#who as a young man was also so angry at the world & depressed but then was slowly sucked out of its intensity bc of ethel’s love and suppor

[strryhaze]

bobby & david kennedy

“There was some level on which David tapped his father’s sensitivity. You would find him walking with David or with his arm around David. David just seemed to need it.”

— chuck mcdermott.

“If his father’s death hit David harder than the others, it was because there had been a special bond between them—both were the runts of the litter, sandwiched into the middle of a large family. He was the only one in the family who hadn’t been enthusiastic about the run for the presidency. For weeks after his father’s announcement, David had been plagued by recurring nightmares about Bobby’s death. Distraught over episodes that seemed premonitory, and missing the special attention his father had given him, David had gotten in trouble for throwing rocks at cars passing by Hickory Hill. The day of the California primary, he had joined his father in Los Angeles. The two of them had been swimming and he had felt himself being carried out by the undertow when his father grabbed him, scraping his own head on the ocean floor as he reached for David’s slippery arm. With a teenager’s melodrama, David had decided that he owed his father a life and would look for an opportunity to pay him back in the years ahead. That night as he sat in front of the television set in his room in the Ambassador Hotel and watched [his father] bleeding on the floor downstairs, one of the thoughts he had was that the debt would be forever undischarged.”

“As the worst year of their young lives came to a close, they decided to surprise their mother at Christmas with a book comprised of letters about their father. David’s said: ‘Daddy was very funny in church because he would embarrass all of us by singing very loud. Daddy did not have a very good voice. There will be no more football with Daddy, no more swimming with him, no more riding and no more camping with him. But he was the best father there ever was and I would rather have him for a father for the length of time I did than any other father for a million years.”

— the kennedy’s, peter collier & david horowitz.

“David looked at himself in those pictures like they were a strange sort of mirror. He looked at them half a dozen times at least, mesmerized by them, and he kept asking me questions. There was a tremendous desire to know his father, to really know him.”

— john seigenthaler.

“David and Bobby were so close. They were inseparable. David was small, a runt like Bobby had been.” Ethel then explained to Noelle (her secretary) that David had always been a very sensitive youngster, very introverted, "not like the other boys. He and I would go and pick flowers while his brothers were killing each other with their crazy games", Ethel recalled with a smile.

— ethel kennedy.

“I think about death a lot. Time hasn’t erased the death of my father from my mind. My family thinks I’m no good and that I’ll never beat my problem. They’ve written me off. I’m trying to get it together, but it’s so difficult. I’m having a terrible time at it. And the thing I want most in the world is the approval of my family, but they want nothing to do with me. All I want is to be with my father.”

— david kennedy, april 1984.

“Like his family, his friends had all wondered at one time or another if he would kill himself; but when it finally came his death was nonetheless shocking. ‘I keep asking myself why. Why David? Why now? All I can come up with is that maybe his father was looking down from heaven and saw all the hell these people were putting him through and said, ‘Come on, You’ve suffered enough. It’s time you were up here with me.’”

— nancy narleski.

Years after David Kennedy’s death, his cousin, Patrick Kennedy recalled a haunting and heartbreaking recollection he had with his father, Teddy, sitting beside his cousin’s casket: “My father remembered Bobby telling him that, as a father, he needed to spend more time with David. He also recounted a story Uncle Bobby had told him just before his own death. On the day before the California primary, the Robert Kennedys had gone swimming in Malibu, to relax together. David had been knocked over by a wave and got caught in the undertow, and his father had come to his rescue. When Uncle Bobby told my father this story, he talked about ‘the undertow’ in broader terms, how there was an undertow in life and David, who was only then thirteen, already seemed vulnerable to it. And then, just hours later, Uncle Bobby was murdered as David watched the TV coverage in their hotel room upstairs. It was unbelievably poignant to hear my father tell this story. David was in the casket next to us. And I wasn’t that much older than David when his father worried whether he could survive the undertow.”

[krewekreep]

Baby Daddy Red Flags: Bleach Edition (😜🤍)

This one…this one for the sluts! 😭💕 I’m an old anime bitch like lemme get it out my system! (We gonna tag this #ToxicTalk lmaoo, this is a safe space)

(If you wanna know who we share 😒, I’ll add an asterisk or whatever. ((They still mine first 😂💝🫡)) (will update and repost with new additions, semi-live post)

***ICHIGO: Lemme get my baby daddy out the way. Biggest issues would be his availability before and after the kid. Probably got pregnant in a makeup sex situation anyway. Ichigo doesn’t seem to type to breakup but will say let’s break. Based on how selfless he is it also can be seen coming from him not being able to save his mom—so he may have a savior complex. It may seem valiant at first like “oh wow you became friends with Chad helping him with bullies? You became closer to Orihime (😒) after helping her grieve her brother? You’re such a good person!” Til you realize seniority is in place and when his friends call he drops whatever he is doing to go help. It’s been time, money, etc and increasingly his selflessness comes off as codependent. Like he can’t stop trying to make up for something that wasn’t his fault.

He will also randomly reserve to right to become reclusive. Not necessarily secretive but less energetic, talkative, or engaged. (You def realize your baby got some functional depression going on. Iykyk). Might not annoy you but the random times he doesn’t want to be touched or seemingly avoids you does hurt…but he sincerely comes back letting you know he was in a weird space etc.

Ichigo’s biggest yes or no is if you’ll be able to sometimes come second or third (likely til you marry and/or have kids with him.) His father and sisters are absolutely #1, his friends are #2, and his oath to the Soul Society and humanity at large is a consequence of him protecting the first two so that’s of course #3. See where I’m going? Even on your best days you might be upset he runs off to Rukia’s or Orihime’s aid. That he has to “save the world,”to save you too. Jealous types might really become frustrated with Ichigo. And tbh I don’t see him breaking out of his ways. He won’t see a need to because there’s real results of his good deeds in his life. He knows he’s saved lives, so he knows he can continue to—so will you be able to handle the fact his duty and mindset will be self sacrificing? I don’t know I think I’d tie him down with a baby and move on.

**KENPACHI: I fully accept and am attracted to his animalistic tendencies. I absolutely can admit that about myself 😭 but…realistically you’d def have to tell him he’s too rough during sessions. He’s grown up wayward, defensive, survival mode, stomach touching his back— during a time so seemingly historical and old who knows how bad the conditions of poverty were—most kids died if they simply weren’t rich and able to eat. Or turned to crime at extremely young ages or exploited….That’s just global history in real life. And the soul society is that much more complex and arduous. Kenpachi will be a man of few words but immense action. If you want someone who will open up even eventually that is not Kenpachi Zaraki. You will highly likely never know of his past because he will never say he is excruciatingly doing everything to never have to. And no, he won’t communicate ever if anything terrible is on his mind. Although kenpachi is coded as barbaric he really is just that protective—he’s as angry as he will be based solely upon someone’s proximity to him emotionally. You and Yaru will be so exclusively held in a regard he won’t even understand. Just the black hole of his awareness he’ll surpass anything to save y’all. He won’t speak on why Lady Unohana isn’t around anymore (new anime, manga lore). But again, when he ends up rough too many nights in a row you distance yourself from him. He can’t admit to you he disassociates and goes back to bad times. He can’t tell you your comfort and warmth makes him remember the times he needed it before—he doesn’t mean to hurt you but he lives for a fight. But he wants to stop making everything and everyone something to “conquer.” He’ll be a real deal handful and it will solely up to you to either tell him you can’t be with him until he figure shit out or you’ll stick beside him and work through it together. (In this case Yaru is the “kid” yall share, I see him being weary of birthing a child and being a dad in such a “visceral” way. Will have total abandonment trauma and just can’t see him getting over it completely to bring new life into a world he already sees the worst in tbh.) but in terms of “baby momma” treatment? Or your prioritized and protected best believe. 💕 he also will force you to learn combat cause you should be able to take care yourself too. Which might either be hot or burdensome. You’re gonna know how to fight. And tbh he might try to bring it into the bedroom on some weird let’s play fight shit so watch yourself. That’s a BIG MAN! 😭😂💕 “HA! Now that you know how do a few things why don’t you test it on me?” Big cheeky sneaky ass grin girl don’t fall for it!

BYAKUYA: This is the guy who will match your freak everywhere but in public. No PDA—actually don’t even look at him or try to talk to him in public…be professional. He will be joking with others and you’ll get upset saying “Hey! You let the other members of the society tease you?” And in private he’ll admit it’s just to keep up appearances and he hates it all. 😭 I think his biggest issue will be coming off fake or disingenuous or you’ll have a hard time sincerely seeing him cause he’ll be so different depending on where y’all are. People wouldn’t know he’s like a mom boyfriend who makes sure you eat, sleep, and keep up with yourself. Yes, he will absolutely unintentionally say something insulting like “This doesn’t suit you. Find something else.” And yes he will be very clearly on guard when in public. People will openly wonder why you’re with him tbh. Which will frustrate the both of you of which neither of you ever bring up to the other. Byakuya has lost a love before—he won’t talk about it ever. You MIGHT get something out of Rukia about it cause it was her sister but I doubt she’ll go super intimate about THEIR relationship cause she respects both his and her sister’s privacy. So you might be stuck on an eavesdropping side quest with Renji that amounts to nothing cause he’ll sense yall. He’ll be amused and somewhat touched you wanted to watch him work though. He’s usually the one keeping check or track of things so he’ll never say he likes that you peep on him and mind his business. You care about him and he knows he’s a bit unfair not allowing any PDA. But he so openly loved on Rukia’s sister he couldn’t help the shameful self imposed embarrassment once he had to walk the halls alone…Byakuya will be a very intentional, quiet lover. I doubt he’ll moan very much tbh unless he’s exhausted and allowing you to take care of him. Sometimes he’ll absolutely disappear all day into work. Other times he’ll be sure to direct his underlings to wait on you in his stead. He’s more manageable if you can accept his sometimes snarky, distant, super private ways. As a father he’ll be annoyingly big on exceptionalism and them being smart and talented. You’ll have to be sure he isn’t burdening your kid when you aren’t around. And you’ll have to be sure he doesn’t inadvertently impart his insensitive habits too. Likewise, you’ll ABSOLUTELY have to “deal or no deal” him about giving affection to your kid in public. You will absolutely have to go off and tell him it’s y’all or his image. And yeah now he’s holding both yall hands albeit defeated. 💕😭

AIZEN: Shit…girl (im black my “girl…” is gender neutral don’t be annoying 💕) you already know what it is. Yandare, selfish, self righteous, MEAN, EVIL…but fine and rich as fuck. 😔🫤 it will be a doozy to be with this one. You literally have to know and accept what you getting into bestie. I can’t even warn you, you know! 😭 but seriously if your an aizen bias you accept him as is 😭 psycho ass. So I wanna just write how’d he be as a baby daddy. Now not to get…too mature…but if you happened to be someone captured/kidnapped by him and pregnant…baby you is a victim! BUT ITS FANFIC SOOO if you were the captured baby momma that’s in his realm with him…well girl you in the realm lord you stuck. “Can I go to the human world?” “For what?” “Uh, sun?” “Humph what do you need sun for…” He’ll look down at your crying child and be like “Ugh okay whatever but Grimmjow is your chaperone.” And you won’t care cause Grimmjow lets you run off and live life. Which Aizen knows but the minute you aren’t overtly scared and submissive to him he’ll lose his weird sense of “power.” You’re man crazy bestie. He’s definitely someone you won’t talk back to until you’re a parent and equally going to advocate for your kid. He’ll realize and laugh to himself “Their not really submissive at all…little minx…” and hold you in completely new regard. “So you took me as is because you wanted to?” He’ll start thinking shit that confuses him and decide to randomly kill a grunt to distract himself like no he’s not gonna reflect into a better person. 😂 you’ll have everything you want cause you can’t go nowhere 😭. Mind you yes the sex is mind blowing so you sadly do take what positives are there…his eyes don’t fall sexually to anyone but you. His body doesn’t respond certain ways to anyone but you. And as you stand next to him more and more he’s leaning into you and your baby’s energy rather than tryna to overtake yall with his. Just don’t speak about the change and it’ll be fine. The minute you tease or openly acknowledge his becoming softer and less controlling you’ll ruin all the progress you made. Let him feel like he’s in control or whatever.

New Additions (1):

Hitsugaya: (adult of course) Hitsu will be a blend of Byakuya and Ichigo. The best aspects of him will be how attentive and actionable he is about his love for you. But — he will shy away from PDA and sometimes have moments of separated solitude. Unlike Byakuya, he will absolutely open up to PDA, just will never be the initiator of it. Maybe grab your hand at the end of the day to hurry back home or stare at you as long as he can while he observes your dutiful working. He’ll be shy always which keeps your love feeling young and refreshed. You’ll always be able to make him blush and unlike Ichigo, he’ll warm up to you imposing yourself on his alone time. He’ll be big on love making and planning when to have a child so it will be less spontaneous. He’ll have the baby registry and wishlists prepared, printed, and passed out to members of the Soul Society. He’ll enjoy trips to the human world to acquire new toys and trinkets for your baby.

As a baby daddy he’s almost too protective. You wonder what he’s been through as he’ll have a firm grip of your hips as you cradle your child. He’ll have a habit of looking at your baby and then between the both of you stunned at how he can see the perfect blend of your features on your child’s face. He’ll be very close to a simp honestly (which I’m a fan of) and be at your beck & call no matter the hour. Definitely the dad to tell you don’t worry about tending to the little one, keep resting cause he knows how tired you get. He’s honestly the perfect idea of a new father as he’ll be bumbling a bit but with so much to prove. I realize I kinda didn’t write red flags cause I truly see Hitsu adjusting to parenthood and a long term relationship the best. Only thing I can think is that he’ll be overtly willing to sacrifice himself for your family’s safety. So any massive issue in the Soul Society will make your heart sink a little because while he’s capable he’s been in enough life threatening predicaments to cause ample, appropriate worry. He’ll be hard to break out of working I think until your child starts schooling which could be frustrating cause he’ll overcompensate parenting in lieu of his work commitments. Overall, I think he’d be the baby daddy with the least to really worry about.

Renji: Oh lord— all tea, all shade this man will STRUGGLE. « What do you mean the baby is hungry AGAIN ? You just breastfed! WAIT DO NOT PULL YOUR TIT OUT IN PUBLIC WOMAN ! » He’ll have a hard time adjusting to your freedom as a breastfeeding mom for sure (if you choose to). Work ? What’s work? One thing you can count on is that he will absolutely commit to being a family man and even a stay at home dad. He’ll take all his PTO or even « quit » (basically will say don’t call me to help unless the Soul Society is about to die.) He will wait on you hand & foot because he can’t imagine how much your body and mind has gone through and the strength it takes to be so tired but smile and laugh with him and your kiddo. But, he may end up a bit controlling about you leaving the house without him. He’ll either become a sad puppy or an angry old man. « Baby…what do you mean you want me to stay home ? 😓🥺 » or «  Woman, what did I tell you about going out without me ? What if a crazy person tried to rob you ? » You laugh at him always being some level of dramatic but it may get annoying how clingy and worried he’ll become. You’ll have to remind him you lived this long for a reason…and plan to live longer, so he can chill out sometimes cause his worried nature worries you…you might benefit from guilt tripping him into apologizing and giving you a breather on leaving the house. But just know someone is watching over you. Renji would be a great cook or a terrible cook who improves over time. He might be great at catching the baby right when they poop or…end up shat on rushing to a sink. I really see him either being weirdly good at being a dad or definitely suffering from the learning curve.

