#i love. being autistic. i love. talking to autistic people. and queer autistic people

[intersexwiki]

Rest of post for archival purposes

WHAT THE BOOK DOESN’T HANDLE WELL

The body descriptions. As Dmitri put it: “ Like "his butt jiggled and it reminded  me of women" ew. It was intentional but I had to put the book down. It reminded me of transvestigators and how they take pictures of people in public.” 🤮

Not pushing Genly to reflect on how weird he is about other people’s bodies. We all had issues with how Genly is constantly scrutinizing the bodies of other humans to assess their gender(s) and it’s pretty gross.

vic asked: “how much of this is her reproducing violence without her knowing it? A thing I didn't like was how he always judging and analyzing people's bodies and realizing others treat him that way. And I wish there was more of his discomfort about this, that it made him feel icky.”

Dimitri added: “I really wanted him to have a moment of this too, for him to realize how much it sucks to be treated this way. As a trans person it's so uncomfortable. What are you doing going around doing this to people?”

Using male pronouns as default/ungendered pronouns. Élaina asked why Genly thinks a male pronoun is more appropriate for a transcendent God and pointed out there’s a lot to unpack there.

OTHER POSITIVES ABOUT THE BOOK

Genly’s journey towards respecting women, that he still had a ways to go by the end of the book. vic pointed out how “LeGuin was straight, and she loves men, and is kinda giving them the side-eye [in this book]. Her writing about how Genly is childish makes me really happy. It’s kind of hilarious to watch him bang his head against the wall because he’s so rigid.” 

To which Dmitri added: “I agree with the bit on forgiving men for stuff. I don't know how she [LeGuin] does it but she really lays it all out. She gives you a platter of how men are bad at things, how they make mistakes that are pretty specific to them. She has prepared a buffet of it.”

Autistic Estraven! As Michelle put it: “autistic queer feels about Estraven speaking literally and plainly and Genly not getting it”

The truck chapter. Hits like a pile of bricks. We talked about it as a metaphor for the current pandemic.

The Genly x Estraven slowburn queerplatonic relationship

The conlang! Less is more in how it gets used

MIXED REACTIONS

The Foretelling. For some it felt unnecessary and a bit fetishy. For others it was fun paranormal times.

Pacing. Some liked how the book really forces you to really contemplate as you go. Others struggled with a pace that feels very slow to 2023 readers.

WORKS WE COMPARED THE BOOK TO

Star Trek (the original series) - we wondered if LHOD and Genly Ai were progressive by 1960s standards, and TOS came up as a comparison point. We were all of the impression that TOS was progressive for its time but all of us find it pretty misogynist by our standards. The interest in extra-sensory perception (ESP) is something that was a staple of TOS that feels very strange to contemporary viewers and also cropped up in LHOD

Ancillary Justice - for being a book where characters’ genders are all ambiguous but the POV character is actually normal about how they describe other characters’ bodies.

The Deep - for being another book in a situation where being able to reproduce as male and female is the norm. The Deep was written by an actually intersex author, and doesn’t have the cisperisex gaze of scrutinizing every body for sex. But oddly LHOD actually winds up feeling more like a book about intersex people, because it features a character who is the odd one out in a gonosynic society. In contrast, nobody is intersex in the Deep - everybody matches the norms for their species, which makes the intersex themes in the work much more subtle.

Overall, as vic put it, “there's something to be said about an honest depiction that's not great, especially when there's no alternatives”. For a long time there weren’t many other games in town when it came to this sort of book, and even though some things now feel dated, it’s still a valuable read. We’d love to see more intersex reviews & analyses of the book!

Discussion summary: Left Hand of Darkness

Published in 1969, The Left Hand of Darkness is a classic in science fiction that explores issues of sex/gender in an alien-yet-human society where the aliens are just like us except in how they reproduce. These aliens, the Gethenians, can reproduce as either male or female. They spend most of their lives sexually undifferentiated. Once a month, they go into heat (“kemmer”) and their sexual organs activate as either male or female (it’s essentially random).

Here's a summary of the discussions we had on 2023-08-25 and 2023-09-01 about the book:

HIGH LEVEL REACTONS

Michelle (@scifimagpie): even though it was written by a cis straight perisex woman there is a queerness to the writing that feels true and that she nailed. There is a queerness to the soul of this book that still holds up, that's true and good, and I cannot but love and respect that.

Elizabeth (@ipso-faculty): this book is such a commentary on 1960s misogyny. Genly is a raging misogynist. It takes a whole prison break and crossing the arctic for Genly to realize a woman or androgyne can be competent 👀

Dimitri: [Having read just the first half of the book] I wonder if it keeps happening, if Genly keeps going "woaaaah" [to the Gethenians’ androgyny] or if he ever acclimates. It's been half the novel my guy

vic: yeah a book where a guy is destroyed by seeing a breast makes me want queer theory

vic: [it also] makes me feel good to see how much has changed [since the 1960s]

THE INTERSEX STUFF

A thing we appreciated about the book was how being intersex is contextual. The main character of the book, Genly Ai, is a human from a planet like Earth, who visits Gethen to open trade and diplomatic relations.

