#i like listening to ppl talk but I also like to feel like ppl care abt me too sometimes if thats not too much to ask.....
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str4wberrysw4n · 23 hours ago
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TIME TO YAPP 🎀
I named him zach, mainly as a "placeholder," but i don't care if his name is different in the 3d. he's taller than me, pale skin, brown eyes, with his dark hair in a wolfcut style. we met on the first day of school and i thought he was so cute. but i was too nervous to talk to him, until we got paired up for a project. zach was so goofy and fun, and even after it ended, he still wanted to talk to me and ended up taking my number. his whole wardrobe is kind of like a 2000s rapper mixed with opiumcore. baggy jeans, wife beaters, chains, all that shi (and he looks so fine in them 🩷) zachy looks really scary when u first meet him (ngl he can be if u piss him off), but he's generally just a big teddy bear ( ˘ ³˘) he is one of the sweetest people i've ever met and the best choice for my first bf :D he's always there to help me and listens to me when i vent abt shi that's bothering me. ik it sounds like the standard, but trust me, it's above the standard for a teenage boy...he also just has the EXACT same humor as me. bro is literally just me as the opposite gender ong 🙏 like one time i texted "hawk tuah 🔥" for literally no reason and his response was "ur very very SPECIAL 💜" (in revenge, i didn't give him any cheek kisses for a whole day  (`ω´*)) another thing is that he let's me practice braiding his hair. my mommy never learnt how to braid hair from her mother and so struggled a lot with mine. i didn't want that problem if i ever had a kid, so he lets me practice on him. the first time i tried cornrows and he asked how he looked, I said "white boy carl ahh 🙏" he stole my juice box after >:T he's also one of the most chronically online ppl ik. like i swear bro is on tiktok 20 hours a day bcuz why am i responding to the tiktoks he sends like im grading his fukin homework?? speaking of hw, im so glad that he had y'know,actual aspirations n shi. so many boys in my school r getting into gangs n shit which is why it makes me so happy i ended up with someone who isn't affiliated with allat. he wants to go to a local college, which is fine, but i definitely think he could get into a better one if he wanted to. my prince is so intelligent (σ´∀`)σ also, he's been working out at the gym lately and it's starting to show 👀 (ngl gotta start doing it too) his parents absolutely love me, especially his mommy :3 once while we were in the car she was like "remember [my name], if my son ever gives u trouble, u come straight to me, ok?" it was a joke ofc (my bf would never hurt me) but it's nice to know i have their backs!! there's so much more i feel like im missing but it's hard for me explain!! when i love someone or smth a lot, i get so excited to talk abt them i can't put into words how i feel. i wuv him sooooo much n im so happy he loves me too!!!🎀
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I need someone to yap about their s/o
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0809sysblings · 4 months ago
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maybe this will get rocks thrown at me but i kinda hate when people call the 18+ prisoners "grown adults" as insults and ways to like... shut down any sympathy with them. how because they are "grown adults", they "should have known better". this has just always bothered me. i see it and i have to sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes.
like. idk. being an adult does not automatically give you skills like Emotional Regulation, Impulse Control, Ability To Learn From Consequences, Ability To Plan For The Future, Critical Thinking, Interpersonal Skills, etc etc. you have to be Taught these things no matter how old you are. if you are not taught these things, and you are not supported in an environment that helps you further develop these things... you just. Aren't gonna be able to do them well.
adults just, typically, have accumulated enough experiences in life to have been able to learn these things. but not every adult has had that privilege. or some adults have had to just shut off the parts of their brain that would allow them to learn these things to be able to function at a basic level.
