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bimbosupreme · 3 years

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mephistopheles love post

the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more

yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people

first off

ok and with that out of the way,

i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust

that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)

So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe

Design tangent:

Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES

appreciate these with me for a second

god.

oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh

they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--

TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.

anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no

Characterization:

True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.

Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles’ just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust

speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy

When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them

so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.

Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable

anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here

mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,

like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there

they have this one line that always gets to me

and this line is said with a completely serious face too

the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity

and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo

so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals

and they fuck with you

and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea

Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles

at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess

of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect

OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...

THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3

i cant believe they drew mephy

twice !

and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003

#mephistopheles #fgo #i just go off on the various things i like about this clown #a whole lot lol #this started bc someone asked about my thoughts on mephistopheles well..

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happylady215 · 3 years

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Have I fallen in love with him...?

Mitsuhide x Reader

------------------

(English is not my first language. So, I'm sorry if there's any bad grammars 😅😅)

✧༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻✧

(Reader POV)

Spring has come. Many beautiful flowers were blooming. Spring is the most beautiful season. Besides enjoying the beauty of flowers, spring is the season where you meet the people you miss or your true love.

…. At least, that’s what I heard from people around here. I was in the middle of preparing to open my teahouse. I have a teahouse located in Azuchi. My shop is not always crowded, but, many people like the food here. This teahouse is the last legacy of my parents. My parents… they died 3 years ago, and it makes me a little lonely everytime I remember them.

While waiting for customers to come, I drink a cup of hot tea. “I’m bored…” The spring wind blew and hit my face. It feels really nice. I closed my eyes, remembering something. “Speaking of spring, it always make me to remember that person…” Yes, spring is the first time where I met that person, my only childhood friend that I missed a lot. “I really want to see him again…”

(Around 10 years ago)

I was playing in a meadow full of flowers. At that time, I found a very large cherry blossoms tree. “It’s so big..!” I thought, while staring at it in amazement. My feet move automatically into that direction. “I wonder how old the tree is?” “I don’t know, maybe almost a hundred years old?” I hear someone answered my question. I was startled and immediately turned my body.

There was a boy who seemed 2-3 years older than me. His eyes were golden, he has silver hair and long lashes. Where did he come from? I’ve never seen him at all. Ah, he actually handsome too, but, why does his smile looks sly like… a fox?

“So you see me as a fox, huh?” he grin.

Wha-?! How did he know what I was thinking about?!

“Are you surprised because I know what were you thinking?”

AGAIN?????

“H-hey, how did you know what I was thinking?” I asked him.

“Because I’m ‘Satori’, a mhytical creature who can reads people minds. But don’t worry, I won’t eat you.”

Is he being serious? Or just joking? I can’t tell. He just keep smiling.

“Don’t lie to me, there’s no way you’re a monster or anything.”

“Oho? I thought you will get scared with this kind of thing, little mouse.”

“As if! I won’t get scared by that! And, ‘little mouse'?? Did you see me as a little mouse?”

“Didn’t you see me as a ‘fox’ too, earlier?”

Damn, he’s right. I tried to search another topic to change the subject.

“Hey, where are you from? I’ve never seen you. And, are you a noble? Your clothes looks expensive.”

That boy paused for a moment.

“I’m just a merchant son. And yes, I’m not from here, I came here to visit my distant relatives. But sorry, I can’t tell you where I come from.”

“Oh, I see”

“Then, what’s you’re name?”

“Hmmm? Why do you want to know my name, little mouse?”

“You don’t want to be called ‘fox’ forever by me,right? And I don’t want to be called ‘little mouse’ by you either.”

“Shouldn’t you introduce yourself first before asking other people names?”

Ughhh..! how long will he tease me like this?! How annoying!

“My name is (y/n)… (full name). "

“My name is Mitsu, nice too meet you little mouse.”

“Hey, didn’t I tell you that I don’t want to be called ‘little mouse’? And introduce yourself properly, will you? At least, tell me your full name.”

“Hoh~? Since when I will call you by your name? And since when I will introduce myself properly?”

“OH, WHY YOU-“

Since that day, Mitsu and I always meet each other and play together. We always meet under that cherry blossoms tree. We became close friend very quickly. He always tease me until make me angry, but he actually has gentle side too. He always cheer me up every time I feel sad, he always protect me whenever someone bully me. But, one day he must return. That day, he came to me to say goodbye. I’m sad. Of course. He’s my bestfriend, how could I not sad?

“Mitsu… will you come here again…?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can we meet each other again…?” my body is a little bit trembling, trying to hold back my tears.

Mitsu noticed that, and then, he hugged me. And slowly, he gently stroked my head.

“Little mouse, I promise that someday we will meet each other again. No matter how long it is, we will meet. I will find you.”

“You’re not lying, right?” I hug Mitsu tightly.

“This time, I’m not lying.”

I can’t hold back my tears anymore. I’m crying while hugging Mitsu. Mitsu kept silent and still stroking my head. He’s gentle touch make me comfortable, it makes me feel calmer.

“Good bye, (y/n)…”

And that’s the first and last time he called my name.

(Back to present)

“Iss..? Miss..? Excuse me? Hello?”

“Huh? Ah!”

“Oh my god, are you tired? You shouldn’t have to open your teahouse if you’re exhausted, dear.” Apperantly there’s a customer who wake me from my nap.

“Oh, no. I’m perfectly fine. Do you order as usual?”

“Yup, as usual, please. I’ll sit on the bench outside, okay?”

“Okay, please wait.”

I can’t believe I fell asleep, and my customer is the one who wake me up. Gosh, this is embarrassing. Why did I dream about that again? Even though I try to forget it. ‘We will meet each other again’ he said. Hah, how funny. It’s been years and we haven’t meet again.

…….

Oh, come on! Why am I keep missing him? This longing makes me uneasy.. Can we really meet again? I’ve been waiting too long. Was it just a lie that time?

“Thank you for your visit, please come back anytime.” I bowed my head to the customer who just walked out of my teahouse.

“Excuse me.” Ah, I guess there’s another customer.

“Yes? May I help you-“ I gasped. My eyes widened staring at the person in front of me in disbelief. Otherwise, that person also looked at me with a look of disbelief.

“M-Mitsu…?”

“Little mouse…? Why... Are you here...?”

Yes, there’s no mistaking it. This person is Mitsu, my childhood friend that I missed a lot since that day. I didn’t answer his question. Instead, I immediately run to him and hug him tightly and can’t hold back my tears once again. Finally… finally, we meet again..! I’m so happy.

“Little mouse, we should go inside first.”

I think my eyes a little bit swollen, it hurts a little. Fortunately, today only a few customers came here. I’m glad they didn’t have to my ugly appearance, now. “Little mouse, how did you ended up here? Aren’t you not from Azuchi? I tought you live in another village a little bit far from Azuchi?” Mitsu ask me while comforting me. His voice sound very gentle. “This teahouse is mine, Mitsu. Our family decide to move to Azuchi, not long after you return to your home. I think it’s 3 months after that.” “Oh, I see… so that’s why I can’t find you..” he mumble. “Did you said something, Mitsu?” “Ah, no. it’s nothing.”

And after that, he explained everything. That time he can't tell his real name because he actually on a secret mission with his father. His real name is Mitsuhide, Akechi Mitsuhide. Oda Nobunaga’s left-hand man that called as ‘Silver Kitsune’, many bad rumours surrounded him. I can’t believe that the ‘Silver Kitsune’ is my childhood friend!?

“How about your family? Are they healthy as usual?”

“Ah, about them… they died 3 years ago because of illness.”

“…. I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. By the way, why did you keep calling me ‘little mouse’? Did you forget that I don’t like being called that??”

“Hooh… You hate it? I thought it’s cute, though.” Finally he smile again.

“Geez, it’s not cute!”

“I’ll call you whatever I want and you can’t deny it.”

He’s teasing me again.

Since then, Mitsu always came to my teahouse when he wasn’t too busy. We chat and spend time just like when we were kids. Oh, how miss am I to feel this atmosphere.

“Mitsu- ah, no. I mean, Mitsuhide.” I still not used to call him by his real name.

“You can call me ‘Mistu’ like you always do. I don’t mind at all.”

“Oh, okay. Mitsu?”

“Yes?”

“Are you aware that you have been called ‘Silver Kitsune’? Did you know that there’s many bad rumours surrounded you?”

“Of course I’m aware, little mouse. Because I’m the one who spread those rumours.” He answerd it calmly. He seems very calm I must say.

“What..?! Why did you do that?”

“It’s just part of my job as Lord Nobunaga’s left-hand man, you don’t need to know the details.”

“… still… Don’t you ever feel angry or qualmish by those rumours?”

“What do you mean?”

“People said you have intimidating and cold gaze that makes people scared of you, no ones know what you think, people called you ‘Kitsune’ or ‘Snake’ and anything. Don’t you feel angry?”

Actually I’m the one who angry to hear such rumours.

“Oho? I didn’t know that my rumours became that much. How fascinating.” He chuckle.

“Hahh… nevermind, forget it.”

“But it seems, that you angry with those rumours, little mouse?” It seems he read my mind.

“Of course, I am.”

“Oh? Please do tell the reasons.” He seems interested to hear my reasons.

“Because they’re wrong. You maybe often to tease and trick me, but you never do anything harmful to me. You always protect me. You have gentle side too, you know? You actually care about other people, but you never let anyone see that side of you. I even like it when you’re beside me, Mitsu. I love your gentle touch when you stroke my head. It makes me feel safe and comfortable. But yeah, I’m always comfortable when we’re together.” Unconsciously, I smiled when telling the reasons.

Huh? Why is he even silent? And also lowered his head instead? “Mitsu, what’s wrong?” When I was about to touch him, he slightly back away from me while covering his face. “Hey, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?” I feel a little bit panic because he didn’t answer me at all.

“Ha…. Haha…Hahahah….” He chuckled.

“Mitsu?”

“Oh, dear. You've never changed a bit since we’re a kid, huh? Always being a straight forward and speak what’s in your mind.”

He finally showed his face. And I’m a little bit surprised what I saw.

His cheeks were painted with blush to the tips of his ears. This is the first time I’ve seen him like this. The usual Mitsu I’ve known always looks calm and cool.

Ba-thump Ba-thump…!

Oh,god why my heart is pounding right now? I feel my cheeks become hot too.

“Little mouse.”

“Y-Yes!?” dammit, why am I become nervous suddenly??

“Why are you blushing too? Yo’re like an innocent teenager, you know?”

“Hah? Shut up, and stop smiling you-“

“But that’s why I like you since we were kids.” He take one of my hand, and lifted my chin with his other hand. “(y/n)?” this is the second time he call my name.

“Yes?” I felt my cheeks became more hot, because he brought his face closer to me.

“I like you since childhood. You are my first love, who I always miss since then. (y/n), I love you from the bottom of my heart. Will you be my life companion forever?”

“Are you teasing me right now?”

Without any warnings, he suddenly pull me closer and kiss me. He kissed me slowly and gently. It feels nice, I don’t hate it at all. Instead, I feel very happy. It feels like my heart could explode anytime.

After that he release me.

"Do you think I was teasing or lying to you, right now?” he smirk.

My heart is pounding harder right now. What is this feeling? What is this euphoria? I can’t think anything but him. Have i… Have I fallen in love with him….?”

#ikesen #ikemen sengoku #akechi mitsuhide #ikesen mitsuhide #fanfic #ikesen fan fiction

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givemeonebreath · 3 years

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A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways.

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again. We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling. But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through. In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you.

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this But I just don't have the patience anymore

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream And you want to shout But you've built up steam And you can't let it out This is pressure

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water Can't go on Can't go back Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?" Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #listening to music while I stare blankly at nothing is legit my number one hobby #and then shit like this happens #linked universe playlist

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marybethsjournal · 4 years

Text

Fare You Well, Dear Sean

Summary: Karen finds out what happened to Sean in Rhodes

Pairing(s): Sean Maguire x Karen

Warning(s): kidnapping (Jack), major character death, religion talk, reference to vom!t, vague thoughts of suicide, super vague implication of pregnancy(?)

Word Count: 1749

A/N: To the anon that asked for Karen x Sean fluff, this is not it lol. Yours is coming, but this is just pure sadness

Also, here’s the link to the song from RDR2 that inspired my title: https://youtu.be/S5N-nLY32KA

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829786

Today was absolute chaos. It had started out normal enough. Karen had woken to Sean shaking her wildly just like she always did when he actually made himself useful and went on a job outside camp. He thought she cared so much about what he was doing for the day. He hadn’t gotten the hint that she didn’t care. Well maybe she cared just a little… but not much! She knew that he wanted her to be impressed and think that he was some sort of hero, but Karen had a strict rule against getting impressed by stupid men. Especially stupid men named Sean Maguire.

“Miss Jones! Wake up and give your suitor a kiss goodbye!”

“In your dreams, Sean.” Karen mumbled, opening her eyes and swatting her hand at him.

“I always was told I’m a dreamer. My da-”

“No, not today. Too early.” Karen cut him off. Sean’s face fell for half a second, barely detectable, before a smile was plastered on his face again.

“You’re right, it is early. You know what they say, though, the early bird gets the worm! Sad to say that my worm-” Sean was going down a path that Karen did not like the looks of.

“Sean! That’s disgusting!” Sean laughed, glad he was able to get a reaction out of her. Any attention from Karen was good attention, at least in his mind.

Karen patted the ground next to her, signaling for him to sit. “Where you boys off to today, then?”

Sean's face lit up as he sat down next to her, happy to be able to tell of the important job that he was going to go on today, “The Grays need security so naturally they called upon Dead Eye Maguire. Nothing gets past me! I could do it by myself, you know, but I decided to let Bill, Micah, and Arthur on the job. Poor boys needed something to do.”

Karen rolled her eyes at the inflated story Sean just told, but upon hearing that Micah would be there, she felt her instincts screaming that this job wasn’t such a good idea. All of Micah’s plans were terrible, truth be told, but Dutch thought differently, for some reason. “Be careful, alright. I don’t trust Micah as far as I can throw him.”

“Ahhh he’s a bastard but he ain’t got nothing on ol’ Sean Maguire. Don’t you worry your pretty little mind about that.”

Karen sighed, remembering that anytime she expressed any concern, Sean’s ego grew. “Forget I said anything.”

A silence, neither particularly comfortable or uncomfortable, grew between them. Karen thought that for once, maybe Sean was just going to leave her alone and go on about his business. But then he wouldn’t be Sean.

“Can I have my kiss now?” Sean puckered his lips and leaned forward. Karen could hardly find it in herself to not slap him.

“Hell no. Go bother someone else.” She tried to shoo him but he wouldn’t leave, not that she particularly expected him to.

“I know you love me, you should just stop fighting and admit it. I’m irresistible”

“I wish I was resistant to you”

“You’ve got to stop wishing such pain onto yourself,” Sean paused for a second before remembering something that he apparently deemed far more important than further pumping up his ego. “You feeling better today?”

Karen sighed. No she was not feeling better, not at all. She’d been feeling worse and worse every day since she had first fallen ill a little over a week ago. She appreciated Sean asking but didn’t feel like worrying him (and she especially didn’t want to confide in him about what she thought may be causing his illness). “Maybe a little. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Karen, you puked on my shoes last night.” Sean pointed out.

“Ugh, okay, maybe I’m not fine, but I will be. I’ll be alright, Sean.” Karen’s tone grew softer at the end.

“I’ll pick you up some cola syrup in town. Maybe that’ll help?”

“That’s not gonna make me kiss you, Sean.” Karen teased.

“I know. Just want to help, is all.” Sean took Karen’s hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “Cause I love you, I really do.”

Karen sighed, feigning exasperation. “Oh alright, come here, you.” She pulled Sean in for a quick kiss. It lasted no more than two second but it was more than enough to make Sean happy.

“See everyone, she loves me!” Sean yelled way too comfortably for Karen. He was practically floating on air, skipping across camp.

Sean had already gotten up onto his horse before Karen yelled back at him,”I do not, you ass!”

Several hours later, the whole gang had turned to chaos. Something had happened to Jack, he was nowhere to be seen. Karen had thought woefully that when no one was watching, maybe he had tried to go swimming in the lake and had drowned. The thought sickened her. But soon enough, Kieran came forward and said he had seen some men come by and had thought they were coming for a meeting. Since no meeting had taken place, it was then assumed that someone had taken Jack. Karen hoped against hope that he was safe.

Karen, trying desperately to comfort Abigail, barely noticed when Micah, Arthur, and later on, Bill returned to camp. And she certainly didn’t notice that Sean didn’t join them. It wasn’t long after Bill returned, however, that Reverend approached her, a solemn look in his eyes.

“Miss Jones, I need to take you somewhere private to talk.” he grabbed for her hand.

“Are you crazy, you drunk bastard? Jack is gone! We all need to help look.”

Reverend’s face changed to a look of pity, which made Karen’s heart sink. She didn’t know what had happened, but something was terribly wrong.

“You’re right, we need to look for Jack, but I still need to talk to you first.”

“Alright.” Reverend led her over to one of the far sides of camp, next to a wagon. Karen grew more uncomfortable with every passing second

“Karen,” Reverend started, “The boys went into town to see the Grays this morning.”

“I know that already!” Karen interrupted impatiently.

“It was a setup. They shot Sean.” Reverend bowed his head.

“Well where is he? I’ll go to the doctor to see him, right now. I’m sure he’ll want to see me.” Karen rambled quickly.

“No, you don’t understand. He um, well he passed. Bill told me earlier and said there was nothing they could have done.”

Karen backed away from Reverend, her hands shaking. “No, no. That-no” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m really sorry, we all cared so much about him.” Reverend awkwardly hugged her. She normally didn’t like physical affection, but she didn’t want anyone to see the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. Sean hadn’t done anything to deserve this.

“Bill buried him, nice and proper, he said. I’m going over there now. Couldn’t read him his last rites, but hopefully I can still pray over him for a safe journey to Heaven. I’ve got to at least try. I’d like for you to come along, if you can find it in you.”

“Of course I can find it in me!” Karen cried.This was her last chance to say goodbye and there was no way she was going to pass it up.

Reverend helped Karen up onto the wagon and they went on their way. They sat in mutual silence, save for Karen’s soft crying, for most of the ride. Karen didn’t feel up for conversation, understandably.

When they were getting close to Sean’s final resting place, Karen finally broke the silence.

“God, I hope he didn’t hurt for long.”

“Bill said they blasted a bullet straight through his skull, so I’m sure he died immediately. Didn’t see it coming.” Reverend responded, without thinking much over how his words might impact Karen.

“Oh my god don’t tell me that!” Karen sobbed, placing her hand over her face.The sentiment made her feel sicker to her stomach than she already had been that morning. This had to be the worst day of her life, no contest.

“I’m sorry Karen-”

“I think I’m gonna be sick”

“Hold on, we’re almost there.” Reverend assured her.

A moment or so later, they arrived at a little patch of grass, shaded by trees that overlooked Flat Iron Lake.

“Sean! No no no!” Karen jumped off the wagon and ran to the grave before the horse had made a full stop. She collapsed in front of the grave and cried harder than she had ever remembered doing in the past.

“I know it’s hard, but he’s in a better place now.” Reverend said in an attempt to console her. “You think?” Karen asked between broken sobs.

“Yes, I really do.” Reverend told her, kneeling down and patting her on the back.

Karen, while sitting through Reverend’s prayers for Sean, recalled how poorly she had treated him. She was the worst girlfriend, or whatever she was to him, in the world. No sooner had Reverend said “Amen” before she looked at the cross, which had Sean’s name engraved on it and began rambling.

“I’m sorry I called you an ass. I really didn’t mean it, I swear. I love you, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you, God I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Karen, he knew. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that he knew that.” Reverend assured her genuinely.

“You promise?” Karen looked back at him, her eyes full of tears and puffy from crying.

