#i love it and hate it equally because of what it means for jo

[laora-ryn]

so I have a Magnus Protocol theory. it's not an airtight theory, but I think it holds enough water that I feel confident posting this today now that ep 21 is live

I think [ERROR] is Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. or what's become of him. or what's left of him

The short version:

Tape recorders spontaneously appear around [ERROR] and their victims

People are compelled to start reciting statements. We have an n of 3 total, but an n of 1 (of 3) where the statement and [ERROR] are directly linked

They were trapped in a water-logged space beneath the Archivist's office of the Magnus Institute, before Sam accidentally let them out

They seem to have a vested interest in protecting Gwen "Jon Sims' closest archetype in Protocol" Bouchard

The long version is under the cut because hooooo boy did it get long

I'll start with the obvious question. "[ERROR] is credited as voiced by Beth Eyre! we do hear their voice in Breaking Ground, and it doesn't sound like Jon!"

Answer 1: it would be extremely way too obvious if Jonny voiced this character, if they didn't want people to make the connection immediately

Answer 2: I doubt what [ERROR] sounds like right now is going to matter too much in the long run, if it isn't meant to, because it sounds like they're probably some kind of ghost/apparition, and their appearances are so heavily distorted audio-wise that I just. don't really trust them myself, tbh?

But it probably would be silly to forget that Beth Eyre did appear in TMA, exactly once. She voiced the lady who witnessed the attempted Flesh ritual and came to give a statement to Gertrude about it. As far as I can tell, that lady didn't meet Jon at all. I feel like it's probably premature to say this is a simple case of "reusing the VA because we like them," but I don't think it's completely out of the question

so to the matter of [ERROR] themselves, the only physical description we get of them is "manky old git," courtesy of Ink5oul. They seem like the type to think anyone over 30 is "old," so take that with a grain of salt lol

The in-scene descriptors we get of [ERROR] are as follows:

Episode 10:

The water is gently disturbed below. Then there is a thud on the hidden wooden trapdoor and the rattle of a padlock.

There is the distinct sound of a key being dragged across wood, then being blindly fumbled in a lock which finally clicks.

The trap door opens, the lock falling away and [ERROR] emerges and takes a shuddering breath..

Episode 21:

A Figure emerges, shrouded in a cloak of whispers.

The Figure continues to emerge, a nightmarish specter of an older world, slowly enveloping Ink5oul’s brash bravado.

Ink5oul reluctantly releases GWEN. She sprints away still gabbling as she flees.

The Figure does not move.

Beat. The Figure turns to Ink5oul.

The Figure breathes deeply, a strange and disconcerting sound, enveloped in pained whispers.

The Figure recedes.

Voice lines from episode 21:

"MINE"

"ALL OF THEM, MINE"

"THERE IS MORE"

"NO. NOT HERE. ELSEWHERE..."

So here's what I'm taking away from this list:

[ERROR] is at least in some way corporeal, in that they can interact with the physical world

They seem to do a lot of breathing. it is unpleasant to listen to

They appear to be followed around by whispers? I'm taking the transcripts' word on that one, because my hearing is crap and I can't hear the sound effect. But I'm including it because it might be relevant

They have either a powerful enough presence/aura, or did something visibly that we didn't hear, enough to make Ink5oul back down. Ink5oul, who three minutes ago cut off a man's arm because he thought about getting in their way. Ink5oul, who definitely was Not going to let Gwen go without a fight. Ink5oul, a powerful new avatar, backed down after barely a fight at all

"a nightmarish spectre of an older world" has terrifying connotations I am not yet ready to tackle!

So... to go through my points from earlier I guess aha:

THE TAPE RECORDERS

We've seen tape recorders pop up 3 times so far:

episode 10 in the Archivist's office

episode 15 when Alice encounters the drowning woman

episode 21 when Gwen is cornered by Ink5oul

Two of these, [ERROR] shows up directly. In episode 15, we have no [ERROR] that we can see, but we DO see someone who is very likely one of [ERROR'S] victims? after-effects? which leads into:

THE COMPELLED STATEMENTS

We've heard of 3 (4, ish) compelled statements so far:

episode 15, the drowning woman

episode 18, the woman who started speaking on the autopsy table

(arguably) episode 20, where Ink5oul gives a monologue that sounds Very Much Like a statement. However, the mechanism of how this happened is still unclear

episode 21, Gwen spontaneously starts giving a statement relatively coherently when she's been hysterical - immediately after Ink5oul's tattoo gun touched her skin, and literally three seconds before [ERROR] shows up and lays claim to her

Two of these are recorded on tape recorders, as above. One of them (Ink5oul's) is recorded on Gwen's phone.

Episode 18, according to the coroner's report, was transcribed longhand by the doctor while the victim was speaking. Presumably, they eventually loaded it into her chart, where it was picked up by Freddy. However, it feels significant to me that the initial recording of the statement was done in a non-digital way

THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE

Does this even need to be a section tbh? lol

I would like to point out some oddities from episode 10 that may or may not be relevant to [ERROR]:

Alice and RedCanary both specifically call out a weird floor carving in the atrium, that somehow survived the fire

The key to the trapdoor was at the bottom of a filing cabinet?

The LOCK on the trapdoor, which appears to have been keeping [ERROR] trapped, was on the UNDERSIDE of the trapdoor??

THE TIES TO GWEN

Please consider Gwen Bouchard for a moment.

Gwen is a young employee of the OIAR who's worked there for four-ish years. She's recently been promoted.

She's finding out very quickly that she's in over her head with this job, but doesn't feel able to ask her coworkers for help.

She's rash, and has a short temper, and has exacting standards, and doesn't think very highly of her coworkers. She's an ass, but she's not a bad person - when she realizes that something she did caused other people to suffer, she was genuinely horrified.

Her boss is deliberately obtuse and unhelpful. Her boss is deliberately sending her into dangerous situations without all the facts or even any information at all, making her go face to face with monsters with the power to seriously harm or even kill her.

All this, while she barely has any concept that the monsters she's been reading about are very real and very dangerous. She has, just moments ago, been visibly marked by a monster who's been stalking her with a stated intention to cause permanent, even fatal, injury

EDITED TO ADD: Gwen had a childhood encounter with something presumably supernatural. Something involving a door that shouldn't have been opened

It feels very, very in-character for Jon Sims, or what's left of him, or an Archivist that has any scrap of Jon Sims left in them, to see her and see her trajectory, and say "no, absolutely not." Jon Sims, who - last time we saw him - said "I'd rather kill our doomed world myself than make anyone in another hypothetical reality go through what I have."

"[She's] mine - all of them, mine." Gwen Bouchard, a young member of an office with a job she can't even begin to understand. Her coworkers: Alice Dyer, a friendly, sarcastic woman with a cheerful front and a younger brother she adores. Sam Khalid, a man far too curious for his own good, who will follow a lead into danger if it means he might get some goddamn answers. Colin Becher, a man who's starting to understand what they've been wrapped up in, and who is quickly letting it consume him. And Celia Ripley, a woman [ERROR] may or may remember or recognize from the last time they were anything approaching human

Jon, or what's left of him, or what he's become, seeing all the same parallels that the audience has been seeing since episode one, and deciding to do something about it. To be the protector he, and Tim, and Sasha, and Martin so desperately needed. Laying claim to the OIAR staff in order to prevent them from being harmed by other monsters. Helping in maybe the only way he can, as he is right now

And maybe I'm wildly off-base! Maybe I'll be proven wrong in episode 22, or episode 30, or episode 90! but the more I think about this meta the more I love it, and the more sense it makes to me

[2manythoughtz]

Barbie has been deeply misunderstood?

The movie Barbie is still topic of many discussions among viewers and their different points of view. The Golden Globes have proved just why this movie was needed in the first place.

Recently some comments have been made during The Golden Globes that have left people thinking. For those who don’t know, The Golden Globes is an annual ceremony that takes place in the US and awards movies, TV series, actors and so on based on their categories and the votes are made by approximately 300 entertainment journalists from various parts of the world. As with all ceremonies, they must have a host who most of the time is someone famous in the entertainment industry and who is meant to make the night funny and unforgettable, sadly this year was not the case.

Jo Koy, who is a famous stand-up comedian and actor, was the host of this year’s edition and some of his jokes left people speechless. While most VIPs in the audience looked somehow confused and uncomfortable as he tried to get a few laughs from everyone. Of course, hosting is not an easy task, there’s a lot of pressure on the person and I’m sure they need a lot of time to prepare their jokes. That doesn’t excuse what has been said and, while no one in the audience said anything about it, the fans at home were not so silent on the matter.

While many lines were not appreciated, such as Jo Koy’s comment about Taylor Swift that left her fans bitter about it, one in particular really struck a nerve and everyone started talking about it on social media. “Oppenheimer is based on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize-winning book about the Manhattan Project, and Barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, he then added. “I don’t want you guys to think that I’m a creep. It was kind of weird being attracted to a plastic doll, just something about your eyes, Ryan…it’s not all about you Margot.” And finally. "The key moment in Barbie is when she goes from perfect beauty to bad breath, cellulite, and flat feet. Or what casting directors call character actor!"

As you can imagine, the Barbie cast was not too enthusiastic about these comments as they looked embarrassed rather than amused. People all over social media are criticizing Jo Koy for proving the movie’s point, just because the movie is about a “doll with big boobies” doesn’t mean that it’s something he can comment about so lightly. This misogynistic behavior is exactly why Barbie was made in the first place, to show people that in a world dominated by men, women will always be looked down upon, whether they’re real or just dolls.

But what is the Barbie movie about? Whether you love it or hate it, I think everyone agrees on the fact that the Barbie movie is a way to show people, mostly young women, that it’s hard to fit in today’s society. Women have been fighting for their rights for years, trying to become men’s equals while also feeling the pressure that has been put on them to be perfect no matter what. Barbie is about a doll, yes, but the story revolves around something deeper. The way Barbie slowly realizes that being imperfect is not a bad thing, it’s just a human thing, and the way she manages to understand her feelings as she evolves from feeling perfect to slowly wondering if there’s more to life is just eye-opening.

The movie discusses many topics and, while some of them may be a bit controversial, the main topic is womanhood. What is it to be a woman, what if feels to be a woman and how women are portrayed. So joking about Barbie’s body in a sexual way and the struggles she encounters is not only sickening but also embarrassing.

Greta Gerwig, the movie’s director, remained professional on her end and when asked to comment on Jo Koy’s words, she simply said. “Well, he’s not wrong,” she continued. “She’s the first doll that was mass-produced with breasts, so he was right on. And you know, I think that so much of the project of the movie was unlikely because it is about a plastic doll. Barbie by her very construction has no character, no story, she’s there to be projected upon.”

Even so, the Barbie movie won an award for best Cinematic and Box Office Achievement.

Speaking of awards, there’s something else we must address. Another misconception that shows just how everyone has misunderstood how deep the movie’s message is. In fact, most of the movie’s soundtracks were nominated as Best Song at the Critics Choice Awards and, as everyone expected What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish to be the winner, I’m Just Ken ended up winning that title. Yet again, it’s almost laughable as this song is basically a joke about the Kens feeling misunderstood and ignored by Barbie, while What Was I Made For is a song about womanhood and the hard feelings and fears that women live with. The award went to the only song made by a man that was up against the other 2 songs made by women for the same movie.

Ryan Gosling’s reaction has become viral online as you can see him confused and unamused by this unexpected victory. Yes, I’m Just Ken maybe became more popular because of the memes but to put it above a meaningful song such as What Was I Made For felt unreal. I’m not sure which was worse, Jo Koy’s jokes or this award.

What are you thoughts? Let me know!

[she-karev]

B-Team (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev's Sister)

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Canon Episode: B-Team Shorts on YouTube

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev's Sister)

AN: Sorry for being away for so long but hopefully this makes up for it. Amber Karev is taking Sam Bello’s spot from season 14 so there won’t be a love triangle.

Summary: Amber starts her first day as an intern and is met with expected obstacles. Meanwhile DeLuca tries to navigate his feelings for Amber after discovering her relation to Alex and goes to Carina for help who takes matters into her own hands.

Words: 8260

I walk around the dozens of boxes in my studio apartment frantically as I look for my keys. Today is my first day at work and I already lost my keys as if the universe hates me and wants me to be late. I probably look insane no doubt with my hand trying to hold my hair up in a ponytail, my other hand holding my coffee mug and wearing my pink panties with my casual sweater for the day.

“Damn it come on where are you?!” I sip my coffee when I feel something metal hit my lips. I stop suddenly and look down to find my keys inside the mug to my relief and disgust, “Of course two sugars, crème and keys like I always take it.” I don’t know why I’m talking to myself, so I pull my keys out and clean them.

After throwing the mug away I go to a mirror and try to put my hair in a ponytail when the band snaps to my frustration, “Grrr!” I throw the band away and opt for a hair clip instead praying it suffices. I grab my backpack, put my jeans on, grab my Adidas and open the door. I hop down the hall as I put my shoes on trying not to fall. I finally put them on and run to the elevator exhaling as it closes.

I run to my black 2012 Ford Mustang in the parking lot and hurriedly go inside and hope the engine starts. I turn the key in the ignition and by some miracle it starts the first time and I skid out of the spot and drive to the hospital as fast as I can.

Later

Andrew walks to the hospital across the park trying to keep his head together after last night’s revelation. He looked around hoping to find Carina so he can talk to her and figure out what to do. Ever since he figured out who Amber really is his mind has been wrestling with images of her in the bar, flirting with her and having fun and images of her brother beating him up and the pain he faced after.

If she was a regular resident who was related to an attending, he wouldn’t be so conflicted but a regular attending wouldn’t have hit him. He and Alex were amicable after everything but he highly doubted Alex would be okay knowing his little sister slept with Andrew and start a fantasy football league together. It would make things more complicated for both of them especially for Andrew. And then there’s Amber who would be caught in the middle of it. The idea of that makes Andrew feel equally uneasy due to how fast and hard he developed feelings for her.

“Hey, didn’t I meet you at a bar somewhere?”

Andrew eyes widen at the familiar voice and turns around to find Amber smiling at him wearing a black sweater with her hair in a clip. Even in a slightly disheveled state he couldn’t help his physical attraction towards her natural beauty. Andrew grins slightly trying to remain cool despite his stomach being in a twist in her presence.

“Hey, I-I didn’t think I was gonna see you so soon after last night.”

“Well it’s my first day and I’ve had perfect attendance since 1st grade and I want to keep that up. You’re not carrying a coffee are you because I don’t want coffee on my cleavage the first day.”

Andrew chuckles, “No I’m weaning off caffeine I’ve uh got enough keeping me up.” He didn’t add that she was the reason he was up all night and not in a good way.

“Well your stronger than me. So, have you told anyone about us hooking up? Besides Dr. Robbins, your sister and Jo I mean.” Amber asks.

“Uh no not really I figured that’s not an impression you want to make with the other interns.”

Amber grins, “No definitely not, I don’t want them thinking I’m using nepotism and sex to work my way into an O.R. Plus, if it got back to Alex, it would go back to my family who would be freaking out that I wasn’t being usual responsible Amber.”

Andrew nods trying to keep a calm face over mention of her brother, Amber is oblivious as she teases him, “Even though we were totally responsible…twice.”

“It’s cool I get it.”

Amber looks at her watch, “Oh shoot I gotta go, my shift starts but we should hang out after and…catch up.” Amber makes her voice breathier at catch up.

Andrew looks at her and is more conflicted the more he spends time with her so he opts to escape, “Um yeah maybe I’ll let you know.”

“Okay see you later.” Amber rushes inside with Andrew watching her as his anxiety increases causing him to walk briskly inside the building. He tried to stay calm as he put on his scrubs and finally finds Carina in the MRI room that she’s using for her study.

Andrew sits next to her as she writes down her data, “I need your help.”

“I’m busy as you can see my patient is about to reach climax.”

Andrew groans, “You know there are other ways you could explain that without making it dirty.”

Carina continues writing without looking at him, “Andrea if you want my help for something don’t insult my work before or I will kick you out.”

