#and sorry but it’s happening because im on antibiotics or something deal with it

[bibiana112]

I too wish that the medical hack that made me grow up in a purgatory like state of existence would rot in prison Akane was so real for this

[mageofminge]

where i've been the past few months

just wanna say sorry i haven't been posting as much, for the past few months i've basically been dealing with at least 2 separate health conditions at a time and no matter how much i try i can never seem to get well again. its honestly just been taking a massive toll on my mental health and i haven't been able to do much other than get by on a daily basis.

i'm also just rlly angry rn bc i was always healthy before but my body's just been completely worn out from both studying and uni stress, as well as living in halls so grim people would regularly get food poisoning from the kitchens and not being able to afford to eat out. i just hate the people that made the kitchen grim by not knowing basic food hygiene, then refused to listen when i tried to explain that hey, you can't put raw meat on top of other people's vegetables, even if it is in packaging because, crazy idea, that packaging can in fact break causing raw meat juice to spill all over the veggies.

there's also the element of religion stuff in the sense that, there was this rlly holy day in my religion, but bc of the rest of my family not being particularly religious or almost wanting me to not be religious so they can hate on me, i didn't know it was the holy day until afterwards. and i uh. did something that was. a massive no-no. on the literal holiest day. in my religion. and then that combined with. all the health issues only happening after that. basically my brain is always now blaming me for causing those health issues by being reckless and doing a big nono. rather than double checking online bc i had heard it was the following day and so assumed that night was safe. and again this is completely illogical but because the timing lines up so well it keeps popping back in my head that i wouldn't be so sickly if i had observed that holy day properly.

oh and also finally i've been struggling with the public healthcare system a lot bc everyone ive seen has either refused fully comprehensive testing or just refused to test me at all (i assume to save money). only to waste more money by playing guesswork and prescribing me antibiotics i don't need (the antibiotic in question being FLUCLOXACILLIN for STAPH, which has A HIGH RATE OF ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE, caused by using them when not needed). oh and again waste money by me having to constantly come in for follow ups and follow ups because the one stool test they decided to run came back negative so why are you still ill.

and also throughout this whole illness my family has been pretty horrible. whenever i need to do smth bc im ill they always act like im a spoilt brat who's being a massive pain. as though them being mildly inconvenienced by my illness is a grave sin. like one time i got rlly bad food poisoning and had to throw up multiple times over the span of an hour. and then also had diarrhea that was so severe it was like i was shitting literal water. this was on holiday at like 3-4am. and then at like 8 after i had gone back to sleep for the time and woken up my family were all yelling at me telling me to be considerate and not be so loud at 3-4am. knowing. i had just. vomitted and shat my guts out. from food poisoning.

and with all that combined being ill just generally sucks. like the only person who actually is considerate and takes care of me is my bf. who ive tried to stay with as much as possible but its incredibly difficult bc my parents also randomly decide to have severe abandonment issues and act like im leaving a gaping hole in their lives every time im not at home. but then treat me like they strongly dislike me and im a massive inconvenience when i am home.

so yeah basically these past few months have just been me cosplaying as a sickly victorian child asking to be taken out to the garden one last time before the consumption sets in.

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

sorry once again for the very late update, teddy has been requiring quite literally every second of my time right now but i can write when hes napping

teddy is home again, and he's really messed up on his meds. he's now also taking lorazepam on top of his antibiotics and gabapentin, coupled with another bout of sedation he's extremely high right now. i was not told taking these two would increase side effects like dizziness, drowsiness, confusion ect he's completely fucked up right now. they also didnt tell me the side effects of this new med, one being vocalization which is horrible to hear esp when you dont know why its happening, the only way to stop him meowing sometimes is to hold him like a baby and sing as i walk up and down the hall. i had to literally google all these side effects and interactions myself

he is drinking lots, eating lots but he has not peed yet again. im trying to stay so positive right now, maybe its because he's so fucked up on meds, maybe he just needs some time, i have no idea. hes trying, not straining, but nothings coming out yet, he did poop however so in theory he does have control over his muscles enough back there which should mean he can pee, and yet...

im so exhausted, but im also EXTREMELY pissed off now. i am done with this vet, i never even got a call today for reassurance until late, i had to call three times to ask about him and was only able to get small updates from the other staff bc the vet was in surgeries, understandable of course surgeries are top priority, but he or one of the staff could've at least called in the am like i was expecting. i didn't receive a call until 4:30 as i was walking out the door to go there

they removed the catheter before calling me, i said i would've liked to keep it in for as long as possible yesterday but it was in for less than 24 hours again (first time it was in for less than 12) and they didn't check if he could go on his own afterwards afaik. it seemed like they were just shrugging me off, i had to ask all the questions that really should've been explained by them first I had to be the one to even ask if this new medication could even be TAKEN with his other ones. i had to ask if he was given his meds this morning (he wasnt last night because 'he was still very groggy from the anaesthesia' which im sure is code for 'place is closed time to go home' i hope his pain medication stayed in his system enough to last overnight) something didnt feel right yesterday when i stood my ground to them, it really feels like the vet wants to wipe his hands clean and move on like he knew i wouldnt be giving them more money for surprise additions (which mind you, the new medication was a surprise and never spoken about. his first dose of it was at 9am, they had ample time to call me beforehand and explain he would be taking it)

when the vet finally called he also mentioned randomly that he has a minor heart murmur likely from birth, except i know for a fact he's never had one he's been checked over multiple times since birth and has always had a super clean bill of health. i asked if it could be caused by the blockage but he said its unrelated and then said he wanted to xray or ultrasound to check right then and it would be 850-900+$ with adding on a bunch of words as if to scare me. of course i dont want my boy to be ill but all this happening and knowing that im already struggling to pay just feels like a way to milk more money from me. of course a check would need to be done but i would've appreciated an 'in the future we will want to check this' and not 'he can collapse' when im already dealing with teddy being on deaths door. not to mention having him be sedated again i can't imagine being good at all for him. the way it was gone about feels wrong and i was a wreck until i talked to my mom about it and she reassured me. scouring studies i did in fact find its relatively common for murmurs to happen with acute urinary blockage in cats, so saying it was absolutely unrelated further adds to my mistrust. to add on even more, i also know for a fact ultrasounds for cats are nowhere NEAR 900 dollars

i don't know how teddy is going to hold up tonight, he's not all there from the drugs and hes not peeing. im so broken im numb, but im angry now. im going to do the absolute best i can for him, im calling around other vets tomorrow to see what can be done, im going to get second opinions and ask if what this vet did was as wrong as i think it is. i am preparing for the worst but working hard for the best and i am never going back to that place, they've taken thousands of dollars from us in the last two years with most of it from just this weekend and for what? just to be pushed aside?

please everyone keep teddy in your thoughts and hope he can somehow recover from this, hope he can make it through the night and finally pee, he can pee on whatever he wants i dont even care i just want him back to normal

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[we-work-hard]

Antibiotics be making me dream weird shit - last night I followed Marty Scurll (sp??! Idk) around my shit tier tiny town trying to get a hug and then watched a show on the wwe network where AJ, Jason Jordan, Samoa Joe and Adam Cole had to complete a series of obstacles while wearing black dance belts and nothing else and why can’t real life be like the dream world is what I’m saying

[kamilah-the-bloodqueen]

Mafia (Part VI/I think it’s going to be 10)

Notes: ONE THE FIRST NOTE IM GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR THIS PART OF THE SERIES AND IM SORRY!!! I honestly don’t think this chapter was great, but I’m hoping part VII will compensate because I had an idea of where I should take this fic while avoiding Stockholm syndrome. I’m definitely feeling the struggle of writing a coherent fic with this series, but it’s always good to get out of your comfort zone right? *laugh* Anyways so I’ve never written a 2 point perspective fic before so that was also new so like tell me what you think because I deadass need feedback because I love writing and I always want to put out content people are going to enjoy. I think I’m going to stick to one shots  with fluff and smut after this though! 

Pairing: Kamilah x MC (Amy Johnson)

Warnings: Violence, Language 

Tags: @mrskamilxh @slytherinthoughts7 @made-me-deep-blue @scarlet-letter-a0114 @uselesslesbianfr @kamilah-sayeed-let-me-love-you (if you want to be tagged comment because a chapter of Mafia II that I deleted got around and people asked but I never saw it so I never knew 😬)

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V

----FBI Hideout----

“You’re alive!” Jackson guided Amy to an office, pulling out a seat for her to rest in before opening a first aid kit. “Damn, I’m sorry Amy. We-we were supposed to keep you safe..” Jackson reached for her wrist, Amy let out a whimper at the contact. 

“It’s okay Jackson, sometimes that happens,” Amy closed her eyes and Jackson applied the antibiotic ointment, “and it wasn’t your fault.” Amy watched Jackson’s deft hands wrap her wrists, his grip firm but soft. Their eyes met, Amy’s heart fluttered, his brown eyes slightly lighter than Kamilahs. Jackson reached out to cup Amy's face as she leaned into the contact, disregarding the throbbing of her bruises. 

“Who did this to your perfect face?” Jackson snarled, his eyes hardened. His hands were soft, gentle and warm, Amy closed her eyes.

“Kamilah.”

“She-she didn’t kill you?” Jackson let out a gasp, drawing his hand away.

“No,” Amy sighed again, reminiscing on the memories as their hostage, “she was planning on ransoming me for information or something.”

“Well, that won’t happen.” Jackson pulled Amy into a gentle hug, she leaned into him. His strong arms gave her a sense of peace, of safety. 

“Amy? Jackson? You guys all right?” Leo’s voice rang out, before the door creaked open. He stepped into the room, a regretful look on his face. “Amy-I, apologize. We-I don’t believe I prepared you enough before sending you back out there.” Leo bowed his head, an apologetic look on his face. 

“Don’t worry Leo, they didn’t kill me.” Amy laughed, followed by Jackson’s eye roll. 

“Well, I don’t know if you want to go back out there after her, we can certainly find someone else-” 

“No. It’s my mission and I’m going to finish it.” Amy huffed, crossing her arms and legs. 

“Amy!” Jackson cut in, Amy brushing him off with the wave of her hand.

“I know their tricks, if anyone can hunt them down, it’s me. It has to be me Leo, this is what I’ve been trained for.” Amy stood up, her eyes flaring with determination.

----A dark alleyway----

“Fucking hell.” Kamilah huffed, poking her head out of the alley to scan the surrounding area. She was angry, infuriated. Not only had the mafia lost control of a major boatyard, they’d also lost an upper hand over the law, they’d lost Amy. 

“So what? She got away, it’s not a big deal-” Darius nearly choked as Kamilah threw part of a brick at him.

“We lost a hostage Darius.” Kamilah huffed, drawing her handgun, “we lost the boatyard. We lost Amy, and now the law is upon us.” She concealed her gun, before moving her hand for the rest to follow. 

Kamilah moves swiftly, silently and with precision. She knew the streets of NYC like the back of her hand, leading her men to an old abandoned base. 

“So was it a rat?” Darius hesitated, stepping back out of Kamilahs arm range. Kamilah huffed in frustration, setting her equipment on a crumbly table. Her eyes flared, her jaw clenched as she shook with fury. 

“I had one job. I-“ Kamilah sighed, recomposing herself. “We have work to do. Amy is a loose end for us... I’ll see that it gets cut off.” Kamilah gestured for the men to settle in and begin preparation. 

—— 2 days later ——

“So you figured it out Amy?” Jackson appeared at Amy’s side, his perfect brown hair shining in the light. 

“Yes Jackson I know what I’m doing.” Amy huffed, reminiscing on the few moments with Kamilah that gave her a new perspective of the Mafia. 

“And?” Jackson crossed his arms, pointing to the map of NYC. “Can you draw her out?” 

Amy felt her gut turn at the thought. She didn’t want to kill Kamilah, and if she could keep her alive she would. It was a complicated situation and she’d be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t contemplated quitting her job as a detective. 

“Yes.” Amy stood there quietly, praying Jackson hadn’t been smart enough to read body language. 

“You don’t want to kill her do you?” He hesitated, Amy turned to gaze into his deep brown eyes. “Amy I’m-I’m not going to incriminate you if you don’t want to kill her.” He faltered, gazing towards the ground. 

“Jackson you know I don’t, I wouldn’t want to kill anyone-.” Amy felt her face flush at the thought of Kamilah. “I don’t like killing people, I don’t like hurting them. It seems unnecessary.”

“I know that but-“ His smile fell, and his eyes lost some of their spark. “The-the way you talk about her...it’s-different from any other target you’ve had to pursue. Might I ask why?” 

“No. Sorry Jackson.”

“It’s okay. Well, we should get back to it.” He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Amy with her thoughts and memories. Amy felt her eyes well up at the thought of having to kill, or arrest Kamilah. Amy contemplated how she could draw Kamilah out in a way that wouldn’t immediately get her killed. 

“Keeping you a secret” Amy let out a gasp, her eyes widening at her idea, she glanced down at the map of New York. She moved out of the hideout, she walked quickly, knowing exactly where she had to go and what she had to do to keep Kamilah alive. 

---Abandoned Base----

“So we have to kill her, can’t we just shoot her?” Darius huffed, Kamilah standing up and nearly choking him.

“No.” 

“Why not? She’s a loose-end like you sai-” In a flash Kamilah had Darius against the wall, handgun held against his stomach. 

“There’s other ways to deal with loose ends.” Kamilah withdrew her gun, her eyes still hardened. 

“Oh I see. You liked her didn’t you?” Darius smirked, crossing his arms in victory. “You liked her, you like her, so you refuse to kill her.” Kamilah looked away, a feeling of weakness growing in her stomach. “Who would’ve thought that the toughest Mafia arms dealer would’ve fallen for a detective who wants nothing more but to see you dead. But I was in love once too, Kamilah, so I will help you, even hardasses like ourselves deserve something right?”

“Perhaps, but let’s stay focused. Obviously this was a setup but I doubt the FBI was smart enough to realize we wanted control of that boatyard. If there’s a rat we need to cut it off before anyone gets killed.” Kamilah composed herself, the image of Amy sleeping soundly replaying in her mind. Kamilah walked out of the hideout for a quick breath of air, contemplating her decisions in the past few days. 

“How’d we end up like this…” She let out a sigh, taking in the cool, crisp air of New York. 

“I don’t know but I can assure you it’s one for the storybooks.” Kamilah turned and met Amy’s familiar eyes, she let out a sigh before shaking her head and drawing her handgun. 

“How did you find us? It’s been two days.” Kamilah took a half-step forward, her heart racing. 

“It wasn’t hard. We caught the mafia here once and it was the closest hideout from the boatyard.” Amy leaned against the wall of the hideout, unphased by the gun being held towards her. “I’m not here to kill you, if that’s what you think I’m going to do.” 

“Well what are you here for then?” Kamilah lowered her gun, her eyes meeting Amy’s. 

“A proposition.” 

[thewalkingdead-fan101]

In This Hell Daryl Dixon X Reader Part 4/??

Hey Guys! Part 4 is here! I really hope that you guys enjoy it! I also apologise if something isn't written correctly. :) Warnings- General Walking dead warnings, Blood, Gore, Swearing.

Opening my eyes, I sit up uncomfortably as I stretch. 
Last night, the group had a restless nights sleep… well more so than usual.
Daryl left in the middle of the night, to look for Sophia, and still hasn’t come back. Carol was up all night crying… 
Not that I blame her, Her daughter is missing.
"Morning." "Morning Carol." I smiled softly. "Where's Daryl?" She asked watching the door behind me. "He left last night, and went looking, still hasn't come back that I know of.” "Oh.. My, I am so sorry." "Don't be.. He is a grown man, he can handle himself." "I really do appreciate this." "I know that if it was my child out there you'd help to find them." She softly smiled nodding, then hugged me. "I'll see what's going on." I smiled and walked out.
I look out and seen Daryl, leaning against the traffic barrier, exhaling smoke.
 We locked eyes from across the car wrecks.
“At least he is okay.” I said under my breath.
I walked over to where the everyone was gathering supplies for their search party.
“Morning Glenn." I smiled, walking past. "Everyone. Come here." We all walked towards where Rick was. He unfolded an arsenal on the hood of a car. "Everybody takes a weapon." "These aren't the kind of weapons we need. What about the guns?" Andrea asked, "We've been over that. Daryl, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles." My brother answered "It's not the trees I'm worried about." "Say somebody fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it." Shane said. "The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek... It's her only landmark." Daryl said. "Stay quiet, stay sharp. Keep space between you, but always stay within sight of each other." "Everybody assemble your packs." Shane announced. They better not think that I'm staying here. "Shane" I ran after him. "Yeah?" He asked.
 Before I got the chance to say anything, arms wrapped around me and started to carry me away. I didn't scream because Shane was laughing as soon as it happened, so it wasn't a walker. I was put down away from everyone. "How-" My back was pushed against a car, and his lips crashed to mine.. I bit his lip, not hard but not soft. "What was that for?!" "For not letting me know that you were okay…” I said sweetly. “Ya don’t need to worry about me.”
“I do though… I worry about you.” "I'll see ya later." He said softly kissing my neck. "Huh?" "You're gonna be staying here while we look for Sophia." He continued. I rolled my head back. "Okay… I will see you when you get back.” I closed my eyes and the sensation stopped. My eyes shot open to see Daryl, running towards the group. I scoffed when realisation hit me. He hit me where I was most vulnerable… I smirked, that asshole. I walked back to the RV. "Why are you so happy?" "That man... Deserves an award for that." We looked at each other and laughed. "Where's Dale?" We both got up and looked atop the RV. "Ain't you supposed to be fixing that radiator? What if they come back with Sophia and Rick wants to move on right away?" "I had it fixed yesterday." "What? What was all that rubbing and sanding for then? That just bullshit?" "Yeah, that's one word, another word would be pantomime. Just for show… No one else needs the know that." "Pantomime…” T-dog sighed. "If the others know we're mobile-" "They'd just want to go." I answered. "So you don't think they're gonna find Sophia, that it?" "I'm just guarding against the worst. Sooner or later, if she isn't found, people will start doing the math. I want to hold off the needs-of-the-many-versus-the-needs-of-the-few arguments as long as I can." "That's one tricky hose, huh?" "Very." Dale smiled. "Look I'm going to look around for a bit, is there anything I need to look for?" "Not at this moment. But please, please stay close." Dale said. I grabbed a duffel bag I found laying on the ground earlier, slinging it over my shoulder. "Stay safe." "Will do."
 I was walking around for almost two hours and the bag was almost full. I heard a shuffle behind me and turned quickly, only to see a rabbit run across the highway, I smiled and sighed when I heard a snarl. I looked back to see a walker coming my way I looked down and saw a stick, ducking down and picking it up I lodged it into its eye, over and over again, it's blood splattered all over my shirt, neck and face. I decided to walk back and as I arrived I over-heard Dale and T-dogs conversation. "What are we doing?" "Pulling supplies together." "No, I mean.. What are we doing? People off in the woods, they's looking for that poor girl and we're here. Why? Because they think that we're the weakest. What are you, 70?" "Sixty-four." "Uh huh. And I'm the one black guy. Realise how precarious that makes my situation?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "I'm talking about two good-old-boy cowboy sheriffs and a redneck whose brother cut off his own hand because I dropped a key.. Who in that scenario you think is gonna be first to get lynched?" "You can't be serious... Am I... Hey, am I missing something? Those Cowboys have done alright by Us. And if I'm not mistaken that redneck went out of his way to save your ass… More than once." "And don't forget about Andrea. Kills her own sister." "She was already dead." "Then wants to blow herself up. Yeah, she's all there." "She's having a tough time. What is wrong with you?" "The whole world is having a tough time. Damn, man! Open your eyes. Look where we are! Stuck in this mess here!" "Shhh." "Let's just go.. Let's just take the RV." "You've gone off the deep end." "I mean it, man. Why are we on the side of the road like live bait? Let's go, you and me and (Y/n). Let's go before they get back." "Oh, my god! You're burning up. Give me that! Come on! Here, take these. We've got to knock that fever down....where the hell are they?" "Dale, We are the weak links. An old man, a black guy and a little pregnant (Y/S/T) girl." I took a deep breath in and what was being said. 
“Nice to know what really goes on in that head of yours Theodore.. There should be some drugs in the bag." I said throwing the duffel bag at him.
 As the bag landed in front of Theodore, I noticed the two of them slowly stand up. 
“Oh, my god! Is that blood?" Dale rushed over. "Yeah. I took down a walker. It’s no big deal.” “No big-“ dale started but was interrupted by a loud scream erupted from the forest. Both Dale and I hurried to the Forrest line. All of a sudden it was quiet. After about 10 minutes of standing there waiting, I was about to walk away.
 "They're back." Dale said. "Carl's been shot." Glenn said stepping over the railing. "Shot? What do you mean shot?" "I don't know, Dale, I wasn't there. All I know is this chick rode out of nowhere like Zorro on a horse and took Lori." "And you let her?" Dale asked. I hugged Carol as she shook her head, after a few seconds she left for the RV. "Climbed down out of my asshole, man. Rick sent her, she knew Lori's Name and Carl's." Daryl said walking past, not even acknowledging that I was there. "I heard screams, was that you?" Dale asked Andrea. "She got attacked by a walker. It was a close call." "Andrea, are you alright?" She looked at him and the look on her face showed pure annoyance. "Let's go." We started to walk back when all of a sudden Daryl burst out of the RV, running towards us. Next thing i know is that I was being crushed in a hug. "You do know that if I can't breathe neither can the baby." I laughed softly. He pulled back mumbling something when he looked down. "Why are ya bloody?" I stayed silent. "Answer me." "I was attacked by a walker, and before you go and yell at them for it, I decided to look for supplies." "You are on lockdown, from now on, you ain't being alone." "Daryl, I’m not going to be a damsel in distress, or bait. Im not going to be in lock down.” "You're on lockdown! You ain't gonna be Bait and you ain't gonna be alone." “I guess that there is no point in arguing?” “Nah, there ain't. This conversation is over.” 
We both returned to the group.

