#aside from my nail polish and face jewels if I decide to wear them which I probably will

[theamazingannie]

Was all excited about potential costumes to wear to the film tonight when it was announced and now that it’s here I’m realizing I did not prepare at all and now have no idea what to wear

[piermanwalter]

I had a dream that I got myself a shapeshifting Nicki Minaj makeup set as a birthday present. I just got home from a long trip and impulse-purchased the makeup set at an airport duty-free shop. It was pitch black outside and felt very late at 9:30 like when you are a little kid and feel 9:30 is late. When your time is controlled by someone else, staying up late feels like a luxury. I’m not sure how old I was in my dream, since I travelled alone but still felt as though someone set a bedtime for me. 

The makeup set was a mystery box from the newly released “Nicki Siren” collection, which was mostly mermaid and sea-themed clothes and accessories. It cost 900 dollars, but the crushing sadness of being stuck in an extended layover on my birthday and the Fear of Missing Out since it was the last Nicki Siren set in the store compelled me to buy it. It was the volume of a shoebox. Top-down, it was square and slightly taller than it was wide. I opened it in my bedroom. The cardboard box was white with dark blue gouache-like writing and the front of the box had Nicki’s face in the corner wearing a pearl and seashell studded tiara and a teal wig with a surprised expression. The overall mood was bright, fun, and unusually unsexy. 

Inside the box was a teal plastic cube with gold accents. Inside the cube was custom light blue bubble wrap flecked with gold glitter. Under the bubble wrap was a 30-inch gold chain necklace with pearls at 3-inch intervals and two huge clamshells hanging off it. The clasp of the necklace had an 8-cm long flat silver pendant in the shape of a fan coral on it, studded on one side with tiny white crystals. Upon closer inspection, it wasn’t a real chain and instead gold beads fit together like a chain strung onto braided teal leather. The information packet in the box under the cube said the beads were 20-ct gold-plated sterling silver, the clasp pendant was cubic zirconia and platinum-plated sterling silver, and the pearls were cultured. 

Despite being quahog type clams, the clamshells had the color and texture of a teal turbo snail shell. This is biologically impossible and I assumed the shells were fake or some weird manufacturing technique was used. Luckily, the shells could be removed from the necklace. which made it much more wearable. I was worried about the shell toggles being right on the pearls, since pearls are fragile, but the pearls were extremely slippery and couldn’t be scratched. I spun the clamshells around the pearls until I got bored. The shells were hinged containers. The smaller clamshell I could close my hand around and had 13 loose non-slippery pearls in it, while the big clamshell was the volume of two double cheeseburgers, extremely heavy, made sloshing noises when shook, but couldn’t be opened. 

The giant clamshell also had a big rectangular magenta sticker on it, which looked very good against the teal shell. Peeling the sticker off, there was product and copyright information printed directly onto the shell, which was ugly as hell and the opposite of normal giant stickers.

When I gave up on opening the giant clamshell, I noticed the necklace chain had grown a cigar-like steel tube around one of the pearls. The tube unrolled into a 3-inch-long hamsa charm with a cloisonne enamel design of white birds flying over fields and forests on it. I went downstairs to get a string and a chair. When I hung the hamsa on the ceiling fan in my bedroom, it started bending again and the birds had left the forest and were now flying over the sea. Although the design changed, I never saw the birds or the hamsa move.

After I got down from the ceiling fan, the pearls were sprouting like seeds, growing into cubic zirconia pavé coral like the one on the clasp. Unlike the hamsa I could see them grow and change in real time. As an experiment, I pinched one of the sprouts until it broke. The broken sprout withered until it disappeared and instead of faceted gems set in perfect prongs, the pearl started producing cloudy industrial accident crystals and twisted wires, before slorping it all back into itself and turning black. 

