#i really needed this good gender feel

[quasieli]

[Image description: Four images of myself (they/he), two photos shown from the knees up and the other two photos shown from the chest up. I am a young, chubby, white enby with buzzed dark brown hair. I am wearing a short black dress with large red roses patterned across it, and in two photos, I am also wearing a burgundy suit jacket. In the first photo, I am posing by pulling the skirt out, as if about to curtsy. In the second and forth photo, I am in three quarters profile, and sat down with my hand propped up under my chin. In the second photo, I am wearing the jacket, but in the forth photo I am not. In the third photo, I am bent forward and smiling. End description.]

Sorry not sorry for selfie spam the last couple days but I've Achieved Peak Gender

[applestorms]

(tw for extensive discussions of dubiously consensual sexual situations, typical to canon. also spoilers for the decay route update)

honestly, one of the most interesting aspects of andrew's psyche that we get to see in the most recent decay route update to me is his nearly unending hesitancy about having sex with ashley, despite both his overwhelming desire to AND her incredibly blasé, Yeah Sure Let's Do It attitude in response to the question.

while the end of the burial route provides some key insight into ashley's point of view regarding this topic (e.g. if you go with the less enthusiastic/more teasing answer to andrew's question of "we're not like that, right? right??"), and the shots & such ending provides even more intrigue into her motivations, i think that decay presents two key reasons as to why andrew has continued to hold back for so long: his two core conflicting desires, and an inability to see ashley as her own full person. notably, both of these parts can easily be connected to his mother's childhood abuse and parentification of him as well.

with regards to the first point: andrew has two main overwhelming desires at the heart of his character that motivate most of his actions, which unfortunately for him are completely incompatible. andrew wants:

to be a normal, average person-- someone who can hold a steady, respectable job, fit in at the block party BBQs, and not attract any negative attention from the neighbors.

to fuck his sister.

to some degree, you could even read the distinction between the two main routes themselves (burial and decay) to be motivated by whether or not andrew can diffuse the tension between these two wants-- in burial, he gives up on his need to fit in with the rest of respectable society, presumably pushing him more towards the fucking-his-sister route; in decay, he struggles significantly to let go of this desire for normalcy, and the stress almost always breaks him. notably, in neither of these routes can he fully give up on the second desire-- really, his relationship with julia and the rest of his life up til the point that ep1 begins has been about him trying and failing to do so, so this makes sense.

(sidenote: i would also like to clarify that i think the Most key distinction between these two routes comes down to the decision you actually have to make to get one or the other-- namely, whether or not the siblings are able to trust one another. but anyways)

this focus on the first desire for normalcy is also interesting in that it seems to be one of the core desires that renee holds as well, as we see her so happily boast about during their interactions in ep2. honestly i could probably write a whole post about how much andrew (consciously or, more often, not) mimics his mother's behavior and takes on her standards and ideals, but the key point to pay attention to here is the fact that andrew has subsumed his mother's viewpoint in such a way that he is either not fully aware of or simply hasn't questioned in all that much depth yet.

we can also see this with the aforementioned parentifiication, which has really interesting consequences on how much andrew does (not) see ashley as her own autonomous person. pretty much every single childhood flashback we get in 3a shows the same terrible cycle:

andrew is told by renee that ashley is His responsibility -> ashley causes problems on purpose -> andrew takes the fall for her

frankly, we don't even really need that first step for andrew to fully internalize the idea that ashley's actions are His to take responsibility for. the horrible consequences of this are also quite obvious: not only is this pressure to take responsibility for someone else's actions an incredibly unfair burden to put on anyone, much less a kid, but it also continually pushes andrew to see ashley as something less than human, or as little more than an extension of himself rather than her own person.

the main conflict in decay really comes down to this conflicting desire between the two of them, where what both andrew and ashley want above all else is Complete and Utter control over the other-- andrew wanting control because he has again been groomed to see ashley as his full responsibility, and ashley wanting control to assuage her own insecurities and fears about being isolated and hated forever. the more sympathetic throughline underlying a lot of this is that what both of them seem to want is safety, to protect both themselves and each other from any and all situations outside of their control-- though, unfortunately, a lot of times those exact external situations are simply the other acting on this mirrored desire for control lol.

anyways, going back to the sex thing-- since andrew doesn't see ashley as her own person, since he sees her as incapable of taking responsibility for her own actions and therefore as someone who cannot make decisions for herself, due in large part to him automatically transferring this burden to himself, andrew also sees ashley's consent as essentially meaningless.

the more sympathetic reading here is that andrew does genuinely want ashley to be at least kinda into it as more than a manipulation tactic/transactional thing-- but i think it's also equally likely that andrew simply doesn't want to have to once again shoulder the full burden of Committing Incest on his own, and he doesn't trust ashley to ever be even capable of taking the fall for her own actions. the fact that andrew still ultimately sees ashley as Leyley and NEVER as Ashley Proper (as he himself recognizes at one point) really just reinforces this to me. he says it himself-- he practically raised this woman. and in this case, even above all others, ashley's actions are quite literally also his own. it all goes back to that initial mistrust, and he carries that resentment with him even after they get around to actually doing it. mutually dubious consent, truly in-fucking-deed.