Your baby will definitely be conceived in a wild love making, (maybe rough, passionate sex) session. And you’ll catch him blushing when he holds your baby and looks at you remembering the night you had. You’ll be the type to walk in on them sleeping crazily on the sofa, his arm instinctively holding your baby firm. He’ll be grateful to not have to jump up to go to work honestly. His biggest red flags will be being overbearing, needy, and likely requiring a lot of overt reassurance. (Which isn’t necessarily a red flag given he just will want to be a really good dad and partner.) Otherwise he’ll become a stubborn dad who will try (and fail) to « put his foot down. » Which will likely result in him sleeping on the sofa…💕

[tryslora]

Disability in fiction

This was a tough post to write. 

I saw a post about disability rep, and I kept thinking about it, and wanted to share my own takes on the topic. 

I thought about it for days, trying to figure out how to word it. Then after drafting it, I stuck it in a file for a couple of weeks, trying to decide if I could even post it. This is not a topic that can be boiled down to a simple yes/no kind of answer.

Let’s start with two examples.

1 - I have a short story I started writing (it wants to grow up to be longer, so it’s waiting for time) where my original concept was to write about an older woman who is short and has major chronic pain, and I wanted to dig into fantasy reasons why this pain exists, but at the same time, have her be able to kick ass despite being exhausted and dealing with excruciatingly painful issues.

2 - I once drafted a portal fantasy storyline wherein a young man was transported into a fantasy world, and when he was given a horse to ride, he approached it very warily. He was encouraged to mount, did so, and sat there and exclaimed in shock, “My brain isn’t exploding with snot!” because his allergies hadn’t come with him into the body he had in the fantasy world.

Both stories were designed to be fun, a bit light, maybe even cozy.

So.

In one case, the disabled character remains disabled and kicks ass anyway. And in the other case, the character is magically “healed” and no longer has debilitating allergies that had wrecked his way of life.

This is the difficult part to express: I think both storylines are valid.

Bear with me while I dig into this.

First and foremost: I completely agree that we need more representation in all forms of fiction, especially when it comes to disabled people being able to live their lives. Characters with missing limbs, or non-neurotypical brains, or anxiety & depression, or hearing issues, or sight problems, or chronic pain, or… or… you get the idea. We need all of it, and we need it to not need to be magically healed in order for a story to be considered happy and cozy. Disabled people can be happy, too.

I’m all in for this, and I wouldn’t write the stories I do if I weren’t.

However, there are also moments where I am so exhausted by my body and by everything I deal with inside of it where I do wish for that magical ability to forget that my pain exists. Or for the ability to actually process information in a straight line, or make decisions without writing a hundred lists and accomplishing nothing from them. Or to be able to lie down in a field of grass without regretting it for days while I drip snot and fight sinus-pain-induced migraines.

Sometimes I want to imagine that my life is different.

And that is one of the joys of writing. I can choose to write a story where people like me or the people I know are the heroes/heroines exactly as they are, different abilities and all. Or I can choose to write a story where the problems magically resolve.

Both can be cozy, sweet, and adorable. I can give the character with chronic pain the ability to kick ass, take names, and have a sweet reunion with her ex-girlfriend. I can show all the ways that my disabilities may define how I handle my life differently than someone else, but do not define what I can and cannot do.

But I can also daydream about a life where it’s different, the same way I can daydream about having wings, or being able to teleport. For me, imagining a day with no pain is the same as a day where I can walk through walls. It is absolutely a fantasy, and about as likely to happen.

Here’s the thing: It’s okay to be angry to see what looks like disability being erased. It’s okay to wonder why the author did that, why they magically healed someone instead of letting them be who they were. But at the same time, maybe ask why, and what point of view it’s coming from. Or look a little deeper into the story and how the resolution occurs, and the effect it does have on the character (I suspect that were I to suddenly have a day of no pain, I’d be intensely reckless, given what an idiot I am while IN pain, y’know? And WOW would I regret that later…).

And for authors, think about what you’re writing. WHY is this particular event (keeping disability, erasing it, whichever or both) happening, because the reader will take note of it. They may see things that weren’t intended, but are there as unintentional biases.

Make conscious decisions for why things happen.

Someday I want to get back to both of those examples from the start of this post; I still like both concepts. But I’ll be writing them for very different reasons, and both will be healing my soul in different ways. Different kinds of daydreams. And again, I think that’s valid, too.

[merwgue]

Sarah J. Maas: The Queen of Broken Women and Savior Men — A Deep Dive into Internalized Misogyny and Bad Writing

Sarah J. Maas is often hailed as one of the most popular fantasy writers of our time. Her series A Court of Thorns and Roses (ACOTAR) and Throne of Glass have millions of devoted fans, and it's not uncommon to see her name thrown around in discussions of "strong female characters." But when you take a closer look, a disturbing pattern emerges: almost every female character in her books is traumatized, broken, or impoverished, and it’s always the men who swoop in to fix them. There’s an underlying current of internalized misogyny that not only seeps into her stories but actively shapes the narrative. What’s worse? She can’t seem to write a truly independent woman character. Let’s break down why Maas’s writing is, at its core, problematic, unoriginal, and deeply flawed.

The Argument: Internalized Misogyny Wrapped in Fantasy

First, let’s address the root of the problem: Maas seems to believe that a woman can’t be strong unless she’s been torn apart by life in the most brutal ways. In her books, trauma is a prerequisite for strength, but only if a man is there to help the heroine overcome it. This trope is not only tired but also harmful. Maas constantly reinforces the idea that women need to be broken down to their lowest points in order to be "worthy" of a male savior.

When you strip away the fantasy elements, what you're left with is a pattern that closely resembles an old-fashioned, patriarchal narrative where women must endure suffering before being saved by a knight in shining armor. The "knight" might take the form of a High Lord, a warrior, or an assassin, but at the end of the day, Maas's female characters can never truly save themselves.

Feyre Archeron: The Poster Child of Trauma and Savior Worship

Let’s begin with Feyre Archeron from ACOTAR. She starts as a poor, broken young woman who sacrifices everything for her family, only to be thrust into a world of fae politics and violence. Feyre's trauma begins with the infamous “beast” Tamlin, and continues under the thumb of Amarantha, who tortures her in unimaginably brutal ways. But as if that weren’t enough, Maas ensures that Feyre's psychological scars run deep, so that Rhysand can swoop in and heal her. Oh, and let's not forget her trauma-induced depression after being trapped under the Mountain and made into High Fae against her will.

Sure, Feyre finds strength eventually, but only after Rhysand pulls her from the brink of despair. He doesn’t just help her heal—he remakes her. Feyre's arc quickly becomes about how Rhysand’s love, protection, and endless patience help her find herself. It’s through his intervention that she becomes powerful. Where is the agency? Where is the true independence? Feyre is never allowed to rise on her own—her entire arc is built on the shoulders of a man’s intervention.

Her “strength” is conditional, tethered to a man’s support. Without Rhysand, who is Feyre? Apparently, no one of consequence.

Nesta Archeron: The Angry, Broken Woman Who Needs a Man to Save Her

If Feyre’s story wasn’t enough, let’s talk about Nesta Archeron, who is possibly the most obvious example of Maas’s inability to write a truly independent woman. Nesta starts off as angry, bitter, and deeply traumatized by her experiences. She’s lashing out at everyone, and in A Court of Silver Flames, we see her spiraling into self-destructive behavior.

So how does Maas handle this? By sending Nesta off to be “fixed.” Cassian—ever-patient, ever-ready to rescue the broken woman—steps in as her savior. He helps her train, helps her heal, and becomes the crutch she needs to finally face her demons. The message here is clear: Nesta cannot save herself. She needs a man, a warrior, a male who can handle her anger and tame it.

What’s infuriating is that Nesta is never allowed to be strong on her own terms. Instead, Maas reduces her arc to one of forced rehabilitation, where male intervention (and sex) is the ultimate cure for all her pain. Cassian’s constant hovering, watching her every move, isn’t empowering—it's infantilizing. Once again, Maas reinforces the tired trope of the broken woman who needs a man to show her the way.

Aelin Galathynius: The Assassin Queen Who Still Needs Saving

Now, let’s shift to Throne of Glass. Aelin Galathynius is arguably Maas’s most “powerful” female character. She’s a queen, an assassin, and one of the most skilled fighters in the realm. And yet… Maas can’t seem to let her be powerful on her own. Aelin spends much of her time in Queen of Shadows and Empire of Storms either being captured, tortured, or emotionally crippled by the weight of her destiny. For all her strength, she’s constantly needing Rowan—her male savior—to guide her, protect her, or just plain save her from herself.

In Kingdom of Ash, Aelin is literally chained and tortured for months. And while this is meant to be a testament to her resilience, it’s just another example of Maas putting her female characters through hell so that men can come to their rescue. Rowan is once again her knight, her protector, the one who will fight to free her. Even when Aelin saves herself, it’s with the help of a man or because of the love a man has for her.

What happened to the assassin queen who was capable of taking down armies? Oh, right—she’s been reduced to a woman who can only triumph if a man is at her side.

Bryce Quinlan: Party Girl Turned… You Guessed It, Traumatized Heroine

Bryce from Crescent City is another classic Maas creation. She’s a party girl, carefree and wild, until trauma strikes, and she’s forever changed. Cue the entrance of Hunt, her male protector who steps in to help her navigate her grief, her trauma, and the dangerous world she now inhabits. Bryce may have a sharp tongue and fierce attitude, but Maas makes sure that she is broken enough to need a man to save her.

Hunt becomes the anchor in Bryce’s life, and once again, the pattern repeats itself: Bryce cannot face her demons alone. She cannot be strong without a man by her side. Her trauma is the driving force behind her character development, and Maas wastes no time in ensuring that Hunt is always there to steady her when she falters.

Villainous Women: The Ones with Power Get Punished

Let’s also talk about the women in Maas’s books who do have power—Amarantha, Maeve, Ianthe, the list goes on. These women are almost always villains, and what makes them villainous? They’re powerful, independent, and don’t need men to define them. Amarantha, for all her cruelty, is a ruler in her own right. Maeve, a queen, is feared and respected. And what does Maas do to them? She tears them down, punishing them for their independence, for daring to claim power in a world where only men are allowed to hold it without consequence.

These villainous women are never given depth beyond their cruelty, and they’re almost always defeated by men. Maas’s treatment of powerful women in her books reinforces the idea that a woman’s strength, when unchecked by a man, is dangerous and unnatural. It’s not just lazy writing—it’s deeply misogynistic.

Conclusion: Sarah J. Maas, the Fantasy Author Who Can’t Write Women

So, what’s the takeaway? Sarah J. Maas is a writer who consistently undermines her female characters’ independence and autonomy. Her female leads are traumatized, broken, and only find true strength when a man steps in to save them. The pattern is clear, and it’s damaging. Maas’s world is one where women are only allowed to rise if they have a male savior by their side, and any woman who seeks power independently is punished for it.

This is not empowerment. This is not feminism. This is internalized misogyny at its finest, wrapped up in a pretty package of fae magic and romance.

Maas’s inability to write an independent woman character is a glaring flaw in her work, and it’s time we stop praising her for perpetuating harmful, outdated tropes. If she ever wants to write truly strong female characters, she needs to stop leaning on trauma as a crutch and allow women to find their own strength—without a man’s help.

Until then, Maas’s writing will remain a problematic ode to broken women and their savior men, with little room for genuine female empowerment.

Inspired by @extremely-judgemental , I loved their post!!! Please check it out meringues❤️❤️

[eand47]

Prologue | Denial

Summary: Being an artist was your life purpose and you figured it out at a very young age. No one was surprised when you quickly made a name of yourself among the art communities around the world. Everything was going according to your life’s plan, until you were diagnosed with a life changing condition - Parkinson's disease. Since that day everything started to slowly collapse for you. Looking for an escaping, moving to a small, forgotten from the world sea coast town was the only solution you could think off. Buying an old beach house, which was screaming for renovation, was the greatest escape - until you met your annoying next door neighbour and his dog. A neighbour who had his own issues and demons to deal with but somewhere between the pain and the obstacles life has thrown to both of you, you found comfort in each other. All because he had the right colour of blue paint for your staircase banister.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Description: Modern AU | Early 40s retired Captan!Ace and Artist!Reader

WARNINGS: ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP, major age gap between Reader and Ace (!sixteen years!), 18+ only, angst, hurt/no comfort, family trauma, emotional distress, !mentions of Parkinson's disease!, mentions of depression, mentions of death/lost of a loved one, slight hints of abusive relationship

Word Count: 3,4K

story masterlist | main masterlist | next chapter ->

NOTE: It's finally out. Thank you everyone for your patience ♡ I want to warn you all in advance that this story will take a little longer for its chapters to be uploaded as a lot of the topics take a lot of research. This is a story which I believe will turn out very beautiful and sensual but also very emotional, so please keep this and mind and if you don't feel comfortable reading about disabilities and major age gap - I don't recommend reading it ♡ The prologue is just a little introduction to what has happened to Ace and Reader before they cross paths, as I intentionally kept Ace's part shorter than hers (+ his happened 3 and a half years prior to Reader's exhibition). Something super important please keep in mind that - yes, this is a ModernAU, but the time period is early 2000's so the use of social media and ect. aren't a thing in the story. Again pay special attention to the warnings as I don't want anyone to get triggered. Thank you and enjoy ♡ !english is not my first language so if you see any mistakes let me know!

Nothing but darkness could be seen in the vast sea, until lightings flashes and thunderclaps across the night sky and its horizon. Dark clouds obscure the moon and the stars as hurricane storm has taken the big cargo ship hostage. The massive ship has no other choice but to take the hits of the waves, which are looming over them embodied with all nature’s wrath. Stuck in the middle of the storm, the crew has no other choice but to do everything in their power to get out of it. With each ferocious wave attack the ship is getting more and more damaged. Located on the top deck of the ship, the windows which provide an unobstructed view of the water in all directions of the wheelhouse are trembling as another wave crashes into them. The whole lower deck is covered in sea water as the angry from the storm sea is trying to overpower the ship.

“Captain, what course should we keep?” The helmsman of the ship loudly calls to the tall black-haired man in charge, which is standing next to navigational officer, while trying to get in contact with the nearest port or a marine pilot.

“It’s pointless, Ace. There is no signal at all.” Says the navigational officer. Frowning his dark thin brows the captain curses under his breath.

“Keep the course straight.” The captain tells the helmsman while looking out of the window watching waves taking over the container on the ship. “Okay, men. This isn’t my first storm at sea nor is it yours.” His deep stern voice fills up the space. “Put the fear aside and hold still as this storm doesn’t seem to want to calm down anytime soon.” He turns to his crew as he straightens his posture and taking look at each of his men eyes, which are full of fear. “We all have been prepared for such situations, we all have been through storms, so this will be another one to add to the list, right?” Everyone nods in unison to their captain. He nods back and turns again to face the inky void in front of him. “I will get you all home, I promise.” He whispers to himself.

