#i know one person in my year whos here for the content theyre learning

[calkale]

i wish younger people went to school to learn rather than just to get the degree

[toooliix]

hey! alright so i may have done a thing

so for the past,,, idk 3 weeks? ive been going on a deep dive into spelling bee mostly to sedate my own curiosity of needing to know everything about what i'm interested in. as it turns out, there is a LOT of content with this musical, so i'm here to talk about my findings! note: i will be keeping this EXCLUSIVE to the original 2005 off broadway cast. as much as i'm a brown university girlie through and through, the original cast is where the content is. OKAY FIRST: youtube findings

a lot of small videos were made usually with logainne and leaf. you'll be quick to learn that they made the most off stage content. i have a public playlist with these videos, along with interviews, the original boot, and a few other things. the cast album isn't in it because that's audio only and i want visuals damnit. (plus its on spotify and easy to look up so.) the exception is 25apcsbmt12doc because its pretty underground and the purpose is to get word out about niche things.

second: myspace pages a lot of the spellers have myspace pages! this is like. a common thing!! only two were archived (leaf and logainne) and are able to be accessed! i'll talk about the others in a bit. they contain new information and i personally find them very interesting!

leaf logainne

HOWEVER: three are currently able to be accessed through modern myspace without needing an account. the format is off, but it's accessable.

barfee 25apcsb account panch third: other

there's two different things here so i'll separate them :]

3.1: r/v club

r/v club is a short film by rebecca feldman (one of the people that worked on spelling bee) that includes logainne! it can be found on her site with other short films. i believe this is the only one with her in it HOWEVER i have not checked therefore i could be wrong. it's set post-spelling bee, i believe. also jesse is in it but not as leaf.

r/v club

3.2: official site

spelling bee had a site!! and official merch!! its just a cool thing i think. it'll be mentioned again in the last section

spelling bee site

fourth and final: lost media (to my knowledge)

okay, spelling bee has.... QUITE a bit of lost media. again, this will be separated into parts.

4.1: C-R-E-P-U-S-C-U-L-E

before spelling bee was a thing, crepuscule (albiet mispronounced) was an improv play made by the farm. (same group who made r/v club) a lot of the characters were similar or the same, and it has a similar premise. however, it wasn't a musical. from what i've heard, there USED to be a boot of it, however i haven't found one of my own. i would love to be corrected.

4.2 myspace pages

remember how i was going to say this was going to come up again? hi thats now. outside of leaf and logainne, other myspace accounts were made! mitch (comfortcounselor), olive (mydictionary) + (oliveostrovsky), chip (chiptolentino), marigold (marigoldconeybear) an olive and barfee joint account (ilovemydictionary), and a leaf and logainne joint account (schwartzylogan). there's also another leaf account with the very confusing name of panchspell the issue with these is that theyre not archived, so you'll need a myspace account with a verified email to view these. in the year of our lord 2024 that's not exactly an easy find, especially since verification emails no longer send. plus, one of olive's accounts is dictionary.com now so,,,, who knows what it looks like there. most also need a connection, which makes things even MORE difficult. i hate how close but out of reach these accounts are.

4.3. spelling bee game

yeah they had a game. it's on the site, and it's eternally stuck at loading characters from my experience. here's the link anyway! game

4.4 the dirty bee

oh jesus its the dirty bee. so for context, in 2006 when the show was running, a few nights were booked for spelling bee that were meant for mature audiences and were 18 plus. it's catered towards people who have already seen the bee and want something new. it was inspired by jay (panch) and putting in words or sentences researsals that were clearly for funnies because he was bored. alas it became a derivative of the musical. all we know is what an article provides (theres more than one but the one linked gives the most info) and that chip quote unquote "finished off" at my unfortunate erection according to jose. there's rumor that chip is canonically bi in it but theres no sources so,,,, can't confirm that one.

article

(the quote is said in the reunion "stars in the house" and is found in the playlist)

conclusion:

there's genuinely so much shit in this musical i find it fascinating. this post WILL be updated with any other finds or information. PLEASE dm me or let me know if i got something wrong or if you have something to add (though do add a source, please and thank you)

ALSO: reblogs are greatly appreciated!! shoutout to the wiki, @/honkmaster69 and the people i spam in dms for helping and tolerating me <33

[dansevilpianotea]

what are some phancoded songs?

hiiii omg thanks for the ask!! i absolutely love talking about songs i associate with my interests!! (autism has been activated to the highest degree so this will be a long post, you have been warned)

here are some of what i think are classic dnp coded songs:

Guys by The 1975 (i see this as more about the phandom than about dnp tbh but its very very dnp coded no matter how you interpret it) That's So Us by Allie X Still into You by Paramore The Only Exception by Paramore

i have a whole ass 100 song long playlist about dnp but let me give you my favourites that aren't the usual classics:

Eighteen by Pale Waves

This city depresses me But you try to be everything I need We sat on the corner kissing each other Felt like I could finally see in colour I was 18 when I met you Poured my heart out, spilt all my truth I finally felt like I could feel for the first time When I met you

i mean????? thats 2009 dan and phil????? dip and pip??? hello!!??

also fun fact!!: this band is from manchester and this song was written by their non-binary drummer and lesbian lead singer (who lowkey gives lesbian version of dan). you should rlly listen to pale waves. idek if theyve heard of dnp but theyre true phannies to me.

Starlight by Muse

this song, man. never heard of muse until i got into dnp and then i this song was the first one is listened to.

Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms

i feel like it says sth about the expectations of being in a relationship while also presenting yourself on a massive public platform. wanting to be authentic and produce content^tm vs. being closeted and wanting to protect your relationship. 'I will be chasing a starlight, Until the end of my life, I don't know if it's worth it anymore'. Is worth it to constantly push the content out while feeling like a fraud for being inauthentic about your identity? 'And our hopes and expectations, Black holes and revelations'. the future may seem very dark and hopeless sometimes, it may not turn out how we expect or hope, but only once we face instead of fight it (embrace the void etc) we will forgive our past selves and see that the future really is bright. so yes, very dnp coded.

Anniversary by Autoheart

Years of nothing have subsided We have fixed each other up Giving you up? What are you on about? I'll never give up believing in us Giving you up? Now why would I do a thing like that? No I’m not giving you up, no way I will never stop when it comes to you

this song is not only dnp coded (kind of an october 19th theme song) but also has gained a new meaning since the return of dnp games <3. they didnt give up on us. they came back. and we really helped each other get here <3. think about it like that when listening and i guarantee you will be sobbing. the song also has some marriage themes bc theres wedding vows during the bridge so i will just let you live with that <33

Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore

Tracing patterns across a personal map And making pictures where the lines overlap No one is as lucky as us We're not at the end but oh, we already won Call me over And tell me how Well, you got so far Never making a single sound I'm not used to it But I can learn

we werent ready for their comeback / we're still learning to get used to it / just look at them / boiling frog theory / hard phaunch / do i need to say more

Yellow by Coldplay

this song became part of my playlist when phil didnt know a single coldplay song. unfortunately i cant take it serious anymore after dan was turned into a golden pig, then was literally glowing golden during a book event all while #pissyourself4dan was trending and every phannie on twt made their pfps yellow. i will curse your mind to with the lyrics and mental imagery: (im sorry but im also not bc this is how my autism thinks humour works)

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do Yeah, they were all yellow ✨✨ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful ✨✨✨ And you know, you know I love you so 💛

✨✨✨

(im sorry again)

Safe & Sound by Tonight Alive

Dan in BIG: "for the first time since I was a tiny child I actually felt safe."

Nothing compares to what we share I don't have a care in the world Cause even if it all came crashing down, As long as you're around, I'll be safe and sound. 🧡

ending it with a nice one because its beautiful and sappy and its so them afterall. they really won rpf.

thank you for this ask, i enjoyed answering it!! (im sorry for taking so long. im on day 11 of a cold so ive not had much energy.)

[is-that-plural]

urgh not to feed into the whole demonization stuff but postal dude from the POSTAL game franchise is plural coded (and i am allowed to say this having DID.. bc i get so mad when singlets say he has "split/multiple personality disorder" (also bc its the outdated name) but when i see someone who is a system say he is im likd. YES (also most of the time those people who claim MPD on him are doing it to demonize the disorder and add nothing else.. like no nuance or whatever at all or deep discussion) GOING TO RAMBLE SORRY (should also probably content warn. postal is a pretty violent/graphic/dark humor franchise so theres gonna be bringing up of violence and guns, and also some semi disturbing imagery?? mostly it just being eerie, demon visuals, and scopophobia).. oh also religion trauma talk ALSO SPOILERS FOR POSTAL 1997 (?) AND POSTAL BRAIN DAMAGED!!! -------------------------------------------------------------

so, in POSTAL 1 (1997), theres this whole thing where, if you look at postal dude's voicelines from Rick Hunter, iirc (my memory is a bit rusty) theyre labeled with "demon", and his death/pain sounds are voiced by Vince Desi and arent labelled as such. its also heavily implied that postal dude is TERRIFIED and scared, but then his voicelines are him making snide and mocking remarks. it has been implied that he may be "possessed by a demon" but also that he has multiple mental conditions.

now, in POSTAL: Brain Damaged, this becomes extremely obvious. we are now more into the future, and Dude has to fight against other dude inside his own head. Other dude is the "demon" from postal 1997.

(other dude on the left, postal dude on the right.) other dude's speech at the final cutscene, he specifically talks about how they are basically one in the same, while he also cannot be killed or defeated. (and um. after this he gets shot in the head by postal dude, and "dies" but ill get to that.) (i know alter death isnt real, but us, along with other systems weve seen, have said that in headspace , an alter for example may look like they are dead or something happened to them, but that didnt actually kill them and they arent dead. it has been said this is usually a stress thing, or a coping mechanism. we have done stuff like this before.) so i dont believe other dude is dead. ALSO! when postal dude shot him, he brought up not being able to remember things he learned in childhood after that, and his brain was going all dumb,, https://www.kapwing.com/videos/66bab3c776014924d543c4c6 (tumblr wont let me put a video so i hope this link will work!! if it doesnt you can just look up the final cutscene of the game, but like the warnings i put up above they are fighting and he does get shot.) -------------------------------------------------------------- FINAL THOUGHTS my take/headcanon whatever u wanna call it, as a DID system, is that he may have DID or OSDD-1a. but instead of just claiming that and not digging into anything else or finding nuances, here's some other stuff. as a persecutor in our sys myself who also recently fused with postal 1997 being the source, and also our other few postal introjects (a few who are also persecutors), Postal dude and Other dude are system coded. I think Other dude is a mislead persecutor who is fully convinced he is a demon, on top of Postal dude thinking the same about other dude. A big thing that happens with many systems because of trauma, especially religious trauma, is thinking they are possessed (and sometimes even those around the system also calling them possessed,) and because postal dude never got the help they needed, they have some, what i like to call, internalized demonization. the first case we ever see the postal dude is in 1997 (which is also the year the game takes place in and not just the games date), and to my math, postal dude is canonically 53-54 this current year. of course he wouldnt have gotten help, especially how under researched CDDs are still to this day! and i do think they have religious trauma, i mean, the entire thing for postal 1997 is dude thinking he is cleansing the earth for god or something. POSTAL 1997 has "diary entries" (which turn into "war journal" after a bit) and they all have very obvious religious ramblings. so, my conclusion, postal dude has DID or OSDD-1A, heavy internalized demonization, religious trauma, and is system coded. i rest my case. also... just look at this image bro tell me he isnt plural,,

SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG I JUST LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS and despite this might being seen as demonizing DID, personally i and a few others ive met who like postal and are systems dont see it that way and postal actually makes us feel seen lol

!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL THANK YOU FOR THE RANT

a rant is actually Really needed, because i can only do so much research myself on media we're unfamiliar with, so for you all to give your reasoning and explanations is absolutely PERFECT !!

Rating: CASE CLOSED: That Dude is Plural !

[multiplicity-positivity]

[content warning: suicide] hi. you don't have to write a whole thing for this if it would be harmful to you obviously, but we've been trying to find some advice for this and don't really know where 2 look. we have at least 3 headmates who, like, their Role Thing seems 2 have become Being Suicidal. they have personalities under this but their sui thoughts overwhelm it. all they talk about is sui. all they seem to think about is sui. we want 2 support them but its v scary when someone just turns everything u say into how they can use it to commit sui. theyre not in danger of doing this 2 the body, but its still really upsetting and we want them 2 be ok. its overwhelming and we dont know how to begin to help them. if u/ur followers have any thoughts on this it would mean a lot. ty

Yipes, this post got long and heavy. It’s under a cut…

Woof, yeah, we really relate to y’all here… we feel you and we understand your struggles. I am actually one of the parts in my system who struggles with suicidal ideation the most. I have been pulled from the front and blocked off from the rest of my system in the past because of my struggles with feeling suicidal almost constantly. I’m still learning, healing, and trying to change. It’s a process. But I do think I’m in a better place now than I was, say, two or three years ago.