“The girl on the horse, Maggie, she gave us clear instructions on how to get to the farm. We could all relocate there.” Glenn suggested.
“I won't do it. We can't just leave.” Carol defended. “Carol, the group is split. We're scattered and weak.” Dale tried reasoning. “What if she comes back and we're not here? It could happen.” She argued “If Sophia found her way back and we were gone, that would be awful.” Andrea cut in. “Okay. We got to plan for this. I say tomorrow morning is soon enough to pull up stakes. Give us a chance to rig a big sign, leave her some supplies. I'll hold here tonight, stay with the RV.” Daryl spoke. “If the RV is staying, I am too.” “Thank you. Thank you both.” Carol smiled softly at Dale and Daryl. “I’m in.” Andrea nodded. “Well, if you're all staying then I’m-“ “Not you, Glenn. You're going. Take Carol's Cherokee.” Dale argued “Me? Why is it always me?” “You have to find this farm, reconnect with our people and see what's going on. But most important, you have to get T-Dog there. This is not an option. That cut has gone from bad to worse. He has a very serious blood infection. Get him to that farm. See if they have any antibiotics, the ones that (Y/n) found won’t help for much longer. Because if not, T-Dog will die, no joke.” Dale stated. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Daryl walk over to Merle’s motorcycle. “Keep your oily rags off my brother's motorcycle. Why'd you wait till now to say anything? Got my brother's stash. Crystal, X. Don't need that. Got some kick ass painkillers. Doxycycline. Not the generic stuff neither. It's first class. Merle got the clap on occasion.” 
He tossed over a bag of assorted drugs, then pointed at me. “You, get ya stuff. You’re going with Glenn and Dog.” 
“Excuse me?”
 “You heard me.” He said walking away.

I ran after him. 
“Daryl, I want to stay, I want to be here for Carol.” 
“I don’t care what ya want.”
 “Why are you acting like this?”
 “Im already babysitting the others. Im not babysitting you too.”
 “Are you being serious? I don’t need to be babysat!” 
“You’re an easy target out here. It’s almost dark. You’re going with them.”
“Daryl-“
 “I ain’t arguing with ya. Get your shit.” He stalked off. I sighed in defeat and entered the RV, grabbing my backpack, making sure that I had the book that has become my new best friend, along the journey.
 As I exited the RV I noticed Glenn helping T-dog into the Cherokee.
Making my way towards the car, I was pulled aside and into a hug.
“Thank you. For everything.” Carol sniffled into my shoulder.
 “Hey, we’re going to find her.” I responded hugging her closer. I could feel her body softly shake against mine as she sobbed.
 “You’re so strong Carol, Sophia needs that when she comes back. She needs you at your best.” I pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheek. “I will see you again soon.” I smiled softly. “Please, Make sure you tell Lori that I’m praying for Carl.” “I will. Stay safe.” I walked over to where Glenn was talking to T-Dog and Dale.

“You’re coming?” T-dog asked. 
“I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.” I sarcastically laughed. “It may be the safest place for you. Especially in your predicament.” Andrea stated.
“In my predicament?” I scoffed “I didn’t mean to offend you.” Andrea sighed pulling me in for a small hug.
“It’s fine.” 
“I think it’s time for you guys to hit the road, while there’s still some daylight. Dont want to be taking any wrong turns.” Dale smiled. “Dale, Just remember, Backtrack to Fairburn road, the farm is two miles down. The mailbox says Greene.” Glenn stopped.
 “Fairburn, two miles down, Greene.” He nodded. “Where’s Daryl?” I asked hopeful. “Im not sure.” Dale smiled sadly.
 “Make sure you’re all safe please… Thank you.” I replied hugging him, getting into the car, behind T-dog. 
“I will.” Dale nodded. 
Glenn put the Cherokee in reverse, slowly peeling out before turning around.
As the car was turning, I spotted a pair of eyes watching, leaning against one of the trees. “Fairburn isn’t that far. Maybe 10 minutes?” Glenn spoke up, trying to fill the silence.
“Is this really a good idea? I mean we don’t even know who these people are.” I responded. 
“They seem normal. I mean why would Rick send someone to us if they were going to hurt us?”
 “Crazier things have happened.” T-dog muttered. “Come on guys, we need to be positive. They’re helping Carl. They don’t need to.” Glenn stated.
 After turning onto Fairburn Road, we continued on for the two miles. 
“Glenn. I think we missed it.”
 “What?” 
“The farm, I think we missed it…”
 “Are you sure?” He asked pulling up. “I think so? We’re looking for Greene right?” I asked. 
“Yeah.” He sighed. “How far?” 
“Not that far… I think it’s the one behind us, I’ll go check.” I went to open the door. “No. Daryl will kill me if something happens. I’ll just back up.” He smiled nervously. 
He put the car into reverse, making sure to shine the headlights onto the mailbox when it entered our view.
 “You were right… Greene.” 
“Ill get the gate. There’s no walkers around, and it looks safe to me.” I smiled, jumping out and walking toward the gate, not leaving any time to argue. 
“(Y/n)! Get back in the car! Glen whisper shouted from the driver side window. Unlatching the chain, I pushed the gate inwards and followed through. 
“Glenn, hurry up and drive in.” 
The car slowly started rolling forward, stopping a metre away from the gate.
I pushed it closed and re-latched the gate before jumping back into the car. “Lets go.” I smiled. Glenn shook his head and T-dog chuckled. We drove down the road, leading towards a beautiful farm house.
Stopping the car we all got out and walked up the front steps.
 “You okay T?” I asked looking over as he shivered, only for him to nod.
We all stopped and looked at the front door. “So do we ring the bell? I mean it looks like people live here.” Glenn looked at us. “We're past this kind of stuff, aren't we? Having to be considerate.” T-dog asked. “Did you close the gate up the road when you drove in?”
I jumped, looking over to where the voice came from, watching a young woman with short brown hair, stand up and walk toward us. “Uh, hi. Yes, we closed it. Did the latch and everything. Hello. Nice to see you again. We met before briefly.” Glenn rambled. “Look, we came to help. There anything we can do? It's not a bite. I cut myself pretty bad though.” “We'll have it looked at. I'll tell them you're here.” “We have some painkillers and antibiotics. I already gave him some. If Carl needs any…” “Come on inside. I'll make you something to eat.” She smiled at us.
We followed her inside, to see Rick and Lori standing in one of the door frames.

“Hey” Glenn patted him on the shoulder. “Hey” he returned it. “Um, we're here, okay?” Glenn nodded. “Thank you.” Lori sighed. “Whatever you need.” T-dog added, stepping aside for me. “Lori.” I pulled her in for a hug.
“(Y/n/n).” She hugged back as hard as I did.
We pulled away.
 “What are you doing here?” She asked. “I was overruled by Daryl. I wanted to make sure that you guys are okay…” I smiled softly pushing her hair out of her face. She laughed softly, her eyes rimmed red from the tears.
 “How is Carl? What’s happening?” I asked. “He was shot, the bullet, it, it broke. A fragment has caused internal bleeding. He is having seizures and its terrifying me. This man Hershel, he is going to operate... one of his group shot Carl, he is with Shane trying to find a respirator I think... I could lose my boy.” She responded tears streaming down her face.
“Oh honey.” I puled her back in for another hug.
 “You Grimes’ are strong. He will pull through. Go, be with your husband and your boy. I’ll be out here.” I smiled as she nodded. “Thank you.” She said looking at me before disappearing into the room. 
I followed the direction Glenn and T-dog went, entering a kitchen/dining area. “(Y/n), this is Maggie and this is Patricia...” Glenn introduced me. “Nice to meet you both. Thank you for your hospitality.” “You got here right in time. This couldn't go untreated much longer, ‘Merle Dixon’,  Is that your friend with the antibiotics?” Patricia asked, looking after T-dogs arm. “No, ma'am. Merle's no longer with us. Daryl gave us those, his brother.” Glenn responded. “Not sure I'd call him a friend.” T-dog muttered. “He is today. This doxycycline might have just saved your life. You know what Merle was taking it for?” She asked. “The clap. Um, venereal disease. That's what Daryl said.” Glenn nodded “I'd say Merle Dixon's clap was the best thing to ever happen to you.” She lightly joked. “I'm really trying not to think about that.” “Lighten up T.” I smiled softly, patting his shoulder.
I left the room, walking towards the front door. “Where are you going?” Glenn stood up.
“To get some air, I’m only going to the porch. I promise I’m not going far.” I smiled. He reluctantly sat back down. Taking a seat on the top step, I look out over the fields, closing my eyes, taking in the night air. Hearing gravel against wheels, I open my eyes and look up, seeing headlights making their way to the house. 
I run inside and poked my head into the room Rick and Lori was in.
“-Rick, Lori, you may want to step out.” The man I assume to be Hershel finishes. 
“I’m sorry for interrupting but they’re back.” “You stay here with him.” Hershel told Patricia.
I followed Rick and Hershel outside.
 Rick and Shane shared a hug.
 “Carl?” Shane asked “There's still a chance.” Rick responded. “Otis?” Hershel asked. “No.” Shane shook his head. “We say nothing to Patricia. Not till after. I need her.” We all nodded.
Hershel rushed inside with the bags of medical supplies. 
I looked over to my brother and hugged him, I left Shane and Rick to talk. 
Finding Lori, I sat with her and grabbed her hand, running my thumb across the back of it. “He will pull through…” I nodded.
Maggie, Glenn and T-dog has joined the living room, now waiting room. After 15 minutes Rick returns with Shane.
Waiting another 15 minutes he stood up.
“Is there anywhere I can clean up?” Shane asked. “Ill take you.” Maggie stood up, Shane following.
After an hour or so the door opened. “He seems to have stabilised.” Hershel emerged. “Oh god.” Rick breathed. “I don't have words.” Lori said huddling close to her husband. “I don't either. Wish I did. How do I tell Patricia about Otis?” “You go to Carl. I'll go with Hershel.” Rick told Lori.
Hershel and Rick left, leaving, Lori, myself and the others.
Lori looked over to me.
“Go, see your boy.” I smiled.
Glenn and T-dog were celebrating.
I smiled as they laughed, even joining them before leaving the room.

My head turned and I seen Patricia sitting at the table, where she not long ago treated T-dog.
 I could hear the muffled voices of Hershel and Rick, then the gut wrenching sound of desperate sobs throughout the house. 
My heart breaking for the woman, the woman whose husband won’t ever return.


Series Masterlist Next Part

[lokissweater]

Little Darling

Soldier!Harry Styles x Reader

Summary: Harry falls in love with the pretty nurse that takes care of him during the war.

Warnings: none my bbys :*

Authors Note: oh my god, the response i got from flower boy was insaaane y’all made me cry happy tears for dAYS LMFAO, but honestly thank you so muchhh, and im so sorry i’m been mf gONE i’ve had this and three more drafts in the works and i never got around to finishing them heheh, anyways enjoy!! and if you’ve sent me a request don’t worry i’m also working on that rn and thanks for sending it in! love u! <3

Word Count: 1,998

You had never met anyone like Harry.

“Patient 113! Patient 113!”

Nurses scurried around the small hospital, hundreds of men injured as you hurried your way to the front desk.

“I’ll take him,” You said quickly. “Bring the other ones in.”

You carefully sat him down and wheeled him across the hectic large room and to an open spot.

The side of his face was bloody, and he remained unconscious as doctors lifted his limp body onto the bed. You quickly grabbed gauzes and disinfectants, ridding of the dirt, sweat, and dried up blood off of his face.

“Patients name?” The doctor asked.

You pulled the dog tag from under his uniform and said, “Harry Styles.”

The doctor pressed a stethoscope to his heart and listened, “We have a pulse.”

He then wiped his forehead in exhaustion. “From the looks of it, he took a blow to the head and fell unconscious, but he’ll be fine.” He then hung the tool around his neck. “He’s all yours now y/n, just clean him up and call me when he wakes.”

“Yes sir.”

Then, you hadn’t thought anything of him. Just another patient you anxiously wanted to save because unfortunately the one before, couldn’t be.

But when Harry awoke, his dazed eyes drifted around the room, and once he regained his senses and actually looked at you, he didn’t hesitate to say that you were the most beautiful little thing he had ever seen.

This, of course, made you roll your eyes and blame it on the antibiotics, but he stood by his word and would even go as far as to request for you if a different nurse came to tend to him.

You had grown to love his unruly hair and sense of humor, but most of all, were his eyes. They reminded you of the trees your grandmother used to grow around her small cabin in the middle of no where, and from time to time would pick a sparkling emerald leaf to place gently in your small palm for good luck.

Now every leaf she had ever given you was stowed away in an old jewelry box inside your attic, brittle and brown. But each time you looked into Harry’s eyes, it was as if your childhood never left, as if the leaves never dried out, and as if your grandmother never died.

You spent a great deal of time taking care of him, and as soon as he recovered he took you out on a date by the river; picking small daisies to card gently behind your ear. It was sweet, his cute dimples evident as he smiled at you. The air was fresh and calm, and the sight of Harry on the grass, palms spread behind him with his head tilted back, sun adorning his features, was a sight hard to forget.

He’d always call you his little darling and made sure you were absolutely happy at all times. You were his sunshine, and it wasn’t hard for him to fall in love with you.

All of this was short lived though when you received devastating news. Harry was to be drafted again, and the area was no where near where you were at the moment, meaning if Harry got hurt you wouldn’t be able to treat him.

And if he died, you wouldn’t know until weeks after.

When he told you, you cried your eyes out while he got down on his knees, hands placed firmly on your arms.

“Little darling, hey, don’t you cry,” He wiped the tears off of your puffy cheeks with one hand and sighed. “I’ll come back to you, I promise you baby, don’t you cry.”

“Harry you could die!-”

“I won’t.” He said firmly. “You really think i’d leave you that easily sunshine? You’re gonna have to chase me to the ends of the earth to even give you a minute by yourself.”

That had made you laugh, and he wrapped his arms around you as he stood back up. “I’ll come back. I’ll write to you everyday a-and send you the very first flower I see. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You only nodded into his chest, a soft smile on your face, “I love you.”

Harry tightened his hold around you and rested his chin on top of your head.

“Tell me again,” He whispered. “I want to hear it one more time before I go.”

Harry kept his word and wrote to you as often as he could, but you still spent each and every day worrying for him and his safety. You had taken note of the increasing amount of men that came piling into the small hospital you worked at, and the injuries only seemed to worsen. You’d ask Harry what was going on in your letters, but he’d write back saying that everything was fine, and ultimately change the subject.

“Our men are dying,” One of the nurses had said to you as she patched up an unconscious soldier, “Many won’t come home.”

That made you sick to your stomach, and it didn’t help when after two years since Harry’s departure, his letters abruptly stopped coming soon after. The last one he had sent was dated a month ago, and it read:

Dear y/n,

How are you my little darling? Are you happy and well? I hope you are. I miss your pretty face.

Something tragic happened. My best mate died on field yesterday, and I have never felt such remorse in my entire life. It’s getting harder to stay alive my love, and when I saw his still body in the dirt, all I saw was red.

But I’m still alive. When I woke up this morning I saw a single daisy in the midst of gravel and mud, and it reminded me of you. You’re surrounded by horrible people and an awful environment but you remain brilliant. I’ve never met anyone like you.

If I don’t make it, just know how much I truly, deeply love you, and you’ve made me the happiest man alive. My days with you are memories I’ll never forget.

See you soon baby.

- HS

Below was a small daisy taped carefully onto the bottom of the page, and you cried looking at it once more before folding the letter back up and stuffing it in the pocket of your uniform.

