#i literally have done this to myself and have no-one else to blame and yet i'm SO MAD

[cybersteal]

camo punk

[king127]

The conversation sucked but was so what I needed. I was asked to respect his decision to move on. & I asked for the respect to not have sex anymore. Because I love my husband & it makes it harder for me to move on. I was being cordial, not trying to fight. But instead of saying okay & ending the conversation I get shit talked about me. Like what?

I want to move on peacefully as well, just as he requested & not having sex with someone I love who no longer loves me back makes me wrong? So much negative things being said to me. When the convo could’ve been so short. Just crazy. Proves me how toxic he truly is.

But the conversation was needed for me to understand that I am not the only one who messed up. I was lied to & made to believe we’d always work through it & always get stronger through our downfalls. I mean I literally got all the proof of his betrayal, but to him it was nothing & I’m the bad guy. He told me to stay when I should’ve left & now he denies it lmao Okay. We both messed up. Take accountability as I have. I was willing to always try & you lied about never giving up & always trying & that divorce was never an option. Thanks for showing me your true colors. Even showing me how much of a snitch he is by threatening me with law enforcement like really. Thank you for the push. I’m with our kids 85% of the time cause you work a lot & that’s okay I understand that but you threaten to try to get me in trouble with the law. Fake AF. So unbelievable but it’s okay. Thank god I didn’t decide to go back to that place when you asked me to for our kids. I knew it wasn’t gonna be a good idea & I’m so thankful I stuck to my gut feeling.

& he’s mad I use this app to vent instead of talking to people & posting on apps where people know us. Don’t nobody know me here. Don’t nobody even care. You left me, you can’t dictate how I heal myself from being fooled. Crazy how the truth unfolds when things get rough.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

A few thoughts about Crosshair's and Hunter's argument on Barton-IV in "The Return" -

- I completely sympathize with Hunter reaching his breaking point and demanding answers. Unlike us, Hunter had no idea what Crosshair had been through - the last he had personally seen of Crosshair before the prodigal brother unexpectedly turned up with Omega, his brother had been acting violent and unpredictable (to say the least), and had literally said that if the rest of the squad didn't join the Empire, he considered them his enemies.

- At the same time, Hunter had no idea what Crosshair had been through that led him to Tantiss, and he pushed before Crosshair was ready to talk... With the result that Crosshair, understandably, became angry and defensive and lashed out. (Come on, Hunter, what else did you expect?)

- When first watching the episode, as Crosshair began blaming Hunter for Omega's imprisonment, I was bracing myself for the inevitability of Crosshair blaming Hunter for Tech's death... And was so relieved but also very surprised that he didn't cross that line. Now, I am convinced that the reason Crosshair didn't hold Hunter responsible for Tech's death, was because Crosshair completely blamed himself for it.

- Given the above, I'm also wondering if that's why Crosshair was so quick to find a way to change the subject when Echo mentioned Tech, yet spent a meaningful moment honoring Mayday: painful though Mayday's loss had been, Crosshair had done all he could to save him. But he hadn't been there to help the squad and try to prevent Tech's death - indeed, he was the main reason (not the only reason, but the main reason) the squad had been on Eriadu in the first place. (You know one thing that would have made this interpretation of events even clearer? One small moment (a Mayday moment, if you will) of all Tech's brothers honoring him at the end of the show, where Crosshair and the others finally get some real closure over Tech's death. And no, I'm never letting this point go. Ever. Mini-rant over.)

[shuttershocky]

Penny for your thoughts about this thread? Just wanna hear some more opinions from people who work in the industry.

I don't want to fucking talk about pricing and monetization and markets and how F2P live service titles have warped the industry beyond recognition anymore.

The insights look good (of course they look good, this guy literally worked with Square Enix) I just can't fucking take it anymore I know what he says before I even finish reading the tweets and it's reminding me of how I started getting into learning game development in 2010-2011? (I don't remember anymore it's been that long) and EVERY SINGLE TALK AND MEETUP AND LECTURE WAS ABOUT MONETIZATION (to be fair, my local industry was a small one that could only really support mobile back then)

I watched all of this happen. I saw how the mobile industry's designs slowly bled out of mobile and into the AAA industry, warping it forever. I was in college when I first learned what minnows, dolphins, and whales were and why your games ought to be fishing for whales. I watched Team Fortress 2 go from a premium game you got all the content at the start to introducing lootboxes (they popularized that shit outside the gacha sphere btw, people blame Overwatch, but TF2 started that trend) to going F2P. I've been an active Dota player since 2012, meaning I was there when the concept of Battlepasses were first birthed into the world during 2013's The International 3 and which made other companies realize live service titles could gain yet another psychological hold on people to add on to World of Warcraft's skinner boxes.

"We are seeing standard singleplayer games no longer able to gain new audiences as they are crowded out by increasingly growing live service titles like Fortnite" "Why would someone spend 60 dollars to play FF16 for 100 hours when they could continue playing Fortnite and Minecraft and Roblox for free where all their friends are"

I have seen all of this before I remember when Overwatch first came out in 2016 a peculiar statistic was that almost every popular title at the time saw their playerbase drop as everyone moved to Overwatch, EXCEPT for Dota 2's because of how hard Valve had captured their audience to the point where they would not play other games. Of fucking course everyone else learned that was actually an incredibly efficient way to make money forever and they should do that too (except Dota was free and had all characters and all game mdoes unlocked for free, but these other games would now ask you for 60 dollars to play as 4 guys with a 100 hr grind for the rest)

I might feel a little unhinged right now because I have worked for two weekends straight and it's a Sunday night (EDIT - put it in drafts and it is now Monday and I am at work) and I'm still at work working on video games and tomorrow will be Monday and another work week working on video games where if we don't sell our upcoming titles my job is toast but fuuuuuuccckkk dude I just wanted to help make things that people would find fun

Capitalism and corporate greed (but I repeat myself) has twisted an industry that was already shitty in the 90s to be something hideous and completely hostile to the idea of creatives being able to make games that are meant to be played, finished, and remembered fondly and even wholly single player one and done experiences like Insomniac's Spider-Man games need to fill themselves up with checklists or else their audience will claim they got ripped off because the time they spent on it was simply not worth the money which STILL happened with Spider-Man 2 anyway

I'm not against live service games as a concept I love seeing a title like Dota get constant support since 2011 (or 2003ish if you want to count the original WC3 mod) and witness it grow and evolve with the times but I hate how it's become increasingly difficult for other games to exist.

I don't actually have a point to make here I'm just rambling. FF7Rebirth was fucking great though (and I hated FF7Remake as a game) so I hope it actually makes its sales target eventually so it doesn't scare Square into adding even more bullshit filler or worse into the 3rd game. I need to play Vincent Valentine with Rebirth's combat system. it's not a want, but a need. A thirst even.

[hamiltonaf]

Payback | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: My apologies for not posting part 2 of ‘One More Dance’, I’ve been so busy and I’m currently working on it so hopefully it will be up soon. Inspo is from an old tiktok trend. Enjoy .xo

(Y/F/N) - Your Friend’s Name

The thud of heavy rain drops hitting against my window set the mood to do absolutely nothing today. Though it doesn't work like that today since I have an assignment due in a few days time. It would also be ideal to cuddle someone right about now but that's out of the question because of a certain someone.

