#i really dont know how to tag this its the first time im doing this ;;;;;;;;
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Every single time I draw for an anime I think to myself "never again will I draw for an anime" and then I am proven wrong. So here, take my daughter Lulu.
#brave bang bravern#bbb lulu#how the heck do you tag for this show#i never feel like i do anime characters justice tbh so i get really self conscious about art i do for shows#but honestly whatever shes adorable please enjoy my daughter#i gotta finish watching it - im on ep10#and i am giving updates to two people on discord as i watch and i like hearing#i have no idea whats going on but its a wild trip at least#and im like yeah trust me as the one watching it i also have no idea whats going on and its a fever dream without the fever#an acid trip without the acid#i really have NO idea what the intended audience is for this show but lewis the love of my life#i will never be over the time you said Nani - oh shit#because one of my favorite things to say to someone i know who has a major in japanese is#nani the fuck - BECAUSE IT INFURIATED HIM the first time i said it and he was so upset#now he expects it and is fine with it but the nani oh shit will live rent free ... thank you sir mr american i love you#also not to spoil anything even though i probably dont have the brain capacity to do so correctly#i really liked when someone was saying some weird stuff to him and he just says im sorry? in english#me in japan just saying im sorry feels like it would track thats me thats the american im sorry
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closing time
#you know situation's dire when sparks breaks out the color block sona vent art LOOOOOOOL#sparks speaks#vent#again to all my new-ish followers i do post stuff like this from time 2 time PLEASE block one of those tags if you don't want to see it#long post#edit: fine to rb idgas#ummm NEway. i go back to college in like a month and the thought of it makes me want to curl up and die. idk if i can do it again tbh lol#i dont know how i survived the first time#<- LYING he does. and it was by letting the dissociation he is currently bitching about swallow him completely#if i really committed and tried i could probably claw my way out of this. but there's really no point when i'll just fall back into it soon#the forgetting my entire life does suck though. it does suck.#its really cool learning you've lost the only thing you thought you couldn't lose.#anyways. i'm fine im chillin i just. needed to get this out#if youre reading this preciate you. drink water
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You alive man?
Just wanted to check as it's been bout a month or so since your last post
no i'm dead but don't worry about it. tis the season and all that shit ya know?
(all that shit includes, but is not limited to, seasonal depression, art block, retail and food service worker hell, the election, 5 stress induced nightmares in the space of a week, managing a new relationship [first time], living in a capitalist nightmare, etc.)
[more rambles in the tags, as i am often to do]
#its been two months anon im so sorry#ive been doodling but like not getting anything done at all#there is just nothing going on upstairs i am beyond burnt out but i don't know how to take breaks and#its really fucking killin' me folks#don't do this to yourself learn to take breaks from things that are draining you#lean to manage your batteries and dont stretch yourself thin to make other people happy#i know this and i keep doing it to myself anyway#i dont like to vent here so i wont go into much more detail than what i already mentioned in the body and all those tags#just generally exhausted and having a hard time finding the energy to draw and be happy with it#outside of that had a loss in the family that hit way harder than i thought it would#there has been good to though stress and good things#gonna travel outta the country for the first time ever even if it is just up north but im really excited#half the reason im being assassinated by work is because i need the money so i can take this vacation without worry#as well as having a partner for the first time since.... 5th grade? if that even counts?#i feel like a whole years has happened in the span of two months i'm dying chat#not art related
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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puffer party inspo'd by the fact i've had this fic rotating in my head for the past week
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#ryu ga gotoku 2#yakuza series#yakuza 2#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masadai#daigo dojima#masato arakawa#snap sketches#sorry not over it . dont think i ever will be </3#gen one of my fave fics of all time now.. its everything and more OUUUGHH IM USING MY TAGS TO GUSH SORRY EVERYONE#i just really love how daigos tryna be nice... like i like that despite him bein in his dirtbag era he still has a good heart#that always my fave thing bout him and- and //cries//#he wanna swear off people but i know he dont mean that.. i know he lonely inside.. so when he tries to make it work with masato..#OGH im gona go off on another tangent if i think of that point for too long POINT IS#this fic still make me giddy it still make me do a silly leg wiggle#ive been meaning to draw masato in daigo's jacket again since the first time since i didnt really like how i did it initially#PHENOMENAL excuse to do so now hehe..#now excuse me i have to think of this fic while drawing another masato comic. cause im ill
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w
#one piece#opla#the fleshing out of koby and helmeppo is like honestly good its a beacon of light its truly really fun#and all the actors are great it is just what they are given .#they didnt let nami do any real betraying. they didnt even have her steal the merry!! she just stole the map that they added in!!!!#ddont get me started on the gutting of sanjis intro. i dont give a shit about if don krieg appears or not i need to see this guy fuckin#feed the hand thats about to kill him im going to start shaking like a dog.#im almost madder krieg appeared for just a little id rather have that time be used for. anything else really.#like have one of arlongs guys starved half to death when they get to arlong park!or idk anything! no gin appears look its gin! you know him#sanji doesnt even get to beat the shit out of a shitty guest. like i guess he does a little but it feels so blink and you miss it#+the first like two eps were good!! buggys great hes scary and weird and fun. i dont mind that he sticks around longer in theory#but the way he is comedic relief instead of basically every character having funny bits is like. ahghhhgggg. its a symptom of this really#mean and edgy feeling the whole thing has. like the removal of people missing usopps pirate calling :( and how cocoyashi didnt know#nami was working to help them. like p. please. can we have caring and bonds in this world?? trust and love???#anyway. sorry for having expectations of a netflix show im so close to putting this into a more proper form rather than tags. just to get i#all out of my system cause fuck man.#anyway solid 7/10 not as bad as it couldve been
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Penjamin!