“Any news?” One of the nurses said. Another sighed and shook her head.

“All radios are down. No one knows a thing.”

“Its been almost a full day,” You mumbled. “I think we’ve lost the war.”

A gloom of realization spread across the room, nurses and doctors with a defeated expression. It was silent, and everyone seemed to zone out until one of your close friends sat herself down on a chair next to you.

“Has he written?” She whispered.

“No. I’m starting to think-”

“Don’t say it,” She scooted closer to you. “He’s okay and you know it. You’re his sunshine, remember?”

You smiled sadly, “I do, but he hasn’t written in a month.”

“Maybe he can’t find paper,” She shrugged. “Or a pen.”

“Maybe he’s-”

“We won! We won the war!”

Everyone abruptly stood, chairs screeching against the tile floor. You quickly ran down the hall along with other nurses and into a different room. Others were already hunched over a small table that held a working radio.

“Our men are coming home!”

Cheers and cries filled the air, and you stood frozen as many wrapped their arms around you in joy.

Word was that the veterans were to return in a train arriving in about an hour, and you wasted no time in slipping on your jacket and running with many others to the station. You couldn’t even be bothered to remove your uniform, the love of your life was finally coming home.

Upon arrival, people were buzzing with anticipation and happiness. Personal space didn’t seem to be a thing as everyone waited for the train to pull in, and once it did, the shouting commenced.

Man after man came hopping out of the train, beaten up expressions but nonetheless with a smile on their faces, yet none of them were Harry. You stood on your tippy toes to get a better look, but you were still overrun by the people in front of you.

You couldn’t help but smile as you saw a woman with two kids clutching onto a soldier next to you, their children’s small arms wrapped around their father’s legs. You thanked your lucky stars that at least they got their happy ending, and pushed yourself through the crowd to get to the front.

It became apparent after a little while though, that you may not have gotten your happy ending. As the area dispersed and became empty, your vision blurred with tears. You couldn’t believe it, you didn’t want to believe it.

He said he’d come back, you thought.

A gust of wind blew through your hair, and you wrapped your arms tightly around yourself for comfort and for warmth. You screwed your eyes shut and tilted your head back, tear drops slipping into your hair. In the midst of feeling the warm sun caress your face, you imagined Harry calling out to you in the distance, calling you his little darling again just like he’d done many times before.

Except you hadn’t.

When you opened your eyes, a tall figure stood a couple feet away from you, and you rid your eyes from the remaining tears to see who it was.

“H-Harry?”

He smiled warmly at you, tears pricking the corner of his eyes.

When he got off the train, the sight of you standing there, wind whirling through your hair with your head tilted back; sun adorning your features and a pained expression, was a sight hard to forget.

But as he looked at you now, doe eyes wide that gleamed of hope and disbelief, the days out on field and the awful deserts meant nothing to him. The days of treterous fear, the cold nights where he felt nothing but alone, meant absolutely nothing to him.

But you, you meant everything to him.

“Hey little darling.” He said gently, fingers reaching out to touch yours. The warmth that radiated from your hand brought him back to reality and reassured him that he wasn’t dreaming.

At his words, you breathed out a laugh and threw your arms around his neck, and Harry in response scooped you up off the ground, taking note of the familiar strawberry scented shampoo you always used.

“I thought you died,” you whispered in his ear.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily baby cakes.” He said playfully, kissing your cold cheek.

You laughed and pulled your head back to look at him. He looked as handsome as you remembered, but he looked so worn out. The bags under his eyes and slow blinking clearly indicated that he was exhausted, and you smiled warmly, softly kissing his cheek.

“Let’s go home.”

Home.

What he’d been waiting for. The place he wanted to share with you, the place where he wanted to wake up and one day find the smell of pancakes and honey smothering your shared bedroom, and maybe, just maybe, with two little hands grabbing at his face to get him to wake up.

He nodded at you then, fingers laced with yours as you walked along the train station. The setting sunlight highlighted Harry’s green eyes; and they were soft, looking out into the streets ahead of you that held nothing but love yet still vigilant, and you were reminded of your grandmother once more.

“Harry?” you called suddenly.

“Yes, little darling?”

“How come you didn’t write to me these last few months?”

He smiled at you lazily and gently brushed your hair over your shoulder, running a soothing hand over your lower back.

“Couldn’t find paper, my love.” He hummed, “Or a damn pen.”

[bel0vedmendes]

An Angel Among the Angels: Part 2

Shawn Mendes X Reader

*Part one*

Word Count: 3,066

Warnings: Language, mentions of Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

Description: Y/N is working behind the scenes at the VS Fashion Show, and Shawn has his sights set on her. She can’t believe he would even look her way, considering they're literally surrounded by Angels. 

A/N: Helllllllo lovelies. I appreciate all the love I got on part 1, I hope part 2 is everything you hoped. Let me know what you think and if you want a part 3! The first part is posted on my original page ( @bel0vedbanshee). I will be posting from this account going forward. Thanks! xx

**NOT MY GIF**

We skipped over all of the awkward post first date stuff. He wasn’t one to let that happen. He was easy to talk to, and I think he felt the same about me. So that’s what we did, we talked.

Shawn was a busy boy, and I was extremely busy myself. That didn’t keep us from communicating regularly. If he wasn’t texting me, he was snapping me. If he wasn’t snapping me, he was face timing me.

“Let me see, I’m sure its not that bad.” I soothe, picking my phone up from its propped position to get a better look. Shawn takes his phone and turns the flash on, flipping the camera screen. He opens his mouth wide showing me his tonsils that he swears are swollen. I bite my bottom lip once I see that he isn’t kidding.

“See, I told you.” He rasps, flipping the camera around to selfie mode. His face being swallowed by his hoodie. I take the phone and walk to bed so that I could really pay attention to the boy through the screen. 

“Im sorry you feel like shit.” I say with a baby voice, giving him a weak smile.

“Its okay, just keep me company.” He turns in bed so that he’s laying on his side. I so desperately wish I was in the bed laying next to him. I take a deep breath and glance away from the bundle of cuteness.

“So, what are you going to do about your shows?” I ask toying with the strings on my hoodie.

“I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to see just how bad it is. Hopefully I don’t have to cancel.” He mumbles, sighing once he’s done. His face is flushed and his hair is a beautiful mess.

“I… I really hate seeing you like this.” I say quietly, mimicking the way he is laying in bed.

He smiles softly, staring at me through the phone.

“I really wish you were here, Y/N.” He whispered, his face dropping the façade he had been holding up.

I just nodded, and we laid like that for almost an hour until he fell asleep. I wasn’t used to seeing him that way. Every time we had talked or face timed before he was a completely different person. He was upbeat, and flirty. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was putting on an act for me, or if it was really him. Tonight though, that was 100 percent Shawn. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he felt comfortable enough with me to be that vulnerable. It made me wonder if there was more to our relationship than flirty phone calls, and a one night rendezvous. I really hoped it was more.

_______________________________________________________________

 The next morning, I headed into work early at the request of my boss. He needed to talk to me about something important. This was the same morning Shawn was going to see the doctor. We texted each other on our way to calm the nerves. I knew he didn’t want to hear that he needed a break, but deep down everyone knew he did. In the few weeks since we had seen each other it was flight after flight, show after show. He would never in a million years say that it was too much, so his body decided to make the decision for him.

Y/N: It’ll be fine, Shawn. If you’re sick and need to take a break the fans will understand okay?

Shawn: Nope, I’m not sick. I’m not even gonna think it.

Y/N: You couldn’t even talk on the phone. But… okay.

Shawn: Don’t sass me.

Y/N: Just saying, don’t stress okay?

Shawn: I wont if you don’t. Deal?

Y/N: I don’t know about that but okay. Ill text you when I’m out.

Shawn: Okay, Ill let you know when I hear something.

Y/N: good luck <3

Shawn: good luck Honey xx

Honey. I couldn’t help but melt when he used pet names. I got out of my car and walked into the building. Passing the receptionist, waving as she greeted me. Finally arriving to my Bosses office and tapping on the door before I stepped inside. He pulled himself away from his computer and hugged me as I walked inside closing the door behind him. I took a deep breath, that meant business. He ushered me to have a seat.

“So, Y/N, I just wanted to talk to you about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, how did it go?” He asked

“I feel like it went great! I was pretty nervous but everything went incredibly smooth!” I sung. I couldn’t help but sweat. I knew I did my job well, and I really couldn’t think of a reason I would be in trouble.

“I only heard amazing things about you!” He praised, pulling out a manila envelope from his desk.

“Good! I really enjoyed it!” I said, finally able to breathe again.

“We had so many people gushing about how amazing you were! Everyone from staff to models, even some of the performers!” He raves raising his eyebrows. My eyes instantly widen, wondering what Shawn could have said about me.

“That being said, I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to work our next show in Paris?” He asks, taking a plane ticket out of the envelope and sliding it across the table. I pick it up noticing that it’s for tomorrow and I would be gone for a week.

“Oh.. my god. Paris?! Are you serious!” I hold the ticket in shock

“You would leave tomorrow, that wont be a problem will it?” He smiles

“No! No, of course not. Thank you so much, this is incredible!” I take the ticket, and he gives me the entire envelope that includes all of the details I may need about the trip. He talks me through my roll, and what I can expect.

“Y/N, keep up the amazing work, I only expect great things from you.” He praises as he pulls me into a hug. I thank him a million more times before walking to my car in a complete daze. I feel my pocket vibrating and I gasp realizing Shawn had probably finished at the doctor. I sit down in my front seat, pressing the green button on my phone. A curly headed, rosy cheeked boy shows up through my screen. He was visibly upset.

“Hi.” He whispered, laying his head back on the seat.

“Bad news?” I question, picking up on his body language.

“Yep, I have to take a break for a while. She gave me some antibiotics though.”

“Im really sorry, Shawn.” I murmured.

“It’ll be fine, like you said, the fans will understand.” He said, forcing himself to smile. I smiled back and nodded at him.

“So uhm, since  I have some free time, I was wondering if maybe I could come see you?” he asks nervously. My mind went blank. All I wanted was to see him, but I also just told my boss I would fly to Paris for a once in a lifetime opportunity. Fuck. I was apparently quiet for too long, because Shawn instantly started to freak out and explain himself… typical.

“I just thought… you know… if you wanted to.” He stutters, his hand rubbing the back of his neck making me smile.

“I want to see you Shawn.” I smile, laughing quietly as I watch him viably relax.

“But, I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow. My boss loved how I did at the VS show and is sending me to work a show in Paris for a week.” I frowned into the phone.

“Are you kidding?! That’s awesome Y/N!” He smiled a genuine smile, making me melt into my seat.

“You’re not mad?” I ask tugging my lip between my teeth.

“Of course not, how could I be mad at you. I’m a little sad though.” He tilts his head, watching me as I put my keys into the car.

“Honestly, I'm pretty upset about it too,” I sigh, “I would really like to see you.”

Shawn just nods, with a pathetic smile on his face. I hate that I couldn’t make it work.

We finished up our updates and ended our face time. I drove back to my place and immediately started to pack. Incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety, which lead to me over packing by a long shot. I fell asleep after talking to an incredibly bored Shawn for about an hour. Shooting up in bed 4 hours later, realizing I had hit snooze a few too many times. I gathered my bags as fast as I possibly could, knowing I was inevitably forgetting something. I checked for the important stuff and rushed down to my Uber that was taking me to the Airport. Next thing I knew I was sitting in my seat, as the plane took off into the sky. I took my medicine to help me relax, and I slowly drifted to sleep. Thoughts of a curly headed boy entertaining my brain as I did.

After a long day of work, and being incredibly overwhelmed, I finally got back into my hotel room. Tossing my purse onto the ottoman in the corner of the room and collapsing onto the bed. I deep sigh escaping my body, mixed with an annoyed moan. When I was asked to work in Paris, I knew that it would be a challenge. No one does fashion like Paris does. I had confidence in myself though. After today, I was slowly starting to doubt that. My chest instantly started to tighten. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. I sat up in my bed and went to get my phone from my purse. Usually when I felt this way I called my dad for reassurance, he was pretty good at knowing what to say. Yet this time, I didn’t call my dad. I didn’t realize I was face timing Shawn until he his face appeared through  the screen. He picked up and held a finger up, signaling me to hold on. I could hear the sound of a movie and a few people talking in the background. He closes the door to what I assume is his bedroom, and gets comfortable on his bed. He stacks some pillows behind him and leans back against his headboard. Smirking into the phone.

“I was hoping you would call.” He rasps

“Are you okay to talk to me for a little bit?” I smile back, wondering if his throat felt any better.

“Yeah, Im a lot better.” He clears his throat. “Is everything okay, you seem off?” his eyebrows squishing together.

I attempt to smile, but another sigh escapes my mouth.

“What’s up, Honey?” he soothes.

“Nothing… I just. I don’t know. Today was insane. I don’t know if I can do this.” I stutter, as tears start to fill in my eyes. The look on his face becoming more serious. Sure, Shawn and I had many conversations. Up until now the conversations had been light and flirty. Or me talking to him about slowing down, and making sure we was taking care of himself. I was never the one to be vulnerable when we talked though, which is why he knew this was serious. He nodded his head as I ranted about how defeated I was after today. I told him that I was completely out of my element and the people around me were so seasoned.

“Listen Y/n, you’re amazing at your job. You know you are. Just breath and believe that.” He smiled into the phone speaking with conviction. I listened intently, hanging onto ever word he said.  

He talked about when he feels that way and what he does to overcome it. He was the perfect person to talk to about this.

“You’re right. I can do this. Its different and different can be scary, but Ill be fine.” I smiled into the phone. Glancing at the timer, realizing we had been talking for a little over an hour. I yawn into the phone, rubbing my eyes.

“Wow, its late.” I mutter

“Do you want to go to sleep?” He asks turning in bed, so that he was laying on his side. I mimic his actions.

“I mean, I should.” I giggle. “But I would rather talk to you.” I say, not quite ready to give up talking to him.

“Good. I’ve waited to talk to you all day.” He whines adorably. I silently laugh, rolling my eyes at his neediness.

“Wait, do you have people over? Do you need to go?” I asked concerned, last thing I wanted was for his friends or family to be mad at me for stealing their precious Shawn time.

“No, its just a few friends. Believe me their glad you called, I’ve been bugging them all day about whether or not I should call you.” He admits, a rosy tint instantly coating his cheeks.

“You know… you can call me whenever you want. I always wanna talk to you.” I reassure him.

“You’ll regret saying that, Im gonna annoy the shit out of you now.” He teases, with a hint of seriousness lacing his voice. I laugh at him, scoffing, telling him that I could never get annoyed by him. I laugh at him for a few minutes, as he tells me all the ways he’s going to annoy me. Our laughing starts to die down, and he folds his arm, resting his head on his hand.

“I really love hearing you laugh.” He said quietly, but confidently.

“I love that you can make me laugh, thank you for talking me down.”

He nods, “So when do you get some time off to explore?” he asks, as he gets up from his bed and walks out into his hallway.

“The day after tomorrow, I get two days off.” I say watching him move through his condo, the voices from his living room becoming louder.

“I had a really great tour guide when I was there, maybe I could get his information for you?” He asks as his friends start to appear behind him to see the girl on the other side of the screen. He shoo’s them away, and I start to laugh as they start to comment on the conversation. ‘Damnnn Shawn’, ‘I’ll be her tour guide’ , and other boyish comments being made in the background clearly being said to irritate Shawn. He shakes his head at his friends trying not to smirk, I start to laugh. I tell him that I would love to have a tour guide and he promises to send me the information.

“Okay, I’m going to bed, go hang with your boys.” I say pulling my cover up around me, smiling tiredly into the phone. He chuckles at me.

“Goodnight, Honey. You’re going to kill it tomorrow.”

“Night Shawn.” 

_______________________________________________________________

The next morning I woke up with an adorable message from Shawn once again reassuring me of my own awesomeness. I couldn’t believe I was getting attention from a boy like this, he was too perfect sometimes. He also asked me for all of my hotel information so that the tour guide could meet up with me. I told him I could figure all the details out if he gave me his number, but he insisted on sorting everything out so that I could focus on work. If I had learned anything from my few months talking to Shawn, I knew that when he insisted on something there was really no point to argue. I just agreed and told him to let me know if I needed to do anything. After that we really hadn’t talked all day, a few text here and there but he was definitely not as annoying as he had planned to be. I got to the event building and did some deep breathing before walking in and starting my task for the day.

Lunch time came around in no time, I called Shawn to tell him how much better my day was going but he didn’t answer. I figured he was probably spending time with his family and I would hopefully get to talk to him later. I finished my work for the day, and my driver came to pick me up and take me back to my hotel. On the way there I attempted to call Shawn again but it went straight to voicemail once again. I tried my hardest not to be upset, but I really only wanted to talk to him. Which got me to think about how I felt about him. Was it appropriate to feel that way about someone you’ve only met one time?  Shawn was so caring, supportive, smart, and funny. I found myself smiling at all the things that I loved about this boy’s personality. I instantly decided that even if I wasn’t sure about my feelings, I was sure that he came into my life for a reason. Whatever that reason may be, I guess we would find out.

I finally arrived back at the hotel, grabbing my purse and walking up to my room. I get inside and start to flip through the hotel’s menu for room service. Ultimately deciding that I would change into some warmer clothes and find something to eat outside the hotel, I was in Paris after all. As I was getting dressed, the hotel room phone started to ring. I walked over to it curiously and picked it up. The woman on the other end with a thick accent telling me that my tour guide was here to meet me. My eyebrows scrunched together, wondering why this tour guide was here on the wrong day. Thinking maybe the details were messed up, I told the woman to send him up. I hung up the phone, if anything maybe this guys could help me find somewhere to eat. I walked over to the door after hearing a light knock, opening it quickly.

My eyes instantly meet a pair of familiar light brown ones. His smile wide and beaming. I felt like I was hallucinating.

“Hi, I’m your tour guide. Is it okay if I’m a little early?” He says with a cheesy French accent, smiling down at me before pulling me into his arms.

_____________________________________________________________

A/n: Please let me know what you think! Part 3? Follow my new account :)

[dumb-bitches-podcast-blog]

English Transcript of “Dumb Bitches Podcast”

Introduction

(Introduction music)

All: Dumb Bitches! (children cheering)

Linor: This podcast was created as an academic project for Comics: Seeing Differently with Dr. Galvan at the University of Florida. 

Linor: I’m Linor Sevilla and I’m majoring in Psychology.

Jamie: I’m Jamie Alexander and im majoring in English and Advertising.

Erin: I’m Erin Russell and I’m majoring in English. Raisa: I’m Raisa Karim and I’m majoring in Political Sciences.

