#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!
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omegasmileyface · 5 days ago
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idkkkkkkk sometimes i feel like the me that exists in happy communities like discord servers and flight rising and lives in my it/its and my byte/bit and my ^w^s and my astro boy posting and the me that goes to work and lies on my bed rotting and wants to go back on the stage so badly but cant because of covid and gets called by my given name and wears a posh coat and skirt are different people who are at war with each other.
#i KNOWWWWW i know this is like spiraling or moral ocd or whatever the fuck but i really do feel like a faker in every aspect of my life#even in private i am lying to myself and/or my true self feels like a lie#im playing up my autism im playing up my executive issues im playing up my arospec and my genderqueer and my kindness and my wisdom and hop#or else im toning them down#i could shapeshift and no form would be my true one there wouldnt be any unmasking id feel like a fraud in every skin#vent#it feels like everything i do i choose to do on purpose#i decide on purpose how serious/silly i am how autistic/allistic i am how emotional/numb i am how kind/mean i am how struggling/lazy i am#how talented or smart or sympathetic or oblivious or hardworking or anarchist or spiritual i am i decide those in the moment to my benefit#i seamlessly move from one emotional state to a total other im a manipulator i choose not to put effort into the lives of others#or!!!! or thats NOT true and its NOT on purpose!!!!#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!#I CANT TELL WHICH#I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER IM DOING SOMETHING ON PURPOSE OR NOT#can i admit something im scared to here#like 2 months ago or smth i had a voice in my head. for the first time i experienced a real like 'wait thats not me' second person in there#skipping a lot of details but i talked abt it in a space w a lot of plural friends and the conclusion was that i may be plural#but the other voice keeps coming and going#and since that first time it has felt more and more like im just faking. just deliberately imagining a second person in my head#to feel better. which like theres nothing wrong with that imo but its DIFFERENT from being plural#and i dont know. but ive already given them a pk proxy and a tumblr tag (thats what my 🪛 tag is)#and when they do come back i just feel like im deliberately pretending to be a different person. just putting on yet another mask#and having yet more dialects in my head like always#but couching them in plural terms without actually having plural experiences or issues#just. choosing to project who i always have been through an imaginary acting role this time. for fun
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paintedcrows · 5 months ago
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Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)
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koobiie · 9 months ago
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
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all-the-bones-ever · 1 year ago
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this hit me like a truck
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inkskinned · 4 months ago
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the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
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xiaq · 8 months ago
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Your first pride story was touching and all but you still married a man.
Yeah, bisexuals do that sometimes.
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willgrahamscock · 4 months ago
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a niche ship had me deleting all my filters on ao3 and just raw dogging it in there. discovered that I’m even more of a freak than I previously believed and also that sometimes you gotta give that tag you hate a try
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coi-arts · 2 months ago
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gay witches the musical sketches
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fraternum-momentum · 3 months ago
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give me your complete and unwavering devotion.
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when-sanpape-arts · 11 months ago
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some dunmeshi restaurant au doodles
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bbbbbbbbatman · 8 months ago
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Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave
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unadulteratedloathings · 5 months ago
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THE GOOD PLACE (2016-2020)
4.06 — A Chip Driver Mystery
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sillystringpony · 5 months ago
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the one where cheerilee knows
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stil-lindigo · 2 years ago
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hobie motherfuckin' brown!!!!!!
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diantha · 2 years ago
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went to the grocery store today and i was very pleased by their pride cake selections
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andstuffsketches · 2 months ago
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girl who lives in a cave
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