#i love talking about myself syndrome
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i hope i am a blog where u see my original content and u are like "look at that silly goose go"
#im afflicted with#i love talking about myself syndrome#its USUALLY offset at least in person w bouts of intense listening but alas this is not a listening platform#its just me#babbling into the void#hehehe#i ALSO feel less guilty about babbling into the void bc i do worry that i get annoying sharing just random stuff directly to ppl#like i know i am cared for by my friends and that they wont hate me if im a little annoying#but i dooooo wanna let them have a break every now and again#does this make sense?#whose to say#conspiracy lvl: text
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i love when people draw all the mxtx protagonists together but i’ll be real the generic anime boy face curse is alive and well
more often than not the art itself is fantastic it just takes me like a solid minute to figure out who’s who. bonus points if lbh is robbed of his wavy hair and the only way i can tell him apart from wwx is his forehead
#mxtx#tgcf#mdzs#svsss#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#mo dao zu shi#scum villian self saving system#hua cheng doesn’t tend to be a problem but wwx and lbh. man#also not technically a protag but honorable mention to my favorite guessing game “is it shen qingqiu or male shi qingxuan”#i must admit i am a victim of same face syndrome as well but it gets worse when they remove distinguishing features#i’m still talking abt lbh’s hair btw. i feel very strongly about his hair#every other character and their mother already has long straight black hair let him have a little fun#i love you three mxtx characters with not straight hair#also not necessarily a features thing but part of my beef with generic anime boy face is that they all look early 20s which is propaganda#listen wangxian being in their thirties is SO important to me you guys don’t understand#teenage hualian is not real to me i don’t believe in it we’ve already established that#but i’d at least like SOME indication that they’re not all the same age#i love you artists that draw san lang and hua cheng visibly different i love you artists that draw wwx and mxy visibly different#bottom line is pls give them more distinguishing features or i gotta do it myself#half joking but also this shit gets serious
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my beige flag is taking immense pleasure in shocking people with my disability
#aka the reveal of my disability#not the severity thats incomprehensible to most#but theres always this moment where they panic trying to figure out what to do in this situation#and im cackling#im usually game to answer a few polite questions#so i feel like that makes us even#sometimes the urge strikes me in the wrong situations tho#the salesperson was politely asking if i did the same competitive sport my siblings do#and i had to stop myself from saying 'well the disability makes that kinda hard'#i love when i get to knock on my knees to demonstrate#because at work my orthotics are rarely visible#so to the other person theres just this inexplicable clang sound#gotta take your wins when you can get em#my boss has started joining in which has ofc compounded the problem#we were joking about putting a disability parking placard in a barbie jeep#and someone who was in the car with us for that conversation#later they were like 'WAIT YOURE DISABLED?'#WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS JOKING ABOUT#disability#salt baby talks#ehlers danlos syndrome#chronic illness#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#mcas
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#luxio#hi i had to cut myself off on that last one. i would've kept yelling and snarling about shinx forever#luxio was my first random full-odds shiny if you count legends arceus. i think i've talked about this? other than that luxio is like#kind of a downgrade from shinx imo. luxray is fine but shinx is too cute. and luxio is kind of. y'know. middle child syndrome again#they're also very angry. shinx always so appy but this guy so angy. even though legends arceus confirms shinx is a Menace which i love
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Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic
#carols.txt#when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it#《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting#LMAOOOOOO#call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever#listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord#while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it#^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) ->#and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that ->#that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its#done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS#like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell#thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out#PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH#i need this author to give me their brain NOW#AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH#everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it#this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong)#live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.
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yusuke kitagawa would have been such an s tier persona character writing-wise if atlus did not seem to actively dislike him
#squishy talks too much#I KNOW THIS IS TRUE#BC AFTER HAVING DUG THROUGH ALL THE CRUMBS MYSELF AND EXPLAINING HIM TO OTHERS#I HAVE MADE MULTIPLE PEOPLE SAY THEY LIKE HIM SO MUCH MORE#he was so underserved by the narrative#i love his themes and narratives and his struggles with connecting with others and his stockholm syndrome#and i love explaining to him to anyone and everyone#if only. if only atlus saw what they were so close to doing with him and then did it#about yusuke <3
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boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.
#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them#would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me#i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like#i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone#im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a#fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and#that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like.#break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early#in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming#to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about#howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking#stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it#even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i#probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough.#I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like#i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start.#anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^#🪽
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One thing you gotta know about me is that I will quietly unfollow the fuck out of anyone on tumblr who reblogs or posts anything even remotely positive about Tony Stark, like I will politely show myself out SO FUCKING HARD they won't even know what hit 'em. - probably because they are unlikely to notice it at all
#obviously if we are friends i will not unfollow you but I follow a shitload of random blogs#and so i just bail at the first sign of bad vibes - or worse - BAD MEDIA TAKES.#it takes so much self-control not to reblog the thing myself and trash talk tony stark on it but that is their happy space not mine#buT GODS I HATE HIM SO MUCH. I watched endgame at home with my wife and we both literally cheered when he died#he's an abusive neglectful father figure but the writers and directors seem fully unaware of it I don't know what else to tell you#original#it's one thing for a character to be an emotionally manipulative piece of shit but it's a whole other ball game when#apparently the writers still think they wrote a really cool guy. and that is basically Tony Stark in a nutshell.#that man doesn't get a character arc he gets a character death. that's not the same thing.#I probably wouldn't hate him so much except my wife hates him so deeply and that has really made it unavoidable how much he sucks#and also he has that Wolverine syndrome where he is treated as the main character of every ensemble he's in no matter what#it is ALLLLL about Tony. at the end we see Tony has a hero's funeral. Black Widow is unmentioned. as Irrelevant in death as she was in life#she died doing what she loved: wearing tight clothes and making snarky quips. her two most important character traits.