So yeah, um, idk how much anything I could say might help… but here’s some stuff that helped me find at least a little more hope in life.

First, it really helped me and deeply affected me when my headmates could be real with me about how my thoughts, words, and actions were affecting them. I felt hurt and moved when they started saying things like “I value life and I value your life. It hurts my feelings and makes me distressed and upset when you bring up suicide all the time.” Or “When you talk about suicide so much it makes the rest of us nervous and uneasy. The littles don’t want to be around you as much because your nonstop resorting to suicide as a solution seriously frightens them.” Idk but for me, having these gentle, yet stern, reminders from my headmates whenever I was bringing them down helped me to start noticing when I was doing it. It can be a hard realization to have that your own thoughts and feelings can have such drastic effects on your loved ones… both inside and outside your system.

Next, having a place where I can talk about suicide or whatever has been bringing me down as much as I want also helps. I really miss therapy because I was able to just vent and cry and be vulnerable with my therapist, and he listened without judgement and without trying to force me to act in one way or another. I also have my own private journal separate from the rest of my headmates. I vent there a lot and make dark art, talk about suicide and what it really would mean for myself, my system, and my loved ones. Usually after I’ve had a chance to scrawl out everything I’m feeling, it helps me feel a bit better and a little less suicidal.

Also, getting reminders of things that I actually do enjoy has helped immensely. Yeah, I’m a suicidal part, but I also like ice cream and dandelions and music. So whenever I start spiraling and getting in a super suicidal headspace, the parts who front with me or interact with me have been encouraging me to go breathe outside for a while, or eat a tasty treat, or listen to some music that I adore. One of the littles in my system drew me a picture of a dandelion lion lol. If you know anything at all that your suicidal headmates enjoy, maybe try connecting them with those things when they’re at their worst. Make some art for them, surprise them with something small and joyous, and do little things to show them that you care about them, you value their presence in your life, and you want them to be able to find joy, even if it’s just in the little moments.

Over time, for me, those little things have built up. At my therapist’s request, I’ve started keeping a list of things I like. The more I think about it, the longer the list grows. This list of things I enjoy… that’s my list of reasons to live. It’s got stuff on it like my partner system, cookies and milk, beautiful sunsets, swimming, and things like that. Maybe you can encourage your headmates to each start lists of their own. Even if they don’t have anything they think they can add right now, at least they’ll have the space for it. And then in the future, whenever their spirits are lifted, even if it’s fleeting, they can begin to start noticing that there are things in the world that can bring them happiness.

It’s definitely a process. I still get suicidal from time to time. But I do really think that these things have helped me reach a better place. And maybe something here could be useful for your system when it comes to connecting with your suicidal headmates. We really do feel for you, and I honestly do know what it’s like to be hopeless and lost, feeling worthless all the time and like suicide was the only answer. But it’s not. And I know you know that… but hopefully your headmates can start to recognize that in the future.

One last thing - staying alive for someone else is totally valid! Staying alive for your favorite show or characters is valid! Staying alive for treats and snacks is valid! Staying alive because the alternative will hurt someone you care about is valid! One day at a time, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Y’all will make it to a place where your suicidal headmates are able to find joy in their life. I have full faith in that. And if you need a listening ear or any advice or if there’s anything at all we can do to help y’all through this process, please let us know. We may not be a qualified mental health professional… but please trust us when we say we are a system who understands.

I’m sorry if this post got rambly, isn’t useful, or doesn’t make much sense. Seriously though, I am wishing you all the very best, and from the bottom of my heart I do hope things will get better.

[bgs-cave-o-thots]

i have a question, as a fellow Orbot and Cubot fan, how do you feel about most recent content showing all egg man's robots as his children and them all being siblings? i like it for metal, belle, and sage, but i don't know about Orbot and cubot. also i get worried about shipping them? i totally shipped them before frontiers but after sage referring to them as her brothers idk how to feel. i joke that cubot is a "brother in law", but idk how long canon will allow us to ship them before it gets weird. anyway, just wanted to know your opinion! thanks!

I'm not the biggest fan of the fanworks showing Orbot and Cubot as siblings/Eggman's kids, personally. Nothing wrong with it, never was, just not my thing. As for the canon stuff...honestly? I don't think it's as big of a deal right now as people worry about.

When I first heard the news I hadn't seen all that far into Frontiers yet (it was only a day or two old at this point), so all I knew was from seeing someone i follow saying "well shit theyre canon brothers now guess im not shipping them anymore" out of nowhere. Which. Without any context. Did make me a bit afraid at first.

But later I saw what was actually said in game and realized...this is just some kid trying to learn what a family is supposed to be, and what her family would be compared to that, with her father figure basically going "yeah if you say so i guess". This is not Orbot and Cubot calling each other siblings. They aren't even there to call Sage their sibling. Sage is trying to connect the relationship of inventor/invention to parent/child, which, while functional sometimes, is not an accurate assumption 100% of the time.

I am an extremely firm advocator for how relationships involving sentient robots has very different rules to organic beings. A robot and their creator can have a parent/child relationship, sure, but they could also be a couple, siblings, friends, enemies, literally any relationship to each other should they choose. The parent-child dynamic could even be swapped, with the robot taking the parental role and the creator being their child (they've done this in the Sonic franchise already, see Mombot and Eggman from Sonic Boom). Same goes for multiple bots of the same maker. Partners, families, anything. And one robot seeing the creator as a dad doesn't mean the other robots made by that creator have to see them that way too. I feel like this especially applies to things on the scale of Eggman's robots. He's made thousands, if not millions or even billions of robots. At that point it's more like a whole race/species/community/something on that larger scale than one single family.

I also have a distaste for the "all eggman robots are siblings and are kids of eggman" thing especially when it gets used for ALL Sonic universes, not just the modern universe? For example, if you apply that to Boom, you get some...uncomfortable clashes with some canon relationships (see: Cutebot & D-Fect, Mombot, every time Cubot hits on another machine, probably other things I'm forgetting)

Anyway. Obviously I have a lot to say on the topic, but in the end...who cares? I don't see them as siblings, I probably never will, regardless of what canon does to 'em. None of my shippy art or writing will ever have them as siblings, and I assume the same of all that I reblog. I've been here on the cuorb/cueball train for years, other people have been here even longer than me. Definitely a whole lot longer than Sage's little throwaway 'brothers' comment in Frontiers, or Orbot's 'big bro' gag in Rise of the Wisps.

If those things make the ship feel icky to you when it hadn't before, and you don't wanna ship it now, that's fine. Sure, it sucks when a ship you love doesn't work out, but it's not your fault canon threw a curveball at you. Sometimes that ball hits you in the gut hard, makes you feel sick. You can hit it right back - choose to ship it anyway, via au or canon divergence or whatever else - but there's no shame if that ball hits you hard enough that you gotta sit out the rest of the game.

So, my final verdict?

Just do what you want. It's more fun that way.

[agent-cupcake]

Hey, another fanfic writer here—I saw ur recent post regarding lack of interest, and I have a few things I’d like to share that would hopefully help you since I’ve felt, and to an extent STILL feel the way you do about the topic of only really getting attention for fics of other more popular fandoms while the ones your proud of are just… 20 likes, as you said.

Apologies for the unasked advice, I come from a place of complete empathy since I’ve been there again and again to where I’d write a shit one off for a fic and it would get more traction then the stuff I actually put work into—like “wow you guys prefer some garbage written fluff of x character but this fic, which i have poured a LOT into, isn’t really acknowledged?” and unfortunately, there’s really no way of getting past that feeling beyond just completely removing yourself from the concept of being praised/putting importance in other people’s thoughts.

Genuinely I have not felt better than now when I post fics because I completely disregard people’s opinions—both good and bad, whether it be praise or mild hate—whatever is said, I feel nothing. This has fostered to the extent where I get annoyed when I get excessive likes for a fic because I find the notifs annoying. It’s a sad reality, but as writers (or creatives in general) it’s a detriment to consider others, especially when YOU, a painfully, undoubtedly SKILLED writer whose unpaid.

Seriously, not to give you the sloppy or whatever, but you’re fucking GOOD. And not to be the “hehe im a hardass and hard to impress!” but genuinely, reading your fics just makes me “😨” BECAUSE THEYRE SO GOOD?? HOW ARE THEY NOT PUBLISHED WORKS?? HOW ARE YOU ONLY GETTING 200 NOTES?? And it pains me to read that you’re deeply effected by the lack of traction you get, because I understand, but you must understand your worth isn’t defined by degens online who want a good smut or just a person who wants to read any content made of a niche character :(

Yadiyadia, long story short: You’re good (REALLY good) and I STRONGLY advise you learn to completely detach yourself from the want for praise and learn to create merely because you enjoy it, because in the end, all that matters is that YOURE happy and you, as the unpaid and sinfully underrated fanfic writer, enjoy the process.

I was being whiny and pathetic last night I don't like the way I came off so first off, I thank you for sending this, and thank all of the people who responded to my complaining with such kindness and understanding. There are so many wonderful people who have followed and interacted with me throughout the years. It's really unfair when I get depressive to be whiny about interaction when I have proof that so many people are willing to read 20k+ word fics. That's, what, over an hour out of their lives? Regardless if they comment or interact beyond that, it's something I'm way too willing to take for granted. I do apologize for speaking in a way that devalues what a blessing all of you are. When I'm upset I have a tendency to speak in a way that plays on guilt or sympathy way too much and, combined with my poor communication skills, I really do not like the way I came off especially since the people who reached out are the same ones who have been supporting me to begin with. It's poor behavior and I should be more mindful. Really, truly, thank you so much for offering your kindness and support, it really does mean a lot to me.

This is good advice and you're right that it's something I should keep in mind. Perspective is the name of the game unless you want to suffer. For the most part, I really do try to think this way. You know, create for the sake it of, enjoy what you do, all of that. To clarify, a little bit, the feelings behind my rambling last night, I view creation as an inherently interactive process. I have an idea and try to figure out how best to express that idea so I can share it with the reader who can then interpret and respond to that idea. The reader can tell me if I properly expressed that idea, or if I failed. That's why even something as small as "this was hot lol" is meaningful is because it's somebody telling me that I was successful with expressing my idea . But if this is how I feel about content creation, the only conclusion I'm able to draw from saying I don't care about feedback is to never post anything at all. I can't be "good" in a bubble. There's nothing to be learned, or understood, or measured if I am the only audience for myself. I write and share stories to express ideas to others because I genuinely think I have something to offer other people. Sure, it's often an appeal to sexuality or ridiculous levels of heightened emotion for the sake of titillation, but there's a lot of evidence of just how valuable people deem content like that. If somebody is willing to read a 20k+ word fic, I would like to know why. What I was whining about more than anything was a lack of interaction rather than traction. I don't expect to be wildly popular with reader insert, but it irks me that people would be more willing to demand I post more content (such as with the HxH stuff) than they would to show their appreciation for content I've already put up and they've consumed. Now that I'm not in that state of mind, I can acknowledge that this was a childish view to take that could very well not even be true on top of weird framing of holding my fics hostage for the sake of attention.

Anyway, I'm sorry that was an objectively bad take and I'll blame being sad and tired. I truly thank everybody who has responded kindly and with a reminder to focus on what actually matters (degeneracy and thirsting). I apologize again for putting people in that position it was pretty lame of me.