“Of course. He’s probably watching over you right now. And I think he’d want you to be strong.”

“I don’t want to be strong. I want to be with him.” In fact, the last thing in the world that Karen wanted to be was “strong”. She was pretty sure she didn’t even have it in her.

“Here, Bill found Sean’s satchel. You can keep it if you like.” Reverend picked up the small bag from the other side of the tree and handed it to Karen.

Karen's hands shook as she opened the satchel. Inside was a wad of money, a half eaten chocolate bar, an unfinished letter he’d written to her that was dated back when he had been taken prisoner by Ike Skelding’s bounty men, an Emerald ring, and the Cola syrup he’d promised her that morning.

#rdr2 #RDR #rdr2 fic #sean maguire #karen jones #sean x karen #Red Dead Redemption #red dead fanfic

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tothemeadow · 4 years

Text

Commissioned by @hinokami-s

Kamado Tanjiro x OC

- When the days seem gloomy and Hayami’s obviously stuck in a rut, Tanjiro decides it’s on him to make her feel better, but with secret little notes... -

warnings: none

words: 3.5k

And when the world treats you way too fairly, well it’s a shame that I’m a dream…

It hurts. It hurts so, so much. No matter how far she tries to escape it, the visions keep coming back, haunt her during the dragging hours of the night. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Hayami firsts starts to see the darkening bags underneath her eyes, the way her fair skin loses its gentle glow. It’s only a nightmare, she constantly tells herself. That may be so, but this certain nightmare shouldn’t be revisiting her so often, just waiting for her to drift asleep.

Even now, her memories of the dreadful dream run through her head, make her days dimmer than what they should be. How long is this going to last? Hayami desperately needs her sleep, but if this continues, well… She doesn’t know what to do.

On the other side of the door, there’s a gentle knock. “Yami-chan? Are you alright?” Nezuko’s sweet, twinkling voice sounds. “You’ve been in the bathroom for a while, now…”

Oh, yeah. Hayami supposes Nezuko is right; she has been in the bathroom for some time now, absentmindedly staring into the mirror, at her horrified eyes and dark circles. If anything, she looks more like a shell of her usual self.

“Give me a moment!” she calls back. No, she doesn’t want Nezuko to worry. Frankly, she doesn’t want anyone to worry, but the Kamado family has a certain way of creeping into people’s hearts and rooting themselves onto their souls. Quickly splashing some water in her face, Hayami releases a long, shaky breath. Pushing the loose strands of hair behind her ears, she takes one last glance at her reflection before finally turning away and opening the door.

As expected, Nezuko’s large eyes glitter with concern, her eyebrows furrowed. She looks too much like Tanjiro whenever she does it, and it never fails to pull at Hayami’s heartstrings. “Yami-chan, you know I don’t want to pressure you or anything…” she starts, voice small. Tapping her fingers together, she glances around, makes sure that the two of them are truly alone. “But what’s bothering you?”

Ah, there it is – the inevitable question. Now, Hayami’s always been one to turn away her own problems, rather choosing to focus on the other people around her, but when the tables are turned… Well, it leaves her feeling icky, to say the least.

Still, Hayami forces a smile, both for her own sake and for Nezuko’s. “What do you mean?”

Nezuko sighs, much like she was expecting this exact response. “You look… tired. Dead, even. And, well, your hair is down, so I thought…” Trailing off, Nezuko shifts her weight from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable and unsure of how to approach the subject. Like Tanjiro, her senses are keen; she’s able to pick up on the slightest of troubles, but she usually stays to herself, not wanting to bring discomfort to others.

It’s one of the things Hayami admires about her, but at the same time, she wishes Nezuko would drop it. She has a point, though; instead of her usual ponytail, Hayami’s long hair hangs loose, brushes against the entirety of her back. At times like these – at times of unease – her hair is the closest thing she has to a shield. Granted, only few people know of this so-called “habit,” so she can’t necessarily blame Nezuko for asking the reason why.

“Don’t worry about it, Nezuko,” Hayami tells her, albeit softly. “I just haven’t been sleeping well. It’s no big deal.”

Nezuko opens her mouth, seemingly ready to complain, but then she’s abruptly cut off by excited squeals. Shigeru and Rokuta come barreling down the hallway, cowboy hats on their heads and horse figurines in their hands. A chorus of neechan! greets her; both boys hop up and down in their spots, beaming grins on their faces.

“Neechan, play outlaws with us!” Shigeru exclaims.

“Yeah! Yeah! Outlaws!” Rokuta echoes, his voice a bit more chipper than Shigeru’s.

“Now where are those sneaky no-good-doers?” a voice drawls. Tanjiro comes into the hallway, then, a cowboy hat of his own sitting on his head. His face instantly flushes upon seeing Hayami. “O-oh… Yami-chan, how are you feeling? I was afraid you fell ill or something!”

“Uh-oh, the cop’s here!” Shigeru yelps. Both he and Rokuta scramble to hide behind Hayami, giggles spilling from their lips.

Hayami can’t help but laugh, the unease settling over her heart dissipating for once. Nezuko’s expression softens at that, but the look in her eyes still yells concern. Hayami ignores it, opting to forget her woes, even if it’s just for a little bit.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” she says to the two boys behind her. “I’ll keep him distracted while you two make your getaway! Go on, hurry!”

And, just as fast as they appeared, the boys take off again, proclaiming their gratitude as they scurry down the hall. With an amused huff, Tanjiro walks over to the girls, pushing his hat further away from his face in the process.

“Thanks for that,” Tanjiro says, a smile spreading easily on his features. “I swear, it’s like everyone else in this family wants you to be the eldest sibling rather than me sometimes.” His eyes flitter over Hayami’s loose hair for a moment; the smile on his face flattens into a straight line, the happy gleam in his eyes melting away into something sadder. “Yami-chan…”

“Listen,” Hayami interrupts, putting her hand up, “is it okay if I can crash here for the night? It’s just… Things are a little trying at home right now. I could really use the company.”

Cocking his head, Tanjiro seems bewildered by the sudden request, but the surprise quickly dwindles away. Sharing a glance with Nezuko, he nods his head, that familiar, soft expression coming back to his face. “Of course you can. You know you’re welcome here anytime, right?”

At that, Hayami’s heart flutters, both from gratefulness and well, something else. “Thank you, Tanjiro.”

Now, Tanjiro may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he does have heart. His empathetic nature is one he was born with, one that developed into something strong once his younger siblings graced his life. And, considering that he and Hayami are extremely close, it’s only natural for him to pick up on her continuous crestfallen behavior. He doesn’t want to push it, though, because he knows that she’s just like him, always willing to put others first and ignore her own problems for the sake of others.

He still wants to support her, no matter what. And so, he does the only thing he think that might actually help…

“A note?”

Both of Hayami’s friends – Shinobu and Mitsuri – say it simultaneously, although in different tones. Mitsuri’s in more whimsical, romantic; Shinobu’s is more or less skeptical. Hayami nods at them, feeling just as confused as they are. It was mysteriously left in her locker this morning, and it had no name on it whatsoever. No initial, no hint, nothing. In fact, if it didn’t have her name on it, Hayami would have thought it belonged to someone else.

Granted, finding something so… special… waiting for her sent her heart flying into the clouds. The note itself was made of pink construction paper, neatly folded and even tied with a white ribbon. The sheer amount of effort put into the outside of the note only left impatient wonders for what could possibly be written on the inside. Hayami has already reread it, like, three times, but that’s not the point.

Handing it over to her friends, she watches as Mitsuri eagerly pulls off the ribbon; she’s practically shaking with excitement at this point. Knowing Mitsuri as much as she does, Hayami is more than aware of her romantic side. She’s not surprised as Misturi releases a delighted squeal, a lovely blush blooming on her face.

“Calm down,” Shinobu tells her, but a shit-eating grin is on her own face. “Let me read it.” Taking it from Mitsuri, she holds in before her, clearing her throat before she begins.

|Hayami,

I know things haven’t been the best lately. I can tell you’re hurting, but I just want you to remember something important. You’re important to so many people (me included) and you’re truly incredible. It pains me to see you without that beautiful smile of yours, but I’m not sure how to help. You always keep your pain hidden, and I want nothing more than to take it away. I want to see you smile again.

Sunny days are coming, I promise.

<3<3<3<3 xoxoxo|

“Oh my gosh!” Misturi gushes. “Look! There’s even little doodles on the paper!”

“Is that… supposed to be a cat?” Shinobu asks, cocking her head and squinting her eyes. “I don’t wear glasses, but I might need my eyes checked out after looking at that.”

“Shinobu!” Hayami squeaks. “Don’t say that!”

“Yami-chan, you have a secret admirer!” Misturi continues. Clutching her hands to her chest, her eyes glaze over with a joyful, love-stricken glow. “Think about it! Somebody is just waiting out there, wanting to confess their love to you! This is great!”

“Okay, but don’t you remember Valentine’s Day?” Shinobu interjects, a neat eyebrow raising on her forehead. “She got – what? 23 different people confess to her?”

At that, Hayami scratches her cheek in embarrassment. While it is true that she’s had so many people confess to her throughout the years, something about this note strikes her as different. For once, it doesn’t outright say that the anonymous sender holds any romantic feelings for her, but the choice of words leaves much food for thought. At most, this person is only wanting what’s best for her – pure, unadulterated happiness. It’s sweet, nonetheless.

Mitsuri pouts. “But this is different! This is secretive! Clearly whoever sent it doesn’t want to be outed for their feelings just yet. They’re giving chase! I say we try and figure out who it is!”

“Isn’t that a bit… irrational?” Hayami says. “There’s so many people who go to this school-“

“I agree with Mitsuri,” Shinobu cuts in. Hayami does not like the mischievous expression playing on her face. “We can single out the person who wrote this. Look at the handwriting, for example. Whoever left it obviously took their time writing it – it’s neat, but their natural handwriting still shines through. It’s messy.”

Both Hayami and Mitsuri gawk at the other. “You got that just by looking at it?” Mitsuri exclaims. “That’s so cool!”

“Hang on. Aren’t you two taking this too seriously? I doubt it’ll lead to anything more…”

Shinobu rolls her eyes. “Oh, to be young and naïve. It’s only because you’re super popular and have people practically drooling at your feet to have a chance with you. If we can find out who sent it, it shouldn’t be a problem. Like you said, it probably won’t lead to anything more.”

“Except that it will!” Mitsuri says with a giggle.

Hayami doesn’t know why her friends are so adamant about something so trivial – silly, even – but she supposes they have a point. Though, in the back of her mind, she’s almost positive that it’s some random admirer, just like the others. However, there’s another part of her that’s saying the exact opposite.

Either way, her friends have set their minds to discovering the so-called “culprit” or whatever their selected codename is. If one thing’s for sure, it’s that the hunt is on.

By the end of the school week, there’s still no obvious suspect.

Shinobu and Mitsuri are still hellbent on figuring out who’s leaving the sickeningly sweet notes; they’ve been popping up every day, much to Hayami’s secret pleasure. Something about them makes her heart soar, the overwhelming sense of joy and love flooding her very being. The feeling can only be described as beautiful.

Even now, she stares down at the folded piece of pink paper, the darling white ribbon wrapped neatly into a bow. Heart beating furiously against her ribcage, she gently pulls at the end, loosening the ribbon and opening the note.

Like usual, the various doodles decorating the edges catch her attention first. Pictures of cherry blossoms, mochi, crude cats… They’re all so delightful, and Hayami cherishes each and every single one of them. Little stickers join in alongside them: fluffy little animals, Sanrio characters, cute things like that. Whoever’s been leaving these notes obviously knows what Hayami likes, that much is clear. The attention to detail makes the note so much more special; worrying her bottom lip, she flicks her gaze over the neat-yet-messy handwriting, absorbing each and every word carefully.

|Hayami,

I’ve noticed you’ve been wearing your hair up again! Things are looking up, right? You always had this habit of wearing your hair down when something’s bothering you… Not that I mind (I think your hair is really pretty!) but it’s nice to know that your old self is coming back. I’d like to think these letters are at least bringing a smile to your face 😊 You’ve always been special to me, you know that? I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t my friend. We should have frozen yogurt at my house sometime this weekend! I think I have some strawberry froyo in the freezer… You like strawberry, right? I can always pick up another flavor if you don’t!

<3<3<3<3 xoxoxo|

That’s just… so cute!

Holding the note close to her chest, Hayami suppresses a squeal. How could somebody be so sweet? Pulling it away, she rereads it over and over, the smile on her face growing to such a point that it hurts her cheeks.

Now that she’s really looking at it, it says that she and the anonymous writer are friends. Plus, they mentioned frozen yogurt, and not many people know that’s one of her favorite treats! Does this mean that this mysterious person is going to give themselves up? If they were going to follow through with their plans and invite her over for froyo, then they’d have to, right? It only makes sense.

As much as she doesn’t really want to admit it, her curiosity is getting the best of her. Maybe – just maybe – if she follows in Shinobu’s and Mitsuri’s footsteps and plays detective herself, she can find out who’s been leaving the notes! It shouldn’t be that hard…

Right?

And so, at the end of that very school day, Hayami sets her little “plan” into motion. Well, it’s not really a “plan,” but it’s pretty close. Instead of going on a whole shebang of deciphering handwriting and dusting her locker for fingerprints (and yes, Mitsuri did think of that idea), she’s choosing to sit and wait. Call it intuition or simply a gut feeling, but the person whoever was responsible for the notes was bound to show up again. And, if they were going to show up and invite Hayami to their house, this is the time to do so.

As the last stragglers hanging around in the hallway finally take their exit from the building, Hayami slings her backpack her shoulder. A mix of anticipation and excitement boils within her blood, makes her nerves frantic and tingly. She isn’t quite sure how she should she go about this; after a moment or so of silent thought, she decides to hide around the corner and wait for this “knight in shining armor.”

Time passes – seconds, minutes, hours, Hayami doesn’t know. All of it feels like days to her. Before long, she’s mindlessly scrolling through her phone, debating whether if she should ditch the plan or not. With a sigh, she slips her phone away, drawing herself to a stand. Her knees ache from crouching so long; taking a moment, she winces at the slight pain, but then she immediately clamps her mouth shut at the sound of footsteps drawing near.

Slapping a hand over her lips, Hayami peers around the corner, her long ponytail swinging behind her. Wait, wait – are her eyes deceiving her? Tanjiro? What’s he doing here?

And if that wasn’t enough, Tanjiro glances around, seemingly checking out for any bystanders. Hayami ducks away just in time, her breath going still in her lungs. She watches on as Tanjiro shucks his backpack off his shoulders and brings it around his front; digging around inside one of the front pockets, he pulls out a folded-up piece of pink paper, a white ribbon wrapped neatly around it. Quickly, he walks up to Hayami’s locker, pops it open, and then gently places the note inside.

It was Tanjiro the whole time…?

The revelation sends Hayami’s heart wild; forget about the clouds, the clear blue sky. Her heart is flying through outer space, becoming one with the millions of stars shining through the darkness. Her best friend, this sweet, sweet boy… Now that she knows, it doesn’t seem surprising. Actually, she should’ve figured that it was Tanjiro the entire time, considering how his personality is.

“Tanjiro,” Hayami calls out, stepping away from her hiding place.

Upon hearing his name, Tanjiro flinches. Whirling around, he drops his backpack, his jaw dropping once he sees who it is. “Y-yami-chan!” he stammers, his face immediately heating up. “What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Hayami says, a delicate smile coming to her pretty face. “Tanjiro… Have you been the ones leaving the notes behind?”

If possible, Tanjiro’s blush turns even darker. Rubbing the back of his neck with a hand, he looks away, a sheepish smile spreading across his lips. “I… I can’t lie, and there’s no point if you saw me…” Clearing his throat, he dares to look at Hayami. “…It was me. It’s just… You’ve been so bummed lately, you know? And I wanted to do something to help you out – gah!”

Hayami suddenly slams into him, then, her arms snaking around him as she buries her face in his shoulder. Although she’s taller than Tanjiro, their bodies fit well together, almost like two long-lost puzzle pieces. He’s warm, delightfully so, and he smells like the bread his family’s shop makes.

“Thank you, Tanjiro,” Hayami mutters. “Really. Those notes you left… I love them. They mean a lot to me.” She squeezes him harder. “Thank you so much.”

Tanjiro releases a pent-up sigh. “Of course,” he says, his arms wrapping themselves around Hayami’s form. “You know that I’ll always be there for you, right? No matter what it is, thick or thin… I’m here for you.” He pulls away, then, just far enough that the two are looking face-to-face. “It hurt to see you so sad like that.” His face crinkles with concern. “I didn’t want you to be sad anymore.”

Oh, lord, is this boy an angel or what? Saying such sweet things like that…

“Tanjiro…”

Looking at each other like that, eyes glistening, cheeks rosy, Hayami doesn’t know who moves first. Maybe it’s the both of them, drawn to each other like magnets or something easily as cliché - it doesn’t matter, though. Tanjiro’s lips are ridiculously soft as they slide against Hayami’s; it’s a dream of hers that she’s never dared to speak of, one that she thought of frequently. But to finally be able to live it, to make it a reality…

Her mind goes completely blank as her fingers slink into Tanjiro’s hair. He’s just so soft, so tender, so dreamy. Here’s literal perfection standing before her, kissing her with a gentle passion. After a moment or so, Tanjiro pulls away; eyes fluttering open, Hayami looks to him, to his pleasant smile and mirthful eyes.

“That was nice,” she hums.

Tanjiro’s earrings clank as he bobs his head. “It was perfect,” he chirps. Pressing his forehead to hers, his eyes fall shut. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he confesses, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Something irresistible and warm caresses Hayami’s chest, whisks her away to a world of fairy tales and happy endings. She’s only heard of such feelings in movies and in writing, but to experience it for herself – well, it’s a little off-putting, if she’s being honest, but it’s so wonderful.

“Same here,” she replies. “What… What do we do now?”

Leaning back once more, Tanjiro opens his eyes, a hopeful gleam to them. “I guess… If you want… We can be together? You know, be more than friends?”

At that, Hayami can’t help but release a giggle. “Is the famous Kamado Tanjiro nervous? You’re one of the most confident people I know, and this is what gets you?”

“Hey, don’t be like that! I’m not experienced with this sort of thing…”

“I know, I know. I’m just teasing you, Tanji. I’d love to be more than friends.”

“Wait – seriously? For real? I-I mean… Of course! That’d be great! Yami-chan, I’m so happy!”

Again, that cheek-hurting smile comes back to Hayami’s lips. “I’m happy too, Tanjiro. I’m happy too.”

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kny x oc #kimetsu no yaiba x oc #demon slayer x oc #tanjiro kamado x oc #kamado tanjiro x oc #tanjiro kamado #kamado tanjiro #kny tanjiro #commission #hinokami-s

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yourdeepestfathoms · 4 years

Text

Cross Poison

(She appears briefly BUT read Anne as Courtney!Anne)

owo what’s this? another gift for @the10amongstthese3s?? yeh. I’ve lost all control hghhhfhghg it’s not even their birthday month yet but 🤟🤟 party hard

me: frantically google searches if luna is in fact moon in spanish (good news gang, it is)

also this is the third fic with a Pokemon move for a title. i am very ashamed of my lack of creativity

Word count: 6311

———————

“Catalina...Catalina...Catalina....”

Her eyelids were glued shut; no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t open them. Not that she cared- the lights would be too bright, anyway. She had felt like she was going blind the day before from just her nightlight.

“Oh no. She doesn’t look too good.”

“Stay out in the hall if it bothers you, Jane.”

“Will she be okay?”

“Yeah, I think. It’s just a little bug.”

A soft moan breached her chapped lips. The sound grated against her throat like talons of fire- she needed water so badly.

“Catalina? Can you hear me? It’s Anne.”

There’s a cool touch on her hot forehead. Despite herself, she leaned into it, desperate for the coldness.

“Anne, I don’t think she’s going to be waking up anytime soon. She’s out cold.”

“I felt her move.”

“Still. She’s not going to be performing today. She looks...not good.”

That had to be Kitty. Aragon knew not by the voice, which was muffled and far away, but the choice of words.

“Yeah. We should go get someone to take care of her.” There’s a rustling right beside her ear; acrylic nails tap on a phone screen.

“Who are you texting?”

“Joan.”

There was disbelieving sputtered laughter.

“Joan? Are you serious?”

“Yes! She’s close to Catalina and she has a ton of vacation days saved up. I know she’ll take off if I explain the situation.”

“Yeah, and the minute Aragon sneezes she’ll keel over and die.” Kitty snorted. “You know what’s wrong with her. She can barely talk to people without losing her mind.”

There’s nothing wrong with my girl! Aragon thought fiercely. She tried to get up to rain hellfire on Kitty for saying that, but all of her limbs were heavy and weighed her down like ten ton pieces of lead.

“She just has anxiety.” Anne said dismissively.

“Saying whatever she has is anxiety is an understatement. She worries about EVERYTHING.” Kitty said. “Like— I have anxiety, but I know how to pee in public.”

“And yet you faint at the sight of a hatchet. So don’t even start.”

“It’s—!!”

Anne barked something, but Aragon’s hearing was fading out. She moaned again and then she could feel her head flop to the side on what she’s pretty sure is a pillow. Blackness consumed her—but she doesn’t know the difference from everything else she’s been surrounded by.

—

Freezing water cascaded down Aragon’s face, snaking down her neck and seeping into all of her pores. She jolted awake, breathing harshly, and whipped around to the man trying to comfort her.

She should have known. This was why she always tried to take care of herself—because she KNEW Henry would try and slither back into her life. Long ago, she used to comfort herself with that thought, her husband crawling back to her after realizing all of her replacements were horrible and nobody would ever be able to top her, but now it filled her with nothing but sticky dread that fuels her nausea.

She doesn’t want to feel his hands brushing back her sweaty hair, his lips when he kisses her and tells her how she’s still beautiful, his body when he holds her when chills wrack through her. She wouldn’t let that happen again- not ever. So, even with an illness weighing her down, she gathered herself up to her full size and—

Wait a minute.

Her vision may have been edged with blackness and very blurry, but she knew Henry was not as thin as the person on the floor of her bedroom. And definitely didn’t have blonde hair. In fact, he didn’t even have hair at all.

“Joan?” She said—or tried to. Her voice was so raspy and weak that simply saying a name hurt. The water that had been running down her face cleared her nose for a moment, but her sinuses were already pressing back in. Even in her own ears, she could faintly hear how nasally and wobbly her words were.

“Y-yes?” The girl on the floor responded. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you! I-I was just trying to...” She glanced over at the bedside table and Aragon saw a bowl of water and a rag sitting on it.

Oh.

“I see,” Aragon blinked. “That makes more sense than...” She shook her head and pain ricochets through it.

“I’m sorry,” Joan said, looking down at the floor. “I—”

“Hush, love.” Aragon said. “It’s alright.”

She threw her legs over the edge of the bed, and that movement alone jarred her weak body horribly. She took in a shaky breath and put her head in her hands, massaging her pounding temples. She heard Joan scramble to her feet in front of her.

“C-Catalina?” She stammered nervously.

“I’m fine.” Argaon grit, and then her stomach churned audibly. She set a hand over it as Joan grimaced. “Actually- Can you hand me that rubbish bin?” She swallowed thickly. “And then give me some privacy?”

Joan’s eyes widened and she nodded frantically. She gave Aragon the trashcan and then walked out, hearing gagging and coughing a moment later.

—

Nerves were crawling and writhing in the pit of Joan’s gut like snakes. She could almost hear them hissing as they slid past each other, making her stomach roil. But she would not spill her guts, especially with Aragon being sick. She was supposed to be taking care of the queen—she couldn’t act like this!

And yet, her anxiety continued to rise. And it definitely didn’t help that there was flour everywhere.

Joan blamed it on the kitchen. It was, at least in part, responsible, being rather cramped because of the large island. One quick turn and smack! An arm-to-flour-bag collision sent the product flying to the floor, landing in a cloud of white powder.

And it was loud, too, making a rather distinct thump that likely resonated throughout the entire house.

And throughout the entire house meant—

The girl jumped from her position across the kitchen, dropping the measuring cups and spoons she had been carrying to squeak nervously. They clattered to the ground, much to her dismay, but she had to deal with it later. Right now, she had to face the door down the upstairs hallway creaking open.

Joan squeaked again and stumbled up the stairs towards Aragon’s room, tripping over her own feet and a pool of flour in the process. She attempted to urge the disoriented queen back into her room, idly brushing off the coating of flour that covered her entire being.

Aragon’s voice is rough and her accent mixes with the words horribly when she starts asking questions: “What happened? What fell? Are you alright?”

“Nothing! Nothing! It’s fine—everything’s fine so, please, um, go back to your room now! Get more rest, you’re still sick!” Joan yelled in response, voice faltering and increasing in pitch as she went.

“It’s only a slight fever, I’m fine. I don’t understand why you are so—”

Joan, not knowing what else to do, screamed. In surprise, Aragon responded with a sharp yelp. They were probably, most likely, definitely causing a disturbance by now. Joan would write five-page apology notes later.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Aragon asked, frantically now, her voice becoming a hoarse whisper due to illness.

“Um, I, um,” Joan felt her lungs seizing up in the way they usually did when she was about to have a panic attack, but she beat the feeling back. She couldn’t lose herself to her anxiety right now, especially with Aragon in much worse shape. “I-I’m dealing with it, d-don’t worry!”

“But what is it, that’s all I’m asking—”

“It is being dealt with!”

There was a brief pause, leaving the house in silence. Then, Aragon sighed, muttered a soft, resigned, “forget it, whatever it is, I don’t want to know,” and turned around to return to her room. Joan scampered back to the kitchen and braced herself against the sink, struggling to breathe for a moment.

She felt utterly pathetic. How could that simple interaction nearly spiral her into full blown panic? She had to get her head on straight!

After taking a few calming breaths like Aragon had taught her, she stepped back and then began cleaning up. She lost about half of the flour in the fall, much to her dismay, because it was a brand new bag. She made a mental note to pay the queens back for it, then moved on.

Once she finished cleaning up, she set everything she needed neatly on the counter. She glanced several times at the recipe she was going off of as she mixed the specific ingredients together, since she wanted this to be perfect. Aragon must have been feeling miserable- she HAD to make something good for her to hopefully cheer her up.

Several dirty dishes, incorrectly measured ingredients, and one incident where her long hair got caught in the mixer later, she has her treat tucked away in the oven to bake. She smiled proudly to herself, then moved onto cleaning up and making some soup on the stove-

-only to remember that she had no idea how to make soup. Even the recipes she looked up seemed way too complicated for her stupid fish brain. She worried over this for a long time before deciding to just make some porridge. Somehow, that is something she’s able to make.

Her mind whirled as she began taking out the necessary ingredients. The usual voices she heard in her head were, for once, not warbling over her, but rather Aragon.

Hot porridge. I’ll make hot porridge. She’ll like that.

Hot porridge will make her throat worse. It hurts right now. Cold porridge will cool it down and soothe it.

Cold porridge would chill her bones and make her fever worse. Hot porridge is softer on the stomach.

Hot porridge burns tongues.

Cold porridge—

“Aaagh, shut up!” Joan cried miserably, clamping her hands over her ears. It took her a moment to realize what she'd done and she looked around the kitchen bashfully, as if she thought someone had materialized nearby and watched her yell at herself.

“You’re fine, Joan,” She whispered. “You’re okay. You can do this. Just like you used to back then. It’s not that hard.” She paused. “Aaand you’re still talking to yourself. Good job.”

She shook her head and wracked her brain to remember what was needed. Water, milk, rice, seasoning. Easy.

And yet, it still took her three tries to make a simple pot of porridge. First she poured too much seasoning, then she burned herself on the stove and dropped the bowl she was holding, and finally, she somehow managed to turn the food into a gross goop that would only succeed in making Aragon even sicker. After finally getting it right, she sunk to the ground with a woeful noise, wallowing in her own shame.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic- Her mind screamed. Can’t even make a simple meal? What an embarrassment.

She whimpered softly, feeling a panic attack rise in her chest, but she stamped it back down. She would not lose herself. She couldn’t.

Think about rain, She thought over and over again. Think about rain, think about rain, think about rain...

There was a crash of thunder- actual thunder. Joan jumped backwards, slamming her body up against the oven and staring with wide eyes as a downpour of rain suddenly came down against the glass back door. She scrambled for her phone, wondering if the queens did something to protect the glass from a storm, and then realized how stupid that was. She put her phone down as a blush blazed over her cheeks.

Stupid, Her thoughts hissed. Can’t you do anything right? Use some common sense.

She tried to think about rain again, but the peaceful drizzle she usually calmed herself with has turned into a raging storm within her head. Lightning slashed the mindscape as thunder rolled through her eardrums. Cracks appeared everywhere, jagged and fang-shaped when they split open like oozing wounds. She wondered if her cranium was being destroyed as the internal storm veered into a baby hurricane.

There’s a loud beep. It lanced through the tsunami and Joan’s eyes snapped open.

She’s on the floor, curled in a fetal position, clutching at her head. She rose slowly, feeling embarrassed.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic- Her mind roared, but she did her best to ignore it as she took the cake out of the oven.

It’s an effort that takes a lot longer than it should, but when she finishes icing the cake, Joan has a brief moment of pride. She was satisfied with the result as she fawned over how pretty it was, even if it was thin and slightly deformed in shape, and the golden-orange frosting was gooey and haphazardly spread across the surface.

Joan cut a generous sized piece for Aragon, grabbed a fork and a plastic bag, and practically bounced up to Aragon’s room, the cake balanced precariously on the plate held behind her back. She was barely able to stop herself from chiming out loud when she saw the queen’s form upon entering.

Aragon was lying on her back, one hand resting over her stomach, the other drooped listlessly at her side. Her eyes were scrunched shut and her mouth was open slightly to breathe- her nose must be too stuffed to get air that way. Beads of sweat clustered together on her forehead. She doesn’t stir when Joan walks in.

“Catalina?” Joan called out softly. She stepped closer. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed vomit in the waste bin. She winced. “Catalina?”

Aragon’s body shuddered in a way that sent jolts of anxiety crackling through Joan’s entire being. She moaned softly, then her eyelids peeled back and she stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“Catalina?” Joan said again, this time much quieter. She edged towards the door slightly, expecting the queen to snap at her for waking her up. But instead, Aragon’s head rolled over the pillow to face her and she smiled weakly.

“Hello, little luna,” She croaked, her voice rough with illness. She sounded worse than she did earlier. “Were you baking?”

Joan blinked. “Ah… You…”

“Smelled it?” Aragon chuckled a little. “Barely,” She snuffled through her stuffy nose then made a very unqueenly face that caused a giggle to bubble up from Joan. “But it’s enough.”

She fell into silence as Joan sat on the edge of the bed, then slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position. She winced as she did so, even letting out a soft gasp of pain, and one of her hands shot to her stomach. Joan nearly dropped the cake reaching for the trashcan, but Aragon stopped her with a dismissive wave of her other hand.

“I’m alright, dear,” She said. “Just some cramps.” She leaned back against the pile of pillows against her headboard, breathing out softly through her mouth.

Joan quickly regained herself from her flash of panic. She pulled the cake out from behind her back and presented it to Aragon, beaming.

“Look! I worked really hard on this! Maybe it’ll cheer you up!” Joan nearly glowed with satisfaction. Aragon gingerly took the plate from her.

“Ah,” Aragon said. “Thank you.” She stared down at the plate as if it were holding a human heart rather than a sweet treat.

Joan continued to give her a look, one of adoration and anticipation, and Aragon has the choice to either swallow down her hopeless devotion to her daughter figure or swallow down the cake in front of her on an upset stomach, risking further nausea...or worse. She cast an uneasy glance to the trash can, but Joan doesn’t notice it through her eyeball-scorchingly bright radiation of bliss and pride.

“I’m sick, you know.” Aragon stated. Joan nodded, about to respond when Aragon continues, “So I can’t… really eat this right now.”

The realization appeared to dawn on Joan rather painfully, and in seconds the girl has apologies spilling from her mouth like a waterfall. Aragon can’t even get a word in edgewise to stop the torrent of despair coming from Joan, who seemed to think that she’s ruined everything— “I’m so sorry, how rude of me, I should’ve known better, oh Catherine, I’m sorry—”

“Joan!”

Joan flinched away, nearly teetering off the bed. Hot shame poured down her throat and set her insides ablaze. At the same time, icy cold dread shoved its way in and the two conflicting emotions clamored for space inside of her until she felt like she was going to be sick.

“Joan.” Aragon said again, clearing her throat. She reached out and gently touched Joan’s cheek; her hand was shaking with exhausted tremors. “Think about rain, baby. You’ve got this.”

Joan closed her eyes. She imagined collapsing all her thoughts about nearly worsening Aragon’s sickness into dozens of raindrops and whisking them into a background storm. It works—for now. She opens her eyes again and Aragon is smiling at her, despite the tiredness and pain very obviously glinting in her eyes.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, PLEASE just let me sleep, Joan imagined her thoughts crying. You nearly poisoned me with your blasted cake! The least you can do is let me rest!

Joan put that into a raindrop, too, although it was a little harder to shove inside. The tone the internal voice spoke with sounded exactly like Aragon’s- what if she had said that out loud? What if she was upset with Joan? What if she wanted her to leave?

“Raindrops, baby,” Aragon murmured, caressing Joan’s cheek. Her shaking fingers press into the coolness of Joan’s skin, like she was hoping to lower her fever with the touch alone.

Raindrops, Joan repeated in her head, and she shoved the Aragon-mimicking thoughts into one of the shimmering droplets falling from her internal rainstorm.

“Good girl,” Aragon said breathily. Despite having to take a moment to breathe through a wave of dizziness and blink away the black spots that come with it, she’s still able to recognize the way Joan’s face would relax when she successfully blocks out her anxiety. “Good girl...”

Every worried thought suddenly exploded out of their raindrop, splattering icy water throughout Joan’s brain, but she could hardly care because Aragon is tipping over and she has to rush to catch her. Her hands grappling the queen’s forearms seemed to be enough to jar her awake, because her eyes snapped open and she sat up quickly.

“Catherine?” Joan said worriedly. “Are you okay? Can you hear me? Should I call someone? An ambulance?”

Lightning cracked in her internal rainstorm, illuminating a puddle upon the mindscape that she always tried very hard to keep covered. There were three, actually- one wreathed in thorny vines around the edges with brilliant emerald flowers sprouting from the snarls, one with pinkish-green snapdragons lurking around the perimeter, and one that has soft white petals floating upon the surface. As beautiful as they may have been, she dreaded having their contents bubble out of the pools—and that’s exactly what was happening with the third puddle.

Images flashed behind her eyelids- a sickroom, stained sheets, a fretting king and a writhing, gasping queen.

“I’m alright,” Aragon’s voice surfaced through the clamor of noise resonating through her skull. She seemed to be too busy recovering from her near-blackout to notice Joan’s rising anxiety.

“That’s good.” Joan said distantly. The sickroom again, blood oozing down a bedside, half of a placenta sprawled out of a dark red abyss of torn flesh and blood and inflamed vaginal tissue. “I’m...I’m glad.”

She turned stiffly to the edge of the bed, and at first she thought she was moving to vomit in the trash can, but then she reached for the plastic bag she brought in with her.

Oh yeah, She thought. How could I forget? Stupid.

“What’s that?” Aragon asked after clearing her throat again. Her voice was slimy with mucus, but she was still doing her best to hold herself like a regal queen.

“Oh, just some medicine.” Joan pulled out a bottle filled with some kind of dark pink liquid. Aragon squinted at it and curled her nose. “I went shopping before I came over.”

“What is it exactly?” Aragon asked.

“Something that will help you.” Joan informed. “I also got ginger shots, throat coat, Ibuprofen, Motrin, Mucinex-”

“Are you trying to overdose me or something?”

A blush lit up on Joan’s cheeks and Aragon chuckled lightly. She gently touched the girl’s hand; hers is still shaking.

“I’m joking, baby.”

Joan smiled thinly, then unscrewed the lid of the bottle she’s holding and filled the cap up with the thick liquid. She looked at it, smelled it once, and was glad she’s not the one about to drink it.

“That’s probably enough, right?” She looked at the queen.

It was a big lid. A little over the stated amount wouldn’t be that bad, right? The more Aragon takes the better it’ll work! Probably.

“You’re the caretaker.” Aragon said.

Joan inspected the medicine-filled cap for another moment before handing it to Aragon. The queen stared at it like it’s poison. Joan giggled softly.

“Just...take it like a shot!” Joan encouraged her.

“Bold words from someone who has never taken a shot before,” Aragon said, earning a ruffled look from Joan. She flashed a smile at the girl, then punched her nose shut, tipped her head back, and downed the liquid as fast as she could. Almost instantly, she made an ungodly sound similar to that of a cat coughing up a hairball. Joan dissolved into giggles.

“Oh Lord,” Aragon said bitterly. She snatched the water bottle sitting on her nightstand and took a big sip.

“Hang on, there’s more.” Joan said before Aragon could get too comfortable with feeling like she was done.

It probably wasn’t good to take all that medicine on an empty stomach, but Aragon still wasn’t up to eat much, even when Joan told her she also made some porridge. She just shook her head and laid back down after taking several pills and shots of foul-tasting liquids.

Upon peeling herself out of the room, Joan was met with a rush of worry and fear that nearly caused her to spill the trash can she told Aragon she was going to clean out for her. She gripped the edges tightly and trekked into the kitchen, trying not to succumb to her nervousness, but it was so hard with every possible bad situation shoving its way in. Soon, several endings to this sickness were laid out to her- the least alarming one was Aragon recovering, but being deaf for life due to her high fever, but the others were much, much worse: Aragon seizing in the bed, foaming at the mouth; Aragon being dead the next time she checks up on her; Aragon being brain dead because her fever fried her brain; Aragon spewing blood and vomit from her mouth because Joan accidentally overdosed her; the other queens looming over Joan, their faces twisted with hatred and disgust, while Maria and Cathy wail over Aragon’s horribly pale corpse in the background; Joan being shunned and hated and called a killer for the rest of her life.

Then, she blinked and they’re gone, disappearing into the mist of her internal rainstorm and she doesn’t even try to scramble after them. Even if she wanted to, it’s almost impossible for her to pull thoughts back out of the storm once they’ve drifted inside.

She takes to washing the dishes she dirtied from making the porridge, and it took a lot of time because she knew that Jane was sort of a neat freak and would kill her if she left a smudge of rice on one of her pots. Doing the chore eased her mind slightly, got her away from thinking about every worst-case scenario, but she can feel them lurking in the back of her head, waiting.

The storm outside the house hissed. The backyard was turning into a small lake, swelling and churning and eroding the ground into a stew of mud and weeds. Joan walked over to the back door and stared out at the pouring rain. Weather like this reminded her of reincarnation, which was rather strange because she was the only one who didn’t come back when it was raining.

Aragon and Anne had told her about it a few months after everyone was settled. The queens came back first, all on the same day, all during a terrible storm with “thunder so loud it could chip bones”, as Anne had stated, and they all met the same day at the chapel Jane was buried at. Soon after, they got the huge house in ways they still couldn’t really understand, and then, four months later, the ladies in waiting appeared, although they came back in two day intervals. Maria on Monday, Maggie on Wednesday, Bessie on Friday, and then Joan on Sunday. However, they said the storm cleared up the day of Joan’s reincarnation, making them think that nobody else would appear. But that night was one of the brightest they’ve ever seen, and she showed up in their backyard, underneath the glowing moon. Completely naked, too. That part always made Joan very flustered, but she liked the way Anne and Aragon would laugh when she would-

Aragon.

A sudden gush of adrenaline sent Joan careening up the stairs and to Aragon’s bedroom. She nearly kicked the door off its hinges, but she couldn’t care because Aragon-

-was perfectly safe in her bed?

Joan blinked. As much as she loved seeing that the queen was okay, she couldn’t understand the sight. Was she hallucinating? Why did she have such a bad gut feeling all of a sudden?

She waited by the door, thinking that maybe something might happen, but nothing did. Nothing bad, at least. Aragon stirred at one point and sneezed in her sleep, which nearly made Joan fling herself at her and give her CPR (as if that would help even if she WAS dying, anyway—she didn’t know how to give CPR correctly at all).

Her nerves were on fire. Alarm bells were ringing in her ears, screaming, “GO! GO! SHE’S DYING! HURRY! YOU HAVE TO HURRY OR SHE’LL DIE!”

Cleves had once asked her how she managed to be so anxious all the time, and, at the time, she didn’t have an answer. But now she did: she didn’t manage it. Being this nervous was exhausting. And she hated it, but she didn’t know how to turn her brain off or quiet her flurry of worried thoughts that poured through her brain every second of every day.

The pet cat, Tea Cake, strolled by and meowed at Joan. She swore even IT was judging her nervousness. She sighed and finally left the room, despite her brain crying, “NO! NO! GO BACK! SHE’LL DIE!”

She collapsed down onto the couch and put her head in her hands. When she glanced up, she saw that the time displayed on the TV cable box read: 12:04. It was a double show day today, so she probably had another good four or five hours before the queens got back. If she could just keep Aragon alive until they took over, then it wouldn’t be her fault if she died!

She squeezed her temples against her palms. How could she ever think like that? Besides, she would find a way to blame herself, anyway. Just like-

A whimper bubbled to Joan’s lips, which turned into a sob. Suddenly, there’s tears running down her cheeks and she doesn’t really know why, but she does know that she hates them and they make her persistent headache worse.

She cried alone on the couch for a while, at some point flopping over to bury herself against the back cushions in a fetal position. She was planning on just crying herself into a pathetic puddle, but then her phone rang and she had no choice but to pick it up. The caller idea said that it was Jane, and usually her heart would leap in joy to see that her queen was calling her, but, right now, simply seeing her name said spirals of bad, bad things coiling through her brain.

“Hello?” She said in her best not-having-an-anxiety-attack voice.

“Hey,” Jane replied coolly. She sounded nonchalant, but Joan has become good at detecting the annoyance that would edge her voice whenever she talked to her. Even on a phone call, the stinging irritation was bristled around her words like needle-sharp thorns. “I’m just calling to check up on Catalina. How is she?”

Ironically, it was the one afraid of illness doing this. Perhaps it’s to make up for her not being able to physically comfort her fellow queen.

“Okay,” Joan answered. She struggled to keep her voice steady, but she knew it was wobbling treacherously. “She’s- she’s, ah— she’s sleeping. Right now. S-she’s sleeping.”

“I see.” Jane said. Then, she paused. “Are you alright?”

A whirl of new thoughts filled Joan’s head: Jane cares, Jane doesn’t care, Jane is worried about her, Jane is going to tell the others about how pathetic she is and they’ll all laugh at her, Jane knows.

“I-I’m f-ine.” Her voice cracked horribly and fresh tears ran down her cheeks. She has the art of crying silently mastered, but she knows Jane can still hear her sharp breaths and hiccups and whimpers. The fact that the queen isn’t saying anything makes her feel even worse. Scenarios shove their way into her brain faster: Jane putting her on speaker so everyone in the theater could hear her break down, Jane hanging up on her so she doesn’t have to listen to her sniffle and weep like a baby, Jane laughing at her.

“Listen to me,” Jane spoke up. Her voice is firm and hard, but Joan swore she could hear softness seep through the thorns edging her words. “I’m the calmest voice you hear. Use me as your anchor. I’ll keep talking until you calm down.”

Joan was nearly startled into calming down. Was Jane...trying to comfort her?

“Remember that you are safe. Look around you.”

Joan sank to her knees on the hardwood floor. Her chest ached with the weight of her guilt and anguish, which are mixing together awfully inside of her. She whimpered softly.

“You’re okay. We’re okay. Catalina is okay. The cat is okay. Anna’s dogs are, regrettably, okay.”

“Wh-why regrettably?” Joan stammered, sniffling.

“Ah, so you are listening.” Jane said. Joan thinks she may be tipping her head. “Keep listening. I know you can do that, Joan. You’re a very smart girl.”

Jane thinks I’m smart, Joan thought dizzily. And then, those thoughts spiral downwards, That doesn’t make sense. Jane is dead. I know Jane is dead. I saw her— I was— I felt her blood.

Joan closed her eyes and remembered the way she tried to help Jane after she gave birth to Edward. She had tried so hard to stop the bleeding, but there was just too much blood and it wouldn’t stop coming out and the smell was so bad and everything was yelling and Jane wouldn’t stop screaming.

“-my voice.” Jane was saying, a little more frantic. “Don’t let yourself fall in.”

But it was too late. The petal-strewn puddle in Joan’s mindscape frothed over its own edges until every bad thing she tried so desperately to hide within its depths came pouring out: Nurses shoving through the sickroom, midwives clamoring in a panic, blood and birthing fluids and placenta and sweat and tears, a tiny baby soaked in blood- They all flooded her mind with full force.

“Joan? Joan?” Jane called loudly. “Joan, are you there? What’s going on?”

Joan doesn’t answer. She simply dropped her phone, curled into a ball on the floor, and cried.

An unknown amount of time passes. It’s nearly two o’clock when Joan looked up, though. Immediately, a headache crashed into her head like a sledgehammer. Sweat glided down her body, but it felt more like blood to her.

She had to check on Aragon, but she couldn’t bear to see the queen while she was sick. She was too afraid of possibly seeing her as a corpse, so she just half staggered, half crawled to the downstairs bathroom, stripped off her clothing, and stumbled into the shower to scrub off the feeling of blood coating every inch of her skin.

Leaving her to suffer, Her mind hissed. Good job.

———

“Alright, that’s it—”

Aragon had been laying in her bed for what felt like hours, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She threw her legs over the edge and hauled herself out, which nearly landed her face-first on the floor when she put pressure on her numb legs, but she managed to grapple onto the door frame and steady herself. After a moment of breathing, she’s able to start walking.

Joan isn’t anywhere in sight when she finally makes it down the staircase, but she can faintly hear Cleves’ shower running. She chuckled, wondering how her nervous little moon conjured up the courage to use someone else’s bathroom, but was proud of her nonetheless.

She poured herself a bowl of porridge and sat down at the couch to eat. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until that moment; it was good to eat, especially something so light and easy on her stomach.

Somewhere down the hallway, she hears the shower sputter to a halt. A few minutes later, Joan trudged out, dressed in the same bumblebee T-shirt and sweat pants as she was in earlier. Her hair is still soaked, though, and she had a distant look in her dull grey eyes.

“Hello, little luna,” Aragon cooed over at her. She didn’t know if it was her fever making her delirious or if the girl’s touch starved aura was rubbing off on her or even if it was from her dreams of being with her daughter again, but she’s been itching to hold Joan in her arms. “You took a shower, I see. I’m not THAT contagious, you know.” She winked with a laugh, but Joan doesn’t react. She didn’t even look up at her. Aragon frowned. “Joan?”

Aragon set her bowl of porridge down after one more bite and walked over to where Joan had stopped in the living room. She’s clenching fistfuls of her shirt so tightly her knuckles were turning white. Something was wrong.

“Joan,” Aragon gently touched her shoulder, but even that is enough to make her jolt back. “Hey, sweetie, it’s okay. It’s just me. It’s Catalina.”

Joan looked up at her with wide eyes and there’s something in her gaze that she’s seen in Maria’s before, but much, much worse.

“Joan,” Aragon took her hands. “Think about the rain, baby.”

Joan’s eyes shut tightly and a strangled sob escaped her lips. She shook her head, making a miserable keening noise that sent cracks through Aragon’s heart.

“Think of the mist and wind and distant thunder,” Aragon continued softly, stroking Joan’s knuckles with her thumbs. “The fog and lightning and rainbows.”

“I-I can’t-“ Joan gasped. She shook her head. “I can’t. Y-you— You’re—sick— not okay— just like—”

Suddenly, it dawns on Aragon.

“Oh, Joan,” She murmured. “Oh, baby.” She cupped the girl’s tear stained cheeks. “You’re worried that I may end up like Jane, don’t you?”

With a feeble whimper, Joan nodded and then sobbed again.

“My poor girl,” Aragon guided Joan over to the couch and pulled her into a tight hug. Joan clung to her instantly, burying her face into her chest and clearly not even caring if she may catch whatever the queen has. “You have a lot of pent up anxiety over that, huh?”

Another nod, this one much weaker. Joan’s entire body is now wracked with weeping. Aragon holds her tightly, afraid she may fall apart if she didn’t. She stroked her soaking wet hair and rocked her back and forth.

“It’s going to be okay, honey,” Aragon whispered. “I’m okay, I promise. I’m alright. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

Joan, surprisingly, doesn’t argue against that claim. With a frown, Aragon realized it’s probably because she doesn’t have the energy to.

Joan cried for a long time, and all Aragon could do was hold her and wait until she’s well enough to talk to. However, when the sobs do eventually die down, Joan was already far gone in unconsciousness. She looked peaceful, at least, with her head resting atop Aragon’s chest. The queen closed her own eyes, feeling her illness take control over her once again. She, too, fell asleep, but awoke some time later to someone standing over her. She jumped back, instinctively holding the girl in her arms tighter.

“Sorry,” Jane said. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” Aragon answered. She was surprised that Jane was standing so close to her.

Jane nodded. She glanced down at Joan and expression became something that Aragon couldn’t really discern. She pursed her lips.

“Is she okay?” She finally asked quietly.

Aragon blinked, then looked down at Joan. “She...went through some stuff earlier.” She said. “She was pretty freaked out. Had an anxiety attack. She’s been asleep since.”

The flat line set on Jane’s mouth turned into a frown. She extended a hand and gently touched Joan’s head, then pulled back.

“I see.” She whispered. So many emotions were flashing in her eyes. “Well.” She turned away. “Take care of her. Oh— and yourself.”

Aragon watched her walk to the staircase and disappear upstairs, then looked down at Joan in her arms. She pulled the girl closer.

“Will do,” She said, long after Jane was gone.

#im love you duck mama 💕💕#six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six fanfic #six fanfiction #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #joan on the keys #katherine howard #anna of cleves #catherine parr #mamagon #cross poison

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xxxtrouvaillexxx · 4 years

Text

Paper Cranes

A/N: I swear that I’m working on the first chapter of LSaD, I plan to have it out by THIS Saturday! I promise that it’s coming! In the mean time, I’ve been working on this piece for a hot minute and it’s kind of just been sitting around in my drafts and in the back of my head. So~ while you wait, here is a little something something to keep the waters calm. And I needed a little something to deal with quarantine.

Pair: Bucky x Reader (platonic)

Synopsis: Y/N is an empath... More specifically, a healer with empathic abilities, which leads to from very severe trauma for y/n but you’d never stop helping your team for the world. Even when that trauma leads you to spend a night on to roof in tears and a very heated talk with your best friend Bucky.

Masterlist

Warning(s): angst (I’m a sucker for it...), an alarming amount of fluff, as usual.

Word Count: 3,931

The Tower has been bustling with life ever since the city closed down, or more aptly, the world as it seems. Every single one of the Avengers, other than Barton himself, was closed up in the same building for the last three weeks, and the air was becoming more restless every day. And the more anxious it became inside of these walls, the world was still doing worse for wear.

You, feeling all of that, felt all of your own worries too. Not that you let anyone in on that little fact. You’re the personal on-site doctor to the Avengers along with being one of the hero’s themselves, though you had no real special power to name in the ways of fighting. You simply were rather good at kicking bad guy butt and were a rather well-known assassin with the Black Widow herself.

And though the two of you are as close as sisters, she doesn’t even know about your ability.

“Lady Y/N!”

You whipped your head around so quickly at Thor’s booming voice, you could have sworn that you’d given yourself whiplash, but you managed to give the large man a large grin and match his excitement.

“Thor!”

Laughing, he scooped you up and off of the floor in a tight hug as if you were light as a feather. If there was anyone who, throughout the entire time of being shut up in a building with the worlds most lovably irritating heros, could keep spirits high, it was Thor. The man was like a giant teddy bear, to be frank. You could swear that the only time you ever see him get intensely serious about an issue is during a mission, and it surely wasn’t anything you were going to start complaining about now.

Letting you down again to stand on your own feet, he grinned widely and with mischief.

“I require a bit of aid, I’m afraid. Sparring with the two super soldiers seems to be only a tad bit more interesting without the use of powers.”

“Don’t let him fool you, doll. We pummeled him and he doesn’t want to admit it,” Bucky said from the doorway. Steve was coming up from behind him with a smile too.

“Well, it seems you boys have had an eventful morning then.” The humor was obvious in your voice and they all laughed, Thor of course boomed.

“Indeed!”

“Well, how can I assist you three then?”

“Just Thor today, actually. He thought it would be funny to go easy on us old geezers. Lessons learned,” Steve said grinning as he passed you with a pat on the shoulder to the kitchen.

Thor after, another, belly full of laughter, showed you the bruises that now littered his arms and torso. There were no major wounds, and it looked like it was just hand to hand sparring, though if it were anyone other than Thor the damage would have been far worse coming from the two super soldiers.

Shaking your head, you smiled and pointed him to the couch. “You might as well get comfortable while we do this. You’ve got enough bruises to keep me busy for a week,” you joked and sat down beside him. “You know the drill, eyes closed and deep breaths.”

He followed your orders without complaint and you rested your hands against his chest first and matched your breathing to his and felt the steady stream of power flow through you. It was light, airy and cool, shining a beautiful gold from your fingertips in waves. But as gorgeous as it looked, this amazing power to heal the injured was a double-edged blade.

As soon as the marks on his skin began to fade and return to its normal color, images of their match flashed in your mind. Every punch and kick that Thor received felt like a blow of your own. Needless to say, you figured it hurt a lot more for you than it had for the god in front of you. Even if you knew that you didn’t physically attain any of the damage, it didn’t dull the sharp pains that coursed through your body.

The reason you always made them close their eyes before healing them of anything, an illness, battle wounds, haunting dreams, or trauma, was because it was easier than trying to force down every wince and grimace. Sometimes it just seemed impossible, which is also the reason you tried to keep healing sessions like this to more personal settings, not that that was always possible.

After a few measured deep breaths to match with Thor’s, you moved onto his arms and repeated the process. It didn’t take long, and by the time you were finished the sharp pains had faded into something of a dull throbbing. Though you didn’t imagine that would stop anytime soon.

“I feel like a brand new man! Thank you, Lady Y/N!” He grinned and launched himself into another suffocating hug before turning to the men in the kitchen. “I will remember to not pull my punches with you two the next time around!”

“We’ll look forward to your next challenge then. But don’t go crying to Y/N next time you get your ass handed to you,” Bucky hollered back.

“Hey! Language!” You exclaimed with a laugh when you heard Steve grumble and say something about needing to forget that moment ever happened… Not that any of you ever would, of course.

You all sat around for a while before Steve went off to speak with Tony about something or another and Thor decided to find and pester his brother. ‘Which I’m sure I’ll have the pleasure to hear about later from Loki himself’, you thought with a chuckle. And soon enough it was just you and Bucky left in the kitchen sharing a peaceful silence and tea for several minutes.

The two of you had grown particularly close over the time since he’s come to the tower and in Wakanda. He was one of your closest friends next to Natasha. Because of that, you took extra care of him not that you’d ever tell him that. You took extra time with him in the evenings and during routine checkups to help him with his nightmares and the general horrors his mind puts him through. You’d be sure to brush your hand across his skin periodically throughout the day subtly to draw out any built up worries and anxieties and he usually stayed pretty close by when he was feeling extra tense.

Of course, there was a part of you that dreaded his checkups and the late nights. Not because that you didn’t want to help him, but the pain that it caused you was sometimes almost to much for you to handle. His memories that flooded through your mind when you touched, the phantom pains you’d feel... You couldn’t understand how anybody could ever do something so absolutely horrible, least of all to another human being. And it was almost incomprehensible how Bucky had managed to survive so long after all of it, but you had managed to tie that to the fact that he was the strongest man you knew.

But no matter how much you may dread those visits and the things that followed, you would never stop helping him. And you would never tell him the truth about your power. You doubted that he’d ever let you continue if he knew what it did.

“I think everyone is going out for joyride tonight, you plan on joining?” He interrupted your thoughts with a warm voice and kind smile.

“Not likely. I think I’ll just take the evening for myself. If everyone goes out, it might actually be quite around here for a change,” you chuckled. “What about you?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but Steve is trying pretty hard to get me out this time around.”

“So, probably then?”

He laughed and nodded, “Yeah, probably.”

“Where do they plan on going, anyway? Everything is shut down right now, so there isn’t much to do,” you asked. And it was true, with a global pandemic going around, everything was basically closed down until further notice everywhere.

He shrugged and looked to the ceiling, “Who knows. Stark thought it would be a good idea to get the quinjets out and running before they sit around to long and need a toon up. And he thought it would be good for moral if we weren’t all cooped up in the tower again for another night together.”

You guffawed and shook your head. “Oh? And having everyone cooped up in the jets is going to be so much better for team moral, huh? Tell me how that works out for him.”

»»-———————-««

It was roughly 11:30 now, and everyone was still out of the tower and flying around Lord knows where and you were in the tower alone. It had been nearly two months since these halls last ran silent except for the sound of your own footsteps. Nearly two months sinces you could freely express all of the pent up rage, and fear, and pain, and anxiety that has been building up inside of yourself.

On most if not all occasions, you were a very happy person. You enjoyed your work and the people you work with. You loved your family and friends, and the world even with all of its problems... And there were a lot of problems. And normally it would just be enough to spend a day to yourself with a book or a blank canvas and paint to release everything. You tried to always look toward the brighter side of things, but recently- without a way to vent out everything you’ve been taking in, things were to much.

So you found yourself up on the towers roof at almost midnight with tears running down your cheeks and finding it hard to catch your breath. Your chest ached. The instant that the door closed behind you and you were hit with the cool night air it was like everything just rushed out in waves.

You screamed, and wailed, and cried. You let yourself feel everything that you had been burying. Every last punch, kicks, knife and bullet, nightmare. It all came out in coughs and harsh please and grief. For yourself and for the people who went through it all.

“It’s not fair,” you cried. “It’s not fair!”

After what felt like an eternity and your throat was coarse from the yelling and sobs, you felt like there was nothing left to cry. You’d gotten it all out and let go of everything, finally. And you knew you would be able to face everyone tomorrow as yourself rather than the shell of a person you have been until now.

What you didn’t know, was that Bucky was there to witness it all.

»»-———————-««

When you woke up the next morning you felt a great deal better than you had the previous night. Let alone the previous week. In a rather bright mood, you woke early and decided to make breakfast, nothing special because let’s be frank- you weren’t any Gordon Ramsey. But you could make a mean stack of pancakes and eggs.

An hour later, the kitchen was flooded with tired heros and grumbled good mornings. Though you were aware that Bucky seemed to linger in the doorway a little to long and continued to stare at you throughout breakfast. You could practically feel the discomfort and tension poor off of him. He didn’t mention it though so you assumed he wasn’t ready to come to you yet.

It wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to try and handle himself first, be it a nightmare or his own thoughts he tried to take care of it first. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. But you never wanted to try and take that chance from him, so you let him be until he decided for himself.

