#i leave in two hours what am I doing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theamazingannie · 1 year ago

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Was all excited about potential costumes to wear to the film tonight when it was announced and now that it’s here I’m realizing I did not prepare at all and now have no idea what to wear

#i leave in two hours what am I doing #Im about to just wear an Etsy TS shirt and sweatpants #i want to combine all the eras but I don’t have stuff for every era and I don’t wanna leave anyone out #because Im autistic and non living non physical concepts have feelings #i also Wanna be more subtle because it’s in a normal place rather than a stadium reserved for this purpose #was just gonna do rep cuz it’s my favorite aesthetic era as a swemo but I also Wanna wear my red scarf #and i didn’t get to wear my mirror all earrings to the concert cuz I lost them so even tho I love my snake earrings I wore #i Wanna wear them #and If Im wearing three eras I might as well wear them all #i use a flannel as my cold weather pre winter jacket so that’s evermore #and then i got a 1989 era vibe skirt #and a karma tshirt #but then i dont really have anything got debut fearless and lover #aside from my nail polish and face jewels if I decide to wear them which I probably will #i got so much rep and a lot of midnights and red #but the other eras i either have one thing that I need to wear #or nothing at all #i got lover earrings but then I’d have to skip folklore and wearing two different earrings looks too weird #i got these brown tights I can wear that give off a kind of fearless vibe even tho fearless is more yellow but tv has a lot of brown #Im way overthinking this no one will care what I’m wearing lol #i think I’m just gonna go with my simple as many eras as possible outfit choice #and just vibe

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lloydfrontera · 11 months ago

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male authors, writing m/m friendships: their bond will develop through hundreds of chapters, we will get to see each stage of their budding relationship, they'll constantly be in each other thoughts, their first instinct will always be to reach for the other, their first worry will always be the other's safety, they'll spend every minute of the day together, they'll be complete opposites and yet perfectly compliment each other, they will put everything they ever loved in risk just to keep the other safe, they will give their life without hesitation to save the other's, they will fight and argue and tease and joke around but they will always be at each other's side at the end of the day, they will plan to spend the rest of their lives together, sharing the happy moments and the hard times, the idea of being without the other being unthinkable, the thought of being always together coming naturally, as easy as breathing.

the same male authors, writing m/f romance: she'll like,, smile once at him and he'll start thinking of marrying her and having children with her idk

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #ch 368 #LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK SIR #i remember the romance being sudden but this is fucking ridiculous lmaooooo #it came out of fucking nowhere!!! it's so shoehorned in there they almost cut off the heel to make it fit!!!#i don't think they've spent more than like.... 12 hours in the same room in all the years they've known each other.... what the fuck....#and in fucking ch 368!! literally 40 ch away from the ending!!#less than 10% of the way to the end!!! i thought i was exaggerating when i said 90% of the novel had no romance but no!!!#i was fucking right!!!!#this is........ infuriating skjashdkdsf #to be clear i am not saying friendships cannot do everything i just listed here #of course they can!! more friendships in fiction should be like that!! but!!! you cannot write a friendship between two characters like tha #and then put one of those two characters in a romantic relationship with a completely different character #and not give it even a tenth of the attention you gave to the friendship and expect me to find it realistic!!! or compelling!!!#either give it the same level of attention or just!! don't include it!!#that's also an option!! just leave the incredibly compelling friendship you wrote be the highlight of the novel!!#let it be the most important relationship of the plot!! let it be the happy ending for those characters!! that's perfectly okay!!!#FUCK!!!!#i'm fine i'm normal i'm okay

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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sneepy cozy time....

#cats #longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO #..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then #it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week #in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH #OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in #the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not #enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al #night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window #closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen #will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down #to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable #.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F #then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the #outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems #up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah #Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always #carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...

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b4kuch1n · 2 years ago

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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head #hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got #blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well #these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol #hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed #u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell #hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best #if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand #I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again #eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife #hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart #have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative

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thespacesay · 3 months ago

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brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.

#night two of spontaneously showering for over an hour with no notice just as i indicated i wanted to go to bed...#pls consider. i have to shit lol #i also have meds #i'd honestly make fuckin due if i'd had the indicators to like. idk say oh i need to grab my meds first #but also idk how to put it other than this is one of. so many behaviors that are making me just about reconsider the friendship as a whole #within 2 days #i lowkey wanna cry because this has gone so badly overall #and i feel like i'm in a position where it's both unfair for me to not communicate this distress (because maybe we could work it out)#but also if i do communicate. this individual was having and is now coming out of a hypomanic episode where they kept talking about #self harm related habits and displaying self hatred for the mildest of critiques #and they've never communicated what to do in these situations previously so idk their boundaries and honestly don't trust them to establish #boundaries that they would benefit from because they have a large history of that #so uh. yeah in conclusion i am counting the hours til they leave and i can more easily try to figure out how the fuck to handle this