After completing half of my assignment, which I was quite satisfied with, I decided to call it a day for work and take advantage of the gloomy weather.

Taking a look at Instagram was a bad idea since I came across rumours of Kylian dating another girl. So much for breaking up a month ago and wanting to 'focus on football'. His excuse still bothers me since it was a poor one after dating for almost 3 years. I don't see a change of performance on the pitch if I’m being honest. I guess everything happens for a reason, maybe we're just not meant to be.

I mean if he moved on then so should I, right ? It then hit me that I should spice things up and give something for people to talk about. We’ll excuse my petty behaviour and blame it on the weather for making me somewhat evil. Before causing some drama, I called (Y/F/N), "Ello !" she answered. "Hey girly ! How are you doing on this beautiful day ?" I asked. "Ugh I’m so bored, you have no idea” she whined. “But never mind me, how are you doing more specifically ?” She asked curiously. “I’m doing okay, but-“ “I can already tell something is up your sleeve” she cut me off.

“Damn you really know me well” I pouted. “Of course ! Otherwise I wouldn’t be your bestie. Anywho, spill the tea…I’m all ears” she said enthusiastically. “So word of mouth right now on insta is that he is dating someone else, there’s literally pictures of them at dinner together” I rolled my eyes. “Shut up ! What the actual fuck dude. That’s so messed up. He’s such an ass” she yelled. “Yeah yeah I mean it hurts but the only way for my petty ass to get over it is-“ “If you do the same thing” she finished my sentence.

“Exactly ! So remember that TikTok we wanted to try out ages ago where one of us is dressed up as the guy and take out a bunch of pictures to look like a couple” I reminded her. “Oh my god ! Our time has finally come ! Okay I’m on my way, I’ll literally be there in like 5 mins” she said lastly before ending the call.

As soon as (Y/F/N) came over, we went straight to my dresser and got working on her makeup. We started by accentuating her veiny yet bony hands and then contoured her cheekbones, as well as her jawline to look more masculine. I failed to mention how smart she is, she came through with a bouquet of my favourite flowers so I had something else to post about.

Once we were done with her makeup, she slipped into one of my high heels so she was much taller than me. With her oversized hoodie and cap on you’d literally think that she’s a guy - a hot one at that too. I changed into a black slip dress and took off my shoes to spice up the picture, and exaggerate her height.

When (Y/F/N) came up behind me in the mirror, we both burst out laughing over how accurate she looked to a guy. “Shit. Even I would date me” she said before getting serious and wrapped her arms around my waist. After a few pictures of my head tilted and her face nuzzled into my neck, we finally had the picture. Her side profile looked so sharp, it’s actually insane.

After all of this, I suddenly felt hesitant to post for some odd reason that even (Y/F/N) noticed. I think it was pretty obvious how long I was staring at the pictures. “Girl don’t hold back now, just do it. He should see that you also moved on” she wiggled her brows. “You got a point there” I said to myself. I then uploaded 2 stories, one of the bouquet and one of us together - both simply captioned with a white heart. “If I saw this for the first time, I’d literally scream. Everyone is gonna lose their minds, especially him” she smirked. “Feels good to throw this back at him” I smirked back. “Welcome to the dark side bestie” she patted my back. “Anywho I need to run, got a few errands. Love you and call me later to update me on the drama. I’ll desperately be waiting for your call” she said as she gathered her things. “Of course ! Will do. Thanks bestie” I quickly hugged her before she hurriedly left.

I proceeded to spending the rest of my afternoon binging on early 2000's chick flicks, it wasn't until the evening when I decided to check my phone again that I noticed how many notifications I received. My notifications were the highest its ever been, well shit. We love to see it I guess.

I received countless tags on reposts as well as comments from fans, and surprisingly messages from family - understandable how many messages I received since it’s so evident that it’s not Kylian in the pictures. Scrolling through my notifications I decided to ignore all until my eyes landed on Kylian’s contact name, 'Kyky'. Surprise surprise.

"Heyy" the text read, I rolled my eyes, I don't have time for a conversation starter. I left him on read and proceeded with watching my movies. It wasn't even 5 minutes and my phone started to ring. It was Kyky calling. My heart started racing, I was hesitant to answer the call because what are we going to talk about and why call now ?

"Hello" he greeted. "Hey" I answered plainly. "Are you busy ?" He asked curiously. "Well kind of.. I'm actually just getting ready to leave" I said with a devious smile creeping onto my face. "Oh. Erm okay never mind" he said disappointed. "Why ?" I raised a brow. "I'm actually outside your apartment" he said embarrassed "No way" I said lowly to myself. "Have a look" he said as I then walked towards my front door and was met with his face. I ended the call and looked at him in shock, "You- here- like..what are you doing here ?" I asked.

"Can I come in please ?" He asked pleadingly. "What for ?" I asked back. "To talk about us" he said. "Theirs no us anymore. Theirs nothing for us to talk about" I said as I was about to close the door. "Wait. Just give me a chance" he said softly. "Theirs literally no point. You moved on..I moved on-" "You have another boyfriend already ?" He asked in shock. "I'm offended that you think I'm not capable of moving on so soon" I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.

"So you must've known this guy whilst we were dating ?" He asked as he started to grow angry. "Yeah so ?" I scoffed. "You were just waiting for us to break up so you can date this guy" he said as he started to raise his voice. "You literally did the same thing. You made it seem like it was such a simple break up for your own good, but for the last 2 weeks you're rumoured to be with another girl !"I said as I started to grow annoyed. "Yes, but she's just a friend" he said.

"Funny how we’ve been together for so long and I never met this friend before" I said. Just then my next door neighbour yelled at us for raising our voices. "Please do yourself a favour and leave" I said as I shut the door. I then heard rattling of the door and in came Kylian. "You weren't invited inside" I said. "Well I had a spare key" he said as he held up the key. "That was supposed to be returned to me when we broke up" I said as I snatched the key from his hand and went to sit on my couch. “Also, how could you act surprised that I moved on when you’re literally here after I posted a picture with another guy ?” I questioned. He then sat beside me, "Can you just stop talking about that idiot ? I came here to talk about us…How do I make you love me again?"

"Love ? Dream on" I half laughed. "I'm being serious" he said as he looked between my eyes. "Forget about me loving you. How do I know that you love me ?" I asked. "Well I missed you all this time so I came back" he smiled. "It's not that simple. If you truly loved me as you say, you wouldn't have wanted to break up after all these years" I said. "Look I'm sorry okay ? I really am. I wish I could go back in time and reverse what I did...I just needed some time to myself to think about my future personal life and I kept imagining you in it..." he said as he gently moved a strand away from my face.

"Don't play with me right now" I warned. "No jokes. I love you. I really do, and I want to continue to spend the rest of my life with you" he said as he held my hands. "Okay cute. Anyways I have to go meet my boyfriend. It was nice of you to stop by..I'll think about it" I huffed as I got up. He grabbed a hold of my wrist and pulled me towards him to sit on his lap. "Stop lying" he smirked. "What makes you think I'm lying ?" I raised a brow. "I know your facial expressions when you lie. I just know you all too well because you literally could've left the second you opened your door instead of coming back inside" He said with a smile.

