#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!
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idkkkkkkk sometimes i feel like the me that exists in happy communities like discord servers and flight rising and lives in my it/its and my byte/bit and my ^w^s and my astro boy posting and the me that goes to work and lies on my bed rotting and wants to go back on the stage so badly but cant because of covid and gets called by my given name and wears a posh coat and skirt are different people who are at war with each other.
#i KNOWWWWW i know this is like spiraling or moral ocd or whatever the fuck but i really do feel like a faker in every aspect of my life#even in private i am lying to myself and/or my true self feels like a lie#im playing up my autism im playing up my executive issues im playing up my arospec and my genderqueer and my kindness and my wisdom and hop#or else im toning them down#i could shapeshift and no form would be my true one there wouldnt be any unmasking id feel like a fraud in every skin#vent#it feels like everything i do i choose to do on purpose#i decide on purpose how serious/silly i am how autistic/allistic i am how emotional/numb i am how kind/mean i am how struggling/lazy i am#how talented or smart or sympathetic or oblivious or hardworking or anarchist or spiritual i am i decide those in the moment to my benefit#i seamlessly move from one emotional state to a total other im a manipulator i choose not to put effort into the lives of others#or!!!! or thats NOT true and its NOT on purpose!!!!#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!#I CANT TELL WHICH#I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER IM DOING SOMETHING ON PURPOSE OR NOT#can i admit something im scared to here#like 2 months ago or smth i had a voice in my head. for the first time i experienced a real like 'wait thats not me' second person in there#skipping a lot of details but i talked abt it in a space w a lot of plural friends and the conclusion was that i may be plural#but the other voice keeps coming and going#and since that first time it has felt more and more like im just faking. just deliberately imagining a second person in my head#to feel better. which like theres nothing wrong with that imo but its DIFFERENT from being plural#and i dont know. but ive already given them a pk proxy and a tumblr tag (thats what my 🪛 tag is)#and when they do come back i just feel like im deliberately pretending to be a different person. just putting on yet another mask#and having yet more dialects in my head like always#but couching them in plural terms without actually having plural experiences or issues#just. choosing to project who i always have been through an imaginary acting role this time. for fun
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Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)
#DID ANYONE TELL HIM. DOES MR NERD KNOW THEY MADE LIVE ACTION LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIES#FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING CAME OUT IN 2001 DOES HE KNOW. HAS HE WATCHED THEM#more importantly the HOBBIT came out in december of 2012. meaning Ford came back JUST in time to watch it in theatres#which I choose to believe he and Dipper did do. I'm gonna draw that actually. Those nerds love Tolkien you cant tell me otherwise#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mason pines#gravity falls#GF fanart#fan art#fanart#digital art#comic#silly#my art
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
#and by 'everyone' i mean me. im just hoping other people relate lmao#someone asks me about a thing i like and im just like h..................#been thinking about The Character for a solid 6 months+ and let me tell you. expldoeing soon#this is about ffxv btw . how am i supposed to say how much it lives in my brain . i cant think#text#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#great googly moogly#30k#40k#50k#60k#boooy what da heeel#70k#80k#90k#will this be my first ever post to hit 100k... it remains to be seen#good lord. we did it#100k
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this hit me like a truck
#pinterest#tag ur ocs and/or blorbos#Cecilia Malvera (tma/slaughter oc)#Clarity Roswell (tma/corruption oc)#clarity is the comment#Cadaver wives (tma ocs)#ocs#oc inspo#oc prompt#tma oc#i cant tell if the comment sounds like theyre trying to find the good that was there/still is or if its sarcastic(?) and tdc the crimes#of the other and only care that they love/loved them
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the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
#spilled ink#writeblr#warm up#this is an incredibly difficult idea to express#but i basically keep watching the same timelooped interaction:#someone makes tradwife content where she's like ''i think it's SO sad when ppl don't have kids EW''#and then the response is ''... go fuck yourself? i think ur life is miserable and bad ?"#and instead of being like ''oh we are all under capitalism huh''#the response is like ''you CANT say that. she made a CHOICE. she is ALLOWED to have KIDS and be HAPPY#unlike YOU who is UNHAPPY bc you don't have KIDS.''#like .... these are people who will throw the first stone. and then when you lob one back#they ask why you're so violent. they tell you that you're a bad activist.#and you're like. PARDON????? you implied being a woman meant i need to submit to my husband???#and they're like - well it's just my belief. so what if i'm invalidating your entire identity.
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Your first pride story was touching and all but you still married a man.
Yeah, bisexuals do that sometimes.