[nahalism]

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I’m the “liberal feminists are dumb” anon maybe I should pick another name to identify myself lmao but for someone so young you seem to be someone very wise. I did mean it when I called you intelligent last time, I’m curious about what made you want to learn about esotericism, while I don’t believe in everything esotericism has to say it’s definitely something that has always attracted me too. Like what books do you or have you read?

lmao, its cool come as u are. & im 25 (will be 26 in june). and thank you

i dont want to make this reply a long history of my life story, cause ultimately it will just be a story & one that may have no bearing or relation to what you feel/think. my truth is that i feel each person should believe and follow in what feels true for them. for me that is the principle of being loving and lovable, creating harmony or betterment where i go, and leaving what i touch better than how i found it or at least untainted by my presence. when i fall short of that, i dissect it and apply it to myself painstakingly so that i become a fuller expression of what i want to be and that has always been my nature. esoteric study has helped me tremendously in that pursuit, but it isnt the core reason its my nature to pursue that way of living. ive always loved the stories of people older than me, music, literature, science, history, psychology, anthropology, philosophy, building things, logic, so schools of thought whether they be animism, islam, christianity, hinduism, theosophy, syncretism, the kabbalah, the sybil oracles, are all of interest to me because theyre like giant slabs of all of those subjects put together to pick apart and bring me to a fuller understanding of the world. i take what i find to be true & apply it, leave what i dont agree with & respect it because one day i might find it relevant. but ive always said on here and still feel that its not what you know or how much you know, its what you do with it. knowing something means nothing if it cant be practically applied & my experiences, beyond any book ive ever read, are what lead me to feel conviction in my beliefs. & yes, 😂those experiences are all the typical inexplicable psychic phenomena that are usually palmed off as woowoo. so ill write a list of some authors or books that have been great resources for me over the years below, but what i hope you ultimately get from this is that its what we feel and what we experience that trumps everything. ive met many athiests that are just genuinely good people & i think that example exhibits this best. to not believe in a god or a point to any of all this and still choose to be 'good' for goodness sake is i think what all of these teachings wish for us to arrive at.

- ted andrews and ivan antic (both have many good books), manly p hall - the secret teaching of all ages, helena blavatsky isis unveiled and the secret doctrine, rudolph stiener (many good books all audio also as books on youtube), any resources left behind by nikola tesla and einstein are incredibly to marry with the content in many of these books, florence scovel shinn, krs1 (also many good videos on youtube), ralph waldo emerson has amazing insights, james redfield the celestine prophecy, the monk who sold his ferarri robin sharma, santos bonacci has a good video on syncretism & how the bible relates to astrology and the earth as a tauric field of energy, robert wang quabalistic tarot is phenomenal, and of course the bible, the quaran, the bhagavad gita, the majority of hindu and buddhist texts and whichever gnostic texts you can get your hands on. if you are a sceptic your free to remain a sceptic. the key thing is to allow the texts to meet you where you are, but to know the difference between bias and separating the wheat from the chaff. best of luck & feel free to dm me at any point

[0oolookitsme]

I posted 7,876 times in 2022

That's 7,118 more posts than 2021!

277 posts created (4%)

7,599 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thequeerlibrarian

@the-girl-who-cried-wolf

@ialwaysknewyouwerepunk

@purplekiwis

@xiaojaan

I tagged 650 of my posts in 2022

#<333 - 133 posts

#harry styles - 59 posts

#a lovely ask by a lovely person - 56 posts

#harry styles fanfiction - 39 posts

#harry styles fluff - 31 posts

#harry styles x reader - 29 posts

#mein fella - 25 posts

#harry styles smut - 19 posts

#harry styles one shot - 19 posts

#harry styles x y/n - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#have you not learned that when you state something you have put in some facts alongside to prove your statement right amd actually correct

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hi! Since it’s Mother’s Day today, could you write about dad!harry? Maybe something about Harry waking up early in the morning, goes to the bub’s (you decide if it’s a little girl or a little boy) nursery and since theyre wide awake he takes them and brings them to the kitchen where they start preparing some breakfast (in bed) for reader and then they bring it to her and Harry wakes her up by placing The bub on top of her and they start kissing sloppily reader’s face while giggling and smacking her face in order to wake her up, just something cute and fluff pleasee❤️

Title- Mama's Day

Type- One-Shoty Blurb!

Verse- Artist!Harry x Housewife(tuition teacher)!Y/n

Word Count- 1.0k

Warnings- None! Just not proofread, hehe

A/N- Okay, so I didn't want to write this request in my already created pairings just cause I've written (posted) too much in them recently. So, I decided why not I represent my most simple pairing -which is currently a wip, to you guys! I hope you enjoy reading this cottage-core fluff, as much as I liked writing this <333

Hope you like this anon, thanks for requesting! <3

---

Lemon-yellow shaded rays of sun peeked inside their room through the small gap between the two sage coloured curtains. Every thing was still except for the dust -stardust, perhaps, which could be seen only in the sunshine. The sound of their fan spinning at it's fastest speed couldn't drown out y/n's snores, who was sleeping on her stomach next to him.

Her cheek was smushed against the mattress as she had her face turned away from him, and towards where the baby's wooden crib was situated. It was about time that the baby would wake up and giggle, making grabby hands in the empty air or towards the moon toy that hung in the middle, on a thread -a creative craft performed by Y/n, which she never shuts up about.

Softly, Harry traced his fingers over the strand of hair that coiled on her cheek, brushing it away from there as to prevent any sweat from breaking out. A gentle smile had his lips curled upside as he gazed at his wife of 2 years, and his baby's mama of 1 year. He was just leaning down to place a peck on her cupid's bow when he notices movement through the corner of his eyes.

He sighs in content when he sees the chubby and fisted hands raise up and then, small quaky giggles reach his ears.

Quickly, he presses a soft kiss on her cheek and removes the mattress from over his lower body, gets out of bed and walks to his baby. Picking up the little girl who's dressed in her sky blue night jumper, he raises her up in the air, grinning at her. He brings her closer to him and presses a kiss on each of her full cheeks.

"Good morning!" He greets her in a shushed yet high pitched voice, smiling afterwards as though accepting her greeting -which was a giggle. "Let's get out of here, shall we?" He asks, not expecting any answer in return as he tip-toes on the wooden floor, out of the room.

Weaving his hands through his hair to fix them roughly, he continued his walk further in hall after he was satisfied with his reflection he saw in the glass window. Returning back to open it.

"Do you know what day it is today?" He asks, hoping to have her attention on him from where it was set on the jar of honey on the dining table. The baby does squeak, making him pass her an open mouthed grin. "S' Mama's Day!! We're gonna play as your mama's servants today, hahah."

Harry places Opal in her baby chair, which had toys attached to it, after placing a sucker in her mouth. He would like it calm and peace while he cooks, cause if he were to multitask while cooking, he'd surely put the kitchen on fire.

Adding milk to the readymade powder he had bought from the general store, he mixes the batter with a fork, unable to find the whisk. On the other hand, he turns on the knob of the stove and places a pan on it, letting it heat till he readies the mixture.

Though, after a while of mixing, he drops of slice of butter in the pan and immediately coughs when a huge amount of smoke blows up. He's sorry for himself when he realizes that the gas was turned on on high level. Turning it down to low, he waits for the gray air to go out before pouring in the batter in small circular shapes, spreading them into bigger circles one by one and flipping them, till the very last pancake he counts gets the number 8.

Big and thick 8 pancakes seem to be enough for a family of three. Yeah he'd add juice or milk in a glass alongside.

He lathers the top pancake with Nutella, and then picks it up to pour maple syrup on the rest. Then, he adds few blue berries on top of the stack of delicious smelling breakfast and pours some homemade mango shake in two glasses, some hot milk the baby bottle for Opal.

Backing away, he admires his creation from afar before wiping the sweat off his forehead, and then wiping the back of his hand on his trousers. Everything's perfect. Now, only one thing is left.

He goes to pick up Opal from her chair, where she's getting sleepy again and wraps her in a hug before walking out of kitchen, across the hall and into his and y/n's room. "Wake y' mama up, yeah?" He requests the little one before placing her on Y/n's stomach, surprised that she's sleeping on her back.

He moves to go back but stops at the doorway and takes a glance towards the sight on the bed. Their he sees Opal crawling up y/n's stomach and onto her chest like a small snail, before she's met with he mama's face and attacks it with kisses and slight smacks of her hands, at which Harry internally hisses.

When a groan passes through y/n's lips, Harry makes a run towards the kitchen. There, he quickly takes out the foldable tiny table from in-between the fridge and the slab and opens it, placing it on the counter. Proceeding with placing the breakfast plates and glasses neatly, he carries it back towards the room carefully.

"Ta-daa! Good morning and especially, Happy Mother's Day, Mama!" He cheers, taking the table to the bed and placing it over y/n's lower body as she had sat up when she saw him enter the room with the breakfast, Opal sitting beside her right hip, slapping her hands down on the mattress and grinning a toothless smile.

With a hum, y/n raises up her head as if asking for a kiss, and mumbles a crooked "thank you," after receiving it with a smile.

-

"The best mama in the whole world, you are," Harry mumbles as y/n remains cuddled into him, Opal dozed off in her bassinet after her feeding. Softly, his fingers strum beats on y/n's cheek.

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251 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#4

A Messy Day

Type- One-Shot

Verse- Singer!Harry xCeo!Y/n

Word Count- 2.5k

Warnings- I literally never write angst and I guess it might be showing in this fic lmao.

A/N- I just hope you don't absolutely hate this, I just don't have any idea what couples would fight about, what would be a big or small deal for them! I already beg your pardon hahah <3

She doesn't know what she did that made him feel like that. She just cares for him and is in love with him- is that where she went wrong? Because if yes, then this might be the only mistake which will have wounded her so badly that she won't even speak to another human ever again.

She was just helping him calm down before the show, telling him all the positive things that could happen while he was on the stage as he was brushing his teeth. She was just coming onto the point of making memories when he just spat out the toothpaste, rinsed his mouth and went away humming back at her in a dismissive response.

She was left dumbfounded sitting on the bathroom counter, but she brushed it off thinking maybe he was just feeling better now. It hit her in the heart when she saw him rambling to Mitch instead and as much as she tried to cover up her disappointment by thinking that he maybe wanted some relatability, she couldn't help but leave the space immediately to just forget this ever happened.

And she had. Sitting on a wooden chair, she chatted away with the cooking crew to selfishly keep her mind away from the way Harry had stirred-up shit in the over-thinking part of her brain. But she was also curious to know about how it felt to cook at somewhere which isn't the most usual space for cooking and chef-ing around.

She had even befriended the female chef; Charlotte was her name. Charlotte had told her about her nickname often being 'chocolate' to sweeten y/n's mood. Maybe she had just sensed that something was off ...women things? Y/n has no idea.

"Is my soup ready?" Harry's head peeked inside the kitchen area and every head turned towards him except for y/n's as she truly cannot afford tearing up in front of so many people.

One of them chimed in to tell him that it isn't yet but should be in around five more minutes. "Can you bring it to my room, love?" He asked and there's no doubt he's talking to his girlfriend.

"Sure," she mumbles quietly, her back still turned to him. Hearing him pad away without much care about her strange behaviour towards him, she looked up again while inhaling deeply, trying to keep her emotions in control when all she wanted to do was lock herself up in a bathroom and cry.

Only Harry had this much control over her feelings, only him. No one could make her want to just cry this much but Harry, she realized today. No one could pull as many emotions out of her as he could- she knew that since before though. But all she can think of right now is them separating- him leaving her all alone to be specific, and regrets of opening up to him and letting her walls down for him start to fill in.

"You wanna try this and tell me how it tastes? I'm sure you have a pretty good taste," Charlotte pats her shoulders, causing her to blink out of the void.

"Of course," she perks up at the sound of food, getting off the chair. Somewhere inside, she's a lot grateful for Char, so she brushes her hand on her back, trying to let her know without having to say it out loud.

Turning to face y/n, Char hands her a small tea plate while mumbling 'here'. The loose liquid is moving around with ease in the circular utensil, so y/n can tell that it's the soup and not the curry to a dinner they'll be packing for the crew.

She carefully slurps on it and the hot feeling of it against the back of her throat makes her rolls her eyes at the back of head. It brings her comfort. "Fuck, this shit is so very good," she opens her eyes to look at a grinning Charlotte. "You were on the Vogue Magazine labeled as the best chef for a reason, eh?" She compliments the blushing chef.

Just as Char mutters a small 'thank you' Y/n realizes that she might be giving out wrong indications, especially with how close she's standing to her. "Sorry," she clears her throat while backing away a few steps while waiting for Char to pour the soup in a bowl so that she can take it to- oh hell no.

She'll do anything to avoid him right now but seeing everyone busy in something, she has to somehow work up the courage to face him.

Charlotte hums for y/n to take ahold of the bowl and she takes it graciously to feel the heat of the utensil in her palms for a mere while. With the spoon already dipped inside, she moves towards the exit with caution as to not move with too much movement or some soup might end up on floor- and she really doesn't want to increase someone's work in this already hectic schedule.