"Well I've changed my mind, I rather be with him right now" I shrugged. "I want my old (Y/N) back" he pouted. "She left the building the day you left her" I said lastly and got up to walk to my room. "Ouch" he pouted as he followed behind me. "I still love you no matter what. Always have and always will" I gave him a brief look before pretending to rummage through my closet. "So is this how it's going to be ?" He asked as he leaned back in my bed and watched me. "I told you that I need to think about it" I said as I continued to skim through my closet. "I'm not going until we stop fighting" he said casually "This isn't fighting. People don't get back together based off 5 minutes of talking to them after a whole month" I said as he stood up to stand in front of me.

"I like it when you're angry" he said as he got closer. "Don't" I said softly as I looked down. He lifted my head to meet his eyes as he cupped my cheeks, his thumb tracing over my lips. "You're making this harder" I pouted. Just when his lips were a mere centimetre away, he mumbled "It shouldn’t be hard if you have a boyfriend…Should I stop ?"

I hesitated to answer. To give up the game and kiss him or keep annoying him. “I can’t” I faked a pout. “Why not ?” His mood dropped. “I can’t do this to Nico” I said as I looked down. “Fuck Nico !” He yelled. “How the hell do you even know this guy ?” He asked frustrated. “We met at a party” I answered casually. “Besides him, it’s wrong of you to cheat on your girlfriend” I said looking everywhere else but him. He walked closer which made me take a step back, my back hitting against the wall. He placed his hands on either side of me, cornering me. “I just told you that she’s a friend and nothing more” he tried to say calmly. “I’m not convinced” I shrugged.

“Forget about her, she’s irrelevant right now. I came to claim back what was once mine. If I have to fight this stupid so called boyfriend of yours, then I will” he said as he inched his face closer to mine. There was a moment of silence. Both of us holding eye contact and switching between looking at each others eyes and lips. He leaned in and I didn’t stop him. It was a sweet soft peck. His forehead against mine, he sighed and said "I'll give you your space.” I surprised myself by grabbing a hold of his hand and pulling him back into place. “What’s wrong ?” He asked. “You’ll fight for me ?” I teased. “I know that I’m not fighting anyone because you’re lying, but if I have to then I will” he said as his hands were on my waist.

“How can you tell I’m lying ?” I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck. “Besides reading your facial expressions, we wouldn’t be in this position right now” he said. “Or doing this” he said softly before placing his lips on mine. I pulled him closer against me and just then he broke away from the kiss. “I think I should go” he teased. "No no wait just a little more" I hushed him as I pulled him closer to connect our lips once again.

[silky-silks]

Okay can I talk?

eric belonging to @night-light-artz

Patches @eve-pie

Okay for the image above I was doing a “mock” warrior cat book. I miss the old covers but anyway

I kinda feel my art is…boring. I mean it just feels that way. Sometimes I feel I rush myself to get things done, and to be honest I hate having to rush myself. I look back at my recent post and they just fall FLAT. Flat as in the colors are just boring as heck. Lineart? I don’t really like. Not only that but everything feels so unpolished

My anatomy/details

I hate the fact I miss crucial details of my chat starts or even other people characters. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW I DONT EVEN ADD SILKY’s ANTLERS 99% of the time? That bothers me. And I see other people add them and I’m just “well damn I’m so lazy I can’t even add antlers on my own fucking character”.

Not to mention the poses. Everything feels so stiff with me. So dang stiff that you may as well call my art wood and use it as a support beam. I hate how I don’t use references for my art. Maybe If I used them more and actually took my time stuff wouldn't look like your average horrific Netflix Original cartoon of some movie.

Backgrounds/minor objects.

Do not get me started. I hate all of them. They look so low effort. I mean, I know I can do better with them! But it seems like I worry about the main characters so much. In fact, I feel the background just falls flat or blends in too much with the characters that it looks. Messy. If I draw a cup, i'll skip over details and it will look awful! Which isnt good, as it shows im lacking severly.

Time

And for time I rush. I feel like I have to literally push things out by day’s end and well…it affects my art. Lately o just been so focus on the hour and time it just makes the art suffer. Even if no one else sees it I do. I love my painted style, but it takes quite some time. And forgive me but I hate just doing sketches to and posting it. I prefer my art to be colored in and all the way. Now im not saying i dont like it when other people sketch. That would be a dick-head move of me.

Some days I fear if I don’t post or read inboxes everyone is going to think I purely abandoned them. I try to focus on my page. but just giving them a sketch at the end well...it makes me feel as if I just dissapointed them. I think to myself and say "I could have done better than that. Why did you even do that in the first place {Name}. "

I have like so much on my agenda and plans and then i realize I can’t do it all in one day. Hell sometimes I just make one day spefically on one subject.

If that day was animation day; I focus on an animatic.

If a certain day is art day and I want to set up my commission page (which is so messy I deleted it) then that’s the settled day. But I feel like I’m going so slow. It's like I am running out of time, and time is just passing by as I look at my clock.

And I'm not blaming anyone it's just my stupid head that makes me feel this way. I know no one is trying to rush me. But head is like "Oh but what if- and why not-". It bothers me. It clouds my vision and i don't realize in reality...no one is saying the things my brain is saying. Sometimes I feel like I'm bothering people when i draw their charcaters so much and tag them. I fear they just say 'Aw great it's this one person again."Sometimes I feel I need to be MORE original. And some days i feel i just need to give up entirely. Some days I think posting everyday will aggervate folks. Sometimes I envy the attention of others, and when I see what they gain or what following I have i look back at myself and say "Well maybe if you did this better than MAYBE you people will be interested in ya". And damn do i slam my head in a wall. Everyone just seems so happy, and yet here I am fretting over if this fucking dog I drew looks remotely interesting. And I just feel it...blends in. Like what is there so special about my art?

MY BLOG

And for this blog, I don't know if I truly have an identity for myself. There's Silky, there is Minty and Syrup, there is Simon and there is Shrimpy. But who do they belong to? What roles do they even serve in this blog? I want them to be my identity. I don't want them being just some sort of character leech. They lack story, they lack purpose, they are thrown in tropes and gag. But what do they relate to? Nothing. Nothing at all. And yeah yeah I know im thinking to DEEP into this. But it's been on my mind so much. And hell call me crazy for talking about them if they are real, but they mean a lot to me. A LOT.

So I tried to make my art interesting here like, i tried referencing images space. I tried adding more anatomy to Snowy since I am tired of doing the usual standing up pose. I even wanted to make the background feel more detailed. I feel a bit better, but I still fear everything is too...eh...bland. Maybe it is just me.

Sorry for the ungodly word of text. I know I shouldn't vent here.

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Deidara:

Fuck you

Where’s the money you owe me

I KNOW it was you asshole

At least mine isn’t 91!

Pizza or Chinese?

No bc if you killed him Leader would just blame ME.

Help me prank Itachi and I’ll give you half my next check 

Scared of a little gengetsu? Pussy

Go smell Tobi’s hair then ask me who took your damn cheap-ass shampoo 

Why would you eat it it HAD MY NAME ON THE LABEL bastard!