****

“Okay, so the catering company will be there at three thirty pm, so they can arrange the tables and drinks the way you have instructed me to tell them, and then the first and most important guests are arriving at six pm sharp, as you have promised them a detailed explanation about how you have crated you pieces, and then… (Y/N) are you listening to me?” Your assistant, Nami, a tall young woman in her late twenties, is now looking at you in disbelief. Shaking your head as you have zoomed out for a thousand times today, you give her a questionable look. “(Y/N) you are starting to worry me. You are so easily distracted nowadays.” She scoffs at you. “Please, listen – it is important for you! This is your first biggest exhibition, and you are not even paying attention to me when I talk to you.”

She is right, you aren’t paying any attention to her. Recently this has become like an impossible task for you. The feeling of fatigue has taken over you for some time now and hearing Nami nagging you about your upcoming big night tonight is only adding to your stress.

“I know Nami. I’m sorry, I’m just feeling extremely tired.” You say while looking for a place to sit in the gallery. Your walk and posture are hunched and slowed a bit, something you have noticed recently, but you blame it on all the stress and working hours preparing the exhibition.

Tonight is your big night. You are having your first ever big exhibition in one of the most famous galleries in the country, the Gagosian Gallery. This is your dream coming to life. Six months ago, you received the call that the gallery wants to exhibit your paintings, and for such a young and upcoming artist like yourself, this is once in a million opportunity.

You have been an artis since you can remember. Your mother used to tell you that since you were a baby, you were always mesmerised by colours and the moment you were big enough to hold a paint brush properly you never let it go from that day on. From private art lessons as a child, to art school as a teen and then to one of the most prestige universities for fine arts in your early twenties – you have been an artis your whole life. You can not imagine life without a paint brush in your hands, and you don’t want to.

Nami’s high heels can be heard loudly around the gallery as she is running after you. Your assistant is the short-tempered type, but that is why you hire her in a first place. She is as demanding and as much of a perfectionist as you are. You know that with her next to you, every demand you have for the exhibition will be followed and fulfilled. Siting on one of the sofas in the middle of the gallery, you observe one of Andy Warhol’s famous dollar sign paintings hanged right in front of you.

“Hey, Nami.” You interrupt her and whatever she is talking about. “Can you believe it? My paintings are in the next room, and they are in the same gallery as one of Andy Warhol’s pieces. I feel like a rockstar, right now.” Your chest fills with pride and a big grin spread across your face.

Taking a seat next to you, Nami sighs loudly as her head hangs low. You are quite the demanding boss and sometimes it is a pain in the ass for a person to work for or with you, but you are an artist. A unique one on top of it and very talented. Nami has a previous experience as an artist’s assistant which were nothing compared to you, in both talent and skills. No matter what how hard it is to work with you sometimes, you are still the best boss she has ever had.

“(Y/N), why don’t you get home and come back here around four pm? In the meantime, I will handle everything here.” She pats you on the back and with tired eyes you look at her and nod. You need some rest before your big night, and you are not turning this offer down.

“If there is something important let me know immediately.” And with this you make your way home.

****

Walking into your spacious apartment you sigh once you take off your shoes. Calling out for your fiancé to check if he is home, you get no response back. Going straight to the bathroom you take a nice hot shower before you put some comfortable cloths and drift to sleep.

It isn’t a long nap as you wake up not even two hours later and you look at the clock next to your bedside table. It is just one pm. Lifting your hand to massage your temples you can see and feel it trembling. This has been happening a lot lately, but you blame it on stress. It has been like this for the past year now, every time you are stressed your hands just tremble and that is it.

But recently the tremor in your hands and the stiffness in your body is bothering you. That is why a week ago, you went to check with your doctor. You wanted to make sure that everything with you is okay, especially your hands, but you won’t be getting any results until the beginning of next week.

Getting up from bed you make your way to the kitchen as you feel your stomach ramble. Walking into the specious kitchen you see your fiancé’s back facing you as he is talking on the phone. Sneaking behind him, you wrap your arms around his torsos and kiss the back of his shoulder. He looks at you over it and points you with his eyes to leave him alone as he is on the phone. Continuing with his business call you just let go of him not wanting to irritate him even more. Opening the fridge, you find it empty as always. You never learn how to cook so you and your fiancé – Doflamingo, usually go out and eat somewhere or order take away. Reaching for the portable phone on the kitchen island you dial the Thai place close to you to order some food.

The food arrives after twenty minutes but Doflamingois still on his phone. You decide not to wait for him as soon you need to start getting ready for your big night. Not even finishing the whole box of Thai noddles, you leave it on the side and go to the bathroom ready to glam yourself.

You have just finished doing your hair when Doflamingoenters the bathroom. He comes and hugs you as he wraps his arms around your middle.

“Did you talk on the phone until now?” You are observing him in the mirror.

“It is an important client, baby.” He response as he starts kissing your neck and runs his hands down to your hips.

“I don’t have time for this I should be in the gallery in an hour.” You are quick to push his hands away as you are a starting to get anxious for the upcoming night. Doflamingo just rolls his eyes at you and instead of following you, he just walks back to the living room. Walking out of the bathroom, you enter your bedroom going straight to the big walk-in closet. Taking off your clothes you grab the long silk silver metallic dress hanged in one of the hangers. Putting it on with the matching silver high heels you are ready to go.

Looking for Doflamingoaround your apartment you see him sitting on the sofa with the remote in his hands.

“Doffy, I’m going now. Be on time, please.” You say to him, with a little hope that he will turn around a look at you, make you a compliment or something for all the effort you have put, but no. Doflamingo is Doflamingo– if it isn’t a football game or an important business call, which would grant him at least a few thousand or hundred of thousands dollars, he doesn’t really care to pay much attention. As he says, ‘everything is an investment’ and sometimes you wonder if you are seen as one as well.

“Yea, yea I will be there.” He replies, his eyes not moving from the screen where the last football match he has recorded plays. With a bit of hurt and disappointment you turn around and go to call for a taxi.

****

The night so far is going great. The first meeting with your special guests has gone smoothly and now a lot of your friends, colleagues and fellow artist have come along to observe and admire your exhibition. As you are talking with some fellow artist you spot your big sister – Rebecca, and excuse yourself.

“Becca.” You call out and she turns. Her face lights up when she sees you and with a quick run she comes and hugs you.

“My little sister, you made it.” She squeaks with excitement as you are tightly wrapped in her arms. “Mom and dad would have been so proud of you.” Tears build up in Rebeca’s eyes, while you just swallowed hard.

Your father has died when you were only two years old, so you don’t have a single memory of him. Everything you know about him is from your mother and sister, which is ten years older than you. Her and your mother have been your biggest supporters, but sadly for both of you, you have lost your beloved mom two years ago. It was unexpected and so sudden which caused a big distress and sorrow on you two. Both of you took it very hard, especially Rebecca and because of it you tired to be the stronger one. You have barely cried or talked about it, keeping it all for yourself, but it could have been sense and seen in your paintings from back then.

You wish your mother was here today on your big day, but life has taken her away. Life has taken a lot from you in the past two years, but you shake the thoughts away. Pulling away from Rebecca you smile at her and brush away her tears.

“Thank you, Becca.” You reply and you take a look around. “Where are the kids by the way? Where is Koby?” Your sister has been married for almost a decade now and has two beautiful children with her nice and loving husband Koby. Your nephews – Kyros, who is named after your father and now should be eight years old and the newest member of the family Scarlett, which is named after your mother and it’s only one years old.

 “Ky got sick, and Koby had to stay with him home, so I just left Scarlett with them as I don’t think art exhibitions are the best for babies.” She giggles once she sees your frowned brows.

“The younger you teach them culture the better.” You cross your arms across your chest as you shake your head at your sister. “Anyway, kiss them from me and say hello to Koby. And I hope little Ky recovers fast.”

“He will, but anyway where is... Doflamingo...” Your sister clears her throat as she doesn’t like your fiancé at all, and she doesn’t hide it.

“Yes, I have been asking myself the same thing, but he should be here soon.” You give her a reassuring smile, but Rebecca is not only your sister, she is also your best friend, she knows you like the back of her hand and she can see the hurt in your eyes from the fact that your fiancé still hasn’t shown for your big night.

“I still don’t understand what you see in this cruel man (Y/N). All he sees is a beautiful young woman who he can show around as a price, he doesn’t see your value or you as a person. You can find so much better than him.” Deep down you know that Rebecca is right, but you don’t want to have this conversation now.

“Stop saying it in a way like he is your age, we have only four years difference.”

“I don’t like him and the fact that soon you will be carrying his name, you don’t look and fit his cruel family Donquixote, it makes me sick to my st-” You are quick to shush her as you see the man in fact coming towards you.

“Hey, Doffy. You finally showed up.” You don’t want to hide the fact that you are pissed at him for being later but also you don’t want to start any scandals with him right now.

“Traffic, sorry baby.” He pulls you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. “Rebecca, pleased to meet you as aways.” He gives her one of his arrogant smiles which makes your sister shiver. Rebecca hates this man.

“Well, I still haven’t seen all of the paintings and rooms in the gallery so if you two excuse me I will get going back to it.” She is quick to excuse herself and but not before she gives you a hug. “Be careful.” Rebecca whispers in your ear before she turns around and goes.

“What took you so long?” You turn to Doflamingo with a frown. “You know this night is important to me.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He says again as he tries to kiss your lips, but you pull away. “I had a more important call than this, okay? But now, I’m here be grateful.” You are so used to this behaviour at this point that you just turn around to go and speak with other people. Of course, he finds a way to ruin your night as aways. Catching you fast he pulls you close to him and with serious tone tells you. “The doctor called and said you must go to the clinic on Monday as your results or whatever you did are done. And cut the attuite.” He warns you once again and grabs your hand locking his fingers with you. You have no choice but to stay by his side till the rest of the night as it just clicks to you – he isn’t here for you, he is here for future partners for his business.

****

Siting in the doctor’s office has you on the edge. From the moment you enter the hospital, and his assistant welcomed you to his office, something doesn’t sit right in your stomach. Your hands are trembling, but again you blame it on stress. Entering the room the grey-haired man takes a sit on his chair and places his hands on his desk. You look at him with expectation in your eyes.

“Hi, Doctor Hiriluk. It is because of stress, right? Nothing that I should worry about.” You get straight to the point.

“Overall, you are healthy.” The doctor starts speaking, but you can sense a ‘but’ in his sentence.

“But...” You raised one eyebrow at him.

“From all the information you have given me last time we saw each other I’m afraid that there is a big possibility that you are...” Taking a deep breath in the doctor looks at you with pain written on his face. “I think that you are in a very early stage of Parkinson’s disease.” The doctor tells you and you are trying to process what you have just heard.

It can’t be. It won’t be. It feels like someone has thrown an ice-cold water at you and you can’t move. ‘No, this can’t be’ you are telling yourself repeatedly in your mind. This can’t be happening to you, not you of all people. This isn’t fair, it’s not fair to anyone, but this isn’t fair. Why now? Why when you are in your prime years? Why when you just start stepping on the steps of success?

Suddenly the room starts to feel small, and oxygen seems to not reach your brain. This can’t be happening. No, you refuse to believe this, there should be some mistake.

“Please, calm down Miss (Y/L/N). I can’t tell for sure, yet. I will give you the contacts of a friend of mine, Dr. Kureha, she is a specialist in neurology and I’m sure she will be able to put a better diagnosis than me.” As he tells you this trying to calm you down, he calls for his assistant to bring you water as he can see that you are almost at the verge of a panic attack. “I can’t be sure even though from what you have told me, you check a lot of the boxes with early symptoms, but this is not my speciality. It is Kureha’s.” His tone is very calming despite the situation.

Taking the glass of water from the assistant you lift it up to your lips and take a sip off it. Lowering the glass and holding it with your hands in your lap you can feel them trembling again. This can’t be it. Doctor. Hiriluk gives you some time to gather your thoughts before you can continue with your conversation.

“Is it there a possibility that you might be wrong?” You ask after some time passes and look up at Dr. Hiriluk.

“It might be, but don’t get your hopes up Miss (Y/L/N).” Dr. Hiriluk takes a deep breath. “That is why I want you to go and speak with Dr. Kureha, she will be able to diagnose you and guides you on how to handle because she is the best neurologist in out there.” Hearing this, all you can do is nod.

Doctor Hiriluk continues to talk, but you can’t focus to listen. Your mind is a mess. If his diagnose is in fact correct, then it means that at some point the only thing which brings you happiness and peace will be taken away from you. Art is everything you have, it is your safe place, it is your escape of the world and the way to express the pain within you. This can’t be. This won’t be. ‘There should be a mistake.’ You think to yourself.  

END NOTE: I hope you enjoy reading the prologue as again it's only a slight introduction of events which will cause the meeting of them two (Ace and Reader). Next chapter will be way longer and it will take place and time where the main story will be happening. Any feedback and comments are welcomed and appreciated as always ♡ Feel free to like and reblog if you enjoyed it and again thank you for reading it ♡

writing, format & dividers © eand47 artwork @mxhxkxcx ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[nevertheless-moving]

binged dungeon meshi anime + manga after numerous tumblr posts and leg injury. thoughts based on fandom > manga> anime ride:

[SPOILERS FOR MANGA]

senshi pantyshot fanservice much appreciated but... should really be more lingering and inexplicably glistening if its gonna match up to fanservice in other animes

no yeah TOTALLY get why toshiro just said fuck it and went home after... all that. days of no food. blase dark magic/you were too late reveal. long repressed slapfight that he probably felt equally guilty and angry about. girl he loved appeared as GIANT MONSTER and BRUTALLY killed HIS FAMILY.

girl he loved STOPPED TO PULL HER TITS OUT midway through BRUTALLY KILLING HIS FAMILY.

i'd go home too

also , Maricelle, all the love in the world, but i get why everyone was mad about the dark magic. i mean it looked bad. WE know that thistle interfered but the situation looked BAD ngl maricelle i would not want you healing me either after falin appearance.

feel like changeling maricelle should have been half half-foot/half-dwarf or something like that. would have been fun half-elf reveal to party. actually bothers me that she wasn't? the more i think about it. i mean itzumi was still cat/kobold.

incredibly belated but looking back at changeling episode...is senshi shirtless the whole time???

okay nevermind did some extensive research and i'm fairly sure he wasn't

also thinking back about senshi — he absolutely knew what he was doing with setting off the traps and pissing chilchuck off...my man was living here for decades.

kabru/laois is both more and less textually present than i would have thought based on fandom.

like on one hand they barely interact. on the other hand they barely interact and Kabru is VERY much obsessed . they have ONE (1) conversation. much hilarity has been observed about that dialogue so i digress

and there is ZERO new information between that interaction and kabru planning on putting the man on a THRONE. at some unclear point his career goal becomes having his lips at this man's ear and a dagger at his neck ???

i cannot stress this enough: he invests SO EARLY in king Laios. willing to sacrifice his life for this to be realized. goal oriented. unhinged. good for him.

you could say it's just him being practical and choosing the best option based on available information but incredibly relevant new information becomes available and Kabru is STILL locked in

i'm crying over kabru 'compressing' mithran's backstory. sure as a meta framing device fine. but in universe? BONKERS. narrative critiquing clinically depressed man's tragic backstory. Super normal move.

so much nuance and different perspectives on fantasy interracial marriages and adoptions and its SO SO GOOD.

gnawing on the walls kinda worldbuilding seriously

so thistle was a teenager when this all started. that's what i'm getting. that's... man there's a lot of layers of tragedy.

wait so if elves and half-foots look ambiguously young do tallmen look ambiguously old?? wrinkly gangly old old wrinkly fuckers??? or burning the candle at both ends terrible looking tall child???

hey i'm starting to think that the monster who controls all monsters... might not be a good guy

'Delgal' holding thistle at the end ... i'm not crying. you're crying.

impossible to say if laois won the final battle on purpose or not

genuinely no idea

11/10 no notes about that fact

[shapard]

PATHETIC

TrueForm!Sukuna x fem!reader

A/n: Chapter 4 is finally here!

