#i dont mean it to be too terribly negative but it IS on my mind.

[kitkatcadillac]

i have this situation where i love talking about the queer experience particularly in the gender way, as nebulously as possible, when it comes to some sort of broader view or Other People's Experiences making Sense to me

but when i try to kind of face my own gender and thoughts i get like. scared and embarrassed to just Say It, i always have. the they/them out for may/hem jokes are one thing, but talking about my own raw and varied experience of not fitting into the binary, no matter how much i completely respect, support, and cheer on others experiences with it, its so... embarrassing. i cant face my own body a lot of the time. i hardly want anything to do with any gender most of the time, but the rest of the world operates with it really quite forthwith, and like. you can only ignore it so hard, where you fit in, or where you DON'T. where you never hardly ever see anyone else feel quite the way you do, so you feel like you're fake and invalid or doing transgender wrong 😭 (everyone else is fine and right and in charge of their life courageously though)

constantly in a push and pull of relaxing and letting myself find and affirm my identity as i best can with where im at physically, mentally, but also feeling very isolated and even shut down or shunned. the world feels like a box that gets smaller while i feel like the box shouldnt even exist at all sometimes, like it isnt that hard to just keep open and treat it like its just as plain a fact as the grass is green the sky is blue instead of something to pick apart or criticize...

im queer but im queer wrong sometimes, socially. and since im queer wrong sometimes socially, my lived-experience being queer isnt really valid due to being contrarian and so i shouldnt have much to say or have any valid reflections of the experiences around me!!! <-(feelings not reality, but important feelings to be worked through and understood and soothed, which can be difficult when relating or socializing comes with a difficulty increaser!!!!)

[drdemonprince]

Hi! I remember you talking about doing shadow work (in a reply to an ask, I think); do you have any advice on how to start? Especially for someone who who has a really hard time with consistency/habits? Thanks!

For me it is not an intentional practice separate from my regular life, it is an orientation toward my own most negative thoughts/impulses/reactions. I do not believe that any thought is harmful or morally wrong to have, and so when I experience a thought that is violent, cruel, bitter, pathetic, prejudicial, short-tempered, jealous, whatever else, I accept it, and study it with curiosity rather than self-condemnation.

I notice patterns over time in what I am particularly un-evolved and unenlightened about. What hang ups do I have? What weird bullshit respectability politics or traditional gender norms do I still apply to myself or to others? Who do I fuckin hate and why?

Which of these things can I just kind of shrug at and accept as a feature of my programming and which ones do I see seriously holding back my life? That's probably the hardest part of shadow work for me. I'm very aware of a lot of my flaws and the things i'm irrationally emotionally reactive to and defensive about, but I get attached to my way of seeing things. It can be scary to become more open-minded and uncertain and less spiky. And some things just aren't easy to change even if I want them to. Part of shadow work means allowing oneself to be in an unfinished state.

Another part of it for me is accepting with a dark kind of gratitude that the world would be a pretty terrible place if everyone was like me. There is so much about humanity that I do not understand. I could never be a surgeon. I could never be a good parent. I could never be a social worker. There is so much I am so bad at. Maybe this is the Narcissism and Lack of Empathy talking, but I've had to really humble myself. I used to think I was so much more rational and less of a waster of time and resources than most people around me. Now I realize I have run on self-denial and repressed emotionality for a very long time and demanded that life have some Purpose when it doesn't. So a lot of my shadow work has been acknowledging my ultimate smallness and feebleness and just general uselessness -- i have a lot to be grateful to other people for doing, but also life has no purpose that needs to be fulfilled so i can just exist and suck for every single second that i'm alive if that's what i'm gonna do.

radical acceptance shit is definitely mixed in there, and some DBT kinda strategies. I've finally arrived at a place where I can love my dissatisfaction as a core part of me and accept that life is not meant to be happy and comfortable. we always keep moving, changing our environments to make them a little better, chasing after new passions and then getting disillusioned with them, falling in and out of love, getting lost. we're always lost. we're always making mistakes and being dumb as humans. that's like what we are. silly little freaks that make up lots of pretend games for fun but then get swept up in believing them too much. i kind of feel at peace now with the fact that i'll always be messy and impulsive and have weird beliefs and will change constantly and look back on my past with a cringe reaction every four or five years. i dont expect myself to ever arrive, because what the hell would that look like?? being satisfied and happy sure sounds a lot like being dead.

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

[calypsolemon]

i’m always in awe of your use of texture whenever i see the burning kai art !! it’s seriously so satisfying and beautiful

why thank you! I'm going to take this ask as one for the "analyze your own art" prompt lollll so sorry if you weren't looking for a ramble about the meaning in the piece but also. woe, analysis be upon ye!

so the caption of the original post of this piece is a line from Astana's Favorite Daughter. Fair warning the music video linked contains nsfw/horror elements, but it's a gorgeous piece of evocative animation set to an even more evocative song. I dont actually think the song itself fits Kai terribly well when taken in whole, but it's what prompted the image to come to my mind in the first place, so it's relevant

I really had fun playing with shapes in this image. Someone pointed out the teardrop shape where his neck and shoulder meet, which i also incorporated into the shadow where his right hand is, as well as the shoulders themselves and some of the negative space between licks of flame.

The shapes focus is also why I drew this in black and white first. I used a gradient map to color it, which is new for me!

The way kai is holding himself has a dual meaning to me. It could imply self-love, like hugging yourself, but it could also imply a sort of fear of vulnerability and hiding of oneself, since his arms are wrapped around his naked chest.

The expression is meant to be a little bedroom-eyes-y lolll, but I kept the actual view the audience gets of his expression limited to the one eye to again have something "hidden."

Pretty much all of this is in service of exploring multiple meanings that I attribute to fire. The idea of something warm and alluring and necessary, that also gets dangerous and destructive when you get too close.