Heres a character design thats been floating around my mind for a few months. He's based on a dream i had while sleeping through class about a guy named pen who got a boring miserable finance job he doesnt like, and is always doodling over his work. I think he has a real propensity for creative things and i think he really likes action comics. But pen was never given the space to explore or cultivate that artistic side outside the margins of his notebook pages. He was put on a specific path and is expected to act in a very specific way. He thinks that the only true measurement of success is the traditional kind and that his other interests are childish (this is a mindset that was very much taught, he drew a LOTTT more when he was younger). So his art is very messy and childlike i think. lots of stuff he draws just cuz its SICK, superheros and monsters and stuff. he likes using crayons too. His life continues very monotonously until one day when his doodle COME TO LIFE and burst off the page, wreaking havoc on the city!! so now its up to Penjamin (and his crayons that can create anything he can think of!) to capture and erase all his doodles. And in having to come up with creative solutions to catching each doodle, as well as having to draw his way out of many situations, Penjamin learns to accept and cultivate his own wants and creativity. He learns he wants to make art even if its frivolous, and even if hes not very good at it, and even if he started taking it seriously "too late". I think at the end he gets a new job that, while maybe less traditionally successful, he likes more. One that gives him more time to draw and read comics and cook and sing and drive his stupid car around. More time to just be a human guy.
He's repressed and pretentious and a slacker and just absolutely goofy <3 ily blorbo from my dreams. blorbo from my visions.
#meart#original character#character design#story concept#i never know how to tag my oc stuff lol#i REAAALLY wanna do smth with this guy. hes super underdeveloped. i drew him for the first time in MONTHS just yesterday#these are all old drawings from when i first designed him#its just hes completely separate from my main oc world that has a a million characters and stories that im super attached to#and that ive been working on for years lol#but hes so silly and i like the story concept a LOT#and itd be a lot easier to actually do something with him his story is a lot less complicated than my other one#i STILL dont really know what to do with that one lmao#SUPER PROUD OF THIS GUYS DESIGN TOO HES SO FUN TO DRAW
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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Ahh ive been reading some of your writings and they're just so warm and fluffy to read (if that makes sense??) Though i cant really express it in the tags ;; also if its alright, may i please request blanket with mikoto or tears with fuuta? - @erimnar
Omg thank you -- I've been so grateful for your tags! :)) And thanks for the requests, I had a lot of fun with these woo! I went with a real fun one for Mikoto/Blanket (once again, picture T1 minigram vibes) and I'll post a slightly angstier one for Fuuta/Tears soon 👍
“Mikotoooo, just share with Muu,” the girl pouted. “I mean it!”
He scooted out of her reach. “What are you gonna do, stab me about it?”
Muu’s jaw dropped, but there was no real horror behind it. “Maybe!” She lunged for him again.
After a strange rattling from the walls had woken some in the middle of the night, all the heat in the prison had seeped away. Es had left to fix it immediately, and no one had seen them for hours. In Mikoto’s opinion, they seemed better versed in law than plumbing and mechanical fixes. He had no idea how long they’d all be shivering like this in the winter chill.