TW: gore, Violence, near death experience

chapter 3

Chapter 4: Nastja

You stood beside the other Maids in Sukuna’s throne room. Your legs were aching from standing three-hours long on the same spot.

Sukuna sat on his throne tapping on the arm rest out of boredom. 

This is new, normally Sukuna would have his way with the other maids either torturing them or fucking them like a rabbit in heat.

You were quite happy that he didn’t find you Interesting enough to share a bed with you.

You’re after all just the Butler, one of few.

You looked around the room hoping it will let the time move faster. You all were nervous. You could feel the fear and tension lingering across the air. 

watching this monster sitting calm on his throne, knowing exactly what he has done and what he is going to do. It made you angry. Oh, you hate him so much. 

He knows it. He knows how much you hate him. He watched you, and made you suffer so many times. It gave him pleasure, a type of pleasure he never tasted in a long time since the last great war. 

He wants more, more of you struggling with him. More of your plea that are heard just by him. It filled his cold heart with pleasure and desire. Desire to destroy more of your white painted world view. 

He got a taste of it and now can’t get enough. 

He tapped on a skull, thinking ways how to play with his little plaything. His eyes darted across the room and landed on you. He finds it amusing how you looked across his throne room with eyes of hate and disgust, it made him chuckle in content. 

The hate towards him and this damned lands, it excites him in every wrong way. His heart ached and clenched with pleasure. He started thinking of ways to turn those eyes of hate into a dark depression, he can’t wait to destroy you completely. 

The image made him licked his lips, as if he could already get a small taste of you and your sadness, anger, and despair. It excites him.

The door opened with a loud bang which echoed through the room. Your both attentions quickly shifted towards the Intruder. 

A young Man stepped forward his hair flowing with the rhythm of the cold air, to your surprise he was almost dancing towards Sukuna. 

He doesn’t look like a monster nor demon. His skin had a greyish undertone and his body had couple of stitches, he was also pretty small compared to Sukuna.

“Sukuna!” He shouted, which surprised you. ‘Do you want to die, little boy?’ You thought, he must be brave to talk to your Master that way. 

Sukuna groaned. 

His bored expression changed into an annoying one.  “Mahito.” He sneered, he’s pretty disgusted by the sight of him. 

“What are you doing here you little imp.” Sukuna popped the p from imp. The guy called Mahito started to laugh, “I went on a Mission, you sent me, and this is the thanks I get?” His tone was playful, but his eyes told a different story.

“I hoped that you’d die on that Mission.” Sukuna bit back, he swayed his hand commanding that you all should leave these two alone. 

Not with another thought you left quickly, it is a gift that you could leave this disgusting room of him. 

Your luck was held short. 

On the way towards your chamber, there was Nastja, great. She leaned on your door looking at her long nails and swayed them from side to side. 

She heard your footsteps and her face shifted towards your direction. “There you are. I’ve waited for you.” You raised your brows, “Never thought that the bitch would ever wait for me.” It was really surprising. You rarely see her in this side of the Castle.

“Don’t you dare to call me the Bitch. I’m not the one who needs help all the time from our Master.” The way she talked to you was pissing you off a little bit, but you got to stay calm. So, you shrugged her off pushing her aside to go to your chamber. 

The Bitch Nastja didn’t even waste a second thought and lunged at you with a feral growl. You both fell on the ground making you grunt at the impact. She targeted your hair and pulled harshly on them. 

Adrenaline pumped through your whole system, your body started to feel hot, and your heart started to beat fast.

Your face turned towards your attacker. You punched her right in the face making her fall back. 

You hissed as your hair was being pulled back at her force. She started to smirk heavily seeing the hurt in your expression. You laughed at her, “Did you really think a little hair tug would seriously injure me?” The question burned in Nastja’s mind, and her smile vanished. 

“You’ll regret that.” Her smirk was back at her annoying face, what did she plan?

Something shiny in her hands caught your attention, 

“A knife?” Her laughing echoed through your room, “Who’s laughing now?” now that’s dangerous, one wrong move and she could damage you very bad. 

She ran towards you swaying the knife wild around without any control nor scheme. She was screaming and her eyes didn’t even show any humanity anymore. And it scared you. 

Frantic you tried to dodge all her attacks, which was hard, sometimes it even broke skin. A cut on your cheek, Arm, or chest. You backed away trying to find a way out, no success. 

“Do you really think you can come here and play an important role? You saw what happened with your dear friend.” She laughed. The knife in her hand targets your neck, you moved away but to late. She sliced deep on the side of your neck. Your leg got stuck between your nightstand and the closet making you fall to the ground.

You tried to stop the bleeding. 

Your hand pressed on the injury on your neck.

Pressing hard. It hurts, so bad. 

Your breathing was hard, and the blood that started to fill your lungs making it hard to breath. 

You coughed blood, trying to get even a whiff of air that was surrounding you two. The blood colored your white carpet in a crimson deep red. 

Nastja’s eyes seemed to be in a panic spell and pleasure. “I did it.” She laughed loud “I fucking did it!” She jumped around, your vision started to get blurry. 

Stay awake, stay awake. 

Your heart ached and tears started to burn their way through your eyes. 

I can’t die here.

 While your attacker was celebrating her success, the knife fell out of her hand, the sound of metal and wood crashing together ringed in your ears. 

The knife. 

It was colored in fresh red, it’s like you can hear the slicing of meat and skin getting sliced into pieces. Everything around you started to blend in each other, everything except the knife. 

The ringing became more Violent making you grasp your head. The unbearable pain of the whispers and ringing makes you want to scream. 

Take….

Shaking your head in despair trying to filter the voices out. “Please stop..” It was a bare whisper. Nastja swung her head to the side, looking at you in rage. “You still can talk...” Her eyes showed rage but also somewhere in those crazy eyes there was pity. 

It indeed was scary and a horrible sight to see you crouching and leaning onto the ground, clutching your head. You were shaking uncontrollable.

Blood started dripping down from your neck and noises of your mere plea rang in Nastja’s ears. 

“Hey! Stop that…” A useless attempt. 

A piercing scream made Nastja shriek. Blood starts to drop out of your mouth, the neck wound showing its effects. 

Your whole body starts to burn and pulsate. 

Take it… 

You wanted it to stop. The iron taste in your mouth made you open your mouth slightly, to get rid of that nasty taste. Make it stop, please. Nastja wanted to run, her mind was screaming at her to move. Regards of all attempts, her body didn’t move. As if she was hypnotized.

Let go…

The burning feeling shifted towards her neck, the pain softly fades away, and everything went black.

…

Your body shifts under the futon, making you aware of how heavy your body feels. It felt like you lifted tons of heavy weight. 

You groaned when you sat up, rubbing your sore eyes. “What happened?” you can’t remember, it was all a messy blurr. Nastja and you were fighting, and then everything went black. “My neck?!” You quickly touched the once Injured neck, realizing that the wound is gone.

“How?”

…

“What happened, Nastja?”  His voice was chilling, making Nastja shake in fear. 

He scoffed. It’s taking way too long of his liking. “She- I-“Sukuna raised his eyebrow, “I’m not a fool imp.” 

Now it was a threat, he was getting impatient. “Master Sukuna, I didn’t say that you’re a fool.” He laughed bitterly, “Then answer my question. What. Happened?” Her breath hitched. “We had a little Disagreement.” She closed her eyes, fearing the backlash. 

“A little?” He laughed, “How can a little disagreement, almost kill somebody.” The sarcasm was spilling in his voice. 

His fist clenched around a bone, making it crack under the force of his merciless hand. 

Nastja hadn’t seen her Sukuna this mad before, why is he so Angry about a bitch? “I’m sorry.” Apologizing, it felt embarrassing. 

She fiddled with the hem of her kimono. 

Crack.

The bone shattered into many pieces, Nastja’s breath hitched out of fear. 

“Your Majesty!” the door sprung open revealing Mahito in all his shine. With a swift movement of his hand the guards took Nastja away into her chamber.

Nastja was more than relieved that the white guy saved her from her misery.

 “What now?” He asked Mahito not very pleased that the man infront of him came back. “I have good news!” Sukuna hums, signaling Mahito to continue. 

“That Woman, Y/n right? She’s awake and it seems that something inside of her starts to awaken. Something not human. If you’d allow us to do more research about this unknown power. We could-“

A zip sound was the only thing Mahito could hear before unbearable pain spread on his Arm. His stare moved from his Master down towards his arm. Or rather where the Arm Should be. 

“You’ll not lay a hand on my little plaything you freak. Let this be a warning.” 

Not human? That will be Interesting.

A/n: Hoped you enjoyed this chapter <3

💫.-

Taglist:

@ebonydumbslut @altgojo @khaleesihavilliard @naveyah

[silvysartfulness]

Chapter 54 - Banish These Inner Demons of Heaven Has A Road But No One Walks It is up! :D

“It's not a ghost,” Xue Yang said, sounding bored.

The old villager who had implored them to help was cut off so abruptly in the middle of his litany, Xiao Xingchen thought he could almost hear him stand there gaping.

“You were saying that this shrine has been haunted lately, laobo?” Zichen said pointedly to encourage the old man, ignoring Xue Yang's frustrated huff.

“Yes!” the man exclaimed, clearly offended at having been so rudely interrupted. “There was an old woman from out of town who was ridden down and killed by some young lord here many years ago, when I was just a little boy - they buried her and built the shrine here to keep her spirit at rest. But the last few years the ghost has started haunting the road again! Accidents keep happening around here, with carts losing a wheel or sudden noises scaring horses and oxen! That's why I hoped you could help, worthy daoshi. Find out why the ghost is angry and maybe help lay it to rest again.”

“Not a ghost,” Xue Yang repeated, boredom audibly giving way to annoyance.

‐-----------------------

Good things come to those who wait! (And especially those who cheer struggling authors on with encouraging tags, comments and asks! 🥲)

I fucked up a nerve bundle in my neck/arm a while back and spent more than a month immobile in excruciating pain - on top of the usual seasonal depression - so writing's been slow. But new chapter, at last!

I also created a handy little Heaven Has A Road Companion, with chapter-by-chapter summary of the story so far, a world map with itinerary, a character list and a glossary. If you need to freshen up your memory, go check it out!

(And really, please comment. We're slowly closing in on the final arc and I desperately need the support to be able to bring this beast across the finish line!)

[teaberrii]

Chapter 25: Brothers

You've been Cupid for as long as you can remember. You've brought countless soulmates together, yet you've never found love.

When you're assigned to bring two childhood friends back together, it should be simple until you unexpectedly catch feelings for the mysterious and cold Ph.D. student, Dan Heng, the man with a soulmate… the man with answers to your past.

Dan Heng/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

Before Young’s execution

“Magic?” your mother asked. “Why are you getting yourself involved with that?”

It was late, and you never expected to be caught by your mother on your way back to your room. You obviously weren’t going to tell her the truth that you were with Young. So, you decided to tell her something that she might like to hear but was also partly the truth: you were learning about magic.

“Because I want to?” You didn’t know how to answer that question. 

Your mother’s upset and disappointed look had you confused. Shouldn’t she be proud or happy that you were learning about what was happening with the world?

“Stop getting involved in things you shouldn't be."

You frowned. Then, before you could stop yourself, you swiftly said, “Is it because you think magic is dangerous? Or, is it because you think it’s something that only men should do?”

She said your name as if you were a child. “Magic has consequences.”

“Consequences means responsibility. I don’t want my future to be just an accessory.”

Your mother’s gaze hardened. “You—”

Then, you turned and left the room.

You were walking so fast that you didn’t see a young man come around the corner. You gasped. When you looked up, his eyes were as wide as yours. You heard your mother call your name. The man looked at you, and you quickly said, “Don’t say a word.”

Caelus had heard about you from Jing Yuan, the man he had formed an unexpected friendship. He described you as a princess with an “un-princess-like personality.” And when Caelus asked if Jing Yuan was ridiculing you, Jing Yuan said that it was a compliment, which sparked Caelus's curiosity. He never found an opportunity to approach you... until now.

You were about to leave when your mother found you. You were about to speak when Caelus said, “Do you mind if I borrow her?”

“What could you possibly want with my daughter?”

You and Caelus glanced at each other. “Jing Yuan is looking for her.”

"Is he?" Caelus nodded. Was your mother really going to believe a blatant lie? Well, she never failed to surprise you. She looked away and exhaled softly as if letting something slide. “...Very well.”

When your mother was out of sight, Caelus extended his hand. “My name's Caelus. It’s an honour, princess.”

"Caelus?" Then, it hit you. "The delivery boy?" He nodded as you shook his hand and introduced yourself . “‘I’d rather you call me by my name.” Eventually, you and Caelus began walking toward the garden together. “I've heard things about you.”

“Good things, I hope.”

“If you like being called cute and diligent by middle-aged women, then… yeah, good things.”

“The maids.”

“They talk. A lot.” You glanced at him. “So… Why’d you take this job?”

"I’ve always been curious about the palace,” he said, not looking at you. “My mother was here.”

“Your mother? Who?”

“...She’s gone now.”

Your expression turned sympathetic. “Oh… I’m so sorry.”

“She knew your father,” Caelus said, slowly looking at you. “Did you know?”

"Then, he must've recognized you."

"I'm afraid he didn't." Caelus was hoping he could fish something out of you. Or, maybe gauge your responses to see how much you really knew. But so far, it seemed like you were completely in the dark, Then, he cleared his throat. “Let’s stop talking about depressing things. Why did your mother look so angry?”

“Magic.”

“Magic?”

“I’ve been learning about magic.”

“That’s why she’s angry?”

You nodded.

“...Care to share how much you know?”

You glanced at him. “You're interested in magic?”

“I think it can improve people’s lives if used properly. But, my sister doesn’t want anything to do with it."

“Why's that?"

“...It can make people crazy.”

"Well, she's not wrong."

Caelus looked at you. "How are you learning about it? Through books?”

“I just met you. I’m not going to spill all of my secrets.”

“I guess we’ll have to become friends then.” You raised a brow. Then, he stopped and extended his hand again. “I’m Caelus. Your new friend.”

“Is this how you make friends with people?” you asked with an amused scoff. “You want to know how much I know? Why not share your secrets first?” When Caelus said nothing, you rolled your eyes. “See. They’re called secrets for a reason.”

“But, we’re the same race.”

“...And that matters because…?���

“Aren’t humans supposed to help each other? Our only enemy is the dragons, after all.” Caelus stepped toward you. “...Unless they're the ones you've been learning from.” After a short, tense silence, Caelus smiled. “Sorry. I’m just joking.”

“I still don’t trust you.”

Then, when you began walking away, Caelus ran up to you. " What if I made you a deal?”