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sluckythewizard · 7 months ago
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
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"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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kittymizuki · 18 hours ago
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i think about this so much in the context of mizuki's gender being listed as "unknown" and how trans ppl often cannot talk about their gender even if they wish to? even if a trans woman wants to be properly recognized as a type of woman, the world isn't really a safe space that she can comfortably be like "i'm a woman" bc if she were to do this she might either be accused of lying or being male. this reality is precisely why mizuki always avoids making definitive statements like this so she opts to saying things like "i'm just me" or "i just like cute things" bc she can't assert her identity without any pushback and she doesn't want anyone else to decide her self for her (there's also a lot to say about this in the context of transmisogynistic caricatures/stereotypes in anime & manga and how they're often subjected to "humor" that draws attention to their "maleness" and how mizuki as a fan of anime, films, etc. uses her genre awareness to navigate the world but that's a different topic).
i also think ppl often don't go up to others and say "i'm a girl! i'm a woman." bc that just isn't how ppl tend to talk? literally no girl in this game introduces or talks about herself in that way. the idea that mizuki has to use that kind of language to be legitimized in the first place is inherently disrespectful to her as a person especially as someone who's tired of having to explain herself or feel like she constantly has to prove something to ppl who don't even care enough to listen. she also doesn't think "why don't ppl see me as a girl" and instead she's thinking "why can't ppl accept me for who i am" bc it isn't just about Being a Girl, it's about how being transfem affects that perception. it's about how even when someone sees her as a girl, there's that asterisk. she doesn't know how to reach point of feeling like she's truly accepted bc of this and the closest she's gotten is niigo seeing her as a cis girl, which isn't even subtext, it's just implicit to the entire premise of her narrative.
so even if mizuki doesn't directly say "bc i'm a girl" or "accept me as a girl" when her classmates ask her why she does the things she does, it's a huge mistake to assume that she doesn't wish to be recognized as one bc this ignores wider context abt transmisogynistic hypersurveillance and objectification of transfemininity as a form of erasure of personhood and dehumanization? mizuki is someone who strives to assert her positionality as a woman as is both an assertion of how the standards of womanhood affect her and how she wishes to navigate the world as a woman in spite of this. this is made even more interesting by the parallels with mafuyu whose character arc is largely about how womanhood as a coercive state is pushed upon her by her mother and society, but it's also equally pushed upon mizuki as a trans girl very violently and is an aspect of transmisogyny, and trans women inherently fail to attain the standard of womanhood while being policed for this, so mizuki's position as a woman is against the imposition of womanhood (mizuki even when being "cute" is still not the ideal girl, bc her idea of fashion is lolita, and we know how lolita exists within so much of broader culture being for non-conformity and reclaiming femininity). there are always ppl trying to argue that mizuki can't be trans or that ppl are "boiling her down to her gender" (which is just pressure to stop calling her a girl) bc mizuki never explicitly said that she wanted to be recognized as a girl, she said that he just wanted to be herself, and she said that she likes cute things, so she is not trans, right? this is obviously transmisogyny, but such interpretations are interesting on the metatextual level to me bc they're the same form of transmisogyny that mizuki is subjected to within the story in that they're all saying "it would be a pain to be a girl, so you should just be content with being a 'boy' [Abnormal girl, nonperson, thing] who just likes cute things or some other ambiguous existence." bc these ppl refuse to engage with how the primary groups who know mizuki never draw attention to these things bc they see her as a girl and the thing about day to day life is that we all have to make assumptions to some degree about ppl we don't know or aren't close to based on their external presentation. however, we also have an understanding of mizuki's internal world.
mizuki makes such a good study of how fandom parses/engages with gender and the nuances of ambiguity around womanhood especially when transfemininity is involved.