“Right sorry. Um I have a personal problem and it’s pretty big so I need you to swear it won’t get out of this room, can you do that?”

“I am studying women during the most intimate and private moments of their lives of course I can keep a secret, what is it?”

Andrew tries to find where to begin, “Do you uh remember that night I walked in on you and Dr. Robbins?”

Carina doesn’t look up from her notes, “It’s hard to forget, it was a very nice night for us regardless. Once we went our separate ways of course.”

“Right well do you remember the girl that I brought with me?”

“The blonde who looks a little like Princess Diana, I remember her, did you get her number?”

Andrew bitterly chuckles, “No she wanted to finish med school in New York with no strings attached so we decided to save a date if she ever came here again and she did.”

His sister still doesn’t look up, “Okay why is she here? Is it just for you?”

“No, she’s a surgical intern here.”

Carina still doesn’t look up despite that information, “And that’s a problem? We work long hours and she’s a surgeon like you so she doesn’t have to pretend to be interested.”

Andrew grimaces, “Believe me I wish us working together was the only problem. Do you remember when I was beat up last year by my boss after I helped his girlfriend walk home after she got drunk?”

“Yes, it was very scary I remember you saying to me I didn’t have to travel 14 hours just to see you even though I was okay with it.” Carina gets confused, “Wait a minute what does that have to do with…” Carina doesn’t know her name due to Amber quickly leaving after meeting her when she was fighting with Andrew.

“Amber.” Andrew finishes for her.

“Amber, what does this have to do with Amber?”

Andrew purses his lips in cruel irony, “Well the boss that beat me up, Alex Karev.”

“Uh huh.” Carina nods, still looking at her notes.

“Amber is his sister and I slept with her that night.”

Carina finally stops writing and looks at Andrew with wide shocked eyes and he bitterly nods at her response.

“Do you see why I need your help?”

Meanwhile

I walk down the hall and find the intern locker room. I enter the room and I see that it looks how it sounds, a locker room. It’s like the lockers we get at high school only it smells like ammonia which frankly is better than sweaty socks. I’m not the only one here I spot approximately 20 people in here all in light blue scrubs with their stethoscopes hanging by their necks.

I go to my assigned locker and open it to find my own scrubs and lab coats. The sight of the rest of my life is both exciting and dauting but I push through it and put them on. The only thing I brought from home that I’m using are my adidas and burgundy stethoscope my mom sent me as a graduation gift. I don’t know why she sent it maybe as a way to make up for being out of it most of my life but I took it because it’s not good to pass up free stuff in my position. I put the stethoscope in my pocket as a woman wearing a hijab next to me pulls out her flashcards.

“What are those?” I ask curiously.

“Their study material’s.”

“For what? The exams aren’t for another three months.”

The woman looks at me, “No I know it’s just that it helps me remember what I learned so I don’t forget it and accidently kill someone my first day.” She chuckles nervously.

I raise an eyebrow at her, “You don’t have to laugh I can tell your nervous.”

“So nervous!” The woman shows her true face and it is fearful, “I’m Dahlia by the way or Dr. Qadri I mean I’m still getting used to that title.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I’m Amber.” We shake hands.

“I mean it is crazy I wanted this for so long and now I’m actually here and it’s…” Dahlia looks around in amazement, “You know I grew up in Utah and went to state school pre-med, it was the only thing my parents could afford at the time.”

“Yeah, I went to Iowa State pre-med, I don’t even think some of these people even know what Iowa is.”

Dahlia chuckles, “You know I heard a rumor that one of the new interns is Dr. Karev’s sister, he’s the chief of pediatric surgery here.”

I raise an eyebrow, “Really? What do you think of that?” I want to know her opinion of me before finding out who I am so I can know who I’m dealing with. And so I can mess with her.

Dahlia scoffs, “I mean come on most of these guys are legacies and they don’t know the true meaning of hard work not like us. Their parents donated to their alumni so they can get in with a median MCAT average. I mean this girl coincidently matches at the same hospital her brother works. She obviously taking the easy route if you ask me and that route is named nepotism.” I nod at her statement and try to act like I don’t want to punch her. She’s oblivious of course and she asks me something she’s gonna wish she didn’t, “Sorry I don’t think I caught your last name what is it?”

“Karev, it’s Dr. Amber Karev.” I say with a grin as Dahlia’s eyes widen as she realizes she just called me easy and spoiled.

Dahlia stammers, “Uh y-your-”

“Taking the easy route named nepotism I think you just said.” I say as I glare at her offended.

“I-I am so so sorry I didn’t know.” Dahlia tries to rectify her mistake but makes it worse, “And can I just say your brother is a pioneer and I think your about to continue that legendary legacy of his.”

It isn’t even an hour into my first day and I’m already being compared to my brother. I’m starting to get annoyed by this so I need to walk away, “I’m gonna walk away from you now before you make this more awkward.”

Dahlia nods, “Smart you seem really, really smart and so pretty I mean it.”

I roll my eyes and focus back on my locker and she gets the hint and goes back to her cards. I knew I was gonna be accused of nepotism and favoritism when I got matched here but it still irks me when they think I’ve had it ‘easy.’ I mentally chuckle at that assumption, if only these asshats knew how ‘easy’ I really had it. Of course, if they actually knew about the crazy mom, absent dad and crazy brother who attacked me the stares would increase and instead of being accused of nepotism I would be accused of being schizophrenic.

I immediately remember my morning routine and pull out my small sudoku book and work on one page of puzzles. One page a day has been my routine since I was 16 and I realized there was a strong possibility my genes could turn on me. I know it’s silly to think a kid’s puzzle will keep the hallucinations at bay but solving puzzles makes me feel better for some reason.

I go through the grids quickly even with the guy next to me, Casey Parker, chanting something that sounds like, “Don’t stand out, don’t throw up and call it a win.”

Dahlia asks something from her flashcards, “Okay which is the artery that splits to the right common carotid in the right subclavian?”

Casey and I immediately answer even though I’m at the 3rd grid right now, “Innominate.”

Dahlia scoffs, “No that’s not it, it’s…” Dahlia checks the answer in the back and realizes we were right, “Crap!”

I don’t even look up from my book when Levi walks in chipper as ever. Frankly I’m amazed he even got into this program after he botched his first day here. It was the day of my interview and also the day he dropped his glasses into the body cavity during a surgery. And that was before he became a doctor, which says a lot.

“Good morning!” I wave dismissively at him too caught up in finishing the page before my shift, only three grids to go, “I think my mom forgot to pack my stethoscope, is it gross to borrow one?”

“Yes.” I look to find Taryn Helm sitting on the bench with her headphones on clearly stressed, “And shut up I need to get in my zone.”

“Nobody is talking except him.” I blankly say as I get to my final grid.

Casey explains to Dahlia, “Taryn’s nervous.”

“I’m not nervous!” Taryn snaps, “I’m in my zone.”

A voice I unfortunately recognizes whoo’s as he enters the lockers, “Day one baby! Let’s go!” Vik Roy tries to high five Levi who is carrying stuff. I roll my eyes at him and try to focus on my puzzle even when he tries to high five all of us even Taryn who is just as annoyed by him.

“No.” Taryn says dismissively causing Roy to retreat.

“What’s her deal?”

“Zone.” We all explain.

“How are you so not freaking out right now?” Dahlia asks.

Vik smugly grins, “Because Dahlia I don’t freak out, I don’t get jitters and I crush first impressions.”

I snort at that as Casey sarcastically dismisses, “Clearly.”

Vik catches my book as he chuckles and asks me, “Sudoku? What are you 13?”

“No that’s you.” I say as I finish the puzzle and Casey chuckles at my insult, “You know if you did as many puzzles as me, you’d probably be capable of an intellectual conversation. And that’s required by doctors…dude.” I say the last word with venom and he rolls his eyes.

“She’s right about that Dr. Roy.” I turn to find Chief Bailey behind me and I get my act together closing my locker to stand in front of her.

“Good morning chief Bailey.” The others gather in front of her with me at the front center. The chief doesn’t looked the least bit impressed with any of us and honestly I wouldn’t blame her.

“Explain to me why I was just in the conference room and you all were not?” We all look at her confused since none of us got the memo to meet her at the conference room, “If I’m somewhere you are supposed to be you had better be there too, any questions?”

“Uh Chief I heard a rumor that one of us will get into an OR today and be able to scrub in.” Taryn says eagerly. I can tell she’s hungry for surgery and will be hard to deal with this year.

Bailey answers, “Today you will have the opportunity to prove that you’re ready to scrub in, one of you might surprise me.” I grin at the opportunity to scrub in on my first day. I took the initiative before I came in to memorize the steps of basic procedures from appys to lap choles. It helps that I’m a pack rat who didn’t throw out her medical textbooks. The others are getting giddy as well including the douchy one who thinks he’s got more of a chance than any of us.

“So, there’s a chance?”

I decide to step in and show off, I would kick myself for not trying harder to beat this arrogant jerk, “Chief I would like to point out that I know all the steps to a basic procedure. If you ask me about an appy I can-”

The chief has none of it as she interrupts me, “I have five rules memorize them; rule number one don’t bother sucking up. Rule number two nurses will page you will answer every page at a run. A run!” The chief walks out and we all follow her as she continues to list all of her rules while we walk around the hospital, “That’s rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts 24 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop, and don't complain.

We stop outside an on-call room, she opens the door revealing bunks inside clearly used, “On-call rooms. Attendings hog them. Sleep when you can where you can, which brings me to rule number three. If your resident is sleeping, don't wake them unless your patient is dying. And you better sleep alone in here and not with anyone else especially attendings.”

I raise my eyebrow at that comment. I wonder if that rule applies to one night stands with senior residents before you were even hired. I decide not to think on it and just listen, “Rule four: The dying patient better not be dead when they get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you woke your resident up for no reason. We clear?”

I notice she left out one rule so I gingerly raise my hand like I’m in elementary school again.

“Yes?”

I put my hand down, “Um, you said five rules that was only four.”

Bailey finishes, “Rule number five, when I move you move.” We follow her to Jo Wilson who stands by the nurse’s station with a tablet on hand, “This is Dr. Wilson she is a senior resident and will assign you to someone’s service, Wilson they’re your problem now good luck.”

The chief walks away and we stand in front of Jo.

“Um okay let’s see what we got here.” Jo reads through the tablet, “Parker and Helm you’re with Hunt in trauma, Qadri you’re with Dr. Webber, Schmitt you’re with DeLuca and Karev your with the chief of peds” At least she didn’t call Alex by his last name but I’m still bitter at this unfortunate turn of events. I try not to let my distaste show as Jo dismisses us.

I walk through the hospital and thanks to the directory I find the peds floor pretty quickly. I look around trying to find Alex in the sea of nurses and little kids. I see him by the nurses station talking to a couple I assume are parents of his patient. I wait till the parents leave, I don’t want to cause a scene in front of them.

I know I should be a professional and normally I am but when you’re working with the brother who left you during the worst time of your life all bets are off. As soon as the couple walk away I walk towards Alex and clear my throat indicating my presence. He turns to me and look off guard by me but manages to speak in an even tone.

“Hey what are you doing here?”

“I’m on your service believe it or not.” I try to speak as numbly as I can, there are kids and they don’t need to see a unstable blonde while their recovering.

Alex’s eyebrows are raised as if he’s just as shocked as I was, “Jo sent you?”

“Dr. Wilson sent me yes, is she the kind of person who arranges a family reunion in the guise of an intern working for an attending?” I ask genuinely because I don’t know Jo but from what Aaron said Alex has a habit of hooking up with unstable women.

Alex narrows his eyes, “No she’s not and I would appreciate it if you didn’t make assumptions of a woman I love.”

I inhale to keep my emotions in check and get into the mindset of an intern, “Look can you just give me an assignment so I can get through your service and end this day quickly?”

Alex sees he hit a nerve and relents, “Fine Oscar Montez he’s in for a gall bladder removal. I need you to prep an O.R. take his labs and prep him before surgery.”

I nod tersely and walk away from him to prep an O.R. for my first patient.

Later

Andrew sits next to Carina as they speak in Italian so they won’t get overheard. Carina is upset with her brother over unknowingly sleeping with the sister of the man who almost killed him. Andrew is still in a mind boggle over this situation he somehow got himself in.

“How did you not know who she was? Didn’t she tell you her last name? Karev isn’t that common.” Carina admonishes in Italian.

“It just happened.” Andrew responds in Italian, “We met at the bar we got to talking she said her name was Amber that’s it.”

“And she didn’t tell you her brother works here?”

“No well…” Andrew pauses as he remembers what she told him after they walked in on Carina and Arizona.

“Well, what? She told you didn’t she and you didn’t connect the dots like an idiot.”

“I mean she mentioned having two brothers and one was a surgeon named Alex but I just thought it was a coincidence and he didn’t tell anyone about a sister named Amber. There weren’t any dots to connect neither of them gave that much information or no information at all.”

Carina raised an eyebrow, “So you slept with a woman you didn’t know anything about beyond her first name?”

Andrew rolls his eyes, “You know I don’t shame you for having random one-night stands with women you know nothing about.”

“Yes, you do, you did that the other night remember?”

“I walked in on you about to sleep with my boss and roommate, and now you’re doing the same thing but with Hunt.” Andrew states annoyingly, “How am I supposed to react?” Just then Levi Schmitt knocks on the door agitating Andrew, “What?!”

Levi looks at them timidly, “S-Sorry um I’m Dr. Schmitt and they put me on your service Dr. DeLuca.”

“Of course, they did.” Andrew says under his breath at the unfortunate timing.

Levi looks at the screen curiously, “What kind of research is this? Can I help?”

“No look I’m busy at the moment so go help Dr. Karev with Oscar Montez do his labs and pre op, tell them I sent you.”

Levi looks at him confused, “Uh but he already-”

“Go now that’s an order.” Andrew says tensely, causing Schmitt to walk away in fear. Andrew leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose trying to keep his mind together, “Where were we?”

Carina repeats her question, “Why did you sleep with her when you knew nothing about her?”

Andrew sighs, “…She seemed nice, I mean she was sarcastic and she had a bad attitude but that was because I kind of hit her and spilled coffee on her when we first met.” Carina’s eyebrows raise at that as he continues, “We ran into each other at the bar and I bought her a meal to apologize. We ate, we talked and eventually she dropped the attitude. She was nice, she was funny, smart she made me laugh and you saw her that night she is hot.”

“Very hot.” Carina adds.

“Yeah, the point is we got around the personal information and I started to like her and she started to like me we flirted and…after we left you two, we went back to her hotel room. I think you know the rest. It was all a coincidence.”

Carina looks at him curiously as a dark thought comes to her, “And she didn’t know who you were? Did you tell her your full name?”

“Um yeah what does that have to do with anything?”

Carina sighs at her brother, “Oh Andrea your still such an innocent bambino.”

Andrew looks at Carina confused, “What are you suggesting?”

“Maybe she knew who you were and wanted to get back at you. Maybe she planned to meet you and sleep with you so she can report you to the chief and get you fired.”

Andrew chuckles thinking it was crazy, “Carina she’s not some KGB sex mole I think I would know that. And why would she target me specifically? I dropped the charges against her brother.”

“Yes, but before that you almost sent him to prison for two years. When I heard about what happened I wanted to punch that man after what he did, perhaps she feels that way about her brother too. Does that sound so crazy?”

Andrew looks at her in thought as the idea starts to make sense. Now that he thought about it Amber was light on the details concerning herself especially her last name. He didn’t think much of it but perhaps his sister was on to something. However a thought stops him from fully considering it.

“She was eager to leave when we were fighting, if she really wanted to get back at me she would have stayed. Why did she leave?”

“You would have thought it suspicious if she stayed. Does she seem smart enough to come to that conclusion? Plus, you chased after her maybe she anticipated that too so she could seduce you back in bed. Was she forward when you came to her?”

Andrew pales at that logic as he has fully considered it now and wants to get ahead of it before another Karev comes after him, “Damn it. And just when I thought this nightmare was over for me.”

Carina looks at her brother sadly over his predicament, “I’m sorry Andrea.”