I felt bad about that and grated a block of parmesan over the pearls to atone. I had to clean cheese out of the prongs afterwards but it felt like the right thing to do. I noticed the coral was “eating” the cheese calcium crystals and growing little pearls so I put them back into the cheese and by the time all the parmesan disappeared, they were twice as big as the original with a seed pearl at every place the coral branched. When the coral pendants stopped growing, the pearl “eggshells” crumbled into powder and flowed back into the little clamshell, which grew a mirror and became a highlight powder compact. 

I looked back in the box and found a little redwood box taking up the remaining space. In the wood box were sheets of stickers made of dyed suede leather, more cubic zirconia, and metal foil. I put some on my phone case and decided to cover the product information on the giant shell with stickers because it looked so bad. This caused the big shell to open. In the shell was a bottle of “Cali Coast” Nicki Siren perfume, a mini lip palette, a mini eyeshadow palette, three tubes of mascara, a teal lipstick, a magenta lipstick, and a sea salt bath bomb. There was a dent in the shell the exact size of the stunted black pearl so I put it in and closed the case. When I opened it again, the black pearl turned into a pearl-handled powder brush.

I looked up the makeup set on the internet and there was a #NickiSirenChallenge on instagram where people bragged/commiserated about what they got. Always, the pendant on the clasp was some kind of immobile sea animal like an anemone or sea pen or sea star and there were always two teal turbo-patterned bivalve containers, like scallops or oysters, one big and one small. The necklace also varied from choker to floor-length, some with real chains, some beads set with larimar cabochons, some with solid gold chains, some with no metal and all natural pearls. Instead of stickers, some people got sample-size vials of different perfumes, keychains, silk scarves, or vouchers for free Nicki Siren clothes. One in 150 makeup sets had clasp pendants with real diamonds and solid platinum. 

To open the big case, you must cover it in stickers, put a key on the keychain, wear the scarf, or redeem the vouchers, depending on what you got. The big case always contained normal makeup and the little case contained 5-30 pearls which turned into different things depending on how you treated them, usually more makeup if you broke them, jewels if you didn’t. It was discovered breaking pearls before they sprouted turned them into applicable products like face creams or nail polish remover. Breaking pearls after they sprouted turns them into tools like nail files or lash curlers. Naturally people cared more about the pearls than the makeup even though it’s technically a makeup set. 

The little case could turn into anything with a hinge, usually corresponding to what the pearls turned into, like my compact and brush. Most people got jewellery boxes but some people got phone cases. 

There was a small chance of getting a bonus animated lucky charm. Someone got a clear resin horseshoe with a functioning ecosystem of malachite seaweed and peanut-sized copper sea urchins in it. Someone else got a palm-sized glass nazar which changed eye patterns before fading to a solid blue disc, then a brass goldfish would jump out of the center of the disc (not literally, it was a flat sheet of brass embedded in the surface which was etched using perspective to make it look as though it were leaping out of the nazar) before falling down, creating ripples that looked like an eye again. Another person got a blue faience ceramic Egyptian fish amulet that changed poses like it was swimming and sometimes moves to different rooms by itself. There were only 20 lucky charms in the world.

In one video, a pole dancer did a routine to Nicki Minaj songs and opened the box on stage. She got vouchers for a cameo in a music video and an entire free outfit. When she pulled the necklace out of the box, the strands of pearls just kept coming and when she turned the box upside down, the stage was engulfed in pearls like a giant shimmering mop.

In another video, someone poured Veuve Cliquot champagne on their case pearls and they hatched into huge round life-size faceted topaz sea apples encircled with braided gold wire instead tube feet, sprays of diamond-tipped gold as feeding tentacles.

Someone was able to score a rare full size Nicki Siren SuperBase foundation tube and she made a video where she applied the foundation, then complained it didn’t match her skin tone. The foundation immediately darkened to match. Later she made another video proving SuperBase foundation was like holy water because it could be refilled with different foundation but still be the same no matter how diluted it gets. SuperBase was the only product that behaves like this.

Someone ran over a case pearl with a Ferrari and it exploded into an 80-piece skincare set. 

I felt bad because aside from the hamsa, I got the second cheapest versions of everything. But as I scrolled through instagram, I became grateful that I didn’t incur Nicki’s wrath. 