Dwell as long as you wish on the transgenderism of me (transmasc) drawing a (male) character I kin naked staring directly at the camera set to a song with the word "daughter" in it

[vypridae]

9!!! 10!!! 11!! 12!! 13!!! or pick and choose <3

IDK WHICH FANDOMS U MEAN BUT IM GONNA DO EACH ONE AND ILL JUST PUT MY HAZBIN/HELLUVA ANSWERS UNDER A CUT SO U DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM

9. worst part of canon

ok the worst part of dgrp canon has to be the way they handle characterization, like especially with trauma. specifically in mind i have korekiyo rn, like they mega rushed his entire Thing and wrote it in a way that paints HIM in a terrible awful light when it very likely (or definitely) wasnt that at all, but the way it was written just fucks up so, so much. also the Danganronpa Repitition TM (flashbacks to

bsd uuuh oh my god i have to think about this one cuz i love bsd with a passion BAHAHA its hard to find flaws with that one (in part i havent consumed the media in forever), ik it might be just bc the series is still being written but its irritating that some things from like the first seasons are just not touched upon again? and maybe its because ihavent read the manga but like. did atsushi join the ada and suddenly the bounty on his head is just Gone? am i misremembering if they went back to that or not its been like a year since ive watched bsd i need to rewatch it but thats about all i can think of. im not even mad about the not killing any characters because fyodor is alive still

10. worst part of fanon

dgrp has a TERRIBLEEEE shipping fandom. i hated oumasai for the longest fucking time because i encountered this one rper way back when that like was a mega red flag SBGJKFDHGKA i hated them for a while after that (then they grew on me). you get shit on for liking, like, the more toxic ships in the fandom no matter your reasonings or whatever, and i feel like its just a really negative place to be a shipper that likes to explore bad dynamics (such as i)

i think the worst part of bsd fanon is similar. shipping sides of fandoms are ALWAYS bad i feel like, and there are a lot of people that will be like "skk is real fuck you for shipping anything else" or like "if u ship nikolai with anyone but fyodor i dont trust u" or something like??? its a fucking ship chill out its fictional it doesnt hurt anyone irl CALM DOWN

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

for bsd uh . only two surprisingly, and its two ships that i cannot physically make myself like?? thats all apparently

for dgrp i have uuh two and its literally also only two ships that i dont like BHASFKAHSK

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

for bsd am i allowed to say fyodor? idk if he necessarily counts as "unpopular" but i see way more hate of him than i see people liking him, but god fucking dammit i love him with my whole heart. hes so evil and those kinds of characters litearlly just make me gravitate towards them, hes so smart and cunning and you can do so much with his character, especially learning his ability oh my god? jhes so complex and i love him

for dgrp, i feel like every character is "unpopular" BAHSAJKAHk but for this i think i wanna go with chiaki. people hate chiaki because shes "boring" or at least they Did back when i first got into the series but shes so different in the game compared to the anime because the game shes based on her classmates' memories of her! shes only this "perfect" individual because thats how her entire class saw her, like she was made the class rep for a reason

13. worst blorboficiation

ok this one im trying to figure out what the fuck the definition is BAHAJSHFAJK from what im SEEING its like, the character that doesnt deserve to be liked as much as they are. (i dont think i answered this one correctly but shh its fine)

for bsd thats really hard for me to think of because i like literally every character but uuh if i had to say one ig i'd say uuh . maybe dazai? i feel like this is in part because people typically take away from dazai's entire complex everything because he's too complex for a lot of people (including me) to truly understand, like im not saying i understand him but i feel like a lot of people will take the wrong parts of him/exclude anything they dont like about him and go with that? if that counts but idk i still like dazai so i cant say that too much

for dgrp its the exact same situation with kokichi. they take his character, of which is incredibly complex, and dumb it down into the typical fandom woobification of "uwu baby who cant do anything wrong" LIKE!!! STOP!!! NO HE IS NOT!!! HE IS SO COMPLEX AND YOU'RE LIKING HIS CHARACTER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!! people that dont understand the complexity behind certain characters and are incapable of taking that as their blorbo and instead creating this silly incorrect version in their mind and making THAT their blorbo i just. thats not ur blorbo atp thats ur oc my guy

hazbin/helluva answers

9. worst part of canon

both of these shows are kinda not the best when it comes to being serious???? like there are some topics that shouldnt be joked about i feel like, and there are points in the shows that joke in relation to these topics. also theres not enough voxval but thats a criticism for another time

10. worst part of fanon

not even just the ships tbh, its liking any character thats either painted in a negative light or is just generally unpopular. the ships too but i could get to that another time. for EXAMPLE, me, i like valentino. a lot. he's one of my favorite characters. i feel like i cannot express the fact i love val because i will get called an ACTUAL rapist for saying it because "if you like val you condone his actions and thus are a rapist/terrible person/etc" when thats absolutely not at all how it works. i acknowledge that val is terrible, i understand that its bad, but i can still enjoy him as a character otherwise. his actions are what i dont like, ive never liked him (i actually hated him at first because of it but then i saw him being more silly in the series with vox and he grew on me), but you will actively get told to kys if you say that you even REMOTELY enjoy vals character

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

i have none for helluva but for hazbin i have four. three of which are for the sAME SHIP and one is another ship i dont like

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIMZYYYY dude she gets so much unnecessary hate. like, everyone sees her as annoying and terrible and i GUESS i can see where they're coming from but a. theyre in hell, everyone's terrible, b. people just see her as annoying because she interrupted hells greatest dad and they dont like that because they want their radioapple song or wtvr. i love her and no one can convince me otherwise

13. worst blorboficiation

ok THIS one i might actually be able to answer with the correct definition of blorboification. i feel like alastor gets way too much unnecessary love, and maybe thats just because i think hes too popular for being what he is but hes just not all that to me. like, hes a good character, yes, but some people like him to an extent that i feel like doesnt do him justice?? its like i said with uuuuuh the dgrp side of this question, they dumb down his character a lot and are just generally bad at making him ACCURATE to the point its irritating. (hey so yk how i said i could answer with the right definition of this i lied)

[that-starry-freak]

Okay, wow. Uhm.. I'm honestly kind of tired of all the fandom discourse. So i- I want to talk about it.