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famewolf · 11 months ago
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all my old fav youtubers coming back this fall has gotten me into a mood where I've been diving back into old bands I used to listen to religiously. and i gotta say ... they all still slap
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vogelmeister · 7 months ago
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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milo-is-rambling · 6 months ago
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Me looking at my own mood boards like “oh yeah this guy gets it”
#💭#📓#I love you friendship and midnight gospel and Kaluah and I love listening and hearing stories and laughing so hard and being full of joy and#and and like questions and sadness and grief and fear and all these things that are I usually deal with with isolation on codependence w my#mom like now I feel like I’m given the space to be a person and to be around someone who truly listens and lives and I’m realizing places#(stuck point.comma.therapy term) where I am finding myself uncomfortable with the way I handle a conversation specifically how I listen to#people I care about and listening to understand instead of listening to respond (not usually an issue with ppl I like) or listening to#relate I struggle a lot with that I tend to use immediate interrupting with my own thing to show I get it and that can quickly be overdone#and I’m starting to notice when I do it and I’m learning how to balance that with also learning to shut my mouth for a second and like give#people (Levi) (but also people in IOP actually) space to talk and feel and finish a thought and trying to validate (ew therapy term) and#fully listen and understand in ways that aren’t from my own perspective bc that’s a thing I struggle with but I am also comforted by the#fact that Levi will not punish me or be harsh to me if I mess up in the moments when I notice I’m doing it and maybe when I find myself#doing it I could say it out loud and apologize or like ask if there was more to say like idk I want to work on my listening#and not to use an excuse or whatever but I feel like I have been so isolated for so long like four years ish and I have not fully gained the#skill of listening to people at this stage of my life when I’m not in a direct classroom setting where you are almost allowed to interrupt#in order to add to a conversation but that’s not how all conversations are made to be and obviously (well maybe not obvious) but friends#can ​understand and discuss boundaries and feel comfortable over talking and speaking up when there was something you wanted to say and#having me wait a second idk idk how to explain it
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yoojinluv · 1 year ago
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g8d · 8 months ago
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i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be
#if you recently asked me how i am doing. sorry#i do remember and value that. its just very hard to trust that as something i could ever actually lean on#like even to say that feels like maybe i am overstepping. so. yeah thats where im at haha#ive just gotten burned way way too many times at this point#forged in fire??? burnt to ashes#i used to think phoenixes were relatable but not really anymore#the vibe has changed completely#and really im on my way out. not in like a super depressing way im not about to kill my body but when i say#im transitioning to a p zombie its . not a fucking joke im done here#my support group of all things went to shit yesterday too so i really have nowhere to stand im just breaking breaking. breaking. breaking .#dissolving. dying. and im like kind of hurt that nobody even cares enough to know these things about me#but how can i blame people for not knowing that asking me how im doing is not enough#or like how can i blame people for not caring#ppl got their own lives or whatever idk how this shit works.#man im just so so so done.#my friend told me about some future worries today and i was just sitting there like man. how do you even.#talk like you will have a future#like anything matters like any of this is real#because to me it's pretty clearly not#i didn't say that shit to him obviously#id like to keep a friend or two around just in case idk#someone to go on a walk with#sometimes he asks me what i think about stuff#i like listening to myself talk. so i benefit from that#anyway the point of this post was that while im done being a self im also very fucking done being selfless#acting like i think i can help people or something. i cant. i dont want to. i dont care.#i just dont fucking care anymore.
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nightmarecity · 10 months ago
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stillthesunkenstars · 2 years ago
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Thinking abt brax and maggie like. If his distain for her comes from him seeing her not as her own person but as a part of himself and if he self harms . Wouldn't that make him act rougher with her as well
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weather-phenomenon · 1 year ago
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saw smth i did not agree with an injustice being done n at first i was silent for way too long but it cldnt n wldnt leave ne alone so eventually i spoke up n it was scary n im having post anxiety n i feel like i did smth wrong n the other ppl hate me n will judge me negatively but what they did was not nice n not correct so yh who cares if i cry now nothing gets done without a bit of discomfort ahaha
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freakurodani · 2 years ago
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i hope i am a blog where u see my original content and u are like "look at that silly goose go"