Someone bought ten Nicki Siren sets and when she opened one, the stickers were paper, the necklace chain was that weird golden alloy that turns your skin green, the clasp pendant was a lead picoroco barnacle with a giant chunk of plastic for its beak, the small cockle had two pearls in it which turned into another lead barnacle and a sea salt bath bomb, and the big cockle had 8 sea salt bath bombs in it. When she tried to open the other boxes, there were more boxes inside and the boxes grew as though they were being put into more layers of boxes. She resold a box to someone else and in it was one of the rare larimar necklaces and a plate-sized bronze disc with the face of Medusa molded on one side and a shifting mosaic of an ancient Greek harbor on the other side. Consumed by greed, she kept opening the boxes until they were the size of refrigerators. Nine boxes in her garage, she now parks outside. She makes increasingly desperate unboxing videos and with every update her comments are filled with “i can buy a box for $3k dm me i’m serious” and “Ma’am. Please give up.” and “pouring out my superbass foundation for u when u cant fit in ur house ne more LMAO”.

Someone smashed open her big shell instead of opening it properly and it was filled with moths which followed her around eating her clothes. 

An influencer who infamously bugged Nicki into giving her a free set for promotion was crying next to a 10-foot-wide crater in her house because she broke all the sprouting pearls in her little mussel case and the pearls became so heavy they broke the table, broke through the second floor, broke through the first floor, broke through the foundation, and sank into the earth. Then the little mussel turned into a 2001 flip phone and Nicki called her through it and said she was a “fake-ass copy-ass jealous-ass bitch”. She still wore Nicki Siren eyeshadow in the video.

Someone lied about getting a lucky charm for clout and it turned out she strung sea-themed Pandora beads on a mass-produced dreamcatcher. After she redeemed her voucher for a silk dress, when her big freshwater oyster case opened, there were 8 sea salt bath bombs in it and also moths. The moths ate her new dress.

There was a news article about the finder of the resin sea urchin horseshoe being banned from casinos because it increased his luck in gambling but most importantly made his bets on horse races always win. Since the hamsa is a hand, I assumed it would make me unbeatable in card games. 

There was also a news article about German material engineers trying to get as many Nicki Siren pearls as possible to study their previously unseen anti-friction properties. 

Not to be one-upped, Megan Thee Stallion announced the “Hot Girl Eternity” line of hoodies, t-shirts, and booty shorts which will allow the wearer to be immune to fire, heat, and radiation (hoodies), conjure flames (t-shirts), and absorb power from things they burn to add to their own lifespan (shorts). Even though they have yet to be released, it’s already impossible to get Hot Girl Eternity hoodies because they have all been preordered by hazard area workers and x-ray technicians and also stans. 

I think in my dream all rappers are powerful enchanters because that makes the most sense given everything that happened. 

[glorioussoulwerewolf]

The Switch Part 6

The Switch

Part Six - be sure to read the first 5 before you read this one

The last three months have been particularly busy in the Baxter residence.  For starters, Harold is now the Master of the household and has moved out of the servants’ quarters and into Gordon's old room.  He had an English tailor come over from London to fit him for his new wardrobe as he determined he needed attire more befitting a gentleman of his stature and position.  He now wears morning suits daily, changing into 3-piece suits with lapels on the vests that are 100% wool as well as tweed for the afternoons.  When he wears a tweed jacket, he wants his pants to be cut short, showing off his argyle socks and 1/2 boots.  He is never without a hat and umbrella, even on the sunniest of days as he loves the attention he gets when he tips it to passing ladies.  To wear with his tweed jackets, his had the tailor make several patterned waistcoats, in colors that coordinate well with his jackets; all of them double breasted.   Pocket silks and pocket watches are a must for him, but he also must have fresh flowers for his lapel.  Several tuxedos rounded out this first order; all of them from the finest wool.  As for his neckwear, he only wears bow ties and ascots. He is particularly fond of adding stick pins to his ascots with oversized jewels.