 This is honestly about to be really personal. So CW for mentions of hypersexuality and grooming(that ones at the very end), as well as mentions of harassment and aphobia. I also vaguing a bit, but its not too explicit (I do name 2 people at some point but im defending them and talking about how they dont deserve to be harassed, so-) and I'm not talking negatively about anyone!

Also please ignore my terrible grammar/spelling. This is kind of just me ranting and in no way is meant to be an actual well written essay or anything

Okay- so- god I was writing this all in my head but now I'm trying to type this out im coming up short

Okay, lets try this- there's no way to really neatly and perfectly segway into what I want to talk about, but I'll try my best

I just really want to talk about the harassment that's been going on in the fandom. Because its really just.. frustrating.

First is the allegations of aphobia.

Yes, aroace people can be aphobic! But can we please learn the difference between projecting and aphobia. 

There are aroace people in this fandom seeing Moon and Nexus and deciding to make them not sex repulsed because they arnt. Ive seen people get called aphobic for making them demiaroace, or aceflux, or just non-repulsed aroace. And I've seen people make fics of awful acts, "correcting" their asexuality, and being purposely tagged wrong.

Which one of these is actual aphobia, hm?

Should have started with this but, yknow, it's too late for that now- ehem, 

Hi! I'm Astro, a aceflux lesbian who struggles with hypersexuality. I, personally, am actually really uncomfortable with people making Moon not aroace and shipping him, even in aus. Im uncomfortable with them even making him not repulsed most of the time. What do I do though? I dont harass people. I just don't interact with the content!

And I have no problem with people making Nexus not repulsed/aroace. Why?? Because canonical hes confused and unsure about if he's aroace or not! And I know a lot of people on the ace and aro spectrum(s), including me, can relate to that feeling. The unsureness of if you are, and even if you know you are, not knowing where you are in the spectrum. I personally love making Nexus somewhere along the lines of demi or gray, because that would add more representation! Especially with Old Moon back now, we have our repulsed rep. That doesn't mean they can't both be repulsed! I'm just saying that having another character be another side of the spectrum (whether its non-repulsed aroace, demiaroace, demiaro and alloace, etc.) Would be nice. 

Personally, I've been tempted to make an au where Nexus started experimenting with sex and it starts clogging his mind. Because I enjoy his character, and I want to project my own experiences onto his character. There's nothing wrong with it?? Self inserting into canon characters is a tale as old as time, just as old as ocs.

There is literally nothing wrong with wanting to have more representation or have a character that represents you. That isn't ace or aro phobic- i don't get how people don't understand that. I know multiple aroace people who like dating, or who are dating. I also know aroace people who just like qprs and can't stand dating. I know aroace people who have been confused and have fluctuated with their sexuality as I've known them, trying to figure themselves out. There are different types, and people want to see themselves in a character that is similar to them. Whats wrong with that?

Now, I am not defending the people who constantly are like "well aroace people can date too", completely ignoring the fact that some are repulsed. I'm not defending the people that say that whenever you mention that a character doesn't like to date because they're repulsed. I've seen it happened to people who literally have aus and are talking about their versions if the character and how they never want to date, and people say that. It's fucking annoying. And ya, pretty aphobic.

But non-repulsed aroace people saying that about their own au versions of characters isn't the same thing. Defending their headcanons of a character because it helps them better connect to it isn't the same thing- im like, so confused about how we don't understand this already??

Another this is- and I can't believe I have to say this -can we NOT fucking harass people??? Like holy shit why do I have to say this?

Yes, this includes people who support terrible things. This includes people who just don't like the same things as you. Yes, this includes people that don't like you.

Because, fun fact, that just makes the situation worse. Someone saying something bad about somebody, and then a bunch of people swarming them and telling them their wrong, isn't going to change their mind. It'll actually just make them have an even more negative view of the person.

Now, spreading awareness about a person who is actively harassing people is different. But that also doesn't mean you should see that awareness and go harass that person. Again, its going to make it worse.

Instead, report. Block. Do whatever you can to keep yourself and others safe. Please don't harass people though. Please.

And yes holy shit this includes if they ship things you don't like! Holy fuck why do I even have to say this- if you disagree with someone, block them. Don't fucking spread rumors. You fucking people keep complaining about all the discourse and then attack shippers. What the fuck?? Stop it. The ones you are attacking don't even do shit, they're just chilling. Some people Eccpecially!! I feel bad about mentioning directly, but people like @/kuuchaos and @/zthesheep (not tagging because I don want to bother them and also im a coward. Wishing them all the support in the world tho) haven't even done anything! They're just getting harassed because they're associated with people these harassers don't like.

Hell, i- who has barely done anything but support people -am terrified of getting harassed. Because I'm associated with these "big blogs", I'm at risk of being harassed. Its ruining my mental health, which was just finally getting better- its frustrating. I literally had to take a break from tumblr because I was so anxious, and I felt sick to my stomach and was shaking a bit. I just want to make friends and have fun and post art, but I'm scared of being yelled at literally becuas elf people who I associate myself with.

I know im at risk just because I'm mutuals with two of these blogs. Just because I post and reblog ship things, and reblog things from these "big blogs". Im- augh. I luckily haven't been harassed, and have blocked the harasser in question, but that doesn't stop the crippling anxiety of the fact that i may be in the future. That's not okay. Its awful that this fandom is so fucked up that people who havnt even done shit are afraid of being harassed- or are actually being harassed!

Can I remind everybody that the VAs literally asked everyone not to harass each other and to just chill out? Sure, I'm all for death of the author, but thats not what that is. You can't just take canon and use it to harass people, but completely ignore the people who made that canon. That's fucked up. Either ignore canon all together, or listen to the VAs. Either you, you have no reason to harass people.