On his home planet, and to Earth sensibilities, Genly is perisex - he is able to reproduce at any time of the month and is consistently male.

But on Gethen, Genly becomes intersex. On Gethen, the norm is that you only manifest (and can reproduce as) a given sex during the monthly kemmer (heat/oestrus) period. 

The Gethenians understand Genly as living in “permanent kemmer”, which is described as a common (intersex) condition, and these people are hyper-sexualized and referred to as Perverts.

At this point it’s worth noting that depiction is not the same as endorsement. Michelle pointed out the book is very empathetic to those in permanent kemmer. LeGuin does not appear to be endorsing the social stigma faced by these people, merely depicting it, and putting a mirror to how our own society treats intersex people.

Throughout the book, Genly is treated as an oddity by the Gethenians. He is hyper sexualized. He undergoes a genital inspection to prove he is who he says he is. 

When Genly is sent to a prison camp and forcibly given HRT, he does not respond “normally” to the hormones, the effects are way worse for him, and the prison camp staff don’t care, and keep administering them even if it’ll kill him. 

Two of us have had the experience of having hyperandrogenism and being forced onto birth control as teenager, and relating to the sluggishness of the drugs that Genly experienced, as well as the sense that gender/sex conformity was more important to authority figures (parents, doctors) than actual health and well-being.

Another scene we discussed the one where Genly is in a prison van en route to the gulag, and a Gethenian enters kemmer and wants to mate with him and he declines. He is given multiple opportunities over the course of the book to try having sex with a Gethenian, and declines every time, and we wondered if he avoided it out of trauma of being hyper-sexualized & hyper-medicalized & having had his genitals inspected.

We discussed the way he described his genital inspection through a trauma lens, and how it interacts with toxic masculinity - in vic’s terms, Genly being "I am a manly man and I have don't trauma"

Those of us who read the short story, Coming of Age in Karhide, noted that once the world was narrated from a Gethenian POV, the people in permanent kemmer were treated far more neutrally, which gave us the impression that Genly as an unreliable narrator was injecting some intersexism along with his misogyny

WHY IT MATTERS TO READ THIS BOOK THROUGH AN INTERSEX LENS

Elizabeth: I’ve encountered critiques of this book from perisex trans folks because to them the book is committing biological essentialism, and dismissing the book as a result. I think they’re missing that this book is as much about (inter)sex as it is about gender. I think they’re too quick to dismiss the book as being outdated or having backwards ideas because they’re not appreciating the intersex themes. 

Elizabeth: The intersex themes aren’t exactly subtle, so it kind of stings that I haven’t seen any intersex analyses of this book, but there are dozens (hundreds?) of perisex trans analyses that all miss the huge intersex elephants in the room.

Also Elizabeth: I’ve seen this book show up in lists of intersex books/characters made by perisex people, and I’ve seen Estraven listed as intersex character, and it gets me upset because Estraven isn’t intersex! Estraven is perisex in the society in which he lives. Genly is the intersex character in this story and people who misunderstand intersex as being able to reproduce as male & female (or having quirky genitals smh) are completely missing that being intersex is socially constructed and based on what is considered typical for a given species.

WHAT THE BOOK DOESN’T HANDLE WELL

The body descriptions. As Dmitri put it: “ Like "his butt jiggled and it reminded  me of women" ew. It was intentional but I had to put the book down. It reminded me of transvestigators and how they take pictures of people in public.” 🤮

Not pushing Genly to reflect on how weird he is about other people’s bodies. We all had issues with how Genly is constantly scrutinizing the bodies of other humans to assess their gender(s) and it’s pretty gross.

vic asked: “how much of this is her reproducing violence without her knowing it? A thing I didn't like was how he always judging and analyzing people's bodies and realizing others treat him that way. And I wish there was more of his discomfort about this, that it made him feel icky.”

Dimitri added: “I really wanted him to have a moment of this too, for him to realize how much it sucks to be treated this way. As a trans person it's so uncomfortable. What are you doing going around doing this to people?”

Using male pronouns as default/ungendered pronouns. Élaina asked why Genly thinks a male pronoun is more appropriate for a transcendent God and pointed out there’s a lot to unpack there.

OTHER POSITIVES ABOUT THE BOOK

Genly’s journey towards respecting women, that he still had a ways to go by the end of the book. vic pointed out how “LeGuin was straight, and she loves men, and is kinda giving them the side-eye [in this book]. Her writing about how Genly is childish makes me really happy. It’s kind of hilarious to watch him bang his head against the wall because he’s so rigid.” 