#thank god the first people i encountered in the queer community didn't have this shitty pov#because i spent 16 years feeling like an imposter in my ultra conservative christian community because i liked girls and boys#and if my first terrified forays into the queer community told me i was an imposter there as well#unless i performed my queerness to their specific liking I cant imagine how lost I would have felt#pro tip: if you're telling someone they can't be part of the family unless they deny a part of themselves#you are part of the problem#bisexual#lgbtq#queer#gatekeeping
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a niche ship had me deleting all my filters on ao3 and just raw dogging it in there. discovered that I’m even more of a freak than I previously believed and also that sometimes you gotta give that tag you hate a try
#like sometimes it’s good … rarely but it will find you#fanfiction#WHEN I TELL U I CANT STAND THAT TAG BUT IT WAS GOOD#ao3#🐓
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gay witches the musical sketches
#cant u tell i am in love with elphie#wicked#wicked the movie#wicked the musical#gelphie#galinda upland#elphaba thropp#wicked fanart#yuri#galinda x elphaba#art-coi
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give me your complete and unwavering devotion.
#cant have a vampsona without some religious imagery#i love the dynamic of a god and a devotee#a servant completely and utterly devoted to her god and yet a god is nothing without its worshippers#still has that power imbalance yet that necessity of being together#yummiii#also i hope the three wise monkeys reference was clear !!!#its basically telling her to turn a blind eye on others. telling her to avoid having evil thoughts i.e. not being devoted etc#idk does that make sense ??? eh whatever thought it was p cool#𓆩♱𓆪#my art#tw blood#hints of cannibalism if you squint hard enough
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some dunmeshi restaurant au doodles
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#chilchuck tims#kabru dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#illustration#artists on tumblr#fanart#reupload cause my deuteranomaly rlly popped out in the last version#whoever pointed out that i made them green accidentally i owe u my life#its fixed now. i think. i cant tell
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Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave
#the first time it happens he's just like oh whoops that'll be awkward#the second time: well that's not ideal#the third time: fucking hell why did i make a persona that cant keep it in his pants#Clark angsting about why his best friend doesn't trust him enough to tell him his secret identity:#:( why doesn't he trust me after all we've been through together#bruce: i have fucked too many people here including you and you can never know#batman#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc#mine
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THE GOOD PLACE (2016-2020)
4.06 — A Chip Driver Mystery
#michael realman#bad janet#the good place#tgp#tgpedit#thegoodplaceedit#sitcomedit#tvedit#*#WLECOME TO MY FIRST SET USING MY NEW LAPTOPZPZLXLX I CANT TELL IF IT'S OKAYY!!! THE COLORING IS WEIRD ON MY LAPTOP AHHH AND THE SHARPENING#IDKKKKK#and dude WHERE are my good place ppl at. WHERE ARE U ALL HIDING#myedit
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the one where cheerilee knows
#trans big mac real#cheerilee said the line#that's probably applejack's old copy#theyre transhet and transbian best friends and you cant tell me otherwise im afraid#does miss cheerilee is lebsnian? (no)#irrelevant but i hc cheerilee as transfemme aroace heteroplatonic FIGHT ME#leslie feinberg mentioned!!!#this was meant to be much lower quality but I accidentally got invested#comic#art#artists on tumblr#my art#fanart#mlp fim#my little pony#big mac#big macintosh#apple bloom#cheerilee#miss cheerilee#mlp art#mlp g4#mlp#transgender#queer art#queer artist#queer artwork#leslie feinberg#stone butch blues#short comic
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hobie motherfuckin' brown!!!!!!
#i am so normal about hobie brown (lie)#what the hell has this movie done to me#i have taken art drugs#cant. stop. drawing him. oh my god#its hard to tell but the webbing behind him spells out his name#my anticapitalist king. im sorry but i /will/ be purchasing a poster of you#hobie brown#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#spiderman#spiderman across the spiderverse#stillindigo art
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went to the grocery store today and i was very pleased by their pride cake selections
#the transformer one fucks i really want to go back and buy it.#i should add: the homo sapien one was the color of the gay man flag but you cant tell in the pic
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girl who lives in a cave
#ok i started batgirl 2000... its peak#i mean caveat caveat caveat for all the sht that happens in 90s comics but cass rules so hard#“how are you going to fight someone you cant hit?” “you tell me” lived rent free in my brain for days afterwards... shes Her#batgirl#cassandra cain#cass cain#batgirl 2000#batgirl comics#dc#dc comics#barbara gordon#oracle dc#batman#im on like issue 23? where bruce and babs are talking about casss deal w shiva. i love how bruce sees a lot of himself in cass (accurate) s#he decides he should treat her like himself (bad!!). its very human#the thing i keep thinking is “they should give her white eyes to emote like batman” and thank goodness they did later#im reading batgirl 2024 too but obviously theres only 2 issues out so far#panel redraw#id in alt#2024
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