Not long after Stelle receives the worrying call, everyone ends up at the police station and sees Stelle's father talking with a police officer.

“...Is it possible to track him?” you ask quietly.

You, Lan, Nanook, and Young are standing a short distance from the humans. Pom stands in the middle, wanting to know what’s going on in both worlds.

“If the rabbit can change into a dog, maybe we can," Nanook says. Pom flashes him an unamused look, and Nanook smiles. “Just trying to lighten’ up the situation.”

“Caelus likely has all of his memories back,” Lan says. “The final trigger. It would explain why he disappeared.” He exhales softly. “It’s possible we don’t have to look for him at all.”

"You think he's looking for Cupid?" Nanook asks. "A man on a mission."

"Then, we'll have to find him first."

Everyone but the humans turn to Young.

"I'm just going to ask," Nanook says. "How are you alive?"

It was shortly after Young got the locket back from Pom that he was infusing it with magic. Blood dripped from his hand, but Young didn't flinch as the locket burned into his flesh. 

“What are you doing?”

Young nearly dropped the locket in surprise. He wasn't expecting a visitor. As his mother got closer, her eyes widened, but Young kept his usual calm. "Don't."

His mother didn't listen and grabbed her son's wrist, making Young drop the locket. The pendant landed on the floor with a soft thud. 

"You have no reason to be toying around with this kind of magic," his mother said, stepping on the locket before Young could pick it up.

"You're mistaken, Mother. It wasn't what you think it was."

"Do not take me for a fool." 

Young looked his mother in the eyes. "I was undoing a spell," he lied. "A shaman cursed this locket, and I'm undoing his magic."

"...A shaman?"

He believes Jing Yuan is going to start a war," Young said. "He cursed this locket in hopes that I'd give it to him. It'd be his downfall."

"Jing Yuan...? Starting a war?"

"I'm sure you've heard the stories, Mother. Jing Yuan is now the Commanding General of the North. There are people who believe he has ulterior motives." 

"And how did you come to know about this shaman?"

"Because I am not human."

When his mother lifted her foot off the pendant, Young bent over and picked it up. "Why are you helping Jing Yuan?" she asked.

A pause.

"...I'm not. I'm helping you."

"So, you lied to your mother about using one of the most energy-consuming spells in history," Nanook says.

"You had to be sure that you were going to die if you put all that energy into tying your soul to an object," Lan adds. A small pause. “And that kind of spell wears off.”

“...What are you getting at?”

Before the god can say anything, Stelle walks up.

“...We’re going to help look for my brother.”

“What did the police say?” Nanook asks.

“They managed to track him on a few surveillance cameras around the city,” Gepard says, coming up beside Stelle with March.

“We’ll find him in no time!” March frowns. “Because I have a damn lot of questions for him.”

“As do I,” Stelle’s father says, walking up to Stelle’s other side. “Did you know he was in the hospital, Dan Heng?”

You and Young glance at each other. “No.”

“Is that so?”

“Well, the more eyes the better,” Nanook says, sighing. “Why not call Jing Yuan to help look for the guy? He has connections around the city, doesn’t he?”

“Jing Yuan?" Stelle's father frowns. "How would he know about my son?”

“Er… well…”

Stelle’s father frowns. “Who are you people, anyway? What is your relationship with him?” He shoots you, Pom, and Dan Heng a disappointed look. “Do you know him as well?”

“I’m surprised you’re so defensive,” Lan says with a pointed look. “Why is it so important whether we’re acquainted with Jing Yuan or not?”

Stelle turns to her father. “I remember you mentioning him before. How do you know him, Dad?”

“We’re business partners,” he answers cooly. “I’m surprised because young people like you shouldn’t know who he is.”

Somehow, you don’t buy it.

“Who's this Jing Yuan guy?” March finally asks. “Is he a bad person? Is that why everyone’s in a fuss?”

"Shouldn't we be focusing on finding Caelus?" you ask. 

Stelle’s father says nothing and walks away.

◆◆◆

“...Hey, Caelus.”

Instead of working, Stelle was crouching and waving a long piece of grass in front of a black cat trying to catch it between his paws. Caelus was working in the garden as usual. Since their mother's disappearance, the twins have been selling crops to the market for a living.

Caelus stood upright with a large carrot in his hand. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm. “What is it, Stelle? Maybe you could help.”

Stelle sighed just as the cat caught the grass. Then, she stood and walked to her brother. She crouched and started loosening the soil. “...Why do you think Father left us?”

“Why are you suddenly asking about that?”

“It's just something that's been on my mind." Then, quietly, "...Because Mom isn’t coming back.” Caelus’s shoulders fell as he watched his sister firmly tug on the carrot leaves. Once Stelle pulled out a carrot, she tossed it to him. “What did we do to deserve this? Is it our fault that no adult wants us?”

"What are you saying, Stelle? Mom didn't abandon us!"

Caelus wished he had a better answer. But he knew just as much as she did. Their real parents were young and poor. Left with no other options, they'd sold them to the woman Caelus and Stelle called Mother, the woman who had disappeared. But she had treated them as if they were her own children.

“...But she’s not here anymore.”

“I told you there's a reason.”

“I know,” Stelle muttered. “You saw her being taken.”

“Exactly! That wasn't her choice!”

Stelle looked in the distance where the palace stood. “Perhaps she’s enjoying the palace life. If only we could just see her one more time…”

“We will, Stelle.”

“There you go again.” Stelle rolled her eyes. “Stop your wishful thinking.”

“I’ll find a way to get into the palace.”

Stelle sighed. “I guess we'll talk when we get there.”

Caelus is sitting on a park bench, hunched over and his eyes on the ground.

It’s in the past.

That isn’t his life now. Sure, his mother isn’t always around because of her work overseas, but he has Stelle and his father. These memories… the life he lived… That’s all in the past. But if that’s the case, why does it still hurt?

“I don’t get it.” Caelus slowly looks up but sees no one around. “Why am I feeling this way?” The disembodied voice gets closer. Then, a breeze hits his right shoulder. He immediately turns and sees an unfamiliar man. He’s sitting next to him with one leg crossed over the other. “It’s nice to finally meet the brother who killed his sister.”

Caelus stumbles to his feet. “Who are you?”

Sampo uncrosses his legs and leans forward, his elbows on his knees. Then, he smiles. “Do you want me to answer your question?”

“...What question?”

“The life you’re living now is far from the one you had centuries ago. So, why are you feeling like you’re still living it?” Sampo stands. “Am I wrong?”

“Are you one of them?”

“A god?” Sampo scoffs. “No. And frankly, I don’t want to be one either. It’s not all that it appears to be.”

“That’s not my concern. If you’re not a god, who are you? Do you have something to do with Cupid?”

“Maybe. Sort of.” Sampo puts a hand in his pocket. “You can call me the Grim Reaper.”

“Is that a joke?”

“Would you like me to prove it to you?”

A short silence later, Caelus asks, “What do you want from me?”

“Why are you getting involved with them?” Sampo was stopped by Himeko while walking through the halls of the Astral Express. “It’s not like you.”

“I gave it some thought,” Sampo said. “But… as much as I got a kick over what happened centuries ago, it’s time for the foolishness to stop. Contrary to what they might think, I’m just bringing the truth to light. Cupid has to make a choice, but it’d be unfair to her if she made that choice without knowing everything. Don’t you think?”

Himeko exhaled softly. “I just hope your meddling doesn’t get you into more trouble than you are already.”

“Trouble?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

Sampo chuckled. “Ah. You mean ripping out Dan Heng’s heart? It was the only way to bring Young back.”

“You knew.”

Sampo smiled. “Young didn’t just tie his soul to the locket. He used black magic to make his mother forget about him, but that backfired, didn’t it?” Then, as if realizing something, Himeko frowned just as Sampo said, “You thought you knew everything, didn’t you, Himeko?”

“What really happened back then is not my concern.” Himeko sighed. “I just want you to do your job. It’s what I’m paying you for.”

“I may love my coin, but a job should be done well, right?" 

“I want nothing from you," Sampo answers. “Just my help if you wish. I can see it all over your face, Caelus. You’re confused, lost, and, well, a little dead. No offence.”

“I don’t want these memories,” Caelus says through gritted teeth, his eyes becoming foggier. “I don’t care who or what I was.”

“You just don’t want to be burdened by your past.” Sampo steps toward him. “Well, sorry to say, kid, but that’s part of the curse. Your past self could never let go of the hate, and it’s longing for revenge. It doesn’t want you to fight. It wants you to succumb and kill Cupid.”

“Not just Cupid,” Caelus mutters. “I—”

“Caelus…?” Sampo turns and sees Jing Yuan who has a confused but cautious look. When their eyes meet, Jing Yuan narrows his eyes and asks, “Who are you?”

Caelus stumbles toward Jing Yuan as if in a trance. “...You…” Jing Yuan quickly looks back. “If only I hadn’t listened to you…”

Jing Yuan steps back. “What are you doing out here? You’re supposed to be at the hospital.”

Jing Yuan had been driving home when he decided to take a shortcut on a whim. He never thought he’d see Caelus and a suspicious man together in a park.

Caelus looks over his shoulder at Sampo. "You said you'd help me if I asked for it, right?" The veins on his neck grow darker, and his body is slightly shaking as if trying to control his impulses. Then, finally, he says, "...Then help me kill him."

“What do you mean you won’t kill her?” Caelus asked, clenching his fists.

“She has nothing to do with your mother’s death,” Jing Yuan answered, not looking at him. “Her mother’s dead. The King is… has gone mad. You accomplished what you came here to do.”

But it didn’t feel enough. Yes, Caelus had helped Jing Yuan kill Young, but Caelus didn’t want to stop there. He’d made his intentions clear when he'd found out what happened to his mother: he wanted the entire royal family dead. While Luocha was his mother’s son, he was a child Caelus was sure his mother wouldn’t love as Luocha was not conceived out of love.

“You promised to help me,” Caelus said through gritted teeth. “I thought we were the same.”

“I exiled her,” Jing Yuan said flatly. “What more do you want?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Jing Yuan finally looked at him and sighed in annoyance. “No, Caelus. We accomplished what we wanted.”

“No.” Caelus put his hands on Jing Yuan’s desk and leaned closer. “I can’t ignore this feeling anymore, so I’m just going to say it. Killing Young felt too easy. He trusted me too easily.” A small pause. “If you hadn’t exiled the princess, she would’ve been killed for her relationship with Young.”

“Your point?”

Caelus frowned. “Call me crazy. Insane, maybe. But, killing Young was planned. Not just by us."

Jing Yuan looked down and smiled. Then, he leaned back. “What an imagination you have, Caelus. You should write a book.” Jing Yuan’s gaze turned dark. “Where’s your evidence? Just because it was easy to kill him?” Then, he stood. “Young and the king are dead. The princess is gone. You got your revenge.”

“...If you’re not going to kill her, I’m going to find her,” Caelus muttered. “I'm going to find her, and I’ll kill her.”

Jing Yuan glared at him. “You're wasting your time. She has nothing to do with what happened to your mother.”

"You're still protecting her." Caelus drew his blade. “Should I kill you first?”

But he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his back. Everything started spinning, but before he blacked out, his eyes met Luocha.

Jing Yuan can’t believe this is happening. He’s wrestling with Caelus. Caelus, for goodness sake. And while Jing Yuan thinks it will be an easy fight, Caelus proves to be much stronger than Jing Yuan thought. Or, maybe it's because of the curse.

Sampo grabs Caelus by the shirt collar and effortlessly throws him off of Jing Yuan. “You ain’t killing anyone, kid,” Sampo says.

As soon as Jing Yuan gets to his feet, he looks from Caelus to Sampo. “...Who the hell are you?”

“You’re welcome.”

Jing Yuan hears a groan and sees Caelus staggering to his feet, swaying a little. Then, before either of them can say anything, Jing Yuan hears a familiar voice. When he turns, it’s his turn to groan. “Great,” he mutters as Caelus’s father runs towards his son. “This is just what we need.”

◆◆◆

“She’s learning about magic,” Caelus said, “and I don’t think she’s doing it alone.” It was the night after Caelus had met you for the first time. “I tried making a deal with her, but it didn’t go as planned.”

Jing Yuan was twirling the ring around his finger as if contemplating something. Finally, he asked, “What deal did you ask for?”

“I want to know how much she knows about magic and where she's getting this information from."

Jing Yuan looked at Caelus who looked deep in thought. It was by chance Jing Yuan met this mysterious delivery boy, but after a round of drinks together, Caelus spilled the real reason why he was at the palace. Jing Yuan could sense it. The frustration. Agony. Confusion. They were similar. Abandoned at a young age. And while Jing Yuan didn’t know what had happened to Caelus’s mother when they met, he wouldn’t be surprised if your parents knew about her disappearance. Caelus was broken. He was a boy who was forced to grow up too fast and needed someone to confide in… He may prove to be useful.

"Do you know? You two are close, aren't you?"

Jing Yuan didn't want to answer that question, and he didn't have to as a knock came at the door.

It slid open, and Luocha walked inside. "I hope I'm not interrupting something." Without another word, Caelus left the room. Once he slid the door shut, Jing Yuan exhaled sharply, but Luocha knew the frustration was not directed at him. "He's a curious one."

“He’s just a child.”

“Yet, you intend on keeping him around? Someone like him could be dangerous.”

“He’s all bark and no bite,” Jing Yuan said flatly. “But, he’ll be useful.”

“In what way?”

“He’s looking for information about his mother. She was apparently brought to the palace when he was very young, but she’s not here.” When Luocha said nothing, Jing Yuan asked, “Do you remember you telling me you think you’re not the queen’s son?”

Luocha narrowed his eyes. “...What are you getting at?”

“Perhaps they're connected.” Jing Yuan put a hand on Luocha’s shoulder. “Maybe you should do some digging.”

Jing Yuan began walking past him until Luocha stopped him by saying his name. The general looked over his shoulder.

“I saw you… with Young the other day.”

Jing Yuan turned around. “You must have imagined it.”

“But I didn't. I know what I saw.” Luocha had fully turned to face Jing Yuan. “What were you two talking about?”

Luocha’s hand is shaking as the cup falls and shatters on the floor. He takes a breath and is about to pick up the broken pieces when he sees an unexpected hand reach out. Luocha immediately turns and sees Lan.

“What are you doing here?” Luocha asks, clearly surprised.

“Caelus is missing,” Lan says without looking at the doctor. He picks up some of the broken glass, none of which cuts him. “I thought he might’ve come here.”

“Missing?” Lan stands upright and puts the pieces in a small pile on the counter. “Unfortunately, he’s not here… How in the world did he escape?”

“...He tricked one of the nurses, apparently.”

Luocha put a hand on the counter. “This is bad. I—”

“There’s something else I want to ask.”

A pause.

“Before Young died, had he ever met Jing Yuan?"

“Now, it’s my turn to ask," Luocha says. "Did something happen? Or else, why would you be asking?”

Lan exhales softly. “Young is back.” He doesn’t give Luocha a chance to ask as he explains what happened.

“...A spell that ties the soul to an object,” Luocha says. He sighs. “I guess that would explain why the locket went missing. It had a life of its own.” A small pause. “...What does that have to do with Jing Yuan?”

“That kind of spell wears off. In other words, Young had to know he was going to die. Or else, it wouldn't make sense to go through all that effort." 