“So what do I do? Do I report her or something?”

Carina rolls her eyes, “You want to report an intern you slept with while you are technically her boss? I don’t think she needs to fire you if your gonna do it yourself stupid.”

Andrew closes his eyes in despair, “I guess I’ll just ignore her unless it’s about work. Speaking of work, I have to go.” Andrew stands up and walks out the door before adding, “And I know what you want to do but don’t Carina I don’t need my big sister fighting my battles for me. Please leave this alone and do not interrogate her.”

Andrew leaves Carina in the room. Carina looks at her notes before deciding to ignore her brother and find out more about this girl for Andrew’s sake.

Later

After I reserve an O.R. I go to Oscar Montez’s room to do his labs. I wrap the tourniquet around Oscar’s upper arm with my gloves on and grin assuredly at him to make it easier for him. He grins back either to be polite or because he finds me attractive. When it came to teenage boys, they usually fall head over heels for me because I’m fire, whatever that means.

I found from the chart most of his labs were already done and Oscar told me another intern was also here taking his labs. The only thing left was his bloodwork and I didn’t want whatever hungry intern swooping in and stealing my patient. By some coincidence that intern, Schmitt came in stunned by my presence while I wipe an alcohol rub over the vein.

“Oscar’s my patient.”

I raise an eyebrow at his excuse, “No he’s not he’s mine go find your own and try not to steal them this time.”

The guy doesn’t leave as he walks to my side, “I’ve already done the rest of Oscar’s labs, his pre op, he knows me.”

Oscar chimes in, “I-It’s cool.” He looks at me with a smile confirming his attraction to me, “I’m cool with it.”

I smile at him, “Thank you Oscar.” I turn to Schmitt with a glare that catches him off guard, “And you, I don’t know who sent you but you can tell them Dr. Karev sent me here first and to check twice before they screw up again.”

“Well a senior resident specifically instructed me to draw his blood.”

I scoff, “Well Dr. Karev asked me and he’s the attending so I win and you lose now walk away with some of your dignity left.” I try to insert the needle into Oscar’s vein but I miss causing him to yell ow, “Sorry Oscar.”

Schmitt tries to step in, “That’s the wrong angle.”

“Back off.”

“You’ll miss the vein.” Schmitt tries to grab my arm to take over.

My patience reaches its limits, “Schmitt if you don’t take your hands off me in the next two seconds you won’t have hands.” He relents and I try again but miss the vein again causing Oscar to yell ow again. Alex walks in and I put the needle away.

“What’s going on?” Alex asks.

“Dr. Karev, I was just running Oscar’s labs like you asked.” I say in a clipped tone directed at Schmitt.

“There might have been some confusion on who exactly was supposed to do it but…” He looks at the glare I give him and he cowers, “But we’ve totally got it under control.”

Alex puts his gloves on rolling his eyes, “Your butchering his arm Glasses move.” I’m glad Alex thinks it was him and not me because the last thing I want on my first day is to be seen as an incompetent intern who can’t even find a vein.

“Oh no that wasn’t me that was…” Schmitt tries to explain but Alex has none of it as he takes over and we walk to the other side of the bed.

“Don’t expect much from intern’s Oscar, that way you’ll never be disappointed.” I roll my eyes at his comment, “Karev present.”

“But she isn’t even-” Schmitt underestimates me but fortunately I looked at his chart and thanks to my almost eidetic memory I know what the prognosis is and what the surgery is.

“Oscar Montez, 16 has cholestasis that is currently not responding to dietary changes, he’ll need to have his gall bladder removed.”

“And the approach?”

“It has to be open. The scans show adhesions and it’s too difficult to take them down with a minimally invasive approach.”

“Very good Karev.” Alex says and Oscar notices the similar names we have.

“Karev? Is she your sister or something?” The kids question causes a silent moment for me as I come up with an answer.

“Or something.” The response clearly hurts Alex, he’s acting like it doesn’t but I know him well enough that those are his ‘I’m in pain but I’m gonna act like I’m not shoulders’ I guess a small part of me feels bad but I made it clear he’s not family to me and I’m not his family either.

Schmitt chooses now of all times to ask, “Dr. Karev, chief Bailey mentioned that one of us might be able to operate today. I do have O.R. experience.”

I snicker lightly, “O.R. experience, is that what you call it?”

“Do I get a say?” Oscar asks, scared for his life.

Alex glares at Schmitt specifically, “You dropped your glasses in the surgical field.”

I nod amused by it and add for Oscar, “It’s true, I was there it would’ve been a lot less hilarious if the patient didn’t make it.”

Levi looks at me insulted and tries to rectify it, “And I promised that nothing like that will ever happen again.” He points at the stupid sports band holding his glasses in place which doesn’t impress me or Alex.

“Right because I told the nurses I want you on B team today.” Schmitt looks pleased but for some reason I can see this heading south for him.

“Oh, what’s B team?”

Alex explains, “Well if it’s in a bed pan you clean it, if it’s in a barf bucket you clean it, if it’s blood you clean it.” I grin slightly at this as Levi’s face falls from despair while Alex goes back to the patient, “Oscar, well get you prepped in a bit.”

Alex leaves the room and I decide to point out the obvious to Schmitt who probably doesn’t have enough social skills to realize.

“He hates you. And frankly I’m not crazy about you either.”

Levi nods, “I might have slept with Dr. Wilson.” That statement causes me to laugh out loud as I would never see a gorgeous woman like her reduce herself to getting in bed with this fumbling mess. The only reasons I could think was she’s desperate, dying or lost a bet and I haven’t seen any of those in our interactions so far.

“I’m gonna go now try to double glove when you’re picking up shit Schmitt.” With that I leave to get Oscar prepped for surgery. Along the way I find DeLuca in the surgical floor sitting at the station going over charts and decide to brighten my day just a bit.

“Hey.” Andrew looks up and sees me before turning his eyes toward the desktop again.

“Hey.” Andrew sounds aloof for some reason but I try to look past it and engage him in conversation.

“So, first day here is a bust so far. I was supposed to do labs for a peds patient but then Glasses comes in saying he was sent by a resident. I practically had to fight him over the damn needle and like an idiot I botched up the bloodwork…twice. Don’t tell anyone though.”

“Well, uh you’re an intern and interns are supposed to make mistakes.”

“Did you stab a person twice in the arm on your first day here?”

“No but I did accidentally pose as an attending and got caught when a resident tried to get me to stabilize a woman’s spine on my first day.”

I widen my eyes at that statement and my curiosity is peaked, “Really?” For some reason hearing that he has war stories at work makes him more attractive. Maybe it’s because I’m comforted in not being the only messed up one out of the two of us.

“Yeah it’s as bad as it sounds trust me.”

“I would be shocked if it wasn’t.” Andrew grins slightly at my comment, it’s a first real reaction I got out of him today so I go for the kill, “Maybe you can elaborate more tonight assuming I’m still alive and not exhausted to death. I was thinking a night in town like we said.”

Andrew looks up at me with a solemn look that I haven’t seen in him since we first met. I don’t know what his problem is, could he already know about my past from working with Alex? I don’t know why Alex would tell people that part of my life that is mine to tell alone. Especially since he was clearly so ashamed of our family that he left as soon as he could and never looked back. I know I did the same thing but there weren’t any loose ends to tie when I left.

Aaron was somewhat sane, and I kept my distance from mom, there was no one to leave behind in that hell hole. Could Andrew have figured it out somehow and that’s why he hasn’t given me a clear answer?

I mentally shrug it off, he’s a doctor he’s probably had a long day and doesn’t feel like going out tonight.

“Unless you’ve had a long day and you want to reschedule?”

He chuckles lightly for some reason, “I have had a long and stressful day, you wouldn’t believe it.”

I nod understanding, “Okay so how about tomorrow night then? You can pick out the place as long as it’s not that disgusting bar we met at last time. I can still feel the sticky residue on my fingertips.”

He licks his lips and looks at me in thought before answering, “Um…yeah tomorrow night would be good for me. I’ll text you the deets assuming you’ll give me your number this time.”

I grin at him, “Okay but let’s not exchange phones out in the open. I’m not up for exposing my sex life in public so…” I write my number discretely on a sticky note by the station and drop it in front of him. He takes it and puts it in his coat pocket. He looks somewhat tense and I want to ask what his problem is but he speaks before I ask.

“I’ll uh I’ll text you.”

“Great I hope it’s soon. I have to go see you later.” I turn and walk away from him as I walk down the hall and enter the elevator, I exhale a sigh of relief at my good fortune when someone stops the doors from closing all the way. I see a woman I think I recognize entering the elevator with me where only two of us occupy the space. She has a serious look on her face like she means business and after a few seconds I know where I’ve met her. She’s Andrew’s sister.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carina enters the elevator slowly and stands next to Amber who looks at her strangely. When she saw her passing her number to Andrew at the station, she knew she had to do this if her brother didn’t. She wants to protect Andrew from having his heart broken and possibly getting fired because of some vindictive woman who holds a grudge for her brother and will do anything to exact revenge no matter who gets hurt.

Amber looks at her curiously, “Um hi I almost didn’t recognize you with clothes on.” Amber chuckles to ease the tension, “I don’t think we properly met, I’m Dr. Amber Karev and-”

Carina stops her midsentence when she pulls the stop button stopping the elevator. Amber looks at her confused as Carina faces her with a serious look.

“W-Why did you just do that? Is there something wrong or-” Carina ignores her question and instead grabs her face so she can look her in her blue eyes as she interrogates her. She notes that her eyes are a unique blue with a greenish tint but she moves on from that. She needs to know what is going on and if her brother is in danger once again. Amber stands still clearly intimidated which is exactly what Carina was hoping for before speaking to her for the first time.

“Are you a good person?”

Amber blinks with Carina’s hands still on both sides of her head, “What?”

Carina clarifies, “Are you a good person? Not perfect just morally do you consider yourself a good person?”

“I…This is very confusing for me.”

Carina ignores her comment and repeats herself, “Are you?”

“Um…Y-Yes.”

Carina continues, “Have people called you a good person before? Have you ever been accused of being manipulative or used anyone to get your own way?” Amber still looks at her confused but answers fearing what will happen if she doesn’t.

“Um no I haven’t if I did, I would’ve gone into politics instead of medicine.”

“Your funny.” Carina states matter of fact, “How many sexual partners have you had? I won’t judge.”

“Men or women or otherwise?”

“All of the above.”

Amber mentally counts, “…8 well 9 but I don’t know if it counts by your standards. I’m sorry, what is this about? I am very confused and a little scared right now.”

“It’ll be over soon; do you have a criminal record?”

“No well yes but it’s a juvie record and it was sealed when I turned 18.”

“What was the crime?”

Amber looks at her shyly as if ashamed of herself, “I might have possibly bashed a man’s knee with a crowbar but I don’t know you well enough to get into it and I was sent to juvie for three months after that.”

Carina tries to look past that as she can tell this girl has a rough past that led her to do that to someone, “Do you have any siblings?” She knows the answer but wants to hear Amber’s response.

“Two brothers. One works here and the other is in Iowa, he’s a mover.”

“Are you close with them?” Carina keeps a close eye on her reaction.

Amber shakes her head, “I’m close with one hate the other, it’s…it’s complicated and until last month I haven’t talked to the brother I hate for almost a decade.”

“Why is that?”

Amber sighs as if old memories are haunting her, “Because he left me when I needed him the most and I have resented him for it. I would elaborate but I don’t think a horror story is what you need before going to bed tonight.”

Carina sees that Amber is telling the truth, when the subject turned to her brother she didn’t flinch or grovel. She just gave an honest answer, “How old are you?”

“23.”

Carina looks at her slightly shocked at her age, “That’s awfully young to be a doctor, were you a genius baby?”

Amber shakes her head, “N-No I was just really desperate to get out of town and my mom was a librarian so I spent a lot of time reading books.”

Carina is impressed with her but stays on task, “Okay final question, what did you know about Andrew DeLuca before sleeping with him?”

Amber looks at her even more surprised if that was possible, “I guess he’s closer to you than he let on that night.”

“He is my baby brother.” Carina states coldly, “I love him and it’s my job to protect him, even if he can be an idiota sometimes. Now tell me what you knew about him that night before you two had sex. Tell me the truth and I won’t be mad I swear.”

Amber swallows but decides to be quick about it and state the facts, “Um…I didn’t know much about him. I met him at a bar after we ran into each other at work that morning, that’s how we recognized each other. When we first met he spilled cold coffee down my chest and elbowed me in the nose. I was pissed at him when we saw each other again but he offered to apologize in food and I took it because he seemed sweet and he wasn’t creepy about it like most guys. I knew he worked here but I didn’t get matched here until a month later so…now I’m just waiting to see where it goes if it goes anywhere.”

Carina looks into her eyes and sees what she was hoping for, complete and udder lack of malice. She knows now that this girl isn’t out to get Andrew and it was all just some coincidence on both of their parts. For once her brother was right and she was wrong making it both reassuring and annoying.

She shakes her head at her, “Your just another innocent bambina in this aren’t you?”

Amber looks at her blankly trying to process what just happened, “…If I say yes will you push that button and let me walk out of this elevator alone?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes I am an innocent…whatever you called me.” Carina finally stands back, pushes the button and keeps her hands to herself. Amber is still standing there frozen from shock until the elevator doors open and Amber walks out like her life depends on it.

That Night

My shift is over, it’s been a grueling 24 hours but I survived them with my sanity intact. Although my mind is still at a fog from my encounter with Carina DeLuca at the elevator. When she was interrogating me in there I was taken back and frightened. I don’t know what about me gave the impression I was manipulating Andrew that night we first saw each other. I barely said two words to her because she was preoccupied with reuniting with Andrew and I was in the middle of it along with Dr. Robbins. If anything her behavior that night was more alarming than mine at least one of us was wearing a shirt. I shake it off and decide to just get home and rest before the next day.

I try to ignore the blisters on my feet as I walk inside the locker room with Casey and Helm where I find the others just as exhausted.

“Wait did you scrub in?” Dahlia asks Casey after noticing the blood on his top.

“No but I was really close to Dr. Kepner when she shoved her hand in a gaping leg wound.”

I sit on the bench massaging my knees, “At least you saw a gaping leg wound.”

“I didn’t even get to see a leg.” Helm adds.

“Did anyone scrub in today?” I ask and they all say no to my relief. It would kill me if Glasses or Roy got to scrub in before I did. All of us are disappointed that the job we’ve always wanted is just B level grunt work.

“Are we ever gonna set foot in an O.R.?” Casey asks.

I chuckle, “Schmitt won’t in our lifetime.” He looks at me offended.

Helm smiles, “Hold it Schmitt was the first to kill a patient, Vik you owe me 20 bucks.” I chuckle at that as Schmitt tries to defend himself.

“I didn’t kill a patient.”

I grin at him before deciding to tell the others, I’ve had a weird day and I need something to take the edge off and making fun of Glasses is working so far, “No he just dropped his glasses in an open body cavity in the O.R. before he even started here.” All of them laugh and are shocked by my statement.

“Wait.” Dahlia chimes in, “Your Glasses?!”

I laugh, “Oh yeah I was there and it was worse than I made it sound.”

“You were all over Twitter!” Roy tells Schmitt with a laugh.

“Wasn’t the patient a little kid?” Helm asks.

“Yeah, I said it was worse than I made it sound.”

Schmitt stands up clearly having enough of the jokes and yells out, “My face was sweating and they accidentally slipped off!” I continue to laugh until I see chief Bailey approach behind him with a blank expression.

“Hello chief Bailey.” We all stand up and face her like soldiers going into battle which isn’t that far from what we’re doing.

“Who’s on call?” Bailey asks some of them raise their hands but I don’t since my shift ended, “A big rig flipped over on the five. Incomings about 8 minutes out.”

Helm is still hungry for surgery like us and asks what’s on our minds, “This means that one of us will get to scrub in tonight, right?”

Bailey looks at us confused, “Why would you say that?”

“This morning you said that one of us will get the opportunity to operate today.” Vik clarifies.