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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Hello my principal just called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome “being a teenager but slightly worse” how’s your Monday
#actually disabled#actually chronically ill#cfs (chronic fatigue syndrome)#tw ableist language#tw ableism#tw medical gaslighting#disabled academia#I love it here#hard to get your teachers to take your illness seriously when shit like this keeps happening#I was trying to warn people about the effects of covid I wasn’t even talking about it to advocate for myself#he still had to make it seem not that bad wtf is wrong with some abled people /nbh#ableism#disability#child neglect#neglect#chronic illness#glad I'm out of that eternal hellhole#my posts#academic trauma
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bundy: we got gps data in that puts ramee on this building 5 mins before baas dies
me with the realization i'm gonna have to live up to this bet i made now:
#shut up kristen#nopixel#i made a bet that if mgl and ramee saw jail time for killing baas that i would change my pics on all social media to pics of brian knight#because i hate myself and hate brian's stupid face and he killed cody who was best boy and ahhhhhhhhh fuck brian#i did the mistake of telling emmi about my hate for brian and she gifted me a mehdi sub yesterday and fucking christ#my hatred for brian knight is strong#and i spent all day watching mehdi just to see if him and pond would pop off but they never did and gahhhhhhhhhhhhh#all he did was talk about how great juno is#dont get me started on juno because then i start on stubble and how he picks to be around the clingiest people like tails and juno#and how he has toretti syndrome and cant tell people no#and watching yesterday i saw luka and i got sad because luka the character is great#but gopnik is a maga loving covid denying woman hating asshole and it makes me mega sad#i see luka and im like ayyy and then i remember who plays him and then im like ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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“My biggest fear is clowns”
“My biggest fear is spiders”
Haha jokes on you my biggest fear is that no one actually likes me and only pretends to be my friend and everyone secretly thinks that I’m loud and weird and obnoxious and so they just feel bad for me.
#imposter syndrome is weird#I just always feel so out of place#I feel out of place if I’m not talking#I feel out of place if i AM talking#I constantly have this need to please eveyone around me#I even struggle to say no or put personal boundaries in place#people could so easily take advantage of me and I know that#I lie awake at night just pondering about every single thing I’ve ever said#just wondering if it upset someone without even knowing#eveytime someone’s behaviour is slightly off I blame myself#I genuinely believe that i don’t fit in ANYWHERE with ANYONE no matter how hard I try#I have this crippling anxiety that everyone I love is eventually going to leave me#do you know how difficult it is to live your life feeling like this?#maisie rambles :)
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I really like my job, it pays well and the work environment is like not a hellscape. However everytime I remember I have to work (for the rest of my life!!!) I do consider driving into the side of a building
#or just letting my mental health win and get bad enough that i cannot hold down a job#the fact that i literally cannot pursue my hobbies or things that bring me joy because im exhausted working 20 hours a week#i cant think about it too long or i will do something stupid#i had benefits lined up for myself i was going to be on disability and get an apartment through a program in my city#and i was going to just let myself heal and take life easy at least temporarily until my brain functions better#but now i have like a real job and people are expecting me to go to grad school and i dont want to do any of it if im honest#its totally out of obligation and performing a version of myself for the people around me that i continue to do this#i feel so fucking weak and awful being this burnt out and jaded from working part time for like 3 months#but im also like constantly dealing with trauma shit and voices and sensory overload and social bullshit that doesnt make sense to me#do you know how hard it is to both fulfill a customer service task while your brain is playing a highlight reel of abuse that happened#or when theres shouting and arguing happening in your head and you have to make small talk with coworkers#i work with youth and i love youth work but oh my god half the time i barely feel human much less adult#and people are so quick to brush me off like everyone feels like that and its just because im young yadda yadda#yeah a lot of people do deal with imposter syndrome and role confusion at my age but i am quite literally dealing with somethkng different#i genuinely do not know who i am most days people say my name and it barely registers in my head#i feel like i was just put on earth like a few months ago without any prior history or memories#thats a really distressing feeling!! if you didnt know!! and most people do not know what thats like!!#like not being able to recognize your reflection is not a normal part of being in your early 20s from what ive heard
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One aspect of having Tourette’s Syndrome that I don’t see many people talk about is how it makes being transfem more difficult. My Tourette’s is pretty severe, I can’t go ten seconds without twitching or hitting myself or barking or swearing loudly.