He spends his afternoons in the local establishments, running up large tabs, and then calls Jonathan telling him to be a good boy and stop by on his way home to cover the tab and bring him back to the condo.  Even though he is superbly dressed, he must have his pint of ale which always leads to another and then another.  Darts are the game of choice where he plays for beers and is always the big loser, but he doesn't care as he knows Jonathan will take care of it. Jonathan, however, is not happy with the behavior of his father and has reminded him that his station in life is so superior to these lowlifes he has chosen to associate with, but Harold just tells him to shut up and take him home.

Harold decided that tuxedos would only be worn to dinner on the weekends; a change he made since he is usually too drunk to dress for dinner; a change Jonathan did not agree with. He loves to wear his tuxedo to the table and sit in the study with it on while having his evening drink and cigar, admiring himself in the only mirror in the room, knowing how superior he looks. But for some reason, he found he could not argue with his father.  It was agreed however, they would dress for dinner on nights guests were expected.  Jonathan would put his tuxedo on after dinner to admire himself in the mirror in his room, often getting so excited he would release his manhood onto his pants and set them aside for the servants to bring them to be cleaned.

A new butler was hired - Seamus Spitshitz.  He is only 25, 6'2" with a lean body, blue eyes, and bright red, curly hair that was well kept.  Spitshitz is a graduate of the British Butler Institute where he learned everything he needed to be a superb butler and a master of etiquette.  His shoes have a mirror shine, something he promised his new charges would have as well.  He also mastered the art of event management, wines and spirits, cigars, caviar, and clothing care.  As a part of his employment agreement, Harold had him take in the seat of his pants to make them more" form fitting", which Spitshitz made happen at once. "I shall take care to make whatever Master Harold wants of me happen with the utmost haste." he told himself.

After his couple of weeks, Spitshitz went to a salon on his day off and had them cut his hair short with a deep side part, dye it pitch black and use an excessive amount of pomade so that it was tight against his scalp and would not move at all.  When he first spoke to the stylist, he told him "This color is not suitable for a gentleman's gentleman.  I need something that promotes a more professional look, slicked tightly to my scalp.   Make sure you get the brows colored the same as my hair and thin them out a bit.  I'd also like them to look more like comets rather than this bushy look."   He had his nails done with a high gloss polish and had the nails all sized to be 1/4" off the tip of his finger.  If a nail was not long enough, extensions were applied.  And he then requested a Brazilian body wax, leaving him hairless from the neck down. He did not know why he was making these changes; he just couldn't help but tell them he wanted them.

After the salon treatment, he returned to the condo where he met Master Harold.  "I think the new hair color and style suits you well. Don't you agree Spitshitz?"  Harold asked him.  He agreed and said he should have done this sooner.  That night, he bowed as Mr. Jonathan entered the room, tearing the seat of his pants.  "Excuse me Sir while I change." said Spitshitz to Harold but Harold had other plans for him.   "Come with me.  I have a new uniform for you to wear." and they left the dining room for Harold's suite.  "Remove your clothing and put these on."  Harold handed him an extra tall white wing tip high collar and stud, a black silk bow tie, and two shirt cuffs with black studs.  "Put your shoes and sheer hose with the garters back on and come back when you are properly attired in your new uniform." Spitshitz did as he was told without argument and when he returned, Harold had him bend over so he could insert a butt plug with a large black pompom on the end into him.  "There, now you are ready to serve dinner.  I hope you like your new uniform.  I went to great lengths to get this for you." Harold said.  Spitshitz replied, "Oh, Master Harold, you are so kind to use your precious time to make sure I look suitable for you.  I do love it. Thank you Master for doing this for me!"  and dinner was served.  

