#i never felt like i had one of those
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fridayyy-13th · 9 months ago
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so i just listened to the new tmagp episode
and can i just say, with feeling,
what the fuck.
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benevolenterrancy · 3 months ago
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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neunhofferart · 1 month ago
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Howdy, Heidi! You said that some fans picked up things that were done on accident… Were there more scenes like that? Also, were there scenes that you guys made on purpose but fans didn’t pick up / were aware of them? In shipping terms (hihi) and in general terms. Thanks!
I think in every type of media you will inevitably see versions of 'authorial' intent vs audience interpretation that overlap and differ from each other in many ways. (Authorial intent in quotes because in collaborative mediums like film and animation every single person on the pipeline who touches the work probably has a slightly different personal interpretation they're contributing to the final work, even under someone like a showrunner or a director).
Humans are smart and it's in our nature to look for connections and find explainations to questions, so most of the time if someone is putting something down, someone is going to pick it up, so to speak, and a lot of things ARE on purpose.
But this same phenomenon can also lead to us seeing connections in places that even the 'authors' might not have originally thought of while creating the work, and I think that can be pretty neat actually! I don't necessarily think reading alternate interpretations of works is wrong-- it can be very healthy to explore multiple reads of a narrative or a character/character dynamic. On Chaos Theory there were definitely times when we were like 'fans are probably gonna ship this even if it's not the text' haha. Sometimes fans latch onto headcanons you really have no control over. Sometimes things were animated slightly differently from how they were conceived (which is also a natural part of things).
But yes, sometimes I have seen a few other things that were interpreted in slightly different ways from how they were directed or written verbally, but I'm personally of the opinion that it's more fun to leave some things visual and open to a little interpretation rather than beating the words over the audience's head and having the characters constantly announcing 'I'm feeling this because of this!' And going 'this is the only way to interpret the show and the characters and if you don't you're wrong!'
It's usually not a huge deal. I think even as we were working sometimes I'd make connections to myself that weren't necessarily spelled out to us and go 'oh, this is a throughline for this character actually!'
Like for example- if I remember correctly, the original direction behind how Kenji reacted to Ben's apparent death was that it was supposed to the first time he'd ever seen someone he really KNEW seemingly die right front of him, and being unable to do anything about it deeply affected him. Ben is a very important turning point in his character development regardless of which way you read it.
And I think this is actually something that just continued to stack onto his character throughout both shows whenever any of his friends lives are seriously in danger. In Camp when he's still unable to do anything but comfort Sammy while she's poisoned, to deciding it's too dangerous not to trade Wu's laptop for Brooklynn, to eventually throwing himself between the spinosaurus his dad is about to kill Darius with and choosing his friends over his own father and being willing to die with/for them... and then in Chaos Theory it kind of reboots all over again with Brooklynn dying and then his dad dying right in front of him, and his complex of not wanting to be useless and trying to do whatever he can at the expense of even himself to keep the loved ones he has left safe is kicked into overdrive.
I think there are a lot of things like that where the intent is not always verbally spelled out, but the more important thing is that it's still (hopefully) making you feel something.
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kelocitta · 3 months ago
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There is currently a rather large discussion ongoing about the RW fandom behavior, drama, etc. I am not going to talk about the specifics of whats happened for a number of reasons. But what I do want to say is that if at any point you've harassed people over it, whether that be through anon asks or public posts- you did nothing but damage the ability for people to correctly process what is happening. You contributed nothing but harm to an already delicate situation. It does not matter what "side" you were on and I will not tolerate further interaction with me or my work if I found out you did such. If you let your personal hate for anyone boil over into threats, wishes for long term harm and petty comments meant to contribute nothing but slander or mental distress for the individuals involved who were already distressed (or acting irrationally) you did nothing but make it harder for people to process their emotions, thoughts and behaviors constructively. Regardless of who you think was in the right, who fucked up, whatever. It doesn't matter if they deserved it, or earned it, or if its an eye for an eye. Its difficult enough as it is to think clearly when presented with any kind of stressful situation and heckling people does nothing but make it worse and harder for them to explain themself in any capacity. I don't want you anywhere near me if you think that is an acceptable way to act.
#Please do not ask for me details- I am not involved#I am not the person to ask.#I very intentionally stay out of wider fandom circles because i want to keep enjoying things i like (lol)#But i have seen some absolutely vile behavior both openly and on alts or anon#even from the 'anti harassment' side because of course they also just want a justified target#to hurt or slander but this time under the guise of 'well they did it first!'#Its a pathetic display on all sides in terms of behavior long before for you even try picking a part who fucked up and where#and its not surprising that many artists have felt uncomfortable with it long before it boiled over into this. It would have been a problem#even if there had never been an actual incident because people were simply behaving in uncomfortable and offputting ways in regards to how#they treated creators here. fandom has a problem in general with that but it was particularly public and open#Anyway Im not leaving the fandom or anything im comfortably on the fringes of it for a reason and dont intend on digging in any further.#But this issue has been cooking for months for frankly and with this its gotten even more openly hostile. And yes- even those#'anti harassment' types are very happy to harass when they have their own reason for it. so im not giving them an inch#But beyond that and this particular incident people have just been way too comfortable being cruel openly#and letting their personal dislike of things bleed into how they act.#Also one more thing: If an artist deletes or leaves and takes their art with them the bear minimum of respect is to honor that choice#save what you want when its there and keep it but if they want their work gone than god respect that dont set up entire archives#for shit people choose to wipe. If they delete it that should be honored no matter how you feel about it#t.extpost
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tangents-within-tangents · 4 months ago
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Thinking about the song "Ship in Port" by Radical Face and clones
Thinking about the line "Farewell to the chains we were born into" and what that can mean for the clones
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Thinking about how "But I have always stayed in place/Under that old illusion that it's safe" could equally describe Hunter, Echo, and (s1+2) Crosshair's complete opposite approaches to the Empire and post-war life.
The way Crosshair clings to his identity as a soldier of the Empire
And Echo as a soldier of the Republic
But Hunter puts his identity as a soldier behind him
Crosshair fights for the Empire to gain purpose
Echo fights against the Empire to save his brothers
And Hunter decides the Empire is too strong to even try to oppose
"A ship in port is a safer one"
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"but it's not the reason it was made"
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"So forgive me if I wander off"
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"And forgive me more if I just stay"
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Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had more fully explored the differences between those ideologies
(Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had dedicated more screen time to the 'reg' clones within the Empire and the underground network's fight to free them , instead of just sidelining Echo and Rex for a hypothetical clone rebellion show we might never get)
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legionofpotatoes · 2 months ago
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I know the discourse well is poisoned and no one hates bioware games more than bioware fans, but I am just 🫠 having so much fun with veilguard it's unreal. It is selfishly the dragon age game I always wanted. with less emphasis on cRPG, a more focused story, curated mission based design that spotlights the high fantasy stuff, slowburn structure with companions, significantly less sidequest bloat, and a fully real-time action-oriented combat system that isn't riddled with the growing pains of previous titles. when I first played origins I imagined something almost exactly like this as my ideal version of a sequel; and it was one of those dirty, selfish thoughts that I knew was disrespectful to the then-established DNA of the thing, but I can't help but feel giddy about having it here and now. like down to the shift away from the childishly dark tone and to something more inherently flexible with a baseline aspirational quality. I hate aesthetically depressing games so much. am I not alive right here and right now already
When I say "aesthetically" there though I do mean it. I'm fully on the opposite side when it comes to tone and positions expressed in the story itself. I am just not including that in my analysis because I am not done yet - so please no spoilers! I think I am where most people consider to be the second act, and I definitely have my gripes with the narrative framework and some of the optics, but I won't put the cart before the horse and will see how it wraps things up first. Above that level, in terms of how it presents itself, of how it plays, of how it balances its core pillars - it is such a bioware-ass game and I could not be any cozier in it. So grateful it exists
#and thank god for that reboot away from live service horseshit they were pushing. this is the most offline ass game in ages. bless#anyway no one is allowed to reblog this because people here aren't normal and I am afraid of spoilers#but I cant pretend not to adore every second of Beef Hilda Mercar and her adventures as a shadow dragon reaper#I have her fully invested in shield throws. that shit couldnt bounce better if zagreus was tossing it#also everyone is so pretty 🫠 this is the first time for me in a bioware game where like#purely aesthetically. i feel targeted and manipulated. these people feel designed around my tastes it's so embarassing#text#dragon age#okay I gotta mention one more thing. it is a very specific ass peeve I have#their dialogue system has never felt as.. nimble in their frostbite titles. something about the constant fades in and out and click delays#it all feels insecure on the engine-end side to me. maybe I am dumb. but veilguard also has this issue#like the original 2 DAs and the unreal engine mass effects had such snappy and frictionless selection-to-dialogue feel#and their frostbite titles I swear to god some greare is missing in the wheels there. here too. it is a LITTLE annoying since this is like#my favorite part of engaging with their games. it's not a huge issue but I have grown keenly attuned to it#inquisition had horribly bad delays in response selection. andromeda had those godawful delays in starting and ending convos#and those things are still somewhat present here albeit to a lesser degree. it feels like a streaming thing#idk. I do not make games. but I think that shit needs to feel smoother
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thepoisonroom · 9 months ago
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'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.
I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.
About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'
-Casey Plett, Consciousness
#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it#i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition#but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body#not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways#but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth#valuing and exploring and treasuring#i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible#but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head#and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude#this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example#like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than#violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body#to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities#like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia#so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you#even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by#what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems#Casey Plett#she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her#this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger#i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial#she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies#that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era#it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it#i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience#said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip#personal nonsense
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mymarifae · 4 months ago
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sooooooo when i jokingly said to myself "haha did ruan mei play aeonic necromancy on tingyun's remains or something" i wasn't expecting that to literally be the case what the fuck
#ON ONE HAND! TINGYUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ON THE OTHER! HELLO???????????????????????????????????#that was a really good update . a little clunky in those transitions sometimes but ooooh boy that came together GOOD#jiaoqiu nearly sent me into hysterics i was so upset . and flabbergasted. mostly flabbergasted#also the part where hoolay let him go for a little bit and you had the option to try asking for help#with severe consequences to be reaped afterwards. that was so nervewracking#i ended up doing it once out of curiosity and immediately regretted it and was horribly anxious the rest of the time i was running around#and yeah those consequences sure do. Consequence#props to the writers and stuff for that one that was great i felt ill#FEIXIAO... GOD FEIXIAOOOOO OHHHH BOY I LOVE HERRR what a great character#i hoped and i prayed and i dreamed for a deep dive into her condition and not a vague gloss-over as hyv loves to do AND I GOT IT#moze didn't do enough tricks (aka just . being a part of the story and interacting with other characters) for me to care about him still#it's like#the yaoqing trio: yay yahoo yippee WOOOO YAYYYY#moze by himself: closes my eyes forever#DO MORE TRICKS FOR ME#lingsha's pretty cool. i will save her from her bad design#oh oh oh YANQING!!!!!!!!!! USING WHAT JINGLIU TAUGHT HIM AND IMMOBILIZING HOOLAY ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!!! OH YM GOD#MY LITTLE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that cutscene was terrifying i almost died of stress . i'm so proud of you yanqing. never do that again#i had fun and now it's 3 am and i have work in the morning. help me
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ganondoodle · 1 month ago
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Have you been assesed for adhd?