The chief looks at us astounded, “What I said was that today you would have the opportunity to prove yourselves ready to scrub in, not that you would scrub in today. Now, seeing as how all of you are doctors, I would think that you were smart enough to understand that difference.” We all stand there shocked at her statement, even me as I also hoped to scrub in on a surgery, “I don’t see anyone moving.” The interns on call exit out, “And what are you all still here for? You just finished your first day as a surgeon. Congratulations, go home.”

Bailey leaves us and I purse my lips at the cruel intention of getting us amped up only to be sourly disappointed in the end. It was like high school all over again, only I didn’t have black hair with green streaks. And instead of a promposal from Connor Lendel it was a surgery I was hoping for.

Casey is just as shocked, “The chief played us.”

I bitterly nod, “Yep like fiddles with MD’s”

Schmitt tries to chime in for some reason, “I mean she technically didn’t say that we-” We all groan and admonish him over his bad timing.

I put my casual clothes on, grab my backpack and get out of the hospital for a much needed power nap.

Next Part Here

[otrtbs]

I want your heavy detail... give it

I'll give mine first though

Since you haven't read the book I'm not gonna like hold that against the debate because YES this is a debate now all in good fun of course and I'll just like talk about the movie.

Jo and Laurie in my opinion are WAY to similar for a romantic relationship to work and MAYBE it's just me and how weird I am about best friends to lovers like friends to lovers I adore it but when there's like platonic soulmates for some reason I can't cross that barrier like they are friends and nothing else.

But Jo and Laurie are one in the same, right? And I think they would've killed each other for one. But also I think as much as a relationship is about compromise and supporting each other I think Jo needs a relationship where she's truly pushed to be better IF she's in one at all. Of course in a perfect world she would be marrying no one BUT we're not in that world. I think she needs someone just as ambitious as her someone who will respect her and view her as an equal. And as much as a love Laurie that's not him.

He wouldn't push her to do better he would praise her and that's all. He would treat her right. But he wouldn't be perfect for her. AMY however, yes we're getting into her pushes LAURIE to be better. She argues with him and kinda influences him to be better. And I don't think Jo would do that either, I think Jo would be too busy with her own things.

I think they work on paper. But in the end I think Jo and Laurie need MORE than each other, and I think they compliment each other a bit too much to be romantically involved.

AND also since we're here I want to add that in the 2019 movie it seems like Jo regrets not saying yes to Laurie, but that's just not what happens at all. Like she's missing her best friend and she's missing Beth and her childhood. She's not in love with him, she just misses whaat used to be and wants to go back. No matter if she has to give up all her dreams and become a trophy wife.

I don't even know if you wouldn't mentioned it but I had to because I hate when that's people's argument like they're just completely viewing the movie wrong, they don't get the point. Jo and Beth's relationship is much more important to me than any romantic one so I'm VERY passionate about it.

Um lastly I am VERY sorry that I just gave you an essay to read over I didn't mean to... but this is my favorite movie and I just love talking about it... a lot apparently.

okay wait!! i have read the book !! i have totally read the book!!! please!! (dare i say the book builds a stronger case for jolaurie?? hmm) im rambly under the cut!!

please you are always welcome to come in here and talk about little women things to me !! i love the movie and the book so much !!! i'm right there with you !

i think that the similarities are good in this relationship!! i think they work and compliment each other well!! as far as pushing each other to be better, i think i disagree. when jo submits her writing for the papers (in the novel), it's laurie who encourages her and believes in her and laurie is the first person she tells!! he encourages her to write, he encourages her 'boyish' mannerisms and he accepts her for who she is!! but he's always encouraged her and supported her pursuits. n turn, when laurie is hanging out in disreputable places w boys of ill repute, it is jo who encourages him to stop and be better and laurie listens (this is also in the novel) but movie scene imagine when laurie is like 'i gave up billiards ,, i'm happy i did' i think they are both slightly indulgent to each others follies, jo with her temper and laurie with his grandiose 'castle in the clouds' temperament, but when it really counts they push each other to be better and they accept each other for who they are!!

i do agree that in a perfect world she wouldn't marry at all though!! i also agree that beth and jo's relationship is more important, or even, jo's relationship to her family is paramount and really what the novel and movie is about!

i also want to say that the letter jo writes laurie is not in the book so im gonna not consider that for the sake of the argument but marrying laurie wouldn't make jo a trophy wife!! he has done nothing but encourage her to write and publish her works, he's never asked for her to change who she is, or anything. i think that while jo was yearning for the past, for a time when beth was alive and healthy and all her sisters were under one roof and together, and she and laurie were closer than ever, i think her love and regret for tuning laurie down is real, and can't all be attributed to an attempt to recreate the past.

i think jo has told herself her entire life that being a wife meant compromising yourself and giving up your autonomy and individuality, because that's what she saw in the world around her and that's not what she wanted. so she swore off marriage because she didn't want to change. but the thing is, laurie never wanted her to change and didn't ask her to change. it took a while for jo to realise this and it took loss and loneliness which gave way to growth and maturity and the realisation that laurie and jo could work in a way where she could still be herself. but by then it was too late. bc, yk, amy. which as established before, family is more important to jo than anything, so of course that put an end to it.

idk when i think about laurie who was often described as devoted to jo, supporting her and loving her unconditionally while encouraging her to become and author,, when jo makes him feel most comfortable and most like himself when he was a shy boy just back from europe and helps him with his relationship with his grandfather and his vices,,, they help each other grow and i think they would really work together!!

[infantisimo]

buddy, listen.

why do you get so sore when i refer to you as a brahmin? are you not one? (you are). is it because you think it's a direct and malicious attack on your parents? (it's not). is it because you 'admitting your privilege' gives you pardon clemency amnesty a gold star sticker for being one of the good ones, or - as you love to drape all over your body - a staunch ally? (it does not).

you don't understand what privilege is, literally and in reality. what caste is. you're incapable.

you've renounced nothing because you can't because it doesn't matter to you because it means starting from nothing because it means a fundamental tectonic change in your body and soul. your 'guilt, listening, learning, unlearning, platforming marginalised' is to just get laid by ghouls on the internet and in your network and promotions at work. see even here, you get an orgasm and an increment. why would you renounce all that for violence, spit, tonsuring, humiliation, lynching, landlessness, servility, precarity, indignity, dispossession, being violated, immolated, pissed on, less than human and other terms of endearment?

why would you renounce brahmingiri, buddy? makes no damn sense.

go make a life, enjoy it. yeh sab tension kahe ko lena ka. chill kar, mazze kar, aish kar.

all i am saying is i never got a certificate for being queer from you lot. and here you are begging for rights from depraved old fuck budhas in the supreme court who jack off in chambers while wearing their gowns. tumko ijaazat chahiye pyaar karne ke liye? marriage certificate chahiye? woh bhi unn logo se jo tum par thhookenge, tumko jaan se maarenge? pehle toh tumko thekedaar kisne banaya? humne toh nahi -- usse zyaada -- humko nahi gidgidaana inke saamne. hijro ko toh haqq aur izzat abhi tak nahi dila sake. oopar se aur baddtarr unki zindagi bana di hai. tum aapas mein, apni jaat mein shaadi kar ke kya sudhaarne wale ho? zara humein bhi batao.

but i do have a certificate from the government attesting that i am 'not you'. in this world of yours, there are worse off people than me, who are below me so that should make me happy, right? that's your game. but the certificate that most in this country have is a different 'not you' certificate. and that is the point and the difference. you also have a certificate now --- the eewwww certificate --- that says you also have a difficulties. do you smell the shit like most of them do? come on, tell me.

the 'not you' means most have to stand in line for grains at the pds, then return to the work on the farmlands owned by you. you think jajmani is dead? don't tell that to the 'not you' cause it'll make them laugh and – inadvertently – the spittle from their mouth might fall on you and then you'd have to go to the pujari or maulvi or pastor or granthi or the shakha or the police or the prime minister or the friendly neighbourhood gunda to kill them. actually no need, your uncles and brothers and cousins can do that work just fine. what happens at home, stays at home, right? mohalle mein shor kyun machana.

we are not equal in this. it's not about equality. it's about burning it to the ground. but the thing is. you are willing to rule over dust and ashes – even if all that remains is dust and ashes. that is what you do not understand. it's in your mind and veins. you hate the 'not you'. and the 'not you' hate themselves already. so it's easy peasy lemon squeezy.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did what you had to do.”

"You have nothing to be ashamed of."

She's talking to herself, and her voice is too loud in this tiny space. She pours herself a shot - but really, she's pouring directly into a normal glass so it's more like pouring herself a shot and a half, or two, because she's sure as hell not measuring.

"Nothing."

The words are hollow. She knocks back the liquor and then coughs, leaning forward as it burns all the way down. She has to chase it with water, gulping down the cool clear liquid, swallow after swallow until she sits back, mouth wet, dripping down her chin until she wipes it with one arm.

"Shit, god damn... damn it."

She has to hit pause, and use her finger to scroll back a few seconds. Then, the little music starts back up again - peaceful and serene, the background a calming series of blues in a sort of gradient, shifting and evolving.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," She repeats, along with the soft, authoritative voice of the video's narrator. They sound almost like a harmony. "You did what you had to do."

Joanne Botham takes a deep breath, and pours herself another shot.

Just as she does, she hears something fall to the ground with a thump from the little storage room and jumps, her heart in her throat until she gives a nervous laugh.

She hits the pause button again.

The door to the storage room opens, and Tristan wanders out. He sways, making her feel seasick just watching him, as he walks with flat feet and without looking up at her to the little hallway bathroom, disappearing inside. His red hair sticks up from his head, and Joanne thinks for a second that her teenage nephew isn't actually atrocious-looking, like that.

After a long pause, the toilet flushes. The sink runs. He reappears, blinking a little now. He pauses in the doorway, finally seeing her, and she looks back at him, glass in hand. "A-... Aunt Jo?"

"Go to bed, Tris," She says, pitching her voice to be steely, hard, without give or even the barest hint of affection.

"It's, it's, um, it's, it must be-... it h-has t, to to to-to be-"

"Three a.m.? Yeah, I know. I have the day off. I said go to bed."

"But w-... why... why did you take the, the, the day off?" His voice is slurred with sleep. He wears a loose-fitting t-shirt and equally loose pajama pants, his arms heavily muscled from gymnastics. Not that he goes any longer.

"I have a meeting," She replies, evenly. "In the afternoon. To take care of some stuff after Ronnie."

His green eyes widen, just a little, and search hers. Immediately, she sees nothing but goddamn Paul fucking Higgs in the narrowness of it, the freckles, the stupid fucking Irish of it all.

She hates him, so much - Paul and his bastard, ruining her sister's life, getting Ronnie killed. Her fingers tighten around the glass.

"Mom? Can, can, can, can I help with, with, with... with whatever it is you have to do? Can, can, can I help?"

"No."

"But, but, but if it's about Mom-"

"Go to goddamn sleep, can you not fucking hear me? Are you deaf now, too, on top of everything else wrong with you?"

Her voice is louder than she means it to be, and Tristan flinches back from her. She catches the flare of pure childlike hurt in his face before he hurries back into his room - her storage room, which he stole from her, just like his father stole her sister's love, just like he stole her sister's entire life.

She's taken the day off, all right. So she can meet with the Acquisitions team and tell them about the little birthday dinner she's going to plan for her stupid fucking nephew to solve all her problems once and for all.

She scrolls back on the video, takes a deep breath, and starts all over again.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of... you did what you had to do."

She'll do what she has to do.

She has nothing to be ashamed of.

She's done nothing wrong.

She's not the one who got Ronnie killed, after all. She's not the one who should have to suffer for it.

[thevindicativevordan]

So, it seems like I Am Batman is officially ending in February, and with that all of Future State characters lost their ongoings. Of course there's a chance that they still have something for this characters, but so far everything indicates that DC gave up on FS characters at all. How do you think, what's the reason of this outcome? Was there a chance for these characters? Do you think DC didn't try harder to push them? Or it's because fanbase still hates everything new?

Love to pretend I saw it coming, but just the other day I predicted Ridley would get to keep writing the book until issue 25 given how DC seemed to value him, so much for my prediction skills. Well that's a wrap for the Future State crew unless some kind of Justice League book starring them is in the works, and given that the solicits for Nightwing are setting up the Titans as the premiere team for a bit, complete with teasing Jon joining them instead of the Justice League, I don't think that Legacy League book is happening (or at the very least it won't be what I expected/hoped it to be). Only part of Future State that may still be relevant is PKJ's House of El cast, everything else is clearly not going to play a major role in what's to come.

Why is DC backing away from them? 5G got scrapped because the higher-ups at WB no longer supported the shakeup apparently, their attempt to position the classics and the Future State crew as equals during Infinite Frontier flopped, and the film DCU seems poised to refocus on the classics again, meaning that the comics are doing likewise. Sales and synergy are conspiring to reestablish the status quo once more.

DC pushed them all hard, I don't see what more could have been done without actually carrying through on 5G, short of maybe giving Jace Detective Comics the way Jon took over Superman for a bit, and making Yara Wonder Woman. Jon, Jace, Yara, Jo, and Jackson all got lead roles in major books, either as solos or as part of a duo. It is surprising that they completely abandoned Jess Quick, that tease about Jess travelling to Earth 0 has been dropped for certain (along with a whole bunch of other plot threads like "Earth-Alpha"). All Jess got was that Teen Justice book and since I don't see anyone talking about that I can only assume it's a sales flop, which means they're never going to matter again. Majority of the fanbase and the people working at DC do not care about the non-Earth 0 characters, they're event fodder or cameos at best, Jess being left on Earth 11 is the end for their relevance.

The already established fanbase was never going to embrace these characters "cutting in line" to take over the major roles instead of the previous generation who had been built up. Hope was that all the people demanding diversity wasn't just a tiny crowd on Twitter amplified by an echo chamber, but people who were actually eager to buy books featuring said diversity. Those people were supposed to show up and support the books but they didn't. Biggest breakout books of Infinite Frontier were Nightwing, Action Comics, and Wally West's return to headlining The Flash, all three books starring straight white men. Of the FS crew the biggest success was Jon, the most traditional of the legacies bisexuality aside, whose book last I checked was the only one of the group still in the Top 100 chart. Jace did the second best with his book outlasting Jon, despite his sales being worse. Jackson was a total failure, his books completely flopped, with Aquamen debuting outside the Top 100. Aquafans had no interest in him taking on the mantle. Jo was paired with John and that Green Lantern book didn't sell great but it was comparable to Morrison's run with Hal from what I understand. Yara debuted strong but the mess behind the scenes ended up killing her book. Alas none of them succeeded the way DC was hoping.

What's the future for this group?

Jon will be fine. He's the blood son and natural successor to Clark, he's already getting adapted outside of comics, hell if they're really pivoting back to Cavill for the DCU, I expect Jon will be the one who replaces him in the films. He's the only one thus far who will be getting a solo book in Dawn of DCU, albeit a mini, he's in the Lazarus Planet event, two of the stories in Action will star him, and I'm hoping Taylor is just wrapping up his era on the character before handing him over to someone else while he goes and does Titans. DC won't be taking away the Superman mantle from their bisexual Superman, although if they did I confess at this point I wouldn't even care unless they're planning on taking him away from Taylor. There's still a chance to salvage Jon with a new creative team.

Jace might be ok due to DC fearing backlash over killing off/stripping the mantle from their black Batman, but I don't know if most people would even care. How aware are people that Jace even exists at this point? What hurt Jace, besides the fact that there are at least 3 other people "in front of him" in terms of succession, is that there already is a "black Batman": Black Panther. He's the same kind of archetype, but T'Challa was in a billion dollar movie that doubled as a cultural phenomena and unlike Jace he was the lead of his franchise. Jace will never be that, wouldn't have been that even if 5G had happened. Ridley's writing probably did turn some people away as well, but I view Ridley's time on the character the same as the Golden Age Batman: the bricks are laid but the house isn't done being built yet. I hope Jace will get that chance to be "finished", the way Bruce ultimately was with Moore and Miller. With no real chance of him being adapted outside of comics any time soon, I fully expect he will slip into Limbo, unless he's getting a follow-up mini or appearing in a team book like Jon.