Jonathan has been working hard at his job.  He arrives to work early to review the reports on the foreign markets and has been locking down new deals every day.  He has already surpassed his target goals for the year that were set by his supervisor.  In fact, he has doubled them and as a result, is getting a large bonus.  He demanded his office be expanded by removing the wall between his and the next office and that his female administrative assistant be replaced with a male; the company complied for he was their top performer and they wanted to make him happy.  The new addition to his office space was to have a personal restroom, a closet, and several mirrors.  In fact, he had a mirror placed behind his desk and one on each of the side walls so that he could see himself with ease.  He loved the way he looked and could not help staring at himself in the mirror.  He kept a collection of hair pomade, colognes, lip balm, eye creams, deodorants, and a razor in his new restroom.  He had to look good; it was important that he look and smell his best at all times; that his bow tie was perfectly tied and centered; his shoes well shined; and if his suit had a wrinkle or his shoe scuffed, he had to have others to change into. Lunch was not an option for him. He would have a small salad to fill his stomach but had to make sure he did not put on any weight as he did not have time to work out like his brother.  He would use part of his lunch hour to get a fresh haircut and hot shave at the start and midpoint of every week.  

Making fun of how his colleagues dressed has become his favorite pastime. He couldn't help but tell one of his colleagues how he loved his polyester tie and asked if he bought those suits he wears in Filene's basement.  He would call them the "off the rack boys" and suggested they put a little of their income into presenting themselves better.  They would grumble under their breath over his comments but knew not to tangle with him.  The last guy who did was terminated the next day when Jonathan complained to his supervisor.

His interest in women is completely gone and prefers to work with only male clients.  When he meets with a good-looking client, his tactics move toward two goals - to get his business and get into his pants.  So far, his score card has him at 100% where sometimes he was the top and sometimes, the bottom.  Position in bed didn't matter - just as long as he scored and looked great doing it!  "Ties have to stay on", he would insist and that they did.  Many times, he used their necktie as a leash leading his partners around the room on all fours and had them beg for his cock.  When they finished, they were both very disheveled and Jonathan could not wait to get back to his office to change.  He knew it was a good thing to have extra suits in the office as he often came back with his pants stained or torn, and his jackets wrinkled.  

When Jonathan first met Spitshitz, his couldn't believe his father had made such a horrible decision. All he could think of was poor Gordon with his lisp trying to pronounce this name.  The fact that the guy did look good meant there was competition in the household which really bothered him, but he used “poor Gordon” as the excuse to get rid of him.  "I want him out of here." Jonathan told his father but the next day, he told his father he changed his mind and was fine with the decision.  In fact, every time he disagreed with his father, he found himself recanting that decision the next day.  The arrogance he displayed at work always seemed to be replaced with a degree of dismissiveness when he was with his father.

Jonathan did ask to have more mirrors placed in his bedroom suite and more around the condo.  "You now have my brother's room with mirrors on the ceiling and I would like the same."  Harold agreed to this and instructed Spitshitz to make it happen. The next day, mirrors were placed throughout every room of the condo and covered the ceiling and walls of Jonathan's suite.  Now, as Jonathan walked across a room, he could not stop looking at himself in these mirrors, checking his attire for imperfections, admiring the tight fit of his pants, how well his hair laid, whether there was a wrinkle on his face or bags under his eyes from working so much; everything about him was now very important and he loved to see how fantastic he presented himself.  With the latest changes Spitshitz made to his hair and with his new uniform, Jonathan's eyes could not help but to check him out as well. "I'm still better looking than he is." he told himself.  "And that pompom thing coming out of his ass makes him look like a classless sissy boi, but I'd fuck him.  Yeah, I'd take that boi and make his hole bleed and then leave my seed inside him, keeping it in with the help of that plug.  Who cares if it hurts - he's here to serve me." Jonathan thought as he wanted to add Spitshitz to his scorecard.  

Gordon works out daily in his new place.  He can't help himself as he thinks of nothing else.  He gets up, has breakfast, and then works out for 8 hours, stopping only when it is time for lunch.  Before he changed, he used to read the Wall Street Journal and NY Times daily, cover to cover, while having his morning coffee.  His sharp mind at the time helped him speed read every article of importance and be able to recite what he read as he interacted with his colleagues; often using the information he read to lock down new clients.  Now, he has trouble reading comic books which is what he does in his spare time when he is not watching cartoons.  His once powerful brain has been replaced with that of a little boy or is often just completely blank.

