#I CANT TELL WHICH
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omegasmileyface · 5 days ago
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idkkkkkkk sometimes i feel like the me that exists in happy communities like discord servers and flight rising and lives in my it/its and my byte/bit and my ^w^s and my astro boy posting and the me that goes to work and lies on my bed rotting and wants to go back on the stage so badly but cant because of covid and gets called by my given name and wears a posh coat and skirt are different people who are at war with each other.
#i KNOWWWWW i know this is like spiraling or moral ocd or whatever the fuck but i really do feel like a faker in every aspect of my life#even in private i am lying to myself and/or my true self feels like a lie#im playing up my autism im playing up my executive issues im playing up my arospec and my genderqueer and my kindness and my wisdom and hop#or else im toning them down#i could shapeshift and no form would be my true one there wouldnt be any unmasking id feel like a fraud in every skin#vent#it feels like everything i do i choose to do on purpose#i decide on purpose how serious/silly i am how autistic/allistic i am how emotional/numb i am how kind/mean i am how struggling/lazy i am#how talented or smart or sympathetic or oblivious or hardworking or anarchist or spiritual i am i decide those in the moment to my benefit#i seamlessly move from one emotional state to a total other im a manipulator i choose not to put effort into the lives of others#or!!!! or thats NOT true and its NOT on purpose!!!!#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!#I CANT TELL WHICH#I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER IM DOING SOMETHING ON PURPOSE OR NOT#can i admit something im scared to here#like 2 months ago or smth i had a voice in my head. for the first time i experienced a real like 'wait thats not me' second person in there#skipping a lot of details but i talked abt it in a space w a lot of plural friends and the conclusion was that i may be plural#but the other voice keeps coming and going#and since that first time it has felt more and more like im just faking. just deliberately imagining a second person in my head#to feel better. which like theres nothing wrong with that imo but its DIFFERENT from being plural#and i dont know. but ive already given them a pk proxy and a tumblr tag (thats what my 🪛 tag is)#and when they do come back i just feel like im deliberately pretending to be a different person. just putting on yet another mask#and having yet more dialects in my head like always#but couching them in plural terms without actually having plural experiences or issues#just. choosing to project who i always have been through an imaginary acting role this time. for fun
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paintedcrows · 5 months ago
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Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)
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stemmmm · 2 months ago
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the scene people keep screaming about from chapter 5 of theseus' guide
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hinamie · 4 months ago
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self-indulgent sukuna sheet
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choccy-milky · 7 months ago
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seb is lucky ominis cant see ref from triptrippy
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narliee · 2 months ago
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The primary association of pink is with love, particularly gentle and affectionate feelings. Pink can also suggest a youthful, innocent quality to love.
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I cannot fucking tell if Cassandra Cain has seen Star Wars, Game of Thrones, or The Sixth Sense
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snip-stein · 1 month ago
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Thinking stufffff
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aibafiles · 3 months ago
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metaphor prologue
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dukeofthomas · 5 months ago
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I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.
Because that's not what happened.
Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.
Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.
...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.
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bongcipher · 4 months ago
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abyssal-ilk · 4 months ago
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since i'm talking about bull today, i think its a bit of a mistep to say bull turning against the inquisitor in trespasser is an act of revenge for the death of the chargers. this isn't a result of the inquisitor betraying bull or hurting him. it is a result of the inquisitor reaffirming iron bull's place within the qun. it isn't something that the inquisitor "deserves" for killing a group of beloved soldiers. it is simply the consequence of choosing a political allegiance- the qun- and enforcing the idea that a small part can and should be sacraficed for the greater whole. the chargers can be sacrificed for the inquisiton, the inquisitor (and dorian, and vivienne, and sera, and anyone else bull befriended) can be sacrificed for the qun.