Ok but can ya’ll go to HIS room once in a while?? I don’t need to be kept up all night!!

From Kisame

Do that to Itachi again and I’ll eviscerate you and floss with your intestines.

That Jashin voodoo crap doesn’t scare me kid

Why the hell would you eat that?! You don’t even LIKE tuna!!

You better hope you can outrun Deidara then 

I think you meant that for Kakuzu. GOD I hope you meant that for Kakuzu.

From Zetsu

You left that guy outside can I eat him?

Are you done with that body yet?

Believe it or not fear actually seasons the meat 

Weird question but can I lick your scythe before you clean it 👀

From Konan

Lol pretty sure his are bigger than mine kid

He’s not that old he just looks like that 

Leftover ribs in fridge for you 

Pls stop harassing him. He blows up my phone for hours complaining about you 😒

Get back down here and clean all this blood you trailed in! I JUST cleaned the floor!! 😤

Dinner. Last warning.

Me and Deidara going to get manicures, you in?

You think I can’t knock you out just because you’re taller? Challenge accepted.

From Sasori

I’m not a pervert he’s 19 he’s an ADULT.

Best friend? Since when??

That medicine won’t take effect if you don’t LAY DOWN and GO TO SLEEP, brat.

For as fascinated as you seem to be with my anatomy you’d think YOU were the one sleeping with me, not Dei 🧐

If Kakuzu already said no then NO.

Next time I’m stitching that mouth shut so we can all get some peace and quiet.

Yes but I can make mine any size I want at any time. You’re stuck with what you’ve got. 

From Nagato

Because I said so.

Yes, really.

Be thankful that’s the ONLY punishment you received.

What she and I do is none of your concern, brat.

I’m sorry but you know Kakuzu has the final say in all financial matters.

You either apologize or I’m going to let Zetsu eat you.

Because you two cause too much trouble when we let you take missions together.

From Itachi

I’m not falling for that one again.

Never. Never in a thousand lifetimes.

Because it’s unsanitary!!

I know you took it I saw you wearing it yesterday.

Why were you even listening anyway? Pervert.

Only if Tobi comes too, I don’t trust the two of you alone.

Literally a few greens won’t kill you.

Yes you did know that!! I told everyone on the VERY FIRST DAY how allergic I am to that! 😡

Either finish your ritual or take that guy somewhere else I can’t sleep with all the screaming.

From Tobi

Of course not! We’re just friends! 

Wait do you think I might have a shot with him?! 👀

Idk I left after I saw Zetsu chewing on the guy’s foot

Is there a way to take back a picture after you send it before the other person looks at it? 

Want some cake? Want to eat myself but Konan says to share or I’m gonna die 😅

From Kakuzu

How much is it?

Did you use the coupons I gave you?

That shit is coming out of your paycheck brat

Sorry. Next time I won’t make them so tight.

Because I don’t have the patience and you’re not responsible enough.

I stg if you bring one more lawsuit against this organization 😡

My room. Now. 

Everybody gets the exact same. If you waste yours that’s your own fault.

Make me ask again and I’ll come get you and throw you over my shoulder

This is getting ridiculous how many times am I gonna have to sew it back on?!

Come see me tonight I’ll take care of it.

It was you and Deidara. I KNOW it was you and Deidara.

Maybe if you’re a good boy.

[dualityvn]

Slightly tears up, before motioning for Keith to step even closer

"Oh, flowerboy

I may not be able to touch you more than I already have for today, I'm sorry. But let it be so you will be forced to hear me clearly.

Tenebris will never scare me away. Hell, even when confronted with him, I chose to face my fears and speak my mind. Sure, I could have probably found a way to get him to switch back. Yet I wanted him to know the truth. I didn't want him to doubt for a second longer my intentions towards you. And yes it was a silly idea, it could have gone terribly bad, but I don't regret it one bit. You may not care right now much, but I do. I want one day for tenebris to actually approve of me being in a relationship with you. And I won't stop until he is finally forced to acknowledge my efforts in this connection with you and my love for you in the future. It's a silly notion, but one that forces me to try harder every time.

For you deserve to be with someone who will one day cast away any doubts you have and love you for you. And although I don't know Tenebris that much and he scares the living hell out of me, I know I can trust him that should I ever be truly unfit for you, he'll either beat some sense to me or force us apart until I realize my mistakes and come back to you. Because Keith Madden, us being together is inevitable. All paths that I can take right now, no matter how different, will always lead me back to you.

And I'm not sure, for me it sounds way too easy to put the blame all on tenebris. What if those people you did meet just weren't the ones? If the foundations between two people were so strong as you believe, would they easily be as broken as they are as of now? Tenebris scared the living hell out of me as well, probably in the worst situation he has ever done so far judging by the context, yet I'm still sitting here with you. I'm standing right next to you, chest to chest, even though for all I know he could come out at any time. Why do you think that is?

You're so silly and oblivious, flower boy. I could have literally run away while you were waiting for me, I could have made an excuse and left. You wouldn't have done anything, and we both know it. So, why do you think, I'm placing my own life right between your hands? Why am I allowing myself to be this vulnerable with you, knowing full well where it led me in the past?

Because I already trust you, silly. I trust your words, I trust your every action. I trust you, Keith Madden. Maybe more than myself at times. Why else would I even move into your guys' house despite Tenebris. Even though, we barely have placed a label and undoubtedly have gone on zero dates. Naivety? Perhaps. And maybe it's really too soon to give my trust to you this freely, but something deep down tells me I won't regret this.

And if there is one thing I know, it's that my gut feeling has never been wrong. It won't start being wrong about a guy who is so kind, sweet, understanding towards me, even when I majorly fuck up. A man who spends hours making sure his plants are properly cared for and makes a list of every single thing I dislike or like. The type of guy that reads books in his spare time somehow without getting bored while also somehow tolerating the horrible puns I make.

So no, Keith Madden, I fear you're stuck with me for the foreseeable and unforeseeable future. And maybe it's about time, you start getting used to it. I'm unfortunately staying right where I am, next to you. Through thick and thin. There's nothing you can do that will push me away, and I will gladly spend all my remaining days on earth repeating those words until you believe them as the truth, all on your own."

"I- I don't know what to say. For a while, I thought you were coming around and helping out because you wanted to make up for what you said before. I mean... I was really hoping you felt this way, but I thought it was false hope. But... but I do want to be together! And go on dates. I would've asked sooner, I just wasn't sure. I didn't want to rush you." - Keith

[ringringimdeadhere]

Okey I'm gonna give my side of the discourse, mainly because I've been thinking about it a lot

This all started because of a cultural shock, and also because of misinformation and just straight up harrasment

I am latino, so I will be biased. Here in latinoamerica the N word does not hold the same weight as it does everywhere else, and most of us where introduced to the word via music and general US rap culture. I at least thought it was closer to the Weon equivalent when I was little, from before I even learned to speak english. Now I know that it might be closer to the "Sudaca" slur (which even then, is a regional slur, not a racial one)

And besides, Roier and Cellbit where minors when all this happened (literally Roier is only 2 years older than me). And as someone who lived around that era on latino internet, shit was wild. It was not a safe space for developing minds that do not understand the weight of racism (especially if you are lightskinned, my god, idk how my mulato friends tolerated me, I was a demon and I got away with everything while they got scorted by security for doing the same thing)

But once again, our racial biases and cultures are different from the US. So once this two mixed, it was obvious it wasn't gonna be all smooth sailing. Especially because our humor tends to be a lot more.. self degrading, like we make fun of our culture all the time. So no matter your skin color, you are used to make and being made fun of for it. I had a friend we called el gringo because he looked so white, la chochos (the curly haired one) because of her afro hair; calling someone "negra/negro" is a friendly nickname for your black friends (only in spanish please dont try this anywhere else-); and my nickname was morocha (yes even though I am still very lightskinned). It's not great, but it is normalized.