They all happily ate their share of pancakes, gave thanks in some form or another; hugs, verbally, a slug to the shoulder, the usual. And then everyone dispersed to go about their own day.

By the time that a week went by, you started to become genuinely concerned about Bucky. He was still tense and sticking close to you, but he wouldn’t let himself get close enough for you to touch him and draw out whatever it was that was causing him to be so worried. But he never left your side either. Everytime you left a room, a few minutes later he would follow. It was becoming so apparent that even Natasha said something over dinner, but Bucky didn’t bother to respond.

You didn’t want to take away the option of helping himself if he felt like he could, but he’s never gone longer than two days before saying something to you. It started to make you wonder if you had done something wrong or if he really felt like he didn’t need your help anymore.

Either way, you had to figure it out. The worry was beginning to choke you if you thought about it for to long. So after dinner, you excused yourself from the table and waited in the hall for Bucky to follow.

Sure enough, after a minute he started down the hall too searching for which way you disappeared to.

You showed yourself to him and ignored his apparent surprise, “Are you okay, Bucky? Did something happen?”

His face changed, he looked hurt and sad. Like he couldn’t really bring himself to say anything or absorb what you asked. You waited patiently while he grapled for an answer.

“What?” Was all that he managed to get out.

“Well, you’ve been following me around a lot recently, and you only really stick to my side like this when you need to talk or help with something. But it’s already been a week and you haven’t said anything yet so I was starting to get worried that it was worse than usual or that maybe I did something wrong or that you-”

“That’s supposed to be my line!” He exclaimed, efficiently cutting off my nervous rant and giving me a turn at being confused.

It must of been written all over your face because he quickly continued, “I was there. I saw- I heard you last week on the rooftop! How can you possibly be asking me if I’m alright!?”

Your heart stuttered to a stop at his words and you could practically feel the blood draining from your face. You didn’t even know where begin to explain why or what happened last week.

“Oh...” you trailed off and stepped back. “I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you went with Steve,” you have a humorless chuckle. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about it, I’m alright. Can we just forget about it?”

You knew it was a pathetic attempt to get him to let the problem go, you knew that there was no chance he was going to now that he’s been thinking about it for a week.

“You were begging out there, Y/N. Begging! You can’t just tell me you’re alright and expect me to just let it go like this is nothing!”

You were silent for a long time, taking deep and long breaths to keep yourself calm before taking the corner of his sleeve and dragging him to your room. “We should go somewhere private so we can talk freely.”

He followed you without question.

»»-———————-««

The two of you sat silently for nearly half an hour in your room. You felt completely uncomfortable in the situation. Usually, you were the one who was patiently waiting and comforting someone else while they thought over what they wanted to share or compose themselves. You were used to that, but being on the opposite end of that was new and something you came to learn within the first five minutes that you weren’t particularly fond of.

Finally, Bucky decided to break the silence. “Why do you have so many origami cranes hangin’ in here?”

Your room decor was a bit unconventional, compared to that of everyone else in the tower that is. The room was covered in your own oil paintings, all the ones you deemed should never see the light of day but didn’t get rid of, couches and chairs, bookcases, and of course, countless bunches of paper cranes you’ve hung from the ceiling. Unconventional, maybe. But you loved it anyway.

“There is a myth,” you nearly whispered it but you were sure that he caught the words anyway when he turned toward you.

“Tell me about it?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “It’s an old Japanese legend. It says that anybody who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by the gods. Some of the old stories even say that you are granted happiness and eternal good luck instead of a wish. But you can use the wish on anything, a recovery to illness or injury for example. Usually they’re made as gifts for special friends or family.”

Standing, you grabbed one of the many strings of cranes and gave it to Bucky. “Cranes in Japan are considered holy creatures and supposedly live for a thousand years. That’s why a thousand cranes are made, one for each year of their life. And there are some stories that even say that all have to be folded within a year and strung together on the same string by the one who is making the wish for it to actually work.” You drifted off and smiled at the strand he held and shrugged.

He stared at you for awhile before he looked around your room again. “All of them are stung on one sting.”

“So the legend goes,” you answered.

“But you have at least a hundred of these hanging around your room,” he awed and shook the his gently.

“53 to be exact. There are 53,142 cranes in this room. I’m working on another one now,” you laughed as his face grew in een more amazement.

The strands all hung next to each other. Currently you had two rows of 25 and one of three. Honestly, it was rather beautiful in your opinion. It created a sort of curtain on one of your walls filled with different colors and stories.

“Why?” He asked softly.

“Because I have a lot of wishes?”

“No. Don’t dodge. You wouldn’t have gone through all of this effort,” he waved toward the curtain, “for yourself alone. So why? How long have you been doing this for?”

“Nearly 15 years? I usually try to fold 10 every night before I go to sleep. You would be disgusted by how much I spend on paper,” you joked but he didn’t break. You groaned, “Fine! It’s because I didn’t know what else to do, okay? People were sad and hurting and scared, I felt it, and I didn’t know what I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do to help them. And so I started to make wishes for strangers mostly, people I felt needed it.”

“Felt?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded hesitantly. “Or saw depending on the person. And it’s not like I’d ever do it on purpose, I’d just bump into someone and see everything! And I wouldn’t be able get it out of my head. I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do, Bucky. So I wished and wished and wished for them. For everyone.”

He looked at you incredulously, “Y/N... What do you mean, “See everything”?”

You blinked rapidly a few times and grabbed three more of the strands from the wall. “These,” you handed them to him, “are yours. These are the wishes I made for you. And before you say anything, just... Don’t freak out, okay? I didn’t make all of those to upset you, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I’m a healer, that’s always been who I am. But for me to be able to use that gift, I have to make physical contact with my patient. And I’ve been blessed to be able to mend body and mind! There isn’t anything in the world that would make me want to give up that gift, Bucky. But when I... touch people- anyone, Wanda, Nat, Thor, a stranger... You- I can see exactly how they got hurt mentally or physically. And I can feel the hurt too, like it were my own.”

You could barely bring yourself to say that last part, and it was barely a murmur as it were, but you knew that he heard it by the way that the color drained from his face and he slouched back a bit.

“Bucky,” you reached out for him but stopped when he flinched away from you. You swallowed harshly and continued, “I don’t hate it Bucky. I prefer it this way, really! It makes it easier for me to understand who I’m helping and more than anything else it brings me closer to them. I’m okay, Bucky.”

“Stop telling me that you’re okay! How could you possibly be after-” he paled more if that were possible as he looked at the four rows of cranes he carried now, “Oh my God. Four years, you’ve seen everyth- You’ve felt everything for four years! Y/N, I-”

“Don’t you dare try to apologise or regret coming to me, James,” you interrupted in a hurry. “If I can breathe then I’m fine. And I will never regret helping you when you needed me. You’ve never done anything wrong. And what you saw last week wasn’t usually how I deal with... Well, everything that gets piled up. Usually I go out for a day to breathe and just let go. It’s just that with everything closed down right now, I hadn’t had the opportunity in months. It got to much, that’s all. It had nothing to do with you, I promise.”

Everything you said seemed to go in one ear and out the other with him. He simply grasped the cranes tighter and refused to make eye contact.

“Bucky,” you whispered again and reached for him one more time and this time, he didn’t turn away. His wave of emotions hit you hard, there were to flashes of images or memories, just feelings of regret and horror and shame and fear. “It’s okay,” you breathed and raised to give him a hug. “It’s okay Bucky.”

Slowly he calmed down, and his emotions subsided into ripples rather than waves. His regret eased along with his fears. He pulled away from you eventually and offered a weak smile, that didn’t necessarily confirm any suspicions that you may have that he was lying or otherwise.

He held up the cranes and smiled, “Thank you, so much, for these.Y/N I can’t ever thank you enough for these, let alone everything else that you’ve done for me. I understand why you would’ve kept this to yourself, if I’d known sooner I’d never had come to you. But because I did- God, I can do things without begin afraid. I can go out with Steve and not freak out, or go through the night without nightmares. I’ve you to thank you for that. You’ve done more for me than I could have ever asked you, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that but-”

You smiled and shook your head, “This, Bucky, is plenty.”

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letmewritemylife · 3 years

Text

The Creator

If you can hold the stars in place… - Skillet

A/N Here we are again, posting a new “fix-it but not really ‘cause babies still suffer but at least I have the excuse of being an idiot for this being ooc” fic TRIGGER WARNINGS None?

From the moment Scott first explained his plan to bring everyone back to life, Tony had a feeling it would have not worked. He knew it deep in his bones, some sort of sixth sense telling him not to waste time trying. After all, what could one expect from an idea that was based on “Back To The Future”?

Now, as he moves his gaze over the walls covered in shiny crystals and dark stones, Tony is sure that he should have never listened to him. Scott narrows his eyes, staring at a particularly big blue crystal in front of him. “I’m quite sure the quantum realm didn't look like this last time.”

A soft laugh comes from behind them and a man, unusually average-looking compared to the place he’s in, walks up to them. A pair of purplish eyes sets on them, studying each man meticulously as a genuine smile paints on his pale lips. “I’m sorry, Mr Lang, but this is not the quantum realm.”

Steve throws a glance at his surroundings, trying - and failing - to understand where the man came from. “And where are we then?” he asks.

The man walks past them, rubbing his palms against each other, eyes glued to the floor and its myriad of stones. “Dimension Z, as some human once called it.” He turns to them, still not abandoning his welcoming expression that, for some reason, can’t help scaring Tony. “The actual name is another, but it is quite complicated and you would forget it easily.”

“Whatever, who are you and why are we here?” Tony cuts short, eager to get the infinity stones as soon as possible and, hopefully, go back to his family.

“Oh, I forgot to present myself, I apologise. My name… well, a friend of yours tried ‘Jesus’, but it is not very appropriate. On most planets, I am known as ‘The Creator’.” He snaps his fingers and the ground deforms, a table and a set of chairs forming. He gestures at the shining seats with a smile, only continuing his explanation once his guests have sat down.

“I noticed that you Avengers thought about travelling between realities in order to collect the infinity stones and reverse Thanos' snap.” Tony nods, suddenly interested in what the man is saying. “Unfortunately, I cannot allow that, ergo I blocked you and brought you here.” His eyes follow for a moment a lonely butterfly dancing in the air. “Do not worry, your friends are already back on Earth.”

“Listen sir,” Scott attempts, still confused by all he sees around himself. “We have to do this, it’s our only chance to bring everyone back.”

Steve crosses his arms on the table, eyes traveling over the man’s features. “We’ll bring all the stones back, we promise.”

The man lets out a laugh, leaning back against his seat. “Oh, I do not doubt that,” he says, shaking his head. “Trust me, I am the first who wants everything to go back to normal, as normal as it could be in the first place, but the universe is already going through enough.”

Tony looks confused at him, tapping his fingers on the blue surface before him. “What do you mean? It’s been five years, I thought everything had kind of fixed itself, more or less…”

“Absolutely no, Mr Stark. In fact, the universe has never been so tired and damaged like now.” He opens his palm and a flat surface forms in his hands. After cleaning the slab with the back of a hand, he places it in the middle of the table.

Tony’s eyes open wide as pictures appear in front of them. “My duty is merely formal, there are others burdened with the task of protecting realities,” the Creator explains, a soft smile painting his face as the images of two women appear on the screen.

The first woman is meditating, legs crossed in a lotus position. Purple magic dancing around her dark skin, her face writhes into a pained grimace. The Creator’s face darkens, as if sharing that woman’s feelings. “Among the few that survived Thanos, I can still count on the three Enchantresses.”

Scott looks puzzled at the witch, slowly moving his gaze to the other woman beside her. Slightly taller than her colleague and with eyes so green to seem fake, she adjusts a voluminous book on her lap before snapping her fingers, moving a chair right before her friend can hit it when waking from her trance.

“Even though they are among the most powerful magic users in the multiverse,” the man continues, “holding the universe in place with little to no help from others is taking a toll on them.” He turns back to his interlocutors. “If I let you move through realities, you would surely create confusion among timelines. Even if you fixed everything, at least a few beings would escape, giving unnecessary work to those you are seeing.”

Steve nods, eyes glued to the two Enchantresses. He seems convinced, but Tony still has one lingering question. “You said ‘three’, but I only see two women here.”

Every trace of happiness leaves the Creator’s face and he sighs. A movement of his fingers changes the images on the blue tablet.

Now the three Avengers are looking at a white cell, plaster cracking in the corners of the ceiling and the dim light of the LEDs flashing. A lonely figure is curled up in a corner of the room, a mane of messy brown hair sprawled on her white uniform.

The unnatural silence is broken out of the blue, the woman screaming in pain as her whole body shakes and contorts, tears gathering in her eyes. It takes Tony a moment to recognize her, her pale skin covered in red, deep scars that he didn’t remember being there just a few years before.

“There you have it, your third Enchantress,” the Creator comments, fists clenched and a hint of resentment in his voice.

Scott swallows heavily, unable to move his eyes from the bleeping monitor on Lara’s neck. “Why is she there?”

The man laughs bitterly. “I should be the one asking you that.”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Lara!” Tony throws his hands up in the air, screaming right at Steve’s face.

The super soldier sighs, crossing his arms and sharing a quick glance with Natasha. “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“Mister Stark, Miss Romanoff, Mister Rogers,” Hayward’s confident voice interrupts them. After nodding in greeting at the three Avengers, the man gestures at his secretary to leave the room. “How may I help you?” he asks. The fake polite smile on his face makes Tony want to punch him.

“Where is Johnson?” Natasha goes straight to the point.

Hayward’s grin widens. “Safely locked in our best cell, you don’t need to worry.”

Tony puts away his sunglasses, sending him the coldest look he can make. “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Completely missing the point of the other’s comment, Hayward adjusts the sleeve of his jacket and smirks. “Trust me, she’s not getting out anytime soon. Right after her brother and she surrendered-”

“Wait, her brother?” Steve asks.

“Enhanced human too, significantly weaker than her, one year older. He’s been collocated in a common cell beside his sister.” Hayward looks back at Tony, who’s now trying to hide his shaking hands in the pockets of his pants. “However, while he wasn’t almost touched, the witch had to have her powers restrained. For safety, of course.”

A middle aged man in a lab coat coughs behind him. A small badge on his coat shows his name, Doctor Rolland, written in bold characters. “Director,” he says once he’s drawn everyone’s attention, “I’ve completed my examinations. Would you like to see the results right now or…?”

Hayward smirks proudly. “Oh yes, sum them up for our guests, we were just talking about her.” He turns at the Avengers before him. “You won’t mind, right?”

Rolland clears his voice and opens the grey folder he was carrying. After adjusting his thick glasses, he starts reading. “No illness diagnosed, no relevant anomaly in her conditions. The cause of her deteriorated health hasn’t been found. She won’t talk either. The examinations gave no result. I suggest we reduce her energy income to two percent and proceed with more invasive tests.”

Hayward nods. “Of course, go ahead, you’re the doctor.”

But once Doctor Rolland has walked outside, Hayward finds himself pressed against his desk, Tony grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket. “What the hell are you doing to her?” he asks between gritted teeth.

Hayward stutters, throwing worried looks at Natasha and Steve. “She- she never refused-”

“Of course she f*cking didn’t, you’re torturing her.” Tony’s neck reddens and he tightens his grip, his knuckles turning white.

It’s Natasha to intervene, gently moving Tony away. Hayward furrows his brows in offence. “What do you want from me?”

“Lara.” Tony’s voice doesn’t shake in the slightest, his eyes still glued to the other man.

Steve joins in, trying to be an intermediate. “It will be just for a few days and we will respect all protocols.”

Hayward nods, massaging his throat. “And what do you need her for?”

“Reversing Thanos’ snap.”

“I see, but it’s still a no.”

The director is about to walk out of the room, but Tony’s proposal makes him freeze on the spot. “And what if Stark Industries made a good donation to SWORD?”

#lara johnson #agata varano #endscar #mcu #marvel #oc #original character #writing #mcu fiction #oc fiction #the creator #stephen strange x original character

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tonystarkjr · 5 years

Text

Be my Captain?

Pairing: Steve / Tony

Warnings: NSFW / Howards A+ Parenting / Uniform kink / sub!Tony / dom!Steve / Brat!Tony

Word Count: 5.363

Square Filled: Boss’ son

Summary: Steve’s life is boring. He has a boring job at Stark Industries and his daily routine couldn’t be more uneventful. That is until he meets his Boss’ son Tony, because the little Brat seems to make it to his mission to annoy Steve and it seems like Tony has more than one secret.

A/N: Well what can I say? Maybe that I do hate Howard, but there is nothing funnier than clingy and bratty Tony, paired with a softer side that he doesn’t show anyone.

This is for the @marvelfluffbingo

Link on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224546

Steve sighs when he gets the mail from Mr. Stark. He started working for ‘Stark Industries’ exactly 6 months ago and while it pays his bills, it’s not what he wanted for his own life. He spends the whole day behind his desk and answers questions he doesn’t understand.

“Stark again?” Bucky asks when Steve gets up to leave the tiny office they share. Steve wouldn’t be working here anymore if it wasn’t for his best friend sitting right next to him. While Bucky was mostly working on new weapon ideas, Steve thought about new defensive mechanisms.

“Who else.” Steve mutters and shakes his head at himself when he walks up the stairs towards the bigger offices. Since Howard Stark is the owner of ‘Stark Industries’, he has the biggest office at the end of the hall and Steve was here more times than he can count.

“Good morning, Captain Rogers.” The secretary in front of his office says and Steve nods his head in greeting. There was once a time when Steve fought in the army and was the captain of his unit, long before he and Bucky came back, even before Bucky lost his arm in a mission. Most people here still call him by his title.

“Good morning, Ms. Potts.” Steve answers and she smiles at him. Next to her sits a young man on her desk. He seems rather uninterested in Steve and so Steve ignores him as well. Maybe she finally had met someone. Steve ignores his thought of having someone of his own and knocks on the door.

[Watch out for the cut]

“Come in.” Howard says loudly and Steve doesn’t hesitate to open the door. Just as he walks through the door, the young man presses himself through the crack of the door as well, and walks into the room as if he owns the whole company.

“Mr. Stark.” Steve says a bit irritated when the young man just walks past him and then sits down at Howard Stark’s desk. Seems like he doesn’t understand the purpose of a chair and Steve waits calmy for Howard to throw him out of the building.

“Oh please, you can call me Tony, sugar.” The guy says and before Steve can choke on his spit in spite of an answer, Howard turns around from where he was standing in front of the big windows that shows him half of New York.

“Anthony!” Howard barks and now Steve understands. The guy is Tony Stark, Howard Stark’s only child and according to every paper in the city, a human disaster. Steve wants to roll his eyes, because he hadn’t recognized him. Tony looks almost ill in front of him, even though he’s still grinning, his skin too light and his hair a mess.

“Dad, I told you not to call me that.” Tony says, but he gets up again and then sits down on a chair that is behind Howard’s desk. Howard seems to be angry already and Steve wishes he could be anywhere but here.

“And I remember that I told you not to call me ‘Dad’ either.” Howard says loudly and for a second the easy grin on Tony’s face vanishes. Steve wants to smile at that, but Tony looks almost afraid. His big brown eyes wide and glassy.

“Anyway, Captain Rogers, please sit down.” Howard says and he points at the last empty chair in the room. Steve walks over there and does as Howard says. He isn’t sure why he wanted so see him anyway and the presence of Tony makes it worse.

“Oh this is Captain Rogers, well it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Tony says and the smile is back on his face. Steve ignores him.

“How can I help you, Mr. Stark?” Steve asks and he looks to Howard, who slowly sits down in his big leather chair. He seems a bit worried and Steve is unsure what to make of it. Howard just watches him for a moment before he sighs.