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husbants · 2 months ago

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exhausted of existing ✌️

#after college I moved back home #mistake but like. no clue what I’m doing with my life.#I got two part time jobs so I was working basically full time #however I was basically let go of the one job a couple of weeks ago #I am starting an internship in January where I will be moving far far away #I thought it was reasonable to expect to just work part-time for a couple of months until I leave for the internship #Wrong. apparently my mother has been furious at me for months because I haven’t had an in-person full-time job #last night we had an hours-long argument that basically boiled down to “you will pay rent to live in my house and be my maid…#or you are kicked out.#thanks mom!! and she has the gall to say that I’m selfish and don’t love her enough.#she’s a narcissistic and conspiracy-theory-believing terf so #anyway. so now I’m stuck doing like quite literally all of the chores around the house AND paying her like at least $500 of rent to her #monthly AND she wants me to get another job for a couple months somehow too.#Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so tired of existing in this way.#I never talk about my personal life on here but. I’m just so pissed off at her.

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i-can-even-burn-salad · 4 months ago

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7, 12 for the emoji ask game :)

Thank you for the ask! From this ask game.

🫀 - What motivates you to write most?

Good question in an all time motivation low. I really, really want a complete story, and that it's the only way the story will ever exist. I can daydream my way through 1/3 of a story with a couple of random scenes, but I can never keep my 3 brain cells together long enough to finish the plot, let alone remember it later.

Once it's on paper, it's done. It's never going anywhere (backups hurray.)

🏖 - Do you write on vacation?

I don't really go on vacation 😅 So when I take time off, it usually is at least partially so I can write. Never end up doing as much as I hope :/

Hat last week off. Got shit all done 😭😭

#salad-ask #deluxewhump #this ask is not oc related #I went away in the last... idk how many years exactly once #and while I tried to write a bit I did not get any time to do so #ofc I'm not planning on bringing a laptop to a museum or beach XD #but not getting an hour or two for myself at night fucking kills me #for the next couple of years I'm not gonna leave my house #people always so shocked what do you mean you're not going anywhere how boring #listen bitch my baseline is so stressed i am one thing gone wrong away from breaking down crying any given minute #I need several months off before I can even consider adding the stress of a ~vacation~#having to take the train - by which i mean change trains 3 or 4 times the last of which was like 'lol i'm not coming kthxbai'#is not relaxing!!!

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shadyhouse · 7 months ago

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i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before

#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS #one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know)#and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed #and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection #not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me #and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut #for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME #JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG #WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE.#IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE #IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE #Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it #even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST?#i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck #like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!!#whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it

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holedyke · 5 months ago

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know im going to get in trouble at work bc ive called in sick the last two days but for the first time in my life i dont fucking careeeeeeeee 🤸🤸🤸🤸

#will be in trouble bc im supposed to call in two hrs early but ive done it one hr yesterday and today but we arent even open that early #like im literally just leaving a voicemail no ones gonna get till we open and to call two hrs b4 my shift i would have to purposely wake up #an hour earlier to make that two hr ahead voicemail like its dumb how am i supposed to forsee waking up sick what other choice do i have #h

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todayisafridaynight · 6 months ago

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Religiously i think about one of my twitter mutuals pointing out how aoki's design is subtly asymmetrical while ichiban is more symmetrical

when i think of it, masato's design is fairly symmetrical as well isnt it.....

#snap chats #please no one look at me i shouldve gotten my drink two hours ago #what does it mean .....#i swear my mutual had like. galaxy brain when it came to aoki i swear to god in heaven no one got him like they did #they were also the one that did that glass analysis post i shared some months back #moving on tho...#i guess there is the stipulation that because masato's shirt buttons dont match his shirt like ichi's does the buttons at the top mess it u #but aside from that everything else is pretty even: he has a pair of bangs and while his shirt is patterned its not like. grossly so #the pattern doesnt go particularly one way or the other its obviously just a pattern and the colors arent offensively against each other #on the flipside aoki's hair is more obviously swept to one side and leaving the other side bare #not to mention his tie in general. the 'bulb' part and 'tongue' part even go against each other #as if a diagonal striped tie itself wouldnt be askew to his overall look #again these are very small things to notice but im glad theyre small- it makes sense for a politician's to be subtly incongruent #the glasses are super important to aoki's design too but that's covered int eh glass analysis and isnt about symmetry #idk ... maybe im just waffling on about nothing.. either way i love those posts by my mutual #OH i think of this because i am once again thinking of updating how i draw masato #cause i like the blazer and necklace i gave him BECAUSE of that asymmetry #but now i wonder if thatd go against his design ... so i have to ask 'what underlying message is there for masato to be symmetrical'#i guess- even if he is a creep and a weirdo- he's not. evil? idk ... he hasn't gone totally off the deep end compared to aoki #like compared to what he'd go on to do as aoki he's pretty normal as masato #he is just a guy. who DOES have ties to the yakuza but this aint about that LKCJALKREJVA #he doesnt even like them he just uses them for his convenience 😔#idk. ill prob still draw masato the same tbh LMAO if anything ill just crop his blazer but keep it symmetrical #i guess i cant wonder this TOO much when i give him mismatching rings 💀💀 ill just have fun ig fjaelrvekljv #at the end of the day its never that serious ...... i just gotta draw what makes me chortle. esp for a chara three people care about VJLAEK #but i will wonder ..... <- it is not that deep #ima go bye