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wavezies · 2 months ago
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best friends
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rbtlvr · 1 month ago
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anyways ive only ever talked abt this on discord but the world needs to know so: hey guys did you know? loop's attacks in the twohats fight ALL do damage based on a percentage of your hp. did you know? the maximum base damage they can do in phase one is 17% of your health. did you know? even if you went into the game files and changed your own level to level one, loop could not one shot you from full health at any point in the fight. did you know? did you know about this?
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heart-select · 15 days ago
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fav hobbit fic (mostly bagginshield) tropes that delight me to no end
dwarves making bets (esp on matters of courtship)
line of durin having horrible sweet tooth
Acknowledging Bilbo as the grandson of Old Took, the Thain (gasp he's a prince!)
courting each other without telling you're courting but everyone in the room knowing whats going on
Thorin coming back with Bilbo and people assuming theyre married (that one shire custom about disappearing and coming back together) (bonus if bilbo does not explain)
Bilbo wearing mithril mail Thorin gave and people assuming theyre married
Alternatively theyre married but people are making bets when theyre gonna get together bc they don't know
Bofur has the best stone sense out of the entire company (i like him smart stupid 😔 ❤️)
inseperable heirs of durin (bonus dumb shenanigans) (bonus bonus: theyre also actually competent, theyre both just bored)
Bilbo's family having a time with the dwarves (bonus: hobbits taking in dwarves well enough for gossip and work) (wbk its dori thats having tea with them every 3 days between luncheon and dinner)
Dwalin being really good with kids even if he doesn't like it (he's building an army)
Dwalin Clocking Thorin's attraction to the hobbit and making fun of him for it (still supportive)
Anything that has to do with Dis and her being a menace specifically to Thorin
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tinynerdycthulu · 7 months ago
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ranking svsss characters on how likely they are to get an abortion
shen qingqiu/yuan: 0/10, obv he would never if it was binghe's. as far as i know the only major character to have a stance on abortion at all (if he was binghes mom hed never abort him) how can anyone deny him the chance to live out his milf dreams
luo bingmei: -10/10, its literally shizuns child, how could this lowly disciple ABORT it???? hed probably get jealous of his own unborn kid tho
liu qingge: 3/10, he'd probably keep the baby due to his personal sense of honor/morals but if his life was in danger he'd pursue an abortion. the baby might just like. die on its own tho. this man cannot take care of himself
shang qinghua: 7/10, would keep it if mobei-jun asked him to. otherwise has no parental instinct. is probably actively terrified of both pregnancy and having a kid for valid reasons.
mobei-jun: 5.5/10, would probably keep it prior to airplane extras if it was politically beneficial and post airplane extras if it was sqh's but otherwise feels no sense of obligation to a fetus
shen qingqiu/jiu: 9.9 repeated/10 bordering on 15/10, this man gets abortions regularly. in fact he is the sole reason why there is a dedicated abortion clinic on qian cao. he wishes probirther fearmongering was real and abortions actually caused fetuses to scream and bleed so he could personally be witness to his child's 'life' being snuffed out. the only reason he isnt a 10/10 is bc after aborting like 10 yqy fetuses he realized it actually caused yqy more pain if he KEPT the baby. unfortunately the baby is kinda useless (sorry its not shen yuan) and he just. ditches it.
yue qingyuan: -5/10, sj demands that he does but this man does not have it in him to abort sj's child. paradoxically this leads to them somewhat fixing their relationship.
liu mingyan: 8/10, too busy writing yaoi to parent BUT she might keep it for shits and giggles and to use as a reference when writing bingqiu mpreg kid.
ning yingying: 9/10, shes baby not mommy. also shes neither qualified nor willing to parent, maybe in the future she could deal with the responsibility
ming fan: 6/10, he wouldn't want to but it would be forced upon him c-drama style. hes the shu son and the main wife cant stand his kid being the first grandchild. do you see my vision.
luo bingge: 10/10, this man doesnt believe life begins at conception OR at birth hed perform post-natal abortions if his kids annoyed him enough.
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