough went about as normally as tearing through the game with mostly Blaziken normally would go. There were a couple exceptions though. First off, at the Weather Institute, after I saved the day from Team Aqua, they were kind enough to gift me a Castform, but my party was full, so I couldn't get it. My 8 year old self did not read this. (Remember this, it will come back later). But I managed to make my way through the game, catching Kyogre with my Master Ball and giving it the nickname "LEGENDARY"

Then we come to the Elite Four where I hit a brick wall. I don't remember my team at the time exactly, but I do remember it was MAGMA MAN which had reached about level 80 or so, LEGENDARY which was about level 48, a level 36 Pelipper, two level ~35 Tentacruels, and some other sixth Pokemon I don't recall. And for some reason, I just couldn't beat the Elite Four with this team for some weird reason. The best I could ever get to was Drake. I felt I was utterly defeated.

That's when we bring a new character into the story. A member of my friend group at the time who we'll call "John" to protect the innocent. Now John had a very "uncle who works at nintendo" type energy to him. The group used to play Gauntlet: Dark Legacy together all the time, and when I got the GBA port of it, he convinced me to trade my recently obtained copy of the Pokemon Trading Card Game Boy game for a Gameboy-Gamecube cables, only for me to learn too late that it didn't work like that, and from there, there were no backsies (but then I got ahold of a copy of Pac-Man VS and Four Swords Adventure then I learned to emulate, so who's laughing now).

Anyway, John saw that I was struggling and he decided that he wanted to help me out. You see, he had come across an incredibly powerful and rare Pokemon that couldn't be found in the wild. He had gotten it exclusive, and I had never seen it before. It was called a "Castform". Now John had Ruby version, so he decided that as much as it ached him to part with it, he figured it would be a reasonable trade to trade this powerful Castform for the slightly less powerful LEGENDARY. I agreed.

And then he moved to Ohio.

To this day, Castform is my least favorite Pokemon because of this betrayal. I was so distraught at 8 years old that I completely restarted my game of Pokemon Sapphire. I don't remember much about that second playthrough, but there's a reason why.

This rival battle on Route 110 is somewhat infamous for being quite the sudden difficulty spike. And since I knew how to get past Team Aqua now, I didn't have an over-leveled starter to stomp my rival with ease. After losing to her about five or so times, I got frustrated and figured that whatever team I had wasn't cutting it. So I restarted again.

In my third playthrough, I made it all the way to the rival battle on Route 110. Then she stomped me repeatedly. So I restarted again.

This cycle would go on for, like, 15 resets. I didn't count, but it felt like there was hundreds. As I would keep on resetting and playing through the early-game of Pokemon Sapphire (which I had practically memorized at this point), I would start to take things a lot less seriously, sometimes picking the girl character, making my name random gibberish, etc.

Eventually, on one of these playthroughs where I started with Treecko, I actually managed to beat the Route 110 Rival Battle! And on my first try too! And thus began the epic journey of a girl named DE.

Now, I'd figured at this point that maybe only leveling up one Pokemon wasn't the best approach, so I was trying to balance my teams a bit better (I guess my rival taught me something). I was making my way through the game, and one day I'm checking out my best friend's Pokemon in Ruby, and who do I see in his box, but a Kyogre. I take a look at his name, and I can't believe it. It was LEGENDARY. John had traded it to my friend before he moved.

My friend didn't know that it was originally mine, so he offered to trade it back, which I accepted. LEGENDARY was a disobedient little bastard since I didn't have enough badges, but he got the job done. I don't remember the team I ended up using to finally beat the Elite Four, but it included my Sceptile starter, a Sableye that somehow knew only Fighting-type moves, and two Kyogres, LEGENDARY and LEGENDARY2.

And that's my first playthrough of Pokemon Sapphire. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: july 2024

full disclosure: I started out July in a bit of a mental lurch, really feeling stuck in a rut. there are a lot of reasons for that, absolutely none of which need to be shared with the general populace of tumblr dot com, but suffice to say that I was feeling listless and reading was not a high priority. I was pretty content to accept that this was going to be another month where I didn't finish a lot of books. I was too busy for most of June, and now too unfocused and bummed out in July.

and then that ended up not being the case. I think I can chalk that up to three things:

very early in the month I realized that none of the reading I had been planning on getting to was grabbing my interest at all, so I did something drastically different: picked up a YA memoir that I bought at pride on the recommendation of a bookseller. not my usual kind of reading at all, but YA is very readable and memoirs grab me fast because I'm nosy, so I figured it might be great for getting out of a rut. and boy, was I right!

Akwaeke Emezi also has a new novel out, and if you don't know then please note now that I'm a person second and an Akwaeke Emezi fan first. their newest novel was a sinister joyride, non-stop twists and turns that I couldn't put down until I saw the characters through to their bitter ends.

and, of course, over in the Dungeon Meshi manga I got to Mithrun. I've only had Mithrun for a couple of chapters, but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this dungeon and then myself. even if I hadn't been able to read anything else, that would have kept me running back to the library for more Dungeon Meshi.

all of which added up to a fairly voracious appetite for books being reignited in my brain, and my second most book-heavy month of the year so far (still haven't beat May, but there's time). sick!

so - what have I been reading?

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 7-10 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2019-2022) - mannnnn I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said elsewhere, but Dungeon Meshi is so. fucking good. the way that Kui starts to raise the stakes of the story and grow the world beyond the core band of adventurers is so conscientious and well-done, timed perfectly so it never feels like having an undercooked heap of fantasy exposition thrown at you all at once. instead everything proceeds at a perfect simmer, leaving me feeling like the frog in that pot of boiling water who didn't notice how dire things had gotten until it was very suddenly too late and I was screaming bloody murder at a book. things have gotten so dire that I'm yearning for the days when fighting a red dragon was our biggest problem - and yet, through it all, every character remains rendered with humanity and compassion, no matter how scary, dangerous, or outright alien they first appear. I'm not naming any spoilers, but I need [REDACTED] to fix shit ASAP in Vol. 11 and [SUPER REDACTED] is on my shitlist fucking forever. also Mithrun sweetie you're perfect, do as many crimes as you want.

Heart and Hand (Rebel Carter, 2019) - my romance novel of the month, as picked by my lovely patreonites! this self-published historical romance promised some messy f/m/m, following a biracial (half Black, half white) young lady, Julie Baptiste, as she responds to a marriage ad that takes her out west to the fictional town of Gold Sky, Montana. Julie's sort of a standard historical heroine - she doesn't care for the silliness of high society and vastly prefers the company of books, looking forward to becoming Gold Sky's schoolteacher - but her marriage has a twist: rather than marrying one man, she's agreed to marry two, a pair of friends who have been inseparable since they served together in the Civil War. this book is charming, for sure, but I can't help be more intrigued by what isn't there than what is, namely: are these men having sex with each other or not? Rebel? hey, Rebel? why is there no DP in this two husbands mail order bride book? that was, like, he bare minimum that I expected. for the love of god, why did those men never put both of their dicks inside Julie at the same time? why did we spend so much time on emotional conflict that could be easily resolved if anyone just talked to each other when Julie's two beautiful husbands could have been having sex in front of her? HELLO?

also, listen, this is such a nitpick, but I am FROM Montana and it feels personal: I know that the general poverty of frontier life isn't sexy, but god these people are WAY too well off. at one point Julie enjoys some fucking BANANAS, something that I goddamn assure you were not easy to come by in late 19th century Montana. a banana. as fucking if.

All Boys Aren't Blue (George M. Johnson, 2020) - as is proudly advertised on the back cover of my copy, in recent years All Boys Aren't Blue has been the second most-challenged book in America behind Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer. reading through All Boys Aren't Blue it was initially hard to see what exactly was so objectionable, until I realized that a queer Black person living their life with compassion and joy is the scariest thing some of these motherfuckers can possibly imagine. Johnson writes about their life growing up in the nexus of racism, homophobia, and masculinity with wisdom and endless compassion, directly addressing young people who may find themselves in similar positions to offer them assurance that they, too, can be okay. more than anything, All Boys Aren't Blue is a plea for young people to live their lives without fear and shame. it's a beautiful blessing of a book that I hope brings comfort to every innumerable kids who need it.

Little Rot (Akwaeke Emezi, 2024) - how do I even begin to describe Little Rot? definitely not for those who feel squeamish about sex crimes, I guess that's an important place to start. this novel starts with the breakup of a long-term Nigerian couple, Kalu and Aima, and follows both of them into a weekend that starts with drugs and sex parties and spirals increasingly out of control from there, drawing more and more characters into a complicated snarl of money and power. Little Rot has the seedy, lurid draw of an episode of SVU if SVU ever grew up and realized that cops don't do shit, reveling in the nastiest that Emezi's imagined city of New Lagos has to offer. cannot say this book is for everyone - few of Emezi's novels are - but god, it's a thrilling study in corruption.

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader (editor Joan Nestle, 1992) - this is a massive and fascinating historical document, assembled by Nestle as part of her work with the Lesbian Herstory Archives. within this collection are letters, interviews, academic essays, poems, and transcribed oral histories from all manner of self-identified butch and femme lesbians. while some of the contributors are recognizable names in the history of American queer activism (including Pat Califa, who's a bisexual trans man now lmao), others are women who were just trying to live their lives with as much authenticity, comfort, and dignity as was possible in their time. (although, notably, the vast majority of these women are white, and all but a very few are Americans. racial and cultural diversity is not one of the collection's strong suits.)

the personal narratives span all over the twentieth century, and I was really delighted to see the very frank discussions of what would be written off as "bad representation" by a lot of queer resources today: butches overdosing on toxic masculinity and getting in messy bar brawls, femmes committing outlandish acts of adultery, lesbian sexual awakenings taking place between fairly young children, and one extremely memorable instance of a butch getting unexpectedly pregnant and decided to do a little sex work on the side since she couldn't get more pregnant than she already was. I was particularly fascinated by the many, many accounts of "second wave" self-identified lesbian feminists who tried to do away with butch/femme identities and "politically incorrect" expression of lesbian sexuality altogether (that's everything but mutual cunnilingus, btw) in pretty eerie echoes of contemporary radfem arguments. at close to 500 pages it's definitely better suited to skimming and stopping to read whatever catches your attention rather than trying to read cover to cover, but I think this is a really invaluable piece of history.