Taking a turn towards the room of the one and only, she knocks lightly before opening the door and placing her first step inside through the small gap between the door and its frame. Instantly the door is hardly pushed back to close it and she feels the muscles of her foot squish so hard that a hissed-yell escapes her mouth.

Just as she curses though, the person inside opens the door with a frown on their face. "Couldn't you have waited for me to open the door or at least told me that it's you? I'm literally in my briefs!" He whisper yells at her and a sheen layer of salty water spreads across her sight, making everything look blurry.

Usually, they both would've laughed at their silliness but not right now- not when some shit has already been churned up. They can't even make themselves fake smile at each other.

"Fuckin' shit Harry, no! You tell me to bring you your damn soup and expect a ghost to bring it to you?" She lightly yells at him, letting him take ahold of the bowl now. Just as he turns around to place his bowl on the vanity with a strange face, she runs away. She runs to save herself the dignity she's got and slams the bathroom door once she's in there.

Maybe they could've talked through their fight as he'd slurp on his soup and y/n would chew on some cashews, but there's no way she's going back so instantly now.

He's only been making her feel ashamed of herself since the fucking morning today and she can't bring herself to be vulnerable in front of him anymore for the day- hopefully. Why is she getting so fucking sensitive ever since he has entered her life, she has no idea and it's driving her insane. Maybe it's just her periods approaching but she can't help but accept that it's her Harry, her boyfriend, love of her life and fucking best friend who's made her feel like shit all day.

She looks up, facing the ceiling so that her tears don't slip out.

It all started this morning when she was just feeling generous with affections and maybe he was feeling like an adult, not liking her 'child-like' behaviour. Yep, he had asked her "You're acting so childish today, everything Okay?" when all she wanted to do was make a fountain on the top of his head.

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291 notes - Posted December 10, 2022

#3

Type- One-Shoty Blurb

Verse- Ceo!Y/n x Singer!Harry

Warnings- None! Just fluff <3

Word Count- 1.5k

A/N- I know it's been long, but it's better sometime than never, right? (you better agree and yeah I made that up <3)

Description- Amore had convinced harry to do a little show in London so that she and her brother can see him perform their mutually favourite song, live for the first time.

"Amore! Darling for fu- for time's sake, stop running!" Y/n yelled, massaging the crease off her forehead while jogging after the little girl with her clothes hanging down her elbow. "Fine. Don't ask me for soup when you get sick." she mumbled -of course she didn't mean it, but sometimes it's necessary- loud enough for Amore to hear and come to a halt; as she had picked up on her dad's taste and would happily have soup daily.

The little girl slowly turned around, looking at y/n with her famous puppy eyes. "Mummy mad?" She questioned, walking in the direction where her mother stood, in a blue polka shirt and white wide-legged jeans. Amore's sure that while leaving, Y/n will have some sort of coat added to her attire. A coat is like her entire personality.

Y/n laughed in sarcasm as she picked up her daughter. "Give those eyes to your daddy, love."

Amore dramatically shook her head before letting her mum wrap her arms around her tiny body so she can pick her up. After a little walk around, she's placed on a chair and is having a yellow frock slipped down her head and past her arms. It's a simple frock with a dark blue ribbon stitched around the waist.

"Was Andre ready when you came out?"

"Not really, no. He was choosing clothes and wasn't exactly looking in a good mood, if I saw right," Amore informs her mother, who now seems a little troubled.

She doesn't know if she's a good face reader or her mum and brother just show emotions like they are written on their faces. Oh, and her dad too.

"You can either sit like a good girl and not call your dad, or you won't be getting any story read to you tonight. Deal?" Y/n offers Amore, more of tells her.

Amore seems to go deep in a thought before she's speaking. "What do I get in return for sitting like a good girl?" She asks after coming to a conclusion, and Y/n seems quite proud at how she has picked up on simple business skills but calms her mind down. She doesn't know why Amore repeating her statement sounded like a witty comeback to her, but she shrugs it off anyways.

"You get to read a chapter on your own too. How about that?" The woman knows that her daughter will not be able to turn this down and so, as soon as Amore squeaks out a 'done!', Y/n is turning on her heels and fleeting off to Andre's room.

Opening the door to his room, her eyebrows seem to turn into an upside down frown and she's immediately exhaling a long breath before entering inside.

"What's wrong, darling? Can't seem to choose what you want to wear?"

Andre turns to look at her and plops down on the floor, seeming a little relaxed but still frustrated. "There are no clothes for me to wear mummy!"

Her mind works before her voice-box and mouth, and Y/n's quick to gulp down the loud laughter. She swears both the kids inherited Harry's dramatic side. She also, might have absorbed some over the years. "Would you like me to help you out?" She asks.

"Yes please," he sheepishly answers, and y/n's glad to hear him accept help.

Walking in further, she picks him up and holds him close to her, supporting his back with an arm and shuffling through his clothes with another. "Amore is wearing yellow and blue, I'm wearing White and blue. How about you wear something... Aha! How about this blue tank top? You can wear a white cardigan over it.. We'll be matching! Wouldn't you like that?" She asks as enthusiastically as she can, rocking him a little to hopefully cheer him up.

Though, one look down at him and she sees his cheek squished just below her collarbone so tightly that y/n can't even feel him nodding. He's smiling at the skin-to-skin contact with his mum and y/n knows that.

"Just wanted your mummy, didn't you little boy?" Y/n jokingly grumbles, tickling him under his chin.

-

Everyone was settled by now. Harry's band members were sitting on their assigned spots with their signature instruments, waving back at the fans every once in a while. It wasn't completely silent as there were still hoots ringing in the room out of blues. A laugh was pulled out of everyone's stomach when a fan yelled how they were only there for Sarah.

Amore, Andre and Y/n were standing securely in a corner and weren't spotted yet. Something y/n's grateful for and has her fingers crossed for it to remain that way, the whole time. Though she's sure they will be caught when exiting in the middle, she's ready for it.

The lights go full on bright when Harry finally enters the stage, after getting his ear piece fixed. And, the audience once again broke into cheers, hoots, claps, and shouts; all for him. Harry walked to his mic while blowing kisses in all directions, his skin glowing and his smile seeming to be the widest of all.

Y/n put on those soft fluffy headphones on the kids' head till he starts performing as no matter how secured they are from the fans' sight, they can still hear their deafening screams. Screams calling out for Harry, whom they are getting to see for the first time, the last time or after a long-long time.

Considering he did go on a year and a half long break for his family after finishing his tour to sing his album: Fine Line to people, live.

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328 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#2

Rough Masterlist

A/N(1): I do not give anyone permission to translate or repost my work. Don’t plagiarize my work and if I do find my work being reposted on any account other than this one, I’m not going to be nice about it. Other than this, enjoy reading and please re-blog if you like any of my work and share feedback! Thank you <3

A/N(2): Schools have re-opened, institutes have re-opened, and dance classes have also re-opened, and I'm oh-so-fucked. It's obvious that I won't be posting my writings as regularly as I did before, although that doesn't mean that you won't get to read anything freshly written from me. Thanks for all your patience, luvs <333

KEY: 🍷-Smut. 🌻-Fluff. ❄️️-Angst.

MOST RECENT! :

Anything For You... And I - In which Harry is in a good mood and so he makes Y/n feel good too. 🍷 🌻 [A One Shot]

ONE SHOTS {2k+ words}

FOOTBALLER!HARY X ART DIRECTOR!Y/N

My Good Girl (4.3k words) [🍷] In which Harry finds you, his girl best friend, pleasuring yourself and shows you just what he can be other than a sweet best friend who agrees to bring pastry for the movie marathon.

Home, Sweet Home (2.1k words) [🌻] In which Harry returns home to his family after an away game. 

Heart Showered in Rose Petals (3.1k words) [🌻] In which Harry pleads Y/n to watch his biggest University game and romantic events unfold just after the game. Not to forget about the funny moments attached to the whole day. 

SINGER!HARRY X CEO!Y/N

A Messy Day (2.5k) [❄️️] In which Harry doesn't communicate his feelings well, and decides that y/n is the one acting childish.

A Little ‘You’ Wannabe (2.4k words) [🌻, ❄️️] In which Harry, Amore and Andre decide to pay Y/n a visit at her office, but only after reaching there does Harry realizes that she’d be in a meeting. Andre, being the sneaky boy he is, enters the meeting room.  

First Time in Paris (5.2k words) [🍷, 🌻, ❄️️] In which Y/n realizes she hasn’t went on a vacation with Harry and hasn’t even engaged him. [PS- One thing happens against their will]  

Sleepless Nights (2.1k words) [ 🌻, ❄️️] In which Y/n has a stress-filled week, followed by insomnia and supported by Harry’s gentle words which escape his mouth when he thinks she’s asleep. [PS- It’s vice-versa]

Hello M’ Heart (4.4k words) [ 🍷, 🌻] In which a small Playful text leads to tears then to cancelation of a surprise date and then to making love.

DWD JACK!HARRY X DWD CHARACTER!Y/N

Anything For You... And I (2.9k words) [🍷, 🌻] In which Harry is in a good mood and so he makes Y/n feel good too.

Whiskey Eyes and Liquorish Blush (2.2k words) [ 🍷, ❄️️] In which Jack cheats on his fiancé, y/n, and receives a strip tease instead of conversation from her -as a goodbye, along with a kiss + slap to his cheek.

DEVIL!HARRY X ASSASSIN!Y/N

Dazzled (2.1k words) [🍷, 🌻, ❄️️] In which Harry has an uneasy feeling about Y/n’s new mission but the devil ignores his guts’ screams. But the vampire as well as his fiancé, Y/n, isn’t dumb and is quick to listen and take some weight off of his shoulders. They both soon find out, why, he was feeling uneasy. 

ARTIST!HARRY X HOUSEWIFE(TUITION TEACHER)!Y/N

Carving Pumpkins and Making A Memory (3.3k words) [🌻] I think it's all in the tittle hahah <3

CELEBRATORY

For Pyari &lt;3

Best Gift and Waffles (2.8k) [🌻] It’s y/n’s birthday, Harry ends up being assigned the duty of making waffles every time they’ll be planned to be made, and Juno’s gift is termed as the best she’s ever received.

ONE-SHOTY BLURBS {1K+ WORDS}

FOOTBALLER!HARRY X ART DIRECTOR!Y/N

Mum for the Day [🌻] In which it’s Sunday and the missus is found asking for a sleep-in day. So, Harry finds himself up and out of bed, and on his way to their kids.

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561 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Title- My Good Girl

Type- One-Shot

Verse- Footballer!Harry x ArtDirector!Y/n

Warnings- SMUT!! [Daddy kink, Praise kink, masturbation, pussy eating, teasing, a slight indication of sub/dom], fluff and a sprinkle of angst!

Word Count- 4.3k

A/n- Hiya! I spent WEEKS on this one (not months, just weeks). I was in a writer's block for like 3 months basically and it feels fuckin' marvellous to be back in my writing element! This is like the longest and probably the best smut I've written so far! I really hope you enjoy this one <3

Also, this is my first time writing in 2nd person so I ask you to go easy on me for that <3

And thank you, @imaddicted2hs for requesting: Ok here we are ;) I'm a whore for bsf harry😩 Like do anything as they are bsfs blah blah then one dayyy harry just sees y/n touching herself and he decides to help uff Now idk if u include kinks but mean Dom!h or daddy kink with praise kink is just 🤌 to me. Fanks ily<3 | Thank YOU so much for being so patient and supportive!! <3

Sitting on the couch in the living room, you scroll through your phone mindlessly. Getting bored, you continued slipping down until the arm of the couch played as your pillow. Harry is out to bring pastry as per your request (or begging, as he would correct) and because he had made you swear, you couldn’t exactly start the show without him.

The hand that's on your tummy crawls down your lower tummy. You were sure it wouldn't take much long as you haven't exactly touched yourself in a week; yeah, period things.

You suck on your fingers to get them wet before slipping them under your panties. Starting to rub fast circles on your clit right then to get wet faster and finish this without getting caught, your eyes shut down as your hips buckle up due the friction against the sensitive center of your nub.

Soft moans in a low voice escape your mouth while you increase the speed, breathing as though you aren't inhaling but only exhaling.

Lifting your feet, you quickly throw the blanket situated on your feet on top of your lower half as you tried to make a lump around the area of blanket that's supposedly over your crotch with the free hand. Once satisfied, your hand comes to cup your breast as you push your other hand's finger inside and collect some of your arousal.