The prisoners walked around all morning in a mismatch of spare layers. Mahiru giggled inside one of Shidou’s extra doctor coats, far too big on her. Mikoto hadn’t stopped laughing that Shidou owned extra doctor coats in the first place. Yuno’s stylish hats could be spotted on several of the prisoners, Mikoto included. (He’d given his own beanie to Kazui, earlier.) Fuuta had handed out a concerning amount of sweatshirts, and Muu had some fashionable scarves that gave enough warmth to be useful.
In addition to the ridiculous getups, they each carried their bed sheets around their shoulders. Mikoto was surprised to find himself the envy of the group.
A while back he’d requested a weighted blanket; he remembered finding one helpful when work got too overwhelming. Milgram had provided a fairly large one, though he felt it hadn’t worked as well here. He didn't expect it to cause a stir until Shidou pointed out that its weight would make it even warmer than his own. Following that, it didn’t take long to attract the small army of murderous children that were after him.
As he stepped away from Muu, Yuno leapt at his other side, ready to snatch the blanket off of him. Although Haruka and Amane were too nervous to make a grab at him, they stood anxiously nearby rooting for his loss. Mahiru had jumped in as well. Her quick movements forced Mikoto to spin around and draw it even closer around his shoulders. Caring less about the blanket, but always ready to tackle someone, Fuuta joined the scuffle.
It wasn't like Mikoto cared about the blanket, either. He had no issue sharing it with the others. He knew the attitude in the prison had been dropping recently. Despite the brief camaraderie from sharing articles of clothing, everyone’s mood had been especially bitter today. As physical discomfort added to their mental strain, things could go south quickly. The place needed to liven up a bit.
He stepped back from the blanket thieves, flicking the corner of it from Fuuta’s hands.
“Not so fast!”
Fuuta fumed. “You asshole…”
Yuno, meanwhile, seemed up for the challenge. “You’re quick!”
“I’ve had a bit of experience…” He flashed a wicked grin. Mikoto didn’t talk about his family much, but a few of the others knew he grew up on fairly good terms with a younger sister. His big brother instincts had developed just fine.
He darted this way and that. He faked and sidestepped and spun. As his opponents grew bolder, he ended up sweeping the blanket off his back. He swung it around the room with less effort than expected. He was stronger than he looked, and easily kept the girls at bay while wrestling Fuuta for the blanket. He let out a laugh as he fought back against all the grabbing hands. Taking advantage of the height difference, he lifted it directly over his head.
The position wasn’t the most secure, though. His taunts were quickly replaced by feigned cries as the others dragged him to the ground. As they pinned him down, a cheer erupted from Haruka before he covered his mouth. The others joined in the celebration as they claimed their prize.
Mikoto lamented, “you’re so cruel… you’re all so cruel…” It was good, he thought, hearing them all laugh.
The loss of his blanket wasn’t his only punishment. Heaving an exhausted breath, Yuno flopped down directly on top of him. She tucked herself and Muu into the blanket. Then Mahiru wiggled in, beckoning to Amane and Haruka. By the time they all nestled in, there was just barely enough room for Fuuta to squeeze in with everyone.
Mikoto wheezed from under the pile of prisoners.
“Okay, okay,” he said. “You win. Fuck -- let me breathe...”
Mahiru just made herself more comfortable. “But you’re so warm!” The others muttered their agreement. Not one showed any sign of moving. The prison was far too cold to give up heat like this, after all.
“That’s because you all made me work so hard!” He huffed. “Come on.”