Anyway, I hope soon we can all be a lot nicer to each other. Seriously, I dont care about disagreeing with ships. I dont even think we should all be friends, im not a fucking elementary school teacher. But I think we should all at least be respectful to each other and not literally harass and send fucking gore to people. Eccpecially fuckimg CHILDREN like im sorry whos idea was that?? Those gore anons need to be put in prison because that is one of the most disgusting things I've heard in a fandom- and I've been in some pretty horrific fandoms (*cough*dsmp*cough*)

So uhm- yeah

Please dont harass me for speaking out against harassment, like seriously. I'm not promoting harassment or aphobia, or incest or anything. Especially grooming, considering i may have been groomed by one of my friends in 3rd grade??? Idk, the more you know-

Im also not inviting an argument. Please dont argue with me, please. Or even disagree with me in reblogs or comments or tag me or anything. It may seem childish, but I instinctively want to argue back and I just want to avoid that. Please.

But yeah, let's just be decent to each other pls. Use that nifty block button more, please and thank you <3

(THIS WAS NOT REREAD OR EDITED! plus I was having extreme pain at the end cause of cramps- and I was emotional and frustrated at the beginning. So this all may be a bit incoherent/rude, but im trying

Again, please don't harass me- especially over me talking about my hypersexuality and things- its hard for me and personally <3)

[femmesandhoney]

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

[charlie-artlie]

just got back from the fnaf movie, i really need to go to bed but i have to get some thoughts out NOW 🫠

positives

movey good C:

matthew lillard was just so so good god bless

the animatronics were amazing, i really wasn’t expecting the scene where they all played and had fun together????? it was such wish fulfillment i was just sitting there like is this real

(on that note HEY. someone had better gif that fronnie scene were theyre just playing and dancing together. 👉 get on it giffers)

maybe controversial but i liked the matpat and coryxkenshin cameos a lot they were funny and didnt detract from the flow too much

the jumpscares were not terribly hacky like i thought theyd be, and the balloon boy one was really good 👏

also IM NOT CRAZY THAT WAS A CIRCUS BABY REFERENCE RIGHT??? AAAAAAAAAA

all of the parts and service room was so cool tbh, all of the creepy old endos and parts, the little fetch easter egg, all of it so so good

the easter eggs in general were really fun, im looking forward to watching this movie be micro analyzed for years to come

the springlock scene 🤌 cinema…..

that scene were william roundhouse kicks mike is just like. so amazing. this is going on the positives. i cant believe they did that. what an amazing movie.

in general the lighting and sound design were very nice (i mean as a layperson i thought they were nice idk XD)

THE SONG WAS IN IT THEY DID THE FUCKING THING 😭👏

negatives

no puppet?

i feel like this story suffers from the same issue TSE has, where by straying from the games canon you’ve actually made things so much more complicated? while some things definitely made sense (vanessa being williams daughter was a nice touch and made sense for both characters fight me, also a great nod to how shes mind controlled in game canon) others feel like they just made things more complicated? like, why was garrett just a random kid in a random campsite? why was william there, why did he kill him, why do the ghost kids know him? i guess you could say, if there is a reason, it will be revealed in a later movie? but thats so many unnecessary steps when all you had to do was have garret go missing from a freddys location (like in TSE). like, mikes brothers disappearance is linked to freddys, thats why he needs to work there, you could save a lot of time aunt jane ate up. speaking of.

its such a hilarious plot hole that they just totally move past aunt janes death. like this guy is fighting tooth and nail for custody of his sister against his aunt and she shows up dead at his house and nobody is suspicious or cares. also he shows up at the hospital with a stabbed cop who’s apparently in a coma and cant verify his story at all?? the plot armor on this man!!

i realize they needed to put abby in danger at some point or else why would she even be here, but having the ghost kids want to ghostify her doesnt make a whole lotta sense >_> like they kept saying william was confusing them but they never really showed that, golden freddys spirit kid seemed pretty aware of the situation the entire time.

that one jumpscare with the kid with black goopy eyes was pretty silly lmao. feel like they could have captured the creepypasta vibe better

this is semi positive and negative, but i really really liked vanessa’s creepiness i just wish theyd leaned into it a bit more? that scene where shes staring lovingly up at the animatronics and then asks mike to dance is just so 👌 like girl what is wrong with you fr 🥰 but then her behaviors dont make much sense after that, i was a bit confused as to when she was supposed to be trying to get mike to stay and when she was supposed to be warning him away.

the writing in general was definitely a bit weird ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ eh

sorry if my negatives seem like bummers, but i really enjoy picking apart movies i like, and i tend to like things more when there is stuff to pick apart! (sensory fandom experience…..) in general i really enjoyed the movie and i think most fnaf fans will! it’s fun cheesy horror that has a lot of love for the source material without trying to BE it, which wouldn’t be possible anyway

man theres definitely other things i could say but i really have to go to sleep now 😭 gn!!!

[sumbier0]

Just watched Nimona. Im feeling so notmal rn [lying throught gritted teeth]

I quite literally knew NOTHING when I decided that I will watch it.

Got suprised positively and felt so many feelings so many times. This was so enjoyable and just done with care? I have many thoughts but I dont know if I could put them all into comprehensible words. Just. All topics were handled beautifully.

I literally got attached to characters less than 10 minutes in. Help me

Some Spoilers beyond this Point

The villain. BOY THE VILLAIN. I hate her so much she got what she deserved <4 I loved how she was written. She believed eveything she was Fed. She lived in fear that consumed her and she was willing to kill innocents for that. She went so far she didnt even want to consider going out of her bubble. Also she could be classified as a twist villain, although its easy to figure out it's her. Even if its not a twist for audience its a good twist for characters + she gets so much time to shine too.

The ending. I understand how some people I guess could say its anticlimactic because Nimona comes back [we don't see her but Its pretty clear lmao]. Personally for me its not an issue, she went through so much and deserves to be happy too. And see that people like her now :] Although I wouldn't mind more tragic ending either, it just wouldve hit me with more sadness than a lot sadness -> sudden happiness spike

At the start of the film I was so so glad that Ambrosius wasn't the 'priveledged guy thats an asshole to the main character' and instead they were lovers :] But also at that point said 'I hope there wont be any falling out!'. Top 10 sentences said minutes before disaster

Also if you could've seen my reaction to nimona and gloreth stuff. Boy I went absolutely insane.