And blackface is horrible, that's just fucked up. But ignoring the fact that this happened when Cellbit was a 15 y/o is just denying someone the opportunity to grow up and better themselfs. And also, I find it very weird that all this critique is mainly against the latinoamerican streamers when many white creators have done horrible things in their youth also, yet I have not seen the same amount of criticism. Like have you seen the Smosh videos from the same era? A hella lot of sexism, transphobia and ableism is in there. But they are also allowed to grow and change, and they have better themselfs as people. One of the best things you can do when growing up in a bigoted space is to learn from your mistakes and prejudice.

WITH ALL OF THIS SAID OH MY GOD STOP HARRASING BLACK PEOPLE FOR THEIR GENUINE CONCERN ABOUT GIVING BIGOTED CREATORS A PLATAFORM. THEY ALSO DONT HAVE ALL OF THIS BACKGROUND WITH THE LATINO COMMUNITY AND GOT JUMPSCARED WITH A 15 Y/O BLACKFACE CELLBIT AND BITS OF ROIER SAYING THE N WORD NONCHALANTLY, OF COURSE THEY ARE GONNA BE CONCERNED

I have been in the same position, having seeing all of this 2015-2017 racist ass humor about latinos on many of the content creators I just got around watching. They are allowed to be uncomfortable and even worried about the kind of people they admire. So PLEASE, be patient, and be aware that when you try to justify racist actions of a creator via "oh gringo black people are so sensitive about latino dark humor" that speaks more about you than about the creator.

I genuinely believe that Roier and Cellbit are not bad people and that they grew out of those bigoted mentalities (lord knows I had to grew out of some disgusting eras of myself). But I will not blame NOR ATTACK black people for fearing the type of content creators that are given the opportunity to be this influential.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas!! so i saw about your new job - congratulations!! im glad you were able to find something better for you, especially somewhere where your identity will be respected <33

as for advice with middle schoolers, ive only done a short teaching experience with kids aged 13-16 but hopefully some of it could be of use! (once ive finished my university course in teaching, ill absolutely be asking your advice in return ahaha)

so this ones less like advice and more just... a suggestion, i guess? maybe not for your first year there if you dont want to have too much on your plate or if you dont have time, but if theres any sort of extracurricular activities or lunchtime clubs you might want to set up, do it!! it creates such a safe space for kids if they dont feel like they can go outside/in the lunchhall etc - i definitely benefitted from a few myself when i was at school - and it helps make your classroom feel like a place kids can go to whenever they need help, which is huge. my english teacher at my first high school literally saved me by setting up her creative writing club, and we barely actually wrote stuff. but just by her having that space for me, it made me feel like her room was a welcoming place for me to exist whenever i needed support or somewhere to take a breath, and showed me that she was a safe person to be around <3

also, this maybe seems like an obvious one but just be yourself! dont try too hard to be likeable; im absolutely not saying to be an awful person, but i just mean that trying too hard will make the kids lose any respect for you because theyll deem you cringe :/ be yourself!! im sure theyll love you!

its okay to make mistakes, too, and if you do make any, dont try to hide them if anyone notices!! the kids need to know that its okay not to get things right all the time - perfection is not going to happen every time! i wish someone had shown me that in school. most of my teachers either hid their mistakes or they blamed it on others, which in turn made me feel like i had to hide and deflect my own mistakes too. its still a habit im trying to unlearn

i dont think ive got much else to say? a lot of it looks to have already been covered by others ahaha

best of luck!! youve got this in the bag, cas <33

Hi hon!!! Thank you so much for all of this advice, I really appreciate it. I think it's hilarious that you were in a middle school creative writing club that didn't actually do much writing because...I was too lol. Is that a common queer experience? Were your teacher's initials perhaps DM? (because that would be so fucking insane).

But YES I definitely want to do a club. I actually don't know if they have a GSA yet, so if they don't I'm gonna look into that. But if they do, a writing club sounds amazing.

[rosedarkness24]

Cult Shenanigans

Ghost stories

POV Ash

If you had told Ash 80 years ago that she would have her life turned upside down by a green wort worm, be put up for sacrifice to a God she didn't even know, and then saved by a adorable little lamb. She would've socked you in the face and told you to get back to work. Her old village wasn't big by any means. Smaller than the campsite they are at now. Resources were slim, and food was scarce. Being the only girl out of a litter of 7 kits, she had to learn how to fight to survive. But they were happy, and the future was looking up as they had gotten a big shipment of resources and seeds. Though they weren't expecting that the shipment was a trap.

Now, 80 years later, the last surviving member of the village. She has died, been resurrected, died again, and been resurrected yet again. For what, she honestly didn't care to know. She knew she was going to be resurrected. The Lamb always let them know, though sometimes even the Lamb couldn't keep up with who wasn't here and who was. She'd been watching her fearless leader running around doing tasks about the camp. More than what they should be doing in her honest opinion.

The heat of the day was over and giving way to the cool night breeze. The sun would be setting soon, and soon, their work day would come to an end. Shifting on her stiff legs, she let's her butt plop down onto the ground before just falling backward and groaning in tiredness. A stifled chuckle comes from her side, Keith finally making noise after three hours.

"What's wrong, Ash? Getting tired of worshipping the Lamb finally?" A feminine voice echoing across the statue. Of course, Valefar would jump on the chance to poke some fun at her.

"Not as tired as you are after a night with Thorn~" her retort was quick, gaining a dramatic gasp from the fluffy pink cat at her side.

"We have not done the naughty! We just chat a lot that's all."

"And the giggling with sounds of what is clearly you two making out?" She bumps her tail to the cat's arm.

"It's absolutely normal for couples to make out. You're the weird one without someone. Heck, even Keith has a crush on someone." Thron was not having it. Not that she could blame him, everyone has teased him for somehow managing to swing two former followers of the choas God.

"Yeah! You literally fit the lone wolf vibe like our leader. Go find someone or just ask the leader out." Yeah, that wasn't happening. From the number of times she had been witness to the Lamb's rejections, she could tell they didn't really like anyone more than as their flock.

"How about you shove it up your ass Valefar."

"Bitch! I am saying you need a life outside of devoting your existence to the Lamb and Death." She wasn't wrong. All Ash has done since she's been here was devote herself to the Lamb and The One Who Waits. But it's not like a 24.7 thing, she does hang out with her friends, just not as much as she likes showing her devotion. She wanted so desperately to be at the Lamb's side. To be the once they confide in, but so far, they have been distant.

"Well, if we're done poking fun at each other, let's head to bed. Night fall is upon us soon."

"You're dodging the topic, Ash~" The fuzzy red silk worm moves past the statue over to the group. Closing Ash in their little bubble.

"I have a life outside of devoting myself to our God and Lamb. I just know when to separate work from play." Sitting up off the ground finally, she stretched out her back a bit. She wasn't able to do an actual full stretch while sitting on the ground like Thorn. But in a way, she counts that as a blessing. She knows her limits.

"Plus, isn't this like our job? We power the Lamb to help free our God. What else could anyone wish for?" The looks she got weren't ones she liked.

Keith scratches the back of his head. Despite him being the first follower, he never really seemed to be eager about all this. More than once, has he fought with the Lamb about their decisions. And while she understood his values didn't aline well with the Lamb's. It's those same values that have kept him from his death. Those same values showed him that it was okay to be flawed.

"Ash.... I don't think we should sacrifice our health..... especially our mental health." He nervously taps his fingers together. "And That's kinda worrisome behavior...."

"Oh, okay. So we all know Keith is a skeptical bitch." Valefar claps her hands together and takes a deep breath, shooting a glare at Keith who was trying to speak again. "We aren't saying love is devotion. There's a difference, and while you do have devotion. You clearly also have a thing for the Lamb."

How can she have a thing for the Lamb? She wasn't even sure they even thought she was even a friend. Isn't this a little jumping the gun? She sighs, pitching the bridge of her snout out of frustration.

"While you're might not be wrong about me wanting to know them more, that's it. I don't know about you, but I don't think they even know that we exist outside what we do." She pushes herself up off the ground and brushes herself off. "Plus, looking at this from a more modest perspective, I want to be someone they can trust. And I will do so without pushing them out of their boundaries."

Thorn smiles softly and takes her arm into his. "I agree with this. That's a lot healthier way of getting into a relationship compared to my way."

"Oh? Was me pin-"

"Aaaaaahhh! Valefar nooooo!" Quickly, the pink cat covers his taller lover's mouth.

----

Night had fallen hours ago yet. Sleep didn't come for the four, so to combat this, they decided to sneak off to the temple to tell ghost stories. Like scarring the shit out of each other would fix their insomnia. It mostly fueled Valefar's and Ash's gremlin behavior as Keith was too easily spooked by things, and Thorn was so fluffy when they got to scare him.

Keith had been bad at telling ghost stories compared to the rest. Thorn's while can be scary. It was more a predictable scary. Valefar's genuinely scared them all. For a former follower of chaos, she definitely showed follower of death traits long before all this. Graphically telling of true horror stories about things she has done in the past to those who didn't follow the old faith.

Meanwhile, Ash seemed to be more on the supernatural side of ghost stories. Her turn, having rolled around again, She was growing tired. But the others clearly were still wide awake. It was definitely close to midnight or past midnight now. And none of them are going to want to wake up tomorrow. Taking a deep breath, letting her mind clear so she could tell her story. Her ear flicks, and she opens her eyes, an idea in mind now.

"You ever hear about the Lambs that were all sacrificed? What happened to their souls?" Her voice had drops a bit with the seriousness in it.

"A bit of an insensitive story, Ash." Keith crossed his arms, not amused by this at all. And he wouldn't be wrong if he wasn't the one pointing it out. But so far, there were no objects to her using this topic.

"Oh, shut up, Keith. Valefar has been telling fucking old faith stories this whole time." Thorn jabs back to the fawn. "Continue with your story, Ash. I know that I personally never heard anything about what happened to the lambs' souls before."

A smirk danced on the fox's lips as Thorn allowed her to continue. "In my old village, not too far from this campground actually." A lie, "We had worked throughout the night, and when night falls, the barrier between life and death is lowered by the magic in the air. So it was a great time to craft magic infused items to make a protective barrier around the village. Like how the Lamb has those just outside the campground." She gestures to where the stone wall would be outside the temple.

"That night, me and my brother, Jackson, were assigned this task. We hadn't ever done this before. So we spent the whole day learning each one who what they were supposed to do." She leans back and reaches up into the air.

"We came up with a game plan. I would take care of my half of the village while he did his half. It's quicker that way. And we could possibly get a few more hours of sleep." Grabbing onto the air, a silent gesture to how untrue their thoughts were.

"Everything started out fine. I was able to get halfway through my side in such a short time. Finding the whole process of blessing and crafting a mind-numbing experience. I guess I never really noticed the movement in the treeline till I was just mear inches from it."

The room was silent in her momentary pause. She had captured their attention now. "I would not lie. If a doll could be made creepy, it was then. Because right in front of me was a doll of a lamb. One poorly made, I guess it had been made by a lamb if I were to think about it clearly now. Though at the time, it wasn't something we'd make. So, seeing it hanging from a string on its neck really freaked the hell out of me."

Keith's face contorted to confusion, as well as Thorn's. Both had been expecting her to scare them then. Valefar was more interested now. For her, this wasn't normal behavior of a sane person. This was the behavior of someone who genuinely wanted to get a reaction out of Ash.

"I don't really know how to explain it, so this might sound shitty. But just looking at that doll gave me this more unsettling feeling, like something, or someone was just trying to get my attention. I felt like I needed to quickly finish what I was doing there before anything else were to happen." She leans forward. "After a while, though, you can't ignore the eyes, bareing into you back."

The boys both tense up unsettled by the feeling. Being so invested that they themselves felt the pinpricks of goosebumps crawling around their backs. It felt so real to what Ash was saying, as if they actually did have eyes on their backs. Thorn's fur raised making him much larger that he truly was.

"Time didn't seem to go so fast anymore. Going back to a sail pase, as their was silence in the air around me. Nothing dared to make a sound other than me. Cross, wrap, bless, cross, wrap bless." They all seemed to be sitting on the edge ready for something, anything to happen. Uneasiness filled the air as if they were being circled by a predator.

"Snap... I broke one of the sticks." She hangs on the eerie silence. "It's next to me now. I can feel its breath down the side of my neck. But I dare not to look. Don't look Don't-"

"WhErE's My HeAd~" The deeper, monotone, broken voice of a half awake grumpy Lamb comes just beside Thorn and Keith. Causing both to scream in pure terror and scrabble out of the temple. A very shocked and scared Valefar was dragged out by her hairbairned boyfriend. All this just cracked the fox up.

She heard the Lamb coming out of their hiding spot within the temple before. Where exactly that was, she didn't even care. It was just convenient for her to scare the others to bed. She'd been laughing hysterically at her peers. She looked over to the Lamb in her fit of laughter.

They were smiling rather amused as well from the whole interaction. "Having fun there, my dear?" They stepped into the light, the red glow around their mouth and eyes flipping back into their natural look. Though lately after the first bishop's death, their eyes have been slowly turning more red by the day.

"Very my Lamb. It's about time we headed to bed. Thank you for helping them to bed."

There was silence as the Lamb watched her from where she sat. She was suddenly very glad that she was a black fox, as she could feel embarrassment crawling at her.

"....Rest here for the night. It'll keep them in bed." They move over the the podium. Opening up the side and pulling out a few blankets and bags of wool as pillows. "Plus, you look like you're about to pass out right here and now. So bedrest is in order." They smile at her seemingly to be completely unaware of her embarrassment.

