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phoenixyfriend · 4 years ago

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Commander Buir

Follow-up to this post. Not in any particular order, just spitballing ideas, with contributions from several friends on discord.

Like presumably it takes long enough for them all to meet up again that Anakin and Cody do, in fact, end up treating each other like family, just so I can have that good good "well, guess I'm Dad now" energy. Shmi isn't entirely sure what's going on but she's not a slave anymore and her kid seems to like this rando mando, so.

Anakin gets to have a mom and two dads, though one of the dads is arguably younger than him.

Also when they all meet up again and Cody explains the "General Skywalker got shrunk" thing, there are three reactions: (General) Obi-Wan: Oh, Anakin. Obi-Wan: [gestures to take him, ends up with an armful of clingy padatoddler] Anakin: You can't blame this on me, Obi. Obi-Wan, a little teary, because babies cause emotions: Of course I can, you absurd human being. ------ Rex: That's... my general. Anakin: I am, Captain. Rex: Cool cool cool I'm gonna go stand where I can't, uh, break you. Anakin: I'm not THAT fragile! ------ Ahsoka: [gasp] Skyguy is SKYKID! Anakin: Padawan, this is-- Ahsoka, grabbing him and cuddling: Oh my goodness you're adorable this is the best day ever. Anakin: This is humiliating, Snips, put me down. Ahsoka: Never.

Anakin hates being a toddler because of the lack of independence but Cody keeps picking him up when he's cranky and just holding him until he falls asleep and that's... nice.......

- The brain limitations aren't quite as bad as the situation with Sokanth and Ylliben in the other AU, but - Even if his brain is mostly adjusted he’s still got a tiny body with different needs that he’s not used to. Like, he needs to sleep more but he’s got more energy than usual when he’s awake and it’s all weird.

Cody carrying around toddler Anakin like "God you give me ulcers but you're adorable, you little shit."

Inconveniently tiny body aside, Anakin has a pretty great time in this au. His family are all together and safe and within reach. His wife isn't around, but toddler brain means he doesn't have the Romance Drive, so that's not as bad as it could be It could be significantly worse.

@atagotiak asked: Does Anakin get annoyed about being called cute? - To which I say, He bites the first few times but Shmi tells him that's Naughty so he stops. - Babies are cute so you packbond with them before they’re annoying, Anakin is cute as a self defense mechanism - He’s extra annoying so he needs to be extra cute

You know how you need to keep an eye on toddlers so they don't, like, fall down the stairs or put something toxic in their mouth? - They need to keep an eye on Anakin specifically so he doesn't rewire the ship they're in while they're in hyperspace. - He has less self control on account of being smol. He still has all the mechanical knowledge! Just less comprehension of y’know, consequences.

Anakin, with a sippy cup: This is demeaning. Ahsoka: Your hands don't work great enough to avoid accidents yet. Anakin: It's still embarrassing.

General Kenobi can't just kill Maul, not when Maul is baby right now (sixteen, which is baby enough) so he just. Kinda. Kidnaps a baby Sith. (It's fine. He's fine.)

General Kenobi (not to be confused with Padawan Kenobi) decides to declare Maul his new padawan because someone has to deal with this teenager, and Plo already claimed the rest of Ahsoka's training. And Anakin's three, so.

"What do we do with Maul?" "Eh, I can handle him. I dealt with teenage Anakin getting arrested for illegal pod-racing twice a month, I can work with this."

Maul bites, but only slightly more often than Anakin, it's fine

Ahsoka definitely bullies Maul whenever possible

Consider: Rex holding very still because Anakin wanted to be tall, so he climbed Rex. Being unexpectedly climbed is better than being unexpectedly yeeted. It's still extremely nerve-wracking. - Cody is perfectly capable of running around with a backpacking toddler General, but Rex freezes like a statue. - Ahsoka finds this hilarious

You know how little kids like to be thrown around and swung in circles and stuff like that? This must get even more ridiculous with force users. Can throw a child real high and catch them safely. - Rex panics whenever Ahsoka throws her chibified Master

Literally everyone except Rex loves being yeeted. Even Maul can appreciate a good tactical yeet no shut up he's not having fun this is TRAINING - Rex is Suffering - Cody, a very Tired Dad, deserves to mock his vod'ika a little, as stress relief - Rex, a certified Little Brother, shoves Cody off something tall. Jokes on him, Cody thinks freefall is fun too.

Tia asked: So the people who didn’t exist yet got flung bodily back in time and Anakin did the mental time travel. Why did Obi-Wan not become Padawan Kenobi? (I mean “because I want it that way” is def a good enough answer I’m just wondering if there’s any reason.) - Which, well, it really was mostly "I want to" but here's two options, both of which come down to Blame Daughter and Father. 1. They figured a responsible adult Jedi Master was needed to convince people. 2. Nobody was supposed to get de-aged but Daughter figured they needed to make Anakin less liable to kill things for a few years. - Also IDK the Force God-Manifestations also took away any risk of rapid aging and early death from the clones because uhhhhhhhhhhh I said so

Rex and Ahsoka are fumbling their way through a relationship where ages are just really confusing and awkward, so they're keeping it to just kisses and cuddles for a bit.

Cody is so tired he doesn't even realize anyone's hitting on him until it's been three years of co-parenting with Shmi and his General. - Somehow Anakin knows Cody is in a relationship before Cody does. Cody has never been so embarrassed. - How did he manage to be less observant than Skywalker? -- it was sabotage; all his brain cells were taken up in managing said Skywalker -- Because Skywalker was up at three in the morning whacking a training droid with a stick so he didn't have the energy for Relationships

Also Shmi's come-ons are super subtle, while the General's are... well, Cody's gotten very used to ignoring anything ambiguous on that end because fraternization rules, and also because Obi-Wan flirts a lot with everyone. So.

Please imagine Cody and General Kenobi walking around with Anakin tucked into a toddler sling while they do whatever work they've ended up with at the Temple. - Yes, Cody is helping the Jedi figure out the best plan of attack to take down this slave ring because his grasp on tactics is phenomenal and he knows how to deploy people at greatest efficiency, but also he's got a nosy toddler on his hip who keeps offering his own insane-but-competent ideas. - General Kenobi ends up with a Council Seat just on account of, like, being the kind of person he is. As often as not, he's got Anakin tucked into his robes, chewing on the ear of a stuffed tooka or something.

IDK what Shmi's doing but apparently Legends had it that some of the administrative and support positions in the Temple were held by non-Jedi civilians? So probably something like that.

GENERAL KENOBI LECTURING PADAWAN MAUL WHILE ANAKIN'S BALANCED ON HIS HIP AND GLARING AT MAUL FOR STEALING HIS DAD

General Kenobi: Ahsoka's babysitting. Anakin: I'm her master, I don't need babysitting, this is-- General Kenobi: Fine, then you need supervision, so that you don't blow up a training salle again. Anakin: And you think Ahsoka would stop me? General Kenobi, eye twitching: Fine, I'm leaving you with Plo.

Even if he’s mentally an adult Anakin always needs supervision Look at canon! Anakin was left without supervision for like two days and he became a Sith

Quinlan gets distracted by how attractive General Kenobi is and tells Obi-Wan "dude, you're gonna be so hot once you can get rid of the stupid haircut" and Obi-Wan pushes him into the nearest pond.

They end up with this weird "Uncle Jango" situation (uncle to Anakin, via weird brotherhood-ish to Cody) because Rex and Cody are just like "Uhhhhhhhhh yeah okay" about him eventually, and Jango just like. Drops by. Trying to Earn Affection Of Blood Kin by bringing weird gifts for them and their (ugh) Jedi.

"Okay, Rex'ika, I stopped by Shili--" "What?" "--and apparently this is a delicacy there, so just... your girlfriend will like it." "She's not my girlfriend." "..." "Okay, I can't call her my girlfriend. Jedi have rules about that sort of thing, and--" "This will make your Jedi happy, probably. Just take it, kid."

Baby Anakin got his arm back but for some inexplicable reason still has The Eye Scar. He matches Buir.

#disaster lineage #Anakin Skywalker #CodyWan #Commander Cody #Obi Wan Kenobi #Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Shmi Skywalker #Maul #Darth Maul #Rexsoka #time travel #de aging #baby characters #Quinlan Vos #Phoenix Posts #Commander Buir

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years ago

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for the prompts: NMJ/JC - Everyone with a functioning brain cell can see that JC just needs someone to tell him he’s doing a good job. And if WWX isn’t stepping up? Well, NMJ definitely will. (Preferably smut and/or fluff) Thank you! ❤️

Compliments - ao3

It started in anger, out of spite.

Traditionally, the world took this to be a bad thing, but in all honesty the vast majority of projects in the Nie sect were started that way – they inherited fiery tempers and spiteful personalities from their ancestors along with their saber cultivation traditions – and it didn’t always turn out badly. There were any number of buildings, techniques, or technological innovations in the Unclean Realm that had started life as a furious fuck you to someone and only turned into something worthwhile about halfway through, once the person involved had calmed down enough to think about what they were doing, realize they were already committed, and then shrug and carry on forward because there was no point in stopping a charge midway.

What Nie Mingjue meant was: there was precedent.

He liked to think it started with Jiang Fengmian, but if Nie Mingjue was being honest with himself, it started back in the Unclean Realm when Nie Huaisang had told him, quite casually over dinner, that he thought that the female cultivator in his class was very pretty and that he’d be happy to marry her.

“Uh,” Nie Mingjue had said, very intelligently. “Huaisang, you’re seven.”

Nie Huaisang had not seen the problem. Instead, he explained very forthrightly that it was only right that he start thinking early on about his marriage, as getting married and having children would be his great contribution to the sect on account of being useless good-for-nothing unfit for anything else –

“Wait,” Nie Mingjue said. “Who told you that?!”

Nie Huaisang claimed he had deduced it.

Nie Mingjue claimed that Nie Huaisang was full of bullshit, and also that he wasn’t good-for-nothing even if he wasn’t good at saber, and anyway even if he was a total good-for-nothing he was still Nie Mingjue’s good-for-nothing and no one had better say a single damn word against him or Nie Mingjue would bite them.

“I meant stab them!” he explained, far too late; Nie Huaisang was already rolling around laughing to the point of tears. “I have a saber. I can stab people! I’m actually very scary, you know!”

Nie Huaisang hadn’t believed him one bit and had carried on, seemingly at peace and forgetting everything, but Nie Mingjue had gone seeking advice from all of his elders and counselors and the more dependable senior disciples of his sect, abruptly terrified that he was permanently damaging Nie Huaisang by raising him the wrong way or something. Didn’t children need encouragement at that age? Weren’t they all young and tender peaches liable to be bruised at the slightest glance or young sprouts that needed to be sheltered from the harsh wind lest they grow up crooked?

Everyone assured him that children were hardier than they appeared, flexible and capable of bouncing back from just about anything. He'd pressed, though, pointing out that even the most flexible wood would eventually form a crack in the face of a vicious hurricane, and in the end they'd admitted that it was better to avoid applying too much pressure at too young an age, that a child squeezed too hard or not hard enough might develop neuroses that would hinder them in the future.

They mostly tried not to look at him when they said that, presumably thinking to themselves that Nie Mingjue was little more than a child himself and had already been subject to the worst pressures possible, which would undoubtedly result in who knows what future issues, but he hadn’t paid that part any mind. As far as he was concerned, his life was already a loss – he had sworn to take revenge for his father, to make that ancient monster Wen Ruohan pay with his life for what he had done and furthermore he'd sworn to pay back the blood debt in full before any of that burden passed to Nie Huaisang.

Letting Nie Huaisang grow up happy – that was what mattered.

Letting him be insulted when Nie Mingjue wasn’t looking played no part in that plan. If Nie Huaisang were going to be insulted, let it be by outsiders who he wouldn’t need to care about! Within their Nie sect, at minimum, he should be doted upon and honored, or else those responsible would have to explain themselves to Nie Mingjue.

Those dark thoughts still lingering in his mind, he had gone to the Lotus Pier for a discussion conference, and that, perhaps, was where it really started.

Rumor had already made the entire cultivation world aware that Jiang Fengmian had found the orphaned son of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, and that he had taken him into his home as his ward, allowing him to become a Jiang sect disciple – treating him almost as one of the family, even. That much was known, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise when Jiang Fengmian proudly introduced him or even more proudly showed him off, praising him to the high heavens.

What did come as a surprise was how little he praised his own son standing beside him, despite them being only a few days apart in age. It was as if Jiang Fengmian had simply forgotten that such a creature existed, much less that he had himself contributed to its spawning, and the constant looks of hope – invariably crushed – the child sent him made it clear that the present situation had been going on for some time.

Fuck you, Nie Mingjue thought, seeing red, seeing instead Nie Huaisang in his failed saber classes, struggling so desperately to keep up with the rest even though his body wouldn’t allow for it, being told he was useless and a good-for-nothing and fit for nothing but marriage. Fuck you, Jiang Fengmian.

He couldn’t say that, of course.

So instead he said, “Excellent stance,” to the child, who'd received the courtesy name Wanyin but seemed to be universally called Jiang Cheng. “Do you know the others in the set?”

Jiang Cheng, staring at him, very slowly nodded, and demonstrated them.

“Absolutely perfect,” Nie Mingjue said loudly, drawing attention to himself with his over-loud voice that everyone would automatically forgive on account on him being both a Nie and a young man. “You can see how hard you’ve worked at it, and it has paid off handsomely. You are very lucky in your son, Sect Leader Jiang.”

“…thank you,” Jiang Fengmian said, a little bemused at being interrupted. He’d been talking yet again about Wei Wuxian’s brilliance at picking up the sword again after years of living on the streets without practice, even though at the moment the smiling boy's admittedly impressive skills were still largely wild and undisciplined.

Nie Mingjue nodded, and said: “When exactly did you say the opening festivities would be starting?”

Jiang Fengmian had clearly forgotten about that in his enthusiasm, so he quickly hurried back to the actual subject at hand and the discussion conference was started in earnest.

It was almost enough to allow Nie Mingjue to forget the matter and put it behind him.

Or, it would have been, if only Jiang Fengmian hadn’t continued to insert praise for Wei Wuxian at every possible instance – it was as if he were the man’s first-born son, rather than another person’s child.

Irritated beyond belief, Nie Mingjue started complimenting Jiang Cheng every time Jiang Fengmian said something nice about Wei Wuxian, and he made sure to keep his compliments accurate: he was a hard worker, dedicated and sincere, thoughtful, clever, not overly arrogant…

“Wei Wuxian came up with his own ideas for a sword style already,” Jiang Fengmian claimed at one point. “You can see him on the training ground now, practicing it – take a look!”

Nie Mingjue picked up a stone and flicked it over with his fingers, making Wei Wuxian jump half a chi into the air and nearly fall on his ass.

“Weak foundation, and he over-commits,” he analyzed dryly, because it was true, and because no one else was saying it. He didn't make it any harsher than it had to be: he had nothing against the boy himself, of course; it was only that he knew from experience that it was much easier to be the one being complimented than the one not. “He’s got his head so high in the clouds that his feet are barely touching the ground – the weakest fierce corpse would knock him flat as a pancake with a childish style like that. He’d be better off sticking with orthodox or he’ll end up in real trouble one day.”

“Sect Leader Nie, really,” Jiang Fengmian said disapprovingly. “He’s only nine.”

��Old enough to pick up bad habits,” Nie Mingjue retorted. “Your son’s the same age and he’s as steady as a rock. If Jiang Cheng keeps going as he is, he’ll have a strong enough base to outlast the fiercest storm.”

“A rock has no imagination,” Jiang Fengmian said, and was he actually arguing that his son was inferior? Out loud, in front of outsiders? Did the man have no shame? “Mingjue, you’re young, but you must know that my Jiang sect prizes freedom and creativity as the highest virtue –”

“Would you rather build a house using a firework or a foundation stone?” Nie Mingjue asked, doing his best not to outwardly bristle at the condescendingly intimate use of his name by someone who might be technically his elder but legally his equal. “Tell me, Fengmian, does your Jiang sect’s acclaimed ‘freedom’ only allow for people to be as fluid as the river and not as steady as the earth?”

Jiang Fengmian faltered, clearly not knowing how to answer that.

Nie Mingjue raised his hands in a sarcastic salute: “As the leader of a sect whose style is based on a grounded foundation, I would be very happy if you would educate me in your wisdom. No doubt my peers would benefit as well.”

Perhaps it was at that point that Jiang Fengmian realized that his words could be misinterpreted as an insult to all the sects whose styles were less free-flowing than the Jiang – just about all of them except for maybe the Lan and their subsidiary sects, given their preference for techniques modeled on the wind over the water – and moreover that this was a discussion conference, where every word was political, and that a great deal of people were glaring balefully at him. He hastily moved the conversation onwards, and left the subject of his sons for another day.

Later that evening, Madame Yu came over to where Nie Mingjue was nursing a bowl of very fine wine that he didn’t especially feel like consuming. Before he could start worrying about the Purple Spider’s intentions, she said, voice stiff, “Your words regarding my son are too kind. His skills are still inferior; he has a great deal of progress yet to be made.”

“He’s only nine,” Nie Mingjue said, feeling mortified that she’d noticed his little temper tantrum, which he had belatedly realized was probably extremely obvious. “Anyway, I wasn't lying. He has a good foundation; he’ll be a fearsome cultivator one day, there’s no doubt. I only said what I saw.”

“You didn’t comment about Wei Wuxian,” she said. “You must have noticed his genius.”

“Geniuses don’t need to be praised overmuch,” Nie Mingjue said. He himself had been termed a genius by his teachers, and he’d hated every single moment of it – couldn’t he just be good at things without having people fall all over themselves to compliment him? He’d enjoyed it at the start, but after a while it had started to wear on him; he was expected to be a genius in all things, and being simply ordinary was suddenly seen as failing. “It’s the ones that have to work hard that do, or else they’ll be discouraged…comparing someone to another person’s child works as a spur to a certain extent, but after a while it loses its potency as a tool.”

Your husband is a fucking idiot, he didn’t say. It’s his own son! How could he speak like that about him? Shouldn’t he be holding him in his palms like a gentle flame, protecting him from the wind and rain? How can he bear to scold his son when he hasn't shown that the scolding is meant for his benefit?

“Perhaps,” Madame Yu said, but it was clear on her face that she wasn’t about to start taking parenting advice from a half-grown sprout like Nie Mingjue. “Nevertheless, your words were kind.”

She swept away after that, much to his relief. He shook his head and daydreamed about a magic tool that would make this whole nightmarish experience go by that much quicker.

In the end, it went by at the same speed it always did. It could have ended there, but Nie Mingjue kept up the habit of blatantly complimenting Jiang Cheng in future sect conferences as well, if only because it clearly irritated Jiang Fengmian – less because Nie Mingjue was praising his son and more because it was so obviously meant as an indirect critique of Jiang Fengmian’s skills as a parent or sect leader, and moreover it reminded all the other sects of that unfortunate interchange and made them less inclined to listen to him – and of course, because, well, once you’ve started a charge, you had to finish it even if you came to your senses about halfway through.

He made sure to keep it proportionate, of course, since there was nothing worse than false praise. He didn’t really mean anything by it, other than the half-formed thought that someone ought to be doing it – that the boy should know that someone looked at him and Wei Wuxian and remembered to praise him first. Nie Mingjue praised Wei Wuxian too, of course, since the boy often deserved it; it was only that he made a particular point not to forget about Jiang Cheng, either.

(He also made sure the other sect leaders saw how well the technique could be used to fluster Jiang Fengmian, an intrusion into his personal life that could be masked in perfect politeness, and several of them picked up the same tact, though less consistently than Nie Mingjue – Sect Leaders Jin and Wen, naturally, always looking for a weakness, but interestingly enough also Lan Qiren, who was normally above such petty maneuvers. Possibly he was actually just complimenting Jiang Cheng because he sincerely approved of him.)

He didn’t think much of it.

Nie Mingjue didn’t think much of it during the other discussion conferences, or when he came to the Cloud Recesses to pick up Nie Huaisang, who had – amazingly – actually managed to pass this time, although the expression on Lan Qiren’s face suggested the pass might have more to do with the other sect leader’s desire to never see Nie Huaisang haunt his classroom ever again.