The feeling of the warm wetness on the bundle of nerves pulls a low moan from you, your walls clenching around nothing as the knot in your tummy starts to form and go lower and lower with each tight circle.

Harry on the other hand, closes the door behind him very silently and tip-toes towards the living room, planning on scaring you. Though the moment a soft mewl reaches his ears when he's just one foot away from entering the hall, makes him question his decision.

Slowly, he places the pastry box on the floor, right beside his feet, and normally walks inside the room as though if he did get caught, he will be able to play the card that he just didn't know. But when he catches the sight of you basically chasing your orgasm, he can't help but try and fold his leg in front of his other one to somehow hide his semi-hard dick. The weight on it itself makes him exhale in quite satisfaction.

He leans on the door-frame and takes in your sight. You look just like he had once imagined you would when playing with yourself. A certain flush which rarely appears playing under your eyes, lips red from biting your moans down on them as though you had put on lipstick of the shade, and finally, the sheen layer of sweat making an appearance on you hairline while your eyes stay screwed shut.

He doesn't know if he should go and ask you if he can help you out or let you finish and pretend he never saw this? His feet start walking in towards the play like they have a mind of their own and before he knows, he's clutching on the head of the sofa and leaning in a little.

"You want some help here?" He asks and instantly regrets when your eyes snap open, your shoulders sulk down, and you groan in embarrassment to lighten it but the atmosphere just tenses up more. "Yes or no, Y/n?" he asks another question and then, the way you look at him from the position you are in, just makes him feel himself get heavier.

"Uh.. obviously no, H... I mean- no right?" You hesitate, secretly wiping your arousal on your panties and bringing your hand up on your tummy. "Maybe? Ah, I don't know! This is stupid!" Groaning, you get up on your knees on the sofa, grateful that the fluffiness of it didn't disbalance you, and grab the curls on the nape of his neck in your fist.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You both ask each other at the same time and chuckle lightly. "Fuck it," You mumble under your breath and catch the breath Harry exhales in surprise, sealing his mouth shut with yours.

You feel his hands slide at the back of your hips and slip further down.

Hooking his hand under your knees, he wraps your legs around his waist. Blindly he starts towards the staircase, lips sucking on your tongue and hands coming to rest just above your ass. The sound of his sharp inhales mix along with your fast exhales as his one hand slides up your back to your neck, pushing your face closer to his. His fingers softly weaved through your hair, nails scratching your scalp. He catches you by surprises when he harshly tugs on the strands wrapped like snakes along his hand, making you whimper lightly against his lips.

Pressing your crotch firmly on his belt’s buckle, you start moving your hips in an up-and-down motion, a moan escaping past your lips and floating away in thin air as his head stayed ducked down in the crook of your neck, biting down and sucking hickeys, licking them over with his wet tongue to calm the burning sensation yet it somehow increased the tingles in your lower belly.

He kicked open the door and slammed it shut the same way. Before you could dictate what was gonna happen next, your back was greeted with the cool surface of the door with a sharp force, his hand behind your head preventing it from hurting you. Your lips stretch in a shy and nervous smile when he raises his head, eyes burning with lust scanned your eyes. You aren’t quite sure if your cheeks feel on fire because of the eye contact or the way he pressed your hips onto the door, stopping any motion that could reach you clitoris.  

“Gonna let me take care of you?” he asked, blinking so innocently as though he didn’t already know the answer. Receiving his answer in the form of an shy hum from you didn’t seem to satisfy him and it was clear when he cupped your jaw. The cool metal of his rings pleasing the burning skin of your face.  

“Yea-yeah,” you muster up, sighing in embarrassment when a side of his lips curve up, forming in a smirk.

“Jesus, the things you do to me,” he mutters under his breath before catching the breath you sharply exhaled. Removing his hands from where they were stopping you from grinding, he pushes your hips back towards his belt. Turning you both around, he walks a few steps before detaching your mouths. The light bedsheet on the mattress fluffs up with air around your hips before settling back down. He lays you down by pressing his hand on your chest. Hair scattered everywhere, he again wraps them in his fist to raise your face up.

Your eyes scan his face, noticing his plump and swollen pink lips, a light flush on his cheeks and the light frown that adds up to the lust and a certain feeling his eyes carry. All the lust leaking from his breath and still his features held the gentle stardust in them. Feeling comfortable and confident enough, you rise a little before grabbing the hem of your shirt. Thinking about taking it off slowly, you mumble a ‘fuck it’ before hastily taking it off and throwing it somewhere in the room.

Grabbing his head, you greedily engulf his lips for another make out, sucking on his lips while undoing his belt. And, he’s quick to point it out, too. “Eager, are we?” he taunts with a lopsided grin before he is wrapping his hand around your throat again. “Don’t make the mistake of rolling your eyes at me ever again, love,” he firmly states, winking at you after ending as his big hand now situated itself in the valley of you breasts.  

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795 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

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[berensteinsmonster]

TVOGXART corporation, what the heck is it (a master post)

(reblogs help my posts be seen :)

TVOGXART (The Vice Overruling Guardian Axis of Alliance Reverant Territories) corp. are globally known as being the best of the best when it comes to world development milestones that uses funds generated from each ministry's operations to make the world a better place. Most notable are its progress towards enviromental/land conservation. Even it's offices within the areas are built to accomodate for the land.

This however, is all a front. TVOG corp is a THE largest underground crime syndicate that currently rules over a majority of the entire world's fair trade market and societal operations.

They control the whole crime world, kind of like a pyramid of shady business chains, it all links back to The TVOG. They are a crime organization that literally organizes crime.

The Ministry of Order, ruled by Captain Bailfalse, is located where the GOVT (in the orignal thsc universe) stationed their army. Only this time, there are huge office buildings and foundations are built around the landscape of the tropical forest. Capt. Bailfalse may be a crime lord but he was very honest about actually conserving the enviroment. Though that virtue isn't shared amongst the other chairmen.

Btw on top of being a politely cold evil man ceo he is also VERY SILLY when being with his personal henchman, Charles Rebelivin... Who wishes his boss would act more serious whenever they're together

(More bios for each chairman (and Charles) below read more) (with art!!!)(cw. blood n eyes)

🎧Charles Rebelivin - Director in management (Ministry of Order)

"The first thing a new recruit at The Ministry of Order is told by other TVOG employees that they can always ask Mr. Rebelivin for help. The second thing theyre told is that they cannot always ask Mr. Rebelivin for bathroom breaks"

Color Motif: Primarily Red, with bits of The TVOG's turquoise green

To me, an opposite Charles Calvin is someone who just hates their fucking job lmao. This guy is not at all laid back, or enjoys jokes, or buffoonery. He has to be the one who schedules and organizes everything in the Ministry of Order so that operations run smoothly and cleanly as possible. He genuinely WANTS to be a good director for the employees. They know that too. Its just that he's learned to be better at controlling people rather than connecting with them. At the start of the hv au story, he's "content" being alone.

Charles R is 30 years old by the time the hv au takes place. He USED to be the youngest employee at the TVOGXART, but that was a title given to him like. 5+ years ago. He's been working here for a while, he doesn't care for it anymore and finds the title insulting. He expects the best from his employees. And expects the best from himself. Very loyal to his position as The Captain's henchman, and a complete workaholic. Could kill a guy if The Captain told him too, and his only form of questioning is asking how he shall do it. Acts as his guard dog that The Captain smothers, much to his annoyance. Je protects his boss regardless and scares the other chairmen. Is also very formal with titles, usually referring to people by their surname and position of power. Is prone to using terms such as "The Captain, captain, sir" when talking to Bailfalse. Has used words such as "Greatest" sarcastically, and "buddy, pal" passive agressively, usually on Henry V (though eventually, the whole buddy thing becomes genuine as they develop their friendship. Still going to be grump no matter what though but affectionate ok). Also expect to see less of greatest plan inverses, and more just so Charles learning how to be a decent friend within the Trio-V. It's awesome ghrhrg I can't wait to share them :)

👑Captain Hubert Bailfalse (Ministry of Order)

"A smooth talking salesman that has climbed up the social economic ladder to take control over all operations in the whole world. He believes in the value of good work ethic and polite ettiquettes."

Hedonist. Plant motif: venus flytrap

He's a silly guy I love him. He inverses Galeforce being serious but considerate and honest general, with Bailfalse being a relaxed but devious and convicing CEO. Though take note: he is the only chairman amongst the rest to not have come from a well-off or rich family.

He also doesn't carry Galeforce's trope of being a "father to his men." Sees his employees as expendable numbers. But not to the level of mistreatment like with the other charimen. He pays them, hes pateint, offers them dental plans, and makes sure they'll be able to perform efficiently for the whole period they work for him. And that's as much care as he's willing to put for anybody else other than pleassure for himself.

...Except for Charles. He cares alot for Charles. And he's not subtle about it too. As his personal henchman for the longest time, he's prone to using titles such as "My boy, Charlie, sport" when talking to him. Much to Charles' own annoyance. They're literally competent henchman + silly hammy villain (with a dose of terrifying if the situation came down to it). He likes to spoil the director with riches and gifts for all the work he's done for The TVOG, even though Charles doesn't want them.

He is married to Hans Nonayme and they are literalllyyyy evil old man yaoi. augh im obsessed with them. They nuzzle eachothers mustaches and it makes them smile :) Even in public. Which adds to Charles' embarrasment to have them as his bosses. He is also DIVORCED To Dr. Dimitri J. Pavlov. But I'll talk abt that another time.

👁️Chairman Hans Nonayme (Ministry of Privacy)

All-watching. Plant motif: Oriental Bittersweet

He manages the cameras. All of them. Everywhere, and all at once. He's very giddy about it and enjoys the surveliance he has over every part of the world. The Ministry of Privacy was meant to protect people's identities and personal information, and yet Hans knows a little too much about everybody, no matter who you ask about. I'm sure he has employees that also monitor the cameras, but rn I've mainly just been visualizing him doing it lone.

His cameras are meant to look like both flowers and the berries on a Orteinal Bittersweet vine, a type of invasive plant. These things are creeping EVERYWHERE in the hv au universe if you look for them. The Cowwoy Posse take great meassures to destroy the cameras if spotted. They don't make themselves known. However, if any TVOG employee (mainly Charles) sees them, their lenses blink rapidly in sucession. Which is Hans' own cheeky way of giggling at them. He does this in real life too with his own eyes. He's so weird, I love him alot.

He's actually based off guy from the original THSC legacy edition. I always thought it was creepy how the GOVT had a whole spy camera inside of Stickmin's computer just watching his activity, and then had the guy stationed outside his home. I thought that was kinda interesting and just exaggerated his character from there. And made him gay and evil, cuz I can

💥Chairman Victoria Grin (Ministry of Peace)

Violent. Plant motif: Lily of The Valley

Oh she's messed up in the head. I like to believe that Victoria Grit is, while rough and tempered, is at least not malevolent and going out of her way to cause pure violence like Victoria Grin does. So there's that. Grin is also completely unreasoanble and pretty immature. The chairman also dreses very fancy but isn't afraid to throw herself into a fight if she's bored with all the meeting and agreements and treaties she has to do amongst the other crime syndicates and blah blah blah SHES BOREDD she wants to pull out her Peacemaker (A giant Fucking bazooka) and threaten people to sign their names on the forms already so she can go back to the more action stuff like beating up those pesky goody two-shoes cowboys getting on her nerves.

Hubert can't stand how immpatient and unnessarily blood thirsty she can be, though admires her for at least being able to establish the connections The TVOG has with other factions, both in crime related operations or just regular business stuff. It helps to strengthen the grasp they have over the world. Known as "Vicky" amongst the other chairmen. She likes to kiss Hydia Stash, and are evil little girlfriends together. She makes jokes about swinging with Hershell Proctor's wife Mrs. Proctor to peeve him. And she loves bullying HJ Carterbunny

🐇Chairman H.J Carterbunny (Ministry of Security)

Cowardly. Plant motif: Jumping Cactus

To say he's in charge of the Ministry of Security would be putting his leadership skills too high of a pedestal.

Hj is so pathetic. so very very pathetic. He is scared at the slightest things and his immediate instinct is to run away as far from the danger and wait until its gone. Or barricade himself somewhere. Which is why he's so efficient at the Ministry of Security, he's really just listing all the worst case scenario someone could break in. And his employees, while very tired and skeptical, add it anyways. Most of the time he doesnt trust that they did it well enough and try to add MORE security protocols, which only make them weaker as a whole.