Yara is Wonder Girl so that's what she'll stay. She'll be Diana's sidekick and play support. If DC doesn't think she can work on her own, might I suggest relaunching Superman/Wonder Woman as a Jon/Yara book yet again? I liked her and Jon's dynamic in Future State, and I love the idea that Jon is closer to his Wonder counterpart in the Trinity than his dad was to Diana. Please don't abandon Yara because I really do love her as a character.

Jackson/Kaldur should be fine, he's the most prominent member of the Aquafamily aside from Arthur and Mera thanks to Young Justice, but he is definitely not lead material. Least not at the moment, Arthur is the only Aquaman who can support a solo book, leave Jackson as a supporting character to Arthur for now and keep building him up. Maybe one day he can support holding the mantle of Aquaman.

Jess as I said is done. Didn't even get a book, not on Earth 0, and the Flash Family is already huge. Don't hold your breath waiting for them to show up again. Wally and Wallace are the only ones who will ever be the main Flash other than Barry.

Jo will join Simon and Kyle in the "cameos every now and then to remind you they exist but never gets another solo" category unless the trade sales of Far Sector are bigger than I am aware of. Hal and John remain the main Lanterns and that's not changing in the wake of the GL show getting reworked to star John, John being the Tomorrowverse Lantern, and John being in the Suicide Squad game while Hal gets to keep being the Lantern for the Injustice series.

Sucks that this crew is probably going to go the way of the Bloodlines heroes where there's one standout that everyone remembers (Jon/Hitman) and everyone else gets unceremoniously dropped and forgotten. My prediction skills have already been proven wrong once when it comes to these characters futures, maybe I'll get lucky and be wrong again like I want to be this time.

[tearsofgrace]

endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible

tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.

tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif

so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless. 

and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak. 

anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me. 

so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for

comedy

we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still

in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.

in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.

and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.

last lines

this one IRKS me. okay. 

the last line of the good place  "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.”  is ICONIC. okay?

it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.

the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????

now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)

i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.

montages

the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional

the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears

timing

here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot. 

the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.

character arcs

this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we

eleanor

eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen. 

it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.

but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.

dean

alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was. 

the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT. 

dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.

chidi

okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure. 

at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole. 

chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

sam

… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that. 

that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them. 

he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.

jason

jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him. 

the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.

castiel

this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.

it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong. 

if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.

tahani

*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion. 

she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end. 

it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.

jack

jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap. 

still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.

michael

oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass. 

and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

eileen

oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at. 

it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.

janet

this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts. 

in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.

some honorable mentions

spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????

the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved. 

they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester. 

heaven and hell

obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other. 

the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity. 

supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.

and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.

loose ends

whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a “wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way. 

the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.

plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth. 

supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die? 

i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt

coloring

can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint

the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale

spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will. 

conclusion

first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale. 

in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it. 

the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.

we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?

[lilacerull0]

Heyy it's an emergency so try to reply quickly. I didn't went to clg 4 almost 4 weeks because of my anxiety, I broke of all communication with my friends too, phone always on airplane mode, deleted whatsapp from phone, didn't wished them on their birthdays which was just 2 days ago but now I have to go to clg from tomorrow so can u think of any reasons I can give to my frnds?? Moreover one of my friend called my mom today about this and she just said that she'll convey the msg to me, so now they know that I'm at my home and everything's alright. What reason shld I tell them??

Oh Nonnie I so feel you. Not sure why you think I am the right person to send this to, but I'm replying as quickly as I can in hopes that I'm offering you an answer that is satisfying enough. The obvious thing to advise here is telling your friends the truth, but as someone who is not that great with... well feeling things? recognizing emotions? sorting them out? I know just how difficult it can be to express them. You probably want to get it over with and skip the part where you have to give an explanation. I suppose it depends on how close you are to these people. (not necessarily meaning that being close to someone equals open communication, it's not like that for me) Maybe, if you aren't ready to discuss your anxiety with them yet, you can say that they shouldn't worry and that you'll tell them when you feel like it. My first year of high school, I met a person who is one of my dearest friends today and she was wondering why I avoided going out with her. And since I'm never exactly sure of my feelings, but I am almost always certain of my reasoning I told her that I prefer being alone, but that I also wouldn't have spent time with her in the first place if I didn't think she was interesting or that I could learn from her, which she had already known were the most important things in The Jo Universe at that point. I didn't have to go too deep into it (then! with time we talked it out), but I also didn't offend her or make my preferences or my struggles relevant to who she is a person. That is what I reccomend. Lean on your strengths. You didn't cut your friends off because you hate them. You didn't cut your friends off because there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You were simply experiencing something and you have chosen how to process it. I had known what my friend knew about me and I had known what I was good at while I was offering her an explanation for my actions. Arguments and analyzing and reason. Tell your mom to assure your classmates of your (physical, because they'll worry about that) wellbeing and have her mention that you'll talk to them later. Don't rush it just because it feels like you have to rush it. I have discovered that most of the time I was the person coming up with all these deadlines. It's okay to give yourself time. (I should probably follow this advice myself LOL I'm in constant state of denial, I genuinely don't know if I'm feeling something or not, not until it's too late oops) Hope I wasn't out of line here and I hope at least some of this helps. Would love to hear back from you! <3

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 18X01

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I was really excited for the Premiere and I have never been so disappointed in my life. It took me a few days to write this review because I’m just so unimpressed. I feel like the only interesting parts of the Season 18 Premiere were the Meredith and Hayes FaceTime call, Levi in that outfit and Jo with that hair, and the interviews. That's it. I mean Teddy and Owen’s two weddings were interesting if you’re a Teddy and Owen shipper, but I never have been so that didn’t really do anything for me.

The pacing of the episode was super slow and it was just altogether boring. There were also just so many inconsistencies. For example, Teddy and Owen originally planned to get married at the park with just Megan, Farouk, Evelyn, Leo, and Allison which doesn’t make sense because prior to their break up they were talking about planning their dream wedding. Now they finally get married and Richard didn’t even know about it? They asked Megan to fly in, but they didn’t tell their friends at the hospital after they just all attended Maggie and Winston’s wedding two weeks earlier?

It’s also not clear if Meredith knows that they got married which is weird because she’s the main character of the show and was an integral part of Owen’s previous two weddings one of which was held at her house. Also, Amelia and Link weren’t there and it’s not clear if they even knew about the wedding which is weird because Meredith, Amelia, and Link were all present when Owen proposed to Teddy at Christmas at Meredith’s house and they are all co-parenting Leo together.

While I appreciated the shift to a lighter tone and that they chose to have this season exist in a post-COVID alternative universe where we can see the actors faces again without the PPE and return to escapism the Premiere didn't pack the punch I was expecting. The premieres are usually super shocking and action packed and this one just wasn't. It was just boring and all of the most interesting stuff happened off camera during the two weeks between the Season 17 Finale and the Season 18 Premiere which is just stupid.

I saw the priest getting hit by one of the cyclists coming a few minutes before it happened based on the promo and the context of the scene and there wasn't a big shocking event like there usually is. The pace of the Premiere really felt off to me. My friend Amy who I watch with every week described it as the pacing you usually associate with a nice stroll through a moonlit garden. Fine for episode two or three or a connecting episode but not the Premiere. I feel like they really misjudged what fans were looking for and I’m hoping that they do the work and course correct now that the Premiere has aired and the completely dismal fan reaction as come out.

One of the few bright spots for me was the introduction of Peter Gallagher as Dr. David Hamilton. I love him as an actor! He's great! His recent roles in Grace and Frankie and Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist were fantastic! I was super excited when I heard he was coming to Grey's. I like Dr. Hamilton so far and I'm interested to see how his relationship with Ellis and Meredith having dreams about her mother following her battle with COVID will play into the story this season. While it would be interesting to see Meredith work in Minnesota temporarily like Cristina did back in Season 9, I don't want her there permanently. Seattle is as much a character in the show as any of the main characters we've come to love, and something would be missing for me if she moved.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't make much sense to me for Meredith to move to Minnesota permanently when she only knows a few people there. Who would watch her kids? If she's going to move to me, it makes more sense for her to move to Kansas where Alex is or Switzerland where Cristina is. Her kids have already lost their father and so many other caregivers and Meredith has stuck it out in Seattle for so long after everything that's happened that her moving to Minnesota for me would be bonkers.

Also, where were her kids in the Premiere? All of the interviews that came out prior to the Premiere talked about how Meredith’s focus at the beginning of the season would be on her work and her kids, but they were nowhere to be found in the Premiere and it’s not clear whose watching them while Meredith is in Minnesota. The interviews also made it seem like Meredith and Hayes would still be circling each other at the start of the season with quotes about how timing hadn’t been on their side, that they still needed to have an official drink and go out on a date, and that while Meredith wasn’t looking for a relationship one might find her.

That had literally nothing to do with the Premiere we saw whatsoever! The kids were MIA and it turned out that Meredith and Hayes started dating off screen following Maggie and Winston’s wedding and we didn’t get to see ANY of the firsts they talked about so much over the last two seasons. So stupid. The Premiere was a total rip off. I hate that Nick Marsh is back and I’ve never gone from liking a character and an actor to hating them in such a short period of time ever. My God. I’m so pissed off about this. What the hell were they thinking? Why did they think we would want this at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Nick Marsh as a character and Scott Speedman's portrayal of him when he first showed up in Season 14. I was all ready for him to be Meredith's next great love and I was on board. But then he disappeared and was never heard from again and it was reported that Speedman wanted to take a break from TV for a while so I mourned the loss of what could have been and moved on. I sat through the out of character nonsense that was the DeLuca storyline in the belief that eventually that storyline would end, and Meredith would get a real proper love interest that made sense and would be her post-Derek endgame.

So, I was really excited when they introduced Hayes and I have really come to love his character and his budding relationship with Meredith. I feel like I've been waiting forever to finally see them go on a date and I am super pissed off that we didn't get to see it. I would have loved this storyline with Nick if they had introduced it at any previous point in time, but now after they've spent so much time setting up Meredith and Hayes it's just infuriating. I feel immense rage over how they handled Meredith and Hayes and Meredith and Nick’s storylines in the Premiere. I'm so angry. The whole thing just made no sense. That Premiere should never have aired. It never should have gotten past the draft stage. It was that bad. The first date and all of the firsts that come with a new relationship are the most exciting parts of a romantic storyline for me and I love seeing all of that on screen. They hyped Meredith and Hayes’ relationship up so much and even had the two of them talk about 'firsts' and dating after death so for their first date to happen off screen along with Austin's panic attacks and bad reaction to his Dad starting to date again is just such a rip off.

I have stuck with this show through thick and thin and for them to reward that loyalty by having the most interesting parts of that storyline happen off screen while showing a bunch of stuff on screen with other characters that they could have just told us about? So ridiculous. I was so excited for this season and now I'm just angry. I'm hoping that they are building to a big mid-season finale where Meredith is going to return to Seattle and by that time Bailey will have helped Hayes out with Austin and the two of them will finally get together on screen but I'm starting to feel like every time I get invested in one of the Meredith's new love interests, they pull the rug out from under me and I'm getting really fed up.

In other news, I'm not too surprised that Megan and Riggs broke up off screen only because Virgin River, which I love, just got picked up for two more seasons and I imagine Martin Henderson is busy filming that and it looks like Megan is going to be around for a while and they had to explain it somehow. I loved Meredith and Riggs together and I hated how they ended that storyline so I'm not sad about them breaking up off screen.

The Premiere also broke my heart over Amelia and Link’s storyline. It’s just so stupid. It’s drama for drama’s sake that’s all it is and it’s tired. When did marriage become so important to Link? In the span of a few months, he went from being totally fine with not getting married and checking in with Amelia every few weeks on how she felt to convincing himself that Amelia wanted him to propose so he did so at her sister's wedding and used her dead brother's children to do it. Amelia's right the whole thing was super messed up and manipulative and she was right to say no.

Link decided marriage was important to him and that fostering Luna would be totally fine without ever talking to Amelia. Yes, Amelia should have shared her thoughts with him too, but he also should have paid attention. Now their otherwise healthy relationship is over because she doesn't want to participate in an archaic ritual that involves signing a contract and exchanging vows? That's just stupid. I hope they find a way to work it out and get back together because I really like them as a couple.

I like Dr. Michelle Lin the new Head of Plastic of Surgery that Bailey and Richard are looking to hire. I thought for sure after that photo of the other guy made the rounds on social media that he was going to be the new Head of Plastics, but then he said that he doesn't do "free" and I knew he was out. I'm excited for there to be another female surgeon of colour on the show as the gender and racial balance on the show has been more white and male as of late and I think Grey's is at its best when you have a roughly equal number of women and men and as many different races being represented as possible.

I think it makes the storylines more interesting and authentic and personally gives me more characters that I can identify with. This new doctor seems driven, determined, and could have a potentially interesting dynamic with Richard and Bailey. She’s also giving me some Cristina Yang vibes and I’m all for that. I love Cristina. Always have. Always will. That being said, I'm a bit confused as to where they are going with Jo's storyline as I thought for sure the new Head of Plastics would be a guy and her new love interest. But Bailey did say they still needed to hire a new general surgeon and a new neurosurgeon so maybe one of them will be for her?

I can't really say that there was anything I loved about the Premiere which is disappointing. Jo's parenting hair dye mishap was funny, Levi's outfit cracked me up, and I liked that Bailey agreed to help Hayes out, but that's about it. The thing I was most excited for coming into this season was Meredith finally being back on her feet and seeing the romantic storyline between her and Hayes finally come to fruition.

Finding out that she's going to be in Minnesota for the foreseeable future, she and Hayes started dating off screen but had to call it quits because seeing his Dad date someone new caused Austin to have panic attacks, and finding out that Nick Marsh is back? I hated it. I don't understand how the same person who wrote the Season 16 masterpiece “Snowblind” with that amazing snow scene between Meredith and Hayes wrote the Premiere. I just don't understand. I really hope they're not going to do a love triangle with Meredith, Hayes, and Nick because that would just be so stupid.

She's a forty something award-winning surgeon who's a widowed single mother of three. Love triangles made sense when she was young intern, but at this point it's just dumb. I also didn't feel the chemistry this time around between Meredith and Nick like I did the first time. It felt forced and flat. I like Maggie and Winston together, but I didn't find their storyline in the Premiere particularly engaging. I'm glad that Amelia stayed true to herself, but I hate that Link has decided marriage is the only way forward and that they're still fighting.

The only moment that really made me laugh out of the hour was when Jo opened the door and Levi was in that ridiculous outfit. I loved the FaceTime call between Meredith and Hayes, but I hated the context. Honestly, I'm not really excited about any upcoming storyline this season which makes me really sad. I'm usually super positive and hopeful when it comes to this show, but this episode just stomped all over my dreams. All I can hope for now is that they pull a twist and everything I was hoping for happens in the mid-season finale otherwise I don't think I'm going to like this season very much.

Until next time!

[codename-adler]

Dear Tumblr toxicity,

Hi. Adler here. We need to talk.

- TW: mental health issues, depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm, homophobia, transphobia, coming out, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, implied sexual content, rape, non-con, addictions, abuse, parental negligence, depictions of violence, swearing (please message me kindly if I forget anything)

- What prompted this message: The release of Skam France S7 teaser (emphasis on teaser, will get into that below)

- Where I’m coming from: I will talk from the pov of a white, cis and queer 22-years-old woman (she/her); this is the pov that affects my experiences and the opinions I will share below; but my message comes from a place of deep hurt, and love

- What this is about: My goal is to share a recurring experience that has hurt me in order to spread a message of awareness, maturity, peace and love

- Central content: Skam France, Skam Wtfock, and Skam/remakes in general

From now on I will assume people have enough information for me to talk about the topics without explaining every plotline/character. There are plenty of wiki pages to help you out and I will gladly answer any (respectful) questions asked if a plothole bothers your comprehension of my message. I’m only making these assumptions in order to alleviate the text.