“What are you gonna do?” Muu giggled, doing a poor impression of his voice, “murd--”
“-- Aw, shaddup…”
#milgram#mikoto kayano#muu kusunoki#and others#it was silly but i was still able to wiggle some of my serious headcanons in!#mikoto being able to read a room and know when and how to pick things up with a bit of charisma#him having great big brother/roughhousing/antagonizing for no reason instincts sdfdsfds#and having a lot of stress relief habits that he swears by - and then cant understand why they arent working#(because orekoto usually does all the stress relief with physical exertion)#oh and also the fact that hes really chill about joking about their situation in milgram sfdsdfgfd 💀#thank you sm for the requests!#and i mean it -- i was so happy seeing your tags ;-; ty for the kind words!#also ive been on this site for a while and its the first time ive seen that 'tagging a sideblog on an anon ask' trick so you get notified#thats so smart omg#ill tag you whenever i post the fuuta one#i know i dont have to do both prompts but theres no way im missing an opportunity to make my fave cry hehehe >:3#drabbles
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*walks in, removes eye protective wear and hangs up labcoat after a long day of Observing One Piece Ship Discourse On Twitter fieldwork* so while it may appear strange that people really readily say "luffy is canon aroace/doesnt care about any of that" whenever someone makes a truther post about luffy/hancock and then those same people may turn around and share a bunch of posts about gay ships involving luffy, it's actually more of a symptom of the fact that while most people posting said gay luffy ships are completely aware that their ships will not/could not/probably even should not actually be canon and are deep in the hypothetical, many dudebro types who ship luffy with hancock are completely convinced that their ship absolutely should or even will become canon, simply because he is a male protagonist and she is an extremely attractive woman who is interested in him, and it makes "no sense" for luffy to not go with her, either because they think that is how Stories Should Work (heteronormativity) or because they want Coolguy Chad Luffy and think having a hot woman obsessed with him like, adds to his coolness points in some vague objectifying way, which got more and more misogynistic sounding the longer i tried to find a way to word that sentence. this last interpretation does disservice to both of their characters and frankly, completely doesn't comply with any of the reasons hancock fell in love with him in canon in the first place. if you look for more then a minute at either of their characters you can tell that in canon it would never work, not even just because luffy is completely and entirely disinterested and in all likelihood that will never change, but because although I would say hancock's love is based on real traits of his she respects and was deeply moved by, she idolizes him and her fantasies about being with him involve shit he wouldn't actually do or say. she loves him because he's, literally, the only man she's ever met- and in the current day, often only person she knows across the board besides literally her sisters, who doesn't immediately treat her like a sexual object- and he only doesn't because of his fundamental and absolute disinterest in her, romantically or sexually. they exist in a paradox, and that paradox is used as a source of comic relief. what they have going on would be LESS interesting if he liked her in that way. if he was interested in her she would not like him in the first place. this got really off topic sorry. what im saying is this is why 1 person posting about how luffy and hancock are Totally Canon Endgame because who could turn down such a bad bitch!!!!!!! is a mischaracterization statement that prompts response or backlash in a way that 20 people posting zolu making out sloppy style in a corner completely aware that they are indulging in a mirror dimension and He Would Not Fucking Say That is not
#one piece#not gonna tag this with any characters im not gonna subject more people to this post on purpose.#I will add that personally the fact luffy is 17 and hancock is 29 when she falls in love with him also makes it not my cup of tea#but i dint mention that in the post because I don't think its actually necessarily relevant to the logistics here#since the story itself Doesnt Bother With That. i just bother with that separately#this is less about the fact thats fuckin peculiar and more subliminally about how i hate that duebros objectify the character#whos entire deal w trust and shit is how she cant ever escape being objectified by other characters in universe#and then specifically do it in regards to one of her only bonds with another character who Doesn't do that#like. SCREAM#sorry if this analysis is really tired or smthn im watching the show for the first time so idk whats been said on this previously#THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE SHIP HATE IM SORRY#if youre reading this even tho you dont know one piece and are curious on how im so certain he doesn't like her a bit of context:#hancock's power is basically that if anybody feels even the slightest bit of desire for her at all she can hit them with a beam#and itll instantly turn them to stone. this has worked on literally everybody ever men and women alike#like she does a little maneuver and it sets that ''oh shit shes hot'' reactor off in their head and she hits them with a beam#luffy crashes through the ceiling of her house and ends up seeing her while shes bathing#and she hits him with the beam and it still does nothing. because hes luffy and he doesnt care about all that etc
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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#periodical life updates#(<- NUMBER 3!!!) I FINISHED THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING FOR THAT PROJECT AND SENT IT OFF! super excited!!#it looks really cute! i tried my best and im mostly satisfied of where i landed <33#it's my little sibling's birthday today!! it's also the first official meeting of lgbt club!! (the other event was a fun lgbt mixer)#my backpack smells bad. like mildew or mold maybe? urgh its awful and gives me a headache. i might need a new one. i dont know. urghhh.#my programming homework is due today!! yike!! but other than that my personal projects with deadlines are all done!#INIQUITY NOW THAT YOU HAVE TIME ARE YOU FINALLY GONNA WORK ON YOUR SELF SHIP BLOG?? YES!! HOPEFULLY!!#truthfully i /have/ been working on it on the side. it looks decent but the colors;;; i have always been pretty sht at color picking?#i can adjust with filters but without that im like. a little not good yet lmao. gotta do some studies sometime perhaps#BUT YAY EXCITED!! ive got some rambles and doodles and a tag system and f/o info which is extremely cumbersome (affectionate)!!#also i have new fandom ocs for the latest dimension 20 campaign and im so delighted heho <33 this campaign is literally so fun.#im watching it with my sibling when its done!! OOH ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PNGTUBE AND i will likely never use it BUT COOL!!#i dont like. talk. lmao. my art streams are 1) silent 2) rare 3) only shared with my siblings. pngtuber is a little useless. but CUTE!!#i got boba tea yesterday!! sandy bought it :3 <3 and we're having pho and cheesecake later and i might plan out a little excursion today?#like i might get a treatsie. OR i'll just sit on campus as usual and get a mango smoothie and draw for a while (or work on homework.)#(lets be honest its likely the former. i might get a little back into traditional? ooh or maybe i'll practice my asl?) HEY THOUGH.#ive been thinking about making a henrey stickmn (ask)blog to practice asl? like. no plot. just henry teaching ellie and charles asl#really funny considering my Real concept of an askblog for THSC. not ace or eca; but a secret third thing (⛎) ;)#then again since when have i EVER followed through on an askblog lmao?? damb im all over the place today. we're already hitting tag limit#okay!! 3 AM!! if im going early tomorrow i gotta eep! goodnight everyone i love you!! see you tomorrow if i have the energy and time!!