To which Dmitri added: “I agree with the bit on forgiving men for stuff. I don't know how she [LeGuin] does it but she really lays it all out. She gives you a platter of how men are bad at things, how they make mistakes that are pretty specific to them. She has prepared a buffet of it.”

Autistic Estraven! As Michelle put it: “autistic queer feels about Estraven speaking literally and plainly and Genly not getting it”

The truck chapter. Hits like a pile of bricks. We talked about it as a metaphor for the current pandemic.

The Genly x Estraven slowburn queerplatonic relationship

The conlang! Less is more in how it gets used

MIXED REACTIONS

The Foretelling. For some it felt unnecessary and a bit fetishy. For others it was fun paranormal times.

Pacing. Some liked how the book really forces you to really contemplate as you go. Others struggled with a pace that feels very slow to 2023 readers.

WORKS WE COMPARED THE BOOK TO

Star Trek (the original series) - we wondered if LHOD and Genly Ai were progressive by 1960s standards, and TOS came up as a comparison point. We were all of the impression that TOS was progressive for its time but all of us find it pretty misogynist by our standards. The interest in extra-sensory perception (ESP) is something that was a staple of TOS that feels very strange to contemporary viewers and also cropped up in LHOD

Ancillary Justice - for being a book where characters’ genders are all ambiguous but the POV character is actually normal about how they describe other characters’ bodies.

The Deep - for being another book in a situation where being able to reproduce as male and female is the norm. The Deep was written by an actually intersex author, and doesn’t have the cisperisex gaze of scrutinizing every body for sex. But oddly LHOD actually winds up feeling more like a book about intersex people, because it features a character who is the odd one out in a gonosynic society. In contrast, nobody is intersex in the Deep - everybody matches the norms for their species, which makes the intersex themes in the work much more subtle.

Overall, as vic put it, “there's something to be said about an honest depiction that's not great, especially when there's no alternatives”. For a long time there weren’t many other games in town when it came to this sort of book, and even though some things now feel dated, it’s still a valuable read. We’d love to see more intersex reviews & analyses of the book!

[ndcultureis]

warning: invalidating talk/venting/cussing

nd culture is when all of the identities you have are done in the "wrong way" (mostly because of tiktok culture)

omg you're a therian too?!! i feel so connected to animals, im still a human though! im not *crazy* haha. what? you're a wolf in "every way"? you should be locked up.

omg you're autistic? me too!! i love little spoons!! what do you mean you have a hard time understanding other people and cant make friends, you're just a psychopath, stay away from me.

omg you're trans? me too!! i hate my body so much i want to die! ill never be a real boy! wdym that you dont feel dysphoria 24/7, you're not actually trans. wdym that you love your body and that you already have a male body. you cant be agender and a boy. you just want to feel special. it/its pronouns? ok now i know that you're just rage baiting.

omg you're pan? me too! wait you feel lesbian attraction to women diamoric attraction to nonbinary people and gay attraction to men? you're delusional, thats not real. lesbian means woman loving woman not queer attraction to women.

omg you have adhd? me too! i get distracted sooooo easily!!!! i can never sit still, lol im so quirky. emotional disregulation? rejection sensitivity? you're just a crybaby, grow up!

these are the same types of people who say that you need to "be yourself!" and that being weird is sooo cool. but the moment someone is fundamentally different then you're a freak.

even people who work in mental healthcare have said stuff like this to me..

yeah i know this kid with asper- what? asperger's was made by a nazi? well guess what, i dont care. its still a valid diagnoses.

i hate all men. wait what? you're a boy? i dont care, i either dont see you as a boy or i do and hate you too.

that is so delulu. wait what? delulu is a slur? wdym, you're just too sensitive.

these are the same people who tell me to "love myself more"

(sorry i kinda went off track, you dont have to post this, i just needed to get it off my chest.)

.

[bookwyrminspiration]

earlier I was thinking about how we both use it/its and are autistic. and how you don’t consider yourself human, and it/its expresses that for you. and I always feel like I’m doing this whole person thing wrong, so I have to remind myself that there’s no wrong way to be human, and it/its pronouns are a big part of that for me.

like!! same pronouns same complicated relationship with being a person with the same root cause but very different feelings and experiences. idk about you but I think it’s cool as hell.

I clearly gotta work on embracing my oddities and not caring what other people think because my first instinct reading this was to further explain and justify myself because I know it's strange.

But like! Yeah! You're right! My pronouns and autism go hand in hand, we both have complicated relationships with the two and how they interact to make us. And how we consider ourselves. And they're not quite the same but they're the same enough we can recognize it in each other and bond over it and go hey! you're like me!