"Thank you, my L-"

"Max.... my name is Maximum, but call me Max."

"Thank you, Max." She smiles softly up to them, glad to see them opening up, even a little bit.

[ka1yo]

hey guys,

im just addressing something that has been on my mind for the past couple of hours.

TW: mentions of SA, grooming, etc.

i love tighnari whole heartedly, hes quite literally my favorite character. his voice acting is gold, and his animation and designs are beautiful. but his eng VA, elliot gindi fucked up so hard. i am hoping that he gets fired, even though his voice acting was solid. will be missing the acting, but NOT the actor.

context:

Elliot Gindi has been accused of grooming, sexual assault, pedophilia, emotion abuser, and more. he has openly admitted that he has done SOME of these acts, but it has yet to be proven if that was true. most of the evidence is from one of his MAIN TWITCH and DISCORD MOD (@FretCore on twt). here is the link to the tweet, which has proof.

my opinion? this disgusts me. as a victim myself (not of elliot), i am hurt that someone i looked up to has done the same act i have experienced to other people. i am hoping that he gets fired, and that hoyoverse replaces the VA and the voice lines, because this shit is so fucked up.

yes, he wrote a apology, but in my opinion? not very truthful. he only came clean because he was exposed. in certain screenshots, it seems like he KNEW they we're underaged, yet in his "apology," he stated that he didn't.

thats all im gonna say, and please tell me if there is anything that i stated that is wrong. i have a tweet on my page of my full thoughts if you want to check it out.

im so sorry to the victims. please, take care if you are reading this and if you ever need support, my discord is in my bio.

PLEASE NOTE THAT NOBODY SHOULD HEADCANNON THIS OR BLAME THIS ON THE VICTIMS, OTHER VA'S OR TIGHNARI. THIS HAS NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING TO DO WITH GENSHIN IMPACT, OTHER VA'S, OR ANYTHING ELSE ELLIOT GINDI HAS DONE.

[floaromaxtowns]

For the fandom edition asks, can I ask for G, I and Q <3

Ask me: FANDOM EDITION [Accepting]

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

OKAY SO I started shipping all the way back in 2006-7 when Youtube was the new hot shit around, and I was an itty bitty kid on early internet. Whom had Pokemon and Sonic as her main big interests at the time. I'm forever thankful for those old as fuckkkkkk tribute videos, with the biggest bops from that era. Although, I'm unable to pinpoint which ship I stumbled upon first, so I consider I started shipping them at around the same time: Rival Barry/Dawn (Twinleafshipping) and Shadow the hedgehog/Tikal the echidna (Shadikal).

FUN FACT- I have been SO long into Twinleafshipping that when I first saw it, Barry had YET to receive his official name for either Japanese and English versions. Gen 4 had YET to be released in the west, and we still didn't even know all the pokemon species introduced in it. So, the fandom nicknamed him as Damion, and for the longest time that's how we called him by. Until his official name was revealed.

And my very first queer ship was Alucard/Richter Belmont from Castlevania. That was mindblowing for sb who lived in a country, where even to this day same-sex couples and lgbtq topics are treated as a taboo.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I got into Tumblr all the way back in 2015 BECAUSE of my hyperfixation on League of Legends, and by 2017 I was done with the entire franchise. I can't say I blame tumblr entirely for me falling out of love with LoL, there were a number of factors that caused me to distance myself from it (the fact I had stopped playing the game altogether, bc my computer couldn't run it anylonger). But I can say that LoL's fandom is already infamously toxic as it is, and on Tumblr that shit becomes unhinged. And I'm certain that since the inception of Arcane, that fandom must have got even worse.

The only reason we don't hear that much about it nowadays is bc, there is now actual competition for the prize of 'the worst community'. Genshin Impact somehow managed to speedrun those levels of toxicity and unhingedness.

It was through LoL's fandom on tumblr I first saw the lengths, some not-sound of mind individuals are willing to go, to """defend""" their ships. It was the first time I saw anyone receive genuine hate and death threats, just bc they didn't sign up to the popular and most wide spread ship. And I heard through a friend of mine who is still into LoL, that side of the community truly became the worst, thanks to Arcane. Bc now you got a bunch of motherfuckers who never touched the game, wanting to weight in on shit from ppl who aren't interested in the animated show.

Im gonna spread hate on League of Legends, Arcane and anything else related to it LOL

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

It's really difficult for me to drop any ship... At all. So much so, I don't recall dropping any ship in my previous fandoms (Pokemon/Star wars/Castlevania). I may not focus on some ships as compared to others, but that's mainly due to me likely having folks to talk about another ship. But I'm still most definetely a shipper.

As such, I think the very first case of me genuinely dropping a ship happened in the Saint Seiya fandom LOL. I've mentioned it a few times, I shipped Sha.ka/M.u for maybe at most 15 days. It was literally the very first ship I came across, and I genuinely loved how pretty ppl's works for the ship were. Then, the more I dug into StS' lore & content. The more I realized how this couple has little to NO actual substance to offer (by which I mean those two characters literally barely interact with one another, in the entire series).

It actually took me awhile to find out about Aldebaran/Mu, and when I did...

Nevermore looked back at it since LOL.

My theory as to why that ship is massively popular bc most of its fans likely are going off their really vague memories of watching the show, in their childhoods. And solely bc those characters look really good together (I'll give it that, their aesthetic is nice. But that's all you get bc LOL). And they feel entitled to crapping/disrespecting other ships, just bc popular ship brainrot behavior uwu.

[fictionkinfessions]

i’m a linktype of a character who isn’t neccesarily a villain, but is often portrayed that way, because my abusive partner is a more popular fan-favourite. and, yes, she was abusive, too. they paint me as the only one who did anything wrong in the relationship when, really, the toxicity was mutual and reciprocated. i understand and agree with the fact i hurt her - i made some bad decisions. but she hurt me, too, and nobody seems to acknowledge that in favour of viewing her as their woeful innocent blorbo whom i unfairly wronged. sometimes in toxic relationships, there isn’t just the ‘victim’ and the ‘abuser’ - sometimes both parties are victims and abusers in their own right. it isn’t black and white.

for context: i was forced into a death game orchestrated by people who want to see people suffer for their own perverse entertainment. in this death game everyone was pre-assigned a ‘soulmate’ to pair with, somebody who shared injury and death, a two birds with one stone mechanic. i went around looking for my soulmate the entire session, i asked everyone i met if they were the ones, but i couldn’t find my soulbound. eventually i learned the reason i couldn’t find her was because she was in our world’s equivalent of hell risking our shared life by needlessly putting herself in danger - emphasis on needlessly because there was literally no reason to go galavanting through the most perilous places she could find on the first day other then thrill. especially without considering it wasn’t just her life she was putting in danger. do you know how terrifying it is? to feel immense pain ripple through your body without warning at any moment but there’s nothing you can do about it because it’s not technically yours (yet it hurts you anyway?) it hurt it hurt so bad and it hurt worse because i’d been being so careful for her - i hadn’t even been risking getting a splinter because i hadn’t wanted to hurt her and she did not seem to share that sentiment. she didn’t care her self-destructive recklessness was hurting me too.