On the topics handled well. I think how they handled opression was really good. They showed how it affects everyone. Even the opressed themselves, that try to find a place in such society, try to have Faith in the system that fails them[ commoners, Ballister]. How at the earliest stage possible people are already influenced into such mindsets. How some people are so firmly set in those beliefs they wont even consider they're wrong. And also the worst of opression, violence, and how it not only hurt Nimona physically, but also how it scarred her mentally.

Some negative beliefs were reinforced for so long, and spawned different kind of negative beliefs. And opression

And I think throughout the movie, you REALLY get how ingrained negative beliefs are in everyones minds.

Further to me, the change of this whole kingdom for the better didnt happen too quickly. Trying exposing the Director ended with her quickly swaying people to her side again, when she played the monster card.people so quickly also believed that such a commoner as Ballister would kill the Queen, which probably wouldnt happen if it was someone form the Noble bloodline... okay its not related exactly to what I started talking in this paragraph. Fuck, people had to see how for this belief that monsters are terrible, the one in power is willing to kill them, along with the monster. And in this situation the monster saved them.

Like also those are circumstances that absolutely would lead to a change I think. There were probably some people in denial but I doubt for long? Authority of power and beliefs risked their people's lives with ease when it came to actual danger. Although the focus should have been on protecting the people, as it always was said before, in the end it all went into killing 'the bad'.

[Um i hope I put this into comprehsible words and that I got the meaning I wanted in there]

I enjoyed the animation, design and music too! Also this world was really interesting, medieval combined with futurism. Really neat worldbuilding!

And last thing, comedy was great >:]

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my incomrehensible ramblings. Bows

[julyourwitch]

Hii!! I'm going to rewrite my ask and remove the initials

My name is Cynthia, and my zodiac sign is Virgo.

My mind feels so clouded nowadays. I just found out that one of my closest friends (Abi) (idk his zodiac sign) has a crush on me, and I feel so digusted. I feel that if I reject him, he'll hate me and leave me. It's all I can think about, and it's making me panick. I feel terrible, and all these negative thoughts have really been messing with my head. I dont feel like I can rest.

My question is, is there anything I need to hear right now that will help me ease my mind?

Thank you!!

Hello there!

For your question the card is: Page of Cups.

First of all before I start telling you the meaning and the message of the card, even if someone likes you never feel disgusted. That's very rude to the other person and to yourself as well. Even if you reject him or not, why you should think that he'll hate you and leave you? I mean what'll happen even if he loses you or you lose him? Why so negative thoughts for what? You really need to relax! There's no reason to panic or something. Take it easy :)

So, what's going on with you and him actually it's not because you did something to him so there's no reason to take it personally. It's his feelings (must be respected and heard btw)

So the thing that you can do is, to support what he wants to say or have towards you, support his confession, listen him closely and be very honest with your words and emotions towards him if you don't have the same feelings, it's okay. Be respectful towards yourself and him. Trust yourself more and be more tune with yourself, with your emotions and your intuition too!

Take what resonates! Take care ✨🖤

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes! 22yo INFJ here. I've been feeling some crushing shame/guilt over a friendship that I fumbled. About two months ago I started talking to this girl and asked her out on a couple of dates and we really hit it off and talked steady for about a month, and I felt we had a genuine connection and I started to develop a crush. This girl just got out of a four year relationship three months before we started talking.

One night in a fit of jealousy I ended up basically telling her (word for word): "I'm gonna be honest, because its been on my mind. I dont think I want to continue talking if youre not looking to date. Youre really cool and i like you a lot, but it's gonna end up one sided because I'd rather have you as more than a friend. So if you're not interested in that, id rather just leave it there."

She was understandably very upset, saying, "I don't expect anything from you, and now its weird because I feel like you just want something from me." And I had to backpedal and try to explain myself but honestly, she was probably right. I have a lot of insecurities being 22 y/o and never having had a romantic relationship with anyone, and really just having a lackluster social life in general after just getting out of college. Because of all my negative feelings, I was pretty blind in that moment. Since this conversation our dynamic hasn't been the same after 3 weeks or so.

In the past I usually withheld my feelings until my crush on a person became unbearable, so I felt I was doing the right thing by being direct. But I basically gave her an ultimatum and backed her into a corner, and honestly? I don't even know how I expected that conversation to go in the first place.

I feel terrible about it still, and realize my intentions were likely in the wrong place. It's been a painful lesson for me, but it also hurts deeply knowing that I messed up a potentially great friendship over a fleeting moment of anxiety. Could I get your thoughts on this?

------------------

Reflect and determine the truth of what it is you really want going forward. For example:

Do you want to maintain the friendship because you're confident that you can get over your negative feelings? If so, do your best to make amends and see how it goes.

Do you want to end the friendship or put it on pause because it's too painful for you to continue at this time? If so, let her know and then put some distance between you for the sake of healing.

Do you want everyone, especially her, to feel better about the situation? If so, craft a proper apology that acknowledges your wrong intentions, how you handled the situation poorly, how you didn't give enough consideration to her feelings/experience, etc. Explain how you'll do better in the future and make the necessary promises to put her at ease. This would be an important part of owning up to your mistakes and learning from them.

Visualize the outcome you want and the best way to achieve it, then take action. Remember it's better to get some form of closure sooner rather than later. Leaving relationship problems too long allows them to fester, which means they get harder to resolve over time.

[pageofheartdj]

I get it, and yeah it sounds a bit like queer was a slur and then reclaimed, but going back to the psychopath example. It was given anew name to be kore accurate and to help people with the diagnosis escape the slandering of their mental medical condition. And yeah, psychopath, psycho, sociopath, those are still words with hefty negative connotations, and a lot of that was to do with how people learned about it (psychopath used to be the murderer diagnosis. Some still consider it that.)

And people should be able to teach themselves more, but think if it this way. If someone wasnt into psychology, where would they run into this diagnosis? How can someone learn about something if they never hear or know about it? NPD is still fairly knew and fairly unknown, at least in the greater societal common knowledge. It's hard to expect people to change and learn when they never know they're supposed to.

