#i cldnt shout

[weather-phenomenon]

saw smth i did not agree with an injustice being done n at first i was silent for way too long but it cldnt n wldnt leave ne alone so eventually i spoke up n it was scary n im having post anxiety n i feel like i did smth wrong n the other ppl hate me n will judge me negatively but what they did was not nice n not correct so yh who cares if i cry now nothing gets done without a bit of discomfort ahaha

[svg4r8vn]

like in the dream i heard a noise in the bathroom something like the shower going off or sum n obvi i was spooked n shouted hello. then my mom came out concerned saying like whats wrong, am i ok, n that she been here; like she was concerned over my confusion. its pretty hazy after that but i cldnt tell if i was still dreaming of not but i was hella sleepy n i flopped back into my bed n my mom was telling me that i had to get up so that i didnt sleep past my alarm n i was like a few more mins n she kept nagging me to get up. then what i knew was fs reality cuz i j felt it i shot up sitting up in bed like eyes barely open n shouted " okay mom im up". immediately after i was confused i was like wtf moms not here why did i say that but like in my head n emotionally mom was there but obvi she wasn't. fcking wackiest shit ever. went back to bed n now im full awake n i can't tell which part of it was dream or reality or if it all was j a dream but it j felt so surreal n my dorm looked exactly the same in my dream as it does in reality... idk man

but hey at least im awake on time

for a split second i confused reality w my dream again but this time was verryyyy different... extremely...

[skunkes]

need today to be over already god halp meh

[we-work-hard]

Antibiotics be making me dream weird shit - last night I followed Marty Scurll (sp??! Idk) around my shit tier tiny town trying to get a hug and then watched a show on the wwe network where AJ, Jason Jordan, Samoa Joe and Adam Cole had to complete a series of obstacles while wearing black dance belts and nothing else and why can’t real life be like the dream world is what I’m saying

[hauntedotherworld]

it just sucks when ur parents dont give a shit abt what they put u through (not to mention that was only one part of all the hell) and now u have bpd cptsd gad n mdd (all dx),n ur life is ruined from ur own absive family,absive children ur age who were evil,prdtors since i was 11-16. just. fuck u so much

[lanamemories2]

THE CHARACTER STATISTICS

FULL NAME — lana rose jameson

NICKNAME — idk if she has many nicknames altho.... rod exclusively calls her banana..... some call her lana banana n her teacher as a kid wld call her lala land bc she ws always nt focusing..... bt mostly ppl call her lana......... she “dated” a loser tht wld exclusively call her sugar nips bt >_> i can’t let tht count i simply can’t..... i’ll throw up.

D.O.B. — june 2nd 1998

LINK TO THEIR PINTEREST BOARD OR TAG ON YOUR BLOG — tag n pinterest

STAR SIGN / MOON & RISING — gemini / virgo / pisces

MBTI — ESFP (the entertainer)

MORAL ALIGNMENT — chaotic good

MARITAL STATUS & SEXUALITY — single n bisexual

LANGUAGES — english

TALENTS / HOBBIES — dancing, origami (doesn’t rly publicise tht), rollerskating, cheer (altho i think she’s prob given tht up nw she’s working), humming ALL the time, collecting records, shopping, partying ig bc she does it 24/7

TOP 5 MUSICIANS —  the velvet underground, wild cherry, the rolling stones, donna summer n robyn

FAVOURITE BOOK — isn’t rly a big reader....... she read mre when she ws younger bt she’d find it difficult to concentrate n nt lose her place on a page...... she mostly liked picture books i think her fav as a kid wldv been one of those big illustrated encyclopedias of fairies

FAVOURITE FILM & TV SHOW — she likes musicals like cabaret n rocketman n moulin rouge bt then also coraline n moonrise kingdom n twilight n my neighbour totoro..... i think she likes anything thts rly pretty n interesting to look at. lovs sex n the city fr tv probably gossip girl.... vampire diaries :/ lots of trashy stuff.... also broad city

FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME — she doesn’t rly play games bt she does luv the princess peach game fr the nds

WHAT DID THEY DO THIS PAST SUMMER? — she usually jets off to like 5742759742 countries bt i think except fr visiting caleb montgomery (shout out 2 alli lov u) in paris fr a handful of days one week she stayed local n worked at the burlesque club n jst hd a sexy time in lovell going wild.............. living the vida loca................