His muscle growth has stabilized and to make sure he does not lose or put on weight, Harold has Spitshitz measure Gordon's chest, waist, bi's, abs, calves, hips and even his feet.   Gordon knows Spitshitz as the new butler and calls him Ssshea. Before sitting for breakfast, they take his body measurements and do a weigh in - so far so good.  Harold had Spitshitz replace all of Gordon's silk pajamas with super hero underoos.  "Men wear silk pajamas and when you grow up, you will too. But for now, I want you to enjoy yourself." Harold said, and Gordon agreed.  Spiderman is his favorite to wear.  He loves to put it on and pretend he is shooting webs around the apartment; something he saw while watching cartoons.  

Gordon's daily work out consists of doing 400 sit ups with another 200 side crunches, twice a day. He bench presses 525 pounds with ease doing 8 sets of 60 reps; he uses 100 lb dumbbells for his arms and is on the leg machine daily. Several machines fill the room to include a lat pull downs station, shoulder and leg presses, free weight stands, benches, a pull up station, and an assortment of dumbbells. He runs 20 miles a day with 50 lb ankle weights and when the weather doesn't cooperate, goes to a local gym to use their pool to swim 1000 laps.  He is the figure of fitness but cannot carry on a conversation. Like Jonathan, he too is in love with his body and looks and loves to stare at himself in the mirror as he rests between sets, sometimes getting his pecs to twitch.  Every three weeks, Bruce comes over to maintain his hair length and color, and his team make sure his body is devoid of hair from the neck down.  When he gets up in the morning, he knows he must take his curling iron and put his marcel curls in, using a lot of pomade to keep them tight. His desire to have sex is completely gone and what he knows about sex is what he is told by Harold and Jonathan. "Sex is for naughty boys and you are not a naughty boy are you Gordon." Harold would say, and Jonathan would agree with him.  His submissiveness is to the point where he apologizes profusely to anyone he bumps into, never looking them in the eyes.

Harold visited with Gordon and invited him to dinner on Saturday.  He told him dress would be white tie and tails, but Gordon did not understand what that meant so Harold said Shea would be down to help him dress. Gordon hugged Harold, calling him by his new name, Da-Da.  "You will need to get up a little earlier on Saturday to get your work out in since you will need more time to get ready." Harold told him and went back upstairs.

He then let Jonathan know he had a special guest coming for dinner, that the dress would be white tie and tails.  Jonathan's eyes lit up as he loved how great he looked in tails. "Who's coming to dinner Father?  Anyone I know?" Jonathan wasn't really interested in who was coming as much as he was wearing his tuxedo tails.  Harold assured him he would be happy seeing their guest and would tell him more later. Meanwhile, he wanted to have a drink and cigar and had Spitshitz mix them a batch of martinis and snip the ends off a pair of Cubans.  The two of them sat quietly drinking and enjoying their cigars.

The programming tapes continued to play in the guys bedrooms.  Gordon's tape kept him from remembering his former life, making his brain totally blank, and had him believing he was a little boy, but kept him working out, loving the build of his body.  Jonathan's tape made him believe he was the true Jonathan Baxter, an arrogant financial wizard who was in love with himself, could not be without a suit and bow tie, hated women and wanted to have sex all the time with hot looking men.  Both felt that Harold was always right, knew him as their true father, and obeyed him implicitly.  

The guys were eager to learn of more about their guest, but Harold kept that information from them. Meanwhile, Spitshitz was instructed to prepare a five-course meal for four on Saturday evening and that he would need to be sure his collar and cuffs were clean.  "Since we will have a special guest, I have this black silk thong for you to wear."  Harold told him.  Spitshitz told Master Harold that he was too kind and should not be providing him with gifts."  "No worries.  You will earn them my boy, you will definitely earn them."