#i love this show i am allowed to be annoyed by whatever the fuck they're doing with their cuts and edits

[tenisperfection]

Story lines aside, 911 has got to fix its pacing problem this season because no matter how enjoyable a lot of the scenes might be, too many episodes are starting to feel like an extremely polished production of tiktoks stitched together.

[actual-changeling]

heaven doesn't take too kindly to him breaking in a second time.

aziraphale stops them, with his blood already staining their perfect fucking floors, and his hands are balled into shaking fists, his voice projecting more authority than ever. crowley waits until they're alone in the blinding corridors before allowing his body to collapse, hissing when pain flares across his back.

"crowley-" there is a shadow in his periphery, hands reaching for him, but he flinches out of reflex more than intention, taking twisted satisfaction in the strangled noise escaping aziraphale.

"fuck off." while audibly hoarse, the edge to his words is sharp.

with his palms pressed to the floor, he gets to his knees, head hanging down as he sucks in breath after breath to summon enough focus to fix himself.

"let me help-"

"i said FUCK OFF," he spits, glancing up at him through a curtain of red waves and pain. "what do you care anyway."

"of course i care," aziraphale shoots back immediately, somewhere between offended and distressed, and oh, crowley takes the same satisfaction in that, too, no matter how bitter it tastes.

purely out of spite and to regain whatever of his pride is left, he ignores the cut still sluggishly bleeding onto the floor and pushes himself upwards, managing to stand while swaying heavily. he's a fucking mess compared to aziraphale in his pristine archangel get-up, and it lures the anger out of him with ease.

"huh, considering those are your guys you really have a funny way of showing it."

they both know what he is doing, yet the guilt carved into his face is as real as the heartbreak etched into his own. someone knows he is tired of playing games, but that is all they have left now, isn't it? stupid fucking games, as if they hadn't drowned themselves in those for millennia.

"i stopped them, i didn't send them. you know that."

crowley doesn't even attempt to bite back the hollow laugh craving to be set free. it rips through him with pain in his wake, and if he doesn't heal that wound soon the blood loss will make him pass out. how annoying.

"oh, aren't you being hilarious today, archangel. none of this would have happened if you hadn't—"

left.

thirteen months and he still cannot say it. what a pathetic little creature he is, deep down, clinging to love and having nothing but anger to voice it. he understands, he must understand.

suddenly, he is very, very tired.

"i'll be on my way. not gonna clean up though, that's on you."

aziraphale stands frozen, watching, right there and warm and real. crowley barely avoids throwing up at the thought of letting it all go for one gentle touch. in the harsh light, he seems pale, his lips bitten raw, and crowley loves him so desperately it hurts. gritting his teeth, he heals the cut oozing all over his back and nearly topples over with relief. hold me, he doesn't say. help me. come back. i miss you.

"for what it's worth, crowley, i am sorry."

they look at each other, gold and purple-blue-something new. he refuses to believe in Her after everything, but he believes that they will fix this somehow. crowley swallows and his fingers twitch at his side when the light catches on the tears gathering on aziraphale's waterline. they will fix this.

they have to.

"yeah, me too."

three word sentences hiding the one they both cannot voice, yet he finds forgiveness cannot easily be forgiven, not this time.

(it still counts)

[lover-of-mine]

i'm fine with the bt scene being what it was because it showed what is. a shallow superficial relationship that is not being written as endgame so I'm fine with them not having a more emotional connection make it more obvious its BONES in s8.

Okay, I'm gonna say this and I need everyone to know I genuinely mean it, I'm not fine with it. I am tired of the show giving Buck and Eddie love interests that exist to have no agency besides girlfriend/boyfriend or plot device for an exposition dump. I desperately wanted to care about bt. Buck being bi is such incredible representation and I spent the whole season waiting to be convinced I should like T and bt together for anything beyond the fact that they are a queer relationship but I keep coming up empty-handed. I like being a hater right now because no criticism of him is allowed without someone screaming that you're homophobic or hate gay people and that everyone in the show is problematic why doesn't he get a pass too so I am grabbing on to every wrong thing about him the same way people are blowing the good things to justify my aversion to him. But the thing is, T is a character who's being written in a way that is so hard to sympathize with when it comes to Buck. He has this shell that makes him rigid and he has this dry sense of humor and he could be interesting if he was willing to bend a little bit for Buck. That relationship was not something I could get behind when T left Buck on the curb, because while I do believe T was incredibly justified in not liking the situation Buck put them in, he could've communicated that better before he was literally in the car leaving Buck behind, so there Buck was once again in a relationship with someone who left him because they can't handle who he is. That was the impression I got from that first date and I keep waiting for them to be cute for me to move past it and the show is giving me nothing. Why did they make the choice to not let T dress up for the bachelor party and indulge Buck when the job by definition requires for him to change into a uniform so he could've put in some effort? Why did he let Buck walk around with his face covered in soot when they could've shown us a shot of him cleaning Buck's face before they walked into the room holding hands and give the impression that there's more going on there than a few makeout sessions? Why weren't they affectionate at the ceremony? Why wasn't that conversation in the hospital, where it would've shown a level of care and that joke could've been seen as an attempt to make Buck feel better about what was going on? Why are they always two steps to the left of being cute or having any fighting chance? And that's ignoring how intertwined Eddie is with the beginning of their relationship because that's just disturbing. The triangle thing is annoying as fuck if Eddie was not gonna get confirmed as queer and the sides wouldn't actually connect.

I think narratively Buck and Eddie getting together is the thing that makes the most sense for both of their characters, but if that's not gonna happen, I wanna care about the people they're with. I love Buck as a character, I want him to have a nice love story if for whatever reason we are not getting buddie because love is the thing he's been searching for, and whatever bt has going is not it. And the thing that's killing me is that it could be. It's the same thing they did with Taylor because if Taylor was as intense about Buck as she is about the job, they could work, but the show made a choice to use the development of her character to stir away from Buck. And T, he's just there. And it's frustrating. I don't even wanna get into the comparisons between buddie and bt because imma be honest I'm still processing the way the show had T refusing to dress on theme and then had Eddie suggest matching outfits in the next scene, what even was that?? But the way the show constantly takes the chances they have to give depth to their relationship, looks it in the eye, and runs the other direction it's just........... yk? This is Buck's fifth relationship and I can't for the life of me look at it and see where it's going because they are making it seem like it's going nowhere. T parallels Taylor all the time visually, when it comes to screentime he's just a step above Ali, he's nowhere near as developed as Taylor was at this point. I had hopes for that scene when they started to talk about parents, for 20 seconds, I believed they were gonna give emotional depth to them, but they didn't. And I was literally sitting here begging them to give me something to care about when it comes to them if they are gonna keep them together but I have nothing to show for it and I hate it. There's no emotional connection, they will probably breakup at some point during s8 and I'm just gonna be there "oh wow another failed romance what a surprise" while they keep playing up Buck and Eddie's partnership and not letting them go all the way, and it's just tiring.