“...Wait. You’re not saying…”

“I think you know exactly what I’m saying.”

◆◆◆

When everyone decided to split to search for Caelus, you and Young had gone off together. It isn’t long into your search when Young asks about Caelus, and you tell him that he and Dan Heng are good friends.

“I see. That’s good to hear.” Young gives you a gentle smile. “I remember you talked about him quite a bit.”

“Did I?” You face him and gently squish his cheek. “Don’t tell me you were jealous. I don’t remember any of that.”

Your eyes slightly go wide as if you’d done something you weren’t supposed to. It’s strange. Your old lover in your current lover’s body. The two are supposedly the same person. So, it shouldn't feel different. Yet, it does. You’re about to pull your hand back when Young takes your hand.

“We have so much freedom here,” he says. Then, he leans in and kisses your forehead. “It’s something we’ve always wanted.”

That’s true.

“...Are you… going to stay?” you ask quietly.

“I can’t. Dan Heng is my reincarnation, but this is still his body.”

“...And his life.” Young is still holding your hand when he drops it to the side. “Even if you could stay, you’d be robbing Dan Heng of his life.”

“I know you wouldn’t want me to do that to him.” Young puts his other hand around your head and pulls you close. “The world is for the living. I may have tied my soul to the locket, but... that doesn't mean I'm alive. I have to move on." A small pause. "And I want you to come with me.”

Your eyes widen.

Young briefly closes his eyes. “...There’s also something I have to tell you.” He slowly releases you, and you’re looking into his eyes when he says, “It’s about how I died.”

“I don’t know if you’re bold or stupid.”

Young’s sharp gaze remained on the moon, despite the voice from the shadows behind him.

“Perhaps I can say the same for you.” When Young turned, his brother tossed the note and one of its edges landed firmly in the ground. Once Jing Yuan stepped on it, it immediately turned to dust. “It's been a while, Brother.”

“...You—”

“Did you know Mother would sometimes say your name in her sleep?”

Jing Yuan clenched his fists. “Did she tell you everything?”

“My father told me the truth about their marriage, and I started piecing everything together. For years, I've seen how unhappy she was with my father and her strong animosity towards humans." Young's gaze hardened. “Let me get straight to the point." A small pause. "She’s going to start a war.”

Jing Yuan furrowed his brows. “What—”

“I caught her multiple times experimenting with black magic. She wants revenge… for what the North did to the man she really loved. Your father. But she doesn’t want it to stop there.”

Jing Yuan almost laughed. “And why are you telling me this? Do you want me to stop her? Why would she listen to the son she abandoned?”

“She loves you, Jing Yuan,” Young said calmly. “...I was born out of a loveless marriage. You were not.”

Jing Yuan suddenly had Young by the throat against a large tree. “Yet, she chose you.” Young could feel his brother’s hand shaking. “Why is it always you?”

Young slowly pried Jing Yuan’s hand away and quietly said your name. “You lied to me that night when you said you’d kill her. I could see it in your eyes. You love her.” A small pause. “...Which brings me to why I’m here.”

Jing Yuan glared at his brother. “...Is Mother going to kill her?”

"The war is but a means to enslave the human race."

“And why should I trust you?”

“Because I cannot do this alone. I cannot stop her alone.” Young stepped toward his brother. “Mother is going to torture her, Jing Yuan. Her life will no longer be hers."

Jing Yuan clenched his fists. “You must be joking if I'm going help bring you two happiness. Mother and I share the same pain. Why do you think I came to the North? To get rid of this damn family.”

“...We will never have happiness.” Clearly, this took Jing Yuan off guard as he relaxed his hard stare. “Think about it, Jing Yuan. The situation. The circumstances. They say love conquers all, but that is only half the battle."

After a short silence, Jing Yuan looked away. “Then, why are you trying so hard? You can't be together. Why are you still trying so hard for her?”

“...Because no matter what happens, I want her to live and find her happiness even if it’s not with me.”

Jing Yuan closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. “You sure talk big, Brother.” Then, his gold eyes landed on him. “I hope you’re ready to live up to what you say.”

“I am. Because for this to work, you’re going to have to kill me."

Chapter 26

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @seirenspinel @lxry-chxn @nqctre @lunavixia @tanspostsblog @theprinceofkhaos @akwardbiscuit @sunsethw4 @hiqhkey @n8mareee @vintagepoetryluna @kplatzman

[djangari]

Sorry if this is annoying but what is the magic au… i can’t find much information under the tag on your page so i was wondering ^^’

Oh....

First if all, I dunno how long this has been sitting in my asks sorry!!!

But prepare for a ride. I'll use this to lay out my story and just explain everything, even background.

The magic AU is a AU of mine (of course rosquez) and I think it's like one of the first things I've published???? And 100% the first series (yes, I checked it was the 7th day of whumptober) and its been the most popular on my story since then.

So it began with the prompt only for emergencies and magic with a cost. The second actually describes the whole series pretty good. Because in the first part, Luca calls someone unknown for him on a Burner Vale left him if he ever is missing (he is rn. And it worries ALL his academy kids. Because in this world they are actually a family and Vale has raised them from small on) and then later the mysterious man comes to them to help them and surprise! It's Marc. Who basically raised them too (young stepdad) until something happened and he just left them. Without explanation.

But now he is back to help them find Vale (cause he still loves him) and he acts all very dadlike towards them, also sad and depressed, melancholic because he left them. Because later we find out... He had to. Vale has banished him from the ranch, because of something that happened all those years ago and Marc had to stay away from his husband and his loved children.

And now they are reunited, but his children still believe what Valentino has told them (that he just left them because he was selfish) and can't forget the hate they had for him all those years. Because they were small children and couldn't understand what happened so they just got angry (well most of them).

While the story continues and Marc sacrifices so much (even risks his life to get Vale back) they slowly find out the truth and have to face it, all while trying to get their father back (maybe both???)

And this is where it spoilers too much for the third official part, so I'll stop now.

But I'll gladly answer every type of questions about this (or any other au) so pls pls pls just ask me if you got a question :3

And thank you very much for this ask anon and for this possibility to yap about my stories :)))

If you wanna read, I have it linked somewhere on here (damn I really have to make a oversight with links)

[pyrondeeznutz]

Clockwork Headcanons

PT.01

Natalie Ouellettes past, upbringing, pre-murder headcanons.

CW: mentions of sexual abuse (I go into light detail about the abuse and the abusers mindset), domestic violence, gore, trauma, human experimentation

<NOTE> Same thing as the Ticci Toby headcanons, its a bit of a rewrite and I tried to keep the story realistic. Its not proofread so ignore typos and grammatical errors. Also again as a major warning, I went into some detail about Clockworks sexual trauma with her brother as I feel it does play a major part to her character and the reason why she developed the way she did. I have trigger warnings on the parts so you can skip it. Its very long because I have a lot of thoughts about her character. Enjoy 🔥

BIOGRAPHY .

PATIENT NAME: Natalie Ouellette

BIRTHDATE: November 6th, 1996

AGE: Currently 18 years old

HC/EC: Brown hair, green eyes

ETHNICITY: White Canadian

BIRTHPLACE: Windsor, Ontario

FAMILY: Mary-Beth Ouellette (mother), David Ouellette (father), Lucas Ouellette (brother)

DIAGNOSIS: Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, suspected/untreated Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

PIGTAILS .

Natalie grew up in a small trailer park. Her family was dirt broke, her father would blow all their money on booze and gambling

The financial situation in her household contributed significantly to her parents stress and fighting. Rarely was there ever a moment of peace

She would often make careless mistakes as any young child would like wetting the bed, drawing on walls, accidentally breaking things

And every time she made a mistake, she wasn’t simply taught how to do better, she was berated and ruthlessly beat by her father

Her childhood was unstable, to say the least. Natalies parents were more like enemies than they were caregivers.

She spent her peak developmental years being severely neglected and made to feel small and powerless.

At home she would spend her time alone in her room to hide away from the fighting between her parents or the random rants her drunken father would go on

She would get into the habit of running away just to spend some quiet time at the park by her house, anything to escape the chaos of her everyday life

At such a young age she didn’t know why she was so angry at the world. And at such a young age she would act out for attention and struggle with morals, empathy and societal norms as a result of never being taught any better

Her and her brother were severely emotionally neglected and grew up very poor, barely having food to eat or clean clothes to wear. This resulted to her being ostracized from her peers early on

DADDYS GIRL .

David Ouellette was a lazy, drunk, mean old man. He spent his life as a bully and would pick on anyone who challenged his authority, even his own children

He wasn’t afraid to use fear and violence to make his family obey. The man didn’t care who he hurt as long as he got his way

And this man regretted having children every single day of his life. He viewed them as burdens, a curse, and something he wasted his life on.

This included Natalie, who developed oppositional behavioural issues early on in defiance to her fathers abuse

Natalie had a mouth on her. She would talk back, make sarcastic or snarky remarks, boss other kids around. She would fight tooth and nail against her father for a sliver of power in her otherwise powerless life

And David hated being talked down to by a cocky brat like her. So over the years David would repeatedly beat his daughter into shape by grabbing her, hitting her with objects, slapping her, pushing and any other means to his ends of regaining control

Despite this strained relationship where the two would constantly fight for power, Natalie was a daddys girl. They developed a strange, twisted understanding in each other

David worked as a local trucker, but he ran a side hustle of repairing clocks. The man was a piece of shit and honestly a bit dumb when it came to booksmarts but he was good with his hands and a tinkerer

Her father was a classic trailer trash hick. He loved and owned guns, and would sometimes take his children out hunting. The only praise and a semblance of affection Natalie would receive from her father was when she was taking the life of another living being

MOMMY ISSUES .

Natalies mother was an unstable woman. She was very passive-aggressive and unpredictable in her parenting going from caring to cold in an instant

She was very controlling over her children, often resorting to berating and insulting Natalie to get her to act how she wanted

Mary-Beth spent her life chasing the teenage dream she never got when she was younger, and tried to project through her daughter

When she was a young child, Natalie learned quickly that her mother didn’t care about anybody but herself. Mary-Beth was a bitter woman, always playing the victim, and would die before ever admitting she was wrong

Even though her relationship with her father was bad, the girls relationship with her mother was worse. Davids abuse was in response to his children acting out of line, meanwhile her mother was unnecessarily critical, argumentative, and emotional

On multiple occasions her mother would leave the house in a dramatic fit as if she desired to be chased after. The woman would act out like a child and expect everyone to cater to her

And Natalie was never good enough for Mary-Beth. She wasn’t polite enough, smart enough, skinny enough. There was absolutely no pleasing her mother.

BLOOD BROTHER . (TW SEXUAL ABUSE MENTS)

The only person Natalie relied on in her life was her brother, Lucas. He was 4 and a half years older than her but it was that sort of quiet understanding between two children in such a hostile household

Despite their arguments and lack of true bond, the young girl felt safe with her older brother and always tried to impress him. All she wanted was the approval of some dominant figure in her life, and she certainly wasn’t getting it from her parents

Lucas was a strange boy. He was the anxious type who harboured a lot of internalized anger, especially towards his mother.

He was an outcast at school and similarly to his sister, he felt powerless in his life. The boy picked up on his mothers passive-aggressive traits and his fathers entitlement

As he grew and developed, so did his hunger for control and power. He wanted to degrade, assault, and dominate something in his life to make up for the lack of confidence

When Natalie was 9 years old, Lucas would begin to sexually abuse her.

The one person in her life that understood and felt the same pain she did turned on her. She was scared, ashamed, confused.

Repeatedly Lucas would approach his sister and assault her in various ways with little to no regard of the consequences or moral implications. He was desperate and even though it hurt her, it felt good to him.

BETRAYAL . (TW SEXUAL ABUSE MENTS)

Natalie was too young to even know what was happening to her, all she knew was that it felt bad and she felt violated. She knew something was wrong.

Soon enough, the girl felt she had no choice but to confide in her peers. One day at recess she approached a girl named Mia and her friends, a group of girls Natalie wasn’t really friends with but was acquainted enough to talk to

And from there she told them everything as best as she could, even if she got choked up and didn’t make much sense. The girl barely even made sense of it herself.

It felt lighter to get it off her chest, maybe if she could gain the courage to tell her parents the abuse would stop. Maybe everything was going to work out.

But the next day Natalie woke up to messages on sites like Facebook and MySpace. Degrading comments about her being an incest freak, a whore, gross, disgusting, weird, used. Who does that with their brother?

The bullying and degradation from her peers who now saw her as a disgusting weirdo would follow her up until high school

And for four years she would come home from school and be abused in the worst, most violating way by her own kin. And for four years she kept everything inside of her. She just kept quiet and didn’t dare to tell a soul ever again.

Eventually, she gained the courage to tell Lucas no, and firmly reject his advances. After that she was finally free, as much as a girl drowning in her own household could be.

DEAD GIRL .

In high school, Natalie did well for herself. Her grades were good, she calmed down a ton, and she didn’t bother making close friends but she got herself a boyfriend named Chris

Chris was a nice boy, but he came from a good, well-off family. He wasn’t the type to even begin to understand the things Natalie thought or had been through.

Throughout the years, Natalie had grown fond of things of the morbid nature. She would find herself drawing gorey images depicting murder, weapons, decomposing corpses, and other unsettling themes

This wouldn’t have been as bad if it wasn’t tied to the girl who was drawing it. Most people saw Natalie as a weird, disturbed girl and it was rather uncomfortable to watch a girl like her draw all these macabre things

On the outside she was quiet and asocial with a bit of an attitude. She was snarky and rough around the edges, but all she wanted for herself was to get a proper education and have a good life for herself. All she wanted was the kind of family Chris had

Deeper inside of her, Natalie was a very angry girl who hated the world. She hated her family, her life, she resented people who had it better than her.

There was so much bubbling inside that she just pushed down. She was never going to let herself crumble. She was never going to be weak.

This reflected negatively on her life which led to the girl growing into her behavioural issues. Natalie would talk back to authority figures in her life and god forbid anyone try to tell her what to do. She was rebellious to a fault

Her sleep schedule was barely existent as she would find herself staying up until the sunrise to finish assignments, scroll through the internet, or binge watch horror movies regularly

And this lack of sleep only contributed to her horrible attitude. The girl would get into fights at home, storm out, get into fights with her peers or her boyfriend, and go back home to start all over again

TIME .

Natalie had a strange relationship with the concept of time. It always seemed to be against her.

A part of her feared how little time she felt she had. It was like a race against the inevitable, it was going to catch up to her eventually. She couldn’t outrun time itself

It wasn’t long until there was something of obsession with the topic in Natalies life. Even clocks on the wall drove her insane

She felt as though she was stuck in a time loop of living the same day over and over. Different day on the calendar, but same life

Even her fathers clocks that littered her dirty, small, mobile home mocked her. Laughing at how powerless she was

The one thing in her life she truly could never control was the vicious cycle of living through her miserable days again and again

Wake up at 6am, school at 8am, go back home to the abuse at 4pm, fall asleep at 3am

Every. Single. Day.

Natalie hated her life more than anything. She wanted out more than anything. But she wasn’t going to be so weak as to self-harm or commit suicide. She was strong enough to take control

She just kept trying to be in control of something that couldn’t be controlled

STITCHES .