“You know what, don’t tell me. Tell me….hm…how did Jiang Wanyin do?” Nie Mingjue asked, hand over his eyes as if it could forestall the headache. “He’s a bright boy, and knows how to put his mind to something when he wants. Tell me about him instead, it’ll be less depressing.”

“He’s very bright,” Lan Qiren agreed. “Very thoughtful, and very thorough. He sometimes errs towards conservatism out of fear of giving the wrong answer, but that’s just a matter of confidence; his thinking is very good. He’s very clear-sighted as long as the matter is logical, rather than emotional.”

“No surprise,” Nie Mingjue grunted. “He’ll be a sect leader worthy of respect, in his time.”

When he’s rid of that father of his dragging him down, he thought ungraciously, and he saw Lan Qiren bob his head in a sharp nod of unspoken agreement.

“All right,” he said. “I’m adequately fortified now. Tell me about Huaisang.”

Lan Qiren gave him a look of profound sympathy.

It wasn’t until much later, during the Sunshot Campaign, that it was first called to his attention – by Jiang Cheng himself, oddly enough.

“Why do you keep doing that?” he hissed, having stayed behind after one of their meetings.

Nie Mingjue blinked at him. “Doing – what?”

“You – you said – about me…!”

Nie Mingjue tried to recall what he’d said during the meeting just now. “That you – were doing an excellent job while facing much higher level of obstacles than everyone else?” he hazarded, because he had said something like that. “Or was it the bit about how if any of them had needed to rebuild their sect and fight at the same time, we’d all be doomed because they couldn’t multitask for shit?”

Yeah, it was probably that one.

“I didn’t mean any offense by referencing what happened to your sect,” he said, hoping to explain. “It was only –”

“I didn’t take offense,” Jiang Cheng mumbled. “It’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, but – it happened, everyone knows that it happened, not talking about it isn’t going to make it not have happened. That’s not what I meant…why do you keep saying such nice things about me?”

Nie Mingjue blinked at him. “Because they’re true?”

Jiang Cheng’s cheeks flushed red. “You’ve always said nice things about me. Ever since I was a little kid – every time you saw me, at the discussion conferences, or the Cloud Recesses, or even in your letters to my father…”

He had in fact done that.

“I just want to know why. Is it – my father’s not around, you can’t be doing it just to piss him off, even though I know that was part of it. Why me?”

Nie Mingjue coughed a little, having not realized that Jiang Cheng had noticed. Or possibly even overheard, in regards to the Cloud Recesses. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of the other person’s child,” he said, and Jiang Cheng nodded his head sharply, clearly thinking of Wei Wuxian. “You’re Huaisang’s.”

“Me?” Jiang Cheng seemed unduly vulnerable when he asked. “You compare him – to me?”

“It’s amazing he tolerated you at the Cloud Recesses,” Nie Mingjue said with a sigh. In fact, his brother had all but declared war on Jiang Cheng in absentia on account of all Nie Mingjue’s comments, only for his first letter home from the Cloud Recesses that year to be I see why you like him! He’s cute! A perfect match for you! because he’d apparently decided that Nie Mingjue had a crush on the boy.

Which he certainly hadn’t – at least not when he’d been that age, anyway. Jiang Cheng had grown up to embody every single one of the compliments Nie Mingjue had paid him when he’d been younger, especially with the maturity and natural aura of command that came to him after his personal tragedy.

“But why…you knew Wei Wuxian about as well as you knew me.”

Nie Mingjue snorted. “And that would have helped Huaisang how, exactly? If I wanted to compare him with someone who picked things up the first time they saw it, I wouldn’t need to go outside the Nie sect for that �� I was also considered a genius when I was young. It’s no failing to be born without a vast and unending natural talent; Huaisang’s issue has always been his unwillingness to put in the effort.”

Jiang Cheng stared at him.

“Anyway, your father was so blinded by his adoration for Wei Wuxian that he overlooked your merits, which are different but no less impressive,” Nie Mingjue added. “As someone who was trying to figure out how to raise a child, it irritated me; I thought someone ought to make it clear to you that you were seen.”

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng said, his voice strangely hoarse. “Yes, you – you succeeded.”

He paused for a moment, meeting Nie Mingjue’s eyes intently, and then abruptly said, “I’ll be leaving,” and dashed out.

Nie Mingjue wasn’t entirely sure if that meant he should stop or not. Jiang Cheng had said he wasn’t offended…anyway, it was a fixed habit by now. He’d been doing it for over half his life! He couldn’t stop that easily! It would be like trying to stop his temper, or a charge – there was nothing for it.

Jiang Cheng would just have to live with a few compliments.

“Wow, you’re an idiot,” Nie Huaisang said when he told him about the incident, months later while he was lying in bed, recovering from the disaster that had been the end of the war. “I’ll fix this.”

“Fix what?”

“I’m going to tell him you’re dying,” Nie Huaisang decided.

“You’re going to do what?!”

“Stay in bed, da-ge! Doctor’s orders!”

The Nie sect chief doctor was an extremely terrifying person. Nie Mingjue stayed in bed.

Some time later, Jiang Cheng stormed in, face pale.

“Huaisang’s a rotten liar and I’m going to be fine,” Nie Mingjue said at once.

Jiang Cheng stopped mid-storm, and abruptly deflated. “Really?”

“Really. I would’ve stopped him, but I’m stuck in bed for the moment.”

Jiang Cheng took a seat next to him. “That sounds serious. You shouldn’t underestimate war wounds, especially given your sect’s tendency towards qi deviations...”

“Compassionate as well,” Nie Mingjue teased. “I’ll have to add that to the rotation of compliments.”

Jiang Cheng flushed red. “You’re…planning on continuing?”

“For the rest of my life, however short it might be,” Nie Mingjue said, because he was an honest person, even when it was inconvenient. He was going to explain about the habit, and the concept of stopping mid-charge, but he didn’t manage to start before Jiang Cheng grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up into a kiss.

After that, he figured that maybe explaining that part of it wasn’t necessary. He might be slow on the uptake, but he wasn’t actually stupid.

#mdzs #nie mingjue #jiang cheng #jiang fengmian #lan qiren #nie huaisang #my fic #my fics #compliments

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indecisive-behaviors · 3 years ago

Text

Originally I was just going to add this as a reblog to my previous post about the parking lot scene in KK2 but it’s almost 2k words so now it’s getting it’s own post. Be forewarned- this is fucking long.

TW for discussion of PTSD, child abuse, neglect, injury, and death, in relation to topics surrounding the show, under the cut-

Obviously, Cobra Kai is a show based around the premise of “what happened to that Lawrence kid after he got kicked in the face?”, which is honestly a pretty cool idea for a show. Johnny’s story is never explained past sitting on the sidewalk with his head in his hands at the tournament, and there are no real context clue’s to figure out what may or may not have happened.

In the show we get to learn early on that Johnny’s life spiraled after the tournament, going from bad to worse to “holy shit how are you still alive”-dropping out/never going to college, working jobs he seems to hate, becoming an alcoholic, presumably many dead end relationships, and not being there for his kid. And yeah, obviously, this would be a hard pill to swallow for anyone watching the show if Johnny had just lost the tournament. If we never got the scene in KK2, he would have just been some kid who lost a tournament- we see at the end of the first movie that(through tears holy shit Billy) that Johnny is the one who gives the trophy to Daniel with his famous line, “You’re alright, LaRusso.” There’s a level of grudging respect in that moment that isn’t lost on anyone who sees that movie- that Johnny, who throughout the movie only sees Daniel as some whimpy kid, gets proven wrong and respects that. If we didn’t have that scene, there’s reason to believe Johnny would have apologized, tried to make amends, Something, even if it was just being less of a dick at school.

But then, we get the parking lot. We get a far off shot, intended to distance you from the scene, framed over Daniel’s shoulder. This makes sense, Daniel is the main character, the protagonist, the underdog hero- why wouldn’t it be framed in his perspective? But the scene is about Johnny. We get the shouting match, the back and forth- “No, you’re the loser man.”- and again it’s fairly obvious how Johnny sees this situation. This is a man who we assume(and is later confirmed) to be a surrogate father figure, who set his friend up for failure, and then basically forced him to do the same by targeting an injured opponent, and forcing him to fight without honor. This same man presumably follows a teenager out to the parking lot, to harass him, to tell him he’s off the team, to tell him he’s a loser, that he’s nothing.

But at that point, Johnny knows the truth, even if subconsciously. At the end of the day Johnny knows that Daniel LaRusso was a worthy opponent, and that regardless of the cheating and manipulation, Daniel could have won anyway, and did win, despite of it.

And then Kreese grabs him, too fast to react to, Johnny too surprised even knowing that Kreese is the bad guy here, not believing that he would ever willingly hurt him- and Johnny isn’t strong enough to fight him off, none of the boys are, so Johnny is forced to suffocate for almost a full 30 seconds(which I double checked for the record- also as a reference, 30 seconds is about the average time it takes for a person voluntarily holding their breath to pass out- this does not account for the oxygen lost during a struggle, and the lack of preparation from both surprise and panic. The only silver lining here is the fact that Kreese was most likely compressing his windpipe, not his jugular, which would have made him pass out in about 5-10 seconds, and would have caused permanent brain damage or death in about 15).

Now, PTSD is a complex thing. I’m not a psychiatrist, and what small amount of information we have is all we have to work off of, but I feel fairly comfortable in saying Johnny mostly likely developed it after the incident. This not an uncommon take in the fandom as far as I’m aware either. But, if we assume this, we also have to assume that after the fact nothing would have been done about this. Not just in the sense that we still don’t really know everything that happened right after the tournament, but that in the early 80s, PTSD wasn’t really a thing yet.

Sure it was absolutely a condition that existed, but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder wasn’t even added to the DSM-III until 1980- and for a long time afterward, was only seen as a condition that affected primarily war vets. Even after an event as traumatic as having a man you considered a father trying to kill you, in public, without remorse, would not have been seen as something to warrant the diagnoses, let alone treatment.

Johnny Lawrence was 17 when Kreese tried to kill him, and this boy would have been offered no resources beyond filing charges with the police. And as we see in KK3, either this didn’t happen either, or someone(presumably Silver) got the charges dropped. So on top of almost being murdered, Johnny had to live with the fact that the man who did that to him was still out there, and to top it off, still ran a dojo at least for a few months after the event. The only relief he could have gotten is after Kreese faked his death.

And sure, Mr Miyagi may have gotten Kreese to let go eventually, but as several people have pointed out in comments and tags, left him and the other boys alone with Kreese still standing there in the parking lot and just... drove off. Kreese has already been established to be a psycho with no problem hurting children, a little bit of glass might not have prevented him from trying again.

So why did I talk about all of that? Because it all contributes to why Daniel LaRusso works as a credible antagonist in season 1 of Cobra Kai.

Think about this- Johnny blames losing everything on Daniel in season 1, but we specifically get a shot in KK1 and later KK2(”You’re alright, LaRusso” and “I did my best” come to mind) where he seems to be at least mostly accepting of the fact that he lost(with what was actually an illegal kick but that’s a rant for another time). So why does he blame him for everything 30 years later?

Because 30 years later, Johnny is forced to go outside, go to work, and pretend like he doesn’t see what feels like every street corner(including right outside his apartment mind you), a literal billboard sized reminder of what happened to him.

The rest of this is mostly speculation but it makes sense in my head so bear with me.

When we get introduced to Robby, it’s made pretty clear that Johnny has not been in his life for a bit. In season 2 we get Johnny’s heart to heart with Miguel, where he divulges that he missed the birth, because he spiraled after his mom’s death. This however doesn’t suggest that he stayed gone, especially knowing that it wasn’t long enough for Robby to not consider seeking out his dad. Because tacked up to the fridge, is a picture of Robby in his soccer uniform as a kid. It’s an early detail you can see in previous episodes, and says a lot about how Robby grew up. To be fair, this could have been given to him by Shannon, and not taken himself, but it’s the sport Robby’s playing that makes me question this. KK1 dedicates an entire scene to Johnny being on the soccer team in high school. Soccer, while maybe not as important to him as karate, is still part of his character. Robby does not know karate in season 1, Johnny obviously didn’t share it with him, but that doesn’t mean Johnny didn’t share anything with him.

So Johnny’s back in his kids life, maybe doing better for himself, maybe cutting back on the drinking. LaRusso Auto is already established to exist at this point but it’s in Encino, a place Johnny has no reason to go to, and probably doesn’t want to. He’s trying again and things are okay. But Robby knows enough about Daniel to know that going to him will piss off his dad. So Johnny had to have talked about him at some point. The billboards here are what’s important- they’re in the first episode, the first scene montage, Johnny draws a dick on one of them as some petty revenge.

The first billboard goes up in the late 2000s to mid 2010s. Johnny sees it, maybe he has Robby with him at the time, maybe he goes home and says something there, but he says something in a way that sticks with even a child as being important. More billboards go up. Dealerships starting popping up more and more. Daniel’s face, and by extension, the memories, the flashbacks, become inescapable. Johnny, for a third time, spirals again. Before he even knows what’s happening, he’s lost his relationship with his son. And it’s all Daniel’s fault. Of course Daniel doesn’t do it deliberately, but the constant reminders are enough to send him back into a tailspin and Johnny blames him for it.

Because it’s Daniel who is a constant reminder of his failures- it’s Daniel who caused him to lose the tournament and almost get killed, Daniel who put up the billboards that trigger his flashbacks, it’s always Daniel Daniel Daniel.

And then Johnny gets it in his head that he wants to be better. He opens a dojo, teaches Miguel and the other kids, wants to try again- and he almost succeeds.

Johnny up to this point has not deliberately antagonized Daniel in any way. Sure he named the dojo Cobra Kai, but Cobra Kai is all he knows. Besides Johnny doesn’t blame karate for his failures, his best memories are Cobra Kai and he’s trying to be better than Kreese. So what’s the harm in this really? His building is in Reseda, there’s no reason for Daniel to ever be there, he doesn’t do it out of spite, it’s because he lives there and rent is cheap. He doesn’t know about KK3, doesn’t know about Daniel’s own trauma. This isn’t an attack. Johnny sincerely just doesn’t know.

Enter Daniel, stage left. Daniel makes no attempt to talk to him- he simply makes demands and accusations, before he starts making active attempts to put him out of business.

Sure, we as the audience know Daniel has good reasons to not want Cobra Kai back. But Johnny doesn’t. All Johnny knows is that the kid he picked on in high school- who won, who got everything Johnny wanted, who grew up to be successful, has a wonderful wife, two kids who love him, a thriving business- is doing everything he can to make his life hell 30 years after the fact.

And this could only have happened because in 1986 John G. Avildsen decided to add in a scene meant for the original movie into the sequel, for absolutely no fucking reason.

#meta analysis #ranting about cobra kai cuz I can #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #cobra kai #karate kid #I will never get over the fact that that was an actual scene that they filmed #and then got no resolution #FOR 30 YEARS #I apologize to everyone for this post #obviously I have a lot of feelings about this

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theseerasures · 4 years ago

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While you're doing reactions, if you're up for it, how are you feeling about all the finale predictions you made on March 23? By my count, you scored pretty well!

hooooooo boy (the alluded post, for those just catching up)

how i feel about my predictions is that...you’re right and i scored pretty well, but much like the characters doing right in the episode itself, it didn’t matter. part of the reason why the finale made me feel so much--why i loved it, despite still being emotionally hungover from ugly affect--is because i WAS right, but i was so often right but wrong on a smaller scale, or right but wrong because i completely misunderstood the overall thematic stakes, or in one case right but in such a phenomenally cruel and roundabout way that i’m still reeling from it.

more detailed breakdown under the cut (as in “let’s unpack this,” and as in “i have an emotional breakdown”):

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY RIGHT

Team Green, Yang, the non-Robyn Happy Huntresses, Klein and the non-combatant Schnees were gimmes from the beginning, even the ones of whom we didn’t have visual confirmation by the end of Worthy.

Pietro and Maria are still MIA so i’m putting them here, but...Winter’s gonna have to tell Pietro, when he shows up again.

Cinder and the Relics i was correct about, but even though i knew going in that she would win i didn’t imagine the scale of her victory. mostly because i thought she might have learned some self-discipline and just skedaddled with the Relics in an attempt to trap as many people as possible in superhell, but a) she didn’t, and b) she won without needing to.

Salem, Watts, and Ironwood are where i predicted, but i think part of me really bought into the fan theory that maybe Salem would want to keep Atlas around. both Watts and Ironwood lasted much longer through the episode than i expected because i was working from that assumption, but with the direction the episode actually took it makes perfect sense that they exited the stage as Atlas fell--they are, after all, twin architect-destroyers of Atlas. brains and brawn.

Nora ended up in Vacuo, but she’s...uh, not happy about it. not that i expected her to be happy, but this is much much worse. og JNPR is now JUST Renora, and much as i love freewheeling modular megazord JNPR, that’s gonna hit like a truck. last time they lost someone Renora were consciously trying to play supportive teammate to Jaune, who’d just lost his partner, and Nora especially also had to talk Ren off the edge with the Kuroyuri stuff. i expect they’ll swap the dynamic this time, especially since Nora was already planning to go all independent woman before this.

Qrow, Robyn, and the AceOps are stranded, but in transit and not in Mantle, because Mantle the place is no more. and Vine is dead. the reason i posited that the AceOps might be split up was so they could find their team dynamic after it’s been unsettled, and...well. having one of them do a heroic sacrifice should do a similar trick. because i didn’t think Atlas would fall on Mantle i thought Qrow and Robyn (particularly Robyn) would get more to do, but both of them are pretty much exactly in the same place they were in at the beginning of the season: trapped in a cramped environment, cut off from the people they love and uncertain what happened to them, and unable to contribute in a way that they would consider meaningful. i’m guessing we won’t check back in with this crew for a while, but if we do it’ll be interesting to see if the Qrow and Robyn dynamic changes--like, if he has to be the one to talk her down from cabin fever and despair. (before he finds out that he was the one who should have been despairing all along.)

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY WRONG

Neo is in superhell. i had put her in Atlas because i’d overestimated Cinder’s ability to play the long game, but what the show ultimately doubled down on was that Cinder remains at heart a petty and impatient opportunist, and that’s where she’s most effective. which i dig! i dig that she has not so much improved (in means or ends) so much as learned to hold the beneficial and detrimental parts of herself farther and farther apart, because in the end they’re all the same parts, and because presumably she’ll end up starfishing out so much (who knew the way she took care of Winter’s death pigeons was foreshadowing?) that she breaks in two. and i dig Neo in superhell without Cinder, because it’ll be our first chance to see Neo not working for anyone outside of that one time she fought Cinder. if superhell does end up being part afterlife, she might also get some closure with the Torchwick stuff.

Jaune being in superhell points to it being part afterlife, because the chance for HIM to get some closure is also right there. that was always the case, but the reason i made the prediction i did was because i assumed that Jaune would remain the person he has been this whole season--this stolid, clueless but incredibly effective supporting leader. having a Jaune who is at the top of his game meet up with Pyrrha again is obviously appealing, especially to me, a person who scribbles misshapen hearts labeled “Arkos = 5evr” on all my notebooks, but at the time i didn’t think it was necessary to his story...and then the story dramatically shifted his character and threw all my carefully hedged bets off (which is something we’ll also get to with...later).

having a Jaune who has just effectively EUTHANIZED someone meet up with Pyrrha again isn’t just appealing--it’s vital. and it’s vital because the exact parameters of how and why Jaune ended up having to kill Penny is a point-for-point echo and escalation of the way the Amber to Pyrrha transfer was supposed to go. last time Jaune Arc was party to a Maiden transfer process he had no idea what was going on, and he tried to intervene when he worked out that whatever Oz was doing was going to hurt Pyrrha, and that however minute thing contributed to Pyrrha’s death and the Fall of Beacon. this time it’s not just that he knows what’s going on and the stakes of it. it’s not even just that he is the Ozpin operating the Aura Transfer machine. it is that there is no machine--there is just him, holding the knife. he knows the Amber better than the Pyrrha this time, and this time the Amber is his friend, and still whole, and choosing. not just consenting, but asking him. trusting him. so he carries it out. the old Maiden dies, and like Ozpin he dies shortly after, but not before he watches the new Maiden fail.

but he does prevent history from repeating, because a new Maiden is created, and she gets to live. and Cinder Fall has made him a murderer on top of everything else, but she WILL remember him, now.

there are other people i was wrong about, but that’s...for later.

