#saejoong is god here yes

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi, I recently played the RAE...and I have a LOT of opinions, but-

I'm very disappointed in how we're meant to be empathetic, kind, and understanding towards Rika and V to get a good ending. I guess, not entirely, but enough that there's a CG of Rika breaking down and hugging us, thanking us for understanding her.

This was very upsetting for me.

I'm a lot like Saeyoung, I guess I hold onto grudges. I understand in depth what led these people here, but I cannot forgive. I cannot be okay with how they have hurt Saeran. Trauma isn't justification for traumatizing others. The good ending route forces us into a position of empathy, where I want to tell them that they should suffer for not only hurting him, but continuing to justify that hurt by further hurting him...over and over in a cycle of self-importance.

What about those of us that don't want to forgive abusers? What about those of us that are angry? What about those of us that don't want to feel forced to ""understand""? I feel so invisible and so ripped away from my own choices and forced into making choices that make the bad people feel better about themselves. What about the victims that can't forgive?

You don't have to hug Rika, actually. You don't have to forgive V or Rika, either, and nobody's asking you to do that in the After Ending. Saeyoung won't forgive these people anymore than you will. A sad backstory will never be justification for wrongdoing.

I don't care what kind of horrible thing somebody went through, it will never erase the horrible things they did to other people beyond that. I feel sympathy for anyone who has gone through suffering in their life because nobody deserves to suffer, but while we can empathize with the pain someone went through? It doesn’t mean we forgive or justify what came after that. 

Rika suffered horribly at the hands of her adopted family, to give the most basic example. She didn't deserve to be treated that way. I can empathize with the pain she went through because I know what it feels like to be treated horribly by people who are supposed to love you. However, outside of that? I feel nothing but anger toward her for what she did.

There is no justification for her actions.

People suffer every day but many don't turn to make others suffer just as they suffered. Cool motive, still murder! 

I know what you want to say in the game. I know you want to tell all of those people to go fuck themselves.

You want to tell them what kind of people they are to their face and make sure they understand what horrible things they've done and how there is no way in the world you could ever forgive them for what they did. There are instances throughout the RAE where you can say these things, but a lot of them are not as forthcoming as many wish they were. 

Listen, when I had to watch V drug Saeyoung, I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him that his mother would be disappointed in the man he was because I knew that would crush him more than slap ever could. I wanted to tell him that because I know he can be better than what he is at his lowest points, in the Secret Ending and RAE.

There are plenty of instances where you get to drag Rika for what she's done, too. God, both in Ray Route AND the RAE. You get to tell her what she is in countless chat rooms, making it clear that she has hurt Saeran and that she can't control him, but I get that’s not as satisfying for many people.

Trust me, I understand where you're coming from here because I'm not the kind of person who forgives others, either. I hold on to my grudges because they're not hurting me or anyone else the longer I hold on to them. Do I wish the after ending had way more instances where you could be more forthcoming in your words to V, Rika, and Saejoong?

Yes, while there are some instances where you can say what you want to say about what you feel here, I also wish there were more of them because I wouldn’t mince words if I was there.  

But, I think it's important to understand that you don't have to forgive somebody even if you hear them out. Frankly, in that scene with Rika, she speaks at you. You're not exactly in a position where you can ignore her, so to speak. You have no choice but to give her and V the benefit of the doubt because they are the ones who can lead you to Saeran.

You have to choose to trust them in one moment because they are your only hope in finding him before it's too late. Just because you choose to trust them in that moment does not mean you accept them, you know? I always thought of that scene as one where I had no choice but to listen to them for the sake of what I needed to do for Saeran.

This is her perception of things, not yours.

She's speaking at you and you don't have the opportunity to say otherwise. She may feel that you have allowed her to feel accepted by you since you decided to “trust” V, but at no point in the RAE do you allow her to do that. I can’t recall a single instance of us giving Rika a chance but I can see where this might be confusing. It is only her opinion that you trusting either one of them means that you want to understand or give them a chance.

Do I think it would have been wonderful to have a moment with her where you ream her out in a visual novel for all of the horrible things she's done? Like, in this specific moment? Absolutely, I think this scene would have benefited from allowing both sides to have that option.

She's at a point in her journey where she would be willing to hear everything you had to say about her and take it. 

This is what happens if you decide to listen to what she's saying and not embrace her.

The scene cuts away right there and you immediately go into the hunt for Saeran, who’s still by the lakeside. This is the option they give you to not embrace Rika. You are not at all obligated to do that. Like I said, would this have been a great instance to put a third option where you tell her like it is?

Absolutely, but that's not what they did, unfortunately. This would have been the perfect place for us to finally have the opportunity to say what we want to say as people who do not choose to forgive others for all of the things they've done, even if they decide they're no longer going to do anything like that ever again and they want to work on being better people. 

Just because that person goes on to try and be a better person doesn't mean you have to allow them to show you what they're like on their journey to right their wrongs and be better than they were the day before. You don't have to give them a second chance. 

But, do you know what Saeran needs?

You don't have to give somebody a chance to explain why they did what they did or try to excuse it. But I will say this here, if you value Saeran’s wants and desires in life, you understand that he wants to hear them out.

He wants to forgive them, not because he's okay with what happened to him, or because he's somehow saying that he wants them in his life going forward. He is choosing to forgive them so he can learn how to forgive himself for what he did to you and anyone else he’s hurt.

He has been holding on to what he did ever since he realized he was in the wrong, and he did not forgive himself at the end of Ray Route when you did. I believe it's going to take a long time for him to forgive himself for everything, and that's because he knows how to hold himself accountable for his actions. 

He's not going to shy away from anything he's done. He's going to own up to it every time and promise to be better today, tomorrow, and the day after that. For him to be able to find true peace, he needs to hear why the people who hurt him did what they did and what brought them to that point. That is a part of his journey. That is why his good ending centers around you facing his father, making that man explain himself in bitter detail so Saeran has the chance to hear it. 

The normal ending doesn't allow him to have that chance. It allows Rika to hold herself accountable in front of Saejoong Choi. She tears that man to filth because she knows that she is no better than he is, and she's not going to allow that man to do what she's done any longer, and she's going to face what she needs to face because she's chosen to face punishment. The only good thing she can do at that moment is take that man down. 

However, this makes it the normal ending because it does not allow Saeran to have what he needs to be at total peace. Sure, he's still happy in the normal ending and he has everything he needs, but for him to feel fully at ease he needs to hear his father speak.

I understand that not everybody agrees with what he's doing because the topic of forgiveness can be so misunderstood in this world due to the way it's taught.

So many people are taught to forgive and forget, but that is not the only act of forgiveness. You can forgive somebody if that brings you peace, and then you can tell them to leave you alone forever. You can hate somebody forever and hold on to that pain as long as you want.

You can forgive somebody and allow them to come back into your life with the stipulation that they prove themselves. You can tell that person to go fuck themselves and never bother you again. As long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, you feel what you need to feel and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 

When you do what you do in the good ending, you do so on behalf of his feelings regardless of how you feel. I certainly don't forgive any of the people who hurt him, and I likely never will, but I value what he needs and wants.

Did I have to do that for him? No, technically speaking, I didn't have to ask those people anything or talk to them in any capacity. He would never judge anyone for choosing to hold on to their pain and never forgive another person. That's the point. I respect his choices and he respects mine. I know what I feel in my heart and I know what he feels in his.

This After Ending makes it abundantly clear that it is your choice and nobody should ever make you feel bad for what you choose.

Saeran respects Saeyoung.

He does not expect his brother to forgive their father or anyone else for that matter.

I'll be clear with you, I think one of the reasons why Saejoong Choi walked out of that room to specifically find Saeyoung is because Saeran told him to. Saejoong didn’t have a magic change of heart! But, for whatever reason, he's decided to face the music because there's really no other option for him. The only reason I can think of as to why that man would walk into that hallway is because of Saeran.

Saejoong could’ve turned himself into any authority figure, but he WENT TO SAEYOUNG. Saeran likely reamed into him and let him know that if he wanted to do SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE, he would let Saeyoung be the one to take him down once and for all. Because he damn well understands that his older brother has lived his life in fear of that man.

Every waking second was dedicated to being afraid of that mysterious figure around the corner.

He may not be sure what he wants to say to his brother, but he knows what his brother needs to find peace. The game may not say it out right but I will always believe in my heart that he advocated for his brother to have the opportunity to be able to beat the shit out of their father and take him to jail. 

Saeran respects people who don’t choose to forgive. He would never tell you to do something you don't want to do. He doesn't want anybody to tell him what to do anymore, either. His entire arc was about discovering what it meant to be free and what it means to have autonomous consent over your own choices. I don't think for a second he would ever put somebody in a position where they had to choose something that did not align with what felt right to them. 

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely agree with you that they could have done more to present this perspective, but with what they have done, it's a great basis to start with if you want to work on writing your own fanfiction about it. This game series isn't perfect, but I know we love it all the same.

I'm sorry that the way the game presents it doesn't do so in a way that allows many of us to express the way we feel about trauma. I know it can feel disheartening at times to not have the opportunity to do everything you want to do to find your peace. 

The execution may be a little messy but the attempt is there. God knows this ending did it a little bit better than V’s After Ending where you’re forced to Forgive to get the better ending.

[gureishi]

so... today I finished off Rays route with the GOOD ENDING (thank god) and my sleep schedule is officially non existent! :D

lemme start off with Day 8, because that must've been the creepiest the game has ever gotten for me. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS:

EVERYONE IS LITERALLY GONE, SOMEONE PLS SEND HELP! T_T

I never knew there was a part of Saerans route in which he quite literally cuts off your contact with the RFA????? wish someone warned me, but the surprise was quite welcome too I suppose?? the glitches and the distorted music definitely amplified that scary and hopeless feel I got after being cut off from the rest of the members (especially bby Saeyoung, god I love that boy). OH AND THE WAY THE CHATROOMS WOULD GLITCH BEFORE LOADING?? THAT CREEPED ME TF OUT THANKS!! Although I was in a way also happy that I was able to talk to Saeran more! (it is his route after all).

The chats with Rika always left me feeling frustrated. I could see where she came from and understood her motivations for the way she acted and behaved, but it hurt to see the way in which she believed she was loving and caring for Saeran, and how Saeran internalized everything she told him, idk that just left me feeling a new typa broken.

It was very tempting to lash out and get angry or even just to submit to Saeran and his horrible tormenting, but I held on to get that sweet delectable good ending! (gotta get that cute kiss CG after all)

Also I was worried about Saeyoung and his safety ALL THE TIME, I knew there was a part in the game in which he'd be kidnapped but when it finally happened I honestly wanted to stop playing lmao, also Saejoong Choi can take a piss somewhere, I hate him and I wish they revealed more of his crimes in Saeran's route :(

Saeran's route also honestly made me love Jumin so much more, his so endearing, honest and caring. Love that we get to see more of his relationship with V here, you can actually see that they're best friends and that makes my heart smile.

and AWW THE END WHERE WE SEE V WITH RIKA? That really played with my emotions, and has got me considering jumping straight into his route, because I for one know his life doesn't get any better in Saeran's AE unfortunately. (and of course I won't jump straight in again, since everyone around me has been saying getting two hours of sleep every night just to play an otome game is not healthy at all)

I love the calls we get with Saeran after he finally comes to and realizes his worth, the drugs finally out his system. His so adorable and soft and even goofy at times that it makes me question whether I actually see Saeyoung as my fav (though I'll have to think alot more about that T_T, I swear tomato boy I definitely still luv u lmao)

Also love that Saeran has the most kiss CGs out of all the routes, like yes we love to see it ^^

Oh and the guests for Another Story are just such a treat from Cheritz. I mean we literally invite a dragon?? (a shame Saeyoung couldn't see his dragon buddy) and a coding language??? cmon you can't tell me that's not cool.

even though you gave me the sleep friendly guide, I still ended up getting 100% for nearly everyday (except for 2 of them which was 90%) and I must say I'm quite drained and tired but also happy that I was FINALLY able to experience Another Story, something I only really read about online before without knowing too much detail of what specifically happened. It has quite honestly given me a bigger appreciation of the game as a whole :)

I would love to play Saeran's AE but am so scared of getting a bad end, and also there's like no guides for it anywhere? so there's that to worry about too i guess.