WHERE HAVE THEY TRAVELLED? — god. literally sm places i cldnt even name them all.......... spits on the floor.......... me in a riot club vc: i am SICK to DEATH of RICH PPL! (new way sexier version)

DO THEY TAKE ANY PRESCRIPTIONS? — she’s been prescribed like 985729574 diff things fr adhd over the yrs bt she nvr rly tkes them ://// she hd a bad experience w one where it mde her feel kind of lethargic n sad n since she jst.... amasses them in her bedside cabinet instead of taking them.

DO THEY HAVE ANY DIAGNOSIS’S? — adhd n when she attended a few sessions of therapy her therapist quickly recognised she hd ptsd n lots of.... unexplored trauma :/ sighs.... 

FICTIONAL CHARACTER THEY ARE MOST LIKE? — penny lane, molly gunn, alabama worley, satine (moulin rouge).... also reminds me of edie sedgwick (factory girl) n linda lovelace (lovelace) bt they’re technically real so 🤷

ARE THEY EMPLOYED? WHERE DO THEY WORK? — at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!! she’s a 💃

WERE THEY POPULAR IN HIGH SCHOOL? — ya lana jst...... was friends w n slept w everyone bt she ws kind of like marmite like u love or u hate her....... bc of hw promiscuous/wild she ws n whether ppl agreed w tht or not.... mostly loved tho i wnt lie

DO THEY DO DRUGS? ya she’ll honestly jst.... tke whatever someone gives her she’s very ://// impressionable n up fr anything

DRINK? — ya way..... way too mch n often

SMOKE CIGARETTES? — non merci!

SMOKE WEED? — again ya bt usually jst if ppl offer she doesn’t buy fr herself

WHERE WERE THEY BORN? WHERE DID THEY GROW UP? — her mum went into labour bkstage at a rock concert in nyc bt her family home is in albany n she grew up sort of like.... between there n nyc n LA bc her dad’s company hd studios dwn there

DO THEY PLAN TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL? — no

WHAT ARE THEIR PLANS POST-GRADUATION? — lana doesn’t believe in plans. prefers spontaneous. deciding things on whims

PARENTS NAMES — richard n victoria (rich n vic)

DO THEY HAVE SIBLINGS? NAMES & AGES? — caleb jameson!!!! holds his severely depressed hand. he’s 25 or mayb 26 now?? much to contemplate.

DO THEY HAVE PETS? TYPES & NAMES? — no pets lana’s so forgetful n irresponsible she’d completely blank on feeding it n get rly sad when she realised so it’s jst.... best nt to...... even tho she does Love animals

ARE THEY RELIGIOUS? WHAT IS THEIR RELIGION IF SO? — no altho she does tlk to her brother’s best friend tommy in her dreams n in some ways tht feels kind of religious like he’s....... still here w her trying to keep her safe in some way....... she wld nvr say tht bt she likes to think so

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE THEY SLEPT WITH? — god i genuinely cld Not even estimate.... it’s easily in the hundreds...... she hs ://// a problem

WHAT VEHICLE DO THEY DRIVE? IF THEY DON’T DRIVE, HOW DO THEY TRAVEL AROUND TOWN? — if she ws gna get a car it’d b a pastel convertible cadillac she’s obsessed w them she thinks they’re the coolest car.... bt she’s an awful driver. honestly she typically gets driven around everywhere by ppl..... or ubers