I'm low support needs but that doesn't mean I grew up feeling normal. And the way I processed that without another explanation was that everyone else had something that I was missing, something that made them more human than me. Ergo, I wasn't entirely human. And like. I know logically that I am, and that there's no right way to be human--and I have gotten more comfortable with it--but I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear myself referred to as human without going "wait, not quite." I don't have something I think I am, I just have trouble conceptualizing myself as completely human. And it/its are something that can be anything! They're so loose and vague and free; they don't tie me to anything. They let me be that complicated vaguely human but just not quite thing :)

It's such a weird thing but it's part of how I interact with and understand the world. And I love it! And that's not your same experience, but we both have a way of interacting with our humanity alongside our autism through our pronouns and that's! So so cool!

I just! Am also now thinking about it, and don't have the opportunity to talk about this part of my self conception with someone else on the same wavelength very often so! insert stimming right here because i'm doing that irl at the moment!!

[unsaltedtoast]

the absurd amount of ppl on tiktok who are participating in the whole 'whats the definition of lesbian' and 'are lesboys valid' discourse who are so anti-discussion that they comment 'cringe' when you tell them to read actual lesbian history is so funny like ??

[lucifer-kane]

i'm in my head about things that happened in fuckin. 2020. again. and i think that if you say 'we've had problems with this person before' but you never talk to that person about said 'problems' then i really don't know how to feel. i admit i can get a bit Much and i knoooow i'm the autistic that is crossing the line of unfavorable in certain aspects. but the fact i was never talked to about things baffled me. it would have been nice to have one of the people in charge actually contact me and say something.

[becaexists]

Gotta love living at home with my parents bc everything will be just fine, enjoyable even, and then I say something and someone just explodes at me, like just now when, while all of us were watching arctic monkeys on TV, I casually joked about how I think me and my siblings are all autistic and my dad (like always) started screaming about how "they're not stupid, don't you dare say that!" And suddenly I was tired and searching for any excuse to retreat upstairs away from him

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ppl will be explaining how a difference is a difference & not a Deviation from a Superior state, & people who are the ones considered Default Normal (superior) will be like "okay....to be polite....i Might say i consider Some aspects of Some people's existence mere 'difference' & not being less than me...." as like hey i'm a Benevolent god. i still actually get to consider you worse & don't have to "humor" anything that challenges my superiority. if you only want everything to fit into the norm then it will all come back to upholding the norm. thinking of people's analysis of their own realities as equally legimate as being like Obscure, Irrelevant, Superficial & then using that reasoning to justify dismissing them. same as worrying that the [Different Lessers (Others(tm))] as Everywhere = a manifestation of the awareness that, yeah, respecting them as equals Does threaten your norm which is smothering everything everywhere. ppl who need to lock in the idea of Borders around personhood like um Yes they're all delineated separate Identities outside any hierarchy & so i think it's relevant to for some reason push back against "ohh so now Everyone's queer" like why not. why couldn't they be. what if they were. what if queerness was everywhere b/c it's ideological not a cordoned off Alternative Identity that is accommodated by focusing on Love(tm) as the new border around whose existence we might begrudgingly accept at arm's length (i.e. being otherwise "normal"! just imagine swapping out the binary gender (or, deep breath, presumed Private Parts) of one partner in an exclusive romantic lifelong nuclear family marriage, & that is Gay / Trans Rights. still gross but maybe we can do it, as long as they don't talk about it or shove it in our faces or even exist for more than one encounter w/us in our lives b/c what are the odds). evergreen laughing at someone suggesting ableist logic might be embedded in language of past & present b/c it's just So little to ask for that it's irrelevant but it's also So much to ask for that of course i'm not gonna do anything more than pass it along like "this is why i don't take ableism seriously" like yeah it's the disabled randos like it's the individual cringe teens(tm) ruining [the cishets would take Gender seriously otherwise!!!] & that's why you won't think about it or do anything about it & continue being comfortable with the norm & resent that actually their Difference is Less & disability is something worse that ppl "excuse" & all these ways that people are & all these things that they do are funny & weird & inexplicable & etc & one can't possibly be cruising along perpetuating a hierarchy with a sense that you're reasonable, well meaning, kind, etc etc & thus Justified, systemic oppression definitely wants to maximize how uncomfortable & arduous it feels to everyone rather than push to make it more streamlined & rewarding to embrace, or at least accept, whatever superiority over others you're afforded

[windfighter]

The worst part about hanging out in Ren's stream is that it's making me feel sad about my family thinking I shouldn't exist. Usually I'm just angry at them, but Ren keeps talking about how family is the most important thing and we should call our parents and tell them how much we love them and I'm just

My mother told me to my face that people like me shouldn't exist

My brother told me it was my own fault if they made me feel like I shouldn't exist

And I'm just... Hearing mr Streamer tell me I should call them and say how much I love them just... hurts.