If their defences are breached, Hj just ditches his employees to self-preserve himself, and puts the failure on them before taking responsibility as their chairman. He never considers himself as a a factor for his hubris. And so they all hate Hj in their own little ways <3 because he self sabotages their work and also because he regularly abandons them if they get attacked.

Just to ramble: One time Regal Bronzeage, local superhero, managed to fight all five of the employees all at once. And when he was ready to fight their chairman, he found that the guy had already left. not even in like a vechile he's just hiding in a tiny supply closet hoping nobody finds him

He has a brother who works in the Police Force Enforcement Force, Warden Roland Carterbunny. Roland is probably the one who made Hj so paranoid in the first place, and his psyche just got worse from there. He got bullied alot by him when they were kids, and Hj is the eldest one here. He might not even be that old, it's just that he was stressed so fucking much that all his hair turned grey when he turned 20.

Just to ramble: Dr Dimitri honestly pities the guy, even though he's literally a TVOG chairman. He just wants to sit this guy down and go into detail on how to properly handle his over abundance of anxiety. Cuz all day all the time none of the chairmen or most of his own employees (Aside form Gordon) care enough to actually handle his stress in a healthy sort of way. But he'll never get the chance because they're on opposing sides, and Hj doesn't trust anyone enough to let them do anything to him.

He could have turned out pretty fine, if still riddled with anxiety like everybody else. If it weren't for the literal fact that all his colleages are TERRIBLE and his own brother being absolutely terrible to him, whether enabling or belitting him.

💸Chairman Hydia Stash (Ministry of Wealth)

Greedy. Plant motif: Sun Pitcher Plant

She loves being rich. That's it. That's the whole bio.

Jk, she takes it to the extreme. It doesn't matter what she has in her vaults, whether it be dollars, gold coins, gems even. It's not enough. She needs, MORE valauble things. And I'm talking the most insanely scalped items. Beanie babies, Funko pops, houses, land. She needs EVERYTHING.

The Ministry of Wealth is actually meant to help distribute funds across all operations, both inside The TVOG and to other affilated factions. They also work to account for funds and general ledging of their budget. Her plant motif of a pitcher plant symbolizes how ever consuming she can be.

Hydia is the worst to have as a chairman honestly. Cannot be expected to always pay her employees. She's quick to irritate and quicker to throw a tantrum about it. She also likes kissing Victoria.

In the hv au lore, Reginald Bronzepants is a journalist for the Cowwoy Posse who worked with Lt. HRM to help publish their investigations together, busting various crime syndicates. And well, everything links back to The TVOG. Hydia HATED this drop in revenue she was losing (it was 15 dollars) from her billion dollar generating Ministry. And so, without The Captain's permission, she enacts an unauthorized assassination of Reginald Bronzepants. Just to ease her worries. Surely this won't bite her in the ass later. Surely he won't come back as an electricity-wielding, local superhero, will he?

🧠Chairman Hershell Proctor (Ministry of Education)

Dismissive. Plant motif: Psilocybin mushrooms

Ok to explain real quick, I inversed Hershell Panzer's roll of being a brute so that Hershell Proctor could be the brains. He has thrown himself into every field of study imaginable and has excelled in every course, which in his (super huge) mind, makes him a well respectable genius. He's firm in his belief that his intelligence makes him better than everybody else. He doesn't do anything to share his knowledge or teach them to others, he wants to hoard it for himself. No one else is allowed to be as smart as him

Oh, but don't think that being an iverse for physical strength automatically makes him weaker. What he lacks in any arm and torso muscles, he has an inner working system in his brain full of so many studies and so many wrinkles. I won't explain the full extent of his mental powers, but just know that it does involve psychic abilities :)

The Ministry of Education controls the information that's permitted to be shared across the world. There's some information that The TVOG keep hidden (sometimes their own secrets or an external entity) inside the Ministry of Education's archives, guarded by Dave Pampalooza. They front as an education system that protects the sacrecy of accessible knowledge.

Does not have the best relationship with his family. And has so much seething rage towards what Hubert has and what he doesn't. Caused a certain.....incident, to prove he's the smartest of all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Jefferson Mythsonian

"No one really knows if he exists" Rules Division 17 of the TVOG, has some really terrible handwriting

Carterbunny's bodyguards - and only employees (Ministry of Security)

Chrm. Carterbunny only has 5 employees cuz if he has to maange more than 5 he Gets Scared. They ensure all TVOG owned and affiliated security protocals are working as intended. Current members are: John Skimmilk (codename: The Fly), Gordon Debunks (codename: The Urchin), Amelia Estefort (codename: The Jellyfish), Amelia Estefort (codename: The Jellyfish), Cece Teevee (codename: The Lizard), & Kayn East (codename: The Rat) - Will be talked about in seperate post (They are the HV AU equivalent ot the squad Stickmin has in MBH)

Scott McCoolsvile - Tax accountant (Ministry of Wealth)

Coolest fucking guy here. He's so awesome and the best at his job. He helps his fellow colleages in his office and the employees over at Ministry of Order whenever he visits. Everyone cheers and claps when he visits. They all love him and says he has the best name (Not Charles R though, he hates that guy. Totally). He works in accounting

--BTW girl pictured with ponytail and cardigan judging Hydia is my friend's oc Jynx (more art) @digital-roots (they/them) GO EHM check it out too Jynx is sooo swag i love her concept and I love her character alot.

The scene is based off this interaction we had.

Capt. Bailfalse's personal henchmen (The Trio-V: Ministry of Order)

"Consisting of one puppeteer, one emo, and one grump, these three are usually sent for very important missions only. And depending on how well they cooperate, may be able to finish them."

The Trio-V of: Henry Ventriloquest, Rose Ellisha, and Charles Rebelivin. - Will be talked about in seperate post

Johnny Proctor (Police Force Enforcement Force)

Has seen better days when his friends Dave Pampalooza and Rupert Phred were still around. After Dave was sent to the Ministry of Education to work as a TVOG employee, and Rupert quitting a week later, a certain.....Incident. Happened. The Pampalooza Incident involving new re-education methods with Hershell Proctor. Johnny has cut off all contact with his father after that. - Will be talked about in seperate post

If you have questions uhm. feel free to leave them in my ask box :) i love talking about my hv au. Thank you for reading

[creacherkeeper]

so i’ve seen some people (mostly on twitter) say things like “oh everyone on the internet thinks theyre autistic” in ways that are mostly used to dismiss self-dx but i kind of wanted to talk about that for a second. so pardon the ramble 

disclaimer up front that i am super PRO self dx as someone who is professionally diagnosed, has done a ton of autism advocacy in leadership positions, and just started a new job working with autistic people in a professional social work capacity 

so there IS this stereotype of like. everyone in certain circles thinking theyre autistic because its like some sort of trend or excuse for certain behaviors. the people saying this are seemingly under the assumption that some/most of these people are NOT ACTUALLY autistic and are just claiming to be 

but here’s the thing. a lot of this happens in fandom circles. you know, fandom, a place where people talk at length about interests in a very deep and focused capacity where you can manage your social circle so most of the people youre talking to shares interests and wants to talk about them a lot? you know, online, that has a specific way of communicating that can be easier to read for someone who struggles with body language and where people wont subconsciously discriminate against folks who have othered body language and speaking? i’m saying that fandom is a place that inherently attracts neurodivergent people, especially autistic people who are more likely to be introverted (not all, i am a ~rare extroverted autistic~) and want to socialize more online where they have more control over communication and content 

also, autistic people are more likely to be influential in fandoms because they’re usually the ones sticking with fandoms for long periods of time and producing a lot of consistent content for it. if someone has been running a fandom-specific blog for years and has a hundred fics written for it (or gifsets or art or meta etc) i can guarantee theyre more likely to be autistic than any random person on the street. so you have a lot of autistic BNFs (big name fan) who are not only attracting other fans like themselves, but are sometimes making posts or reblogging things about neurodivergency and autism. which attracts MORE autistic people to their blog/fandom but ALSO is exposing non-dx’d people to what autism is who maybe wouldnt have encountered it otherwise. so people who maybe never wouldve gotten dx’d or self dx’d are now learning about autism in fandom spaces and going “wait thats me!!”. so having prominent autistic people is cultivating a circle of neurodivergence in fandom 

NOW before you come at me with like “but autism isnt that common!!! they cant all be autistic!!!” im going to argue that autism is WAY WAY MORE COMMON THAN MOST PEOPLE THINK IT IS 

when you hear these statistics like “1 in 60 people are autistic” (some recent stats say 1 in 54) THIS IS MISLEADING because it is mostly based on DIAGNOSED CHILDREN and not the actual prevalence of autistic people 

diagnosis is not only financially inaccessible and locationally inaccessible (i dont think thats a word but um. yeah a lot of people do not have diagnositicians anywhere near them) but diagnosis is also skewed heavily towards stereotypically-presenting white male children!! adults, AFAB/female presenting people, and people of color are MORE likely to get misdiagnosed and LESS likely to be diagnosed with autism even if they are autistic. plus, a lot of people get diagnosed later in life and wouldnt be included in statistics about children (i was dx’d at age 19 after seeking out a diagnosis myself against the wishes of my parents who never wouldve let me get evaluated had i been a minor. i am still autistic and should be counted.). not only that, but our diagnostic criteria is heavily biased towards how autism presents in DISTRESSED AND TRAUMATIZED individuals which means healthy and happy autistic people probably will not get a diagnosis from a professional even if they are autistic  

basically what i’m saying is we have no idea how prevalent autism is, but it is probably way way more common than people think, even going off of that “1 in 54 children are diagnosed” statistic. so taking into account that autism could make up a significant portion of the population, that we tend to group together even if we dont know we’re/others are autistic, AND that fandom/the internet is an inherently attractive model of community to autistic people .....

yeah, “everyone on the internet thinks theyre autistic” literally what of it. we probably are mind your business 

[calehenituseappreciation]

Ive seen a lot of Dream (and usually Techno and Phil too) as gods au (i have one too dw) but all of you are sleeping on the funniest option.

Tommy is the god.

Tommy.

hes the only one in that galaxy (other than drista ofc)

Just imagine how fucking funny it is like 

it would be so fucking hilarious

and tommy just doesnt tell them

so techno is just there making all these blood god jokes and jokingly telling tommy to serve him and tommys just laughing

imagine a god in the form of a chaotic 16 year old racoon gremlin just walts into your land commits arson and gets banned, only to come back with another person who he helps start a nation for drugs?

imagine how fucking funny it is

just

imagine tubbo banning a literal god from his lands and he just doesnt come back? he just plays by the rules? then goes and like sits in the corner all sad because some humans/dreamons told him to leave

ranboo, just joining the server: hi-  a chaotic gremlin god: wanna commit arson with me?  ranboo, just trying to vibe and maybe not disturb this god: sure 

Phil and Ranboo recongnize Tommy as a god on sight.

Everyone else just refuses to believe it. hes Tommy. Tommyinnit. hes just weird lol

And Drista being a fucking chaotic blood god? 

drista is open about her godhood and does not hesitate to spawn blocks

Drista finds Dream and decides she likes this small human, and dream just has to deal with it lmao.

drista and tommy are both born at the same time.