WHERE I WAS RIGHT AND IT DIDN’T MATTER

Ruby, Blake and Weiss are all in superhell, so on paper i was right, but...well. sing it if you know the words. the reason i’m putting them in their own section is because it’s not just that they fell and didn’t jump like i thought; it’s that they would not have jumped, and that changes everything. you know how i realized that we would lose everyone, and not by choice? it was Weiss. it was when Weiss said we have to do this for Yang. Jaune had reminded Nora of what was priority one minutes before, but the implications of that didn’t sink in for me until Weiss confirmed it. they PLANNED for this. not just the eventuality where they would have to die, but the one where they’d have to watch everyone else die and do nothing except keep going.

which...has implications. the best way to read this--and i think we’re all dying for some good news--is that even if it certainly does not feel that way, RWBY was able to snatch a partial victory from Salem’s claws. they lost the Relics, but they got the Maiden powers away, and most importantly: they saved Atlas and Mantle. by the time Jaune intervened Grand Central was empty. there was no one left to evacuate. they didn’t get everyone, but they got a lot. even before Cinder intervened so catastrophically they knew how many things could go wrong, so they made a plan, and largely stuck to it. on a purely material level they only lost one thing vital to the war effort--the Staff. but they got everyone else out, which was priority one. the show in general and this arc in particular has emphasized that our heroes don’t think they should be exceptionalized, that they’ll fight tooth and nail to make sure everyone is given the treatment and respect they deserve, and they’ve made good on that. they’re Huntresses, and Huntresses be thou for the people. they chose, and they won what mattered to THEM.

but on the flip side: they chose, and there’s no way to read this choice as anything but a compromise...and a very Atlesian one at that. when confronted with calculus similar to the one JYR faced after they lost Oscar in War, our heroes chose...the opposite. one, then three, then four, then five, then six for the many. what was that number compared to two entire cities’ worth of people, especially when they’re the ones who signed up for this? i’m not trying to take this down the slippery slope where our heroes are no better than the dictator they just dethroned, because when the time came for sacrifice they chose themselves first. but it remains a sacrifice, which means that when the time came to test the hard moral limit they set for themselves, they...moved. they decided ahead of time that some risks aren’t worth taking. that this is not a situation where everyone wins, so they had to go for the next best thing, then the next best thing after that, and so on. i’m honestly not sure where it points to yet, except my usual refrain that this show is a lot less didactic than it seems, but...yeah. this is going to lead to some invigorating discussions in-universe.

and maybe it’ll start with this: that Jaune and Weiss--the two who had to verbally advocate for leaving the fallen behind--fell last of all, which means they had to watch everyone else go first. and the last person they saw was the same person. Weiss, who executed the plan to brilliant perfection, saw the past--the first family she ever had--streaking after her in an endless void, forsaking the priorities they all agreed upon, for her. Jaune, who followed the plan to execution and broke a part of himself, saw the new Maiden he crowned, backlit and pulled away by the bright future that he ensured was possible, but can no longer access.

QUEENMAKER

i’m starting with Penny, because Penny came first. there has already been a ton of discussion on the ways that she’ll come back, and while i absolutely agree that she will, for now i am not so much interested in that as i am in eulogizing this Penny. the Penny we had just now, not identical but continuous with the Penny we had before that, in the same way that everyone is not identical but continuous with who they were in the past. the Penny who IS dead, her eventual resurrection notwithstanding.

because she DID die, and her death matters. that’s the thing about the deaths in this season, and it furthers my point re: RWBY’s presumed didacticism--the show’s treatment of death has changed as our heroes have changed. it is no longer (and never was) as simple as “death and sacrifice are always senseless waste,” and more something like...”death has to matter, and we will give it meaning.” Hazel and Vine sacrificed themselves, and the fact both resulted in a “positive” outcome (more lives saved) does not make the deaths any less tragic. but neither should the tragedy of it take away from the fact that they saved lives. what separates our heroes from a Salem or a James Ironwood even now is that they recognize the importance of grievable life even as they accept inevitable death, that what is worth it all about preserving life is not to make sure that lives go on forever, but that lives have meaning and are remembered, that when you’re gone the people who are still here respect you enough to carry that meaning with them. it’s a tenuous balance to walk, but all the more important for that reason.

Penny--though her death can and will be reversed--is much the same. in every arc there has been a Game of Three Maidens (which i guess would make shogi the better metaphor and not chess because--what AM i on about), and in every Game there has been sacrifice. and i thought that would encompass Winter, here. we’d get away with it not being literal death, since Fria already took care of that, but she would be trapped on the other side of the gate--in pretty much the exact same position James Ironwood ended up in the episode itself, actually. it just seemed obvious: she’s the decoy, the one who missed the call by inches, the last revealed defector when there still was an Atlas from which to defect. all of it pointed to Winter’s story ending with one last delay barring her from salvation, of her finally being too late...

and well. i WASN’T wrong in the broad strokes, but first there was Penny Polendina. Penny could have let Jaune try to save her and Weiss die for her, but she knew she had to make a different choice to save as many lives as possible. so she offered herself up as the sacrifice instead. last week i waxed prolonged poetic about how Winter defected so recently, how it has been just IronwoodandWinter for so long, how Winter doesn’t have a team and only the healing shreds of a family, how no one would think to look for her...and then Penny did. you were my friend. (given Winter’s rough age and the hazy creation dates for the PENNY Project, it’s possible that Winter is Penny’s OLDEST friend.) Penny thought of Winter as she was dying, thought about the good Winter could do if Winter had her powers, believed in Winter, and in doing so, saved Winter’s life before anyone else’s.

she ceded the spotlight to Winter in this last episode, but this season as a whole belongs to Penny Polendina--the myriad ways she creates herself, the ways she defends her self-creation, ultimately culminating in her new body, created by no one but herself. but for her final act the Maiden of Creation did something different and no less miraculous: i thought of you. a thought was all it took.

she created someone else.

KINGSLAYER | THE MAIDEN THAT WAS PROMISED

the thing about Winter is that she came first.

no, i’m serious. i checked the fairy tale and everything--Winter came first. as the Wizard’s first visitor she encouraged him to reflect and meditate, and when probed about why she was here at all, she answered: i am waiting for my sisters. Spring and Summer have to wait, too, of course, but. Winter was the first.

Jacques and Willow named their firstborn Winter. it is not the way this story begins, but it is certainly is one of them, because the story begins with Winter, and Winter begins the story--a new retelling, a new cycle of heroism. we’ve since been introduced to other characters in that indeterminate age group between RWBY and STRQ, but Winter--by virtue of being Weiss’ older sister--anchors herself to the new generation in a way those others (even Cinder, who comes closest) do not. she started things, in the mythical emblematic way that this show likes to move, and the way she started things--the way she MADE herself start things, thanks to the house she grew up in--was with love, and protection. she took care of Weiss and laid the groundwork for the person Weiss is today, and conversely: she took care of Weiss, and through Weiss, laid the groundwork for herself and how to take care of everyone. so eventually the steel thread she tied to Weiss she also linked to Whitley, to Penny, to Marrow, to all the people they love, and on and on it goes. Winter loved Weiss, so she made herself learn how to love Weiss, and so when i say she started things what i mean is she started family. a new home, for a new generation of the orphaned.

Winter came first. but as the show demonstrates time and again, especially with Winter: first does not mean best. because being first also means you’re the prototype, a volatile thing that must be tested and tempered and then discarded to make way for what comes after, what gets improved. and it is THIS part of being first that Winter has internalized most of all. Winter, the first Maiden, taught the Wizard peace and prepared the earth so that her sisters could grow and foster and harvest the life within it; Winter, the first Schnee, laid the groundwork in her siblings, but did not wait for them. and let herself fallow in the process. she left, and every time they tried to follow or stay with her she sent them away. (she keeps sending them away; even after defecting and taking down Ironwood, the first thing she says to JNPER is go.) Winter laid the first stone in the foundation, but she cannot take credit for the home her family turned it into, for all the ways it has flourished, because she willfully absented herself of that (birth)right.

and the reason she did this was very simple: she was afraid. she could not bear the thought that while she had to learn how to love she made mistakes, the idea that instead of preparing the earth she might have poisoned the well. so she ran. she turned her face away so she would not have to look, so they would not look to her. she left, and every time one of her siblings superseded her after that, every time she was made to be their Esau--passed over--it just seemed to confirm that she was right to leave. look how well they’ve all done without her.

in the stories, eldest siblings aren’t here to win. they’re here to be made an example of, and Winter...had resigned herself to that. she was prepared to be left behind for good by all the people who have outpaced her.

but then there was Penny Polendina. Penny didn’t follow her, or try to stay; Penny came back for her. Penny remembered Winter when all Winter wanted was to be forgotten, because she’d gotten it in her head that it was what she deserved for all the things she’d done or enabled or failed to do. why did Penny remember Winter? because you were my friend. there is no divine complexity to it, nothing for Winter to fall hopeless short of. there is only the fact that Winter gave Penny something, made something together with Penny, even as she was trying her hardest not to, for fear that she would create something terrible. and this does not take away from all the ways Winter did fall short, but it is still SOMETHING. and it is enough.

it was your power, after all. Penny means the Maiden powers, but she also means THIS Maiden’s power: the power to create. you made this home, Penny is saying to Winter, you should get to reap its fruit, even if you weren’t around for the labor. all you have to do is say yes.

this was a gift. she says yes. she accepts, because in the end Winter Schnee loves her family more than she hates herself.

but then--

(a gift for what? Winter will ask herself wretchedly later, after she has failed in the two tasks she thinks Penny set for her.)

the thing about Winter is that she came first. she taught Weiss everything she knows, and she was so busy doing that she never had the time to show Weiss everything she feels. so in the end what Weiss never predicted was that for all of her team’s painful planning, for all of her own pained enforcement of that plan...none of it was a match for her sister. that when the time came it was would be WINTER who defaults to the absolute ideal of “no one gets left behind,” of “every life” meaning every life, priority one be damned.

or that Winter, in trying to choose both, in finally and fiercely trying, with surely enough power to make a difference, would fail.

what are you doing? Winter heard as she watched Weiss fall into nothingness. my life doesn’t matter.

so here, then, is the story of Winter in The Final Word: a girl returns home after having left it, but in this version it is the home who has changed and the girl who has not. and from this both are unmade. but she gets to live, because she was invited back home. and she gets to go through the portal as its last passenger, into the Promised Land.

and she is still the Maiden of Creation. even after all this, THAT is still her task. to build a refuge for her people, to collect the broken strands of the family she began and her siblings continued and expanded and reinforced, and gather them up again into a new home. it will be impossible, but at the same time: she has done this before.

and this time, she will wait for her sisters.

(a gift for what? for nothing, would be the answer. gifts aren’t FOR anything. they’re gifts.)

#typeoneninja #rwby #helen writes meta #VERY LONG OBSCENELY LONG META CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW LONG #at least it didn't take me a whole month this time

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august-bleeds-red · 4 years ago

Text

Texas Heat

Alpha!Tommy x omega!Reader (AFAB). When you find yourself trapped within the Hewitt family’s web of murder, violence and pain, the last thing you expect to do is fall in love.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

The Texas sun beats mercilessly down on the back of your neck, the air thick and slow as dark molasses. You tied your sweater around your waist, but even that was too much for your sweating skin, so now it just hangs limply from your fingers.

You manage to hitch a lift from a family of three on a cross-state road trip – the parents were both betas, the little girl in the back unpresented. You tell them you’re heading back to college from visiting your family, that your car packed up some three miles back. You also tell them you’re a beta. Two truths and a lie.

They pull into a small gas station in Travis County called Cele Community Centre to fill up, while you step inside the sore to ask to use the phone. A middle-aged woman with cats-eye spectacles stands behind the counter, a couple of leather-clad bikers sitting at a table littered with beer bottles.

The phone’s busted, but when you explain about your car, she offers a different option. Her brother’s got a tow truck – he could go pick up your car and bring it back for repair. It’s too good an offer to refuse, so you wave goodbye to the beta family and take a seat in the diner. The woman – Luda May Hewitt, she introduces herself – gives you a soda on the house and asks you about yourself. You tell her about your parents, your brother in the army, your little sister about to graduate high school. By the time her brother arrives – a unkempt, bespectacled man she calls Monty – you feel as though you’ve been talking to a matronly aunt for the past hour. She’s kind, with good old-fashioned Southern values, and so when she asks if you’d like to join them for supper, you accept. Monty says your car needs a new valve or something, which he has back at the homestead, so you hop in the cab of his truck next to Luda May.

The Hewitt family home is a large farmhouse, with sprawling fields surrounding and a dilapidated garage. Monty parks up in the front yard and disappears, presumably to find the missing piece for your car. You shoulder your bag and follow Luda May inside the house. It’s not particularly clean, but your mother raised you to be polite, so you accept some sweet tea and some homemade biscuits.

Shortly, another man appears in the kitchen – this one younger and more well-presented than Monty - who introduces himself as Sheriff Hoyt. A rough, brutish scent of alpha pheromones follows him through the door, but you know by instinct its not from him.

“Tommy,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at a hulking figure beyond the doorway. “Come say hello to our guest.”

The person who steps into the room has to be the largest man you’ve never seen. Not only is he tall – at least six and a half feet – but he’s also broad; wide shoulders, muscular arms, and a chest like a barrel. Despite the suppressants you’ve been careful to keep concealed in your bag, your glands tingle pleasantly as his scent washes over you. Your nose recognises earth, leather and sweat, but your finer-tuned olfactory senses catch hints of sandalwood, charcoal, and the unmistakable metallic tang of blood. You contribute this to the butcher’s apron he’s wearing tied around his thick waist – the dark brown stains a clear indication of animal slaughter. While this doesn’t exactly strike you as comforting, you can’t deny his scent is . . . appealing.

You focus on his face for just a moment, not wanting to stare. His dark hair is long and wavy, most of his face concealed beneath a crude leather mask, revealing only his eyes, forehead and a small glimpse of chapped lips. The space where his nose would be beneath the mask is strangely flat, leading you to suspect some kind of physical deformity. His shadowed eyes catch yours and you look away in embarrassment.

“This here’s Thomas, my boy,” Luda May says. “Tommy, meet Y/N.”

“Hey,” you rise to your feet and hold out a hand. Even at your full height, you barely come up to his chest. “Nice to meet you, Thomas.”

He doesn’t speak or move to shake your hand, but his right-hand fingers flex at his side, so you can tell he wants to. Moreover, you can smell it on him. The pheromones he’s giving off betray his interest, and your face flushes at the thought that such an impressive alpha’s attention is directed at you. Eventually, you lower your hand and return to your seat, taking a sip of tea to hide your awkwardness.

“So,” Hoyt says, sitting down opposite you and placing his hat on the table. “Y/N, what are you?”

You know what he’s trying to say, even if the question comes across as a little rude.

“I’m a beta, sir,” you say.

“Seems the whole dang state’s beta these days,” he says, leaning back and accepting a glass of tea from Luda May. “Tommy’s pretty much the only alpha ‘round these parts, and as for omegas, forget it.”

Praying that your suppressants are doing their job, you nod along with his words and try not to focus on Thomas, who’s still standing like a full-door draft excluder in the corridor. You wonder if his senses are strong enough to tell that you’re lying. Surely if they were, he’d say something, wouldn’t he? Such a big strong alpha like him, wouldn’t be able to help himself.

Big strong alpha . . .

The thought makes you shiver slightly, and you notice Thomas shift where he stands. Covering your neck as casually as you can with one hand, you pretend to be intently interested in what Hoyt is saying. As he’s illustrating the hardships of being the county’s only sheriff, Monty appears, wiping his hands on a dirty rag.

“Well, hope you didn’t have nowhere to be anytime soon, ‘cause that tin can sure ain’t going without a new carburetor.”

Your heart sinks – the car was a gift from your parents when you got into UT, and you’d taken good care of it since. How had it sustained so much damage without you realising?

“D’you know where I can get a new one?”

He blows his cheeks out. “Nowhere ‘round here. Next town, maybe; ‘bout twenty miles north.”

You mentally count the small handful of notes folded in your wallet – your mom had given you $50 to get back to college, enough for fuel and food along the way, plus extra to stay in a motel. Certainly not enough for such a hefty repair.

“Course,” Hoyt says, a strange smile playing at the corner of his lips, “Uncle Monty’d be more’n happy to drive through for one tomorrow, wouldn’t ya, Monty?”

Monty nods slowly. “Be my pleasure.”

A strange tension has fallen over the small room, setting the hairs on the back of your neck a-prickle. Hoyt’s eyes are burning into you with a fierce intensity, almost . . . hunger, Monty bearing a smile, too leery to be comforting. You’re wondering if you’ve made a mistake in coming here, when Thomas moves from the shadows, his scent passing over you. Your shoulders drop a little, his presence proving an inexplicable reassurance to you. You know it’s your hormones talking; with such an alpha nearby, you’re safe. It takes a nudge from the logical side of your brain to remind you that biology is not fact, and you could be very, very far from safe with these people.

You clear your throat, mouth suddenly dry.

“Well, that’s awful kind of you. Is there, um . . . a motel or something I could stay at tonight?”

“Motel?” Luda May laughs. “Don’t be so silly, honey – you’ll stay here.”

You turn to look at her, her warm, motherly gaze refilling some of the certainly draining from you. Maybe you’re just being paranoid. After all, you’re a young woman – an omega, no less – so it’s no wonder that Hoyt and Monty might act strangely around you, whether they realise it or not. As for Thomas, well . . .

“I don’t want to be a bother, ma’am.”

“Oh hush, you’re no bother at all, and call me Luda.” She takes an old apron from a hook on the wall and nods towards the door. “Tommy’ll show you to the spare room and then you can help me start dinner.”

Thomas looks as surprised by the idea of being alone with you as you are, his gargantuan posture stiffening. His eyes flit from Luda May to you, unsure of what to do.

“Go on, boy, m’sure she don’t bite,” Hoyt chuckles.

But does he? Your mind races as you lift your bag and follow Thomas from the kitchen. His heavy footsteps make the floorboards shake as he ascends the stairs, decidedly not looking anywhere in your direction. The room he takes you to is small, barely more than a box room, with a narrow cot bed, a chest of drawers, and a dirty sink built into the wall. The white ceramic has been long since hidden beneath a layer of brown grime, and the light from the window is filtered through what looks like years of dirt.

You turn your head to thank Thomas, but the words die on your tongue when you see how close he is. His chest is heaving, and you suspect he’s . . . smelling you. Shit. You remember the mace your mom forced you to take with you, stowed safely away at the bottom of your pack. There’s no way you could get to it before he could grab you. He’s so big – his hands could easily encompass your entire head – you’re sure he could do irreparable damage without breaking so much as a sweat. His eyes – how had you not noticed how blue they are? – are fixed on you, all trace of shyness gone. You raise a hand – to do what, you’ve no idea – and stifle a shriek when he takes hold of your arm with surprising agility. Your blood stills as he lifts your wrist to his face, the air whistling through his nostrils beneath the mask as he breathes in your scent. He must know – there’s no way he can’t. He must either be the strongest alpha you’ve ever encountered, or on the brink of his rut, to detect your omega scent through your suppressants. Or both.

Part of you wants to run, to scream for help, but you can’t; your legs won’t move.

“Please . . .” you whisper, though you’re not entirely sure what you’re pleading for. Your eyes meet for one long, electrifying moment.

“Tommy, get down here! We got trespassers!”

Thomas drops your hand like it’s scalding hot, disappearing from the room and down the stairs after Hoyt’s harsh commands. You stand rooted to the spot, your heart beating a brand against your ribcage, and the bed creaks ominously beneath you as you drop down onto it. Fishing in your bag, you pull out the thin blister pack of pills, swallowing one dry. You have enough to get you safely back to Austin – you’ll just have to hope your stay here is a short one.

Comments are greatly appreciated because I’m a needy little trashbag.

#thomas hewitt #tommy hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader #tommy hewitt x reader #slashers #slasher fandom #slasher fics #slasher x reader #slasher x reader fanfiction #the texas chainsaw massacre #tcm #tcm the beginning #the texas chainsaw massacre the beginning #leatherface #leatherface x reader #slasher lover

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nicocoooo · 4 years ago

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Obey Me: Part 6: Perplexion

Lucifer sped into his room and slammed the door shut. He actually wasn't much of a door slammer. He sat on his bed, burying his face into his hands. He always thought he didn't contribute to anything. That there was no place for him. He was only a burden, resting atop someone's shoulders. There was no point in trying to explain his feelings because even he, himself couldn't understand them. He was the scum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. These intrusive thoughts. He couldn't take them anymore. His eyes swelled up with an overflow of tears. He allowed them to fall and leave a wet stain on his cheeks. Only a small, painful cry left his mouth. He was relieved he got out of there as fast as he could. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to keep his feelings bottled up for too long. He was a total mess. The uncomfortable silence soon came to end once Barbatos knocked on the door, "Hello Lucifer, may I come in?" Lucifer ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. He was unsure whether or not he wanted company. He wanted to be alone.. on the other hand, it would be nice having some comfort. He was privately crying to himself for a couple of minutes, letting his emotions flow out. He didn't want others seeing him this way. So submissive, so vulnerable, so weak. Lucifer's voice cracked while nearly weeping his words, "You are p-permitted to come in." Barbatos already knew what was going on, he spoke softly as he came in, "You don't need to me embarrassed with me. How are things going?" he asked before closing the door with caution. Even though Lucifer clearly had someone to speak about his feelings, he lied right through his teeth, "Things are going just great," those words were like a knife to the back. The words that had just escaped his mouth were belittled him. He truly wishes things would actually be going great. Everything was falling apart like a stack of cards. No, he was only being dramatic... right? Lucifer squeezed his hand, holding back the rest of his tears. He didn't want to cry any longer, not in front of Barbatos. He needed to maintain his prideful reputation, always. Nothing was going to hold him back, not even his own doubts. He lowered his head, staring at the ground to avoid any direct eye contact. Barbatos saw right through him, acknowledging his lies, "You don't need to talk to me, don't worry," he advanced towards the dejected demon, placing a gentle hand in his hair, "Expressing your feelings won't make you any weaker, don't you fret about that. You never lost your pride," he retreated his hand and backed away with a small smile on his face, "Do you want me to tell Lord Diavolo you are fine? He asked me to check on you since I was already making my way towards the castle." Lucifer gave a slight nod, clasping his hands together. He was sick to his stomach, he wanted a break. A break from everything. He hated days like these. He always felt like he was unable to get out of bed and do anything. Nonetheless, he still pushed himself no matter what. He needed someone's words to drown the voices out. You're going to be okay, Lucifer. Those were the words he needed to hear. He wanted to know if he was going to be okay. If the pain was ever going to disappear one day. The peculiar radiance Lucifer always had in him vanished into thin air. He wasn't feeling himself today. Lucifer could detect the bluntness in his own voice, "Please go," he blurted out. He regrets making that order, he felt like an asshole for some reason. That obviously didn't make him an asshole but why did he feel this way? Barbatos couldn't care less if he was being an asshole. To be clear, he wasn't being one, "As you wish, sir," he took a brief bow and left the room. Barbatos murmured something underneath their breath as they left the castle, "Poor Lucifer..." — After a few minutes or even hours of sleeping, Nico started to wake up from his concussion. His head was feeling much better after that well-deserved sleep. However, his mind was fuzzy. It's like a missing piece to a puzzle, he required that specific piece to

complete the entire puzzle. Setting that aside, it wasn't important at the moment. He was focused on other things right now. His brain was a jumbled mess, he completely lost track of time. He slowly opened his eyes before rubbing them in small, circular motions. He tried to replenish his energy and understanding on what was going on. He doesn't remember anything before he blacked out. He sat up on the bed, incoherently mumbling a few things to himself. He took his eyes off the ground and got off the bed, taking a brief moment to recollect his thoughts and look around the room. Based on his analysis, he presumed this must be his room. It's very well-kept and tidy. It's good to know he kept things in order. Despite his thorough investigation, he still didn't know why he was here in the first place. He turned around, only to see Kauffee plopped on his bed. He obviously recognized his own brother. Kauffee turned his head, noticing that Nico was finally awake, "Hey, dork. You woke up, how are ya?" he said before cupping his brother's face. Nico poked Kauffee's cheek, pulling away from their grasp. He covered his face, shaking his head, "Where am I?" He still seemed like he didn't have an idea on where he was. Nico started pacing up and down his room, keeping his delusional gaze on the ground. He wanted to get out, he needed to know what's behind that door. He turned around and approached the door, reaching for the door knob with visible hesitance. He was like a dog wagging its tail, eager to go for a walk. In the blink of an eye, Nico vanished into thin air. It turns out he left the room. Kauffee widened his eyes and followed his clueless brother, worried about what he'd do, "Huh?" . . .

#obey me #obey me shall we date #fanfic #fanfiction #obey me fanfic #obey me fanfiction

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seventhfracture · 3 years ago

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q. 3, 16-19, 26, 28, 32, 34-36, 38, 40, 44, 51, 53, 58, 66, 73, 85, 96, 97, 100 please? (feel free to not answer, I'm aware these are way too many questions but consider! I had to choose from 100 when I just wanted to ask `em all- again no pressure to answer all of these)

TUMBLR FUCKED UP THE NUMBERS FORGIVE ME

1. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? That presumes everyone wants someone. Which I don’t think is true. If you do want someone… well there at what? 9 billion people? Statistically your odds of finding someone are pretty good. But if you want something you can’t just want it. You have to take steps to make it happen. And that might mean compromise or action.

2. Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? I think a lot of pressing social issues started as a “theoretical ethical debate” in one circle or another. “Should we free the slaves?” was definitely a thought experiment before it was a reality. If we go real obtuse like “What if reality is a simulation, does that change anything?” etc. Shit we can’t really know. Then I still think there’s interesting stuff to pull. And philosophy has contributed a lot to different parts of society. Thinking is good.

3. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? Lol I think lots of people keep their imaginary friends in some way or another. “God” or “my roleplay blog” or “my online persona” or “my sexually dominating side” or “my OCs in my WIP” etc. etc. Whatever you call them I think its kind of natural?

4. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I was raised a polytheist. I’m a form of Pagan in practice. I believe there are lots of gods. I don’t really bother with asking if another religion is “real” or not. If someone believes something, then that’s fine. But I think you should be prepared to argue your point. People use religious belief to justify stances all the time. So you should be prepared to argue why your religion is good or right if you’re going to use “well my faith says…” as your justification.

5. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Religion is interesting, I could talk about it for ages, but I’m glad I’m not more religious. I think if I couldn’t take science into account when asking certain “should we/shouldn’t we?” questions that’d suck.

6. What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably to transition. I transitioned after high school. Which in some ways was a blessing but I got doctors, I changed all my documentation, I picked a new name, I had to come out to all my family, my work… It made me very happy but it was huge.

7. Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I believe in reincarnation but I think it’s natural to be scared of death. Frankly if I could avoid the gamble I’d rather live. Even if I’m just a brain in a jar. If I can be here that’s better than being nothing.

8. Was your childhood happy? Uhhhhh….?? Um…. Well—Uh—Next question.

9. What are you missing from your life? A way to make money doing things I’m passionate about. I’m still figuring that out.

10. Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? I knew someone who was very like me when I was a very different person. They were trash, I was trash, and I’m glad that 1) I changed and 2) we don’t speak anymore. I was a fucking psycho.

11. Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? Totally different in some ways. Exactly as planned in others. I’m happy, so who cares? I made the best decisions I could with what I had at the time.

12. What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? “Good” people do good things. Even if they think awful things. “I fed the poor, but I only did it to fatten my ego!” The poor don’t fucking care. They got fed. Likewise a person who has good thoughts but doesn’t act on them (aka “well I think gay folk aren’t hurting anyone, but God/my church say they’re against the bible so I guess—”) are bad people.

13. How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I lie a lot. I think you should. I think we should stop demonizing lying. Most people don’t care about your details. They just need the gist to get the job done. And if it doesn’t involve someone, they don’t deserve to know anything. It would be truthful to tell your landlord you got a promotion, but they’re not entitled to that information. You should be as honest as you feel comfortable being. Even if that’s not very honest at all. And, yes, there are consequences. You have to deal with those.

14. What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? One question? Oh man that’s hard… probably “who do you love most?” Because do they answer themselves? Their partner? Their parents? There’s info in all the options.

15. Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? “Eat the Rich, literally” will not actually solve anything. But I think cannibalistic revolution has been overlooked too long as a viable option.

16. Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? Never. I mean you could argue we already have. Isn’t everything just an old story repackaged? Or an old song dressed up? I think the ‘when’ and ‘where’ something is released is as powerful as ‘what’ it is.

17. How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?| My dear friend has a policy “do no harm, take no shit.” And I abide by that. I think you should care about people, I think all life is improved when we improve the rights/conditions of others, but if you start shit I’m going to end it.

18. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? My country? Eeeeeh my country is flawed. My rights? My way of life? My home? Yeah, sure. It’s not about the flag.

19. Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I think I got pretty damn lucky. My life would be MUCH harder if even one of those factors was altered. Yeah, I’m trans but it could be waaaay worse.

20. Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? People are usually a lot nicer about me than I am to myself. I like that. Generally, I like myself too but it’s not always easy. More than once my relationship with my body or mind has been purely antagonistic.

21. Are you overly analytical? I guess? I have too many opinions lol. Things would be simpler if I cared less.

22. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? I’m a Pagan. And I hate the “these essential oils cure cancer!” stuff but I definitely believe you can curse someone. And I get that’s a little crazy lol.

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lyricsaboutcats · 5 years ago

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Datamining Andromeda: Humans

We’re getting closer to the end of this series! We’re going to dig around Mass Effect Andromeda’s files for information about the human characters. Some of them have summaries and biographies hidden inside the game files for the developers to use.

Datamining Andromeda: Asari Datamining Andromeda: Salarians Datamining Andromeda: Turians Datamining Andromeda: Krogan

When it comes to the humans, many minor NPCs have summaries while major characters such as Liam, Addison, and Gil do not.

Warning: There are spoilers ahead!

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Major Human Characters:

Cora Harper Cora Harper is a human soldier who trained with mysterious asari commandos. Talented and smart, Harper is a consummate professional who finds herself always looking for a trusted mentor to give her guidance and a path in life. She was a close friend of the Player's father--as close as anyone got--and can give insight into him even after his passing. Harper is a woman of few words: in a pinch, she prefers to let a bit of deadpan humour or a well-placed shot do the talking.

Suvi Anwar Suvi Anwar is the Tempest's resident science officer. A brilliant physicist, she was recommended for the Pathfinder Initiative, and jumped at the chance to explore the wonders of a new galaxy. Initially attached to the NEXUS as part of the team responsible for the data collection and analysis of the conditions in the Heleus Cluster, Suvi campaigned to become part of the Pathfinder's scouting team, in order to expand her investigation of the cluster. Excitable, may occasionally talk to herself. Brain goes fast, mouth runs to keep up.

Harry Carlyle Harry is initially the team doctor on the Pathfinder team, but then swaps job with Lexi. Harry remains on the Hyperion and helps watch over the sibling. Harry is in his late 40s, easy-going, and game for anything.

Ryder Sr. Father of the player character. Tough, no nonsense ex-soldier-turned-Pathfinder. He's a commanding presence.

Ellen Ryder Ellen Ryder is the wife of Alec Ryder, the original human Pathfinder who dies in M1 (and mother of player characters, Scott and Say). Ellen met Alec when he was doing his N7 training on Earth. Ellen was a scientist involved in the early stages of human biotic research, delving into the use of implants as a way of harnessing biotic abilities. At the time, this was very primitive and often dangerous work. Alec and Ellen married, but he was then deployed to the First Contact War, leaving Ellen as something of a soldier's wife, moving around wherever Alec was posted. Next up was the Citadel, where Alec was ambassador and Ellen raised their two children, Scott and Sara for a number of years on the station. On the Citadel, Ellen found new horizons opening up in her field, with the galactic knowledge of biotics far in advance of the work she'd been doing on Earth. But there was a dark side too. Ellen experienced the onset of a serious degenerative disease. Its root cause could be traced back to her early work on biotics on Earth, at a time when the danger of exposure to eezo was little understood. Because her illness was so rare, there was no known cure. The family moved back to Earth to care for her and Alec devoted himself to developing SAM as a way of curing her. Alec enlisted Ellen in the project, and together they leveraged her knowledge of implants, melding it with Alec's understanding of A.I. The project consumed Alec, and he became a distant and aloof figure to both his wife and children. Whereas Ellen tried to put on a brave face and remain a committed mother - she eventually ended up the de facto "single parent" in place of their mostly absent father. Despite her disease, she remained a loving and committed mother, caring deeply about her two children. Eventually, her condition worsened to the point where it was too late, death was inevitable. She was willing to accept this, but Alec was not. He loved her too much. Despite their sometimes rocky relationship they still felt passionate about each other, even to the very end.

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Mysterious Benefactor

Race: Human A character in the Alec Ryder memory flashbacks. This is the Mysterious Benefactor -- the secret backer of the entire Andromeda Initiative who originally hired Alec. She's a woman, though her face will remain hidden in this game and we'll only hear her voice.

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Humans of Kadara:

Sloane Kelly Sloane Kelly also known as the "Outcast Queen" is a "Robin Hood" figure who leads the Outcast Legion pirate faction by holding the spoils of war in one hand and a loaded gun in the other. A hardened survivor from the Nexus rebellion, she holds a deep personal grudge against the Andromedia Initiative--and, by association, the Pathfinder. South African. Attractive but tough. Like Furiosa from Mad Max.

Reyes Vidal Reyes Vidal presents himself to the player as a smuggler and contact of the Angaran Resistance, but he is secretly the Charlatan, one of the two major pirate lords vying for power in Kadara Port. He is charming and driven, but ultimately selfish and values himself above others. Casual, friendly with a flirty undertone. A very slight Chilean accent. Han Solo handsome--rugged but put together.

Dr. Ryota Nakamoto Ryota Nakamoto once worked for the Outcast Legion, but when Sloane turned what should have been a medical breakthrough into a drug, he quit and started up a free clinic in the slums of Kadara Port. He is Japanese, but doesn't have an accent.

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Humans of the Nexus:

Jien Garson This is Jien Garson, the founder of the Andromeda Initiative. A charismatic visionary billionaire ala Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, or Steve Jobs. She is seen in the video "info wall" in beginning of game. She will also be a character in the MEA prequel novel.

William Spender The son of an influential investor of the pathfinder initiative, Spender was assigned to the Pathfinder Initiative as an administrator. Though he was not competent, his ability as a politician was such that he managed to preserve his position within the Initiative until the departure of the arks. Woken up during the arrival in the Heleus Cluster, he became the director of colonial affairs’ assistant more though lack of personel than anything else. His propensity for dodgy politics and behind the scenes dealing (and lying) continued, though a fatal miscalculation led to him becoming a pawn of the Nexus Exiles. He subsequently contributed to the departure of the krogan clan among other issues. He complies with Tann's requests thus is in good odor with him. Addison knows he is less than qualified and suspects he had a part in the krogan leaving, but no one has any idea of his involvement with the exiles.

Cryo Deployment Administrator Vladimir Brecka Dedicated but long-suffering assistant to the Colonial Director. Generally good natured, but knows his place in the order of things, and wants better. Knows that a good job will lead to better things for everyone, so he grins and bears it. Light Romanian Accent.

Doctor Camden Chief botanist and manager of Hydroponics who left for Andromeda after the Divorce From Hell. Camden is brisk and fussy, annoyed that people dismiss him as "a gardener" when his work in Hydroponics keeps everyone still breathing, eating, and drinking--nothing important, right? He nurses that grudge like a favourite teddy bear, but underneath it all he's deeply concerned that a thin green line separates the Nexus from life and death. Akin to the Doctor from ST: Voyager.

Yolanda Carter Operations Manager. A seemingly quiet and posed woman, Yolanda will rain the fires from hell down upon any unsuspecting fool who presumes to think her request for this or that item is superfluous. While some are intimidated by her, having fallen foul of her before, all respect her ability to get shit done. She works with Vetra and the two make a scary team when they are like-minded on acquiring something for the station.

Ada DeYoung A young technician working under Kesh on the Nexus. She is optimistic and tends to take everything with great aplomb. Kesh sends her to fix problems that no one can figure out, as the joke among the engineers is that the bugs then to happen when she's around. She is excellent at tracking down power issues within any given sort of network.

Sung-Soo Hwang Technician. An engineer working under Kesh in the engineering department. He is a hardware specialist who tends to be partnered with Ada more often than not due to their complementary skillsets and the fact that he takes the power outages Ada discovers with humor and has set up a countdown betting pool as to the next outage she tracks down.

Colonial Affairs Ops Lin. A young woman, asian, working the comms in the Colonial Affairs area. She's generally in charge of ensuring Addison is aware of on the spot reports when she's not at her desk, and managing the flow of information from settlements to the appropriate department head.

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Humans on Meridian After the Last Mission:

Iora Pillay (Chief Operations) Iora Pillay (iora, not Lora) takes on the managerial position meant to temporarily organize Hub operations until a permanent leader is decided, then assist that leader in perpetuity. East Indian by way of the Citadel. Focused, careful. Respects the Pathfinder, but on some level considers their job "done." Very pro Nexus-as-new-Citadel. She is "second wave," one of the first of the humans "defrosted" after the Hyperion was placed.

Hunter Kerry (Chief Engineer) Hunter is heading up the planned deconstruction of the Hyperion, managing the balance between reuse and recycling. New Zealander. Plainspoken, tough as balls. Doesn't care about politics. Complains that accommodating aliens messes with construction, but then goes above and beyond to do it. He just wanted you to know. He's another second wave defrostee.

Darla vas Hyperion (Placements Officer) Darla vas Hyperion is in charge of assigning occupations as the Ark is slowly repurposed and the humans in stasis are awakened. Spent most of her life among Quarians, because her parents were diplomats. Utterly used to ship-life and the specificity of roles that demands. Pale. Used to life in a sterile environment. Middle management, glad to be in HR and not farming. Idolizes the Pathfinder. Another second wave defrostee. Korean Heritage.

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(text source: Game/VOCharacters/ using Frosty Editor)

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #cora harper #suvi anwar #ellen ryder #sloane kelly #reyes vidal #long post #datamining andromeda

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premiumappapk · 4 years ago

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The PROS And CONS Of Marriage In 2020

Marriage bureau Fewer and fewer men are looking to get married. These days the Pew Research Institute recently found that the number of men ages 18 to 34 saying. A successful marriage is one of the most important things that dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent since 1997. The number of young adult women saying the same thing has risen from 28 percent to 37 percent in the same time. This statistic made me wonder why so many guys out there are saying. They don't want to get married there seems to be a growing subculture of guys. Who says they'd rather avoid it altogether? I grew up thinking that marriage is just what you do when you hit a certain age now.If any want to marry then visit Pak Marriage Bureau Happy married life I'm questioning why do we get married, where did the tradition come from and what are the pros and cons. This article will aim to answer these questions and see how marriage fits into the modern-day culture. But first, let's take a quick look at the history of marriage. The first humans who lived about 5 million years ago had very little use for marriage using the behavior of bonobos is the basis for how early humans would have behaved. It is presumed that early males and females had sex with many partners. They lived in open polyamorous communities where food was exchanged for sexual favors. Couples therapy Because females could collect food fruits nuts and insects while still caring and protecting their baby’s males were not needed as protectors or providers. This meant that neither partner gained from being in a committed pair as the climate heated up the forests receded and humans ventured out into the savanna. We began walking upright hunting with tools and our brains got bigger our large brain sizes. The reason human babies are born so helplessly early and require constant care from their mothers. During the period of 1.8 million to 23,000 years ago survival was hard and the offspring that had the best chance to reach adulthood. Divorce Those that had two parents that work together to raise and protect them. This survival strategy gave birth to first marriages. These were not quite like the marriage as we imagine today couples. In this period would stay together for about three or four years. Before one or the other would wander off to start another family. Perhaps this is why divorce rates peak between three to four years and modern-day marriages relationship dynamics completely changed. When humans began to grow their own food, agriculture meant that humans were permanently tied to the land. The most productive household arrangements were ones in which men and women divided their tasks men, who were physically stronger worked the land while women stayed closer to home and cared for children. Love marriage This is the era in which marriage became a lifelong union between two people that was recognized by their community. Agriculture tied people to their land meaning that at the end of the four-year period. Neither men nor women had any inclination to wander off and find a new family. So, they stayed together and worked as a unit to feed and care for their children. The creation of marriage is a legal contract between men and women came into being over time. As communities settled and monogamous relationships became a necessity for long product life. So, the real origin of marriage came from the biological desire of both men and women to see their children survive. Marriage It was the evolutionary dominant strategy in the last few thousand years marriage became less about a survival strategy and more about a way to control power. It became a tool to strengthen alliances maintain wealth solidify social class control female sexuality and fulfill religious duties. Arranged marriages were the norm around much of the world up until the mid-20th century. So now most of us watching this live in a society filled with abundance. We're at the top of the food chain and we don't have to defend ourselves from saber-toothed Tigers. Anymore many of us are not strictly religious or rural farmers our parents aren't arranging us. New marriage We don't need to form an alliance between kingdoms like in Game of Thrones. So, you may be wondering, why are we still getting married. We no longer need the institution of marriage to ensure the survival of our species live doesn't have to be a conveyor belt of common events. Where you graduate at this age start a family at that age and retire at this age. These are ideas that many Millennials are discovering and are a primary cause of the steady decline in new marriages. Each year about 5% it's beginning to be seen by many as an outdated restricting institution that simply not worth it. People keep getting married at older ages in the 1960s. Best age to get married Over half of Americans under 30 were married the average age of marriage for a woman was about 20. The average age for men was 23. Today only 20 percent of people under 30 are married and the average age for women is 26 and a half and for men is nearly 29. So, let's take a look at some of the pros and cons of modern-day marriage. First, the pros of marriage are the ultimate showcase of commitment an unbreakable love bond through sickness and health. But there are numerous legal financial social and health advantages to getting hitched. for more details about marriage click Pak marriage bureau Marriage benefits The legal benefits a married couple is seen as a single taxable unit in the eyes of the government. In most cases, this will save money on taxes when you claim your spouse is dependent. There are estate planning benefits including inheritance rights government benefits in receiving Social Security Medicare. Disability benefits for your spouse employment benefits such as obtaining health insurance through your spouse's employer. The right to take medical leave to care for a spouse who becomes ill decision-making benefits including the right to make medical decisions. If your spouse is incapacitated consumer benefits such as family rates for health homeowners auto. Other types of insurance financial benefits financial benefits a 2005 study at Ohio State University found that after getting married people saw a sharp increase in the level of wealth. After 10 years of marriage, the couples reported an average net worth of around forty-three thousand dollars single people. At the same age had a net worth of only eleven thousand dollars. However, people who got divorced were worse off than any other group. After a divorce, the average man was left with $8,500 in assets. While the average divorced woman had only $3,400 health benefits health benefits research has continued to show that married people live longer. The stability of a long marriage can act as a support structure throughout life. When one spouse is weak the other gives care happily wedded patients. Who undergoes major surgery are more than three times as likely to still be alive 15 years later? When compared to their unmarried counterparts. There are also many perceived social benefits married people appear to be more stable committed and reliable having a long-standing marriage shows. The world that at least someone can tolerate you in the history of America. There have only been two unmarried presidents. The last one was Grover Cleveland in 1886 and he got married shortly into his first term. So, a successful marriage can certainly lead to a happy healthy long life. Divorce They're fun and we all like cake but the average wedding costs about $30,000 over a third of married couples go into debt to pay off the big day. Half of those newlyweds are still paying the tab five years later chances are by the time. You're finished paying off your wedding. There will be time to start paying for your divorce roughly half of all marriages in the US and in divorce. This is another big reason Millennials don't see the value in marriage anymore. Why start something if it's probably going to fail much of the millennial generation grew up with single or divorced parents. Their entire youth was back and forth between bickering parents overhearing never-ending conversations of legal disputes and custody battles. Another huge factor contributing to men's disinterest in marriage is the fact that marriage isn't. Late marriage What it used to be a hundred years ago having a wife meant having someone who would raise your kids, clean your house, and cook your meals. This may not be an ideal dynamic for everyone. But men used to have much to gain from getting married. Now there are more women than men in the workforce and more women than men have college degrees much like. The bonobo's many women today no longer need a man to provide for them. There seems to be a direct correlation between the liberation of women. The decline in men seeking marriage in areas where women are highly educated and career-oriented. Stable marriage The marriage rates are the lowest although marriage rates continue to decline both men and women agree. That parenting is still a high priority 52% of Millennials say that being a good parent is one of the most important things in life. While only 29% assign high importance to get married. This shows that Millennials don't think that they necessarily need to be married in order to have a family. Many are choosing to avoid the headache and create a love bond and raise kids on their own terms. There are plenty of legal alternatives to getting married like a domestic partnership civil union or creating a will. The truth is you can have just about all the benefits of marriage without actually getting married. You can have a lifelong partner who supports your goals and you can have a soulmate; you can have a family a shared home financial wealth and good health without the state mandated license. So maybe those bonobos had it right. All along do your own research to assess your own goals and list your priorities. If your goal is to travel the world and check out the tinder scene in every city. Maybe marriage isn't right for you that does not pressure yourself.

for more detail click here Source: Pak Marriage Bureau

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buckyistired · 6 years ago

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Why Bucky Barnes Isn’t Damaged Goods

Tumblr ate the original post, so I’ve edited this to include the rewrite, which can also be found here:

https://buckythefarmer.tumblr.com/post/184856854062/why-bucky-barnes-isnt-damaged-goods-take-two.

In less than an hour of screen time over seven films, the Marvel Cinematic Universe gave us a complex, beloved character that walks the line between victim and villain with a murder-strut swagger. Bucky Barnes is as lonesome and dangerous as he is charming and sarcastic. Many fans have fallen in love or seen themselves reflected in Bucky’s trials and triumphs; he’s truly an awesome, multi-faceted character, but unfortunately, fans seem to be of the few who realize this.

Recent comments made by both MCU directors and writers regarding Bucky’s mental state have…bothered me and I thought, well, let’s examine the evidence that Bucky is damaged, shall we?

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional; I have PTSD and use these strategies myself, but nothing I’ve written should preclude you from seeking a professional opinion if you need it. Talking with a therapist about my PTSD helped me get light years ahead in terms of recovery. Whatever path you choose, take care of you.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Does Bucky Barnes have PTSD?

By definition, Bucky has experienced or witnessed the following traumatic events:

WWII. Bucky served as an active soldier during WWII, in the trenches and on the battlefields. He was a distinguished sniper and a Sergeant, which means he witnessed and contributed to the war effort to an even further degree. Many soldiers had “battle fatigue” or “shell shock” during the war; it is not unlikely that Bucky would have experienced this from WWII alone if he had survived and returned home.

Prisoner of War. Bucky was captured and tortured as a prisoner of war, not once, but twice. He was experimented on in his time in Azzano, before he was captured again by Zola/Hydra.

The Fall. Bucky shouldn’t have survived the fall from the train in the Alps. He watched as Steve tried to save him and failed, and he was cognizant as he fell to his presumed death and as he was then captured.

Disability. As established in flashback scenes, Bucky was conscious when he fell from the train and as he was being pulled through the snow by his captors (who he may have assumed were saviors at that point, double ouch). He woke up to his arm being removed and replaced. This kind of permanent change to his body would be difficult enough to work through in a peaceful recovery environment. We know that Bucky didn’t get that luxury.

Hydra/The Winter Soldier decades. The cryochamber. Being strapped to a table and experimented on. The chair. Having no control over your own mind or body. Being forced to murder; being trapped in a continuous war. This torture lasted for 70 years.

Civil War. Free from Hydra, Bucky is trying to live the good life, keep his head down, and stay out of trouble. Then boom, he’s blamed for a bombing that kills how many people? And he’s right in the middle of Tony and Steve’s fallout? Oh, and he loses his arm, again? And then he willingly goes back into cryofreeze? Ok. That’s like 16 traumatic events in the space of 24-48 hours, also known as Bucky Barnes and the No Good Very Bad Day.

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 1. Just as Bucky gets to the point where he’s living the good live and recovering from the trauma that has been pretty much his entire life, Thanos shows up, and Bucky is off to another battlefield. Then, he dies. Sort of. Again. How many times is this now?

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 2. Bucky gets unsnapped and has approximately two seconds of “yay!” before he is again fighting on a battlefield for his life and the lives of those he cares about and oh, for the entire world.

A common thread here is that all of these traumatic experiences included a near brush with death or a near constant threat to his person. We don’t even really know the extent of the trauma Bucky endured when he was captured by Hydra. Regardless, I just listed eight different traumatic events that Bucky has experienced or witnessed. I think, yes, it’s safe to say that poor Bucky has PTSD, big-time.

So, is Bucky Barnes damaged?

No. Bucky Barnes is an individual who have survived more than his fair share of traumatic events, and as such, his brain has had to compensate for how he thinks, processes, and responds to stimuli. He does, at one point, suffer from literal brain damage from the chair, but we are shown in Black Panther that Shuri has healed the physical damage to his brain.

If Bucky experienced permanent damage from his trauma, he would be incapable of living his life. Literally. If he suffered from PTSD and did not actively try to take measures to cope with it, he would not be able to function; his brain wouldn’t let him. (In my opinion, he still would not be “damaged” because people with mental health issues are still people who deserve respect and shouldn’t be talked about like feral animals, but hey, moving past ableist language is apparently too much to ask and I digress).

Anyways, my point is that Bucky is not only aware of his condition, but actively takes steps to treat it, therefore, he cannot be of a damaged mind. And I’m gonna prove it.

Bucky Barnes: PTSD Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Bucky exhibits both positive and negative coping strategies throughout the films as his journey to recovery progresses, sometimes back to back, which is a great, realistic choice, because it shows that recovery is not linear.

Avoidance

Avoidance occurs when a person avoids thoughts or feelings about a traumatic event; it can interfere with emotional recovery and healing and is a common reaction to trauma.

The first step in treating any illness is recognizing the need for treatment. In Captain America: The First Avenger we see Bucky actively avoid recognizing his trauma after being rescued from Azzano. He’s putting on a strong face in the name of avoidance (“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”) but he’s also suffering.

Source: https://cogentranting.tumblr.com/post/174225812218/comic-bucky-phdna-bluandorange-edgebug

There’s an additional scene in this film that, while played for laughs and parallels between Bucky and Steve, has always meant more to me. When the Howlies are all gathered in a bar, drinking, laughing, and having a good time, Bucky is by himself in the back room (avoiding friends) where it’s quiet (avoiding loud disturbances that could rock him) and he can keep an eye on his surroundings (being overly alert). His uniform is disheveled and he’s lost that cocky Sergeant Barnes signature look. When Peggy walks in and completely ignores him, this is Bucky’s reaction:

Source: https://steviebarnes.tumblr.com/post/181821865007/steve-little-shit-rogers

I don’t think Bucky was exaggerating here. Everything he’s been through lately is a horrible dream. We don’t talk about this scene enough in terms of how it shows Bucky’s vulnerability; it’s really the first hint we have that Bucky has lost a part of himself during this war.

Engaging in Dangerous Behavior/Overworking

In Captain America: The First Avenger, we witness Bucky deploying a negative coping strategy for the first time: over dedication to his work that suggests he’s overcompensating as a way of avoiding thinking about his trauma. Engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior also is a symptom of PTSD. Bucky continuously experiences new stressful situations, which ultimately will extend his healing time. For example, he willingly goes on a mission to capture Zola, the man who strapped him to a lab table and pumped him full of knock-off super soldier serum. Seeing the doctor again would be enough to trigger Bucky into an episode but he goes anyways because his dedication to the mission is more important to him than his mental stability.

Source: https://n-barnes.tumblr.com/post/170542194046/bucky-with-the-guns

Now, this is still an active war zone. The necessity of the Howling Commando missions to win the war means that Bucky doesn’t really have time to process what’s happened to him; he’s incapable of coping in a healthy way at this point and charging forward, continuing to work, is the only way he knows how to survive.

Bucky has a bad habit of not avoiding his triggers when he feels the mission is more important than his mental health. A common theme throughout every film is that Bucky is put into one dangerous situation right after another, usually immediately following a five minute breather.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, we see glimpses of Bucky Winter being pulled in and out of cryofreeze, placed on mission after mission. The one time we begin to see that there’s more to Winter than they’d have us believe is when Bucky’s memories surface for a hot minute in the bank vault. He has about 30 seconds of downtime where he’s aware and then…wipe him. Back on the mission to kill Captain America. Everything about his time as the Winter Soldier was dangerous; it’s not like Hydra really cared about his physical or mental health. All those years of trauma and overworking probably crashed down on Bucky, hard, the moment he was in control of his own mind again and able to rest. And his brain was in physical shambles on top of it. Poor Bucky.

Source: https://mishasteaparty.tumblr.com/post/93678343244/prep-him

Similarly, in Captain America: Civil War, we get this amazing scene:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

And another in Avengers: Infinity War:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

Once again, Bucky keeps getting thrown back into the middle of a fight when he needs to be resting. This is a very, very bad idea. Super bad. Could really fuck with Bucky’s mental health permanently, bad. This is pretty much the definition of overworking to a detrimental degree.

But what I really love about his reactions in both of these scenes is that he knows exactly how poor of an idea it is. He knows continuing to fight isn’t good for him and he’s exhausted. He goes willingly anyways, but he has this amazing control over himself at this point. Every single fight could have Bucky experiencing an episode and losing himself to the trauma; he doesn’t. (To be fair, I think this is what the Russos were hinting at but they could have worded it so much better). Bucky could have walked away. He could have surrendered in Bucharest, he could have hidden in Wakanda. He fought anyways.

This shows just how complex Bucky’s PTSD really is and how well he’s coping with it: he’s engaging in dangerous behaviors which could trigger him, but he’s doing so with awareness and self-actualization. He’s got a handle on himself. These coping behaviors directly contradict the Russos’ statement that you “don’t want to give another weapon to that guy, it could end up being used the wrong way.” With the exception of being literally triggered with the Winter Soldier code words (which are no longer a threat because good job, Shuri), Bucky fights the good fight every single time. He doesn’t go rogue. He doesn’t lose himself.

Yeah, if that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what further proof I can provide, because he does this in literally every single film.

Active Coping

Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma on your life, taking direct action to improve things, and creating habits that help you respond to everyday life in a positive manner. Avoiding triggers - people, places, anniversaries, or other reminders of the traumatic event - can be a healthy coping strategy.

The first time we see Bucky take a step toward positive active coping is in Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

Source: https://thatpleasantnightmare.tumblr.com/post/147118407198

Bucky just escaped being a prisoner, was injured in a gruesome fight with his best friend, and is now on the run. What’s one of the first things he does? Research. More than that, in this scene, Bucky is clean, in civilian clothing of his choosing, and appears to have treated his injuries from the fight on the carriers. His eyes are clear and although he is in a public (read: dangerous) setting, he’s aware of his surroundings, has a calm grip on reality, and is processing information. This is Bucky taking the first step to actively reclaiming his identity. This is when we see him begin to heal and he’s doing it on his own. He’s on step one of learning to actively cope: accepting the impact of the trauma on your life.

Bucky continues to exhibit positive coping strategies on his own as time moves forward, as we see in Captain America: Civil War. By the time we meet up with Bucky in Romania, he’s already taken direct action to improve his situation. When we first see Bucky, he’s at a local market, smiling and engaging in conversation with a vendor while he buys produce. He looks good; is physically fit, is practicing hygiene, and is in clean clothes that protect his identity.

Source: https://buckybgrnes.tumblr.com/post/174829011372

I love this scene and specifically the way Sebastian played it, because we see Bucky exhibit positive and negative coping strategies nearly back to back. As he’s trying for normal, he’s also hyper aware of his surroundings, unwilling to let his guard down. He’s scanning for anything that could trigger him or endanger his health, but he is aware. Staying alert and on guard is a classic symptom of PTSD.

Source: https://kittyseb.tumblr.com/post/144559460240/this-whole-scene-of-bucky-on-the-streets-of

However, we have to understand that Bucky’s situation requires this sort of hyper vigilance. He’s a wanted man, both by Hydra and the CIA, and he’s actively being hunted. So although Bucky is displaying a classic symptom of PTSD, what we see here is him deploying a positive strategy for coping. By staying aware to his surroundings, he’s protecting himself. This is opposite to the kind of harmful behavior we should expect from him at this point in his recovery. He’s by himself, without any support, and has to look over his shoulder every block to make sure that he’s safe. Extreme hyper vigilance would show being Bucky afraid to leave his apartment altogether. Again, while he is suffering and displaying symptoms of active post traumatic stress, he’s also actively coping by taking direct action to improve his circumstances and creating habits that improve his daily life.

Through the entirety of the Romania scene in Captain America: Civil War, we catch glimpses of other healthy habits and positive coping strategies Bucky has developed.

Practicing Mindfulness

One really great blink-and-you-miss-it detail from the film is the existence of Bucky’s journals. As Steve goes through Bucky’s stuff (really, Steve?), you see him pick up a journal from the top of Bucky’s fridge. Inside are notes, memories, and references, categorized and marked by tabs. This is one of my favorite examples of Bucky using another strategy for coping with PTSD: mindfulness.

Source: a shitty screenshot I took from the movie.

Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Mindfulness may help people get back in touch with the present moment, as well as reduce the extent with which they feel controlled by unpleasant thoughts and memories.

This is an extremely positive practice for Bucky, because at this point in the films, he’s still suffering from brain damage and memory loss. We see several examples of Bucky shaking his head, blinking, and losing himself to possible memories throughout the films. Journaling, as a way to capture those memories, categorize them, and begin rebuilding a timeline of his life, can help Bucky identify his triggers, work through episodes, and ultimately distinguish between past memories and the present, enabling him to regain control of his mind.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

When Bucky appears on screen, we see that he’s physically fit and obviously taking care of himself. We can assume that during his time as the Winter Soldier, Hydra kept Bucky in peak physical condition in order to succeed in every mission. Whether that was through training, supplements, drugs, the super soldier serum, etc., we don’t know. We don’t see Bucky continuing this training, but we do see the results of it. He’s capable of fighting, obviously maintaining his strength, and he’s able to run away.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

We also witness Bucky making healthy choices in terms of food. He’s got energy/protein bars in his apartment, snacks readily available, pots and pans which would imply he has been cooking, and even a thermos to keep himself hydrated. He’s doing his best to maintain his physical health, which in and of itself is a very positive coping method. He could be depressed, lost in his own mind, never getting out of bed. But Bucky wants to survive, he wants to be better, and so he takes care of himself. This is a good thing.

If you haven’t seen it, please read this post about Bucky’s apartment, because it hits on so many great points about how Bucky is taking care of himself.

Recognizing and Avoiding Triggers

Now for as many positive steps Bucky has taken to actively cope with having PTSD, he’s got awful luck when it comes to avoiding his triggers. It’s two steps forward, one step back, every time.

At the beginning of Captain America: Civil War, Bucky is trying his damndest to avoid being caught. But stupid Zemo has other plans.

Look, it’s hard for me to describe what happens next in the film. The way that Sebastian played these scenes will never not give me chills. We get an up close and personal view of Bucky’s PTSD in ways we’ve only caught glimpses of up until now; I don’t know what Sebastian researched in order to create this performance, but it is so spot on that it’s difficult to watch. I wish he got more credit for his acting and it’s a damn waste that he only had 30 seconds of screen time in subsequent movies. *sigh*

Anyways...

We see the acceptance and the fear in Bucky’s eyes as the CIA takes him into custody. He’s maintaining his composure, more than he should be capable of doing at this point, and he’s also letting himself slip into a safe zone (“I don’t want to talk about it.”). Until Zemo begins reading the trigger words.

Source: https://cvssian.tumblr.com/

Good grief, y’all. Look at him struggling. Bucky literally tried to fight his way out of being triggered, but he failed. Every fear he’s had for the past several years is happening. He’s losing control of his mind, of everything he’s worked so hard for up to this point. I don’t want to look too far into this as a commentary on Bucky’s character, because I don’t think the writers meant for it to be the deep - it serves more as a plot point to get us to the war part of Civil War - but if you stop and examine it for just a second, this scene is an absolute outrage. I can’t believe this happened to Bucky’s mind. They turned him into a weapon, again. They stripped him of years of hard work and recovery.

Source: https://brolinjosh.tumblr.com/

Thankfully - thankfully - one quick hit to the head later, and Bucky’s back. Not only is he aware of his surroundings, he’s cognizant enough to try playing dumb to Sam and Steve at first. I like the conversation that takes place between Bucky and Steve here, because Bucky was smart enough to give Steve exactly what he needed to hear to prove that Bucky was no longer a threat. We don’t talk about Bucky’s raw intelligence enough, likely because we’re always talking about his grief, and this scene gives us one of the rare moments in the film where we get to witness Bucky strategizing. He was just triggered, his brain is mush, he just lost control of himself, and then immediately after, he’s back on mission. We’re back to avoidance/no time to process. Bucky tucks being triggered as Winter into his back pocket to be dealt with on another day.

Remember how I said Bucky keeps getting thrown into fights, one after another? Guess what.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

There are a lot of significant, interesting parallels happening between Captain America: The First Avenger and Captain America: Civil War. The plot goes like this: Bucky was captured and actively tortured; Steve rescued him; they have no time to discuss what’s just happened and deal with it; and then Bucky is forced into another fight before he’s ready.

We can draw a lot of comparisons between the Howlies and Team Cap here and I wish that they had made the effort to explore this more in the film. This is the first time Bucky and Steve are fighting on the same team again since the war. Bucky is following Steve’s lead, even though he doesn’t know the people he’s fighting with/against, and he’s doing it because it’s for the greater good. They have to stop the other winter soldiers; the mission always comes first.

The biggest difference between the two films - and Bucky’s current state of mind - is that in The First Avenger, Bucky was actively avoiding recognizing his trauma after very similar events occurred, and in Civil War, not only does Bucky acknowledge what happened to him, we get this very poignant scene that’s both beautiful and devastating:

Source: https://bifelicitys.tumblr.com/post/182734674220/what-you-did-all-those-years-it-wasnt-you-you

This is a healthy outlook of acceptance and Bucky arrived there with nearly no outside assistance up to this point. This man has been through hell and back in the past 24 hours, on top of a hundred years of tragedy, and instead of breaking down as any reasonable person would, he fights. He has a long way to go in his recovery, but look how far he’s gotten on his own. And this is before Shuri’s help. Bucky’s willpower, tenacity, and depth of character never ceases to amaze me.

This is especially true with what happens next. You know how I said Bucky has awful luck in avoiding his triggers? Well...does walking back into the base of your own free volition where you were held prisoner and tortured for decades, count as maybe, oh I dunno, an event that should be avoided at all costs?

I’m being sarcastic but the depth of this moment shouldn’t be overlooked. Bucky going back to Siberia after everything he’s been through is a huge step backwards for his recovery. Siberia is crawling with triggers, from the threat of the other soldiers, to the cryo chambers, to the chair that wiped his memories and turned him into the Winter Soldier. The amount of bravery it took for Bucky Barnes to walk back into this place can’t be measured. He’s looking his history dead in the eyes with a shaky finger on a trigger and the fact that he doesn’t crack is astounding.

But then...this happens.

Source: https://tonystark.co/post/165333715841/buckys-facial-expressions-as-tonys-watches-the

I can barely stand to watch this because we are seeing Bucky actively having a PTSD episode. As the tape plays, Bucky is dissociating; he’s not there in the room with Steve and Tony, he’s back on the country road where he killed the Starks. The fear and the tears in his eyes, the recognition of what’s playing on the tape, and the knowledge of what’s about to happen are too much. His reaction here shows that he’s barely in control. He immediately responds to Tony lunging at him by raising his gun, an instinctive response, only to lower his weapon seconds later because of the acceptance of what he’s done. This is brutal and heartbreaking and very real.

It gets worse.

Source: https://itsawkwardfanboi.tumblr.com/post/176703555531/breaks-my-heart-seeing-him-about-to-pass-out

Bucky snapped in desperation and we witness him lose control in his battle with PTSD. It is very common for fight or flight to kick in under extreme circumstances and pressure; Bucky tried to escape, to avoid this outcome, but he couldn’t. The only thing he had left was to fight. We see Bucky lose control, not as Tony is threatening him, but because Steve is threatened. Bucky was fighting Tony, not to harm him, but to stop him, and not to protect himself, but to protect Steve. It’s an entirely different fighting style than Winter; it’s meant to disarm, not to destroy. Even though Bucky just experienced multiple triggers and traumatic events in a short timeframe, even though he is smack dab right in the middle of a traumatic episode, he still only wants to stop the fight, not kill. This is another example of how the Russos’ comments were unfair and incorrect. Bucky doesn’t go on murderous rampages; he tries to do what’s right. And what happens to him because of it?

He loses. Every single time.

Source: https://marvelworlduniverse.tumblr.com/post/172306346232

I will never forgive the writers for making Bucky lose his arm twice. Bucky has a real disability and it has always bothered me that his arm is only ever discussed as a weapon. The trauma from losing his arm the first time was never properly dealt with and here we are again, recycling that awful, painful, horrible plot point. There comes a certain point where you’ve hurt the characters enough and it does nothing for their character development. The grief, pain, and acceptance we see in Bucky’s eyes as he’s lying there wrecks me. He didn’t need to experience this. He’s been through enough. I don’t know how he’s still physically alive or not mentally lost without hope of recovery. But he is. He gets back up. And you know what he does next?

He asks for help.

Asking for Support

An important part of recovery is having a team of people around you to support you when times are tough. It is amazing to me that Bucky got as far as he did in his recovery, finding positive coping strategies and habits on his own while on the run.

Source: https://juliastiles.tumblr.com/post/178049225734/captain-america-civil-war-2016-dir-anthony

The acknowledgement of Bucky’s trauma in this scene was poignant and bittersweet and I’m very glad they included it, although I feel Steve here. It was sad to see Bucky go back into cryo, but it was necessary until the triggers could be safely removed.

And they were. This is my biggest issue with what the Russos said - they seemed to have either forgotten or refused to acknowledge what happened in Black Panther, when Shuri successfully removed the triggers and healed Bucky’s brain damage (cough, I know which one I’m placing my bets on, cough). We don’t disrespect Shuri like that in this house.

Source: http://stevechoosesbucky.tumblr.com/post/173521604559

From this point forward, Bucky’s brain is no longer damaged. He is no longer experiencing memory loss, nor is he capable of being triggered into Winter Soldier mode. Yes, he still has PTSD. Yes, he will need to continue to work on his recovery, just like Steve, just like Sam. And he does.

Speaking of Sam, this tidbit from Avengers: Endgame is really satisfying.

Source: https://paper-storm.tumblr.com/post/184537376766/can-we-talk-for-a-second-about-how-bucky-was-a

This moment is important because it shows that 1) Bucky is still very vulnerable and dealing with a lot of grief; the last time he saw Tony wasn’t exactly on the best of terms and now Bucky can never make up for what he did, and 2) Sam is an invaluable person to have at your side and a very, very good friend.

It’s hard to tell where we will go from here in the series/the next round of films, but I have a suggestion for a direction: get Bucky back to his positive coping strategies. Such as...

Spending Time Outdoors/With Animals

Before the battle in Avengers: Infinity War, we catch up with Bucky doing something seemingly very out of character: farming. Look, my blog name is Bucky the Farmer, it should tell you all you need to know about how much this tickled me when I first saw it. But upon further reflection, I realized how important this activity actually is.

Source: https://steverogersnotebook.tumblr.com/post/179505503935/bucky-in-wakanda-initial-recovery-vs-settled

It’s been shown that spending time in nature and around animals can have positive soothing effects on people who are recovering from trauma. Have you ever gone on a nice walk after a bad day to calm your mind, or spent a few minutes petting a dog? Do you exercise as a form of stress relief? It’s the same thing.

But what we’re also seeing here is Bucky taking responsibility for living beings beyond himself. He’s also interacting with children, an innocent and safe way to re-socialize himself. At this point, Bucky is past the stages of recovery where he needs to avoid, acknowledge, or actively cope with his trauma. He’s healing. He’s moving forward and learning how to live again, not just surviving day by day.

What happens next?

Prior to The Snapture, Bucky’s life was in Wakanda. Avengers: Endgame left quite a few stones unturned when it comes to Bucky’s future; we know that he’s in New York, that he won’t carry the shield, and seemingly, he and Sam are friends. He might hang out with Old Steve every now and again, visit his home in Brooklyn, or get a few goats. Maybe he’ll go back to Wakanda. Maybe he’ll be a part of the Avengers. We don’t know what Bucky will do next.

Regardless as to what happens, Bucky is in a good place. He’s experienced loads of trauma, but the physical and mental effects have been treated. His brain is not damaged and he’s continuing to recover. And when he’s ready, which I believe will be sooner than we think, he’s going to kick utter ass.

Bucky is still one of the most badass characters to ever be created; he’s efficiently deadly, a skilled fighter, the world’s best assassin. Those skills haven’t disappeared because he’s now in control of himself (and, some of those skills he had before he was the Winter Soldier; they were what made him a prime candidate in the first place. Remember, the Winter Soldier was supposed to be an equal foe to Captain America).

But he’s also so much more. Bucky has chosen to be morally good. A man who knows he can be the deadliest person in the room but chooses not to be is powerful. Is this not a direct callback to Erskine’s conversation with Steve in The First Avenger? Remember, Captain America is not a perfect soldier. He is a good man.

Bucky Barnes is a good man, no matter what trauma he’s experienced. So is Sam Wilson.

I absolutely believe it was the right choice for Sam to take up the shield at this moment in time. Let’s just get that out of the way, no Sam hate here. But I have a problem with the idea that Bucky couldn’t take up the shield because “he’s damaged” and that’s why it went to Sam instead. The Russos’ statements were insulting to both characters. Sam didn’t get the shield because Bucky wasn’t ready to carry it; Sam got the shield because it was right and he earned it. Sam deserves to be Cap just as much as Bucky deserves to take a damn nap. They don’t need to knock Bucky down in order to lift Sam up. It was a deliberate choice of words and it was wrong.

On some level, I understand what the writers and directors were trying to say: Bucky simply isn’t ready. And yet, they continue to speak about Bucky as if he’s weak, a villain, and permanently broken; I don’t think they can truly grasp how much of a complex and compelling character he really is. They had years to prepare a wise, thoughtful answer to the question of Bucky’s future and instead, they spouted off some ableist bullshit. They could take this character that embodies so much of what’s good and evil, right and wrong, fearful and hopeful, and use him to speak to hundreds if not thousands of individuals about the importance of never giving up and letting yourself find peace. They do this perfectly with Steve (“I can do this all day”) and Sam (“Are you going to carry it in a big suitcase or little man-purse?”) but why not with Bucky?

We just don’t know. But Bucky Barnes surely deserves better.

Source: https://captain-flint.tumblr.com/post/184564356218/bucky-barnes-in-avengers-endgame-looking-like-a

Recovering from trauma is an ongoing, nonlinear process. All Marvel characters have gone through some form of traumatic events and recovery. Bucky has experienced more than his fair share, but he will always survive, because that’s what he does. Now, he has the opportunity to thrive, if only the writers and directors will let him.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/index.asp

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/selfhelp_coping.asp

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm/

#bucky barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes deserves better #avengers: endgame #russo brothers #anti-endgame #bucky meta #the unknown future of james buchanan barnes #tw: ptsd #mod gets pissed and writes an essay #and other coping strategies

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phalloplastyaustralia · 5 years ago

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8.5 weeks post op

Check up today with Gooseman at 8.5 weeks post-op RFF phalloplasty. He was super impressed with how my arm is healing. Everything else is healing well for the most part, besides a few little things. The scar on the underside of my penis has been pretty tight, particularly towards the base. I’ve been aware of this for weeks and have been massaging it with vitamin e and using silicone gel on it, which he wants me to continue doing. He said that the scar around the actual base of my penis is tight as well, which I truly hadn’t given much thought to and assumed it was normal, but that’s because I only have my only experience to base it off, where as he has everyone elses to compare to. He said that the tightness is causing it all to ‘sit a bit high’, which I assume was in reference to my junk that still sits below my penis, including my existing penis. This means that when he pulls my penis up and towards my abdomen, it pulls a lot on my existing penis. This is uncomfortable, BUT it works in my favour when it comes to wanking - I can basically tug gently on my penis and it’s enough to achieve orgasm. At present I will usually alternate between this and stimulating my existing dick, but I do believe I could achieve orgasm by tugging only on my dick, but I’ve still been a bit too anxious to do this, purely due to not wanting to compromise any of the healing process/long-term aesthetic outcome.

My primary concern has been about narrowing at the base, which has consumed a lot of my time the last few weeks. It’s certainly not overly noticeable or significant, but when you’ve forked out as much as I have on a penis, you’ll nitpick the tiniest things. Goossen thinks that the tightening of the incision could be contributing to this, but did acknowledge that I am “less full” and “a bit flatter” at the base, but he’s not concerned about it. Classic. He said that once everything is sitting properly (with implants), as well as when erect, it won’t be an issue. He also mentioned something about the tightness at the base contributing to this? But I don’t remember the specifics.

He appeared very impressed with where my sensation is at. I had convinced myself that I read somewhere that left donor would result in more sensitivity on the right side, and vice versa. Then I was told that the hook up is done on the left and that I would likely experience more sensation on the left. I asked him about this today (whether the hook up was down on the left) and he didn’t confirm/deny this and explained how they try to hook as many nerves up, etc. and basically that there’s no rule of thumb for where you will or won’t experience certain sensations. He said that typically people will experience one side with more erotic than the other and more tactile on another side.

At present, I have extremely strong sensation on the right hand side, slightly less strong sensation down the left, about 1.5-2inches along the incision on the underside up from the base at a lesser intensity, and then fairly dull (by dull, I mean I need to apply significantly more pressure to feel the sensation and it’s not as intense) along the top of my penis until about half an inch of so from the tip, where I feel nothing. Along the right side, all I have to do is run my finger very lightly down the shaft to feel this. Along the left snd on the underside I have to apply slightly more pressure. On the top, I’ve experienced the sensation for a few weeks if I flick it, but within the last week I am starting to feel it more if I rub my finger rapidly on it with a little nit of pressure. This is all displaced sensation, which I feel in my existing penis. At present it’s not a pleasant, good, sexy time feeling, but will be once it settles. Currently it feels like someone is stabbing a pin into the head of my existing penis (which iis great if that’s your thing, but I find it unpleasant. However I always do it, as it’s nice being able to make that connection between my penis and my brain and feeling it as something that exists as a part of my body). At present, I have no tactile sensation. However due to the intensity of the sensation I do have, I am very aware if something hits my penis.

At this stage, I’m booked for February 6th 2020 for stage 2. I had the option of November 21st, but with how close it is to Christmas and the closure period for Goossen and his staff, I chose to push it back. If I were to experience and issues with the hookup, I would go home with an SPC over Christmas until he returns. And as ridiculous as it might sound to some, I really wanna be able to swim over the summer. This also gives me some additional time to recover from stage 1 and for any issues with the scar tightness to settle as much as possible. As well as get back in shape after my stage 1 sedentary life and subsequent weight gain, and save a bit of extra money. As much as I want stage 2 as soon as possible, I think that this is the most sensible thing to do for numerous reasons. I figure that I’ve waited this long, I’m sure I can wait an extra 2 months.

I’m back up to see him again at the end of September to check on everything again, and I presume I’ll head back up again early 2020 to check everything before we go ahead with stage 2.

I am also allowed to run now, provided that everything is “packed firmly” and “well supported”.

I have a little ‘bobble’ sorta thing at the end of one of the incisions on my butt, which has been rather tender and painful. Goossen said it could be a stitch or scar tissue, and if it doesn’t resolve itself by the time I have stage 2, he will revise it. Butt is still tender when seated for long periods and/or bad seating. Still some tightness in the backs of my legs, but nothing that is too bothersome.

My arm is hopefully on the homestretch. I’m still dressing it with MepitelOne, and will continue to do so until I’m fully healed and can switch to silicone sheets. The few little problem areas look like they have improved since Thursday when the dressings were last changed. Fingers crossed that when I go back to the hand therapist next week, I’ll either be healed enough to go dressing free, or very close to it. I try to touch it quite regularly over the top of the dressings (rubbing, patting, scratching, etc. to adjust to the sensation).

As a bit of a related sidebar, I kinda wanted to touch on the arm and the scarring, etc. The significance of the arm graft was something that I had a really hard time swallowing when I first looked at RFF a good decade or so ago. Despite being a weird body part to like, my forearms are probably the only part of my body I do like, and the thought of altering one of them so drastically always terrified me. Because most of the information about RFF has typically been out of the states, I had no idea that the donor site would be replaced with a full thickness from the butt until my consult (why the states haven’t caught up yet is beyond me, truly). Despite already having made the decision to have RFF, this was a game changer for me. And honestly, if I didn’t have tattoos that were compromised when the flap was lifted that make it very obvious that my arm has undergone a major surgical procedure, I don’t think the end result would bother me much at all. It sits SO FLUSH that once my wrist swelling goes down, it will be totally seamless. I know that the conspicuous scarring is a huge deterrent for a lot of people, and I very much understand that, but I think it’s important that people understand that what you see online from guys in the states is NOT what your arm will look like if you have surgery with Goossen. I’m not here to shame or make comments about peoples choices to pursue ALT, abdominal, meta or any other alternative procedure, but I think it’s important that people aren’t scared off by misinformation. This is not to say that guys who have had RFF in the states have lesser or subpar results as due to the use of the split thickness.

TLDR; healing well, few super minor relatively non-issue things that will hopefully sort themselves out, arm looks great, sensation is great, Dr Goossen is the love of my life, shoutout to the under appreciated but equally amazing and skilled Dr Ingram, life with a (bigger) penis is wild and worth every cent, stage 2 booked for Feb 6th 2020, don’t take everything you see on the internet as bible. Gravy.

#australia #phalloplasty #brisbane #dr goossen #ftm #lower surgery #forearm phalloplasty #dr hans goossen #bottom surgery #trans #phallo

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trippyl0ngstocking · 6 years ago

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@euphemesia was kind enough to link me some Renly Baratheon meta, and I am choosing to reciprocate by commenting on their links. I always enjoy sinking my teeth into some ASOIAF meta. First up is this one: https://zaldrizer-sovesi.tumblr.com/post/124948396552/renly-and-the-sieges-of-storms-end

By @zaldrizer-sovesi

This post discusses how Renly’s childhood, and in particular the siege of Storm’s End led him to make the decisions he makes in the series proper. This is good work. Excellent work, in fact. I highly recommend it. So this isn’t a critique or rebuttal(I think it’s a sound analysis; there’s nothing in it I would dispute), just a few rambling comments.

The observation that Renly was someone who “always the world as a fundamentally insecure place” due to the uncertainty of his childhood is a good one. It actually reminds me a bit of Theon, another character who had an uncertain childhood devoid of unconditional love, and who had a desperate hunger for acclaim. Theon(pre-ADWD Theon, I mean) was someone who never had a fully developed, authentic identity. Throughout ACOK, we see him shift between so many identities, trying to be different things(Robb’s trusty right-hand man, prodigal son of the Iron Isles, tough Ironborn Raider, “Prince of Winterfell”, & he even briefly embraces the role of “Theon Turncloak” when he feels it is the only role available). We don’t get an intimate window into Renly, but I wonder if Renly too struggled with a lack of a sense of authentic identity.

In a recent debate, it was suggested to me that if Renly were really as ruthless and self-serving as all that, he would have taken Stannis’s offer(presumably his offer in Catelyn III ACOK to make Renly his heir if Renly bent the knee), and then have Stannis killed later. I pointed out that by this time, Renly has already cast his die. He has by this point assembled a massive army, and crowned himself. He can just have Stannis killed in the battle. I also suggested that hubris would have made that a rather unpalatable option for Renly(having to renounce his crown even temporarily, and bow and scrape and pretend to suck up to Stannis).

Well, @zaldrizer-sovesi discusses a similar counterfactual. Theirs’ is a much more plausible version of the same general idea. Rather, that Renly could have just bowed to Stannis in the first place(like, late AGOT-early ACOK timeframe I presume), help Stannis capture the throne, and then have Stannis killed in a “tragic accident” so that Renly can inherit(This is much more plausible than the counterfactual I debated since by the time Renly meets with Stannis in ACOK, he has already crowned himself, and assembled a huge army of supporters that far outnumbers Stannis’s. If he was going to play the long game of bending the knee to Stannis, he would have already done so by this point. At that point in the game it’s far simpler to just make sure Stannis dies in the battle. That was part of Renly’s plan, a plan that was succeeding excellently at that point. So why change it?). In any case, I suggested “hubris” as a contributing factor to such options being unappealing to Renly. But I think this piece more precisely identifies the trait as the *desire for acclaim*. It isn’t incorrect to say Renly has hubris, but “desire for acclaim” is more specific and to the point. I think the author of the piece makes a good case that it would have been a better scheme for Renly to support Stannis, and then quietly have him assassinated once he gains the throne, and furthermore that Renly doesn’t go with this option because of his basic drive for acclaim. And that “it’s more likely that Renly cares more about being seen winning than he actually does in having power and using it for something”. This is something that I strongly agree with.

As far as people giving Renly too much credit as an effective schemer, I think it is a good point(and I have discussed Renly’s political skills in the past, so I think I’m safe from being accused of giving him too little credit in that department). I will note that people in the fandom sometimes give various political schemers besides Renly too much credit in the same way. Littlefinger and Tywin especially. There are brilliantly clever political schemers in ASOIAF, but GRRM took care to give them weaknesses and blind spots based on their personality flaws(LF’s sociopathy can manifest itself in him taking unnecessary risks and behaving recklessly. Tywin’s extreme pride can lead him to overreact, or act far outside the bounds of proportionate response, for example his reaction to Tyrion’s kidnapping). Doran Martell doesn’t seem to get overrated by the fandom as much IME(except for believers in the “Great Dornish Conspiracy” theories), but he is also a good example in that his cautious nature and tendency to procrastinate action lead to his schemes being as overripe as his blood oranges. My point being that zaldrizer-sovesi’s reading of Renly’s flaws fit right in with the pattern of all the clever political schemers in ASOIAF having major blind spots, and despite being clever, aren’t always rational actors.

Lastly, zaldrizer-sovesi says that

“Instead, [Renly] works hard against his own interests in fighting Stannis and joining up with the Tyrells. Letting go of a grudge is one thing, but Renly’s reliance on Mace Tyrell is something else entirely. There’s something there, with Renly moving against Stannis with the backing of the man who did that to them. Did he, somewhere in his little kid brain, blame Stannis for his refusal to surrender to Mace? Was it about taking ownership of the experience by using Mace in what he sees as an imitation of Robert’s Rebellion, or winning Mace’s favorite child away from him? “

As I was digging through A Search of Ice and Fire looking for quotes for my recent debates about Renly, I noticed a little detail from AGOT that I hadn’t caught before. When Ned talks to Tobho Mott, Mott brags about a suit of armor he just had made for Renly. It’s green enamel with golden antlers on the helm. Of course, I remembered that Catelyn observes Renly wearing the Baratheon sigil in the colors of House Tyrell during her stint as envoy in ACOK. A potent bit of symbolism that is no doubt intentional on the part of the ever-image-conscious Renly. But he was actually wearing the Tyrell colors far earlier than I realized. That quote was from relatively early in AGOT. It struck me as a fascinating little detail, but I wasn’t sure what to make of it, except that obviously Renly was deep in the pockets of the Tyrells even in early AGOT. But, really, why is Renly wearing Tyrell colors, either in AGOT or ACOK? I think it signals to the reader how dependent Renly is on the Tyrells. But this does not seem to be a common thing in Westeros. Like, I doubt Robert wore the Lannister colors. But if we take the ball of zaldrizer-sovesi’s analysis and run with it, perhaps Renly’s wearing of the Tyrell colors is a manifestation of his desire to indentify with the Tyrells. His formative experience in the Siege Of Storm’s End was the uncertainty, instability, deprivation, and the lack of unconditional love that characterized Renly’s childhood generally(while I am quite certain that Stannis really did love Renly, Stannis is a deeply unwell person who is almost incapable of showing affection), and on the enemy side, just outside the walls of Storm’s End Mace Tyrell held feasts and parties in plain view. Perhaps this led Renly to identify with the enemy instead of the beseiged Baratheon forces, as a way of coping. Renly’s repeated wearing of the Tyrell colors may be an expression of Renly’s identification with the “enemy”, the Tyrells. You can even parallel this to Robert. Robert identified strongly with the Starks. Since he lost his own parents in such a traumatic and tragic way, it was less painful to ignore his own broken family and instead indentify with the Starks, a tight knit and loving family. I’ve even heard it suggested that Robert’s infatuation with Lyanna had more to do with what she *represented* -becoming a part of the Stark family and Ned’s brother by law, than what Lyanna actually *was*. This makes a very neat parallel with Renly. Robert and Renly both rejected their actual families and adopted “better” families that weren’t plagued by the tradegy and dysfunction that troubled House Baratheon. Stannis on the other hand, kept trying to win Robert’s affection and just became very salty and resentful when he failed.

#asoiaf meta #renly baratheon

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akatokuro · 6 years ago

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The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episodes 26-29

Leo Aiolia is... an angry person, you say? I never would have guessed!

- This whole Aiolia scene is REALLY interesting on a lot of levels and does a lot for his character.

- I love his whole immediate reaction to just hearing that there are deserters on the loose - Sanctuary is a brutal, awful place even without the recent setup of the Pope making things even worse. You are more than likely to get killed if you are a trainee there. It is more than understandable that people would want to escape. But Lia's response is "you fucking morons."

- Well, Lia probably has baggage about people trying to "escape Sancutary" to begin with, but...

- Lia is a decent guy, especially for a Saint, but he's determinedly and deliberately Lawful Neutral as fuck. He jumps in for the deserter babies situation, is clearly stern and unpleased, but then deliberately "softens" to urge the babies to go back. He's not going to be cruel about it, and he's more "merciful" than a lot of Saints would be, but he's also not going to let them go. His preference is resolving this without having to kill anyone, sure - but if it really comes down to it, he's going to uphold Sanctuary Law.

- And then, of course, Lia gets thoroughly disrespected and shittalked to his face by a bunch of Silver fuckwits. Lol at even the trainees calling him "Aiolia-san" vs "Algol-sama." Like, dude... yikes.

- Aiolia is even kind of weirdly meek when protesting, stammering and trailing off and all. You’d never guess this guy is a Gold Saint going from the dynamics in this scene, who could effortlessly squash everyone involved here like a fucking bug.

- And finally, Lia is clearly off-put by the blatant cruelty here, but does he actually do anything about it, whether it's against Algol and Shaina directly or the broader situation? Nah.

- yumetabibito, being the filthy Aiolia-lover she is, went ahead and checked, and this scene didn't exist in the manga, and Toei almost certainly wrote it before the reveal in the manga that Lia is a Gold Saint. It's hard to imagine that it would exist if they had known, because it revolves around Aiolia getting no fucking respect. Presumably, all they had to go off of was that Aiolia cameo from the first chapter, which they seem to have mostly gotten "likes Seiya and Marin?" from. So they’re vaguely trying to align him with them as sort of a sympathetic underdog in Sanctuary.

- But even so... they somehow stumbled into a really good and fitting scene that adds a lot to his character with future context in mind!

- yume and I have talked about, well, okay, Lia gets shit on and bullied for being a traitor's little brother - that's an important part of his characterization and his motives - but where does the hostility towards him really come from? He's clearly well-liked amongst the trainees and the regular soldiers. Among the Golds - okay, yeah, Milo, Deathmask, and Aphrodite would give him shit. (Goddammit, Milo.) But most of the rest of them either don't care or would be sympathetic.

- Getting his face spit on constantly by SILVERS, though, makes a lot of sense and would be even more rage-enducing than getting spit on by his actual peers. Because the Silvers obviously feel "safe". They know that Aiolia can't actually fight back or do anything without validating everything anyone has said about him and his relationship and his brother. He has to take it. And the fact that he just takes it leads to even less respect, with him being seen as a push-over while Aiolia quietly fantasizes about stomping on their broken arms.

- So in that way, it makes sense with the shitty crop of Silvers that around that jerking Leo Aiolia's chain is thought of as actually sort of a fun, twisted game. They get to taunt a fucking GOLD, a "traitor's brother" and wave their dicks around in his face and all the Gold can do is seethe powerlessly.

- tldr; Aiolia is very angry, has always been very angry, and even though it came together like this on accident - scenes like this give a lot of depth and context to that endless, boiling anger to the point that it is really, really fucking funny that it was almost certainly Toei writing out of ignorance of who Aiolia really was. How Aiolia is treated, and how he responds to the situation - both with the deserters themselves and with Algol and Shaina being assholes - says a lot about him.

- Meanwhile, as ridiculous as the [REDACTED] are, I can't help but find the weird sci-fi HQ Saori and the Bronzies have early on charming in a really corny way. I bet Saori really misses leading from this setup compared to that shitty little stone bed and curtain they throw at her when she's at Sanctuary, jesus.

- Man, there really is a lot more SeiShiryuu service than I remembered in these earlier eps. Will never be my ship, tbh - SeiSao is my One True Love - but lmao.

- for some reason saints on a plane always cracks me up no matter how many times i see it

- (note that once again we set up hyouga rushing in to help and then getting there too late to actually do anything. beautiful beautiful failswan)

- every time seiya whines about hitting girls i want there to be a flashback to this bit of him smashing shaina into the cliff face

- Oh for fuck's sake, the Steel fucking S--

- Wait, what was I thinking. What was I talking about. I have no idea. THANK YOU SAORI YOU ARE TRULY THE BEST.

- Shiryuu vs Algol is probably one of the more engaging fights in StS, Gold Saints aside. It's fun to see Shiryuu try to find a workaround to the shield and everything he tries blowing up in his face until he's cornered into jabbing his own eyes out. The sort of contrast between Shiryuu being the Bronzie who has the best chance at actually finding a normal life and a normal happiness with Shunrei, and Shiryuu being the one who keeps throwing himself into getting mauled like this, is probably the most compelling aspect of the character to me.

- One of the things that's also nice about Saint Seiya as a shounen is that it really feels like all of the Bronzies, not just Seiya, are equally crucial members of the team and get their own equally important fights. Like, Shiryuu legitimately gets to star here and save everyone because Seiya fucked it up. I used to like Rurouni Kenshin a lot, but I remember, like, yes - Sanosuke got his "big fight", but it was very much because Kenshin graciously "let" him because he could tell it was important to Sano or whatever. Or in Bleach, where the question of the others in Ichigo's group contributing during Soul Society is basically laughable. Neither really feels like the case in Saint Seiya.

- This is totally where CLAMP got their eye horror fetish from though isn't it. God I still can't believe Saint Seiya is directly responsible for the existence of CLAMP...

- Nothing to really say about the rest of the episode, but I do have to comment:

- Dude, what the FUCK.

- ANY of the Bronzies saying shit like this about Mitsumasa is grotesque, but fucking Ikki actually sort of makes my skin legit crawl. What the fuck, Toei. SOMEONE BRING BACK THE REAL IKKI PLEASE.

- Shunrei is such a good girl. She doesn't deserve this shit, man. What she honestly deserves is the privilege of getting to stab Dohko to death in his sleep--I mean, uh, what?

- THIS WAS COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY. WHO THE FUCK SHIPPED THIS ON THE ANIME STAFF I REALLY WANT TO KNOW

- In seriousness, HyoShun is really darling. I love how weirdly attentive Hyouga is to Shun all the time; it's a really charming recurring detail. I IMAGINE SHUN IS CHARMED BY IT TOO.

- Hyouga's good point is that, despite his bluster, he really is a sweet kid who is 100% sincere all the time. He acts tough but it's not like he's tsun or defensive about showing people - mostly Shun - compassion and concern either.

- lmao and then Ikki ditches these losers I like how after the HyoShun he instantly starts acting a million times more in-character. Did seeing the swan touch your little brother enrage you enough to expel the brainworms at last, Ikki...?

- Saori and Ikki are really good in this scene, though. I love everything about their quick exchange - Ikki being contemptuous and defiant of her, Saori answering without hesitation "HELL YES DO WHAT I SAY" when he asks if she's ordering him around. Both in how cool Saori is, but also her frankly falling back onto really bad habits dealing with the Bronzies when she's sort of panicking and doesn't know what to do. I love the scene of her lamenting about how she couldn't stop Ikki and obviously feeling like a fuckup by herself later, too. I really do appreciate that there is attention given to the arc of Saori learning to be a leader.

- I love Sanctuary openly referring to Saori as their leader, even without knowing she’s Athena, too. Damn right she is!

- Though I do still really think Saori should have been more involved in confronting Ikki when he was still extremely (justifiably) buttmad about everything. The idea of those two having a weird, special understanding about what Saori has to answer for would have been really cool...

- AND THEN SAORI GETS KIDNAPPED BY CROWS. YOU KNOW WE'RE BACK IN CANON, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF EVIL NEFARIOUS BUGS, WE HAVE EVIL NEFARIOUS BIRDS!

- Next time: THE SEISAO APOCALYPSE, MOTHERFUCKERS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS: THE DESTRUCTION OF SEIYA’S BRAIN

#rewatching sts #aquarius camus did nothing wrong

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tentoriwrites · 7 years ago

Text

Hypatia

This is my contribution to the Atlas Molniya appreciation week! Ye olde pirate AU. Sorry, folks, writing an entire fic where everyone talks like a pirate in a week’s time was a bit too much for me... It’s a pirate AU so there is some shooting and mild violence, but generally no other warnings or triggers.

Before you read: Hypatia is the name of the woman often attributed with inventing the first astrolabe. Astrolabe were the bar none instruments for helping sailors navigate the oceans by using the ship’s position relative to the stars. They are often described as primordial computers. The word astrolabe roughly means, “that which captures the stars” in Greek.

Tagging: @jane-runs-fast @dear-mrs-otome @yoolee @otomelin and @frywen-babbles

Thank you for your support in writing my first Lovestruck fic! <3

“Halt!” An imposing figure cloaked in red shouted as he spotted me dashing through the streets. Nope, nope! Not going to do it! I kept running trying to find a place to hide where there wasn’t a member of the Inquisition loitering about. My daring escape from custody was made all the more difficult by a suffocating corset and billowing skirt. Not sparing any blame on the heels of my shoes getting stuck in the cobblestones street sorely in need of repair! I mean really, if they aren’t using our tax money to fill pot holes, what are they using it on?!

My feet were taking me to the port where my brain told me I could hide on a ship until I thought of a better plan. I had almost made it when someone grabbed my arm and forced me to stop. His strong grip pushed me out of the middle of the crowded street and up against the rough brick wall.

“Turn over the device and renounce your heretic ways and you might just live.” I dragged my eyes up the expanse of polished armor to the insignia emblazoned on his chest. I could tell from how he was dressed he was a high-ranking member of the Spanish Inquisition. My hands rubbed against the rough texture of the wall behind me, the cool brick a stark contrast to the sickening heat of fear coursing through my veins.

The device in question pressed unpleasantly into my back and I fidgeted out of instinct. What better place to securely hide it than in the back of my corset where no one would find it? It sounded like a completely brilliant idea at the time. It was working well so far but If this jerk kept me pinned against the wall much longer I was going to faint, and it might just pop out!

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I’m pretty sure my voice could not have sounded any less convincing.

“Don’t play coy…” His eyes narrowed a fraction as he looked me over. “We know you have an Arabic astrolabe in your possession.” Arabic? The astrolabe I had found laying around and cleaned up was Arabic? “We have it under good authority that you have been working with the Arabs to undermine the Reconquista, the Inquisition, and all Christendom.” Well that’s news to me!

“I just found some books and tools laying around and studied them.” My voice came out on a shaky breath as my body trembled beneath his touch. I could tell from the way his grip tightened and his brow dug down he was not buying that.

“We will see how well that holds up during interrogation.” He hissed into my ear in a way that made him seem more a demon and less a man of faith. I wondered why a person of obvious belief such as himself would be so bent on my being guilty. I didn’t have much time to dwell on it as a low rumble started coming from one of the nearby streets. We both looked in the direction of the rumbling. Somehow, despite the fear singing through every fiber of my being, I managed to smile.

“It’s a Tuesday…” I remarked in relief.

“What does that have to do with…” His question was cut short by a man frantically rounding a corner nearby.

“CLEAR THE STREETS! CLEAR THE STREETS!” The man rushed by us as the rumbling intensified. It almost felt like the ground could open up at any moment and swallow us whole.

“What happens on Tuesday?!” He glared down at me and my broadening smile. I opened my mouth to answer him, but a stampede of cows rounded the corner before I could utter a single syllable. A charging bull at the front of the herd collided right into him, horns barely missing my arm. The bull took him off to parts unknown.

“Tuesday is when the cows are brought in for slaughter.” I answered smugly as I used the dust cloud for cover to slip into a narrow alley. At the end of the alley was the sea glittering in the sun brighter than the finest cut jewels. I made a break for it as fast as my ridiculous fluffy dress would allow in the cramped space.

I looked around the docks to make sure the coast was clear before venturing out of the alley. There were boats of all shapes and sizes lining the docks. Many were in some stage of being loaded or unloaded. It would certainly look suspicious if a woman wandered on to any of them. Then one caught my eye, a smaller boat, with no one milling around. It had a Greek name on the hull making me hopeful the crew would be foreigners out for a good time right now. I tried to act as casual as possible as I walked quickly over to the boat’s gangplank. A rather clumsy hop, skip, and jump later and I stumbled onto the deck.

I glanced around before making my way to the door of the cabin. I slowly turned the knob and opened it just enough to slip inside. I heaved a sigh of relief as I slid to a crouched position against the door. I made it! I really made it! Relief washed over me as I let out a sigh. That’s when I heard it, a tell-tale click. I winced as I looked up. Seems it was a bit early to be celebrating.

“Who are you and why are you on my ship?” I followed the sound of the voice to a man leaning back in a thick wooden chair, feet propped up on the heavy table. He wore sturdy black leather boots to just below the knee with black trousers tucked into them. Burnt orange leather vest peeked out from the black waist coat draping off the side of the chair and dusting the floor on either side. Faded orange embellishments drew attention to tarnished brass buttons.

He seemed aged beyond his years, flecks of grey in his dark hair betraying a younger looking face. The large coat that hung loosely over his frame obscured most of his body. For a moment I pondered what his physique was like hiding under there. Regardless, he painted a stunningly handsome picture that hit me completely off guard. That is until a cold glint in the dimly lit cabin caught my eye. He had the barrel of a gun pointed right at me.

“Well it’s a very interesting story actually…” I called back as I quickly scampered to my feet. “You see the Inquisition thinks I’m a heretic because I found this astrolabe and fixed it up… So now they want to take me in for questioning.” There is a long moment of uncomfortable silence that compelled me to continue, but he beat me to the punch.

“So, you thought you’d just meander on the first boat you found and stowaway?” He sat the gun down on the table as he spoke flatly.

“Not exactly, no… the name caught my attention. Asteri. It’s a beautiful name! Did you know Asteri means…”

“Star in Greek? Yes, I’m the one that named it.” He cut off my nervous meandering with those few short words. Now is not the time to start rambling! Now is probably the time to be leaving…

“Yes! Of course! You mentioned that… Well I just thought I’d hide out until dark when it would be easier to escape… I’ll just see myself…” Suddenly there were frantic foot falls from outside and Atlas rose wordlessly to his feet. “Out?” He crossed the room quickly, grabbing me by both arms and lifting me out of the way of the door.

“ATLAS!” At precisely the same time a man yelled, and the door flew open. “Time to go…?”

“You heard the Captain, off you go.” The man, I presume was named Atlas, gave me a pointed look as he gestured out the door with a tilt of his head.

“Why is she even here?” The captain asked as he walked out behind Atlas.

“Stowing away.” Atlas’s voice had all the compassion of an executioner.

“I guess today’s her lucky day seeing as I already pulled in the plank and Nova is already hauling anchor.” Another man wearing red chimed in merrily as he shot the three of us a dashing smile. The tramping of hooves and clinking of metal on stone filled the air as Inquisition knights drew down on the ship.

“He’s right we’ll have to take her with us to the next port.” The captain conceded causing Atlas to mutter a string of obscenities the likes of which I had never heard before. Success! Way out of town secured! A bullet whizzed past my head killing yet another short-lived moment of happiness.

“Well there you have it! Miss, if you would kindly just wait in the cabin.” The man in red motioned to the door behind me. I gaped at him as he pushed me out of the way. Not one among them seemed the least bit bothered about being shot at.

“Why is the Inquisition shooting at us anyways.” The captain posed the question as he moved to release the sails. They aren’t shooting at you! They’re shooting at me! I looked on in abject horror as they were caught in the middle between the Inquisition and I. Bullets embedding themselves in the worn wooden deck as the crew rushed to get the ship moving.

“Ask the stowaway!” Thanks, Atlas. Way to make me feel even better about this being all my fault. Just as another round of shot careened towards the ship, I saw him, the Inquisition knight from before. He was looking down at me smugly from atop his horse. The fact that he could look so smug while wearing dented armor somehow made him even more infuriating to look at. The volley threw up a cloud of smoke obscuring his face temporarily.

“Prepare to board the ship!” The knight commanded with a sneer.

“Now! While they’re reloading!” The captain yelled as he and the man in red unfurled the sails. A woman in purple gunned down the knights trying to lower a plank onto the ship with startling accuracy. The boat lurched forward at a pace that would make a snail look like the bull runner I saw earlier. Thankfully, it quickly picked up speed as we neared the entrance to the harbor. I leaned over the railing as we cleared the sea wall, watching the city start to fade behind us. Soon even the coast itself seemed small.

“I think you owe us an explanation.” The captain said pulling me back on to the deck with the sound of his stern voice. “But first I suppose we should introduce ourselves.” He added as he motioned for us to convene at the wheel with Atlas. He introduced himself and the crew. They were bounty hunters, it would seem, and they had only been in town to cash in on their latest mission when the Inquisition attacked them.

They were all looking at me now with questioning eyes. All except Atlas, he looked like he wanted to chuck me over the railing. Joke’s on him because I can’t swim! So, that would actually be a perfect way to get rid of me… Who’s brilliant idea was it to hide on a boat when they can’t swim? Oh yeah, mine… Focus brain!

“I found this old astrolabe and book full of calculations from it. I fixed it up and started studying the calculations.” I started my explanation while trying to wrest the astrolabe from my corset. The other woman on the ship, Nova, seemingly sensing my distress walked up behind me and untied the strings.

“You hid the thing in your dress?” Orion, the captain, looked at me skeptically.

“A corset is a very secure place to keep valuables.” Nova answered for me as she loosened the strings. Thank you! I couldn’t help the smug little smile that tugged on my lips. “Something flat would be better kept in one than an astrolabe though.” And there’s goes my happy little moment… again…

Once the device had been freed, she handed it to Orion, much to my apprehension. I fretted anxiously at the strings of my corset as he looked it over before handing it back to me. “Looks ordinary enough to me.” I felt myself pouting a little at his underestimation of my little treasure.

“May I?” Atlas had one hand stretched out towards me.

“Um… sure…” I slowly reached the device out and gingerly sat it in his hand. My fingertips lingered on it a moment longer than I meant to before pulling my hand away. He looked the device over carefully, a small smile on his lips for the briefest moment.

“Not a bad restoration. Definitely, Arabic.” He flipped it over and his eyes narrowed as he ran his fingers over the back.

“The inscription was there when I found it. I put the stain on it to try to enhance it and make it easier to read.”

“Had much luck with it?” Atlas wondered flatly as he flipped the astrolabe over again.

“The notes and calculations I found with it suggest the inscription is directions to a destination the astrolabe was made to lead someone to. But I wasn’t able to figure out what before I had to make my escape.” I explained as my shoulders slumped with regret.

“Don’t suppose it’s buried treasure or anything, do ya?” Jaxon, the man in red, commented playful with an amused grin.

“Whatever it is, the Inquisition wants it, which means we do not.” Atlas answered handing me the device again. Despite Nova’s earlier admonishment, I stuffed it back in the front of my corset for safe keeping. Nova suddenly gave the wheel a hard yank and the whole boat yawed. A moment later, a cannonball sailed through the air landing in the water with a splash. I looked at Nova flabbergasted.

“Nova’s what you’d call… a clairvoyant… sort of.” Jaxon explained with an easy smile.

I glanced behind us and realized the ships pursuing us were Inquisition vessels. These guys just don’t know when to give up! Just when I thought I’d lost them, they creep back up when I’m least expecting them! I looked over the deck watching the crew members scurry around to man the few guns the small, nimble vessel had. Atlas at the wheel expertly dodged the cannon fire. There I was, perfectly useless trembling in fear.

Think, think, think! This is my fault! There has to be something I can do to help. West. We’re traveling west. I took stock of our position to the coast. I looked up at the sky to figure out the time. Low tide. PERFECT! “Atlas! About face!”

“Oh yes! Let’s just drive right in to the arms of the people shooting at us!” He bit back as an irritated glare painted itself on his face. “How about you just sit down and leave the privateering to the professionals, Princess.”

Clearly, he’s not going to listen to me. Time to take matters into my own hands. Literally. I grabbed the wheel and gave it a hard yank. The whole boat whipped around violently bringing Atlas face to face with my plan.

“That sea cave loops around and comes out down the coast to the east. They would be expecting the Asteri to continue its heading west! It’s big enough for a vessel this size but not a boat the big!” I pointed to the coast and he quickly caught on. “I am fairly certain you can get us there.”

“You’re crazy.” He started to turn the boat back around.

“Atlas, we might be able to lose them on the open water for a while, but they’ll catch us again. We need to find a friendly port and get a plan together.” Chagrin clear on his face, Atlas made for the cave after Orion voiced his approval for my plan. I watched with bated breath as Atlas turned the ship around and started to head straight for the flagship.

“Atlas… The cave’s over there.” He didn’t seem to hear me, just kept our course steadfastly locked on a collision with the other ship. “Atlas…” I could see people on the ship rushing about to point their guns forward. “Atlas…” My voice was a little more desperate this time.

“Look, kid. I’m not about to hand you over to the Inquisition that easily. If they want you that badly they’re going to have to sink this ship first! And I’m not about to let them do that!” I crouched down and hugged a railing as I braced for impact. At the last second, just before the guns were primed to fire, he swerved out of the way. I watched that terrible knight fly by as the sound of cannons being turned filled the air. The smug look on his face faded once again, watching it fall deeply satisfying despite my precarious position.

“You did that on purpose…” I muttered looking up at Atlas in awe. He deliberately picked that path, so they’d have to adjust their guns before firing at us. This guy was good… Really good…

“Hey, do your hands work?” He shot me an irritated glance.

“Y…yes?” My voice trembled uncontrollably as I spoke.

“Good, light some lanterns and stick them at the front of the ship!” I looked at him confused for a moment too long and his glare sharpened. “I could drive the Asteri through a pinhole with my eyes closed, but that doesn’t mean I want to!”

“Oh! OH!” I jumped to my feet and scurried around moving all the lanterns. Caverns are dark… He needs to be able to see… Once I had all the lanterns lit I waddled back up to the wheel. I watched Atlas drive the ship with strong, steady arms into the cavern. True to my word, the Asteri just fit. He made the whole affair look effortless, almost as if it bored him. He was one of the most amazing helmsmen I had ever seen. My idle staring was cut short by Orion approaching us. Jaxon and Nova were close behind.

“What port does this come out near? The city we left from?” I nodded slowly.

“There’s another cave system on the eastern side of the city slightly larger than this one. We can use it to obscure our movements.”

“We?” Atlas barked causing me to jump slightly.

“You’re not a seasoned sailor. Not to mention we don’t want anything to do with your troubles with the Inquisition. We’re dropping you off at the next port.” With that he started to walk away.

“Wait!” He stopped and turned to look at me. Okay… We’re waiting… What are we waiting for exactly? CRAP! I should have thought of something first.

“What?” Now even Orion looked a bit miffed.

“It’s an astrolabe so it probably relates to something in the stars. That means this whole thing is just one big misunderstanding! I need to clear my name, so the Inquisition leaves me alone!” I explained quickly as I looked around the ship. “If you can take me to the College of Cardinals I can plead my case!”

“You want us to take you to Rome?” Orion asked skeptically. “Rome is nowhere near our next job.” I tried not to let them see how crestfallen I was. Come on! Think! These are bounty hunters and mercenaries! There must be something I can do to convince them.

“My Father was the leader of a shipbuilding guild!” I blurted out suddenly. They all turned their attention back to me. Save for Atlas who was steering the ship idly with one foot better than I imagined most people could do with both hands. “I may not look it,” I continued on apprehensively, but I know my way around a boat. I can build the, fix them, design them. Plus I’m well-versed in map reading, navigation. I know the coastal topography of most of the northern Mediterranean.” YES! SELL YOURSELF! Wait… that makes me sound like… NOT THE TIME! Focus!

“What are you suggesting exactly?” Orion looked intrigued and I felt relieved.

“If you take me to Rome I’ll act as your navigator and ship maintenance person for… Five years!” That’s a good number, right?”

“We don’t need a navigator or a ship maintenance person.” Atlas grumbled.

“There is a job in Greece. You have until then to prove your worth. If you’re pulling your weight, we’ll evaluate a trip to Rome.” Orion answered definitely. From nearby Atlas was string obscenities together under his breath again.

Once we were out of the caverns, Nova took over for Atlas. It was a beautiful crimson twilight outside and the stars would be out soon. “Oh um…” Atlas stopped his descent down the stairs and turned to look at me incredulously. “Where exactly will I be staying?” Atlas rolled his eyes and motioned for me to follow him. He led me down the hatch into the hold. I looked around confused as he approached one of the cargo nets.

“Aren’t the crew’s quarters usually in the forecastle?” You know… under the elevated deck at the front of the ship?

“There’s no more rooms up there so you’re sleeping down here.” He offered a curt explanation before turning to leave.

“It’s getting a little cold in here, don’t you think?” Though I said as much, I hardly expected more than the sigh I received. I’m not sure how much time had gone by as I took off my shoes and settled drop in the rope hammock. I had started staring idly out a nearby port hole completely wallowing in self-pity when something heavy and course plunked down on my head.

“Anything else, Princess?” I could already hear the heavy plunk of his boots on the wood floor before I said a word.

“Thank you!” I called out to his retreating form. As the events of the day raced through my head, they all kept circling back to that completely unreadable man. On the one hand, it felt like he could not be any more inconvenienced by my presence on his ship. On the other hand, it seemed almost as if he might actually care about my plight. Whatever the case may be, I would have plenty of time to get to know him better even if I only made it as far as Greece.

Save for a nocturnal visitation from something I’m told is a capybara named Comet, an unspeakably large rodent the crew picked up in South America at some point, the days that followed were pretty laid back. Thankfully, I had managed to escape detention with a spare change of clothes more fitting for life on a ship. Boots and pants were certainly were easier to move around in, but I still wore the corset so I could keep the astrolabe close at hand. I spent most of my free time when I wasn't navigating trying to decipher the inscription.

I started to fit myself into life on the Asteri. Fixing broken ropes, mending sails, patching holes in the planks by day. At night I would calculate our course by the stars. Atlas was usually on the quarter deck, lounging by the wheel. I seriously wondered if he ever slept. Every night he would be drinking a dark liquor from the galley while his eyes seemed to focus on something intangible. I always wondered what it was he was looking at, but never worked up the courage to pry.

Sometimes I would make the excuse that I was having trouble with a calculation to drum up a conversation with him. He was not much of a conversationalist. Prying information out of him was like pulling a rusty nail out of a pitch-soaked board. Hard, messy work. I had the feeling though, as with the nail, eventually all the hard work would pay off.

Still, no matter what I said or how I said it, he always seemed to have a sarcastic retort to put an end to the conversation. I gathered from how the other members of the crew approached him this was just his way. That didn't stop me from wondering if he'd ever open up to me like he did them.

I had picked up bits and pieces from conversations with the crew. Atlas had once been affiliated with the Knights of Saint John. The Knights of Saint John were basically the seafaring arm of the Catholic church. The Order's primary goal was to combat the pillaging of Christian vessels and lands by the North African Barbary corsairs who were Muslim. It seemed like a pretty admirable thing to do seeing as the Barbary corsairs and been pillaging the coasts of several Christian nations including my own. Something must have happened while he served for them that didn't sit well with him. I had no idea what it could be though. Tonight felt like a good night to try a different approach.

“Atlas...” I hummed out the name idly as I took stock of our position. He didn't look at me which was fine. I was really just trying to fill the silence with something besides the lonely lapping of water against the hull. “That's a very strong name. In mythology Atlas was the being that held the whole sky on his shoulders. That's quite the burden to bare alone...”

“It's the name I was born with. Don't go getting all philosophical on me.” He huffed before taking a swig of his drink right from the bottle. Well that didn't work quite the way I had hoped.

“I'm just trying to get to know you better as a member of the crew.”

“When you're a member of the crew, maybe I'll tell you about the time I found a stowaway in the cabin.” My face instantly twisted into a pout. I had been excited thinking I was going to at least get an inkling of something else about him only to have that excitement dashed like a ship of the rocks of a foreign coast. My dashed hopes and dreams seemed to be a recurring theme on the Asteri. I looked over at him when he sighed.

“One question. Can't guarantee I'll answer it though.” YES! I did a happy little jig and he let out an even more exasperated sigh. I quickly settled myself and tried to think of a question that would give me a bit of insight into the man without being so probing he wouldn't answer.

“Why did you name your ship the Asteri?” That's pretty good right? The name of a ship is usually meaningful in some way, but still not prodding too much? I hope? Atlas's reaction was not encouraging though. He sat up straight before knocking the bottle back and taking the last of the liquid in a few hard swallows. Then he corked the bottle. With one smooth swipe of his hand he wiped the residue from his lips. Damn if he wasn't even more attractive in the moonlight. But the moonlight seemed to give his features a melancholy look.

“There's nothing up there among the stars.” He started to explain as his face tilted up to the sky. “No people, no religions, no wars. Just stars.” There was an unmistakable sadness that passed over his face for a blink and you'd miss it moment. “That's what the Asteri is meant to be. A place where none of the things that divide people exist.”

“That's... a beautiful sentiment.”

“Only if you believe religion divides people more than it brings them together.” I didn't know how to respond to him. I certainly had my own thoughts on religion. Clearly now was not the time or place to discuss them with him.

“How's our heading looking?” He asked looking down at me as he got to his feet.

“Good... It looks good. We'll be in Greece before week's end if the weather holds.” I answered absently, mind still on the last subject.

“Good. Get some rest, kid.” With that, he disappeared down the stairs and towards the forecastle.

After a few weeks at sea, I had just about figured out the inscription when we put into dry dock in Greece to make repairs to the ship and resupply while Orion, Jaxon, and Nova hunted down the bounty.

It was kind of odd working in silence next to Atlas prying rotten planks away from the hull and replacing them with new. Well let me rephrase that, Atlas pried all the planks off with those well-sculpted arms of his. I just enjoyed the show until he asked for a new one. We had just finished sealing the repairs with pitch when a commotion pulled our attention to the city.

“Get on the ship...” Atlas commanded giving me a shove towards the rope ladder. It didn't take long before the dry dock was overran by armed men. I spared a glance over my shoulder as I reached for the ladder. Atlas was huddled behind the pile of rotten planks. Despite the fact he could reload and fire his gun a lot faster than the men shooting at us, he was still hopelessly outnumbered. As one man tried to flank him, I decided to do something truly stupid.

“ATLAS! Look out!” I screeched as I barreled towards him brandishing the hammer. One good conk and he was out cold on the ground.

“Nice hit, Kid. Now get over here!” With one solid yank I was behind the pile, though positioned squarely on Atlas's broad, strong chest. Now is definitely not the time to be appreciating his physique! I quickly rolled off him and made myself as small as possible while he shot over me.

“Who are these guys anyways?! They're not from the Inquisition!” I screeched as I held my ears.

“Might as well be! They’re Knights of saint John! The seaborne equivalent of the Inquisition. “

“But why are they shooting at us?! We aren't Muslims!”

“You think they care about stuff like that? Half their boats are manned by Christian convicts forced into servitude as their sentence!” Just as Atlas fired his last shot, and things were looking hopeless, one of the Asteri's cannons fired knocking most of the remaining Knights into the air.

“You're late!” Atlas yelled as he rolled over on his back and stared up at the ship.

“Better late than never!” Jaxon yelled back as he removed his hat and gave us a dramatic bow.

“Get on the ship. And stay on it this time.” Atlas gave me another firm shove and I took off running for the ladder again. Atlas on the other hand went running for the gate holding the water out of the dry dock. He quickly cranked the doors open as Nova manned the helm. I was barely able to out climb the rising water on the shifting, unstable ladder. When my feet finally found the deck again, my eyes searched for Atlas. At last, I saw him standing on the end of the seawall.

“He's not... Is he?” I wondered aloud, a question answered by him backing up a few steps and getting a runny go. Then he jumped landing on one of the rope ladders into the rigging. I let out an unsteady breath, though I'm not sure why I had been so anxious in the first place.

“I’m getting too old for this!” He grumbled as he tossed and turned until he was off the ladder. “Why are the Knights of Saint John after us?” He sighed as he trudged to the wheel, relieving Nova.

“It appears the Asteri and all its crew were branded as Muslims and members of the Barbary corsairs. There were wanted posters for us in town.” Nova explained the situation in a straightforward, level tone. The calmness of her voice did nothing to keep my heart from sinking into my stomach. The crew looked to me and I fidgeted with the astrolabe in my corset nervously.

“Do you have any idea what that thing is supposed to lead to?” Orion pressed me with a stern look.

“The inscription is coded, and I haven't been able to crack the code. I was able to figure out who made it and where he worked out of though. If I can get there I might be able to find a copy of the cipher.”

“Where?”

“Rhodes.” I answered excitedly. Atlas's normal scowl became even more irritated.

“Absolutely not!”

“It's not really that far from here! If we can figure out exactly what this astrolabe is for it will help clear all our names!” I pressed the issue, but Atlas wasn't budging.

“Rhodes is where the Knights of Saint John operate out of.” Atlas’s voice spoke volumes more than his words ever could.

“If nothing else we can use it as leverage to get what we need to get out of the Mediterranean until things die down.” Orion sighed. Atlas looked beyond done with the whole situation. “Do you know exactly where to go once we get there?”

“The town Archangelos on the eastern side.” Atlas heaved out another sigh when I said this.

“As long as you’re in and out quickly and avoid the castle it should be fine.” He was already moving to change our course. With Orion’s approval, I headed down to the cabin to plot our course. Anxiety played at my nerves as I charted our course. Atlas was a former Knight of Saint John, so he knew the island well. He wouldn’t have agreed so readily if he thought it would be extremely dangerous to go. His judgment had been sound so far and I was going to trust it when it came to this.

To be continued...

I’m just going to apologize now for the level of History nerdom that went into this. I tried to explain all the references as they appear, but if you have any questions or want more information on something, please feel free to ask.

I also apologize for the characterization being off. Atlas is not the type of character I normally write well, so I was trying to challenge myself. I will work on improving it as I finish the rest of this.

Thank you to the organizers of this event, to Voltage and the Lovestruck app developers, and everyone that went into creating the source material!

#lovestruck #starship promise #atlas molniya #atlas week #atlas appreciation week #pirate au #fanfic #fanfiction

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