Which isnt an excuse to treat people with NPD poorly, it would be a pretty shitty one if it was, but its moreso taking into perspective how few people actually are aware of the diagnosis in the first place.

Renaming it to something more medically accurate would allow for people who dont "present" their NPD ""correctly"" to get the help they need, allow psychologists to be more accurate in how they could treat and understand someone with the condition, and remove the negative stereotypes.

Also mental health in general isnt destigmatize. It's better than it used to be, but it isnt just a "everyone knows" sort of thing. Some people still believe depression leads to suicide no matter what, or than ptsd mames people violent machines that could kill you if you moved wrong around them. That sociopaths would replace you if they could or psychopaths are children destined to kill. Some people still think that going to a therapist means you're broken or wrong, and that alone could make people ditch you entirely.

Just like, the scope of it all is that mental health alone is still a very stigmatized field and expecting people whose only knowledge of mental health is that you ""arent right"" to teach themselves and be more mindful isnt going to change how people treat the disorder.

Renaming it would also get rid of any stereotypes or subconscious biases the psychologists could have too, and then would separate a mental medical condition away from a work that has been used as an insult for hundreds of years before the diagnosis was even thought of.

Like going back to queer. It wasnt an insult originally, in the earliest terms when it was getting claimed it just meant odd or different, but in a small way. Like one would say "it's a queer day, isnt it?" if it was different than your usual day. It only became an insult once queer became tied to the queer community. Like how gay originally meant happy or cheerful and became an insult once it referred to a sexuality.

Saying renaming narcissism is like renaming queer isnt an accurate comparison because narcissism came from a background of insult, queer comes from a background of neutral different. That would be like if queer had been called horrid instead. Horrid comes from horrible, terrible, things like that. Expecting people to change those definitions that have been around for centuries isnt the same as taking a neutral or positive word and changing the definition.

Idk, I think it's more unfair to the condition to keep its name than to change it. Like how aspergers became part of the autistic spectrum to move away from the nazi origin of aspergers. Or how schizophrenia is more of a spectrum including schizoid personality disorder now.

But yeah those are my thoughts. It's more unfair to me to diagnose people with such a negatively loaded preexisting word than it is to change the name and make it more accurate, inclusive, and less stigmatized.

Hmmm yeah maybe, maybe you are right. Like ADHD had different names before finding something more fitting, maybe NPD wouldn't lose from changing a name to describe better the condition. I doubt people will stop assossiating the two, but it might help?

I think narcissism was supposed to have more neutral meaning. It's not wrong to have a healthy amount of selfishness and stuff like that.

It's complicated. Changing the word makes it feel like you can escape the whole situation altogther, but it won't happen. It CAN help though. But I don't know how others feel about it. I saw pwNPD not wanting to change and just asking not to use the word.

On one hand it is bending towards hateful people, on the other it is separation from a negative word. A word that wasn't even supposed to be negative. Sometimes words change meaning, and how to know when to allow it and when to fight back? =(

[taintedtort]

oooohhh~ myyyy~ i dont even one to ask it, but characters reaction on older sibling is just so damn good. absolutely sweetest parts are Xiao's ofc and Kazuha's.boy can u imagine this reliefed sigh adeptus would let out when readers sib finally starts coming around?but another thing, how fun it would be since someone for a change felt brave enough to bully damn yaksha???id imagin3 Xiao's face at their first interaction would be priceless.("if i thought that y/n was strange human, her sibling is even more so" kind of tjoughts id imagine). Poor man would probably be so so surprised someone dared to act so harsh around an immortal being..oh well, at least they are not afraid of him, thats probably for the better.and damn u showed Xiao so cute like this, being happy his partners sib finally stops being such a meanie and now he can breath freely..

Kazuha is so sweet trying to win this person over with his natural calm friendly nature and poetic charms.how sweet of him to try and keep being nice even tho readers sib obviously acted unreasonably rude.true sweatheart.and Wanderer,im always happy when authors do not bend characters just for the sake of the sorry, i always feel like saying thank you honestly.because yes, there is no way Wanderer would just play a role (at least not after it doesnt work first time) and be sweet to obviously just as annoyed sibling of readers.he would treat them the same way they treat him, but still he loves his oartner and tries to uphold facade along with the sib as long as it needed.and ofc i love that u showed that Wanderer still not just illogicaly rude, he just blant and perfectly capable to hold a normal conversation.as long as other dont gets on his nerves so much..

Childe probably would be the fastest to actually bond with readers sibling, i agree with your vision on him.i mean, two grown ups gushing about their orecious sibs.tho i still think Ajax would act cautious not to anger the sib, since how dare he touch u too much when they re around?the audacity..noone wants sweet relationship they were building so hard to blow up again.

aand~ im happy u enjoy my feedback!u certainly deserve it, i adore reading your works even when i dont make a request.but honestly i get so exited when i see you post my requests.i hope ill find more ideas to send them to you again.

(btw if you dont mind im curious, how did you call your Wanderer in the game?do u prefer Kabukimono, Scara or Wanderer?aaand do you feel like ever writing for Kabukimono, Wanderers old innocent self, in platonic way ofc?)

- 🦊 anon.

OMG 🦊 ANON THIS IS SO LONG HAHA (not negative, i don’t mind it i think it’s funny)

you’re the sweetest istg 😭🫶🫶 i’ll be honest i wrote the older sibling thing when i was half delirious so i don’t even remember what it was about, BUT IM GLAD IT WAS ENJOYABLE EVEN THO I WAS SO HAZY WHILE WRITING (i didn’t even remember writing childe until you mentioned him)

to answer your questions, i did not get wanderer in game bcus the devil overtook me and i pulled for childe, didn’t have enough wishes for my babygirl.

overall i prefer wanderer i think, especially for writing purposes. i reallyyyy like character development as well, so wanderer is top for me. however, i still call him scara regardless because that’s just his name in my head yk??

i also know little to nothing about kabukimono because i don’t pay attention to lore, i’m so sorry i have terrible memory (i also never do quests if i’m being honest) so i wouldn’t know HOW to write about him, so probably not just bcus it wouldn’t be accurate 🤷‍♀️ (im not up to date on scara stuff AT ALL. literally everything i write about wanderer is purely knowledge from other fics i’ve read)

[primalspice]

Carrie :3 💭, 🖊️ , 🖊️ , 🍃, 💔 , 🍝, 🍸, 🧐, 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

she

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

i love my oc universe of 10000 INTJ women

I didn't do the test for enneagram but i think she's probably a three. i think she falls between a 4 and 5 on these 'healthiness levels' she is terribly self conscious no matter how much she tries not to be. girl you are middle aged you can do wtf you want in this world.

