#Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so tired of existing in this way.

[husbants]

exhausted of existing ✌️

[pixelatedraindrops]

Yuma Month: Day 31: Post Game

…for the sake of the world’s happiness.

[venuszn]

☆ : The Sun & Moon

Summary / Reader is hurting from the breakup between her and Bada.

Cw / Heavy angst, Avoidant and Anxious dynamic, Situationship, Emotional codependency, Bada is emotionally unavailable and is also hurting.

Authors note / I totally did not write this in one sitting to vent out the emotions I am feeling nope did not do that at all. Lol anyways I might be in my angst era this one was easy to write (it was therapy). Also, if you got the moon reference at the very end then yay. As usual you can always request and lmk what you think ! 💗

Wc / 1.3K words

Nobody prepared you for this. You did not prepare for this.

Of course, you have been here before. The situation, not being one of unfamiliarity, but you had hoped it would have evaded you for years to come or perhaps even forever. But yet, you find yourself at the very place you dread. The bottomless pit of the feeling named abandonment. You were truly and utterly alone.

How does one mourn the loss of a person still breathing ? Of a person still of flesh and blood. How does one attempt to manoeuvre this emotion and steer themselves onwards and upwards, out of the coldness of the darkness. Nobody prepared you for this.

You drag your feet out of bed, body heavy and thoughts accompanying. Bada should be beside you, but she is not. You look to the bed and you can almost see her laying there, fringe messily draped over her forehead as she would hold you from behind; her soft fingers gently tracing your skin as the both of you would lay there intertwined in body and heart. She always slept on the right and you on the left - that was how things were supposed to be. Now you wake up to nothing but the faint ghosts of what could have been.

You still sleep on the left.

As you gaze into the dirty mirror, a person you cannot recognise lazily gazes back. Her eyes empty but weeping with emotion. But no tears. Your eyes flicker to the toothbrush holder - yours stands in lonesome.

The irony if it all doesn't escape you - how does a person afraid of abandonment initiate the abandoning ? A person who is tired and at their breaking point.

You had always believed that Bada was the one. Nobody had ever made you feel the way she did. Nobody had understood you the way she did and with her you felt an unwavering sense of home - if she was the moon you were the sun.

But perhaps there’s a reason why the sun and the moon are long lost lovers, the beauty of their differences being the harmony that keeps them in balance, but forever doomed to chase the other to the ends of the earth.

You would have chased Bada to the ends of the earth. But would she have done the same for you ?

Despite how many times Bada tried to provide the reassurance you sought, insecurity remained at the back of your mind. You tried your hardest to be the sun for Bada. You saw how she was struggling, how there were times where she couldn't be emotionally present for you but you still shone your rays over her. Overshadowing your own troubles you gave her all of your light, hoping that she would soon start glowing.

But she didn’t.

The mourning had already begun.

As the days passed you felt Bada pulling further away. Your biggest fear. The moon can’t pull away from the sun, what would happen to the existing balance and harmony that they shared ?

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you a relationship right now. I’ve told you this.”

“I know.” You say as you sit on the bed, head down and playing with your fingers.

“So what should we do ?”

“I don’t know . . .” Bada never knew.

“I need you to make a decision, Bada. I’m here right now because I care about you a whole fucking lot. Probably a lot more than you care about me. How many times do we have this conversation a month ? You say you can’t give me a relationship and I say ‘It’s fine’ and I stay because you want me to stay and I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.” You choke out, swallowing the lump rising in your throat.

Bada sighs and runs her long fingers through her hair in defeat. “And I don’t want to leave you either. But I also know that I'm not ready to give you a proper relationship. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. I want to do all of that and more for you but I just can’t - not right now.”

“So when ?”

“I don’t have the answer to that.”

“But you want me to stay ?”

“It’ll hurt like a bitch if you leave.”

“Then I'll stay.”

It was a vicious cycle. You and Bada were heavily dependent on the other - truly the sun and the moon.

A period of time passed where the both of you deluded yourselves into pretending that everything was fine - that you were not both teetering on the edge of gravity. A relationship but lacking the security. It was nothing but a ticking time bomb ready to implode.

Tick.

Gentle touches and hushed sounds. Innocent kisses and those filled with longing. You both continued the facade - ignoring the faint ticking sound of the inevitable in the background.

Tick.

Bada would lean down and eagerly kiss you - when asked.

She would wrap her arms around you, engulfing you in her comfortable embrace and give tender kisses to your forehead - when asked.

“Bada, why don't you kiss me first ?” You had asked one day, feeling the insecurity creep up once more.

“Oh, I’m not used to initiating affection. It’s not something I've done in the past but please don’t think I don’t want to kiss or touch you. I do - that's why I always do it when you ask.”

“Oh, alright.”

Tick.

You knew Bada, you knew she would never intentionally cause you pain. You understood her behaviour and tried your hardest to accommodate your differing personalities. You truly cared for her and so you stayed and stayed everytime.

Tick.

But just as all things began they must also come to an end.

What will happen once the sun stops shining ? How many aeons will it take till it finally gives up - till the fuel runs dry and it begins to die.

“Bada, if you don’t want to do this anymore we don’t have to . . .”

Bada had pulled further away that week and you were at a loss. You were exhausted.

“It’s not that. It’s not about you specifically. I’m just not okay right now, you know this. There’s a lot going on and I don't know when I'll be ok . . . This isn’t fair to you, I know.”

“I think we should end this.”

Your eyes don’t leave Bada’s face as you read her expression - nothing.

Maybe you had both come to terms with it.

“I’m sorry. I tried to be happy for you and tried to pretend that everything was okay - that we were okay.”

“We haven’t been okay for a while now. And I wasn’t happy either. But it's fine. One of us had to make the difficult decision that we had been avoiding so at least now it’s been made. I hope you can be happier now, Bada.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you . . . I don’t know what else to say right now.”

“That's okay. You don't have to say anything more, I'll be going now.”

You had taken a few of your things from her place and left through the door, unsure of if you ever wanted to return to collect the rest of your belongings. Your heart had never ached like it did in that moment.

You were no longer the sun.

The reflection gazing back at you was not one of brightness and warmth. You were barren of warmth and light as you wondered if you should have confessed to the moon and complemented its beauty.

The words, accompanied with the rise of tears, fall from your lips and into the deadness of the air.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it ?”

Tag list / @princhii , @lil-elliesgf , @wiselight @nimixe ! [OPEN]

[marieisnothere12]

hsr 2.2 opinions

The plot was great execution was mid.

Sorry this is pretty long 😭😭

Spoilers 👇

Sunday’s three acts were hella tedious. This gives me Kazuha domain in the golden apple arcepellago ptsd.

Sparkle is just unused its such a shame bc I absolutely love the Masked fools :(

After they “solve” the crisis, it’s too long I honestly lost all the hype bc I thought it ended. It was just waaaaay too long.

Firefly’s 3 deaths?? Hello? I wanted to see that not Sunday’s 3 acts.

They never explain why the Order is bad and the Harmony is good. I didn’t understand until the last part where it was like “oh they’re trying to mind control people.” like you’re telling me this NOW??

oh so much dialogue pls no more exposition

Im sorry but I don’t find Robin to be as likable as hoyo presents her as. She’s a sweet angel but they shove it in your throats so much it feels fake. She just got the short end of the stick when it comes to writing :( i would have loved her ngl I wished she got the same level of writing as her brother :((

Too many twists like it’s exhausting atp. Gallagher being evil would’ve been interesting ngl. Like what of Sunday and Gallagher and Sparkle teamed up???? Idk just a thought. Also “dormancy” is disappointing. IM SORRY I LIKE EVIL GALLAGHER

Maybe unpopular opinion but too much Acheron. I feel like Firefly should’ve had a bigger focus like we forget abt her in the later half.

And the domain things. God they are so unnecessarily long. The one with with the Trailblazer and Firefly was just so so tedious.

Oh so so so much unnecessary dialogue guys please shut up

The Trailblazer taking the Harmony’s side feels forced like bro why??? Theres sm exposition and no explanation. They just go “Bc freedom!!” And…??? What else??? Robin just went “This is wrong” and we hopped on board. Now Robin is justifiable bc she did her research, being her idealist self, and shes a side character so I’m okay with her not having the full spotlight.

Why did Elio send Firefly/SAM to Penacony anyways?

Jade just went “oh Aventurine lets cook some shit up in thr next update” and left

again, pls elaborate on why the Order is bad I got one example

Also I feel like Aventurine was like a footnote im def biased towards my baby boy but :(

Im sorry the main cast is just unlikeable imo they don’t justify their actions and just ride on the ideal of freedom and nothing else. They use the same argument of “bc people deserve to live and choose” and its tiring hearing them say that 10 times they just lacked depth.

Also shaoqi who writes for hi3 wrote this and hi3 is very visual novel esque and it works in hi3 bc its very story driven but it just doesn’t in hsr.