One day after school, Natalies boyfriend broke up with her.

She should’ve expected it, but she didn’t.

Chris was always nice to her, he really did try his best. But he just couldn’t even begin to understand her, and she couldn’t even begin to explain.

He told her that her outbursts were too much for him. She would snap at him and cause fights for such small reasons, everything set her off. And when he tried to talk it through with her, she’d shut down on him

Natalie never told him about the abuse, the trauma, or any of her struggles. She was drowning and never trusted a single hand reaching out to help

Chris made comments towards her art and mindset, saying it creeped him out and that she needed to seek professional help

Of course he didn’t understand. Nobody understood Natalie. The whole wide world was against her

And now the one person she actually liked and could see herself caring for turned on her and left her just like everyone else in her life

And another good thing in her life was lost to the hands of time

BORDERLINE .

For such a strong girl like Natalie, a stupid high school breakup shouldn’t have meant as much as it did

It shouldn’t have ruined her

But it did, and she was a mess

All she could think about was how much she lost. She was so desperate for control she completely lost it

And now her moods were at an all time low, her impulsivity skyrocketed and so did her anger

How fucking dare he do that to her

Natalie would start acting out, getting into fights with her parents, and her grades began to drop. Her entire life was slipping away through the cracks in between her fingers and there was nothing she could do but watch it crumble underneath her feet

It was like watching a car accident. You could see the girl spiral, you could see her crash and burn, but there was nothing you could do but sit back and watch

She didn’t care one bit. After so long of trying so hard to run from it all, she finally had nothing left to lose

So she picked up a few bad habits here and there. She would fight girls behind the school and buy cigarettes off of sketchy junkies with her parents money

Natalie started to speak up more and everything that came out of that girls mouth was trashy. She would make offensive comments and pick on people for being “so damn sensitive”

In reality, she just wanted to be seen. She wanted someone to catch her from falling so far deep into destruction and give her the attention and support she never had

But everyone found her annoying or just something to laugh at. Natalie wasn’t enjoyable to be around in the slightest

She started stealing booze from her parents and going off and getting drunk at the park near her house. The girl quickly developed a drinking problem that worsened her attitude even more

Natalie started crossing lines that shouldn’t have been crossed, and started to gain the dangerous knowledge that she could do all these awful things and the world wouldn’t come to an end

She was on top. She was powerful. And nobody was going to fuck with her again

INFIRMARY .

One night she got into a physical fight with her brother, things were broken, fists were thrown, insults were tossed back and forth

The fight had gone too far and she ended up injuring her left eye so badly she had to be taken to the emergency room

Nobody stayed by Natalies side in that hospital. She had to undergo surgery in order to remove the eye due to the damage. And neither her parents nor her brother cared enough to stay

Now around this time, the government was developed a chemical weapon known as “Liquid Hate” or “methcyclopyroxene oxydenate” if we’re going to get scientific

And if you know anything about the government, they just love to run illegal human experimentation programs on unassuming people who really wouldn’t be looked for if they went missing or worse

Natalie fell victim to a testing of an early prototype of liquid hate. During her surgery she was tied down and injected a small dosage of this chemical

Soon, she woke up and felt a jolt of adrenaline stronger than anything she’d ever felt before. It felt like her body was so hot she was going to explode, she felt jittery and like a surge of overwhelming energy soared through every cell that made up her being

And she felt so consumed by rage

Her anger was righteous and she was wielding it like an archangels sword. It was something so biblically primal when she escaped her restraints and ripped the nearest doctor apart with her own two hands

This quick blinding rush subdued slightly and she came to her senses as she caught her breath and bolted right out of the hospital in fear and out into the rainy night

The effects weren’t exactly as blinding as before but god knows they were still overtaking her senses. And when she walked down the street in that gentle, cold, rain only one thought was on her mind

Where the fuck was her family when she needed them the most?

TICK TOCK .

Now here was this angry, drugged up girl standing outside the dark house where she spent years of abuse and torment

And the blood on her hands was dripping like sin

When her mother answered the front door and saw the monster her own daughter had become, there was a part in the woman that felt as though she was looking at what she could’ve become

And like smashing a mirror, Natalie took the life of her own mother. She strangled her, brutally stabbed her with a kitchen knife and ripped open her ribcage with feral strength

As Natalie taunted the one who carried her for 9 months and brought her into the sick and cruel world she inhabited, she felt the rabid words fall off her mouth as if they had been begging to escape for years

Next was her father, who had slept through the death of his wife in a drunken slumber. The house stunk of alcohol - such a familiar smell. It made her sick to her stomach.

She snuck into her parents bedroom and took a handgun out of the bedstand drawer, shoving the barrel of the gun in her fathers booze-coated mouth and watched the fear filled his eyes as he woke up. Her finger teased the trigger as she whispered a quiet “your time is up, daddy” and blew his brains out onto the wall

This was another line Natalie crossed, another realization of her own capabilities only enhanced by the chemically induced beast-like rage. Nothing was stopping her. This was her divine right, she was in control now

And finally, she moved onto her brother who was alerted by the sound of a gunshot and walked in on his sister standing over their fathers dead corpse, blood staining her hands and soaking her white hospital gown

Lucas, like his sister, was a quiet boy who kept to himself for the most part. But like his sister, he had so much anger boiling inside of him and he was a fighter

And so the two fought once more, Lucas physically overpowered his sister for just a moment before something inside of her broke like a dam and the flood came crashing through

Natalie gained the upper hand as the fight was brought into Lucas’s bedroom, the place where her brother would abuse her for years

The overwhelming pain of the memories flooding in threw Natalie into a panicked fit as she threw her brother to the ground, ignoring his screams and berating

She climbed on top of him and incapacitated him by stabbing him several times in the abdomen, throat, and face. The girl finished her brother off by gutting him and spent her time mutilating his body like an animalistic rampage

Everything she had been bottling up finally exploded out of her and the girl showed no mercy that night

EMBERS .

Natalie stood in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror

She looked at the gaping hole where her left eye once was for what felt like eternity

Time came to a complete stop in that moment, it was all in the bloody palm of her hands

The only sound that filled the room was the viscous sound of her fathers pocket watch ticking softly as it rested on the messy bathroom counter

For nearly an hour she stood there heavily dissociated, zoning out of reality as she did nothing but stare at the hands of the clock moving rhythmically

Natalie soon snapped out of her dazed trance and slowly moved her dark crimson stained hand over to the pocket watch

And slowly she look a deep breath in as she brutally shoved the small clock into her empty eye socket, zoning out from the sharp pain of her body reacting to the foreign object

Now time was apart of her, and she was time itself. The girl became what she feared the most and broke the cycle she lives through over and over with her own two hands. She was no longer going to be a victim to the hands of time, she was now going to be the destroyer of it

As she exited the cold bathroom, she walked down the hallway of her small home she spent so much time in. There was no more yelling from her father, comments from her mother, fear from her brother

Natalie was all that was left

The girl entered her bedroom for the last time, changed into regular clothes and grabbed her stuffed giraffe shes had since she was a young child, named Jaffy

Jaffy had been with her through it all. She found comfort in the little giraffe, and it was the last piece of herself she had left

She walked into the kitchen with the stuffed animal and turned her gas-stove on max before laying a gentle kiss on Jaffys head and placing it onto the stovetop

Not once did she look back to the fire overtaking the giraffe as she walked out of that house, letting it become victim to the flames that would soon engulf the home

Natalie Ouellette died in that house, burning to death alongside her family in the fire

And only Clockwork walked out

[theportuguesewolf]

AMERICAN PAIN

Umberto Eco once said (and I'm quoting from memory): North Americans are the only people who can worship Snow-White and Jaws with the same fervour. 

Yesterday, at the Moonspell Q&A, I got many questions about returning to the US and tour. Please take this with a pinch of salt, yet we have a private joke running in the band which is that all our North-American fans can fit in a plane and should come to Europe where they could see us properly, with a show based in more than mere energy of surviving through the night.

When we are at odds with life in America and read these "come to America" comments ,we, jokingly, add: Come to the US so we won't show up.

Last tour alongside Eleine and Oceans of Slumber wasn't fun for me. The venues were kinda empty, the streets were dirty and dangerous and the motivation simply wasn't there. Sure, we can still deliver the goods; naturally I can still have fun with the many things 'Merica has to offer from the amazing landscapes, to crazy Vegas, and libraries, bookshops, and street food and I will for sure miss it ( I already do) but I can't see at the moment taking another trip to the States and loosing money and time and being very depressed again, about it all.

Last night, I told you a little of my unfortunate encounter with a "gang" in NY in the hotel we're staying prior to our return trip to Portugal but the shortage of time made me default on some details and I'd like to share it more completely, if you don't mind:

I was minding my own business and ruminating about the past month on the road, while keeping an eye on our gear , when I was approached by a black young man who asked me, rather rudely, for my phone number which I promptly refused to give him.

Used, so it seems, to get his way around things and people, he immediately started to be aggravated, while I tried to explain to him, to no effect, what was I doing there and that I was okay in giving him the number of our bus driver as he "needed" to have all the phone numbers of the proprietors of the vehicles parked in the hotel lot.  Fair enough.

But, seeing the way this young man escalated things on his own, no more explanations could I offer and he just started to act out on the parking lot and shouting threats at me. I went to the reception to call security and indeed there was a "guard" there, who tried to approach this angry person nicely, but the die was cast. I went to him myself (again) and tried to reason with him and even offered an apology because we were, definitely, lost in translation, but he started to offend me, calling all the names in the book that I shan't repeat here.

He added: "You'll get what you deserve" and in 10 minutes time, a van parked near the hotel reception and a Gang of four black individuals came out of the car, while the previous guy was shouting at me, constantly, that he wanted to see what I was going to do now.

I am a father, a husband, a singer, a writer, an entrepreneur but , above all, I am a simple man. And it was a simple man that I went to the gang "leader" and explained him who I was, where I came from, what happened, what could happened if they attacked me (they did have masks on and their hands in their pockets meant guns) because I was a Portuguese citizen and while his little brother kept screaming threats and improperares and my band watched in panic, I could reach out to the gang leader which not only told off his brother but also shook my hand, telling me words I will never forget: "Have a blessed day, brother." And we both went to our homes.

I could now stop to observe a lot what's happening to one of the most beautiful and spectacular countries in the world: the 70.000 people who died of drug abuse; the tent cities all over the place; the misery and the chaos but I won't go any further. 

I just wish to extend an olive branch to the people who almost attacked me, and yes, we are brothers and maybe victims of a cruel, money-oriented world, a world without a shred of value to show for.

Also, I want to embrace all the Moonspell North-American and Canadian fans and ask them for their empathy and forgiveness, while I offer, hereby, my best explanation of why I dread the thought of another tour in the States.

I never went public with this but I felt it was the time, so we can keep watching for ourselves and respect one another as I respected that gang leader and he respected me back. 

Goth help America, happy holidays y'all, don't forget to follow my new blog for more of this and that.

[celestialholz]

For some reason, I’m seriously wondering if Brassius is /younger/ than he looks, like…Cyrus does NOT look 27, yet there he is. And Brassius was confirmed to have had physically and mentally torturous younger years as an artist struggling for recognition. I’m not saying he’s also 27 mind you, he’s more likely in his late 30’s, /maybe/ early 40’s if we’re being generous.

This…also brings up the potential of an age gap in his and Hassel’s relationship, depending on when they met. Hassel’s likely in his 50’s (somewhere on the low end, maybe), meaning they might have anywhere from a 10 to 15 year age gap in their relationship!

I’m not saying there was any orbiting mind you, they were both fully-grown legal adults when they met, and all my homies hate orbiting—but it’s something to consider, given we don’t have canon ages for every character outside of a very small few.

Ah, my dear anonymous friend, today I must have a chat with you all on coding.

Cyrus looks like this at 27 because he's wrong. His storyline is finding a way to mend the 'incomplete human spirit', and yet in his design and actions we see his flawed viewpoint. The narrative asks you to consider that if this is what perfection looks like, why is everyone else different? Why does everyone else look their age, or younger, and yet they're somehow incorrect? It's because everyone else isn't wrong. Cyrus' cold heart is draining him of his youth and vitality - he's too serious, and so it shows upon his skin. He's a commentary, a man too driven and too angry at entirely the wrong thing. He will unleash the literal embodiment of Satan to 'save us all', which is dictator language if I've ever heard it. It's why he wears grey, white and black - at his 'core', where the white undershirt is (the colour of purity), he has good intentions, or at least believes he does; his jacket is grey because he's morally ambiguous, lying to his team with again, what he thinks are good intentions - he's saving everyone, isn't he, what's the sacrifice of some good soldiers compared to that? And it's predominantly black, because his heart, and his thoughts, are literally 'dark.' He's a walking red flag on virtually every level, which makes the fact that his name literally means 'sun' particularly funny. He thinks he's bringing light to the world, but all he's bringing is darkness.

Contrast all of that to this lovely fellow here.

Brassius is physically marked by time because of both illness and depression - he was never 'wrong' in the way Cyrus is, so his lines and frown are a measure of struggling rather than a mental issue. The transformation here is palpable - the man we see jumping from rooftops and being the King of Drama is not necessarily young accordingly, he's alive. He's living his best life later in that life because he never could before - he's been healed, physically and spiritually, by Hassel. The coding here is of a youth unfortunately missed - he was drained of it too, but in an entirely different manner. Hilarious, because as I've pointed out before, Brassius is moon-coded to Hassel's sun coding - he's reflected his light, and now shines in his own right, whereas Cynthia - whose name similarly means 'moon' - is a reflection of Cyrus, the 'good' mirror to his wild ideals.

The difference lies not only in narrative, but in coding. Cyrus is a petulant youth, shouting at the world that won't listen until he makes them; Brassius is a grandpa-esque figure of art and wisdom. He's seen shit, and therefore he's basically every child's adorable little gay uncle. He's not jumping off windmills because he's full of youth, especially when we know from his rematch that it hurts his knees - he's jumping off windmills because he can. Because he's living now, because he's a role model, because he basks in literal sunlight... which is probably why he trains Grass-types, narratively. Needs that photosynthesis. <3

Likewise, speaking of men who are living nowadays...

Here is a man who has also been through some shit - the burden of responsibility vs. the freedom of being your authentic self, who has also been healed by finding his little free-spirited, unapologetic artist husband. You'll see looking at them together like this, the only thing really distinguishing the two in wrinkles is the lines around Hassel's mouth... which is pretty easy to explain away as continuous frowning, when you've spent a good portion of your life hiding your true softness and trying to be the head of the family your heritage expects you to be.

It's a very different and beautiful take on the Sinnoh dynamic, honestly. Where Cyrus and Cynthia are at odds, both fighting for their own greater good, the sun and the moon here are in harmony - they're equals at every turn. One heals the other, and vice versa; they're both role models for young people; Brassius' art depicts them both to varying degrees; Hassel shows up at gym two; Flapple is half of them each... neither seems inadequate at all. Even the skill gap evens up, because they become very similarly levelled during the gym leader rematches.

And when you've got coding like that...