Tommy is a god of music, chaos, war and theivery (the last one bc he is a BITCH)

Drista is the blood god, chaos, deception, and theatre

okay but imagine the sbi interactions... like ig in this au tommy joins at like 12/13 years of age (in their minds) so he doesnt really grow much 

and like tommy, a literal god, just claiming phil as his father???

phil, in his house making eggs, assuming one of his sons woke up and came to the kitchen, not looking: hey son  tommy, from their couch, already deciding hes phils son now: whats up dad? phil: looks up at tommy who are you tommy: idk dad, who am i  phil: *stares at tommy for a second* eh i made extra eggs you can stay 

ASJIDGASUIOG IMAGINE TOMMY TELLING THEM HES A GOD BUT THEY THINK HES JOKING AND IGNORE HIM

everyone on the server: tommy is the youngest! tommy, as old as the universe: no im not!!!! im not a child!!!! he doesnt pout because pouting is for children and hes not a child but hes pouting tubbo: lol im older than you by a month tommy dont try to hide it tommy: im not a child!!!! techno: laughs

tommy doesn't try to hide that hes a god just its tommy

thats all the evedince anyone needs to think tommy isnt a god or powerful its like mcc hes good but only when he doesnt throw for content

quackity: sees drista written in bedrock lmao drista visited? tommy: yeah! i wrote that for her!  quackity: snorts yeahhhh sureee tommy

imagine like how fucking funny it is jsut like 

a fucking chaotic god breaks into your house androbs you makes a room under your house and decides to live in your floorboards

imagine dream like trying to manipulate tommy, and tommy a fucking anchient diety immeditly recongnizes what hes doing

but decides to play along for the angst and giggles and then actually gets mad when no one fucking cares for his theatrics

tommy, storming off to technos base to rob and build under: >:///// cant believe none of them acknoledged my  deppression 

i love that tommy stills robs everyone, he doesnt need to he can spawn in anything he wants

he just does it for the sport of robbery

JAKOGFSDOH

THE HOLY LAND

dream: im god actually tommy: thats so fucking funny lets make a cult about that :)  dream: see! look! im god! and jesus!  tommy: wheezing

imagine tommy getting stressed and letting go of his mortal form

Tommy, his human form peeling away, showing his actual form a bit: WH̸͘A͠T̷ ̶̢T͞H͢E ̡͘F̴̵͘Ù̧C͜K҉ ̶T͘͜͞E͟CHǸ͏Ǫ  Techno: HAH?

tommy just saw tubbo and got emotionally attached

Tommy, a literal god: hello Tubbo: oh hi do you like my pet bee? Tommy: you’re mine now Tubbo: im okay with this

tommy, a bored god: gives techno shapeshifting powers  techno, not even caring: changes into more human to pig-ishg forms as he wishes this is my life now ig 

phil lets tommy do fuck all in exile bc he knows hes a god hes fine

phil: IDC IF YOURE A GOD! YOU WILL DO THE DISHES NOW YOUNG MAN! tommy: grumbles but does them

phil is the only one who can control tommy

god... tommy... with star freckles... on his human form... (as well as his god one)

tommy: f̷͛͠a̵̋t̵̒̑h̸̚e̶̓͝r̸͊ ̸̐̒i̴ ̸̅̿d̷̉͆o̵͂͋ ̵̛̆ñ̸̾ő̶́t̸̎́ w̶͆͘i̴͠s̵̓̈́h̸͗́ ̵̯͗f̶͋́ő̴͑r̷̐̌ ̶͝é̵̽g̸͊͂g̵̒s̷͂̃  phil: idc, eat your goddamn eggs tommy: pouts

tommy, despite being able to get supplies himself by fucking spawning them in: hey tubbo? we need supplies 

In this au ig like if a god claims you you get a mark on your skin showing that. Drista’s would be like a green crown, Tommys would be a red and white disk (white as the outer ring and red as the center) (its different enough that if you don’t realise tommy is a god you wouldnt realise whos it is) (schlatt is the only one who never had one which shoulda been a sign dude :/)

Dream has two from the beginning, everyone else has only one, well until they meet drista. (sbi have had one since they met tommy, though they dont remember the first time they met tommy)

wait what if tommy like found them all as children one by one and later kinda pulled some strings to get them all in one kingdom. (he still joined sbi through forcing phil to adopt him) 

OKAY BUT IMAGINE IF TOMMY MET TECHNO WHEN TECHNO WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO NOT REMEMBER

tommy would hang out with baby techno and tell him stories

once he told him the story of a man named thesus

another time he told him the story of a blood god

like for example tommys first time meeting techno would be like

(for context techno lived in a shitty village and was an orphan and it was kinda a dog eat dog place, he learned how to be strong because of it)(he was young enough that he doesn’t remember this well, just like learning about the blood god and someone giving him gold)

baby techno: sighs tommy, appearing out of nowhere: oh heyyy whyre you sad? techno: jumps turning around with a knife up ready for a fight who are you tommy: im tommy! :) techno: what do you want from me! you dont scare me! tommy: whats your name! techno: i have a knife! i'll use it! tommy: of course, thats a given, but its rude not to tell people your name techno, confused: t-technoblade? tommy: smiles thats a nice name techno: so. tommy: hm? techno: why're you here tommy: i don't have a reason. im just a traveller! techno: then why hole to this terrible village! theres nothing nice here! everyone is terrible and so are you! tommy: hmmmm i dont agree techno: what are you? a child? i thought adults were supposed to know that everyone is mean tommy: mmhmm looks at the bruise on technos face where'd you get that? techno: fight. i won. i'll win against you too! so don't try anything. tommy: of course. i would never win in a fight against a blood god techno, putting down his knife a bit, stars in his eyes: blood god? tommy: grins blood. god. i think she'd like you. techno, muttering: maybe i can give the blood god some of your blood tommy: laughs yeah, she'd defenitly find you intresting tommy: here tosses techno a golden crown at techno, he spawned it in in the moment techno: whats this? tommy: a crown, thought it suit you screams in the distance tommy: huh. i need to go. have fun lil piglin. ruffles technos hair before running off towards the screaming unbeknownst to the pig the blood god was actually the one waiting for the god he met. techno: stares at the crown 

Techno found a pouch of gold in his ‘house’ later that day. he didnt know who left it but it helped him get food for that night. (he kept the crown)

okay but imagine tommy not taking the war seriously at all, and only seeing it as a squabble between mortals, Like toddlers fighting

dream: SURENDER BY TOMMOROW OR WE'LL DECLARE WAR! wilbur: FUCK YOU WE'LL NEVER SURENDER AND JOIN YOUR SMP! Tommy: how cute

tommy doesnt realise that theyre serious until wilbur dies

tommy would usually go apeshit against anyone who dares messes with his humans, but what is he supposed to do when his humans are fighting Eachother?

wilbur: fucking goes insane and dies  tommy: hey- hey can you guys let me talk to wil for a sec? everyone else leaves tommy, unsually somber: sorry i didnt help you i forgot how easily breakable mortals are tommy: this time you wont die, and i'll make it so that you dont break again, okay? tommy: brings wilburs soul out of its body and enters his mindscape ghostbur: wakes up what- where am i? tommy: hi there ghostbur: who are you tommy: i go by a lot of names all, one, you, the world, the universe, god, but you can just call me tommy ghostbur: oh okay. who am i? tommy: you're name was wilbur soot. you were the son of philza minecraft and brother to Technoblade, Tubbo and myself. ghostbur: was? tommy: well you see, you died. ghostbur: oh... well what am i then? tommy: a ghost! well actually its your choice. would you like to continue your existance or fade away with your body? ghostbur: i dont want to fade away! tommy: smiles thats what i thought you'd say stretches his hand to wilbur ghostbur: grabs tommy hand tommy: lets go home

ghostbur doesnt remember that though

he only remembers the good

tommy wont let him remember the bad, what if he breaks again? mortals are so fragile

phil realises what tommy did as soon as he sees ghostbur 

drista, painting tommys nails (there both in god form btw) (after wilburs death btw): tommy shouldn't you of all gods realise how fragile they are?  tommy: i know just... forgot  drista: sighs and nods i get what you mean, especially with the ones we found... they act a lot like gods sometimes i forgot they arent  tommy: ikr? wait- drista here gets drista's hair out of her face you were gonna get it on my nails, anyways, don't judge me. we all know if dream died you would turn him into a ghost too drista: smirks not if you do it first, we all know you would tommy: you say that as if you wouldn't fight me to do it first  drista: .... tommy: ... drista: both of us when he dies? tommy: nods tommy: anyways my turn to do your nails 

or like tommy with ghostbur like

ghostbur: i don't like this :( tommy, a worried brother and god: whats wrong? ghostbur: everyone is mad at me and i d-dont know why- why are they mad at me tommy: theyre mad at something alivebur did ghostbur: b-but im not alivebur sniffs it hurts. i dont like it. tommy: spawns in some blue here ghostbur: whats that? tommy: its some blue! it'll help you not hurt anymore! ghostbur: how does it work? tommy: see how its blue? ghostbur: nods tommy: well its blue because it sucks up all the bad feelings! it'll help ghostbur: !!!!! ghostbur: presses the blue into his chest ghostbur: !!!!its working!!!! :D tommy: smiles good

wilbur fucking died and tommy went from annoying little brother to caring older brother

tommy just wants to help his brother :) though he doesnt realise that not letting ghostbur remember bad memories isnt good

*at logsted shire btw* ghostbur: who are you? tommy, chuckling: did you forget me already ghostbur? ghostbur: i didnt forget you! i think! you're tommy! i just... you're different tommy, looks over at ghostbur: different how? ghostbur: you're not normal are you? tommy: grins whaaaaat? you think im weirdddd? how heartbreaking... my own brother thinks im weird, this is terrible ghostbur: giggles tommy: but really, don't worry about it bur. ghostbur: you sure? tommy: yeah, dont worry about me ghostbur: smiles okay! do you want some blue anyways? tommy: giggles sure! ghostbur: grins

ghostbur isnt worried about tommy

he knows hes strong

phil having to tell tommy that he cant just not let wilbur remember the bad memories

and tommys like "what if he breaks again!" and phil hugs him and tells him to at least ask ghostbur if he wants to remember and tommys like ‘fine’

tommy: hey bur? ghostbur: yeah? tommy: do you like you're memories? ghostbur: i mean, yeah its hard not to when you only remember the good tommy, quietly: would you want to remember the bad? ghostbur: w-what brought this question on tommy: answer the question ghostbur: no- alivebur was badi shouldn't want to- tommy: but what do you want bur? wilbur, silent for a moment: yeah- yeah i do. not that i like the bad memories! they hurt... but i wish i could remember tommy: ... ghostbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? ghostbur, with tears in his eyes: do you think they'd be less mad at me if i could remember, maybe then i could repair my relationships, what the hell am i supposed to do when i dont even remember hurting them? tommy: what if they dont? what if you break again? ghostbur, saltily: we'll maybe i'll be able at least be able to say i know why everyone hates me tommy: i know how to get all of your memories back ghostbur, looks towards tommy in shock: you do??? tommy: nods ghostbur, voice wavering: for how long tommy: since the beginning ghostbur: and you didnt tell me tommy: i did what i thought was best. i just didnt want you to hurt anymore. ghostbur, angrily: WELL THAT CLEARLY WORKED DIDNT IT? tommy: sorry wilbur, sometimes i forget how to handle humans ghostbur: what- tommy: sighs and taps ghostbur on the forehead and ghostbur does the ghost equivilent of passing out tommy: wont hide any memories this time

ghostbur doesnt wake up, instead wilbur wakes up weither thats good or bad we'll see

wilbur, waking up with all his memories: HOLY SHIT TOMMY WASN'T KIDDING phil, who was reading beside the bed tommy placed wilbur into, which was in technos house. yes he broke into technos house with a passed out wilbur. move on.: hm? wilbur: holy shit phil: huh? yeah. wilbur: wait you knew? phil: yeah i recongnized him as soon as i saw him about 5 years ago now? wilbur: excuse me while i freak out because my little brother is an actual god

it really hits wilbur that tommy is a god later

wilbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? wilbur: how fucking old are you? tommy: snorts of course thats the first thing you ask wilbur: well? tommy: i dont really know the exact years since years are kind of a human thing that were invented recently wilbur: they were invented thousands of years ago- tommy: but it was around the beginning of this galaxy wilbur, softly: what the fuck

tommy telling wilbur stories about different heros and villains and different humans he met during his life.

Adsjbffsg what if Tommy made himself blonde and blue eyed and white bc thats hyow the first human he met looked like asjfhsd

and just didnt change that, despite meeting new humans, its just his defult settings.

he would totally do this tho im crying.

drista just based her human form off dream because she is his sister now. he must deal with this. trying disowning me when i look like you BITCH.

thats my take anyways later might continue this

[marshmallowprotection]

KAITKAITKAIT RGE NEW CHAPTER?? HELLO? I AM FLOORED JGSJAVSHSH---

i reread it like three times , LOT HAS HAPPENED😭😭

reading saeran's thoughts about being the "failed" angel was heart wrenching- especially the part where he thinks that perhaps saeyoung was the purified angel while he just existed out of a mistake and how emotionally isolated(?) he is by other angels just cuz he isnt capable of doing things a normal angel would just AGHDHGS I KOVE THE DETAILS YOU PUT IN YOUR STORY😭💞

and and the plot twist-- KAIT I AM FLOORED--- i remember u said smth like "im excited for the new au that im releasing but im not sure if saeyoung and saeran are ready for that" (i think thats in February?) and i can see WHY 💀😭

He would bring you Gardenia to liven your room and say that it was from someone who admired you secretly.