Now the good things

I love the consistent characterization. Sunday acted just as I predicted during the quest so yay

I really like Sunday as a character. ALSO WHY DID HE FALL AT THE END I GOT SCARA PTSD

I like how even though Gallagher is on our side he’s pretty morally gray (he’s a history fictionalogists i hate those shits if you can’t tell I would follow the erudition so they piss me off sm)

We stan boothill live laugh love space cowboys

The idea of the story is amazing though like in general

In conclusion, I think they tried to do everything and forgot about domains being the bane of players’ existence and making stuff make sense. The execution just leaves me feeling overwhelmed and unsatisfied at the same time. Ngl I think 2.1 just built up way too much hype.

[midknightwritings]

im having the biggest brainrot over this idea so yay req time

au where knights (seperatly) are royalty and their s/o is their own personal knight,,, and Shenanigans happen with each of them,, God i hope this makes sense im not very good with words ����

Royal!Knights & their Knight!S/O

Synopsis : Being the personal knight tasked with protecting and directly serving your kingdom’s ruler often leads to eventful, and memorable, moments. Especially when said ruler is also your lover.

Era : N / A

Warning/s : "Beauty" is used once as a gender-neutral descriptor

Mentioned Character/s : G/N!Reader / Tsukasa / Leo / Izumi / Arashi / Ritsu

A/N : Anon… YOUR BRAIN IS SO MASSIVE FOR THIS !! Omg now I’m brainrotting over this idea too cuz I’m such a sucker for royal AUs 😭 But for the sake of the fluff, just imagine that their kingdom is open to the idea of royals being in a relationship with anybody, regardless of their status LMAO

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Tsukasa Suou :

Tsukasa deeply respects your opinion because he knows that you want the best for him and his people. During meetings, he would often seek out your advice. From military tactics to what colour the banners should be for the upcoming festival, Tsukasa trusts you with all his heart and will accept your guidance with open arms. If he's busy with important matters, other castle personnel would seek you out instead as they know that your insight will be the closest to what their king would desire.

He always invites you to tea time !! Tsukasa says it's a reward for working so diligently but you know the truth~ This is the only time he can drop his royal facade and be himself. He wants to share these intimate moments with the one he loves the most !! Mmm~ The taste of this brioche is marvelous !! Here, take a bite. You'll love it~

Tsukasa deeply admires your skills as a knight and secretly desires to train alongside you. One day, you noticed this and decided to personally train your lover in sword-fighting. Now, sword training became a part of his weekly schedule and, even though it gets tiring at times, Tsukasa still holds these moments with you close to his heart~ After all, he's doing something he's passionate about with you !! What more could he ask for?

In the late hours of the night, when the castle is quiet and everyone's asleep, Tsukasa would sometimes sneak out of his bedroom and into the kitchen to try and teach himself how to bake. He does this because he wants to give you a [ F/F ] cake one day !! It's quite difficult to be quiet AND to teach himself at the same time but he's trying his best !!

During royal balls, he's such a gentleman when it comes to entertaining the guests, but if you catch him at the right moments, you'll be able to see how his eyes often glance towards you. How his gaze lingers on you for a while as a soft smile grace his lips. Once the ball is over, he'll gently take your hand and guide you to the castle gardens, where he would ask if he could have this dance. Eyes full of love and his smile never faltering, he'll take your hand in his and hum a familiar tune as you both dance under the moonlight.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Leo Tsukinaga :

You’re the only one in the entire kingdom who can somehow find your king every time he gets lost when he’s out composing. Initially, your fellow knights were panicking as they ran around the entire castle trying to track down the king. After all, he couldn’t possibly have gone far !! R-right…? Well… As the royal guards were checking every nook and cranny to ever exist, your instincts casually guided you to where your lover was. Without hesitation, you found Leo instantly. To this day, nobody can truly comprehend just how impressive your Leo-radar is, and it amazes them every time.

Leo straight up wouldn’t let you call him “your highness”, “your majesty”, “my lord” or any honorific similar to those. This is because he loves the way his actual name rolls off your tongue as he finds his royal titles to be too suffocating. Hearing “Leo” come from you, his lover, makes him feel like Leo, a person, rather than Leo, the king. He would get pouty if you use honorifics in royal meetings or gatherings but understands why you used them [ no matter how much he dislikes them ] but, if you use those same honorifics when you're both alone, he would either pretend that he can’t hear you or say things like, “Aaahhh~!! Who are you talking to? I don’t know who this ‘your highness’ person is~”

The amount of songs Leo composed that's inspired by you is astounding !! You don’t realize just how much inspiration Leo gains from you as his muse. Your eyes could tentatively scan through the crowd for any dangers and Leo already came up with a whole symphony !! You glanced at him from across the room and gave him a soft smile during a meeting? Well… Now the meeting turned into several advisors holding their king back from composing on the royal map !! No matter what you do, whether it’s a conscious or unconscious choice, a melody immediately fills Leo’s mind and he can’t help but write !! He hopes to one day create a symphony that, in his eyes, can truly capture your beauty entirely.

During royal balls, Leo would flat out refuse to dance with anybody except you. It doesn’t matter if they’re the heir to the richest kingdom in the country or if they’re the most sought out ruler for marriage; Without hesitation, he'd immediately turn them down. For Leo, waltzing is something intimate as he views it as a way where partners become one as they synchronize with one another through music. He doesn’t want to share something as sacred as this with anyone else except you.

Even when you're not on duty, Leo would still find a way to be with you. Oh? You're going to town? What a coincidence !! Leo needed to check the progress on the upcoming festival, why not accompany him there? You're relaxing in your room? Knock, knock~ The king is free for tea time and is wondering if you could please grace him with your presence~ Whether you're on duty or not, being by each other's side gives you both a sense of comfort that no one else can give.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Izumi Sena :

Izumi deeply cares about you but shows it through more subtle means. Actions speak louder than words, after all !! He tries to keep up his image of royalty but, if you squint hard enough, you can easily see that facade crumbling if he notices something off from you any way, shape or form. So here, take a seat !! You've been standing all day long, right? Huh?! What do you mean "You're ok”?! Are you disobeying the direct orders from your king? Mhmm~ That’s what he thought~

If you’re not on duty, Izumi's seemingly more grumpier than usual. This sometimes causes the entire castle to practically walk on eggshells because they don’t want to inconvenience their king even more than he apparently is. Though, his mood would instantly shift the moment his eyes land on you. He’ll definitely request for the two of you to walk around the castle gardens just to compensate for the lost time you were not with him~

Izumi hates seeing you fall into unhealthy habits even if you can’t help it sometimes. As the knight that directly serves him, it’s your duty to protect your lover but, even then, he still wouldn't have any of it !! He’ll make you swear to go to bed after escorting him to his bedroom, never skip meals even if you have training right after and take adequate amounts of breaks. This is to help you stay competent in emergency situations and it’s totally not because he’s worried for your personal well-being or anything like that !!

Izumi will personally style your uniform when it comes to important gatherings such as balls, festivals, meetings, etc. He would often add small trinkets from his own accessory collection as a subtle way to connect the two of you together. Izumi would never say anything, but when your gaze alternates between the shining brooch on his tie and the similar one he’s putting on you right now, you can't help but softly smile. If you're quick enough, you might even catch just how much his eyes shine with love and admiration for you, and you alone.

Although Izumi puts up the “strong king” facade for his people, during the rare, quiet moments between the two of you, filled with comfort and relief, he’ll shed away that persona and become a man who’s completely head-over-heels for the amazing knight that’s been by his side this entire time. Embracing you protectively in his arms, he’ll hum a soft tune that lulls you to sleep as the rhythmic beating of his heart accompanies the sweet lullaby that’ll only be heard by you.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Arashi Narukami :

Arashi definitely has an entire section of the castle gardens dedicated to flowers that reminded her of you. Ranging from roses, to honeysuckles, to sunflowers, peonies, hydrangeas and more. This section of her garden is honestly the most stunning and guests are often left in 'awe' by its sheer beauty every time they visit the castle. Arashi personally maintains the flowers herself as a way to further dedicate herself to you.

She dresses up in pretty gowns and outfits in order to impress you. She would sometimes sneak in subtle questions or comments to figure out what your favourite colours, aesthetic, and overall style is before she would ask the royal tailor to incorporate those elements in her next outfit. Her heart never fails to skip a beat when you look at her with wide eyes and lips slightly agape when you see her wear the outfit for the first time. Don’t worry though~ She’s always one-step ahead as she requested the tailor to create a matching outfit for you. So now you’re both matching !!

She openly dotes on you and doesn’t care if others are watching. You’re actually the one that tries to stay professional but that plan immediately fails the moment your beloved queen cups your cheeks in her hands and plants a ton of kisses on your face. It doesn’t matter if you just finished training or if you were tasked with guarding the dining room door, Arashi wants to show the world how much she loves you~

During the more stressful days, you would help sneak Arashi out of the castle and take her to a secluded area of the town that’s filled with stray cats. You would feed them, play with them and take care of them together as a way to help her unwind and de-stress. Arashi even named every single cat and they love her so much that they would often sneak into the castle grounds just to visit Arashi for some caresses !! From then on, during tea time, there would be a ton of cats surrounding both you and Arashi as the two of you would caress them while enjoying each other's presence.