i decided, you know what? screw fate. i want to be able to forge my own destiny - i want to be able to choose who i think is right for me and chose who i want to be with for myself. i want to have the freedom to make my own choice regarding who i want to spend the rest of my life with instead of having it arranged for me by ‘fate’; aka the people who put me in a death game and defintely don’t have my best interests in mind. so i did. i met somebody and i love them a lot! /p. we weren’t ‘soulmates’ - but does it really matter? we love and care for each other, we’d die and kill for each other, i don’t care if they aren’t ‘who the universe had in mind’. they’re mine and i’m theirs. besides, my ‘soulmate’ had already done the same thing and had teamed with someone else, so it’s not like i was ‘cheating’ when a) if i was, they’d cheated first and b) we hadn’t even met i’d hardly consider us to be in a relationship. i made this very clear when i cut her off.

she ended up going insane from the loneliness. she blamed me because i’d ‘abandoned’ her and ‘made her’ that way. had i though? i didn’t make her kill all those people - i didn’t make her do anything. she’s responsible for her own actions. all i did was decide what i’d wanted for myself and that i didn’t feel comfortable in a relationship with her. she hadn’t respected any of the boundaries I’d put in place and ended up harassing me and my partner. from there, things escalated - we both started hurting ourselves to hurt the other (though by far, she was worse with it). we both did a lot of shitty things to each other. and i acknowledge that i did a lot of shit things and hurt her! i acknowledge she’s not an evil person, just a hurt person who lashed out because of it. but so am i. she hurt me, too, but she never acknowledged it or took responsibility - she never apologized. i’m not an evil person, either, i’m somebody who was also traumatized and because of it made bad choices that hurt others, just like her, and yet i don’t recieve the “ooooh poor baby it wasn’t their fault they were just scared and scarred!” treatment she does, because she’s a fan favourite, so the fandom blorboifies her. it just makes me so frustrated to see source me portrayed as toxic and abusive and the villain when it was so much more complicated then that. she was just as toxic and abusive to me as i was to her. people just choose to ignore that fact to make her look better. yes, she was abused. but she was also an abuser. she abused me as much as i abused her.

if any pearls see this i just want you to know. i am sorry. i am sorry i hurt you - i am sorry things didn’t work out between us. i’m sorry for what we become. but i hope you’re sorry, too, i hope you can acknowledge that we were both in the wrong. i hope you regret what you put me through - that you understand that you hurt me too. that i’m still recovering from what you put me through.

but i hope that this gives you closure. i hope you get better. i hope you heal.

- ✨scott smajor, source: double life smp

x

[astirysk2electricboogaloo]

new bill cipher lore ish. major spoilers if you haven't read or caught up with it yet. discussing the end of the book here. major spoilers. you've been warned.

dude really won gold in the tragic backstory olympics. he goes his entire life with a mutation no one else in his dimension has, can see everything a different way than everyone else, and decides he wants to show everyone else how he sees it. i don't think he understood that they were fine without that knowledge, and also him being the only one with it had to feel so lonely. he tries to show everyone what he sees and it goes so horribly wrong it's a wonder he didn't just implode or something on the spot. this man's covered in the blood of everyone he knew and possibly loved, people he didn't know, children of his own kind, his parents, heard their last screams, everything he knew and grew up with is gone, and he can't stop what's happening once he started it. he's aware that he's the one responsible for this, but he didn't know in advance that's what would happen. his hands are shaking when it occurs to him that he can't fix it, there is absolutely no way to undo any of it and on top of all that he's alone, truly alone.

literally EVERYONE in his world just died in front of him in one of the most horrific ways anyone could perceive, and his immediate response may as well be "OH THEY'RE FREE FROM THEIR LIMITED UNDERSTANDING NOW! THEY DON'T NOT KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE NOW! THEY CAN SEE WHAT I SEE NOW! I'M GOING TO PRETEND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED! I'M GOING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED! THEY'RE NOT DEAD! THEY'RE NOT GONE! I JUST CAN'T SEE THEM ANYMORE!". (this was not said, that's my understanding of it.)

he's in the first few stages of grief and he doesn't move past it. he acts like nothing happened. seems like he doesn't remember what happened, and that's fully possible. blacking a traumatic event isn't an unusual response for a bad event of any kind. when mentioning it to ford, he says a monster destroyed his dimension. either by that point he's accepted that he is responsible and he's calling himself a monster or he's still in denial somewhat and blames it on some monster because he believes he couldn't have possibly done that and refuses to accept it, or he really still can't remember what actually happened is repressed which i think is probably most likely. he gets drunk years later after losing ford and in his impaired state he's looking for his mother and asks where she went.

his trauma doesn't excuse any of what he did of course, but it explains some of his behavior. that guy is not even remotely ok.

[mystic-myrtille]

"he just feels like an entirely dofferent person who just happens to look like him"

Was he really that bad before?

I mean, let's review some stuff he's done (specifically about his relationship with Maribug, feel free to add things I forgot)

Copycat: lied about his and LB's relationship causing an akuma

Glaciator: gets mad at LB for not coming to a date she said she wouldn't come to, making it her problem and only apologizing after she did first (which she really didn't have to btw)

Frozer: basically same thing

Maledictator: tells Mari it's horrible to be happy that her bully aka his friend is leaving

Chameleon: No Marinette don't do anything against Lila even though she's in the wrong (this one's not outright mean it was just bad advice)

Ladybug: chooses the fake Ladybug over the real one bc the fake one would smooch him

Lies: sacrifices himself because "I live that look on your face when you're angry with me lol"

Glaciator 2: "they all think we're a couple lol even though we're not and you've made that clear a million times we shall kiss:) I just love you too much I can't help myself" (I cringed so hard during that episode)

Kuro Neko: gaslighting LB into thinking he's someone else because she has other superhero friends as well

Risk: gives LB shit for not wanting to so a reveal and not wanting to take risks even though it's reasonable for her tl not want those things

Generally flirting, touching or leaning in for a kiss when the time isn't right and LB is either trying to focus on the akuma or she's just uncomfortable

Just from the top of my head some things that didn't sit right with me. Take these as you will.

I'm not saying he had evil intent or that he was only bad, but those times where he acted shitty were never acknowledged by the narrative or any characters. Instead Marinette was blamed for everything because that's the show's number one rule, along with "Adrien is literally perfect like it's actually the world that should adjust to him bc it's so bad and he's so perfect". Peak girl power lol

So therefore Adrien never learned any lessons because he was never called out for anything, so he never had a moment where he self reflected on his behavior and realizing it was wrong and thinking about how to change and maybe having a hard time to change bc of trauma but he tries anyway......

And yet now suddenly all the jealously issues and the codependency and his sometimes shitty attitude just... don't exist anymore. And that's the problem. The writers and the stans act like there's so much character developement that has happened when there literally wasn't. When developing a character, you need to not just show before and after, but also when he started to change, how long it took, how exactly did he change and why did he change. Specifically when thinking about the relationship, what were the steps and reasons that lead him from sometimes not being a good partner to now being a loving boyfriend that would never pressure Marinette etc. The show delivers answers to none of these questions, they just present this new Adrichat as if he's been there the entire time. And while I like this version of Adrien, it just doesn't feel deserves that he's here bc of how he has been before.