I did decide I'd perhaps take a break from playing this game for a while since unfortunately life continues and its back to work for me, but perhaps sometime soon I'll see myself playing through the alluring and mysterious photographers route instead? ;)

also this route got me thinking alot more why Cheritz didn't give the MC eyes?? Like what purpose does the MC not having eyes provide?? idk Cheritz just give her eyes please, I think that way there'd be alot less questions floating around my bloated and overfilled mind, thanks.

Also thanks for coming along with me and listening about my journey of playing through this Another Story, I really appreciated it! :))) <3

I have been so eagerly waiting for this update!!!! Congrats on getting that good end! I'm really impressed with your dedication—and also, like, please get some sleep 😭❤️

He really is such a sweetheart, isn't he? I totally relate to that feeling of like I LOVE YOU wait I wanna MARRY YOUR BROTHER wait I love you uhhhhhh help, both of you come here and give me a hug.

I am so excited to hear how you feel when you play V's route and, eventually, the AE! And I'll recommend another of Seeme's guides, hehe. I used it last time I replayed the AE and it was great. Here! There's a sleep schedule-friendly one too (though you are clearly a completionist when you play these routes and I feel that—I'm the same way).

Those kiss CGs! Are! Amazing. He honestly needs a lot of kisses.

As far as the eyes thing goes, it sure is weird, huh? Apparently it used to be pretty popular for otome game MCs not to have eyes so it's easier for players to self-insert. Lots of newer games seem to have MCs with more specific appearances (and personalities), though.

I do like to self-insert when I'm playing otome games but also...I look nothing like this MC anyway, so her being eyeless does nothing for me, lol.

Would you prefer an MC with eyes even if she's more clearly not you? I think I would.

Also this route ending man it kills me literally just thinking about it. But just! Remember! That our boy is fine in the end. He's okay!!! He's safe and he's happy and he's got a boat ❤️

Thank you for sharing this Saeran route journey with me, my dear. I enjoyed every second of it!

[choicest-fics]

The Chois Next Door

Ch. 11

Progress?

“You can’t beat him. He’s too powerful. No matter what you unearth, he’ll have a ready explanation. You know that, why are you still trying?” Saeran sulked. It actually brought a smile to MC’s face. He tried to hide it but the man was warming up to them. There were glimpses of the old Saeran in there and they came out more and more.

Saeyoung still worked tirelessly to gain all the information he could about the Prime Minister, digging deeper and deeper. The longer he dug, the more repulsive the information he unearthed. But what Saeran said was right. No matter what they could release to the general public, there would be ways the Prime Minister could explain it away. They needed a smoking gun. The man was ruthless but smart. Of course he would be, he was the twins father after all. As much of a genius as they were.

Unfortunately for them, Saejoong Choi was adept at covering his involvement in anything illegal. It frustrated Saeyoung to no end.

“Nobody is perfect. There will be something, somewhere.” Saeyoung said, jaw tight with determination as his fingers flew across two keyboards. Saeran simply looked away. He now sat on the side of his bed, only one wrist shackled to the heavy frame. Had he really wanted to, he would be able to get himself free. He seemed content, however. The drugs coursing through his system had been depleted. He still looked weak and as if he was hungover after a night of debauchery and drinking, but his thinking seemed to have cleared some.

He no longer called them names but still kept them at arm’s length. They tried not to act too touchy feely with each other in front of him either, as it aroused anger and annoyance in him. He made eye contact with MC but quickly looked away.

“Do what you want. You never listened to me anyway. You always thought you were smarter than me.”

“That isn’t true!” Saeyoung argued. “I never thought I was smarter. In fact, I always thought you were the better of. I just…I just wanted to make you happy!”

“By fucking me?” Saeran threw out through gritted teeth.

Saeyoung’s anger subsided, and he deflated, sinking back into his seat. “Saeran…” but what could he say? That it was what Saeran had wanted? So what? He still hadn’t needed to do it. He had wanted to. Wanted to feel what it was like to be inside his brother. He knew it was wrong. Disgusting, unnatural, but it hadn’t mattered in the end. Meeting MC had made him realize that if he was ever going to be happy, he had to take chances with his heart. And they had been happy. All three of them. There was no jealousy among them. MC genuinely loved them both, and they loved her.

MC slapped Saeran. The twins stared at her in disbelief. “That’s enough!” she screamed through tears. “I won’t let you hurt him anymore with your words! You know the truth! You just don’t want to admit it! You love your brother, and you love me! Those drugs and the brainwashing are no excuse anymore! You hear me?”

Saeran stared at her, then slowly began to laugh. “Whatever.” He lay on the bed and faced away from them awkwardly because of the cuff on his wrist.

“It’s OK MC.” Saeyoung pulled her into a hug, taking comfort from her warmth. She wrapped her arms around him, but he could feel her trembling.

“You two are disgusting.” Saeran whispered, but they could hear the tears in his voice. They decided to ignore him this time. It was still better than where they had started. MC could still remember the awful screaming and the way he had tried to hurt himself. She wasn’t sure which had been worse. They were both horrifying to witness.

“You’re just jealous.” Saeyoung uttered.

“Saeyoung!” MC gasped incredulous.

“Jealous!?” Saeran scoffed.” Of your sinful relationship! Don’t make me laugh!” he sat up and glared at his brother.

“Yes. Jealous.” Saeyoung said again, grinning from ear to ear. “How do you think you’d feel if we kissed? Leaving you out of it?”

“Oh please! I don’t care what you do!” the man stood, his cuff rattling against the rail.

“Really? Then why comment at all?” Saeyoung shrugged. He took MC by the waist and pulled her close. “This doesn’t bother you?” he asked. Saeran looked away, but his jaw was clenched.

“Do what you want, pervert. But you won’t drag me into it.”

“You’re starting to remember though, aren’t you? The way it felt to be in my arms. How excited you got when I kissed you?” Saeyoung said. His words penetrating through Saeran’s hard exterior, but not quite landing where they needed to. Saeran resisted. The fear instilled in him was very much still there and had become instinctual. He did remember, remembered pleading with his brother for more than just a touch. And it sickened him. It elicited a negative physical response in him.

“Shut up shut up shut up! You filthy disgusting liar!” he tried to throw himself on his brother, fingers clawing at him. The restraint pulled him short, and the sudden attack didn’t make the older man blink. He still held that self-satisfied smug smile on his face. “I hate you! Get that through your thick skull! Things will never go back to the way they were! It was depraved and sinful! I see that now! It doesn’t matter what I wanted before because wanting that was wrong! It goes against everything God stands for!”

“OK. Just calm down Saeran.” MC lay her hand on the man’s shoulder and led him back to sit on the bed. “Nobody is going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. That’s not what’s going on here. We just wanted to get you healthy enough so that you could make your own decision. If that decision turns out to be that you walk away from both of us, then so be it. But we’re not letting you go until we know for sure that you’re thinking for yourself.”

Saeran’s shoulders sagged, exhausted. He let himself be tucked into bed and closed his eyes. What he found in the darkness were two pairs of hands that had always made him feel safe and secure. He wondered who they belonged to.

…………..

“Sir, we’ve found them.” The security guard bowed before the Prime Minister, glad they had finally made some progress. Saejoong Choi could be merciless to those who failed him.

“Finally. I think it’s time for a little family reunion.” The graying man grinned, it was eerily similar to that of one Saeyoung Choi.

[starlight-drive-in]

Saeran Choi Week - Day 6

Afterendings || AU  

---

You know that part in Seven’s route where Seven shows Saeran the pictures of him and he goes into denial? Of course, you do! I’ve always wondered what that scene would be like from the perspective of Saeran’s route. These are my ideas for that, and also some of my ideas about how his after ending could go!

--- 

MC and Saeran have been staying in Saeyoung’s bunker for a while now. It’s strange, even though she’s never met him in real life, MC still feels his absence. The place carries so much of his personality it feels like he’ll walk through the door any minute. 

They don’t plan on staying here forever, they want a place to call their own, a place that feels like theirs but for now, it's a blessing to have a place to stay free of charge and with everything they need while the couple gets on their feet. 

As they accumulate their own belongings though, they find the need to start to pack some of Saeyoung’s stuff away for now. They haven't given up hope that he’s still out there. Saeran had even found some good leads he had sent to the C&R Intelligence Unit earlier this week. 

“I’d feel it if he was gone.” Saeran had said one night after a long session of searching CCTV’s for any hint of his brother. “I just know I would. I’m sorry. I probably sound insane to you.”

But MC understood. She always understood. If Saeran believed Saeyoung was still out there then so would she. But she still had to get some of his stuff away. Her book collection needed a little more space, and it wasn’t like Saeyoung even had that many books on his office’s bookshelf anyway - maybe about ten or so accompanied by boxes of small electronic components she couldn't make sense of. 

She nestles the smaller boxes into a larger one then begins to take the few books off the shelf. As she picks up a particular book - a children’s book that she does think much of at first - something clatters to the ground next to her foot. 

She bends down, retrieves a small square of plastic, realizing its a floppy disk. “Who uses floppy disks anymore? I didn't realize Seven was an antique collector.” She comments, turning the item around in her hands looking for a label, there isn’t any though. 

Saeran turns around in his computer chair, curious. “Let me see?” he asks, holding his hand out, she hands it over and he gives it a similar inspection. 

MC’s eyes scan the minor monstrosity that is Saeyoung’s work area, although Saeran has attempted to clean and organize the wires and various components that make it up, it’s still a mess to her. “Does he even have a floppy disk reader?” She asks. 

She watches as her boyfriend opens and closes multiple desk drawers, then stands and leaves the room. Moments later he returns with a small drive in hand.

“I thought I saw one somewhere, he had this in a kitchen cabinet behind some old cereal boxes.” He shrugs, although he wants to reunite with his twin he doesn't pretend to understand the man’s methods of organization, or anything else for that matter. He hands her the cable. “Can you plug that into a USB port for me? There should be some open on the back still.”

“I think I can manage that!” MC says.”What do you think is on it?” She asks, from underneath the desk as she plugs the reader in. 

“Memes? An old 8-bit video game? His senior thesis?” Saeran says, honestly baffled but what in the world his brother could have stored on a media form that has not been widely used since they were children. 

He pops the disk into the drive and goes to open the folder, but it's in encrypted, of course it is. Saeran makes quick work of the encryption but is stunned when the encryption leads him to a string of personal questions. Questions that could only be answered by two people on earth. He takes a sharp inhale of breath.

“What is it?” MC asks eagerly. 

“I… I think he meant for me to find this?” Saeran says, working his way down the list of questions. “I’m the only person that would know the answers to these, besides him.” He adds, filling in the answer for what the twins did on their 6th birthday while their mother was passed out in the kitchen. 

He reaches the end of the questionnaire and finally gains access to the files stored on the disk. Photos of a young red-haired, golden-eyed boy fill the screen. 

Saeran scoffs, “Why does he have a hard drive full of pictures of himself.” He says MC can hear the slight offense in his voice. 

“That’s not him.” She says plainly. 

“W-what do you mean?” He asks, staring up at her from his seat, wide-eyed.

“That's you, My Love.” He calmly says. 

“N-no it’s not, I don't remember any of this,” he says. “Why do you think it's me?”

“You have a mole on your neck, right side, just below your jawline. See?” She points out the mole on the multiple pictures populating the screen before lightly brushing the same mole on his person. “Saeyoung doesn't have it. That’s you.”