If Arashi ever needs a partner or an escort, she will always choose you without any hesitation !! It doesn’t matter that you’re literally her personal knight [ which puts you on automatic escort duty ], she’ll still say your name first without any second thoughts. A free pass to hold your hand and have you protectively stay by her side outside her kingdom? Sign her up !!

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Ritsu Sakuma :

Being Ritsu’s personal knight automatically makes you his pillow !! He gets lulled to sleep so easily when he’s touching you, whether he's laying on your lap, feeling you gently stroke his hair, hugging you, or just feeling your uniform in between his fingers. They all give him a sense of comfort that relieves him from the stresses of being a royal. Oftentimes, if you’re not by his side, Ritsu would reach out to try to find you and, when he finally does, he’ll pull you close and snuggle into you. Good luck trying to escape his grasp~

His most common mode of transportation during the day is you carrying him bridal style. The kingdom is nocturnal in order to accommodate for the royal family but, there are times where he needs to stay awake during the day for meetings or other important gatherings. During days like these, castle personnel can catch you carrying him in your arms. Ritsu would be snuggled close to your chest as you try to wake him up with a soft smile and gentle voice.

Ritsu loves to tease you as he enjoys seeing your reactions !! Most of his teasing would happen when you’re being serious or stoic because he wants to see how much you can handle before your persona breaks and you become a blushing, stuttering mess. To others, it’s quite the sight seeing their majesty get [ playfully ] scolded by his personal knight, but Ritsu would always laugh it off and tease you even further. This results in you losing your cool completely as you try to hide your blushing face with your hands. He’ll give you a ton of kisses to make up for it though, so don’t worry~

He’s very perceptive when it comes to your emotions and would often bring you to a quiet area of the castle [ under "your majesty's orders” ] if he ever notices you getting overwhelmed or stressed. No matter how many times you insist that you’re fine and nothing’s wrong, Ritsu knows better and will ignore your comments as he gently pushes your head onto his lap. Now this time, you’re the one who’s now laying on his lap as he gently strokes your hair. Ritsu will even sing you a soft lullaby, helping you relax as you eventually fall asleep; The comforting melody from his voice filling your ears.

You’re both protective over each other but Ritsu can be quite clingy~ He tends to stick to your side rather than the other way around. Usually, you’re ordered to provide the royal family with enough space, where you’re far enough for them to interact with others comfortably, but close enough to protect him from any sort of danger. Though, if you're too far from him, he’ll just pull you back close and ask why you’re trying to “escape” [ he knows you’re not, he’s just teasing you~ ] So now, Ritsu's draped over your shoulders as you support his weight, trying to explain for the 100th time that you're "just outside the door" and that you'll "be back once lunch is over."

[skyfallscotland]

Ok, House of Sky and Breath live reactions, final part! We're done! Only one more Maasverse book to go. Thank fuck

• Ithan noooo! How will Tharion ever survive if you die before he realises how perfect you are together?

• Oh, Tharion's actually here? Don't worry Dumb, Dumber is here to make sure you're ok 😭

• Wait??? Is Tharion with Hypaxia?? I mean...that's ok, she thinks Ithan's cute? We could make that threesome work??

• Ooooh Ruhn setting up his own Cinderella moment? 🥺 top tier shit!

• Ruhn's Cinderella moment getting ruined by the evil step-sister? Not top tier shit 😤

• WAIT, Hypaxia and Celestina?! Ok, that one I didn't see coming! Literally everyone in this fic book is in an arranged marriage and none of them want to be in it and honestly, I'm so tired of SJM using consent and rape as a plot device and barely ever touching the consequences

• Almost as sick as I am of Bryce and Hunt's sex drive. Shut the fuck up, honestly, you're insufferable!! I'm almost finished this book I think? I hope? And there's been barely any (worthwhile) plot whatsoever. I'm here for the smut, I love smut, but there is such a thing as too much and these two are so boring, I can't even. I'd rather eat stale bread, bye

• Lidia 😭😭 Imma take that as confirmation that I'm right and Day is the Hind. I have such a soft spot for the sister who was discarded and turned into a vicious little thing, may she get her own shadow wielder, she deserves it 😭🖤 Remi 🤝 Lidia forever

• "I don't have a foot fetish." You're BITING HER TOES 😭 I hate them istg

• Oh, we're talking about a war? Yeah, must be the last 200 pages.

• Tharion is such a fucking idiot. Maybe that’s why I ship him with Ithan—just...dumb and dumber.

• Baby Baxian being Danika's mate? Danika not telling Bryce a single thing? No, no, nope, not having it. Firstly, Baxian deserves better tbh. Secondly, Bryce is an idiot if she a) missed aaaall this and b) still thinks Danika was ever her friend, what a [insert c word here]

• It’s actually incredibly depressing how much emphasis she places on sex and the way the men are always thinking about sex. Like?? I’m not here for realism gal and I’d like a side of feelings with that. Ruhn is at least more interesting than Hunt in that regard, but still…ugh.

• “Your starborn bloodline specifically hailed from a small isle a few miles from the mainland….the isle existed in a near-permanent twilight” ACOTAR Dusk Court???

• Celestina being a backstabber? I was surprised tbh, you lulled me into a false sense of security in those many, many pages, good for you SJM, but also, fuck you for handing her someone as nice as Hypaxia, unless she's about to turn into a hidden psycho too

• YAY, the internet's worst kept secret is here! Hiiiii Rhysy! 👋🏼

• Also the internet: what if Azriel is Bryce’s real mate??? Me: what if Azriel and Bryce are related??? 👁️👄👁️ Not sure how my mind jumps to the complete opposite place of other people all the damn time but…here we are 🤷🏼‍♀️

Final impressions: • fuck that was a big book for not much happening • why the fuck did i ever need to find out anything about sofie or her brother at all, what a waste of time, really • danika's still winning the world's worst friend award, two books running • if i ever have to read about bryce and hunt having sex again it will be far too soon.

[alpydk]

The Circling Sky (Part 9)

TW - mentions of suicide, abuse, just general angst overall But this chapter has a little comfort and smut - Yay...

She pondered her next question afraid it would be too insensitive. “And you’ve not thought of doing something like that since?” “There were times after that day when I considered it, on the journey, at Moonrise, in the city. I’d always believed I was destined for something magnificent, promised it almost by my peers growing up, even by Mystra herself...” Gale sighed, the idea still one that still haunted him on some lonely nights. “Maybe it’s what I was meant to do.”

Ao3 Link

Grief had proven a strange emotion to Lissa as the days had passed. The first couple had felt almost overwhelming with her mind constantly being driven in circles about how she should cope with the situation. She’d been alternating between a sense of peace and then a wave of despair and still, it made no sense as to where each would come from. She’d held herself together aside from quiet moments alone or in the arms of Gale but as this day had begun, she’d woken feeling exhausted. She could feel her defences breached and her emotions running high, small comments causing her to snap before having to rein herself back in.

She walked alone beside the wagon, kicking up dust and trying to focus on a singular stone that would catch her boot as she walked. She was tired of grief now, annoyed by how much it was taking out of her, annoyed at how it was all for him. He didn’t deserve this much energy from her after he had taken so much. It had only been a few days and she knew it would go on for longer, for years in some cases but that was far from what she wanted. She had hoped that her poem would have caused her to move on, given her some acceptance and yet she kept going back to this same point. There was no denying, she’d seen him dead. But anger, anger burned in her ever so brightly, the only real emotion that felt productive. And anger made way for guilt; at her words, before he died, her behaviour whilst he was alive, her anger now he was dead. Just a repeating cycle she could not escape, never escape.

Her foot rolled on the stone, and she fell to the floor unexpectedly, the sound of a bottle smashing in her bag. It leaked the contents of wine which she had grabbed to drink with Gale once they reached the city and she saw how it lapped around her fingers mixing with the small rocks and earth. 

The pain of the gravel under her palms was nothing in comparison to the ache in her chest, the sudden tightness of her throat as the deep sobs came without warning from the sound of the crash of glass. She saw the image of her father, the first time he had ever lost his temper whilst drunk, a plate thrown past her head smashing on the wall, the fear paralysing her young body. 

She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move as she felt the tears fall onto the dirt below her. The world ceased to exist as she drowned in the memories of her life with him, of being hit, of lies, of hurt and pain, and loneliness and heartache. Her whole life nothing but moment after moment of longing to be free only to still be a prisoner to him once he was gone. His death had changed nothing, still, he was everything and everywhere. 

The hand on her shoulder barely registered as she gasped for breath trying to regain her composure, apologies being whispered between breaths. She felt Gale lower himself to bring her into a hug and she tried to push him away, to not be seen like this, to not be controlled. 

“It’s me, Lissa, it’s me.”

She pressed into his chest with her hands, her strength failing her, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer. “I’m sorry...” she wept, her mind clouded by the thoughts of her father, and her sobs breaking through harder. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” 

Gale stroked her hair as she cried, this moment of mourning needing to take place. He watched as the wagon continued without them, the travellers on board gossiping and looking their way, but he cared not. He held her as her body trembled, words of love, anger, and guilt being spoken, his only wish to bring her some morsel of comfort.

---

“How did you get through things?” Her voice was hoarse as she spoke after the tears that had been shed. They were some ways away from the caravan and were moving slowly to catch up. Gale knew they only had a few days of their journey left and was in two minds of the pace he wanted to travel by: quickly for the news of Tav, or slowly for the same reason.

“I’m not sure if I ever did if I’m quite honest with you.”

He saw how she turned away from him with a disappointed expression.

“That’s not to say things didn’t improve for me though. A year ago, I was... well, let’s just say I was in a state that one might describe as forlorn. I’d prepared to leave Waterdeep permanently before I was taken onboard the Nautiloid.” This was the part of the tale he’d not told anyone, even Tav for fear of being judged, for fear of being seen as weak; his voice quiet as he uttered the unspoken words, embarrassed by his past. “I’d condensed my life down to a few magical items and set off in search of a remote location. One where I sought to end it all.”

She gasped slightly at his words. “What? I mean... Shit... I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s quite alright. I’ve not spoken of it with anyone before now. Oh, the shouting that came from Tara when I got home to find she’d discovered my letters was something to behold.” He chuckled trying to lighten the mood, but his words let him down. “Before that moment it seemed I was doomed to succumb to the trials and tribulations of my condition. I just wanted it to be on my own terms though, somewhere far from civilisation, where I could cause no further harm.”

“You would have really...?”

He nodded, his eyes shadowed by the memory. “Yes. For the things I had done, for what I felt I was destined to do. It was the only clear solution presented to me at that time. It was by sheer fluke that I ended up in the predicament I did, with a tadpole companion becoming one of my saviours.”

She pondered her next question afraid it would be too insensitive. “And you’ve not thought of doing something like that since?”

“There were times after that day when I considered it, on the journey, at Moonrise, in the city. I’d always believed I was destined for something magnificent, promised it almost by my peers growing up, even by Mystra herself...” Gale sighed, the idea still one that still haunted him on some lonely nights. “Maybe it’s what I was meant to do.” 

She shook her head adamantly. “No. Not you.”

“My dear, Lissa. Do not worry. As said, I am past all that now. Those days are over, and I am moving forward onto much better things.” His face brightened at her concern for him, glad to have this one person in his life right now, no matter the struggles they were both suffering through. “But that is not what you originally asked. You asked me how.”

The desperation in her voice came through clearly, a small wavering as the tears threatened to break through once again. “Gale, just before you continue. Promise me you’ll come to me if you think like that again. I know right now I’m... we’re... well, I care about you.” 

He smiled but gave no further answer to her request. “I kept going thanks to those around me, like how you are here for me now, and I am here for you. But ultimately it came down to one simple concept: of just trusting in their words. That the version they saw of me, the one that I believed was broken and destined for a tragic end, was worthy of love, that I, believe it or not, was good enough.” Gale took her hand in his, squeezing lightly. “You are already everything you need to be. You just need to recognise it.”

The words were simple, no elegance or poetic prose, no musings of a goddess needed to get the message across; this message was as Tav had given him and he hoped Lissa would accept it, as he had. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re too good to me... but thank you.”

---

The evening had rolled around, and Gale walked through the forest near the caravan’s camped location. The dark shadow of the last few days had passed, leaving him a little more hopeful as to what he might find once he reached the city. He could hear water in the near distance, a cascading rhythm as it hit the rocks and base below and as he followed the stream, arriving at a clearing, he stepped out from between the trees. 

Moonlight shone down reflecting on the pool, illuminating the small area and the body of Lissa standing, bathing near the rockface. He watched as she ran her hands through her hair pushing away the excess water that had settled, how her body arched slightly, letting cool drops fall onto her face, washing away all the tension in her body. Gale approached slowly and quietly, not wanting to interrupt the spectacle in front of him. As she turned, she spotted him but rather than panic, shunning him away, she held out a hand, her face bright and full of desire.

His eyes drifted over her, over the way her skin glimmered from the precipitation, the way her hair sparkled under the moonlight. She turned from him, and he saw the curve of her hips, the subtle sway as she let the water run down her body. He removed his clothes, placing them in a pile to the side near hers and joined her, the sound of the waterfall blocking any other noises around them.

Lissa placed a hand on his face, feeling the wet bristles under her palm, the soft curve of his cheek, the presence of his flesh close to hers. No words needed to be spoken for what they both yearned for, just a longing in the eyes of one another, tender kisses upon glistening flesh. The water flowed over them both as their hands explored each other with a newfound want, no longer of lust or a need to escape, but a deep love and bonding of their souls. 

He pushed her back gently to the rockface, never taking his eyes from hers, and lifted her leg to bring it to the height of his hip, causing it to wrap around him. As he sunk himself into her, he felt the brief tug of his hair, the hunger that she communicated of wanting his moistened lips on hers. He was eager to obey, letting his tongue entwine with hers, letting the rhythmic movement of her body pull him into her, dictating the pace. 

His muscles tightened as he tried to control his lust for her, he wanted her, needed her with every essence of his being but he would not make the same mistake as last time. He savoured the taste of her, the warmth of her mouth, the tenderness of her kisses. He could feel the pressure building from her, her face burying itself into his neck, the whispers of moans breaking through the din of the waterfall. Her movements became more wanting, unrelenting and he knew it would not be long before he would have to give in to his own craving. His body trembled as she clenched herself around him, her nails digging lightly into his back, and he let himself join her in the wave of ecstasy that overtook them both. 

All that could be heard was the murmuring of the waterfall washing away their sins, their problems, their pasts.   

---

They sat by the campfire together wrapped in a single large blanket, Lissa’s bag drying a short distance from them, her book in tatters with the pages dyed red. Their bodies were close to one another, an unspoken need for each other’s physical contact and Lissa would catch Gale glancing at her now and again, a small blush creeping on her cheeks. She rested her head on his shoulder, content with the world around her for the moment. “When we reach the city, could I stay with you for a while? At least until I’m on my feet.”

He delicately kissed the top of her head. “My love, I’d have it no other way.”

---

You told me just to write, And not think of what if. To take a leap of faith, And trust what I feel.

So that’s what I’ll try, In every aspect of life. From the poems and stories, To the choices at night.

From holding your hand, To a stroke of your face. Everything I’ve avoided, Always thinking what if.

I take that chance now, All thanks to you. I throw away my what-ifs, To say I love you.

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 10 Thoughts

We have finally made it to the end of the show. I still have not watched episode 8 and I doubt I ever will. From what I have heard, the show and the story actually makes more sense to me than it does to people who have seen episode 8. That’s crazy. Anyway, I just made lunch and I got my juice so it’s time to watch. As always, here’s the disclaimer that I pretty harshly critique this show. If you think that will make you angry, don’t click the read more. Disclaimer done, let’s goooo:

Okay before I even start, how the hell do I have zits on the back of my neck. Where did these bad boys come from? One is right on my hairline. Hello? Go away.

Okay okay okay. I am going to go into this with an open mind actually. I am too tired and exhausted and sick to not at least try to enjoy this show. Also I was way too verbose for episode 9 and all of my thoughts were actually too long for tumblr. I ran out of characters. So gonna have to try to reign that in a bit today.

I beg your finest pardon but why the fuck is this episode one hour and twenty minutes long? Yeah this post is probably gonna end up too long too. Maybe I’ll just do two parts if needed. (it did not end up too long yay!)

Not gonna lie to you guys. I do love back hugs like this. As many problems as I have with this show and these characters…this? This is cute. See? I’m not always bitter! Just..most of the time.

Why mention the video clips that Rak’s dad apparently has just to say “oh it’s been taken care of. It’s not a problem.” That’s not how stories work. If you introduce a potential problem, you gotta let it be a problem or let the characters work to resolve it before it becomes a problem. Not just say “yep here’s a thing that should have been a main conflict but don’t worry. A character that only exists off screen and has only really had any sort of role for the past 2 episodes took care of it already!” Like…what?

Every day I am forced to be overstimulated by the nature of living in a city. Why do I live here I ask myself constantly? The answer is always because I can walk everywhere I need to go including to work and also because I love it. Just not…the idling trucks. The big engines. There is nowhere for the sound to go because it’s trapped by all of the tall buildings and I am on the bottom floor literally on the street. I walk out my apartment and boom. One of the busiest roads in my city. Anyway I digress. I have been overstimulated since June. The fall cannot get here fast enough.

You know I never fully understood how or when Mut fell in love with Rak. I still don’t know. I mean he was flirty on the island and they fucked but when did Mut actually fall so hard? I cannot pinpoint when his lust turned to love. It must have been a specific moment because it certainly wasn’t a slow build into love. Nope. One day Mut loves his island more than anything in the world and then he leaves it for Rak. Without a second thought. I just would like to understand when that happened. Sure, he liked Rak, but to love someone enough to give up your home? And I know he’s about to dip and go back home (without telling Rak) but I cannot figure out why he left in the first place. I know the answer is because he loves Rak but I did not see that until he actually fucking left the island. I did not see that until episode 6 when he finally maybe started respecting the barest minimum of boundaries.

Oh how this show looooooves its flashbacks. At least this one kind of makes sense. Though I wish it trusted its audience enough to know what Mut is calling back to.

Ew Vi. Mook run away girl. You deserve better.

Noisy neighbors go AWAY.

*eats my veggies* *considers blasting kpop*

*blasts Stray Kids* Congrats. Since you want to involve me in your conversation right outside my door, I get to involve you in my music taste. Just be lucky this isn’t an nc scene in Love Sea cause I’d blast that too. Make everyone uncomfortable.

Rak does not need Mut’s love to become a better person. Rak does not need love to be a better person. People are allowed to not want love for any reason. No one gets to make judgment calls on them for not wanting it. Full stop.

Surely the next words you’re gonna say are “Respect his boundaries and let him come to you when he’s ready, right? …RIGHT?

God damn it Mut.

Is Rak a dog that Mut is leaving behind? Why is he giving instructions on how to care for Rak? Rak is a grown ass adult and was fine before Mut entered his life. Like what the fuck is this?

Mut goes and says goodbye to everyone but Rak? What is with this farewell tour? Just fucking tell Rak that you respect his decision, but you can’t live like that anymore so you have to go. Don’t just…disappear from him while seeking out everyone else? What in the immaturity…

I am a bad person for laughing at Mut’s tears. But c’mon. This is just…too much. Just talk to him man. Just talk to him without trying to force your feelings on him or make him share what he’s feeling. My god. The DRAMA.

???? Boy you got a tattoo on your neck to remind you of him??? Which is it????

MAME really thought she did something with this drama. She really thought some message is landing here. It’s not. I’m bored. Just let them get together again so this can be over with my god.

A flashback to when Mut literally broke into Rak’s room…wait those aren’t the right words. He didn’t need to break in because HE HAD THE KEY when he should NOT have had the key.

Why the fuck did that get a romanticized flashback? Invading someone’s privacy is not romantic y’all what the fuck.

Well. That was a show. That I watched. Honestly, out of all of MAME’s offerings it was simultaneously the best and the worst. There was no sexual assault (that I am aware of, again I skipped episode 8). So that’s a plus. It is, however, the laziest writing I have seen from a BL in a long time. Is it a good show? No. Is it a good BL? No. Is it a good MAME show? Eh. Depends on the metrics. The story had structural issues as well as pacing issues. The cinematography needed work and that’s not something I am typically capable of noticing. The sound mixing was some of the worst I’ve heard in a BL. At least lately. The acting was fine. Actually, can someone give these actors some better roles for the love of god???? All of this to say. I am glad ViMook isn’t officially canon and I hope that Mook is able to get away from Vi cause that girl is awful. The end.

[ahundredtimesover]

this is like my 4th or 5th ask tonight but i just wanna say how much i love your writing 🥹 there are many times i tried to write outa story line but it gets draining along the way. I just wanna show appreciation for your passion and perseverance in writing all this. Thank you for sharing your works with us. They're all so written clearly and the pace is always just right. Though IWYTS is a slowburn, as a reader I don't feel it because I'm just really hooked to it, you know? idk how else to descrive it lol 🥲 You're a really talented writer, your works are proofs of that, and the amount of people who reads and appreciates your work further proves that. You're like my writer crush lol 😂 Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you're really amazing 🩵💕

Hiii omg I’m sorry if I didn’t get to reply to the earlier asks! But thank you 🥹🥹 it is tiring haha but sometimes it’s an itch that you just have to scratch. And something you have to be rly excited about! I’ve got so many other WIPs that I’ll probably never write but sometimes, these stories can just live in our heads, you know? If you don’t get back to your storylines, at least let them exist in your mind. There’s still fun in that 😊

And yay! Midway through this whole thing I thought, ok I hope people keep up with this bc it’s slowwww haha and also it’s bc these characters are complicated people. And that could either make them relatable or put others off. I’m just happy you’re enjoying the story 💕💕

Also helloooo ur making me blush. I’m honored to be someone’s writer crush 🤭🤭 I truly appreciate this, anon. Hope you’re well 🫶🏼

[dspdick]

hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.

for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.

given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?

speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.

also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.

BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.

that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.

and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.

the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.

and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.

i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.

i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.

[quodekash]

gosh darnnit im tired 

in other words: time for my weekly ramblings about a bl where im mildly interested in the main couple but the side couple means more to me than anything and no i will not stop talking about them 

slight warning, there will be one mention of sa and one mention of murder/suicide (both of which are my personal speculation about particular situations, and there’s no detail apart from the word being mentioned). i also discuss/ramble to myself about mental health problems, and alcohol abuse. so if any of those things are triggering for you in any way, please be cautious about reading this, take necessary precautions, and if it’s particularly distressing, i urge you to call a local hotline for these kinds of emergencies. i care about all of you and your health and safety, whether i know you or not, and if you ever need to talk about anything at all, lemme know, my ask box and my dms are always open. 

anyway, on with the show! 

if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is... 

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 4 OF ABAAB 

(if youre new here, it will literally be all of my thoughts on everything while im watching it bc i feel like im annoying my friends with my ramblings so instead ill annoy all of this circle of tumblr. and it will probably not be coherent. youre welcome.) 

i’m obsessed with his little ‘cher is so cute’ smile 

THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LITERALLY THIS EXACT POST 

dONT YOU DARE DO A PATPRAN 

that’s real insightful, cher. id never thought of that one before. the statement really gets me thinking. 

are you- are you saying what i think you’re saying? or am i more dirty minded than i thought 

his hair is extra curly today and its veyr pretty 

the curls are giving charlie spring vibes from the side 

i would like to touch his hair please 

the fact that covid exists in this universe is weirdly funny to me 

yup that sounds about right. no one rly cares about covid anymore when the entire world is ending 

YAY HE’S FINALLY OPENING UP TO HIM 

that freaking sucks tho 

and what’s worse is it’s very likely tian was r*ped 

WHY DO ALL THE HAPPY FEEL-GOOD SHOWS HAVE TO HAVE SAD DEATH BACKSTORIES BEHIND 50% OF THE FREAKING CHARACTERS 

GUN (msp)’S DAD IS DEAD AND HIS MUM SPENDS HALF THE SHOW LOW-KEY DYING (and i swear if they do something to gim in our skyy 2 im gonna fly to thailand and have some words with people) 

AYAN’S DAD LEFT, HIS UNCLE DIED 

THUA’S DAD DIED 

HALF THE CHARACTERS IN THE ECLIPSE HAVE DIAGNOSED DEPRESSION AND THE REST OF THEM ARE UNDIAGNOSED BUT ITS DEFINITELY THERE 

HERE, JACK HAS DEPRESSION (and i rly hope they go into that more in depth later in the show bc he intrigues me. if they dont go into it more then im writing a way too in depth analysis post of jack) 

AND NOW FREAKING CHER’S FRIEND/CRUSH FROM CHILDHOOD IS FREAKING DEAD AND HER BODY WAS FLOATING IN A POND WHICH DOESNT RLY LEAD TO ANY IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS OF A NATURAL DEATH WHICH MEANS IT WAS PROBABLY MURDER AND/OR SUICIDE WHICH MAKES IT EVEN FREAKING WORSE 

i knew it was too good to last. the over-confident, cocky, funny, sassy/sarcastic people are generally the most messed up, they just hide it via humour and feigned confidence (i am most certainly not one of these people at all) 

cher stop drinking, you’re gonna hurt yourself. also the alcohol might feel like it’s lifting the burden of thinking and stops you from worrying about everything thats happening, but itll come rushing back to you when you’re sober and worse because youll have a hangover, and it’s only a temporary fix, drinking only works for a couple of hours. you need a more permanent fix, cos if you keep turning to alcohol, itll turn into addiction and substance abuse and dependency, none of which are good, all of which are much harder to get out of than they are to get into. so yeah, just chill with the drinking a little bit. i get that you need to let it all out and you need to not feel for a bit, and that’s totally okay, but you need to make sure you’re not over-indulging yourself. otherwise youll be very ill in the long-term, both physically and mentally 

PFFFT THIS WAS THE PERFECT SHOT TO END IT ON 

final thoughts: 

theyve both said things that make absolutely no sense in context unless theyre confessions of feelings, and yet theyre definitely gonna continue to do the “what if he doesnt like me back” thing even tho its SO CLEAR to LITERALLY EVERYONE they have feelings for each other 

theyve gotten so close to kissing this episode and yet they havent which is sad, but also at least they have kissed at one point before getting to the point where they COULD have kissed a grand total of siXTY-SEVEN TIMES- (shut up im not talking about tinngun what are you talking about. .....but also if you wanted to see that post where i count out all of the times tinngun didn’t kiss...) 

very sad with the complete and utter lack of threezo in this episode. actually, it’s not even a lack of threezo. neither of them even appeared in the episode. neither was even mentioned. they (i.e. the characters, the creators of the show) are all acting like threezo AREN’T the most important characters in this entire show 

i love threezo 

where is threezo 

or is it zothree

either way i dont mind bc i love them 

where was i 

oh right 

this episode was pretty good, very emotional, i definitely didnt cry what are you talking about (who am i kidding, eveyrone knows i cried three times, you dont even need me to tell you) 

im excited for episode 5 

that is all, thank you and goodnight 

[squidkidnerd]

Operation Atlantis Notes - “Squid for Hire” (chapter 4)

Hey! So, if you’re here from Chapter 4, you get the gist. These notes are gonna be a place for updates, rambling (lots of rambling), and maaybe the occasional insight into my writing process. I hope you enjoy reading them as I much as I did writing them lol (rest under the cut!).

Anyways, this chapter was pretty hard to write.

Much like chapter 1 actually, I knew exactly where I wanted “Squid for Hire” to end. Three getting hired at Calamari Coffee is, of course, a major plot point that affects basically everything going forward, and it’s been in the works since the very beginning. However, getting there... getting there was more of a struggle. Funzone, Mihoto Records, and Grateful Grocers all had to be built practically from the ground up for this chapter because before that they straight up didn’t exist. It was daunting, at first, figuring out all the locations and making up a reason as to why Three wasn’t hired there. This gave me some writer’s block that slowed down my progress. But hey, here we are. I made it.

Of course, the chapter itself wasn’t the only problem I encountered. A good chunk of my already-sparse free time was dedicated to another fic, “Valentine’s Day Blues.” During January I suffered a tired spell that made it infinitely harder to write at all. AND, apparently I can’t catch a break because of course my left ear had to act up right before February break. So, yeah. Life got in the way. But hey, I’m here now. On with the notes.

Opening poem: Hoo boy, I think this one is one of the favorites I’ve written so far. I took a lot of inspiration from the Mr. Grizz mem cake poem for this one, which I think has some similar ideas to what I delve into this chapter. Specifically, I wanted to highlight the sense of personal duty and “looking the other way,” that comes with having a job of Atlantis.This is something we’ve only really scratched the surface of so far and is sort of a larger theme within Operation Atlantis. If there’s one thing Kamabo likes to do, it’s putting people into boxes. What happens to them in those boxes? Who knows.

Small character interactions: Yay, more Calamari Coffee gang banter! I missed writing that in chapter 3. Anyways, Miyo, Gregory, and Madame Katrina all get a little time to shine here. With Miyo, I’m trying to be careful that “teasing Eight about Three all time” isn’t her whole personality... can’t say she doesn’t do that during this chapter, but hey. Don’t worry, her character will eventually be explored in more depth. Same with Gregory. The small scene with the wipes was a little bit of a spontaneous addition I put in because, why not? Writing their language barrier was interesting here. And then, Madame Katrina. Her tidbit actually went to Miyo initially, but I changed it because it felt more in-character for her to do that rather than Miyo. She doesn’t know much about the octarians’ *ahem* situation, but hey, she knows enough. Certainly more than Eight at this point.

The diner scene, the Octarian Society, and Eight’s memories: More Iso Padre! The man is incredibly hard to write, but I tried my best. Anyways, Eight’s original plot for this chapter was actually the Octarian Society meeting Iso Padre mentions here, but it seemed like too much for now (and too much it would’ve been—this chapter is the longest yet!), so I moved it later on. Anyways, Eight has a lot of feelings regarding her past, and I wanted to show them here. It’s hard, and certainly confusing, to lose all your memories and thusly, your entire sense of self. It’s even harder because your memories often give you a sense of belonging, a belonging especially important to the octarians given their circumstances. So yeah, Eight hasn’t even gone there and she already feels left out :(. We’ll see how that meeting goes...

Job hunting with Cap’n Cuttlefish: And here, we get to the bulk of the chapter! Yeah, Cuttlefish is... one of my favorite characters to write, honestly. It’s a shame he doesn’t get used more often, because I think he’s a really great foil for Three in a lot of ways. The paragraph of reflection I wrote after his lines about Calamari Coffee is probably my favorite passage of this entire chapter, and I tried my best to fit in logically. Anyways... Funzone. And Merriweather’s. They don’t show up for very long, but I still wanted to give them distinct character and flavor. Atlantis is a city after all, just like Inkopolis. And if there’s one thing cities have a lot of, it’s distinct places. So, that’s why I included them.

Eight’s eavesdropping: This was a more recent addition, actually. Anyways, Teo, and to a lesser extent, his grandma, are both characters that appear later on, so I thought why not and decided to drop hints here. Yeah, there’s a lot of hints here. I am quite proud, in fact, that I revealed what DOHU stands for in Teo’s dialogue as fluidly as I did. Trust me, they are... relevant later. They’re not antagonists, per se, just perhaps a little misguided.

Six: Six!!! Another little hint. I’ve always found it very strange that the ramifications of the Deepsea Metro (aka: at least hundreds of people getting blended into a smoothie) are never really explored in fanfics. I mean, they must’ve had no idea! They thought they were going to the surface, for God’s sake! And of course, their loved ones wouldn’t even know! The angst potential is off the charts! And yet, I’ve only seen it explored like once. Once. And I've read a lot of Splatoon fanfiction. So yeah, Six is my attempt to rectify that. Trust me, we’ll be hearing a lot more about him later 😏

Mihoto Records: Remember that records shop I mentioned very briefly in chapter 2? I do, because surprise! It was Mihoto Records! Yeah, this was a fun setting because it’s so different to Funzone and Merriweather’s. Definitely more octarian roots. I liked writing Nikko, even though I didn’t really get to write him because Three couldn’t understand most of his dialogue anyways. Oh, and because Three’s in an octarian-dominated space, I of course had to bring up her whole (very understandable) anxiety about that. Poor Three. It will get better eventually, I promise. Eventually.

Calamari Inkantation: Hoo boy, I WAS WAITING TO MENTION THIS ONE. If you couldn’t very obviously tell, I’ve been using the Inkantation as a sort-of motif (hehe, ‘cause it’s a song) for Eight’s memory loss and resulting lack of direction. Unlike Three, who has very clear and well-defined motivations, Eight at this point has no idea who she is or what she wants. Given that the Inkantation plays in the very beginning of Octo Expansion (and Cuttlefish mentions hearing Eight hum it before they wake up), it makes sense to assume it’s the only thing she can remember. And she doesn’t even remember the whole song! It’s like getting one part of a really annoying song stuck in your head, except you can’t even remember where it’s from! Thusly, I think the Inkantation represents how Eight currently feels about her memories in general: she can’t remember them and it frustrates her beyond belief. She can only hope that Iso Padre is right in that it will all come together in time.

Grateful Grocers: Oh, would you look at that! The belonging theme is back again! Yeah, this scene was initially intended to be more along the length of Mihoto Records’s, but hey. More characterization to the denizens! Given how isolated everything in Octo Expansion is from the outside world, it only felt reasonable that the native residents themselves held isolationist views. It’s something we’ll see more of, of course, with the DOHU and even Tazo’s character.

Biscuit Baking: Yay, my favorite part of this chapter! I got the idea for biscuits specifically because it's mentioned somewhere that Cuttlefish likes eating them (and crab cakes as well), so I figured it'd be something Three has made a lot. So much she knows it by heart. So, I used a biscuit recipe online as reference for this lol. I come from a family of avid bakers, so I had to used some of that knowledge in this fic. And by knowledge I mean learning what a pastry cutter is because the recipe I looked up mentioning it. Anyways, the Eight and Three interaction.The Eight and Three interaction. Aka my favorite part of pretty much any chapter. By this point Eight’s feelings are supposed to come off more as “this person is so cool I want to be friends with them” then “gay,” but hey. Gayness is the direction we’re heading, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

“You’re hired”: What a way to end the chapter, huh? Yeah, Three getting hired at Calamari Coffee was the plan since the beginning. The very beginning. Fun fact: very early on Three and Eight actually worked at a weapons shop instead before I realized 1) COFFEE SHOP AU and 2) I would have to headcanon how weapons work. So, yeah. Three can’t escape from her destiny now >:)

So, that’s a wrap! As mentioned in my note on the fic itself, I am unbelievably excited for chapter 5. I’ve been looking forward to writing it since I first started. I already banged out a (quite detailed actually) outline the other day (if chapter 5 ends up being the longest so far I wouldn’t be surprised), so... hopefully I can get it by the end of March? Beginning of April? We’ll see.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this. Have a good rest of your day/week/month/whatever!

[mitamicah]

For your new ask game, I’m very interested in your answers to 4, 6 and of course, the only number that counts ;), 12! P.S. I saw your picture with the Käärijä outfit today and you looked amazing! 💚

Yay :D

4 - what flower would you like to be given? - honestly? a plastic one x'D I tend to kill all flowers even cacti :'3

6 - say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

physical - my hair is a great template to try out different things, it seems even when damaged and dying to be able to withstand pretty much anything :'D

I like my eyes sort of - they are acting a bit like a colour detector so when I am wearing a lot of green they look green, when I wear blue they look blue and if I wear grey they look grey x'D sadly it doesn't work with other than these three colours :'D

I dig how masculine my jaw looks when I have mascara beard on - I mean it is far from a masculine jaw but it sort of looks more square and that suits the aesthetic I am going for :3

non-physical - I am creative!! I have a hard time not finding some way to creative things and most days that's a huge benefit x'D

12 - How are you? - Better :3

I didn't sleep a lot because of thoughts just not wanting to let me. And those thoughts got very loud around the time I had to get up as well making just existing seem like hell ><. (hence the many blog posts from me today) - but seeing all of your guys come to my aid and the fact I got my new earrings today turned my mood on a dime so now I am content but tired :'D thank you for checking in on me tho :'3 💚

Awwwn thank you :'3 It is not often I love pictures from my neck down but these few ones are really nice and also a good way for me to get out of my comfort zone (channeling the boy) so I appreciate the compliments very much 🥺💚

[astridkai]

The Star

A/N: Yay, more writing no one asked for!! I had to do this for my creative writing class and wanted to share it.

Warnings: First person POV, death, impending sense of panic? Character isn't named

~*~

The trees stretch into the sky, farther than I could ever fathom. I can barely see the night sky through the leaves of the canopy. I am only able to make out a single star. It’s brighter than all the others. It's so big I feel as if I could reach it if I just climbed toward it. I can’t feel my skin as a chill engulfs my body. I can barely hear the birds anymore, why can’t I hear the birds anymore? I’m not sure if I remember how I got to this forest. Why did I come here?

I don’t think I want to leave. The scenery is so captivating, even when there’s almost no light to appreciate it in. The grass brushes against my knees. The flowers I met near the tree line have long abandoned this pitch dark maze. I can almost remember seeing a rabbit earlier. Or was it a fox? Perhaps it was a greater beast, a bear, maybe? Whatever it was, it looked to have the softest fur. If I could only reach out to pet it, it may feel almost like a cloud.

I stare at the ground, admiring the way the grass feels…once felt. I can’t feel it anymore. I see it, I know it’s there. It brushes against my legs, I can run my hand against it, but I cannot feel it. Why can’t I feel the grass? Or the ground for that matter, what am I standing on? It doesn’t feel like there’s anything under me.

It’s brighter now, but I cannot feel the sun on my skin. Shakily, I look above to see that star. It’s closer, stars don’t come closer. They live up there, in the sky. They have no reason to leave home when it is such a beautiful place. I always wanted to know what it’s like up there. Is it happy up there? Do the stars talk to each other? Do they idolize the moon and sun the way that a child idolizes their mother and father?

The star is next to me now, how strange. Something tells me that I shouldn’t be afraid, that this star wants to help me leave the depths of the forest. I do not want to leave, so I run. My feet don’t feel like they’re moving, yet I am still farther away than I once was. I soon notice that the grass no longer moves underneath me. No breeze exists from my movement as I rush away from the light.

No matter how much I run, the star stays by me. Without moving, it follows me. I feel as if I have been running for hours, yet I do not tire. There is no hope to escape the star. The star may not be something I must escape. I hear a soft humming from inside it, almost a lullaby. Barely audible amongst the sounds of the forest. The sounds…I can hear again. The birds are back to chirping, there is a rustling of movement in the grass and trees. I hear the footsteps of wildlife I didn’t think I’d hear so close to me.

I reach into the star, and it soon consumes me. It’s quiet again. There is an endless, unbreaking silence as the world escapes me. But it does not bother me. I am at peace here, finally, I am at peace.

I finally remembered how to put the read more button!!

[dumuzithemessiah]

Stop allowing only women to have the entitlement to be themselves + truth

Hate to break it to you people but ”effeminate” males exist and I can’t be the only “effeminate” male[[although in my case I’m Nibirian aka a yazata more specifically]] who is tired of prissy little whiny ass hateful she-bitches gloating that they’re the only ones allowed to wear whatever they want, wear makeup, wear their hair longer than two inches[[fuck short-short hairstyles as they’re way too short…]], and be themselves without someone batting an eye!

I hate how when guys wear their hair long or dress in something that isn’t stereotypically “masculine” he gets called gay as if gay is something negative to be called!

Yeah I am a gay yazata as Nibirians are usually gay anyways with bisexuality being rarer? No one is straight on Nibiru as heterosexuality only exists in lower advanced species! Nibirians can also same gender breed and the child/children comes out in a light!

Females shapeshift to breed same genderly.

Nibirians are anthropomorphic magical bipedal multidimensional animals with manes, look toonlike, have noodley arms and legs with female having thicker limbs as gender standards are reverse on Nibiru! Also have large eyes, small noses, are height wise 2’0”-2’7” with females taller, 2.5-4.5 in weight as magical beings weight little, like they look kinda like Mobians from Sonic the Hedgehog but different and actually wear clothes!

But back on topic as a Nibirian which it’s normal for me to be a “effeminate” male as you humans label it! I am disgusted with straight humans and their hateful intolerant norms!

Most hateful ass humans these days have zero tolerance for anyone different from them as if being different is a crime and being different is equivalent to being evil!

But in reality? Humans are the evil ones! I’ve said already in past posts what evil humanity has done! Humanity is selfish and think they’re entitled to something that damages the Kosmos heavily and that is man made religions!

Fuck your hateful beliefs! Zillions of lives including advanced species lives have suffered and died because of the shockwaves the Kosmos does in self defence! The Universe cannot exist without a Kosmos either! If the Kosmos blows up it would destroy the entire Universe with it! The Kosmos is the heart and soul of the Universe! The Universe cannot exist like I said without one!

Advanced species = evolved species that are bipedal and can do whatever a human can but most advanced species aren’t evil and don’t think they’re entitled to doing something that damages the Kosmos! Humans are an advanced species! But humans are a lower advanced species! One so evil, vile, and narcissistic enough to think they’re entitled to something that causes nothing but death, suffering, hate, lies, brainwashing, etc!

Christianity and Islamism are major religions that have done so much damage to the Kosmos! On J-Day humans will get what they deserve for thinking they were entitled to such hateful beliefs that have caused nothing but war, hate, intolerance, homophobia, etc, and have heavily damaged the Kosmos like I said!

But you know what back on the topic of “effeminate” males? We should be regardless of species be allowed to be ourselves as long as being ourselves doesn’t hurt anyone! Women aren’t the only ones allowed to be themselves and should never be more privileged than men!

People want equality but when it comes to giving men the same rights as women in that area humans get butthurt at having to accept a guy for being “effeminate”!

Especially butthurt macho gay guys who’re butthurt about yaoi existing even though yaoi often just applies to mxm couples most of the time! Yaoi has evolved in meaning by now!

Also on Nibiru the word for gay as in homosexual males is yaoi but is pronounced “yoi” and the word for lesbians is “yai” so yeah in another language in the Universe specifically Nibirian the word yaoi does mean gay male!

Macho gays be like “BAWWW HOW DARE GUYS BE EFFEMINATE ALL GUYS SHOULD BE MANLY SCREEEE I HATE YAOI WHAAAAA” hateful shitty attitude they sceam in intolerance being no better than straight guys

Guess what macho gay assholes? Effeminate males do exist so shut the fuck up with your intolerant hatred towards us! Sorry[[Not!]] every gay guy is macho and ugly as you butthurt intolerant macho gay jerks think every guy should be!

Also why is every gay guy I see on TV talk like a highschool girl? I swear never seen any gay guy on TV that doesn’t talk like that…

Also seriously fuck bara not every gay guy has to like bara! I hate how people think every gay guy has to like bara just because it is supposedly written for gay males? I don’t look up much yaoi these days though actually! Haven’t done so in a long ass time as just been too depressed and worried about the future….

Like I said on my homeplanet the gender standards are reverse so no shit I don’t like bara!

All males are “effeminate”, cute, pretty, etc, while females are burly, macho, strong, tough, etc, so why the hell would I like looking at guys that look like girls to my species’s gender standards?

Gods and goddesses aka deities aka royal angels aka yazata are anthropomorphic magical multidimensional bipedal felines anyways! I’ve described my kind in other posts and shouldn’t have to constantly repeat myself!

I have a pic of me in my profile pic anyways so yeah we look nothing like you selfish intolerant humans who delusionally think aliens have to look human like in your media? The only alien hominin that technically was originally from Earth but left with my kind are the elves! But even they follow Nibirian gender standards!

I wear makeup sometimes with it just being red eyeshadow though my true form has naturally red eyelids!

Male yazata and tenshi have fur markings while females only have the white muzzle and three toed paw print chest marking! Males have white muzzles, coloured eyelids[[yazata only as tenshi do not]], three toed paw print chest marking, coloured ears, elbow length fingerless glove markings, knee length toeless sock markings, and markings on arms, legs, paw print marking, ears, etc, match wing colour!

Tenshi have a normal shaped cat tail aka an “I” shaped tail and yazata have a “Y” shaped tail and have eyelid markings!

Tenshi and yazata have a single crystal horn on their heads too…

Tenshi and yazata are similar species! Tenshi were created long ago in the First Universe alongwith demons which are good guys in actuality and never did anything wrong as that was all evil hateful toxic narcissistic human lies!

Humans think any non human advanced species is evil out of hate, narcissism, intolerance, and fear of difference! Humans victimise themselves viewing non human advanced species as a threat to their lives and their hateful egotistical lifestyle!

Elves may have been accidental creations but they did work back then as they worked in mines in ancient times but were protected from harm and payed with things they needed like they were given homes, food, clothes, and even we had things so they could be entertained on breaks! Demons kept them safe in the mines in case of accidents that could’ve been lethal!

This os probably where Sumerians got the lie that they claim my kind enslaved humans which we never did as humans existed way after as modern humans are the hybrid children of other hominins/homo species and evil traitorous elves!

Evil elves wanted to kill innocent lives and became dark skinned from their own evil actions! So they weren’t dark for the same reason dark skinned humans are dark but were more due to their actions causing their skin to darken!

I usually say it’s like the Rockman DASH aka Megaman Legends morality system as Rockman got darker by doing bad things in that game! It mirrors how evil elves became dark!

Sadly some evil elves generations later wanted enough and wanted to be good but their human offspring killed them for wanting to change….

Which is something I pity them for as they wanted to change but their own children hated the idea so much they murdered their own parents…

As far as I know those evil elves were the last on Earth not counting Ishtayr’s minions Earl and Aeva who used to have children themselves but with each other..

As the real Messiah I had to out an end to one of them because the one in question was spreading lies to get innocent elf children killed…

So I killed Yahweh Yehovah[[where the fictional false Christian god got his name but back than the letter J wasn’t a thing yet..]] because he was manipulating others into killing a few elf children so when I found out it was him who made the lies I used icy wind magic to slice him to pieces killing the horrible evil elf!

You really can’t blame me for killing him as I was only protecting the lives of innocent elf children! The elf who nearly got tricked came back and I explained he was deceived and he turned good after that no longer trusting the words of those elves whose skin turned dark from evil actions!

Sometimes that’s how protecting lives is: Sometimes a evil life has to be taken as said life couldn’t reason or said life’s heart was nothing but evil and couldn’t change for the better…

I do feel sad things are like this but as a yazata we sometimes have to kill to protect innocent lives from evil.

It’s our job to keep peace and order so that is one reason why humans have to be given the “Big E” as humans won’t listen to truth and continue to believe in lies and think they’re entitled to their lies that damage the Kosmos!

We can’t allow humans to blow up the Kosmos as I said that would blow up the Universe and kill all mortal life as magical beings can escape such destruction! But a Kosmos exploding would also damage nearby universes so yeah the damage would horrifically catastrophic!

Plus Kohora and Yumera would be damaged too! Yumera exists above the Universe and is the World of Dreams! Kohora exists below the Universe and is the real Underworld!

Kohora and Yumera are both paradises in it’s own way!

Yumera means “Dream World” as yume means dream and ra means world!

Kohora means “Below/Under World” as koho means below/under and ra means world!

Both world as surreal like magical paradises!

I remember giving birth[[like I said same gender breeding is a thing on Nibiru]] to my twin boys Qupit and Yorupit under the red crystal tree in the Crystal Forest in Kohora!

Demons are just Nibirians thus anthropomorphic magical multidimensional bipedal animals and they live on Nibiru, other magical planets, The Lumarian Sky Islands[[those are on Earth and exist mainly in the Bermuda Triangle, Dragon’s Triangle, Pacific Ocean, and Kamelot specifically is above Germany and yes Kamelot is correctly spelled with a K not a C!

The word Lumarian comes from the Nibirian word for moons in general which is “Luma” so Lumarian is what we call those sky islands though Mu and Atlantis are underwater so even though they are part of the sky islands they are underwater!

But yeah enough for this post as it’s getting long so will continue with another post about the Lumarian Sky Islands!

[landofwindandskyscrapers]

10/52 You won't believe this one neat trick!

Or: a peek into my brain as of this writing

So I’m taking a break from my unofficial reviewing of books to document influences on my worldview and personal philosophy.

(I still find it surprising that I ended up with so many blog posts being book reviews. Shows how important reading is to me, I guess)

(Also yay, me using my blog as an actual diary thing 😂)

(I should also make a blog post about me using emojis so much)

The common thread in the concepts I’ll outline is that they’re like pointing out an optical illusion - once you see them, your view on society reorganizes itself because it makes so much damn sense - and you start seeing it everywhere.

A part of me is concerned about this - because searching for A SINGLE UBER TRUTH THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING is a base human failing; it’s why conspiracy theories exists, because it’s comforting to the human mind to imagine a wrong, single and simple reason for how things are the way they are instead of facing the fact that the world is actually complicated.

Still, these ideas seem to serve me well.

First concept chronologically:

The housing market isn’t being taxed enough. Not enough houses are being built. Rents should not be profitable.

To use a quote from the links provided (that also have other links in them to explore in depth):

Georgism is a school of political economy that is really upset about, among other things, the Rent Being Too Damn High. It seeks to liberate labor and capital alike from those who gatekeep access to scarce "non-produced assets," such as land and natural resources, while still affirming the virtues of hard work and free enterprise.

The central idea is that rents - money that is being paid to a private person not for buying a product or service, but just to generally exist - are the root of all evil.

And that rents manifest in the real world as, well, rent coming from owning land or houses the landlord minimally maintains.

Landlords don’t add value to society, but siphon it from the middle and working class to hoard it for themselves - gradually impoverishing everyone while perversely becoming more and more powerful as a result.

To get an idea of what I mean, please realize that a king is the ultimate landowner - with scores of serfs under his unelected control who have to give all the fruits of their labor simply to exist.

And once this was pointed out to me…I kept seeing it everywhere.

See how the housing market works; you either rent, or to buy you get a mortgage which is effectively a rent paid to the bank.

Buying a house if you already own a house is relatively easy, but buying one if you’re poor or middle class is an ordeal.

And this is tied to how stupidly difficult building new houses has been getting for the past fifty years; supply is constrained and prices perpetually go up.

Housing, shelter, is a basic need for everyone.

But government provided housing feels like it’s been going the way of the dodo.

Every country I know of is struggling with houses being more and more unaffordable for its population - and there’s little sign of the situation improving.

The way I know of fighting this is to make taxes on land and improve the housing supply.

Second concept:

We’re not having enough children.

This is a bit depressing.

Having children is a huge cost to the people who have them.

It’s tiring, difficult, sometimes dangerous work that isn’t rewarded by society.

(absence of parenthood is sometimes punished - but it’s not by punishment alone you get people to do things)

It’s a rational decision to not have them.

This sets up societies for horrible doom and failure for the future.

Coupled with the fact most societies (Italy especially) are xenophobic and don’t let in enough immigrants….this is a recipe for failure.

I’ll leave this with a simple population pyramid graph:

Solution: pro-natalist policies with actual teeth. Taxing companies whose employees have fewer children than the national average. Equal parenthood paid time off for men and women. 

(As an aside, I don’t understand why taxing things that hurt the collective is so frowned upon in politics. It should be a win-win, letting state coffers be replenished while helping society)

Third concept: 

Monopoly power is a root of all evil

This comes from Cory Doctorow’s seminal essays on (sigh) enshittification.

Relevant quote:

This is enshittification: surpluses are first directed to users; then, once they're locked in, surpluses go to suppliers; then once they're locked in, the surplus is handed to shareholders and the platform becomes a useless pile of shit.

The idea is that monopoly power is - well - power. And power corrupts.

And that’s how you get HP printers that cost a subscription to operate and spy on you.

(I’m ashamed at having bought one of those awful things a while ago. In my defense, I needed a printer STAT and this was the cheapest, cheapest option)

The solution to this is actually enforcing anti-monopoly laws.

—

I don’t believe in despair. 

Despair is not useful. It doesn’t inform what you should do, it leaves you standing there and is honestly actually self-indulgent at times.

This is why when outlining these concepts I’ve always added a line to possible solutions.

It’s my own “and so what? And then?”

Doesn’t mean it isn’t hard of course.

But I find it much more satisfying to live my life with grim optimism.