DESCRIBE THEIR FASHION — luvs red so a lot of tht bt honestly jst a lot of colour in general altho mainly warm tones...... penny lane style jackets, pastel faux fur coats, lots of slip dresses, corduroy flares, crochet tops, skimpy sequin halters, lots of sheer, glitter, red cowboy boots, go-go boots, any form of seventies platform, jst like.... lots of statement pieces.... LOTS of strange sunglasses elton john style..... sometimes jst randomly accessorises w stickers on random body parts...... doesn’t believe in being overdressed jst wears whtever she wants whenever she wants

DO THEY PREFER TO BE BEHIND THE CAMERA OR IN FRONT OF IT? — in front

DO THEY BELIEVE ANY OF THE STORIES ABOUT RADCLIFFE? WHICH ONES? — no lana prefers to mke up her own like she hs this whole one abt the trees where she thinks they hv souls in them n mkes up stories fr the diff lives the trees lived......... hers r nvr rly tht scary just fun n whimsical.....

DO THEY THINK THE MOTHMAN IS HOT? — yes

A QUOTE THAT DESCRIBES THEM —  “She would be half a planet away, floating in a turquoise sea, dancing by moonlight to flamenco guitar.”

A SONG THAT THEY WOULD RELATE TO — disco biscuit love by the jezabels ://////

[reigensarataka]

yknow there were probs some good kl moments this season but we were all too zoned out with the rest of the shitshow. did lances sword appear? probably dont ask the vld fandom we were traumatised

HSKDNKDJSJ tbh i think i got some asks on the day the season dropped abt a few lowkey kl moments… i cldnt answer bcs of post limit but here r some i rmmbr:- when lance nd veronica crashed in that vehicle nd when we see lance gain consciousness again keith shouts his name twice with despair in his tone- hmmm i think when they were trapped by sendak keith called lances name first or smthn i dont rly rmmbr rhdjss- lance guiding keith thru those tunnels during that mission to save hunks family and saying things like ‘i got u keith’ and keith trusting lance 100%

[weather-phenomenon]

got so confused for this exam i thoroughly prepared for bc like it just did not make sense i cld not understand like who i was to be bc we had to write a cv + cover letter based on an ad n so it was like basically creating false info which isnt hard per se but it had to align with what the job vacancy required n i just cldnt fucking figure out what my native lang was supposed to be even the year of the ad wasnt the current year n i just god so tht just triggered a mood walked out the exam feeling so like whatever forevr form of hopeless then suddenly on the bus hit with sudden wave of violent depressed thoughts literally sitting in the bus while my edgelord brain does what it does best n the other part of my brain is looking on behind a trapped glass shouting what's wrong what do you need why are you angry why are you sad literally what's the matter calm down n then the other part of me is observing these parts n narrating it all n it was like yh lmao

[jadeninja12a]

Uk this feeling uk it's paining u say ouch but actually u dont feel physical pain sometimes the pain might even feel good the only reason ur not hurting urself is yr subconscious. But why my body feels the pain and restricts itself but my brain is not like yday i got kicked in the balls by mistake while playing football I fell down I cldnt move I inititially shouted but my brain is calm and like that's not even paining bro i couldnt get up for a few min nor move freely cuz my body was feeling pain but my brain was perfectly alright

And it's only happening for the past 2 weeks

Is it becuz physical pain is ntg compared to mental pain 🥲🤣

[returnofdedsec]

I would hate to be a popular dr*g*n *g* blog imagine every 2nd ask being about cullen or the fiction racism or the chantry. Cldnt be me. Shout out to the troops

[nrashknz]