[undefeatednils]

Super exhausting week. Tomorrow will be a bit better. Monday will be bad again. Then calm for two days. thankfully. Also I ordered a new phone, which will probably arrive on Tuesday or Wednesday. Gonna need to transfer stuff over, hopefully that'll go smoothly.

Some extra thoughts that are yearning in the tags. Sorry y'all, feel free to skip/ignore/whatever. I need to yell.

[heyitslapis]

Yall dont even know just how well-behaved i am DAILY at work! its like having two jobs at once! like im an undercover person who is put in a room with intolerable people very opposite of me in every way & is forced to play pretend & be niceys or else i dont get my prize at the end (clocking out & getting a paycheck)

[drchucktingle]

how are you human?

so many interesting comments and thoughts on my post saying buds should consider not coming up to strangers in marginalized groups and saying 'how are you a real person that actually exists?'. i will point out this: despite my VERY gentle tone a few buds said i was having a 'meltdown' for even mentioning it

others said i was being too serious for someone who is ‘not a real person’. so if you would any more evidence of what it is like to be a buckaroo like myself there it is. every day, autistic folks who may seem ‘weird’ are bombarded with messages and comments and implications that they are fundamentally not human beings

sometimes it is outright and blatant like the comments on last post saying ‘well why are you getting mad? you are not even real’ and sometimes it is in the very subtle ways that folks use language when they talk to us. there is huge difference between ‘how do you exist?’ and ‘i am glad you exist.’

anyway, something that i think many people who have not lived this experience dont seem to understand is i KNOW the poster who said ‘how are you a real person that actually exists’ probably meant it as a compliment. that is THE POINT of why i am taking a moment out of my trot to gently and anonymously let them know how it might feel to be on other end of something like this as a queer or autistic or otherwise marginalized buckaroo. it is obviously not their intent to actually hurt someone, so i am letting them know

maybe because queerness and autism are not physically apparent it is hard to explain, but imagine going up to very tall or very short person and saying ‘cant BELIEVE you are real’ as a compliment. not a great way to treat others. on my original post, an indigenous author chimed in with their own experience and feelings similar to my own. a woman who said she was very tall told her story. point is, while i do not have their experience, what i am saying has a universal thread for 'othered' folks

point is: i UNDERSTAND there is this sort of exaggerated or ironic (or maybe even sometimes very literal) language around fandom to say things like ‘how are you a human?’ to creators, but since it is not your intent to hurt, i think you might want to know how that feels to marginalized buckaroos sometimes.

obviously you can say anything you want. i do not hold it against you. also, if you think ‘oh no, did i say something like this to chuck at a convention? i am so embarrassed' then DO NOT WORRY i promise you buckaroo you are just fine. i present myself in a way that is unusual by definition, so i have pretty thick skin about this type of thing and a lot of patience. MANY buds start off thinking i am ‘a joke’ and then become fans over time and i am glad to trot beside them and prove love is real.

however there are other autistic or queer or marginalized buckaroos with smaller platforms who hear this just as much as me, so i think it is important to say it loudly and maybe together we can work on making a very slight shift in the way we speak to the ��others’ in our lives

we do not NEED to let subtle dehumanization slip into our language. in some cases it has been called ‘micro aggressions’ but i think buds dont often consider what that means for COMPLIMENTS. ultimately, telling marginalized people YOU ARE SO AMAZING YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY EXIST may seem very fun and silly on the surface and for some folks it probably feels that way, but for others it can feel like a reminder of the broader doubt about their humanity. you can just say ‘YOU ARE AMAZING’ without the reminder of the many times autistic or queer or marginalized folks are told in a very serious and pointed way (like comments on the last post) ‘YOU ARE SO WEIRD THAT I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT REAL’

buckaroos can take this information and apply it to their interactions, or they can ignore it, that is totally fine. we are all trotting our own trots and proving love in our own way and thats okay bud, HOWEVER i feel like it is important to at least let folks know, even if that means getting told i am having a ‘meltdown’. i think it is important to have complex or difficult conversations if it will prove a little more love in the long run. THANK YOU FOR READING BUCKAROOS. i am honored to trot forward with you can tackle this kind of thing with you, and honored you buckaroos have created such an amazing space with me to pull apart these kind of feelings. THIS IS PROOF THAT LOVE IS REAL LETS TROT

[dcmcboxers]

My shout-out to queer youtubers

Hbombs list was great but obviously not comprehensive. I watch a lot of video essayists and wanted to give a little love to the smaller channels that fall under the radar. Please feel free to add to this list!

let's talk about stuff/Sarah Zedig

If you've seen Jesse Gender's videos on the Matrix movies you may already be familiar with Sarah. She does excellent film and culture analysis with a lot of great conversations on paratext and outside influence in engaging with text. Her video on Tunic is one of my favorites.

Pamphleteer

No one makes videos like hers, which has the side effect making them a bit hard to describe. I will link one of my favorites which describes the disconnected temporality of being older when you discover you're queer.

Turbo Queer

Really really under watched channel. Skylar covers a lot of topics from video games, to anarchist history and modern events, to autistic life, to current politics. For a fun one check out her video on the SpongeBob strike episode.

Kaz Rowe

Kaz does a fantastic job examining modern myths and manufactured history primarily pertaining to western Europe, Victorian & Edwardian England, and 1800-1900s US. And of course, talking about historical queerness in all its ambiguities and evolutions. I highly recommend their video on Weimar Germany.

drapetomania

drapetomania interrogates the politics of low class and high class art and entertainment from a queer and Black perspective. Their art history videos alone cover many angles of white supremacist history I haven't seen anyone else discuss and I'm very excited to see more from them. They are also a very under viewed channel that more people should see!

I am error

Evelynn's channel primarily discusses video games in a presentation style and voice most similar to Action Button reviews. There's something just a bit more personal here though. I hesitate to say cozy since that word has a bit of an infantilizing connotation, maybe comforting is closer. She puts an immense amount of thought and empathy into the experience of playing video games and the personal narratives we build with them.

Swolesome

For more transmasc perspectives there's Swolesome. He has a lot of interesting insights into the more traditionally masculine and "broish" communities like fitness as well as commentary on recent trans issues.

Shonalika

Music, disability, and aggressively non-binary. Their video on gender presentation in heavy metal was really insightful. I would also check out the video "Why I Wear Gloves" for more insight on invisible disabilities.

Vivian Strange

Vivian delights in being a bit of a contrarian- something I really appreciate. She's probably going to challenge you and you're probably going to disagree at times, which is what makes her channel so important. Her video on Marquis De Sade is powerful and a must watch (if you can stomach the subject material, although I would encourage you to try). I haven't seen her most recent video on Saw yet but I am extremely excited to.

[neonvqmpire]

we need to talk about how close aziraphale actually was to saying no to the metatron after the kiss and why:

he's extremely conflicted and keeps looking out of the window to crowley in the car.

he previously said "nothing last forever" when crowley told him that he cant leave the bookshop (crowley also meant "you cant leave me"; the bookshop is a metaphor for their lives on earth for him) and he states exactly this as the first objection here. obviously the metatron shuts it down by appointing muriel as the next owner of the shop.

now he's stuck between wanting to be with the being he loves & who he now knows loves him back and his deep inner need/duty to do good. crowley's confession and kiss clearly made him question his decision and change his mind because here is when he actually decides for both.

you can see how he does not want to join heaven alone. he keeps looking out the window when asked if he needs anything to take with him.

he desperately needs crowley there but he can not have him so he lies and says no.

i this moment he tries to say no to heaven one last time. he starts saying "i think i-" and then looks out to crowley one last time. he's really considering crowleys offer here. i think the decision that he makes instead is actually FOR crowley as well.

he decides to join heaven not as he was previously convinced by the metatron to do good and rule together with crowley (which he did not want to do) but instead to go and keep a close eye on heaven FOR crowley.

aziraphale isnt stupid, he remembers what crowley said about heaven being toxic.

i think the confession and kiss makes him question heaven. crowley, who fell for asking questions made aziraphale question heaven too. something that he was always too scared to do. he has started to rebel in his head. he realised that something has to be up with heaven/the metatron bc they offered him the position. he decided to go but with a completely different purpose than before. 

he puts on a smile and it seems fake because it is. he wants to appear like he hasn't just fundamentally changed his position and decided to go against the one force who he was always afraid of yet dependent on. 

this is sth extremely relatable to someone who is queer and autistic and was raised by very conservative family members. even the thought of supporting queer people felt rebellious, terrifying but also extremely exiting and powerful because i knew it was the right thing to believe. 

aziraphale was being so brave here. he saw a glimpse of the life he wants and can have and choose to join heaven anyway to fight for this life. he is convinced it will not be possible for them to be together if heaven is still kicking about and making him feel powerless and scared. he wants to secure their future by changing or possibly even destroying the system from the inside out. 

unfortunately he didn't have time to tell crowley about his change of intention and i think it really breaks his heart. crowley would probably not understand it anyway. they still have a lot to work through and learn but ultimately they will find each other again. they always do.

i am so so interested to see where and how they meet again in s3, if we get it. after everything i just really want them to be happy and to spend their eternity together. they deserve it after all they went through.