^^^my favourite line thats part was so cute saeran you absolute cutie of an angel agh 💞💖💗

HAPPY to see polaris calling out on saejoongs bllshit as always, fresh feathers" out here cancelling God as they should ANDAND that price for failure is sheeskgd im scared? but obv im intrigued 😳

i also like like your take around "god made u suffer to get you stronger" and "proving your life should be meaningful in order to live" like YES fr i dislike when thtis is prob the first thing most ppl hear when theyre having a hard time and im guilty of saying that as well in my early years but luckily i realize they r far more better words than those to console other ppl-😔im glad polaris verbalize it well but ofc saejoong's brain probably cant comprehend that level of emotional intelligence-

I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter! It was a 11K, so I imagine that getting all that content at once was overwhelming!

Saeran is a cutiepie in this story. This is a GE Saeran situation where he's got his red hair and gold eyes, so you know he's going to be very sweet to you but also quite the tease. He's known to poke fun at you to make you smile, but he's always sincere about it. He noticed that you, the Reader, liked the Gardenias, so he knew that he needed to bring you some to make your room feel home-y. Count on him to do what's right.

I knew the plot twist was going to get my Readers! I'm chuckling about it, honestly. I've had some feedback from readers who didn't think this was coming but I always add little hints that you have to look out for. Saeran and Saeyoung definitely weren't ready for this, and they aren't ready for what's coming next... neither are Polaris or Gardenia for that matter. Watch out, Readers.

Polaris is a headstrong Reader. They've got an attitude. They believe in good and being lawful, but that doesn't mean they're not prepared to say what needs to be said. They believe in their convictions, and I am sure that many people can relate to that. You want your voice to be heard! But, God heard Polaris clearly today... they made a deal for this fact, but I hope you keep an eye out for where the bet will go. I can't say how the bet with God will go... even Polaris isn't sure where it's going.

I wonder if they'll tell Luciel about the deal.

I think the one thing about this fic that personally rings home to me is that it gives me an outlet for my religious trauma. I wasn't raised in a church or anything, they simply assumed that I would believe in the Christian God without having any context or understanding. So, I've had a really detached perspective from the start. I've got a lot of not-so-great experiences beyond that that I won't get into because of the violent homophobia that people spout.

But, I think what burns me at my core the most is when people say those things. You aren't "learning through suffering". You don't have to pull yourself up in the midst of the worst suffering you've ever had in your life because God just decided you needed to suffer to learn something. You are already strong. You've survived Hell and there's no karmic reason for it. Sometimes bad things happen, and it just fucking sucks, but God didn't cause that and you survived that by your hands. Be proud of yourself for holding your head up, and know that it's not because some God decided to make you suffer.

Trust me, I'm disabled and I've had many people tell me such tone-deaf comments thinking that they were being sympathetic to my condition through their faith. I don't appreciate someone telling me that I suffered because God decided that I had a lesson to learn or that this happened because God knew I could "handle it". I don't mind if someone offers to pray for me, but it's overstepping when you've got people making comments that burn your ass.

You don't suffer because some cosmic being made it happen. It just happens, and there's no reason why. Bad things happen to good people and to bad people, there's no pattern or reason. You'll notice this pattern through the story with Gardenia and Saeran, honestly. Gardenia is a human that still struggles with their health now and again, and Saeran is an angel with his own disabilities.

Your life is meaningful already.

You don't need to move mountains.

Be yourself. That's all you need.

[fraseris]

both at the exact same time. i feel like you as a person are to the queen what vocaloid is to victorian children. mainly because i thought you were english for so long

listen okay i need to address this it isnt even funny the way that the british have effected my entire personality and speech patterns dude it isnt even funny the other day i forgot the word for sweater and called it a "jumper" worst time of my life ive been religiously watching minecraft youtubers since the age of like 6 years hold and theyve all been british every last one of them its a miracle i dont have a british accent from young child sponge brain and ive watched 4 seasons of doctor who in the last week and thats not even getting STARTED on the old good omens & bbc merlin fixations dude every single good book that i like is british and its so british is like neil gaiman once talked about the classic british humor style of writing like in hitchhikers guide to the galaxy which is 1) a really good book that i adore and 2) JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER BOOK I ADORE and its so british its so british and i cant even write fic now without using words like "quite" and "rather" what am i do i look like micheal sheen to you and its just such an ordeal and ive only known one british person in my entire life she was from the south and i cared not for her but she was a furry and she was making a paper mache statue of her fursona and i had mad respect but we never talked and the last week before this pandemic started i saw her at my old dance studio and we were like the spiderman pointing meme and then over the weekend my life fell apart and everything was cancelled and i was stuck inside with WILBUR SOOT who had just grown a beard and was posting more often because of lockdown and you know that changed me it really did because i never talked to anyone because i was inside all the time and it was just me & my favorite haha funny insignificant minecraft youtuber wilbur soot it was a dark time for me and it never ended throughout this quarantine my only comfort and my only friend has been british media dude its all just british media and theres this youtube named justin kuritzkes and hes got this called "in love with a pizza" which is really good and i would seriously consider watching it along with the rest of that guys content he is american bless his soul a bright light & beacon of hope in these dark times and in that video he uses a BRITISH ACCENT and you know im watching doctor who right now in the background as i type this all out for you to illustrate the woes of my life and theres a person whos obviously supposed to be american but hes a british actor and i can TELL i can TELL that hes british and its really just very painful all the time and my dad wants to move to wales to wales which seems more interesting than england but theyre still british yknow and i dont want to go i will hate it there it will be so sad and gloomy and andrew garfield is british andrew garfield can you believe that ???? hes british and i learned that while watching doctor who this reminds me that david tennant is in both doctor who & good omens which happens to be a screen adaption of my favorite book good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett and theyre BRITISH and the book is BRITISH and david tennant is BRITISH and ive been watching this series called "staged" which is an adaption of this really interesting play called six characters in search of an author by some italian dude and its really actually kind of dull but the kind that makes you go "why does this exist i need to understand whats happening here whats its purpose" and in the show micheal sheen speaks welsh and it just reminds me that someday i might be forced to move to wales because of my dad and i think they should improve minors rights to their own mental and emotional and physical property and right to exist

[mariesocuniverse]

Relationships: WayV

MaeKun

if it werent for the the laws of ncity he wouldve asked her to join wayv and stay in their dorms

Since they don’t live together or are part of the same unit they don’t really spend a lot of time together but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to be with Mae

Large parent/protective older brother energy

not as protective as 127 hyungs but you know

Yeah she’s a menace when she teams up with other WayV members but she doesn’t clown him as much as they do it’s cause she saves that energy for doyoung lmao

mae claims she visits the wayv dorm for him but he’s 50% sure she’s just there for the animals

the other 50% is because she wants him to cook for her which he does even if she doesnt ask

hes like those parents who insist on giving you leftovers to bring home to your family

he taught her to do magic tricks bc she was insistent on wanting to learn at least one

okay but honestly she thinks he really cool despite all the clowning she does to him

like singing? dancing? cooking? visual? magic? and he can fly a plane????

one of the reasons she has high standards ngl

MaeTen

ten has unofficially adopted her whether people like it or not

he has fought with taeyong and doyoung about it she is his baby

if mark and johnny are his brothers, mae is basically his younger sister

if you look at his photo gallery he has a folder dedicated to mae and mae only

any photo or video of them together is basically ten clinging to her like a koala

he looks at her like she put all the stars in the sky but the same goes for mae

she has admitted in an interview that ten is one of her role models because of his talent and work ethic

whenever she needs help with dancing he’s one of the first people she asks

xiaojun once asked him who’s his favorite between yangyang and mae and you could see him malfunction for like six seconds before jokingly scolding him

“yah how could you ask me that type of question?”

fun fact! ten was the person she asked to go with her when she got her first tattoo!

he arranged the appointment at the place where he got his and held her hand when she was getting it

Lowkey considered getting matching tattoos but never really took the time to think of what tattoos they’d get

MaeWin

another top ship among czennies

these two are so soft for each other omg

just one glance at the two and you’re already melting

You can see Yuta screaming about MaeWin whenever the group is together and they’re interacting

And if you can’t see it you’ll probably hear it

MaeWin: casually talking

Yuta: is this what heaven looks like

MaeWinMark is just yuta’s weakness and he doesn’t even bother to hide it

Okay back to MaeWin before I get ahead of myself and make an entire post about Yuta and MaeWinMark

If they’re gathered in a large group their interactions aren’t really noticeable unless you’re actively looking for it

While the others are talking you can just see Mae playing with his hands or winwin giving her a soft smile while patting her head

They talk more when they’re either in a small group or just the two of them

MaeWin shippers were devastated when they got separated so when nct 2020 happened they went feral

Every once in a while they go out for hotpot and talk about what has been going on

LuMae

this man right here

they first met when she was visiting NCT U dance practice for BOSS with food and she heard him from the hallway

its one of the reasons why she wasn’t intimidated by him even though hes a giant

she was excited to see what kind of energy and personality he would bring to nct

and she was not disappointed at all

personal hype man

whenever they’re on a variety show together and mae is asked to do something he just yells “FIGHT HAEYADWAE”

of course the same goes for mae but less loud bc last time she kept yelling she lost her voice and couldnt talk for the rest of the show

He just has this energy where if he’s hyped up about something she feels energized to be hyped up well so you just hear the both of them cheering loudly

its always interesting to see because you just see a gentle giant cheering loudly with this smol girl next to him trying to match his energy

he always makes sure she’s comfortable when they’re at a schedule

like we know how he’s really silly on camera but he’s also very observant and caring

one time mae complained about how her feet hurt from the heels she was wearing so he just picked her up bridal style and walked to the van without a word

XiaoMae

They’ve heard abt each other from Kun and ten and greeted each other when they passed by each other in the halls but they never really had a chance to grow close until nct 2020 happened

Mae wasn’t in the Make a Wish unit so there weren’t a lot of chances to get to know each other while promoting either but it doesn’t mean they’re not friends

ten also hogs her attention when she visits the wayv dorms but we dont talk about that

these two arent as close as the others but not to the point where they actively avoid each other

whenever they’re together they just vibe

theres no awkward silence or small talk they just talk about random stuff

“no lucas, i dont hate xiaojun hyung we just dont hang out as often as we do”

“yes hendery we do have each other’s numbers we just don’t talk often”

WayV is lowkey tempted to lock the two of them in a practice room together and do a vlive to see what’ll happen

prime candidates for “It’s Awkward but It’s Okay”

their dynamic is kinda DoRen where they pretend to be awkward around each other as a joke

like they went out together once and everyone as excited bc omg they were interacting

XiaoMae shippers are starved for content and will accept any crumbs that come their way

HenMae

the duo people didnt know they needed until they met

its not like people didnt want them to become friends its just that theyre energies match well

these two are such a vibe

you know how there are ppl who don’t see for long periods of times but you still want tackle them in a hug whenever you meet? yeah its like that

kun sometimes wants to separate the two bc of how much chaos they cause together

they’re the duo where they think something is a good idea at the time but ends up as something bad at the end

kun has banned the two from the kitchen bc of a fire they started

HenMae shippers are thriving because of all the stories of the dumb shit they’ve done

lowkey considered doing a series together on nct daily but then the channel stopped uploading vids so it was never mentioned again

one time he was on call with his sister when she walked in and accidentally mistook her as his gf and now they jokingly have each other as bf and gf in their phone contacts

ten nearly had a heart attack when he saw the contact name pop up and mae picked up the call

 yangyang has the whole thing recorded on his phone and refuses to delete it

MaeYang

(A/N everytime i see this gif i need a moment to pause and try and remember my ideas cause my head goes empty when it comes to yangyang)

okay if HenMae are chaotic, MaeYang are worse

kun doesnt need to dye his hair gray bc of all the stress these two cause him

czennies thought they didnt interact much bc of different schedules and groups but once nct world happened they changed their minds

MaeYang slowly climbing up the ranks of nct ships

during one of his lives yangyang mentioned how he spoke a lot with mae and that she wanted to add him to the 00liner gc

czennies lost it that day bc 1) holy shit theres a 00liners gc and 2) why tf hasnt yangyang been added into it yet

insists that she calls him oppa/hyung even though theres only a one month difference between them

Mae and Yangyang: whispering in the corner of the room

kun: theyre either talking shit about someone or world domination and i cant tell whats worse

he tried teaching her some german once and she now knows like three sentences

“Hallo, Ich bin Mae. Was geht ab? Mir geht’s gut.” (A/N this is the outcome of my three years of german lessons everyone)

and basically all the swear words but we dont need to talk about that

haechan jokes that he’s stealing mae away from the dreamies so he wont be the maknae in wayv 

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy!