#i kinda wanna make this a sticker for myself
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this has been plaguing my mind for days
#i.. i dont know what to say for myself#i kinda wanna make this a sticker for myself#im getting into sticker design cuz my mom wants a print of my velveteen rabbit poster i made for school#i kinda wanna remake it since i made that thing on fucking illustrator with vectors and it took me DAYS#i wanna make it look more storybook like and surprise it to her by ordering it as a sticker... itd be my first time#custom printing a sticker and i think id prefer to get it professionally done unless i decide to learn how to diy it#my art#myart#stickers#the very hungry caterpillar#eric carle
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little chibi but as usual i put too much effort in
#i kinda wanna make him a sticker for myself just bc hes so cuteee#quill oc#original characters#alexmey's art tag
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#amulet series#kazu kibuishi#testing the waters here#bc rn I'm planning to make some stickers and some photocards w my sister#mostly anime fandom stuff and hopefully it gets some traction#if we got lucky I considered throwing in some Amulet stuff#it's not gonna be a SUPER soon thing or a next year kind of thing but I do wanna see an interest check#bc I do see some people interested in prints so. Idk fingers crossed#ngl I kinda dreamed that one day for myself I'd customize acrylics of like the OG amulet design on one side#and my redesign on the other so I'd enjoy them on my desk#but that's a dream atm but do yall want amulet stuff or no
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Text Me⭐️
⭐️Call Me
I Just wanna Talk with You⭐️
#cats art#cats ocs#original character#ocs#artists on tumblr#I like how it turned out but it still feels like it's missing smthn#or maybe i did too much?#i worked a whole night on this so im not going back to it but stil..cant put my finger on why i feel this way#it's cute tho i will say!!! im happy with it..sorta#I wanna get into coloring more and doing full pieces like this#like...i wanna make prints for myself! or stickers!#I dunno yet but i do know that i want to draw more. improve more#ALSO wanna get back into my girly aesthetic with my drawings#PINK#CUTE#nice to look at#SOFT!!#that kinda thing#anyways i love the tag system cuz i can ramble all i want
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I always think to myself, "I'm out of ideas... I'm out of actually cool, creative ideas, will I have to shut all my shit down? How am I supposed to continue posting if I've got nothing..." but then, the next second I'll come up with something that genuinely could be a whole ass dr
...
here's a dump of some of the drs I've been wanting to make into filled scripts for awhile now, but I haven't even started designing the scripts for them yet.
Some of them are literally just titles, but idk I just know I can work with it yk?
since I finished some prototyping hw today, I'll put in a little more effort sectioning this post
some of the ideas in question
cloud catcher: steampunk reality based on a cloud city, you've got a job as a cloud catcher, your job is to catch and sell different kinds of clouds, have a cloud shop
inedible edible cafe: inedible things here (in our OR) would be edible in this dr.. Initially I only wanted to include slime as a dish, but now I want to make dishes with different ingredients, like puffy sticker cereal or sum shit
shifting school dr: okay so this actually was a trend on shifttok for a sec, it was called a 'mysterious school' idk why. anyway, this school was supposed to be it's own dr, but I think i may include it in my dreamscape dr
magitech engineer dr: ngl this idea was in the fucking basement of my mind-- ain't nobody gonna wanna shift here besides for someone that actually likes crafting things. idk i just feel like it’s a niche idea
number magic: uh so no, that's not the title for this dr-- I just really wanna make a dr with this kind of system. idk I was just in world lit class and I realized the poem I was reading was repeating the number 5. we were supposed to analyze the poem, but my dumbass just started daydreaming... anyway, next idea
fantasy cosmetic makeup maker dr: so like imagine handmaking make up with like... mermaid pearls or like ground unicorn horns (sourced ethically of course-- unicorns will shed their horns like baby teeth throughout their lifetime. I cannot imagine depriving a unicorn of its horn... imagine doing that... what a psycho😨) you could make like a mermaid line, a sky beauty line, IMAGINE THE PACKAGING. STOP. WAIT. FLOWER KNOWS. AHHH.
guardian flame: I have so little down for this DR lmao 😭😭 essentially like you're some sort of being that's been assigned to protect another, probably someone who isn't as strong as you. the kinda oddball part about your drself in particular is that you have to go to school to train how to be a good protector, but like you've already got a person you need to protect. nobody is assigned to protect anyone until affffftteeerrr graduation, but ur stuck with an idiot
futuristic skater/futuristic biker: self explanatory! I also wanted this to be in a high school setting. this idea stemmed from me just wanting a high school futuristic dr, cuz like yk I was curious about what high school students would need to learn. what would be considered important to learn about? would all students be taught about how to make technology we would find difficult to make today? what about psychology class? what new theories would arise? what would students think about our generation (in our CR) today? would they think we're stupid, crass, or selfish? anyway, initially I just wanted to go to school and walk around... but, I had a dream about living in the future, more abt that in the next idea (this idea is getting long). Instead, I think I wanna deviate a bit from what I would usually do here and in literally every other school dr I have-- I want to experience what it'd be like to be a... deliquient? idk, growing up i kinda just was just that quiet girl that listened to her parents... soooooooo why not do smth different? I'm still not gonna drink or do drugs tho, boooooooo ik so boring 🙄🙄 oh also I was gonna have a group of friends that were also skaters or bikers and compete in definitely legal biker/skater competitions
futuristic entertainment district: anyway more about that dream, essentially everyone was wearing these levitating rocket boots that looked a lot like roller skates (they had those wheels at the bottom of the shoes). the city was like a huge pot hole filled with stores on the side, but like it seemed like parts of the land was broken apart and floating around-- even those had advertisements and people singing and dancing on them. like this pot hole city was filled to the brim with advertisements, shops, stores, entertainment places, literally I remember that there was a huge section of like idol shit. there were a lot of people darting around the place using those levitating boots I was wearing, but there were also futuristic floating cars. imagine cyberpunk but if it was located in a big ass pot hole. yah, that. idk i just wanna explore
dystopian futuristic dr: similar to cyberpunk in the fact that it's a world dominated by companies; I want to join an underground group that wants to overtake the gov and make the world less ass
singles inferno - introvert ver: I actually have all the contestants scripted + designed a script for this DR, but I haven't worked on this script in a whiillleeeee. I wanna be song jia. not literally, but like I want to have her charm, yk? ok so the introvert part-- a lot of the game will take place in a group chat room. you do challenges in-person and in this chatroom to get a date, sometimes it's a random date, but most of the time it's like your choice. very heavily inspired by a game called picka!
a minecraft roleplay dr: I know at least one of yall cringed so hard at this, trust me, I knooowwwww-- but I really want to be like the next aphmau or smth. oh except I don't want to make kid vids, tho I'm sure yall knew that right. I want to recreate aethergarde academy in minecraft (ALSO ALRUNA TOO OMFG) but then I also wanna do other things that aren't dr related. idk I just know that this DR's gonna be sooooo fun. I haven't even decided on a channel name yet 😭😭
...
uh so I prob got more, but these were just the ones that came to mind
I'll prob make a part two when I'm lazy with posting
if anyone wants to use these ideas, please do credit me! if one of yall see someone using my ideas without credit, plz plz tell me, ty!
#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting blog#lalalian#desired reality#shifters#shifting diary#shifttok#scripting#dr ideas
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ok detailed surgery experience
i made this schedule (?) of the major events as soon as I left while I cld still remember (and still kinda forgot!) i like knowing the Times of stuff so I asked my dad to take note of Times for me, and tried to ask for the time where i could
surgery I got was a laproscopic bilateral salpingectomy, full removal of the fallopian tubes only!
Misc details off of dis, obviously TMI territory as its a medical procedure.
The second blood draw (they took blood from me yesterday tooooo) hurt less and more somehow. Nasty nasty bruise forming.
IV really was the worst part of it ! I'd get weird throbs of frustrating pain long after it was in
I was given compression stockings that went right up to my crotch. Your toes stick out, and they put hospital socks over your feet. Some additional compress wraps were placed above my knees.
Pre op/prep didnt take too long at all. I know I have it listed as over an hour of waiting, which always made me nervous to read in other people's experiences, but it doesn't really feel like waiting. The TV helps pass the time, as do the people who are with you if any, and the nurses popping in with help or instructions or updates. The prep room was small and the bathroom was next door. The double doors open to wheel you out. Remote was given toe to control the TV and also call the nurses via a speaker.
The nurse who wheeled me in was nicest, she pronounced my name Correctly and was also really funny and friendly...
In general I knew this surgery was going to go well because I was actually able to fall asleep last night. I've stayed awake/tossed and turned for events far less stressful. Dis was also due to part of it kind of not feeling real for me! And being wheeled into surgery room added to that! It didnt feel real, it felt like watching one of many scenes from medical media of the same point of view.
I did start quaking and shaking once in the surgery room (also small, I did not look around much in fear of it making me panic last minute!)
They had me scoot from the prep bed to the surgery table. There was a pink foam headrest for me to slot the back of my head into. They strap you in with arms out like ur being crucified and thats when it became more Real for me so i started shaking a lot, but I can't tell how bad it was under the heavy blankets. I think I shook more and for longer when I went for my MRI (which also isnt/wasnt scary but the body freaks out for no reason). Im surprised at myself for being so Calm ykwim
Anyway, strapped in, had monitoring stuff stickered onto my body: my sternum, side of body under chest/armpits, and another pair I cant remember where. Hair was put up in hair net. My hospital gown was untied as the tie starts halfway across your body and goes under, but this was not done in an invasive-to-privacy way, and I was still fully covered by it (and then recovered by blankets)
(3 separate people asked me how many kids I had throughout this whole venture, and were Shocked at my response. This was the other most nerve wracking part as I started to get weirdly anxious that someone wouldn't like this and cancel my surgery or something. One of the Askers was the anesthesiologist.) Doctor/surgeon came in and asked if i was ready and talked about how he loved being under anesthesia LOL. Everybody was speaking about their opinions about childbirth and sterilization and parenthood, but amongst each other and not to influence my decision, along with telling each other to set up XYZ. Once again everybody is charmed by Cheye's usage of the word "yay"
Ive never had surgery before, so I was worried about anesthesia. In my mind i was imagining it to be being fully lucid and then your vision darkens and takes you, which was scary to me like i dont wanna be freaking out and then immediately KNOCKED out!
But it was gradual which actually made it more calming for me...the funny nurse put the oxygen mask over me, I got very nervous bc she said to take deep breaths and honestly i couldnt even breath much at all in it, and breathing out also felt very restricting and like I was going to choke, but it wasn't Distressing. I just breathed slowly and it worked anyway.
In a few seconds I felt a cool tingle in my arm that then sort of burst into my torso, and my whole body felt really light and my eyelids draggggggged half closed, but it felt very mechanical and involuntarily (like slowly closing window blinds...or like how the brightness options on a 3DS are numbered buttons ykwim? Like, Closing 1, Closing 2, Closing 3, Closed Halfway, all pressed in quick succession). Heavy heavy heavy. I stayed in that half closed state for a while! (Probably not even a full minute, but it also wasn't instant...i still had time to think and Hear conversation etc, as well as feel that there was some mechanical thing tightening around my spread arms along with the hand adjusted straps)
The funny nurse was telling me to relax and have sweet dreams and that they wld take care of me and such. And then I was out. I do not remember my vision fully fading or eyes fully closing, in my mind they stayed in that half closed state.
Ive heard ppl say it feels like blinking and waking up, but it did feel like sleep to me!!!! I know dreaming under anesthesia isn't really a thing, but waking up felt like....i was really waking up like normal and trying to remember traces of a dream after several hours of sleep.
I always thought it was silly seeing ppl ask if the surgery was over when they come out of it, but I did that. But like i swear it came out involuntarily??? Like i knew it was over....i think it was because I couldnt really SEE anything when i woke up, I could only hear staff speaking to me, and I can barely remember what they said. Vision was VERY very blurred. So I guess that question came out as substitute for Where Am I, and Who's Here With Me? Speaking felt like when audio unsyncs from a video, with my voice trailing far behind my words. I also remember being really bewildered bc there was some sort of residue on my lips, like when they're chapped and dry and cracking. I learned later this was bc of the intubation but i Didnt Know That Yet so i was just scared and thirsty.
Adding another "pain was less bad than the average period which has one Doubled Over" statement to the pile. Pain was at 3/10 or 4/10, which is to say if period pain is a whole abdomen event, this pain was small little bruises occasionally being brushed up against, just small throbs of sore pain in the 3 incision spots. I got an incision inside my belly button and that was the most present sensation, but that might also be bc I hate anything having to do with that area in general 😭 always feels weird.
My throat felt very DRY. It wasn't pain yet, it felt like when you're thirsty + dehydrated and your lips stick together at any slight moisture, but in the throat. Kept trying to look around and wiggle my fingers and toes in hopes that'd help me Come Out Of It sooner bc not being able to see was really frustrating me. I could not make out the face of the person watching over me for some time. I really wanted water !
HORROR when the person looking over me said i had a catheter still in me. Nightmare I wasnt counting on actually happening and wasnt mentally prepared for. I was told I would have one placed (make sure to ask if this is a concern for you!) but i thought they'd take it out before I woke up... I cldnt even feel it in me when I was told this! Which is good.
The staff of course had to remove blankets and open my gown a bit to access the area. But I did not feel any distress about this at the time.
Had a very funny slow motion distress response bracing self for removal. It did not hurt or sting at all, it just felt like [something I cant describe here]. Just pressure! It was pulled out gently but quickly of course.
After 1 hr i was wheeled to a separate private recovery room. The nurse uncovered my lower area to check if incisions were doing good so far as well as to check if I had been provided with a pad/underwear, as some patients have blood or other fluids come out as a result of the surgery.
parents came in, was so grateful for juice but in dismay over my food item being orange (i dont like citrus flavor) jello (i dont like jello 😭) i consumed all of both.
I also worried I'd feel weird about throwing my body parts away. But I dont feel anything ^_^ just feels very awesome and natural
Sore throat started further developing. Nurse came in after some time here, taught me how to Get Up. Was scary! I was worried about it hurting, but it was just more soreness.
Was able to go to the bathroom, went a very little bit but it was enough. I was very scared about seeing my incisions and being disgusted by them....but I caught a glance and it was Okey Yey. They are covered in surgical Glue and dont look gnarly, swollen, red or anything they look very cool ^_^ got dressed in stages as there was nothing to set clothes down on and sat back down on the bed. The bathroom connected to another room where somebody else was preparing for surgery.
Nurse came in with final post op instructions, upon describing nausea to me my skin got cold, stomach activated and krusty krab exploded with it. She was just barely able to get me a bag to throw up in. This exacerbated the throat pain. She encouraged me to get it all out especially since I also expelled gas, which is a good thing.
IV removal didnt hurt! Same level of pain as the tape around it being yanked off. I couldn't even tell it was over. I was wheeled out of the hospital. ^_^ i wore an oversized dress my sister lent me, and cheap target sandals so I wouldnt have to bend to tie shoes. My dad pulled up the car right outside. I brought a pillow to be a barrier in between the seat belt and my stomach.
Its 6:48 neow and I am laying down, but the pain is (currently) the same. I had another nausea (and release. Also exacerbated throat pain.) spell (while in walmart picking up the pain meds), was boiling alive in my very hot room, and was a bit dehydrated which may have contributed to some misery and nausea but as of right now I'm ok, i changed into lighter clothes, drank water, ate a bit, and situated self in a room with ac....i worry about getting up and becoming nauseous again 😭 i hate throwing up.
People are right about it being more discomfort than pain! You have to walk around every few hours, and it doesnt hurt but every step feels like my bellybutton is kinda pinching inward. Being tugged at from the inside. Ive gotten to a point where even chuckling makes me feel this very Sour soreness (not regular dull soreness) so maybe ill start the meds soon if necessary.... Squatting to sit doesnt hurt in a debilitating way, neither does actually sitting or putting on/stepping into clothing.
I couldnt nap because laying on my side doesnt hurt the incisions or anything, BUT its just the strange discomfort again. The weight of gravity on the body makes the incision sites feel very very weird in an abstract way i cant describe. It isnt pain. It feels like a mismatched sensation of some sort. Like if you touched your nose and somehow felt the touch on your knee. Adjacent to this. A very specific sensation sits in all the incision sites and drags down through your mattress to the ground and it feels Weird.
If you get up properly it really doesn't hurt to do so! Use your leg to get yourself fully onto your side, then use your arm to push yourself up into a sitting position.
I am very nervous from when all the good strong hospital meds wear off t_t i heard the day after is a struggle because of dis. but ive got the prescribed pain management on hand (extra strength ibuprofen and tylenol with codeine!! O_O) neow at least ^_^;
OH, AND THE DOCTOR TOOK FOTOS OF MY INSIDES LIKE I ASKED! ^_^ 🫶 I have glossy printed souvenir now! I dont exactly know wtf im looking at but its awesum LOL maybe i will ask for details at the follow up!
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FULL FEM FORTRESS LINE UP
i finally FINALLY finished this lineup. those fuckers are in my head more that they should be. after writing my ideas for them i HAD TO DRAW THEM, i had such a clear image in my mind. the only one I've drawn before where engie, medic, sniper and scout, but those were just sketches.
if you wanna read what I wrote about them you can find the three posts here: defense | offense | support
full lineup, sketch lineup and design thoughts under the cut:
i always like the sketches more but i love the clear lineart, it makes the character more readable, so now it's time for some design thoughts:
engie - she was the first, she has seen everythin- no ok wrong franchise. i meant, she was the one i was more certain of. the outfit didn't change from the og but i made her have two small pigtails. i always viewed them as a cow girl hairstyle, and they're also practical. a stable hairstyle that keeps your hair out of your face.
heavy - the sleaves where kinda an instant idea i KNEW i had to incorporate. so i did a bit of reaserch on traditional russian clothes and their patterns. they seems to be very geometrical with not more than 5 colors, which two of them are white and black, usually at the seams or borders of the clothing. so i tried to do that. i really like how it came out.
demo - not much to say aside from me winging the hairstyle. i honestly didn't know which one to give to her, but i knew i didn't want a long hair style. maybe one day i'll draw her without the hat.
scout - she is the one with my favorite design. i LOVE how it came out. i fell it express her cockiness the best. i tried putting her in the og outift but eh, i prefer this one.
soldier - this is literally just normal soldier. i tried to but more "femminine" traits in her face. but still, just soldier with boobs.
pyro - it's normal pyro, with some stickers cause why not.
medic - she's my love. my beauty, the absolute perfection. i love her and every time i draw her she becomes more and more creepy. and i love her so much. at first i was unsure about the hairstyle, i tried to but her in a high bun but it didn't fit the face shape, so i just gave her a side swoosh. also you may have noticed she has the nurse hat, well, that's just because i think it's cute, and i mean, she is a field doctor and usually the women there where red crosses so, made sense to me.
sniper - ah, my beautiful, unkept woman. i had a hard time making her face look rugged without giving her 30 years more and doing that on women is actually pretty difficult. i had one time an art teacher saying to me "every line on a woman's face gives her 10 years more" and holy fuck if that's true. the second problem was the body type. a lot of people do her slim, and at first i drew her like so, but i found myself appreciating a bigger waist line, creating a sort of square siluette.
spy - finally the beautiful femme fatale. i will ALWAYS have problems with spy's suit color. i can't. it always feels so wrong aaaa. but that aside, i did a simple google search for 60s women's suit and i kinda went with it. it's a bit different from the og spy suit but it's also different from modern suits, so i had a bit of an hard time adjusting the jacket.
my asks are open if you wanna know more of them or if you wanna see them in some specific scenario!! and if you like tf2 i also did a team furtress lineup with explainations.
consider supporting me on my KOFI, i recently opened commissions!!
#art#artists on tumblr#tf2#fanart#tf2 medic#team fortress 2#tf2 engineer#fem fortress#tf2 fanart#tf2 scout#spy tf2#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tf2 art#team fortress 2 fanart#medic tf2#tf2 demoman#tf2 soldier#tf2 pyro#tf2 heavy#demoman tf2#engie#scout#medic#spy#sniper#pyro tf2#fem heavy#fem sniper#fem engineer
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Ok so I did send a request idea but im also still thinking about the serial killer guy and im just.
Im so love him so so much and just
Sobbing crying and holding his face gently.
Im so gay. Im such a gay lil man for big scary dude
And I just wanna.... dote on him.
Like ok I mean yes he HAS killed people and all and is kinda super scary
But god my dumb ass with a big heart just seeing him covered in blood and maybe hurt somehow and going like "hey... hey uh... let's get you cleaned up and patched up ok?"
And just being so gentle with him, wiping the blood off and maybe even learning to stitch wounds closed just for him.
Ok so what if maybe he has kidnapped me. He means well I think! Hasn't done anything to hurt me so I mean come on maybe he is lonely and needs some kindness ya know? (Totally not delusional ♡♡♡)
I mean sure it was scary at first and all but like he's a person too right? He's got a heart. He needs some gentle care and love.
Making him a flower crown, putting stickers on his mask and arms, holding his hand gently and just feeling his big palms with my smaller lil hands and treating him with such gentle care.
I am so sappy and gay im sorry
I just love him-
♡Bunny (whos a gay lil idiot♡♡♡)
Yandere! Serial Killer part 2
A/N : this was supposed to come out on Halloween but um things happens💟 hope you like it! Sorry for the ending heh🐰
T/W : blood, mentioned of murder, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome(?), the reader lowkey kinda insane too, yandere themes.
«────── « ⋅ʚ💌ɞ⋅ » ──────»
[Name] stared at the screen of the television showcasing a random horror movie absentmindedly, not paying much attention to it as their thoughts were occupied.
It was well past midnight and they were still wide awake.
They were unable to sleep due to the loud thundering sounds of the storm outside and decided to watch a movie instead and hopefully fall asleep to it.
It didn't work obviously as they were currently staring blankly at the scene of a man being brutally murdered by an axe-wielding killer in the movie. It was concerning how they barely reacted to the grotesque scene.
They've seen real horrors before.
[Name] has essentially been desensitised of seeing blood and gore. The sight being far too common nowadays after they met him.
Their ears perked up at the sound of a jingling keys and the doorknob twisting open. He's home. [Name] turned their gaze from the movie to the man who's currently standing at their front door.
"You're back and.. bloodied as usual" They greeted him, eyes trailing over his current state.
Lorn was covered in blood from head to toe, both his and his victim's they presumed. Cuts and scratches littered his muscled arms, some look fairly deep ones as it bled. The killer stood still as a statue all the while [Name] inspected him, he knew [Name] will be angry at him for walking around bathed in blood so he remained glued to his spot.
"Found a tough one. Scratched and sliced me once with a knife. That's why m'so bloodied, had to cut their limbs off f'touching me" He explained, staring at [Name] who were grabbing the items they had kept in the supply closet.
If they had not known better, they would've thought he was innocent, incapable of harm as he stared at them through his red horned mask with those adoring eyes. Who would've thought that the infamous Lovelorn killer was a small puppy towards his object of affection.
"Come here, let's get you cleaned and patched up. Wouldn't want you to bleed everywhere, blood is hard to get out of carpet okay?" They motioned him to strip his clothes off and dump it in the basin of clothes to be washed separately.
As they wiped the blood off of Lorn, stitched and wrapped him up in bandages they were overcome by a realisation. Something feels off about themselves. A normal person would've screamed bloody murder and ran to the police but here they are pampering a serial killer who they are living with.
'I might be insane myself' they thought to themselves, chuckling humourlessly.
It had been months since they were locked inside this house with only Lorn as a company. They were protesting at first, demanding to be freed but even then deep down they didn't really care. [Name] only did it because it's what they thought a sane person would do.
Maybe they and Lorn aren't that different.
[Name] snapped out of their thoughts when a rough hand were placed on their jaw, the touch so gentle they barely feel it.
"What's wrong?" Lorn was looking at them with those eyes again.
They shook their head and smiled, continuing their work of stitching up closed a cut on his arm. After they were done, Lorn stood up and englufed them in a hug, their sizes difference were apparent as he towers over them with his muscular built.
"Thank you. I love you so much, [Name]" He said, burying his face on their hair.
They pat his back and suddenly a thought crept up in their mind. They bit their lip as they contemplate on wether to ask him or not.
Fuck it.
"Hey, Lorn?" He hummed in reply, too busy mooching off their warmth.
"Why don't I join you the next time you went out for a kill?"
«────── « ⋅ʚ💌ɞ⋅ » ──────»
#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x y/n#yandere x you#yandere oc#tw: yandere#yandere#gender neutral reader#yandere male#yandere headcanons
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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ ❛ THE BLOOD PAINTER — 画家 , CHOSO KAMO
𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ﹆₊ 概要 ‧₊˚ art; it brought you both together. it brought you to a fair. wc, 2.42K. dark mode recommended.
␥ note. i’m so proud of myself cuz i’m actually trying to keep up with everything. like i got the headcanons done now i’m working on this and infinity (unfortunately it’s ending) then i have to attempt to write the desire disease. i kinda went on a hiatus wit that one..ANYWAY hope ya enjoy :D reblog to support meeee and lmk if you wanna be tagged in the next part
␥ tags. artist!choso, college AU, possible nsfw, female anatomy, smoking, etc. lmk if i missed anything
␥ misc. masterlist AO3 PART TWO
the camera flashed as the boys stood closely together, displaying their best smiles. the device lowered as a medium sized polaroid slid out of the slot in the front. choso shook his wrist, trying to get the photo to develop quicker. a small smile appeared on his lips once it showed up.
yuji poked his head over his brother’s shoulder, trying to see the photo. “i like that one. you should use that for your project.” choso gave a smile and nodded, keeping his little brother’s suggestion in mind.
it was a nice november afternoon and the brothers were spending the weekend at a fair. children ran around the area, playing and eating sweets. choso thought this was the perfect place to capture some photos.
the four boys made their way around the park, choso happily watching his three brothers play games together and enjoy themselves. each time itadori beckoned choso to join, he’d politely decline but he was eventually pulled into the shenanigans of his brothers.
once choso got some time to himself, he’d walk around the park after advising his brothers to stay together and try not to get lost in the huge crowds of people. he’d also give them a meeting point when it was time to head home.
treading lightly, taking in the sights of everything and flashing his camera at anything he found interesting, he heard someone call his name. a female voice, in fact. you were waving at choso with a soft smile on your face.
you seemed to be spending the day at the fair with your friends. each of you had food and a couple of your friends had big, large plushies that they might’ve won from playing the games. it made choso wonder why you didn’t get one.
your shoes clack against the ground as you made your way to the apathetic looking male but you could’ve sword you saw him smile but it could’ve been your mind playing tricks. choso had on a green sweater underneath the brown jacket he wore over it. even under the green sweater, you saw the black shirt poking out of it. he wore khaki cargo pants and his usual black boots—the ones you’ve been seeing him wear almost all the time.
you noticed the grey beanie that sat neatly over his dark short lengthed hair and the tote bag that he carried over his shoulder with stickers on the fabric. his violet eyes pierced yours once you had some distance from him.
“hey, i didn’t expect you to be here,” you beamed at the male, seeming quite happy to see the guy. suddenly, there was a bright flash covering your eyes, making you blink rapidly.
“sorry but your smile was worth capturing.” choso said in his usual, low adverb voice. your cheeks flushed a deep red color at his comment. you didn’t know if he was flirting or being serious. he tucks his camera away, gently putting it down into the tote bag then looking up at you.
“i didn’t expect you to be here either.” choso peered behind you, noticing your friends congregated around the cotton candy stand, standing closely to each other as they waited for you to return. “i see you brought some friends.”
“more like they brought me.” you laugh. “but yeah, it was a chance i didn’t wanna miss. didn’t wanna wait all the way until the new year or christmas to get with everyone and go to a festival. what about you? i see you got your camera, so you must’ve thought this was a good time too.”
“i promised that i’d take them out this weekend and i thought it’d be a good time to take pictures so i can finish my project and you know—get it over with.” he answered.
“yeah, that’s what i figured.” you replied. glancing around you tried to see where his brothers may be but there wasn’t anyone that stood out. “where are they?”
“i let them explore the place on their own. i didn’t want them to feel like they had to follow me around the entire time. i just told them to make sure that they stay together. i really don’t feel like running around this place looking for anyone.”
you giggled. having to look for so many people at once sounded hard and with choso being the eldest of the four, he had to do it all on his own.
just when you were about to let choso know that he could continue with his task, you noticed your friends waving their hands at you, seemingly wanting you to stay with him. you hadn’t declared that you were about to walk away yet, so it was pretty good timing.
inhaling and exhaling through your nose, you prepared the question in your mind, praying you didn’t sound stupid when the words exited your lips.
“did you wanna…uh..like hang out for the rest of the day?”
choso’s cheeks flushed. the bandage that covered the bridge of his nose looked fluorescent because of the blood rushing to his face. his lips parted to speak but it was like your words restricted him from even saying what he wanted to say to you.
‘just say yes, damn it.’
choso shook his head ‘yes’ despite the voice in his head yelling at him to speak actual words and stop pretending to be mute. though, it couldn’t be helped. the poor boy was nervous and he never had these kinds of interactions with women. he was always too shy to speak unless they spoke to him first.
with that, the two of you stroll around the park, stopping at each of the games. he picked up that you were pretty playful like yuji was. always wanting to try something new even if you were scared.
that meant getting on a roller coaster that went at intense speeds and rose up at unfathomable heights. you were wondering how people enjoyed these without screaming and crying out of fear. but you kept optimistic.
“woah, you’re past the limited height mark.” you laughed as the two of you boarded the coaster, sitting next to each other. choso was significantly taller than you were. he was quite literally towering over you.
“uh…is that a good thing?” he asked, cheeks still a bit flushed, adding some kind of life to his pale skin. you smiled and nodded, laughing a little. the staff would strap the passengers, including the both of you, into the seats before yelling final warnings before starting.
before you knew it, the ride began and the wind smacked your face harder than anyone ever could. it was definitely an experience…an exciting one, at that.
when the ride ended, you were jumping up and down with excitement. “lets go on again. that was so fuckin fun.” you squealed. choso somehow already looked worn out and more tired than he usually did. he’d adjust his beanie as he grabbed his bag from the cubbies at the entrance.
“maybe later…” he huffed. you pouted.
“fine, we’ll go before we leave. but at least try to play the games. you could win some plushies for your brothers.” you suggested. choso raised an eyebrow. instead of letting him answer, you pulled him along.
arriving at a balloon popping game, your anxiety suddenly shot up. you hated the sound of balloons popping. you weren’t particularly scared of them but you hated the popping sound or the thought of someone popping it.
the male beside you quickly picked up on it and handed you his ipod. “would you like to listen to some music while i play?”
you could’ve easily said no and pulled out your own phone but you decided not to do that since choso was letting you use his things. after thanking him for offering his ipod to you, your plug in your headphones and searched for a song you liked. once you found a couple songs, you’d turn the music up so you didn’t have the dreadful popping sound.
soon enough, the game was over and choso was walking back to you, holding a snorlax plushie. two of them in fact. it’s tired and relaxed expression reminded you of choso.
“hm, is this for me?” you asked, seeing the plushie being held in front of you. choso nodded. you weren’t really expecting to get anything today unless one of your friends got it for you or you just got lucky and won the prize on your own.
your hands wrapped around the plushie and you smiled at it. in exchange for the plushie, you returned his ipod.
“thanks.” you say softly.
as the day begins to fade away, you and choso found yourselves on the ferris wheel, slowing going up to the top. it was a great view. choso flashed his camera at the scenery as the lights of the fair lit up the ground below them. the polaroid slowly pushed out of the slot of the camera. the male would take it and gently shake it to develop the image.
“how many pictures have you taken so far?” you asked, turning your attention away from the ground and towards choso.
“i’ve taken exactly thirty two pictures, these past couple days. they’re more than enough but i strive for extra success in my assignment and creativity.” he spoke. “yesterday, i bought an empty scrapbook so i can decorate it all myself.”
“you gonna put me in it?” you smirk. choso paused, thinking back to earlier when he had took a picture of you unexpectedly. he’d scratch his neck, looking hesitant on answering you. he nodded, quietly replying ‘yes’ to your question.
“i’ll be sure to include you.” he whispered. a sudden thought appeared in his mind. the thought made him dig down into his bag and pull out a pen. it was actually your pen.
“i…meant to give this back to you a month ago...it was during the orientation when school started.” choso said. “i just forgot to give it back and i…i-uh—didn’t know where to find you.”
you raised your eyebrows. you weren’t heavily worried about the pen, though you were a bit upset that you lost it on that particular day. it was definitely your favorite pen.
shaking your head you lowered choso’s hand as he attempted to give you the pen back. “no, it’s okay. you can keep it. i have a bunch of other pens and pencils i could use. it’s not a big deal.”
“really?” choso put his hand down into his lap once you lowered his hand. “i thought you’d be upset about it…or at least want it back. i mean—i’d want my stuff back if i lost it…uh—are you..are you sure you don’t want it back?”
“nope, it’s okay.” you assured. choso seemed a bit surprised. he was still uncertain but you insisted that he kept the tool, so he placed it back into his bag along with everything else he had packed inside. “lets just enjoy the night, okay?”
“yeah….sure. enjoy the night.”
when the time at the fair was surely ending, the two made their way to the entrance. there, yuji, eso, and kechizu were waiting for their big brother and your friends were waiting for you also, one of them dangling their keys to signal you that the car would come around to get you.
“head to the car.” choso softly commanded and the three boys would walk to the parking lot, leaving you and choso alone.
“well, i’ll see you back at school, hm?” the male says to you, adjusting the tote bag over his shoulders then pulling his sweater down.
“yeah, i’ll see you at school, monday.” you smiled. you were about to head to the car when you noticed your friends pulling up but you stopped yourself. “hey, lets exchange numbers. we can talk a little more and maybe hang out—uh…if it’s cool with you, i mean.”
choso nodded and gave you his phone. you typed your name and number into his phone before handing it back to him. “thank you…i mean—uh, i’ll call you…maybe—probably.” he stammered, making you laugh.
“call me,” you smiled before walking towards the car before speaking again. “i had a good time by the way. i really hope we can do this again soon.”
“yeah…me too.” choso chuckled.
when choso got into the driver’s seat of the car, yuji leaned over, removing his feet from the dashboard. he had a smirk on his face. a mischievous look that anyone could recognize.
“i saw you flirting over there…” he prompted.
“i…no i wasn’t.” choso stammered, feeling his face starting to heat up all over again. “i was just talking to her…nothing more.”
eso hummed, “it just depends on what was said.”
yuji flung his head from eso to choso again, his smirk growing wider as another idea formed in his mind. “well, what’d you say, big bro?”
“uh…is getting her phone number considered flirting?”
the entire car went silent for a moment.
“i think you just got a girlfriend.” yuji grinned.
upon arriving home, you made your way to your room with a smile on your face, reminiscing about the time you had at the fair. of course, you had a good time with your friends during the first half of your trip but the second half was even better, making the entire day more memorable.
you gently place the snorlax plushie choso won for you onto your bed, your smile growing just a bit wider. once you got settled and put on some pajamas, you grab your phone to do some late night scrolling before you fall asleep. that’s when you got a text.
‘hey it’s choso..the guy in your english class’
‘i just wanted to make sure i’m not texting a fake number’
you could hear his relaxed, deep voice echoing through your mind as you read the words on the screen, encased in a blue box. your thumbs swiftly punched the letters on your screen as you typed back.
‘no you aren’t texting a fake number it’s me lmao’
‘i wouldn’t purposely give you the wrong number, that’s kinda mean’
‘okay good just wanted to be sure. are you home? you got back safely with no incidents right?’
you smiled at the message. you knew choso well enough to know that he was a very caring person. it had only been a few weeks and you easily picked this up. the way he spoke of his family made this part of him stand out, shedding some light on the artistic man with that dull expression.
‘no incidents’
⠀© vmpiires | like, reblog & follow.
#𝐾𝑂𝑇𝐴 𝑊𝑅𝐼𝑇𝐸𝑆 書く#jujutsu kaisen#anime#choso kamo#jjk#jujutsu kaisen choso#jjk x reader#jjk choso#choso x reader#choso x black!reader#choso fluff#choso x you#jujutsu choso#choso x female reader#choso#choso my beloved#jjk geto#jujutsu geto#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#geto x you#jjk x you#getou suguru x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#geto suguru
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Is there any merch for your visual novels? Just something like a sticker or a shirt. Just wondering because I would love to purchase one if there was
kinda but na. its kinda difficult to figure out how to set it all up. esp with when selling nsfw stuff and every site and their mom wants to kill me for making girldick games. but also most on demand printing services just routinely get worse year by year so you cant even trust reviews and just have to trial and error yourself and i don't want to be sending my fans garbo shirts that dissolve the print in like 2 trips to the washing machine,. like i had a teespring store we put doomsay dreamgirl tanktops in and previously my partners old merch years before that idk lets say 6 years ago but nowadays the tanktops i ordered for myself were just SOOOO bad i feel embarrassed that someone else would have paid money for them.
theyre not unusable or anything... but its just sad that the print starts fading so fast. i love wearing mine and don't give a shit if I'm taking selfies with a faded tank design.. i mean i originally put the thing up on the store just to buy and wear it myself so
home printing stuff is like just insane hassle i am not prepared to face ( also assume very expensive to even start doing? idk. even if it wasn't i wouldn't do it)
its just a lot of effort ive been just so busy with irl stuff recently and also like dunno i do have an idea for a chandra shirt design i wanna do eventually one day hopefully
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Would you be open to writing Chris/Matt X Nonbinary Reader headcanon?
of course, my love, thank you for the req 🤍
enby!reader:
✨a concept✨
includes usage of pet names that are gender-neutral in my opinion
coming out -
chris: "you guys have the best flag colors, honestly. don't tell nick i said that, he'll kill me."
matt: "they/them? cool, mine are he/him, wanna go get ice cream?"
pride parade -
chris: "all of these pins are gonna look so cool on my backpack, holy shit, these go so hard."
pride parade with matt: "i told you to put on more sunscreen, that's probably why you're burning. no pride stickers until you put it on."
meeting the parents -
chris: "as long as you let him talk about golf, Jimmy's gonna love you. don't be nervous, i got you." very wet forehead kiss
matt: "okay so there's something you have to know about Mary Lou, right..."-deep sigh-"she's gonna make you a casserole. yeah. yeah like- yeah like a whole, a Whole Ass Casserole to take home. and she'll call me. and ask if you liked it. you're not allergic to anything right?"
hanging out with justin and the boys -
chris: "he may seriously rock your shit at cards so if you wanna play with me you can. no, i'm not bad at cards. i'm not cheating! what is this slander against me?" chris is very bad at cards and is trying very hard to cheat his way to victory.
matt: "you've never played Super Smash Bros? nah, i'll teach you. don't want you to worry about learning it tomorrow instead of having fun with everybody, come here. okay so first you pick your character...yeah it kinda matters but i'll start you off with Kirby, he's pretty easy...yes you can be the purple one."-kisses your cheek-"you're so adorable."
self-expression:
chris: "how other people feel about how you express yourself literally doesn't matter. they can go sit bare-assed on a lego. i think you look cool as shit and my opinion is the only good one, so." he's very proud of himself, but he does genuinely care about you and how you feel. if he could get rid of your doubts about how you style yourself, he would.
matt: "listen, my entire goal when i get dressed in the morning is to look homeless. i promise you, the people who matter won't give a flying fuck."
spicy time -
chris: "biologically, you've got one of the two set-ups, and i'm experienced in both,"-wiggling eyebrows-"so you're in good hands."
matt: "you experiment however you want, sweetheart. i'm here to learn how you like it."
aftercare -
chris: "blankets for you, water...you want juice? sure baby, i'll get you juice," he chuckles, kissing your cheek before heading to the kitchen, leaving you snug under his fluffiest blanket.
matt: "come on, shower time. nope, let's go. i know it's warm but we gotta...okay, you get five more minutes, and then shower."
dear anon,
hope you liked this! i'm not nonbinary myself, though a dear friend is, and in this post, i've used pet names and honorifics that i know for a fact they're comfortable with, and i hope none of these were off-putting to you.
thank you!
- bambi <3
#bambi slxt#the sturniolos#sturniolo triplets#the sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo text post#matthew sturniolo text post#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo text post#christopher sturniolo text post#matt sturniolo fluff#matthew sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo fanfic fluff#matthew sturniolo fanfic fluff#matt sturniolo text post fluff#matthew sturniolo text post fluff#chris sturniolo fluff#christopher sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo fanfic fluff#christopher sturniolo fanfic fluff#chris sturniolo text post fluff#christopher sturniolo text post fluff#chris sturniolo x reader#christopher sturniolo x reader
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Do you think you might ever open up an online shop for prints for people who can’t make it to conventions?
I've been wanting to open one for a while, I had plans to last year but they got shelved for a bit as I still had a lot left to figure out. One of the biggest hurdles I've been sorta kicking down the road is figuring out shipping, as it's never really been my strongest skill LOL Just the logistics of it all is kinda hard on the brain in addition to every other thing I'd have to setup. I know I can do it, it's just trying to get through that mental block of figuring it all out and getting it setup properly.
Other than that, I also have to make sure I have the proper equipment. I have a printer that's pretty decent, but I'm kind of in the market for something that's a bit more ink-friendly as the one I have currently chugs ink like I chug shorty's on a Friday afternoon LOL So I'm weighing my options when it comes to printing as it's a toss-up between "do my own printing so I can print on demand and not have more stock than I need" and "pay someone else to do my printing for me so I don't have to buy printer ink but potentially have to deal with bulk stock that I can't move". And that's not even getting into the manufacturing costs of my other products like my stickers and keychains - that's all stuff that I usually have to order in bulk, so I'd wanna make sure there's enough interest in buying them before I open a shop for them so I don't wind up with a bunch of unsold merch!
Needless to say, running an online shop is complicated and a ton of work! So I wanna make sure if and when I do open one, I do it right in a way that benefits both buyers and myself for the purpose of self-care :' ) I also wanna get out of the funk I'm currently in as creating standalone illustrations has admittedly gotten harder over the past couple years. Drawing comics is no problem because I have direction through the script, drawing illustrations from scratch on a blank canvas suddenly makes my brain short out @.@
But yeah! TL ; DR yes I would LOVE to open up an online shop for the folks who wanna buy my original art! It's in the works and I hope it's something I can bring to you all soon <3 <3
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Heey i have question that has been on my mind for some time now, this question is more what I heard not really my own opinion. But anyways is lancelot x tristan/ban x meliodas even good ship? I seen some many talk about how theos two ships are baf because for Lancelot and Tristan they have no real relationship in canon or what so ever. Coming to ban x meliodas they more like best friends. Is that true?🤔 I very cousfed if it rignt to ship or not.
hello!! okay im gonna ramble a bit cuz i love yapping about this kinda stuff and dont wanna clog up any feeds, so ill add a 'read further' here :3
i feel like its not very surprising that i do think both ships are good (especially melban). i think that for both of them- yes, they can definitely be read as just being friendships and nothing more than that, but i guess the charm of shipping and headcanons is that you can add in your own interpretations and additions which you think feel right :3
a lot of the interactions between mel and ban, for example, i read as being pretty homoerotic/gay. thats mostly because, as a gay/queer guy myself, i find myself relating a lot to the stuff they do together when comparing it to me and my bf, and also because they are my favourite characters and headcanoning them as being the same sexuality (and gender) that i am is like a little golden sticker saying "fav character" (godbless projection onto your blorbos).
in general, i think its pretty common consensus, at least in my circles, that ships dont have to stick 100% to what the canon says/shows, and you can always add in your own ideas or headcanons to create a relationship either between your favourite characters, or one which you think would be interesting to see, or just one which you think would provide a fun/interesting addition to the story. and in my case, its all of those - i really just adore the dynamic meliodas and ban have, and in addition to my gay reading of a lot of their interactions with one another, it just feels right and fun to ship them (this applies to lancetris as well, but to a slightly lesser extent/not exactly the same)
so yeah, thats my stance on it!! i really like lancetris and adore melban, and i think (considering how much reconning has happened on the fandom's part towards nakaba's,,,, decisions,,,,) it doesnt do harm to read certain friendships as having romantic or sexual under- or overtones
i also feel like i should mention that i only really ship lancetris and melban in separate circumstances, if that makes sense - like, i ship melban a lot harder than lancetris, so whenever i do make any ship art of them (lancetris), i think of meliodas' and ban's relationship like more of a qpr than a fully romantic one, just cuz i feel like it makes it better??? more likely??? less weird?? idk if im making much sense here, but yeah, so thats sm (i guess i also just wanted to state that to clear anything up, cuz i do know how having ship art of both lancetris and melban could come off as kinda weird to some, but idk, maybe im overthinking it ( ̄▽ ̄)")
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Any HCs for Baby Enid and Baby Wednesday?