“How? No that can’t be. That makes no sense.” He says, getting up from the desk and disappearing into the hall. MC follows him but allows him some space. 

“I look happy! I look normal there!” The crack in his voice is apparent. 

MC’s heart lurches to see him in pain, she never wants to see him in pain again, but she's afraid the fight will never be over for her love. She watches as he sits on the leather sofa and places his head in his hands. When he looks up again tears are trailing the expanse of his pale face. 

“He really did think I was ok, didn't he? He thought I was happy.” He had suspected this, of course, had mostly accepted it, but at this moment it truly hits him for real. Saeyoung was fed lies too. He thought he was doing what was right, what was best for him. And Rika had Saeyoung tangled up in her lies just as much as him. The enormity of just how deeply the tendrils of lies reach hits him hard, and he cries. 

MC sits down next to him and takes him into her arms, cradling him softly and running her hands through his hair. “It’s ok, we’re going to find him and you two are going to have a long talk. We’re going to figure it out. I’m going to help you figure this out.”

He moves to hug her, burying his face in the shoulder. “Thank you.” he chokes out, tears seeping through her t-shirt. 

After a few minutes, his sobs calm “Hey.” She says gently, rubbing his back. 

“Mm?” he responds raising his head from its spot. 

“You were a pretty cute kid.” She says smiling and wiping a tear from under his eye. 

He chuckles through another sob. “Thanks.” He says simply. 

Suddenly Saeran’s phone begins to ring in the other room. He inhales deeply and wipes his face as he gets up, retracing his steps back to the office to answer it. 

He taps the answer button near Jumin’s name and steadies his voice in greeting. “Hello?”

“Saeran,” Jumin says in his usual steady, deep voice. “We think we’ve found him.”

-----

Saeran and MC stand near a black C&R van as the largest amount of security and KPA officers either have them have ever seen storm an expensive-looking residence on the mountainside. After all the claims against Prime Minister Choi were confirmed legitimate it wasn't long before warrants of his arrest were filed, after which conveniently disappeared. 

MC watches as Saeran nervously paces the small space at the bottom of the hill leading up to the residence, periodically biting his nails, then stopping himself.

An entire lifetime seems to pass before two of Jumin’s largest security officers drag a handcuffed, now former, Prime Minister out of the house. 

Saeran’s blood runs cold as their eyes meet for just half a second before the man is shoved into a vehicle and promptly driven away. His chest shakes and he tries to steady his breathing. After a few minutes, he’s managed to calm himself a bit. 

Moments later the doors open again, Revealing a long-haired brunette man repeating how he doesn't need help and a very familiar shock of red hair following closely behind him. 

MC gasps, and before she can even register what is happening her boyfriend is gone, running up the hill in clumsy steps. She watches as he almost slips three times. She then realizes Saeyoung is running to meet him. Her heart swells at the heartwarming moment the twins embrace each other. She almost can’t believe this is happening at all but it is. 

“Saeran?” Saeyoung says in an exhausted voice. “That's really you right?” He’s both unsure because this is too good to be true, and because his glasses have been missing for so long he forgets what clear vision is like. 

“Yea - yea it's me,” Saeran responds, tears threatening his eyes again, but this time they are not sad tears. “I-It’s me.” 

“Thank God. Thank you, God.” The older twin breathes. Squeezing his brother so tightly, almost like he might float away if he doesn't. 

“You were the hacker, weren’t you?” Saeyoung asks, already sure of the answer but still in need of confirmation. 

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Saeran answers “I’m so sorry”

“Me too.” Saeyoung answers. “I think… I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Saeran scoffs into his brother's shoulder. “Yea,” is all he says. 

----

A few weeks later Saeran and MC sit on the couch in Saeyoung’s bunker once again, but this time everything is different. There is no looming absence anymore. The void Searan has felt for the past several years has finally been filled again. His brother is back and never meant to abandon him. Although he has to remind himself of this several times a day. The two of them still have a lot to work out in therapy, but they are together again. 

The news is on TV as the two of them sit, holding hands. Saeran rubs the back of MC’s hand gently as the announcer begins the evening’s updates.

“Former Prime Minister Saejoong Choi has been sentenced to as little as 40 years in prison as of Tuesday.”

Suddenly Saeyoung’s voice comes from the hall as he enters the living room “Haha, YEA Suck it Old Man.” He exclaims excitedly as he plops himself down on the armchair adjacent to his couch. 

“It would seem his career in the public eye is all but over, the man who was once adored by a nation is now behind bars. In the end, Choi ended up with over 107 charges against him but it would seem that one of his more heinous crimes was against his own blood, his twin sons. Kept secret from the world and cursed to grow up in poverty, and abuse. The county that once revered Saejoong Choi has now adjusted their affections onto the Choi Twins.” 

MC watches as photos of the twins appear on the screen, Saeran becomes instantly uncomfortable as Saeyoung becomes quite the opposite.

“Can you believe this? Us? On TV?” Zen’s probably already jealous, we look amazing in those pictures too.” He says, legs bouncing in excitement. 

“The older of the twins, Saeyoung Choi has been rated Korea’s Most Eligible Bachelor, a position that C&R’s Jumin Han has held for the past several years.” 

Saeyoung doubles over in laughter as he hears this. “Poor Juju, All that work he did to help us too.”

“I don't think Jumin ever really wanted that position to begin with,” MC tells him. “I hope you’re ready Saeyoung.” She continues, almost ominously. 

“Oh, I’m ready” Saeyoung accepts, a mischievous grin gracing his features. “But Korea’s not ready to learn that I am forever in love with my dearest Elly, and so they will lose both of their most eligible bachelors to her impeccable beauty!”

“It would seem that many people we surveyed on the street were disappointed to hear that the other Choi twin, Saeran is undoubtedly “off the market”.” The announcer continues.

The TV cuts to a scene from last week, Saeran had thought he could pick up a few things from the convenience store without being bothered but he inevitably thought wrong. In the video, Saeran stands holding a carton of ice cream he had freshly picked from the freezers of the store, surrounded by several news personnel. 

“Saeran Choi, The nation is dying to know, do you have a girlfriend?”

In the video, Saeran fidgets for a second before taking a breath and speaking. “Yes, I have a girlfriend, and I love her very much. In fact if not for her I would not be standing here today, and neither would you. I would very much appreciate respect for both her and our relationship as I will not tolerate anything else.”  

A light blush appears on Saeran’s cheeks, embarrassed and uncomfortable with being in the public eye and seeing himself on TV.

MC, on the other hand, is filled with adoration, promptly throwing her hands over her boyfriend's shoulders in a tight embrace. 

“Bro, that was so cool.” Saeyoung says, stunned at his brother's calm collectiveness on camera. 

“Babe, that was so sweet.” MC says, nuzzling her boyfriend's sweater. 

“It’s only the truth, as long as it’s up to me, I won’t let anything or anyone come between us.” He says. 

“Nothing is ever going to come between us.” MC confirms, giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

“Should I leave you two alone? I could see if Yoosung needs some company for a while?”

Saerans already apparent blush becomes much deeper “No! No of course not. This is your house, remember?.”

“Mmhmm” Saeyoung hums, “ Well, you just let me know if the County’s Sweethearts need some ‘Alone Time’” he says teasingly as he retreats back down the hallway. 

Saeran breathes out, relieved to be free from his brother’s teasing, but also relieved to be able to be teased by his brother, it’s been far, far too long. 

Even if he’ll never completely understand his brother or his motivations, even if his jokes still sometimes grate on him the wrong way, they’re together. They are brothers again, not enemies and it feels better than he had ever imagined. Their father is in prison, where he aptly belongs. There are still things that need to be figured out, the Mint Eye issue will need to be taken care of next, but with him on the RFA’s side this time around he knows they will be a force to be reckoned with. 

He has MC, He has Saeyoung, He has everything he needs and his life feels like it is finally beginning. 

[chizu99]