[puppppppppy]

Its really freeing when “gender is just a construct” really sinks in and you dont see yourself identifying with any pre-existing gender that the answer is “wait I can just make my own gender lol.” So. Hello everyone. Im pupgender now

[faithdeans]

i feel so confident dressed like this at home but as soon as i leave the house and people stare at me i'm like 😑 i don't think i can do this actually

[en-djinn]

ive never had an actual fandom blog before and u can probably tell from me never using captions tht i tend to just post art and leave (and my main is just for funnies) bt i am reluctant to share my thoughts w ppl who do not share my vision cz i get angry/annoyed very fast and i get so tired of being pissed off all the time (why i deleted my old artblog and had reblogs turned off here) butttttt. everyone into adam seems nice. u guys have been nice to me. maybe i will post more things here. unsure.

[problematicsashawaybright]

Never trust a gender thought after 9pm

[squorttle-pox]

idk if it means anything really, but i think it's interesting how after all their time together as a couple in a christianity-adjacent world, lucifer and lilith only had one (1) child, and it was only 200 years ago at that

[moongothic]

Absolute hate how all Oda has to do is make one (1) fictional man with pretty hair to give me raging gender envy

Like this was so unnecessary and cruel, towards me specifically

[strawberryseeded]

i wish we had gotten more of kugisaki nobara. i just watched dis vid and all my contained RAGE abt dis topic suddenly HIT ME LIKE A TRAIN GOD IM UPSET

ive talked like 32893882 times already (and its still NOT ENOUGH) abt how upset i was abt nobara's death cos she was such a good character, with so much potential!! i really REALLY liked her. she was funny, strong, confident and kind!!!! i loved her char design!! her cursed technique and weapon were cool as hell!!!!!!

and her (recently SOMEWHAT(?) confirmed(?)) death sucked so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she was just. fucking fridged. as much as it pains me to admit it. from a narrative standpoint, she died so yuuji would get upset and further develop his character & then move the plot along. even mahito admits that he wants her to die to make yuuji suffer. like yeah he also recognizes her a strong opponent (ofc. cos she is) but at the end of the day he wanted to kill her just to wreck yuuji. and he succeded.

nobara has no say on the way she dies. she's just.. slapped, kinda. its so sudden. its so... weird. not that she's accepting of it (we already know that she knows she can die at any moment and she's ready for it (cos she's a freak like the rest of the sorcerers lol)), but its weird bc its like its not a personal moment for her. yeah we get a flashback & her speech about how, even tho she always was a person who refused to let other people affect the way she is and decides to live, there still are people who, by being accepting of her, managed to gain a place in her heart... and she's happy for that. its rly beautiful.

but its the impact her death has on yuuji what the story really cares about here.

and like. thats fine! im not even saying killing nobara is a bad choice or that its bad if her death also developed yuuji's character. but the way it was done, its like her death only had that purpose. its a way too transparent device, that's what i dislike abt it. i dont mind being upset bc a character i love dies? i like feeling strong emotions when i engage emotionally with art/stories.

but i think she was killed off too soon. we didn't get to properly say goodbye to her. both her character arc and her death were rushed.

she could have been developed so much more! it feels like she was taken away way too soon in the story. i wanted her to fight sukuna along the others. i wanted her to use her cool technique to help yuuji nail sukuna's soul. i wanted to see just how much stronger she could get. i wanted her to finally meet saori. I WANTED HER TO HAVE A COOL EYE PATCH!!!!!!!!!!!

why is she barely mentioned after she dies??? she was one of the 3 main, dude, are u kidding me? yuuji's the only one who mentions her but he's almost afraid of talking about her. its like the whole world forgot about her!!!!! and what about maki?????? werent they girlfriends?

what is nobara's LEGACY? why did gege not make her death matter in the narrative? even if she (for whatever reason) came back(??) at the end, id still be rly mad & sad abt it cos i wanted to see her DO STUFF!! i wanted to see her kick some ass!!!! i wanted to see her grow!!!!! to open up with others!!!!! I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF HER. IM SO UPSET I WANT OUT

[em-b-sides]

I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

[whos-hotter-jjba]

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[kitkatcadillac]

i have this situation where i love talking about the queer experience particularly in the gender way, as nebulously as possible, when it comes to some sort of broader view or Other People's Experiences making Sense to me

but when i try to kind of face my own gender and thoughts i get like. scared and embarrassed to just Say It, i always have. the they/them out for may/hem jokes are one thing, but talking about my own raw and varied experience of not fitting into the binary, no matter how much i completely respect, support, and cheer on others experiences with it, its so... embarrassing. i cant face my own body a lot of the time. i hardly want anything to do with any gender most of the time, but the rest of the world operates with it really quite forthwith, and like. you can only ignore it so hard, where you fit in, or where you DON'T. where you never hardly ever see anyone else feel quite the way you do, so you feel like you're fake and invalid or doing transgender wrong 😭 (everyone else is fine and right and in charge of their life courageously though)

constantly in a push and pull of relaxing and letting myself find and affirm my identity as i best can with where im at physically, mentally, but also feeling very isolated and even shut down or shunned. the world feels like a box that gets smaller while i feel like the box shouldnt even exist at all sometimes, like it isnt that hard to just keep open and treat it like its just as plain a fact as the grass is green the sky is blue instead of something to pick apart or criticize...

im queer but im queer wrong sometimes, socially. and since im queer wrong sometimes socially, my lived-experience being queer isnt really valid due to being contrarian and so i shouldnt have much to say or have any valid reflections of the experiences around me!!! <-(feelings not reality, but important feelings to be worked through and understood and soothed, which can be difficult when relating or socializing comes with a difficulty increaser!!!!)

[the-casbah-way]

i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry

[pochapal]

getting a bad grade in gender identity because i value self expression infinitely less than i value human connections