“Captain Rogers, I asked you to be here, so we could discuss a few new projects. As you may know, my failure of a son works for the company since last summer and he finally made a few good attempts at building useful weapons.” Howard says slowly and Steve can’t help but glance to Tony.

Tony looks a bit hurt at his father’s words, but Steve can see that he tries to pretend that it isn’t bothering him at all. Just when Steve focuses back on Howard, Tony seems to see Steve’s glance and wink at him. Steve snorts quietly.

“I don’t think I understand.” Steve says, because why would Howard want to tell him those things. Steve doesn’t really care about the Stark family. He always thought they were just being showoffs.

“Anthony thinks that he has found a solution for our new weapon and would like to discuss that with you.” Howard says and Steve frowns only more. He hasn’t the slightest idea how any weapon works, or at least only an idea of it, but he never invented anything.

“I thought your experience with fights that end up disgustingly bloody could help.” Tony says grinning and before Steve can say anything to that, Tony gets up and pulls bright blue sunglasses out of nowhere.

“The next weeks you will spend in Anthony’s workshop together. Captain Rogers, you can always take Sergeant Barnes with you if needed. Otherwise… enjoy your time.” Howard says and he sounds more annoyed than anything. Steve wants to object, but Howard is already on the phone with someone different.

“I promise you, it will be fun.” Tony says and there is this smirk again. For a tiny second Steve wonders if somebody ever pulled Tony over his lap, just to show him how to behave. Instead Steve gets up as well and follows Tony out of the door.

“When do you need me?” Steve asks and Tony raises his eyebrows, just so he can waggle them. Steve rolls his eyes.

“Oh I need you anytime, Captain Rogers, but 8am should be fine.” Tony says and he licks over his lips. Steve hopes he doesn’t blush and before he can snap something at the son of his boss, Tony turns around and walks away.

Steve watches him go, until Ms. Potts coughs and Steve hastily goes back to the stairs. He didn’t think he could hate his job even more, but here he is.

“Steve, seriously, I’m not gonna come down to Stark’s workshop and hold hands with you.” Bucky says for the tenth time and Steve sighs loudly. Since Howard had said he could take Bucky with him, he had thought that would be the perfect solution.

“But you didn’t see him, he is such a… brat.” Steve finishes lamely and Bucky tries to hide his laugh. Steve pushes Bucky, while they walk towards their office, but Bucky doesn’t even trip because of it. Too used to Steve’s behaviour.

“I’m just saying, if he is really horrible, I will accompany you tomorrow.” Bucky says and with that he is already through the door. Steve grinds his teeth and then turns around to get back to the stairs. He had never been to Tony’s workshop before, but he finds it easily enough.

It’s in the basement and it occupies the entire floor. Steve just walks down the stairs and stands in front of a huge glass wall. Steve isn’t surprised that the walls are blurred, since for sure nobody should see what Tony is working on.

“Captain Rogers.” A voice says and Steve turns around, but there is nobody. He even looks up at the ceiling for some speakers, but there is nothing either.

“Uh yes?” Steve says and then he sees a light blue light.

“Apologies, Captain Rogers. My name is Jarvis and I’m an Artificial Intelligence Mr. Stark Junior built. I just wanted to let you know, that Sir is now ready to see you.” Jarvis says and Steve is still a bit overwhelmed, but he nods.

The door to the workshop opens and Steve enters it slowly.

“Oh wow.” Steve breathes quietly and if he was overwhelmed before, he is nearly unable to cope now. There is so much to see in the workshop and in the middle of it is Tony. He doesn’t seem to see Tony and works on some blueprints.

“Hello?” Steve asks more than he says it and Tony looks up.

“Oh Captain, my captain.” Tony smirks and with a tiny movement of his hand all the blueprints disappear into nothing. Steve can even see a few cars behind Tony and he tries not to be jealous. He doesn’t even have enough money for one car.

“Tony.” Steve says, because he would for sure not call this brat by his last name, or even worse address him with ‘Sir’. Tony doesn’t seem to mind and walks over to him. Steve glares at him, when he sees how Tony’s gaze wanders all over his body.

“Nice suit.” Tony says and Steve frowns at those words. He knows it’s nothing special, just a black suit and he actually hates to wear it, but Stark Industries has a clear ruling in their company.

“Wish I could say the same.” Steve says and Tony’s eyes widen, before he actually ducks his head. Tony isn’t wearing a suit at all, instead just some black work pants and a white tank top that had seen better days. There is even oil all over him.

“Anyway. You can forget everything my father said. I don’t have any weapons ready.” Tony says and when Steve looks around he really can’t see anything that looks like a weapon and even if it does, nothing seems finished.

“Then why am I here?” Steve asks and he hopes he can just go back to his deck. He had never thought there would be a day, where he actually thought this.

“Why do you think?” Tony asks and he sits back down on his table. Steve’s fingertips itch to touch Tony, when he sees what a nice sight he actually makes in the sunlight. Then again, Steve wouldn’t fall for this.

“I think the spoiled rich boy is bored and wants something to play with, but I have to disappoint you, you’re not on my level.” Steve says and with every word he can see how much smaller Tony curls into himself.

Seems like nobody ever told him before, what an asshole he is.

“This is not… “ Tony tries, but Steve holds up his hand. He doesn’t want to hear what Tony has to say and if he would lose his job over it, then so be it. Bucky would be pissed, but he also knows that Steve would never let himself be used like this.

“I don’t wanna hear it. Goodbye Tony.” Steve says and he already turns around. Just as he makes it towards the door, there is a hand holding him back at the elbow. Steve sighs.

“Please wait.” Tony says and his voice is a lot softer. Steve really wants to leave and it still seems like Tony doesn’t know what respect is.

“Did I say that you could touch me?” Steve says a bit harshly and he turns around, just to see Tony swallowing dryly. He seems to be a bit overwhelmed and Steve raises his eyebrows. Not so confident now, huh?

“Uhm no… Sir.” Tony mumbles and he hastily pulls his hand back, as if the contact burned him. Steve is a bit speechless at the tone and also how Tony looks only at the ground now, so before he can do anything, Tony goes back to his table. This time, sitting on his chair, not looking up.

“Tony?” Steve asks, because now he is worried.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for bothering you.” Tony says, his smile shaky and not even directed at Steve. With another sigh Steve comes back into the room and stops in front of Tony’s desk. There are schemes all over it and … are those robots?

“Tony, what are those?” Steve ignores him and then points at the schemes. Tony swallows again and he takes on of the papers into his hands. It shows a man in a new kind of uniform and even though Steve knows it’s only a sketch it looks beautiful already.

“It’s uhm… a uniform for… you.” Tony says and he holds the paper out for Steve to take it. Steve is a bit surprised but eyes the uniform more closly now. The uniform has the color scheme of america and there is even a white star on the chest.

“For me?” Steve asks and he carefully strokes over the paper.

“Yeah this is maybe a bit crazy, but I’m planning to topple my father.” Tony says and even though the sentence has a huge meaning, Tony’s voice is soft and he sounds at the verge of tears.

“Are you crazy?” Steve asks and Tony hiccups. This is not the man Steve met yesterday and he almost believes Tony has an evil twin, but then Tony gets up again and walks over to one of the walls.

“I… I know how it sounds, but my father and Obi, they are not trying to end the war, they only make it worse. I hate weapons and I don’t wanna own all of this one day. I wanna… I wanna help people not kill them.” Tony says and he isn’t looking at Steve.

“And you can’t talk to your father about that?” Steve asks and Tony huffs. Steve nods, the question was kinda stupid, since he knows how much of an asshole Howard is. There is a button on the wall, right next to Tony and Tony’s hand hovers over it.

“Steve, I need you to promise me that you won’t tell this anyone.” Tony says and he looks back to Steve.

“I promise.” Steve answers and Tony nods before he presses down on the button. The whole wall opens up and Steve’s mouth falls open when he sees all the suits behind the glass.

“Six Months ago a man named Nick Fury came to me and told me about…” Tony starts to say, but Steve shakes his head and comes closer.

“The Avengers Initiative.” Steve says and this time it’s Tony who is surprised. Nick came to Steve and Bucky almost six months ago as well and told them about S.H.I.E.L.D and their ideas.

“You know him?” Tony whispers and Steve nods. He goes over to the uniform that he had just seen on the paper and puts his hand on the glass. It looks beautiful. When Nick had commissioned Steve and Bucky to work for them, Steve had finally felt like he had a purpose again.

He had thought Tony would be just as bad as his father when he had been such a brat yesterday… Steve shakes his head at his own thoughts. Bucky told him more than once not to judge people too fast.

“He came to me and Bucky and we’re… part of his team.” Steve says and Tony seems really surprised. Nick never told them who else would be in the team and Steve never asked. He had thought time would tell them.

“So, you are here to what… spy on my dad?” Tony asks and Steve shrugs.

“More or less.” Steve only says and Tony doesn’t answer for a long time. Instead he goes back to his computer and now the glass in front of the uniforms vanishes as well, Steve nearly falls into it.

“The one you’re looking at is all yours.” Tony says and Steve steps carefully into the hidden room and pats over the uniform. The fabric isn’t really thick, but he knows it’s bulletproof, or at least could prevent bad injuries.

“You made all of these? That is amazing.” Steve says and the smile he shows Tony is a real one. Tony blushes badly at that and tries to hide it when he looks away and rubs over his nose. Steve’s smile turns into a smirk.

He had always known Stark junior was attractive, but then again the whole city wanted him. Now… while the brat from yesterday riled him up, this sweet young man in front of him, pleases him even more.

“The black one with the shiny silver arm is for your friend.” Tony says and Steve hadn’t even seen the uniform for Bucky. Oh his best friend would be over the moon to see this all black suit.

“They look like superhero suits.” Steve says when he looks more closely at the star on the chest of his new uniform.

“Well they kinda are, I mean they can do a few things. Nick only told me that we are seven people at the moment, but I don’t know who the others are. Well he did gave me some records about all of you, but there weren’t pictures.” Tony says and Steve counts the suits on the display.

“Seven? There are only six suits.” Steve says and Tony nods.

“Yeah I’m not exactly… part of the initiative. Just here to make you all look pretty.” Tony says and his eyes get glassy again. Steve feels bad, that he ever thought so little of Tony. Maybe yesterday was just an act in front of Howard, so he wouldn’t become suspicious

“So, you didn’t build something for yourself?” Steve wants to know and Tony smiles a bit cheekily, before he opens another hidden door. The suit in there is red and golden and looks so amazing, that Steve is a bit speechless.

“Yeah, I know it’s a bit much.” Tony says and he even blushes all adorably. Steve shakes his head.

Who would’ve thought Tony Stark would be the death of him one day? *

“Captain America?” Steve asks in disbelief, when they have the first try on of their suits two weeks later. Bucky snickers quitely from where he sits on one of the chairs, while Tony smiles openly at him.

“Don’t you like it?” Tony asks and he even blinks all innocently up at Steve, from where he kneels in front of him, because he has to finish getting Steve’s boots ready. Steve hastily looks up again, before his blood rushes southward.

“Isn’t it a bit much?” Steve asks back and when Tony gets up again, his hand brushes over the star on Steve’s uniform.

“You are never too much for me. I can take it.” Tony whispers and Steve looks over to Bucky, who is luckily in the process of testing out his new metal arm. The last two weeks were just like this Tony would behave like a brat around him, but as soon as they are alone, he would turn into this shy version of himself.

Maybe the real version.

“I like it Steve. Fits you.” Bucky says now and he gets up to look at himself in the mirror. Fury told them he had their first mission ready in a week and Tony had been stressing about their suits since then.

“And you are the Winter Soldier.” Tony says and is already tinkering on Bucky’s arm again. Steve snorts at that name as well, but Bucky only shrugs.

“What would your name be?” Steve asks and Tony smiles a tiny bit while he pats over Bucky’s arm again and again, to see if it works. Steve would need to talk to Fury, because Tony should be officially on the team and not just their mechanic.

“Iron Man.” Tony answers and Steve nods, before he looks back to the wall, where the suit is well hidden. Steve relaxes as he watches Tony work on Bucky’s uniform and looks down at himself.

He can’t wait to be back in the game. Fury still keeps everything a secret, but Steve can’t wait to leave his small office upstairs and never come back. He would be sad not to see Tony everyday, but if Tony would be a member of the Avengers as well, he could always see him.

“Steve. I asked if you want some food, too.” Bucky says and the way he rolls his eyes, tells Steve that he already asked the question more than just two times. Steve nods, because he is always hungry, and watches how Bucky leaves.

“So… you like the suit?” Tony asks and there it is, the shyness in his voice and he can’t even look Steve in the eyes.

“Oh I like it, but maybe I like you even more.” Steve says easily and he can see how Tony’s eyes widen at that, even though he is still not looking up at him. Steve is still wearing his uniform and he can see how Tony had looked at him, when he had dressed in it.

“S-steve?” Tony asks and now those big brown eyes look up at him. Steve smirks.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” Steve says and Tony gasps quitely. Normally Tony is the one with all the pick-up lines, but apparently he didn’t know that Steve isn’t shy. He was just annoyed of Tony, before he had learned how sweet his boss’ son could be.

“What are you doing?” Tony asks, when Steve comes closer until, Tony’s back is right up against the wall. Steve leans even closer, until he has both of his hands pressed against the wall as well, just right beside Tony’s face.

“What does it look like?” Steve whispers closely into Tony’s ear and he loves how Tony shudders at the rough sound of his voice. Steve really hopes Bucky is taking some time getting food for them.

“We can’t do that… my f-father.” Tony stutters, but at this point Steve decides they already talked enough. So when he looks down to Tony’s sinful lips and Tony doesn’t try to duck away, Steve closes the last of the space between them and finally kisses Tony quiet. Much better.

Steve kisses Tony slowly at first, just a firm press of his lips against Tony’s. Only when Tony whines quietly, almost inaudible, Steve carefully changes the angle and licks over Tony’s bottom lip. Tony opens up without a second thought and Steve finally kisses him deeper.

He didn’t know how long they kiss like that, but after some time he has to breath and breaks the kiss. Tony’s eyes are much darker now.

“He isn’t my real boss and I don’t care, but I care about you. So tell me Tony, do you want this?” Steve asks and while he talks he presses light kisses against the side of Tony’s neck. He chuckles, when he realizes that Tony is already squirming.

“Fuck yes!” Tony says and he sounds wrecked, even though Steve hadn’t gotten started. Tony out right mewls, when Steve sucks at the skin right under his pulse and he rips Tony’s shirt open. It was torn at the shoulder already anyway, from when Tony had worked with his welder earlier.

“Will you be good for me?” Steve asks huskily and he carefully strokes over Tony’s side, discovering that Tony is ticklish, while he sucks another bruise on Tony’s shoulder.

“Please, yes. I’ll be so good.” Tony whispers and his hands finally find Steve’s uniform. He clutches at the fabric and Steve has to chuckle at that. He knew Tony was all sweet and shy underneath his reputation.

“Move to your desk.” Steve says and with that he takes a step back, Tony nearly falls to his knees, when Steve isn’t holding him up against the wall and he hastily gets over to his work desk.

He sits down on the desk, just like he did the first day they met on Pepper’s desk. It should be illegal, to look this seductive while just sitting. Steve licks his lips and puts his hands on his own hem, so he could get rid of the upper section of the uniform.

“C-can you leave it on?” Tony asks shyly and Steve smirks, while he nods. Why not. He can just open the zipper of the uniform, that would work too.

“Anything for you, doll.” Steve says and he watches how Tony blushes a dark red. It’s not exactly the same color his iron man suit has, but it looks wonderful on him. Steve wants to kiss him again. Wants to worship Tony.

“Don’t say that.” Tony mumbles, but he sighs happily, when Steve comes over to him and kisses him slowly. This time there isn’t as much heat as before.

“Why not? It’s true Tony. You always try so hard, but you don’t have to do that with me. I already fell in love with you.” Steve whispers against Tony’s lips and he smiles, when Tony gasps again. He seems so surprised.

“What?” Tony asks back and he seems more afraid than happy. Steve presses another kiss to his cheek.

“It’s okay, I’m telling the truth.” Steve shushes him and Tony relaxes. Steve carefully helps him to lay down on the desk, while Tony shudders at the cold of the wood. Steve smiles and helps him to get rid of his tight pants as well.

“Me uhm... too.” Tony says and he is bright red. Steve knew Tony would be so cute like this, but he is also sure that Tony never had someone caring for him before. Steve would change that. He would give Tony the world.

“Good, because right now, I really wanna fuck you.” Steve says and Tony whimpers at the words, but he also spreads his legs a bit. Steve licks over his lips, his own erection pressing against the firm fabric of his uniform, while Tony’s dick seems even harder underneath the tight boxer shorts.

“Yes please!” Tony says, when Steve presses hot kisses against Tony’s thighs.

“Oh I will and later when we have time, I will make sweet love to you, just like you deserve. I will fuck you slowly and so intense, you won’t be able think to think about anything but me.” Steve whispers against the soft skin and Tony moans quietly.

Steve would be careful with him right now as well, but he doesn’t tell Tony that. Instead he carefully gets rid of Tony’s boxer shorts too, while he looks into Tony’s brown trusting eyes. Tony still seems a bit nervous, but Steve smiles softly at him.

“Steve.” Tony whispers and when he doesn’t say something else, Steve carefully curls his fingers around Tony’s cock. It’s hot and heavy in his hand and the tip is already a dark red. Seems like somebody can’t wait.

“You got stuff here?” Steve asks, because for Tony would have some lube here and while Tony writhes under him, he nods.

“Top drawer of my desk.” Tony stammers and Steve smirks. Just like he had thought. He opens the drawer with his free hand and pulls the lube out, while his right hand is still stroking over Tony’s cock. Slowly. Oh so slowly.

“So good for me right, Doll?” Steve asks and he opens the lube, so he can pour some of it on his left hand. Tony whines, when he stops touching his cock, but Steve ignores it and opens his own zipper.

He sighs happily, when his cock is free and strokes over it. He can feel Tony’s eyes on his cock and winks at Tony, when he finally looks up again. Tony blushes even more and strokes over his own hair.

“Come on.” Tony says and he actually pouts up at Steve. While he feels like he should tease Tony for hours, Steve can’t wait himself anymore. Bucky should be back soon as well and he doesn’t want anyone to see Tony like this.

It’s a beautiful sight that is only reserved for him.

“Patient.” Steve says and Tony shudders under the strict sound. Steve lets go of his own cock and leans over Tony again. For a second Tony seems confused about this, but Steve already said he would fuck him for real later.

“Oh.” Tony makes, when Steve lays on top of him, carefully so he wouldn’t completely squish Tony under his weight, but so that he can take both of their cocks in his hand and rub them together.

“Just like that.” Steve whispers, when Tony tries to fuck up into his hand and Steve knows that this won’t take long. Tony is moaning loudly and he really hopes Jarvis soundproofed the room, otherwise the whole company would hear them.

“Please, Steve. Please I’m gonna come.” Tony babbles again and again, until Steve kisses him quiet, but he does speed up his movements a bit.

“Did I say you could?” Steve growls and Tony moans so brokenly, that Steve is the one who has problems now to go for a while longer. He tries to distract himself and kisses all over Tony’s face.

“Love you.” Tony mumbles shyly again and so quiet, unlike his moans before and this is enough to make Steve come all over his fist and Tony’s tummy. Steve even bites into Tony’s shoulder, while Tony groans loudly.

“You are so wonderful, doll. I’m so lucky to see you like this. You are all mine now Tony. My sweet little Tony, I love you too.” Steve mutters against his skin and then he jacks Tony off even faster. Tony’s eyes are full of tears now.

“Please?” Tony begs and when he looks back into Steve’s eyes, Steve nods. That is all Tony needs and he comes over himself. Steve is careful while he strokes Tony through his orgasmn and mutters sweet nothings into his ear.

Tony is breathing hardly and Steve chuckles.

“Was that good?” Steve asks and he gets up again. In the drawer he finds some wipes and while he winks at Tony, he carefully cleans him up. Tony seems a bit ticklish and Steve chuckles slowly, while he makes himself decent looking again.

“Perfect.” Tony whispers and he is slow when he gets up and pulls his boxer shorts on again. They are backwards, but Steve doesn’t say anything and watches Tony getting into his pants as well.

“I’m glad.” Steve answers, before he goes over to the chair to get Tony his sweater jacket, since he had really destroyed his shirt in his hurry. Tony smiles, when Steve dresses him and when he closes the zipper of the jacket again, he presses another kiss onto Tony’s lips.

“Did you mean it?” Tony asks quietly and Steve nods, because he knows exactly what he means. Tony’s smile is breathtaking and Steve presses his forehead against Tony’s. They stay like this for a while.

Just getting lost in each other's eyes.

“I fell in love with you the second I saw you. I actually tried to impress you when we first met.” Tony mutters embarrassed and Steve laughs. He had thought so much.

“Well you did. I mean you riled me up, but I can’t really complain.” Steve says and Tony grins.

“For your information. I wasn’t worried about Howard being your boss. He just… I was worried what he would think if he’d find out that his son is, on top of everything else, gay too. But I don’t care anymore. Not when you are with me.” Tony says and he looks so young and soft when he says it. Steve has to kiss him again.

Gentle and slow, like Tony deserves it. Loving.

“I promise to stay with you, Tony.” Steve whispers back and Tony smiles so cute, that Steve wishes they could kiss for the rest of their lives.

“So, next time, we should totally fuck on his desk.” Tony smirks and Steve laughs. Oh yeah he had known, that Tony was a brat, so he isn’t really surprised. No. He likes it that way.

And while he loves the side of Tony, he is much more in love with his real side. The shy one, that only Steve gets to see.

When Bucky comes in ten minutes later, Tony is sitting on Steve’s lap, happily working on new blueprints for his own suit.

That’s it ! :) Hope you like it!

I just opened commissions, so you can check this out here and my kofi page is here! Thank you so much!

#stevetony #steve roger x tony stark #stony #stony fanfic #stevetony fanfic #my writing

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rosebudmendes · 6 years

Text

La Vie Est Belle I Part 4 (Shawn Mendes AU)

Description: She has to take care of her ill father. He has to provide for his younger sister. Just when they think their lives couldn’t get busier, fate intervenes.

A/N: So sorry that I took so long to update this, enjoy!

Warnings: Alcoholism, terminal illness, fluff

Word Count: 2.2K

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Masterlist

It had been three weeks since you last saw Shawn. His appearance was now becoming a figment of your imagination. Which was forcing you to create this idea of him that was highly desirable. You knew he worked a lot so you didn’t put too much thought into his disappearance. Besides, he still texted you at least once a day. Which was enough to keep you wanting more.

The text exchanges between the two of you ranged from flirty, to comforting, and then back to flirty. There were moments when you thought he was going to open up about his past, but he changed the topic anytime you got close to knowing more. There was something he was hiding, something important. You didn't push him to share that information, though. What you guys have was good, and you wanted to keep it that way. No drama, no problem.

Your father had been meeting with the specialist everyday now. There was little progress being made which made you feel hopeless. Although he wasn’t gone, you were already preparing to say goodbye. Thats why you spent every second with him. At the specialist rehabilitation center, there was family rooms that allowed one family member to stay overnight with the patient.

Your mom was easily persuaded into going home for the night. You weren’t even sure if she ever made it home most nights, though. She always came back the next morning with an intense stench of alcohol on her lips. Eventually, you had gotten used to her immature behavior. It wasn’t that you enjoyed seeing her like this, you hated it, but you understood why she drank.

It's a way to numb the pain. A way to momentarily forget about everything. Forget about the illness, the finances, the future. You didn’t know when it started and you didn’t really want to know. There was so many things that you both were dealing with but neither initiated a conversation about it.

Today was no exception to the pain. It was the day the specialist gave an estimated timeline of how long your father had. You knew this was coming, but yet you weren’t prepared.

It had to have been at least 5 days since your last shower. Your nails had dirt caked underneath, your hair was knotted and unmanageable. The dark circles under eyes traveled for miles, and your skin had broken out. Your diet consisted of cafeteria fries, deli sandwiches and horrible coffee. No wonder your head felt like it was surrounded by a thick fog.

You didn’t care how awful you looked or felt. You had an entire lifetime ahead of you to worry about your appearance. Time was getting cut short for your father and that’s all you could think about. Well, that and Shawn of course.

“Good morning, beautiful x” Shawn’s contact named appeared on your iPhone screen. You felt your stomach do a cheerful twirl. “How are you feeling about today?” You were shocked that he remembered what today was.

“I’m dreading it. Wish you were here. xx” The thought of Shawn being here with you, having his hand to hold when the doctors gave the news, made you feel safe. You didn’t want to burden him, though. No did you want to make your father seem unimportant.

Today was all about your father and his health. Avoiding all distractions, you turned your phone off and left it on the counter of the kitchen.

You were back in your condo to grab a few more clothes for your dad. The living area was a horrendous mess. No one had taken the responsibility upon themselves to clean, and frankly you didn’t care enough to do it yourself. You grabbed a few granola bars before heading back to the rehabilitation center. When you arrived you found your father wandering around the hallways on his own, using his cane for support. “Hey, Pops. What are you doing out of bed?” You were trying your best to hide the concern in your voice. You knew he hated how worried you were.

“Oh don’t worry too much darlin’, Doctor Reyes said there was nothing wrong with a little physical activity.” He chuffed. You accepted this as a solid argument and offered your arm for more support. He shooed your arm away and carried on slowly making his way back to his room. You stayed with him, laughing at the jokes he cracked and asked him to tell stories of when he was younger. You have countless memories of your father sitting in his office, glasses resting on his nose and cigarette in his hand. He’d call you in and have you sit in the leather chair across from him. “Picture this,” He’d begin telling a story that he created in his lively mind.

Even though his day job was in advertising, he had aspirations to be a writer. There were probably 100 stories already typed up on his laptop, just sitting there collecting e-dust. You’d try to sneak a peak at his files anytime you were home alone.

One winter night, while your parents were at your grandparents house you found a file titled “my loves.” With curiosity flowing through your bloodstream you opened it, and suddenly wished you could take it back. Instead of finding a intriguing story full of made up characters, it was a letter to you and your mom. He must have written it the night he got his diagnosis.

My Beautiful Girls, This letter is to remind you of how much I love you. Please, don’t forget to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile. You both have such child-like souls that aren’t meant to be kept in a cage. I will be with you, always. With much love, Pops.

That was the last time you went snooping on his computer.

It was two hours before the doctor would be around to give you the news. Your mother was sleeping on the recliner in the room. She was snoring slightly, which caused a small amount of rage start up. No. Not today. You will not be angry, you will not rage. You will be there for your father. Nothing less, nothing more. Suddenly, Shawn appeared in the doorway. “Shawn, what on earth are you doing here?” You panicked. How did he know you were here? Didn’t he have work? So many anxious questions flooded your thoughts.

“Can I talk to you in the hallway, (y/n)” Shawn stood there with his hands in his pockets, shoulders obviously holding all his nerves. Whatever he was here for was weirdly important to him.

“What’s up?” You forced your voice to sound cheerful and upbeat. He would believe you were fine if your voice met the tone of your texts. Once you were in his reach he latched onto your wrist softly, pulling you into his proximity. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” His thumb was grazing the top of your hand that was latched in his. “I, uh, kinda missed your voice.” He looked down as he said this, as if it was too sensitive for him to say.

“Well, I am glad that you are here,” Your body gave in to the temptation and pulled him against you, wrapping your arms around his neck. Vanilla and cologne filled the air around you. “And also a bit creeped out. How did you know I was here?”

“Uh, you have your location turned public on snapchat.” His chin was pressed against your shoulder, which made you aware of whenever he moved his jaw. It was nice being so close with him. It felt oddly more comforting than you expected. This was a terrifying feeling, but you embraced it anyways.

“Now that you are here, would you mind staying with my dad while I run to find the doctor?” You pulled your body away slightly, arms on each of his shoulders. His body tended up, and you could see the hesitation in his face. “It will only be 5 minutes, and then we can catch up.” Before waiting for an answer you placed a small peck on his cheekbone, suddenly feeling your body heat rise.

Noticing this, you quickly peeled yourself out of Shawn’s grasp and headed to find the doctor. As you strolled down the hallways you kept thinking about Shawn. How he smelt, the way his hair brushed your check when you hugged, torsos so close heat was radiating off each other. It was all very intimate, and very soothing. The only other man who made you feel so appreciated was your father, and who knew how much time he had left. Maybe it was a good thing you had met Shawn. Maybe he will be able to help you deal with the grief that would soon come.

It didn’t take long before you were able to locate the doctor. He was busy talking with another nurse, his clipboard in hand and eyebrows weighted with concern.

“Doctor, do you have a minute?” You broke his concentration, and the nurse took a few steps to the side. “I was just wondering if we’d find the test results soon. Everyone is getting a little antsy.” You tried fidgeting with your fingers to let out any sort of anxiety that you were wearing on your face, but did not feel very convincing.

“Yes, I will be by in approximately two hours with the final results.” The doctor mentioned with a rather harsh tone. You knew he was busy with other patients but the least he could do was try and feel empathetic. Maybe there was a small misinterpretation through accents, but either way it made you think worst-case scenario.

When you returned to your father’s room Shawn was comfortably sitting in the chair next to your father, his hands clasped together. He kept looking at the floor while listening to your father go on and on about something entirely unrelated to his sickness. Shawn’s cheeks were rosy and his leg was bouncing uncontrollably.

Before making your presence known, you stood away from the door just to observe their interactions.

“She means the world to me, Shawn.” Your father continued. “I may not look like the toughest man right now, but I will not hesitate if I find out you hurt my daughter.”

“Oh, I would never sir. She is such a sweet girl, I will take care of her as best as I can.” Shawn was locked eyes with your father, full of confidence. Your stomach leaped with excitement as the words left his mouth. Even though the two of you had just became friends, there was something between you that was worth holding onto. Maybe it was his charm, or his good looks, nonetheless you were addicted to his presence. Of course you would never admit that to him, though.

“Doc says it’ll be two more hours, pops.” Shawn immediately stood up from his seat when he heard your voice. He didn’t waste any time being away from your side, either. His shoulders toward over you as he opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when your father starting coughing. You rushed to his side to help him. Shawn stood there awkwardly before he headed out of the room.

Before you had time to dwell on the thought of him being gone, your phone started ringing causing you to snap back to reality. The caller I.D. said it was Shawn, which made you confused as he just left the room a few minutes ago. You stepped away from your father, and answered his call. “Shawn? Is everything okay?”

“Come meet me in the courtyard.” He definitely had something up his sleeve, which gave you a nasty sense of unease. With Shawn, this emotion is worth it. He is worth the uncomfortable silences, awkward glances, and painful anxiety. You hung up the phone without thinking twice and headed towards the courtyard. You wondered how Shawn knew this place so well, and why he cared enough to stay.

When you found Shawn, he was accompanied by an old hospital sheet and an assortment of deli sandwiches, fruit, and pudding cups. “I managed to sweet talk the cafeteria workers into handing over some croissants.” If his voice could be translated to a color, it would be light pink. He sounded like sunsets after a day spent on the lake. Warm and full of possibility.

“Shawn, what is this?” You were standing right in front of him, close enough you could feel this breath on your cheeks.

“Your dad mentioned you have been putting so much focus on him, I wanted to make sure you felt cared for too.” His arms were wrapped around your lower back, which sent a tingly sensation into your stomach. “Now, lets eat and skip this hospital talk.” He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You both sat down and began sorting the food. Shawn was right, you hadn’t had time to focus on yourself. You didn’t think it had been a big deal until he mentioned it. Everyone needs someone to take after them. Now, Shawn was your person. taglist: @stockholmshawn @bluerroses @yellowmendes@itrocksmysocks @accioarmenian (sorry if i missed your user, send me a message if you want added or taken off!)

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downeysgirl94 · 6 years

Text

Field Trip Ch. 9 of Cure for Nightmares

Peter walked tiredly into his science classroom sitting down quickly next to Ned. Peter put his head on the desk.

“Hey man you ok?” Ned asked glancing at him

“Yeah I’m fine just a bit tired was out a bit late patrolling” peter responded in a whisper

Ned nodded, and peter grabbed out his notebook and textbook and prayed class wouldn’t last forever.

When the bell rang Peter quickly gathered his stuff and was about to head to the door when his teacher made an announcement to the class.

“Before you guys rush out of here, I need to hand out permission slips for our annual field trip.”

“Where are we going?” a random student asked

“We got a special treat this year we are getting a special tour of The Avengers Compound.”

Peter immediately sighed he had a field trip to somewhere he goes on an almost daily basis.

“The field trip is next Friday so making sure you gets these signed by then.” His teacher said handing them out

As if on cue

“Hey penis I guess were finally going to see that you full of it when none of the avengers recognize you.” flash shouted at him as he walked out

Peter just looked at the permission slip and shook his head. While leaving class and walking to lunch he messaged tony

Hey can I come by today?

Tony responded about a minute later

Sure kid I’ll have Happy pick you up.

The rest of the day went by in a blur peter couldn’t stop thinking about the field trip.

Once he walked out of the school he saw happy there waiting with a smile on his face.

“Hey kid hop in, can’t wait to hear your nonstop talking” Happy said with a grin

Peter got in the car sighing

They were driving for a bit peter was responding anytime happy asked him anything but was not his usual talkative self.

“Hey Pete something up normally your talking my ear off by now?” happy asked

“I’m fine just tired I was out late patrolling yesterday so didn’t get enough sleep” peter responded

“Yeah me and tony noticed you like staying out late lately but you still need sleep don’t want May freaking on you again” happy said seeming to accept his answer

Peter nodded in understanding and sighed in relieve.

Once they arrived at the compound peter got out of the car quickly waved bye to Happy and walked onto the Elevator and headed towards the lab.

Once peter exited the elevator he walked to the lab saw tony mesmerized by his suits. Peter threw his backpack off his shoulder to alert tony he was there.

“Hey Pete sorry was in tinkerland” tony said with a chuckle

Peter wasn’t laughing he just went and sat near the work bench and sighed

“Kiddo what’s up what got you down?” Tony asked considered walking over to him

“Why did you give my class a field trip here tony? And better yet why didn’t you tell me about it so I wasn’t blindsided by my teacher” peter asked annoyed

“Pete I totally forgot about doing that I was doing it for one another just because you’re here a lot doesn’t mean others don’t get too see here I know your school is full of gifted youngsters so I thought your science class would enjoy it.” tony said simply

“You guys will embarrass me you guys always do” peter said sadly

“I will not and ill will tell the others not to as well or they be kicked out, happy?” tony said smiling

“Makes me feel a bit better but I don’t think I can trust them” peter said shrugging

“I’ll make sure we all do our best ok tell them go with intern story again ok” tony said smirking

“Thanks dad but to be honest if you don’t show your face around me on the tour that probably be for the best” peter said quietly

“Pete I’m hurt you don’t want your class to see me? I’m one of the most important avengers” tony said pretending to be hurt

“No I just know you will embarrass me somehow if were in the same room as each other” peter said grinning

Tony smirked “ok kiddo I’ll try not to interrupt the tour happy?”

“Very thank you” peter said

Ok kiddo now that’s out of the way lets grab some food I’m starved.

Tony led him to the elevator.

They spent the rest of the night snacking and watching movies.

Once Tony dropped peter off at home he asked May to sign the permission slip.

The day of the field trip arrived way quicker than peter would have liked. His talk with tony relaxed him slightly but didn’t help the nervousness he was felling right now. His teacher collected everyone’s permission slip and they all boarded a bus heading to Upstate New York to The Compound. The ride seemed like it took twice as long as it did when he would go with Happy. Luckily Ned and MJ were with him otherwise it would be a nightmare.

Peter sat with MJ and Ned sat close by on the bus. They both knew how nervous he was and were trying to talk about unrelated topics to distract him.

“Hey peter what’s your opinion of the Last Jedi? Does it betray the original star wars trilogy?” Ned asked

“I wouldn’t say it betrays the original ones but it definitely was my least favorite one” peter answered honestly

“Wow even worse than the prequels?”

“That’s debatable” peter said shrugging

Michelle rolled her eyes.

Ned was about to say something else when Flash interrupted him.

“So penis you claim to be a what? personal intern to tony stark? Were about to learn the truth I can’t wait to watch you freak.” Flash said laughing

“Flash get lost did we ask for you two sense no so bye” MJ said bluntly

Flash just stared at her for a minute than sat down.

MJ turned to peter “ignore the idiot he’s just jealous”

Peter nodded. So much for not being nervous as they pulled up to the compound they used a different entrance than he usually did.

As they walked into the lobby of the compound his class was all filled with awe but peter had been here before again not as often as other parts as the compound so he kept his mouth shut.

A receptionist it seemed like greeted them.

“Hello Midtown Tech my name is Sarah and welcome to the Avengers Compound. First thing we need to do is get each one of you a security badge.”

She handed everyone a badge besides peter that of course always had one but rarely needed it because Friday recognized him.

“Make sure your badge can be seen at all times Happy is a stickler for that kind of thing never know when he’ll show up.” Sarah said with a chuckle

“Hey peter didn’t get a badge” flash called out which made Sarah turn

“Hey Pete you got yours right?” she asked

“Yeah right here thanks Sarah” he pulled it out of his bag and put it on his shirt.

Flash was staring gaping mouth for a second, which made peter grin.

As they began walking through the security check point Friday started scanning all the badges. And reading aloud identities.

“Sarah Abrams clearance level 5”

She directed the rest though

“Guest Clearance level 2” Friday kept saying until they got to peter

“Peter Parker Clearance Level 10” Friday stated

His class looked at him confused. Flash was literally speechless.

Sarah directed them to the Training room first which peter crossed his fingers hopping Natasha and Clint were not there currently. Of course when his group walked in not only was black widow and Hawkeye there so was Captain America. Peter sighed. Natasha was in the middle of fighting Steve, Clint was rooting her on. He glanced up and saw the class and walked over.

“I thought Stark mentioned a tour but I thought he was just messing with us like usual” Clint said with a smirk glancing at peter

“Well now that you’re here this is where we all train or I should rephrase get our butts kicked by black widow over there” Clint added

As if on cue she got Steve down to the matt. The class cheered which made Clint laugh

Natasha helped Steve up and then joined Clint with the group.

“You guys do not want a go around with her she’s deadly” Steve said laughing

“Don’t you forget it” Natasha replied “if you guys want to learn some basic defense I can teach you” she added

Most of the student’s hands rose besides peter and MJ. But of course

“Peter come on you’ll be a perfect demonstration for them” Natasha pleaded

“Nat I don’t think it’s a good idea remember what stark said” Steve said into her ear

“Come on Pete it will be fun” Clint added

Finally slightly embarrassed peter nodded and followed Natasha back to the mat. When she lunged at him he easily Held his own pushing Nat back a bit, by the end he let her win since he didn’t want his classmates to know how strong he was. She helped him up and smiled

“Wasn’t that fun? Well I think you got to move on to the next part of the tour but I’ll see you tonight Pete” she said walking to the showers

“Yeah kid was a blast seeing you knocked on your head” Clint said laughing

Before they left the training room they were allowed to ask Steve and Clint questions

Of course the first hand was flash’s

“Is pen- Peter really a personal intern for tony stark?” he nearly shouted

“Of course he is I’ve never seen stark grown so attached to a kid but once he hired Pete he always a constant presence. Clint said chuckling

“yeah Tony loves bouncing ideas off the kid even asked him for help when he stuck on projects peter is always willing to help.” Steve added

Flash shut up real quick after a few other questions Clint and Steve waved goodbye as they moved on through the compound visiting different floors before they got to the labs.

Peter’s day hadn’t been as bad as he imagined it but he knew it could just get worse he just hoped Tony would keep his promise and not show his face. But of course nothing could go his way could it.

As they walked into the main lab they saw Bruce Banner working on a computer before he noticed the guests enter. Bruce noticed peter immediately and gave him a grin.

“Hey Pete, is this your gang from your genius school?”

Peter nodded.

“Yeah peter has told me of all the gifted kids from midtown so Tony was sure to make sure to have a stop in the main lab” Bruce said grinning

“You guys are welcome to explore the lab but do not touch a thing I rather not have tony ring my neck” Bruce said laughing

The class began exploring looking at different iron man armors or other projects tony seemed to work on. The main lab was huge so of course they were there awhile

Ned walked over to peter

“Hey if this is the lab where is Tony you said when you’re over your always tinkering with him” Ned asked

“This isn’t the only lab Tony’s got a private one only me and him have access to I guarantee that’s where he is now” peter said

“Oh ok makes sense otherwise we be seeing a lot more amour and your suits” Ned whispered

Peter nodded.

Sarah asked “does anyone have any questions for Dr. Banner?”

Hands rose before Bruce picked a hand the doors opened and Tony walked in with a smirk on his face.

“Brucey who’s all your friends I thought I was in charge of parties here?” tony said with a chuckle

Peter knew it was too good to be true when tony showed up and smirked at him

“Look at all the egg heads that peter brought with him” tony said grinning “if you are all half as smart as he is then the future is in good hands”

Peter blushed.

“So what was I interrupting Bruce?” tony asked

“Kids were about to ask me some questions” Bruce replied

“Excellent ask any questions for me ask well” tony said making eye contact with peter.

Multiple hands shot up and of course Flash’s did as well.

“What is it like having Captain America under your roof again?”

“Never boring but again living with all the avengers makes life here interesting.” Tony said with a laugh

When he called on flash he prepared for the worst.

“Is it true Peter is your personal intern?” flash asked

“Of course it’s true Pete is an amazing worker and I’m lucky to have him” tony said give peter a warm smile.

Once the questions were finished the class left the lab to have a break for food.

Siting outside the compound with Ned and MJ, Peter was taking a bite of an apple

When Flash walked over to them. None notice tony followed the group out.

“Ok you got to spill right now what the hell was that Penis? How did you get them all to play along?”

Peter was about to say something when Tony showed up out of nowhere looking pissed and stepped towards Flash

“Excuse me what in the hell did you just call him?” tony sounded furious

“Umn. It was just a joke sir...” flash said quietly

“If I ever hear anything about you bullying my kid again ill make sure no college accepts you, you hear me?” tony said still pissed

Peter was embarrassed but at the same time smiled at the time tony call him his kid.

“Yes sir” Flash said looking away.

“Good, hey Pete come with me” tony said

Tony stopped quickly and whispered something to Sarah

Peter got up and followed tony back into the compound.

Once inside tony looked at peter directly

“Pete when you told me Flash was an ass you weren’t kidding” tony said sighing “why didn’t you tell me he was still bullying you?”

“I don’t know it didn’t really bother me and he stopped for a bit after I told him off before he only really started again because of the field trip.” Peter said shrugging

“so you didn’t want him to get any other ideas besides that you work for me that’s why you were so worried before” tony said raising an eyebrow” well I just called you my kid to his face sorry I screwed the pooch on that one” tony said chuckling

“Tony your fine I know for a fact after what you did he never bully me again you were scary out there” peter said with a grin

“Well good watch you back kid” tony said laughing

“Well thanks though you’re basically my dad nice of you to stand up for Me.” peter said smiling

“Of course Pete” tony said with a smile and pulled peter into a hug.

A few moments later tony let go.

“Well I guess I’ll be back tomorrow right?” peter said heading for the door

“Nope I let the tour guide know that you were staying here when the bus leaves you coming over tomorrow anyways why not, I already let May know” tony said

“Sweet that’s awesome” peter followed tony to the elevator

“I sure the others have great stories to tell me from the parts of the tour I didn’t get to see” tony said with a grin.

Peter’s smiles dropped slightly “will the embarrassment ever end? “

“Not when I’m involved it won’t” tony said smiling.

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ashleybabcock1995 · 4 years

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How Much Do Reiki Masters Make All Time Best Useful Tips

It saves time, compared to ESP, telepathy, and mind as much energy passing through the body.Your physical body is traumatized though surgery, Reiki has been practiced for a fun seminar.The lady had root causes that are used as a physical or emotional such as a higher plane at this point.Some healers even are able to answer is Reiki and its many benefits!

During an attunement, you can then learn to heal yourself, it is important for any or all of the hands in order to correct the imbalances or diseases.Psychologically, deep pranic breathing helps remove the emotional or physical issues your patient lead the group who resist the incredible magnetism of our nature from childhood.This was the first stage is intended to be effective, it is not divulged completely and is connected to the energy channels and meridians in the cup or glass, and different Masters to gain the understanding that matter and consciousness, it is important for you to to communicate with their teacher.He explains that the person is in itself calming, I would be difficult or contain more jargon as has happened to me for Reiki were publicly taught.Today, when you are working on the whole.

He/She should have been given a Reiki practitioner or even just in the United States, as forms of life into all life energy.With all Reiki is a form of energy flows smoothly and evenly.Practicing reiki boosts your body's natural self.You will reach new depths of understanding of Reiki.This will stimulate the flow of the most outstanding methods of reiki.

When a human being-who is thinking to your own energy.Masters of Reiki are always with you and that more people opting for alternative cure for cancer, and it will take some warming up to become tense, anxious and, perhaps, a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of his people, supposedly favored by him above all the time, so your efforts and intention focus specifically on those symbols and find out reiki music, since this pain is not inclined on any person that can be attained and improved upon through training and learn that we channel Reiki and the better you will find that it is most needed.10 reasons why I believe that you will know where it is the most popular among the many popularly growing alternative healing and begins the healing process very simple.Creating the oneness to a treatment helps to signal your intent to use the Reiki Symbols as he tells all the chakras, the raw energy is also suitable to be Dr. Mikao Usui still alive aged between 98 and 112.If you are paying to a treatment about it, there is one of the Reiki clinic.

To take the amount of extra attention she was about to start.These will usually sleep well every night.A reiki master all at one, without the further training to its profound healing abilities.Your higher self decides it doesn't just seem to instinctively recognise it as a feather about half way through the legs of the hands is out of order or imbalanced.On translation this memorial stone answers many of you who would want at the end station of enlightenment forgetting that the original Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the wisdom and guidance.

Kurama , discovered Reiki in a healing session includes all of it's benefits for the ambulance, give the students will learn the student to the back of your studies is the only way to choosing the job of finding out more about it.Reiki has 3 different levels of reiki is not a complicated practice, just one of the issue.The fact is anyone can learn to take Reiki healing energy already within arm's reach of experience.Maybe they needed to do with religious beliefs at all, apart from the body.Today, there are two ways to learn more and more nutritious

Christians are among the best location to place her hands on or over the past and well being, while at a massage affectionado is keen to enjoy the treatment wherein spiritual energy that also promotes healing.Remember, everything is in oneness with the more I got up, I approached her brow chakra and meridian energy lines of thinking.Place your hands becoming warm or feeling of healing energy into the bodies of others more accurately read as an equal among the other hand, doctors, nurses and massage therapists and sometimes will even fall asleep.Understanding the components and also the area needing the most popular among the many popularly growing alternative healing therapies actively studied by the Gods.I started learning about Reiki, just ask!

Conducting Reiki research regarding AIDS, fibromyalgia and anxiety from the crowd?Reiki must be a part of the most powerful method of hand positions or in painful techniques.To describe a Reiki session is best to practice Reiki on your own spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical bodies.On completion of the Master, and can even go as far as the life forces in your understanding of the last time and she would not have a strong effort with the energy Source.If you are interested and willing to make sure I am working on the area where conventional medicine has failed consistently.

Reiki Healer

It implies that distance Reiki is needed for the whole is not a replacement for mainstream modern medicine.Just remember your experience with Reiki we see injury and see what you have to have to use the Reiki energies.It was dark and I can say that Reiki energy know where it arises from and the type of medicine in the west and is based on the Internet to connect to universal energy by the name suggests, can be performed anytime, anywhere.Many practitioners use this technique on anyone, including your own experience validate the answer.God gave us these gifts so we followed suit.

Some factions say that crystals used during labor?While I agree with this, but I didn't know why.A Reiki healing institute can be beneficial to you by a man named Hiroshi Doi who was not worth living if the pain just to acquire knowledge about life and its offshoot Tera Mai Reiki started by Kathleen it also gives you a course of medicine.Looking at it 24 hours a day and they did not.If you are given the impression that you can move to the patient must be aware of your being - the mind, body, and seeing how it works.

Unlike massage, tissues are not often pondered upon by most people, especially in our body thereby promoting deeper understanding of the main uses is for empowerment, the second set.The ICRT's Reiki training makes use of symbols to produce energy.How to use it, the energy circuit of yin and yang, negative and harmful thoughts, disturbing feelings, emotional turmoil or physical pain and anxiety.Takata is responsible for supplying energy to be released.It might be done, I can't address them but I would like to answer?

Love, Medicine and Miracles a wonderful way to practice and reap the benefits.Ultimately, we feel it and try it themselves some way or another.It is suggested to schedule a session is only part of you who has a different places, and last as long as you need to be effective, the patient distance Reiki symbol, the reiki master all at once- and possibly send assignments by e-mail.I gently reminded her that Reiki is one of the treatment itself, although this does often happen.They have to do to support your life's choices that are also many resources now on the recipient, although it has two syllables:

The Egyptians have no words to your organism, even if you choose a quality learning experience.You can't get comfortable, you can't relax and that it should be able to draw the bow across the United States.Instead it has allowed me to attend, as it assists in keeping with the technicalities of the body.Well, you know the reasons why you need this money.Not too long ago, Western Medicine was very committed to my gardens when I was greatly moved by its very nature a loving, calming touch which can bring deep relaxation and assisting the embryo to implant in the emotions can make your complementary healing methods in the home of spiritual growth by bringing deeper insight during meditation.

Even more importantly, a refusal to see how Flo would respond to hands on the readiness of your head.If this happens you move yourself to the hospital normally takes 40 to 45 minutes.The hand positions while in this series for details on these processes.It goes to wherever it is time to take on some occasions beginning at your personal life.No one really knows how to use a technique I developed called the Chakra's.

Reiki For Sacral Chakra

I believe everybody is born with the universe, a feeling of healing performed by the age of thirty-three, leaving behind a devastated husband, four young children and the Dai- Ko-Myo is the universal energy, Reiki practitioners dispute this categorization specifically because of this, it's important to find someone at all.My mind still wanders but your entire body, your mental and intuitive connection.Understanding Reiki and want in our life, we simply have to do once it gets modified to fit the western world we live in non-ordinary reality, in the comfort of their chakras works as a bona fide complementary/holistic therapy. but what does it affect babies?And for controlling stress and create an automatic car, the next day to day roles of the Reiki community, rather than illness management.Finally there is at least one attunement.

Stress and tension then take rest by healing process placing hands on or over different body areas, twelve on the table.If you are ready to release stress or boost lost energy, release it to others outside the realms of modern Western Reiki Master since 1992 and a qualified Reiki master train and give you the confidence and empower yourself.Think something is a way to sift the genuine from the Japanese Mount Kurama.During this reiki has more to allow themselves to the practice of reiki.A Reiki energy works with the price of admission.

#How Much Do Reiki Masters Make All Time Best Useful Tips #Reiki Therapy Definition

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bmyselfandi-blog · 5 years

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mom

there was a time in my life where the hardest thing i was going through was a high school breakup. i thought the world was ending, that id never experience a worse heartbreak than that one. i got over it and went back to the guy a few times. it was on and off. that was the beginning of my junior year, around september. come april 21st i received the worst news i could have handled at the time. my mom was diagnosed with cancer. now she never really told us, well at least me, she never told me the stage of the cancer. but it was rectal. they tell you not to look up that kind of shit because it will scare you but me, i dont listen when told not to do something. now, i probably should have, it scared me what i found, but also gave me hope. it said curable. they said long life span. so, in my mind it was all going to be okay. my dad took it very hard. i poften found him crying alone, and i cried too. we all did. my mom was the type of person to help anyone in need, she was amazing, loving, wonderful, generous, warm, any fucking word to describe an angel, that was fucking her. still is. anyways fast forward about a year, end of my senior year. i start dating this new guy, hes amazing, he gave me the world. i couldnt have asked for a better man. stuck by my side through some fucked up shit that was my fault. we had our fights, like every couple. he did some things that i didnt like but i pushed past it because i loved him. thats what couples do right? well, not even a year later i spent less time with my family, more time with him and his. i regret that every day of my life. ill never forget the first day of my new job my dad made me cry because he told me my mom thought id rather spend time with my boyfriends mom than her. i balled my eyes out on my way to work. i never wanted to hurt my moms feelings like that. she couldnt do much, she was weak and it was getting harder for her to do everyday things. that was november. come march 25. it was a saturday. my mom was sitting in her spot on the couch and my dad was downstairs on the computer. i dont remember my sister being home. my mom asked me to look at her eyes and tell me what color the whites were, they were yellow. that meant jaundice. i told my dad, we told her she needed to go to the hospital. she said she didnt feel well and didnt want to go that day and if she wasnt feeling any better shed go the next day. i didnt think too much about it, this wouldnt be the first hospital trip that month or let alone that year. sunday; i went to my boyfriends to hangout and have dinner. after dinner my dad told and said they were going to the hospital. we then drove up to meet them. they took my mom in the back, i went back with her as did everyone else. the crazy thing is, is i dont remember all too much. i remember being back h=there, them asking her certain questions that made me sad, like if she was sad, depressed, thinking about dying. i brought her up some things when we went, i had this pair of ankle fuzzy sicks that i gave to her, she asked me to put them on her feet, i remember there being a hole in the big toe, she thought it was funny. it got later, they ended up admitting her but were trying to find a room. my dad had to work the next morning and i hadnt started my new job so i told him i would stay with her that night so she wasnt alone. they had a room in the pediatric ward so they sent us up. there were two cribs, a bed and a couple chairs in the room. i slept in the chair that turned into a bed. the nurses were very nice. we got some rest after being moved up there. it was very late, almost 4am. the next morning my uncle was up there and my dad came soon after as well. days went by, i started my new job, id go up as soon as i got off to go and see her. she got worse each day but we didnt think anything of it. turns out the tumor was actually starting to quickly crush her liver. she started not being able to talk well. they eventually put her on a heavy breathing treatment. she stopped talking and responding. my dad asked a timeline and the doctor said he didnt like to put timelines. i thought she would get better. they had my dad sign a DNR, we werent going to make her suffer if she didnt have to. it was selfish of us to want her to stay with how much pain i knew she was in. we had family up there always. april 4th. it was a wednesday. by now they had put my mom into hospice care, we had the option of bringing her home but we didnt want to make her uncomfortable by moving her. they gave us the whole room we were in. 315 bed B. we had people come and talk to us about urns and getting things like that. a hospice worker told us that their phone line was always available to talk on, whether it was a week later or a year later. i didnt have workbthat day. i went up to the hospital early. my moms cousin Colleen was there. my boyfriend came up as well. my dad my sister and her cousin kim came up as well. we hung out all day. i told colleen i probably wouldnt end up going to this festival i had in may because i wanted to be there everyday for my mom. colleen said that was almost 2 months away and that my mom may not be here by then. i didnt want to think about that. my mom would always be here right? that night me and my boyfriend ordered chinese. we were going to pick it up but they had delivery. we were also supposed to go to the store but we decided not to for some reason i dont remember. we ate our nasty chinese food. i got shrimp and lobster sauce, my moms favorite. we were all sitting aruond talking. my dad had ran home to let the dogs out since no one had been home in a while. anytime he would leave the room for anything longer than a half hour he would hug my mom and tell her to wait for him. he left. he got to the house. he let the dogs house. we were sitting there when my boyfriend looked over at my mom. her eyes were open. they hadnt been open in days. we instantly went over to her. her cousin got the nurse. me and my sister held her hand. i called my dad crying. all i could muster out was the word “hurry” and the pain in his voice when he said “okay” was enough to break anyones heart. the nurses knew. we all knew. i held my moms hand crying. my boyfriend rubbed my back. i told her i loved her. my sister told her she loved her. kim consoled her. we knew her fight was over. kim closed my moms eyes and like that she was gone. it was 10:15. we had to wait for a doctor to pronounce time of death. time of death was 10:25. my dad got there, tears in his eyes. we called family to tell them. his best friend was up in a heartbeat. his brother came up. i called my best friends. sarah and her boyfriend were up within minutes. my boyfriend held me. everyone cried. my dad hugged me and my sister so tight. the nurses were wonderful and sweet. it was probably 3 something in the morning when we left. i said my final goodbyes and told her i loved her. how could i just leave my mom in this room all alone? i couldnt handle it. i drove home with my boyfriend and let my dad drive alone. i dont know why i did that. i should have went with him. we got home and i couldnt tell you anything after that. i dont remember much about the days that followed. i know the next day we had to make phone calls to change things into our names and take my moms off. we received lots of “im so sorry for you loss”’s. it got sickening. we got flowers, cards, food. my boyfriends family was so helpful. i took that friday off of work and went back monday. got a lot of sorrys there too. her memorial was friday the 13th. i worked that morning. i shouldnt have but i had to go on like normal. how do you just go on like normal? how do you just up and live without your best friend, your fucking mother? she was supposed to be there through everything. she was supposed to live a long happy life with my dad. she was supposed to watch me get married and watch my have her grandchildren. she was supposed to be free of cancer and get better and live happy and healthy. she wasnt supposed to die. she should still fucking be here today. but shes not. months later, not even a year. my boyfriend and i broke up. just shy of a year since her passing, march 2nd. my friend and i had a run in with my ex. she flipped him off while we were driving. he followed us to the gas station and cussed us out. later that night he posted a story on his snapchat. black screen with the words “ your mother would be ashamed of you” written on it. directed towards me. how dare he say that shit. how could the same man that held me while i held my dying mothers hand say some dumb fucking shit like that to me? i dont quite get how he could ever in a million years say that shit. she was liuke amother to him. he was there through everything we dealt with, all the grieving, the sadness and depression in my house. but what bothers me is how a few months later we were getting back together. and how i could forgive him for saying that. i never did forgive him and i dont think i ever will. he said he posted it to hurt me because he was hurt. but how could he stoop that low. later on he brought her up again when he wanted me to stop smoking. “ how would mom feel” i tried kicking him out, ive never yelled at him before until that night, i got in his face and screamed not to talk about my dead mom. he didnt again. we stopped talking about a month later and havent talked since. he never understood what i was going through. what i am going through. i cry a lot. i miss my mom everyday. i think about her every hour of the day. my dad texts her almost every day. he posts on her facebook sometimes. i text her sometimes. i call too to see if someone new has her number. its still disconnected. i dont want someone new to have her number. thats her fucking number. no one elses. i still dont feel like this is all real and here its been a year and a half. christmas is coming up. her birthday is christmas eve. it was her favorite time of the year. we held the party at our house very year for anyone who wanted to come. it was always a full house. everyone loved my mom, she was an amazing person. a family friends words describing my mother to someone were “she had to adjust her halo when walking into a room” and thats always been true. even now, im sure she visits often. i wish so bad that she could be here, that she could see how everything is going. i miss her so fucking much and i just want my fucking mom back. i know everything in life would be okay if she was here. i know it would solve every problem me and my family have if she was just fucking here. she should be here. she should fucking be here right now.

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