about kpop obsession

today I wanna update my latest kpop favourite group, biased, otp, and why I love them. yes them. it's not one but many many people getting around. this list not just boys group but the girls group to. 1. INFINITE I am absolutely loyal (maybe not) INSPIRIT. always make Infinite first than the other group and this your gonna be my 5 year being Inspirit. why? why not? they are amazing 7 man that alive in this world. they can sing verywell (maybe need much slot for Sungyeol), they can dance verywell (hail Hoya and Dongwoo) and they can being nasty together. and I love this year gonna they 7 years together and I hope they can always forever till they can't dance and their voice going crack when singing. My Biased: you can look in my pp actualy. yes, the one and only almighty leader Kim Sunggyu. even many fans outside them not think Sunggyu is handsome, for me he is handsome man alive with single eyelid and tall nose. and his voice... don't ask how many time I cry just hear his voice. for me he is perfect. Biased Wrecker: today no one. this my confession. when I know infinite first, I really like Hoya than Sungjong come alive and getting pretty everyday, but than I know how beautiful uri leader are and then baam I love Sunggyu now. OTP: maybe the one unpopular OTP for Inspirit, but I love Hojong than Woogyu and Myungyeol too. why Hojong? I know many Inspirit love Hoya and Dongwoo bromance so much. but for me how Howon care much about his little brother make me aww so much. and why ask about woogyu? you know the reason why! *wink* and myungyeol? just Myungsoo love Sungyeol too much in hilarious reason. 2. Seventeen okay first, I'm not really know who are they. even when they win rookies of the years, I still think "who?". I know Seungcheol being Tempest member with Nu'est JR, than what. and I watch Vernon in TTM too, but just him. so when I watch gayo daejunjae 2015, I watch all perform and still think "why they so many member" and forget it. the turn back time is when I watch them in weekly idol (so greatfull korea have this show so much), and wow they have so hilarious member group. and start looking for their other variety. first watching show was one fine day which turn not really one fine day for them, and lough till cry because of them. than, I watched their debut variety show, lough, cry, and this family make me falling so deep. they so talented, beautiful, and hilarious in the same time. My Biased: have I choose only one? can I choose them all? ok, so I really can choose one. they are so charming with they charm. but I looking so many Woozi pic. why he so squizy? ah yes, his not short, he is in the fun size. I really want hug he and sit him in my tea chair. but don't forget he resemble little devil too. too gap moe, and I love him because he is Lee Jihoon. and being the one leader, composer, good dancer too (ex performance team fyi), don't wanna know how much pressure in his brain. but being the one of talented member in talented group make he look so sparkling, even some time I even can't look him in the stage. Biased Wrecker: oh okay I have a lot in here. You say you don't have biased but have many biased wrecker? first, I call Hong "Joshua" Jisoo. did you watch his hand, oh.my.God oh my God, I really have fetish with hand, and Joshua hand really my type. second, I summon Jeon Wonwoo to come. he is handsome and mysterious(?) when first I watch him. these Mansae btw, and he's look like DBSK U-Know Yunho (am I just the one who tough this when first time look Wonu?). and then his aegyo in V channel change everything. third, nowday Junhui really kill me (bleas Boom Boom MV). his smile... (Junhui plead don't). but his narcistic personal too much for me. fourth, we have The8. Minghoa, you have stop being killer soon kid! I don't know why first Pledis like to change his hair so much. but two latest mv (Boom Boom and Highlite) really kill me. his piercing eyes soo... OTP: I am Jicheol trash. so proudly with this. ok... maybe many Carat's really love Jeongcheol and Soonhoon. but for me Jicheol is legend. they even married guys. and when you know Jihoon verywell, you know he didn't like skinship so much(?) but when you looking their predebut video. "how many skinship you have done with Seungcheol, Lee Jihoon? and you said this doesn't like skinship?" (okay I need to stop) PS: I really love them so much till scared. too much member mean too much brain to being one. and looking for their seniors (I know SJ and EXO before them), is not easy. and being SM stan for dunno many years, it's hurt look your group stan broke one by one. so, I just hope they never change, I know people change but I hope they are not. and stay together till forever (being selfish fan I am). 3. VIXX I love their concept. and being concept-dol not easy at all. because not just new music need to care, but what concept next must think so much. and their existence make they being one of many role model to watch off in kpop history. even sometime I don't really understand Ravi think when make a song (and the coreograph), they still good to know. and personaly, I love their personal so much. when first I know them, thanks for N, they are so not VIXX nowday (I watch Hyde first). but I really like their concept so much. so fresh, so new, so different. okay maybe not, because they debut when the alien debut (EXO and B.A.P). but they change to be good. My Biased: Leo. Jung Taekwoon. Lion in jungle. or whatever he is. okay first, you're Idol can you being like the Idol you are? but than I know he's just shy. and for the other member and Sunggyu (thanks again for weekly idol), he is not Leo on camera that we know. he is just... normal. but other than handsome, have high voice, style that I like so much, have killer smile which can kill his fans, he love kid and cute pet. too gap moe?! and he can cook to. love coffee so much, and really like sport. ok which one of you his fans and not watch his ideal type in Leo? Biased Wrecker: uhm... Kong? I mean Hongbin or maybe Leo my biased wrecker because I like Hongbin first? so yup, like the other fans who look Hongbin because he is visual, I like him first. because I don't really like guy with long hair. pardon me? but than Leo cut his hair and... asdfghjkl OTP: the unpopular OTP again. is Taekbin. don't ask. please don't ask. I just... love them together. I mean Leo never look in Kong with his killer stare. 4. I.O.I you know is getting sad when I mention I.O.I in this list. but really I love this girls so much. they together because produce 101, being ranking 1-11 they are, and debut for 1 years. this first time I really like girls group with cute concept. but they are good together... can they not disband this year? I know they will debut soon and later, but looking them in I.O.I and their current group was different. is not like I don't like their current group. I like DIA, I like gu9udan, I like WSJN, and I like Pristin very much. but looking how different person from different management together so wonderful. I hope their respective group or solo carrier like Chungha, Sohye, and Somi, will great this year. My Biased: Im Nayoung and Yoojung. two different person and two rapper in the group. I cry so much because of them. and who said Nayoung was stone, now she even can aegyo guys. and more cry for Yoodaeng, this girl need to debut ASAP. she is so talented and cute one too. Biased Wrecker: Saejoong~i God Saejoong. she is maybe the most lucky one in this group. getting debut soon with gu9udan and getting solo variety show and solo debut too... and now first OST. wow. but her voice and personalities so good for idol life. and stop bassing her because her prank. OTP: am I need to make OTP for girls group too? uhm... then I choose Sohye and Somi. what their OTP group btw? because I don't know who is the maknae one in here. maybe not. is just being penguin Sohye is and being a nice nice makne Somi is. PS: it will long massage For Im Nayoung. thanks for being hreat leader you are. thanks for controling your sister very well. and thank you for being strong one in this fragile group. good like with Pristin. being good leader like always. and this is your new step. I hope Pristin being good debut. For Kim Chungha. thanks for always beautiful. thanks for always think out of the box. make coreo not easy one girl. you know, we know youre really great great dancer. and solo is good choice from your management but big step too. I hope you can doing great. For Kim Sejeong. good luck for your gu9udan and your solo activity too. thanks for being the prankster. you doing great. being big in instan was really tricky one, but I hope you can stay humble and being like uri God Sejeong we know. For Jung Chaeyoung. you know you will have a lot haters now than when you in Dia. they will think you just pretty. but please just remember you're not just pretty you talented and have a good luck. stay strong Chaeyoung~a. For Zhou Jieqiong. being the only one chinese member never never easy. but prove them that you can more beautiful and have the sam talent like the other too. you have Pristin now. the friend that always with you from you're 14yo till today. and you can stand still with Nayoung beside you. For Kim Sohye. you the most cute and 4d member that I have to know. but you're talented too. you're being strong one, from lowest rank to top 11. you have many talent that you can explore. and you cute evenany think you are just freak. screw them! you can do it better than them all. For Yu Yuenjung. being new member for stand group was your new chalange. but you always can doing. I know WSJN have a lote member even from I.O.I, but you will always sparkling. For Choi Yoojung. Yoodaeng~a I will miss you so much. stay health, don't cry too much. I hope fantagio will make you and doyoon debut fast. I know you will being crybaby you in your concert but don't cry to much. is not healthy for you. For Kang Mina. don't ever think to diet or being thin like the other. you're beautiful with your body. please get confident. you 8 other member gu9udan to stand with. fighting Mina~ya. For Kim Doyeon. you are beautiful. you are talented. and you arr the brave one. the haters always come even we stay in the line. like I said to Chaeyoung, don't make them think that you just face. prove you're talent. being good cheerleader you are. For Jeon Somi. I know we know you know JYP will make you big. but still the maknae Somi that we know. you being no 1 not without reason, it always have a big reason and big responsibility to do. being number 1 not just for visual in group but being number 1 in life too. we always support you. Last For I.O.I. thanks for coming in my life. I know we just know you are in one year, but you all is most talented girls that I know. and being first cute girls group that I like make you all special in my life. I hope you can stay in contact with each other, support each other. good luck for your last single. and fighting for your the first and the last (why so sad) concert. honestly I really jealous with Korea fans that can coming and see you all together in last time. but what can I do, I just can support you all from far far away. I.O.I saranghae!! 5. Twice so after I know I.O.I, I know Twice too. for me they are the best one that JYP ever make. maybe because last year girls group really so great. but I really like their cute appearance, cute and brainwashing song, and cute personality too. I don't really know why they have so many haters. you know, I am not really look sixteen, but I think JYP make a good choice for this group. with many nationals in this group, it will make big. because not just Korea, they still can doing great in Japan and China too. so why? My Biased: Nayeon. I don't know why she said that they don't have cute side. but for me she really cute. and being the oldest but not leader make she really carefree. so please haters, stop bash she. Biased Wrecker: Japanese line. ok so Sana, Mina, and Momo plus Tzuyu. I don't know, but somehow it's hilarious to look them together. so innocent and cute. but Tzuyu so pretty. and I cry on lough when looking twice try yoga. Momo you're dancer, but why? and I know how stiff Nayeon is. OTP: I don't know the OTP yet. but I love Japan line. the reason, just look yourself. thats my big 5. the other is... 6. BTS My Biased: Min Suga Biased Wrecker: V OTP: Yoonmin, Taekook, Namjin 7. Got7 My Biased: Jinyoung Biased Wrecker: Mark OTP: Markson? Markjin? 8. B.A.P My Biased: Jongup Biased Wrecker: Daehyung OTP: Banghim, Uplo, Daejae 9. Nu'est My Biased: JR Biased Wrecker: Ren OTP: Jren 10. NCT My biased: Ten, Jaehyun, Juno Biased Wrecker: Hansol (is he in?), Dooyon, Donghyuk OTP: taeten, doojae, yusol 11. Myname My biased: Junq Biased Wrecker: Gunwoo OTP: maknae line 12. Block B My biased: Taeil Biased Wrecker: Park Kyung OTP: Zikyung, taepo 13. Teentop My Biased: Ljoe Biased Wrecker: CAP OTP: Chunjoe the other reason, I will write when someone ask. I know I am not really good in English, and my grammar so bad. but I hope you can read it with good. and I hope you understand with what I said.

[marshmallowprotection]

KAITKAITKAIT RGE NEW CHAPTER?? HELLO? I AM FLOORED JGSJAVSHSH---

i reread it like three times , LOT HAS HAPPENED😭😭

reading saeran's thoughts about being the "failed" angel was heart wrenching- especially the part where he thinks that perhaps saeyoung was the purified angel while he just existed out of a mistake and how emotionally isolated(?) he is by other angels just cuz he isnt capable of doing things a normal angel would just AGHDHGS I KOVE THE DETAILS YOU PUT IN YOUR STORY😭💞

and and the plot twist-- KAIT I AM FLOORED--- i remember u said smth like "im excited for the new au that im releasing but im not sure if saeyoung and saeran are ready for that" (i think thats in February?) and i can see WHY 💀😭

He would bring you Gardenia to liven your room and say that it was from someone who admired you secretly.

^^^my favourite line thats part was so cute saeran you absolute cutie of an angel agh 💞💖💗

HAPPY to see polaris calling out on saejoongs bllshit as always, fresh feathers" out here cancelling God as they should ANDAND that price for failure is sheeskgd im scared? but obv im intrigued 😳

i also like like your take around "god made u suffer to get you stronger" and "proving your life should be meaningful in order to live" like YES fr i dislike when thtis is prob the first thing most ppl hear when theyre having a hard time and im guilty of saying that as well in my early years but luckily i realize they r far more better words than those to console other ppl-😔im glad polaris verbalize it well but ofc saejoong's brain probably cant comprehend that level of emotional intelligence-

I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter! It was a 11K, so I imagine that getting all that content at once was overwhelming!

Saeran is a cutiepie in this story. This is a GE Saeran situation where he's got his red hair and gold eyes, so you know he's going to be very sweet to you but also quite the tease. He's known to poke fun at you to make you smile, but he's always sincere about it. He noticed that you, the Reader, liked the Gardenias, so he knew that he needed to bring you some to make your room feel home-y. Count on him to do what's right.

I knew the plot twist was going to get my Readers! I'm chuckling about it, honestly. I've had some feedback from readers who didn't think this was coming but I always add little hints that you have to look out for. Saeran and Saeyoung definitely weren't ready for this, and they aren't ready for what's coming next... neither are Polaris or Gardenia for that matter. Watch out, Readers.

Polaris is a headstrong Reader. They've got an attitude. They believe in good and being lawful, but that doesn't mean they're not prepared to say what needs to be said. They believe in their convictions, and I am sure that many people can relate to that. You want your voice to be heard! But, God heard Polaris clearly today... they made a deal for this fact, but I hope you keep an eye out for where the bet will go. I can't say how the bet with God will go... even Polaris isn't sure where it's going.

I wonder if they'll tell Luciel about the deal.

I think the one thing about this fic that personally rings home to me is that it gives me an outlet for my religious trauma. I wasn't raised in a church or anything, they simply assumed that I would believe in the Christian God without having any context or understanding. So, I've had a really detached perspective from the start. I've got a lot of not-so-great experiences beyond that that I won't get into because of the violent homophobia that people spout.

But, I think what burns me at my core the most is when people say those things. You aren't "learning through suffering". You don't have to pull yourself up in the midst of the worst suffering you've ever had in your life because God just decided you needed to suffer to learn something. You are already strong. You've survived Hell and there's no karmic reason for it. Sometimes bad things happen, and it just fucking sucks, but God didn't cause that and you survived that by your hands. Be proud of yourself for holding your head up, and know that it's not because some God decided to make you suffer.

Trust me, I'm disabled and I've had many people tell me such tone-deaf comments thinking that they were being sympathetic to my condition through their faith. I don't appreciate someone telling me that I suffered because God decided that I had a lesson to learn or that this happened because God knew I could "handle it". I don't mind if someone offers to pray for me, but it's overstepping when you've got people making comments that burn your ass.

You don't suffer because some cosmic being made it happen. It just happens, and there's no reason why. Bad things happen to good people and to bad people, there's no pattern or reason. You'll notice this pattern through the story with Gardenia and Saeran, honestly. Gardenia is a human that still struggles with their health now and again, and Saeran is an angel with his own disabilities.

Your life is meaningful already.

You don't need to move mountains.

Be yourself. That's all you need.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hahaha sometimes I forget that Suit Saeran let us go without food for a day and a half I think, at the time it bothered me a lot and scared me haha but now that I think about it....

Didn't the believers feed on elixir? I mean, in their meals there was elixir ( ahhh I don't know if this is true haha I'm making this up, if not correct me please) so, if Suit Saeran forbade them to bring food to MC we can say he was protecting them from consuming elexir.... (Even if he didn't know if that's what he wanted because he doesn't know what he wants haha). We know that it was Ray who was bringing food to MC (without anything that could harm them) but seeing what happened, Suit wouldn't dare to do something like that because he doesn't want the same thing that happened to Ray, being tortured by Rika.

I don't know, I tried to find other reasons why he left us without food haha. I don't remember.

Okay, so there's only so much information that's given to us in the canon about how the elixir is given to people. Now, Saeran's diary is one thing that gives us some insight into the ways that elixir can be forced into someone.

Now, in his diary, he mentions there's this disgusting taste in the food they're giving him. He hates it, but he's just so hungry that he tries to pick through it after giving up on the strike he was putting up. [I’ve got a post that covers the diary in more detail but I’ll post some caps here] just because that’ll help me explain this.

So, yes, during the time that Saeran was being inducted into Mint Eye, the diary explains, he was locked away in a dark room alone while the torment increased. It started with darkness and solidarity confinement and then it began to elevate with elixir mixed into his food for a God knows long until he was brought into the basement where Rika was waiting for him.

So, as you can see from these, you know what’s going on more or less through scraps of paper that Saeran is writing on. He isn’t okay. He’s afraid and this is the only outlet he has to cope with losing control. He stays locked up until Rika thinks he’s isolated enough to make him believe anything she can make do with. It’s not great for him... and it’s implied his perception of time isn’t right, either. He thinks he knows how long it’s been but he doesn’t.

This particular CG shows us one of those basement trips where he's put through it but you'll only get more context from the diary itself as far as that goes. Mint Eye is very loose with the concept of cleansing so a lot of us have to create our own model of what it looks like when we're writing.

Now, as far as the food goes, yes. If you know this context from the diary, not only does it make sense to think that Ray is making your food himself because he wants to impress you... but because a part of him is paranoid about the real threat of you being hurt or manipulated by someone else. Ray could very well be the one to make you take elixir someday, yes, but he doesn’t want you in pain. It isn’t something he wants. Anything to avoid it, he’ll do in his route.

He makes a fake elixir to protect you, for God’s sake. So, there’s a duality on the notion here for Ray and Suit Saeran. They want to control the situation but there is a truth they avoid. They don’t have control at all. Rika’s the true boss. They’re just pawns. They know that... they just swallow it down and ignore it most of the time if can be. It’s easier to survive if they ignore it.

It’s not just a control thing, there’s a fear in their minds whether they want to fess up and face it or not. They’re afraid of Rika. They are safe because of her... yet, it isn’t safe at all. Ray and Suit Saeran are smart enough to know this. They just know they can’t say it or admit it. She’s the only option they have. As far as they know, V and Saeyoung are gone forever... and Saejoong is a threat that can get them easily if they run from Rika.

Take the lesser of the evils, basically.

Suit Saeran cannot admit to himself that he’s trying to protect you or Ray... he’s not sure what it is he wants out of his life, but he knows that he has to be strong enough... he has to be strong enough to... Well. It’s only when he’s being denied the right to see you near the end of the route that he blurts out in his haze as if a realization struck him. “I’m strong enough to protect someone.”

So, I have some answers for you. Suit Saeran was born of the need to be a strong person. Ray is too soft-hearted to survive what Rika expects of him for now, and there needs to be someone who is. That’s why Saeran steps in and goes, “I am strong. I am so strong. I can survive this.” He does this to keep the tender-hearted Ray from being destroyed. He’s more of a protector to Ray than anyone would realize... his methods are just... messy as hell given what’s going on.

He presents himself as somebody who is strong and powerful. If that was to waiver for anything, then he would be destroyed. He doesn't need to be destroyed because if he is there will be nothing to stop worse things from happening to Ray or you. He thinks of himself as the only thing standing between total destruction and inevitable despair.

The way he acts and reacts to the world around him is because of the idea of strength he has. It has been hammered into his head that the only way he can survive is if he is cruel and heartless. As long as he acts like that, it's almost guaranteed he won't be destroyed and nothing worse can happen to Ray... and you... who unfortunately means the world to Ray. He has to protect you even if he isn’t sure what he feels about you.

Do any of us agree with his choice of defining that strength? No. The way that he handles the situation is not okay. He will acknowledge this and try to make things right in the end. But it doesn't change the fact that he hurts you. He's well aware of what he does wrong and he tries to make it right when it comes down to it.

Locking you away made sure that you couldn't do anything that can get you destroyed like Ray was. If he make sure that nobody brings you food, it's not just a means of torturing you, it's to make sure that you don't get destroyed like Ray. Is that okay? It's not. Is he aware that's why he's doing it? It's hard to say. Yes... but no.

On the surface, not so much. He doesn't get why he does what he does. If anything, he is the one with an endless struggle to try and figure out what it is that he wants and what he exists for. He gets so angry and confused when it comes to you because you're so confusing.

There's a part of him that feels like he needs to punish you for what happened to Ray. I mean, after all, the whole reason Ray was tortured in the first place was because somebody told Rika that you kissed him. She quickly realized that the closer that you got to Ray, the more likely it would be he could be manipulated. She needs him at her side so she can get what she wants. If you take that away from her, this entire revenge scheme is not going to work out. She needs him to be the hacker and she trained him to be that and only that.

it’s easy for Suit Saeran to think it’s your fault at first. You “led Ray astray”. You made Ray go against Mint Eye and Rika... you made Ray think things that he’s not capable of. If Ray continues to dream of the outside world... well, Saeran is well aware that Ray will get hurt again... just like what happened with Saeyoung and V. They can’t do that again.

To him, dreaming and wanting things is cruel. Saeran knows they can’t have anything they want until the revenge comes. That’s what Rika said... and she’s in charge. Her punishments and everything that came with them taught him that it was law. Strength is anger and fear.

You can't dream of having everything that you've ever wanted if you're going to get crushed every time that you make the attempt to grab it. Why dream when it's just going to be taken away? That's how Saeran sees it. That's why it's so easy for him to say that Ray is a pathetic dreamer. He can't believe in anything sweet or happy. If you believe in that, it's going to get you locked in a basement. That has been the lesson for Saeran. 

Now, the game doesn’t tell you why Suit Saeran won’t send you food. Just that he thinks it’s a way to torture you. But, it’s more than torture. The same reason why he looks at Rika and begs her time and time again near the end that he’s the boss of you and should be able to decide what happens to you. Showing a single ounce of “pity” toward you makes Rika suspicious of him. Suit Saeran is walking a thin tight rope and he doesn’t even know what’s on the other side of it. He’s lost, screaming, angry, and confused.

He doesn't know what he wants. He just has this intense feeling that he needs to do what he has to do to survive. It becomes more complicated when he realizes that he wants to keep you around for some weird reason. It gets so complicated when you show him strength is more and screaming and yelling and shouting.

When you stand up to him and don't return anger to him when you have every right to do it, it begins to scare him. The only thing that's keeping him together is the idea that he needs to be angry to be strong. But, if somebody like you can continue to stay strong and never show anger, what does that say about him? About strength?

Has he been wrong this entire time? Maybe. That's the real scary part. He is doing everything he can to keep himself together because this is the only way to survive in Mint Eye… but why… Why do you keep saying that he and Ray could survive outside… why…? Why are you trying to fill his head with hopeless silly dreams? Why do you say you’d leave with him on the phone on Night 9 instead of Ray... or going by yourself...? Why? He’s done nothing but hurt you... why’re you like this?

I think at the end of the day, we could say that half of it is because of his anger towards you and the other half is because he wants to protect you. It's the same way that he feels about Ray. He's angry that the two of you would dream of something that is so dangerous and goes against everything that they have in this place. Yet, he knows that if he completely lets go of the things that are filled with Hope and Dreams, it might just be the thing that destroys him as well.

Because as much as he wants to deny that he believes in a hopeful dream… he wants that as bad as Ray.

But, yeah, it's not great of him to have done that to you in the first place. It's one of the things that he has to make up for and he knows that if you never forgive him for it, he would be okay with that. Probably better if you never forgive him. But, if you do, he won't stop trying to make things right in the end. That's what he tells you in his apology… and what GE Saeran later confirms to you as he whispers his apologies and thanks. 

[marshmallowprotection]

Oh gosh, that post about Saeyoung and his characterization made me want to clap! I once had an argument with one fan who was bashing on him for... 'loving his brother more than he loves us'??? That literally made me feel weirded out. Like, damn. And yeah, a lot of people make him seem more cruel, than he is in canon. I think there's a similar problem with Suit! Like, yeah, he was acting aggressive and harmful - that's undeniable. But... he never really directly hurt us? It's more bark than bite. Well, maybe except for that bite and pushing us on the floor, but in fanon it's always way more extreme than that. I read a few fics where he literally tortures mc and enjoys it, and... it always felt so wrong to me. And I love dark scenarios! I have a few aus myself, but there's always some outside force, that makes them act this way. Like, I can imagine him isolating us or locking us in the room. But I literally cannot imagine him, for example, tying us up and hurting us directly. I genuinely don't believe he's capable of that... Maybe it's just my interpretation of him, I don't really know.

But yeah, I've seen a lot of people in my native fandom, who hate Choi bros, cause they... care for each other?? It's so confusing to me, as a huge Saeyoung fan. Like, his love for his family always made me appreciate him more, why would it push someone away? Of course he should put Saeran first - he's in a cult for Gods sake! It did made me feel a bit upset at the time, when in the Secret Endings we barely got any interaction with him, but it wouldn't feel the same otherwise. I first fell in love with Saeran during the Secret Endings, cause I related to him so much at the time. I just remember crying my eyes out reading his inner thoughts. I think that's why Unknown and SE Saeran are my favourites, haha. And all of that wouldn't be possible if the story was only focusing on our romance with Saeyoung!

So yeah, sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to express my opinion on the matter. I think false characterization is a pretty annoying problem in all fandoms. And that's just Saeyoung and Suit! We could discuss literally every single character in mysme here lmao

Sorry for my huge essay btw I really should be sleeping right now, but I read that post and just couldn't resist ahaha

It's always something, y'know?

Yes, they're angry and bitter, but it hurts to see people think that's all there is to their character. I don't know how many times I've had to go and explain to people that Suit Saeran is afraid. He believes anger is a sword and a shield, if he cries first, they can't make him cry.

It's not a healthy mentality and it hurts him greatly, and he knows that even if his malice was meant for him, you suffered. He apologizes and you're there to say, "I know, I forgive you, and I hope to stay by your side as you heal and become better for yourself."

Suit Saeran is able to say he fucked up. He wasn't right to do what he did and he pays for it. He may say that he likes seeing you cry and be upset, but he doesn't. He just can't admit vulnerability. He just saw Ray get basically torn limb from limb for loving somebody, of course, he's not okay right now.

He locks you in your room, but God, he'd never tie you up or physically beat you. I know why Cheritz added in the bite to that VN itself because it gets them paid for adding in those elements, but I don't care for that, myself. Because I can't see him lashing out in any physical way. Emotionally, yes, but not physically.

If you pay attention to what happens, the only time he touches you is the bite, when he pushes you against the ground, and maybe if you want to count when he nudged you against the wall? But, I think that last one was more him making you walk yourself into a corner.

And it's worse with Unknown because... God, it's so twisted up and it makes me sick. People should write whatever they want to write and enjoy that content, but if I had a dollar for every time I opened a story about Unknown and it turned into Torture Porn, I'd be rich and upset at the same time. Unknown and SE Saeran were also what pulled me in during 2016, so their characterizations mean a lot to me.

Unknown isn't like Ray or Suit Saeran. He doesn't care for you like those two do. You're his eyes. You're a tool. But, he still finds a sense of amusement in you. You're interesting to him. That's just... yeah, it's going to be a mess when you consider him in romance, but it doesn't need to be as grimdark as I've seen for years. I don't even wanna get into that because I'll just get upset. I just wish people tagged things properly because I get so disheartened looking for Unknown stuff and it's just. that.

And Saeyoung gets this rough, too. People will make him out to be the joker that he doesn't want to be. Yes, he loves to play pranks and have fun, but that's not all he is. Don't just lump him off as that one thing. Saeyoung did what he had to do for Saeran in the SE. I'm sorry that he closed himself off again. But what choice did he have at that moment?

Leave Saeran in the hospital to die? Because if he kept lashing out, he was going to get more attention and focus. Not even Jumin Han can protect Saeran from that. He can't. Saejoong would've found him and he would've been fucked royally. Saeyoung made a hard choice, take his brother from the hospital because if he didn't, Saeran would likely die. Yes, that was a bad choice because Saeran needs therapy and specialized care, but he had two options. Let Saeran die or try to help Saeran himself.

It was a mess.

It was a horrible mess but they made due. I personally imagine them to be getting therapy after things settle and they're able to do what they need to do. God, just. Yeah. Fanon is going to happen and there isn't a lot anyone can do. This happens to every character and we're all just going to cry.

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait’s Emotional Crisis and Analysis on Saeran’s After Ending

That’s right. it’s here folks! You’re here because we’ve managed to survive the waiting period that has been two-years in the making. Are we all happy that we have made it this far and survived the wait? Yes, yes, we are. You wouldn’t still be listening to me babble about how much I love Saeran Choi if you weren’t. We all know what we’re here for, so let’s get down to business. 

THIS IS A VERY LONG POST. I’m not even joking this time. It’s a very long post. 

Spoilers for Ray Route and Another Story!

I’ve been having to control the flappy hands when I see this photo so forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place as I talk about everything that has been on my mind. I literally had to pinch myself when I woke up to a flood of messages on the matter. 

It’s him. It’s my boy. It’s my boy.  It’s my boy! Mom, holy fuck! It’s my boy and he looks great. I’ve had a lot on my mind since I first saw the title screen so let’s get down to what I have to say about that. First of all, I’m in love with MC’s outfit. I’d wear that, that’s the fucking mood tonight. I’ve been frothing at the bit to be able to draw my MC wearing this outfit and I didn’t even wanna start doing something like that until they gave the official release to us. 

What can I say? I’m a sucker for really frilly tops. Those pink jeans are a really nice shade of pink too. It’s not hot pink, it’s a nice bubblegum which is a good contrast to Saeran’s hair, haha! I just like seeing all the pinks around this boy and his MC, of course, has to be cloaked in those colors as well. It just makes me really happy. I love some of the other outfits that MC gets to wear in the game but oh, God, oh, Fuck. This has to be my favorite outfit that we’ve been able to wear thus far. 

The little necktie? Perfect. Those sleeves? Iconic. The hand-holding? PURE AS FUCK. THE VIBES? CHECKED. 

Now that I’ve covered my bases with MC, let’s go onto the Choi brothers and talk about them. I actually like that they’ve been drawing Saeran in more brown and pink outfits. It just feels very right for him. 

It goes to show that his mental state is much better than it was in recent years, like, from Ray to Suit Saeran and to Unknown, we all know that they would dress in black and darker themes if they were given the chance. Ray’s outfit was given to him by Rika to wear, and Suit Saeran was the one that picked his suit out to wear. Unknown walked out of the clearance bin at Hot Topic and added those cowboy boots to enrage me. But, I digress. I’ll fight Unknown at a later date about that. 

The natural and earthy tones that they’re going for here with him are very nice to see. He seems like he’s a lot comfier with himself here. He’s got a cozy little old sweater on and his posture is better than I’ve seen it in many photos. If his style is just cozy sweaters, then, well, I can vibe with that. I can see him working in the garden wearing that and I think that’s the point that they’re making with this style of his. 

The loose collar is also nice. I’m used to seeing his clothes buttoned up and out of the way, making sure that he isn’t showing his body. So, seeing him play with his style and wearing something much looser against his body is a good thing as well. I think I saw someone call him a comfy grandpa in one of the posts that I’ve seen floating around. I chuckle at that mention. 

Saeran doesn’t care that much about fashion, to be honest with you. He would, of course, choose something that’s minimalist and comfortable. These browns work with him very much so. I’m happy to see it! It’s in line with the style that I’ve had in mind for him after the Ending! 

Can you see the way that he’s gazing at the player, though? Can we talk about the way that he’s looking at us?

The longing in that gaze... the way that it looks like he’s been getting some good sleep for once in his life because the discoloration of purple is gone! The way he has that tiny smile that only we know is a smile because he only shares that side of himself with us? His MC? God, I’m in love with you, you fucking bastard man why is your smile making me cry so much?

I could talk about his smile for hours. His expression. The longing. The way that I love you cannot be contained in words, Saeran. It’s far too strong. Just know I’m the person that can feel what’s going on his body from looking at him. He looks to be in a good place. 

Anyways, onto Saeyoung. 

Oh, my darling, Saeyoung. I’m used to seeing you in green palettes. It’s just a tried and true theory with your red hair and you lean heavily into being a walking Christmas palette. It’s rare to see you without your glasses, and I’m sure that a lot of people are swooning over you for that. You know you’re handsome and you will use that against those MCs that love you. I don’t have a lot to say about his outfit but I do think it’s really fitting for him. 

It seems like a muted pull-over and some worn jeans, which seems in line with everything that I would style him in. He knows plenty about style himself and he knows how to make my head spin. 

What is this somber look in his eyes? There’s a smile on his lips but there is this feeling to me that it doesn’t meet his eyes. Is he happy that we’re with Saeran or is he weighed by the fact that he wasn’t the one to save Saeran? Does he know what happens with Rika? Does he feel angry over that? What are we going to tell the RFA and him about this? I know that he would be happy that we saved his brother...

But the guilt in his heart is nothing to scoff off. He always blames himself for what happened to Saeran even though Rika is the one that broke his trust for good and forever. I feel like there’s something bittersweet in his eyes. Does he think that Saeran and the player are going to live happily while he’s not there? 

I always intended to imagine Saeyoung living with Saeran and the player, because they can’t be separated again. 

But does he feel like a weight and a third wheel? I don’t know. I’m scared to think about how he may feel like Saeran is happy now without him and he’ll try to pull away instead of adding anymore trauma onto Saeran’s life. I know that it’s not going to easy for recovery for either of them, but I want to have faith and care for the two of them. 

Saeyoung, you better not self-deprecate. I’ll smooch your forehead too. I just really don’t know how I feel about that look in his eyes. It’s just matching the smile in my opinion. 

I’m still screaming. I’ve been a pit of screaming for nearly three hours now and I know that I’ve still got plenty more to say today on the matter. But, I know why you’re here for real, you want me to analyze what I see in this picture and what I think will be in the AE from what we’re shown. I’ve had a few days to think it over and I’ve got my ideas. 

Where are you Saeyoung? This title screen is not confirmation that Saeyoung is alive. For all we know, this photo could be more inspiration for the theme and the emotion that takes place in the After Ending. 

I have to remind people that when we first played Saeyoung’s AE, it was a rouse and we were treated to a happy dream sequence that sought to talk about Saeran living with us and Saeyoung as he made a toy store. There’s a possibility that in the midst of the search for Saeyoung, we’re confronted with dreams and nightmares on Saeran’s end in regards to his brother. 

It’s my biggest fear that Saeyoung isn’t alive. We don’t know if the Prime Minister took him or if an enemy took him, or if it was the agency, or a combination of all three of these options. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve considered that we won’t have the answer until the After Ending itself comes out but I’m interested to know what the answer is. 

If it was Saejoong, well, I fear for Saeyoung’s health if we do find him alive. His emotional state... God, that was always his biggest fear. His and Saeran’s biggest fear that their mother always whispered. She was a monster to the two of them with her abuse but the unknown of what their father would do to them had to be even more frightening. Their mother always said that Saejoong would kill them if he caught them. 

But, he could have honestly done a lot of horrible and twisted things. They could have become political pawns and a sob story that Saejoong could have sold if he wanted quite easily, and their mother could have been killed to silence that story. There was a lot of worse case scenarios. Saeyoung knows and has thought of all of them. 

So the idea that he’s living his worst nightmare? 

The fact that Saejoong could have killed Saeran without him being able to protect him?

The fact that he’d not be able to talk to V? 

He sent a frenzied message to the chatroom for us to contact V for him. This only implies that he was trying to warn V to protect Saeran at the last minute, so it feels like it could only be Saejoong that took him. He panicked hard. He had to make sure that Saeran was protected even if he died. I think that was what he did with his message in the chatroom. 

But, we all know how it turned out. 

I felt like that sacrifice of panic on his part was.... it still hurts me to think about all of it. 

My worst case scenario is a dream sequence and Saeyoung not... not being alive anymore. I don’t know what that would do to Saeran. He wants to make things right with his brother, he really does. The gaslighting and manipulation done by Rika is going to take some time for them to work past, and I know that he can make progress in therapy and as he challenge his intrusive thoughts as we stand by his side. He can see it through. 

He is hopeful for his brother. 

However, it’s going to be tested when he actually faces his brother in the game and that’s the real test. Therapy is one thing. Facing your fears is even harder than talking about them. Saeran is going to... be overwhelmed with everything and he may need to step away when push comes to shove. 

I want Saeyoung to see us together holding hands and let him have that moment realization that even though Saeran went through a lot of harm while they were separated, he wasn’t alone through all of it. He never wanted Saeran to be alone in any way. If Saeran has to step away, then well, that would leave us with his brother in the process.

I can’t say how much I’d choke up if he thanked us for loving his brother. The guilt in his eyes as he cries and we reassure him. I think that’s one thing that I want the most with Saeyoung. I want him to know freedom from his chains and I want to help him too. There’s a lot that I want out of that and there’s so much of this potential that we can talk about in the AE.

There’s a lot with Saeyoung that I want to think about but so much of it makes me wanna cry. 

I also fear for V and I’ve discussed many of my fears on that matter. I’ll repost my thoughts right here.

Now, in regards to what I sincerely don’t want is a repeat of what went down with V’s After Ending.

I’ve shared my feelings on that matter before and I understand that Cheritz was going for that moral high-road that many people take where they say that it’s better to forgive on your path to healing, and while that can be good for some people, it can leave a sour taste in the mouth of people who don’t pick to forgive the people that hurt them.

I don’t choose to forgive the people that hurt me in many cases. That doesn’t make me a bad person. The problem with the Forgive/Judgement ending is that it can make you feel ashamed for not forgiving someone who quite literally, took funds from the RFA’s first two parties (that’s the only way she could’ve gotten the money to fund Mint Eye, even coercion and manipulation of people on the level that Rika does wouldn’t give her that much ability), manipulated and gas-lit Ray and Saeran for years, deceived and drugged countless people, so on and so forth.

I hate that she’s never punished for her actions. She needs to be rightfully punished for what she did. I want her to get therapy, and I want her to learn that she was wrong for what she did to everyone. I want her to be able to get better for her own health, and I don’t think she should ever be contact with anyone in the RFA ever again. But, that’s up to the RFA if they choose to speak with her or interact with her, not mine. I don’t want her to die, I want her to learn what she did was wrong.

It’s not Mika (Rika Behind Story Spoilers) who went through the cult. Rika had every chance to stop while she was ahead but she kept doing it. I would not forgive Rika, and I would never want to be around her ever again if I were in the position of the RFA when the truth is made known.  

The only action that Rika ever took that could be looked at with the filter of self-defense was when she panicked when the boy’s mother tried to get close to her and harm her in a drunken rage. She acted to protect herself in that situation, but that’s the only thing that she’s ever done that someone could look at and say, she was protecting herself. She felt threatened. She panicked, she blacked out and protected herself from harm.

Don’t get me started on V. I love V, he’s not perfect, he fucked up a lot and he shouldn’t have gone back to Rika. It feels like he saw us love, forgive, and stand by Saeran and thought that he could be able to do the same for Rika, but that is not what will help him or Rika. They don’t need to be together again. They need to be fair away. Rika and V literally burned down the boy’s childhood home and V was wearing his sunglasses, so I can only presume that Rika harmed his eyes after he went to her.

Saeran himself says that he wants to tell everyone about Rika and V, but he needs to be able to discuss it with V. Even Saeran understands that V is a victim to some degree and he wants to help him. 

That was a big fucking comment on his part and I was proud of him for that. 

But, V left for Rika and we don’t know if we’ll ever see him again. So, I really don’t know how that’s going to be handled in the slightest, Anon.

I don’t want Rika and V together, like, ever again.

I want Rika to be punished for her actions and caught. I want V to get away from her and start to learn to love himself again and grow. I believe in him but he’s in need of someone to cheer him on when that abusive relationship ends. I really don’t want a repeat of V’s After Ending.

Don’t make me forgive Rika. 

Don’t make Saeran forgive her, either. 

That’s my worst case scenario fear. I want Saeran to be able to grow and get healthier, for sure, but his final confrontation with Rika should be the last time that he ever thinks about her. He made his mind up and he made it clear that she was wrong and he would never be tricked by her again.

I want him to stand his ground on that. I’ll stand by him no matter what he chooses to do, though. So, I want this to be about Saeran and Saeyoung coming together again, and helping V get out of that relationship with Rika, as well as Rika facing punishment for her actions. 

But, that might be asking a bit too much, haha.

Ideally, I want Saeran and the player to be able to reach out to V and help him get away from Rika as she’s taken down as well. We don’t know if she left Mint Eye for sure, we don’t know if she and V ran away. Who is running the Cult? Is the cult put to a stop or did Rika put somebody else in charge? It’s hard to say on that front and I’m still not sure how that’s going to end up. 

V can open up and work out everything that’s going to fall out here as it did in the events of V Route with Rika. He’ll need to work out everything with Jumin and the others, but I have hope for him to be able to face what went wrong and not only get the help he needs, but get the support of his support circle behind his back as everyone rallies behind him. 

I would love he and Saeran to be able to work out everything, Saeyoung as well, because even Saeran is willing to work with Jihyun. Rika to get some therapy, get punished for her actions and that to be dealt with is great. It never happens so. That would be a nice change.

Saeran knows that V is a victim in all of this too. So, it remains to be seen how this is going to be handled. I can only pray that Jihyun is able to be rescued as we rescue Saeyoung (hopefully, fingers crossed.) I’m still so proud of Saeran for doing that. 

God. 

I’ve talked about Choice and Saeran before in regards to the Secret Ending and his Good ending and... well, I’ll direct you to that post. To read about how important it was for Saeran to be able to choose what  he wanted to do with his life instead of having options forced on him. 

Can we discuss this photo as well from the Special Believer Box that I’m nearly about to buy at this point with whatever comes out with AE cause I need it?? I’m gonna go fucking broke. For you. Saeran. For you. I was saving my money for Christmas and now I’ve got a reason to live. 

I still don’t know if this is the implication of what will happen in the AE or if it’s something that will just exist as a standalone image. I still don’t know why Saeran would be dresses as his brother for some reason, unless there’s a twin switch-a-roo plot somewhere in all of this? I mean, bold choice, but I don’t know. I just think I needed to say again how cute that I think Saeran is in Saeyoung’s outfit. He’s so tiny and slender in comparison to his brother. 

I’m gonna fucking smooch his forehead. I don’t know, I want the CG title screen and this photo here to imply that the Choi boys will be alive and happy together once all is said and done. I can’t say that I know where we’re heading but there is bound to be an adventure to hunt down Saeyoung, but I’m not sure where it will take us. 

A wild-goose chase alongside whatever mystery is left. I can’t wait. 

My ideal ending is one where we get to live in a little house by the sea with a garden with Saeran and Saeyoung where we can visit and chat with the RFA whenever we want. But, we’ll have to see what happens. If you want to read more about some of the things that I think he wants to do with his MC now that he’s free check out this post. 

Anyways. 

Kait’s gotta go cry now. 

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE: Other Endings

Bad Ending 1! This is the final ending that I have to talk about. This completes my 10/10 ending reactions. Granted, I can’t subject myself to willfully agreeing with Rika, so this isn’t an ending that I can do without getting angry, so I’m just going to let you know what happens and how I feel about that here, so you have a better idea of what’s going on. Spoilers ahead. 

Yeah, I knew that there was going to be an ending where you agree with Rika and turn against Saeran’s freedom and desires. It happens in his Route if you turn against him with Rika, and you wind up with Bad Ending 3. 

It was the ending that I didn’t want. I’m not going to play this ending myself for a long time if I play it at all. I hated doing it on Ray Route and I just. This is just... Fuck, the other Bad Endings in this DLC have been really hard for me. I can’t even talk about that BE2 in this. It triggered me that badly. Anyways, this is all about turning against Saeran’s desires. 

A lot of people don’t know what happens in BE3 because they can’t get it. You also can’t get this ending if you have too many hearts in the wrong place, no matter if you go and click the right options with Rika. That’s why it’s hard, it’s not clicking the wrong dialogue prompts, it’s too many hearts and then WHAM. 

You pass the game branch anyway. 

If you would like to get the ending yourself, Sensetenou made a guide!

The key here is that you need to... say nothing will work. Say that there is no hope whatsoever at all times. Even say that you shouldn’t save Saeyoung, even though that’s what he wants to do. You know that you can get a Sad Ending if you tell him that you should run away, so you need to watch when you start saying that you need to leave Saeyoung and leave. Just know when you need to click it and when you don’t. 

You have to raise doubt over and over again. 

Saeran’s faith in you is very strong. He’s not dependent on you but he leans to you when he needs reassurance and your tone will make or break him in this AE and I think enough of you have realized that now if you’ve hit wall after wall and realized that you really do affect the game with a single flick of your wrist. So, if you’re aiming for BEs or SEs or BREs, you’re going to need to pay close mind to what you’re doing. 

Doubt.

Doubt.

Unease. 

 Don’t trust Vanderwood, at all. Avoid them like the plague and cut it short. Do not prompt Saeran that you love him. Just say you don’t want to leave him. It’s a selfish thing, and I think that’s why I can’t do this ending myself personally just because if this man says he loves me, I have to say it back. 

It’s my weakness and God help me, I will not break him like Rika wants to break him. Start agreeing with Rika. Say that you need to stay, say that you need to go and keep an eye on them. Say that you’re going to slip up and reveal things. If you go out of your way, you’ll see the options where you can throw Saeyoung and Saeran under the bus.

I say them on my first playthrough and that’s how I knew there was another BE3 and I knew it was going to be twenty times worse. 

Saeran... leans on us and has given his heart to us, he would die for us, he would suffer for us, and even with the idea in mind that he wants to be selfish and stay with you, he will die if he has to die and he will suffer if he has to suffer. For your smile, for your happiness? He would give up everything he’s ever had... even the freedom that he fought so hard to claim. 

And, your goal in this AE is to agree with Rika and V: Keep the twins safe no matter what that means. Even if that means selling their souls, drugging them, or agreeing with the Agency and Saejoong Choi. There’s no other hope, so that’s the hole that you jump into to “save” Saeran and Saeyoung. You side with the bullshit that V and Rika have stuck themselves into. 

More or less, in this ending, you team up with the Selfish Wish duo. That means that you turn against everything Saeran wants and tell him that he needs to stay with you and that even if he’s suffering, as long as he’s with you, this is what will make you happy, and he wants you to be happy. If you let him think there is no hope and without Vanderwood, there really is seemingly no hope. 

So, he just kind of cracks underneath all of this pressure.

You’re not helping him.

You’re hurting him. 

That’s why this is so hard. 

You know how you become a Queen of Darkness at Rika’s side if the BE3 as Saeran becomes the puppet king who will be blamed for everything if anything were to go wrong? How he suffers numbly in the wayside, speaking things he does not believe just to make you happy in “paradise”? That’s what happens in this ending. Saeran suffering for your “selfish happiness” and well, to put it plain and simple—

Instead of a marionette king for paradise? 

You and Rika are using him as a media puppet for Saejoong. I couldn’t believe that they go with musical actor in this ending, but yeah, that’s more or less what happens here. You’re using Saeran again. He’s suffering for you. He’s a puppet on a grand stage to convince the world of the lies that everyone is spreading. It’s obvious that the RFA will crumble and crack and break away because of both the Agency and Saejoong. It’s only a matter of time. 

Oh, and don’t even worry about Saeyoung! He’s too exhausted and out of his mind these days. You don’t even have to worry about his happiness or what he’s dealing with! He can’t even feel pain anymore! 

But, you’re happy... aren’t you?

You’re happy... the boys are safe? 

You’re living within Rika’s selfish wish for a dollhouse where everything exists for her own pleasure and comfort in her constant denial of wrongdoing and of all of reality around you. But, is there any other hope? Was there any other hope for the brothers? Was there? 

Did you even try? 

Or, did you just take what you had decided was the only path forward because you never believed in him in the first place? 

Is it different from Savior Saeran? My, my, yes it is. However, it’s worse.... it’s so much worse because Saeran was able to get away only to be pulled back into all of this hell that he ran away from by the person that he most loved and trusted to be by his side and see him through to the end of his life living freely and happily from torment. 

You let him taste everything this world could be... and then you broke him cause you didn’t believe in him. You only and simply believed in your desires and in Rika’s promise and deal with Saejoong. And really, that’s why this is so horrible to me. You saw what Rika did in the Route, and you left with Saeran, only to turn back and agree with her knowing how Saeran feels. 

And honestly, what a fucking monstrous thing to do. 

That’s why I can’t subject myself to playing this ending even though I know what happens and how it plays out. So, this is what happens. You quite literally break him for Rika and work with her and Saeran bows his head, allowing it all to start over and happen to him. 

And if you want the symbolism here, there’s a Black Rose on his collar and you know what that means? Hatred, Despair, and Death are the most common picks for the meaning of a Black Rose. 

Some even say that it can be obsessive love, or used for sorrow. No matter how you look at it, Saeran is hollow, he is numb, he is broken, and dead inside. He’s cracked, he’s broken, he’s a withering rose that the only thing left of the man that we once saw bloom brightly in the season of our promise. 

What a broken man this is... and really, you and Rika are the ones to blame in this ending. 

What I hate the most is that I fucking love his hair styled like this but I hate everything else that’s happening here. 

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE 5/?

Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this later today, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice.

[11:37] 

Rika is with Saeyoung. They sent him over and there’s no denying that fact. She sends a picture not even a second after we can enter the chatroom and lets us know that he’s with him. I didn’t know that it would happen this fast and my real fear right now was something I thought about when they took Saeyoung in the first place and he was willing to go down for Saeran and the player. My brain said, when they send him to Rika, this is going to be like what happened in the Hunger Games with Peeta and the tracker jackers. I know that he’s going to tell lies and be willing to go along with it, but this is Rika. 

Rika will manipulate and hurt others to get what she wants. I don’t care if she says she’s changed. She’s showing us who she really is and how she has not changed in the slightest, and now it’s even worse because we have to go up against her once again and V. V, I’m not even going to get started. You’ve dug a hole in the sand and shoved your head in, no matter what happens, you would never be able to remove Saeran or Saeyoung from the agency, the Prime Minister or Rika. 

Rika makes her point really clear. She says that the boys will never be able to change their fate or escape. The Prime Minister wants to use them and it does not matter what happens, they’re going to come after Saeran. They’re going to keep them “healthy” enough to go out in public and lie to the media and the world about what’s really happening. Saejoong promised the agency a lot of money and things are going to burn down if we cannot change anything. We have a good picture. 