January 9th, 2021.

The francetv slash YouTube channel releases an unexpected teaser video for an equally unexpected seventh season Skam France. The video features Tiffany, a white, cis female teenager, going into labour from denial pregnancy just after winning what appears to be a gymnastics championship. Overall, the video and its release are very dramatic.

The character of Tiffany, also called Tiff, was previously seen on season 6 of Skam France as a bully who persecuted the main character, Lola, both at school and on social media. Outside of this characterization, nothing is known about her. It is majorly accepted that Tiff is not a liked character; she rather poses as one of the antagonists of Lola’s arc.

Now you know the details of what happened, in the most objectively possible way. 

Now I’ll speak for myself.

Before I went digging around for people’s reaction, here is what I initially thought of this video.

1) Shock: I thought Skam France was over, so... Big, big shock.

2) Excitement: I hold this web series very close to my heart. It has gotten me through depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, coming out to my best friend. To see this new development? It couldn’t bring me more joy.

3) Curiosity: I recognized Tiff immediately. I was intrigued as to what would happen to her to set off a new season in true Skam Fr fashion. As soon as she started gripping her stomach, I knew she was pregnant and wasn’t aware of it. Big, big surprise here again.

4) Numbness/Overthinking: As I stared at my screen, motionless, my mind went off. What did it mean? How did she not know? Who is the father? Do we know him? Will the baby survive? Where are the other characters? Will Lamifex be present? What? How? When? Why? Who?

5) Disappointment: No, I did not like Tiff one bit in S6. Yes, I sincerely wished for a season on either Jo (ambiguous and funny teenage girl, cis + white), Sekou (seemingly neurodivergent teenage boy, cis + black), and my favorite, Max (mysterious and grave teenage boy, trans + white) So why Tiff? It felt to me like a missed opportunity, but I did not lose hope.

So, these were the five stages of my emotional process. And then I made the terrible mistake to go look for the fans’ reaction. I didn’t even look at the YT comments, I didn’t go on Instagram, I went directly here on Tumblr. Why? I’m still asking myself that. From S1 to S6 of Skam Fr, I kept my love for the show to myself and only looked at ig and video edits. I tried once, and only once, to look it up on Tumblr, and was greeted by fervent agressivity, disrespect and hate. Why did I ever forget that after watching the S7 teaser? I still don’t know.

The reactions on this platform were wild. People are furious (I get that). People are disappointed (I get that). People are anxious (I get that). People are also verbally agressive, insensitive, hateful, disrespectful and bullies. I don’t get that.

Comments along the lines of “What she gonna do with a fucking baby?”, “Are we gonna watch the baby do nothing all fucking season?”, “Wowwww, teenage pregnancy, so new and relatable!” (note the sarcasm made in the comment here), “Who gives a shit about Tiff?”, etc. 

And then all the mistakes Skam Fr ever made flooded back onto the feed. The wlw misrepresentation, the whitewashing, the overdramatization, the dubious sex scenes between minors, all of it.

Let’s take a break here. Do I condone these mistakes? Nope. Am I a white-bully apologist? Nope. Did I forget every horrible action Tiff has made in the past? Nope. She manipulated a whole school against Lola, she profited from Lola’s mother’s death, she bullied her, harrassed her, pushed her deeper into mental distress. Tiff was a despicable character that I never once liked. The way she was played by the actress made it clear that Tiff was not intended to be a good guy. If I could replace her as the main of S7, I would, in a heartbeat. I’d choose, as I said, Jo, Sekou or Max.

Skam France deeply lacks diversity and made mistakes when attempting to diverse the issues represented. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. 

Poc representation is very, very low. Only one season has a woc of Islam beliefs as mc (Imane, S4) with poc entourage/family. Only 2 other characters not related to Imane were poc (Sekou and Sarah, S1-S2). These 2 characters were very in the background and served to further the mc’s plotline, they had no real content. (I am not a poc, and so my opinion does not matter here. If you are not poc, your “opinions” don’t matter here, this point is not for you to debate. These are facts.)

While I do not particularly find the wlw representation bad, I do understand how it hurts/bothers other queer women. From my perspective, the bar was very low regarding my expectations of the Lola/Maya pair (none of them died *yay* they had a happy ending *yay* they were not typically overfeminized or overmasculinized *yay* Lola  and Maya were respectful of each other, understood each other, accepted each other with all their flaws and their beauty *yay* I truly believed in their love and it gave me confidence and hope *yay* I ould really go on but this is not my main point so I’ll stop here) Regardless of my opinion on Mayla, I understand that to some queer women, it was bothering/hurtful. (If you are anything other than a woman / wlw, this point is not for you to debate. Keep your “opinions” to yourself, it does not matter here. These are facts.)

Like every remake of the original Skam where the S4 was given to Sana/Imane, the Muslim community was not represented at its best, at its most beautiful and respectfully. The character of Imane, although she is my favorite girl of the series, was not portrayed in a way that respected the majority of the Muslim community. (If you are anything other than Muslim, this point is not for you to debate. Our opinions do not matter here. These are facts.)

And so the same goes for the portrayal of sexual assault and child pronography in S2, of mental illness and homophobia in S3, of disabilities in S5, of addiction, transphobia, self-harm and neurodivergence in S6. Again, if you are not part of these communities, your opinions do not matter on these issues. These are facts that are not up for debate.

In other words, Skam France, as well as the original Skam, Skam Wtfock, Skam España, and probably all the others I haven’t watched in their entirety, are NOT perfect shows. They (maybe) tried their best to portray issues of the younger generations that are ugly, shameful, taboo, hard-to-swallow-pills. Of course they made mistakes. Of course they have to be held accountable. Of course they can and should do better. Of course it must be spoken about.

Here is my problem.

The so-called “fans” shamelessly SHITTING on the WHOLE show because of ONE TEASER TRAILER. (btw, this is where I get angry)

I am not talking about the fans making fun of the show and this season’s premise like “Better MCs than Tiff for S7: a romance between the car that almost hit Lucas S3 and the car that hit Arthur S5, or the school’s nurse, or Imane’s dad, or Elu’s rabbit” (that shit’s funny and I’d watch all of these).Or the joke about Wtfock and Skam Fr shaking hands while signing the same contract to disappoint the fans with white MCs (it’s funny cuz it’s trueeeee).

I am not talking about the fans criticizing the producers’ choice of Tiff as MC. There is a difference between shitting on issues and adressing/discussing them. I WANT to talk about how this season’s issue would have been so much better if a woc, specifically a black woman, had been the MC, because black women and doctors are a whole different level of issue than white women and doctors. Add on top of that an unplanned teenage pregnancy? It would have been IMMACULATE. I WANT to talk which wlw couple was better represented, Mayla or Croana/Crisana, and why is that. I WANT to talk about disabilities in black and poc communities. I WANT to talk about headcanons, AUs, to rectify the missed marks. I WANT to talk about our takes on seasons about Max, Sekou and Jo, instead of Tiff’s.

I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHITTY, NEGATIVE, UNHELPFUL, HURTFUL COMMENTS.

Just because the protagonist is white, doesn’t give you ANY right to dismiss the issue that is unplanned teenage pregnancy. This is a problem that affects countries WORLDWIDE. Do you know how many deaths are related to minors giving birth? Do you know how many babies die at birth from these pregnancies? Do you have any idea the trauma it puts you through, to go into labor without even knowing you were pregnant in the first place, and then giving birth, and then having to care for a defensless human being? The dilemma of keeping it, or giving it away? The fear that lives in every person able to give birth, that one day they’ll become pregnant, because society turns sych a shameful look to that? No matter your ethnicity, your gender identity, your sexuality, your political stance or whatever shit you bring up to justify your disgraceful and downright degrading comments, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT A MINOR GIVING BIRTH IS NOT AN ISSUE. 

You think the topic has been covered plenty before? Yeah, because shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” are such good examples and show the reality with such an objective point of view! 

Bullshit. Teenage pregnancy is still a taboo, it still kills, and people are still morons about it. 

“Well I guess everybody is secretly pregnant now!” No, Jessica, but you wouldn’t know about it, would you? Because I wouldn’t tell you shit if you were my “friend” and I was going through it. The whole message of all the Skams is not that it presents super relatable issues of teenagers, although it is a big topic of the show. They present some issues that affect the youth in an authentic light, but that’s not it.

Tous les gens que tu rencontres mènent un combat dont tu ignores tout. 

Sois indulgente. Toujours. x x x

//

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind. Always. x x x

THAT’S THE MESSAGE. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW.

And you all missed it.

All of you making dead baby jokes and death threats, degrading people who give birth, shaming teenagers for their pregnancies... Listen to yourselves.

“Well she deserves it, she was such a bitch!” No, Michael, you shit stick. Let’s rewind a bit for you, yeah? It was a GOD DAMN TEASER. We literally know nothing! Nothing at all! Why are y’all getting mad when we saw 3:25 minutes representing a whole ass season! Listen to yourselves. Y’all judge so fast for people pretending to love Skam and its authenticity and its motto.

You say Tiff is irredeemable?

Emma cheated on her boyfriend.

Manon lied and manipulated her friends.

Lucas was homophobic and prejudiced agaisnt mentally ill people.

Imane was homophobic too and went behind her friends’ back to get what she wanted.

Arthur cheated on his girlfriend too.

Lola dragged Elliot down with her in her addiction, lied, was verbally abusive, etc.

ALL THE MAINS ARE PROBLEMATIC.

Any guess why?

BECAUSE THEY ARE TEENAGERS. THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.

Yet we still loved them all. 

So don’t you dare tell me that Tiff deserves this, that her baby deserves to die, that teenage motherhood is irrelevant. Motherhood is not a curse in the first place, nor is it something to wish to inflict upon anyone. Motherhood is different for every single person and nobody except the person living with it can have an opinion on that. We don’t even know if the baby survived, for God’s sake!

There is no excuse for this kind of behavior..

It makes me so angry. Women are discriminated against in a fandom I thought was safe, again and again and again. 

I have to stop here because, well, this is just too much. There is much wrong with Skam (the original AND all the remakes), but there is even more wrong with the fans. I’m done.

You don’t support the show anymore? Fine, then don’t watch it! If I really am wrong, the number of viewers will go down and the show will die, just like you wished. There is no need to be vicious about it. 

I hope y’all are proud of your misogyny. 

Sincerely,

Adler.

[apricotparrotmemes]

I’m just gonna say this. I don’t even care.  I will die on this hill. There needs to be an adaptation of Little Women where Jo and Laurie get married. Okay? Just. You know. For the fucking closure for all of us. I mean just... look at the source material for a minute.

Because there HAS to be version of this story where Amy has enough sense to tell Laurie to WAIT after he proposes to her, given that he was heartbroken about her sister only a few months ago. (Propose to her again in a year if he still has feelings, etc.) And Jo has enough sense to keep writing her crazy sensationalist stories and making money to become financially independent and help her family, rather than giving it all up because some random German guy gets all morally superior and judgmental about it because what the hell was that even, I always hated that whole chapter. Bhaer is so manipulative about that whole thing??? She’s young and vulnerable and has crazy daddy issues, and it was stupid to give up an excellent, EASY source of income because she felt the need to be a good girl. Fuck the patriarchy. Why shouldn’t she write sexy adventure stories? Fuck being a good girl. Fuck pleasing annoying, puritanical  professors. 

She writes her over the top stories and has fun. Laurie keeps travelling and sees the world and grows up. They finally write to each other. They keep writing. It’s fun, because it’s always fun. I mean the boy proposed to her KNOWING she can’t be elegant, she can’t be a conventional wife, that she’d keep writing even though he’d dislike the whole thing. He didn’t ask her to change. That’s what always drove me insane about the book. Why marry the man who wanted to change her? Why reject the guy who loved her for who she was, the one who didn’t want to change her even though she could never, ever be an ideal wife for him in a million years? You know what that is? Fear of being loved, for real, with all her flaws. Easier to be judged, to be found wanting, easier to have an older man in charge. Easier to surrender, because she’s so tired. So lonely. So homesick. Harder, a thousand times harder, to be with a man who treats her as an equal, who’s fine with her being a tomboy  and has always been fine with her being her crazy, boyish self, harder being loved by someone who knows her. Because if she fucks it up, then what? If the one man who truly, truly knows her and loves her for herself ends up unhappy with her, then what? Because if the marriage goes wrong, she can’t change to appease Laurie, he knows her too well. He’d call bullshit.

One adaptation where they address this. One adaptation where we all finally accept that Jo was scared, that being herself in a judgmental, sexist world was  too difficult. That it’s easier not to marry than to marry someone who might change his mind and decide he wants a traditional wife after all. Too scary to trust the real thing when it appears, because it’s real. 

It should have been Laurie. For once, just once, just one adaptation, just once can it be Laurie? Please? Just once.  Then we can all finally move on. 

[hopeshoodie]

Couples I think would have been equally as toxic as Nope if they’d gotten together in the villa

Marisol and Elisa: They’d go toe to toe with Nope for the most dysfunctional relationship in the villa

Whereas Marisol and Hope are similar in their ambition and independence but different enough to be compatible (Hope is more empathetic and Marisol is more strategic), Elisa and Marisol are just too similar. Pair that similarity with how competitive they both are… Yikes. Both of them tend to think that they’re the prettiest, smartest, and most aware people in the room, and with the time in the villa they wouldn’t be able to build enough of a relationship to overcome their constant judgement towards each other. 

If MC wasn’t there, I think Marisol would realize around day 23 that the audience doesn’t care about her and Graham. She wants to win, and Elisa’s been grafting onto her, so she’ll couple with Elisa to try and be the ‘wlw power couple’ that the audience wants. 

And while they’re both attracted to each other… They’re SO passive aggressive.  Elisa isn’t goofy or sweet enough to get Marisol to lighten up, but she IS socially aware enough to be irritated by Marisol’s poor taste in men and constant over-analyzing. Elisa’s unflappable confidence would make Marisol feel insecure (through no fault of her own, having someone flat out tell you ‘I’m more attractive than you, I have more power’ hurts), and she’d cope with that insecurity REALLY poorly. 

So while they both want to be together for the game strategy and because they’re both attracted to each other, they’re in this cycle of ‘actually enjoying the romantic dates and game challenges together, one of them says something and the other one is passive aggressive in response, they get really personal and exchange digs in that whisper-fight way that couples do when they’re pretending everything’s fine, then Marisol leaves to sulk, then Elisa approaches her pretending nothing is wrong (invalidating her emotions) and then if Marisol puts up a stink about that reminds her they have to be a happy couple to win LITG. 

God they would make everyone SO UNCOMFORTABLE with the sniping. Marisol would say something annoying, Elisa would make a face or a snarky comment, then they would grit their teeth and go back and forth. ‘I don’t think Rahim and Jo are going to last, look at how he’s sitting’ ‘I don’t think you’re close enough to Rahim to have that insight. Not everyone’s body language is the same.’ ‘Well you haven’t been here since day 1’ ‘No but I’ve gotten to watch all the behind the scenes’ ‘What’s the point of knowing all that if you don’t share it with your partner, though.’ and just increasingly sharper eye contact at each other and more and more curt voices.

Once they’re out of the villa (or maybe even at the finale, when they’re both pissed that they lost), all the pretense is dropped and they just scream at each other. Marisol because she keeps all these mental receipts about things that she’s angry about, and Elisa because she thinks she’s above having to care. 

Lucas and Lottie: God this would be… A whole mess.

As much as Lottie doesn’t want to admit it, she’s clingy as fuck. And not in a ‘hold my hand in public’ kind of way, but in a ‘don’t even glance at other women, I need you to say you’re committed even if you’re not’. But she doesn’t want to acknowledge that’s how she is, so she would say she’s okay being ‘casual’ (she let Gary string her along, I have no doubts she’d let Lucas do the same) but very much not be okay with it.