Erin: This episode revolves around Dumb, a 2018 graphic memoir written and illustrated by Georgia Webber. It explores the life of author Georgia Webber as she struggles with a vocal injury and disability. 

Jamie: So, let's get into it! In this Podcast, we will discuss how Dumb raises questions about women’s health issues. There are multiple occasions where medical professionals overlook or minimize Georgia’s symptoms. For example, on page 126... 

Topic 1: Women’s Health issues (being taken seriously)

Jamie: ...we see how the words of the male doctor follow Georgia throughout her illness. He says, “I don’t want to tell you it’s all in your head, but you know, your body is affected by stress, and I know it’s hard, but there’s not much I can do.” This kind of language diminishes the seriousness of Georgia’s suffering, which is emphasized through her response, “nobody’s helping me,” as the last element on the two page spread. Also, Webber depicts him as physically more imposing than the other characters on page 126, where he encompasses a disproportionately larger section of the page than Georgia. 

Erin: According to a 2017 Harvard Health Blog article by Laura Kiesel, women in pain are much more likely than men to receive prescriptions for sedatives instead of pain medication. 70% of chronic pain patients are women, but 80% of pain studies are conducted on male mice or human men.

Jamie: It’s also important to try to keep in mind that not all people with uteruses or vaginas are women and that these issues also affect non-binary, trans, and other femme-identifying people.

Linor: Have any of you had experiences with chronic pain or dismissive doctors?

Raisa: I have. A little over a year ago, I went to my doctor for a suspected UTI multiple times over the course of 6-9 months. The urine tests would often come back negative, so I’d go back and she would prescribe me antibiotics anyway. The UTIs would go away, but come back again a couple weeks later. This went on and on and I was in severe pain for months to the point where my issue became chronic. But my doctor at the time continued to be dismissive, telling me to have less sex. That was so sexist! I wasn’t even having sex. I saw another doctor who did a wet mount and it turned out my UTIs were caused by an underlying case of bacterial vaginosis. I’m thankful for her, but my previous doctor’s dismissiveness ruined my ecosystem and now I have chronic yeast infections and BV. It’s tough!

Erin: Oh my gosh, Raisa, that’s awful! I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Raisa: Thanks, Erin.

Linor: These types of interactions with medical professionals can really affect patients’ mental health. They certainly impact Georgia in negative ways, as she has to visit several different doctors before finding one who is able to help her. We will take a look at that right after our segment, “Dumb Tips for Dumb Bitches!”

Dumb Tips for Dumb Bitches

(“Dumb tips for dumb bitches” transitional song)

Raisa: Hey, dumb bitches! The New York Times published an article in 2018 titled “When Doctors Downplay Women’s Health Concerns” by Camille Noe Pagan. Here is a “For Dummies” edition on how to ensure your health concerns are taken seriously with advice from Dr. Powell, the director of the Montefiore Einstein Center for Bioethics, a center which focuses on issues most likely to improve patient care, human subjects research, and health policy.

Erin: Tip one from Dr. Powell is to ask WHY a doctor is giving a certain recommendation and if there is a GUIDELINE for that recommendation.

Raisa: Tip two is to be DIRECT. If you are concerned about your doctor’s recommendations, please express it! A good doctor will be able to take a step back and reassess.

Erin: The third tip is to realize that only you can experience your own body. You most likely are not overreacting if you are concerned. Check your own bias!

Raisa: Finally, a tip from me. This from my own experiences of having symptoms overlooked by doctors. Always get a second, or even third, opinion!

(“Dumb tips for dumb bitches” transitional song)

Topic 2: Mental Health

Jamie: Going back to the discussion of Dumb, negative interactions with doctors can also have impacts on mental health. Georgia mentions not only anxiety, but also her struggle with disordered eating. On page 157, while shopping for food, Georgia thinks “what if my eating disorder comes back.” 

Erin: That’s such a big deal and it was surprising to see how off-handed and glossed-over that comment was! I think she included this comment to show how she has a history of mental illness and how her doctor made her so upset that she was worried about the return of her eating disorder. That’s horrible. How do you even deal with something like that? 

Linor: Well, Erin, Georgia’s memoir really emphasizes the importance of having a support system when facing pressure in your mental health. Georgia leans on her friend and vents about her struggles with her disability and finds comfort in just being able to speak to someone else about it. It ends up giving her motivation to continue illustrating her comics. Having others to relieve your mental stress can be more healing than you might think. 

Raisa: Absolutely, having a support system is invaluable. But also don’t be afraid to reach out to medical professionals about your mental health. Unfortunately, that can be a luxury sometimes and the mental health system isn’t perfect, but, if you’re able, reach out to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed. As someone that has been in the mental health system for a while, having my illness diagnosed validated my feelings. Spending time taking medication and seeing a therapist regularly will also put you on the right track to the road to better mental health. It takes time and that sucks, but don’t give up!

Jamie: If you are experiencing self-harm thoughts, issues with your appetite, or other mental health symptoms please reach out! The UF’s CWC (the Counseling and Wellness Center) offers urgent services 24/7 at 352-392-1575 as well as urgent walk-in sessions during business hours at both of their locations. 

Erin: The Center also provides semester-long treatment plans after a triage consultation. Reach out to the CWC for more information on their services! If you are feeling suicidal, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. That’s 1-800-273-8255.

Linor: What can we do if someone we know is suffering?

Erin: Reach out to that person! If you show them that someone is noticing their suffering and cares, they’re more likely to seek help.

Raisa: If you’re interested in more comics from Georgia Webber, especially ones about her experiences with anxiety and other mental health disorders, you can check out her short comics for free on The Hairpin. 

End of Podcast

Erin: While this story does discuss some very serious and difficult topics, it doesn’t only focus on the bad parts of disability.  There are several times throughout the narrative that Georgia highlights the positive experiences she’s had while dealing with her disability.

Linor: As we discussed previously, there are times throughout the novel where Georgia has some really positive interactions with her friends as she shares some of what she’s struggling with.  There are also points where she’s able to communicate with others without speaking that make her feel a little more secure in her situation.  The largest section of positivity is the very end of the graphic novel, illustrated almost entirely in red, where Georgia receives a free session from a vocal coach and begins to focus on caring for herself, mentally and physically.

Erin: We find that it’s really important to make aspects of this narrative positive, and especially notable that the novel ends on a positive note.  People who have disabilities should be able to see that they can find joy in spite of and even because of their disability.  For this story to end on such a positive note, and with this strong message of caring for and being gentle with yourself, is incredibly impactful, and can provide so much hope to people who may be struggling with their disability.

Raisa: Speaking of disability, we care deeply about making our podcast as accessible as possible. Please check out the rest of our podcast site where we have a transcript of the podcast in both English and Spanish as well as many visual aids. Thank you, and goodnight. 

(Ending music)

[hermesmultivitamins]

astra inclinant

im recovering from surgery and I went to take a nap and then I got a story bug about a b.echo breakup and four hours later this happened idk man

read on ao3 here

And I’ll take care of you

Along the way

My love one day at a time

We’ll leave our troubles behind

-The Hunts, Along the Way

~~~

In hindsight, there were dozens of times that she should have seen that it was over.

On the ring, he called out Clarke’s name in his sleep sometimes, occasionally muttering something about leaving her behind afterward. It was the times when he didn’t cry, when he smiled as if the dream involving his best friend was pleasant instead of the nightmare of leaving her behind, that left her with a sick feeling she tried to ignore.

Echo never mentioned it in the morning. Clarke was gone, and no amount of talking about it was going to bring her back.

(She tried not to let it hurt when he woke up and a flash of disappointment came over his face, as if he’d been expecting blonde hair next to him instead of brown).

Echo should have known--and perhaps did, but refused to accept--that it was over when the nightblood child said his name.

(In six years, seven months, and some odd days, she had never heard Bellamy’s voice as full of hope as when he said “ Clarke’s alive ?”)

The moment finally comes some 130-odd years later on a planet endlessly far from Earth.

She’s in a meeting with Abby, Kane, and Indra on the bridge of the ship when Emori bursts through the door.

“Abby, it’s Clarke,” she says.

Echo follows the rest to the hospital wing, unsure of what to do, and her heart breaks for both Bellamy and herself at the scene.

Clarke is laid out on the table, blood gushing from her side as Jackson works furiously over her. Bellamy stands off to the side, soaked in blood that that is not his own. He leans into Murphy, who appears to be half holding him back, half supporting him.

“Let them work,” she hears Murphy say to him. “She’s lived through worse, a little stab wound isn’t enough to take out the great Wanheda. Our princess is tougher than that.”

Suddenly, Echo knows she doesn’t belong in this moment, and with one last fleeting look at Bellamy, takes her exit.

Bellamy doesn’t return to their cabin that night, and in the morning Echo goes to check on him. Murphy is standing in the doorway, and updates her quietly on Clarke’s condition.

Clarke’s asleep on the bed, her heart monitor beeping gently. Her prognosis is good, Abby had said, the antibiotics should take care of potential infection and the wound would heal. And still, Bellamy had refused to leave her bedside. He sits in a stool, slumped over with his head pillowed on his arms that rest on the edge of her bed.

Murphy gives Echo a look full of pity, and as she follows him out of the room, she wonders for how long he’s known it was over for her.

~

Bellamy doesn’t take a break until Clarke opens her eyes, and even then it’s just to go get her some food. Echo stops him in the hall. She knows what he’s going to say before he says it, so she speaks first. At least she can do this on her terms.

“You’ll never care for me like you care for her,” she says. Her tone is without malice.

“Echo, I...” Her heart flutters for a moment, a brief hope that he’ll say she’s wrong.

“I’m sorry,” is what he says instead.

“It’s okay, Bellamy,” she says, and then: “Go. Be with her.”

~~

Jackson passes Echo and Murphy in the hall on his way to check Clarke’s vitals. He smiles gently at Bellamy’s sleeping form next to her. Nate had been right about these two.

“Bellamy?” Clarke says upon waking before her eyes even open. He’s there, holding her hand. Her eyes flutter as he sits up. “You shaved,” she says, bringing a hand to his cheek. “You look like my Bellamy.” He smiles as a tear rolls down his face, and says in a voice so low Jackson isn’t sure if Clarke even hears him: “I’m always yours.”

~~

John Murphy was a witness to the very first Clarke and Bellamy interaction (and many since), but this was by far the most ridiculous. The surgery to repair Clarke’s injuries had been fairly substantial, apparently making it difficult for her to sleep. Madi, ever the meddler, had casually let this slip while eating breakfast with Bellamy, who had immediately gotten up to have a word with Clarke about this. The solution to this was of course to have Bellamy stay with Clarke in her cabin.   Platonically . Madi bounced from room to room saying it was “so Clarke could sleep better”-Lindsay Lohan had nothing on this girl. On the fourth night of Bellamy platonically staying with Clarke, it was Murphy and Emori’s turn to take Madi. He was hesitant at first-he and Emori had been making up for lost time since they reconciled, but Madi’s doe eyes and the way she said “please Uncle John” were more convincing than if she’d pulled the commander card.

But of course, Madi forgets her sleeping clothes in Clarke’s room so of course Murphy has to get them because Madi and Emori are “girl bonding” or whatever.

Which is how he sees the most Ridiculous Clarke and Bellamy Moment of All Time.

Bellamy is asleep on his back, with Clarke tucked into his side. His arm is wrapped around her, his hand resting just below the area where she’d been injured. Her free hand was splayed across his chest, and Murphy could not believe that Bellamy, who was finally single and more muscle-y than ever after six years in space with nothing to do but exercise, was wearing a shirt while in bed with the woman he’d been in love with for literally over a hundred years.

Murphy laughs and grabs Madi’s pajamas, wondering if it would take the two leaders another hundred years to figure out what everyone else already knew about them.

~~

After negotiations with the Eligius Three decedents begins, Kane understands immediately why Harper and Monty had Jordan wake up Clarke and Bellamy first. They are natural partners, knowing what the other is thinking without words allow them to work seamlessly together in order to secure a future for their people.

It was impressive, how in sync they were, and for once, there were nearly no hiccups in planning peace, until of course, the issue of Madi comes up.

The leader-Artemis, her name is-of the Eligius Three people had listened to the story patiently, staying in surprising silence as Bellamy explains the history of the commanders and Madi’s role in it.

“So your child, she is the leader of your people?”

“She is an important figure to our people, yes. But she is a child. And we intend to let her grow up without the responsibility of leading her people.”

Kane does not miss the way Bellamy doesn’t correct Artemis when she indicates toward both Clarke and Bellamy when she calls Madi “your child.”

“Alright, Clarke and Bellamy of the Sky People, you have yourself a deal. You may establish a settlement here, on our land. In exchange, your doctors will train our healers, and we’ll work together to build a hospital.”

There was of course, more to this deal, but this was the gist of it.

Seemingly forgetting their status as esteemed leaders for a moment, Clarke turns and throws her arms around Bellamy. He lifts her up in celebration, spinning her around.

Peace, Kane thought, this is what peace looks like.

~~~

There’s not too much to do aboard a spaceship full of hundreds of sleeping people.

Monty had built a still, but thanks to his status as a new dad, he and Harper hadn’t had much of a chance to use it. But a few months in, Jordan was finally sleeping through the night, and Harper and Monty have the night to themselves. Monty would have never guessed he’d one day use his engineering skills to build a breast pump, of all things, but he had, and Harper was finally able to enjoy the moonshine Monty had made a year before.

All of the time without alcohol has killed their tolerance, and the young parents find themselves horrendously giggly after just one drink.

“Do you think Clarke and Bellamy will ever get their shit together?” Monty asks. Harper laughs into her pillow.

“The world was literally ending and they didn’t hook up. Besides, he’s with Echo,” Harper responds.

“Oh because that’ll definitely last with Clarke around.”

They both broke out into giggles again.

“That’ll be our project, when we get back to the ground,” Harper says. “Remember that movie Murphy kept watching on the ring? We’ll do that to them.”

“ Parent Trap ? That’s perfect--remember how Jasper used to call them Mom and Dad?”

For once, the mention of Jasper makes Monty smile.

“Sounds like a plan,” he says. “We’ll get Bellamy to cut his hair and then we’ll Parent Trap them.”