[coyoteprince]

If you follow me on bluesky you may of seen this, but I'm posting it here because it means a lot to me.

I could tell he was queer (and probably neurodivergent) from a mile away, and graciously credit PeeWee for giving me the courage to be openly queer, autistic, weird- despite all the pressure to be anything but.

I grew up watching Playhouse, seeing PeeWee as supremely autistic, recognizing him as one of the few people "like me". Being diagnosed as autistic young then getting hit and screamed at daily for it, his TV presence was a great comfort. If could be so openly weird yet loved- why can't I?

Idolization is something I'm careful about, but I still adore him. He has always been my role model. And what he taught me was to be as authentically myself as possible while staying loving to one another.

Remembering how adults talked about him so vitriolicly, assuming he was a predator, a fairy, a pervert has always been annoying. With more context, enraging more than ever. I don't think it was a secret he was queer at all, but with the public mistreatment he got in the 90s after being arrested at an erotic theater by cops looking for an easy arrest, its no wonder he made an attempt to avoid attention of it. I always saw him as an example of being openly weird- yet he was fearful to the end. That's unacceptable. Not of him, but that he (and many like him) were terrorized into that position.

If there's one thing I hope people take away from my own thoughts on this, it's that we need to resistant those who want us silent more than ever. The 90s were a particularly cruel time for the queer community, and its obvious that people in power want to try to dimish our safety. We need to look out for one another, love and be open about ourselves, and fight for our right to exist as we naturally are.

This article genuinely made me so mad on his and our community's behalf that I walked away with the thought "I can never hate myself again". I can't afford to keep doing a bigot's job for them by beating myself down for being different.

None of us can.

[itgetsbetter]

🍎✏️ Back to school advice for queer students, from queer people! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

We asked, y'all answered. Some back to school advice for LGBTQ+ students:

❤️ "Learn Queer history. Learn Black history. Learn Native American history. Learn what has gone into making it possible for you to be who you are, with the amount of safety and support you have — even if it doesn't feel like much." -Brandyn

🧡 "Autistic queer here. Always being buried in a book saved me from a lot. And find your tribe." -queerintech_

💛 "Find your people for support - whether at school or outside of school. You are loved and appreciated for who you are. Anyone that says otherwise doesn't deserve to know you or your story. Our community is sending all the love and support to you everyday!" -Amy

💚 "To my young black feminine boy: be your authentic self, people will judge you, call you slurs, but don't suppress your beauty. To my beautiful black bisexual boy: you don't have to try so hard to suppress what you like, it's okay to like boys." -Tyreece

💙 "Find at least one safe teacher you can go to. You can do this by finding the rainbow sticker on their door or by finding a sign in their room!" -Sonia

💜 "Don’t think for one minute that being bullied should be tolerated. Find help, talk to friends about it. You have the right to be yourself. I also noticed that when I stood up for myself, I was respected more." -Jason

❤️ "Befriend the other little weirdos, they’re going to be the coolest adults (and so are you). Keep your eyes on the horizon, but also know for better or worse you’re never going to experience this time again, so try to make the most of it." -Patrick

🧡 "You don't owe anyone anything. If you don't feel safe to come out, that doesn't make you any less queer." -Kayenta

💛 "Something that three people told me that I now truly believe: 'There is nothing wrong with you. You don't have to change who you are to be loved and respected.' They were right. You will figure things out!" -Bert

💚 "So many people love you. Your teachers want to help - find the good ones. We are out there." -Deirdre

[endcant]

Crossposted from my Tumblr Community: The Trans South

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The Trans South Monthly Bulletin Board

. * ❄ . ❅ * { Our pinned post for January 2025. } * ❅ . ❄ * .

in this issue: direct mutual aid opportunities, LGBTQ+ good news, southern events, job board, fun links, resources

comment anything you want to add, and i'll add what fits in this month's post. i'll be making a new post each month, so you may need to resubmit any links that are applicable for multiple months. i'll update this if i get new info in a timely way, but still check the comments for anything i missed!

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[UPDATED 1/24!] Direct Mutual Aid Opportunities:

Actually help a trans southerner today!

Requests in this section are submitted by TTS members.

Cecilpedia needs to eat!

Catgirl-smash needs help getting somewhere safe!

Turing-tested needs help with his grandmother's funerary expenses!

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the bright side:

the fact that you're alive is good news to me!

Good-enough news for LGBTQ+ Southerners.

The First Trans Community Center Opens in Arkansas | "'We declare that Arkansas Can’t Erase Trans People!' said Rumba Yambú, founder and director of Intransitive. 'We are here to stay, and we will keep fighting for our rights to ensure Trans people can build a future in Arkansas'."

Nashville Notary Battles Marriage Discrimination by Marrying Queer Couples | "Huff says... 'If you don’t have a family that’s gonna support you, there are so many other people that will. It’s really inspired me to keep the love going.'"

"Zebra Youth is expanding its short-term housing for LGBTQ+ youth" | "ORLANDO | Zebra Youth, a local nonprofit focused on providing services to LGBTQ+ youth, is expanding its short-term housing for queer youth this month thanks to a grant from the Homeless Services Network of Central Florida through its Brighter Days initiative."

"An Alabama city banned an LGBTQ+ Pride float from its Christmas parade. It marched anyways " | "Prattville Pride was able to march in the city's Christmas parade despite being banned the day prior after swift action from a federal judge."

[Bitter-sweet] Plans for Pulse Nightclub Memorial Move Forward | "ORLANDO | The Pulse nightclub building will be torn down as part of the future memorial design, the Pulse Memorial advisory committee said during its meeting Dec. 12."

More News

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[UPDATED 1/24!] southern events:

no affiliation, just interesting finds

Virtual/Twitch. Mon, Jan 27th. Nashville-based streamer Joe Hills welcomes special guest: trans activist Allison Chapman | "There's a lot of work to do, so let's chat about how each of us can help." Allison will talk about her work, and we can learn more about doing activist work in our own communities. 8:30 PM US Central Time.

Virtual/Zoom. Thurs, Jan 30th. Pre-register. Autistic Self-Advocacy Network Policy Seminar | "Are you interested in public policy and how it affects your community? Do you want to get involved in policy advocacy, but are unsure where to start? Join us for Policy Advocacy: What we do and how we do it on January 30 at 4-5:30pm ET!"

[event complete]Virtual.January 9.Beyond the Ballot: LGBTQ+ Equality and Legislative Trends for 2025 | A public event by Funders for LGBTQ issues: Attend for an overview on policy expectations for 2025.

Are you a member of The Trans South and you want me to find events in your area? DM me and tell me what you need me to know, so I can focus on the neighborhoods and budget ranges of people within our community <3

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[NEW SECTION!] opportunities:

Work, Volunteer, and Make Change in the South!

[closed] Disabled Artists, Tennessee. due [unknown time next week], unpaid. Submit Your Work for Breaking Ground Arts Issue

Black & Latino Gay & Bisexual Men Age 18-35, Middle Tennessee. due ASAP, earn $375 Southern TENNacity | "We are a team of Yale-affiliated LGBTQ+ scholars of color... We are now currently recruiting for the TENNacity trial, a 11-week group therapy treatment created by and for Black and Latino/x gay, bisexual, and queer men (inclusive of cisgender men, trans men, and nonbinary individuals assigned male at birth)."

Community Organizers, 1-2 Years Experience, Alabama. due date unknown, $23-$26/hr. Hometown Organizing Project/Hometown Action is hiring Lead Community Organizer for Gender Justice | "Hometown Action is an affiliated 501c4 nonprofit advocacy organization building a multiracial, working class, trans/queer-affirming movement for racial, gender, economic, and climate justice in rural and small town communities across Alabama."

Experienced Marketers, Texas and Georgia. due date unknown. Lambda Legal is Hiring Remotely for Director of Integrated Marketing Position | "Lambda Legal is a national advocacy organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights for the LGBTQ+ community and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work."

[closed] Regularatory Activism, Nationaldue Jan 17Comment on Fair Standards Labor Act Changes

[closed] Subject Matter Experts, Nationaldue Jan 11You Can Make a Difference by Serving on an HHS National Advisory Board/Committees

Are you a member of The Trans South and you want me to find opportunities in your area? DM me and tell me what you need me to know, so I can focus on the neighborhoods and goals of people within our community <3

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fun links:

media, literature, and games keeping me going this month

Read "Love Letter From A Poet Under Empire" by Mónica Teresa Ortiz | "The South isn't just a site of burials... but also of refusals: a list of those speaking out against the brutality that the state imposes."

Watch Black in Appalachia on PBS.org | Black in Appalachia explores the roots of African-American influence on the history and culture of Appalachia through documentaries, research, local narratives, public engagement and exhibition.

CSS Diner | Learn about CSS with this diner-themed game. Knowing CSS can help you learn to publish indie websites outside of social media!

More Fun

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useful links:

interesting resources and organizations you should know about

Repro Legal Defense Fund | The Repro Legal Defense Fund provides financial support for people investigated or fighting charges related to their pregnancy or abortion.

Trans in the South: A Directory of Trans-Affirming Health & Legal Service Providers | "Trans in the South is dedicated to every trans Southerner who persists in growing in this rocky clay soil."

More Resources

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If you're an adult trans person in the U.S. South, join my Tumblr Community: The Trans South.

If you're a teen trans person in the U.S. South and you create a youth community for trans southerners, let me know and I'll link to it in The Trans South.