2019

back here again and i feel like letting it out here cause maybe atleast i feel abit ease when i let it out here? so here it goes, bismillah. 19 yrs living, never have i ever experience this. last yr, i’ve lost my very own bestfriend. 8 yrs growing up in the same sport, a sport that we both have so much passion in it, also a sport that we went through hardships tgt and much more. all those mixed emotions started when i received a text in the morning from irbah before going out to watch her psk’19 final match against kak wani. “farz dah meninggal, astaghfirullah 😭” — i cldnt react to it bcs nope, how cld it be her? out of all person. not even a tears drop until farhanah, arwah farz’s sister dm-ed me and told me abt it then i started to believe. alot of my silat friends started to dm me, asking for a confirmation and also told me to stay strong. i was standing while reading all the dms, then i started to shed tears and sit back on my bed. only god knows how i felt the moment i sit back. i frozed. so much questions were on my mind and i cld even imagine how it happen. i cldnt miss irbah’s fight, i still decided to come and watch. wtv happened, i will always be there for her even up till now. i will try. not gonna lie, thruout the journey from north to east, i cldnt even stop thinking abt it. tried holding my tears. the moment i entered the hall, asrul was the first person who saw me and told me to stay strong and thats when i shed tears back but i managed to control. Saw Irbah and i went to her, sat beside her and had a short convo. Told her this — “aku tk percaya dia dh tkde.” and she replied the same too. it was too devastating. we cldnt even react to anything and all i did was laying on her shoulders. Watched her match and it was supposingly her win but stupid and bloody bias juris just had to lose her game. a week before arwah farz’s passing, she just lost her dad in the morning when she was on a overseas comp and its that morning itself she have a match. she returned home on that morning itself. i cldnt even imagine being in her shoes and a week later, farz’s passing. she wanted that win for her dad and for farz too but that’s just disappointing cause it was rlly her win. cldnt be with her aft her match cause her sisters went out with her aft her match and she told me that she let everything out to her sisters. i cldnt miss kak azza’s match bcs i promised her that i wld come down and watch. i wanted to be there for her all the time but i only managed to watch from round 2 till the last round. even when im watching, my mind cldnt stop thinking abt it even for awhile. To kak azza, sorry if i cldnt be myself on that day. i cldnt even speak so much. Cik Min, my team manager, tapped my back when i was watching kak azza’s match and hugged me tightly. i rlly dont want to shed so much tears on that day but those ppl that approached me and told me to stay strong is just....😔 then ariqah tapped me again when i was watching one of the matches. Saw her smiling, with tears rolling down, trying her best not to pull her sad face and i didnt say a word, hugged her and shed tears back. Cried so much on that day and its during a competition period even if i didnt compete. the pain, the sadness, everything in one, i cldnt believe i went through all that. i used to wonder how does it feels like losing my own bestfriend but i’ve never thought that the phase wld be this painful and hard for me. how wld it possible for me to lose someone who i wanted to keep forever? someone who wld create a rainbow after a storm? you’re a heartwarming and a cheerful girl. no one shld ever hurt you. you deserve all the happiness in this world. you rlly have the most sweetest smile and the most cutest laugh ever. its sad to say that i wldnt be able to see all of that. whats even more worst? your presence, i wldnt be able to see you anymore and it breaks my heart. i wldnt be able to see you standing outside of the arena cheering for me, shouting — “tojang kau mana!” “shikin keras lagi oi!!” “baik mcm gitu!!” & also seeing you all hype up to watch my fights —

[maniacalove]

Near syncope episode on 6 July 2019, which started at unknown time around 1645 hrs to 1715 hrs.

---

Don't quite remember when or how it really started, but what I do remember is that I was trying to place the shower head back onto the holder when I started to black out and lose my vision (either that, or the other way around). Dont know if it mattered, but it was D1 of period and I've had a really tough pooping session before my shower where I had to exert a lot of force to get those crap out. 💩 The shower I had was a warm shower, with the heater turned on.

So sensing something amiss, I immediately went to the toilet bowl and sat there to 'rest', hoping that it'd get better. But nope, my vision didn't recover much and I still felt extremely uncomfortable and weak (but I cldnt recall what exactly was that uncomfortable feeling though). Forced myself to get dressed before dragging myself out the bathroom, so that someone at home would spot me.

Sat outside the toilet for an unknown period of time because I had no strength to move or call for someone. Plus noise level at home was slightly high at that point because my mom was vacuuming the house. My hair was dripping wet, and also uncomfortable with all the humidity from the shower and my own sweat by then. Dragged myself further out so that I could get to an area with a fan to rest some more. I have no idea how much time has passed but it felt like a long time where I didn't seem to get any better. I had no strength to speak or pick up anything. I had my mom pass me paracetamol but I didn't even have strength to break the blister foil packaging to get the pill out.