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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Novel and manga haul from yesterday
#prince's talk tag#i have been to 5 bookstores at this point and none of them have vol 6-8 of bloom into you#they had the sayaka light novel but im holding off on getting it until i finish the series#i was happy they had the last two volumes of witch hat i needed before catching up#also the light novels for sasaki plus the hirano novel which chronologically happened first#if im to believe the confusing timeline in the back of one of the volumes of one of these series#confusing bc of how the page was laid out i should say. the info was all over the place and a pain to read#but yea anyway#i was able to get two volumes of that phantom tales series ive become interested in. love how the owner is posed in the covers#im excited to know what happens its so cool#also happy i got the second volume of cupcake. im a sucker for office romance and i thought this one was cute#the one in the bottom right corner i saw it in another bookstore last time i went out but held off on getting it bc idk how long it is#but this time i decided to cave in and get it bc i was really curious about it#also interested in the fourth book on the top row i love the tension#ive noticed that i own a bunch of one shot yaoi books (like the fifth book in the top row) but not enough yuri one shots#so i changed that by getting the two in the bottom left area#i do want more but i dont see as much one shot yuri books in stores as i do yaoi#and now the main two in the bottom center#guardian was one i saw in a post on here from someone i follow and i liked the cover a lot so i wanted to try it out#its gonna have at least two volumes according to online#and then theres grandmaster. ive been wanting to get into this series along with the other two i see a bunch of on here#and my friend was telling me how much they love it#AND someone on here explained how i should get into it bc ive expressed interest before#but i decided to get the book now so i have it when i decide to get started#its a lot of books but bnn was having double day for all members so it felt like it was kinda worth it#(probably not but eeh)#im not a paying member i just have the basic free membership#if i got a taste of the benefits of being a paid member itll be hard to cancel when i need to so im not doing it
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if i ever seem brave for some of the stuff i admit on here, just know its cause idk how to keep shit to myself. i cower at the thought of judgement and then proceed to expose my whole ass to tumblr anyway, because i dont have a working filter
#tags are filled with worried rambling again#i hear a laugh track play whenever my anxiety flares up#im scared of what other people think of me which in itself is funny#ik others opinions of me arent an indicator of me being a bad person#other people arent gonna kno my whole personality from the stuff i draw#i fear judgement despite experiencing nothing but positive feedback on this site because i keep reading into the small things as negative#i know all this and still wither away in my shell knowing all this im saying is what id tell others if they were suffering with it#i walk in this circle and do it thousand times til i pass out from the exhaustion and later wonder y i was worried in the first place#i want to be able to say “who cares they dont know you” but ive been raised by people who spent almost every conversation-#with me basically saying they know me very well and know whats wrong with me and ive been raised believing everyone knows more than me#i worry of being so serious and actually genuine like this but this is how i like to be sometimes#stupidly thinking too much into things and laughing at myself for it and wondering why i would put myself down on something id encourage-#others to do#i worry about losing people because they wont like all of me but they wont know that unless they see the whole picture#i find myself disgusting w/ my thoughts and the things i wanna create but i dont think that of others and its strange#weird ass moment here.....#i had a really good day today got a job and finished my first tattoo#im happy right now despite the shit i just spewed#im figuring myself out for the first time in maybe years#i just wish all the hateful shit i absorbed over those years fades away soon#and i hope i stop caring so bad lol#anywayyyyy have a wonderful rest of your weekkk <3 if u read this
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