agent-calivide

[agent-calivide]

ASJDKAJ PHOENIX NO-

This is one of my dumber deaths-

[agent-calivide]

It's been awhile since I've last drawn The Fabricator (or anything really)

[agent-calivide]

ACTUALLY NO. I'M NOT LEAVING IT AT THAT BECAUSE THIS LEVEL SUCKS.

It's one thing for a speedrun to be brutally tight, I know the Death Engine was one I struggled with for similar reasons. That sucks, but it's tolerable.

But not only is it tight time wise, it's JAM PACKED with a HUNDRED itty bitty teeny tiny things you can ACCIDENTALLY grab while trying to grab something else! You see that in the video, finessing grabbing that locker door is SO MISERABLE most of my speed run attempts are nuked in the first 5 seconds.

But then on TOP of that, it commits the sin of have SUCH. LONG. FUCKING. CUTSCENES. It's one thing to botch a run where you are hustling the entire time, but there are just these long swaths of you doing fuck all just like Jet Set, which is the other notoriously terrible speed run in IETYD.

Honestly, IEYTD 3 generally struggles in that department between Hot Water, Cold Shoulder, and KBOOM, the cutscenes are so cool on a first run, but it makes speed runs fucking MISERABLE because you're going to hear the monologue a hundred times and will just be thinking about how you could absolutely cut down the length if THE DAMN CUT SCENE MOVED ALONG. And it's not like this is a self-inflicted suffering, akin to launching yourself buck-ass naked to fight Ganondorf with nothing but a stick and spite to carve .048 seconds off your Breath of the Wild speed run for the leaderboard off-the game, these are encouraged achievements in-game. It's soooo bullshit!

Hot Water is such a fun level environmentally to fuck around in, but it literally takes EVERY part of speed running that sucks and puts it in A BLENDER FROM HELL

If anyone ever wondered what my least favorite level to speedrun is. Here’s your answer.

[agent-calivide]

I put way too much effort into this.

[agent-calivide]

thinking about how one of the most poetic things i ever wrote was in like chapter 5 of a jazz au for a 1960's set VR spy game's sequel that was the first real fanfic i ever wrote. tempted to go back and rewrite D.S. al Coda since i have more experience and a hell lotta more growth and skill now. reminding myself i have way too many other wips.

[agent-calivide]

THIS THING HAS BEEN SITTING ON MY SCREEN FOR SO LONG AND I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO FINISHING IT!!!

[agent-calivide]

How I write Phoenix and how I act in game are… very different-

[agent-calivide]

The death loop thoughts persist, but moreso as like. The actual logistics of when missions start.

The thing with the missions is, at their absolute fastest, they're around one minute, and at their longest they're 5-10 minutes. The fact that Phoenix always appears right when they're rolling into the mission, not getting there, and certainly not while they navigating a vehicle (Death Engine and Deep Dive), that means that likely there's a specific point around every 10-30 minutes that gets a marker set where Phoenix comes back.

Which honestly makes death-loops fascinating, because they absolutely can get trapped in them in that case.

Like, imagine Zor being suspicious as they watch a recording of Phoenix moving, not with good reaction time, but with the boredom and lack of interest of someone who's done this before.

Seeing Phoenix crack ciphers that Zor needs a key to remember the codes to, not with genius puzzle solving, but because they seem to just know that's where the key goes, or that's what that punch-card says.

Imagine Zor capturing and interrogating Phoenix, only to see the agent swerving a knife they throw at them, dodging several gunshots, and easily cutting the garrote they tried to wrap around their neck, a jarring encounter as no one has ever dodged Zor getting their hands messy before.

Phoenix cannot be killed... So what's the alternative?

[agent-calivide]

If anyone ever wondered what my least favorite level to speedrun is. Here’s your answer.

[agent-calivide]

This is one of my dumber deaths-

[agent-calivide]

This is a dumb little tangent, but how the fuck did Phoenix get their van to the base in IEYTD 3???

Like.

Yes, Babadag is on the coast of the Black Sea, but the condition the van is in seems to imply that it went through some shit (presumably surviving that Zoraxis base exploding).

But like- if Phoenix took their van to the transmission point somewhere on a remote island in the Black Sea.... How did they get it back??? How did they get it there???????

And if they didn't take it on their last mission, why is it in that state?

Did Zoraxis Operatives vandalize their vehicle when Juniper kidnapped them? How did they get it to Romania?

Yeah, Budapest is like a 12 hour drive from Babadag, which is where the HQ Phoenix was supposed to drive the briefcase to before Safe and Sound-

-but even so, that means the agent went from somewhere in the Black Sea, back to Budapest (which is land-locked so they had to fly there or take a boat back to Romania then hitch hike back to Budapest), then drive for twelve hours back to the Babadag control point-

How... how long did that take?? How absolutely bitter was Phoenix by the time they got back to the EOD-

I'm just picturing Phoenix, actively bleeding out, cursing the day they joined the EOD as they drive down dirt roads and missing turn-off's to get to the nearest base-

[agent-calivide]

New Chapter of Smoke, Spotlights, and Mirrors is out!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56451040/chapters/158484673

Content Warnings: Fire, people trapped in burning buildings, detailed description of injury

[agent-calivide]

new year new me *throws this at you and sprints away*

[agent-calivide]

I think the most bullshit censoring I've experienced personally is the #iexpectyoutodie tag on TikTok getting nuked because it was considered a death threat. Like. Something something that whole discussion surrounding how censorship is a slippery slope because IEYTD is so family friendly all things considered??? Oh no, this said die, it must be bad!

The other two times I got dinged were equally stupid, one being me painting a nerf crossbow to look real to be a Phoenix prop and showing the process and the other being because I properly captioned a popular audio that had suicidal themes. God forbid your videos are accessible if you're talking about heavy themes, I guess.

[agent-calivide]

Would you like to be subjected to my brainrot?

I am not sorry

[agent-calivide]

Sorry my next animation is taking so long! (Can't believe it's been more than a month since I posted!)

Please take this John Juniper as a sign of good faith that I will return!

[agent-calivide]

HUZZAH, THE BASTARD!!!

Someone draw Juniper saying this, please /j