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horsemage · 7 months ago

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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

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flying-cat · 1 month ago

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ily bakugou katsuki u are the only thing that hasn't pissed me off today

#today i was basically told that i have to take all of my breaks at work back to back to back within one hour two hours after i clock in #which means that i don't get a break at all later during the night so i don't fucking Want that but i have no other choice because #i'm basically being cornered into doing it by one of the managers who texted my department lead and said i tried to get someone to #cover me for my break at “almost 7 when everyone is going home” which is a fucking lie i asked at 6 #who the fuck wants to take all of their breaks in one hour two hours after they start their eight hour shift #i asked for someone to cover me at 6 because i had to use the bathroom really fucking badly and she was like #“why didn't you take them while the midshift was here” the midshift has a three hour overlap with my shift and i have to be clocked in #for at least two hours before i take any breaks at all and i don't want to take all of my breaks at once that soon #ONE HOUR BEFORE MY COWORKER LEAVES #and like we both have stuff to do????#all three breaks two hours into my shift then nothing for the next six fucking hours funniest joke i've ever heard in my entire life #except it's not a joke because it's from a manager so if i don't do this stupid ass shit i could get disciplined or fired #because they don't want to send anyone to cover for me #you know what's even funnier? i am the ONLY PERSON scheduled for these fucking 2-10 shifts except for our full time guy #my other coworkers? 4-10. i don't want this fucking 2-10 shift get me the fuck OFF OF IT #EATS MY ENTIRE FUCKING DAY #i woke up at 8:30am this morning and it still felt like my entire goddamn day was stolen from me because i wake up have time to myself for #about 5 hours out of my whole day then i have to get ready and get my ass to work until the end of the fucking day #tag rant #tag vent #bakugou katsuki #i feel like this is something i should call my union rep about but idk

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kathrynmjaneway · 7 months ago

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#still wild to me that i am in a relationship #itll be 3 months next week and i am obsessed with him than ever #i never couldve imagined itd actually be like this but it is literally everything i ever wanted #hes sooooo kind #and sweet and i could gush about him all day long #i mentioned in front of two of his friends how im planning to buy a ps5 in the next couple months bc i only have Nintendo consoles #and i wanna play other games #and his two friends where like well why arent you getting a gaming pc?????#important note here: they all are gaming nerds and they are all like IT guys incl my boyfriend #and i explained that its just the easiest way and that im not really a pc gamer #(but important note here is that my bf has hi gaming pc set up on his tv and plays with a controller exclusively and i do vibe with that)#and then all 3 basically were like we will literally build you a gaming pc ourselves so you dont buy a ps5!!!!#that was 2 days ago.#yesterday my boyfriend showed me his research into possible gaming pc set ups for me that would be within a certain budget #while still being definitely more than good enough #and he explained some things to me and asked my opinions #and now im sat here like ok 🥺#i think ill let my boyfriend build me a gaming pc #mind you i wasnt planing on getting a ps5 before fall the earliest bc im planning on moving soon and money and all that #but hes already planning and gathering ideas #while still understanding why i initially wanted a ps5 (less money and i have no idea about gaming pc set ups) and leaving it fully up to me #i am also now at exactly 100 hours into elden ring with him as my backseater #which means end game shit #i am currently switching between trying to win against Malenia Mogh lord of blood and radagon #its........ going #i maxed out my number of flasks and charges?? is that what its called #and i got my +10 staved and sword/catana #its still super fun but hoh boy #the rush of adrenaline when i finally beat godfrey and my boyfriend was so hapoy for me too it was honestly super fucking adorable #personal

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morningmask27 · 2 months ago

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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime

#morningtalks #Ask to tag #<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh #But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now #Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired #(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink #They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out #We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins #And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians #Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened #I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible #But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff #But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care #But I was still very afraid they DO something #Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt #By these men #I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other #And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened #In the end #The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it #(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing #But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow #But now I gotta sleep too

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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deeisace · 8 months ago

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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

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