LETS GOOO MORE OF THE BABIES
FIRSTLY, Enid is as already established, a CHEWER
Like, she was already regressed but she’s a werewolf so she’s like 2x stronger (idk the exact logistics-)
So alongside Wednesday’s teethers and chewies she ALSO has some reinforced specially made ones that Yoko got her!! Some of them even have strawberry scents or little stuffed animals attached to them like those newborn pacifiers :>
KIDS MEALS AT RESTURAUNTS❗️
Sometimes they wanna color together so they’ll share a single coloring book page 🥺
Hence Yoko finding a sheet on the floor of a dinosaur with bats and ghosts drawn around it and bright pink scales
Yeah that one went on the fridge for sure
They just really like matching in general, more so pattern wise then designs
Yoko also bought them a littlespace journal each and alongside the normal stickers, coloring etc that goes in them, sometimes they’ll swap and draw each other pictures
Enid is somewhat more crafty than Wednesday, due to having a little bit older little age than Wednesday and her knack for it outside of littlespace
So she likes making all sorts of neat little toys and tricks for the little seer, both out AND in littlespace
Yoko helped her make a little bat plush for Wednesday (bc she’s still not exactly trusted with the sewing machine when regressed)
And because Wednesday isn’t very crafty, in response she LOVES given the wolf cuddles whenever she can
Just imagine the two doggy-piled on top of each other, asleep, pacis in mouths, that’s what Yoko walks in on most of the time
ALSO NAPS!!
When the two aren’t running around the place like crazy they LOVEEE napping
Mostly Wednesday, but Enid finds the seer’s cold body temp comforting and Wednesday likes the body heat from the werewolf.
So they will DECK OUT THE SLEEPING SPACE
I’m talking pillows, blankets, stuffies, pacis, the whole shebang
And they loveeee doing it with Yoko 🥺
Deeper stuff below the cut?
The two also like being changed next to each other!
I mean, they’re basically glued to each other and Yoko, why not this?
So they’ll pick out the prints they want, and Yoko will help set out the changing mats for them!!
Spooky Halloween one for Wednesday and pastel colors for Enid
It’s also helpful for each other because they’re kinda a distraction for each other when they get squirmy
And oh god sometimes when Bianca is there to help she’ll wave RATTLES above their heads to keep them distracted?? 😵💫😵💫
Also I’m really into the idea of them getting to pick out their own creams and lotions and prints, just to be more involved if that makes sense
Like, a Sesame Street themed pack of wipes alongside some ghostbusters print lotion-
Headcannoning that Wednesday also likes ghostbusters when little-
Went on longer than I expected, genuinely impressed with myself, thx for the ask 🫶🫶🫶
#wednesday addams#baby wednesday#sfw agere#sfw littlespace#vampravenwolf#little wednesday#little Enid#baby Enid#sfw headcannons#rachelsfav queer#answered
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Hello.
May I ask what your process to pick which designs are made into charms/stickers is? Can we suggest some designs we really like for either?
(Please let me give you money for cool designs I'd love to have IRL)
I am very flattered you like the silly designs I make and draw! Makes me happy you love what I do and want to support me! Okey now I shall answer some of the questions! Basically, what one person likes, doesn't mean someone else will like! I unfortunately can't make charms of every design I make, the costs will be too big for me and I will have no guarantee they will even sell ^^;; (I, unfortunately also need to make money) I have a hard time to even sell the charms and stickers I already have up for sale, so I can't order more charms currently. I DO wanna make more charms n sticker designs to sell in the future, but for now, I will keep it with the small selection I have up currently.
I really appreciate people who buy and boost my designs and shop! Makes me glad people even want to buy the silly merch I have up for sale 😭❤️ For as what designs I pick? I kinda keep it safe with just making merch of basic designs of the Pokémons. Maybe I will be self-indulgent and pick a design of an OC of mine (Like Fallow and Hue!) Also, most designs I make are being sold in my kofi shop, so I don't even have the rights anymore to like, make merch of them. Selling a design to be used by other people gives me money faster than waiting for any charms being sold rn, so I keep doing it. It is more reliable too ^^;;
I could make stickers of any OC design tho, I do sometimes post one here. Stickers are easier for me to make as I print and cut them myself!
Hope this answers your questions! You are free to recommend what you would like to see in the future in my shop!
#thanks for asking!#mod talks#penguite#lot of text#feel free to ask me more questions!#Also the only design I decided to keep is the Rotom Glace#could make a sticker of em
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therapy session vent
before i get started damn i’m craving mcdonald’s chicken nuggets so bad wtf?🫣
but anyway.
i got there and of course i was nervous as shit. my other dad (not the one who made me lol his husband) and my older brother came with me, i did end up eating breakfast just because i literally could not calm down to save my life and i didn’t wanna make myself feel like complete shit so i ended up letting my other dad make me a breakfast taco and it was amazing. anyway we get there and they tell me it can only be me and so i sort of start freaking out and wanna run out of there because nope not at all. but my other dad convinced me it would be okay, and so did my brother.
when i got into my therapist’s office it didn’t look anything like i expected it to? he had COD posters and anime posters and his desk was like a gaming set up?! it was amazing. he asked me if i would be more comfortable in a chair or the beanbags (he had two jumbo beanbags in there too) so i chose the beanbags because holy fuck who wouldn’t. he told me he just wanted to get to know me first and we would move on to the serious things as time progressed. so i told him all my favorite things , about my boyfriend , school, theater , all of the above. we surprisingly had a lot in common, and then it got personal. he asked me how i felt about myself and i told him i hated myself. surprisingly .. he didn’t like look shocked or try to convince me otherwise.. instead he was like “okay. tell me the top 3 things you hate about yourself.” i told him. he said “alright.” and i was kinda confused and he stood up and grabbed a box of beads (like for bracelets) and he grabbed a plain composition book and a box of stickers like super cool graphic stickers you’d find at like skate shops and stuff, and he was like “ i want you to make 3 bracelets and wear them and anytime you think about the three things you hate about yourself look down at the bracelets, and i want you to decorate this notebook with however many stickers you want and i want you to write out your feelings anytime you look at those bracelets instead of taking your self hatred out on yourself got it?”
that made me like… actually really happy… so we made bracelets and i decorated my notebook and we watched MHA while we made small talk and before i knew it my 3 hours were up and i was actually sad.
i go back on thursday tho, 5 days clean from sh.
my therapist is super cool. he’s nothing like i expected.
#💙kashvents#🖤kashspeaks#i went to therapy#therapy wasn’t so bad#i kinda can’t wait to go back#trying to recover because i love my support system to death and don’t want them to give up on me
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