On his end, Lucas would NOT be concerned about her feelings. He used Blake, he shafted MC, and he barely apologized for either. I think his reaction to Lottie would be very similar to Gary’s- never really affirming her or supporting her but definitely accepting her support and going all the way with her. But instead of being oblivious to that being what he was doing, Lucas would acknowledge it. Say it was intentional, that they were only casually dating. He would flirt with other women, but never switch. I firmly believe he switched from MC because he was scared by how into her he was, but with Lottie he’d never have that problem. Being coupled with Lottie would be a safe position for Lucas- he gets to play the game without taking any risks. 

And honestly? I think it’d be a good position for both of them. They’re fan favorites in their own right, attractive and desired by the audience. I don’t know if people would ship them as much as they’d like knowing that both of their faves are still ‘available’ in a way. Lucas and Lottie have good rapport where they can be snarky about other couples, which viewers would love. I could easily see them taking third or second as a couple.

But gosh... They would bring out the worst in each other. Lucas is really dismissive and cold when you corner him, and Lottie is really nasty when she feels threatened. Lucas’ proud non-commitment to Lottie would drive her insane trying to defend her territory, and Lottie’s demands to be treated like she deserves would make Lucas even more convinced that he’s right to treat her as a friend with benefits. Poor Henrik would be caught in the middle because he likes both of them, but hates when they’re together. 

Priya and Henrik: I don’t think these two would be nearly as loudly toxic as Nope or the above, but they’d certainly hurt each other plenty.

I feel like this pairing could have feasibly happened if Henrik stayed in the villa, and then Priya was paired with Noah. They both fancied each other, but had they been together for a long period of time I think their relationship would’ve slowly degraded and upset both of them. 

Despite Priya being the most mature age-wise, I actually think she’s one of the least mature girls in the villa (obviously she’s more than Jo or Lottie, but definitely leagues below MC and Hope). Her playing games with Felix, gamifying Operation Nope instead of just cracking on with Noah, and chasing Lottie down for an apology instead of letting it go were all pretty juvenile things to do. Conversely, while Henrik seems like a young golden-retriever boy, he’s actually really mature and considerate of others. 

I can see their relationship being fine, if not really good, for a couple of days (like Priya was with Rahim), before Priya loses interest. Henrik would get attached because of those honeymoon days, and he’ll become increasingly despondent as Priya starts looking elsewhere because he’s not enough. Why isn’t he enough? Especially if Lucas is gone and MC isn’t into him, he starts to feel like a burden to the villa. I can see Priya making another offer to Noah towards the end of the season if she stayed, be it just a ‘are you really still not interested?’, which would crush Henrik. 

At the same time, Henrik tries to keep the peace and a lot of the little spats and jokes Priya participates in will rub him the wrong way. He’ll gently try to point out to her that repeatedly using the Ice Robot joke on Jakub is mean, and Priya will get insulted because she thinks Henrik is singling her out. So while Henrik feels like their good relationship is slipping through his fingers, Priya feels like it was never that good to begin with. That now she’s just shackled to someone who goes out of his way to make her feel like a bad person. 

I don’t think Henrik would call it and leave Priya, even if Lucas encouraged him to. And Priya wouldn’t switch unless it was a sure thing (which no one in the villa in late game would be for her). So they would just stay together until they get voted off, increasingly resenting each other and getting more and more distant. I qualify this as a toxic relationship because they’ll definitely both leave the show feeling like they wasted the time and have a worse self image than when they came in (it would reinforce Henrik’s idea that maybe he’s unlovable and make Priya insecure about ‘am I a bad person?’).

[tevanbegins]

I can't stop thinking about how the Levi-Helm scene from 17x15 was completely random and terrible and also how poorly written the dialogues in it were. So here's a rant based on my critical observations of that scene:

I mean, couldn't Levi have told Helm, "Stay with me and Jo at the loft for a while so that you don't feel lonely" instead of "Move in with me. We can be alone together. You know what I mean?" (Yes tell me Levi, wtf do you mean? You are the one avoiding Nico and still playing a victim of loneliness yourself? Wtf is that?) Levi's lines knocked down the beauty of Nico's "Move in with me" in one strong, humiliating blow. It looked like a deliberate mockery of Nico's gesture. Especially when Levi outstretched his arm for Helm to grab and they walked away together as he rubbed her back affectionately, at the exact same spot where he ran away from Nico without acknowledging his confession just two episodes prior, it really broke my heart for Nico.

Helm has never been a great friend to Levi for her to deserve this grand gesture from him. Remember how she was willing to sacrifice her friendship with him because he accidentally got Meredith fired? Nico was the only one who supported Levi in the aftermath of the court trial. He also saved Helm's life in the OR after the bar accident. But everyone seems to forget all this about him. Not a new story, so whatever. Moving on, now when Levi told Helm that Nico wants him to move in with him, if she was a good friend she would have forgotten about her problems for a second and talked to him about it. But instead of being happy for him she sulked, "Great story about how you have a boyfriend." Also if she had any thoughtfulness in her, she would have turned down Levi's offer to move in with him by telling him not to be silly and to go and talk with Nico instead. But she quickly accepted it without any consideration of the importance of Nico's proposition to Levi. If all this isn't an obvious sign of her jealousy then I don't know what it is. Levi is just too stupid to realise it. He is the only character on the show to be so unfortunate as to have such selfish best friends that pose a threat to his love life for no reason. But Helm is not the only one I blame in this scene, I hold Levi equally responsible.

I get Levi having doubts about Nico after what happened the last time they lived together, I get that he needs time to think, I get that he is a good friend and wants to be there for his bestie when she is going through a hard time (although she doesn't deserve it.) I also completely understand his immediate reaction to Nico's confession when he freaked out and froze so he fled the scene with Jo. It was natural in the moment. But what I don't understand is why is he keeping the man he claimed to love for so long hanging in uncertainty for two whole episodes? (We don't even know how many days or weeks he has been avoiding Nico.) And he doesn't seem to feel as guilty about it as he should if he is looking forward to having fun with his besties at the loft in this situation. How come he doesn't feel for Nico the same compassion that he felt for Helm? Is this supposed to be his love?

Assuming that Levi no longer has feelings for Nico — are the writers really trying to convince us that he managed to get over the man he used to love passionately, while he was still sleeping with that man during a global pandemic not long after they broke up, and while that man was trying hard to overcome his flaws to become a better lover for him? Is this Levi's character development? Teddy and Owen went through the worst issues that any couple could possibly face but even they got through it and reconciled. But Levi won't give Nico another chance because of minor differences that can be easily sorted out through basic communication? What kind of lesson is Greys trying to impart here? That infidelity is acceptable but not communication problems? If so, Krista Vernoff is a sick, sick woman.

The unexpected curve ball in this horrifying scene has made it very hard for me to be positive about Schmico. Krista hates them and Idk how she plans to fix this new mess or if she even intends to. As I conclude my rant, all I would like to say is that if Schmico is the only couple who don't get their endgame this season, while all the other couples are happy, Krista will face her karma. I mean it. Good night from my part of the world.

[mittensmorgul]

hi! so this is really random, but i am about to start a new fic and i wanted to have sam w/ someone as a side pairing but couldnt decide yet and it got me to thinking did jared ever enjoy any of his onscreen love interests who were not gen? i know he didn't seem to care for the eileen relationship for some reason and i know he hated the amelia one as well. do you know if he ever mentioned if he prefered anyone for sam outside of "ruby"

Hi there! First off, ooh yay! Good luck writing your fic!

Second, maybe this is just me, but I don't really take into account how the actors who played the characters may think or feel when writing fic. It would be like being concerned about what the girls who acted in Marie's play from 10.05 thought the characters they played should want, you know? It's YOUR vision you're writing about here. You can write YOUR version of the story!

I still can't believe they redeemed Becky into a positive role model for fanfic writers. :'D

But since you asked specifically, of course Jared always said he liked Ruby/Gen. I mean, he liked her enough to marry her in real life. What else is he supposed to say when he's asked that question?

As to what he said about Eileen after the finale... about thinking Dean would never have wanted him to end up with a hunter... I have no idea what that was about, but Dean was the biggest in-canon Saileen shipper. So like... I have no idea what that was about. Just trying to not make waves about the fact Eileen was excluded from the finale? Did he really feel after they spent most of s15 demonstrating a healthy and positive relationship developing between him and Eileen to the point even *I* was like "OKAY THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY ENDGAME" after being incredibly wary of the relationship most of the season (because of how Eileen was brought back, because she was one of Chuck's pawns pushed into their lives unwittingly to manipulate them). So if they managed to convince ME that they were truly choosing each other and in love by 15.18, I have no idea why Jared couldn't see that, but whatever... He acted the heck out of that whole arc with Eileen, and his distress in 15.18 when Eileen disappeared felt genuine to me. The only piece missing from their relationship was the reunion between them I think everyone was expecting in 15.20, you know? So maybe it was just Jared's own work to rationalize the script he had to act out that didn't explicitly include Eileen and Sam ending up together. I don't know that he didn't enjoy the potential of that relationship while it was unfolding on screen, only that his post-finale comments felt weirdly jarring after we'd all watched a love story unfold between them all season.

But we're here to talk about writing fic, where we're 100% allowed to write any relationships we want. I've always said I personally ship Sam/Happiness first, so regardless of who I've paired him with, my goal is for him to be happy with them (and obviously for his partner to be equally happy with him, no matter who it is). But that's in the way they're written together in your fic, and not even really dependent on how things unfolded in canon.

I personally (since I'm mostly here for destiel focused fic anyway) haven't really written Sam's relationships as main focuses of a story, so I might not be the best person to ask if your fic is more Sam-centric. I've personally written Sam/Jess, Sam/Eileen, Sam/Rowena (and several times implied Sam/Eileen/Rowena... heck once I implied a potential for Sam/Donna, though it never developed in that fic), and in addition to those have also read Sam/Jo, Sam/Sarah Blake, Sam/Jody, Sam/Ruby, Sam/Original Female Character (some of the original characters I have ADORED, too, so that's always an option for you! Heck, I even wrote one in Plotbunny). I know a lot of people ship him with Gabriel, too (and sometimes as a threesome with Rowena). So if you see Sam as something other than straight, that's definitely an option for you, too.

As to the Amelia relationship, I haven't really read that one in fic because the audience in general also felt that was a bit of a weird relationship of convenience for both of them more than a true love/happiness match. The way it was handled in canon was.... odd, as well, and even the way their scenes together were shot had an air of unreality to them, to the point a LOT of the audience at the time questioned if she was even a real person, or if Sam's recollections were even accurate. I can see why Jared would've felt weird about that relationship, as well, especially given how abruptly it ended and then was never mentioned again in canon.

It's your fic, so honestly who do YOU find most interesting to pair Sam with for your story? Because that's all that matters in your fic.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 5: The North Mountain

(from ‘The Winter and The Crown’)

…in which Harry and Y/N set off on a new journey and get stuck in another snowstorm.

Word count: 4.6k

AU: queen!y/n, commander!harry

Description: Y/N and Harry set off on a new adventure to find ‘the cure’ for an ancient curse, meanwhile, the enemies are plotting to take her kingdom.

Wattpad link (Reyna as Y/N)

THEY’RE BACKKKKKKK! There’s another cave scene in this chapter 👀

.

.

.

“Are you sure, Your Majesty?”

“Yes,” Y/N told Mary for the third and final time, hoping that she’d sounded determined even though her voice was wavering. She could feel Lance’s eyes burning holes on the side of her face. He didn’t want her to go through with this.

The throne room was utterly quiet. There were just the three of them and two guards standing by the door. Y/N hated how loud her heart was beating, as if even it could tell this was a bad idea.

“The journey won’t be easy,” Mary said, lacing her hands together in front of her crotch. “Many have tried to find the lake and those who returned had not even made it halfway to the top of the mountain.”

“I know,” Y/N said coolly.

Mary quickly looked from her to Lance as if expecting him to interrupt and convince Y/N that Harry wasn’t worth all this danger. But Lance kept a straight face, as usual, masking what he truly felt inside.

Mary drew in a breath. Then, she took the silver ring with a black gemstone off her finger and wiped it clean with the sleeve of her dress. “When my sisters and I were born,” she said, “each of us was given a ring like this. It was enchanted with our mother’s blood, so as long as the stone was red, it meant all three of us were alive in this world. That was how I knew my sisters were gone. After I’d escaped from Egon’s men, the stone faded to brown and eventually to black.” She turned to Lance. “This ring will let you know if the Queen’s in danger.” And back to Y/N. “All it takes is a drop of your blood, Your Majesty.”

Y/N met Lance’s uneasy gaze. He sighed and drew out the dagger attached to his belt and handed it to her. She held it firmly, biting her lip and pressing the tip of the blade into her finger until blood oozed out of the cut. Mary took hold of Y/N’s wrist and placed her finger above the ring. The red drop fell onto the stone and it glowed like a tiny flame before subsiding to a dimmer red.

“Blood calls to blood,” Mary said, giving the red-stone ring to Lance. He put it on as Y/N put the finger into her mouth, tasting the iron sting of her own blood. “If the colour darkens, it means she’s in danger. If it turns black, she’s dead.”

The way Mary said it, so assertively and pitifully, sent a chill down Y/N’s spine. But for Harry and her kingdom, she must not be afraid.

.

.

.

Harry hadn’t expected to see the Queen in the stable. Who would expect to see a Queen out here in the middle of the night?

“What are you doing here?” she asked, looking equally surprised to see him.

He flashed a beam and continued stroking the black horse. “I ran into Jo and she told me to go feed the horses.”

“Feeding the horses isn’t your job,” Y/N said, arching an eyebrow.

Harry’s eyes widened. “It’s not?”

Y/N was speechless for a moment before she sighed. “Guide to surviving in my court: do not take orders from a maid.”

Heat pooled at Harry’s cheeks yet he managed to conceal his embarrassment with a grin. “Sorry. Your maid is pretty scary for a maid.”

Y/N shook her head as she broke into a smile. And Harry felt that weird sensation in his chest again. She’d been cold and distant since the last time they’d spoken two weeks ago. He hoped she’d forgiven him for what he’d done. Even though he didn’t know her, he felt a strong connection between them. He hadn’t had any nightmare lately about her jumping off a cliff or bleeding out to death on the floor, but those scenes had been stuck on his mind ever since the last time. He wished he knew what they meant or if they meant anything at all. That was one of the reasons he’d agreed to join her on this impossible quest – to make sure his nightmares wouldn’t come true.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and quickly added, “Your Majesty.”

Y/N’s mouth twitched subtly as she came closer. The black horse pawed the ground and snorted as if it were happy to see her.

“I’m here to say goodnight to Thunder,” she said, stroking the animal’s head.

“Thunder,” Harry echoed.

“I know what you’re thinking. Northerners have weird names for their horses,” she said. That was exactly what he was thinking. “You two have met before.”

“Thunder and I?” Harry asked, pointing to his chest.

Y/N nodded. “He was my ride on the journey last year. Would you like to see your horse?”

He said yes. And so she led him further into the stable to a beautiful brown horse who neighed and nuzzled Harry’s chest as soon as it saw him. Harry chuckled and stroked the horse’s back.

“Her name’s Lightning,” Y/N said and laughed when Harry raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I’m serious.”

Harry didn’t remember having ridden Lightning before, but he felt like he knew her in the same way he felt like he knew Y/N. The memories might not be there, but the feelings were.

“Will it be just the four of us again tomorrow?” he asked.

“No, some of my men will be joining us. They’ll carry food and water.”

“What about the King?”

Y/N paused for a bit longer. “Lance must stay here. Someone has to run the court while I’m away.”

“And Attwell?”

“He’ll travel back and forth if necessary.”

Harry had heard from the maids that the people in Attwell loved Lance and were excited about the wedding. Y/N would probably receive the same amount of adoration in Isolde if she were a man. There hadn’t been any protests in the past weeks. Harry assumed Calanthe must be planning something else, so Lance had to stay here to pacify the court during the Queen’s absence. He wanted to ask Y/N about it, but he knew she wouldn’t discuss such matters with a peasant.

“Why doesn’t His Majesty go instead?”

Y/N’s expression remained the same as if she’d been expecting the question. “This is my kingdom,” she said, “so it's my responsibility, not his.”

“But he’s going to be your husband,” Harry ventured.