Harper rests her head against his shoulder. “Then maybe their lives will be as happy as ours.”

~~~

They name the town--upon Bellamy’s suggestion--after someone whom without they would have never survived long enough to find their peace, and the sign above the gate reads “Lincoln Village.”

Primary construction had finished, and with the help of the locals, the survivors from Earth finally had their settlement.

Not that they needed an extra reason to celebrate, but Murphy and Emori had selected they day that the last house was finished for their wedding, and the whole encampment came together to throw the biggest damn party any of them had ever seen. It didn’t start to wind down until well after dark, when Murphy carries his bride across the threshold of their newly finished home.

Still, some of the Earth survivors--who Octavia jokingly referred to as Earthkru--remain by the fire, roasting treats and trading stories.

Clarke leans against Bellamy, his arm wrapped around her as her head rests against his shoulder. Madi’s laying down with her head in her mother’s lap, her face one of intrigue as she listens to Bellamy’s story.

He can’t remember a time in his life where he felt so at peace, and for this moment, all of the hardship and struggle he’s faced is more than worth it.

Madi gasps--interrupting the story by pointing towards the sky. “Look! Shooting stars!”

She jumps up excitedly, and runs to find a better view with Octavia in tow.

“Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?” Clarke asks Bellamy.

He looks at the girl in his arms, and then at Madi and his sister, laughing at looking up at the sky through the trees.

“I wouldn’t even know what else I could possibly wish for.”

[kurtwarren54]

IVF FET Round 4 (Third times the charm) IM PREGNANT!

As I sit here typing the words, “I am pregnant!” it’s words we have been dreaming about for almost a full year now. Literally working toward each month. For a year. My heart can’t stop smiling thinking about it, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as the tears continue to fall down my face. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. Tears of past heartbreak. All of it. I have shared a lot of my past infertility journey that brought us to Otis (which you can read about here) and I am committed to sharing our story with you as we experience it. These posts for me have been therapeutic to be able to diary as I have experienced it. Also, please be kind if I go in and out of tense as some of this was written in the moment and some of it after the fact. BEAR WITH ME. 

This Frozen Embryo Transfer was likely the most important of all of them. It was our last frozen embryo we had in storage. And our last try for a baby. The weight of that was suffocating. After previously going through 3 egg retrievals, after Otis I was left with 3 frozen embabies. Our precious little babies. Of course there are always options to keep going but I am of course already 37 years old and I STRUGGLED to get healthy embryos from my retrievals since my egg quality was pretty poor. I was also unsure if I was willing to undergo the whole egg retrieval process again but this now brought all those thoughts up. What if my last transfer doesn’t work? There was ALOT on our minds. Alot. So looking into our last chance with our last embryo had a lot of weight to it. After looking at our past failed cycles with our doctor, she had an idea to do something completely different. This both excited me and completely TERRIFIED me. But at this point, we really needed to throw it all on the line to put our best foot forward. I trust my doctor so I was willing to go down a new path. I think it’s always important to mix things up because you never know what your recipe for success will be. She wanted to try a “Natural FET cycle” meaning that we would supplement less with synthetic hormones and instead, let my body lead the way naturally and then only supplement with less hormones closer to embryo transfer. Since I have had issues getting a thicker lining with all the synthetic hormones, we were curious to see how my body does completely on it’s own. So the goal would be, track my natural cycle in a “mock” cycle where we were only doing bloodwork and ultrasounds to gather information and track my cycle. No embryo transfer. Just tracking for research. I was IN. 

Tracking my Natural Cycle

The process would be, wait till cycle day 3 of my period and come in for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork at my fertility clinic. Then for me to do at home ovulation kits to track my ovulation at home as well as come in for multiple scans to see how my eggs were growing and tracking it with kits, bloodwork and ultrasound. In doing this, we found that my lining naturally looked FREAKING AMAZING. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN. Basically  my lining looked the best it ever had and I was almost upset this was a mock cycle and not a real one. That is how good my lining looked. After we confirmed ovulation with both my at home kits, and ultrasound and blood work, doctor also confirmed that my estrogen tends to dip a little low after ovulation so that is where we want to supplement a little more in our real cycle. Good to know! Also, we were excited to decide we would lock into a natural FET cycle and we were doing this!!! Of course we also tried naturally that month to get pregnant and of course it didn’t happen. So we were on our way to our Natural FET cycle with my next period.

Natural Cycle FET

I started my cycle on the 3rd day of my period and came in for a baseline check. The did an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have any cysts on my ovaries and did blood work to check my hormone levels. The plan was to do at home ovulation kits and wait for high and peak results. The kits I use first tell you when your levels are HIGH and then tell you when it’s PEAK which is right before ovulation. So it was about 2 weeks until I went in again just for a check. Things were actually looking farther along than last cycle so we did more blood work and she suspected I would be getting close so I would come back in 2 days. In 2 days, my body was READY! Those eggs were growing perfectly and when we checked my hormones I was ready to go!! IT WAS INSANITY. I was expecting to have a much longer cycle again but this was flying by holy crap. I waited for blood work to confirm but that night I did my trigger shot! The trigger shot would confirm my exact embryo transfer timing. My lining was the best it’s ever looked! It looked “lush and juicy” in the words of my doctor and she was so excited about how great it looked that she printed me out a photo. I had that good trilaminar appearance to it as well which is all very positive. Things were looking amazing for my natural cycle and I was excited the doctor was as hyped as I was about it. I knew that if things didn’t look great, we could always cancel and try again but we were doing this!!

One week before I did my trigger injection which would trigger ovulation and set the wheels into motion for my embryo transfer. I started my progesterone 5 days before transfer and my other meds 3 days before. Progesterone this time was 1 injection and 1 suppository at night. I literally forgot how horrible those suppositories are. Basically it’s a compounded version of progesterone that looks like an oversized pill that you shove up your lady parts at night. But the aftermath is that is oozes out kind of slowly over time. Sorry TMI but damn they are GROSS. They just really end up making me feel very uncomfortable and I much prefer the injections which I know sounds INSANE. I started WAY less other hormones 3 days before. 2 estrogen patches and then my normal protocol of antibiotics, claritin, pepcid, baby aspirin, and medrol. After the medrol was finished I would start my prednisone. So all the meds were mostly the same as my medicated cycles in the past but just a lot less of them since we were working with my own body’s goods.

We did one last appointment on Friday before my Monday transfer to make sure all my hormones were looking good and that lining was also looking good. I think my nerves were running high. The appointment went great and everything looked ready. Hormones and lining looked good. I got to the checkout desk and was scheduling my pregnancy blood drawl test and 2 of my nurses came over to wish me luck at my transfer. I lost it. I feel awful to have been crying at the desk as I am sure anyone in the waiting room could hear me. But wow. The gravity of everything was hitting me. I desperately needed this to work. It was our last precious embryo and I was a hot mess of emotion. I thought I had it all together, I was feeling so good and positive, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t FEELING. Just such a vulnerable moment. Losing your shit. In public. But damn, infertility is hard as fuck. It’s really fucking hard. And going to battle and being knocked down every time takes its toll. I left the office tissues in hand. When I got to my car, I decided to change the script. Yes we had 1 more chance but that 1 chance is a blessing.

EMBRYO TRANSFER DAY

Of all my transfers, this one was one for the books. My smile was bigger waking up. I was more hopeful. I laid out my rainbow shirt, my cozy warrior socks, and I sat excited to start my day and move a step closer to expanding our family. I blow dried my hair, which in Covid times, is a big deal. I wanted to feel good. Look good. Be the light I needed this day. 

Blake, Otis and I packed up to leave. Because of Covid-19, he was not allowed in for my transfer but he would drop me off and be there waiting. As I was getting in the car, I noticed 3 morning doves walking through our garden. It was the sign I needed that morning. Third time’s the charm. I couldn’t knock the smile off my face after that. Despite the fact that destructive fires were raging through my part of Southern California, my sister was evacuated from her home and it smelled horribly of smoke even outside of our own home, I was positive. Nothing was going to ruin this day for me.

When I got to the clinic, it was business as usual. Take my valium and I filled out all my forms etc and before I knew it I was back in the room getting ready. I always play music on my phone and this time I put on my Summer Salt playlist for some good vibes. The embryologist came in, shared good news about our thawed 4AB embryo and confirmed it was our last normal embryo. My doctor came in shortly after. A speculum, a catheter and a few quick minutes later and the embryo was in! Watching it on the screen happen via ultrasound is truly a sureal experience. And just like that, we did it. I had my lucky socks on keeping me cozy and I also brought a few ribbons with me from a gift as a good luck charm. Channeling hope and love through every moment. I had asked Blake if he could give me an affirmation each day after my transfer to keep my spirits high and keep my hopeful heart in the right direction. I didn’t know he was going to give me something on the day of my transfer but before I had walked in, he gave me my first affirmation from him and Otis. I got to open it as I sat alone waiting for the doctors and nurses to come in. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. “The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming” <3, Blake + Otis Never underestimate the power of a small gesture to make someone’s heart just so happy. Blake picked me up and we drove home to for me to get cozy in bed, eat my lunch, and take a much needed nap. Since I take valium to relax me before my procedure, I always need a good nap that day to sleep everything off.

2WW (The Two Week Wait)

This time period is the dreaded “TWO WEEK WAIT.” Technically it’s 10 days after my transfer that I can go in for my beta blood work to measure my HCG levels and find out if I got pregnant from my transfer. So let’s start from the beginning of those 10 days.

My first 3 days (including transfer day) were bed/couch rest. So basically hang in bed, have Blake bring me all my meals and snacks and just BE CHILL and BE HAPPY. In order to prepare for this and make it easier for Blake, who took time off of work to watch and care for myself and Otis, I did our meal plan for bedrest and planned some of my favorite meals to enjoy during this time. Also a tradition on transfer day for me is to enjoy a bagel with sundried tomato cream cheese and cucumber in bed while I watch Father of the Bride. I do this every time. It’s just part of my “happy” process. We had to keep my door closed since bed rest and a toddler don’t mix. Of course Otis and Blake could come in to say hi every once in a while, but the important thing was for me to be chill and mellow. So I binged my fav rom coms in bed, took some naps, and thought positive thoughts. I also facetimed Otis for every meal so I felt part of the family even stuck in bed. Love that technology could keep us together at meal time. This also made me happy to see Otis’ sweet face.

On day 4, I was allowed to resume normal activity as long as I refrained from any strenuous and no working out at all. Also, no lifting my toddler. That one is difficult! But I am so thankful to have Blake working from home to help me lift him in and out of his crib during this time. So we took things easy, and kept myself busy hanging with Otis daily and waiting. 

During the 2ww I was also tracking my body like a HAWK. What was I feeling? How was I feeling? Were these signs of pregnancy? Were these signs of my period? Anyone that endures the 2WW becomes obsessed with any small symptoms they might detect and wonder WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. I am telling you, it’s maddening. The problem is, with each transfer, all the symptoms are almost identical for pregnancy OR getting your period. Seriously. It’s a mind fuck excuse my French but it is. And comparing my symptoms to my last 2 failed FET, they were similar. So how was I supposed to know if it was good or bad? There was just no way to know. I had the slight cramping. I had the sore boobs. I had the bloating. Basically all the symptoms all week. I started those 10 days mellow and cool as a cucumber but as the days passed by… the anxiety started to rise.

9DPT (9 Days Post Transfer)

As I sit here on Nov 4th, my anxiety level is at an all time high with the election still lingering with no clear cut winner and a pregnancy test lingering. Chalk it up to massive PTSD but wow the nerves are hitting me today. I know what is done is done, and I know my results will share just that. But this time, it’s all on the line. As the day went on the anxiety rose. I ended up doing a mediation in my calm app and taking a nap when Otis took a nap. I needed that release. Later in the day after dinner, I went to the bathroom and I swear when I wiped, I had a slight light pink streak. I freaked out. Could this be my period??? We were getting Otis ready for bed and I was sitting in his rocking chair waiting for him and Blake to come into the room and I just broke down. Hysterically ugly crying I said to blake, “Im so nervous.” Tears streaming. Uncontrollably. I think in this moment I realized that while my level of optimism was high, there was still 2 possible outcomes… and now I was freaking out. Sadly I made Blake stress out too but damn guys. I just lost it. While the 2WW is always an excruciating time for people going through fertility treatment, the day before blood test was high up in the worst days ever. After we got Otis down for bed, we binged some 90 Day Fiance before the 90 days to get our minds off the baby topic. And then tucked ourselves in with our nightly meditation. I have the Hatch Restore and it’s been a great part of my daily routine. You can select custom meditations to play before bed and then play your sound machine music. It’s helped to set a good intention for me before bedtime. Setting my mind in the right space has been such an important thing to focus on throughout this experience.

10DPT + Pregnancy Blood Test

I think Blake and I barely slept the night leading to my blood work. I woke up and got ready to go and made sure to pee in a cup for Blake. I NEVER go into my bloodwork without doing a HPT (home pregnancy test) because I do not want to find out blind from a phone call if I don’t have to. So I peed in the cup and left. Right when I leave the door, Blake does the pregnancy test for me. He is a GOOD man. So thankful he does this for me. I do this so that we have results but I don’t know until after my blood work so that I am in good spirits at the doctors office. I headed in for my quick blood drawl and I was back into my car eagerly texting Blake. Because of the stress and PTSD… I texted Blake, “Negative?” and he texted me, “Are you sure you wanna know?” and I said yes. “You are PREGNANT!” I swear when I read it… I blacked out. LITERALLY BLACKED OUT. I immediately video chatted with Blake while uncontrollably and hysterically crying. HYSTERICAL. I was in complete shock. Blake asked, “Are you excited???” Since he was clearly confused by my tears of utter shock. OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seriously took me some time to calm down. It was literally unbelievable. After 1 cancelled cycle and 2 failed transfers…. I finally got a positive home pregnancy test. It was a fucking miracle. Now to wait for the actual blood results.

The nurse called me later in the day to share the good news and I was just so relieved not to get that familiar phone call from my doctor. The PTSD is so real when it comes to every part of this process. My levels looked GREAT and I would come back in 2 days to make sure my beta HCG levels were going up. My levels 2 days later looked great again. It was official!!!! I would go in next week for my 5 week ultrasound. At this point, we had our trip to Alisal scheduled btw my blood work and my ultrasound appointment so it was the perfect midweek time to literally celebrate our new found news together as a family. But also gave us so much excitement to know after our short trip, I would come home to an ultrasound appointment to SEE OUR BABY.

5 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Leading up to each milestone is like a wave of anxiety following with you. Of course I am hopeful, happy, excited but when you have this many problems getting pregnant, I forgot just how much anxiety I had leading up to each weekly appointment. Being in such a pattern of heartbreak and disappointment you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But wow. What a milestone. I headed in for my appointment and the doctor said, “There it is! Right where I left it!” I breathed a sigh of relief as we looked at the little circle that was our baby on the ultrasound machine. She explained that my appointment for 6 weeks we MIGHT be able to hear the heartbeat but to not freak out if we didn’t because we still had our 7 week appointment to hear it. So now we just waited for the next week. I still am continuing all my meds: 2x a day progesterone injections, 2 estrogen patches changed every other day, and my daily anti-inflammatory protocol meds (prednisone, claritin, pepcid ac and baby aspirin).

6 Week Ultrasound Appointment

At this appointment I got to see the flickering of the heart!!!! BIG BIG FEELINGS!!! No sound yet to detect but it was a great sign to physically see the heartbeat. At the start of 6 weeks is when my extreme nausea began. It was much worse than my pregnancy with Otis. I started diclegis (2 pills at night) to help combat my nausea and help me to function as a mom to a toddler. 

7 Week Ultrasound Appointment

WE GOT TO HEAR THE HEARTBEAT!!!!!! Such a milestone to experience. An exciting week for growth. Another positive is that after 1 week of taking diclegis, I was starting to finally feel a bit better. The meds definitely took time to kick in for me. It was not immediate relief.

8 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Growth was all good! Feeling overall much better since starting my meds as well.

9 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Scan went great and I got to decrease my meds to the below!

1 progesterone injection a day Stop prednisone pills Continue estrogen patches Continue baby aspirin Continue claritin and pepcid as needed

The nausea seemed to be creeping back late afternoon and just was not feeling great from afternoon to dinner time. I lost my appetite at night and it was hard to really get down any dinner. Lots of exhaustion and going to be early this week. Its the week I felt the WORST. Even despite being on the diclegis at night. But starting 10 weeks and 2 days I started to feel alot better again.

10 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Starting to finally feel better overall. But WOW. Massive exhaustion and just feeling so tired all of a sudden. Zero energy. Blake also said, “you look tired” so there is that. HA! Scan looked good and growth is on track!

We also did our genetic testing blood work that looks for genetic disorders as well as can signify gender (even though we already know) and will await those results. The nice thing is we already know we have a healthy genetically tested embryo but to be thorough we alway do this blood work regardless. And as always, each step is still nerve wracking as we move forward. 

11 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Our little one is really starting to look like a baby on the ultrasound!!! Funny how things grow so quickly each week and really start to transform. Everything is looking great and finally weaning down meds again. VERY exciting. 

No more patches Wean down to 1 progesterone injection every other day

I was feeling pretty good overall and not sick. But still very tired as the day drags on. Since dropping the meds, I started to get a hormonal headache which lasted for 2 days. Luckily it passed quickly and is likely due to the fluctuation of my hormones from stopping certain meds etc. I do have the occasional nausea at night so I make sure to be having smaller meals as well as some protein snacks throughout the day to try to curb the nausea if I can. 

12 Week Ultrasound Appointment with My Gynocologist

HOLY CRAP I made it to my gyno appointment. Because of the way the holidays fell this year (both Christmas and New Years) I was able to do my 12 week with my Gyno and then do my Fertility clinic 12 week the following week. I hope to be able to graduate next week from my fertility clinic but time will tell. Or should I say, my bloodwork will tell.

At my appointment I had a lengthy ultrasound to see baby. GUYS!!!! The tech said the baby was so accommodating and was literally showing off the most perfect little angles for photos. She was able to get some really cool 3d renderings of baby that you see above. SO. FREAKING. COOL!!! Everything looked great. Heartbeat is great. All great! I next met with the nurse practitioner, since I don’t see my doctor on my first appointment, and went over some basics and then I was on my way to get my prenatal blood panel. And that’s it! Such a milestone heading to my first obgyn appointment. 

In terms of how I am feeling, let me tell you the nausea is creeping right back at night so around dinner time to bedtime I am kind of feeling miserable again. But I know that soon enough things will level out and I should be feeling much better over all again. I am so glad to still be taking the diclegis or I would REALLY feel like crap. Thank you modern medicine. Regardless of feeling crappy, I know it’s all for a good cause so you won’t find me complaining… that often

What’s Happening Now

We obviously have a long road ahead of us and many milestones to achieve with our precious little baby. I feel each week, you look at the next and think, “Wow! I will feel much better at “X” week.” Then “X” week hits and you will feel better and more confident the NEXT week. So many nerves when it comes to pregnancy at least for us around here. What I can say is we are so hopeful and with every week our hearts just grow bigger as the baby grows. Because of my appointments falling over the holidays, I have my 12 week appointment at my fertility clinic next week a little bit late and we are HOPEFULLY it will be my graduation day!! Hopefully all my levels look great when we do my bloodwork and I can finally stop all my medications. My fingers will be crossed for that moment. I told my doctor I will be happy when I never have to see her again. HA! I know that sounds mean but she TOTALLY understood what I meant. I see Dr. Moayeri at OC Fertility and her office works through the CCRM facility in Orange County. I can’t say enough good things about them if you are on the hunt for a doctor. Also have seen Dr. Sachdev there many times who is equally lovely.

To have gone through all of this infertility journey during normal times would have been excruciating and add in a global pandemic, thanks to Covid-19, it added an extra layer of complexity to everything. To think of all the women, going to their appointments alone, going through procedures alone… it just breaks my heart. Especially those going through it for their first time. These times and these struggles have only confirmed something I have found out through having Otis: That I have more courage than I could have ever thought possible. This process has almost been more excruciating knowing what a light and joy it has been to be a mother to Otis. It’s hurt extra hard knowing that we may never be able to give Otis a sibling. To be given the joy and privilege of being a mother the first time was my biggest dream come true. And to be given that opportunity again, I am just crying tears of joy. Over. and Over. And over again. It still feels sureal to think we are on the other side of this. Everyday I wake up and go to bed, looking at the ultrasound photo next to my bed, and the inspiration quotes Blake typed out for me that I still have hanging on a string on my wall. And the photo of our precious embryo and the photo of our actual transfer. Everyday I count my blessings. So coming this July 2021, Otis will become a big brother. And for that, Blake and I will never stop smiling. 

I know how triggering a pregnancy announcement can be to those still struggling through their infertility or trying to get pregnant naturally. But know that miracles happen. And that most of all, when it might seem the darkest, hope remains. I hope through hearing our story, you know you are not alone going through infertility. It’s true that the storm is indescribable but the rainbow is always worth the struggle. My heart is with you all.

Otis pajamas in these photos are from my collaboration with Clover baby & Kids. It’s obviously VERY special since both Otis and our future little baby will be our little rainbows of joy. You bet I have ever size in there for when baby #2 comes to join us. You can use code: OTIS for 20% off most items if you want to celebrate your own little rainbow baby with me. Shop here.

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IVF FET Round 4 (Third times the charm) IM PREGNANT!

As I sit here typing the words, “I am pregnant!” it’s words we have been dreaming about for almost a full year now. Literally working toward each month. For a year. My heart can’t stop smiling thinking about it, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as the tears continue to fall down my face. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. Tears of past heartbreak. All of it. I have shared a lot of my past infertility journey that brought us to Otis (which you can read about here) and I am committed to sharing our story with you as we experience it. These posts for me have been therapeutic to be able to diary as I have experienced it. Also, please be kind if I go in and out of tense as some of this was written in the moment and some of it after the fact. BEAR WITH ME. 

This Frozen Embryo Transfer was likely the most important of all of them. It was our last frozen embryo we had in storage. And our last try for a baby. The weight of that was suffocating. After previously going through 3 egg retrievals, after Otis I was left with 3 frozen embabies. Our precious little babies. Of course there are always options to keep going but I am of course already 37 years old and I STRUGGLED to get healthy embryos from my retrievals since my egg quality was pretty poor. I was also unsure if I was willing to undergo the whole egg retrieval process again but this now brought all those thoughts up. What if my last transfer doesn’t work? There was ALOT on our minds. Alot. So looking into our last chance with our last embryo had a lot of weight to it. After looking at our past failed cycles with our doctor, she had an idea to do something completely different. This both excited me and completely TERRIFIED me. But at this point, we really needed to throw it all on the line to put our best foot forward. I trust my doctor so I was willing to go down a new path. I think it’s always important to mix things up because you never know what your recipe for success will be. She wanted to try a “Natural FET cycle” meaning that we would supplement less with synthetic hormones and instead, let my body lead the way naturally and then only supplement with less hormones closer to embryo transfer. Since I have had issues getting a thicker lining with all the synthetic hormones, we were curious to see how my body does completely on it’s own. So the goal would be, track my natural cycle in a “mock” cycle where we were only doing bloodwork and ultrasounds to gather information and track my cycle. No embryo transfer. Just tracking for research. I was IN. 

Tracking my Natural Cycle

The process would be, wait till cycle day 3 of my period and come in for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork at my fertility clinic. Then for me to do at home ovulation kits to track my ovulation at home as well as come in for multiple scans to see how my eggs were growing and tracking it with kits, bloodwork and ultrasound. In doing this, we found that my lining naturally looked FREAKING AMAZING. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN. Basically  my lining looked the best it ever had and I was almost upset this was a mock cycle and not a real one. That is how good my lining looked. After we confirmed ovulation with both my at home kits, and ultrasound and blood work, doctor also confirmed that my estrogen tends to dip a little low after ovulation so that is where we want to supplement a little more in our real cycle. Good to know! Also, we were excited to decide we would lock into a natural FET cycle and we were doing this!!! Of course we also tried naturally that month to get pregnant and of course it didn’t happen. So we were on our way to our Natural FET cycle with my next period.

Natural Cycle FET

I started my cycle on the 3rd day of my period and came in for a baseline check. The did an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have any cysts on my ovaries and did blood work to check my hormone levels. The plan was to do at home ovulation kits and wait for high and peak results. The kits I use first tell you when your levels are HIGH and then tell you when it’s PEAK which is right before ovulation. So it was about 2 weeks until I went in again just for a check. Things were actually looking farther along than last cycle so we did more blood work and she suspected I would be getting close so I would come back in 2 days. In 2 days, my body was READY! Those eggs were growing perfectly and when we checked my hormones I was ready to go!! IT WAS INSANITY. I was expecting to have a much longer cycle again but this was flying by holy crap. I waited for blood work to confirm but that night I did my trigger shot! The trigger shot would confirm my exact embryo transfer timing. My lining was the best it’s ever looked! It looked “lush and juicy” in the words of my doctor and she was so excited about how great it looked that she printed me out a photo. I had that good trilaminar appearance to it as well which is all very positive. Things were looking amazing for my natural cycle and I was excited the doctor was as hyped as I was about it. I knew that if things didn’t look great, we could always cancel and try again but we were doing this!!

One week before I did my trigger injection which would trigger ovulation and set the wheels into motion for my embryo transfer. I started my progesterone 5 days before transfer and my other meds 3 days before. Progesterone this time was 1 injection and 1 suppository at night. I literally forgot how horrible those suppositories are. Basically it’s a compounded version of progesterone that looks like an oversized pill that you shove up your lady parts at night. But the aftermath is that is oozes out kind of slowly over time. Sorry TMI but damn they are GROSS. They just really end up making me feel very uncomfortable and I much prefer the injections which I know sounds INSANE. I started WAY less other hormones 3 days before. 2 estrogen patches and then my normal protocol of antibiotics, claritin, pepcid, baby aspirin, and medrol. After the medrol was finished I would start my prednisone. So all the meds were mostly the same as my medicated cycles in the past but just a lot less of them since we were working with my own body’s goods.

We did one last appointment on Friday before my Monday transfer to make sure all my hormones were looking good and that lining was also looking good. I think my nerves were running high. The appointment went great and everything looked ready. Hormones and lining looked good. I got to the checkout desk and was scheduling my pregnancy blood drawl test and 2 of my nurses came over to wish me luck at my transfer. I lost it. I feel awful to have been crying at the desk as I am sure anyone in the waiting room could hear me. But wow. The gravity of everything was hitting me. I desperately needed this to work. It was our last precious embryo and I was a hot mess of emotion. I thought I had it all together, I was feeling so good and positive, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t FEELING. Just such a vulnerable moment. Losing your shit. In public. But damn, infertility is hard as fuck. It’s really fucking hard. And going to battle and being knocked down every time takes its toll. I left the office tissues in hand. When I got to my car, I decided to change the script. Yes we had 1 more chance but that 1 chance is a blessing.

EMBRYO TRANSFER DAY

Of all my transfers, this one was one for the books. My smile was bigger waking up. I was more hopeful. I laid out my rainbow shirt, my cozy warrior socks, and I sat excited to start my day and move a step closer to expanding our family. I blow dried my hair, which in Covid times, is a big deal. I wanted to feel good. Look good. Be the light I needed this day. 

Blake, Otis and I packed up to leave. Because of Covid-19, he was not allowed in for my transfer but he would drop me off and be there waiting. As I was getting in the car, I noticed 3 morning doves walking through our garden. It was the sign I needed that morning. Third time’s the charm. I couldn’t knock the smile off my face after that. Despite the fact that destructive fires were raging through my part of Southern California, my sister was evacuated from her home and it smelled horribly of smoke even outside of our own home, I was positive. Nothing was going to ruin this day for me.

When I got to the clinic, it was business as usual. Take my valium and I filled out all my forms etc and before I knew it I was back in the room getting ready. I always play music on my phone and this time I put on my Summer Salt playlist for some good vibes. The embryologist came in, shared good news about our thawed 4AB embryo and confirmed it was our last normal embryo. My doctor came in shortly after. A speculum, a catheter and a few quick minutes later and the embryo was in! Watching it on the screen happen via ultrasound is truly a sureal experience. And just like that, we did it. I had my lucky socks on keeping me cozy and I also brought a few ribbons with me from a gift as a good luck charm. Channeling hope and love through every moment. I had asked Blake if he could give me an affirmation each day after my transfer to keep my spirits high and keep my hopeful heart in the right direction. I didn’t know he was going to give me something on the day of my transfer but before I had walked in, he gave me my first affirmation from him and Otis. I got to open it as I sat alone waiting for the doctors and nurses to come in. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. “The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming” <3, Blake + Otis Never underestimate the power of a small gesture to make someone’s heart just so happy. Blake picked me up and we drove home to for me to get cozy in bed, eat my lunch, and take a much needed nap. Since I take valium to relax me before my procedure, I always need a good nap that day to sleep everything off.

2WW (The Two Week Wait)

This time period is the dreaded “TWO WEEK WAIT.” Technically it’s 10 days after my transfer that I can go in for my beta blood work to measure my HCG levels and find out if I got pregnant from my transfer. So let’s start from the beginning of those 10 days.

My first 3 days (including transfer day) were bed/couch rest. So basically hang in bed, have Blake bring me all my meals and snacks and just BE CHILL and BE HAPPY. In order to prepare for this and make it easier for Blake, who took time off of work to watch and care for myself and Otis, I did our meal plan for bedrest and planned some of my favorite meals to enjoy during this time. Also a tradition on transfer day for me is to enjoy a bagel with sundried tomato cream cheese and cucumber in bed while I watch Father of the Bride. I do this every time. It’s just part of my “happy” process. We had to keep my door closed since bed rest and a toddler don’t mix. Of course Otis and Blake could come in to say hi every once in a while, but the important thing was for me to be chill and mellow. So I binged my fav rom coms in bed, took some naps, and thought positive thoughts. I also facetimed Otis for every meal so I felt part of the family even stuck in bed. Love that technology could keep us together at meal time. This also made me happy to see Otis’ sweet face.

On day 4, I was allowed to resume normal activity as long as I refrained from any strenuous and no working out at all. Also, no lifting my toddler. That one is difficult! But I am so thankful to have Blake working from home to help me lift him in and out of his crib during this time. So we took things easy, and kept myself busy hanging with Otis daily and waiting. 

During the 2ww I was also tracking my body like a HAWK. What was I feeling? How was I feeling? Were these signs of pregnancy? Were these signs of my period? Anyone that endures the 2WW becomes obsessed with any small symptoms they might detect and wonder WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. I am telling you, it’s maddening. The problem is, with each transfer, all the symptoms are almost identical for pregnancy OR getting your period. Seriously. It’s a mind fuck excuse my French but it is. And comparing my symptoms to my last 2 failed FET, they were similar. So how was I supposed to know if it was good or bad? There was just no way to know. I had the slight cramping. I had the sore boobs. I had the bloating. Basically all the symptoms all week. I started those 10 days mellow and cool as a cucumber but as the days passed by… the anxiety started to rise.

9DPT (9 Days Post Transfer)

As I sit here on Nov 4th, my anxiety level is at an all time high with the election still lingering with no clear cut winner and a pregnancy test lingering. Chalk it up to massive PTSD but wow the nerves are hitting me today. I know what is done is done, and I know my results will share just that. But this time, it’s all on the line. As the day went on the anxiety rose. I ended up doing a mediation in my calm app and taking a nap when Otis took a nap. I needed that release. Later in the day after dinner, I went to the bathroom and I swear when I wiped, I had a slight light pink streak. I freaked out. Could this be my period??? We were getting Otis ready for bed and I was sitting in his rocking chair waiting for him and Blake to come into the room and I just broke down. Hysterically ugly crying I said to blake, “Im so nervous.” Tears streaming. Uncontrollably. I think in this moment I realized that while my level of optimism was high, there was still 2 possible outcomes… and now I was freaking out. Sadly I made Blake stress out too but damn guys. I just lost it. While the 2WW is always an excruciating time for people going through fertility treatment, the day before blood test was high up in the worst days ever. After we got Otis down for bed, we binged some 90 Day Fiance before the 90 days to get our minds off the baby topic. And then tucked ourselves in with our nightly meditation. I have the Hatch Restore and it’s been a great part of my daily routine. You can select custom meditations to play before bed and then play your sound machine music. It’s helped to set a good intention for me before bedtime. Setting my mind in the right space has been such an important thing to focus on throughout this experience.

10DPT + Pregnancy Blood Test

I think Blake and I barely slept the night leading to my blood work. I woke up and got ready to go and made sure to pee in a cup for Blake. I NEVER go into my bloodwork without doing a HPT (home pregnancy test) because I do not want to find out blind from a phone call if I don’t have to. So I peed in the cup and left. Right when I leave the door, Blake does the pregnancy test for me. He is a GOOD man. So thankful he does this for me. I do this so that we have results but I don’t know until after my blood work so that I am in good spirits at the doctors office. I headed in for my quick blood drawl and I was back into my car eagerly texting Blake. Because of the stress and PTSD… I texted Blake, “Negative?” and he texted me, “Are you sure you wanna know?” and I said yes. “You are PREGNANT!” I swear when I read it… I blacked out. LITERALLY BLACKED OUT. I immediately video chatted with Blake while uncontrollably and hysterically crying. HYSTERICAL. I was in complete shock. Blake asked, “Are you excited???” Since he was clearly confused by my tears of utter shock. OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seriously took me some time to calm down. It was literally unbelievable. After 1 cancelled cycle and 2 failed transfers…. I finally got a positive home pregnancy test. It was a fucking miracle. Now to wait for the actual blood results.

The nurse called me later in the day to share the good news and I was just so relieved not to get that familiar phone call from my doctor. The PTSD is so real when it comes to every part of this process. My levels looked GREAT and I would come back in 2 days to make sure my beta HCG levels were going up. My levels 2 days later looked great again. It was official!!!! I would go in next week for my 5 week ultrasound. At this point, we had our trip to Alisal scheduled btw my blood work and my ultrasound appointment so it was the perfect midweek time to literally celebrate our new found news together as a family. But also gave us so much excitement to know after our short trip, I would come home to an ultrasound appointment to SEE OUR BABY.

5 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Leading up to each milestone is like a wave of anxiety following with you. Of course I am hopeful, happy, excited but when you have this many problems getting pregnant, I forgot just how much anxiety I had leading up to each weekly appointment. Being in such a pattern of heartbreak and disappointment you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But wow. What a milestone. I headed in for my appointment and the doctor said, “There it is! Right where I left it!” I breathed a sigh of relief as we looked at the little circle that was our baby on the ultrasound machine. She explained that my appointment for 6 weeks we MIGHT be able to hear the heartbeat but to not freak out if we didn’t because we still had our 7 week appointment to hear it. So now we just waited for the next week. I still am continuing all my meds: 2x a day progesterone injections, 2 estrogen patches changed every other day, and my daily anti-inflammatory protocol meds (prednisone, claritin, pepcid ac and baby aspirin).

6 Week Ultrasound Appointment

At this appointment I got to see the flickering of the heart!!!! BIG BIG FEELINGS!!! No sound yet to detect but it was a great sign to physically see the heartbeat. At the start of 6 weeks is when my extreme nausea began. It was much worse than my pregnancy with Otis. I started diclegis (2 pills at night) to help combat my nausea and help me to function as a mom to a toddler. 

7 Week Ultrasound Appointment

WE GOT TO HEAR THE HEARTBEAT!!!!!! Such a milestone to experience. An exciting week for growth. Another positive is that after 1 week of taking diclegis, I was starting to finally feel a bit better. The meds definitely took time to kick in for me. It was not immediate relief.

8 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Growth was all good! Feeling overall much better since starting my meds as well.

9 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Scan went great and I got to decrease my meds to the below!

1 progesterone injection a day Stop prednisone pills Continue estrogen patches Continue baby aspirin Continue claritin and pepcid as needed

The nausea seemed to be creeping back late afternoon and just was not feeling great from afternoon to dinner time. I lost my appetite at night and it was hard to really get down any dinner. Lots of exhaustion and going to be early this week. Its the week I felt the WORST. Even despite being on the diclegis at night. But starting 10 weeks and 2 days I started to feel alot better again.

10 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Starting to finally feel better overall. But WOW. Massive exhaustion and just feeling so tired all of a sudden. Zero energy. Blake also said, “you look tired” so there is that. HA! Scan looked good and growth is on track!

We also did our genetic testing blood work that looks for genetic disorders as well as can signify gender (even though we already know) and will await those results. The nice thing is we already know we have a healthy genetically tested embryo but to be thorough we alway do this blood work regardless. And as always, each step is still nerve wracking as we move forward. 

11 Week Ultrasound Appointment

Our little one is really starting to look like a baby on the ultrasound!!! Funny how things grow so quickly each week and really start to transform. Everything is looking great and finally weaning down meds again. VERY exciting. 

No more patches Wean down to 1 progesterone injection every other day

I was feeling pretty good overall and not sick. But still very tired as the day drags on. Since dropping the meds, I started to get a hormonal headache which lasted for 2 days. Luckily it passed quickly and is likely due to the fluctuation of my hormones from stopping certain meds etc. I do have the occasional nausea at night so I make sure to be having smaller meals as well as some protein snacks throughout the day to try to curb the nausea if I can. 

12 Week Ultrasound Appointment with My Gynocologist

HOLY CRAP I made it to my gyno appointment. Because of the way the holidays fell this year (both Christmas and New Years) I was able to do my 12 week with my Gyno and then do my Fertility clinic 12 week the following week. I hope to be able to graduate next week from my fertility clinic but time will tell. Or should I say, my bloodwork will tell.

At my appointment I had a lengthy ultrasound to see baby. GUYS!!!! The tech said the baby was so accommodating and was literally showing off the most perfect little angles for photos. She was able to get some really cool 3d renderings of baby that you see above. SO. FREAKING. COOL!!! Everything looked great. Heartbeat is great. All great! I next met with the nurse practitioner, since I don’t see my doctor on my first appointment, and went over some basics and then I was on my way to get my prenatal blood panel. And that’s it! Such a milestone heading to my first obgyn appointment. 

In terms of how I am feeling, let me tell you the nausea is creeping right back at night so around dinner time to bedtime I am kind of feeling miserable again. But I know that soon enough things will level out and I should be feeling much better over all again. I am so glad to still be taking the diclegis or I would REALLY feel like crap. Thank you modern medicine. Regardless of feeling crappy, I know it’s all for a good cause so you won’t find me complaining… that often

What’s Happening Now

We obviously have a long road ahead of us and many milestones to achieve with our precious little baby. I feel each week, you look at the next and think, “Wow! I will feel much better at “X” week.” Then “X” week hits and you will feel better and more confident the NEXT week. So many nerves when it comes to pregnancy at least for us around here. What I can say is we are so hopeful and with every week our hearts just grow bigger as the baby grows. Because of my appointments falling over the holidays, I have my 12 week appointment at my fertility clinic next week a little bit late and we are HOPEFULLY it will be my graduation day!! Hopefully all my levels look great when we do my bloodwork and I can finally stop all my medications. My fingers will be crossed for that moment. I told my doctor I will be happy when I never have to see her again. HA! I know that sounds mean but she TOTALLY understood what I meant. I see Dr. Moayeri at OC Fertility and her office works through the CCRM facility in Orange County. I can’t say enough good things about them if you are on the hunt for a doctor. Also have seen Dr. Sachdev there many times who is equally lovely.

To have gone through all of this infertility journey during normal times would have been excruciating and add in a global pandemic, thanks to Covid-19, it added an extra layer of complexity to everything. To think of all the women, going to their appointments alone, going through procedures alone… it just breaks my heart. Especially those going through it for their first time. These times and these struggles have only confirmed something I have found out through having Otis: That I have more courage than I could have ever thought possible. This process has almost been more excruciating knowing what a light and joy it has been to be a mother to Otis. It’s hurt extra hard knowing that we may never be able to give Otis a sibling. To be given the joy and privilege of being a mother the first time was my biggest dream come true. And to be given that opportunity again, I am just crying tears of joy. Over. and Over. And over again. It still feels sureal to think we are on the other side of this. Everyday I wake up and go to bed, looking at the ultrasound photo next to my bed, and the inspiration quotes Blake typed out for me that I still have hanging on a string on my wall. And the photo of our precious embryo and the photo of our actual transfer. Everyday I count my blessings. So coming this July 2021, Otis will become a big brother. And for that, Blake and I will never stop smiling. 

I know how triggering a pregnancy announcement can be to those still struggling through their infertility or trying to get pregnant naturally. But know that miracles happen. And that most of all, when it might seem the darkest, hope remains. I hope through hearing our story, you know you are not alone going through infertility. It’s true that the storm is indescribable but the rainbow is always worth the struggle. My heart is with you all.

Otis pajamas in these photos are from my collaboration with Clover baby & Kids. It’s obviously VERY special since both Otis and our future little baby will be our little rainbows of joy. You bet I have ever size in there for when baby #2 comes to join us. You can use code: OTIS for 20% off most items if you want to celebrate your own little rainbow baby with me. Shop here.

The post IVF FET Round 4 (Third times the charm) IM PREGNANT! appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #21

Looks like it’s time for another round of 20 questions and comments. I’ve tried to tag you all again, but if you asked on Anonymous I have no way of tagging you.

Anonymous said: Do you prefer treating certain animals over others? I'm friends with a few vets and I know one who's pretty much specialized in cats and another who can treat most companion animals but has a strong preference for dogs (good thing dog vet was out hiking with cat vet when cat vet's dog got a face full of porcupine quills lol) .

I do have a preference for cats, we just seem to come to a better mutual understanding, and I'm very softly spoken in person so the cats are less inclined to panic. I used to get along well treating cattle for some reason too, but I'm pretty exclusively in small animal practice these days.

Anonymous said: Does your clinic have a Facebook page? If so - how would you feel if clients posted pictures of their pets to it? My vet recently got my rat through a tough injury and I'd like to post a picture of her now that she's all healed up, but I don't know if that'd be weird or if any of them would even see it.

We love it when it happens. Happy pets with a nice comment on our Facebook page is always welcome. Sometimes we let people email us photos and we post them for us too.

Anonymous said: I know is Aus we're usually told to take injured wildlife to our local vet. Do you mind it, or should they be taken somewhere else instead?

It's perfectly fine for triage, but if somebody brings in an endangered species with a reasonably good prognosis, we'll often recommend it goes to a better equipped clinic for that species. Note very clinic has UV lights for turtles, for example.

Anonymous said: Hello, many years ago I lost my chihuahua to a broken back which I believe stemmed from him jumping onto our couches and beds so often. The experience was very traumatizing for me but now I have another chihuahua who jumps often and I don't often take him to the vet so I was wondering if it is common for smaller dogs to hurt themselves from jumping so often?

To actually break the back would be unusual, but slipping an intervertebral disc so that it prolapses up into the spine is relatively common after jumping off things in tiny dogs.

@justaphage said: I've been wondering about probiotics (this is not a question about the health of my dog, she's getting treatment). Multiple times (and with two different vets) when my dog had diarrhea they gave us a probiotic along with the dewormer or antibiotic and I've been thinking: my doctors never prescribed or suggested that when I'm sick in a similar way. Is there some difference in what we know about dog/human probiotics or is it just a difference of the culture of medicine.

It's probably more a culture of medicine than anything else, but also probiotics are kind of wishy-washy in terms of clinical evidence. There's some evidence to say they're sometimes very useful, but other times not so much. Keep in mind though that dogs are also much more likely to eat poop from other animals and so will be picking up all sorts of intestinal microflora.

Anonymous said: I came across your weed toxicity post for pets and had a question: a friend of mine recently told me he got weed extract for his anxious rescue pet (can't remember if it was a dog or cat) but prescribed by a veterinarian I didn't ask him more about it because I was too confused at the moment, knowing that weed does not have the same effects on dogs and cats as it has on people. do you think this is legit or was he bullshitting me?

It's hard to know, especially given that I have no way of knowing which country you're in, or what your laws in relation to marijuana are. Certainly there are some veterinarians working on cannabinoid extracts with known concentrations and milligram dosages, but if I was told this locally I would be extremely skeptical.

@fallowsthorn said: On the "cats don't usually get round tumors" thing - weirdly enough, our cat has a bunch of them. Our joke is that he gets a new one every time he goes to the vet, because every single time, the tech says something to the effect of "well this isn't normal for cats but...." They're just little bumps of fat, they don't grow, and he doesn't poke at them or seem in pain, but he's got like twenty of them by now and it's super weird.

It is super weird. Cats usually get inflamed fat rather than fatty tumors, but there's always somebody that does things differently.

Anonymous said: Hey Dr Ferox! I'm just asking purely out of curiosity, have you ever had a kitty patient come in with an aural hematoma?

I have once, but I can't remember whether it had been in a fight or had an ear infection, or both. We treated it surgically, the same way as a dog.

@daedricprincessxoxo said: I've decided to start as a technician before becoming a veterinarian, after a CVPM at a big-deal hospital told me how much she recommends it. After ages of financial constraints, I finally began the course to become licensed!! I'm to excited not to share!!!

That is very exciting and great to hear. Best of luck with all of it.

@insatiable-obsession said: Hi I love your blog! It's so informative and real, and I'm trying very hard to get into the vet world (unsuccessfully applied to several vet clinics and hopefully going to vet tech school next year!) I was wondering if you have any advice or opinions on zoo work/zookeeping? Also to give you a fun break from all the vet questions, do you prefer: sunset or sunrise? Camping or going to the beach? Christmas or Halloween? Pen or pencil? Sweet or savory?

I really don't do much with zoos and prefer not to analyse them too much through a veterinary lens, because I want to keep them as something fun. Like everything else in life zookeeping is possible to do very well, and possible to do very badly. You could pop across to @why-animals-do-the-thing for more zookeeping connections.

Anonymous said: I'm so annoyed right now. So ever since my friend got a dog we were trying to get them to get him fixed (her dad who's totally hyper masculine is against neutering) then they got a girl dog and refused to get her fixed (we convinced the mom but not the dad). They tried to rehome the girl earlier in the year and until tonight they've refused to get one of them fixed. Tonight the girl had 9 pups and it's the only thing that convinced them to get her fixed (after she's done nursing) They also are keeping one of the male puppies. The dogs go out on a cable because they don't have a yard. The dogs are big too they're an staff bully breed mixes.

I don't know what to tell you Anon. It's a poor situation for those animals to be in, but I can't tell you anything to make it any better, and as long as their minimum welfare standards are met, the animals can't be seized.

Anonymous said: I am considering harness training a new cat. I have only indoor cats. If I allow my new cat out in a harness will I need to do anything different for care of my indoor cats, because all the cats will be in contact together at home. My indoor cats are up to date on their rabies and distemper vaccines, do they need anything else? 

You should call your own vet about what concerns are relevant locally. You are very clearly not local to me and I cannot give you specific veterinary advice, but I suspect parasite control is going to be important for your cats.

Anonymous said:What do you do if your pet dies at home? Like with the body?

Depending on where  you are, you can have the option to bury your pet at home, or you can arrange burial or cremation either through a vet clinic or a pet crematorium directly.

Anonymous said: I have a 3.5 month old kitten and he occasionally like tries to eat litter? i use a clay bases non clumping litter and i move him away whenever he starts but like? Could there be a medical reason? Is he just weird? Were taking him to the vet soon to be neutered and im going to ask them then. Thank you!!

There is no way for me to tell whether your kitten it eating litter because it has a nutrient deficiency, an abnormal behavior or is just chewing on things with a novel texture. Hope your vet visit goes well.

Anonymous said: Hi, not sure if you can help, but figure it's worth a shot! I'm in my parasitology class and I'm having the hardest time keeping the Spinose ear tick and the ear mite straight in my head due to their extremely similar scientific names(otobius megnini and otodectes cynotis respectively) and both residing in/around an animals ears, can you offer any advice?

Sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than O. megnini being an overseas parasite and not one I have to deal with.

Anonymous said: I came across your blog while having a nasty bout of heartburn and I got to wondering: can animals suffer from acid reflux or have symptoms similar to GERD in humans? If so, do you know of any cases or treatments?

Small animals can also suffer acid reflux and subsequent oesophageal ulcers. It's particularly common in brachycephalic dogs. There are a variety of potential predisposing causes, some of which are managed medically, but some require surgery. Hiatal hernias are a good example.

@softlyfiercely said: Am curious re: your thoughts on a childhood memory. We had snails in our yard growing up (southwestern USA) and we loved them. My brother & I fed them lettuce & built them little stick-and-leaf villages. Once we brought one inside to show a family friend. He dropped it. Its shell cracked & it looked in bad shape. We were distraught and begged mom to bring it to a vet. She did not. But would a vet have been able to help? How do zoos care for endangered snails? Can snail shells be repaired?

Some clinics equipped for exotics can and will treat snails, but not very often. It's possible to repair small areas of damage to the shell, so long as the body has not been damaged and does not come into contact with any glue or compounds used.

@malted-shark said: Just wanna' say. Sardine sounds like my Basil at the vet. He has aggressive on his chart and they legitimately have to launch a liquid sedative in his mouth. I wish I was kidding. I wish he wasn't such a nightmare at the vet. He's like that at home sometimes too. Particularly, he doesn't like it when things aren't done EXACTLY to his liking and don't dare try to restrain or hell is to be paid. I just let them handle it, I get scared of him.

With cats like this, sometimes all you can and should do is sedate them for an exam. It's stressful for the cat and dangerous for the handler otherwise.

@peaceofpuregold said: As a primary human to two feral (currently not so feral with a lot of patience, training, and good luck in the mix) can confirm at least 70% of the feral cat escape phrases. All I was missing were the washing machine related ones. I might use this to make a bingo card.

If you do make a feral cat bingo card, let us know!

@hesmyboi said: Came for Trashbag, stayed because I adore animals, I like your style, and I'm having fun learning about veterinarian stuff

And we're very pleased to have you here with us. Thank you.

[swearronchanel]

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts  

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in 

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with”  TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her 

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE  

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!!  STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES  !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment  but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*

[clearsandwicheagle-blog]

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

"Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

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What kind of car do you have, and how much insurance do you pay? (( General interest ))""

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I bought a car off of my coworker a few months back, and everything is in my name. I had paid for insurance but I was going through a rough patch and it lapsed. My mother, whom is living with me, decided to be nice and pay for a month of insurance, through a new company. This is a new policy, as my old one had lapsed. Recently though, my mother and myself have had a falling out. She's holding my car over my head. She says since she paid for a month of insurance she has free reign over using my car. The car is in my name, and as far as I'm aware based on documents the insurance is as well. The only difference is she paid for that one month of insurance for me. And that month she paid for is still active. So like I said, she is holding the car over my head. I left my house the other night with my car key so she couldn't use it - This is after everyone I asked that I knew told me to take the keys. She is also living with me, I am renting the home. She is making threats through text messages saying that if I don't return the car key she will cancel my policy. Is that possible for her to do? She just paid for a month of insurance, and I believe I'm completely in control of my policy. I don't believe it can be cancelled through her calling. Is that possible? Anyone know? So not only do I own the car, I also rent the house. Legally I don't believe she can hold my own car over my head. Also, to add... After taking my keys, I left my home and went to a my girlfriends to get away for a while. Since I have taken my car keys, she has taken and hid my car battery to insure that I am unable to remove my car from my property. She refuses to give it back because she paid for my one month of insurance to start my policy again... So my questions... 1. Is it possible for her to cancel my insurance is the car is in my name, and if the policy, I believe, is also in my name? 2. Legally, can I call the local police department and have her surrender both my car, as well as it's car battery to me? I don't have my registration information on me, she removed that from the car as well. But a quick look up on my license, as well as my car insurance card that I have should be enough to validate it is indeed my car, correct?""

Can somebody find me a really cheap insurance company that would cover for like everything?

I need to find an insurance company offers really low price plans that cover as many things as possible, becos we can't spend too much money but I need to find my mom an affordable insurance plan...help, i dun know where to find it.""

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

How to become an insurance underwriter?

Im looking to move on in my career and I am really interested in becoming an Insurance Underwriter. I am currently studying for the CII FIT exam and was wondering what else I would require. Any help appreciated thanks.

Will an insurance company know if I leave another insurance company without paying?

I am actually on my mom's policy, (we split the bill) and we are unable to come up with all the money they want(two months payments) totaling $1200.00. today is the cutoff day on our insurance now. she told me just to go to a different insurance company. her name is the name on the insurance we have now, so i don't think they will find out, or will they? please help!""

How long will my car insurance company take to pay out and how much will I get?

On Saturday my car caught fire while I was driving it (apparently the fuel line came out). It's a Peugeot 206 1999 and has done 87,000 miles. It wasn't in bad condition either. It's blatently a write-off, the engine looks like one big bit of plastic. My question basically is 1) how long do insurance companies usually take to pay out on this kind of thing, and 2) what will I get? I've looked on parkers and stuff, but you have to pay to find out... so I thought I'd see if any of you lovely people know first! :)""

Buying Individual Health Insurance Florida?

I am having difficulty finding affordable health insurance here in Florida. Looking for a way to compare various plans.

When can I drop full coverage insurance?

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Insurance Prices please help?

I want to know how much insurance will be. I need auto, health, life, and renters insurance. What prices do the top insurance companies promise for auto, health, life and renters?""

Does anyone have term life insurance with primerica? Are rates with another company better?

Does anyone have term life insurance with primerica? Are rates with another company better?

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hey...i found a very good car deal and i don't wanna miss this car but i just came to usa and i don't have a ohio driver id...(i got my own country's driver id) i have scheduled my driving test for next week but i want to buy this car this week for sure...can i buy the car from owner without driver id ? and if ican buy the car can i buy insurance for this car without driver id ?

Do Muslims pay more for insurance?

I live in Slough, Bucks. My car insurance is very expensive due to where I live. Some insurance companies wont even provide insurance at all in my area. I looked at a map at an insurance brokers that showed high risk areas and I have noticed that the high risk/expensive areas happen to have a high Muslim population. Are the government aware of this.""

What is the cheapest insurance around for a 20 year old with 2001 bonneville?

What is the cheapest insurance around for a 20 year old with 2001 bonneville?

I live in CA and want to know How much $$$ to pay for insurance if i get a sports car?

I am getting my permit in 2 months and i am getting the Toyota MR2 Spyder. How much do i have to pay for the insurance? i heard that it costs more because its a sports car.

Is it true that 2-door-car more expensive to insure than 4-door-car?

For an example, civic coupe (2 doors) and civic sedan (4 doors). I heard that all 2-door-cars will be considered as a sport car. However, some people say that it is not always that way. I personally won't consider civic coupe as a sport car because I think it isn't. Can someone please clarify this matter to me? Also, which insurance company do you think is the best to insure your car? thank you!""

How much does AAA car insurance cost?

okay im 15 years old and will be able to start driving next year. My parents promised to get me a car and pay for the first years insurance but only if i have enough for the second years insurance in my savings. The auto insurance my family has is AAA so if anyone has it and knows how much it would cost a new driver please lemme know thanks:)

How much would my insurance be?

I am a 17 year old male and I'm looking a getting a ford mustang. I am trying to get a 2008 v6 4.0 L convertible is my car insurance going to be rediculously high?

What kind of car insurance......?

do u have and how much do u pay a month

How long can a Insurance company in the state of Tennessee look back on your driving record?

I had a wreck two years ago this October, I was wondering how long an insurance company can look back on my record? Its been two years since I have had any wrecks or tickets but my rates are still high, I was thinking if I switch companies and didnt tell them about the wreck I would have a clean record?""

Range of Insurance rates for a 25yo Canadian (New Driver)?

I am a 25 year old Canadian, buying my first car. It will probably be 6+ years old, valued at less then 5,000. I'm wondering about insurance. I spoke with a broker telling me prices range from 4,000 - 4,500 a year (~$333/mo). This sounds excessive. She also said with third-party coverage the type of car I drive shouldn't matter, which left me with doubts. What should I expect to pay?""

Insurance for 16/17 yr old?

I finally convinced my parents to allow me to get a bike, only catch is i have to pay for everything. And full coverage is a must. I know I'm probably going to get raped by the cost of it all but I'm willing to do it. So for a 16 going on 17 yr old rider needing full coverage Mostly liability and collision Everything pertaining to others... not me. or the bike. what would be a ball-park guess at the cost each month to insure these bikes.. Ninja 250r Gsxr 600 R6""

Is there an insurance company who will insure a Dutch car?

I have just moved back to England after spending 11 years in Holland and i have a very nice car which i dont want to sell. I have changed my Dutch driving license to english and would like to know if there is an insurance company who will insure my dutch registered car. If so i can then make an appointment to have the headlights changed. Thanks for your time. Sue.

The minimum amount your auto insurance must cover per accident is:?

In California is? A. $15,000; 30,000; 5,000 B. $10,000; $25,000; $5,000 C. $20,000; $25,000; $15,000 D. $5,000; $15,000; $10,000 Thanks!""

Do you need the VIN to purchase insurance?

my husband bought a car at an auction today with his friend, we will have the car tomorrow by 1pm but were hoping to get insurance bought in the morning, do we need the VIN to purchase insurance so he can drive it tomorrow?""

Am I paying too much for car insurance?

IM 19 years old, I pay $100 per month with geico, I have not had any speeding tickets, I have not been in any accidents, I had my license for about a 3 - 6 months now, I own a 1997 ford Taurus. Am I paying too much for car insurance?""

Can I get a dealer service department to cash out a check that was written from my insurance company?

I know I can get a repair done cheaper elsewhere. But my insurance company has already left a check at the dealer that is made out to me and the dealer so I have to sign it over to them. The dealer will not have the part in until Tuesday. So can I go to the dealer and just take the part and ask them to cash out the labor to me and I will go elsewhere for the actual repair?

Good site for buy SR22 Insurance Texas?

I had my first Dwi... :(

Insurance for a ten+ year old car?

I am looking to get a 2000ish LS1 Fbody (camaro or trans am for those who dont know) and I was talking to my dad about the insurance rates. Since I am a male under 25 my rates would go up a lot with a sports car like those. However he told me that since the cars are over ten years old, the insurance company probably wouldn't rate it very high just because of the age of the car, even though its a sports car. Does anyone know if thats the way it works? or is he mistaken? Please answer the question without getting into lecturing about young men having sports cars and how its a bad idea. the question could pertain to any older car, I'm not even sure if thats the car that i want. I'm just doing my research. Thanks!!!""

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

If I am 16 can I get a rental car if my insurance company covers it?