🖊️ BALLPOINT PEN — does your oc have any tattoos? do they want any (more) tattoos?

nahh i dont see her as much of a tattoo fan sadly shes too prissy for that she likes to look Clean and Elegant. sorry no secret tattoo reveal </3 if she DID get one tho i think it'd be like. dainty flower anklet tattoo. estrogen molecule tattoo if she stopped being such a hater. stereotypical yes but she's a biochemist too she cant NOT get that.

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

I've said this before but genuinely she is semi-proficient in chinese she studied it in college she's just that kind of white person.

She likes ~Intellectual Music~ (TOOL FAN ALERT). Mostly in the realm of rock music tho. she likes pink floyd and the beatles n shit. enough of a music-enjoyer to own a record player, not enough of a music-enjoyer to go to a concert that isn't at a seated venue.

ok evil fact but her ass was in the gay bars during the aids epidemic shaking her head disapprovingly. she never really had many friends/partners bcz shes horrible to talk to and Too Good For That so i mean she didnt have a TON on the line but it did effect her psychologically as if she wasnt already self-hating enough.

🍃 LEAVES FLUTTERING IN WIND — what is/was your oc's favorite subject in school?

science has always been her truest love. she's a bigger fan of 'pure' and technical mathy stuff than the more active practical fields. she'll take stuff like biochemistry (her college major), molecular biology, biophysics over stuff like physiology or ecology or etc. any day. shes kinda a freak for that but i guess Someone's gotta do it.

💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc's negative traits?

self-hatred and denial guide the majority of her life choices and beliefs even at her old ass age. honestly this one is pretty much the background to anything else i could list here. shes not really as outwardly self-destructive as her colleagues but her shame has made her unbearably bitter and brooding and resentful. refuses therapy.

she does not work well with others. she is controlling and a perfectionist and is very familiar with purposefully manipulating projects to the point that no one dares to collaborate on them with her for any longer. yeah if you want something right do it yourself but. its horribly inefficient and also shes not always right sadly

she is standoffish. this kinda relates to the to above but shes really just kinda offputting for no reason at times LOL. she will absolutely not approach others before they approach her. she will not use exclamation points in that email. she will not offer you a cup of coffee when she goes to get one for herself. it's strictly business here.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

idk shes kinda bougie and skinny. her ass is eating steaks and salads.

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

idk i think shes open-minded when it comes to drinks but i think she'd order like a rosé or white wine some cutesy mixed drink like an espresso martini or mojito or a cosmo

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

she's pretty cold and logical but her emotions are certainly more at play than she'd like to admit. shes very reasonable and safe and calculated most of the time but one may argue it is her anxiety and risk-averseness that is causing that.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 FAMILY WITH MOTHER, FATHER, SON AND DAUGHTER — how many people are in your oc's immediate family? how many people are in your oc's extended family? do they have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc? who in their family are they closest with? are they close with their birth family, or do they have a found family?

she hasn't really interacted with her family in many years so the answer is sorta 0, but i think her mom and dad are still alive, just old. i think she's maybe a middle child. has a brother and sister perhaps? i've not thought about it much but it sounds like something she'd be pissy about. she removed herself from the family bcz they are viciously transphobic and she doesn't really have found-family either unless u wanna count whatever the hell shes got going on with the bruno-aspen-vic bunch. she is very lonely but shes FINE with it ITS FINE.

[syunkiss]

HIII !!! I saw u like jjba. Can I ask for your opinions on the bucciarati team ships? Yes. All of them 😈

oh yeah baby I love those asks :3 (tell me if I missed any)

fugonara: first one... I AM NOT SHIPPER OF THEM BUT THEYRE SOOO........ SOSOSOSSOOOO... YK? Yk what I mean?? also they remind me of 15!soukoku a bit for some very specific reasons /pos /very positive

naramis: I'M ALSO NOT A BIG FAN (i like it less than fugonara) but NOTHING AGAISNT THEm, also i saw some people saying its weird bcus mista is 18 but 17-18 age range is not bad

naragio: I don't really like this one but there's no actual reason to it. I just prefer them platonically !!

naratrish: I REALLY SEING THEM AS SIBLINGS but I also like thinking narancia has a little crush in trish. I don't really ship them tho yk in my mind Trish is a lesbain ((intentional typo))

narancia x anyone else (bruno / abbachio) : fucking NO 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

giomis: also a nuh uh for me🙅‍♂️🚫 (because of the age difference)

giotrish: THEY ARE SOOOOO CUTEEEE platonically . I don't have anything agaisn't the ship tho I just don't like it for reasons

futrish: I DUNNO nothing agaisn't this one but I also see them as siblings

fumis: nuh uh uh no uh nuh uh 🚫 nope. Nuh uh

fugio: I FUCKING LOVE THEM. I FUCKING. FUCKING LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH. THEY MAKE ME HAPPY. THEY MAKE ME SMILE. THEY MAKE ME GO SUNSHINE LOLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS EVERYTHING THAT'S WONDERFUL IS WHAT I FEEL WHEN THEY'RE TOGETHEERRRRRRRRRRRR GREERRRRRRGGRRRRGRR<3333 GAAAAERRRRDAAAAAAERRRRRRRRRR

fubruno: i really hope this one doesn't actually exist. but if it does. get away from me. get AWAY (i dont like it. I hate it. also theyre mother and son and fugo is 16 and bruno is 20)

fuabba: why would you. why would you even. yk? why? answer me /neg (i hate it. i dont like it. abbacchio is 21 and fugo is 16)

brugio: no. no. Nno. Nuh uh. No. Hard no. Hard fucking no. Get away. Get away from me. Sir please don't breathe the same air as me fucking DON'T💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️ /neg /vneg /very negative (i hate brugio more than I hate ny own life)

brutrish: skibidi toilet is less of a toilet than this (theyre mother and daughter canon /hc (also trish is 15)) i hate it sm and im not sorry

brumis: this one is. Okay. I have nothing agaisnt it but I also don't ship it. i prefer seeing them as brothers/mother and son too (edit: ok i kinda liek it now....)