“So?” She lifted her chin proudly. “You think it’s because I’m a woman I cannot finish a job?”

“No, Your Majesty.” Harry could not help but smile. “I think you’re perfectly capable of getting the job done. It’s just...I wouldn’t let my woman risk her life out there while I’m safe here in the castle.”

“Lance insisted on going for me, but I didn’t let him,” Y/N said. “Just like you, I wouldn’t let my betrothed risk his life out there while I’m safe here in the castle.”

“Ahhh, so that’s what betrothed means,” Harry said, rolling his eyes. When Y/N didn’t reply and turned her attention to Lightning, he felt the need to keep this conversation going. “So...why are we searching for the lake? You asked me to come with you but you never told me why.”

Y/N straightened her back and folded her arms over her chest. There was something so serene about her, and Harry would sometimes catch himself staring unblinkingly at her face. He didn’t know if he was allowed to gawk at a sovereign, but Y/N didn’t seem to mind.

“One drop of water from that lake,” she began, “could cure the deadliest disease, heal broken bones, make a mute person talk and a deaf person hear. So if the lake exists and we have access to its powers, we’ll have a great chance of winning against the enemy.”

Harry pressed his lips together and shifted his gaze to his feet. Y/N let out a chuckle. “Don’t tell me you’re changing your mind now.”

“I still want to go,” he said. “It just doesn’t make sense to me why you chose me to go with you. I’m flattered, Your Majesty. But I’m also confused.”

“Because we’re partners in crime,” she said. “Even though you don’t remember anything about our journey, I believe we’ll make a good team as we did, you and I.”

Harry swallowed as he nodded slowly. Being trusted by the Queen with this important quest made Harry anxious and elated at the same time. “I hope this trip will bring back my memories,” he said, then realized he was unconsciously twisting the gold ring on his finger. “Do you know how I got this ring?” He raised his hand. “I asked Kenny and she didn’t know, so I assumed I might have stolen it. I’m not feeling guilty, it’s just weird to wear a piece of jewellery that you stole without knowing how you stole it.”

To his surprise and delight, Y/N broke into laughter. “I gave it to you.”

He blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah. It was a reward for saving my life at the Wind Valley.”

“Wow.” He admired the ring. Now that he knew how he’d got it, he started looking at it differently. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said.

He dropped his arm back to his side and let out a sharp breath. “I can’t believe we’ve crossed the Wind Valley and done all those crazy things and I don’t remember anything.”

“I suppose we’ve made a lot of impossible things possible,” she said with a faltering smile. “But that was nothing compared to this. I need to know you’re ready.”

“I am.” He gave a firm nod. “I’ll try my best. That’s the least I could do for you before I leave the court.”

“Right,” Y/N said, almost to herself than to him.

He walked her out of the stable. It was snowing. She told him she could get back to her chamber on her own and wished him goodnight. Harry clasped his hands together behind his back as Y/N turned and started walking away.

He suddenly felt the need to shout after her. “You don’t have to worry! I’ll protect you and get you home safely to the King.”

Slowly, Y/N looked back over her shoulder. Their eyes locked, and a flicker of memory flashed across Harry's mind. It’d been snowing like this. They’d been at this same spot right outside the stable. Y/N was sitting on Thunder’s back, white snow falling all around them, decorating her hair with silvery flakes.

Reality rushed back into his vision when she spoke, “I can look after myself. You keep yourself safe.”

He opened his mouth yet could not utter a word.

Her red lips curled gently. And then she was gone.

.

.

.

“What is it?”

Y/N’s voice brought Lance back to reality. He cast her a single glance before scanning his eyes around. They were standing outside the portcullis. The sky was just growing light. Men were already gathered, faces red in the morning chill as they saddled the horses that snorted clouds of steam.

“Nothing,” Lance lied, not looking at Y/N. He hoped she couldn’t see through his feigned nonchalance, although it hadn’t been effective lately. Y/N had acclimated to his attitude. Sometimes he thought she had to be the only person left in this world who really knew him. It was sad, as the more attached he grew to her, the more it’d hurt when she got back to Harry.

He unconsciously twisted the red-stone ring around his finger while keeping an eye on the soldiers and servants, acting occupied.

“I’ll be back in two weeks,” she said despite his silence. “Don’t miss me too much.”

He turned back to her. She was beaming. The dawn had reddened her nose and cheeks, and as he stared, he completely forgot what to say.

“I won’t,” he mumbled, averting his eyes before she could sense his anxiety.

She placed her hand on his arm and he tried his best not to react to her light touch. He didn’t like the person he’d become when he was around her. Always so sensitive and predictable.

“I trust you not to plot on overthrowing me while I’m away,” she joked.

He let out a laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t know, my lady, your throne seems much more comfortable than mine.”

Y/N’s eyes wrinkled at the corners as she tilted her head. “When I get back, I’ll have a special cushion made for your throne.”

“I’ll hold onto that promise,” he said, flashing her his signature grin.

They were interrupted by Harry shouting at a servant for threatening Lightning with a whip. He shoved the man out of the way, obviously angry as he took the mare with him and whispered something to comfort her.

“He seems more himself lately,” Lance remarked.

Y/N only shrugged. It made him wonder what she felt inside.

She hadn’t spoken of Harry since she’d found him with the maid. Everyone in court was convinced that she was looking for the lake to use it as a weapon against Calanthe, and not to save Harry’s life. Lance didn’t want to get his hopes up. The things she did and said always contradicted the look she’d give Harry when he wasn’t looking – like she’d die for him. But he’d already died for her and was probably not coming back.

Lance told himself to never settle to be the second choice or even a choice; he’d been that his entire life being born a bastard. Yet, he would find himself looking at her that same way.

“We’re ready to go, Your Majesty,” said one of the men.

Y/N nodded once before turning to Lance. She held his gaze for a moment, probably rearranging the words in her head to make a proper sentence. She’d once told him that she was bad at goodbyes. He hadn’t thought one day he’d get to see it.

He mustered a smile and pulled the hood of her fur coat over her head, leaving only her face exposed. He cupped it with his gloved hands and she placed her hands over his. If it hadn’t been for the promise he’d made after the first and last time they’d been intimate, he would kiss her right now.

“Try not to die,” he said.

Y/N’s lips arched as she held his wrists. “Even if I die, I’ll come back as a ghost and haunt you and your new bride.”

He chuckled.

To his surprise, she pushed his hands down to close the distance between them and pressed her cool lips to his cheek. He instinctively tugged her in, hugging her like he’d always wanted as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The hug didn’t last for long. And when she pulled away, she turned at once and trudged toward Thunder.

Lance stood with his hands behind his back, watching her mount her horse and shout orders at the men. Harry was on the horse beside the Queen. For the first time since his return, he was looking at her the same way the old Harry would.

.

.

.

Jo had been watching Lance pace these halls for the entire day after Y/N had left. He looked restless and would keep checking the ring on his finger. It had been funny at first, but now it only concerned Jo.

Of course, Jo was worried about Y/N, too. But from everything that'd happened, she’d learned that every time people doubted Y/N, she’d proven them wrong. And so Jo believed in her. Besides, Y/N had been alone the last time. This time she had a group of soldiers to protect her. The biggest concern should be the existence of the lake. But it was not Jo’s responsibility to think about it. Worrying would do them no good. Life had to move on here in court with or without the Queen.

“Are you kidding me?” Jo asked as she picked up her skirt and chased the King down the long corridor. Lance’s legs were longer so he strode ahead effortlessly while she was out of breath trying to catch up with him. “I’m not sharing a room with the witch!”

“She’s not a witch anymore,” he said easily. “Besides, now that the Queen is gone, it’s time for you to make new friends.”

“Said the loneliest man in the world!” she jeered.

Lance stopped walking and turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you always so mean?"

She folded her arms, chin lifted. “I’m not sharing a room with the witch.”

“Too bad. I’m the one giving orders.” He spun on his heels and she immediately circled around him to stand in his path.

“Why should she get to live here anyway?” she said in annoyance. “She helped Calanthe kidnap Harry, tortured him and erased his memory. She should have been hung by now.”

Lance regarded an angry Jo as he tightened his jaw and sucked in a breath. “Y/N specifically requested that Mary stayed with you.”

“What? Why?”

The King lifted a shoulder. “Mary’s sister was the one who brought you back to life, wasn’t she? Don’t you think you should at least be nice to her?”

“Yes, her sister, not her!”

“The poor girl has lost everything and everyone, Jo. Have sympathy,” Lance said. “And I don’t hit women, but if she pulls some tricks, you can easily take her down.”

Jo put both hands on her hips as her mouth fell open. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lance snorted, shrugged again and sidestepped her. He was walking away when his footsteps slowed and he stopped, standing rigid, staring at his hand. For a second Jo thought he was going to change his mind, but then he turned around and his face was pallid. “The ring,” he said.

Jo’s gaze dropped to his finger. The stone on his ring had turned to a darker red. A prickling sensation shot up Jo’s spine as she locked eyes with the King, both of them horrified.

Their Queen was in danger.

.

.

.

A bad storm hit as soon as Y/N and her men entered the forest at the foot of the North Mountain. The powerful wind roped itself around them, wanting to either choke them or yank them off their saddles. The horses pushed through the deep snow as the trees swayed back and forth, bending in every direction while the howling of the wind grew louder and more frightening.

Y/N could not see. She shielded the flying snow from her eyes with one arm while looking around for shelter. Unfortunately, her vision was blurred by the raging storm, and she was unable to see further than a few feet ahead. The wind became more bitter and vicious. Horses neighed and men shouted. Y/N told everyone to stay calm, not sure if anyone could hear her. The only thing that kept her sane was Harry being by her side from the moment they’d set off. She thought about what he’d said outside the stable last night. Maybe he really wanted to protect her.

A human scream tore through the crying of the wind, making Y/N snap her head up and strain her ears to listen. It was a woman shouting for help. It grew louder and clearer and more desperate by seconds. Somebody else was here in the forest in this storm. But why?

“We must move, Your Majesty!” Harry yelled at her.

“Did you hear that?” Y/N shouted back.

“What?”

“A woman! There! She’s calling out for help!”

“I hear nothing.”

“How can you not hear that? There it is again!” cried Y/N, but Harry only looked at her as if she were mad. She shook her head quickly. “That woman needs our help. We must save her.”

“Are you insane?” he growled. “We can’t even save ourselves!”

The woman screamed again. She sounded as if she were in pain. Y/N thought about the dying pregnant woman she’d pulled out of the burning house and her conscience didn’t let her move on. “Wait here! I’ll be back!”

“Y/N!” Harry snapped. But she’d already pulled the reins and kicked her horse into a gallop.

She hurried through the snow, chasing the screams until she saw a figure crawling on its hands and knees across the white snow. Y/N flew off her horse and rushed toward the woman. She could barely make out the woman’s face through the wind but Y/N knew she was alive.

Y/N swore she could hear the fizz and crack of her own heart breaking. Her hood was thrown back by the wind. The cold stabbed its talons into her skin like a thousand little cuts with a serrated blade. She reached for the woman’s arms to help her up, but as soon as she closed her fingers around what should be human’s flesh, she was grasping at nothing.

The woman had vanished.

In one violent crack, the ice broke beneath Y/N and shattered into a hundred tiny fragments, sending her plummeting into the black water.

A million knives stabbed her skin, slicing her open. Her lungs contracted as her numb hands clawed for something to hold onto. She wanted to yell. Her ribs crushed her heart, and her whole body started caving in.

As her eyes shivered open, Harry’s face was the last thing that she saw through the surface.

.

.

.

Harry knew something was wrong when he saw Y/N get off Thunder’s back and head straight toward the frozen river.

He’d forgotten about everyone else. His thoughts were running wild. He threw himself off Lightning’s back and hurried after her. She was standing out on the ice when he’d caught up. He called out to her, but she didn’t look back. Her hood was off and her head was bare, the wind churning up around her, making her look as if she were made of magic.

And then the ice gave way beneath her. A shudder and a crack and she disappeared into the river.

Harry ran. His heart flattened against his ribs. His feet were slipping on the ice. He dropped to his knees at the edge of a vast hole, plunged his arms into the black water and seized her hand floating just above her head. He pulled her up, dragging her onto the ice and into his arms.

He didn’t remember how they’d got back to their horses. Fear and panic had blurred his mind. They were lost. The others had either moved on without them or stuck somewhere in the storm. There was no time to look for them because he must find a place to hide and light a fire.

Y/N was shivering in his arms. Small ice crystals had formed in her hair and on her lashes and brows. He pushed her onto Lightning’s back and mounted the horse, sitting behind her, her head resting against his chest.

Suddenly, Thunder reared upon his hind feet. Harry feared that the animal thought he’d hurt Y/N. But then Thunder snorted and sprinted ahead. Harry knew the horse wanted him to follow so he kicked Lightning and chased after Thunder. He held the rein with his right hand, holding Y/N in his fur coat with his left arm. The cold was so unbearable that every breath he took caused him pain.

They rode and rode. The wind slapping against their bodies until Thunder stopped at the entrance of a cave hidden behind snow-covered branches. The black horse entered first and Harry and Lightning followed. The further they walked, the warmer it became, but it was not enough to melt the ice from their clothes.

Harry dismounted his horse and placed Y/N onto the ground, holding her closer to him to share his body heat. It was not working. Her clothes were all soaked. The only thing that let him know she was alive was her hot breath against his cheek.

“Stay with me,” he hissed, stroking her back.

His heart stammered as her eyelids fluttered. “I’m tired,” she croaked. “I’m going to sleep.”

“No.” He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a firm shake. “You’re not going to sleep. Promise me, Y/N.”

“I promise.”

Carefully, he laid her down and gathered as many dry sticks as he could find. The horses helped. It was obvious that they’d been trained for rescue missions.

Harry managed to light a fire which he hoped wouldn’t go out too soon.

Fuck, he hoped Y/N wouldn’t go out with it.

He quickly got back to her and dragged her back into his arms. “Here, stay close to the fire.”

The ice in her hair began to melt but her face grew bluer every passing moment. Now he was really afraid. He didn’t want her to die like this, in this cave.

“You saved me,” she spoke, her voice brittle. “Why?”

He schooled his face as their eyes met. “What do you mean?”

“I thought...I thought you hated me,” she said.

He swept her damp hair out of her face and frowned. “I don’t hate you, Peach.”

He hadn’t meant to call her that. It’d slipped out. He didn’t think she’d heard it, because she didn’t react. She was going to pass out.

He shook her again, forcing her to keep eye contact. “Tell me something,” he said. She needed to keep her brain working. “Tell me your most precious memory.”

Y/N’s face contorted as she shook her head. “I-I don’t know.”

“Think.”

She swallowed dryly, her purple lips quivering before she could manage, “Sunset.”

“What else?”

“Sunset...sunset…”

“No, Y/N, look at me!”

But she couldn’t.

Her eyelids slipped shut and her head fell to the side.

“No, no, no,” he chanted, shaking her as hard as he could but she did not respond. She was still breathing but it was becoming weak.

Harry had no other choice. Either this or she'd die.

“Forgive me, please,” he murmured and hurriedly removed her coat and the rest of her sodden clothes before he sloughed off his and spread their clothes beside the fire. His face burned with shame as he took her into his arms and wrapped his fur coat around their naked bodies.

He’d been close to many women, but none of them had been dying, so he told himself there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He was only saving her life.

Her face was buried into his chest. She smelled like winter. He continued stroking her wet hair until her breath grew steadier and her skin warmed up. The relief and ease that coursed through him felt too good to resist. He allowed exhaustion to engulf him and finally shut his eyes.

Outside, the storm was still raging, but at least for now, they were safe. He was just about to drift off when he felt her arm hook over him as she snuggled closer. If she were awake, she’d be able to hear how violent his heart was thumping against his chest. He thought about what she’d said, sunset, and tried to figure out what it meant, until finally, sleep took over him.

.

.

.

In the North castle, Lance sat by the fire, its glow illuminating his face. He heaved a sigh of relief and buried his head into his hands.

The ring on his finger had turned from black to red.