After the paracetamol, I gathered a bit of strength to scramble 3 extremely short lines of text (considering how much has happened) to inform that I wouldn't be able to head to work and why.

By now, my brother is out of his room and so he has attempted to call for non-emergency ambulance. (but they need 20-30mins before they arrive, so I said, forget it, it's probably faster for me to get a cab down on my own?)

They supported me to my room where my bro took my blood pressure. It was 83/53. I've returned all my science knowledge to the lecturers but my bro said that it's too low and severe enough to be deemed an emergency. And so he called for an ambulance. AB came, took some readings (heart, glucose and blood pressure) and said that they could either 1) convey me, 2) I could rest and monitor, 3) or I could head to my neighbourhood doctor for check. Since I have to get an MC for absence at work, off I went to the clinic, where the doctor advised that it's best I head to A&E for a check to run some blood test (and brain scan if doctors there think it's necessary). 😖

So yep, that was why I was on bed with that cannula at A&E. Blood pressure was still low and the first doctor who saw me initially told me I needed drips. I felt quite bummed when I heard that cos that probably meant I need to stay there for quite a while? But in the end, no drips needed. Phew. Extremely thankful to that doctor too (idk his name!! 😞) because he helped put me at ease with the way he talks and and listens and handles patient too. (had a super lol-paiseh-self-conscious moment but then he helped made it not awkward for me. 😆) but actually very thankful to the entire team of doctors that night cos they were all really nice.

There was a patient opposite me that night (accompanied by Police) who kept demanding for food even though they've alrdy told him that he can't eat until all his checks have been completed. He kept shouting and calling out for them yet not a single doctor or nurse ever once lost their patience on him. Haha it was quite an interesting and funny sight actually (and that one savage reply from the doctor when that patient tried to threaten him with "when you die you will see God" when he insisted that he cannot give him food was too hilarious). And next to me was a very cute ah ma who asked for 帅哥医生 when another doctor came to her. 😂 Oh dear.

I had my own mini internal drama moment too when suddenly a team of doctors came over to talk to me. Ya know how intimidating it looks to have a team of doctor come up to you? Haha, at first they said that my lymph nodes ard the neck area seems swollen. After feeling it and then asking me to swallow my saliva and checking for pain, they don't think it's a cause for concern. So phew. 🙏🏻😔

Was finally allowed to go home at around 1.20am or so after about 3 over hours at the A&E. 😴😴😴

[drummingz]

JGJAJJJT U KNO HOW I MADE A POST A WHILE AGO WHERE I SWORE CHOWDER SHOUTED “SCOOBY DOOBY DOO” BUT I CLDNT FIND TH EPISODE IT WS FROM SO I FIGURED I JST IMAGINED IT????

I FOUND IT

[ramuoto]

BTS - no im not an ARMY

hahaha i think ive well transcended the age of “fangirl-ing” and all. but i’d still like to give a shout-out to talent where it’s due.

and i know i know, jung kook’s cover of “We don’t talk anymore” is what catapulted him to international fame but “Fools”, this cover was the game-changer for me. Jung Kook’s voice is super nice! It isn’t distinct (yikes) but it’s like the “ideal” tenor voice. Not too screechy, not too nasal... And I must say, RM and V have one of the nicest low voices I’ve heard, and they can sing!

And I’ve gone on to re-watching “Not Today” like countless times a day and putting “Spring Day” on repeat and even tried singing to “Save Me” in the karaoke (and i was literally “save me” cos i cldnt read the hangul tanks) HAHAA.

But mmm, I think this is all I like from them. They’re good. And the songs I highlighted are REALLY GOOD.

maybe, just maybe, im a little sad i’ll be missing their perf at Music Bank. But ugh, come on, the ticket prices is like...