bruabba: NO WORDS can express the sense of loss I feel as the result of the terrible tragedy that is their relationship. No words can express how much I love them. Normal time expressions aren't enough to express how much I love them. And how I much I love the way they are and how much I love that they exist. I love t4t bruabba and I love bruabba as a whole itself. I love everything about bruabba and I love when they met, I love their interactions, I love their existence, I love them I love them I would give everything I have (except for my dogs) to see them happy. I love them. I want them I'm crazy for them. Let bruno be happy with his gongeous goth husband/wife forever that's literally everything I want ♡!!!

abbagio: If abbagio has 1 million haters I am one of them. If abbagio has 1000 haters I am one of them. If abbagio has 100 haters I am one of them. If abbagio has 10 haters I am one of them. If abbagio has 5 haters I am one of them. If abbagio has 1 hater this one is me. And if abbagio has 0 haters I don't exist. There are not enough words in any language that can express how much I hate it. Not enough words. Not. Enough. Words.

abbatrish: same thing as abbagio

abbanara: same thing as abbatrish

abbamis: not illegal or wrong I just dislike any ship with Abbacchio that is not bruabba but this one is on thin ice because its not illegal

[kasaneteto]

happy new moon in pisces all you gay people in my phone 🫶 a couple weeks ago i posted about refreshing my money bowl for the new moon, and in that posted i hinted at something else i had done that day but wasn’t done yet. this is that thing! for the February full moon i thought it would be the perfect time to craft some love oil! i wasn’t totally set on the intention when i put it together initially, so i’ll showcase how i kinda set up a loophole or a ‘just-in-case’ element to this as well. read moreeeeee 👇

so first and foremost i wanna preface this by saying: this is a self-love spell. i really do not recommend doing love spells on other people without their consent. generally not a great idea and ultimately will probably just end in you being disappointed. of course there’s a difference between trying to attract someone unspecific/someone who has shown interest in you vs a spell with the intention of making someone you like develop feelings for you in return. dont do that last one. you will only end up hurting yourself. (not personally speaking from experience but. yknow. trying to affect the lives of others via witchcraft has gone terribly for me in the past so i cant imagine itd be much different here)

SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!!!! here’s the breakdown:

everything used here is really basic kitchen ingredients. i used olive oil for the base, and for the herbs used three different kinds: lavender (love and serenity) chamomile (love, protection from negative energy) and cloves (passion, attraction)

first i cleanse the altar space and the container im going to use. after lighting the cherry blossom candle i burned for this spell (v romantic scent, also associated with rebirth and new relationships) i do this with lavender & rose incense that i lit via the candle flame. next i hold the herbs i want to use in my palm one by one and infuse them with my intention. i ask the lavender to help me appreciate and love myself, the chamomile to deflect any negativity i may face, and the cloves to draw in “whatever is meant to be”. this is what i meant by the loop-hole thing. cloves are great for manifesting & abundance but i only added a little bit, less than i usually would. i wasn’t sure whether or not to try and invoke the prospect of meeting someone new, hence ‘whatever is meant to be’

once all the herbs are in the jar i pour in the oil and seal it up! ready to soak up that full moon energy 👍 i set it up on my outside altar, surrounding it with pieces of driftwood rubbed in black salt. this is to protect any unwanted energies from leaking in. i place some amethyst and orange selenite with it, very good self-love crystals

that big stick with the rose quartz on the end is something i made that i call my mood rod. i use it to directly channel the moon’s energy into whatever im making (which is just moon water most of the time)

and after the night is over, i take it back inside and place it in the bathroom at my self love altar to steep for two weeks! whenever i think to i pick it up and swish the herbs around a little bit and sing a lil song about how im awesome and i love myself 🫶

fast forward to last night. its been steeping in all that self-love, its time to finalize my intentions with this spell! but i need a little bit of guidance before i can make a final decision here. whenever im unsure whether or not a spell is a good idea/how to go about it, its time to consult the tarot.

so with my intentions for this pell in mind, i ask the tarot if its wise to try and invoke the manifesting aspect of the cloves

pretty loud and clear! anyone who can read tarot will know this is a “dont do it” answer. without going too much into detail about the cards individually, the first two are of the wand arcana (associated with fire and therefore passion) and are being shown in the reversed position. the card in the middle represents speed, so to see it reversed in this case means the opposite (not every reversal has a completely opposite meaning to the original but in this case it does) and the last card is the major arcana justice, which is pretty self explanatory like idk if i can explain the concept of justice to you sorry. basically in layman’s terms what this is saying to me is to just be patient. fighting an uphill battle wont do me any good right now. just focus on yourself and in due time things will turn out in your favor! duly noted! those cloves are there just for me now. my cloves

setting her out under the new moon! this time ive adorned her with seashells (pisces energy) rose quartz (love) and unakite (self love, discipline, and in this case, bond severing)

the next day its time to strain the oil into an eyedropper!!!!!! an arduous task indeed

👆the face of intense concentration. its hard to do this without making a bit of a mess. hence the plate.

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS HOW YOU MAKE SELF LOVE OIL BABY!!!!!!!! i’ll use this to annoint things in future love spells OR just as a topical when i need a confidence boost. its just straight olive oil so it double as a moisturizer Too 😋 thanks for reading!!!!! everyone love each other and most of all love urself!!!! 🫶