nope, though im pretty sure i got it ... or its something similar bc although also not officially diagnosed there is no way im not autistic OTL
the only things i have been .. 'diagnosed' with is anxiety and chronic depression, though both of which by a therapist that got arrested for fraud and harassment (hahaha .. ._.) and im not sure how much weight that can hold both bc of .. THAT and bc i honestly have no idea how much a therapist can do (its been many years since then too) and the only meds he ever offered me where like .. drugs ('herbs')
i have been thinking of asking our family doctor about it but im rather afraid of whatever process i gotta go through to get anything that might help since im sure its also not JUST adhd that causing all this (and ... im afraid it could impact how i am treated ... like if they know im autistic are they not gonna take me seriously anymore or stop me from making choices about myself.. welp theres the anxiety ndfjkgndfknvgfdk)
(and a new therapist is pretty impossible bc theres a really big problem of not enough therapists around ESPECIALLY where i live ... also fear bc of the previous one .. haha ._, )
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fictionadventurer · 2 months ago
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#beautiful things list in the tags#so i can remember a day that seemed full of them#going to the religious bookstore and finding lots of things (the beautiful advent wreath!)#quick trip to the library and picking up a couple of middle grade books on a whim#(short things that don't add much to the overwhelming tbr but add a bit of joy into the options list)#going to wendy's and getting a lime coke#listening to fascinating religious history things that opened up new ideas and made new connections with what i'd been reading#wedding dress shopping with my sister#in a cute little shop with nice staff#where i felt like my input was helpful#wandering a bit in a city we never go to#in a rainy chilly late night atmosphere that felt very hallmark christmas movie#(in a good cozy way not in the over-the-top christmas decorations way)#thrift shopping and finding a lightweight sweater that fills a need in my wardrobe#(since we've had a warm year that limits me to only a few of my sweaters)#coming home and finding that a book i ordered had arrived#lots of lovely poem recommendations and conversations#some sights on a rainy day that filled me with that fantasy sort of awe and longing#seeing a distant shore through a fog that looked like an ancient castle rising up out of the mist#a hill of plants topped with crimson leaves that looked like a fabric or wallpaper pattern come to life#it was just a day filled with a lot of beauty#and i made a conscious effort to notice it#one of those days you want to keep
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stygianheart · 1 year ago
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I think one of my “favorite” things is when people misinterpret what it means to be aroace. Watching people so clearly not understand the complexity behind the spectrum of aromatic and asexuality and then proceed to say they “stand with” aroace as an ally is so hilarious to me. Especially when they use this to start bashing on a perfectly fine ship, especially because said ship gets in the way of theirs.
Aroace does not mean no attraction. The plastered poster face for it is people who don’t feel ANY types of attraction, but that does not mean everyone. Aromantic people can date and fall in love. Asexual people can fuck. Aroace people can do both.
Yes, aroace rep IS needed. But we still have it via Luffy—just because Luffy kisses someone (hypothetically) doesn’t mean we just yeeted the aroace label off of him. He is STILL aroace. You know who else is aroace? Bon Clay, for one. Zoro as well. Yet I don’t see people screaming that shipping Zoro with someone completely erases the aroace label, now do I?
Ugh, I’d totally make a whole ass essay about this, but it’s half till midnight. It’s just. Been on my mind for a few hours and I need to say a little shit
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todayisafridaynight · 3 months ago
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i am again forced to be the only one asking WHERE'S ICHIBAN
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imageingrunge · 2 months ago
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oh god i was BEGGING for scenes like this with companions in DATV Something that actually felt dramatic and gave weight to their actions just to make me feel something (I was thinking about this when Lucanis got possessed by Spite in this scene)
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shitty-fate-merch-daily · 1 year ago
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Had a dream last night where some people were trying to convince me to do cocaine and my mind immediately conjured this post.
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I then proceeded to lie and say that my doctor told me that I had a medical condition which would kill me instantly if I did any drugs.
Thank u Naruto for saving me from peer pressure, even in my dreams 🫡
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forcedhesitation · 8 months ago
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why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
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sad0nion · 2 months ago
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You ever get a glance at a fandom you’re not in and think like… damn I bet their fanfiction goes craaaaaazy
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