We went to the rental car company and they said that being under the age of 18 I can not get a rental car, but I do have full rental coverage on my insurance. Would I be covered to get one since I have full rental coverage? I am going to call my insurer tomorrow to see. But I'd like to know now.""

How does life insurance work?

How does life insurance work?

Any recommendations for health insurance for international travel?

I will be traveling around the world for 4 months and need health insurance as I'm currently unemployed

What car insurance would one recommend that's good and not too expensive?

I currently have geico but paying too much and looking for something more of low cost,any ideas?""

Car Insurance?

My fiance does not have his license because he was caught driving without insurance (forgot to pay it!). He has to pay the state a fine (done) and then get an SR-22 and insurance before he can get his license back. How can you get insurance if you do not have a car to get insurance on? (He would be driving vehicles at his job, which is why he needs his license). He can't get insurance on my car with me, because my car is registered in my mother's name and is insured by her, I'm just on her policy.""

My teeth are breaking.ineed to find a dentist that will help me with no insurance?

roots are in my gums.bad breath

POLL: How much do you pay for car insurance?

i asked about how much car insurance costs but didn't get any great answers, so i'm just going to do a little survey""

Sell Life insurance in Georgia from Florida?

What do I need to do for me to sell Life insurance in Georgia if I have a Florida License and I live in Florida? Plus, How much will it cost?""

Insurance for first car?

Im thinking about buying a 00-04 S2000 or and 99-04 Mustang GT. I live in georgia..17 almost 18 with a flawless driving record. My parents and i use geico insurance. I am a car enthusiast and i love performance.

What is the average collision deductible on insurance for a 2005 leased vehicle?

i'm trying to determine whether i need a big deductible or not, this determines whether i stick with geico or move to the cheaper esurance""

Insurance company wants to total my car/not insure it.?

So my dad rear ended someone really softly, but it was a truck that he rear ended with a hitch or something that damaged the grill and the bumper. Problem is, I put a total of $2700 to have transmission replaced and the engine repaired after the timing belt broke and caused damage over the last 2-3 months. It is a 2004 dodge neon and the body to these things are flimsy to begin with. I'm taking it in Monday to get it looked at better, but they said from what they could see it might be a total loss. Which means its only gonna be worth $2000. they said they have to replace the hood, the grill, and the bumper and other stuff which is **** because I know people who could fix these problems for less than $500. they aren't even visibly bad, a few dents in the places i mentioned but when i took it in they reacted like i had been in a head on collision going 50 mph. It runs perfectly, we wouldn't have even reported it except we were worried the guy might claim injury after the fact (which he did). What can I do? This is my only car, and I am already in debt from student loans. $2000 isn't gonna buy me a new car. How can I convince them not to total it when I take it in?""

How much is for car insurance for first time drivers?

How much is for car insurance for first time drivers?

How much would my insurance be?

I am 16 and I want to get a car. My parents said they would buy me this car I want but I have ot pay for the insurance. We have allstate. The car is a 1999 ford mustang. Yellow Color V-6 Engine Automatic Transmission 141,207 miles on it 2 drive coup""

Car insurance for learner driver UK?

I am considering to buy a car before I pass my test. Without buying the car first I can't get a quote online. I understand insurance is not much differenet for a learner driver and someone that just passed their test. Anyone knows how much roughly insurance cost for a learner driver? Thinking of getting a 2002-2003 ford focus, and I am a female 27 years of age if that makes any difference.""

""If I do not have health insurance in Fremont, California, and I want to deliver a baby?""

how do I deliver it with low income, also, if you are going to suggest Tri City, is that good, what are your experiences with that place? I think it is Tri Shitty. Also, what else do you suggest besides Tri City? Please help me I am one month pregnant and need to figure out where to deliver a baby Also, I just wanted to mention if you are pregnant and applying for health insurance do not tell them that you are, they refuse you flat, just tell your doctor the truth about your missed period date at your first appointment, fight with this backwards health insurance country""

Can someone please tell me why used Audi's or so cheap?? Can someone help me pick which used car to buy!?

2003 BMW 325I 84K Miles $10,900 2002 Audi S4 64K Miles $10,900 2005 Audi A4 1.8T AWD 79K Miles $10,900 2006 Honda Civic EX 1.8 75K Miles $10,900 2003 Infiniti G35 sedan 64K Miles $10,900 insurance is no problem, all these are clean car fax, clean title, all under KBB value, the infiniti is $3,000 under value, the rest are about $1000 under value. Any ideas why Audi are so cheap? im just looking for about a 10-11,000 car with low miles. Which should i pick?""

What is the average cost of hormone replacement therapy with and without insurance?

I've fianally decided to begin my transition (male-to-female) and i wanted to know what it would cost to begin HRT. I ask for both with and without insurance because i have a college based insurance plan (SHIP) and i am not sure if it will cover HRT (it covers gender identity counseling so IDK) Thank you all in advance ~<3 P.S. i live in Moscow, Idaho.""

Do I need to pay insurance on a SORN car?

Hi if i declare my car SORN (UK) do i need to pay insurance or MOT?

Would it be better for our government to give everyone health insurance or?

Produce more health care resources by increasing funding for medical schools and work to flood the market in health care services thus making it more affordable for everyone?

Why is my insurance quote so high?

I got a quote that 480$!! Why is it so high I have a mustang gt 2011 and I'm 18 iv never had a accedent am I just going to the wrong company? I went to gieco all state and esurance there all over 400$

I need cheap dental insurance not a discount plan?

I have to get a good cheap dental plan not a discount plan. Where can I get one or what can I do??? I have something that really needs to be taken care of fast.

Will making two collision claims (one major/ one minor ) within a 6 month period raise my auto insurance rates

I've never made a claim before this first one, a deer ran in front of my car and caused severe damage. Now five months later someone hit my car in parking lot (I think) nothing major just a 6 black mark that pushed the body in a bit. Will they raise my rates? If so then I would just go a get it fixed and pay for it all out of pocket.""

Sporty cars with low insurance group?

Hi, ive just turned 15 and im planning on getting a job if i can in January, my aim is to save up to buy a car, my dream car is a subaru impreza wrx sti, but although the used cars are resonably cheap and after a while i can afford it, the insurance is incredibly high!, so im looking for a good looking, resonably fast good looking car that can hold 4 people or 5, this is obviously a tricky task but if you could help id appriciate it!, I was also looking at the 350z but althogh insurance is cheaper its only 2 seats, and as i turn 17 at the start of sixth form, i will be 1 of the first to hopefully get a car, meaning, transporting friends to town at lunch is a key thing :D, Thanks alot Mike PS:, please let it be sporty, i dont want to moddify anything, maybe a nice spoiler and scurts, thank you!!!! :)""

Insurance company took me to supreme court?

Ok. I had a car accident a year ago the insurance company claims that it was fraud because the story didn't match up in the euo so now they taking me to the supreme court this is the third time they didn't pay anything and infact I was hit from behind. It been a year since we are going to court. Now they send another summons saying that settle of the case if they didn't pay me anything y r they still bothering me. And acuse me of all these things

Am I already covered under my parents car insurance?

I just bought a car and my parents said they would take care of the insurance so they put my car under there names when I explained I needed to be under it my mom said its too expensive and it fine as long as u have insurance she's wrong right?

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

Loretto Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55599

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/health-insurance-jacob-andrews-1/"

[midnightmacaroni]

Well shit, okay anon, I found the post I think you're referring to, so without further ado, here are my answers... (Also super sorry for any spelling mistakes or unanswered questions, this literally took me like two hours to type up on my phone) 200: My crush’s name is: Gal Gadot tbqh ;)
199: I was born in: a hospital?? (September lol)
198: I am really: tired, currently
197: My cellphone company is: AT&T, formerly Verizon
196: My eye color is: blue
195: My shoe size is:men's 9 or 9.5. I just like the colors available in men's shoes better ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
194: My ring size is: idk, actually. Planning a proposal??
193: My height is: 5' 6" 
192: I am allergic to: Most antibiotics! And bleu cheese.
191: My 1st car was: baby blue 2008 Toyota 
190: My 1st job was: dishwasher at a diner. Still work there!
189: Last book you read: uhhhh....Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. Haven't finished it yet but so far it's pretty good. Other than that, been reading lots of fanfiction lol 188: My bed is: My Home, I love my bed
187: My pet: is my baby and a perfect boy (an orange cat named jack)
186: My best friend: not sure who this is sometimes, actually. I have a few great friends but Idk who I would call my best friend. I hope that doesn't stir any pots.
185: My favorite shampoo is: herbal essences
184: Xbox or ps3: uhhhhhhhh Xbox One
183: Piggy banks are: a waste of good ceramic, imo. Use a bank, earn interest!
182: In my pockets: typically: wallet, keys, phone, iPod. Cargo shorts, while not fashionable, are wonderfully functional.
181: On my calendar: TOO MANY THINGS
180: Marriage is: something I think I'd like but that's a long time from now. 
179: Spongebob can: make a great Krabby Patty
178: My mom: was an amazing woman who I wish I could have gotten to know more as an adult, she passed away when I was 19.
177: The last three songs I bought were? Country Roads by John Denver, LA Devotee by P!ATD, and Nowhere by East of Eli
176: Last YouTube video watched: "super Mario 64- endless stairs" because I was feeling nostalgic
175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to count, honestly. My dads half of the family grows exponentially and I have cousins I've never even met.
174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, two younger brothers and a younger sister.
173: Are your parents divorced? They divorced when I was 4, in 1999.
172: Are you taller than your mom? I was, yes. I think I was taller than her when I was in 7th grade onward.
171: Do you play an instrument? Not really, I kinda dabble on the piano sometimes but I can't actually play anything besides Chopsticks.
170: What did you do yesterday? I spent the day swimming at a friend's house and then played beer pong with some other friends. [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: no. infatuation, maybe. You need to know a little more than what a person looks like to fall in love with them.
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: hmmmmmmmm maybe
166: Yourself: most days, no.
165: Aliens: absofuckinglutely
164: Heaven: not in the Christian/Catholic sense...
163: Hell: no.
162: God: not in the Christian/Catholic sense.
161: Horoscopes: sometimes? 
160: Soul mates: mmmmm I like the concept, but the execution is sloppy. 3/10
159: Ghosts: yes. I've had way too many paranormal things happen that can't possibly be coincidence.
158: Gay Marriage: uh why is this in the "believe in" category? This Just In: gays who get married are mythical creatures (Yeah, anybody should be able to marry whoever they love) 
157: War: I don't think there's ever a good reason for war
156: Orbs: like, ghost orbs? Or...like... uh what??
155: Magic: as a witch, yes, I believe in magic. [This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: why not both? But hugs are great for friends so I guess hugs. Kisses have to be at a certain standard, but hugs are always nice.
153: Drunk or High: never been high, so drunk I guess 
152: Phone or Online: online ON my phone! (Is that what this is asking?) 
151: Red heads or Black haired: uhhhh I don't really know any red heads so black haired I guess?
150: Blondes or Brunettes: another hard one, i don't really care what hair color you got tbh
149: Hot or cold: cold. You can always throw on another layer, but you can't always strip down to nakedness if you're too hot.
148: Summer or winter: winter.
147: Autumn or Spring: autumn.
146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 
145: Night or Day: night
144: Oranges or Apples: apples! I don't like the texture of oranges, or any citrus fruit, really.
143: Curly or Straight hair: Wavy?
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonald's fries, burger king's burgers.
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate, all the way.
140: Mac or PC: macs are too confusing to me, so PC.
139: Flip flops or high heals: *heels, and definitely flip flops. I can't walk in heels to save my life.
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor. 
137: Coke or Pepsi: I don't drink soda anymore, but at different points in my life I would have said coke, then Pepsi. I think if I did drink soda, I would be a Pepsi kid.
136: Hillary or Obama: when was this written, jfc lol (Obama forever, that family was the classiest and most well-educated to enter the White House and I miss them dearly.) 
135: Burried or cremated: neither.
134: Singing or Dancing: singing, but only when I'm alone in the car or shower.
133: Coach or Chanel: I have no idea...
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who???? Seriously, who??
131: Small town or Big city: moderately medium suburbs 👌🏼
130: Wal-Mart or Target: target!
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler annoys the shit out of me, so ben stiller.
128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure, I like when they fix up my toes and give me a foot rub. Hand massages are great but foot rubs are A+++
127: East Coast or West Coast: since I live east coast and have seen most of the states on this side of the country, I'll have to go with east coast. Sorry Cali!!
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, because then I can give my friends things too.
125: Chocolate or Flowers: uhhh chocolate.
124: Disney or Six Flags: never been to six flags! 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: yanks all the way!!! [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: it's pointless and we sensationalize it way too much. It's not something glamorous, it is awful.
121: George Bush: he was a shit president and the fact that some people are treating him like a cute grandpa nowadays is really kinda sketch.
120: Gay Marriage: it should be legalized and celebrated everywhere.
119: The presidential election: electoral college is bullshit 
118: Abortion: a woman should have access to safe, affordable healthcare, no matter what her choices are. I wish it didn't have to happen, but I fully support any women who make that choice. Their bodies!
117: MySpace: I like having my own space! (Jk, I never had a MySpace so I can't comment)
116: Reality TV: reality is not TV. It's mindless entertainment but other than that, has little value.
115: Parents: they do the best they can and do what they think is right. and sometimes they fuck up. It happens
114: Back stabbers: I don't like liars or people with malicious intent, but that's human nature sometimes so yanno (งツ)ว 
113: Ebay: sketchy, but I know people who have gotten good deals so I guess it's cool
112: Facebook: Facebook is a good place to dump a lot of my photos to make more room on my phone
111: Work: I like to make money, and I have a good work ethic. I feel like sometimes people don't take their job seriously and don't perform to the best of their ability, which makes me upset. I think if you're working at a job, you should always do the best you can and be a good employee
110: My Neighbors: at home, my one neighbor is really awesome and the other just sucks
109: Gas Prices: normally, they're about $0.20 cheaper here at school but they've been on the rise so I'm a little miffed.
108: Designer Clothes: I think the prices are way too jacked up for some fabric that covers your body. You're paying for the brand name, and that's nuts.
107: College: it's a great time, but not for everybody
106: Sports: America cares more about sports than the planet we live on. I personally think that we shouldn't be paying basketball players thousands of dollars to shoot a ball in a hoop but hey that's America and capitalism for you. Doesn't make sense to me
105: My family: backwards and dysfunctional but there for me when I really need them. Family doesn't always have to be blood, either.
104: The future: frustrated about it because my goals are far away from me and I can't think much farther ahead than 3 months. [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: last night, alex and gabby 
102: Last time you ate: twizzlers at about 7:00 pm?
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uhhh idk? When I was home last, that was a while ago.
100: Cried in front of someone: I cant remember.
99: Went to a movie theater: a few weeks ago to see Wonder Woman
98: Took a vacation: last summer, when I went to Italy to meet Bruce Springsteen
97: Swam in a pool: yesterday!
96: Changed a diaper: uh approximately 8 years ago when my little siblings were babies haha
95: Got my nails done: no idea
94: Went to a wedding: my cousin Kim's wedding in 2013
93: Broke a bone: does fracturing count as a break? Because that was in like February/ March lol
92: Got a peircing: December 2014
91: Broke the law: how deep we talking here? Because I feel like there are a lot of minor laws we all break on a daily basis lol
90: Texted: 2 seconds ago to my friend Jenna [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably my friend Jordan, lately though it has been Alex and Gabby
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: The familiarity of everything that I grew up with
87: The last movie I saw: Wonder Woman,12/10
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: going home next week because I need a break from school and summer work
85: The thing im not looking forward to: taking my math final exam
84: People call me: ?? Dumb bitch, probably 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: type all these answers out... No but really, forgiving yourself is hard
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: uhhhh 3 times 🙈
81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My buddy Guber
79: First time you had a crush: uhhh when I was like 9 and loved Lindsay Lohan. Had posters, autographed photos, magazines, everything of her lol
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: uhhh??? Idk man I hide things pretty well if I want to 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: It happens a lot. Today, a few times?
76: Right now I am talking to: Gabby, Bri, Gina, Jenna, Elizabeth
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I am a grown up and I have no idea what I'm doing lol
74: I have/will get a job: I have been working as a resident assistant for the past two years and hopefully will be getting a job for the next year as a domino's pizza delivery driver
73: Tomorrow: I'm volunteering at a cat rescue and then doing math homework
72: Today: I went to Hershey park and had a bunch of fun!
71: Next Summer: who even knows lol
70: Next Weekend: I will be getting ready to go home for a week
69: I have these pets: 9 cats, 2 dogs and a Senegal parrot 
68: The worst sound in the world: cardboard scraping on cardboard
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: no one person really makes me cry?? Idk...?
66: People that make you happy: Gabby, Alex, Gina, Bri, Michelle...hooo the list goes on and on. 
65: Last time I cried: like ten mins ago lol
64: My friends are: great but sometimes I feel like they don't like me as much as I like them 
63: My computer is: getting old 
62: My School: is the best!!!
61: My Car: is my baby but she's getting a little beat up. 
60: I lose all respect for people who: treat janitorial staff like garbage, don't tip their servers, voted for Drumph
59: The movie I cried at was: I cried a little bit during Wonder Woman
58: Your hair color is: naturally a dark blonde but currently brown. Need to re-dye it soon.
57: TV shows you watch: so many. Supergirl, Arrow, Flash, Orphan Black, Lost Girl, Orange is the New Black, TWD,...and more.
56: Favorite web site: probably Tumblr tbh lol 
55: Your dream vacation: I would just really love to see Australia, London, Ireland, and eventually all 50 US states
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had mono and it felt like there were knives in the back my throat
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium-rare. I'm at a fancy place, rare.
52: My room is: tidy, but also cozy.
51: My favorite celebrity is: Cher
50: Where would you like to be: right where I am, which is in bed
49: Do you want children: nope nope I'll babysit but I don't want any junior me's running around 
48: Ever been in love: yes, a few times.
47: Who’s your best friend: this is a repeat question and I don't know how to answer it
46: More guy friends or girl friends: more girl friends. 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: getting complemented, even if I don't to leave them half the time
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my mom. I need advice and it would be great to see her again. 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don't even have a five minute plan, who do you think I am??
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: one time I did, but idk where that list is.
41: Have you pre-named your children: no, don't want any.
40: Last person I got mad at: uhhh I don't know? I was annoyed with some friends the other night but not mad.
39: I would like to move to: Canada, Toronto specifically.
38: I wish I was a professional: parkour artist (Idk what else you'd call a parkour person) [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: take five
36: Vehicle: ?? I don't know, I drove a 2014 chevy impala once and that was really cool so that, I guess?
35: President: Obama, 100%
34: State visited: Idk!!! I liked Cali a lot, but it's hard for me to judge because I wasn't really allowed to go do my own thing and explore soooo idk
33: Cellphone provider: Verizon
32: Athlete: idk any athletes to be able to answer this one
31: Actor: Stephen Amell, Robert DeNiro, Jim Carey 
30: Actress: Meryl Streep, Calista Flockhart, Tatiana Maskany
29: Singer: Cher, Prince, Beyoncé...many more
28: Band: Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, U2, P!ATD, a lot more.
27: Clothing store: Old Navy
26: Grocery store: Wegmans
25: TV show: Any super hero show, I don't know...
24: Movie: Princess Bride, Homeward Bound, Wonder Woman, Scary Movie 3, The Heat
23: Website: tumblr lol
22: Animal: cats!!! I love all animals tho so hot that down
21: Theme park: universal studios in Florida
20: Holiday: Halloween 🎃
19: Sport to watch: women's soccer, or baseball
18: Sport to play: soccer 
17: Magazine: I don't really read magazines
16: Book: Nancy drew books were rad. I haven't read an actual book in a long time, so I don't really know if I have a favorite
15: Day of the week: Thursday
14: Beach: Amalfi Coast, Italy. Or Bermuda.
13: Concert attended: Bruce Springsteen, 2016, the River tour.
12: Thing to cook: Italian food. But I like cooking anything really 
11: Food: chicken is always a good time
10: Restaurant: I dunno I like lot of places 
9: Radio station: 104.5, 98.5, 92.1... a few more 
8: Yankee candle scent: Cranberry woods. (Is that a yankee candle smell?? Could be some other rand tbh idk)
7: Perfume: uhh anything from bath and body works is nice. I personally wear Acqua Di Gio by Armani pretty often.
6: Flower: daffodils
5: Color: blue
4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres, Jimmy Fallon
3: Comedian: John Mulaney is pretty funny. Also Bo Burnham.
2: Dog breed: Golden Retrievers.
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Truthfully, yes. 100% Seriously? Not all of them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