Everywhere I go people treat me like a freak. When people stare at me logically I know it’s because I just involuntarily told a stranger to fuck off, but all I can think is ‘Oh god they’re glaring at me because I don’t pass and they can tell I’m not a real girl.’ And even when I dismiss that fear the very next thought is ‘yeah it’s the ticcing that caught their attention but now they’re watching me, it’s only a matter of time until they realise that’s not the only unusual thing about me.’
It makes it literally impossible to go unnoticed without drawing attention to myself like so many of us try to do.
It’s scary enough using the women’s bathroom as a trans girl with low self confidence, but it’s even scarier when you know you could yell “PENIS!” at any moment and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop it. It’s not exactly ladylike.
I’m every TERF’s worst nightmare lol.
I try my best to make jokes about it and not let it get to me but it’s like two different reasons for strangers to harass me and treat me like I’m not even human.
I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of being a ticcing tranny, I’m still learning to love myself. 💜
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LITERALLY !!!! like.
people really REALLY FUCKIN STRETCH what "tough love" and "normal sibling behavior" are to excuse their own actions towards their siblings. i mean
normal sibling behavior IS:
consensual, reciprocated roughhousing where nobody is really getting hurt.
being annoyed at your siblings and sometimes snapping at them because you live in the same house and you're human
teasing and fighting with your sibling/s on terms that YOU BOTH UNDERSTAND
banter
normal sibling behavior is NOT:
beating on your siblings. unreciprocated roughousing. HURTING your siblings.
being completely intolerant of your sibling's presence at all, yelling at your sibling for being in the same room as you and existing, yelling at them for inconsequential things and small mistakes
picking fights with and teasing your sibling in terms that they don't understand is teasing or can't reciprocate.
genuine screaming matches and huge fights on the regular.
"eldest daughter syndrome" can refer to a lot of things but usually can be defined something like this:
"the state or condition caused by being the eldest sibling in the house, usually the eldest daughter, and being overburdened with responsibility and expectation and/or trauma/contention with the parent/s of the house."
when talking about eldest daughter syndrome, the conversation almost always, in context, revolves around the consequences of it. (ie, the consequences of expectation and parental contention). we say dick grayson, nightwing, has eldest daughter syndrome specifically because of the experiences and responsibilities and expectations he is held to: when batman is gone, dick is expected to not only take up his mantle, but to also take up the care of his children, his home, and his work. big emphasis on "children" there-- dick is expected to take care of and responsibility for his younger siblings.
dick's "eldest daughter syndrome" refers to his learned and uncontrolled tendencies to automatically assume responsibility and care for his younger siblings and the situations he is in as a whole, and the stress and burnout that brings him.
looping back around to marnie (OP)'s original point:
if you are someone who legitimately hates your younger siblings, or abuses them/hurts them intentionally under the guise of "normal sibling behavior", you should not be saying you have eldest daughter syndrome. it normalizes this kind of sibling abuse and minimizes the actual issue at hand of the parentification and burnout eldest siblings, and per the name, especially eldest daughters, face.
i sincerely hope you can break the cycle of abuse and fix your relationship with your siblings, because when that's lost, it is very hard to get back.
Can't stand niggas who say they have 'eldest daughter syndrome' and then abuse their younger siblings under the guise of 'tough love/normal sibling behavior' fr.Gworl that's not Eldest Daughter Syndrome,that's Becoming Your Parents Disease
@jellyjays
#RAHHHHHH#i could talk about this for like. hours#my qualifications: i have a younger brother#and eldest daughter syndrome myself#me personally#i love my brother half to death. he is so incredibly important to me#he is the reason i'm still here#and even if that isn't EXACTLY the case for you#you should still be treating your siblings with kindness and respect and love. they are learning to be human just like you#and i understand that some siblings have reciprocated jokes and teasing and 'fighting' as a love language#but when that gets to 'i genuinely dislike/hate my sibling' territory it's gone too far#me and marnie#thank you marnie for giving me this chance to rant about this#dick grayson#eldest daughter syndrome
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#murder is illegal#that’s my mantra while my dad is here#instead of across the fucking country where he should stay!#FOR TWO WEEKS!#it was only supposed to be one week! but he’s here for another because he thought the weather would be bad the day he was planning to leave#(it was fine btw. he could have left us all in peace)#gods I’m so jealous of my little brother who is away at college#best years of my life away from my family who I’m STUCK with because I’m broke af#dad opens his mouth? I’m pissed#dad breathes? I’m pissed#dad talks bad about other races or lgbt people? I’m pissed (but not allowed to argue because then mom gets mad at ME)#dad says I should make myself useful for once? I’m ready to maim#the entire family hates when he’s around but he just HAS to come up anyway#I can understand why my mom doesn’t divorce him I suppose (he makes a lot of money and she doesn’t work)#tho she says she loves him even tho she celebrates when he leaves??? sounds sus but okay#my rage level is through the roof when he’s around#AND he has to come back in July because of my hysterectomy (he has to watch my brother with Down syndrome while mom is with me)#so that is going to be fan-fucking-tastic#someone either kill him or kill me plz#personal#delete later
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