The boys are going to be kept captive until they die, or serve their purpose. I’m just so fucking angry right now at Rika and everyone that uses these poor boys because they don’t fucking deserve this. Stop making me right with my guesses, Cheritz. I guess I know Rika better than I want. What stands out the most is the fact that Rika does this after you say that you don’t trust her with the boys: 

Rika: I know why you think that.

Rika: But Now...

Rika: I have no intention of repeating my past failures. 

And then, she does this and that tells me all I need to know: 

It wasn’t enough that Saeyoung was willing to burn to ashes in the light of your sun, Rika. You’re going to do to him what you did to Saeran. You haven’t at all changed and you’ve proven to me what kind of person you are. This isn’t okay and it will never okay. This isn’t what they want and if you really cared for both Saeyoung and Saeran, you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t be trying to do this at all.

You would be helping us. 

Not making deals. 

Anyways... after I nearly snapped my phone in half because Rika was getting on my nerves again. I opened the Visual Novel. We’re meeting with Vanderwood now to talk about what happened... yeah, the trust is very thin here but it’s all we have and got to do what we can. Vanderwood makes it clear that he’s with Rika and that yes, they’ll be after Saeran once they get Elizabeth.

So, Elly is in danger now. But, we can’t worry about that right now. We have to worry about Saeyoung. Vanderwood reveals that Saeyoung is being kept at V’s place in the mountains, there’s agents in and out constantly. My trust in V is so low right now because he can’t change what’s happening, he’s just letting it go on and... I’m upset with him, I’m disappointed, and it’s complicated. Trust me, leaving a bad relationship isn’t easy but his eyes are dark and sullen.

 He’s resigned himself and I don’t know if he can come back from this anymore. 

Either way, Vanderwood is willing to sneak us into the place. It’s going to be easy for Saeran, but... sorry players that don’t identify as female, but it says that female agents aren’t common and we’re going to have to split up. As in, we can’t be with Saeran by his side. We’ll have to be with Vanderwood and use them as a cover to sneak in. 

What’s worse is Saeran... knows that with the drugs, they’re going to try and really warp Saeyoung like they did to him. I fear for him 

I really don’t want to separate from him. But, it’s all we have to do. Saeran asks if we want to go back to C&R again, but I just. I can’t leave him. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do here, but if we’re going down, we’re going down together and I can’t leave him alone. We’ve always been in this together and we need to see it through to the end. 

I just... there’s agents switching out every two days. It’s like a prison. I don’t even know what to think. We have to part. Saeran doesn’t want to do it. I want to hold his hand, like I said, I’ve told him that we’re in this together and that gives me a heart so that’s a good thing. All I know is that we’re clinging together with this hope that we can be together and Saeyoung will be safe too... 

And then we cut back to the boardroom of C&R. They’re planning on getting rid of Chairman Han and Jumin. They know that there’s not really any way to come back from what’s happening right now. Everyone thinks that they shouldn’t have even done this because the Prime Minister is involved with a lot of shady groups and they’re not wrong. It’s looking bad for Jumin. I don’t know how this is going to turn out to be honest with you. 

I’m worried about everyone. 

[13:15]

Oh, boy. This was a heavy chatroom and visual novel. I cannot even express to you what was going on inside of my head because I’m still reeling from what’s to happening and what’s to come and what may not come. I don’t know, I actually thought I hit bad ending when I got to the visual novel but I didn’t, so it must be the natural order of what’s happening. Anyway, Jumin’s awake now and he is... I don’t know how he keeps himself together, I envy that. He says he will not show his feelings in this messenger where the enemies can see it. 

But, he’s been stabbed in the back by the people he trusted most, and he’s losing everything that he ever had, and he still wishes that he could do more to help Saeran and Saeyoung. We can’t tell them completely what happened, not really, you can say what you know about the deal with the Prime Minister but not much else. You need to make sure that you’re watching what you share. The video that Saeyoung did... they saw it, and it’s just... wrecking everything so fast and hard.

Zen actually tries to reach out to Jumin but... he says in a text later than he’s never seen him so broken up before. I hate to see it. I really do. I don’t want that for them but we’re crashing right now and I’m struggling to see how we’re going to get our way out. Jumin wants answers from his father so he has to leave and see him about the deal with Seven, etc. We wish him the best but... God, I feel bad. 

This Visual Novel makes you hate and scream and cry all at the same time. There is just too much happening all at once for me to deal with it, to be utterly honest with you. Jumin goes to the board and he resigns before they can get him off the job. He takes everything. He takes all of the blame. He says that it is his fault. He was leading the RFA. He was doing this, he was doing that. He takes it and lets it be. It kind of hurts, he’s keeping it all balled up inside at this point and... I don’t know. 

I hate to see it. He’s doing this... and he needs to see his father, now. I have a hard time trying to think about how Jumin is going to come out of this. I don’t know how he’s going to react because... with V’s Route and Secret Endings, it was a lot different and it was more fixated on Rika. It wasn’t like this. It wasn’t him being stabbed by Rika, V, the Prime Minister, and the Agency. He risked all he has and all he knows for us. 

He always will. 

Don’t ever doubt that faith he has in the RFA. 

I just... hate to see him hurting when he wants to continue to help us no matter the cost. 

We go with Vanderwood and Saeran has gone his own way for the time being so we can get things done... or so we want to think. I was really kind of rooting for you, Vanderwood, but I’m not upset that you wound up tricking me here for your life. They make it clear they’ll do things but they’re not gonna die for anyone or anything. I’m upset but I’m not mad at them like I’m mad at Rika or V right now cause I know what they’re up against. 

To be fair, I’m not totally... well, I think Vanderwood let Saeran get away here, but we also know that we can be used as leverage against Saeran. It’s kind of hard to say where it’s heading from here. I’m straining, but I know that Rika is going to try to manipulate us to get Saeran too. I refuse. At least Vanderwood felt a bit of remorse for this. 

But, Rika? No. Not with what I see. She planned this out. They all knew what they could do if they got Saeran and us. However, they only got us. But, I know this woman is going to use that to get what she wants. I don’t know what to expect but maybe we can find Saeyoung and... talk to him, I don’t know how he will be or how might play out because... the drugs.

I’m still trying to discern what poisons she’s using but I’ve yet to discern what type of plants are involved in my research thus far when I’m not writing out these as I’m playing. 

I can’t leave out the phone call because. V calls. V calls and he’s... I don’t know what the heck is up with him. I don’t know how... I don’t know what’s going on in his head and that really bothers me. This chat has two notes in it that really are bothering me. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of what he is doing. I’m having a hard time trying to read V and this is a first for me because I’m used to knowing what he is going to do but I’ve hit a wall. 

There is a part of him that knows this is wrong. But, he is denying his reality as he lets Rika into his heart thinking this is the only way to save her and to ensure nothing worse happens. I don’t know how much he’s lying to himself here about this. I think he’s just... lost, broken and. It’s hard to say, if this was all he said to me then I wouldn’t be so livid. If you know it’s wrong, stop this, stop doing all of this and stop Rika, V. 

You know it’s not right. Stop letting this happen. 

How am I supposed to feel about this V? You act like you’re caring but then you tell me something you would have told Rika years ago...? You like to watch me? What the fuck does that even mean? I’m not interested in what you’re selling to me here and I don’t want this. I won’t give up Saeran nor will I let Rika have him, I don’t know what’s wrong with you and why you’ve become who you have, I do not know nor did I ever think this was the extreme length of what you would do for Rika. 

I never thought you’d be an active player in this. But, you are. So, I’m torn here quite a bit and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you again, V. You said you want Saeran to come. You know what happens if he does. I will not let that ever happen. Nobody will get him. 

God, what’s worse is: 

Of course. Saeyoung isn’t going to be the same if Rika gets her way, and we both know it. He’s not going to “stay that way” because she’s going to get him everything she did to Saeran and more. I’m not going to let that happen, either, I’m not going to let these boys hurt. I’m not changing my mind. Nobody is going to trick me with mind games. Been there, done that, Rika is about two decades too late. 

Yikes, you know? What the hell, man. 

[15:33]  Vanderwood is in trouble. They were meant to give us both over but he made sure that Saeran was gone and safe. We were the easier option hand over since we don’t really hold a lot of power or use in a way, they just need us to be able to get to Saeran and that makes sense, frankly. 

They’re... forlorn in a way, and I was right, they are willing to go out on a limb but they’re not going to die. They have been living this long and did whatever it took to survive. 

From a personal safety means, I understand why they’re doing it. I know that they do feel remorse. So, that sucks. I want to be able to help them too because they rightly deserve to be out of this. Oh, and we learn that they’ve been at this for twelve years, so in my mental game of trying to gauge their age, I’m roughly gonna say late-late twenties and early thirties. 

So, that’s something fun that we’re learning here! I don’t think I’m that far off, they said “Since they were young,” so that implies that they went through what Saeyoung went through. Saeyoung went in when he was really young as well so I have to gauge their age using that scale, you know? 

Well, I have to at least say that I better understand them than I did before and I learned a lot from this conversation. 

Oh, great. It’s my favorite time of day. Not. We’re sitting down with Rika and she’s made a point of warning us not to bother with Saeyoung. He’s getting to sleep while they’re pumping him with... I don’t know if we can call it the elixir but it’s something of the same caliber because Saeran is nearly immune to it after it was laced in the elixir. He took it so long that his tolerance of such is slim to none and that’s why their plan didn’t work from the start. Rika knows that Saeran isn’t going to leave us or Saeyoung.

I won’t feed into her, and I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten hearts when I’m utterly blunt with Rika. I appreciate that. This is a much better tone than what I had to deal with in V’s AE. I don’t want to forgive her and I never will, because she is proving to do this over and over again until she’s forced to stop, literally, by being taken away. 

I have a better idea of what’s going on with Rika now, though, thanks to her being her usual self. She tells outright what she’s thinking right now and makes her phone clear that she thinks she’s fulfilling Saeyoung’s dream, but we see the truth in her lies. This isn’t about Saeyoung. You can tell her that bluntly. This is not the boy’s dream. This is what you want. This was never about them. This is about what you want. 

You’re doing this for you and not the boys. If you tell her that, she sighs, and makes a point about how the world is harsh. She says if you want to be knocked down then you should bend, and if you want to be strong, then that means that you need to join the strongest, no matter how much that means the monsters are... the worst people alive. 

She says she and V decided to do this. I’m still trying to figure out V here but I’m not going to trust him anymore. I know I can’t trust Rika. I’ve known that from the very start. Rika just says that this is a waiting game after this, she says it’s only a matter of time until Saeran comes... tonight... tomorrow. It matters not, he is going to come and she will have him as she wants him. It ends with her telling us to wait, shall we?

Oh, and Jumin’s new of resigning is on television, we know now. We know things are doomed. 

I’m relieved after this wave of nausea, because Saeran calls. He escaped because of Vanderwood and he’s back to C&R. Nobody knows where he is and it needs to stay that way. He talked to Jumin. He’s made sure that nobody can try to trace him. Saeran thinks that Jumin is going to continue to try to help us just without C&R funds... and I expect that, I think. But at the same time, I’m really worried given what Zen said earlier. 

Saeran’s decided that the way to save Saeyoung is defeating Saejoong and the agency, and I agree. Our future has no hope unless they burn. He does his best to reassure us. He knows that they won’t hurt us... he wants to think they won’t hurt us because they want him, and until they have him, they can’t do anything to us. 

I think what I fear the most here is that... they’re not going to let me go. I know he wants to be hopeful but. They’re not going to let me go if they catch him. It’s obvious they’ll kill me and get me out of the way the second they get the chance, or worse, they’ll use the player as leverage to get Saeran to obey onward until the drugs are back in his system like they’re trying to do to Saeyoung or—

God, what if they try to drug us, too? 

What if we’re pawns as well? 

It isn’t up to V and Rika, after all. This is the Prime Minister.