And this is ignoring the way we keep getting yelled at for not resonating with them. I sincerely don't want to hate them but I can't find a reason to care about them.

[butterrats]

ATTENTION 2012 TMNT FANBASE I HAVE A PSA

I love 2012 Donnie

I severely dislike 2012 April, one could say I hate her.

I am allowed to have my own opinions on these not-real-people characters because it. Is. A. Cartoon.

No, I am not a misogynist because I hate 2012 April. I actually love literally all five female characters they put in the show except her (Wow writers...) I'm a fucking feminist lesbian. Disliking a female character does not make you a misogynist. I honestly think a lot of her slander is undeserved, but I'd be a goddamn liar if I didn't say I kinda (ok I love it) enjoy participating in it. HOWEVER, I do not think she is a bad person. Is she snippy, rude, entitled, and kinda a brat in my eyes? Yeah, no dip. Do I think she's evil and intentionally trying to seduce every guy she sees into being her man slave? Uh no. I think she's annoying and I dislike her, but I don't want her to burn in hell. I want what I want for every character I see on a show: *clears throat* OWNING UP TO THEIR SHIT AND CHANGING FOR THE BETTER AND NOT BEING A MARY SUE AND MANY OTHER THINGS I DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING INTO AT 11:30 PM. This goes for literally all the characters on the show. I wanna see Donnie and Casey apologize to April for being weird with her, AND I want April to apologize to them for being weird with them. THEY ALL DESERVED BETTER. They all could have developed amazingly if the writers didn't stick their heads up their asses and spew whatever shit they inhaled onto the script. I have so many other examples of this: I want Splinter to realize the generational trauma he's inflicting on his sons, Karai developing her relationships with all her brothers, Casey going into his backstory, insert other example.

No, I am not encouraging "nice guy" behavior by loving on Donnie. Oh wow, a kid with zero social interaction outside of his three brothers an strict dad gets weirdly obsessed with the first person he develops romantic feelings for? Who could've seen that coming? He should have left her alone when she wanted to be left alone and given her space, yes, but goddamn people, these characters are children. They're always making dumb choices. It's TEENAGE mutant ninja turtles. My boy never once tried to force himself on this girl. Never tried turning her no into a yes. Never wanted her to do anything she wasn't okay with. He's not a "nice guy" or an "incel" or a "stalker" he's a smart boy who made some very dumb choices. So did literally every other character in the goddamn show. You wanna talk creepy? Leo knowingly had the hots for his motherfudging sister but that's a whole 'nother can of worms I ain't touching tonight baby. I just personally think Donnie has so many more redeeming qualities to his character. Honestly, in my opinion, his apology to April was good enough for me. Not perfect by any means, but good enough. Donnie is literally one of the only characters who quickly owns up when he messes up, I think that' worth something considering the characters. Honestly, Donnie is a sweetheart, super smart, sassy, and fun to watch, and I think his qualities outweigh his flaws, unlike how I feel about April. (How I feel about her.)

My morality should not be called into question when I have an opinion on a fictional character for fuck's sake. This franchise is beloved, BELOVE IT. Have your opinions, love April, hate April, love Donnie, hate Donnie, just enjoy yourselves (except you, Tcesters, stay the fuck away from me and my son.) These characters aren't perfect, they're flawed, they're young, they're children. It's not their fault they were written like shit. They're ALL good people at the end of the day.

I hate 2012 April's guts and I love 2012 Donnie to death. But that doesn't mean you have to as well. LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS.

Holy jumping Jesus on a hoagie sandwich why did I waste an hour of my life writing this? I need to get to bed, I have work tomorrow. Anyways, hope this gets to someone who needs it, love yourself, love characters, don't fucking ship siblings, eat your homework, and enjoy your life. Love you <3

[agent-calivide]

I kinda roll my eyes whenever I see posts mocking the whole "don't spam like" "unalive" tiktokification of social media, but not in the genuine "it's a fucking travesty that people have to self censor and think about algorithms that actively tries to screw over the users" way but rather in a "haha, new social media is dumb, I'm a bitter 30 year old" way.

Like, yeah, on Tumblr getting the response of "don't spam like" is fucking annoying because it doesn't do shit other than just show that someone's looking at all of your stuff, but spam liking is not binging a page. It is specifically when someone goes onto someone's tiktok and proceeds to mass-like videos without actually watching them all the way through, it's just scrolling and liking without actually watching the content, which communicates to the algorithm "hey, this person's videos suck because people stop watching at the 3 second mark" and stops pushing your videos.

This doesn't matter for people who are doing it for fun, I don't care personally on my tiktok, spam like away, but when people are trying to make a career out of it by either being an influencer or advertising their small business or trying to show music they've written or just wanna share work they're proud of it's annoying to get screwed by someone showing misplaced love. Especially when there was a window of time were people would spam like as an attack to try and fuck someone over and "shadowban" them.

And the making fun of the censoring is even more fucking stupid. I have posted 2 videos that got dinged for having inappropriate content and got two strikes on my tiktok that I've been running for about 5 years. Anyone who has seen my tiktoks knows I am as inoffensive as you get, I don't do thirst traps, I have Content and Trigger and Flash warnings, I hand-type captions on all of my videos and if I do use the auto-generated ones I watch the video back to make sure they're all correct, I just lipsync to silly audios and basically make video versions of incorrect quotes of whatever my hyperfixation is at the moment.

One was me painting a nerf gun and a nerf crossbow to look like a real gun and real crossbow to be props, which was dinged for showing firearms. My video of me painting a neon yellow gun and bright pink crossbow to black and woodgrain was marked as dangerous content because either someone chose to report me or whatever scanners they use to pick out "dangerous" videos misread and assumed I had real firearms and wouldn't repeal it. My other video, with multiple content and trigger warnings, had an audio that went "For my next trick, I'm gonna fucking kill myself". And while the audio was allowed to stay on tiktok and other people were allowed to use it, because I had a caption and a description that read: TW: Suicidal ideation and properly typing out captions, I got penalized.

But with tiktok, your post isn't just taken down, you have a limited number of strikes and if you get too many, you're entire fucking page is eaten. Just gone, erased, and there is no way for you to get it back. And I have two strikes for: painting a toy black and lipsyncing to a popular audio.

People aren't arbitrarily using "sewer-slide" "grapist" "unalived" and "pew pew" because they wanna infantilize this serious issue, it's because they want to talk about this serious issue without being silenced and, like it or not, tiktok is where word travels fast and to the biggest audience these days. Being "shadowbanned" and having all of your messages get strangled because you used the proper terminology, if not getting kicked straight off the platform, is too high a risk for someone who uses that platform. Especially if they do also use it to advertise, to squeeze a few pennies from the creator fund, to try and make it big or even just to fucking have fun.

I don't know if shadowbanning ever was actually a thing, I just do silly costumes to songs for fun, but there were many people who'd be trying to get traction to show work or get sales or speak out about a bad situation and suddenly they'd go from getting hundreds of thousands of views on every single video to maybe a couple hundred because they had the audacity to say "this shooter is a fucking monster" rather than "this [pew-pewer] is a [bad bad person]"

And if TikTok was their first social media platform, of course they're gonna think other platforms are also ruling with an iron fist. I still feel weird being allowed to say shit like gun and murder on Tumblr because there's a voice in the back of my head that says I'm gonna get my entire blog taken away for daring to use the proper words.

I don't know, maybe I'm missing something, but I think the most well known and most encouraged to use platform of these last few years is also one that's so highly regulated that people are pre-emptively trying to figure out how to talk about important things without it totalitarian-ly beating them into a fine paste with the algorithm so people just see the silly little dance videos tiktok would rather push over the people communicating real world problems is more fucked up than Stacy saying "unalived" on Reddit out of habit.

[neutrallyobsessed]

What are your least favorite clone high ships? Any you don't like?

well, tophabe gotta be the one i hate the most for sure, THE lame as fuck, generic red x blue yaoi ship with a toxicity that the fandom refuses to adknowledge?? when thats the most interesting and fun part of the ship?? worst crime of all is the one that should be DOM-ming is subbing like (omg why does this keep happening??) there's only one person who gets the dynamic """correctly""" and even then they're still wrong about like. literally everything else. i can allow a certain level of OOC-ness but whatever the hell is going on here is WAY! TOO! MUCH!! all things related to this ship are terrible terrible terrible all of it SUCKS!!!!

you will find that ppl who hate tophabe are the better topher understanders with like 2% margin of error, and im topher understander no 1 you can trust me on this one ;3

overall i dont ship topher with men, beyond the uncomfortable implication that he couldn't be into me (girl), just----- look, you cant make topher a minority of any kind without compromising a huge and important chunk of his characterization, resulting in him being turned into a completely different character. i love topher exactly the way he is and as canon as reasonably possible, him being into men in any way is the exact opposite of that so dont put that near me thanks i have every tag filtered and its GREAT!

id say tophucius is the second worst on this regard, if the hopeless normie cant be corrupted into liking the edgiest memes 4chan can offer then its not a good ship

joanfucius killed my grandma so i dont like it much either :// and the more i think about it, the more i realize that they dont work well togheter at all.... i see the show, i see the fanart and im like "wow joan looks miserable here, she'd be better off with topher" sure maybe its my own bias but am i wrong?? adsadasdasasadsadas

i dont really think of my notps all that often unless they're popular thus annoying, cause why could i? lol, but mmmmmm cathivan always looked so lame and boring in my eyes :PP

[chelledoggo]

my Hazbin Hotel first watchthrough

(DISCLAIMER: this post is being typed as i'm watching. there may be inconsistencies in my attitude as i go on.)

🛑SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT🛑

Ep 1: blehhhh...

Ep 2: overall: "eh." villain song was pretty good.

Ep 3: something something something plot plot plot- LOOK IT'S THE SILLY SNEK AND EGG BOYS. 💖 "I'll Be Your Armor/Keeper" was a damn good song, even if at this point in the series i couldn't fucking stand Charlie.

Ep 4: ...okay i'll admit. this one for all its heavy subject matter was... handled alright. was nice to see Charlie finally grow some goddamn balls and show some righteous anger. kinda wanted to strangle Husk here until he actually showed some empathy. "Poison" was a good song, even if Angel's VA was pretty weird and pitchy at points. "Loser Baby" was a good one though.

Ep 5: i feel conflicted as a Christian finding Lucifer so charming. /j /lh also i think Charlie's starting to grow on me. and it only took over half the series. also fuck you Mimzy. the Alastor vs. Lucifer song was a goddamn bop. and "Hell's Best Dad" was beautiful.

Ep 6: WHOA. WHOAAAAAAAAA. WHOA. I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT FOR NOT SEEING THAT COMING. this episode is hitting all the Christian Universalist and deconstructionist sweet spots for me. and God i love Emily, poor bab. ;~; ALSO YASS ANGEL STICK IT TO THE MOTH MAN.

Ep 7: all my hate for Charlie is gone. i just want her and Vaggie to be happy. i feel so bad for both of them. also "Out For Love" beats the entirety of Steven Universe's soundtrack in every category lol

Ep 8: oh gosh this... ohhh... this was phenomenal... like i started out hating this show and now i'm just itching to see what goes down next season!! i'm glad i stuck through!

misc. notes:

i hate that this series basically requires you to watch the pilot to understand the first episode. luckily i've seen it but...

i like some of the background character designs.

i like the little one-eyed gremlin girl thing.

i know we're supposed to like Charlie but GOD she's annoying. I RECANT THIS STATEMENT

Alastor best character.

i kinda like Sir Pentious. he's silly. and i love his egg boys.

Vaggie's just as done with this shit as i am but the difference is she loves Charlie where as i just want to strangle her lmao.

Velvette's kinda hot ngl.

Camilla too.

seriously though am i supposed to like Charlie? when do i start to like her? I ALSO RECANT THIS STATEMENT.

i feel like i would like Charlie more if she wasn't essentially a ripoff of every "quirky" Disney princess from Rapunzel onwards. AND I RECANT THIS ONE TOO

okay, as of ep 5... i'm starting to not hate Charlie so much.

why do some of the denizens of heaven look like demons?

ep 6 is where this series finally really grabs me ngl. glad i stuck around. i'm on the beginning of the finale as i'm typing this point and i'm excited to see how it concludes.

OH GOD IT WAS WORTH IT

the angels of heaven really do seem to be the "american evangelist/dispensationalist" archetype. they don't know why a soul can't be redeemed after death. they don't question it. they're not allowed to because... it's "breaking the rules" or whatever. as someone who grew up in that kind of environment, that really resonated with me.

[songmingisthighs]

Hello! I'm really curious about what are your thoughts about the hongjoong Starbucks situation, if you're informed at the moment

i am.

tw : controversial opinion. don't read if you're a butthurt snowflake

i firmly believe ateez and kq did nothing wrong and they don't own anyone any explanation or statement. twtiny need to shut the fuck up because i hate what the majority are saying bc it kinda seem like they're using the situation in palestine to cancel people and spread hate which is disgusting and even more wrong than buying starbucks. they seem to be more invested in the boycott than actually trying to help the people in palestine like the amount of time and effort spent on trying to force kq and ateez to release a statement could've been spent on trying to raise funds to help innocent palestinians stuck there. and then there are people like this

^ this is annoying because you want people to waste the little time they got with ateez and trying to put ateez on the spot. like there are so many tweets saying "if you got a call w seonghwa/yunho/san pls tell them to tell hongjoong about this situation and educate them" like g0rl you're so keen on indoctrinating someone and not letting them have a different stand on ONE aspect. yes, i'm using the word indoctrinating because that's what it seem rn

it's been widely known that kpop idols are prevented to be politically involved. even during the korean presidential election, they can't verbally show support because as koreans, they have their own reason of doing this which i can explain but it's a whole ted talk and it's gonna take a lot of typing. but point is, keep politics and kpop separate. idk the situation in the us but where i come from, the boycott means nothing because while the boycotted brands are suffering, people who are not idols are still buying from those brands BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT PALESTINIANS. you don't really know where people stand and as much as you're allowed to assume the WORST out of them, they're allowed to enjoy whatever they wanna enjoy. i simply hate the people who immediately erradicate many of hongjoong's philantropic activities on human and children's rights over the years just because he posted a picture holding starbucks like how stupid are you ???

let fake atinys leave the fandom. we're better off without the toxicity from people who are using a tragedy to spread more hate and justify their cancellation agenda

i myself want the liberation of palestinian from hamas and safety for the innocent but seeing as how the situation has elevated to anti-semitism esp in the west, i don't want to be associated with the support of erradication of the jews bc "from the river to the sea" connotates to the errasure of jews and i don't support that as much as i don't support palestinian being put in harm's way

full disclaimer : this is my perspective from the news i got from foreign media because the media where i came from is very biased

if you disagree with me, i would love to have a conversation like civilized human beings with evolved brains

[cringe-y-gumi]

I love the lovey-dovey, forest green flag stories for Dreamnoblade, but I also enjoy some of the hurt side of the comfort (or maybe just straight up angst)

So here I am, thinking of a story where Techno is on his usual routine in his retirement. He had done some morning chores already and on his way to feed Carl. He's not even two-steps away from his porch when he got flash banged by a bright neon green hoodie combined with snow. Dream screamed his name before he could even get close.

Nothing much really happens in Techno's retirement— THIS WAS BEFORE, because now DREAM is added in his retirement routine.

"Let's go to the Nether!"

There you go. This guy really thinks he could just drag Techno anywhere if he wants too. So... Full of himself. So... annoying

"... Alright just wait for me."

Techno always aggrees.

Why not, right? He really just has nothing else to do. Plus! This is how they always been! That's right... Nothing changed between him and Dream. They sparred; They talked— do some mundane tasks together even; Annoy each other... especially that part.

Techno enjoys seeing the other flush—stumbling on his words thinking of quips; stomping his foot in frustration; and above all Dream's own comebacks/taunts against Techno.

Techno always ends up having a laugh. And it's also like a bragging points because he's pretty sure not everyone can be like this with Dream. To see... THIS! This side of him.

Good for clout... He thinks.

Techno would be going back in his house after being with Dream and he find himself smiling, thinking of what happened in their errand. It also felt heavy in his chest but it's not painful.

Going back to present, they're on their way to the Nether portal when Dream said,

"I need this ring to be perfect!"

Oh right... Dream's engaged.

To whom you may ask? To Wilbur (or Punz idk ⊙﹏⊙)

Who would've thought this guy would be engaged. But then again, Wilbur proposed so whatever. What's with engagement anyway? Is this one of Phil's trend?

Anyway, Techno doesn't care.

Because nothing would change between him and Dream anyway.

Fast forward to their nether errand, Techno swears he would not get used to how reckless Dream with his movements— in fact as time goes by he seems to become more... restless with it because now look! Dream is fucking hissing with all the burns he got from being a show-off.

Techno can't believe his wasting his resources with this fool (this is exactly why Techno packs extra everytime he has an errand with Dream.) He probably shouldn't have because this fool is grinning at him anyways. (But Techno thought Dream grinning combined with wincing and hissing is so ugly to look at so might as well patch the other whatever.)

They got what they need and they come back in Techno's house with Phil... and Wilbur. He watched Dream hugged Wil; He watched how the other softly asked about Dream's wounds; He watched as Dream answered him with the same grin Techno was just having for himself a while ago; He watched as Wil softly put his hand on Dream's face, wiping stain before placing a peck on Dream's forehead; all before Dream went to the shower to change (he has spare clothes in Techno's house).

At some point... He approached Wilbur (or maybe it's the other way around) and while Dream was preoccupied with Phil, he asked "How did you decide you want to marry him?"

Maybe it's with the way Techno said it but Wilbur didn't even tease him. He responded,

"I couldn't tell you exactly, but maybe it's the subtle things..."

"When I was focused thinking I hate his guts I didn't even notice I don't really mind..."

"When I hang out with him out of impulse and slowly realized, I enjoyed his company..."

"When it occurred to me I did— and will still do, everything he asked..."

"When everything I felt with him became so heavy in my chest... I said, I want him always with me... for as long as death allows it."

Now, at any point of the day, this would've been the part where Techno says 'cringe' and bully Wilbur for that sap. But Techno's mind is so full of all the things happened with Dream today... No, since the day he met him, that the only thing Techno could mutter is...

Ah..

"...So that's why."

From that point on he told himself how it's alright since nothing changed between them. But it wasn't long before he stopped because it's the same thought that weighs heavy in his chest and right now... it hurts.

______

This just became a oneshot, didn't it?

[piskelo10]

Perks of having ADHD:

(Inattentive, at least—though I'm one symptom away from being combined. Remember that this is just based off of my own experience.)

I used to hate when people would treat ADHD like it was a good thing, as I felt that it just inherently wasn't. I continue to struggle with my ADHD, and have for a pretty long time, but I used to see it like some horrible entity that just fucked me over constantly and made my life hell. But now, as I finally have started being able to work with my ADHD instead of trying and failing to force it into submission, it's become more like just... another part of who I am. A part I'm still frustrated with sometimes, but a part I can appreciate both the bad and good in. So here goes.

Being able to let go of emotions fairly quickly

↑ It's not necessarily a given, of course there's some things too stressful or upsetting to be ignored, especially if they're ongoing—but when it comes to things that simply sour my mood, I find it really easy to distract myself and let go of it.

Finding intense joy in fictional media

Hyperfixations can be really annoying sometimes, but a lot of the time they're just hella fun! I love that I can become so excited over something so inconsequential, and I can become so attached to characters and it brings me a lot more enjoyment out of certain content.

Being able to become deeply immersed in things

Maybe not everyone will be able to relate to this one, but I find that I can become very immersed or absorbed into things like shows, books, or games, and it just enhances my enjoyment of things, or intensifies the emotions/experience I have consuming them. I love being able to hone in on a good movie or book or whatever and just feel it so deeply. Also, it allows me to sort of willingly get sucked into my own thoughts and little inner-world when I get really bored, or just for fun.

Being easily able to occupy myself

Of course, this might seem a bit contradictory—and not everyone may be able to relate, and it's not like I'm never restlessly hoping for something to do—however, I find that due to both my ability to immerse myself in my thoughts, and my overactive imagination, I'm able to get well absorbed into fun little stories or ideas to help me keep myself entertained when there's nothing to do.

Further along that vein... it also helps to motivate me for certain things. It might not be beneficial to those who have trouble separating the real from the fictional, or who might not be able to tear themselves out of a certain mindset or put them in one as quickly, but sometimes I like to pretend that I'm a character of mine, or that I'm in some situation/environment that makes something much easier to tolerate.

If I'm having trouble staying occupied while I'm doing something boring, or just don't want to do it—I pretend that perhaps I'm cleaning because I'm hiding the evidence of a murder, and run through my whole backstory in my head.

Or if I'm having trouble simply getting out of bed or the car because I'm too tired—I'll pretend that I'm a character of mine who would, who's determined and has important things to do and people to impress.

And if I'm having trouble taking a shower, because it's too boring or I just don't want to have more things for me to do—I'll pretend that I'm getting in the shower with a love interest, sharing a romantic or intimate moment; or perhaps I could imagine that I'm some creature being born out of the swamp, discovering its surroundings and admiring the nature and pouring rain.

And of course, finally:

Overactive imagination/creativity

I don't really even need to give my reasons for this one as I feel I've already given plenty.

Generally, although there's a lot of things about ADHD that can still really bother me or impact me negatively, there's also a lot I find myself appreciating about it in small ways. For the first time in my life in a very long time, I've been figuring out how my brain works, (even if I haven't cracked the code for a lot of it just yet,) but already it's been helping me substantially. It feels good not seeing ADHD as an enemy, but more of just another aspect of myself I need to work with and discover more about. The things I've listed can also be incredibly unhelpful sometimes, but I wanted to talk about the ways that I can find some benefit to certain aspects of my ADHD that makes it feel a little less awful.

[blood-injections]

I'm like in the Horrors right now (very mild head cold caught from my cousin lol) pleeease talk funkobra to me I wanna talk about them 🥺

Oh no not the horrors,, hope you feel better soon <3

Yeyeys funkobra ive been having thoughts today but then again i am every day theyre always on my mind honesty its a problem. They're best friends they're sometimes gay for each other they're rivals they're partners in crime they're complete fucking idiots. Ghouls kinda got a pathetic crush crazy puppy love sorta thing going on for kobra half the time and the other half just wants to fight him but just in that unbridled energy sort of way and like he has so much he needs to move he needs to fight he needs to be grounded by the physicality and pain. Also he just doesn't know any other way to show affection but figures fighting should work cause its kinda their thing. Hes like. This is flirting right? There's deeper stuff too yknow but that's the gist of it.

Meanwhile Kobra loves Ghoul as much as he hates him yknow but also its literally like that for everyone with him but where like with poison where its like i hate you with every inch of my being but i love you id die for you i could never leave your side with ghoul its like. You're cute i wanna bash your face in. Or youre annoying you fucking piss me off but youve also kind of become my best friend? And i still want to fight you and hurt you when you piss me off but youre part of the crew now and we've fought together and that means you're not alowed to die. Like unless its by my hands. Thats kinda the sum of what they are 2 me. Like where poison and kobra could never Actually kill eachother with ghoul and kobra honestly. theres a chance. And they kiss somtimes. Its a good thing they arent immortal or something because they'd literally be killing each other(mostly for fun) every five minutes.

Then theres the whole they both just like to fight for reasons and Tism and whatever so they fight eachother because it works and its safer than any other methods of getting thay shit out of their system because most of the time they know when to stop to not serously hurt the other like one of the could get if the just went and started a fight with someone or something.

They're so fucking stupid and it is very important to me that everyone knows. They're idiots. Neither of them understand social cues ghoul has no boundaries kobra is brutally honest and has anger issues they should not be allowed near people and their stupidity will bounce off of each other they actively make each other dumber they'll rile each other up and dare each other to do stupid shit left and right and they both have no reason to but theyll accept those dares regarless of danger or lameness or anything. "Hey go stand in that corner and stare at the wall for a hour." "Okay" or "hey drive your bike off that cliff" "bet"

They steal shit, they're both banned from tommy chow meins for life, they wont steal from dr d because they have too much respect for him but he watches them like a hawk so they dont break something because theyre buffons and will elbow and trip eachother out of the blue and they have indeed broken radio equipment before from both just tripping but also tumbling into it and proceeding to have a wrestling match on his floor. They're annoying they're the only ones that can stand each other and they're even more annoying together, the zones hate them. They're best friends they're soulmates in a way they're an argument away from losing control in a fight and actually killing each other but also if anything happened to one of them the other would fucking tear apart the desert piece by piece, set battery city on fire, or go on a rampage and not stop even to sleep until they get revenge or fix it.

[thegeminisage]

ok ok ok it's star trek update time. last time we watched tng's "liaisons" and ds9's "the circle."

liaisons (tng):

the summary of this one put me off soooo bad but i actually give it an enthusiastic pass because i loved the b plot but conned myself into also liking the a plot. allow me to explain

the b plot of this is of course the fantastic riker e worf e deanna showing the ambassadors a good time on the enterprise. this arc satisfied me from start to finish because it started with riker telling worf he looked good in a dress and finished with worf beating that annoying guy's face in, and in the middle there was also a poker game and whatever the FUCJ was happening in their little meeting room which was extremely fun and flirty

i have not forgotten btw that worf e deanna is supposed to happen in s7. im so sorry the actors hated it but rn it is Fueling me. bring it on.

the a plot is more complicated and the summary of this plot is what initially put me off

like, of Course it's picard and a woman. again.

here's what i didn't know: one, this woman was batshit insane and not to be trusted, and 2, she wasn't real but a fake roleplay character made by this alien. who is a man

THAT MEANS. NOT ONLY DID PICARD FINALLY GET HIS OWN CLOSE ENOUNTER

BUT IT WAS WITH A MAN

picard has canonically kissed a man. or um been kissed by one i guess

and all of that would have been just borderline and barely ekeing out with a pass EXCEPT

i had the thought near the end of this episode: q would be absolutely SICK

as we know. the funniest thing about q and indeed perhaps his only redeeming factor. is how bad he wants to fuck sir patrick stewart. which gets ONLY FUNNIER the more that sir patrick stewart is like, i would fuck literally anyone else in the galaxy first

and now here picard is, having liplocked with another guy, and he STILL hasn't fucked q. i spent so long giggling about this that i simply must give the episode a passing grade

also, i would like to note i figured out they were the same person before the episode told us. i am JUST that good

the circle (ds9):

KIRA MY BELOVED.....................................

absolutely tickled to pieces with the ensemble scene at the opening. first we had this nice little prolonged kira and odo moment 😍 which was so wonderful because of their like general dynamic and history being hinted at and then EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE CAST SAVE SISKO got their sitcom intro. it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. they were like, you simply cannot be dismissing major kira unfairly. so true. once again it is so cathartic to see them rallying around her whether they're federation or not. literally treating her really niceys

AND SISKO! his little scene with her in the garden down on the planet...wah. he's literally constantly trying to get her back. his support even when she's no longer technically working for him...EVERYBODY treats her really niceys

um except that vedek guy...idk whether he's on the level or not and i DID NOT like whatever sexy stuff was going on in that orb vision. putting aside the hilarious reality of orbs in general for a second are the prophets saying she has to fuck that guy? not my beautiful queen.

um and also except the circle. i didnt actually see the plot twist coming this time about that minister guy being in on it which is very fun. also i'm sooo glad they staged a speedy rescue

ODO THE RAT! i love when he turns into stuff

also odo blackmailing quark into being his deputy lol i LOOOOVE what they have it's SO funny

anyway i hope vedek winn chokes on her oatmeal when she finds out the cardassians are funding her little r*n d*santis campaigns. i thought that was a fun plot twist if not very surprising ultimately like of COURSE they are. it's crazy how relevant some of this still is

and on a final note, i like that sisko has chosen to Rules Lawyer his way into disobeying the prime directive because it is the right thing to do here. GOOD FOR HIM!

tonight: tng's "interface" and ds9's "the siege," finally concluding this little three-parter.

[synesindri]

creepy gabriel appreciation* time let's go. i think a lot about zachariah and gabriel being similar to each other but i don't really have any posts about it, so. gach communication style comparison post.

("appreciation" is NOT a word mean sarcastically. i love these characters so much and i am very sympathetic to both of them)

zachariah and gabriel both have a penchant for show-don't-tell (or show-first-then-explain) lesson-teaching. they both try to convey their messages by coming up with little scenarios to throw their targets/victims into to try to convince them of something. zachariah plonked sam and dean into an office au to try to persuade them of the immutability of their identities as hunters; gabriel threw them into a time loop to try to persuade sam that he can't change dean's deal. zachariah put dean into endverse to try to get him to say yes to michael; gabriel put sam and dean into a series of tv shows to get them both to stop fighting their status as true vessels. they both love to fuck with reality; they're both creative; they both seem to believe in the power of demonstration (in addition to explanation) as a persuasion tool.

but. i contend that gabriel's scenarios are a lot meaner than zachariah's.

in it's a terrible life, zachariah gives sam and dean a scary situation, but it's a situation they're equipped to handle, and that they have fun with. they don't remember who they used to be, so they're stressing about what to do going forward, not about the context. in the end, zachariah makes it clear that dean is going to visit 2014 specifically to learn a lesson, that there is a specific three-day timeline — it will not go on indefinitely. these are both brutal situations, they would both be horrifying to live through, but they have clear messages, and, for what they are, they aren't really harsher than they need to be. zachariah is creative, but he doesn't seem to be having more fun than is professionally appropriate; he isn't dragging it out; he's choosing painful teaching methods that allow him to play around more than is probably necessary but he doesn't seem to be dragging it out just for the love of the game. he's doing scare-tactic PSAs that have to fit into 30 second advertising slots, basically. (i acknowledge that zachariah also does physical torture but that's a different sort of thing and not what i am talking about rn)

gabriel does not show the same courtesies that zachariah does. gabriel does not provide context, nor does he provide any kind of identity-warping or memory-fuckery to soften the blow. with gabriel, you just experience whatever horrors he sees fit to inflict, and you get to stumble around trying to figure out what the message is — if there even is one — until you learn it or he gets tired of messing with you. he doesn't stick to timelines; his "lessons" go for as long as they go — for all sam knew, the mystery spot situation was over months and months before it was actually over. gabriel's messages, once he communicates them, are also a lot harder to make sense of than zachariah's: the lesson from mystery spot, "play your role," is pretty clear, but it's muddled by how annoyed gabriel seems to be about that being his message, and how conflicted gabriel himself obviously is about playing his own role. the lesson from mystery spot, that sam needs to learn to let dean go, is also pretty clear eventually, but it’s confusing because it’s ostensibly delivered by a pagan god who has no obvious reason to care one way or another about how well sam copes with his brother’s inevitable death (it gets a little clearer in retrospect, but it’s still bizarre). and then on top of all that, gabriel seems to be having a lot more fun with his tricks than zachariah is with his scenarios, delighting in his own cleverness and seeming to find it funny when his target/victims get rattled. it comes across as a game, whereas zachariah’s work comes across as a job. 

and that’s because gabriel is doing everything he’s doing he wants to, whereas zachariah really is doing it because it is his job. zachariah has a prime directive and he has a timeline — and he’s also an angel still hooked into heaven. he’s a cog in the machine; he’s doing what he’s supposed to do; he can enjoy his work but it is to be enjoyed in the service of the greater Plan. gabriel though…gabriel isn’t hooked in anymore. gabriel is, at face value, free. he still is affected by what heaven does, but he’s not one of its agents anymore, so he can do what he wants: no preset goals, no restrictions. and he wants to do is to be cruel in a way that mirrors but is way more indulgent than how most angels are cruel, and he wants to teach heaven’s lessons despite not being on the metaphorical payroll anymore, and he doesn’t want to be to-the-point it about it. (i wonder how much of the lack of clarity of gabriel’s lessons comes from his own uncertainty about what is right and his own experiences of lessons being ambiguous, vs just because he’s having fun being mean.) 

the other thing that makes gabriel scary in this comparison is that gabriel’s involvement is a lot more emotional than zachariah’s. zachariah gets annoyed, but for a long time he stays professional. gabriel, though, tends to flip from having fun to being obviously very angry. he’s much more personally invested, and he’s a lot more emotionally expressive — and because of this and the internal conflict underlying his lessons, he comes across as a lot more volatile. i would much much rather be subjected to one of zachariah’s lessons than one of gabriel’s, partly because it would probably be clearer and wouldn’t last as long, but mostly because i would understand how to interact with him. i would know what he wanted, and i would know he would be pretty sensible about my questions and concerns, because he’s a guy doing his prestigious job. gabriel though…gabriel is an entity with astonishing reality-warping powers who doesn’t make it clear what he wants, who seems to take pleasure in playing cruel pranks, and who is very invested and upset about things i would have no context for at all, in ways he seems conflicted with himself about, and so i therefore would have no way of knowing how to avoid upsetting him more. 

and i think that’s really interesting! that even an angel who isn’t strictly an angel anymore can’t really help but do heaven’s work for it. gabriel is a guy with a skillset that was very valuable at the place he used to work, but he hated the working conditions so he quit, and then wasn’t sure what to do so just kept using those skills but more, and then was mad about it that he couldn’t come up with anything different to do. still defined by his old job because he was a great fit for it, even though he wants to distance himself from that job. it’s probably even dangerous for gabriel to involve himself with sam and dean repeatedly and so pointedly, because he’s supposed to be in hiding and they’re pretty prominently on heaven’s radar — but he can’t help himself, and so he takes it out on them. he’s a great example of angels being capable of enjoying things, but not being great at figuring out how to want things that they haven’t been told to want. it fits in nicely with raphael’s statement in 5.03 “whatever we want, we get” — but what raphael wants is to do what raphael is supposed to want, to follow the plan, because that will lead to paradise. 

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Am I the only one who’s not really enjoying chapter 2 so far? I feel a tad guilty for saying it but apart from Jimin’s album, none of the solo work we’ve seen so far has really made it for me 😕 Objectivity I found Indigo really good but I realize I never really reach for it. Face has been the only album I’ve listened to loads of times. I like Layover, but I know it won’t be to the point of listening it again and again. I was a bit sad because I was excited for Jungkook’s album but I really don’t like Seven at all. I miss Jin and Hobi’s humour and energy. I guess I’m much more a BTS fan as a group rather than the members separately. Jimin is my bias, I have a soft spot for him, but I would still choose the band as a whole over him as a soloist. I feel a bit bad for saying it.. I hate the way the fandom is right now, all the competitiveness, and oftentimes I catch myself thinking I want this chapter to be over so we can get the band together again. I just want to see them live at least once, as I became a fan at the beginning of 2020 and as I live in Europe I didn’t have the opportunity to see them. I’m also bored about how they tend to focus so heavily on the US market now..of course I understand why, but still, it’s annoying. I don’t know if there’s anyone who feel the same? I just want the solo area to come to an end.. sorry for the rant, I know I’m being selfish but I’m getting bored with this area😫

I understand where you're coming from. I miss BTS like crazy. Nothing tops how much fun they are together and how their love for each other is a balm to the soul. I miss them dropping music and their performances. I miss the excitement of a BTS comeback. It's really not the same with them solo. Nothing is as exciting, everything is rushed, and we have no time to even anticipate or feel excited about new music dropping because it happens too often.

Indigo is a great album but I haven't listened to it much either, V's debut was my least favorite in many ways, I didn't like JITB as a whole, I didn't care about Face either. I like Seven but I've many, many complaints about it, and am feeling very apprehensive about JK's next single and debut album. I would've been happier if I had more performances to look forward to. When BTS have a comeback, they perform their title track so much that we get tired of it. But Hobi and Suga were the only ones who performed more than a handful of times, and doing a tour isn't the same as having performances uploaded to BANGTANTV every week. I miss group performances, Bangtan Bombs, Run BTS, the random promotional videos for Chuseok or whatever, Bon Voyage, Winter and Summer packages, ITS, etc. Photoshoots and variety shows aren't the same, I don't care for them... I miss the excitement of waking up and seeing them all at a certain event or at the airport. Nothing is as fun with only one of the members, and I know they're all looking forward to 2025 as well!

It's insane that it feels like BTS was an hallucination. Before 2021 the idea of the members not being seven was just fucking crazy, but now BTS don't even feel like a group anymore. I can't even imagine them together now. You're definitely not the only one who prefers them as a group. Most Armys do. It's okay to be bored by their solo ventures. It is what it is. It's not selfish. You're allowed to not like the way things turned out. I'm sure you're not blaming BTS and that you understand their current situation.

Also, I've no plans to seem them live. I know it won't happen and I'm more afraid of having the opportunity than not. If they go to Spain, for example, it will be relatively simple for me to see them live so I will feel pressured to buy tickets, but it's so fucking complicated to do so. Plus, there's traveling, the waiting at the venue, and all the stress that goes with it. If I don't get tickets, I'll be sad, and if I do, I'll be nervous that the experience won't live up to my expectations. I honestly prefer it that I've never had to worry about missing a chance to see them live because it's never come up. But I also get your pov haha. I hope you get to see them at least once!

Thanks for the ask!

[paperboy-pb]

One of the big themes I want to emphasize in PB is disability acceptance.

As "PAPERBOY" progresses, I'm gonna be showing off how much it hurts to live in a world without it-- having people not accept you solely because of conditions you can only help so much is horrible. And we all deserve to be accepted as we are by the people around us.

But at the same time, you shouldn't feel obligated to love every part of your disability either. Self-acceptance doesn't come naturally to everyone. And who knows, maybe your disability really does get in the way sometimes!

Amelia, Aza, Rudy, etc. don't really mind their situations. They're just used to it, and it barely bothers them, if at all. But maybe you're not like them!

Maybe you're like Wilbur & his Blindness, where your disability is taking away things you loved, leaving you to grieve.

Or maybe you're like Linus & his Epilepsy, where you've found a way to make life work for you but still think it's annoying sometimes.

Maybe you're like Karl & his Down Syndrome; it's not something that you can hide, but sometimes, you wish you could. It'd be nice to blend in with everyone else for a second, you know?

Or maybe you're like Matthew & his health conditions, and you've faced a lifetime of abuse for being born that way. And you're having a hard time accepting yourself as a result.

Or maybe you're like me & only recently got diagnosed with something. And you don't know how to handle it.

...

I got 4, if you're wondering. Autism. Asthma. MDD. But a while back, I found out that I've been suffering PTSD, too. And I didn't take it well. Honestly, I'm still not.

I don't know if it ever truly goes away, and I don't want to live with it. I'm not going anywhere, of course. But I've worked hard enough, man, give me a break! Am I supposed to just be okay knowing that I'm gonna keep having flashbacks & nightmares over stupid shit nobody understands? Having a TV in my head that constantly loops home videos I never wanted to see again?

It's not fair. I'm not even 20. I shouldn't have such dark, smudged skin under my eyes.

I revel in being autistic. I've made it work for me, and in my case, I find almost no downsides. And I don't really mind my Asthma anymore. I've had it pretty much my whole life now, & I'm kinda just used to it. Same thing with Depression, although I'm obviously not happy to have that one, either.

With PTSD though, it's newer. I've only had symptoms for a few years, and I've only known what was wrong for one. And I have to worry.

Is something gonna set it off? What do I do when it acts up? I'm interested in someone-- is my PTSD gonna be too much for them to handle? I feel weak, and if anything, I'm mad at me for getting traumatized in the first place!

I know I was a kid & that the trauma was genuinely bad, but... I'm a bit of a New York hard-ass. I'm supposed to be tougher than this, man! I was supposed to come out on top, brush it off & overcome it like I'm the shit.

A life with something as debilitating as PTSD is not what I had in mind. It's like... an injury, almost. You look at the damage and go, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

And I know I have to learn to accept life with PTSD one day. Because if I don't accept myself, I'm gonna be fighting myself & making it worse as hell. But I don't like how it holds me back in life. Or the toll it's taken on my body. And y'know what, we disabled people can be mad about that shit!

Why shouldn't we?

...

We're allowed to be hurt over it. We're allowed to be angry, annoyed, displeased, or whatever else we feel about it.

Getting back to Paperboy, we already know that Matthew struggles with being a disabled kid because he's been brought up to believe that being so is synonymous with worthlessness & inferiority. Not only that, but it's been a lot of bad people's "excuse" for targeting him. So... he hates it.

And that's okay for now. It's his to think about. Not anybody else's.

But he's not going to stay there, either. Because if you wanna live your life to the fullest, you're gonna need to live *with* disability. Because it is a part of life. Like it or not. And one day, he'll find a way to live with that.

If you notice anybody struggling with internalized ableism, or disability grief, or even just frustration... help them, but don't push them into acceptance too hard, either. It's a process.

Trust the process.

[moondeer1616]

Vent

It's your birthday today. I would've wished you happy birthday but I know you don't want to hear anything from me. After all you didn't wish me a happy birthday either. It doesn't really matter either way. I still don't understand and hate a lot of things you did. I did shitty and annoying things but at least i didnt go out of my way to do most of them. Im not the one that reposted tiktoks that heavily implied that you were talking shit about me behind my back. I'm not the one that lied and said "it wasn't the end" of our friendship. And im not the one that went out of their way to text my shitty abusive birth giver in a civil way after you stopped talking to me knowing damn well all the horrible shit she's done, including threatening you and your family and scaring you guys in person??? Like what the actual fuck. Honestly thats what i get for loving someone. Thats what i get for trying to be a good person and love someone unconditionally. What-fucking-ever. It doesnt even matter anymore. I'm just so tired of life. I'm tired of having shit after shit after shitty days. I'm sick of feeling depressed and lonely. I always genuinely try to be kind and honest and caring but nobody appreciates it. If anything all it does is make them see me like a pathetic little child that deserves pity. Apparently showing affection and care for the ones you love is "corny" and cringey now. I'm sick of being treated like a stupid fucking child. I'm sick of nobody bothering to start a genuine conversation with me or bothering to ask why I am the way that I am. Im sick of being ignored everywhere i go and being treated like a ghost and at the same time being laughed at and made fun of. Even when I try to have good and happy days they're always ruined. The other day I just wanted to buy some clothes and feel good about myself and enjoy some time out but of course i had to be rushed by my stupid piece of shit fucking family and i didnt even get to enjoy whatever garbage i got. Then they all went to eat without me and then my birth giver proceeded to bang on the car aggressively because of my brothers shitty driving skills. Because yeah its totally okay to let a minor drive with no license in your car and then spaz out when he inevitably makes mistakes. But whenever i wanted to drive all of a sudden im not allowed. I dont even fucking care about driving. I just wanted to enjoy my life. I just wanted to have a family and genuine friends that bother to ask about my well being and show me love whenever they get the chance. But i know im fucking stupid for wanting those things. Nobody cares about me and nobody ever will. I always tell myself at the end of each day that I don't deserve to live and I should've just died. What's the point of moving on in life. There's no future where im happy. I'm going to be alone and unloved until the day I die and nothing will ever change that.