Is Hassel the older one, here? Oh, almost definitely. We don't know any canon ages in Paldea except Dendra, who explicitly tells us she's 25, and therefore, Tulip must be a very similar age as they grew up together. Everyone else is up for debate, really, aside from the kids obviously being kids. But this has all been a very long way to say, dearest anon, that I don't think this age gap's as wide as you might think. :) I think, in the spirit of equality, Brassius looks older than he is, and Hassel does too, because they've both had lives of turmoil - if I had to stick numbers on it, Brassius is early 40s, and Hassel's late 40s. But as you rightly point out my unknown pal, there's no orbiting here. This is a healthy and wonderful relationship of absolute equilibrium, as my meta masterpost on them will explain more easily than I can summarise here. Both of them are utter sweethearts with good hearts, and everything they are is built on mutual respect and appreciation. But you don't usually achieve mastery of your craft, and especially not after early disadvantages, unless you're of a certain age. These two are endgame life material, the 'happily ever after' of achieving true self-worth as well as true love. They stand as our in-game grandpas for a reason. :)

[alice-bad-thoughts]

Hello! Do you have any headcanons for Aedion's mom? I feel like people rarely talk about her and I was curious to see your thoughts

All right kids. You asked for it yourself.

✨ Her parents died when She was pretty young, so She (as well as her son) lived with Glaston and Evalin and was pretty close to her cousins up until a certain point.

✨ She is nameless. She was, is and will be. I will never dare to name Her, no matter how much I want to (even though I am tempted to write to Maas from time to time at all costs and ask about it. In fact, I don't think it's so impossible). Nevertheless, I think Her has a preternaturally simple but not obvious name beginning with A.

✨ She (like Aedion) is fascinated by parrots.

✨ She loved peaches and pomegranates, as well as their flowers. One day Gavriel found this out and on their last meeting gave Her one. She made a herbarium of it.

✨ She was fascinated by the sea and even had a little water magic. One day She showed it to Gavriel. In response, he only smiled gently and kissed Her palm.

✨ She started the relationship with him as a joke. To make Glaston angry. But something went wrong. She loved him with the purest love in the world.

✨ I also think She was severely depressed.

✨ I have a picture in my mind of how bad She felt after broke up with Gavriel. Maybe one day, when I will be in a really bad mood and want you to suffer, I'll write this. Pray that it doesn't happen, because She probably had suicidal thoughts often. Even when She had Aedion, who became the meaning of life for Her.

✨ Let's talk a little bit about Her before She met Gavriel. She was far more well-bred than Her son and niece and (I have no illusions about the demands placed on her, and I take the British royal family as a benchmark), but she allowed herself to swear and do some mischief. And She got away with it every time.

✨ She never expected to live happily ever after. She always thought that She would marry a nice but rather uninteresting man who would not dare to limit Her in anything, live to be thirty and what would happen after that She could not imagine.

✨ Towards the end of Her life She suffered from paranoia, but for Aedion's sake She tried sincerely not to show it.

✨ She had no regrets about dying. She was sure She had lived a short but good life. After all, She never wanted to be anything other than just a good person who did everything right.

Bonus: I think she looks something like Jennifer Aniston.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Dume"

*pulling out more tissues* Anyone still need these? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I am way too young to be making that joke.

Live reaction version.

As if to rub things in, this episode starts moments after the previous one ended. The fireball is under control, finally, though still burning, and an officer comes up to Pryce to confirm the news:

Kanan is dead.

Pryce knows she's made a mess of things but latches onto this fact as a way to still look good in front of Imperial High Command, deciding to throw a sick kind of celebration for it. In a twisted way, the Jedi also represents "hope" to someone as despicable as Pryce.

Oh man, he doesn't know. He's so happy to see them.

Zeb's first hint that things didn't go as planned is Sabine hurling off her pilot helmet, swiping her eyes angrily as she passes him in complete silence.

And then the near-comatose Hera, dead on her feet, staring up blankly towards the horizon and Ezra shaking his head because he can't help her.

Chopper rushing immediately to Hera's side because he knows her, knows something is horribly wrong.

Zeb grabbing Ezra by the shoulders and he barely reacts to it.

"Kanan's gone." is all he can say, and his anguish when he has to repeat it when Zeb asks for clarification, the anger and sorrow, the way his voice shakes...

And Zeb's expression drops in horror and he wordlessly pulls Ezra into an embrace.

I WANTED THEM TO HUG BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

And Chopper silently holding Hera's hand. :((((

They bring back the white titlecard too, just to remind you we're still in mourning.

It gets a bit lost with everything that happened, but the attack on Lothal's factories? That was two days ago. The disastrous failure and loss of 24! fighters is going to be very fresh on the Alliance's minds, and add Kanan's death to the mix and they absolutely will not risk any more hardware and personnel on Lothal. The Spectres will have to fix things from within, on their own, by themselves.

Which they gradually discover that they have started to. The Alliance's primary goal on Lothal was preventing the Defenders from being manufactured, and Kanan accomplished that. Anything in addition to that is cake topping for the Alliance, Lothal goes back to being one of the thousands of worlds in the Imperial-occupied crowd they have to face down.

They don't know about the Temple. And that's why Lothal also needed Ezra.

Who, after an outfit and scene change, is about to be as functionally useless and paralyzed as Hera.

:(((((((

I was unclear on why the wolves were so angry the first time through. It's clearer now that they're trying to snap Ezra out of his funk, because time is running out and they can't afford for him to sit there and be depressed about things, they need him to move, they need him in action. They're not kind about it, but the reality is not kind, If Ezra does not get himself together, Palpatine will gain the WBW, Lothal will be doomed, everyone will die.

Bit a lot more headcanon-y but also I think the Loth-wolves may have preferred Kanan be the one to enter the WBW and save it? Owing to [gestures to unanswered mystery box about Kanan's past they hinted at]. Maybe? So maybe they were also just a little pissy that their first choice went and got himself killed even after they warned him.

Like I said, speculation and spitballing on my part on that one.

Anyway.

Ezra runs away from the Loth-wolves' attempts to confront him and I already praised it in my first watch but the camerawork is excellent here. Very nicely staged, good insets, good tracking shots, good dollying.

The Loth-wolves actually pause here, waiting, watching Ezra to see what what he'll do. Ezra had the full opportunity to reach out and connect, and talk to them, but he chooses not to, running away again.

So they wind up knocking him out when they knock him down.

Meanwhile at Imperial HQ, good lord that is a lot of smoke. It's literally blurring the edges of the Dome.

Pryce seems very pleased with herself for killing the Jedi. Too bad Thrawn literally doesn't care about that, because he's pissed she let Hera Syndulla escape and also the whole fuel depot thing. Thrawn says he's not in it for glory but I think he does take some personal satisfaction from defeating someone he considers a Worthy Opponent. Hera was his victory and Pryce undid it as soon as he was gone. That has to sting, lol.

And Rukh is grinning like, "Sucks to be you, bitch."

I don't know if we're meant to take Hera's, "Why did I wait so long to tell him?" as being about saying I love you or about being pregnant but I'm going to go with the latter because, again, the suggestion that that was the first time she'd actually told him is dumb and I won't entertain it.

Chopper is so very present for Hera through all this, even when Hera regrets even starting the Rebellion in the first place.

I think a few people have speculated that each of the Spectres represents a stage of grief. Ezra's stuck in a certain kind of Denial, and gets tempted with the Bargaining stage an episode later. Sabine and Zeb are both Anger. Hera is obviously Depression.

Eventually all of them reach Acceptance. Chopper may have already been there.

Zeb is actually the one who notices first that the factories are completely shut down, which is a nice touch.

I can't quite tell if Ezra wakes up in the same location he was knocked out in or if the wolves moved him. He bolts up in a different position so there's room to argue they moved him, possibly on Dume's orders.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: Ezra stumbling like he's falling asleep on his feet.

He looks so tired. And he's stuck. Emotionally and physically.

Maybe that's why he turns to the children's nursery rhyme like he did in Season One's "Path of the Jedi" to try and decide a way forward. But he keeps rejecting the options he lands on. So he does it again. And again.

Until a manifestation of Kanan appears, like it did before, to get him back on track.

Sabine holding back on her Mandalorian revenge instincts, implicitly because of Kanan's Jedi influence. T_T

Watch the sky in this part, you can see the hue shift to purple.

The Dume wolf sniffs him and he immediately stirs with a confused, "Kanan?" ow my heart.

Some Endgame-like trumpets and drums in this part.

Zeb has height and strength going for him here, but Ruhk is so much faster and quicker. Not to mention has the stealth cloaking. Sabine's helmet gives her a leg up on that momentarily until it's knocked off.

Back with Ezra in the wolf-vision and Kanan-as-Dume interacts with Ezra in a very pointed, Force-y way, dragging out the truth from Ezra about why he ran, why he's stuck, what's holding him back.

"You... ran." It sounds almost accusatory. Ezra gives a weak excuse about the wolves chasing him, but upon being pressed again starts letting things out:

I feel lost, I'm afraid, I don't believe in myself without him, I can't do this on my own.

Ezra's grief is tied up and tangled in his self-esteem issues, a bit self-pitying and "woe is me", because without Kanan he doesn't feel brave or strong, he's not special he's not like Kanan.

Who is he but a child, a "boy who was lost", without his wise brave master? He's nobody.

"I am afraid, all right?! I'm afraid. Everything seems so hopeless now."

Frick I need to hug him. :(

Zeb gets a little bit too into his anger when Sabine's exploding paint finally lets them see Rukh enough to smack him good.

Sabine being the voice of mercy when there aren't Jedi around to do it. :(((((

Back with Ezra and the wolves have given him the keystone and finally explain what the deal is: The Jedi Temple is in grave danger. Secrets and knowledge lie within, that the Empire cannot get hold of. Those words are not a coincidence. We're meant to think back to Malachor, to where it first all went wrong, as Ezra's sentiment goes.

Still not quite sure why the Dume wolf had to bite Ezra out of his vision but Imma chalk it up to another mysterious wolf thing.

Ezra immediately yelling out for Kanan tho. :(

Sabine and Zeb like troublesome siblings pulling a prank as they send Rukh off painted and humiliated lol.

Meanwhile Hera has added a new bead to the Kalikori, representative of Kanan and using a piece that looks like a Jedi holocron shard.

Sabine looks so genuinely happy here.

Ezra's functional enough for now, so he's back too, and we end on the cliffhanger of the Lothal Temple in danger, the secrets within about to be seized by the Empire.

The last half of Season Four is very tightly written, this episode a prime example. It's breathing space for us to grieve, and it still is seamlessly tied to the plot in the episodes prior and after.

The Dume wolf operates, as Ahsoka would suggest later, as an extension of Kanan's will, working Ezra through the blocks in his head one last time, like he did in "Gathering Forces". Ezra wouldn't fully recover until after "The World Between Worlds" but he's on the way to properly grieving, shelving his feelings for the moment in order to do what he has to, what only he can.

And boy am I looking forward to that. :)

[hakawti]

After the passing of Liam Payne, i felt sad but also angry and guilty, Sad because although we never met personaly, he was a huge part of my life, childhood, adolescence, and still kept living as a shadow in adult life, many celebrities and idols do in a way, but no one as strongly as the one direction boys, they were just different, impactful, they became part of our family registers, so many people i met through them, my personality was shaped with their support and love; i know we can't truly ever really know a celebrity, but it felt like i did, like i knew the boys, i could read them, understand them and their struggles, i felt like they were in my life, even when they weren't. Liam wasn't by all means my favorite 1D member, but i loved him all the same, he was sweet, kind, and awkward in the most endearing of ways, and he was so many things i can't describe, i could just feel them observing him and following him. I could see he was struggling, he really really was, somewhere in the back of my mind, i was ready for this day to come, but i wished it never did, i wished he'd get the help he needed, he could heal and live like the best version of himself, for himself, for his son, for his beloved ones, i wanted him to succeed because he deserved to. I feel robbed of him, of seeing his happy end, we lost him and he was so young and so hurt, he died thinking he was alone and that is what makes me feel guilty.

As someone who struggles depression and is familiar with feeling suicidal, i could see the warning signs with Liam from the start, there is a pattern there that's all too familiar. He started talking about his mental health from the Corona days and was open about his mental struggles in one direction, Liam before one direction didn't have an easy life either (he was a past victim of bullying) but ever since the break, i felt he was a bit lost, and that his mental health took a turn for the worse. When he did things that made me frown i'd restrain from calling him out because you just don't put that pressure on someone who is already struggling sm, his actions are also part of his destructive behavior, and he was trying to get help, but it didn't seem to work, he didn't have the elements that would save him, it is 13 reason why all over again. i feel guilty because i had what it takes to save myself and i wanted to pass them to him in a way i could, but was too caught up in my own life to notice the last developement, if i had known i'd have said something or done something, faith is faith but it fills you in regret for not having reached out when he was at his lowest. When i caught up with him it was already too late, i kept telling my sister, if only i checked on him before if only i sent him some comforting messages, because i know how it is like, having went through that it kills me to see other people suffering in the same way. My only comfort is that he's in a better place righ now.

Overlapping my feelings of saddness and regret, anger joins me in my grief, and i don't know how to express it. I've been angry at the world ever since the 7th of October of last year, the world is shit, people are shit, what i didn't expect is for people to prove me wrong again and that there was something new to be angry about. It is in the way all those celebrities offed themselves before him, but it is even more clear with Liam. I feel like a lost man like him, was an easy prey for the most twisted of minds, how people who never gave a damn about justice in the world (if they did the South of Lebanon wouldn't have been bombed at all, and Gaza would be free by now) yet they are strong enough to go after individuals they never liked to start with. I'll be honest, i don't know anything about the abuse affair, i don't know her and never read her book but as soon as my sister told he had been canceled right before his death, the connection was instantly made. Many times people need to be canceled, yes, Liam too should be, but not when he was like that, at his weakest, would you physically attack a physically sick person? be it a criminal? no, you'd atleast wait for them to recover, otherwise it'll be an unfair fight (although the correct thing to do is to let the law take its course, as it should), so why would you emotionally attack someone who's mentally sick? you don't take mental illnesses seriousely enough?

Liam was literally calling for help, he expressed many times that he was suicidal, heck, apparently even his ex knew that and was informed first hand that he was about to off himself, yet this whole charade carried on, in an unbelievable level, like i get it, he did something wrong? Okay, take it to court, social justice and self righteousness to cancel a suicidal guy? doesn't sound like a good idea to me at all. I didn't dare to search but my sister told me that Liam was receiving hate for even going to Niall's cancer? do you understand how insane this is? Do you think that'd have made Niall (his Brother) happy? why would you think you can go to a person you think you own and remind them in their every waking hour of their every life mistake? Because they are not human because they are a celebrity? this needs to stop, people can't even mourn Liam without making sure everyone knows they are still self-righteous and it makes me sick.

This world is sick; Liam left it for a hopefully better one. You were the best of us, i hope you rest in peace.

Hopefully, this will teach people to check first before cyber bullying a suicidal person, you killed him, he said you're on to kill him and you did, what is more obvious than this? Every person who participated in this will eventually pay, that's just how life work. Remember, you also make mistakes, everybody do, but it's not everyone who's past mistakes come to haunt him in the form of self righteous brats who think they know everything and that everyone own them everything and not everybody is vehemently harassed this way when they are on the verge of suicide. and for people who said this wasn't the reason he died, then you're delusional; it is clear now that Liam fell off a hotel window; there's two possiblities, someone pushed him literally, or you pushed him, world, and i hate you for it.