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not to be a smug asshole but its kind of rich how if you say you dont like a thing on the internet everyone who likes that thing automatically assumes you just “don’t get it” and tries to explain to you why the thing is Good, Actually. like maybe i already understand why people like the thing. maybe i have reasons to not like the thing that YOU are refusing to entertain. maybe i used to like the thing because of the specific reasons that you’re writing essays to me about. but then i realized that the thing sucks shit and the reasons why people like it isn’t enough to make it good for me again. maybe my dislike of the thing isn’t because im a stupid idiot who couldn’t put two thoughts together to realize why the thing is good. and maybe i feel belittled and dare i say offended when 12 people condescendingly explain to me why it’s okay that i don’t like the thing, but also refuse to stop explaining the same 2 reasons why THEY like the thing, or even let me defend why i dislike the thing, until i agree with them that the thing is good. all because i dared to express mild disdain on the internet
#shut up pandora#i don't care if people like things i dislike and tell me so but some of yall act like proselytizing christians about it#a while ago i had someone write an essay on a post talking about why a ship i dont like is totally canon guys theyre totally in love#and the ship in questions has not had any conversations in 10 episodes which was why i disliked it#but the argument for it boiled down to 'why does this ship between two main characters HAVE to have any significant onscreen development'#'why cant we just build up this ship based on longing looks like the TJLC ppl. its impossible for you to think thats bad writing'#anyway we ended up dming and i tried to clarify that i dont think its well written to build up a relationship on 'subtle glances'#without having them actually interact with each other. at least not a heavily focused on endgame couple involving main characters#at the end of the very frustrating conversation where they just repeated the 'subtle hints' thing over and over again condescendingly#it turns out they thought i agreed to the conversation bc i wanted them to convince me to like the ship!#so they literally didn't listen to anything i said except to hashtag destroy my points with hashtag facts and hashtag logic#and like. you think i haven't looked at all the 'subtle hints' before this conversation? this is a popular ship and i want to like it!#but i looked at it and thought about it and decided i didn't like it! i even said so on the original post!#the point of the post was 'i dont think having the ship longingly gaze at each other counts as a well written ship if they dont ever talk'#and their 'rebuttal' was 'youre wrong it IS well written! why? well because they longingly gaze at each other'#anyway i was just feeling annoyed about that again#also that time an mlb fan sent me a wholeass wordpress essay on why mlb is Good Actually#after i explained i understand why people like it. i was a fan actually! i just both grew out of it and realized the writing is really bad#so bad in fact that the reasons i liked it werent enough to redeem the show for me and it keeps getting worse#anyway yes im vagueposting about people but messaging strangers to restart a months old argument is more deranged i think#i hope the people who condescendingly hop on a strangers posts to write them essays on why they Dont Get It Actually#uhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe stop that!
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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fuck my stupid baka liiiife
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isekyaaa · 4 months ago
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If you don't know me well and you've heard my opinions abt people talking shit, I probably seem like the person that enjoys talking shit about others. To which the truth of the matter is that I don't. Tbh, I feel I do something worse. When I talk about a person to someone else, I break them down from the bottom up by analyzing what makes them so irritating, but also what makes them so great, and I share that analysis with the person I'm talking to. It quickly escalates to bringing up a person's personal issues, traumas, insecurities, etc, and analyzing them under a lens.
#rambles#sometimes if people are really lucky i'll share my analyses with the person themselves#that's really fun#oh how i would love someone to do this to me#or if someone did this to me behind my back i'd hope the person they talked to shares their findings with me#one thing thats true abt me is that i always treat people the way i dont mind getting treated (even if they dont like it)#but my opinion of talking shit is like.....#the line between talking shit and venting can get extremely thin#tell me this#your friend has a coworker that is constantly causing problems for your friend. this person is friendly but utterly incompetent#this coworker piles more work to do on your friend's already stressful job. added onto this this coworker always lies to sound competent#your friend cannot stand their coworker. they can't stand listening to this person or even hearing them breathe#everyday they vent about them to the point that it devolves into getting irritated over the tiniest things#here's the question. is your friend talking shit or are they venting?#are they a bad person for getting so irate?#the thing with talking shit and venting is that regardless of what is said it will always be hurtful to the person talked about#but also sometimes there are very good reasons why a person may get upset and feel the need to vent all the time#should we operate under the fantastical belief to always see the good in everyone and accept everything they do?#should we act like we should always like everyone we talk to and never speak bad about them?#is it wrong to share these charged feelings with someone you trust that would never share it with others?#should you feel upset when people feel the need to vent about you?#or do you think theyre talking shit behind your back?#do you expect everyone to like every aspect about you? and that they should share every gripe they have abt you?#tbh i dont care what ppl say abt me 'behind my back' bc no doubt i do things that bother them#i don't view them as a bad person for doing that#granted there are verified shit talkers and..... ngl those people are fascinating#no doubt toxic but also kinda refreshing to be around? they're very honest but also very.... accurate?#they can point out your deepest insecurity in a second#you can learn a lot abt the human psyche through observing them#theyre the kinds of people whose actions and lifestyle i dont condone but in short spurts theyre pretty fun
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