American Mermaid (Julia Langbien, 2023) - this was a novel, for sure. American Mermaid is a novel about a broke, anxious high school teacher named Penelope whose novel, also called American Mermaid, is a runaway success that gets optioned for film. Penelope quits her teaching job and moves across the country to Hollywood to work on the script with two dude bros who don't really Get what American Mermaid is about, and set to work turning Penelope's weird, unsexy female empowerment novel into an MCU-style action romp with a hot young lead. the novel's strongest when it's deep in the spirals of Penelope's frantic mind, probing the conflict between her fairly desperate need for cash (she wants to be financially independent of her conservative father, she has good reason to suspect breast cancer is in her future, she wants to start a family someday) and the artistic affront she feels at watching her story be disrespected and dismantled. where it's weaker is in the extensive chapters of the story-within-a-story; while useful for context, I straight up didn't need to read that much of Penelope's novel. and the plot overall kind of felt like it fell off the rails near the end once Langbien finishes making her point about how Hollywood sucks. it's not bad, but it's also just... fine. it's fine!

How to Taste: A Guide Discovering Flavor and Savoring Life (Mandy Naglich, 2023) - how do I put this so nicely? this book is for people who are kind of dork ass losers about food, a group that I do very much count myself as a part of. I first became acquainted with Naglich's work when she appeared on a podcast called the Sporkful, which claims that it is "not for foodies, it's for eaters." I'm a fairly devout listener, and after listening to Naglich describe her efforts to become a master cicerone (one of the world's most elite beer tasters, a distinction that is taken Very Fucking Seriously) I thought sure, whatever, that's a book I can get behind. Naglich is maybe a big more entertaining as a podcast guest than a nonfiction author. in places the book can be dry or roughly constructed in a way that suggests another pass by an editor or maybe a co-writer would have helped. and straight up, there are just weird fucking typos in this book that are like. crazy to me, I cannot believe they got through. the cheap-ass cover art also suggests this was not exactly a high budget production.

but having been very mean about it, there are a lot of extremely interesting tidbits about the world of professional tasting here! it sounds awful and you couldn't pay me to do it, but here's the cool thing: Naglich is extremely aware that what she does is insane and she knows that the average reader doesn't want to learn how to identify where a coffee bean was grown just by sniffing the bean from across a room. what she offers instead are really approachable ways to be more conscientious about how you interact with and appreciate food! and she also shares some really cool info about tasting snobbery that IS bullshit, to help you sort out the stuff that actually matters and emphasize that fun and personal taste ultimately trump any "rules." it's a very dorky book but I, personally, did have a good time.

Sex Criminals Vol 3: Three the Hard Way (Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky, 2016) - every time I read another volume of Sex Criminals I find myself thinking "man, hang on, do I ever actually like Sex Criminals? am I enjoying this?" but then I end up placing a hold on the next one. I don't know, it's charming! it's like so very VERY 2010s in its dialogue, by which I mean it's like. you know. it's giving Joss Whedon before we all found out how bad he sucked and collectively booed him. but man, I love a story that's down to get weird, and Sex Criminals is sooooo about being weird. and yet also very normal where sex is concerned! considering this is a series all about people having freaky world-altering powers that activate when they cum, sex is treated as an incredibly ordinary thing, warts and all. I like that! I like seeing that! idk, I don't need every comic to be perfect, as evidenced by the fact that I'm actively enjoying Azrael: Angel of the Bat. sometimes the vibes are just good.

[hiskillingjar]

First of all if this is a question you are not going to answer you can skip it.

If Mc got pregnant and told them she/they was pregnant, how would Ren Strade Law react?

g-d i've been on such a pregnancy kink lately. i blame it on the end of my twenties approaching and being in a relationship with a heterosexual cis man. anyway.

ren 🦊

ren would be absolutely fucking delighted oh my g-d

he might just cry. like full on

you do a test and he might start crying

he gets someone new to take care of (and depend on him), and your bond is going to get even stronger. why wouldn't he be delighted!

he'd also have a brain and be super gentle and. Normal Boyfriend with you while you were pregnant

because like obviously you can't stand some of the things you usually do, and he's not going to put your body through any stressors. you might have kind of an easy go of it, to be honest

he'd even take you to a hospital for check-ups and stuff, just to make sure there's nothing to worry about, in spite of the whole. kidnapping thing. what a nice guy!

and like. obviously he's gonna get a little eager about your body changing, your hips and tummy filling out (your breasts getting bigger)

seeing the effects of his "love" on your entire being, your body might make him go a little insane (positive)

that's fine though. you're pretty insane by the end of it too <3

written this with fox :)

law 🥀

law would freak OUT

oh my g-d they are not ready for that at all

idk law is so. on the precipice of death at all times, so the very idea of creating life with you would really make them panic

like. okay in the context of them in canon, they might lose themselves and accidentally kill you

(and open you up and cut out the foetus to put in a jar. freak)

but okay. you make a baby and SOMEHOW you manage to carry it to term

they still wouldn't really know what to do but may be a little more intrigued as time goes by

the human body changes so much during pregnancy, your bones shift, your organs move to make room for this...invasive thing inside you. that's pretty interesting

and they'd definitely be compelled by the idea of you sharing your body with them to such an intimate degree. you let them curl up inside you, be carried there, be assimilated to create a combination of the two of you...there's romance to that

things that freak you out can be pretty sexy!

strade 🔨

strade would honestly be in two minds about it

like on the one hand, he's a total hedonist who wants to do what he wants and works in porn and snuff. what business does he have having a child?

but then. he's a man (derogatory). the idea of claiming you, corrupting you, taking everything you are and creating a legacy for himself...that's compelling. that's interesting!

and what man can say no to big boobs and a heightened libido

and like if you're insane (like i am), the whole pseudo-housewife thing just has its natural conclusion in him knocking you up so. that may be where the story takes me

granted, he's an idiot and would treat you like he normally does, baby be damned (ren would be sooooo mad at him for it which just gives him more incentive to do it)

and he also wouldn't let you go to a hospital for check ups so like. hope you have a lot of pregnancy books, because you're doing this on your own babes

he MIGHT pay a dark web surgeon to deliver it though, american mary style. he doesn't really want you dead, after all

unfortunately he might be a pretty good dad.

he's got a lot of energy to keep up with a baby, he's interested in seeing it grow, he's interested in seeing how it develops.

might see it more as like. a neat houseplant or a dog, not really a human being though

[jojo-schmo]

hi jojo! im just wondering but ive been wanting to make a comic for a little while but im not too sure where to start 😅. i really love your style of art and your forgotten land roleswap, and i was wondering if you had any tips for beginners?

Hello, hello! Thank you for enjoying my Forgotten Land Roleswap comic, it means a lot! <3

I'm very honored that people have been asking me for tips and advice. All of this is coming from a hobbyist who draws these comics purely for fun outside of my regular day job. Some of my methods would probably deal psychic damage to a professional, LOL. But I'm more than happy to share some things I've personally learned! :)

First of all, the book, "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud ROCKS. It literally gave me a new dimension to understand the medium of comics and how it presents ideas and emotions to readers! And I haven't even had the chance to finish it all the way! I'm very happy I own a copy and I recommend having one of your own if you can, but it's archived here if you want to read it :D

I also like analyzing other comics and thinking about how they get information across to me as a reader. It's helped me learn more effective ways to visually tell a story, like what to include in a frame, how zooming in or out affects the feeling from the panel, maybe building a scene by focusing on other stuff if someone is talking a lot... etc.

ANYWAYS-! Some other tips I've learned through my personal experience-

I had to overcome a lot of negative self-talk in order to tackle a huge comic project like this and stay committed. I was a pretty severe self-deprecator for most of my life so far, and getting help has allowed me to catch myself when I'm slipping back into those habits, look in the mirror, and go, "NO, JOJO! You pour your heart into what you make and that is a wonderful thing! You are appreciated and loved and you deserve to have fun making something you are passionate about!!" Some examples of the negative self-talk I catch myself in....

"I'm a noob at writing and making a story interesting... What's the point of even trying?"

When it comes to starting a project, whether it's 2 pages or 2000 pages, is to just jump in and start! It's okay to be a little insecure or nervous about your technical art skills, writing skills, etc... But writing a "bad" scene is better than no scene- because you can always edit a "bad" scene down the line, but what can you do with nothing? Nothing!! I also put "bad" in quotation marks because I am trying to use that term less, and instead call them "early drafts." or "works in progress."

The first Roleswap scene I fleshed-out was the first Bandee boss fight, in May 2022. I made this drawing on an impulse, getting my ideas down on the page without thinking about the technical stuff like comic panel borders. I consider it like a "pilot episode" almost, haha. The final project is going to be very different from how things play out here. But it got me interested in the concept and excited to see where I could take it, and I made the decision to commit to an entire game plot's worth of AU comics!!

Also, what's the point in trying you ask? The point is to have fun! Making a fan comic in my free time means I don't have restrictions like deadlines, nobody's telling me what I can and can't write, and I can make the story as long or as short as I want! I have full control, which means the world I'm writing is all mine to create! Yes, with a fan comic there is a pre-established world with existing characters. But a universe like Kirby has enough open-ended concepts for people to take basic concepts in the world and take them to whole new levels! I think that's why there are so many amazing fan interpretations of Kirby characters and OCs. The rules are so vague, you can just make up your own a lot of the time!! And it's a wonderful exercise to learn skills for someday building an original world with all original characters from scratch! Magical!!!

"I'm not good enough to make a comic. I don't understand perspective or color and other stuff. Anything I make will look bad.

I once read a two panel comic on here. I can't find it anymore but I remember most of it. First panel showed the artist looking at what they're drawing on their tablet, looking defeated and sad. "Man, I don't even know how to draw this....."The next panel was like them smiling and shrugging, I think rainbows and sparkles were coming out of their tablet, ".....I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRAW IT SHITTY!! :D "

IF ANYONE KNOWS THIS COMIC I'M REFERENCING, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL LINK IT!!! Because it permanently and positively changed my brain chemistry.

No kidding, making the decision to just do my best even if it's not perfect, helped me a LOT. I was always waiting to "reach a certain level" to tackle a huge project because I felt like I'd never do it justice at my current state. Except I had been telling myself that kind of stuff for years and I still didn't start any projects!!

So the day I said, "Oh well! If I draw backgrounds shitty, then it is what it is! I'll learn from it and draw the next background a little better," Was the day I could commit fully to the project. I'll keep studying how to draw them better for my own benefit, but I won't let my skill issues stop me from even trying!

And for my limited confidence in full-color art, I solved that by making the comic in black and white with no-to-minimal shading lolol. Because I can only address one skill issue at a time before it takes me 25 years to finish this HAHAHA.

It saves a BUNCH of time to work with skill issues rather than against them! Because at least experience is gained in other ways, and who knows, maybe that new knowledge will help address the skill issues someday! So identifying your personal skill issues and deciding which one to try to grow stronger, and which one to work around, could help with big projects!

"Nobody will read this. I'm going to put months or years of my life into a dumb little thing nobody will even care about."

Learning how to draw for my own enjoyment instead of somebody else's was one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever made. Enjoying the feeling of being challenged artistically and just doing my best, even if it's not technically perfect, is the reason why I was even able to start this!

And just because someone doesn't directly like, comment or whatever on a post doesn't mean nobody saw it! I used to get really down on myself for the lack of engagement on my art on other websites.

I was a lurker for pretty much my entire teenage years and never posted my own stuff or commented much. But that didn't take away the fact that I really enjoyed the things I saw online. Those positive feelings were real to me, even when I didn't know how to articulate it in words. Granted, I grew up into a Words of Affirmation main, and I use words to tell people the positive things I think about them as much as I can! But I know not everyone prefers words to express themselves. So I think about the people that I don't know enjoy my work- that just because I don't see it doesn't mean I didn't make a positive impact on someone by sharing my stories.

THIS IS GETTING LONG-- UHHH, STORY TIPS!!

If you work best on technology, start building the story in a Notes app, or a Google Doc! If you work best with pen and paper, start a notebook and rearrange stuff as you need to!

Or if you're chaotic like me, a mix of tech and paper!! I bought a notebook with ring binding so I can remove and rearrange pages of drafts as much as I wanted to! Like here's two very rough concept pages of one Chapter 1 scene made months apart.

I'd say planning out the biggest basic plot points and then filling in between as I went was most helpful! I also have separate notes for character motivations, important story-changing events, etc... So I can have my own reference when I'm writing new scenes!

Okay this was a lot, sorry about the yapping! Hopefully it helps even a tiny bit. If you have any specific questions I'm happy to talk about my experience in the creation process! Or elaborate on anything I said above.

And finally, because I'm not a professional there are probably plenty of other tactics that could work better for some people. My ADHD probably doesn't help with the chaos of my process either, HAHA. But thank you for reading this far and enjoying the peek into the rainbow glitter and soap bubbles that inhabit the right side of my brain, heehee.

[winchesterdreamgirl88]

Done

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Platonic Sam Winchester x Reader

Summary: You've had a crush on Dean for awhile now and you're so hurt and tired of watching him flirt with every girl and you finally tell him how you feel.

A/n: For like a week I've kept thinking about this scenario in my head and I wanted to share it with everybody. This is my first attempt at writing a full story so I hope you guys enjoy it and I'm sorry if it's bad:)

Word Count:1.7k- way longer than I thought it was going to be

Warnings: Language, slight angst, little but of fluff at the end, implied smut. Let me know if I missed any!!

You had been hunting with the Winchesters for about 3 years now and it had been some of the most terrifying yet fun years you've had in awhile. You met the boys when they were hunting a Djinn who had trapped you in a dream where you could live out your life with your parents who had passed away when you were 8.

You guys were heading back to the motel after a grueling vampire hunt that you guys had been working on for about a week. When you guys got to the motel there was only 2 rooms available which meant you had to share with one of the brothers.

"I call my own room." Sam had said quicker than you could comprehend then tossed you and Dean the key to your guys room and then departed to his room to take a shower. You would have preferred to share a room with Sam because he was your best friend and he was fun to be around. You didn't mind sharing a room with Dean but you've been in love with him for so long it's getting harder and harder to control your feelings.

You knew he would never think of you like that because everywhere you go Dean always finds some random girl in a bar or some girl on a case to flirt with and he has no shame about it whatsoever. It's so hard to sit back and just watch as the man you love flirt with everyone in sight, not to mention he's not quiet when he decides to bring a girl home, not even blink an eye towards you. You knew why he wouldn't wanna be with you, you weren't as pretty or skinny or interesting as all the other girls. You were just somebody who followed them around and was like a sister to them.

"Looks like there's only one bed so it looks like we'll be sharing, unless I get lucky then I'm sure you can stay with Sam." Dean had said with his signature smirk that you loved but right now was just pissing you off. You didn't know why that comment had set you off tonight but you were done with all his bullshit.

"Whatever Dean, I don't really care anymore. I'll just go sleep outside so you can do whatever you want with whoever you want." You said with your back against the wall. You were honestly just so tired from the hunt you didn't really care anymore.

"What the hell is up with you Y/n? You've been so angry and snappy towards me lately and I haven't done shit to you!" Dean said taken aback by your rudeness towards him. He'd noticed you'd been off the past few weeks with him but he couldn't figure out why.

"Just forget it. It's not even worth it. Just go find some random girl who's willing to throw herself at you and have a good night and leave me the hell out of it!" You said and then stomped away to head into the bathroom to take a cold shower to try and calm yourself down.

The motel you guys were staying at was only 5 minutes away from the Roadhouse and once you got in the shower you heard the hum of baby drive away knowing him and Sam were heading to the bar. You knew Jo was gonna be there and you knew how flirty she was with Dean every time you guys came around and the thought killed you of what was gonna happen tonight.

After you got out of the shower you decided to stop feeling sorry for yourself and got dressed in a cute black lace tank top with some dark blue skinny jeans and black high heeled boots, did your hair and makeup and walked 5 minutes down the road to the bar. When you got there you immediately see Dean sitting down at the bar with Jo standing way too close to him and laughing at something he was saying. You headed over to join Sam at a table he was sitting at doing research about your guys next case. You sat down next to him and let out a long sigh while continuing to stare at Dean and Jo.

"You know he's a blind idiot Y/N, he doesn't know what he's doing to you and he's not gonna know until you say something to him." Sam says as he can't help but feel bad knowing how much you care about Dean and him not feeling the same way.

"No Sam you don't get it! He's so blind and selfish and it's just so frustrating and I can't take it anymore." You finish your rant not realizing that you had started yelling and now everyone was staring at you including Dean and Jo. You immediately stood up and ran out of the bar and started walking back towards the motel. When you got there you slammed the door and began to start crying.

About 5 minutes later you hear baby pull into the parking lot and try to compose yourself before Dean comes in because you know he's gonna want to talk about what had happened. Dean unlocks the door and sees you sitting on the bed looking sad.

"Okay seriously Y/N you've been mad at me for weeks, you can't be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes without wanting to rip my head off and now suddenly your causing scenes in bars for no reason, what the hell is going on with you? If I did something wrong I'm truly sorry but you need to tell me what it is so I know how to fix it." Dean says now kneeling in front of you trying to read your face.

You immediately stand up to get space away from you and him before deciding what to tell him. "You know what fine. I'm so tired and so done competing."

"Competing with what sweetheart?" Dean said causing your stomach to erupt with butterflies at the name

"I'm done trying to compete for your attention. I'm done trying to make you see me. I'm done I can't do it anymore it's to exhausting. I know I'll never be someone you think is attractive, I'm not as pretty as any of the girls you flirt with or as smart as other girls. I'm just ordinary and I can understand why you wouldn't wanna be with someone like me and so I'm just done." By time time you had finished with your rant your cheeks were stained with tears and you were sitting against the wall avoiding eye contact.

It took Dean a minute to make sense of everything that you had just said. It broke his heart seeing you like this because he really did in fact care for you and the fact that he was the one hurting you tore him up inside. He took a deep breathe before kneeling down in front of you and he put his finger under your chin forcing you to look up at him.

"Are you crazy? Of course I love you, you're amazing, smart, beautiful, strong, sexy, you care about me, you make me feel like a human and not some monster. You're so loving and you see the good in me even when I can't. You are everything to me Y/n and I'm so sorry that you were feeling this way. All those other girls are just things I use to get my mind off of you and to make myself forget how bad I am for you." This causes something to shift in the room because now you are suddenly concerned about how Dean is feeling.

"What do you mean? How are you bad for me?" "Let's face it Y/n, I'm a monster, I push everyone away, I don't know how to talk about my feelings, I'm so angry all the time, I don't know how to love someone properly. Which is why I couldn't let myself fall for you any more because I knew I would just end up hurting you." Now suddenly he's the one refusing to make eye contact with you as he stands up and faces away from you.

You get up off the floor and walk up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder "Dean, I can't imagine being with anyone else. You're not a monster you are a loving caring person who would put their life before anyone else. I know you may not see it but you are one of the greatest people I know and I would be lucky if you would be with me. Relationships have hard times that's part of being in a relationship but we can get through it together and figure it out as time happens."

"I love you Y/n I want to try being the best and most caring boyfriend I can be for you." He says finally looking into your eyes for the first time since entering the motel room.

"I love you too Dean." You look up at him and smile

He looks down at you and slowly moves his head towards yours he then rests his forehead on yours and slowly connects your lips together. The kiss started out really small and timid because this was uncharted territory for the both of you. As the kiss started to heat up he licked at your bottom lip asking for permission and you quickly let him in. He brought his up and rested them on your hips and started walking you backwards to the bed. He slowly laid you down on the bed and broke the kiss to admire your face. He looks down and smiles at you. He's so glad he can finally be able to call you his and let everyone know that you are his.

He reconnects your lips and slowly starts to drag his fingers down your chest and down to your thighs.

"Let me show you how much I love you." You quickly nod your head yes and smile into the kiss as he slowly pulls your shirt over your head. You know this is gonna be one of the best nights of your life.

[maaikeatthefullmoon]

This week I have mostly been reading...

May 13-19th, 2024

New idea I've had, and hopefully something I'll have time to do once a week on a Sunday. Over the past seven days, I have devoured the following Good Omens fanfics, and I recommend these most heartily to you:

Completed works I've read this week:

Boyfriend Debut by snae_b Rated E - A & C are both porn actors. It sounds seedy. It's not. Holy Hell, it's not. It's one of the hottest things I've ever read, but also so, so sweet and delightful.

They Drink Tea At The End by @knifeforkspooncup Rated T - After a year spent in Heaven, A returns to C in the bookshop completely and utterly overstimulated in every sensory capacity. A wonderful, sweet story of them truly knowing each other and an excellent example of how the fandom relates to GO in so many beautiful ways.

Pay Per View by IneffableToreshi Rated E - A lovely story set in Canada, full of our so frequently seen miscommunication between A & C. And, as the author says: "Also, why the fuck is Aziraphale watching porn in their hotel room?! And taking notes?!"

Cranking Up The Heat by @vavoom-sorted-art Rated E - Well, the title says it all, really. And the fic's description: "The equivalent of that hot wings challenge, but with porn." Don't really want to say much more, as you've gotta see it to enjoy it.

On The Same Page by Chekhov Rated E - A fake marriage fic with Only One Bed. A & C are both authors, but two very different ones. Excellently written with very vividly described mental struggles with internal homophobia & self loathing.

A Model Guardian by Fuuma_san Rated E - As a former model, I found this fic really interesting. I'd genuinely love to know what the author's tie/experience in the industry is. C is a model, A is their bodyguard. An interesting tale which involves some great discussion on gender.

In The Room Where You Sleep by @mrghostrat Rated E - Another banger by ghostrat, posted in its entirety this week. In a reversal to many other fics I've seen, A is a vampire and C is a vampire hunter. *Homer Simpson voice* With sexy results. ;)

WIPs which have updated this week (which I devour as soon as I get the update!)

There Is A Light And It Never Goes Out by @phoen1xr0se Rated M - A is a researcher (puffins!), C is a lighthouse keeper on the island where A has run away to to escape his problems and do his research. The author has recently spent a week studying puffins - which is the ultimate dedication, if you ask me. Ch 9/26 posted this week

Find The Light by @klikandtuna Rated E - Headmaster A and Rockstar C. The story teases out a fraught history between them whilst keeping a tension between them in the modern day. Ch 4/? posted this week.

Terminus by @emotional-support-demon-crowley Rated T - Astronaut A is guided back to Earth by controller C after 92 years in space. There are many difficulties both of them have to face and they develop an amazing rapport. Ch 15/17 posted this week.

Oddity by @tsyvia48 Rated E - Actor C is contracted by (useless) Gabriel to guest curate an exhibition at the museum where A works. After getting off on the wrong foot, can they work together to pull off this show? Ch 22/24 posted this week.

Under The Summer Stars by @pannotbread Rated E - This wonderful fic has taught me more about physics than school ever did (mostly because I never did any physics, but...well). A & C have to share their time at an observatory because there is Only One Telescope. Not only will you learn about astrophysics, astrobiology, and astroecology, you'll also read some of the most poetically, beautifully written masturbation scenes I've ever seen. *ahem* Ch 6/13 posted this week.

Free by well, me: imposterssyndrome Rated E - A & C meet (again?) in an acute mental health ward after both having had mental health crises. A runs a bookshop but is very much under his parents' control. C has been homeless since childhood and has struggled his entire life. They do not trust each other when they first meet, but feel strangely drawn to one another all the same. Where will this lead them? This is a passion piece for me. There is a lot of lived experience in it, and extensive research from both professionals and peers. It has been a real journey for me to write it, and as I'm coming closer to the end it's becoming very emotional for me. Ch 43/? posted this week

[bvidzsoo]

Lust we both share

◆Vampire!Seonghwa◆

TW: cursing, blood, suggestive

◆Read this before reading this one or else it won't make much sense, trust me◆

Word count: 6,1k

A/N: I have no idea what to call this lol, a drabble? I really don't know, but I swear to God ever since I've written that request for Halloween (@seonghwasbobaeyes repectfully this is your fault haha, so uhm, I hope you enjoy the short part 2?) this Seonghwa has been plaguing my mind and yesterday I decided, why not, I'll write some more and see what happens lol. I might write one more part like this one, short since I don't want to turn it into a full story. Lol, I hope y'all enjoy it! Feedback is appreciated!

1. Moroi-are born vampires, imbued with the magic to have power over the elements;

2. Dhampir-are half-human, half-vampires who are born to protect the Moroi. Don't have elemental magic, but have enhanced strength and senses making them the strongest protection against the Strigoi;

3. Strigoi- are the type of vampires that one would expect from an old horror classic

           Everything went back to normal after we returned from the one-week long test. Seonghwa continued being his usual self, arrogant, and awfully annoying. And I continued ignoring him as best as I could and making fun of his existence behind his back. Seeing him everywhere I went suddenly became even more infuriating compared to before the whole test, and I couldn’t decide whether I was paying more attention to Seonghwa now or if he was everywhere on purpose. His words held an unsaid promise, ‘One or two won’t, indeed’, and I couldn’t help but feel on edge almost all the time. For some unexplainable reason, I expected him to show up in the middle of the night and suck my blood dry, leaving me dead in my own bed, only to be found in the morning when Seonghwa has already had time to flee and cover his tracks. It didn’t help that I started having nightmares too with him showing up when I least expected it, when my guard was down, his eyes crimson red and face smeared with blood, face oddly pale. It looked like Seonghwa, yet at the same time it didn’t. He didn’t look like his usual self in the nightmares, and sometimes it made me ponder that, perhaps, I wasn’t seeing the Seonghwa I knew. The moroi Seonghwa, but a strigoi turned Seonghwa. That thought didn’t sit well with me and it also scared me. When did I start caring about his safety? Was that one week spent with him long enough to mess with the chemistry of my brain? Or was this the doing of his vampire venom? Was I already addicted? Was my body craving for more? I couldn’t decide, nor quite understand my own thoughts and wants, and that scared me. It’s not like I could go and talk to Kazuha about it, a moroi drinking from a dhampir was strictly forbidden, and no matter how tight and close our friendship with Kazuha was, I knew she’d snitch on me to the Principal the second she was out of my sight. I knew she loved me, but she followed the rules quite strictly and anything which went against them and she caught whiff of it would be reported immediately. And besides, I just simply couldn’t talk about it. A dhampir offering up their blood willingly was…something like prostitution. I would be called a blood-whore. Everyone would look down on me and cast me out. I wasn’t afraid of being on my own, but I couldn’t allow such thing happening in my last year at the Academy, right before graduation on top of it all. Three more months and I would be free. Three more months and I wouldn’t have to see Seonghwa’s face ever again. Or that’s what I thought.

As I walked down the fancy corridor, headed towards the Principal’s office, all kinds of thoughts ran through my mind. Perhaps he found out I was the one who pulled that prank yesterday in hand-to-hand combat class. Or perhaps Jennie finally told on me to the Principal that I always pick on her. Or perhaps someone spread another obnoxious rumor about me. Or perhaps…everything was fucked because the Principal somehow found out what Seonghwa and I had done while we were away. Did Seonghwa have it in him to tell anyone about it? I knew he liked to boast about anything he could, but this…this thing was serious. It would ruin my life, but it could taint his own reputation too. He wouldn’t say anything about it, right?

I sighed and stopped abruptly in front of the Principal’s office; door wide open. Great, I couldn’t even collect my thoughts before I stepped inside. He was a moroi, so he has already heard me approaching, he swiftly glanced up and beckoned me inside. I tried to remain calm, aware that he could hear my heartbeat and would instantly pick up on it. I didn’t want to give myself away if perhaps I wasn’t called here for facing the repercussions of my actions.

“Good evening, Miss Lee.” The Principal said with a smile and I nodded, sitting down across from him. His desk was huge and made of oak, it looked extremely expensive, but when the Academy had good funds, I guess he could afford it, “How have you been? Haven’t had to call you to the office in quite a while.”

I chuckled, rubbing my hands together to distract myself, suddenly my heartbeat picking up. Don’t panic, he seems to be in a good mood, “I have been behaving, Mr. Yoon. I’m doing quite fine lately, stressed about the graduation.”

The Principal hummed, rubbing his chin as if he was confused, “Good thing you brought that up. It’s why I called you here to talk.”

Fuck, what about it? I cleared my throat and my body suddenly tensed, but I leaned back in the chair, trying to look nonchalant about it.

“You know Park Seonghwa—it would be hard no to—” The Principal’s eyebrows suddenly rose as my heart somersaulted, and I cursed myself for reacting so quickly. I cleared my throat and looked away embarrassed, avoiding eye contact as the man grinned at me. Why was he bringing Seonghwa up? Did he know? Did he somehow find out? Did Seonghwa tell him?, “I see hearing his voice alone makes you quite—angry.”

For someone who could hear my heartbeat and pick up on body language, the Principal misread my reaction quite badly. It made me chuckle as I tried acting like I was angry, since that’s what the Principal thought I was feeling like, “Yes, well, everyone knows how I feel about Seonghwa.”

“Indeed,” The Principal chuckled and quickly became serious soon after, “well, you might have to work on your differences with Mr. Park, because he requested for you to be his guardian after graduation—”

“What?!” I nothing but shouted as I sprung up to my feet, feeling angry for real now, mouth hanging open, “He did what?!”

The Principal only looked amused as he stared at me, waiting for me to sit down, but I couldn’t. My blood was boiling and my muscles were tense, I couldn’t sit still. So, I walked behind the chair and started pacing up and down, chewing on my lower lip as the Principal chuckled again, way too amused by my dismay.

“I see you left a deep impression on him during that one week of testing, Miss Lee, it’s impressive.” The Principal started, face coated in surprise, “He came in very determined and confident today, formular about his request in his hands and already completed. He even kept a long speech about how serious you were about your duties and how safe he felt with you, never having to look over his shoulder or fear for his life. Everyone knows you’re an exceptional student at the Academy, Miss Lee, even if a little bit mischievous, but Mr. Park’s words were a rather pleasant surprise. I’m very pleased to see you evolve into a mature and responsible dhampir, and I can’t wait to forward the request to the Queen—”

“No!” I exclaimed, looking at the Principal wide-eyed, “What—what if I refuse his request?”

“You know you can’t do that.” The Principal reminded me of the protocol, I knew that, but I really didn’t want to become Seonghwa’s guardian. Spending one week with him was one thing, but spending who knows how many years with him would be pure torture, “At least not until you have guarded him for five years. After that you’re free to decide whether you want to continue guarding him or change to someone else.”

“Can’t I decide right now that I don’t want to guard him for the next five years, Mr. Yoon?” I asked defeated, closing my eyes and running my hands through my hair. This was really bad. It didn’t help that my hair was all knotted up from the wind and I pulled on the tangled strands painfully with my fingers, adding only fuel to my anger. I really couldn’t deal with anything right now.

“I’m afraid not, Miss Lee,” The Principal chuckled as if I had said the joke of the year, “Thank you for coming tonight, though, a special request like this hasn’t been done in decades at our Academy. The Queen will certainly be proud of you, there’s few female dhampirs and to have you so talented and dedicated is indeed something to be proud of.”

I couldn’t care less about the Queen and what she thought about me, this was horrible. Suddenly, I didn’t want to graduate anymore, “Am I dismissed?”

“Of course, go enjoy your night, Miss Lee—” I turned and basically sprinted towards the door, but the Principal called out, “Not too much, though, I know about the party!”

That was least of my problems right now as I stormed down the hallways, headed for my shared dorm with Kazuha. Perhaps getting called to the Principal’s office for misbehaving suddenly sounded so much better than for what I got called in just right now. I couldn’t believe Seonghwa followed through with his words just because I let him taste my sweet blood. God, I am such an idiot, if I never allowed him to drink from me this would’ve never happened. I did this to myself, and I couldn’t help but feel desperation crawl all over my body and rage fill my veins as I saw red, Seonghwa’s name like a chant echoing through my mind, wishing for nothing more than to put a dagger through his heart.

            Kazuha wasn’t in our room when I had returned, which made my state worsen as I threw everything off my desk, screaming and punching my least favorite pillow for five minutes straight. I wasn’t always good at managing my anger, that’s why I was so good at training classes. I channeled all the pent-up rage and frustration into fighting, beating everyone, even the largest and strongest dhampirs at our Academy. Despite wanting to scream for longer, our next-door neighbor banged on the shared wall and shouted for me to shut up and go for a walk, making me scream back a fuck you, before I stormed inside the bathroom and took a cold shower, wallowing in nothing but despair as I refused to cry. I wouldn’t cry about something like this, all I had to do was find a way to sabotage myself of being Seonghwa’s guardian, but not the point that I wouldn’t be able to guard anyone else. Perhaps if I incriminate him with something forbidden I could get rid of him, but these thoughts were currently pushed to the back of my mind as Kazuha and I were huddled together in a quieter corner of the room, with me retelling everything the Principal has said. She was tipsy, but she paid close attention, her eyes wide and mouth open as she ignored a guy who tried pulling her towards the drinks table. I cast him a glare before he hurried off, sending me nasty looks that I didn’t bother to care about.

“Are you serious about Seonghwa wanting you to be his guardian?” Kazuha repeated for the third time, and frankly, I was getting fed up.

“Yes! If you ask once more, I swear to God, I will punch you.” I threatened and Kazuha laughed.

“I’m just too shocked to accept reality—and perhaps tipsy too, but—this sounds like a nightmare for you, Y/N, I’m really sorry.” She said with a pout and patted my arm, feeling sympathetic for me. I scoffed and crossed my arms, my grip around the red cup tightening.

“Sounds like a nightmare for me? Doesn’t it for everyone?!” I exclaimed, but it went unnoticed as the music was blasting through the speakers loudly and everyone around us was busy with whatever they were doing.

“I hate to break it to you, sweetie, but the other dhampirs at our Academy would kill to get to be Seonghwa’s guardian. He’s filthy rich and will most likely inherit his father’s business, meaning you won’t ever have to overwork yourself as he will sit in a fucking office chair, doing nothing all day long. And on top of that, his family doesn’t live in a moroi community, so you won’t have to worry about seeing a strigoi too often, Y/N, you quite literally hit the jackpot with him.” Kazuha’s voice sounded slightly tinged with jealousy, but I knew it was the alcohol making her feel like that, “Imagine if you got paired up with San, who likes hiking, and lives in a remote area somewhere in the mountains! Y/N, that’s literally where nests of strigois live, I’d rather die than spend the next five years with San—or Wooyoung, for that matter! Jesus, that guy never shuts up—”

“Speaking of the devil!” I groaned as Wooyoung bounced over, two red cups in his hands.

“Here you two were!” Kazuha and I turned to look at Wooyoung quite unimpressed, his mouth pulled into a lazy smile, quite obvious that he was drunk off his ass.

“Wooyoung, I told you to leave me alone—” Kazuha started, but Wooyoung pressed one cup against her lips, making her cringe away from the strong smell of whatever alcohol he had mixed in there.

“Baby, did you forget about our bet?” Suddenly, Wooyoung’s lips pulled up into a smirk and a dangerous glint appeared in his eyes. I looked at Kazuha with a questioning glance, having not heard of this up until now. Kazuha looked uncomfortable for a second as she glanced back at me and then sighed.

“Fine, lead the way.” She muttered, but thanks to Wooyoung’s heightened senses, he heard her and chuckled, turning around to lead the way to wherever they were headed. I raised my eyebrows at Kazuha as she glanced back at me with a pout, but she only shook her head, meaning that she’d explain later. I watched as my best friend walked off with the moroi she had to protect during the week of testing, her shoulders pulled back and strut straight, signs of her tipsiness all gone. I shook my head and downed the rest of my drink, needing a refill immediately. I had to stop thinking about Seonghwa and the request.

            After some dancing and chit chatting with other dhampirs from my classes, somehow, I found myself involved into a truth or dare game. Ten of us sat in a circle and spun the bottle, daring each other stupid and outrageous things, hollering with laughter whenever someone said or did something stupid. I was positively drunk by now, but I was aware of what was happening around me and to me. It’s why I decided to be the boring one for the first time while playing this game, and opted to only take truths. My hyper senses were dim due to the alcohol, and it was hard to keep up with everyone around me, not as alert as I usually would be. It’s why I didn’t notice Seonghwa sneaking up behind me as I had stood up, ass numb from sitting for so long, stretching out my legs. The question I had to answer was, “Have you ever done something forbidden, and if yes, what was it?”

“Forbidden as in—school level forbidden or—by law forbidden?” I asked with a smirk and the guy who asked me previously shouted out that ‘law forbidden’. I hummed and shrugged, pretending to think about it for a moment.

“Nope, I might do stupid shit but I’m not that dumb—” The chuckle got caught in my throat as an arm sneaked around my middle and a chest was pressed against my back. I didn’t have time to freeze or to even throw the other person over my shoulder before a hot breath hit my neck, cold lips pressing lightly against my ear.

“Are you sure about that, love?” My body went rigid, breath catching in my throat. After Seonghwa drank my blood we haven’t spoken as I did everything I could to avoid him, and he seemed fine with that, not particularly fond of spending his time with me.

“Get off.” I snapped and wrestled myself out of his iron grip, heart beating franticly and throat dry all of a sudden. Silence settled upon the group I was playing with as they watched us curiously, expecting a fight as it often happened when Seonghwa and I talked to each other. He seemed so smug as he stared me down, pink hair slicked back, and white shirt unbuttoned until the middle of his chest, showing off his milky and flawless skin. I scowled at him, fighting the urge of punching the smirk off his face.

“Playing without me?” He suddenly addressed the group, looking at them boredly. I rolled my eyes and collected my cardigan from where I had been sitting, wearing it as I had no intention of continuing playing the game with Seonghwa here. With the alcohol in my system nobody could stop me from beating his ass up.

“Wanna join?” Someone very drunk called out from the group and Seonghwa shrugged one shoulder, not looking too interested as his eyes fell back on me.

“Leaving so soon?” He asked, taking in my attire as his eyes ran up and down my body. Despite being fully covered and dressed, I was wearing black jeans, a black crop top and now the velvety cardigan, I felt exposed under his gaze. I could’ve sworn his eyes flashed crimson for a second, but perhaps it was a trick of the party lights around us.

“I’m not in the mood to see your face tonight, Seonghwa—”

“Pity,” He hummed, fake pouting, “I really wanted to run over some clauses our contract will contain once we both graduate—”

“Fuck you, Seonghwa,” My blood was boiling again, and thanks to the alcohol, I found myself all up in his face, glaring up at him furiously, “I will do anything I can to stop it from happening.”

Seonghwa’s eyes slightly narrowed, his icy long fingers suddenly wrapped around my wrist. Why was he so cold? And why did the corner of his lips look slightly red? Like something was smudged. Did he—just come back from feeding? The sudden tinge of my cheeks made me curse myself, and I hated how my heart picked up just from the thought of it. I felt dirty.

“That’s a pity, Y/N, my mother already spoke to the Queen about it, and she was delighted to hear such amazing news.” My jaw clenched and I yanked my wrist out of his grip, storming past him as our shoulders crashed together, leaving me fuming.

            I did everything I could to avoid Seonghwa at the party, and so, that led me to dancing almost the whole time. I was feeling the music and the vibes as I moved to the beat of the music, even found some random dhampir to make out with. As long as we didn’t do anything stupid, it was fine. A dhampir shouldn’t mingle with a dhampir, but we were only enjoying ourselves, it wasn’t anything serious. But I started feeling tired after a while and decided to take a breather. I sauntered over to the bathroom to freshen up a little bit, only to talk to myself in the mirror when I saw my reflection. Drunk me was rather funny as I scolded myself for drinking too much, suddenly remembering that I hadn’t seen Kazuha since she walked off with Wooyoung. Did they even come back? Finding her became my next mission, and so I was walking around the place, looking for my best friend. My head was spinning and if I wanted to see the people’s faces clearly I had to lean in very close, getting weird looks and glares as I did so. Turns out finding Kazuha was harder than I thought. Then, I realized that I should probably peek inside some rooms around the place where the party was held, we were on the side of the campus which wasn’t used anymore. But my plan might’ve not been the smartest idea as I saw some unwanted things, but still no sight of Kazuha. There was one more room I had to check before I would head back to the party, and when I pushed the door open, I realized it must’ve once been a study room as it held three desks and chairs, the room coated in darkness. There was nobody inside. But before I could walk away, I was pushed forward and I stumbled inside the room, almost losing my footing as I gripped onto the chair, startled. I gasped and turned around sharply, having to squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds from how badly my head started thumping. The person inside didn’t turn on the lights, and as I opened my eyes, I took in the man standing in front of me. I could see well in the dark, and I could recognize that silhouette anywhere. I groaned as I went to push Seonghwa out of the way and walk out the small room, but his arm shoot out, making me run into it. I threw him a glare, but he just looked down at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“What are you doing?” I snapped, jaw clenching as Seonghwa leaned to the left, where his hand was, and narrowed his eyes at me.

“I saw you wandering around mindlessly—”

“I wasn’t wandering around mindlessly,” I scoffed, “I’m looking for Kazuha.”

“She’s busy with Wooyoung, no need to look for her.” Seonghwa said nonchalantly and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Do you know what’s happening?” I asked accusingly and he shrugged, removing his hand from the wall and blocking my path with his body now.

“They are probably fucking, love, that’s what’s happening.” My face pulled up into disgust. I desperately hoped the bet didn’t have to do anything with that outcome.

“Great, you can fuck off then.” I muttered with a fake smile, but when I tried sidestepping Seonghwa, he blocked my path again.

“Not so fast, Y/N, we have some catching up to do.” Seonghwa said with a smirk, stepping closer, making me step back. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him, feeling unsure all of a sudden. What did he want? Why was he here?

“No, we don’t.” My voice was firm, but Seonghwa just chuckled as he reached out for me, holding me by the waist as he pulled me into his body. The breath caught in my throat as his body heat warmed me up, his sweet scent intoxicating. His eyes were rimmed with eyeliner and I gulped as they flashed crimson, red swirling in his irises. Could he…want something from me? At that thought my heartbeat picked up and Seonghwa inhaled deeply, closing his eyes momentarily, flustering me. His plush lips parted, and when he opened his eyes again, his eyes were a deep red, almost glowing in the darkness. I didn’t feel scared, even though I should’ve as his features turned hungry, menacing even.

“You smell so fucking sweet it makes me lose my mind.” He let out a long breath, leaning down and nuzzling his nose against my neck. I grew stiff, mouth parting as my breathing picked up, memories of that night returning. Seonghwa said nothing else as his hot breath fanned my neck, covering my skin in goosebumps as I gripped his bicep with my right hand.

“I don’t—you can’t—” I didn’t know what I wanted to say, I didn’t know what to do. My body felt hot and electrified by Seonghwa’s proximity, yearning for something more. But we couldn’t let that happen again. It was a mistake the first time too. Seonghwa hummed in understanding, perhaps thoughts straying in the same direction as mine, and instead, I felt his warm lips press feather like kisses up to my jaw. My grip tightened around his bicep as he pulled his head back, staring into my eyes as his own flashed between red and their usual brown.

“I know we can’t.” He whispered and then perhaps we both moved at the same time, but our lips were pressing against each other as I leaned up on my tiptoes, Seonghwa’s head ducked down to reach my height. My arms wrapped around his neck and his hands around my middle as he pulled me into himself, mouths hungry as they moved against each other passionately. I couldn’t help but breathe in his scent, nose pressed against his cheek as Seonghwa’s lips pressed bruisingly against mine, eager for more. He walked me backwards until my legs hit the desk and I was climbing up on it, Seonghwa’s hands guiding me. His hands gripped my cheeks and fingers dug into my skin painfully as he sucked on my lower lip, making me hiss when he wouldn’t release it. He was trying to draw blood and I yanked my head back, glaring at him. He stood between my legs and one of my finger’s hooked against his belt as Seonghwa pressed closer, lean body pushing against mine. He tilted my head back, biting my earlobe and slowly kissing down from there to my collarbone, making me let out long sighs, my grip on his hip tightening when he sucked harder on the juncture between my neck and shoulder, finding my sweet spot. I moaned quietly as Seonghwa’s tongue licked at the mark, his teeth suddenly biting down against my skin. I jumped and body tensed in reaction, ready to fling him off myself, but his fangs never shirked and no pain followed. He was probably fighting against his own urges, trying to control himself. I pulled his head back and Seonghwa’s jaw was clenched as we stared at each other, his breathing ragged as he looked like he hadn’t drunk blood in years. It didn’t bring as much dread as I expected it to, but my heartbeat picked up again and Seonghwa quickly crashed his lips against mine, kissing me hungrily as his tongue pushed past my lips and I sucked on it, making Seonghwa moan into my mouth, sending an electric shock through my body. I pulled his body closer as our tongues danced together, lapping at each other’s mouths, Seonghwa’s body just as affected by our actions as mine as my hand briefly brushed against his semi-hard on. I kissed him back more eagerly, more messily, making Seonghwa groan into my mouth as suddenly his hand was gripping my neck firmly, pushing me backwards. I allowed him to do so, my back arching as his free hand was placed on the small of my back, flushing our lower bodies together. My hips moved on its own as heat pooled up in my lower stomach, needing some friction as Seonghwa groaned, his own hips grinding down against mine, making me grip onto his pink locks tightly as he sucked on my lower lip harshly again.

“You have to stop doing that—” I panted out, words cut off as Seonghwa ground against me again, harsher this time. These clothes on us were getting frustrating and I felt Seonghwa’s grip on my throat tighten as I went to undo his belt.

“Not tonight,” He choked out, gripping my wrist harshly, making me hiss. But I didn’t listen to him as I palmed him through his pants, his grip around my neck close to cutting off my air, perhaps that would bruise by tomorrow, “Not tonight, love, I’m on the brink of losing control.”

My jaw was clenched as I allowed Seonghwa to take my hand away and pin it against the table, “Fuck, I hate you. Why would you start something you can’t finish—”

“If you want me to suck you dry while I fuck your brains out, then by all means, Y/N, let’s keep going.” His voice was hard as he snapped and I finally opened my eyes, looking up into his crimson red ones. I didn’t think his eyes could darken anymore further, but the look on his face made fear root deep into my bones. My senses kicked in, and suddenly, my hand was around his wrist which was holding my neck, muscles tense as I calculated the best way to free myself without doing much damage to him. Seonghwa sensed my change in demeanor and loosened his grip on me, but still didn’t let go.

“I don’t plan on killing you, you can relax.”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t feel like it right now.” I snapped, eyes narrowed as Seonghwa chuckled and the grip from my neck disappeared as he instead held my chin with his thumb and forefinger, raising my chin up. He stared down at me with a smirk, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“Despite your body sensing danger you’re still here in my arms, enjoying whatever I’m doing to you, don’t you?” I couldn’t help but glare at him and slap his hand away, head clearing enough to realize I was just about to have sex with Seonghwa had he not stopped us. I felt even more hatred towards him as I yanked my other hand out from underneath his as pushed him back by his chest, but Seonghwa didn’t budge. How was I weaker than him? That was impossible. Seonghwa just chuckled and leaned down, resting his hands on both sides of my knees.

“I like to play the damsel in distress, love, but it doesn’t mean I’m actually one.” His words were mocking, and suddenly, I realized I had no idea who Seonghwa was. Well, who the real Seonghwa was. I gulped as I watched him reach out and pull a strand of hair behind my ear, tilting my head up as he leaned down and pressed a long kiss against my lips. I didn’t react at first, but when he deepened it, my mouth opened automatically and I was back to making out with him, the pace a lot slower this time and more sensual. My heart was racing and body jittery all over again, but this kiss didn’t last for long as he suddenly pulled back, eyebrows furrowed.

“Why did you let me drink your blood?” He suddenly whispered; voice strained. I gulped, but my mouth felt dry as I realized I didn’t have a real reason other than a very dumb one.

“I—I was curious—” When Seonghwa’s eyes opened, I felt ashamed of myself, “I was curious of what it felt like.”

Despite expecting him to call me names, his jaw just clenched and his eyes flashed red again, “I should have known better. We made a mistake, Y/N, I—I can’t feed off of humans like before anymore. Their blood isn’t enough—the taste, it’s terrible.”

My eyes widened as I gaped at Seonghwa, trying to understand what this meant. But I really couldn’t, I didn’t know how morois worked, I didn’t know what would happen next or what he was supposed to do to fix the situation. Despite knowing better, the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could think more, much like last time, “Are you hungry?”

Seonghwa froze for a second before he nodded his head rigidly, jaw clenching as his eyes fell onto my neck, “Starved.”

My breath caught in my throat and our eyes connected as I chewed on my bottom lip, body flaming at the memory of what his bite felt like. My mind was suddenly silenced and all I could think about was the feeling of his fangs as they started sucking my blood, making me gasp. I couldn’t be already addicted to his venom; it would be too soon. But was it possible that Seonghwa would get addicted to my blood? I’ve never read about such thing before. As Seonghwa let out a long sigh I pushed my hair behind my shoulders, and bared my neck for him. He huffed, but his finger ran along my skin, his eyes seemingly mesmerized by the action.

“Seonghwa—” His name came out in a throaty breath and before we could think more, his mouth parted and his fangs poked through, head leaning closer and closer to my neck. My body tensed when his breath hit my skin and I leaned my head further back as he pressed a soft kiss against my skin, much like last time, teeth clamping down on my skin, fangs pushing deep inside my flesh. I yelped and my grip on the table tightened until my knuckles turned white as the pain lasted longer this time, Seonghwa took his time before he started sucking, before his venom spread through my bloodstream. His cold fangs felt very uncomfortable and I whined as my neck went numb, on the verge of asking him to stop, but then suddenly, I felt him sucking on my blood, a hand coming up to hold the side of my face. Seonghwa moaned loudly when my blood entered his system and I sighed as suddenly my head felt fuzzy and mind empty, jitters all over my body as goosebumps covered my skin. The warmth was back in my body, heath pooling in my stomach, as Seonghwa drank more, pushing his fangs even down deeper, making my mouth open in a silent mewl, feeling like his fangs touched a nerve as pleasure exploded in my body, vision blurred and eyelids heavy as my brain felt fogged up. If it weren’t for Seonghwa holding my head, it would’ve fallen back, and his grip tightened when suddenly my body softened, momentarily having lost feeling of all of my muscles, dark spots covering my vision. He was drinking too much, my body wouldn’t hold on for too long as I went numb against him, unable to speak or pull away. But Seonghwa knew what he was doing and suddenly stopped, fangs still in my muscle, breathing hard against my skin. My head started spinning even worse than before as the dark spots very slowly cleared, and I hissed as he pulled back, cold fangs disappearing from my skin as his eyes glowed a light red in the darkness as he shook my head lightly.

“I’m—here.” I muttered, gulping multiple times, letting out a shaky breath as my body regained feeling, muscles tensing all of a sudden, brain on high alert as it pushed away the euphoric feeling. The crash from the high was worse this time as I felt nausea pool in my stomach and I gagged, slapping a hand against my mouth.

“Are you alright?” Seonghwa asked alarmed and I took a deep breath, fighting the urge of throwing up. I probably needed water. I have drank too much alcohol. I nodded wordlessly as Seonghwa helped me off the table, but supported my weight, “Alright, I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

“I can go on my own.” I muttered as my head spun harshly, forcing me to take deep breaths.

“No, you can’t.” Seonghwa rolled his eyes and suddenly I was up in the air and then secured in his arms, held bridal style. My eyebrows furrowed as I threw him a glare, but Seonghwa ignored me as he went to open the door, “I can’t decide if you’re about to fain or throw up, you clearly can’t walk.”

“You took too much this time.” I whispered as he hurried down the hallway, his longs legs allowing him to take long strides.

“I stopped in time.” Seonghwa’s jaw was clenched as he briefly glanced down at me, but I just shook my head.

“You still took too much.”

“The marks will be gone by noon.” He changed the subject as he walked out onto the courtyard, the crisp air of the early morning was refreshing and I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

“You have to fix your problem, because this won’t happen ever again.” I hoped Seonghwa understood, he had to. He could kill me anytime by accident. Or I could get addicted and then my whole life would be ruined. Or someone could find out and we’d be fucked, me, especially.

“I know, it won’t happen again.” Seonghwa was serious for once and we shared eye contact briefly before my body suddenly felt too exhausted, tried to even keep my eyes open as whispers of how this was a huge mistake lulled me a to dreamless and restless sleep.

Dread filled me as a voice whispered in my head that this wouldn’t be the last time this happened.

Masterlist (divider)

[vivid-ink]

"The Love Shack" Teaser Snippet

Relationship: Neteyam(23) x fem!Omatikaya reader(21) x Lo'ak(22)

Author's Note: I've had this sexy little plot bunny in my head for a wee while now, so here is a little teaser snippet of the oneshot I'm writing for a threesome between NeteyamxReaderxLo'ak, which I will upload this weekend. Emotionally, it is more NeteyamxReader, but the final work will definitely see Lo'ak get in on the fun too. 😉

Story Summary: You’d heard the whispered speculations and stifled giggles during the daytimes. You’d seen the furtive glances that the other women cast at Neteyam and Lo’ak through coquettish eyes, cheeks stained a blushing mauve as they exchanged coy smiles with the two brothers. And during the nights? Hell, you’d heard the moans and wanton cries for yourself… You were definitely curious, but did you have it in you to go through with their proposition?...

Warnings: Adult content 18+ MDNI Teaser content: Mentions of group sex, suggested threesome Final story content: Will include threesome smut, sex toy play

Full Part I is up now HERE

You blinked dubious eyes at Neteyam and your ears lowered a fraction. You huffed out a jaded laugh and gave a slow shake of your head, “Ugh I can’t believe you. I never expected group liaisons to be your thing. But it’s none of my business and you can do what you like. It isn’t my place to judge. It just surprised me is all.”

Neteyam took a tentative step towards you, “Why does that surprise you?”

You swallowed hard, noticing the way Neteyam had begun to close the distance between you. Part of you was regretting the way you had just run your mouth and admitted you were perturbed by his choice of nighttime activities. You should have just kept your gob shut and gone home. Now you were cornered and he was asking questions.

The mild breeze that had been blowing before had vanished and the air lay heavy and thick around you. You didn’t know if you were imagining it, but you could really smell Neteyam. A fragrant musk was pouring off him and Eywa help you, he smelled so good…

Aware that Neteyam was still waiting on an answer, and not wanting to appear affected by the close proximity you now shared with him, you spoke measuredly, “You’re just so polite and proper all the time. I guess I didn’t expect you to have such a wild streak.”

All Neteyam could smell in the humid air was you, the lovely perfume of your scent assailing his senses and making every fibre of his being ignite with desire. It made his blood pump fast and hot through his veins with the increasing pace of his thumping heart. You thought he didn’t have a wild streak?... Oh, how he yearned to introduce you to the red-blooded male that existed within him…

“The side of me you see when we work is only one side of me. I’ve got a fun side too.” Neteyam breathed softly and there was a gravelly note to his voice that you’d never heard before.

It was deep and captivating, and it breathed over you in hot shivers that made your nipples peak behind the covering of beads and leaves over your breasts. Ever so slowly, his head tipped downward towards yours and he took yet another step towards you, bringing the both of you almost front to front with nothing but a scant sliver of space left between you.

Feeling a twinge of remorse for being judgemental earlier and making presumptions about his character, you whispered an apology, “Sorry for being presumptuous. I shouldn’t judge you.”

“Don’t apologise, just come to the outpost tomorrow night. Consider this your personal invitation. It’ll be just you and us. No one else.” Neteyam’s nose caressed the soft skin of your cheek and the action elicited an involuntary shudder from you.

Neteyam’s use of the word ‘us’ reminded you that Lo’ak was part of the picture too.

You, Neteyam and Lo’ak in a secluded space exploring the possibilities of sensual indulgence… You were a little shocked to find that the sentiment did not repel you.

Instead, you felt a spear of anticipation low in your belly…

Author's Note: Things are going to get STEAMY and oh so juicy in here. Sing out in the comments with your thoughts and let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post the full work this weekend. 😘 Credit to @cinetrix for her beautiful renders of an adult Neteyam that I've used in the story cover image.

Full Part I is up now HERE

[lazyollie]

\\My opinion about tfp ships\\

Tfp fandom is much bigger than tfa fandom. I can understand it, because It's old, bad animated and has boring story-line. I've already made 'My opinion about tfa ships' so I think It's time to make tfp version of this.

Before I would start let me make it clear. It's my opinion. If you think different, please don't attack me with hate comments. However, I think people who use tumblr are much calmer than most of the people on Tiktok but nevermind..

Optimus Prime x Megatron

Uhh ohh. This is the basic one, which almost everyone ships from the fandom. In my opinion, they could have been something like lovers to enemies.

[Headcanon]: Optimus might've been in love with Megatron when they were just Orion and Megatronus. But the power and fame parted them away and Megatronus started hating him for taking it from him. Maybe that's why Optimus was always compassionate with him because he was still in love with him. He tried to get Megatronus to became lovers/friends again. Until of course when Megatronus started to hurt his loved ones he stopped trying.

I mean I can belive that that's what happening behind the story line.

I absolutely adore them. I mean I can understand why people ship them. They have somekind of dinamic what I can't just ignore. There's something in the background we don't know about that's what I tell you guys.

Optimus Prime x Ratchet

Staying by Optimus there is another ship. The Optimus x Ratchet ship. Well, I'm not really keen on for this ship. I just can't see more into their friendship.

In my opinion, they are perfectly matching with each other's energy. They know each other for so long. Helping to the other is also a plus point.

People have every reason why this might be more than just a friendship. Maybe I just can't see through the show. Please let me know if there are facts I'm missing out. Nevermind. Next.

Arcee x Airachnid

Now to have some females in this blog let's write about this one. I'm really scared of this one.

Airachnid only shows interest for woman in this series (I think). The way she talks with Arcee and touches her few times is absolutely suspicious. She's the closest one to be lesbian.

On the other hand, Airachnid kidnapped her, tortured her, killed her closest friends and caused trauma in Arcee's life. When Airachnid appeared into the series Arcee had a hard time to fight her fears from her.

Arcee hates her with full of her heart, taking away her loved once. I don't think that Arcee after all would love Airachnid. She's confident and not forgiving.

Might Airachnid show love interest towards Arcee. In this situation is sick love or obsession. Also It's not hidden that Airachnid sadistic and only wants to get to her goals.

Totally not supported.

Wheeljack x Ratchet

Oh gosh. My favorite ones. I haven't seen as much ship content of them what I would expect about this ship.

Like the way that Wheeljack's flirty&playful behavier mets with Ratchet grumpy, serious attitude is killig. I mean you know about the grumpy x sunshine type of romantic books.

IT'S LITTERALY THIS.

It has to be a canon ship or else I will explode. I can't imagine Ratchet the old grumpy man with a WOMAN.

Okay, maybe I'm too dramatic but I love them so much. They should have had more screen time together, maybe another mission.

Let's go for the next.

Megatron x Starscream

What the fuck?! Absolutely not for me. Not under my watch. Nuh uh.

To get clear in this point. Megatron is toxic and abusive towards Starscream. Starscream is untrustable and backstabber towards Megatron.

I might miss something out about this. Maybe because language paralel I couldn't understand something. I need facts that would make this ship ship.

I'm more than glad if you would share me secret therories about all the ships or what do you think about some.

Soundwave x Shockwave

[Headcanon]: I think Soundwave is Aroace, Asexual or Aromantic. One of these. Definitely something what starts with an "A".

(It's alright if you think different about the topic.)

We haven't seen anything that would express his personality, interesests or plans. He's hiding his personality so we can't know about how he feels. He doesn't express them in any way. Yeah, we know he's smart and loyal, but what else?

They didn't have any bound during the show. Any action between them. It's like they are strangers or more like workmates for each other.

I don't think that anything is between them.

Knockout x Breakdown

In 2024 I can say this with confidence: they are a canon couple. There's nothing we have to talk about.

If you don't agree, then I can't help it🤷🏻‍♀️

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

That's all for this post. Uhh, I don't really know what to say. There's still a lot of ships I haven't mentioned.

[theambivalentagender]

Hello all! So if you follow me, you likely also follow my comic Valley Echoes as well as any of my other art drabbles. You may also know that I've been financially limping along for some time.

For context, my day job is dog grooming. It's a "career" I came into relatively recently and honestly love. However, my location has recently been incredibly dead. I haven't been able to make commission from lack of dogs and my hours have been cut drastically.

I'm currently looking into finding extra work where I can that will still fit with my technically full time schedule. This has been a big part of why the comic updates have slowed considerably in the last few months.

In the meantime, however, I did want to show that I am available for commissions at this time. This is the first time I'd be getting into commissions, so if folks do request I just ask for patience as I figure it all out, but I'd love to be able to draw your requests. I have a vgen account that's still being set up at the moment.

I also want to plug my Patreon again - honestly, the fact you all give this much for what I do now is incredible to me. I recently met the fun "milestone" of Patreon temporarily locking access to my withdrawals because I had made enough money this year to require filling out a tax form before my funds could be released, which I did. Maybe it's silly but it made me a little happy. I also have a Kofi though that's updated less.

This next part ended up being much longer and more personal than I expected so I'll put it under a cut.

Anything at this time would help immensely. Cost of living is insane, I just turned 30 and keep wondering how much longer I'll be able to keep renting, let alone ever saving to afford a home. I'm very, very lucky in that I have support from my dad, who has honestly been one of my strongest lifelines for years. But I obviously don't want to have to keep taking so much of that support from someone who should be enjoying retirement.

There are a lot of expenses I keep having, and things I'm putting off. The ipad I use for art has been cracked for months, but is still functional thank god. I recently finally bought myself clothes that aren't falling off my body after losing over 100 lbs in the last year. I have to buy and maintain my own tools for my grooming job, and I have to maintain my own health, both mentally and physically. My left hand/arm probably has nerve impingements and muscle strains science hasn't even named yet lmao. And of course there's taking care of my two terrible feline children who cause nothing but chaos in my home and who I love dearly.

Even if you don't give monetary support though, I so, so greatly appreciate every one of you who shares, likes, or comments on my work. I just recently got an anon who I mean to reply to soon gushing about they love Valley Echoes. Nothing makes my day more than waking up to see a million notifications that's just one person liking each of my comics as they read through it the first time.

Ever since I was 6 years old I wanted to be a storyteller in some way. I used to draw my own Dilbert and Far Side comics, and I constantly wrote wild fantasy stories. But after going through college, dealing with a huge amount of stress, burnout, and just one random person online telling me that I needed to hear the harsh "truth" that my writing skills were garbage, that spark was just gone. Excluding occasional stuttering starts, I didn't really write for years.

Doing this "silly" comic and getting the feedback I have is starting to rekindle that spark. I have so many stories of my own that I'm starting to make tentative plans on producing in some way. But even if I never become some official published recognized author, I feel like just putting out this comic is fulfilling that dream I had as a kid. So thank you again, as cheesy and long winded as this post has become.

[fiendishartist2]

im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

[rockybloo]

Getting people interested in your OCs takes a LOT of time. So creating OCs for the sole purpose of getting people interested in them is def draining af and I get why people get frustrated and sometimes just give up completely.

I have been drawing original characters since I could hold a pencil because I love making my own beings I can just do whatever I want with. And I've been posting my OCs since the early 2010s (I had been drawing original characters earlier but it wasn't until I got into middle school that I began posting my art online).

The biggest reason I've been going so long just drawing them, with only sprinkles of fan art in between ever blue moon, is because I genuinely enjoy my characters. I've had an active imagination since forever so I enjoyed imagining them in scenarios and sometimes drawing said things.

I would say, with my full chest, that I didn't really reach any flavor of "popularity" until 2022 which is when I came up with Glitter and Guilt. And I am fairly certain that is where a GOOD chunk of people came from since...I mean who can resist magical girls?

I had been drawing my number 1 favorite baby, Beanstalked, since highschool but, unfortunately, I spent most of that time posting it on a sperate blog from this one and only am I recently sharing art for it here.

I think the only other big source of other people discovering me is from my Red Beans art (Jack x Nana) because prior to 2022, that was like...85% of my art I would make. And while that was on a separate blog as well, I'd at least sometimes reblog it to over here.

Bondwidth also helped a wee bit with getting a couple people interested in me since before Glitter and Guilt showed up, Bondwidth became an active thing I'd post on this blog that kept it alive since, like I said, I had a separate blog for Beanstalked and Red Beans so there was a time long ago where this blog was basically crickets.

I WAS LUCKY TO GET ONE ASK A MONTH TBH

So 2022 was def when I got put on a wider radar thanks to Sweetheart and Bitterbat.

SO YEAH--Getting people to be interested in you OCs is def a time consuming process which is why I say to just keep having fun and blabbering about your characters because in the end, that's the only thing that matters. That you enjoy them.

I couldn't predict when people would flood me because I had been blabbering about my characters for practically 2 decades and I had been a relatively small artist working on a small lil webcomic that I eventually had to reboot because I had a better vision of it.

And then one day I just happened to have designed some OCs people REALLY liked and here we are.

I do get curious about how things would play out if I never made Glitter and Guilt and just kept trucking along with Beanstalked. I would have probably made it to where I am now, given like....an additional 10 years maybe? I dunno how to gauge fairy tale interest--I AM BIASED THO SINCE I LOVE THEM (I get so happy watching walk throughs of little story book forests and Eftling y'all have no idea).

But now I am getting off topic

THE POINT IS

LOVE YOUR OCS AND KEEP DRAWING/WRITING/TALKING ABOUT THEM AND PEOPLE WILL NATURALLY ARRIVE